ISSUE 1 2020 NOW WHAT CONTENTS DO WE HAVE HERE?

few years ago, a friend asked As you’re in the mood for words you me the age old question “What can discover Capri DeBiccari’s humorous An Interview with a Ghost ALIDA ZIMMERMAN 10 A should I be for Halloween?” I, of yet accurate take on everybody’s course, had no clue, but in the interest of favorite chocolate coated-candy, learn A Definitive Ranking: Every Kind of M&M CAPRI DEBICCARI 20 filling dead air I decided to develop a POV from Savannah Kopp as she translates in real time. our mindless Halloween actions into a And The Bride Wore Black JONNY MAIS 30 Without a costume in mind, I grabbed a behavioral rubric for the everyday, or take stray sheet of paper and began to sketch notes as Jonny Mais visualizes the perfect The Woods EMMA GIORDANO 34 my thoughts on how to think about Hallow’s Eve wedding. If you prefer your picking out a costume. These sketches words by the thousand you may travel Kviteseid ADA & SEVE 40 later became the charts for Halloween time and space with Lisa Sahakian, Aaron Photography: AKSEL Unlocked, a guide for those fed up with Taylor, and Helen Lueders on journeys the stress, anxiety, and human anguish across Los Angeles, London, and memory The Masks We Wear SASHA ARIJANTO 48 involved in figuring out a Halloween lane all in the name of Halloween. Photography: LISA SAHAKIAN costume. As you can imagine there was The collaboration process was fascinating probably a less involved way to tell her I and served as a further reminder of the Costume Drama HELEN LUEDERS 72 didn’t think that “putting on a bald cap wonder that is the human mind and the and becoming Paul Kalkbrenner” would power of team. I’m eternally grateful for The Void TIFFANY KIMMEL 86 do the trick (nor treat), but had I done that Sasha and Sarah (S3!) for joining this you probably wouldn’t be reading this creation process to bring this vision to A Photoshopped Halloween CHLOE GLENN 90 very sentence. life. As you spend time with each page As it turns out Halloween is a time we hope Scare Tactics provides you with Ready, Set, Halloween! OLIVIA KELLY 94 that piques the interest of many — it’s a a light look into a dark world in a way that justification to transform into someone makes you laugh, smile, and consider. The Halloween Method SAVANNAH KOPP 98 else, a flimsy excuse to gorge yourself with candy, and a sturdy excuse to flirt. STEPH DIEDRICH A Costume on Any Other Day AARON TAYLOR 110 This prompted our team to ask a group of friends, artists, and writers to interpret Sweet & Spooky ANNA QUINLAN 116 Halloween through a witty, informed, and provocative lens while dancing the line The Best Places to Get Free Candy SASHA ARIJANTO 124 between fantasy and reality. Scare Tactics: For the Halloween Desert Like a Witch GG HAWKINS & ARIELLE 128 Inclined is a collection of text and images in Photography: RYAN THOMAS which the Halloween season is imagined in the practical, philosophical, and abstract. Halloween Unlocked STEPH DIEDRICH 138 Left (from Left to Right): Ice Queen: ASHLEY, Beyoncé: NADIA, Aaliyah: KELLY, Selena: LAURA Above: Trinity: ISADORA CONTRIBUTORS SPECIAL THANKS SCARE TACTICS ANNE AAMODT DANA BANANA ADA & SEVE CHRIS CLARK AKSEL ALEX CONNOLLY ARIELLE DONNA D. EDITOR CASEY MARIE DAVID MARK D. STEPH DIEDRICH CAPRI DEBICCARI SAHIL DESAI EMMA GIORDANO ALEXANDRA EITEL CREATIVE DIRECTOR CHLOE GLENN PHIL F. SASHA ARIJANTO GG HAWKINS BEN GONSIOR ISADORA PABLO DESIGN DIRECTOR OLIVIA KELLY ZANNY LANNIN SARAH SHOEMAKE TIFFANY KIMMEL PARKER LARAMIE QUINN KONARSKA CATHERINE XUAN NGUYEN SAVANNAH KOPP MAX J. RIDDLE HELEN LUEDERS MICHELLE ROOS JONNY MAIS MATTHIJS S. KATHERINE CARRIE SHOEMAKE VAN MCKINNEY BROCK VEREEN AURUM ORO ALICE PANIKIAN KELLY PRYOR ANNA QUINLAN CHRIS ROCHE VICTORIA ROGERS LISA SAHAKIAN ALEXANDRA SHUFORD AARON TAYLOR RYAN THOMAS Interior and Exterior Cover MOLLY WURWAND Photography and Right: ALIDA ZIMMERMAN LISA SAHAKIAN Halloween in Space ALEXANDRA SHUFORD AN INTERVIEW

WITH A GHOST

CATCHING UP WITH t was a summer day in Friendship, Maine. With a balmy high of 72 degrees, II drove through the two-street town, caught by the constant smell of fresh seafood and salty air. Arriving at Whip- staff Manor that afternoon, I found myself greeted by a manicured lawn and a large gate. A few seconds after dialing in the call box I heard that familiar voice from my childhood beckoning, “Come on back.” I immediately tensed up. But why? I was only going to see the friendliest ghost in the world. Maybe it was because I wasn’t sure what he wanted to tell me. Casper offered me a cup of tea as I sat at his kitchen table. The home was beautiful — minimalist in design and filled with abstract art: that of Matisse, Pollock, and Warhol. Casper reminisced about the time he met Andy Warhol at The Met’s haunted art exhibit in the ‘70s. The two hit it off talking about their love for the art of Louise Bourgeois and two weeks later a signed Warhol original arrived at Whipstaff Manor. “He was such a sweet man, much more qualified to receive the “friendly” title than me.” Which leads me to the exact reason I am here today. We reached out to Casper last fall in hopes he would consider talking to us for our Halloween issue. He declined stat- ing that he no longer does interviews. But, last month I received a call from him saying he had been thinking about it and there was something he needed to get off his chest. “I’m not as friendly as people think,” he said as he placed a cup of English Break- fast tea in front of me. He began by telling me his story, his true story. The human Casper McFadden was born in 1938 and died at the age of 12 due to pneumonia. “Sure, I was a friendly boy, but just like any other 12 year old I had my moments.” When he looks back at his life he doesn’t think about how he was mostly a nice kid. “Casper’s ‘At first I didn’t fame blew up. mind the Every child attention; I knew who he actually liked was, taking it. People comfort in approached knowing there me with such was one ghost joy. But then it out there who got old fast.’” was a friend, not a foe. 17 Rather, he thinks about the dreams he Casper signed on thinking a few friendly had, “I wanted to be an actor, the next roles wouldn’t be so bad, that this oppor- Charlie Chaplin.” So, when he passed on tunity would only open more doors not to the next world he realized like many of close them. “Little did I know this role us realize at some point; that there is no would cast me into a box that would take better time than now. Casper began send- lifetimes to undue.” ing out his head shots and approaching From there, Casper’s fame blew up. production studios. “No one would take Every child knew who he was, taking com- “I’M NOT AS me seriously.” fort in knowing there was one ghost out It wasn’t until 1930 when Seymour Reit there who was a friend, not a foe. “At first FRIENDLY and Joe Oriolo, two illustrators, overheard I didn’t mind the attention; I actually liked it. AS PEOPLE Casper talking to a Paramount executive People approached me with such joy. But about how ghosts are viable characters then it got old fast.” Casper sighs, reflect- THINK.” who need representation in the film ing on how fans and studios were quick to industry. Reit and Oriolo agreed, but take advantage. “Everywhere I went I was with a caveat; he needed to be a cartoon the friendly ghost, my role on screen meld- in order to ease audiences into seeing a ed into who people thought I was in real ghost. And not just that, he needed to be life and it was incredibly frustrating. I mean an approachable cartoon, a friendly ghost. you don’t speak to Julie Andrews as if she In 1996 Casper took some time off to I asked him. He smiled and stopped dead “They thought it was brilliant, a ghost who is Mary Poppins.” As if that wasn’t enough just be alone, a break that has lasted to in his float. He thought for a minute before wants to befriend humans, not scare them. of a burden to bear, Casper was constantly present day. Besides the occasional com- speaking. I explained to them that most ghosts are scrutinized on set. He cited more than a few mercial here and there, Casper has stayed “I’ve waited many lives for someone to friendly, that the scary ghost character is incidents when they would stick their hand mostly under the radar. He spends most of ask me that and now that you have I am a societal complex forced on by years of through his body without asking assuming his days on his property, floating along the not sure what to say.” He continued on, “I Halloween consumerism. I argued that he would be okay with it since he was “so beach, reading under his apple tree, and guess that’s the point, there is no simple ghosts were worthy of multi-dimensional friendly.” He also mentions he has heard in the last few years, meditating. Casper answer to who we are and we shouldn’t try representation, but they wouldn’t budge. more than enough friendly summoning discovered mindfulness after meeting to use one word or even a few to describe They felt that a friendly ghost was ground- jokes and was constantly asked what the Deepak Chopra at a past lives conference. ourselves.” Casper went on to say he has breaking, and the only acceptable role difference between a friendly ghost and an “It’s helped me deal with everything in ways learned to give himself freedom when he for me.” angel was. I never thought possible.” At that moment, is having a bad day, “I spent years telling By 1995, the whole country knew Casper, Casper asked me to go on his midday float myself I wasn’t allowed to have a bad day and producers were looking to solidify his with him. He grabbed his scarf. and if I did, it would need to stay a secret. It fame with a feature-length, live action film. As I walked and he floated along the was exhausting and certainly not healthy.” After reading the script. Casper was angered water he spoke honestly about how in the Casper credits his close friends, Drac- that they had yet again cast him into this past he has found himself envious of people ula and Frankenstein, for helping him to friendly ghost role. He had two choices: take like Monica Lewinsky and Charlie Sheen. “I realize he can be, and is, something oth- the part and deal with it, or decline what may wanted to be disliked, the freedom of hatred er than just a friendly ghost. So, I asked be the biggest opportunity of a lifetime(s). was more appealing than the pressure one final question, one that I always ask the He chose the first option, “I hoped this could of friendliness.” He spoke about how actors I interview. What is Casper’s dream show the world my acting skills and that it many celebrities who make a mistake role? “I would love to play the Ghost of would lead to more diverse roles in the fu- find redemption again, and he wonders if Blackbeard or the Joker.” ture. That didn’t happen.” Casper was now there is room for someone like him in that As I left that evening Casper handed me the most famous ghost in the world and only boat. Can one go from being the friend- a box of brownies. “My special rec ... Ac- one word was used to describe him. “It was liest to just friendly? If so, this is the year tually, I stole the recipe from the bakery exhausting, I felt like I was constantly letting for Casper to begin again, to start a new down the street.” He smiled as if the sim- people down if I didn’t smile big enough or chapter in his lives and show people who ple thought of breaking the rules of friend- ask them to be my friend.” he really is. “So who is Casper, really?” liness were enough to feel — alive. SCARE TACTICS 20

