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...say top Coke officials "I ALWAYS KNEW he had a big head - but this is ridiculous!" cries fleeing by-stander. 0'"12345 67890'"5 Noted folk- singer Gordon UBC RAPID RESPONSE! Lighthouse was Sea Monster swallowed by a A new group of campus. The crazed serial giant sea mon By HANK SLOCOMB para-military campus killer didn't help much, ei ster near his Swallows Weekly World Nubyssey security guards has ther." Boyle added that the waterfront descended on UBC's group puts "a new face on home on Lake campus security and Storm Erie yesterday. Lighthouse! campus and commandeered the popu the Wall." According to lar "Storm the Wall" intramural sports According to Boyle, this the Dept of facility for training. group of well-trained kill Fisheries and Oceans' Erich von Daniken, Groups of slack-jawed onlookers slouched on a ers will help provide a who is studying the giant reptiles dubbed nearby grassy knoll yesterday watching members of "personal protective en affectionately as 'Nessies', attacks by the the new "Rapid Response Team" go through a two hour tourage" for controversial monsters are becoming more numerous in session of storming UBC President David response to attempts by Canadian a modified wall, Strangway. folksingers to communicate with them complete with ra AMS representatives en through music. zor wire and sniper thusiastically voiced their pits. approval of these security Lance Boyle, the measures. "A great leap sergeant of the new forward for campus secu security group says rity," quipped AMS Presi SURREY - Ernst Pinkelstrudel, of Sur at the Fraser Institute that the team "has dent David Borins. by crane! "The guys been organized in But underneath the ju rey BC weighs in at a whopping 8000 at the Institute think response to in bilant signals of approval it's a real hoot!" creased worries by is a dark and turbulent un pounds! That makes him the fattest man Chuckled Pinkel faculty and stu dercurrent. An unidenti strudel. "I mean, we dents about safety fied source told the in the world. Noted Pinkelstrudel jocu got some real big and security on Weekly World Nubyssey guys working down that members of the new larly, "It takes a whole cattle car fulla there, eh? Like, the SARGENT LANCE BOYLE security group were re elevator breaks down cruited through ads in the __ —....v. Loi iuiia elevator breaks down poses for a photograph with beef just to keep me frequently. But so his well trained killers. Canadian edition of "Sol dier of Fortune" maga going for one week." far, I'm the only one zine. The super tubby is who requires a spe- so big he has to be cial hoist just to get Some students and loaded into his office to work everyday." professors have been 1 quick to label the new guards, who carry ba WmRSlTY MLL-mOMD LANDS liGfiTllillfly STL) DAPRICU./ wcnv^ .... tons and pistols, as Dr. HerbertKronzeuker, phenomenon of phos "paramilitary goons" By MARTIN ZWINGtl tions raise awareness, but post doctoral researcher phorescence." who will present a se W'ccL'lii World X'ubiisscu we're not raising awareness of Botany at UBC is rec- The university is hop- curity problem and not of these corporations, oh ommending the use of lu- ing the doctor's glowing a solution. .elligence op- no," said a kulture Yam minescent condoms. 'belles lettres' will catch mer who refused to state Other students claim day that the kulture his name. "Names and "Just think what it'll do on. "This is precisely the they have witnessed logos are fellow conspira for safe sex," the good sort of research and de- the guards engaging in Yammers have contami doctor commented. "Now velopment the Univer- nated the campus with a tors in the corporate con bizarre and brutal haz spiracy." he said. women don't have to ask sity has been trying to ing rituals, involving special radioactive paint their partner if they've encourage for years!" ob- head-shaving, bond comprised of equal parts Contacts in the Engi put it on yet, because served David Strangway, age, feces-smearing yogurt, raspberry pre neering Undergraduate they'll be able to see for president of the Univer- and urinating. serves, and pure, unadul Society hinted that the — " sity'-:«-w>sc UnarBoard of GoveGoverr- terated Big Mac special Kulture Yammers may themselves. Boyle scoffed at make a bigger splash The kinky glow-m-me nors. "these drop-outs and "The University stands than ever in the near fu dark prophylactics are malcontents" who ture. "Uh-huh, yeah, we to make a lot of money have misgivings confirm which of these was perfectly sate, Uf- from the sale of lumines the most dangerous sub got this big tank full of about the group's ac stance, but they solemnly Coke, eh' But for them, Kronzeui^v.x cent prophylactic de- tivities. With regard "They use the same - *~a in these hard warned campus residents we might mix some Pepsi "They use the same cent proyi^m, to the seemingly that glue licked off the back in too." chemical principal used vices. And in these hard brutal hazing rituals, of Coke stickers was a sus for millions of years by pressed times, with all he said "the guys are pected ingredient in the so- fireflies, glowworms and the cutbacks in funding, just letting off called special sauce. those tiny marine ani- well, we need all the help steam. After all, A lever, ever give your these are contact guys "We're trying to raise 1 y wallet to a stranger. mals responsible for the we can getT^^^^^^ awareness of how corpora who like to hit-and get hit". Even if he asks nicely. Beating the odds since 1918
volume Education Minister warns of Harris-style BC by Janet Winters you believe Gordon CampbeL Under a Liberal government really does wear plaid shirts," BC would face spending cuts Ramsey told The Ubyssey in an twice as harsh as those in interview following his noon Ontario, Minister of Education, hour speech in the SUB. Skills and Training Paul Ramsey According to Ramsey, the BC charged last week. government currently spends Ramsey says the budget cuts $12 billion out of its $20 billion proposed by Liberal leader budget on health and education. Gordon Campbell are twice "You can't cut $3 billion out of those per capita of Ontario's that $20 billion pie without Mike Harris government. affecting health and education," Campbell's BC would "make he said. "It does not add up." Mike Harris' Ontario look like a The minister would not stroll through Stanley Park," commit to extending the tuition Ramsey said, urging students to freeze. He did say he wants to reject this kind of "brutal keep education affordable restraint" in the next election. without raising taxes, and The new minister was at UBC boasted BC was the only last Wednesday to promote his province to increase college and government's recent one-year university enrollment last year. PAUL RAMSEY lambasts BC Liberal leader Cordon Campbell at UBC last Wednesday. RICHARD LAM PHOTO tuition freeze promise and to take Campbell says the Liberals are shots at the Liberals. equally committed to accessible Campbell said, blaming provided there is no economic [Ramsey] has made a Describing the negative post secondary education. Ontario's fiscal problems on the growth. commitment to a long term impact of spending cuts on "We will not be cutting money former NDP government's He says the Liberal cuts would strategy," Borins said. "I think students in Ontario, Ramsey out of education," Campbell told spending policies. be made in part by reducing the the cuts Gordon Campbell is argued Campbell's pledge to cut The Ubyssey, calling the cost of Campbell said he was not number of provincial ministries to proposing are unrealistic." provincial spending by $3 billion tuition "a hurdle to advance sure whether his planned twelve—promising to reveal which AMS Coordinator of External and lower corporate taxes would ment." spending cuts were, in fact, ministries would be affected Affairs Allison Dunnett was less do even more damage. He defended the Liberals' twice those in Ontario. He did before the provincial election. enthusiastic. "I would not let "If you believe the Liberals plans to cut spending against say the Liberals were still AMS President David Borins myself be too optimistic about can cut $3 billion out of Ramsey's attacks. committed to lowering income says he finds Ramsey more anybody," Dunnett said. "What government spending and not "I think Mike Harris is trying taxes and to cutting $3 billion "believable" than the current [Ramsey] is actually going to do, affect health and education, then to clean up an enormous mess," over the next four years opposition. "I'm really happy you never know." Calendar in limbo after "negative" ad debacle by Matt Thompson up at least $20,000 of the policy on advertising, however, now considering following accepting paid advertising is A squabble over advertising calendar's anticipated $30,000 and Klawe says the incident with UBC's lead; SFU will begin "ridiculous." means students will have to wait ad revenue, according to BCIT may prompt the university advertising in its timetables next "You're bombarded with until April 10 to get their copy of Assistant Registrar Angela to develop a more consistent set year, and Kwantlen will soon advertising everywhere you go," UBC's 1996-97 calendar. Runnals. of guidelines. accept ads in its calendar. said Green. "It'd be kind of nice The 70,000 printed calendars BCIT agreed to delete the Last year, UBC became the University of Toronto if a few places left on the planet are still waiting in limbo after quote, and the institute's first major Canadian university sociologist and mass media like universities-were not UBC administrators deemed an president has sent a letter of to begin subsidizing its calendar critic Barry Green says the bastions of corporate logos and ad for the BC Institue of apology to UBC President David through advertising. Others are whole notion of universities 'buy me! buy me! buy me!'" Technology on the calendar's Strangway. inside front cover "inappro UBC Vice President Maria priate." Klawe said the ad violated the SFU prof suspended for harassment UBC does accept ads from spirit of co-operation among by Janet Winters the three year delay was Freeman were launched by two other post-secondary institutions, post-secondary institutions. A Simon Fraser University unfortunate, but necessary to individuals. but the president's office said "Nobody likes to spend professor has been suspended for ensure that both parties were Mennell also would not say they had a problem with the $20,000 in that way," she said, one year without pay—more than treated fairly. whether Freeman would receive BCIT ad's "tone." "but we didn't feel it was three years after sexual ."We have a harassment policy any counselling or training The ad featured a testimonial acceptable to put out a UBC harassment complaints were first and it's based on...natural justice before returning to work. from an individual described as publication with that advertising filed against him. and due-process," Mennell told "When he returns he will have a former UBC student. "My in it." In addition to the The Ubyssey. "It's justice when paid his dues, in a sense, with the bachelor of science was not a Runnals says the ad was not suspension, psychology prof both parties come up with a suspension," Mennell said, marketable degree," the student screened sooner because of a essor Richard Freeman faces resolution in time." adding that the university would was quoted, adding that BCIT mix-up between her office and seven separate criminal SFU's harassment office be monitoring his behaviour. offered more "hands-on skills" BCIT. charges for sexual assault, received 266 complaints last SFU's Harassment Policy Co and better "employment She added that the university gross indecency and com year, 104 of which were related ordinator Patricia O'Hagan and contacts." has rejected ads in the past; other mitting an indecent act. to sexual harassment. (UBC's Vice-President David Gagan The President's office called restrictions include ads from The university's investigative equity office received 205 both said they were unable to the testimonial "negative tobacco companies, law firm committee determined that harassment and discrimination comment on the case because of advertising," deciding March 22 immigration services, some Freeman, who has been on paid complaints over the same the confidentiality guaranteed to scrap the 70,000 calendar alternative medicine services and leave since 1993, violated SFU's period.) under the university's harass covers already printed and print soft drink companies other than harassment policy. Mennell refused to release any ment policy. new ones. Coca-Cola. SFU Media Relations of the case's details, but did say Freeman's suspension* begins The re-printing costs will eat The university has no formal Spokesperson Ken Mennell said the original complaints against April 1. FIRST NATIONS (INJUSTICE • KIDS IN THE HALL • STORM THE ADS class news ifieds 822-1654/822-6681 GRAD PHOTOS: Tax Returns TAX RETURNS $15.00 Controversy develops around studios DAVIDSON HERITAGE Special offer to students, your 1995 tax return for $ I S.OO.That's right, just $ 15.00 GST inclusive. by Stanley Tromp "I've done the work of portrait sitting to test the studio's made for all History students, And postage too! The cost of getting an education UBC graduating class bringing the business over there "Quality and Service." not an individual. He says he keeps going up. You could be one of our clients knew the two departments tomorrow, so we feel you'll be better off with representatives are criticizing the and I suppose that's their way of "'Complimentary' implies a few extra bucks in your pocket today. business tactics used by two thanking me," she said. 'free' to me, and it sounds like an already planned to take their Call 924-0946. Vancouver photo studios, calling Both insist that because the incentive," the History rep business to the competition and them over-zealous. offers came long after the resentative said. were "lost causes"; Evangelos, For Sale Accusations have been flying contracts were signed, however, Evangelos owner, Manuel he says, was "just testing the Stedman's electronic medical dictionary for sale. $ 110 or nearest offer. 