17 TH OF TAMMUZ – JULY 9, 2020 A DIFFERENT KIND OF GRIEF AND MOURNING

We are all grieving.

We grieve over the brokenness of the world, as climate change endangers all of our futures, as refugees and asylum seekers desperately seek safety, as poverty and hunger increases, as people of color are threatened by state violence, and as too many live without basic freedoms.

We grieve over personal losses — the death of loved ones, our own loss of safety and security in the face of a global pandemic, loss of jobs and economic security, and the loss of the old “normal” as our everyday lives change drastically.

In the midst of the large-scale grief of the world, some of us may feel that our personal losses are not worthy of attention. But our personal grief over the small and large losses in our life are just as real, and just as deserving of mourning. David Kessler, co-author with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross of On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss, explained recently,

The people who are wrestling with grief because they lost their job — that’s a very valid loss, and it deserves to be honored and acknowledged, just as we should acknowledge the grief of somebody whose sibling died of the virus. Those losses are not the same, but they are equally valid … Your work is to feel your sadness and fear and anger whether or not someone else is feeling something.1

The fast of Shiva Asar B’Tammuz (the 17th of Tammuz) begins an annual period of mourning in the Jewish calendar. This day commemorates the moment that the Romans broke through the walls of Jerusalem, leaving the people huddled and frightened in their homes, waiting for the inevitable final destruction. Three weeks later, our grief culminates with Tisha B’Av (the 9th of Av), which marks the destruction of the two Temples in Jerusalem, as well as other tragedies of Jewish history.

As we experience losses both small and large, this three week period offers us an outlet for expressing our grief. The 17th of Tammuz allows us a moment to feel our personal pain and our fear of what is to come, before the more public global mourning of Tisha B’Av. Rabbi Rachel Barenblat writes, The Jewish calendar gives us these Three Weeks as a time for feeling the brokenness that characterizes every heart and every life. These weeks offer an invitation, and an opportunity to feel what hurts. Not because we’re going to stay in that brokenness, but precisely because we’re not — and because recognizing what’s broken is the first step toward healing, as individuals and as a community. 2

In the grand scheme of the Jewish calendar, the Three Weeks are the ultimate descent, with the grief serving as the jumping off point for the slow ascent to the High Holidays. From the grief of Tammuz and Av, we turn to the reflection and epentancer in Elul, and, ultimately, the joy and celebration in Tishrei.

1 https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief 2 http://thewisdomdaily.com/why-the-three-weeks-of-grief-in-the-jewish-calendar-can-be-healing/

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The Jewish calendar gives us these Three Weeks as a time for feeling the brokenness that characterizes every heart and every life. These weeks offer an invitation, and an opportunity to feel what hurts. Not because we’re going to stay in that brokenness, but precisely because we’re not — and because recognizing what’s broken is the first step toward healing, as individuals and as a community.2

In the grand scheme of the Jewish calendar, the Three Weeks are the ultimate descent, with the grief serving as the jumping off point for the slow ascent to the High Holidays. From the grief of Tammuz and Av, we turn to the reflection and repentance in Elul, and, ultimately, the joy and celebration in Tishrei.

