Volume 43 - Issue 05 - Friday, October 5, 2007

Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Fall 10-5-2007

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

Follow this and additional works at: https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn

Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 43 - Issue 05 - Friday, October 5, 2007" (2007). The Rose Thorn Archive. 161. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/161

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. T HE R OSE T HORN R OSE -H ULMAN I NSTITUTE OF T ECHNOLOGY T ERRE H AUTE , I NDIANA FRIDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2007 ROSE-HULMAN.EDU/THORN/ VOLUME 43, ISSUE 5 RACE BACK TO ROSE News Briefs Homecoming 2007 By Ryan Schultz Pictures by Isaac Sachs Britney Spears loses custody of kids For Britney Spears, the blows just keep coming. In the past month, her supposed comeback flopped, her management firm dropped her, her divorce lawyer quit, and now, she’s lost primary custody of her children. Kevin Federline, her former husband and once the brunt of “Mr. Britney” jokes, has full custody of their children. Spears is limited to visiting them every other day. Spears lost custody of her children after she drove without a valid driver’s license and missed a court-ordered drug screen. But the court is not completely in Fed- erline’s favor; both Federline and Spears must attend “Parenting Without Conflict,” a class taught by the court to coach divid- ed parents. Federline appeared in court wearing an eye-patch because he had a sore eye. Asteroid Sulu? What do George Takei and space (that is, the final frontier) have in common other than “Star Trek?” It would seem that the infinite and the 70-year-old actor shared little, that is, until now. On Wednesday, asteroid 1994 GT9 was renamed 7307 Takei after the actor, famous for his role as Hi- karu Sulu on the original “Star Trek” series. The name has been approved and adopted by the International Astronomical Union’s Committee on Small Body Nomenclature, thereby changing the official astronomi- cally-correct name to 7307 Takei. “I am now a heavenly body,” said Takei. “I found out about it yesterday…I was blown away. It came out of the clear, blue sky – just like an asteroid.” Satisfying Civics Looks like there’s more to government than checks-and-balances and a good old-fashioned filibuster. Turns out naked women are also involved in politics and are a key component of making bills into laws. At least, that’s the lesson Ohio state Representative Matthew Barrett seemed to be teaching a class at Norwalk High School in Norwalk, Ohio. Barrett had just inserted a memory stick into his computer to launch his presentation when a full-screen image of a topless woman splashed across the screen. Bar- rett quickly removed the drive from his computer and proceeded to deliver the lecture with handouts. Following the lecture, the drive was examined by school officials and IT per- sonnel, who determined that it had a di- rectory of pornography in addition to his presentation. “I have no idea where these came from,” claimed Barrett. In this issue of the Rose Thorn... Do you know NEWS OPINIONS Homecoming what THORN extravaganza stands for? Yes,

it’s an acronym.

3 6 F HUGS, YO! Hugs from secessionists LIPSIDE Homecoming stuff galore and some 8 Career Fair action.

E4NTERTAINMENT 7SPORTS 8 PAGE -

NEWS - PAGE 3 ENTERTAINMENT - PAGE 4 LIVING - PAGE 5 OPINIONS - PAGE 6 SPORTS - PAGE 7 FLIPSIDE 2 PUZZLES & CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn Rose-doku Name- by Jim Sedoff by J.P. that-artist Verkamp • Between raising hell and amazing grace, this week’s dynamic duo continued their rich tradition of genre-bending with their third album earlier this year. Similar to their ﬁrst two albums, the newest blends country music with rock, rap, and hip-hop for a unique style that attracts a broad spectrum of listeners.

• Since their ﬁrst album was released in 2004, this band has released 11 singles and recorded two more with other artists. The ﬁrst album topped both the Billboard national chart and country music chart for best-sell- ing albums while their third, most recent album reached number one in country music and number six on the Billboard 200.

• However, not all reactions to the band has been positive. Keith Davis, a country musician from Texas, even went so far as to name this band “as a trend he would eliminate from music.”

• During the past several years, this duo has performed or recorded with a number of other artists including Bon Jovi, Gretchen Wilson, James Otto, and Cowboy Troy. They also formed the MusikMaﬁa, a collection of artists and songwriters who performed in Nashville, Tennessee. Finally, they recorded a cover of John Lennon’s “Nobody Told Me” for a tribute CD and appeared in a music video for Nickelback’s song “Rockstar.”

• Although the artists have been performing and recording together for a number of years, each had a rich solo career prior to joining together. One of the two is a former vocalist and lead guitar for the country band Instructions: Lonestar, while the other is a former rap artist.

Solve the puzzle by ﬁlling in the blanks but For those of you who were wondering, last week’s band was none other than be careful to not repeat the symbols (S, E, the Beatles. For this week’s answer, go to http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn. C, O, N, D, H, T and A) vertically, horizontally or within the bold 3x3 sub-grid squares.