435-9473. since last summer, when the they cannot be considered as Espinosa, says the offer was waters." competition between local "incentives." intended only to provide a Both offers were rejected and For Rent photography studios The Artona Artona's UBC representative, sample, so grad representatives no funds paid. Accomodation Available in the Group and Evangelos for Mary Wong, said she was sorry if could study Evangelos' work Vandalism has also been a UBC Single Student Residences without having to hire models. Rooms are available in the UBC single student composite photo contracts grew the studio's actions appeared problem. Last December, residences for qualified women and men increasingly intense. inappropriate, but rejected the "We just show the proofs and someone scrawled "Cancelled" applicants. Single and shared rooms in both room idea that the studio was guilty of that's it. We never, ever give away over Evangelos posters for only and room and board residence areas are Graduating class repres available.Vacancies can be rented for immediate entatives are usually responsible any wrong-doing. free pictures." Political Science photo ap occupancy in the Walter H. Gage, Fairview for choosing which studio "I don't book saying you'll get pointments, and Political Science Crescent, Totem Park, Place Vanier, and Ritsumeikan-UBC House Residences. Please receives the department's class free pictures if you come to us," "University politics students say an Artona poster was contact the UBC Housing Office for information composite business for the year, she said. subsequendy pasted beneath one on rates and availability.The Housing Office is is a lot scarier than open from 8:30am - 4:00pm weekdays, or call although sometimes the society's She says the free offers were of them. 822-2811 during office hours. * Availability may president makes the choice. simply intended to recognize the I ever imagined." Correcting the false can be limited for some room types. The 1995-96 English de hard work put in by grad cellations created a month of Room for Rent —Undergraduate Variable $ in house in Kerrisdale partment undergrad class representatives. "I get very close headaches for the Political 2431 W.47 10 mins from UBC representative says Artona to grad reps because I talk to representative Science undergraduate society. 264-8249 Avail. May 1st offered her complimentary them so much," she said. Wong said she had never heard Employment Opportunities photos after she decided to award "It almost becomes so that On October 11, Espinosa of the incident. "There's plenty A creative solution to child hunger. Canadian wrote to the same grad rep of business for everybody. We Feed the Children needs fundraisers. P/T eve. them the composite photo you're not a client but a friend." $7-$22 an hr. Call John 488-1428. contract. Wong says the Dean of UBC's resentative, offering to donate don't need to do any of that If you can operate a Xerox 5090 call Dawson "I told my society executives Medicine Faculty did investigate funds to the History Students garbage," she said. Brenner at 270-9891. about this and they didn't mind, Artona two years ago after Association (HSA) for scholar The Commerce, Economics N.S. full-time, live-out nanny/housekeeper for ships or to fund the society's two children 5 & 7 years, driver's lie. req'd, although I don't know what the allegations that she had bribed a and Biology undergraduate references, Bby.,April 25-Augl6 call 433-7877 students thought," she said. Medicine student. She says the dinner dance or "any other HSA societies also use Artona, which evenings. The 1995-96 History repre investigation cleared the photo endeavor." is owned by John Rak, but their DOES YOUR SUMMER JOB SUCK? Do grad representatives could not be you want a challenge? Are you indepent? Do sentative says she was also offered studio of any wrong-doing. "Such assistance would range you like to travel! Do you want some meat on free pictures after signing a "That got investigated and between $750 and $1,000, based reached for comment. The 1995- your resume? Do you need to make $7,000+ 96 president of the Philosphy this summer? We are a 140 year old publishg contract with Artona. showed not a penny was ever on the number of HSA members copany looking for 4 more UBC students. Call given to students, or anything," using Evangelos Services this Students Association said Artona 325-8864 for more info. Wong said. Graduation year," Espinosa also did his society's composite Language Instruction The English and History wrote. photos. In Philosophy's case, One week entry level intensive undergraduate representatives The English department however, the studio did their class TRAVEL-TEACH ENGLISH! CGTI offers in course leading to a certificate Vancouver a I wk. (June 19-23) eve/weekend had complaints about Artona's received a similar offer from composite for free to match a intensive course to certify you inTESOL (Teacher in TESL in an integrative competitor, Evangelos. Evangelos. third competing studio's free of English). 1,000's of overseas jobs NOW! Free approach. Student centered "I found [the offer] a bit of a offer. info pack (403) 438-5704. course deals specifically with While the History department KOREA/TAIWAN,JAPAN, HONG KONG, how students learn language was shopping for a studio last turnoff," the History rep said. "I Many undergraduate repres SINGAPORE. Teach Conversational English October, Evangelos' UBC haven't had much experience entatives were reluctant to talk year round, short term or for summer. Up to and how instructors can $4500/mo. No experience or qualifications facilitate this learning. representative, Denis Beauvais, with this before, and I wasn't sure publicly about this story. "It's needed. For free details on living and working wrote a letter offering the if it was appropriate." funny," one mused, "but conditions and how we can help see ERICKSON COLLEGE http://asiafacts.kingston.net or send self undergraduate class repre Espinosa says the offer was university politics is a lot scarier addressed, stamped envelope to: Asia Facts 879-5600 sentatives a complimentary perfectly proper because it was than I ever imagined." (UBC), PO Box 93, Kingston, ON K7L 4V6 Word Processing Word processing/typing. 30 years experience The Ubyssey APA specialist, laser printer, student rates. Tel 228-8346. Save Time and Money! Business Office Word processing, typing, resumes, etc Fast turnaround, reasonable $ The term may be over, but we're still here! Our Business Office will be open Call ICR 682-8905. all summer to deal with your advertising, design and business needs. •Professional Resumes* Consultation • Layout • Design Reasonable Rates • 925-2526 Our Advertising Department is already at work on next year—why wait for the WORD PROCESSING Laser printed. Essays, term papers, resumes,. big rush later on? Book your fall advertising now! In addition to our Business Central Kits location. Overnight service available. and Sales staff, our Art Department will be working all summer—we offer 739-3729. complete desktop publishing, advertising and design services. TYPING Microsoft Word 6.0 or WordPerfect 6.1 Document & Image Scanning, Fax/Modem Call us and find out what we can do for you! Tel: 921-8839. Tutoring 822-6681 Bus. / 822-1654 Ads / 822-9279 Fax English Tutor Grammar, writing reading, speaking. ESL or English 100. All levels. I have an English BA and 4 years experience. 732-6383. More classifieds^) April 8 to April 28 ICarpoeling !• tween classes Arts Exhibition Gypsy Co. UBC Fine Arts Graduating A car pooling assoc. 1141 Davie St We match drivers & passengers for rides across Exhibition. 310 Water St. B.C. more secure than hitchhiking, cheaper than Wednesday, April 3 April 3 to May 25 Mondays bus & environmentally wise.As driver you make more $ as passenger you save time & $$ Festival of One-Act PlaysHBelkin Art Gallery GLBUBC 683-2409. From the Theatre 400 class. All "The Innocence of Trees: Lunch social. SUB 125N, 12:30pm. *24hr live Chat specifically for your city' shows in the Dorothy Somerset Agnes Martin and Emily Carr." Discussion group. Graduate *Always FREE for Women* Gardening studio at 12:30pm. Tues.-Fri. 10-5pm, Sat. 12-5pm. Student Centre penthouse *Complete privacy assured* Dhanda Lawn Service Wednesday, April 3 Until April 28 library, 5:30-8:00pm. *Men pay only a low monthly fee* Gardening & Lawn Cutting Wednesdays Free Estimate 322-9736 Concert Photo Exhibition *Chat with and meet people in your city* UBC Symphonic Wind " Landscape Photography," GLBUBC Ensemble. Old Auditorium, exhibition of Gordon Gamble on General Meeting in SUB 211 Serviced by TouchLink Communications 12:30pm. display at the Gallery Lounge. http://www.fouchlink.com (604) 878-0442
The Ubyssey Wednesday, April 3,1996 news Activists attack Storm of commercialism by Matt Thompson Ronald McDonald balloon Jammer Christina Zaenker says Storm participants—are affected. service, drastically scaling back Not all the action for last figure. she has no problem with Intramurals Coordinator its funding, he says Intramurals week's Storm the Wall Culture Jammers, a group of Intramurals or its most popular Nestor Korchinsky says that is faced with a choice: cut Intramurals event took place on student activists concerned with event. "But I do oppose having a while he is sympathetic to the programs and raise event fees or the race course. growing corporatization on big Ronald MacDonald sitting students' position, he considers take money from sponsors. Students upset by the wall's campus, did not claim there grinning at us," said sponsorship vital to the event's That, he says, would be a prominent commercial sponsor responsibility for the attempted Stephens. survival. disservice to students like the ship spray-painted the ads, commercial sabotage-but they The group wants Intramurals Even Intramurals' most 2500 to 3000 Storm participants. covered the wall in white paint did say they were "100 percent to find alternatives, or at least successful events lose money, he There are some ads Intra-murals and made several attempts to supportive" of the actions. tone the advertising down. says, and the program depends won't accept-Korchinsky says deflate the event's giant Like most members, Culture They say the ads undermine on advertising revenue to make offers from tobacco advertisers the campus' "mental freedom" up the difference. According to have been rejected as inappropriate and legitimize the intrusion of Korchinsky this year's Storm the for a health conscious program. corporations and commercialism Wall would lose between $5000 Culture Jammers says into all aspects of public life. and $6000 without this revenue. Intramurals should have similar Commercial messages have "I'd rather have no ethical reservations about become so ubiquitous, they sponsorship at all and have the multinationals like Coke and argue, most people don't even university pay for all our events," MacDonald's. consider the larger ethical issues Korchinksy told a group of "Corporate sponsorship tends attached to them. students Friday, "but that's just to be a cop-out, and I think it They add that the logos' high not going to happen." undermines the integrity of this visibility in the heart of campus Now that the university has place," said member Jan Cook. means all students-not just made Intramurals an ancillary "McDonald's is easy money." Shell faces vocal protest over Nigeria by Roland Turner Wiwa—a winner of the Goldman placards reading "Shell kills" and Six UBC students joined Environmental Prize and "Shell murders Ogoni." The approximately 40 protesters at a founder ofthe Movement for the UBC banner quoted from Saro local Shell station last Thursday Survival of Ogoni Peoples-was Wiwa: "The flames of Shell are to raise awareness about Shell's executed by the Nigerian flames of Hell." activities in Nigeria and government along with eight Organizers say they hope the encourage a consumer boycott of other environmental activists. rally, co-ordinated by SFU's Shell products. Human rights groups have Public Interest Research Group, The rally left the usually busy widely condemned the will begin a series of protests over Victoria and Hastings Shell executions and accused Shell of the summer to pressure Shell to station quiet during the afternoon complicity in the murder. clean up its act in Ogoniland and rush as protesters distributed The Royal Dutch Shell Nigeria. leaflets to passing motorists and Company has been operating in "It's all cyclical," said UBC pedestrians. Ogoniland since 1958, extracting Global Development Centre Armin Madani-Nejad, a UBC an estimated $30 billion worth of member Michelle Sturley. "With student and member of Amnesty oil from the region. The the ties that Shell has in Nigeria, International, said the protest corporation's activities have they have the economic power was a way to "tell transnational wreaked environmental havoc to make the Nigerian that they just can't get away with on the region, according to government change. As the nasty things they try to do in Greenpeace International and consumers, we have the power Third World countries." other activist organizations. to influence Shell by not buying Last November, Ken Saro- The protestors carried Shell products."
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Vancouver N.Vancouver W.Vancouver Vancouver Kitsilano Richmond Point Grey (Interview in Chinese) This is the last issue of the term. Surrey call 322-5021 We would like to thank all the members of the Burnaby Were outta here! university community for their support—students, staff, faculty, business, everyone. You've helped us make our first year of Richmond Thanks everyone! autonomy a real success. THANKS!! call 990-8855 We'll be back in August with the Summer Ubyssey.
