—Hence, Tirade

e. —hence , t irad to: literary a misfits digital monthly from: robocup

zine press

FEBRUARY 2018 | THE LOVE + HATE ISSUE. I don't know how to write love letters.

-Frida Kahlo t w o table of contents plasmatic valentine 2 by tamryn spruill micro poem from The Twitter Hive Mind Is Dreaming 5 by jackie wang lost color 6 by katy ilonka i do 7 by judy swann love & hate playlists 8 by nottheboyevan monthly [horoscapes] 10 by matthew burnside blue is the warmest color movie review 12 by her head in films knock knock 13 by j. bradley coming next month ... 14 tuesday 15 by adrian slonaker nothing more to tell 16 by mitchell krockmalnik grabois the collection 20 by sarah etlinger contributor bios 22 acknowledgments 25 —hence, tirade.

f SUBMIT o

SUBSCRIBE u

www.robocup-press.com

cooked from thecooked from the

inside by myinside by my

desire. desire.

-Jackie Wang

Pre-orders for her forthcoming Twitter-poem collection begin 3/3!

5 Lost Color Katy Ilonka

I cannot find it. Pushed bark into bloodshot birds and the irises that smell of the times you were here and it has gone. I have heard of a professor who studies the passage of time building a machine that brings the eyes into a single space and places the color precisely. I have heard of a yogi mechanic who adjusts the color with a chakra wrench until it glows just right. I have heard of the times our steps were in sync. I can learn to love a violet or a Majorelle blue in the same way I bought periwinkle paint from the art store around the corner and smeared it into the crevices of my hardwood floor hoping to deepen. But what is desire if it can be misdirected? The temporary tattoo of a Persian blue bird on your cheek is turning to stardust. You smell of bloodshot irises and the times you were here in sync. Oliver Sacks took hallucinogens to bring it back back back but I am afraid of what it means that I can only have indigo in another world.

s i x I Do Judy Swann

He loves me. The violet has bloomed a new bloom. He loves me. Zion holds out her hands.

I come from a long line of grudge holders. He says OK. I have fish to iron, and a full plate to fry. He says OK.

He says his favorite time of year is the pink apple trees unfurling their white curls.

I warn him I struggle with solipsism, I am afraid of clouds, I say I cannot listen to music. He says OK.

He asks what we should do when we get to Zion with our shields, our gold dust, and our books

What should we do? he asks, after we eat the angels’ bread and I am filled with a smoldering need to check my phone and

I do.

7 d

w sts playli n

<3 8 n i n e

d o w n l o a d H8 [Horoscapes] ten

A Q U A R I U S / The kind of girl who makes furious snow angels only to lop their wings off with a stick

The baby is always plastic in your dream; there are cogs that turn but no winder. In the room that still smells of fresh paint, thirteen kites crawl across sunset like centipedes wriggling through dirt. At dinner you smear the conflict: pass the gravy, fling the fork, wipe your goddamn mouth off, at least, just to paint the illusion of manners. One must have mighty orbits to muster gravity! How an upside-down house shifts, swerves, always in limbo. In the shower where you wring your wings, he hears the sound of something that both is & isn't the wet glug of grief stampeding down the drain. Tomorrow the UPS man will deliver a late shower gift from your mother—a dark-stained bassinet. You’ll say you still can’t bring yourself to bury it in the backyard. Some afternoon he’ll finally paint over the room, any color other than blue. Hustle your blood, my darling bride: Soon we’ll wear these vows like crucifixion

Matthew Burnside P I S C E S / The kind of guy who urinates on nativity baby Jesus