Demi Moore Jennifer Aniston JONNY MAIS JONNY MAIS

21 hree weeks before mandatory social I should have felt when I willingly chose distancing was implemented in to make my own butter was nowhere to TBoston, I quit a somewhat cushy be found. The issue? I hadn’t served the A DEFINITIVE office job to volunteer on an organic people. So here I am before you, humbly flower farm in Texas. I would, so I thought, doing the work of a true public servant. finally be able to live out my dream of I ask for no accolades. Do not thank me. being untethered from capitalism’s teat. I simply heard the call and answered. RANKING: My time would be my own, my hands With so much uncertainty in our would be caked with dirt, and in my delicate world, I direct you to two undeni- spare moments I would read Sexton and able truths: Didion under the shade of a large tree 1. Halloween is coming; and EVERY KIND I’d refer to as “Mother” while my host 2. There are far too many flavors of M&M’s. family brought me glass after glass of I certainly respect Mars, Inc.’s dedication hibiscus-infused lemonade1. to keeping things fresh, but at what cost? When my dreams of being a sexysad™ The other pandemic nobody’s talking OF M&M poet farmgirl were subsequently shredded, about is choice fatigue, baby! How is one AVAILABLE AT THE TARGET NEAR squashed, and set ablaze by Miss Rona, person supposed to decide between all of I, (like many of the people whose tweets the flavors? What adult has the patience, FENWAY PARK I read) immediately resolved to do time, and/or wherewithal to try them all? something with the time I’d been given. My A new kind of M&M may sound good, but one wish, for as long as I can remember, if you haven’t experienced it, why would has remained steadfast: to be left alone. you take the risk? Sure, the payoff has the I was getting what I’d always desired, potential to be fantastic, but if my mental and committed myself to becoming a health has deteriorated to the point of first-rate collector of knowledge and purchasing candy living that close to skills. By doing this, I reasoned, I the check-out counter, the last thing would emerge from quarantine lauded I would ever want in that moment is as the Smartest, Most Well-Rounded to feel disappointed. To save you from Woman in the World. Visions of Duolingo, ever having to experience that feeling, the Criterion Channel, and virtual bass I purchased, ate, and ranked every flavor lessons settled at the front of my skull. of M&M (that was available at the Target I ordered 20 new books on topics ranging near Fenway Park in Boston, MA). There from macroeconomics to the Jell-O family were 11 in total. curse. I was to become my very own Self-Improvement Barbie. 1. I hate citrus. During the first few months, I read and wrote almost daily, developed a fantas- tic potato salad recipe, and got dressed almost every day, one time nine days in a row. Please hold your applause. And yet, with every Fellini, Varda, and Rohmer film watched, each New Yorker painstakingly read cover-to-cover ( ), and all of the deep-cut Blondie bass tabs memorized, I CAPRI still felt like something was missing. There was an emptiness eating away at me, and DeBICCARI the narcissism-laced self-satisfaction METHODOLOGY THE RANKING

I REFUSED TO WALK THROUGH THE 1. PEANUT 2. ORIGINAL 3. PRETZEL SHADOW OF THE VALLEY OF ARTIFI- CIAL FOOD COLORING ALONE, SO If Peanut snatching the I can hear the objections On paper, Pretzel M&M’s MY DEAR ROOMMATE, FRIEND, number one spot is at all already – “Plain M&M’s? seem superfluous. My AND QUARANTINE PARTNER EMILY a shock to you, we are Where is the fun, nay, reaction to learning that KINDLY AGREED TO COME ALONG not cut from the same the pizzazz in that?” To these existed was simply: FOR THE RIDE. BEFORE SAMPLING, cloth. Peanut M&M’s are those obviously wounded she’s reaching, your honor. WE DEVELOPED THE FOLLOWING the only thing keeping me misanthropes I say: there If you or a loved one GUIDELINES: from fully committing to is an undeniable, inherent feel similarly, you are not Atheism. They are unques- delight in eating plain alone, and you may (not) M&M’s are not usually eaten one by one. Because of tionably superior. We all M&M’s as an adult. Maybe be entitled to financial this, we opted to sample each type of M&M in handfuls know what truly differen- you’ll occasionally get compensation. I do come containing five to six candies each. tiates the M&M from other them as a topping on ice bearing some news, though: candy: the specificallycream. Perhaps they’re Pretzel M&M’s have no In between each sample, we took a few sips of water and satisfying crunch of the the elusive gems hidden flaws. Of the “specialty” waited a full minute before moving onto the next flavor. shell. When you’re eating in your dollar-store trail M&M’s (which I consid- a peanut M&M, the crunch mix. But tell me, when er anything not Original, 24 We did not share our opinions (verbally) with one another in question is doubled. Plus, was the last time you ate a Mini, or Peanut), these are until the end. there’s a whole peanut in handful of original M&M’s? unquestionably the best. there! Hello, protein. If you I implore you to do so. Plain The pretzel chunk is large The M&M’s containing nuts were tested last, as their disagree with this ranking M&M’s are not wanting in enough that it makes an flavor is the hardest to get out of your mouth and we for any reason other than any category. The flavor impact flavor- and texture- didn’t want that to impact the sampling of other flavors. being allergic to peanuts, is classically unparalleled, wise, and the classic crunch please DM me to make the mouth feel is elite, and of the candy coating and your case. the chocolate is ...actually familiar flavor of M&M milk good. I would go as far as to chocolate are only elevated say that the entire experi- by her presence. These are ence of eating a handful great plain but one time of original M&M’s is akin I added them to oatmeal to being hugged by your cookies I was baking and favorite elementary school it truly felt illegal. I also teacher. believe that if you added Pretzel M&M’s to popcorn the world would finally know peace. Please eat these.

SCARE TACTICS 25 5. PEANUT ON PAPER, PRETZEL 4. MINI BUTTER 6. ALMOND I firmly believe there are very I am not sure why anyone I want to start this off by M&M’S SEEM SUPER- few foodstuffs on this earth would reach for Peanut saying that Almond M&M’s that are not wildly enjoyable Butter M&M’s over the are enormous. This isn’t a FLUOUS. MY REACTION when being consumed in Peanut variety, but they’re good thing or a bad thing, mini-form. [Please see: mini definitely still good. When but it is their defining charac- Oreos, mini Eggos, burger biting into a Peanut M&M, teristic. They’re just absurdly TO LEARNING THAT sliders, etc.] M&M’s are no I honestly feel like I’m large. Now that I’ve gotten exception. In fact, they’re eating something hearty that off of my chest, I can tell THESE EXISTED WAS at the top of the mini food (again: protein!)–it feels you that these have a GREAT pyramid. Mini M&M’s are like a true SNACK. Peanut crunch. Maybe even the best versatile, fun, and texturally Butter M&M’s just aren’t as crunch of all of the varieties SIMPLY: SHE’S REACHING, iconic. If you’re pouring satisfying. That being said, we sampled. However, while them from a tube directly the flavor is fantastic, which the Almond M&M’s’ cup YOUR HONOR. IF YOU into your mouth, they jump is how they beat out Miss runneth over with texture, to the number two spot. Almond. The candy shell’s the flavor is nowhere to OR A LOVED ONE FEEL Minis are perfectly chaotic, crunch packs less of be found. Because the and I’d like to take a bath in a punch because candies themselves are them. It’s important to note of how creamy the so gargantuan, this SIMILARLY, YOU ARE NOT that they must be handled peanut butter is, but the made the experience of with care (refrigerated) for taste makes up for it. They’re eating a handful of six ALONE, AND YOU MAY the best eating experience. certainly more reliable than extra disappointing. I will My roommate and I agreed many of the other specialty say, though, that these are that they are the most M&M’s. Another positive: great for mindless snacking. (NOT) BE ENTITLED TO satisfying to look at out they really jam a lot of The evening after our test, I of all the M&M’s we tried, peanut butter into each one. almost polished off the FINANCIAL COMPEN- which didn’t contribute to Seriously, they’re engorged. rest of our family-sized their spot on this list but felt bag in an edible-induced SATION. I DO COME important to write down. haze while watching the Sound of Music. Both (the marijuana and the BEARING SOME NEWS, Academy Award-winning film) were enhanced THOUGH: PRETZEL by the Almond M&M’s. These may not become your all-time favorite, but M&M'S HAVE NO FLAWS. they’re worth trying! We have resolved to keep a bag in the back of our pantry for emergencies.