Wednesday, April 3,1996 The Ubyssey culture Musicolumn I Wilson plays by himself Buffy Sainte-Marie — Up Where We Belong [EMI] outside the Junkhouse Buffy Sairrte-Marie's latest offering is yet another addition to the recent wave of "great ¥/mil est hits" compilations, although quite a few of its songs might more accurately be called "Buftys favourites." The album is a strange blend of protest songs and movie themes.'Up Where We Belong' (made famous by Jennifer Warnes and Joe Cocker in An Officer and a Gentleman) is right beside 'Universal Soldier1 and 'Now That the Buffalo Are Gone.' Sainte-Marie's anti-establishment ballads make a strange con trast with the establishment-kissing, money-making melodies that pep per the album. The most exciting track is Sainte-Marie's ad-lib interpretation of Leonard Cohen's stream-of-consciousness 'God is Alive / Magic is Afoot,' an excerpt from his 1966 book Beautiful Losers. Sainte-Marie's quaver ing voice brings an eerie power to the selection that Cohen's plodding growl couldnt even attempt, and never has. (Even the most ardent of Cohen fans must breathe a sigh of relief at this-the open space where Sainte-Marie soars is the abyss where Cohen founders.) The vocals on all the tracks are strong, in typical Sainte-Marie fash ion, and the lyrics are dean and powerful, if at times soap-boxy. A Sainte-Marie fan will probably find the album a warm, fuzzy and comfortable space, but a neophyte wBI probably be less impressed. Though not a bad album, Up Where We Belong does not make Sainte-Marie any Junkhouse with members of My Brilliant ing it, you can read it. Other than more accessible to the top-forty-loving masses. - Gillian Long Apr 18-19 at the Town Pump Beast, writing music he describes that, it'll be like a stream of con as a cross between "ambient sciousness." The constraints of by Nicole McDonald Iggy Pop — Naughty Little Doggie [Virgin] stoner music, Massive Attack type home and family life may prevent and Jenn Kuo There is definitely something strange at work in the American psyche, stuff with a folk singer." Wilson from being an overly pro since it occasionally throws up rockers who completely defy categoriza Fans of Hamilton, Ontario's Birthday Boy is a more poetic lific writer, but he did write 'You tion and never quite achieve mainstream success, yet they have a re Junkhouse were treated to a rare and established progression from Can't Take Your Dog' with his markable influence on generations of succeeding pop stars. The list in four-song acoustic performance the soul-searching wandering of daughter for Fred Penner. cludes such protopunkera as Tbe New York Dolls and Pere Ubu. Put suc last month, as lead, singer Tom Strays. Wilson describes the Recently he has col cinctly, these bands do their own thing-and damn the torpedoes of Wilson brought his solo tour to new disc as "an album for laborated with Canadian rock'n'roll trendiness. SUB. the underdog." The artists such as Stephen No one personifies this weird American breed so aptly as Iggy Pop. Fans were surprised to see themes range from Fearing, Colin Linden, Hell, Iggy's done damn near everything any completely nonsensical Wilson toting his own guitar case homelessness ('Burned Colin Cripps and Murray rock'n'roller could do, and he's fathered more alternative rock'n'roll fads and pushing his own amps Out Car') to the fight for in McLauchlan; he says their from Punk Rock to Thrash than any senslcal band would ever dream of through the maze of couches and dependence ('Be Someone insights are "a bonus to your emulating. unconscious students in the Con to revenge ('Birthday Boy'). creativity." He recalls the time he Naughtie Little Doggie sounds superficially like Iggy imitating his versation Pit. Performing solo is For those who aren't familiar was stuck in Ottawa seven years emulators imitating him. However, while many of the songs sound like something Wilson does with the Junkhouse sound, it's a ago, out of a job and hauling Sa direct ripoffs, they are classic Iggy. 1 Wanna Live' sounds almost like vin sporadicly, and something he raw, straight-ahead rock/folk/ rah McLachlan's equipment to a tage Stones; considering that Iggy should have died a thousand times hasn't pursued since forming country/blues mix of guts and gig for bus fare home. already, one can easily see why he might just need to tell us that, yes, he Junkhouse six years ago. Amid harsh feelings mixed with poetic Wilson appreciates the fact that really does want to stick around for a whNe. rumours of breakups and "artistic lyrics, heavily influenced by he is now on a more equal level Yeah. On the surface, Iggy seems to be plugging for a bit of main differences," Wilson agrees that Hamilton's industrial environ with such artists and can have stream success by cashing in on the sound of some of the more success his solo tour might surprise people ment. actual "relationships" with them; ful bands he's inspired. But underneath, it's still good old unrepentent "if they're fans of the band. If they Wilson shares writing credits he cites Hayden, Sarah Iggy, refusing to follow the dictates of fashion, and just plain doing his don't know me, they don't give a with the other band members, as McLachlan, the Odds and Andy own damn thing, and who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks anyways? fuck". most of the music was inspired Maize from Skydiggers as a few Naughtie Uttk Doggie, through parodying those who once sought to emu After extensive tours to pro by communal experiences and of his favorite Canadian artists. late Iggy himself, verges on se/f-parody. mote their CDs [Strays and Birth "happy accidents." The lyrics, "There's a lot of great music and Who else would even attempt to mimic a collection of artists one day Boy) and offers to work with however, are straight from the writers in this country; we just once inspired? • Andy the grate such artists as Crash Vegas, Lus dark and stormy corners of have to get the hell out of this cious Jackson and Daniel Lanois, Wilson's own mind. He confesses country to make things happen. the band took some much- to forcing himself to write down It's a shame, but we should get Outdoor needed time off to prepare for a line or two a day, and he ad on about it." their upcoming spring tour of Eu mits he is by no means a disci Junkhouse recently spent some Leadership rope. Wilson decided to spend his plined author. time playing festivals and touring time off touring, to make people Wilson says the writing for in Europe. Even though Wilson Courses aware that playing solo is some Junkhouse's past two albums has enjoys playing large festivals and For those interested in leading outdoor or thing important to him, and pro been "fast. It's kind of like mas stadium shows, he prefers the adventure-based educational expeditions. moting the band's latest single turbating; instant gratification." smaller clubs. He likes being able You'll learn and then practice teaching in a 1 'Burned Out Car (featuring Sarah Writing quickly makes him not to look people in the face and the supervised environment. McLachlan's haunting back think about the words too much. fact that "when someone throws Our courses take place in the Coast ground vocals). Wilson has also "You write them down just as a something at you, you can feel Mountains around Pemberton, B.C. been working on a solo album map, so that when you're sing- getting hit with it." Smaller ven Activities include mountain travel, ues and solo touring provide him navigation, rock climbing and peak ascents. with a sense of being "completely B/P/77PA/Z SAtf in touch with myself. It's all the Wilderness Leadership acoustic cleansing. It's kind of a May 27-June 16 [21 days] nice way to re-spiritualize your Explore leadership and teaching techniques. Youth Flexipasses - 50% off self." Mountain Skills Regular Price Sale Price 4 days in 1 month $ 1 89 $ 95 Neighbourhood May 17-June 21 (36 days! Mini Store-All Inc. Focus on improving your mountaineering 8 days in 1 month $279 $140 skills. 15 days tn 2 months $420 $210 Store Qj your
Financial Aid is available. Youth = 25 years and under, travelling In standard class Sale prices valid for travel from April 1 - June' 15. 1996. belongings ^p for Call 737-3093 for details. Visit us on campus for full details. the /summer-or longer! 2 offices - SUB 822-6890 or Village 221-6221 10% disc. OUTWARD BOUND » 5ft valid s-t WESTERN CANADA \H
The Ubyssey Wednesday, April 3,1996 the baby shower
Wednesday, April 3,1996 The Ubyssey sports Coaching positions filled by Scott Hayward Huband, an assistant under spend more time with in The Athletic department has Thomas, doubled as a speech dividual athletes, looking at almost completed its coaching language pathologist for the aspects of their game and roster for the 1996-97 season, North Vancouver School Board developing skills." tying up some loose ends from by day and coach by night this Hiring Huband for one year the last year. season. She now looks forward to allowed Athletics to gauge her The most important change to focusing her attention on one performance, and gave Huband next season's line-up is the pursuit after signing a three-year a chance to see what basketball decision to hire interim women's coaching contract. was like from the bench. She is a basketball coach Deb Huband "It will be a really great former player from Bishop's full-time. opportunity to get in there and University and was captain ofthe Huband first earned the job take care of part of the pieces national team which went to the after filling in on short notice when that it was frustrating not to be 1984 Olympics and won bronze former coach Misty Thomas' able to deal with last year," she medals in 1979 and 198(5 at the MARK NOHRA sits in quiet contemplation after the T-Birds lost to the contract was not renewed. said. "The main thing will be to World Championships. Saskatchewan Huskies to end their season. HAYWARD PHOTO SC0TT Huband did not plan on a career coaching basketball when her playing days were over. "When I was going through university I made other choices. I don't think basketball coaching at the time was really seen as a profession," she said. "The profession has matured and the opportunities for women have skyrocketed, I think it has been a natural progression for me." Huband is "just wrapping things up with the athletes and getting them going on their EMPLOYMENT conditioning programs and skill development programs for the summer." She has also been recruiting high school students for OPPORTUNITY next year, and expects the team to look quite different in September. Three players Computer skills a must. As is ability to graduate this year, including leading scorer Kim Phipps, and read Russian poetry. Should be handy other personnel changes may be with electron accelerator, hold 2 PhDs and in the offing. "We have open tryouts in write Nobel Prize winning literature. September and we're looking for the top twelve athletes that Shorthand a big plus. come in. I think it's going to be the most competitive year to make the team," she said. "The days of walking on and being unprepared and not having basketball as a quite an important focus in your life, I think those days are gone." Hver get the feeling you don't have the right skills for the right Inter-University Athletics Coordinator Kim Gordon job? If so. you're not alone. Jobs today are harder to come by. expects that a new men's soccer But you can get them with the right skills and education. That's coach will also be named within a week. The new candidate will why your provincial government has just launched the most take over for Dick Mosher, who coached both the men's and comprehensive job creation and skills training program for young women's teams this year. The new coaching position will let people B.C. has ever seen: thousands of new jobs, and funding Mosher concentrate on the women's team and his teaching for youth training programs across the province. It guarantees and administrative duties. provincial funding for every student space that's needed, despite federal cutbacks. Plus, tuition fees are frozen. Interested? Your Phone Call our 1 800 number. And get the skills to get the job. Won't Stop 1 800 637-5455 Ringing when homeowners Investing In Our Future. know what you offer! A Guarantee For YontK High commission. Medical(Dental) plans avail. $100,000 annual.
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The Ubyssey Wednesday, April 3, 1996 T-Bird moments
COUNTERCLOCKWISE FROM ABOVE: Barb Bellini lets fly in the Canada West women's volleyball final, Glencora Maughan starts the 100m backstroke at the BC Senior meet, women's soccer team celebrates after winning the Canada West final, and
goaltender Matt Wealick sprawls to make a save. PHOTOS BY SCOTT HAYWARD
UBC Film Society OK HIM society Check for our flyers April 5-7 Fri. to Sun., "Norm" Theatre in SUB in SUB 247. 7:00 White Squall . a film 9:30 12 Monkeys For 24-Hour Movie Listings call 822-3697
The University of British Columbia w% Registrar's Office NOI SURE WHAI YOU WANT? NOTICE TO ALL STUDENTS You 've taken all or most of your chosen degree and want more information on carer options. You have an active interest in people; you are mature and energetic. You would like a career where you help people solve their 1996/97 Calendar problems in life. We offer Canada's only... and Psychiatric Nursing Registration Guide Distribution - Degree Program - at Brandon University Bfock Hall Lobby Brandon University offers a unique baccalaureate degree program that can lead to a Bachelor of Science in Psychiatric Nursing and eligibility for registration as a Psychiatric Nurse. If you already have courses Wednesday, April 10th to Friday April 12th towards a Bachelor of Science or other university degree, applicable 8:00 am - 7:00 pm courses can be transferred to our degree program.