Find the answers at: Extra Large 1234 WABASH AVE. One Large

One-Topping Store Hours... One-Topping http://www.rose-hulman.edu Mon-Wed: 9am - 1am Thurs-Sat: 9am - 2am 99 Sunday: 12pm - 12am 99 Campus Only /thorn 9 232-PAPA ONLY 7Campus Only CLASSIFIEDS House for rent Room for rent House for rent Gibson Apartments Room for rent in a three bedroom house. 3 bd., spacious, quiet for study, One bedroom house for rent. Five minutes 1 - 2 -3 -4 bedroom apts. $390 and up $250 per month. Utilities paid. Ten minutes EXTRA NICE! Call 232-6977 from Rose-Hulman. Clean quiet neighbor- some include all utilities but lights. from campus. Non-tobacco user. No pets. after 11 am. Please leave ph #. hood. $395 plus electric. Call 249-7295. NO pets. Gibson Apts 234-4884. (812) 201-4676. The Rose Thorn Editorial Staff Thorn Staff CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Staff Writers David Bander Christine Price Editor-in-Chief Aaron Meles Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 News Editor Ryan Schultz Tim Boyer Jessica Rogers Phone:(812)877-8255 Opinions Editor Andrew Klusman Scott Gallmeier Jim Sedoff Entertainment Editor Phillip Meiser Fax: (812)877-8166 Kyle Kamischke Ely Spears Sports Editor Mike Ferguson E-mail: [email protected] Rachel Howser J.P. Verkamp Humor Editor Alex Clerc http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Matt Melton James Zhou Copy Editor Chris Casillas Tim Olmsted Photo Editor Andrew Carlson “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Tiffany Parrott by providing an accurate and John Pinkus dependable source for news and information.” Layout Cari Harper Administrative Staff Advertising Manager Parker Lee The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays Cartoonist Erin Hudson Assistant Ad Manager Nick Leedy ﬁrst through ninth week each quarter. Business Manager Alex Cerier Photographers Christina Davis Isaac Sachs Webmaster Jonathan Ziebell Suzanne Kissel Matt Vargo Advisor Richard House Albert Mui The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. TWO DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Ofﬁce (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, October 5, 2007 NEWS 3 Running at Rose Annual 5K Fun Run a hit with alumni, community Rachel Howser run/walk were quite diverse in- commented, “It’s good to get Staff Writer cluding people of all ages, back- up early, get the blood flowing, grounds, and even some from meet people, and my goal is to n Saturday, September other countries. Daniel Abicht, at least beat a Rose student.” 29, Rose-Hulman held a 2003 alumnus from Berlin, He went on to explain that Oits annual Rosie’s 5K Fun Germany stated, “It’s a beautiful the event started about seven Run/Walk Homecoming event. morning. The sun is shining, so or eight years ago with a few This year’s race was quite suc- why not go out for a run?” alumni walking through Haw- cessful attracting approximately The event was planned and thorn Park. Recently, the event 60 students, faculty, staff, alum- staffed by Army and Air Force has attracted more participants ni, and friends of Rose-Hulman. ROTC students. The students and most of these participants Sponsored by the Alumni Affairs also marked the trail, registered run instead of walk. Last year, Office, the run/walk tradition- participants, and passed out the event was moved from ally takes place the morning snacks and event t-shirts. One Hawthorn Park to Rose’s cam- of the Homecoming football of these students, sophomore pus to allow alumni to spend game. This year’s event began chemical engineering major Al- more time on campus. Andrew Carlson/ Rose Thorn at 8:30 in the morning at Cook ison Dunlop explained, “It is a Completing his third Rosie’s Stadium. During the run/walk, memorable experience to wake 5K, mechanical engineering Alumni gather at the Clabber Girl museum for the annual All-Alumni participants followed a wind- up in the morning and take a professor Patrick Ferro is also an Party — an opportunity to swap stories and memories of Rose. ing trail through campus to al- run in the brisk autumn air with aficionado of the event. “This low alumni to view both their the alumni and the memories is one of my favorite activities at remembered landmarks as well that surround them.” Rose. I love doing this race. It’s Alumni party lets former as Rose-Hulman’s new addi- Director of News Services Dale my favorite Homecoming activ- tions. The participants in the Long is a Rosie’s 5K veteran. He ity.” students remember, Jakubowski thanks alumni for coming reminisce Scott Gallmeier turnout, with alumni coming Breakfast with theto HomecomingPresident Staff Writer as early as 1957. One reason for the party’s appeal is that ast Friday, Alumni Affairs many alumni wanted to come hosted the All-Alumni back and speak with old school- LParty at the Clabber Girl mates on non-reunion years, as Museum in downtown Terre this year only had reunions for Haute. The party is an annual classes that end in “2” and “7.” event that occurs on the Friday As pointed out by Jim Bidcumb, before Homecoming. Friday Class of 1976,”You knew people September 28th marked in in- three years ahead and three flux of many alumni and in re- years behind you by the time ception of their coming, Alumni you graduated,” totalling sev- Affairs hosted the All-Alumni en years of friends to catch up Party. The All-Alumni Party is with. Overall, many of the alum- an annual event for the alumni ni seemed to enjoy the ability to community of Rose-Hulman get back in touch with those as that occurs on the Friday before well as the ones that they see ev- Homecoming. ery year. Brian Dyer, Director of This event “seems to get at Alumni Affairs, summed up the least slightly larger every year” event: “this appeared to have said Greg Holler, Class of 1979. been one of our best turnouts This was apparent in the large for the All-Alumni Party.”

Suzanne Kissel/ Rose Thorn Alumni gather last Sunday for the traditional farewell breakfast hosted by President Jakubowski. “I hope all of you had a good time,” said the president, “We look forward to seeing you all again.”

Chris Casillas Jakubowski gave a speech to the nize all the staff members and C o p y E d i t o r alumni. “We hope you have had the alumni affairs workers.” lots of fun on Friday and Satur- Jakubowski wrapped up the his past Sunday morning, day.” He continued by saying, speech with “I hope all of you over 100 Rose-Hulman “We started the day with a bang have had a good time. We look Talumni eagerly awaited with service in the White Cha- forward to seeing you all again. the opportunity to have break- pel.” Thanks everyone for being here. fast with each other at We really had a great the President’s Reunion time.” Breakfast, as they stood Afterwards, the in front of the doors The alumni shared sto- alumni thanked each leading into the Hulman other and said their Union dining room. Ara- ries with each other, talked goodbyes. The alumni Christina Davis/ Rose Thorn mark catered the event were busy taking pic- Brian Musial talks to recruiters at this year’s Interview City. This year that was organized by tures and continued about their career at Rose, marked the ﬁrst time that Career Services has had to hold interviews in the Alumni Affairs of- with their many stories this fashion due to the sheer number of companies represented at the ﬁce and President Ger- from the many years in what happened while they Career Fair on Wednesday. A total of 210 companies were present for ald Jakubowski and his their own lives. Alumni “ this year’s Career Fair. wife, Lynn, were present were at Rose, about their came up to Jakubowski to enjoy their breakfast and thanked him for the with the alumni. jobs, and life in general. good time and for put- The alumni shared ting on the event. Career Fair stories with each other, Jakubowski summa- talked about their career rized the event as “a at Rose, what happened while Jakubowski began offering his wrap up of all the events before they were at Rose, about their thanks and said, “I’d like to rec- the alumni have to head off.” It jobs, and life in general. There ognize the board of trustees and was a good time for all the alumni were many alumni from differ- thank you for all of your support to say their goodbyes and share BIGGEST ent class years. and what you do for Rose-Hul”- their stories before returning After breakfast was served, man [and] I’d also like to recog- next year to Rose-Hulman. ever! 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn “Halo 3” is multiplayer gold