27 9. DARK 10. ENGLISH 11. FUDGE 7. CRISPY 8. CARAMEL CHOCOLATE TOFFEE PEANUT BROWNIE

The indisputable kiss of death Eating six of these at once How bizarre that they f*cked In theory, this flavorI must be completely for the Crispy M&M? Not was decidedly Not Great. up something as simple as combination sounds delicious. transparent: when Emily nearly enough chocolate. Some choice quotes from a dark chocolate version In practice, it was repulsive. and I began chomping on It’s all crisp. If I were doing our conversation follow- of an M&M. Both my I was baffled by how foul these little agents of havoc, this ranking on texture alone, ing the test include: “Like roommate and I went into they were, and decided to we both gagged. Loudly. I these would be much having a mouth full of glue,” this thinking that DC was bite one in half to further stood up to spit them out, higher up–the crisp really “It gobbed up in my mouth going to rank very highly, examine. It turns out that but (and I say this in the most is satisfying! But the paltry [retching sound],” and “So but these were violently there is no actual toffee in family-friendly way possible) layer of chocolate hidden sweet I wanted to die.” This disappointing. The bigwigs these M&M’s. Deceptive! she bullied me into swallow- under the candy coating is is a one-at-a-time M&M, at Mars, Inc. couldn’t even Upsetting! The chocolate ing. How do you solve a borderline insulting. Eating which is a true rarity! When fully commit to the idea is actually flavored (poorly), problem like Fudge Brownie them felt like chewing on you take your time with of dark chocolate – they’re and surrounds a peanut. M&M’s? You throw them in ground up Rice Krispies these, they’re much more only 50% cacao. Big whoop. When I think of English toffee, the f*cking garbage contained in a thin candy forgiving–so if you’re looking Show me 60%! 65% even! the taste of a Heath Bar (the and set the entire shell that someone waved to savor the experience of Cowards. The taste was perfect candy) immediately can on fire. They’re a stale chocolate bar over eating a pack of candy, this synthetic and chemical-y, comes to mind. The toffee very large; perfect for a before packaging. While may be a good option for you. and I also felt like they left flavor in these M&M’s is rousing game of Mancala, almost entirely flavorless, I I don’t think I could even a weird film in my mouth much smokier–it tasted like but absolutely felonious wouldn’t go as far as to say eat more than six of these when I was finished eating Cracker Jack popcorn that for anything having to do that these are bad. If you in one sitting. Something them. Textually, you’d think had been run over at high with eating. They somehow 28 put a bowl of them in front else important to note: the Dark Chocolate M&M’s speed by one (1) very large, taste acidic, and the texture of me, I’d certainly indulge. inherent structure of the would be almost identical to worn out tire. The peanut of the chocolate is distress- With so many other options, Caramel M&M may in fact the Original version, but they was highly unnecessary– ingly inexplicable–maybe though, I don’t see a scenar- deter from the pleasure of simply are not. Something there are so many better like mud, or a soaking wet io in which I’d choose these eating one. The textures in is just ... off here. I feel like nut-centric M&M’s. This ream of paper. I regret ever over something else. play seem at odds–I don’t this is an AI version of a one really hurt because knowing about these, and I necessarily want my regular M&M–it says all the they just sounded like hope someone loses their caramel to be right things, but you know they should be delicious. job over their creation. crunchy. The entire there’s something amiss. I truly want better for them! The fact that I’m saying experience of eating Heed my advice: just eat So, I’ve developed a short, that in this economy these was confusing. I will regular M&M’s. What are reasonable list of demands: should tell you all you need look back on my time with you trying to prove, baby? 1. Ax the peanut entirely to know. Caramel M&M’s as I do my shard of toffee ex-lovers–fondly and with 2. Leave the chocolate FINAL REMARKS no ill will, but with a fresh alone Do not try this at home. You resolve to move forward Until these are met, I must will feel very sick afterwards. with my life. recommend that you steer clear of Dame Toffee Peanut.

SCARE TACTICS 29 30

Left to Right: Milli Vanilli: KELLY PRYOR & NADIA Cat Woman: KATHERINE VAN MCKINNEY SCARE TACTICS Ursula: ANNE AAMODT KELLY PRYOR JONNY Calligraphy: DANA BANANA MAIS “Til death do us part” is easier to vow when you’re reminded death’s Not sure if your dress is flame-retardant? Chicken bones not far off. This is why many couples are turning to Halloween for make for a spooky substitute for guests to throw your way. their big day. Nestled between the gauntlet of summer weddings and Just make sure to have a licensed shaman or priest-doctor on hand the hustle-and-bustle of turkey-and-truffles, All Hallow’s Eve makes to divine what those skeletal fragments foresee of your future. Other for the perfect date for your fall ceremony. Here’s how to do it: ‘musts’ include a Ouija board alongside the traditional guest book to First, forget candy corn, orange crepe paper, and the “Monster summon greetings from the deceased and a hay wagon to transport Mash” (save the Transylvania Twist for the honeymoon). Instead, your beloveds at the end of the evening back to their humble abodes. lean in to the magic of the macabre. Blackberry cocktails, candela- With bathing suit season long gone, a catered autumnal harvest will bra centerpieces, and white gourds provide an elevated twist on certainly be devoured. Consider a carving station of unidentified meats the traditional decor of the season. And ever since Vera Wang’s for guests to gorge on followed by a midnight dessert of red velvet Autumn / Winter 2012 collection made it fashion-for- cake, black candy apples, and blood orange bourbon sours. And if ward, floating down the aisle in black organza, spiderweb cutting the cake feels too dull, take a stab instead! Guests will squeal lace, and ethereal chiffon is destined to take your guests’ as you bludgeon your four-tiered confection with a butcher knife on breaths away — your living guests, that is. Red Ranuncu- loan from Michael Myers (your “something borrowed”). Morgue lus, Blue Thistle, Black Dahlias, and seeded eucalyptus inspired toe-tags are a ghoulish touch for the seating arrangements, forge a bouquet that you can quite literally take to your with each table bound for eternity (or ’til the band starts playing) by grave, while Sephora’s Cream Lip Stain in Night Bird (black) or the same cause of death. “Are you on the Titanic?” “No, I got the

34 Fenty Beauty’s Stunna Lip Paint in Uninvited (still black, y’all) make bubonic plague!” For your first dance, look no further than Annie for the perfect kiss of death after saying “Adieu”… or “I do.” Top it Lennox’s haunting rendition of “I Put a Spell on You,” and don’t off with a floor-length bridal cape or a charcoal birdcage veil and the forget that a fog machine on the dance floor buries the sins of even corpse bride mood is complete. Your first look is sure to spawn your the most bojangled of mortals. lover’s last scream! As always, there are guests at every wedding who could benefit Don’t have anyone to walk you down the aisle? Never fear, that’s from a disguise, which makes a formal masquerade theme the perfect why the headless horseman’s here. Guests will swoon as you make your answer to planning a wedding during quarantine. With all present way to the altar atop a spotted Appaloosa hanging onto the back of adorned in a mask, getting spliced has never been easier… or sexier. what they can only assume to be the specter of your ex. Speaking of Just remind the invited to stay six feet apart or they might end up six the damned, burning effigies to honor the ghosts of past relationships feet under! is certainly apropos for your fall equinox vow ritual. Throw that old Halloween wedlocks help loosen the proverbial knot matrimony is t-shirt, concert ticket, or mixed tape into the cauldron and let its meant to tie, making your night of gothic romance one that will live embers shower you and your betrothed with well wishes for the future. for eternity. ‘Til death do we party, indeed.