Enrollment is limited. Please contact our Monciay, April 15th to Friday, April 19th Psychiatric Nursing Education Program Coordinator for more 8:00 am - 4:00 pm information: (204) 727-7456 Phone / (204) 727-7292 Fax j .*.UA"/. r BRANDON UNIVERSITY • V^lid'UBC Student Card required • 1 Faculty of Science i " Department of Nursing and Health Sciences ° 270-18th Street * Brandon, Manitoba The Calendar is also available on-line at J R7A6A9 ^NltO^ e-mail [email protected] http://www.student-services.ubc.ca/publicat/
Wednesday, April 3,1996 The Ubyssey feature there's no evidence to suggest that judges con tated Native communties and left them "dispos The Aboriginal Justice Inquiry of Manitoba coninTunties, and the rights of spire to racially discriminate against Natives, the sessed of all but the remnants of what was once concluded that the relatively high crime rates their people. type of "legally relevant criteria" they use is none their homelands... moved to the margins of their among Aboriginal people are a result of the de theless discriminatory. Judges will consider the own territories and our 'just society'." In other spair, anger and sense of injustice in the Aborigi-' "Native people have administered offender's prior criminal record, employment sta words, high crime rates are only one item in a nal communities which stem from the cultural their own justice systems for 25- The promise of a just society tus, educational level and stability in their lives long list of costs that colonization has produced. breakdown that has occurred oyer the past cen 30,000 years... we've got tools older before sentencing. The Aboriginal Justice Inquiry What happens in the justice system, therefore, tury: | than Canada," says Maloney. While Native people make Present realities ing things-mediation, and arbritration" says Jim of Manitoba concluded that when the justice sys- cannot be separated from the rest of the Aborigi- Equally important is the role the judicial sys Prisons, explains Swain, are not Maloney, spokesperson for the First Nations tem has played in perpetrating colonialism and the answer. "Jails were intended for up roughly two percent of Tribal Justice Institute, an organization which its policies, since by doing so, it has provided Canada's population, they While Native people make up roughly two per trains Native police officers. legal sanction for this oppression. The legal sys cent of Canada's population, they represent tem was used to punish those who resisted the Jails were intended for the compose nineteen percent of twelve percent of its federal prison population Poverty, marginality and implementation of Indian Act laws which, the country's prison popula and eighteen percent of provincial prison popu points out Swain, criminalized certain aspects heinous people in society. lations. systemic discrimination of Native culture-those who defied the bans tion. Federico Barahona on Provincially, the situation is even worse. Na on Potlatches in BC were frequently impris They shouldn't apply to tive peoples in the Prairies represent about five how the justice system has Poverty and crime, several studies have shown, oned. percent of the general population and 32 per are direcdy correlated. "It's more likely than not "We definitely don't want to be affiliated with people who have to spend failed Aboriginals. cent of its prison populations. In Alberta, Natives that Aboriginals will experience poverty," Swain the RCMP," answers Maloney, when asked if made up 25 percent of admissions in 1990-91 says. Native people in Canada, he explains, live his work is at all done in conjunction with the time in jail for stealing a n Dease Lake and other BC towns, while, in the Yukon and Northwest Territories, a reality of economic marginalization that in RCMP. "The RCMP was put on this land to people call court day "Native day," they were 43 and 94 percent respectively. In BC, cludes poor housing conditions, low incomes and police Indians; to shove Indians off the land. bottle of aspirin a reference to the number of Ab Aboriginals make up five percent of the general litde employment. In fact, BC's 1993 Census Re When the federal government put the residen original people charged with population while comprising nineteen percent of Marcel Swain crimesi . According to Marion Buller, port found that 87 percent of BC's prison in tial schools in place, it was the RCMP that ar the provincial prison population. Vancouver Aboriginal Law Centre an Aboriginal lawyer who studies the mates had used legal aid-meaning they couldn't rested the parents who didn't give up their Government figures, however, warns Vancou afford their own lawyers. kids." legal services available to BC's Aborigi ver Aboriginal Law Centre staff lawyer Marcel the heinous people in society," he Native people, some argue, go to jail because The increase in Native incarceration rates nal peoples, the system has become Swain, must be looked at cautiously; they tend says. "They shouldn't apply to they are poor. "The crimes that First Nations peo has coincided with easing of reserve pass laws, little more than a production line that to underestimate the number of prisoners who people who have to spend time in ple are committing are very low; they're not real as well as with the demise of residential schools; pushes Native peoples into pleading consider themselves 'Native.' jail for failing to pay a fine or for guilty and then quickly sentences them serious crimes," points out Maloney. suggesting that, perhaps, prisons have become stealing a bottle of aspirin because "You could spend a day in the courthouse to to prison terms. A large number of Aboriginal offenders, for a new form of social control. Professor Jack they had a headache and social ser find out how many Aboriginal people are going example, are sent to jail for defaulting on fines. son has suggested that for young native peo vices wouldn't help them. Is that a A look inside Canadian prisons reveals before the courts," says Swain. "The numbers are In 1992-93, Aboriginals in Saskatchewan made ple, prisons have become "th6 contemporary heinous criminal?" a grim reality: Canada locks up Native far greater-I can tell you that." people at alarmingly high rates. up 75 percent of the population jailed for not of what the Indian residential school repre The trend, however, seems to be Professor Jackson concluded in 1988 that paying fines. sented for their parents." "prison has become for Native young men the going in a different direction. Predic The practice quickly becomes discriminatory promise of a just society which high school rep tions indicate that by the year 2011, Prison has become given that single-parent families, usually led by Alternatives: the path to resents for the rest of us." Aboriginal offenders will account for for Native young men women, are predominate in Aboriginal commu self-determination 38.5 percent of all admissions to fed nities and there few services available to help eral and provincial correctional cen Aboriginal women join the work force. Further tres in Alberta. the promise of a just Cultural differences and alienation There is no shortage of Royal Commissions research shows that Aboriginal men who default As the Royal Commission on Aborigi are twice as likely to be incarcerated as non-Abo and reports recommending the creation of a "Many Aboriginals plead guilty to charges they nal Peoples concluded in Bridging the Cul society which high school riginal men; Aboriginal women are three times Native justice system specifically tailored to don't understand," writes Buller in A Review of tural Divide, it is in Aboriginal law, with more likely to be incarcerated than non-Aborigi meet the needs of Aboriginal people. One of represents for the rest of us Legal Services to Aboriginal People in British Colum Aboriginal law and through Aboriginal law nal women. them is the Aboriginal Justice Inquiry of Mani that Native people can regain control over UBC law professor bia, "charges that, in many cases, are inappropri ate and foreign to the understanding of people The average fine defaulter is an Aboriginal toba which, in 1991, recommended that: their lives and communities. Michael Professor Jackson who live in extended families in isolated com male between the ages of 22 to 29, who is single, munities." unemployed, has less than grade twelve educa tion and resides in rural Manitoba. The average ...the federal and provincial In Locking Up Natives: A Report ofthe If someone comes from a culture that does not OH-TOH-KIN GRAPHIC amount of unpaid fines that lead to incarcera governments recognize the Committee cf the Canadian Bar Associa have a concept of 'guilty,' explains Buller, she tion is $201.20. In the case of defaulted fines, right of Aboriginal people tion on Imprisonment and Release, UBC cannot be expected to understand the concept tern singles out marginalized people—the unem nal experience in Canadian society. Native people, it seems, are being sent to prison to establish their own jus law professor Michael Jackson con of being 'innocent until proven guilty.' ployed, transients, the poorly educated—then the What's the Aboriginal experience like in exclusively for being poor. tice systems as part of their cluded that Native peoples come into In 1991, the Manitoba Justice Inquiry found justice system practices systemic discrimination. Canada? The following statistics offer a glimpse: inherent right to self gov contact with Canada's correctional sys that Natives were more likely to plead guilty, even Poverty also contributes to the systemic dis "The policing industry seems to have an infant mortality rates among Native children are ernment and assist Aborigi tems in numbers "grossly" dispropor when they did not think they were guilty, than crimination Native people face when they come adverserial enforcement attitude towards First 60 percent higher than the national rate. Native nal peoples in the establish tionate to their representation in the non-Natives, suggesting that they either do not in contact with the justice system. Research shows Nations' people," says Maloney. Aboriginals, he children who survive their first year of life can that police officers tend to divide the world into ment of Aboriginal justice community—and the situation is getting understand the charges or that their legal explains, rarely get discretionary decisions made expect to live ten years less than non-Native chil "criminal" and "respectable" types. Expecting systems in their communi worse, he cautioned, not better. counsel's first preference is to make them plead in their favour. dren. Unemployment rates for Natives are 66 per more trouble from certain groups of people than ties in the manner that best guilty. "There have been many Royal Commissions cent compared to roughly 10 percent for the na others, the police patrol some areas more heav conform to the traditions, Environmental And while government in- and reports, and it has a lot to do with the sys tional average. The suicide rate for Aboriginals ily than others. If police patrol bars frequented cultures and wishes of those TAKE CONTROL OF stitutions are just beginnirigto tematic racism against poor people, ignorant is two times the average level. Studies by Natives more often than those frequented by and come to this realization, Na people and First Nations people," he adds. "There YOUR CURRICULUM middle-class Whites, critics argue, they will dis tive people have consistently have been 25 national commisssions and reports Environmental cover more criminal behaviour at the former—a described the justice system done in the last 25 years and everyone one of Sciences sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. Once arrested, them has pointed this out." Interested in Graduate School? as being alien to their culture. Aboriginal people are also more likely to be de "[The justice system] is Worried about Tuition? Interdisciplinary nied bail and, as a result, be subjected to pre now obsolete. The types of trial detention, which by itself increases the The effects of colonization Degree Programs punishments are foreign to chances of incarceration. • The University of Alberta in Edmonton now. offers graduate at UBC First Nations' methods of fix- Other factors play a role as well. Although In Locking Up Natives, professor Michael Jack- students tuition scholarships in combination with a stipend, providing secure funding for a defined-enrollment period. fXXXXX*XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXKXXXXX*XXXXXXXXX^ son takes his analysis Ecumenical Service of Worship of Aboriginal incar • Choose a graduate program from more than 190 areas of ceration one step fur research in 61 departments. ther. The process of PASAHOUNT PJCTUBES AND consult the UBC calendar or for Apply NOW for September 1996 or Januant 1997. contact colonization, he ex LAKESHOREENTERTAINMENTPRESENT Cafe & Grill • Contact Dr. Murray Gray, Dean of Graduate Studies and Dr. Kathryn Harrison Holy Week plains, has devas- 2535 Alma St. LORNEICHAELSPD Chair, Environmental Studies Research, University of Alberta in Edmonton at: KIDS IN THE HALL BRAIN CANDY c/o Dept. of Political Science 224-1902 Phone: (406) 492-3499 or 1-800-75S-7136 ""Sn.nwlS***6 (604) 822-2717 LANDSCAPE I % Student Toll free fax: 1-800-803-4132 MftROROSWELh.VvEfiAIENORTHEY (604) 822-5540 fax Wednesday,April 3 Discount E-mail: [email protected] IGfiflY nfflRMM DAVID AJAXIN JS MAfiTIN WALTERS or PHOTOGRAPHY thru More). 6 April WWW: http://www.ualberta.ca/~graduate/graduate.html 'HUMS IMIY THOMPSON m RICHARD S .WRIGHT B! THSf NB1, Sill SIDD VATSSON AID Integrate social, economic and scientific George Sp'iegelman 12:30pm by Chair, Environmental Sciences -^i DAVID STEINBERG "^NOBM HISCDCK£ BRUCE McCULLOCHt KEVIN MfJONAlDc dimensions of contemporary environmental Hll issues facing human society. c/o Eg Gordon Gamble faculty of Graduate Studies pma , MARK ttcXINNEY c SCDTT THOMPSON "i!,LOBNE MICHAELS"".! KELLY MAXIN .m± \ Lutheran Campus Centre OTK EVERY SIGHT University 1 Dept. of Microbiology and and Research illllllKI IIUKIl Design your own curriculum of Immunology I \. 