Scott Gallmeier The story line continues It is obvious though that the and sniper rifles, and “Alpha Zom- ing throughout is yet once again S t a f f W r i t e r throughout “Halo 3,” and finally single player campaign was not bies,” a variant of the “Zombie” strong with presentations by the draws some conclusion to it, not Bungie’s focus with the new depth game play that became an Inter- same cast members for lead roles Possibly one of the largest making gamers antsy for the next and variety of multi-player. “Halo net phenomenon for “Halo 2.” such as Master Chief, Cortana, games of the year was released four years awaiting the coming 3” offers a wide array of possibili- Bungie also has made progress and Sergeant Johnson, and with Tuesday, October 2nd, “Halo 3”. of another in the series. Playing ties for multiplayer with dozens forward with all new maps. While such a continuity one is able to Pegged to be the game to buy through the single player, one re- of predetermined gametypes, the some of these maps may be based actually see continuity within for the Xbox 360 this year, “Halo alizes that the AI is finally at least ability to create new off of previ- the storyline itself. Sounds of the 3” has resulted in a firestorm of moderately effective, often see- gametypes, various ous maps, game environment are pleasing purchases and game play, proven ing Brutes effectively use equip- maps, and the ability Valhalla be- to the ears as well. These sounds by the sale of over $170 million ment such as the new Bubble to edit maps with the ing based off include the various weapons that, in sales in the first 24 hours. But of Coagula- at least for the human side, seem as for the game itself, even more tion for ex- to sound rather grand. is to be said on the first-person ample, there The first aesthetic to catch shooter that is supposed to be is a definite your eye though is the graphics. the best of the year. difference in The graphics, as with other Halo Overall, “Halo 3” is a very solid feel from the games, are great to look at. At first game with decent story line. For classic maps based on size differ- glance, one might not think much those who haven’t experienced it, ence and the actual difference in of “Halo 3” in the way of next- the concept is one of a man with- appearance. The Forge capability generation graphics, yet with its in a bio-suit who has super-hu- found within “Halo 3” is such that good water texture, beautiful ex- man strength coupled with great it allows players to move around, plosions, and grand reflections endurance and the behavior of as 343 Guilty Spark, and rear- form the Mark VI armor, “Halo 3” a perfect soldier. This character, range weapon spawning location. stands with the ability to consis- referred to only as Master Chief, While doing this, actual combat tently hold a rate of 60 frames per is in a war with “The Covenant,” can be taking place, or it can be second, something that was lack- a collection of various alien races just purely the use of map editing in the previous installment. who have a desire to reach higher ing software. Multiplayer doesn’t The scope of the maps also is por- levels of spiritual discovery by us- stop at head-to-head competi- trayed by great details in the back- ing the technology of a long since www.gameinformer.com tions however, Co-op returns and grounds of the maps that allow for vanished society, called simply returns with force, allowing up to players to become immersed. The series has continued its tradition of excellence in gameplay, graph- the Forerunners. In doing so, two players per Xbox 360 and a to- Overall, “Halo 3” is a solid ics, and sound, but the story in the third installment is a bit lacking. the Covenant releases a life form tal of four players to work together game, with good single player, known as “the Flood,” a parasitic Shield and Regenerator along new Forge capability. The prime in order to work through some of great graphics and sound, and being that attempts to convert with the effective use of new focus of multiplayer, however, “Halo 3’s” more difficult settings. amazing multiplayer. If you don’t Humans and Covenant alike into weapons, such as Brutes running is the ability to go on Microsoft’s Not only did Bungie make a own it you really should pick it up mindless drones. The Forerunner out carrying a turret, a rather un- Xbox Live and play against hun- fun, solid game, they made a and join the other nearly three technology called “Halos” were desired sight for a player. The AI dreds of thousands of others from game with amazing graphics million people playing. The only designed to kill off all of the “food also seems to finally be able to around the world. Bungie seems and sound. When one first puts issue lies in Bungie’s failure for sources” for the Flood, their food hit a target, not just enemy AI but to have taken a cue from its con- the game disc in, they are greet- closure for the series, with “Halo being all sentient life in the Gal- also friendly; no longer are they sumers by adding many of what ed by the same symphonic joy 3” being deemed the “conclusion axy. Master Chief’s goal through- useless shields just to go running had become commonplace gam- that was present in “Halo: Com- to the Halo Trilogy,” it seems to out the past has been to stop the into a room to give you an idea of etypes to the default gametypes bat Evolved.” The great sounds fall shy of a conclusion, leaving end of all civilization by the deto- how many enemies you are about list, such as “Shottys and Snipers,” don’t stop there but are present the ending open, but for that, you nation of these devices. to face. a gametype using only shotguns throughout the game. Voice act- must play. Newest Nightwish offering solid, despite What Can You Get fans’ concerns with Your Signature? JP Verkamp Pit and the Pendulum,” a short S t a f f W r i t e r story by Edgar Allan Poe, and talks about Holopainen’s life, go- Powered by their new vocal- ing so far as to figuratively die at ist Anette Olzon, Nightwish has one point during the song. Mac & cheese for the semester just released their new album The second track, “Bye Bye “Dark Passion Play” after a hiatus Beautiful,” and the fifth track, — of three years (the longest in the “Master Passion Greed,” are two Textbooks some even worth reading band’s history). of the more interesting pieces on When previous lead vocal- the album, referring indirectly ist Tarja Turunen left the band to Turunen and her husband/ A laptop that keeps you connected in October 2005, many of their manager, respectively. The for- fans believed that Nightwish was mer talks about Holopainen’s (sign here) dead; however, in many ways this relationship with Turunen and X new album proves them wrong. her subsequent dismissal from With her unique and beautiful the band, while the latter attacks voice that enhances many of the her husband for pulling her away What Can You Get with Our Signature Student Loan®? songs on the album, Olzon is a from the rest of the band. strong successor to Turunen and Another interesting track is Once you’ve tapped out all free money and federal student a good addition to the Nightwish “Amaranth,” named from the lineup. Greek word amarantos, meaning loan options, fund the remaining cost of your education with Continuing the trend that be- never-fading. The music video Sallie Mae’s popular private loan—the Signature Student Loan. gan with their previous album, for “Amaranth” is based on a “Dark Passion Play” combines Finnish painting, “The Wounded a number of harder metal songs Angel,” by painter Hugo Simberg. with other, softer ballads. One “Amaranth” is also the second Wondering if you qualify? positive aspect of this album, as of two singles from the album, compared to previous Nightwish following “Eva” and proceeding For more information and to apply, go to releases, is a greater variety of “Bye Bye Beautiful” (the planned vocalists. Traditionally, Turunen third single). would sing all of the songs with Overall, the new Nightwish al- SallieMae.com/rose occasional growling parts by bum is everything a true fan of bassist Marco Hietala and key- Nightwish could hope for. De- boardist/composer Tuomas Ho- spite, or perhaps because of, the SALLIE MAE RESERVES THE RIGHT TO MODIFY OR DISCONTINUE LOAN PROGRAMS AT ANY TIME lopainen. However one of the lat- new vocalist, “Dark Passion Play” WITHOUT NOTICE. er songs on “Dark Passion Play,” a continues Nightwish’s strong re- Signature Student Loans are funded by Sallie Mae Bank® or a Sallie Mae lender partner. Sallie Mae, Sallie Mae Bank, and Celtic-sounding piece titled “The cording tradition. With a wide va- Signature Student Loan are registered service marks of Sallie Mae, Inc. SLM Corporation and its subsidiaries, including Islander,” features a softer style riety of tracks, audiences across Sallie Mae, Inc., are not sponsored by or agencies of the United States of America. Copyright 2007 by Sallie Mae, Inc. of vocals from Marco. the board can find something to All rights reserved. 9/07 The new album begins with enjoy on “Dark Passion Play.” the track “The Poet and the Pen- dulum,” a nearly 14 minute long Official Thorn rating: 4 elephants epic written by Holopainen. The title of the track is based on “The