What we are marking

Mishnah Ta’anit 4:6 WHAT WE ARE MARKING​ ​ ֲחִמ ָשּׁה ְדָבִרים ֵאְרעוּ ֶאת ֲאבוֵֹתינוּ ְבּ ִשְׁבָעה Mishnah There Ta’anit were 4:6five events that happened to our ancestors on the Seventeenth of Tammuz and five ָע ָשׂר ְבַּתמּוּז וֲַחִמ ָשּׁה ְבִּת ְשָׁעה ְבאָב. There were five events that happened to our ancestors on the Ninth of Av. ְבּ ִשְׁבָעה ָע ָשׂר ְבַּתמּוּז נְִשַׁתְּבּרוּ ַהלּוּחוֹת, on the Seventeenth of Tammuz and five on the Ninth of Av. וָּבַטל ַהָתִּמיד, וְֻהְבְקָעה ָהִעיר, וְָשַׂרף On the Seventeenth of Tammuz: The tablets were On the Seventeenthshattered; ofthe Tammuz: tamid The(daily) tablets offering were was אַפּוְֹסטֹמוֹס ֶאת ַהתּוָֹרה, וְֶהֱעִמיד ֶצֶלם shattered;cancelled; the tamid (daily)the [walls] offering of thewas cancelled; city were breached; ַבֵּהיָכל. the [walls] of the city were breached; Apostomos burned the and Apostomos burned the Torah and placed an Torah; and an idol was placed in the Temple. ֹ .idol in the Temple ְבִּת ְשָׁעה ְבאָב נְִגזַר ַעל ֲאבוֵֹתינוּ ֶשׁלּא On the Ninth of Av it was decreed that our ancestors יִָכּנְסוּ ָלאֶָרץ, וְָחַרב ַהַבּיִת ָבִּראשׁוֹנָה should notOn enter the theNinth land, of the Av Temple it was was decreed destroyed that the our first וַּב ְשּׁנִיָּה, וְנְִלְכָּדה ֵביָתר, וְנְֶחְר ָשׁה ָהִעיר. time andancestors the second time,should Betar not was enter captured, the land, and the the city Temple was plowed up. When Av enters, they limit their rejoicing. ִמ ֶשּׁנְִּכנַס אָב, ְמַמֲעִטין ְבּ ִשְׂמָחה ,was destroyed the first time and the second time Talmud, Yevamot 43b BetarTalmud, was captured, Yevamot​ and 43b​ the city was plowed up. ​ ​ How do theWhen events Av on enters, Shiva they Asar limit B’Tammuz their rejoicing. differ from those of Tisha B’Av? How might the people have אלא אמר רב אשי שאני אבילות חדשה מאבילות ישנה ושאני אבילות דרבים מאבילות דיחיד: אלא אמר?categories רב אthese שי of שאני each אבtoי לות חדparallel שה מfeel אבילוworldת ישנown ה ושyourא ניor אביlife לות ownד רביyourם מin אבילוlossesת דיחידresponded to each? :Which Rather, Rav Ashi stated: New mourning is different from old mourning, and the mourning Rather, Rav Ashi stated: New mourning is different from old mourning, and the mourning SOME FOODHow ofdo the FORthe public events THOUGHT is on different Shiva Asar from B’Tammuz the [private] differ mourning from those of the of individual.Tisha B’Av? How might the of the public is different from the [private] mourning of the individual. Talmud,people Yevamot have responded43b to each? Which losses in your own life or your own world feel Talmud, Yevamot​ 43b​ parallel to each of these categories?

mourning אלthe א as אמר רב אשי understood שאנareי אבילות חד”mourning שה מאבילותindividual“ ישנandה ושאני אבי”mourningל ות דרnew“ בים מאבילות ד,Traditionallyיחיד: Traditionally, “new mourning” and “individual mourning” are understood as the mourning Rather, Rav Ashibrought stated: on New by mourning an acute is crisis, different like from the olddeath mourning, of a loved and the one. mourning “Old mourning”of the public andis different “public Rather,S oRavmbroughte Ashi Foo stated:d on fo byr T Newanho acuteu gmourninght crisis, islike different the death from of aold loved mourning, one. “Old and mourning” the mourning and “public from the [private]mourning” mourning are of understoodthe individual. as the mourning we inherit from our ancestors — mourning of the public mourning” is different are from understood the [private] as the mourning mourning of we the inherit individual. from our ancestors — mourning over the Temple, exile, and antisemitism. Traditionally, “newover themourning” Temple, and exile, “individual and antisemitism. mourning” are understood as the mourning brought on by an 2 http ://thewisdomdaily.com/why-the-three-weeks-of-grief-in-the-jewish-calendar-can-be-healing/ ​ acute crisis, likeWhat the to death you rightof a loved now one.feels “Oldlike “old mourning” mourning”? and “public What feels mourning” like “new are mourning”? understood What as the Traditionally,What “new to youmourning” right now and feels “individual like “old mourning” mourning”? are What understood feels like as “new the mourning mourning”? What mourning we mourninginherit from feels our private,ancestors and — whatmourning feels overpublic? the What Temple, are exile, your anddifferent antisemitism. experiences with brought onmourning by an acute feels crisis, private, like the and death what of feels a loved public? one. What “Old aremourning” your different and “public experiences with each kind of mourning? In what ways do you or don’t you feel connected to others, to your Whatmourning” to you right eachare understood nowkind feels of mourning? like as “oldthe mourning mourning”? In what ways we What inherit do youfeels from or like don’t our “new ancestorsyou mourning”? feel connected — mourning What to mourning others, tofeels your community, or to the larger world in each? private,over the and Temple, whatcommunity, feels exile, public? andor to antisemitism. What the larger are your world different in each? experiences with each kind of mourning? In what ways do you or don’t you feel connected to others, to your community, or to the larger world in each?