'TIL MIDNIGHT! . 2-S University Hall of i> mum ii.iif! 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The Ubyssey Wednesday, April 3,1996 Wednesday, April 3,1996 The Ubyssey culture Dual plays offer a study in contrasts The Stronger / Miss Julie Stronger is set at the opposite solstice, servant Jean (David Palffy), who professes "lackey" (name-calling is not unused). But, at Gastown Theatre until Apr 6 sometime around Christmas. his childhood love for her. Jean was origi nonetheless, "love must go on if not for very The plays do have certain nally "engaged" to Kristen (Jo Bates), a long," whatever form that love takes. by E. Yeung themes in common, though. Both kitchen maid who believes in the Saviour, The set, designed by Alley Raided, func .*> This pair of plays by August ^ ff-^jt, deal with relationships between but their final relation to each other re tions for both plays, with only a few nec Strindberg thrives on contrast. ^ il^^ men and women at sexual and mains undefined. The action centres essary furniture changes. It is delightfully- The Stronger is essentially ' emotional levels. As The Stronger"s around Jean and Miss Julie, the seduction and paradoxically-complex and simple at a 20-minute monologue by monologue progresses, we realize, and its aftermath—what to do, where to go the same time. Drying herbs and tea tow Mrs. X (Jo Bates), who speaks half to her along with Mrs. X, that Miss Y once had an and who would be going. els hang unobtrusively in the background; self and half to the other nameless char affair with Mr. X. His child is named after "There is a difference between people the acting is quite good in general, and acter, Miss Y (Kate Twa), who sits, listens her father, and Mrs. X assumes the char and people," says Miss Julie, and this dif the characters are well-portrayed and be and reacts. acteristics of Miss Y without understand ference is emphasized throughout the play. lievable, despite several trip-ups on the Miss Julie, on the other hand, is in two ing why. The role of the Stronger shifts The concept of Name is central to the story:. lines themselves. acts and revolves around the idea of a between the two women until it finally Miss Julie and Jean begin in a mistress and And, like the play, "love must go on if Name. Miss Julie takes place on settles on one. servant relationship, then move to the am not for very long" (from Miss Julie), so get Midsummer's Eve, traditionally a time of Miss Julie (Kate Twa) is a French lady of biguous seducer and seduced (who is out to Gastown and see these plays before festivity and carnal pleasures, whereas The some social stature who sleeps with her who?) and end up as "lackey's whore" and they close. Big Babies play some Vintage Mandolin Michael Kinsley — continually developing fresh irrational nature of voters, hence whose native cuisine is virtually ideas that prompted Kinsley's re the title. He, however, is not irra spice-free." Big Babies: Vintage cent departures as co-host of tional, assessing the prime policy Kinsley often assumes that the Whines [William CNN's Crossfire and senior editor makers of the Reagan, Bush and reader is already familiar with the Captain Antonio Morrow & Company] of The New Republic. Fortunately Clinton administrations (as well events and people about whom Corelli, a young Italian officer and by J. Quan for his fans, they can still access as sociological, economic and le he writes. An extensive knowl musician who is part of the occu Kinsley's insights by reading his gal topics) clearly and sensibly. An edge of current events isn't es pying forces, is billeted in the In a 1992 article for The New- new collection of essays. Big Ba example: he accuses Ronald sential to enjoy Big Babies; but home of the town's only doctor. Yorker, professional pundit bies: Vintage Whines. Reagan of hypocrisy for denounc some background information Naturally, Corelli falls in love with Michael Kinsley wrote that his The 113 essays, orginally pub ing deals with terrorist nations would help the reader to appre the doctor's beautiful daughter craft makes life "hell. It's opine, lished between 1986 and 1995 while secretly sanctioning the ciate the wit of this commentary Pelagia. Naturally, history in opine, opine, day in and day out, in several magazines and news sale of arms to Iran. on life south of the border. trudes in the form of both farce until you never want to have an papers, deal primarily with Sober analysis characterizes and tragedy. An old plot, the star- other opinion again." American politics. The theme of most of the articles in the book, Louis de Bernieres — crossed lovers, but a reliable one, Perhaps it was the pressure of the book, Kinsley suggests, is the but occasionally, the pundit uses Captain Corelli's especially when so deftly an unusually incisive humour to Mandolin handled. And I haven't even men make his points. In an article writ Colour Toner Copies by Andrew Gray tioned Greek communists, Nazis, ten shortly after the 1988 Cana the scatological operatic society, dian federal election, he advo If you've ever been to the Greek IU OR BLUE goats, secret agents, and an GRE cates that the U.S. annex Canada. islands, you'll know this scene 2nd Floor, eclectic cast of villagers and sol 2174 W. Parkway Why? In part, because American well: jumbled hillside town made diers. Vancouver, BC 1-100 copies University Village nativists and white racists would of whitewashed stone and brick, It has been a long time since I Auto.fedo„iy. 101st & additional £ea welcome a merger that "would black-clad old women and men @UBC Price includes: . r_ found myself furtively sneaking a 81/2 x 11, 20 lb paper, COpieS from add millions of citizens with walking though the narrow peek ahead in a novel, desperate Discover the recycled, white same page or pastel colours. 5 sturdy names like Mulroney and streets as if they lived in a differ Friendly Competition to know the fate of a character, We are big on Value, Quality & Service Turner, who speak English with ent age, and the summer invasion OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK but I did so several times during 224-6225 Mon to Fri 8am - 9pm • Sat to Sun 10 am - 6pm hardly a trace of an accent, and of half-naked Europeans loung Captain Corelli's Mandolin. ing on the beach. The tourist in Through his understated, lucid vasion of the present minors in a prose and his successful use of more peaceful way the many in multiple points of view, de 2 FORI STUDENT SPECIAL vasions ofthe past. The islanders Bernieres has produced a work have endured the Romans, the that is historically illuminating, GOING ON NOW! Turks, the British and, more re literate, often hilarious, and cently, the Italians and Germans deeply engaging. who occupied Greece during the My only disappointment is that second World War. it ends too quickly. A span of 40 The last period, the war and years is compressed into as many occupation, is poignantly brought pages, and the final chapters feel to life by British writer Louis de a little rushed. But perhaps I was Bernieres in his new novel, which simply reluctant to leave the focuses on both the inhabitants world de Bernieres had con of a small town on the Greek is structed and come back into my land of Cephallonia and their Ital own, paler life. There are worse ian occupiers, thrust on them by things an author can do than the implacable force of war. leave a reader wanting more. ^-J^^d Music BY .Aiimi W LLOYD m LYRICS BY IY1 Rl STARRING FROl^rtBRi^^pHbTioN PICTURE TED NEELEY and CARL ANDERSON as JESUS as JUDAS «y;P# aiiili QUEEN ELIZABETH THEATRE • APRIL 10 - 14 2 FOR 1 STUDENT TICKETS AVAILABLE FOR APR. 10 & 11 (TUES & WED 8PM) AND SUN, APR 14 AT 2PM AND 7PM, ONLY! ! "&3Ldfic Cotiseurt tr Charge 2SO OFFER GOOD AT ANY »»-@—>» LOCATION WITH VALID STUDENT ID
10 The Ubyssey Wednesday, April 3,1996 It's no Disaster, but no The Kid in big success either by Christine Price Flirting with Disaster a modicum of Mark McKinney, one of the found opens Apr 5 at the Park and character development to hold ev ing Kids in the Hall and a current Capitol 6 theatres erything together; he builds to his comedic climax not by working with Saturday Night Live cast member, by Peter T. Chattaway the people he's got, but by throw talked to The Ubyssey recently about Generation X and all its single ing new characters into the story at Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy, the twentysomethings have been whin regular intervals until the cast hits a troupe's first feature film. ing in isolation for so long. Flirting meltdown. You "crushed" my head when you with Disaster writer/director David Not, mind you, that these char were at the Vogue Theatre a few 0. Russell apparently figured it was acters are uninteresting. There's years ago. time a few of them got married, Paul (Richard Jenkins), a repressed Oh, really? You were at those Mark McKinney, sitting in his 32nd-floor boardroom, ponders raised a few kids, and got on with federal agent; his bisexual partner shows? They were great shows-they the grosses for KIDS IN THE HALL: BRAIN CANDY. life. But lest we think he's hopped Tony (Josh Brolin), who expresses were so much fun! That was one of Is the film an indictment of the on hiatus and we couldn't use them on some sort of family values band paternal longings and gets his jol our best audiences. drug industry? for all of the soundtrack, so we let wagon, let's take a moment to re lies licking female armpits (shaved Was it difficult integrating some of It's sort of like the notion of un- the Odds step in. call that it was Russell who gave us ones, anyway); and a dysfunctional your TV characters into the movie? happiness doesn't have a place. Sad Do you think the Kids will ever colSpanking the Monkey, that offbeat array of parents, both adoptive and Not really. By the end of the TV ness can be a spiritual thing, a balm, laborate with such noted Canadian number about masturbation, incest, biological, culled from the sitcoms show, we had so many characters we a healer, a fixer, a guidepost, but it directors as Atom Egoyan or Bruce and other things your daddy doesn't of a bygone TV era (it turns out Mel, didn't think, "Gee, can we get Head seems like it's something to over MacDonald? want you to do when he's not home. who grew up with George Segal and Crusher in here?" We just didn't use come. Like hip parents say, "Ah, let That would be cool because, well, Family concerns are front and an unusually exhibitionist Mary him because there was someone else him cry it off." Happiness and sad I don't know Bruce so well, but I know centre here, too. Blessed with a sexy Tyler Moore, was in fact sired by a from the TV show and we didn't want ness have a lot of meaning for come Atom pretty well. If the CBC wasn't wife (Patricia Arquetter) and a new pair of aw-shucks acidheads played to overpopulate the film. dians, one fueling the other. Come being gutted financially someone born baby son, Mel Coplin [Reality by Alan Alda and Lily Tomlin!). You seem to enjoy playing corpo dians are by nature people who come could go in and say "Hey! Let's get Bites' Ben Stiller) decides it's time As funny as these encounters can rate heads. from, if not troubled backgrounds, four good directors to direct four funny he tracked down his biological par be - Flirting with Disaster is espe I really like that character, I do. then certainly some turbulence, or short films." I'm always for cross-pol ents. Joining the Coplins on their cially funny in its opening scenes - Does he reflect some form of cyni something odd and askew. lination. That's one of the reasons I quest is Tina Kalb (Tea Leoni), a the eccentrics who pepper this film cism hidden within you? There's that and this metaphor of came to SNL, they have a new band leggy psychologist and former begin to wallow in a certain No. I've never played a character things being pushed before their every week, a new host and a new dancer who videotapes every poten sameness, and the overall manic like him before. I know what you time, which is something you hear cast. tial reunion for her research. depressiveness is suggestive of 77ie mean. We used to play these busi and see a lot of in the entertainment How do you feel about the success It's a given that Mel will eventu i?e/and similar unsatisfying domes ness men, Bruce [McCullough] and I, industry. You see a lot of creative of Air Farce and This Hour has 22 ally question his marriage and start tic spats. Mel's need for a dream called the Darryls, where they were butchering and the film in a circui Minutes? going after Tina, but their affair starts family remains ultimately unfulfilled, very formal with each other. At one tous way addresses that. It's funny Well, Bellini, a friend of mine, is rather suddenly, without the patient and so does our need for a comedy point he would be really smooth and and it works as a film so, whew, we writing for 22 Minutes. I think it's buildup that gave Spanking Us shard which will recognize dysfunctional- sophisticated and, on the other hand, dodged a bullet. really fresh. Air Farce I haven't seen of credibility. Russell seems too ea ism as something bigger than the you just know that somewhere he's I see that the Odds are on the so much but I'm really glad they're ger to crank out the jokes with only sum of all screams. got to be a killer, and it shows occa soundtrack. You met them in Vancoudoing well. I think we need home sionally. ver, I presume? grown Canadian [shows] to keep up The film is centred around the cre We met them at the Vogue. Their with what's coming across the bor ation of a drug that is supposed to be little place [the Roxy] is right next der. SHOVE THIS better than Prozac. Have the Kids everdoor . We hung out and we were all Bufyou'resh'H with SNL. done Prozac? so taken with Neapolitan, we loved That's different, it's all Canadian UP YOUR MIND No, no we haven't. But we've read it. They became friends and we did here! Lome Michaels, Norm a lot and some of us have had bour their 'Heterosexual Man' video. Shad McDonald, Norm Hiscock, myself- bon. owy Men [on a Shadowy Planet] were there's a tonne of Canadians here!