369_Rose-Hulman Institute of Tec1 1 9/25/2007 2:36:50 PM Friday, October 5, 2007 LIVING 5 Credit, debit, and cash? Oh my! The Second City’s Anthony

anywhere from the minimum al- funds you have available (and LeBlanc combines lowed amount to the total bill. If if you go over, you are hit with a Christine you do not pay the full amount, rather unpleasant overdraft fee, science and humor Price the remaining balance will begin so be careful) and there isn’t the to accumulate interest (the hy- worry of dealing with a monthly Aaron Meles diverse a group of people you S t a f f pothetical card mentioned above bill, and typing in a PIN is a bit Editor-in-Chief have, the better your material is W r i t e r has only 9% interest, which is ex- faster than a signature. I admit going to be.” tremely low. Interest rates of 18% that I have no direct experience Anthony LeBlanc, one of the “I got into science to contrib- or more are very, very common). with a pure debit card, and I’m members of The Second City, ute to mankind,” said LeBlanc. Cards make you pay fees for vari- not even entirely certain they are a sketch comedy and improv “I think that in theatre, espe- According to DebtSteps.com, ous things and these too acquire very common any more. I use a group that will be performing cially with comedy, it’s almost the median American credit card interest. The credit card industry debit/credit card. The only dif- at Hatfield Hall this Saturday, the same thing. People might balance is $3,068. If one were to makes money in two major ways. ference between the two options could have been a Rose student. not agree with everything you assume an average interest rate First is the bit of money that a is that one generally requires a Originally from Beaumont, Tex- say, but after laughing about of 9% and payment of the mini- business pays to the company signature and the other, a PIN as, LeBlanc received his bach- it, they’ll still think about it af- mal required monthly amount, it each time a customer uses a card. number. elor’s degree in computer sci- terwards and be willing to talk could take you 50 years and more Second, there’s the collection of Once you get into the real ence and physics from Loyola about it, and to help people see than $4,500 to eventually pay all interest and fees from the credit world, you may want to consider University in New Orleans. He those things is really amazing off that initial loan. That is, of card holder. switching to credit for most ma- also hopes to one day work for for me.” course, assuming you don’t get That’s just the basics; credit jor purchases. If you keep the NASA, working on computer Although LeBlanc has been hit with any additional late fees or cards can be rather more com- money to pay it off in a high-yield systems. However, sketch com- with The Second City for four anything. So, with the potential plicated than that. The basic in- savings account, you can accu- edy got to him first. years, he dreams of one day to pay so much additional inter- formation to know is that, as long mulate interest on what amounts As a resident assistant at working for NASA. “I have a real est, why even bother with credit as you pay your entire balance to a month-long interest free Loyola, several of LeBlanc’s resi- affinity for artificial intelligence, cards? Using a debit card or even every month (and thus don’t loan. Credit cards also often offer dents encouraged him to try out and I’d like to design those sys- cash are both viable alternatives, “carry a balance”), there’s very some sort of rewards program. for a sketch comedy group they tems for satellites, space probes, but really all three forms of pay- little reason not to use a credit Some programs give you dis- were in; he was accepted, and or even deep space shuttles.” ment have their pros and cons. card. There’s the possibility of counts on gas, some build points his sketch comedy and improv When asked about what ad- I’m going to argue that, for a someone stealing your number, to buy giftcards, and so on. career was born. vice he would offer other sci- college student, a debit card is the but the chance of theft exists If you are the type that would U p o n ence and best form of payment, although with cash too. It’s much easier to be sorely tempted to overspend graduation, e n g i n e e r- out in the real-world a credit card spend beyond your means with with either a credit or debit card, LeBlanc vol- I got into science ing stu- can be best. a credit card, so it’s important to stick to cash. It’s a lot easier to unteered to dents who So, first, how exactly do credit view it as simply a way to put off part with a digital $20 than 4 $5 move to Chi- to contribute to wanted to cards work? Real credit cards, payment for a bit, instead of “free bills. Creating a large balance cago to help cross over as opposed to debit credit cards cash.” that you are unable to pay can start a non- mankind. I think to comedy, that take the money out of your I mentioned earlier that I hurt your credit score rather bad- profit ser- L e B l a n c account directly, have you buy think debit cards are the way ly, and now isn’t the time to be vice house, that in theatre, e x p re s s e d now and pay later. The “later” is to go, in college at least. Debit doing that. a one-year his belief when the monthly bill is sent out. cards are nice because they en- c o m m i t - “especially with that science You have the option of paying courage you to only spend what ment. While e q u i p p e d living in Chi- comedy, it’s al- him for im- cago, LeB- prov like few Tired of counting sheep? How to get lanc joined most the same other sub- s e v e r a l jects could: sketch com- thing. “I would say a good night’s sleep edy and im- improv is all Christopher Smith By organizing your room in way few other tips to keep in mind are: prov groups, about being Rose-Hulman S t a f f that your bed is not used as a take some time to relax before try- c o m p a n i e s able to think C o u n s e l o r couch, dining room table, or coming to go to sleep (it is important that he continued to participate on your feet and make the best puter chair can help your body to give your mind time to slow in after his work with the service decision you can, fast. I think One of the most important and identify the bed as a place for sleep- down and prepare for sleep). If house was completed. science really helps you with hardest things to do on a college ing. Another way to better your you are in bed and having trouble In 2003, while living in Chica- that. Around Chicago, there are campus is to get a good night’s chances of getting a good night’s sleeping, get out of bed and try to go and applying to grad school, a lot” of people who didn’t start sleep, which is about eight hours sleep is to get onto a sleep sched- do something relaxing before try- LeBlanc decided to audition for out in theatre. Science is a very for the average person. Sleep is an ule and follow it. This means going ing again to get to sleep. The last The Second City. He was accept- easy bridge into improv, and important part of daily function- to bed and getting up at around tip is to avoid naps after 3 p.m. ed, and grad school was put on that’s a short step into sketch ing, and not getting enough sleep the same time every day, even on Taking a nap in the later parts of hold as he began to tour with the comedy.” can have detrimental effects on weekends or when you don’t have the day can make it much harder group. However, he remained in According to LeBlanc, The academic performance, mood, that early class. It’s also important to get to sleep at night. These are touch with his technical back- Second City’s current show and overall physical and mental to avoid medications that can dis- just a few suggestions to help you ground: “I spend a lot of time “One Nation Under Blog” deals health. Unfortunately, there are rupt your sleep and avoid caffeine get to sleep. If you have difficulty teaching to kids, both improv as with the “overall picture of how many things that disrupt our sleep- later in the day. Caffeine can stay in sleeping on a regular basis and well as video editing. I really en- we relate to each other and how ing patterns and make it harder to your system for up to eight hours have tried some of these tips to joy combining performing with technology is a part of that.” get the sleep that we need. Room- and if you drink coffee, tea, energy help you sleep it may be impor- technology.” The shows features sketches mates with different schedules, drinks, or pop late in the day you tant to speak with a family doctor LeBlanc also enjoys the edu- about online dating, keeping loud neighbors in the residence may have trouble sleeping. Alco- or sleep specialist. cational background of the track of what your kids are do- halls, staying up to finish home- hol also has a significant impact on I would like to thank Dr. Robert other members of The Second ing online, and the war in Iraq, work or study for an exam, and sleep. It may make you feel sleepy, Hojnicki for providing informa- City: “The group I’m with right as well as issues concerning the parties to name a few. Although but it limits the amount of restful tion on sleep health and sleep now, we’re all smart, super-cool rise of political and corporate there are number of things that sleep that you get and this can zap care. people. We’ll be making fun of power. “I think you’re going to make it difficult to get a full night’s your energy levels the next day. This information is not intend- something on the radio, then be pleasantly surprised about sleep, there are steps that you can Setting a sleep schedule and ed to diagnose, treat, or prevent the next minute you’re talking how smart the funny is in our take to better your chances. avoiding substances that upset any disease or disorder. Nor is it about stuff happening in the show… My favorite places to go The first thing that you want to your sleep schedules are impor- intended to replace a consultation news… and that’s what’s great are colleges because that always do is prepare your room for sleep. tant ways to get better sleep. A with a mental health provider. about sketch comedy. The more hits off well.” Know Your Best T-Shirt That I Don’t Really Understand Site: Internet shirt.woot.com David Bander From the guys that brought you woot! and wine.woot! comes the latest child in the Woot! family, shirt. Staff Writer woot! The premise is the same, a different shirt everyday. Cheap shipping. Usually they are topical or in- telligent in nature, but sometimes they are just outright weird, and I don’t get them. Those are the better ones in my opinion, because then you can make up a profound meaning to confuse your friends. Best Deal Hunting Site: www.slickdeals.net Best Instant Messaging Site: This site links hot deals day to day on the Internet. Usually, they www.meebo.com are from reputable companies with big sales to offer. Looking for a deal on a PS3? Try searching ‘PS3’ on the sidebar and check out Love to chat but don’t love lugging your laptop around all day? If you need a good, web-based IM soft- what comes up. The great thing about this site is that they report ware, this is it. You can get on your AIM/Yahoo/GTalk/MSN/ICQ/Jabber account and your buddies will when links die so you don’t get confused about why your coupon all follow you there. If you want, you can sign up for a Meebo account and sign into all of your IM names code keeps returning ‘Invalid Code.’ at one time. It logs your chats, so you don’t lose important conversations about things like dinner and homework. In fact, it is so friendly and easy to use, I recommend it as your primary IM client. 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn Secession? Ban on hugs