What to youMishneh right now Torah, feels like Fasts “old 5:1 mourning”? What feels like “new mourning”? What משנה תורה, הלכות תעניות ה׳:א׳ Mishneh Torah,Mishneh Fasts Torah, 5:1 Fasts 5:1 משנה תורה, ה לכות with תעניות ה׳:א׳ mourning feels private, and what feels public? What are your different experiences There are days on which all Israel fasts because of (א) יֵשׁ ָשׁם יָ ִמים your ֶשָׁכּto ל יְִשָׂרֵא,othersל ִמto ְתַענִּים eachThere kind are days ofThere mourning? on which are all days IsraelIn what on fasts which ways because all do ofIsrael you the or fasts don’t because you feel of connected (א) יֵשׁ ָשׁם יִָמים ֶשָׁכּל יְִשָׂרֵאל ִמְתַענִּים the misfortunes that occurred on them, in order to community,misfortunes that theor tooccurred misfortunes the larger on them, worldthat in occurredorder in each? to arouse on them, the hearts in order to ָבֶּהם ִמְפּנֵי ַהָצּרוֹת ֶשֵׁאְרעוּ ָבֶּהן ְכֵּדי ְלעוֵֹרר arouse the hearts to open to the ways of ָבֶּהם ִמְפּנֵי ַהָצּרוֹת ֶשֵׁאְרעוּ ָבֶּהן ְכֵּדי ְלעוֵֹרר to open to thearouse ways of the repentance, hearts toand open that thisto the be a ways reminder of of ַהְלָּבבוֹת ִלְפתַֹּח ַדְּרֵכי ַהְתּשׁוָּבה וְיְִהיֶה זֶה repentance, and that this be a reminder of our evil ַהְלָּבבוֹת ִלְפתַֹּח ַדְּרֵכי ַהְתּשׁוָּבה וְיְִהיֶה זֶה our evil deedsrepentance, and the deeds and of our that ancestors this be that a reminder are like our ofdeeds our evil זִָכּרוֹן ְלַמֲע ֵשׂינוּ ָהָרִעים וַּמֲע ֵשׂה ֲאבוֵֹתינוּ Mishneh Torah,deeds Fastsand the 5:1 deeds of our ancestors that are like זִָכּרוֹן ְלַמֲע ֵשׂימנוּ שנָההָר ִעתיוםר וּה,ַמ ֲעהֵלשׂכהו ֲתא בוֹתֵעתניינווּ ת ה׳: א׳ that caused thesedeeds misfortunes and the fordeeds them of and our for ancestors us. In remembering that are like ֶשׁהיָה ְכַּמע ֵשׂינוּ ַעתּה ַעד ֶשׁגַּרם להם ולנוּ our deeds that caused these misfortunes for them ָ ֲ ָ ָ ֶָ ְָ these things weour return deeds to goodness,that caused as it theseis written, misfortunes “And you shall for them ֶשָׁהיָה ְכַּמֲע ֵשׂינוּ ַעָתּה ַעד ֶשָׁגַּרם ָלֶהם וְָלנוּ There are daysand foron whichus. In rememberingall Israel fasts thesebecause things of we return אוָֹתן ַהָצּרוֹת.( אֶשׁ) ְבּיֵזְִכשׁ רוָֹשׁן םְדּ יָָבִמִרייםם ֵֶשׁאָכּלּוּל נָיְִשׁשׂוָּרבֵ אל ִמְתַענִּיםand for us. In remembering these things we return אוָֹתן ַהָצּרוֹת. ֶשְׁבּזְִכרוֹן ְדָּבִרים ֵאלּוּ נָשׁוּב theconfess misfortunes your transgressionsto goodness, that occurred and as theit is transgressions onwritten, them, “Andin orderof youryou to ancestors”shall confess ְלֵהיִטיב ֶשׁנֱֶּאַָמבּרה ם( ויִמקְפּנֵרי א ַהכָצּו-רוֹמ)ת "ֶשׁוְִֵאהְרתוַעוּדּ וּ ָבּהן ְכֵּדי לעוֵֹרconfess ר to goodness, as it is written, “And you shall ְלֵהיִטיב ֶשׁנֱֶּאַמֶר (ויקרא כו-מ) "וְִהְתוַדּוּ ֶ ְ arouse(Lev. 27:40). the heartsyour transgressions to open to the and ways the of transgressions of ֶאת ֲעוֹנָם וְֶאתה ֲלּעוֹבן בוֲֹאתבֹ ָתלםפ"תֹּ וְח גוֹדּ':ר ֵכי התּשׁוּבה ויִהיֶה זהyour transgressions and the transgressions of ֶאת ֲעוֹנָם וְֶאתַ ְֲעוָֹן ֲאבָֹתְִם" ַוְגוַֹ':ְ ַ ְ ָ ְ ְ ֶ repentance,your and ancestors”that this be (Lev. a reminder 27:40). of our evil זכּרוֹן לַמע ֵשׂינוּ הרעים וַּמע ֵשׂה אבוֹתינוּ .(your ancestors” (Lev. 27:40 ִָ ְ ֲ ָ ִָ ֲ ֲ ֵ deeds and the deeds of our ancestors that are like ֶשָׁהיָה ְכַּמֲע ֵשׂינוּ ַעָתּה ַעד ֶשָׁגַּ רם ָלֶהם וְָלנוּ our deeds that caused these misfortunes for them