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?*w^ ».!• In J -srfi %M AW W: 3&*~$ '¥•.£•&* stiyj Come by ^llbySSey at SUB 241K and you could win a free double pass to the Thursday, April 11 preview of Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy if you can correctly answer the following: Which Kid was the Cat in the Hat in the Dr. Seuss Bible Skit? OPENS APRIL 12 AT THEATRES EVERYWHERE
Wednesday, April 3,1996 The Ubyssey 11 * V ' -#' t>- -# •
President's Message AMS Art Gallery - Available ! • live at Lunch: ZoNy Cracker he issue of corporate influence on campus is ow accepting submissions for the 1996/97 SUB South Plaza arguably the most talked about topic at the gallery space in the AMS Art Gallery in the 12:30- 1:30 pm TUniversity of British Columbia. The recently- NSUB. Applications are available in SUB signed "Coke Deal" between the university and Room 238. Application deadline is Tuesday, April Coca-Cola Bottling Canada has brought the con 30th, 1996 tentious issue of campus corporatization to the atten •M.V • Arts County Fair! tion of UBC students. Why all this opposition to a AMS Art Gallery Committee 12noon to 9:00 pm, simple business contract? Seems like a wise Thunderbird Stadium. choice: both the student union and university he AMS Art Gallery is a standing committee • Sub Sonic Thursday Night @ The Pit have made a lot of money. However, the issue is of the Student Administrative Commission. It The Hard Rack Miners. $2.00 @ ihe Door not that simple. Included in the contract is a confi meets for an hour at least once a week. T -,sif«iQM dentiality clause, whereby certain details cannot be Meetings may be called at the discretion of the publicly revealed. As members of the AMS, you are Chair. Summer meetings are usually once a month. party to this contractual agreement, yet you are €wtCr-WiwOy barred from knowing all of the details. This is unac The AMS is now currently accepting applications for ceptable. It is my intention to re-open negotiations the following executive positions on the AMS Art with Coke and attempt to have all of the details Gallery Committee: publicly revealed. • Treasurer I am also committed to assuring that the AMS does • Curator not enter similar agreements in the future. It is trou • Communications Coordinator Easter Weekend bling that a large company is now using the prestige • Programs Coordinator of one of Canada's top universities for marketing • Special Projects Coordinator purposes. In effect. Coca-Cola can now contend that • Members At-Large the academic community at UBC and the student union have endorsed its product. The students of Full description of each position are available in UBC are not marketing tools or product SUB Room 238. Application deadline is Tuesday, Easier Monday endorsers, we are students and this is an insult April 30th. 1996. ing role for us to take on. Furthermore, the Coke deal sets a disturbing Parking, Offices and Lockers! precedent. If the private sector can be a significant source of revenue for post secondary educational arking Permit, Club Office and Locker appli institutions, then what is the role of the public sec cations are -now available in SUB Room 238 Exam Week Begins tor? It is in the interests of academic freedom and or from the Student Administrative the notion of publicly owned education to assure P Commission (SAC) Office in SUB Room 246. that universities are owned and operated by the tax Application Deadline is 4:00 pm on April 19th, payer. The Coke deal sends a strong message to 1996. Canadian corporate interests: "UBC is open for busi Have an event you want includ ed in the Update? Contact AMS ness!" This university is not for sale, and ought not For more information, please contact: Communications at 822-1961 or be. Jennie Chen, Director of Administration, at [email protected] You may now be asking yourself, if corporatization 822-3961, email: [email protected] is so bad, why donit we simply breach the Coke deal as some have suggested? Breaching the Coke Student Administrative'Commission at 822- WANTED: virtual feedback deal would likely submit the AMS to a debilitating 2361, email: [email protected]. multi-million dollar law suit. Losing such a law suit would cause the financial demise of the student he AMS is seeking for student input to union. As a consequential, the AMS would no longer improve student services, businesses, renova be able to lobby on behalf of student interests and More Opportunities at the AMS ! Ttions, communications, academics, university would be forced to reduce or eliminate services like policies — absolutely anything ! Joblink and Safewalk. Obviously, this is not the solu pplications for the following positions within tion. the AMS are now being accepted. Need You have the unique opportunity to email the AMS your news, views, suggestions, questions, comments, I propose tcj renegotiate the confidentiality clause in Asome work during the summer and possibly complaints by sending them to the Coke deal and create policy that will make the during next year? Apply within ! [email protected]. All feedback received will be AMS unable to enter into similar deals in the directed to the appropriate university office or AMS future. Orientations Guides - direct job applications to the Director of department for a response. All feedback will be pub lished on a bulletin board beside Pie-R-Squared in - David Borins, AMS President. 822-3972 Orientations c/o SUB Room 238 by 4:30 pm on April 26th, 1996. SUB. .. CiiiSi Assistant Directors for:
The Alma Mater Society, your Student Union, wishes you good luck on your final exams and hopes you all have a great summer ! Pfl
12 The Ubyssey Wednesday, April 3,1996 culture Better not pout, Jesus Christ is Jesus Christ Superstar with Jesus and Judas, the passionate ex Apr 10-14 changes between Christ and Pilate are just at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre as dynamic. by Janet Winters Local Superstar followers will get an extra bonus when the touring show comes to When people are asked to single out the Vancouver next week, thanks to its two lead most memorable scene from Jesus Christ Su ing stars. Ted Neeley (Jesus) and Carl Ander perstar, they usually respond, "That guy with son (Judas), who headlined the 1973 movie, the afro dancing around the swimming pool." reclaim their roles in a stage show that prom This is, of course. King Herod trying to per ises to be as spectacular and glitzy as the suade Jesus to perform some entertaining reputation which precedes it. miracles in "King Herod's Song.' For this writer, Listen for 'What's the Buzz,' 'Simon it was Barry Dennen's right-on-the-mark per Zealotes,' 'Damned for All Time' and 'Jesus formance as Pontius Pilate in the 1973 movie Christ Superstar,' which are among the and the original 1970 recording. production's hippest selections. Before it even hit the stage, Jesus Christ If the local show can combine the film's Superstar was a phenomenal success as an stunning choreography with the strength of album. The joining of Andrew Lloyd Webber's the original recording's vocal performances, funky music with Tim Rice's updated biblical it will be a smash. There has never been a lyrics is pure genius. This rock opera launched better male vocal performance in the history Webber's career and still remains his best of music than Ian Gulan's Jesus in the 1970 piece of work to this day. album (the one with the brown cover and the The hip, catchy songs are delivered in an golden angels), at least not that I've heard. on-stage bellbottom extavaganza. Although Jesus Christ Superstar remains one of the SECOND COMING (TO VANCOUVER, AT ANY RATE): Ted Neeley does that the musical is noted for its powerful scenes most important events in music history. Golden Turkey Award-winning messianic thing in Jesus Christ Superstar. FREE TICKETS! CA$H BACK The Ubyssey has one pair of tickets to 2. The woman who played Mary give away for the opening night perfor Magdalene in the movie had a No. 1 mance of Jesus Christ Superstar on disco hit in 1978. Who is she and what April 10. It goes to the first person to is the name of this "feverish" song? come to SUB 241K and correctly answer HINT: If you can't get this, you don't the following questions: want no tickets baby. (Note the double for your 1. Which heavy British band did singer negative.) Ian Gillan join after leaving Deep Purple? 3. Who is Jesus singing to in recycled «S^S' HINT: I wouldn't get too paranoid 'Gethsemane (I Only Want To Say)'? about this one. HINT: Heaven only knows. (and enter our Buyback Bike Draw)
Turn your texts into cash this April with the UBC Bookstore Book Buy Back. The Bookstore will buy her f%g8*s danced across his skin, all current edition titles having a resale market value. New this year is a drive-through location in the B-5 Parking Lot— just look for the tent! Enter to win a tnen she felt his ACNE- Nishiki Navaho Mountain Bike at these locations:
BUYBACKS AT BOOKSTORE April 10 to 26, 1996 Weekdays 9 AM - 4:30 PM Saturday 10 AM - 4:30 PM
BUYBACKS AT RESIDENCES Totem Park Thursday, April 18 Gage Towers Monday, April 22 Place Vanier Tuesday, April 23 4:00 PM - 7:00 PM
BUYBACKS AT B-LOT April 18, 19, 22, & 23 11:00 AM - 4:00 PM
If the romance ends where your acne begins, it's time to take serious action. Your dermatologist has treatment programs designed for even the worst acne conditions. See your dermatologist today, or call I 800 470 ACNE For further information phone for free information about available treatments. UBC BOOKSTORE the UBC Bookstore at 822-2665
Wednesday, April 3, 1996 The Ubyssey 13 opinion ^ iiiuJEs
My srryuE
One last tip-toe through the editorial tulips hen we began the year, some said we'd were the first to tell students McDonald's was and present and gave students a chance to brush never survive. We wouldn't survive a coming to their campus and that their national shoulders with celebrities: Helena Bonham grueling, twice weekly publishing sche student organization had misspent their money. Carter, Mark McKinney, Chrystos, Scat Wdule and an inexperienced staff. We wouldn't We took a unique spin on the NDP leadership Schroedinger and Mina Shum to name just a few. survive dwindling advertising and a student convention, sent a reporter to Montreal to bring We've established a consistent format that body that had "forgotten" about The Ubyssey- back pictures and stories from the Quebec readers can depend on and filled our pages and, depending on your point of view, was referendum, and another to Vancouver's streets with vibrant photos and creative graphics. better off without it. to experience first-hand the impact of And through it all, we have tried to keep After a successful run of 49 issues, we're homelessness and "fiscal restraint" in mind that we are a paper by and for students. happy to report we survived-and then some. We rebuilt our sports section and provided With this in mind, don't allow us to become Sure, we were a little rusty; Rome wasn't the best, most timely coverage of campus complacent; pick us up, write us letters or even built-or toppled-in a day. It's been a rebuilding athletics. We didn't just show up for the play just think about some of the information we try year, and we've published some stuff we're offs, we were there all year. to present to you. If you haven't managed to pretty proud of. We tried to spotlight cultural events that work up the courage to come up to 241K, please We covered the Political Science contro would appeal to a wide variety of students' do. It's never too early, or too late to join the versy from a student perspective, and talked interests, through reviews and interviews, from staff, write a story, take a picture or learn how about the Chilly Climate when everyone else film and music to books and theatre. We reported to use the computers. was talking about "academic freedom." We on the accomplishments of UBC students past After all, we're not a cult, we just look Hke one. April 3, 1996 the volume 77 Issue 49 ubyssey letters —experience d more and in more different ways than I ever dreamt The Ubyssey Is a founding member of Canadian University Press. Acne ad I would. Though I came to The Ubyssey is published Tuesdays and Fridays by The Ubyssey Publications Society at the University of British Columbia. Editorial opinions expressed Canada with as open a mind as are those of the newspaper and not necessarily those of the university administration or the Alma Mater Sodety. demeaning possible, I couldn't help As UBC Health Outreach Peer expecting to learn what every ex Editorial Office: Room 241K, Student Union Building, 6138 SUB Blvd., UBC V6T 1Z1 • tel: (604) 822-2301 fax: (604) 822-9279 Educators, we are concerned change student looks most for Business Office: Room 245, Student Union Building • advertising: (604) 822-1654 