ing for the allowance of peaceful would not be conducive to having Tim Olmsted and there is a history of inappro- secession from the Union, and in the easy trade and travel that has S t a f f W r i t e r priate behavior. Outside of a case And the some cases, a full dissolution of the allowed the U.S. to grow from thir- where there is more evidence of opinion Union that they consider to be too teen tiny states into a major player What is something you can give unwanted contact, there is no case overbearing. on the world scene (of course, I’m to family and close friends, yet is for sexual harassment. Obviously, is... Aside from this idea being quite not including the effects of two banned in increasing numbers there is more than direct sexual immature and unrealistic, and the World Wars and the decline of the of public schools? If you guessed harassment. Essentially, it is ha- fact that we as a country have been British Empire on the rise of the hugs, you really need to stop being rassment due to someone having through this whole issue once be- U.S.). The Balkanization of the such a news geek. Really, MSNBC a significant other and someone Andrew Klusman fore, this whole idea is ridiculous. United States would turn us into had a report on increasing num- else not having a significant oth- O p i n i o n s E d i t o r Just quitting from the US and say- just another Europe (which would bers of schools in the United States er. Someone else is envious that ing, “I don’t agree with you any- be quite ironic, seeing as how they and England banning hugs. The someone has a girlfriend, hence, Reviving an issue that caused more, I’m seceding” should not be a are trying to consolidate into one reasons range from sexual harass- harassment. It is a means of creat- one war and was thought to be reputable idea in the public forum. power to rival us), which none of ment to smooth hallway traffic ing the appearance that all people dead for the past 150 years, the Se- It is true, however, that the U.S. has us, except apparently the seces- flow. Even so, is this really a good are equally popular within the cessionist Convention was kicked grown very large over the past 150 sionists, want. idea? confines of a school. This is espe- off on Wednesday, October 3rd by years, starting with the beginning Aside from all the logical rea- Think about it. If you use sexual cially true in Fairfax, Virginia where two very unlikely bedfellows – the of the Civil War, and continuing to sons, we should keep in mind the harassment as the criterion for in addition to banning hugs, they liberal Middlebury Institute and the New Deal and the Great Soci- regulatory reasons. Right now banning hugs, what other sorts of have also banned high-fives. If I the conservative League of the ety, but there is no need to up and we have one annoying regulatory activities could you then conceiv- have hugged many people, I have South, giving credence to the say- leave the Union simply because of body – the Federal Government. ably ban? Looking at each other, high-fived even more. Clearly, ing that “the enemy of my enemy is this happening. Think, if we had fifty different reg- maintaining a group structure, high-fives are a “highly sexual ac- my friend” and that the differences Although seperate nations in the ulatory governments, all setting up even walking suspiciously togeth- tivity”. between the far left and right is South, New England, and the West their own “red tape” to annoy the er could be banned because they Even more basic, we look at the only in name. These two very dif- Coast would be convenient to gov- “conservative” states and the “lib- could all could conceivably lead argument that people ought to ferent organizations are advocat- ern on an individual state basis, it eral” states. What a utopia! to sexual harassment. Groups are have control over their persons. It obviously pressuring people into is my body; I can do what I wish orgies; looking and walking are all with it. If I meet someone who out of the stalkers’ handbook. We wishes to do the same thing as My Career Fair definitely need to prevent these me, the government should have activities from occurring by taking no power to either encourage or Aaron Meles correctly, and getting and nailing me in a sour mood to go inter- draconian measures. prohibit it. This is a weaker ar- E d i t o r - i n - C h i e f interviews. Career Services has view. That’s right: I had to pay It becomes all the more ludicrous gument when applied to minors beaten that into our heads over Public Safety a $10 fee to get to if the parties are consenting. I hug since they are still under the juris- Let’s face it: this week has and over again. So why aren’t we my interview on time. my mother, ergo initiating a form diction of their parents, yet, if the sucked. Before you roll your eyes, given the time to do these impor- What I would like to see for fu- of sexual harassment. I hug my parents are indifferent or accept- mutter “Amen,” and move on to tant things well? ture generations is this: the week father, obviously leading to even ing of the action, then there should the next article, hear me out: the Including the unchanged of the Career Fair is a time where more sexual harassment. I hug my be nothing barring the act. Moral one thing above all of the other homework load I have had this there is an orchestrated effort by sister, my grandmother, my grand- authority over consensual acts is usual crap that happens during week, I have had a lab during the faculty, staff, and clubs to give father, and large numbers of other not written into the constitution, a week is that this week has the hours of the Career Fair, as well students the time it takes to real- people with whom I am close. I neither should it be added. In es- Career Fair. as meetings during evening in- ly do well at the Career Fair and am obviously a very promiscuous, sence, the argument is that the In and of itself, the Career Fair formation sessions. I even have subsequent activities. There are perverted person, especially since I parents give the authority to the is a stressful time. For some of a friend who had a test during other colleges that do it. commit acts of sexual harassment schools to provide an education to us, it is the difference between the Career Fair and worst of all, Opponents to my argument to each of them on a semi-regular their children. If the parents give living at home while working an the professor was late to arrive will say that despite all this need- basis. I am sure that none of these the schools the authority to mor- old high school job for the sum- and distribute it to the students, ed time, Rose students still make apply in the hallways of a public ally police their children, which mer and experiencing a new and wasting even more of their valu- it through the quarter alright school, but the argument that hugs includes all forms of physical con- exciting place employed at an able Career Fair time! and 99 percent of seniors still get are a form of sexual harassment tact, then let schools ban hugging. interesting internship. For the se- Not one thing has let up this placed in jobs. What they can’t still applies equally inside and out- But since public schools are barred niors, the direction of the rest of week. This Thursday, I was lucky get statistics for is how many of side schools. from imparting any morals apart their lives hangs in the balance. enough to land an interview these students could have got- Even if you limit yourself to in- from prohibiting harming people What happens in those five hours and have the freedom to place ten a better job or one that they side a school to the student popu- by forceful, physical act by virtue of in the SRC and the days around it between two of my classes. I wanted more, but couldn’t be- lation, are hugs really a form of their religious nature and can only it can have a huge impact on our live off-campus, so after my four cause of the amount of time they sexual harassment? I can see the be charged with providing an edu- lives. Naturally, all of us feel the morning classes, I had just had could devote to getting that job argument if the hug was unwanted cation, let schools allow hugging. pressure. just enough time to pull my car wasn’t sufficient. However, despite the gravity around from the commuter lot Most of the students at Rose of the situation, life goes on as to the circle in front of the Apart- are here with the intention of Bored over Fall Break? normal around Rose-Hulman, ments, grab my suit, change in getting a degree and using that which, I suppose, is par for the a friend’s room, and dash over degree to start a career, not for Write us an opinion! course. I have one question with to the SRC to interview. In the the love of getting tested or regard to this: why? 15 minutes it took for me to run learning one more day’s worth Everyone understands the im- inside and change, Public Safety of material. I am not convinced e-mail: opinions@ portance of going to information had already ticketed my car, that we are truly being allowed rose-hulman.edu sessions, handling the Career Fair which I saw just in time to put to fully accomplish that goal. Interpretation of black shapes