All grief is elliptical, or so the bright pages claim, while ninja stars rain through the windshield of your soul. Because you once read an interesting book about a wizard named Jesus, you vowed to invest in magic. If one could make a dove disappear, in theory the dove could be summoned back out of thin air with enough faith. But you found only scorched feathers in your palms, the answer to your question an emphatic Yes: a prayer can be issued forth in the form of a scream. Earthly heirlooms stolen under cover of night by a thief in the clouds. With a pistol you'll pronounce your finale. Curtains will crumble. The audience will melt. The meek shall inherit the meadows, but only after the mutilation of so many lambs. In paradise, there is a chandelier that never fails. In hell, a wet match that begs to burn

11 Matthew Burnside movie l reviews i s t EPISODE DESCRIPTION In this episode, I explore the controversies and complexities e of Abdellatif Kechiche's 2013 film "Blue is the Warmest Color," which also took home n the Palme d'Or at the Cannes Film Festival.

12 Knock Knock J. Bradley

13 March 2 is Old Stuff Day, described as an baggage opportunity to identify and change the ruts and routines that keep us stagnant. But, going deeper, "old stuff" can do a lot & more than create stagnation. "Old stuff" can be responsible for forever altering the course of our lives, through grief of the loss old things of a loved one or traumatic events that created long-lasting physical, mental, emotional, or psychic injuries. Some "old 14 stuff" we can toss out like a bag of old clothes headed to Goodwill, but other "old stuff" we cannot shake off so easily. In some circumstances, people must make space for the "old stuff" and find creative ways to peacefully coexist. Tell us about your baggage and "old stuff," whether figurative or literal. For the literal: Do you have old objects that hold emotional significance for you? Have you had objects c o m i n g of emotional significance stripped from your life? What is the impact of keeping these objects in your life? How have you n e x t been affected by the loss of meaningful objects from your life? Or, for any m o n t h interpretation: Is stuff just stuff? Submit by February 28! Tuesday Adrian Slonaker

Jerry's luminous Smurf alarm clock, the one not yet sold on eBay, reads ten past three while an unseen street sweeper hisses and hums somewhere, and though they met only two hours ago, he and David lie snugly, like gravy-drenched tilapia fillets in a pouch, under an unzipped used tangerine sleeping bag they've spontaneously redefined as a duvet. No one will judge Jerry for resting his razor-nicked bald head on David's shoulder where a Taurus tattoo will be peeling next week or David for scratching Jerry's calves with a toenail that deserves to be guillotined. Soon the vibrating school bell resonating from across the road will mean a return to their routine roles, Jerry to his penury and David to his pillbox, but right now they can protect and pretend.

15 Nothing More to Tell Mitchell Krockmalnik Grabois

I cannot speak anymore When I try to speak old spark plugs fall from my mouth like coins from a profligate slot machine

I choke as they rise in my throat

I hold a shiny metal bowl 16 to catch them a bowl I once used for making salads but now I use it to catch the spark plugs that fall from my mouth like coins from a profligate slot machine

I recognize the spark plugs They are the used-up plugs that I have taken from my roto-tiller over the last fifty years and put in an old box that once held Cuban cigars from the days when it was legal to have Cuban cigars in this country

I remember smoking them in quiet moments in my barn during the harsh winter months and thinking what it might be like to be in Cuba 17 with the senoritas, baskets of ripe fruit balanced on their heads a Cuba Libre in my hand

But I was born in Michigan and have become less articulate than my cows

When I open my mouth to speak old spark plugs rise in my throat

I pick up the spark plugs and examine their threads greasy and befouled no longer usable That’s why I removed them and replaced them with new ones which had to be replaced in turn

My roto-tiller burned oil and the plugs had to be replaced often I enjoyed changing spark plugs It was an easy and eloquent act like hanging sheets on the clothesline and watching them 18 billow in the breeze while I sat on the porch and smoked a Cuban cigar

Sometimes my wife took the cigar from between my lips and took a puff and we laughed She looked like Olive Oyl taking a puff from Popeye’s pipe her arms and legs skinny but capable of hard work Now spark plugs fall from my mouth like quarters from a profligate slot machine and clank into a metal pan

My wife says Don’t worry You’ve already said everything you need to say There is nothing more to tell

nineteen The Collection Sarah Etlinger

The red flask of your aftershave waits on the edge of my sink while I look for stray hairs.