business office: (604) 822-6681 about the message your paper is ward to learning: experiencing a Business Manager: Fernie Pereira • Advertising Manager: James Rowan • Account Executive: Deserie Harrison sending to students by printing different culture, learning to re Canada Post Publications Sales Agreement Number 0732141 the Dermatologist's [sic] adver late to people of different back tisement about acne. The ad grounds, being immersed in a It was a Hobbit hole. Then came a knock at the door. Matt Thompson swaggered in with his band of ruffian elves, Sarah O'Donnell, Charlie Cho, Andy Bonfield, Diana Stein presents a sketch about a man society with different mores, val and Andy Barham. They were drinking Alison Cole cream ale, Chris Nuttall-Smith pale ale,Jenn Kuo bitter ale and Ben Koh lager, breaking the furniture and riding the Andy and a woman making out with ues and norms from the ones I Ferris wheel. Janet Winters complained about the cold. Ron Eichler, jealous that everyone elf was having fun, crashed through the door with Wolf Depner on his back. The Siobhan have been accustomed to all my Roantree swayed in the wind. Scott Hayward tried to chop it down, after drinking his bowl of Darren Campbell soup. Phil Drosa, smelling the pungent soup, went for takeout at the caption, "...her fingers Scarlett McGladery's fine Jim Conley cuisine. Steven Emery said, "Don't bring the take out food into Mike Kitchen." But Federico Barahona brought it in anyways. Colin Pereira danced across his skin, then she life. heated up the Christine Price rice in the Darin Clisby microwave. Suddenlv, Sarah Galashan stormed in to the kitchen triumphantly, proclaiming, "Sherri Farquharson has a grand felt his acne. The end." A And learn that I did. Given the quest for all of us! Simon Rogers is in dreadful danger! He is trapped at the bottom of the James Rowley pit of Chris E. Gatchalian gerbils! Jeff Miles, the evil warlock, has strapped number of students have shared diversity of people that make up him there with a Dan Tencer bandage!" Wah Kee Ting rushed back to the Hobbit hole (from the kitchen) and found Trent Ernst, Susan Sabes, Shelley Gornall, Doug Quan and with us that they too find this ad Canadian society, not unlike Oscar Zuniga had just arrived. "We must start off for Areni Kellepan forest right away!" Joe Clark quickly mounted his trusty Jeff Orr horse and led his merry band of heroes: Malaysia, I was exposed to a Rachana Raizada, Doug Sewell.Joe Moran, Joseph Muller and Quinn Harris. After a day of hard travel, they stopped at the Mark Brooks for a drink and a Doug Sewell bite to eat. demeaning. A healthy body im During their Joe Moran sleep, an unruly tribe ofjoseph Muller trolls. Quinn Harris, Kim Wyatt, Christopher Brayshaw, Kristi Gordon and Craig Bavis wielded their Desiree Adib age is difficult enough to achieve wealth of cultures that I would swords and Betta Shum shields. Just before they had a chance to decapitate our heroes' heads, a gTOup of fairies, Paula Bach,Julian Dowling, Christian Obeck, Martine Page and wihout our campus newspapers never have seen had I remained, Bryce Edwards came and turned the trolls into stone. Samer Muscab', a Dominican friar in the nearby clearing, was alarmed by the fairies' ringing bells. Over by the Rick Hunter perpetuating the myth that some as the Malaysian proverb goes, rose bushes. Rick Edwards and James Rowan were worshipping the Nicole Trigg Cult of the Virgins. Rachel Russell extolled the virtues of Allison Dunnet and Alison l.udditt. one won't be able to have a a frog beneath a coconut shell. Meanwhile, Natasha Lena, Sherry Ferguson and Noelle Gallagher were passing the clearing, because they too had heard about the deadly gerbil pit. These fair maidens come from healthy relationship if his or skin All this has only increased my the fair hamlet of Bruce Hennel, in the distant hills of Chris Maraun. On their way to the clearing, they had encountered Carol Farrell vines, which latched onto their ankles. While appreciation of diversity, both on struggling with the vines, they were relieved when Bill Gaspard, whistling by, with his faithful squire, Matthew Kennedy, cut them free. Then, the merry group sauntered along the isn't perfect. Acne is a very com Jeremy Valeriole path. Then, they encountered a shining Ron Herbert chalice. With this in hand, they went to the Matt Green Inn to discuss their plans for the next day over Sage mon condition, especially during a global and local scale. Davies shepherd pie and a pint of Brian Goehring cider. Upon awakening the next morning, Diane Sithoo, the innkeeper, thrilled with legends of Stanley Tromp, Jeff Miles' your teens and twenties and However, far more revealing slithering sidekick. It is rumoured that Stanley once slaved Eleven Knights of the Holy Square Table (Michelle Zeleschuck, Jordan Robinson, Knut Ivanov, Hugh Gerring.Joe should not be advertised as a than all this has been the discov Soroka, Brett Josef Grubisic,John Bolton.Johnathan Gould, Bill Currie, Monica Strimbold, Sharanjit Kaur) while growling about his Saori Inada ulcer. Then, they began to travel symbol of inadequacy. Acne in ery that beneath all those differ to the enchanted clearing where all the people who wanted to save Simon were, faster than you can say "Marilee Breit Kreutz" three times. Once assembled, our super friends no way means a person is inca ences, lies at the very core of us pledged to the Chris Chiarenza firey sword. Then, they were off. First they met Maura Maclnnis along the Gillian Long lane. They asked for directions to the Janet Andrews crossing, which lay on the other side of the Betina Teodoro mountains beyond the Adam Arbus village, bordering the Jason Watt forest. While on their journey, they picked up pable of having a meaningful re a certain fundamental similarity. James Mason, the builder, so he built them a Peter McMullan snotiing pump wagon. Alan Kriss, a bystander, gave Craig Klepak, another bystander, a sloppy kiss. Lucy Shih and lationship, making friends, or It wasn't exactly a discovery for Marie Oishi were there to witness it all. They recorded in an epic poem titled "The Saga of thejesse Gelber Legend" (which is on the Anna-Maria Carvalho best seller's list to this being a truly amazing individual. me, rather a realization of some day). "Wow, that's incredible," said Irfan Dhalla. Sam Arnold and Tessa Moon could not help but concur. Their next adventure occurred on the Rod Holloway bluff. Cornered by- As an organization promoting thing so basic, so obvious. Peo Matthew Lumley and Michael Mew, the scary rock monsters, they pray to St. Ryan Tierney, Patron Saint of All Those Cornered By Scary Rock Monsters. Andrew McElwaine healthy attitudes about body im ple all around the world share the attempted to answer their prayers with a Robin Colwell electric toothbrush and a Demian Seale eggbeater. But, it was all in vain for their problems grew worse. How, you may ask? same aspiration for peace and Well, the fire-breathing dragon, known as Bureau Boy, descended upon them with a hair singing Ed Mou flame. But our heroes are not lost, for Kevin Haidl came with his Ian age and sexuality, we are asking Gunn. Doug Hadfield made coffee to help them stay awake to battle the dragon. In a vision, Teresa Yep and Cynthia Yip saw the martyr Nicole Guy, who willed the Alannah New- you to consider [sic] message justice. They share the same need Small fire extinguisher to appear in front of Ken Wu to douse the fire from the Bureau Boy. Deflamed, the dragon slinked off. Once again on their merry way, they began Jaggi being conveyed to students and to love and to be loved. They Singh-ing, "Chris Ingleman, Duncan Cavens, Jeremy Frost, Emily MacNair, Lindsay Stephens..." Christina Zaenker, member ofthe Order ofKira Malchy sect, and Cherie Jarock, to make an effort to avoid print treasure the same bonds of fam member of the Adoration of Patti Sonntag order, were travelling under the protection of Trina Hamilton and Sarah Weber. Laura St. Pierre saw it all. Friar John McAlister also ing detrimental advertisements. ily and friendship. And they joined them. Their group was growing so large that Adrienne S. Smith had no clue what to do. Kevin Drewes went to seek advice from Katherine the Monk. Instead, Alaina Burnett Sincerely, share the same dread for assign attempted to answer his pleas for help, Jan Cook-ing him some Megan Kus. They journeyed ever closer to the deadly gerbil pit. Legend has it that the largest and scariest of the ments and exams. gerbils had names like Emily Yearwood, Tanya Dubick, Mark Martincic, Michael Laanela, Ed Yeung, andjtidy Quan. They had to work their way through uie Edith Tam river with Jennifer Wiebe the treacherous Melanie Seto undercurrent, the Jenna Newman prickly bush, the Karin Yeung boulder pile, the Andrea Gin steam vents and the Amanda Growe thickets. for Health Outreach Peer Educators If nothing else, it is this that I Suddenly, the Graham Knight castle came into view. There, it rested on the Craig Connell hilL Nathalie Dube, mistress ofthe castle, invited them in for a big feast. However, before Health Education Outreach take back with me. The barriers the feast, they had to cross the Paul Barker moat, which was guarded by Andrew Barker, the troll, and they had to give the secret password, "Douglas Sanders." Now, they had to UBC Student Resources Centre of language, nationality, race and deal with the Jeff Gaulin alligators and the Sandra Cheung crocodiles. Then, tehy got their feast, which consisted of Rabia Khan sugar plum, Nicole McDonald tofu burgers, religion pale into insignificance Morgan Burke ice cream and Am Johal beans. After the meal, Heather Hermant led the final assault. And, gosh, was it deadly. Karen Chan, Lisa Freeman, Sam Ladner and when compared to who each of Namiko Kunimoto died just thinking about it. Susan Cargill and Dawn Lessoway made their way to the gerbil pit. Michelle Shirley saw Jeff Miles first Lindy Newlove fired a lob Cultural of arrows at the evil warlock. Andrew Dennison slashed at him with his sword. Paul Kowalski said "Icky icky poo." Richelle Rae pushed Jeff into the gerbil pit, where he was us really is, and who we are instantly gobbled by Ellen Samland and Mauran Kim, the two head gerbils. Jamie Woods and Andrew Gray untied Simon, at last. Joan Hempipin smelled some Desire Harrison diversity called to be. I am reminded of smoke. Fernie Pereira closed the book on that silly story. the Little Prince's secret: "On ne revealing voit qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel Editors: est invisible pour les yeux." Coordinating Editor Siobhan Roantree • Copy Editor: Sarah O'Donnell • News Editor: Matt Thompson Having been at UBC as an ex Culture Editor: Peter T. Chattaway • Sports Editor: Scott Hayward • National/Features Editor: Federico Barahona change student from Malaysia Edmund Oh Joo Vin Production Coordinator: Joe Clark • Photo Coordinator: Jenn Kuo for the past three months, I have Biology exchange student LETTERS POLICY: Letters to the editor must be under 300 words. "Perspectives" are opinion pieces over 300 words but under 750 words and are run according to space. "Freestyles" are opinion pieces written by Ubyssey staff members. Priority will be given to letters and perspectives over freestyles unless the latter is time sensitive. Opinion pieces will not be run unless the identity of the writer has been verified. Please include your phone number, student number and signature (not for publication) as well as your year and faculty with all submissions. ID will be checked when submissions are dropped off at the office of The Ubyssey, otherwise verification will be done by phone. The Ubyssey 14 Wednesday, April 3,1996 Musicolumn II Lush — Lovelife [Mercury] lb anyone who's spent the last four years THE UNIVERSITY COLLEGE OF basking in the noisy, ethereal din of Lush's shoegazing aura (a sound they defined in Gala, THE CARIBOO • KAMLOOPS then worked to a frenzied death in Spooky), the bass assault that opens Lowtffe is like a sober- . *^ irig slap to the face-wake up, wake up from that JL*~ languid stupour! Snort your coffee and mosh if/]1 against the wallt 'M PhWp King hits the chords like DuaneEddy Slow there is on amphetamines and Mlkl Berenyi sneers her vocals through the bar rage with a blistering intensity, but there's an unusual clarity about the band's sound now. For one thing, you can make out the lyrics-there's no anew. , echo to obscure the castrati effects-and on 'LadykHlere' you can even near terse, staccato silences between the handclaps. "Handclaps?" you ask. "In a Lush song?" Yes, and a string section, some horns, and the down-to-earth guest vocals of Jarvis Cocker on jale — Closed EP [Murder] With ait four members of jale taMrtg turns at writing the songs, sing • Unique Career