John Pinkus tempts to convey our thoughts moment. The goal of the said quired to read this article. There I am honestly being sincere. S t a f f W r i t e r to our fellow communica- is little in my article that re- Though, I can’t determine if it man, without tion is to try quires the use of your imagina- “comes across” in the writing. There are many ways peo- having to go Reading can to see what tion to “see” what is happening. When somebody describes a ple at this school are different: through the my point is. Regardless, the concept of what piece of writings tone or theme, place of origin, socioeconomic hassle of hav- be considered “Why is this goes on in my own mind when I how often is it accurate from status, family heritage, and var- ing to actually kid so focused am reading something designed what the author intended? ious types of dimensions, just directly com- seeing without on reading,” to be episodic is completely I know for a fact that I have to name a few. Also, a person municate with you might amazing to me. It is like watch- written many things that, if you could make stereotypical desig- them? When seeing, hearing be thinking; ing a movie without seeing or only went by the literal defini- nations for the students at this this is reflected I have been hearing any of the characters, tion of each word I used to de- school, but there will always be upon, I realize “without hearing. doing it prac- but still all of the information termine a theme or purpose, the exceptions to the rule (i.e. a stu- that, since my tically my that would have been sent to results of that determination dent who doesn’t enjoying going first palindromic whole life. the brain is still present. Read- would be far of from my inten- on a late night TBR {Note: if you numbered year, That being ing can be considered seeing tion. Reason being is that often don’t understand the acronym, my entire education career has said, what are the sort of things without seeing, hearing without I write something, but I really then you are that exception}). been based on the fact I could you can ascertain from notic- hearing. mean something else. Though, What is the one thing that ev- read. ing the degree of absence of Can you determine the ever- how does a person who didn’t erybody I can safely assume has Have you ever really thought color” on the most colorful back- present “tone” I am convening? write the article, ever have the in common? We are all literate. about what your mind is go- ground that can be constructed You might think this article is hope of determining these as- As I am writing this article, I ing through as you process (I understand for this to be true designed to be falsely academic pects that can be considered am trying to conceive of a time the information contained in I would have to print this article in nature, or excessively inquis- slightly disingenuous on my when I did not have this unap- these grey pages? There are a on campus, then send it to you itive without a concrete reason part? Is the determination of a preciated skill at my disposal. slew of electronic communica- via campus mailbox). for being so. I will tell you that purpose of a piece of writing, by Furthermore, what would our tions your eyes and your brain It is true, that very little need as I am moving my finger tips in another individual that isn’t the lives be like without these at- are engaging in at this present for visual representation is re- a quasi-Pavlovian manner, that author, just a shot in the dark? Friday, October 5, 2007 SPORTS 7 Engineers deliver Engineer Scoreboard Women’s Tennis Men’s Soccer Homecoming victory 4-3 (4-2) 7-5-1 (3-1-1) September 29 September 29 Stutay Monga The contributions of the men ter, when a touchdown run by Rose-Hulman 8 Manchester College 2 Staff Writer on the offensive line can not be Bueltel and a connection beat Hanover College 1 at Rose-Hulman 2 overlooked either, a line who tween Eitel and Eason for a 48 This past Saturday, the Engi- zealously protected Eitel, allow- yard touchdown sealed the game September 30 October 2 neers secured a 24-7 victory over ing only two sacks for the game for the Engineers. Hanover to win the fi rst Home- and often buying him more than The Engineers’ next game will Rose-Hulman 2 Rose-Hulman 5 coming football game for Rose- enough time to throw long routes be at Defi ance College on Octo- at Franklin College 7 at Anderson University 0 Hulman since 2002. Leading the under little or no pressure.The ber 6 at 1:30 p.m. Engineers was quarterback Derek Engineers defense was also a force Eitel, who completed 21 passes to be reckoned with, forcing eight Volleyball Women’s Golf for a total of 288 yards. punts, fi ve sacks, two turnovers 10-6 (0-2) September 27 Other components of the En- on downs, and four fumbles, one September 28 Transylvania Invitational gineer offense of which was Lexington, KY posted major picked up by the Defi ance College 3 September 22 3rd of 6 teams contributions Hanover College 7 Engineers. Junior at Rose-Hulman 0 to the win. Run- at Rose-Hulman 24 Paul Spreen led ning backs the defense with Bryan Wong and Calvin Bueltel eight tackles and one sack. Men’s Cross Country covered 97 and 88 yards on the The game opened in the fi rst September 29 ground,respectively, while wide quarter with a touchdown on the Earlham Invitational 2nd of 11 teams receivers Justin Meade and Nate ground by Tyler Thornton, which Richmond, IN Richter posted 88 and 50 receiv- was answered by Hanover. The ing yards. Perhaps the most im- game was then scoreless until pressive element of the offense the third quarter when a 68 yard Women’s Cross Country was freshman tight end Reed Ea- drive by Rose-Hulman culmi- September 29 son who dominated the Panther’s nated with a fi eld goal by Jeremy Earlham Invitational 4th of 12 teams defense throughout the game, Sharp which put the Engineers in Isaac Sachs Richmond, IN racking up 121 receiving yards the lead. The score remained a Freshman Reed Eason had 121 total and a touchdown. tight 10-7 until the fourth quar- yards with a touchdown on Saturday Women’s soccer dominates Tim Boyer ings. ing 19 points. Roebel, a civil engi- also outscored their opponents two goals in the last 687 minutes, Staff Writer Earlier this week, the HCAC neering major, comes in second this season an incredible 39-11. earning her 0.26 GAA over the named freshman civil engineer- on the team in goals adding eight Defensively, the Engineers hold stretch. The women’s soccer team con- ing major Molly Richardson of her own and totaling 17 points. an impressive 0.84 goals against The Engineers take on Fin- tinues their domination of the the female player of the month. Graber, a mechanical engineer- average (GAA), only allowing landia University today at noon Heartland Collegiate Athletic Con- Richardson was picked as Rose- ing major, also 11 goals in 13 at Jim Rendel Field. They then ference (HCAC) with their wins Hulman’s nominee for all female reached double September 29 matches. Senior travel to Blackburn University on this week over Manchester Uni- athletics and was chosen over the fi gures with 15 Manchester College 0 goalkeeper Ra- Sunday in a 1 p.m. matchup. The at Rose-Hulman 5 versity and Anderson University other eight HCAC institution’s fe- points on fi ve chel Miller cur- Engineers only have six regular (Ind.). The Engineers outscored male nominees. She is also the goals and fi ve October 2 rently holds her season matches left this year and their opponents this week a total fi rst Rose women’s soccer player assists. The En- Rose-Hulman 2 own 0.70 GAA need two wins in their last three at Anderson University 0 of 7-0. With these two wins, the to receive the award. Richardson gineers have out- with 39 saves in HCAC games to clinch the top Engineers extend their school re- currently leads the Engineer of- shot their two most recent oppo- 1,024 minutes of play. More im- seed for the league tournament in cord winning streak to eight. They fense with 11 goals and 26 points, nents a combined 46-3. They have pressively, Miller has only allowed November. have improved their record to 11- adding eight of her goals during 2 overall and stay undefeated at the team’s current eight game 5-0 in HCAC play. winning streak. With their continued success, The Engineer’s statistics con- the Engineers have moved up two tinue to improve and become spots to 5th in the Great Lakes more impressive as the season Regional Poll released by the Na- presses on. Besides Richardson’s Full scholarships for science and tional Soccer Coaches Association impressive stats, seniors Jennifer of America (NSCAA). They also Gordon, Julie Roebel and Sarah moved up to 4th place in d3kicks. Graber add a great deal of power technology students com’s Great Lakes Poll. D3kicks. to the Engineer offense. Gordon, com uses a math-based formula a biomedical engineering major, to determine weekly power rank- has four goals and 11 assists, add- The King Abdullah University of Science and Technology (KAUST), a 21st century graduate-level, research university, is offering scholarships for future leaders in science, engineering, and technology.