35 THE WOODS EMMA GIORDANO

ADA & SEVE KVITESEID Photography: AKSEL

Kviteseid, Norway ADA & SEVE Photography by Aksel Goth / Glam Halloween Beauty AURUM ORO 49 THETHE MASKSMASKS WEWE WEARWEAR

Essay: SASHA ARIJANTO Photography: LISA SAHAKIAN

n Halloween, the your way. And you, proud of of Halloween you have fake and temporary, produces one answer, to act without only bad costume your wit and execution, will now become a mouse/ a liminal state wherein the consequence. Without an O(racism aside) is beam in triumph, conquer- cat/bunny, etc. You are wearer is neither her original identifier, there can be no no costume at all. In other or of Halloween, for having still, though, you. The you- self, nor a new one. It’s not accountability. words, the worst thing transmuted yourself, even version of a cat, sure, but just the visual marker of the However, the mask goes you could be on Hallow- if just for the night. as recognizable as ever. face that goes; the mask’s beyond an alteration of een ... is you. The entire The second category: enclosing features produce appearance that would ritual of trick or treating is dd, innit? That 364 the mask. The counte- a distortion of the voice, the make one unrecognizable predicated on presenting days a year we’re nance is not adorned or breathing pattern adjusts to another. (A mustache or yourself as not-yourself to a Otaught to manifest embellished but removed to the newfound barrier wig or even a convincing stranger, who, delighted by our best selves through and replaced with one of between the wearer in the full-face beat could give this not-you version of you, earnestly and acceptance. plastic, or rubber, or fabric, outside world, and even the wearer a free pass. Just rewards you with candy. But on this day, we trade or fur. I posit that all masks she, through narrow eye ask the Hollywood Bandit!) So goes the transaction The candy/ sexdoling humble self-composure for are scary masks. This is holes observes the world Indeed, the mask signals of Halloween. For the adult strangers, by virtue of their boastful transfiguration. not because all masks in a different mode. In this to both the wearer and the Halloweeners (Hallo-wein- strangeness to us, presum- Indeed, For those among look scary. Indeed one of act of masking, the wearer observer that the wearer is ers?), we supplant the ably have no sense of our us seeking to most fully the most common masks, essentially Ctrl+A’s all the not only unrecognizable to funny or charming with truest self (if one, including trade our original form for that of the traditional signifiers of her identity and the outside world ... but to the sexy: a sexy nurse, a our “self” is to ever have one so disparate as to be masquerade form, surely hits the delete key. But what, himself as well. sexy cat, a sexy pizza. And a real sense of one’s self, unrecognizable, the mask creates mystery, thereby if any, reason would one Here we find no answers, your treat? Sex of course. anyway). Yet still they are then is perhaps the most courting attraction and have in stripping oneself of but more questions. If to It’s fitting, sure, that the swayed by the disguises supreme choice. breeding desire. No. The her humanity? be recognized (from the pagan holiday has become we adorn. Indeed, the more It must be observed that reason why all masks are Herein lies the scariest latin cognoscere) is to be a carnal mating ritual. we take on the character of in the world of costumery, scary is not in the appear- inquiry for the masker: why? known, then what becomes Indeed, it’s one exceptional another—be it a bunch of there are only two catego- ance but in the act. Why would one choose to of us when we do not know night that the typically- grapes, Ronald McDonald, ries. First, the convention of “kill” the self, especially if to ourselves? If we can not puritan Americans free or a go-go dancer—the augmenting one’s typical et us examine further replace it with only a generic be known, can we know? themselves of shame. As better. Even among those appearance with clothing, this act of masking. and fabricated facade. What is gained when the the feminist interpreter most familiar to us, the accessories, makeup, to LHistorically, masks Anonymity is certainly face is lost? Cady Herron declares costumes that receive the take upon the likeness are worn by only the worst “Halloween is the one day most praise are often those of an object or persona. of society—see bank a year when a girl can dress that most fully transform us Emphasis on likeness, for robbers, Michael Myers, up like a total slut and no into someone else.1 “Omg, these costumes do not fully Darth Vader, that kid from other girls can say anything you really look like [insert transform the wearer. Take your high school who was else about it” (Mean Girls, relevant public figure]”for example the costume inexplicably really into 2004). By this logic, the or “wow, I didn’t even animal. Simply adorn fencing—and the best— less you are yourself, the recognize you!” they’ll say, your tête with fuzzy ears, see doctors, Batman, more desirous, appealing, mouths agape and ready scrawl on some whiskers, astronauts, bee keepers. worthy you are. to thrust some sugary treat and in the visual lexicon But despite the content of the mask as benevolent or 1. There is of course, for those party-goers who move in circles of their own social set, menacing, one constant the costume whose achievement is dependent on how fitting it is of the wearer. The more apt phenomenon occurs when to the wearer, the better the costume. In such cases, praise might sound like “that costume is a Halloweener dons the so you” or “of course you would dress as [X].” These costumes are for the rare breed of self- mask: she becomes no one. actualized people. These costume-wearers are so few, and so well-adjusted, they certainly In adding a mask, she wouldn’t be reading this publication and so we shall neither acknowledge or address them sheds herself. But this further here. newfound identity, obviously 56

57 SCARE TACTICS

59 61 62

63 64

“ALL MASKS ARE SCARY MASKS.” 67 SCARE TACTICS 68

69

72

Cruella De Vil KELLY PRYOR

SCARE TACTICS

Growing up in Houston, one generally had strict HOT CHICK loyalty to one of two costume shops: Southern (TECHNICALLY Importers (RIP, 1915-2019) and Frankel’s (RIP, 1950-2018). I was a Southern Importers girl AN EASTER through and through, partly because it was COSTUME), truly the best store I’ve ever had the pleasure of visiting and partly because it was the one my 2018 mom consented to drive me to each Halloween. In October, they had a coffin set up at the front door with a rubber corpse lying in it, set to jump up and terrify children via a remote control held by the pleasantly sadistic cashier... The inventory never really changed over the years; I could expect to see the same rubber fright masks that had scared me as a kid. They leered down at me from their perch above the made-to-order costume counter, including the yellowing faces of George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton. Even the people who worked there were the same, growing older but only marginally grumpier. I eventually visited Frankel’s, too, and realized a person could have more than one great love in their life. Another Houston institution, the family-operated Frankel’s sold mass produced costumes and accessories, but the real thrill was their stock of elaborately handmade rental costumes, which made them famous. When the family decided to retire, they sold off these costumes as well. I spent some of the happiest days of my life with an employee named Alan, who let me run through the vast two-story racks, taking whatever I liked to the dressing room. He seemed to have a particular interest in selling the lady pirate costumes, but I declined in favor of sequined angel robes, tigers, and rabbits complete with stifling mascot-style heads, and my favorite, an Easter chick halfway emerging from a lamé egg. When I was checking out one day, the Frankel at the register pointed to an interior tag on the tiger suit I was buying, which showed that the tiger had been made by his grandmother in the 1950s. These costumes are truly remarkable and, for me, well worth a little credit card debt. My room at my parents’ house is mostly a storage unit for my costume COSTUME collection, and I am eternally grateful to them for only yelling at me about it a few times a year. So I’m costume- HELEN obsessed. I’ve DRAMA revisited my past ONE WOMAN’S JOURNEY costumes to try to OF SELF DISCOVERY LUEDERS figure out why. IN OCTOBER, THEY HAD A COFFIN SET UP AT THE FRONT DOOR WITH A RUBBER CORPSE LYING IN IT, SET BABY ELVIS, 1985 TO JUMP UP AND Clearly, I never stood a chance. My parents con- verted my onesie into a TERRIFY CHILDREN Vegas- era Elvis jumpsuit MAD MOUSE, 1987 by adding my great-aunt’s I was Mickey or Minnie Mouse, but I lost the mouse VIA A REMOTE rhinestone costume jewelry. ears almost immediately as acknowledgment of my Dressing as Elvis may be a utter defeat. My godbrother’s mom made him a lobster bit cliché, but it was new to costume that was leaps and bounds beyond my tired CONTROL HELD BY me, as were most things! little leotard and whiskers (godbrother barely pictured in the background, also without most of his costume at that point, but trust me, it was great.) THE PLEASANTLY This was my first experience with being upstaged — and SADISTIC CASHIER… at such a tender age! It would not be my last.

77 SCARE TACTICS

SNOW WHITE, 1988 POINTY-HEADED GRAPES VS. WITCH, 1992 This was a good year. I had a Snow White 1992: the year that the tentative peace between my godsister and I shattered, though PRINCESS, C. 1989 through no fault of her own. My godsister was an extremely cute child and her mom dress with a gold lurex collar that was Another year, another princess. I did say I helped her make a “bunch of grapes” costume that far surpassed my store-bought itchy but worth it, I had a tiara, I had an was an only child, so “princess of all she witch (I came in third really, after my godbrother’s precious wee Ghostbuster). off-theme skeleton head scepter that surveys” was a role I felt very comfortable From house to house, I endured the oohs and aahs directed solely at those grapes could grab things with its mouth, I had playing. My wand and headwear now with ill grace. I vowed some kind of revenge. This could not happen again. (It would). everything going for me. My godsiblings match the outfit, which I consider a mark (different ones than the lobster boy — as of my developing costume skills. Do kids an only child I had a lot of semi-invent- today even know about the pointy hat ed relatives to keep me company) and I princess genre or is it all Elsa braids and are happy in our own lanes (specifically, flower crowns? classic horror and cute animal / insect). This peace would not hold.

