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sex tape 3/22/13 Kasdan/Segel abe_recio@ spe.sony.com INT. ANNIE AND JAY’S HOUSE / LIVING ROOM - DAY ANNIE HARGROVE sits cross-legged on her couch, typing on her laptop. Beautiful woman and young mother, tired but generally happy, and writing her blog always wakes her up a bit. We HEAR what she types-- ANNIE (V.O.) Okay. Here’s a question-- do you remember the first time your husband saw you naked? INT. COLLEGE APARTMENT/BEDROOM - NIGHT College-age Annie aggressively and hungrily pushes JAY HARGROVE-- good looking, sweet, extremely horny-- down onto her bed. Wearing a long sweatshirt and (we guess) nothing else, she grins seductively and PULLS her sweatshirt over her head. Jay is completely and totally THUNDERSTRUCK. He GRABS her and pulls her to him. ANNIE (V.O.) Do you remember what it felt like? Do you remember what he felt like? MOMENTS LATER-- Jay and Annie are having incredibly intense sex-- JAY Holy Motherfucking Fuck! ANNIE Oh my God! JAY Holy Fuck! And it’s over. He rolls off of her. ANNIE Wow. They catch their breath for a not very long beat. JAY Again? ANNIE Fuck yes. abe_recio@ spe.sony.com 2. And it’s back ON. BACK TO: INT. LIVING ROOM - PRESENT DAY-- Annie smiles at the memory as she types-- ANNIE (V.O.) Now this one might be a little harder. Do you remember the second time your husband saw you naked? INT. COLLEGE APARTMENT/BEDROOM - DAY The next morning. Annie and Jay lie under the covers, totally passed out. A KNOCK at the door-- GIRLS VOICE (O.S.) Annie! You coming? We’re gonna be late! Annie and Jay stir. She checks the clock, hops out of bed, naked. ON JAY -- WATCHING, just as THUNDERSTRUCK, as she opens the door a crack and hides behind it, talking to her roommate BETH, in the hallway-- ANNIE Hey, I totally overslept... BETH (knowing, playing it cool) Oh, ok. Cool. Well... you can meet us... Suddenly, Annie DISAPPEARS from the crack in the door as Jay has PULLED her back to the bed. Beth hears giggling through the still-cracked door. Jay THROWS her down on the bed, looking down at her-- JAY I’m sorry. I saw your butt. Just standing there. ANNIE (embarrassed) Did you? JAY I hadn’t seen your butt before. I had to act. abe_recio@ spe.sony.com 3. She laughs-- and again, it’s ON. BACK TO: INT. LIVING ROOM - PRESENT DAY-- Annie can barely believe it-- ANNIE (V.O.) We accidentally left the door open! She leans back on her couch, but there’s something behind a pillow-- a large toy horse. We see that the floor is covered with all of the scattered mess that comes with children-- ANNIE (V.O.) I mean, can you even imagine a world where you accidentally leave the door open?! COLLEGE APARTMENT/BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS A tall DUDE walks by the cracked door, then doubles back, checking to make sure he saw that right. Then he continues on. Then back one more time. Then on again, without closing the door. On the bed-- athletic, enthusiastic sex, in thrilling positions that we can’t quite see in CU. ANNIE I love fucking you! JAY I fucking love you! They’re both a little surprised by this but then overtaken by the moment, which leads into a kiss. ANNIE (V.O.) For Jay and I, the next few months were a blur of constant naked sweaty ugly amazing sex. TRANSITION into a MONTAGE of them having sex in different places (his room, a car, a shower, against a tree) -- and positions (comically disorienting)-- all in CU-- they had A LOT OF SEX. ANNIE (V.O.) And, let’s face it-- erections. Everywhere. Do you remember the erections...? abe_recio@ spe.sony.com 4. QUICK CUTS of Jay, in CU, getting “the idea“, as he does the following-- ANNIE (V.O.) If the wind blew, if he ate certain foods, if he watched any movie, if he got sleepy, if he woke up... IN A LIBRARY-- College Jay is alone, studying. ANNIE (V.O.) Sometimes, I swear his erection knew I was in the area, before Jay did. Suddenly, he looks down at his crotch, confused, then looks around-- JAY Annie...? He spots her across the building, having just walked in. CUT TO: IN THE STACKS-- He PUSHES her up against a bookshelf, ready-- ANNIE (whispering) Right here...? JAY Yes. Definitely. Right here. Nobody can see us. REVEAL-- A couple of studying GIRLS, a few feet away, look right at them. ANNIE I think they can see us. He realizes they are caught, so tries to keep going “discreetly”. ANNIE (V.O.) Everywhere we