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CONTACT: KAUST Scholarships c/o IIE 0OST/AK"OULEVARD 3UITE (OUSTON 48 0HONEX 8 FLIPSIDE The Rose Thorn Listen, man... Top Ten ways to freak Do it in your bed. Do it in the kitchen. Do it in the shower, for God’s sake, at least there’s out your roommate a freaking drain in there. Just Matt Melton and Molly Gillam don’t ever let me catch you doing it on my high school Staff Writers prom pictures ever again. 10. Sit balled up in a corner of your room saying “red rum, red rum” until your roommate asks you what’s going on. Then act normal and tell him/her of your split personality episodes. Then recreate more fa- This day... mous movie scenes. (Star Wars anyone?) Hysteria en- 9. Steal all of their Mountain Dew. When they ask about it, claim you’ve 1957: sues after never heard of Mountain Dew. For added fun, have the entire ﬂ oor the Soviet Union’s launch of also deny that Mountain Dew exists. Bonus points if they’re a CPE. Sputnik brings the threat of a possible nuclear attack from 8. Anytime your roommate asks about your past life, stare them dead space. If only they’d known in the eye and say “I’d tell you, but then they’d come for us.” that Sputnik actually trans- lates from Russian as “shitty 7. Brainstorm crazy stunts, such as rolling down the stairs in the Trip- aluminum ball that doesn’t lets while sitting your roommate’s computer desk chair…while it’s on do shit” (thanks, Wikipedia). ﬁ re…

