The Key to Staying Committed

THE KEY TO STAYING COMMIttED Special thanks to the Simply Music team, Stephanie Iadanza, Jose Rivera and Cheri Schulzke for their brilliant work on project management, design and editing. © 2018 Neil Moore, for The Piano Coach, LLC. No part of this work may be reproduced in any form or by any means whatsoever, without written permission from Neil Moore, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews. ISBN: 978-0-9800326-2-8 If you would like more information about the Simply Music Piano program or other Simply Music programs & services please visit: simplymusic.com or call +1 800 746 7597 Contents I - Foreword 7 II - Introduction 11 1 - Sticking with Music Lessons 15 2 - Challenging Our Assumptions 19 3 - Our Objective: Establishing a Foundation 25 4 - Distinguishing the Method from the Relationship 31 5 - The Six Components of All Long-Term Relationships 35 6 - Recognizing the Long-Term Relationship 41 7 - What Seems Wrong is Actually Right! 45 8 - The Opportunity 53 9 - Why Music? 59 10 - About Parents Being Involved 63 11 - Method Coach & Life Coach 67 12 - Being Aligned 71 13 - Your Long-Term Relationship 75 14 - The Choice 77 I have been closely connected with Simply Music since its inception in 1998, and have known Neil Moore as a friend for much longer. In this long association with teachers, students and others impacted by Neil’s work, I have listened to countless stories of the ways its influence stretches far beyond the realm of music. Over and over, people find that the things they learn from Simply Music affect their broader lives in numerous ways, some surprising and profound. Certainly, this is also true of music learning in general. For me, from my earliest childhood, even before I learned to play an instrument, music has been very much like a friend, sharing my day, enriching my emotional life, standing by me through pleasure and pain. Learning to play music added a whole new, deeper dimension to my world. Beyond the amazing gift of artistic self-expression, learning and teaching music have also given me insights into the learning process itself. I’ve been able to carry this understanding into many other aspects of my life, including how I raise my children, how I communicate with others, and how I absorb and process information for myself. No doubt this is due in part to some fundamental characteristics of music. Research has shown that learning, playing and listening to music engages more diverse functions of the brain – perceptual, emotional, auditory, memory – than just about any other activity. Music is one of the best things you can do for yourself, mentally and emotionally. Aside from being a joyous and beautiful experience entirely for its own sake, music, that most MUSIC AND THE ART OF LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS 8 uniquely human of pursuits, can enrich us as human beings in almost incalculable ways. But more specifically, Simply Music, with its unique philosophy and methodology, has had an enormous impact on me and on others with whom I’ve shared this journey. This is partly a tribute to how we learn – Simply Music has shown me the most effective ways to process tasks. But it has also taught me about developing relationships. It was with Simply Music that I first encountered the idea that I have relationships not only with people, but also with things I do. It had never occurred to me that I have a relationship with any activity or endeavor I engage in, and that in order to be successful, I need to know how to manage that relationship. If music is for you like it is for me – a friend and companion for life – your relationship with it will not always be a bed of roses. Along with the joy will sometimes be frustration, impatience and indifference, just as there is with any relationship. The unique perspective Neil brings to this relationship (which I know he has learned through his own life experience, his own successes and failures) has been a kind of flashlight in the jungle for me, and not just in the musical jungle but in the even more tangled jungles I face in family, career, friendships and all the complex aspects of life. By distilling his wisdom and experience in this brief, educational supplement, Neil has given us an opportunity to see this bigger picture of learning and long-term 9 MUSIC AND THE ART OF LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS relationships. I hope that through this conversation you have the same experience I have and travel further on a path of self-discovery. Gordon Harvey Director of Programs, Simply Music Master Simply Music Piano Teacher Composer & Musician MUSIC AND THE ART OF LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS 10 This book is an educational supplement. My intention is to influence and expand your understanding and perceptions of music education, specifically, what it means to have a ”relationship” with music lessons. Regardless of whether it is you or your child who is learning music, my intention is to equip you with certain insights that will assist in discovering what it takes to stay committed over time. This book focuses on a particular concept that is vital to understanding the nature of your relationship to music lessons. It plays a critically important role throughout the process. Quite simply, I call it “The Relationship Conversation.” When we engage in any activity that is sustained over a long period of time – such as music lessons, a marriage or partnership, learning a craft, pursuing a career or vocation, training for a sport etc. – we tend to think we are just dealing with the subject, the person or the activity itself. In fact, there are two entirely distinct domains involved, and our tendency to collapse them into one has lasting consequences that profoundly affect our ability to stick with that subject or activity and reap all of the benefits that come about as a result of doing so. This book distinguishes these two domains and aims to develop an understanding of the nature of long-term relationships as a whole – looking at how they are structured, how they unfold over time as well as the responsibilities they confer on each person involved. The content presented here is more descriptive than prescriptive. It is focused on identifying a particular type of MUSIC AND THE ART OF LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS 12 problem that people encounter when they fail to distinguish these two domains. While much of the book discusses the management of long-term relationships in terms of music education and the parent/child dynamic, this book is intended for learners of all ages. It’s been written in terms of the parent/child dynamic because of the simple fact that, at this point in time, children still make up the largest percentage of students in music lessons. If you’re a teen, or adult, or elder student reading this book, please understand that wherever I mention “parental management” of the music student’s life, it’s actually you that I am talking to, and it’s you that I’m asking to take on those responsibilities for yourself. We all carry a “parent within” – that inner voice that guides us in making choices and deciding priorities. When we are left to our own devices, we don’t always listen to that parental voice, but this book will help you develop an understanding of the nature of your relationship to your music lessons and help you see more clearly a particular aspect of the underlying structure that impacts your success. The Relationship Conversation is a foundational conversation; it’s vital in supporting you in being able to stick with music lessons and continuing to enjoy musical expression throughout your life. But it is also only one of many conversations that could further explore the nature of our relationship with learning. This book addresses the nature of one specific problem and its underlying truths 13 MUSIC AND THE ART OF LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS that we fail to recognize which, in turn, significantly thwarts our ability to succeed. Having said that, this book doesn’t address other, specific steps and actions that are also of great value in helping to maintain an upward momentum in learning. Even so, having spent decades teaching students, training educators and coaching individuals, time and time again I have seen the enormous, positive impact that has occurred as a result of merely being able to distinguish, clarify and understand more about this particular aspect regarding the underlying architecture of any and all long-term relationships. This book contributes towards a deeper understanding of that. MUSIC AND THE ART OF LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS 14 Music education, in one form or another, has been a central part of my life for my entire life – being born into a family where music lessons and daily practice were an already established part of our family dynamic; starting piano lessons at the age of 7; developing my own musicianship; playing and composing; teaching students; coaching educators; creating new, music-learning methodologies; founding a multinational music-education institution. It’s a relationship that I’ve invested many tens of thousands of hours into, spanning more than sixty years. One thing I’ve come to see is that there’s a huge number of adults who regret not taking, or not sticking with, music lessons when they were young. They’ll make comments like, “music just wasn’t my thing” or “I’m not musical” or “I’m too old now” or “I didn’t have the discipline.” Understandably, now as adults and parents, they commonly want their own children to have music lessons, and they genuinely hope their children will stick with it and keep music throughout their lives.

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