$3 Expressin’ Ourselves To Our Full Capabilities, Now We’re Livin’ In Correctional Facilities... $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com January 1st, 2009 [email protected] THE GREAT OUTDOORS It’s finally here. No more hype, I’ll Take Your Scraps Come Strong, Or Don’t Come At All no more webcams, no more bullshit. The There have been rumblings of dis- We can accept losses when the op- event we’ve all looked forward to has arrived. content in Bailout City. The Wings defense posing goalie stands on his head. We can Shockingly, the season does continue after -- or more to the point, goaltending -- has accept that maybe the Hawks got caught look- this, though you wouldn’t know it. not been up to snuff. They’re 20th in goals- ing forward, just a little, to this event (thank And that’s what makes today’s game against, and yet they’re third in shots-against. you very much, Mr. McDonough). We’ll even pivotal for the Hawks. Not because it’s at That would lead you to look between the grudgingly admit that Scum are better and Wrigley, or on NBC, or John McDonough may pipes, and specifically at Chris Osgood, who’s sometimes that will just shine through. What become the first team president to blow him- been pretty close to woeful. Unfortunately, we won’t take is being outmuscled by those self during it. It’s because the past two sea- we’ve now gotten a good look at Ty Conklin, dickwads. There’s no excuse for that. The sons, this is the exact point where the Hawks’ and we don’t like the view at all. He’s played Hawks were getting hit all over the ice. That season has gone off the rails. Last year, the wonderfully against us the past two encoun- can’t happen today. The Hawks must take Hawks roared through Christmas, winning ters. We’d rather not see a third. it to Scum physically, and we think with the four in a row, including the seminal victories Yet, the Wings are right where they immensity of the occasion they will, if for no over the Senators, Oilers, and Jordan Tootoo’s normally are, leading the division, and only a other reason than to get the crowd behind face. However, these efforts were followed by record-setting start from the Sharks is keep- them. two clunkers against the Kings -- the second ing them from the top of the Western heap. But this is another trap the Wings of which saw Captain Marvel hurt his knee. This will sound like whining and it partly is, can play on you. Teams concentrate so hard They proceeded to lose the next seven and but they’ve been able to do that through on hitting them and punishing them that they never recovered. their talent alone. They haven’t been defen- race out of position to do so. One slip like Two years ago, after the shit-canning sively sound. They haven’t brought a strong that usually leads to a goalie looking behind of Trent Yawney and the hiring of Savard, the effort every night. But they win, and they him and lots of Red Wing smiles that just Hawks threw up a 9-3-3 stretch. What fol- win because they don’t have to be near their make our blood boil. Especially Jiri Hudler’s, lowed was a puke-tastic sequence where the best to beat most teams in the league. Every couldn’t tell you why. The Hawks are one Hawks won 2 of 14 games and lost any chance team will provide you with a couple chances, of the few teams with enough speed to get of even beginning to consider to think about and with the bathtub of offensive-skill Scum caught out once or twice but recover. Find the the playoffs. boast, they’ll take those chances. And man, balance today, boys, and don’t make us regret So we’ve seen hot Decembers before. isn’t it annoying beyond belief? all the booze we drank to keep warm out here. Admittedly, we’ve never seen one this hot. We Not that we ever would. -Ronnie Woo-woo also haven’t seen hockey of this quality. But we’ll only know that this Hawks team is truly different if this train keeps a-rollin’ right into the new year. All Right, That Sucked Last night’s performance hasn’t put our fears to bed. But we also think the 4-0 scoreline makes it look a lot worse than it was. We’ve said it before, but the difference between Scum and pretty much the rest of the league is they don’t miss when they have the chance. In the first period last night, the Hawks carried most, if not all, of the play. Their power play was dancing circles. Conklin made some big saves, one stupid penalty from Buff, and you’re down one. Repeat for second period, but replace Kane for Buff. Down two. You know what they say about Detroit: Give them an inch, they’ll steal your car. However, this wasn’t like the game at the beginning of December which Detroit stole. They had their share of domination as well. The second period wasn’t particulary pretty. We didn’t learn anything new last night. For stretches, even whole games, the Hawks can stick with Scum. But to beat them, they have to be pretty much perfect. Detroit doesn’t. There’s the gap for you. “God, even sitting outside doesn’t cover up their smell.” MUSINGS FROM THE EDITOR You’ve McDonough Enough: I’m pretty sure if I see one more every segment on the news ramps up the expectations on this team. interview with John McDonough’s smiling face talking about the All this hullabaloo would lead people to believe that this a team Winter Classic, I’m going to vomit up a living organism. Yes, today worth paying serious attention to. That means serious playoff-pro- is a great event to be a part of. It’s exciting that the Hawks are the gression. Tread lightly, Mr. McDonough. The more eyes that are center of the Hockey World today. It’s downright fixed on the Hawks, the more mouths to laugh if it all shocking how quickly the Hawks are carving out goes pear-shaped. their own spot in the Chicago sports scene. But John, this is not the Hockey Super Bowl, as you’ve Lunch With A Side Of Glass: I’m sure I’m not the termed it. It is not a college Bowl game, as you’ve only one who feels this way, but I absolutely abhor also termed it. This is nothing more than a regular games against Scum. I never enjoy them for one season game. The Hawks didn’t earn it by play second. I turn into a petulant 12-year old child during on the ice. They were given it. It’s a gimmick. A them. I’m never sure what I’m capable of, win or fun, cool gimmick, but nothing more. The fact that lose. I just know that blood and arrests are certainly the Hawks are hosting the NHL’s marquee regular within bounds. Scum fans, their broadcasters, their season event has little or nothing to do with their uniforms, everything just brings my blood to a boil. play on the ice, which you’ve claimed is the most Sam Fels So today, I’ll enjoy the atmosphere right up until face- important thing. A win will be no more than two off. As soon as that puck hits the ice, I will be the points. A loss will not be devastating. Let’s try and be realistic most miserable person on Earth. God help me if there’s a Scum fan here, if we can. sitting next to me. I never even enjoy victory over them. It’s just a The Hawks have to be really careful from here. There have feeling of relief that I won’t have to listen to some lunchbox from been far too many columns written, interviews done, and appear- Bloomfield Hills or Grosse Point or Domino Farms bellow some ances made for a team that, as of yet, hasn’t accomplished all that bullshit that leaves me about 3 seconds from seeing if he can fully much. Isn’t all this going to look awfully silly if the Hawks meekly digest a crowbar. go out in the first round in April? Not only with every win they pile I’d like to believe that one day I’ll grow up. But I think up, but with every feature on ESPN.com, every front-page story, you and I both know that will never happen. NHL STANDINGS *as of 12/31 Eastern Conference Western Conference ATLANTIC W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY CENTRAL W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY NY Rangers 23 13 3 49 107 107 13-7-2 10-6-1 Tools United 24 7 5 53 132 105 13-3-2 11-4-3 New Jersey 21 11 3 45 107 90 11-7-1 10-4-2 HAWKS 20 7 7 47 123 88 11-1-4 9-6-3 Philadelphia 19 10 7 45 123 112 12-4-3 7-6-4 Nashville 17 16 3 37 90 107 10-4-1 7-12-2 Pittsburgh 19 14 4 42 118 110 8-8-2 11-6-2 Columbus 16 16 4 36 94 103 11-6-1 5-10-3 NY Islanders 11 22 4 26 94 134 6-9-2 5-13-2 St.