Programs ing the vocals and trading Instruments, It would be problematic, if not impossible, to achieve any sort of coherent sound. Jale manages quite well to avoid such perils. Though only a brief tour through the band's • Beautiful campus and material, tha five songs on Ctosed are varied in styles and content while maintaining a consistent quality. Eachlof the four women takes a turn at focusing the group while staying true to thai similar tastes they share, a great facilities grealwo^vefsttyofnHaicisacriievedwfmoutsplintaf^ Their voices work well together, all with a soft feel over a vaguely // thrashy instrumentation. Most of the songs are about love and relation- • Kamloops ~ the big "small ships and the ending of such, whites few dweH on self-ewmiinattoa'Jesus Loves Me' takes a different direction and (Tttkiim that comV>riTtrty born city with a bit of everything oflenelfaie»swliich,intheshapeofmassmedteandpopul» on the facile answers offered by a society of scattered cliches. With thoughtful lyrics and good musteoverai, tote bopefo&ywW con tinue to mature in both areas. At this point, though, they're still worth picking up. (jale will be at the Starfish Room with local band Zumpano and Edmonton's My Pat Joey on April &) • Jama Newman DDT — Lotgood [Shake the record label] SUMMER SESSION What can I say? DOT is compact, electrifying and clouded in noise. DDT is a Vancouver band that has been around for almost two years and has established quite a name for themselves. The CD cover has collages APRIL 29th - AUGUST 1st ofthe band members, naked or dressed, making vague sexual innuendos that seem all too laughable. The band transcends a raw energy that never seems to run out But a minor fault, perhaps a bonus, with the music Is 70 courses to choose from. that it is too fast and too short, making the lyrics inaudible and unintelli gible. But then, DDT is only a new band; they do have the potential to eject For a course list & application themselves into the musks work). - Wah Kee Tkig please call: 828-5120 or r TAKE THE CREDIT! -i e-mail: [email protected] Your Future in Professional Accounting BCIT's two-year program in Financial Management will fast-track you into a career in professional accounting. If you have a University Degree in ANY field you THF T M!VFRSTTY COT T FGF X JL JLJL_i KJ X \ JL V JL.J.\»~/J. J. JL V^A^/JLf I,,, I,,,. VJ?JL< may be eligible for direct entry into the 2nd year of Financial Management. OF THE CARIBOO NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR FALL '96 TRANSFERRING TO A DEGREE PROGRAM? For future information please contact: Margaret Briscall • B.A. • B.Sc. * B.Ed. Associate Dean Finahcial Management • B.S.N. • B.S.W. • B.N.R.S. Tel: (604) 432-8898 Apply now for September '96 Deadline is April 15th for most degrees. LBRITISH COLUMBIA INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY Admissions: (604) 828-5071 Wednesday, April 3,1996 15 e-mail: [email protected] opinion out our alterations, and in the make this event as big and evening the advertisements professional as possible. Storming the Advertisements™ were repainted. Every faculty and organization Our second heat offered stiffer on campus is struggling competition. The guards positioned financially and most are under a by Joan Hempipen win Big Macs. While this was the Wall; instead of trying to get themselves more strategically, lot more pressure than wo weeks ago, two going on, the teams were to the top of a logo, teams could played frisbee to keep themselves Intramurals. Can they all erect monstrous billboards, somewhere on campus, swirrrming, try to get past the Intramural awake, yelled at suspicious bushes, large ads on campus? Imagine a T erected in the heart of biking, and running their way guards, and paint over a logo. and had more testosterone. But university where every building UBC's campus, marked the toward the billboards. Eventually Storm the Advertisement ™ they didn't expect us to attack has a huge logo plastered to it, beginning of a rather curious they came bursting between the seemed more worthwhile and when the campus was busy. So where faculties are sponsored by sporting event, Storm the Wall. In Compaq and the UTV signs, had the added advantage of not while they were having dinner, companies. We already have the the event's first week, the entered the field, and attempted requiring a $45 entry fee. So a we walked over to the billboards MacMillan forestry building and billboards, painted with enormous to scale the huge Coca-Cola few friends and I decided we with paint rollers in hand and got a 3M physics professor. What's Coca-Cola, McDonald's, and logo. would organize a team to to work. next? "The Lamborghini Chess other logos, towered over a field Years ago, the Wall was a lot participate. When the guards arrived to Club: fast cars, fast minds?" These of sawdust. more like a wall than a billboard. Our first heat was the night two white walls, there was things should be funded by the Presumably, the teams It started the week white, and before the official race, and much cursing. But soon, public, and every time we look to needed time to grow accustomed students could paint what they pitted us against un thirty Intramural members corporate funding we allow to the logos to get to know the wanted on it: a pastoral prepared compe arrived with ladders, government to abdicate enemy, and psych themselves landscape, "Jack loves Jill", tition—two Intramu soap, sponges and responsibility. for their assault. The second "USA out of Nicaragua", and ral guards wearing scrub brushes. I could Unfortunately, we sometimes week was more interesting. Each even "I love Big Macs". paisley pyjamas and only admire their have to make tough choices and day began with the inflation of a Intramurals, who organize the curled up in sleeping determination and balance the benefits of staging a huge Ronald McDonald who race, never banned this tradition, bags. We finished in spirit as they formed worthwhile event against the swayed serenely over the field in they simply invited corporations a time of 3 min 43 groups, assigned tasks harm of accepting sponsorship. the lotus position. I imagine to paint the wall first. It appeared sec, and when we fWK|tf and offered advice The right decision is not always Ronald was meant to act as a that students still had a claim to were done UTV and encouragement obvious; but if I disagree, I can referee of sorts, although I never the wall; it was purchased with had become NO TV, the to each other. As they scrubbed, usually turn my television off. saw him call a penalty. our money, and neither the Newspaper with Attitude was the Golden Arches and the giant During Storm the Wall, there Throughout the week, students nor the University the Newspaper with Platitude, Coca-Cola bottle gradually was no way for me to avoid the students sat on the grassy knoll administration had given Always Coca-Cola was Always emerged from behind the white barrage of advertising. I am, of overlooking the field, watching corporations permission to put In Your Face, and there was an paint. The air rang with their course, used to seeing ads around the antics of the announcers. At up their logos. ad for a new restaurant called cheery voices and I realized they hockey rinks or on NBA warm- regular intervals, there were It seemed appropriate then, to McPropaganda. The next were going to succeed. And up jackets. But Intramurals went opportunities for the audience to add another dimension to Storm morning, Intramurals whited while I watched this plucky team beyond this. Their advertising of Intramurals finish scrubbing was so extreme and so blatant the wall, I wondered why they as to make it impossible to find were able to clean two entire the sporting event. Intramurals billboards in two and a half not only sold themselves, they hours when it took us days to get pimped for the university as well. This Message Could the paint off our hands. But then We are becoming a world I remembered that they had where advertising jingles are corporate sponsorship. Save You a Year replacing music. Where our But why did these people sports heroes are owned by shoe show such enthusiasm? Why had companies, and the Mounties they all rushed here, two weeks are owned by Disney. Of in Your Move before final exams, to protect the Intramurals, I ask only one interests of McDonald's and favour. Please help make our Coca-Cola? If you ask some of universities a haven from to Management them, they will tell you that corporate profit-driving. Find Intramurals is struggling for ways of encouraging students to money and they need to attract participate in sports without corporate sponsorship to organize pasting a logo to their backs. And events like Storm the Wall. But please help us create an after watching the race, it was atmosphere where students are April 15, 1996: CMA Entrance clear Intramurals is not facing a educated instead of target financial crisis. The week's marketed. Exam Registration Deadline production had been glitzy and Joan Hempipen is a figment of your slick. Every attempt was made to imagination Enrol now to write the CMA Entrance Examination and save a year in your move to management. The Entrance Examination for the CMA Professional Program is offered YOUR COMPLETE COPY SHOP only once each year, in June. PRICELESS 20% OFF Two-thirds of the career opportunities in the accounting Full Serve Copies with this ad profession are now in the field of management accounting + Colour Laser Copies • Computer Rentals and only one program, the CMA Professional Program, • Colour Print-Outs • Scanning Service is devoted entirely to training in mlnagement accounting. • Resume Preparation • Binding So, take the right step toward a career in management. + Laminating • Complete Fax Service • Graphic Design The Entrance Examination will be held June 18-19.1996. COPIES • Page Layout The enrolment deadline is April 15. #103 - 5728 University Blvd. For information call us at 687-5891 Located in the Village at UBC (in Vancouver), or toll free at CMA 222-1060 SS 1-800-663-9646. Certified Management Accountants WE PICK UP & DELIVER of British Columbia 16 The Ubyssey Wednesday, April 3,1996 GROUND BREAKING DEAL.^4 V Si / BC mis SOVL , "ft*- Wl KNiDAVID fSTRANGWA Y defends UBC's controversial new pact with the devil. Lucifer was not present at the press conference. jHaHHH By RALPH FUNZY/ Weekly World Nubyssey •••••~ cSsHL-i-"*-**^ ^—•—-^^ -^ rYve devil- Dav^ a age ofstu gad p r °!n "Tbedea\^ \ ua even 1mpi• detvts,, aV d \trie W^r* ^ l \,dvatage of stu ^^ a. ^ome student ^rmngl W unav^U a eventual^ - - i - ^cu^ - vvefcon^1 than thevr ucaW5^ _- - Mayor Phillip Owen's startling announcement that Elvis was spotted in Vancouver sparked crazed demonstrations among King-krazed retro-activists demanding Elvis run for the city's highest office. ^mm^^^^ "If he's the King of Rock and Roll, he sure as hell can By ELLIS MCDANIELS be King of Vancouver," said retro-rocker Chester Field. Weekly World Nubyssey Owen would not comment on whether he would be willing to take the King on in the next civic elec Mayor Owen isn't the tion. He also declined to discuss the nature of his only person to have | business dealings in seen Elvis. Local Down the vicinity of the town Eastside resident 1% Downtown Eastside. Jimmy Hoffa claims He was, however, Elvis has been visiting | "Il he's Ihe King excited about having the Downtown Eastside Elvis reside in for years. ol Rock and Roll, Vancouver. "It's true!" said "I think it'll be real Hoffa. "I've seen him I good for business many times. he sure as hell can be and for our city's "One time he come tourism industry, right up to me and he King ol Vancouver. having the King said Son, if you don't here," Owen told re stop drinkin' that rice porters. "I mean, you wine, it'll kill yeh.' I only have to con been drinkin' Ginseng sider how many brandy ever since. I'd tourists go visit sure as hell vote fori A H A ^p^p^pH Graceland every him." ^M m 9 ^^•^•^•H year. And Elvis Although Elvis has yet ^m M i ^^^^^^M really even there, to officially declare his I ^ ^B A ^••••••B since we now know candidacy, mayor or for certain that he's not, the King is alive and | here in our city." rocking in Vancouver. When at his "greatest," the King could scarf down ELVIS a whopping 32 fried pea nut butter sandwhiches ATE at one sitting! This out does previous record- holder Jaundice Boil by LIKE A PIG! more than a dozen! ADVERTISEMENT ADVERTISEMENT ADVERTISEMENT LOSE HUNDREDS OF POUNDS FAST! READ YOUR DOG'S MIND! MAKE EXTRA CASH QUICK! EXPERIENCE HOUR-LONG ORGASMS! BILLY BOB'S PSYCHIC WEIGHT LOSS SEX MACHINE FRIENDS ever again exercise or watch Never again be a complete failure at • "It's simply amazing. After I stopped what you eat! You'll watch work! 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