79 SCARE TACTICS MUMMY (SIMILAR MASK TRACKED DOWN ON EBAY), 1994 I convinced my mom to let me get a “horrifying” (her words) rubber mask from Southern Importers so I could be a mummy. For reasons best known to past-me, I decided to put it on and surprise my uncle’s part-Rhodesian Ridgeback, Waldorf. Unfortunately, not a horror fan, he bit the mask and I ended up with a split lip. The mask was unharmed. The rest of my costume was strips of cheesecloth my mom wrapped around me TWIN CLOWNS, 1993 and secured with a few safety pins with My godsister, as mentioned, was not only some rainbow striped tights underneath. very cute but extremely kind, and agreed Before I reached the end of my block, it all to dress in matching costumes with me began to unravel. The cheesecloth came the following year to bring an end to a loose and flapped behind me, and I had war she never agreed to fight. Here we to take off the mask so I could see the are as clowns, straight from Southern sidewalk. While the year before was hot Importers. Our costumes had big hoops and humid, Halloween 1994 was weirdly built into the pants and were made of an cold and windy so walking around with my entirely non-breathable fabric. In Houston, lower half exposed save for the rainbow Halloween is either unseasonably warm tights was neither a pleasant experience or unseasonably cold, and it’s never the nor a great look. one that works best for your costume. To paraphrase some t-shirts I’ve seen Sweat pooled in our clown shoes. and hated: mum’s out, buns out. GLAMOURPUSS, 1995 I reversed course the next year since the mummy had left me in the cold (literally). I’m channeling the most glamorous women I knew: Endora on Bewitched and the poodle from Oliver & Company. I’m in a faux fur-trimmed dressing gown taking my (also faux) French poodle on a walk on her crystal leash. You better get out of our way because we have places to go and people to see!

81 UNIVERSITY OF SCARY FAKE BLOOD, CHER, 2007 SAINT SWEATY YETI, CHILDREN, 2003-2004 2005-2006 Here I am as Cher, but it’s SEBASTIAN, 2010 A return to myself. Freshman year of college I was overly Somewhere in junior year, a sloppy generic version Another year when the ambitious and tried to be an octopus with dangling legs my roommates and I discov- (like, why not go for “Turn 2009 costume didn’t align with This was one of the only years made of stuffed tights that ended up looking a little too ered fake blood (something Back Time” when the body the weather. I was hot and that every single person had penis. My roommate’s boyfriend (a former child star) I’m never without now). We is young and a little more sweaty. You don’t get points an excellent costume. We thought my costume was so bad he Skyped his mom so would show up to parties willing). The party was at for rhyming your costume had a whole First Wives she could see too. (not just at Halloween) with my ex-boyfriend’s house with your misfortune, but I Club; Dessert Storm (a camo Sophomore year, I reverted to Minnie Mouse and tried bloody noses and fake black and I learned that polyester should have gotten some jacket with Twinkies and to make it sexy to impress the guy whose butt is in my eyes, even though we were wigs are not even a little tear for having a matching candies glued to it that I face. It did not work but it did remind me to Google him decidedly non-confronta- absorbent, which displayed merkin. I have since reused kept referring to incorrectly while writing this. tional in real life. You can’t a critical lack of planning on it to be mashed potatoes as Heavyweights because get a bloody nose from being my part. at a friend’s Sexy Thanks- of the scene where the passive aggressive over who giving party (it is just what kids unveil their hidden needs to wash the dishes it sounds like, no further candy stashes); a much or whose boyfriend gave questions). more successful mummy everyone stomach flu. than mine; even a Jim Jones walking around with a jug of fruit punch and a microphone. My mom said “too soon!” even though it had been decades, but she was probably right. It was, in the words of my enemy Frank Sinatra, a very good year.

83 THE NIGHT HE CAME COUSIN ITT/ HAIRY HOME, 2011 RELATIVE, 2016 I looked it up and in 2011 Halloween was This is my other favorite costume of on a Monday. I think most of our costumes all time. I bought Itt online, where Itt reflect a sort of languor that comes with is known as “Hairy Relative” to avoid a weekday Halloween (not counting copyright infringement (he’s also gone aLOT Anne’s handmade fish costume, left). blonder). Itt’s itchy, the hair gets in your My godbrother (see Dracula on p. 78) mouth, Itt will catch on every door knob had taken to wearing a Santa costume you pass, all while picking up dead every Halloween, so I pulled a half-assed leaves, straws from people’s drinks, and reindeer costume together. worse. But Itt is so worth it. Sometimes We were passing out candy to trick- you have to give the people what they or-treater’s in my parents’ yard when want, and apparently they all want to see Michael Myers showed up. He didn’t say you covered in tangled fake hair. a word, but posed for pictures around the The bathroom presented its own yard before slowly walking into the night. challenges, but in it I learned that in Spanish, Itt goes by “Tío Cosa” which is definitely my favorite thing I’ve learned CARRIE & CARRIE 2: from a stranger in a grimy bar bathroom. THE RAGE, 2012 & 2016 FATAL ATTRACTION, This is in my top two favorite costumes; it’s dramatic, it’s scary, everyone knows 2017 I am deeply drawn to this costume on so who I am unlike the time I dressed up as many levels. I am wildly jealous of anyone Steve Martin from The Jerk in the scene with curly hair, so this was a wonderful where he’s walking around saying “and excuse to buy a tiny barreled hair curler that’s all I need” about the ashtray, and and give myself an approximation of a the paddle game and the remote control perm. I am as jealous of this hair as Alex and the matches when everyone thought Forrest is of Dan’s wife, child, and rabbit. I was just an old man. The costume so I also relate to her firm decision not to nice she did it twi — I think actually three be ignored (Dan!) as someone who in times but I can’t find a picture of the first run. general needs a lot of attention. It’s extremely sticky and messy, but Most people did not know who I was, I have never had anything less than a but I still had a pretty good time. wonderful time.

85 SCARE TACTICS

KNIGHT VS. MILKMAID, 2018 I am wearing a knight costume from the recently defunct Frankel’s; it was one of the handmade, incredibly detailed rental costumes I bought during their closing sale. I think this one is from the ‘70s and is made of velvet, feather and gold trim, and lurex. My friend Jeff borrowed a “Swiss Miss” costume I bought at one of those Halloween pop-up stores for like 20 bucks. Guess who stole the show? I can’t even blame anyone — look at those legs! And look at me maturing into a person who wouldn’t have a meltdown over a grapes costume! SHOWGIRLS, HOPE, 2021 2019 (?) We found Jay’s “big boobs Just kidding! I’m very hopeful cake lady” (not sure if that that one day, when the was her official name) in pandemic is a semi-dis- the Adults-only section tant memory, we will have of another now-departed costumes and fun again Houston institution, Party (including this very specific Boy. I found my showgirl outfit from the 1961Parent costume on eBay, although I Trap that I’m already mad made the headpiece myself people won’t “get”). for a fountain costume that To completely bastardize has yet to be worn. Emily Dickinson, hope is We headed out for a night the thing with feathers, we wouldn’t remember but also fake blood, lamé, with the ones we’d never rhinestones, a pointy hat, forget. Little did we know it and synthetic hair. would be... our last. (Parent Trap, 1961. Property of Walt Disney Pictures.)