went, everything we did was another opportunity to have sex. JAY (whispers) I love fucking you. abe_recio@ spe.sony.com 5. ANNIE (also whispers) I fucking love you. They laugh-- this has become a thing. BACK TO: INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Annie takes a deep breath, winding up for the following-- ANNIE (V.O.) Then... it happened. INT. ANNIE’S PARENTS’ HOUSE - NIGHT They sit at the dinner table with Annie’s parents LINDA and WALT. ANNIE Mom, Dad, we have some big news... Jay and I are in love and we’re pregnant and we’re getting married! Silence. WALT Come again? JAY (awkward) I love that expression, “come again”. Another silence. LINDA Honey... are you sure? ANNIE Yes, I’m sure! I took the test three times. LINDA No, I mean... are you sure this is the right time? You’re both very young. WALT Greg... JAY Jay. abe_recio@ spe.sony.com 6. WALT Where are you from, again? A long silence. Not the reaction they were hoping for. JAY Mr. and Mrs. Grovner, I know we just met, but from the moment I met Annie, I knew that she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And all I can say is, I hope that someday, once you get to know me, you’ll feel better about this moment than you do right now. They are all a little moved by this. Linda reluctantly raises a glass to toast-- LINDA Oh boy... WALT (bad joke, to Jay) What, you got tired of sex? LINDA/ANNIE WALT Walt!/Dad! What?! Everyone laughs uncomfortably. Jay and Annie look at each other, the first this thought has ever entered their minds. INT. ANNIE’S CHILDHOOD BEDROOM - NIGHT Annie and Jay collapse onto the bed, making out, as ever, but she’s a little rocked-- ANNIE Well, that was horrible. JAY (kissing her) How else could they react? They just met me. ANNIE Yeah... JAY Do you need someone to lick your entire body? She smiles, but she’s clearly preoccupied. He sees-- abe_recio@ spe.sony.com 7. JAY (CONT’D) What’s wrong? ANNIE Nothing. It’s just... They’re not... right, are they? JAY That we’re too young? ANNIE All of it. Too young... Barely know each other... No more sex. He thinks about this a moment-- JAY We might be too young, but that will change. We’ll get older. And then we’ll get old. And we definitely know each other... ANNIE Greg, right...? JAY Yes, I’m Greg. ANNIE And what about the sex part? Will you still want to have sex with me, when I’m big and fat and pregnant? And then after that, when I’m somebody’s mother? JAY Of course I’ll want to have sex with you! Will you want to have sex with me? ANNIE Yes! JAY Good! You know why I’ll want to have sex with you? ANNIE (quietly) Because of my butt? JAY Yes! Because of your butt! abe_recio@ spe.sony.com 8. They laugh and are back at it. As he disappears under the covers-- ANNIE That butt’s gonna get big. JAY Bring it on! BACK TO: INT. LIVING ROOM - PRESENT DAY Annie’s brow is furrowed-- ANNIE (V.O.) We promised ourselves nothing would change, that we wouldn’t let it. INT. JAY AND ANNIE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT They sit on the couch, watching a movie, making out, heavily. She reaches down out of frame, he moans, then-- ANNIE Hold on one sec, I have to puke. She runs out of the room, leaving Jay in a confused state. He reacts to the sound of her off-camera RETCHING. ANNIE (V.O.) And even though it was awkward sometimes, we made it work. INT. JAY AND ANNIE’S APARTMENT / BEDROOM - NIGHT She is now really pregnant and uncomfortable, but gamely trying to have sex with him, lying on her side, as he lies behind her, trying to figure out the physics of this-- JAY Ok, I think if you just roll a little bit more to your left... ANNIE I can’t roll any more to my left. My stomach is in the way... JAY Okay... Do you think... I know. I’m gonna grab your boob. abe_recio@ spe.sony.com 9. ANNIE Careful! They’re really sensitive. Not in the good way. JAY Got it. Grabbing carefully. Here comes the penis. She smiles at the total un-sexiness of this. JAY (CONT’D) That’s the name of my album. They crack up. ANNIE (V.O.) We were determined. And often successful. Then came... the event. INT. DELIVERY ROOM - DAY Annie is in the throws of PUSHING, surrounded by NURSES, the DOCTOR and Jay, who sits next to her head, coaching and holding her hand-- DOCTOR 1-2-3! She PUSHES HARD-- ANNIE MOTHER! FUCKER! JAY You’re doing great, baby! DOCTOR Okay, stop pushing.
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