אוָֹתן ַהָצּרוֹת. ֶשְׁבּזְִכרוֹן ְדָּבִרים ֵאלּוּ נָשׁוּב and for us. In remembering these things we return T’ruah: The RabbinicIn Call what for Human ways Rights can | 266 taking W. 37th timeSt. Suite to 803, slow New York, down NY 10018 and | feelwww.truah.org grief “arouse our @TruahRabbis hearts” to act act ְלtoֵה יִטיב ֶשׁנֶּ”hearts ֱאַמרour (ויקרא arouse“כ ו-מ) grief "וְִהfeelְת וַדּוּ to goodness,In whatas it is ways written, can taking“And you time shall to slow confess down and your transgressionsdifferently and in the the world, transgressions and to pursue of justice? In what ways are we still suffering from the from the את עוֹנsufferingָם ואstillת עוֹweן אבareֹ תם" וwaysג וֹ': differently in the world, and to pursue justice? In what your ancestors”deeds (Lev.of our 27:40). ancestors? Why is it important to confess toְ theָ transgressionsֲ ֲ ְֶ ֲ of ֶpast deeds of our ancestors? Why is it important to confess to the transgressions of past generations? How have the transgressions of past generations — and our own — led to the generations? How have the transgressions of past generations — and our own — led to the inequities that this crisis is exposing? How have you experienced grief and anger over these inequities that this crisis is exposing? How have you experienced grief and anger over these inequities? How can we move from that grief into action and reparation? In what waysinequities? can taking How time can to weslow move down from and that feel grief grief into “arouse action our and hearts” reparation? to act

differently in the world, and to pursue justice? In what ways are we still suffering from the

deeds of our ancestors? Why is it important to confess to the transgressions of past generations? How have the transgressions of past generations — and our own — led to the

inequities that this crisis is exposing? How have you experienced grief and anger over these inequities? How can we move from that grief into action and reparation?

In what ways can taking time to slow down and feel grief “arouse our hearts” to act differently in the world, and to pursue justice? In what ways are we still suffering from the deeds of our ancestors? Why is it important to confess to the transgressions of past generations? How have the transgressions of past generations — and our own — led to the inequities that this crisis is exposing? How have you experienced grief and anger over these inequities? How can we move from that grief into action and reparation?

Balak 4 (from Sefat Emet 4:157-8; Bemidbar 5648/1888)

It is taught that “the broken tablets lie in the Ark.” Surely the gift God gave us was not for naught. If we were not yet ready to receive the gift, it was hidden away in the Ark. The breaking of the tablets took place on the Seventeenth of Tammuz [the date when the wall of Jerusalem was breached by the Romans]. All these breaks have to be healed. That is why Israel is dispersed and exiled throughout the lands, in order to gather those fragments. When all is restored, we will be able to receive those “first tablets.”

Arthur Green (translation and commentary), The Language of Truth: The Torah Commentary of the Sefat Emet: Rabbi Yehudah Leib Alter of Ger (Philadelphia: JPS, 1998), pp. 261-2.

The Sefat Emet points out that the Israelites continue to carry the shards of the broken tablets through the desert as a reminder of the sins of our past and as a promise of a future where that brokenness will become whole. Mourning is a part of healing.

How will you know that the world has healed — that it will be time to turn our mourning into rejoicing? What do you imagine our healed world looks like?

Benji Hart, Rebellious Mourning: The Collective Work of Grief, edited by Cindy Milstein (AK Press, 2017).

Pretending I am not sad, hiding my pain, will not make me stronger. In fact, suppressing my true self, ignoring the fear and rage that surrounds loss, is exactly what in the long run will weaken me. When we talk of self-care, self-defense, and self- preservation, we need to talk not about overcoming our feelings of grief but allowing them, making room for them. We need to talk about movement building that allows us to feel­—in all the different ways that may come—and does not expect us to erase or bottle up our sadness in the name of organizing, leadership, or action.

Let us not push forward so decidedly that we do not stop to mourn. It is not merely OK to grieve. It is wholly necessary if we are to remain connected to our collective power, truly invested in our liberation, and whole enough to sustain ourselves in struggle.

Benji Hart is an artist, activist and writer currently living in Chicago. Much of his work focuses on using the dance form [known as] vogue as a tool for teaching black and brown queer history, and planning direct actions. More of his writing can be found at his blog, Radical Faggot, at radfag.com.

How will you take time for your grief, regardless of what you are grieving? How can this grief connect you to others? How can leaning into your grief in this moment ultimately become a source of strength? How can it help contribute to our collective liberation?

Texts assembled by Frankie Sandmel, Rabbinic Organizing Intern

T’ruah: The Rabbinic Call for Human Rights | 266 W. 37th St. Suite 803, New York, NY 10018 | www.truah.org @TruahRabbis