87 HALLOWEEN IN THE GIG ECONOMY

Depressed. Young. Jobless, with a Bachelor's Degree in an outdated subject, and little-to-no prospects. 88 When I was hired by the Square Bros to impersonate a stock photo that looked like some kind of Martha Stewart knock-off obsessed with Halloween, I felt uniquely qualified. We were going to ruin the internet by creating a vast network of SEO blogs, powered by me and iStock to convince the robots that these blogs linking back to halloween.com were super legit. I would have uploaded my consciousness to Siri to escape debt, or be considered experienced at anything. It was 2011, and I desperately wanted to work. For real this time. I did not know how to be a writer, you know, a real writer, but as far as I was concerned at 23, real writers wrote, for money, at places outside of the home / apartment/ coffee shop. And, ostensibly, people read them. Having just been paid the largest sum-to-date of my adult life to rewrite and condense an unscientific medical book into a cheap eBook destined for Amazon’s self-pub- lishing marketplace, under a pseudonym, I was beginning to look into the vast unknown TIFFANY of freelance work. SCARE TACTICS KIMMEL Let’s call it: The Void. “THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY TOPICS A HALLOWEEN SUPER-FAN CAN COVER My idealistic college roommate judged me for taking on another morally ambigu- BEFORE THE WRITER WANTS TO ENACT ous gig — becoming Emma from Halloween. A BLOOD SACRIFICE TO MAKE IT STOP.” com. Katie, I’d argue that being part of a post-capitalist society is full of ethically and morally ambiguous situations, so what the hell. No parent, educational, or religious system could have prepared my arrogant self for reality; only experience and repeti- In conference calls with the Square Bros, I tion could grind those lessons in. would try to suss out their grand plan. I spent hours in secret Facebook groups wondering Just keep doing what you're doing. how I would find a gig after this gig ended. How could I Sample Blog Post #1: Be authentic. turn this gig into a job-job? Could I get a job-job with the Post-graduation, I had Grammar and spelling errors make the scraps that I had already written? Did I know anyone who stumbled through several Keep those toilet rolls handy! Combined posts seem more realistic. wasn’t their own boss? Most of my successful-seem- shit jobs. In part because with a green onesie from halloween.com, 100-400 words max. Less is more. ing friends had postponed the job hunt by continuing of my unrelenting idealism, or one of those other trashy websites Each week Emma's backstory would into specialized grad programs to distance themselves and the sheer stubbornness like American Apparel, your grand-baby change to suit whatever stories I had further from the economic fallout of 2008. Or their of my delusional desire for can be transformed into a ridged bronto- promised to pitch. parents were paying for their cell phone bills or rent. Of greatness. At the time, my saurus. Remember, your own personal Turns out, there are only so many topics those out of the college system, which ones, I wondered, work ethic went something creativity is the only thing keeping you a Halloween super-fan can cover before were still interested in doing what they went to school like this: from succeeding. the writer wants to enact a blood sacrifice for? Furthermore, of those, who among them actually got Love, to make it stop. real job-jobs? And, of those two people, were they happy 1. Will this job propel me Emma But I was not going back to fU(ck)- or in debt up to their eyeballs? forward to a career of doing nemployed. I had to be independent It was hard to gauge. My parents did not relate to my something important or Sample Blog Post #2: and creative. My dreams of becoming a problems. My father had owned his own business since impactful? No? I don't care documentary filmmaker or military general 1994, and my mother was a homeschool mom who about money. It is beneath If you're like me, you're always dreaming or supreme court judge were slightly “ ... gave everything” to her children. That age-old adage me. I quit. Wash your own of your next Halloween costume. Before I outside of my grasp — held up by my twin to get a job, you need to have a job was a real mindfuck, damn floors! turn to the store-bought Princess-in-a- fears of asking challenging questions and post college, post-depression. bag options, I spend some time looking fear of standardized tests. So I played to The gig economy was still in its infancy. After four 2. I am not a martyr. I don't around the house for inspiration. Cotton my strengths and gave my clients whatev- unpaid internships lasting 9-months each, the only want to get up at 4 am to balls make the cutest baby sheep. While er they wanted in a clear, direct, easy-to- logical path forward to careerdom was to embrace make sandwiches or coffee it has become oh-so-popular to dress up read format. some kind of freelance lifestyle, or inexplicably move for people to enjoy. I hate like whatever movie swept the summer box Like many millennials, most of my to a major city without financial or familial support and ALL people before 8 am. office (or streaming service*). My heart is steady jobs have lasted less than a year. then, obviously, crush it. drawn to the DIY costumes that scream Sometimes because I'd get on a high-horse As anyone who lives it will tell you, the freelance life 3. I am not on this planet to my individual sense of personal freedom. and think I was better than the job and quit. is a delicate balance of bravado, stupidity, and consis- fit in and be a part of normal Puff paint may not be in your closet, but Because of the skittish and unregulated tent risk-taking. While the eBook seemed like the most society. I am meant for use what you have. And if you're really online industries booming and busting, ethically dubious flash-in-the-pan gig at the time, I greater things. What those feeling at a loss for inspiration, there's the Square Bros could take freelance knew I still had to pay the rent. More importantly, it was greater things are, well, I always halloween.com for everything else. workers like me out to sea again and again. becoming clear to me that if I wanted to do anything don't know yet, but when With love, When Google changed the algorithm and with my life, I'd need a body of work to point to as proof it occurs to me, I'll tell you, Emma started charging for SEO optimization, that yes, I exist, as a writer, in the real world, and people and then it will be obvious that once-booming business shifted, and do pay me. Sometimes. to everyone. *Blog post updated post COVID-19 I was out of a job yet again. A PHOTOSHOPPED HALLOWEEN 92

CHLOE SCARE TACTICS GLENN 94

Elf: ANNA QUINLAN Vampire: SASNO ARBENITO SCARE TACTICS Sailor Moon: CATHERINE NGUYEN READY, SET, “WILL THE MEN HALLOWEEN! AT THE PARTY THE ELEVENTH HOUR SCRAMBLE FOR THIS YEAR’S COSTUME EVEN CARE THAT I READ BELL HOOKS OR TA-NEHISI COATES…?”

t’s that time of year again. The leaves I pause. Flipping through the costume cares about the costume they rock on myself, not to appease the opposite sex. are changing colors, there’s a cool Rolodex in my mind, I finally decide that Halloween. But why are the options either Donning the burden of being sexy on this Ichill in the air, and there’s something I could probably get away with a TLC Sexy Kitten or Witch? (SATC reference) I carefree, wild holiday, only validates the missing but I just can’t put my finger on “Creep” costume ... all I would need is a have to be sexy or just plain unattractive? patriarchy’s view of women — that we it ... oh yes. Halloween is on Saturday. set of silky pajamas ... and unfortunately Undesirable? Unnoticed? God forbid have to be sexy and attractive and dress In my excitement for the impending two more friends who are costume-less, I actually wear a scary costume on for male attention. holiday, I then remember that costumes which I don’t have. Halloween. My perched tits and sky high, fishnet are required to participate in any Back to the drawing board. Sure, on the one hand a woman covered legs do not define me. I can read gathering worth going to and natural- Beginning to panic, since my projected is entitled to wear whatever she The New Yorker and still trot around as ly all of my friends will want to go to a Amazon Prime delivery wouldn’t arrive chooses — baring it all on her own terms. that Sexy Nurse of my innermost fantasy. (socially distanced) function. So, I do until day-of, I settle and think to myself Yet on the other, are the sexy costumes Hell, I can pull up to the party in a dope what must be done. that I can go with something funny and just a ruse to satisfy the male gaze? Will Susan B. Anthony costume, being witty I grab my computer and ask Google homemade instead. Maybe I can be a the men at the party even care that I read as I want to be, the life of the party AND what costumes I can pull together Black Panther for Halloween. I do have bell hooks or Ta-Nehisi Coates if my tits snag the guy. Or maybe I won’t! Fuck quickly and on a budget. The opportu- a beret from that one Paris trip, and an are perched just below my chin as a Sexy men! They’re trash anyway. nities are remarkably endless, yet each all-black outfit — perfect! Vampire? The pressure isn’t on me to fit into these has a common theme ... I stop, pause again and think ... should Every year, we are tasked with being societal standards. The pressure is on Sexy Kitten, Sexy Vampire, Sexy I be a sexy Black Panther and forego the the hottest at the party, the most attrac- everyone else to think me and my costume Skeleton, Sexy Nun, Sexy Cop, Sexy pants wearing nothing but the bodysuit tive, having the best costume execution are incredible whether it’s sexy, scary, Referee, Sexy Nurse, Sexy Bumblebee. and beret? all while being the most witty, the most funny or any combination of the three. Or just plain ole Witch. It’s Halloween, Decisions, decisions ... interesting and the most fun. Either The theme of this year is: do what you who cares? I then realize and accept that my options you find something sexy for Halloween want, wear a mask, and live your absolute I’m thinking to myself, are bleak, and it says a or you end up being the witch of the best life. As for me, it’s Thursday and I’ve “Damn. I really let the lot, doesn’t it? What is any party — ignored and joked about. still got 48 hours to find that hat for my snacks get the best of me self-respecting millennial But in all honesty, who am I really sexy witch costume... in quarantine though ... can OLIVIA woman supposed to find on trying to impress? Ultimately, the way I I really pull off Sexy such short notice? Anyone should go about choosing my costume Bumblebee?” KELLY with an ounce of social IQ this year is a reflection of how I perceive 98

Sk8er Girl Enema of the State CASEY MARIE DAVID ISADORA

99

A COSTUME ON ANY OTHER DAY THERE’S NOTHING BETTER THAN THE SENSE OF COMMUNITY THAT HALLOWEEN BRINGS. FOR ONE DAY AND ONE DAY ONLY, WE FORGO OUR IDENTITIES IN FAVOR OF SOMETHING WEIRDER, WILDER, FURRIER. ANYTHING GOES.

BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DON OUR COSTUMES OUTSIDE OF HALLOWEEN? STRANGE SIDE GLANCES FROM RANDOM PASSERSBY. A FAIR SHARE OF POINTING AND LAUGHING. AND, ULTIMATELY, ISOLATION BETWEEN YOU AND THOSE AROUND YOU.

ONE COSTUME. TWO COMPLETELY OPPOSITE REACTIONS. JUST A DAY APART. WHY?

AARON TAYLOR TAKES TO THE BARBICAN IN LONDON TO IMAGINE A COSTUME ON ANY OTHER DAY.