...in history 6. Bring a girl into your room…a real, live girl. (This is Molly’s, I swear!)

In addition... 5. Every couple of days, rotate all your stuff 90 degrees. Then act as if nothing’s changed. Erin Hudson - Staff Physics Whiteboard Ninja I was referring to my homework, but I was horriﬁ ed 4. After your roommate has entered the room, pick-up the phone, say when I realized that I had “The package has been delivered,” and walk out of the room saying NOT ENDORSED BY THE just asked my professor to “Nice meeting you!” “slip it in my box”. THORN FLIPSIDE STAFF 3. Stalk your roommate…every minute of every day (then deny that, too…)

2. Buy “Halo 3”. Then refuse to play it. Wacky prof quotes 1. Wake him/her up in the middle of the night with an ice shower while “If you’re man enough to screaming “Beware! The MuMu’s are coming!” Then fall back asleep. (I chew, you’re man enough think you know what to do next...) to swallow.” – Dr. Stien- stra, who’s certainly man enough Dead smart guy of the week:

“Get to know how to confi - Einstein M. Dwightfi eld dently sex these organ- Today we remember Einstein isms.” – Dr. Coppinger, Maxwell Dwightfi eld (1773-1847), confi dent in his ability to brilliant physicist, astrologer, and sex pioneer in circuit theory. Years ahead of his time, Maxwell’s in- “Don’t mate dead fl ies. They citeful circuit equation, voltage won’t mate no matter how equals Pi times resistance, was the hard you try.” – Dr. Cop- gold standard for physisists and Don’t fall for imposters!If you don’t pinger, who tried really engineers for over half a century. have to flip it upside down to read it, hard Dwightfi eld’s famous circular or it’s not being said by David Letterman, circuit experiments skyrocketed “Math is cute, especially cal- it’s not a real top ten! him to international fame. An culus. It’s the cutest.” – Dr. avid inventor and procreation Galinaitis, coming out of enthusiast, Dwightfi eld is cred- -Your friends at the Truth About Funny the closet with his crush ited with the invention of both on calculus Flipside Yellings (TAFFY) male and female socket plugs. Dwightfi eld is also remem- “I think everyone is really Both voltage and resistance had bered as the founding father in a lucky at something. It just units of “Dwightfi elds” until long line of scientists with f’d up might be something not Ohm’s contributions in 1827. hairdos. so great, like you might be that one person who gets that really rare disease.” – Dr. Evans Problem solving for the Send to CM1576 “Legos suck now” – Dr. What do you want from your Flipside? Butske, beginning a graph over-enthusiastic engineer theory unit I want a Top 11. James Zhou “100 squared…that’s like in- Staff Writer I want to see the word “fuck” in print. fi nity.” – Dr. Leader, doing squares in his head We came here to solve real world problems, but all we get in class are I want the Flipside to be “funny”. a bunch of hypothetical stuff that really makes no sense. I mean, sure a “Take the pills...” – Dr. McIn- small child could toss a ball out the window of a moving car in attempt I want to see more cartoons. erney, explaining the best to hit a stop sign, but why would a small child even want do this and way to start a problem more importantly, why didn’t his parents stop him? Anyway, there are a I want wackier professors. lot of real problems that need solving out there, and who better to solve “Brian looks like ... I’m smok- them with overwhelming technological extravagance than us? I want to wack my professors. ing dope up here.” – Dr. Yesterday, I noticed that, apparently, the mechanism halting the Mellor rotation of the device preventing entry into the classroom had mal- I want to see more Flipside-o-nomics. functioned under stress and the door would get stuck a little bit open “You should target for 90%... if someone used it. To solve this minor annoyance, someone had the I want to see more RoseView. 91% is too much.” – Dr. bright idea to use a small wedge of wood to close the door completely. Song, setting the bar a lit- This incredibly simple and effi cient solution disgusted me so much I want more penguins. tle bit lower that I accidentally dropped it into a vat of acid. What that situation called for was robots and lasers, not a stupid block of wood! Anyway, I want less penguins. “I feel like I’m passing out a simple laser crossbeam to the doorframe and a mechanical arm to smut.” – Dr. House, in his forcibly slam the door shut when the beam gets tripped succeeded in I want ______. popular Rhetoric of Porno keeping the door shut. Unfortunately, it did break a few noses before class that room was sealed in the interest of public safety, but since I only You know you’re funny. Send funny stuff to fl [email protected] set out to close that door, it was mission accomplished for me.

All unattributed material created by Alex Clerc. Top Ten photo by “Frying-pan” Suzanne Kissel of Matt Melton and Molly Gillam, Staff Humor Architects. The other photo is of Aaron Meles, Staff Einstein M. Dwightﬁ eld Historical Impersonator. Keep sendin’ in them prof quotes; they’s silly. It’s been a tough week, but you know what they say... sometimes you’re the pigeon and sometimes you’re the statue. I take absolutely no pride in my work; the Flipside is mostly generated through random keystrokes and spellcheck. Boo-yah.