Do you keep a collection of these that you leave by the sinks of women you want to love you?

Do you keep them 20 lined up in a closet next to the towels and toilet paper and lightbulbs, expecting transfer to brightly-lit bathrooms where women scrutinize each pore, yank each stray hair, in case you might want to love them today?

When there’s a museum of your love life and they turn it all into an exhibit, (including the collection of love notes from your lovers) what will the curator say?

21 contributor bios

J. Bradley is a writer based out of Orlando, FL. He is the author of the graphic poetry collection, The Bones of Us (YesYes Books, 2014), with art by Adam Scott Mazer, and The Adventures of Jesus Christ, Boy Detective (Pelekinesis, 2016). His chapbook, Neil, won Five [Quarterly]'s 2015 e-Chapbook Contest for Fiction. He is the curator of the Central Florida reading series There Will Be Words and he lives online at iheartfailure.net.

Matthew Burnside is the author of Postludes (KERNPUNKT PRESS, 2017). His work has appeared in Best American Experimental Writing, DIAGRAM, Ninth Letter, Kill Author, PANK, and Pear Noir! He currently teaches at Wesleyan University and is a graduate of the Iowa Writers’ Workshop. His poetry collection, Meditations of the Nameless Infinite, will be released in Spring 2018 via Robocup Press.

Sarah Etlinger is an English professor of Composition and Literature at a community college, currently working on a book of poems. She reside in Milwaukee, Wisconsin with her family and can be found online at https://www.facebook.com/sarah.etlinger.

Her Head in Films is the brainchild of Caitlin, whose head isn't in the clouds, but in films. On her podcast, she shares her personal thoughts and feelings about film (mainly art house and world cinema). Her podcast celebrates the personal, the subjective, and the emotional, and it is widely available on Podomatic, iTunes, and other places.

22 Mitchell Krockmalnik Grabois has been nominated for numerous prizes, and was awarded the 2017 Booranga Writers Centre Prize (Australia) for Fiction. His novel, Two-Headed Dog (based on his work as a clinical psychologist in a state hospital), is available via Kindle and Nook, or as a print edition. He lives in Denver.

nottheboyevan is the brainchild of Evan Cooper: music aficionado,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA intellectual, social activist, and general sassypants. A business student by day, Evan makes playlists and DJs at night just because. Yes, Evan is a girl, and her custom-made playlists – any genre, for any occasion – can be purchased here.

Katy Ilonka is a writer moonlighting as a PhD student in computer science; she studies how computers can help people be more creative. Her work has been recently published in the Submittable Blog and Synaesthesia Magazine. You can find her @katyilonka.

Adrian Slonaker works as a copywriter and copy editor in St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada. Adrian's work has appeared in Aberration Labyrinth, Squawk Back, The Bohemyth, Queen Mob's Tea House, Pangolin Review and others.

Tamryn Spruill was born human, but morphed into a different kind of being.

Judy Swann is an Ithacan and a project manager for a building performance/energy efficiency company. She is the editor of We Are All Well: The Letters of Nora Hall (Young Bros, 2016). Her short story “Tell Me Her Name” won the Way to My Heart prize in 2017. Her most recent

23 poem, “Talking Elizabeth Cady Stanton,” can be found in NY Votes for Women (2017). She has Bob Dylan hair and lives online at jmswann.com.

Jackie Wang is a student of the dream state, black studies scholar, prison abolitionist, poet, library rat, trauma monster and PhD student at Harvard. She lives online @loneberrywang.

24 acknowledgments

"Knock Knock" by J. Bradley appears in Pick How You Will Revise A Memory (Robocup Press 2016).

The micro poem by Jackie Wang appears in The Twitter Hive Mind Is Dreaming (forthcoming from Robocup Press 2018).