Introduction & Photography: AARON TAYLOR Model: CHRIS ROCHE 113

THE FULL MOON SWEET IS OUT, THE AIR IS CHILLY AND & SPOOKY THE NEIGHBOR- HOOD IS ABUZZ WITH GHOSTS AND MONSTERS BEGGING FROM DOOR-TO-DOOR. MOVE QUICKLY OR ALL THE GOOD CANDY WILL BE GONE!

ANNA QUINLAN 121 123

THE BEST IN BETWEEN THE PLACES TO COUCH CUSHIONS These are like a pleasant booty call: you don’t go looking for them per se, but GET FREE when you suddenly find yourself with one tucked in your couch, you don’t say no. But of course, only enjoy these when CANDY wrapped (for both the candy, and the BESIDES STRANGERS’ booty call). HOUSES ON OCTOBER 31ST THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE THE MOST WONDER- At some point along the way, we decided FUL TIME OF YEAR as a society, that when a doctor plunges Don’t sleep on Christmas. Candy canes a sharp and needling shot into a youth, abound as “decoration”, but they are also For those aged 12 and younger, the that young babe shall then receive a literal candy. Plus, those free cookies left social contract of Halloween is tried and candy. Likely a Dum Dum. Aside from for Santa? Oh yeah—totally up for grabs. true: don costume, utter the three magic conditioning young people to not cry Now, are these technically left as a token words, receive candy. This is the absurd AN ITALIAN (the first of many Pavlovian efforts at of warmth and welcome for “jolly” old ritual of outfitting children in bizarre dress DINNER quelling emotional response—damn Saint Nick? Yes. Is taking them a sin? and thrusting them at the literal thresh- First off, we all know the best you, patriarchy!), this ritual may even Maybe. But is it better to eat them yourself old of a stranger’s dwelling, upon part of an Italian dinner is the breed a crop of future kinksters, mental- rather than leave them to an imaginary which they beg for and receive mints at the hostess stand ly pairing pain with reward. But that’s white man who supposedly shimmies uninspected candy which will in on the way out. Those beside the point, right? into strangers’ homes with gifts for young the best case make them sick for days chalky pillows of confec- children? Definitely. and in the worst case bear more dangerous tioners’ sugar probably side effects. For some reason this act has cost one cent apiece, but YOUR MOM’S PURSE become a cornerstone of American tradition they mark the crescendo of You’re at temple and your cheeks (face) are THE ‘GRAM AS A and is seen as charming, family-friendly, even the priciest of culinary sore from smiling at all the family friends, and adorably spooky. excursions. the wooden pew is already numbing SACCHARIN- For some even odder reason, once the Honorable Mention: free your cheeks (butt), and the clergyman is FLUENCER child passes puberty into teen years or fortune cookies at the end of clocking 50 minutes of sermon with no In our late-stage capitalist dystopia where beyond, this act is suddenly inappropriate every (American) Chinese signs of stopping. Your stomach rumbles, the only thing more addictive than sugar is or creepy (The image of a 45 year old meal. Not quite candy, but you side eye your mom, and with a knowing envy, the best way to receive free goods is trick-or-treating is ghastly, but a child they’re reliably present for glance she dips a hand into her purse. Out to become the ultimate jealousy-monger: begging a stranger for candy is cute? us in a way that assuages comes a cellophane-wrapped piece of an influencer. Start with a vaguely-sexual How did we get here?). But fear not, teens, the Millennial Angst brewed paradise. For when the sweetness of His jawbreaker ASMR then pivot to an orally-fo- twenty-somethings, and forty-whosits. by decade after decade love isn’t sugary cused sour straw There’s still plenty of opportunity for sweet of traumatic natural and enough, let us mukbang challenge. treats for the rest of us! Here’s a guide to orchestrated disasters (see bow our heads SASHA Once you get the the best times /places /people /events to get 9/11, The Great Recession, and give praise to coveted verification free candy (other than Halloween!). And not Katrina, Murder Hornets, the bounty of stale badge, you’ll never a single one involves a windowless van. oh did I mention COVID?...) butterscotch. ARIJANTO pay for sucrose again! Left to Right: Scary Sexy Clown, Human Quilt, and Evil Mermaid ALICE PANIKIAN HAPPY SAMHAIN, WITCHES. FALL INTO DESERT WELLNESS THIS SEASON— GRAB YOUR ORBS, AND OILS AND TAKE A CAVERNOUS, DELICIOUS BREATH FOR YOU. YOU’VE BEEN DOING THE WORK, AND THAT’S WHAT’S CALLED YOU HERE. YOU UNDERSTAND THAT BEING A WITCH MEANS DIGGING DEEP. SO VISUALIZE YOUR HIGHEST SELF. NOTICE HOW SUPERIOR THIS HIGHER SELF IS TO YOUR MORTAL, REGULAR, FUCKED UP SELF. GOOD. SEE YOU IN THE DESERT.

Text: GG HAWKINS & ARIELLE WATCH THE FILM AT Photography: SCARETACTICS.WORLD RYAN THOMAS STEP 2: SOAK IN AN ENERGY BATH STEP 1: BAKE IN A Next we’ll strip it down to basics with an SOLAR MUD MASK indulgent dip in your own life-force. If you Harness the sun’s power with a solar notice a blemish in your electromagnetic mud mask. A charcoal-base will suck field, remember it may not even be your out impurities like dead skin, blackheads, blemish. It could be an ancient ancestral and unexplored traumas. Only let your blemish. Scrub it away with a little pores absorb love and light. life-force lather, aura-rinse, repeat. STEP 3: DIVINATE WITH SPIRIT DADDY Now that you’ve cleared your field from negativity, connect with Spirit Daddy via the Tarot. You can ask Spirit Daddy whatev- STEP 4: SIP N’ TRIP er is troubling you. Trust Spirit Daddy to You’ve connected with the other realm. communicate the divine messages you Now you’re ready to astral travel with a need in this moment. The cards are mind-opening drink. This yummy latte never wrong. Except for when they are. has just two ingredients—acid and oat Divination is an art. Not a science. That’s milk. My oat milk is blessed by my virtual literally a fact. Shaman, but Oatly works too. 136

STEP 6: WASH YOUR BRAIN You know that little voice in your head, witches? The one that keeps you up after the psychedelics have worn off, the one that tells you to should break up with that STEP 5: SCRY IN BED emotionally unavailable entertainment Scrying is an advanced occult practice lawyer, and that you should get new only for the most advanced witches. But friends because they’re flaky and forgot everyone needs a good scry. Commit to your birthday, and you should visit your the practice and you’ll see you as you are. grandmother while she’s still on this plane Not the projection. Not the illusion. Your instead of going to Lightning in a Bottle? essence. And whatever you do, don’t Silence that voice, witches, by washing it break eye contact mid session... Scry all away. There is nothing healthier than a hard, my scry-babies. good brain wash. STEP 7: FEEL NOTHING Congrats, witches — you’ve nailed the whole desert-witchy wellness aesthetic and you’re dead inside. 139 HALLOWEEN UNLOCKED

YOUR GUIDE TO PICKING A HALLOWEEN COSTUME THAT, FOR ONCE, DOESN’T SUCK

STEPH DIEDRICH or many, October represents that anxiety-inducing time of year when one must start the process Fof selecting a Halloween costume. Despite the nuance of one's individual journey to Halloween-related self-discovery, all paths converge at the same existential THINGS crossroads which produce the evergreen question: does my costume suck? IDEAS ALL HALLOWEEN COSTUMES Truthfully, that depends. To be more direct, yes your costume probably sucks. But in fairness, how were you PEOPLE to know? There has never been an objective, fair, and fluid set of criteria by which to analyze the caliber of your costume. At Scare Tactics we recognized this lack of clarity and realized you were up against it. We understood the pain, anguish, and human suffering involved with putting yourself through the annual ringer that is determining your Halloween costume. As a result, we developed a strategic guide for wading through the endless possibili- ties and finding a Halloween costume that will bring you confidence and others envy. THINGS Our goal is to give you the framework to navigate The one time of year that Halloween season with moxie, whether you’re heading you have the green light out solo, with your partner, or with your group of cronies. to objectify. Become the 142 But consider this fair warning: using the following guide inanimate object that may produce costumes so good, it’s scary. couldn’t earn your respect on any other occasion. Or better yet, become the object of your desires: that domesticated tiger your lease rightfully won't allow, a sexy pizza normally STEP 1: forbidden by your GFDF DETERMINE YOUR (gluten-free dairy-free) IDEAS COSTUME TYPE lifestyle, or just an elusive Ideas, or metaphysical PEOPLE block of cheese—made costumes, are at the The first step is accepting there are only three types of These are costumes of a consumable only as a intersection of imagination costume: people, things, and ideas. After you realize person—real or imaginary. costume due to rampant and craft. These riff on an your infinite sea of costume choice boils down to For example, a movie lactose intolerance. Thing idiom, figure of speech, or three categories, it’s easier to fend off the rising tide character, celebrity, an alien costumes are best for last cultural phenomenon. A of demoralization. (spare us the semantics) minute scrambles while few examples might be a or even a friend. These maintaining the illusion of fork in the road, a Freudian are best for any occasion, effort and like most things slip, cereal killer, or, of easy to pull off on a budget, they can range from funny, course, an entanglement and assuming you’re not thoughtful, and cute to (s/o Jada!). These work appropriating (we’ll get a complete tragedy that best to show off your intelli- into this later) you can’t go brings shame to your gence, wit, and awareness SCARE TACTICS wrong with these. family and nation. of the world around you.

They say the costume is in the eye of the beholder and COSTUMES FOR SINGLES therefore it’s important to remember context, context, As a single, you’re essentially optimizing for two variables: context. Any well-executed costume will earn immedi- how hot you look, and how recognizable you are. Sex still ate praise, but it is how well you know your audience sells—whether you like it or not—and great costumes that will determine the lasting impression your costume don’t have to be explained. leaves. For example, if you’re going to a party with your high school friends who never left home—though for your sake and mine, I hope you aren’t—then be sure to choose SMOKING HOT a costume that can quickly be recalled by the average

member of that crew. RECOGNIZABLE Once you’ve determined your costume type, your UNIQUE, FUN, MOSTLY next step is to begin researching within that chosen FLIRTY GOOD category. Ask yourself questions like: what people were in the zeitgeist over the past year, what things have I recently acquired (also, good to know in the context of TOTAL FAMILY DISGRACE FRIENDLY your carbon footprint!), and lastly what ideas, idioms, or

expressions have come into the collective consciousness UNRECOGNIZABLE (Black Twitter is always good here). NOT HOT

These factors produce four quadrants to help you under- stand your costume trajectory: 146

STEP 2: MOSTLY GOOD: FIND OUT IF YOUR In this quadrant you're on the path for a costume that COSTUME SUCKS will likely do the trick, but be careful: you never want too much of a good thing. Now that you’ve selected your costume it’s time to stress test it against the rigid parameters of public opinion. The UNIQUE, FLIRTY, FUN: Costumes in this area will answer that lies behind this ever-moving target is based produce unique, funny, and flirty results. With a few on an infinite set of criteria. However, to restore world exceptions, you’ll be the Halloween treat. order, we’ve distilled a rubric from only the most critical and objective elements to measure how your costume TOTAL DISGRACE: Unless your goal is to remain will fare. single whilst offending at scale, these ’stumes simply aren’t worth the effort—at this point, just stay home.

FAMILY FRIENDLY: If you find yourself here, you’ve got a family-friendly costume. These costumes won’t spark any flames, but that's probably not what you’re looking for anyway—and if it is, I’m reporting you immediately.

After you’ve identified your path, it’s most important to understand which Stumezone™ you fall into as it will ultimately determine your costume caliber:

SCARE TACTICS SMOKING HOT EXHAUSTING SWEET SPOT BASIC

UNIQUE, MOSTLY FUN, GOOD RECOGNIZABLE FLIRTY

TOTAL FAMILY

UNRECOGNIZABLE DISGRACE FRIENDLY

WASTE OF TIME DIG DEEP WHATEVER ZONE SAFETY FIRST NOT HOT

BASIC: Contrary to conventional wisdom, on Halloween you actually don’t want to be as hot and 148 recognizable as possible. Sure, you’ll grab attention, but rest assured you’re not the only genius who thought of the costume you have on. There’s a high risk of others (yes, plural!) having a better version of your costume— talk about horror.

THE SWEET SPOT: These are the best costumes. You’re hot, you’re confident, your costume is killing. The only thing we know for sure is you’re in for a good time.

EXHAUSTING: You look great, but you keep having to explain it. The more disparate your audience, the more likely it is your costume moves from the sweet spot to just exhausting. These are best for small gatherings with familiar faces. At a minimum you won’t have to explain it 600 times.

SCARE TACTICS Four quadrants that will indicate you and your THE SWEET SPOT: If you land yourself here you’re ex-to-be’s compatibility. Guaranteed more effective a solid couple, with a solid costume, and people will than an online love language quiz, allegedly. envy you for the right reasons.

SOLID: As the name implies, these costumes will be NAUSEATING: At the apex of unique and cringe is squarely perceived as...solid. People will like you, you’ll the nauseating zone. This is the costume equivalent like yourselves. Be the first-quadrant-couple people of having Thanksgiving dinner on your boyfriend’s lap aspire to. as his family looks on with one eye in horror as they desperately try to keep their stuffing down. Putting GROSS: This quadrant speaks for itself and unfortu- this much effort into something so cringe will make nately if you’re finding yourself here you probably lack our collective stomachs turn—and yours too when the self-awareness to know you were also a pity invite. you recall this after your inevitable break up that we’re definitely not wishing upon you. EMBARRASSING: Assuming you have shame—which we’re not necessarily taking for granted—you both JUST STOP: Cringe and basic? Just stop, lol. If not should be properly humiliated to find yourself here. for our sake then for Pete’s. You both can do better than this. You’re currently reaching new heights (read: BORING: These aren’t worth the price of admission. depths) of humiliation—which unfortunately you don’t realize—leaving us holding the bag filled with second Resulting in a few distinct Stumezones™ to determine if you hand embarrassment. two have, in fact, become one for this Halloween affair: FINE: These simply say you’re in a relationship and you’re out on the town, which, again, is fine. Nothing 150 wrong here I guess. See, I’m nice too ;) UNIQUE NAUSEATING SWEET SPOT SNOOZEFEST: These are the beaten path of the couple’s costume. Uninspired, boring, stale—which, we imagine, is not dissimilar to your relationship status. If together you come to the conclusion that your costume falls in this zone at least you know how to GROSS SOLID find the sweet spot in the single costumes for next year ;). CUTE CRINGE

EMBARRASSING BORING

JUST STOP FINE SNOOZEFEST BASIC COSTUMES FOR GROUPS $ Group costumes are tricky. There are more cooks in the NO EXCUSE PROCEED WITH CAUTION SWEET SPOT kitchen creating more to manage. After careful consid- eration, we determined the two variables here are: how much the costume costs and how offensive your crew will be to others. STUPID $ IDEAL CUTE STUPID IDEAL SAFE CRINGE TONE DEAF USUALLY OFFENSIVE GOOD TONE DEAF USUALLY GOOD $$$$

IDEAL: Costumes in this zone are cheap and safe. Save the time and money you’d spend on a costume for another round with the boys. COMPLETE DISASTER REPREHENSIBLE PROFESSIONAL $$$$ STUPID: If your costume has crossed midfield on offensiveness it is, in no uncertain terms, stupid. On the bright side, if it was just a little less offensive it could be ideal.

TONE DEAF: Read the room, read the times, if you spend this much money on a costume this offensive you’ll be canceled by the time you get up at noon to nurse your hangover.

USUALLY GOOD: These are good, but what would be great is the more economic version of this. Effortless is, and always will be, here to stay.

It’s critical that you and your cronies have all arrived at a joint understanding of the Stumezone™ you’re representing tonight.

153 THE SWEET SPOT: Accessible price point, fun, CONCLUSION SCARE TACTICS safe, cool, easy, breezy, Covergirl (so to speak). You’ll By now you should have the confidence to navigate the be proud displaying this as your Facebook picture costume creation process with the vigor and rigor you regardless of the fact of how embarrassing it is to use have always desired. You can kiss the never ending Facebook. Halloween nightmare in your mind—that one where you show up at the party with the worst costume and PROCEED WITH CAUTION: Don’t kid yourself, or are greeted with confusion, snickering, and a wardrobe spin it, these costumes are offensive. However, since malfunction sending you home in an Uber of shame— they are so cheap and relatively accessible your red goodbye. Of course this isn’t everything to know about flags may not go up initially in your blind desperation Halloween (how could it be? I’m just one man). But if to have a group costume that works for everybody. it doesn’t help you produce a better costume this year Consider the context, consider the moment, consider perhaps it’s not your costume that sucks—it’s you. others. These aren’t worth it.

NO EXCUSE: These costumes are getting to the level of offensive that regardless of how cheap and easy they are, they are offensive. Have fun on one of those Buzzfeed worst costume lists.

A COMPLETE DISASTER: These costumes are an affront to humanity. Expensive and offensive? You’ll be canceled, fired, and frankly you’ll deserve every bit of it. 154 REPREHENSIBLE: You spent too much money on a costume that is ultimately offensive. It’s tone deaf at best and most likely a tragedy. For the sake of your job, reputation, and diverse communities around the world, don’t be caught with a costume that lands you in this zone.

PROFESSIONAL: These are great costumes but quite expensive, no? Unless the event(s) calls for this quality or your inherited circumstances make it convenient there is probably a more economical way for your group to have the same effect.

SCARE TACTICS 155 SCARE TACTICS

Top Row, Left to Right: Flower Garden, Milky Way, Birthday Party Bottom Row: Bubbles, Bejeweled, Ocean and Beach 157 VICTORIA ROGERS