$3 Expressin’ Ourselves To Our Full Capabilities, Now We’re Livin’ In Correctional Facilities... $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com January 1st, 2009 [email protected] THE GREAT OUTDOORS It’s finally here. No more hype, I’ll Take Your Scraps Come Strong, Or Don’t Come At All no more webcams, no more bullshit. The There have been rumblings of dis- We can accept losses when the op- event we’ve all looked forward to has arrived. content in Bailout City. The Wings defense posing goalie stands on his head. We can Shockingly, the season does continue after -- or more to the , goaltending -- has accept that maybe the Hawks got caught look- this, though you wouldn’t know it. not been up to snuff. They’re 20th in goals- ing forward, just a little, to this event (thank And that’s what makes today’s game against, and yet they’re third in shots-against. you very much, Mr. McDonough). We’ll even pivotal for the Hawks. Not because it’s at That would lead you to look between the grudgingly admit that Scum are better and Wrigley, or on NBC, or John McDonough may pipes, and specifically at , who’s sometimes that will just shine through. What become the first team president to blow him- been pretty close to woeful. Unfortunately, we won’t take is being outmuscled by those self during it. It’s because the past two sea- we’ve now gotten a good look at , dickwads. There’s no excuse for that. The sons, this is the exact point where the Hawks’ and we don’t like the view at all. He’s played Hawks were getting hit all over the ice. That season has gone off the rails. Last year, the wonderfully against us the past two encoun- can’t happen today. The Hawks must take Hawks roared through Christmas, winning ters. We’d rather not see a third. it to Scum physically, and we think with the four in a row, including the seminal victories Yet, the Wings are right where they immensity of the occasion they will, if for no over the Senators, Oilers, and Jordan Tootoo’s normally are, leading the division, and only a other reason than to get the crowd behind face. However, these efforts were followed by record-setting start from the Sharks is keep- them. two clunkers against the Kings -- the second ing them from the top of the Western heap. But this is another trap the Wings of which saw Marvel hurt his knee. This will sound like whining and it partly is, can play on you. Teams concentrate so hard They proceeded to lose the next seven and but they’ve been able to do that through on hitting them and punishing them that they never recovered. their talent alone. They haven’t been defen- race out of position to do so. One slip like Two years ago, after the shit-canning sively sound. They haven’t brought a strong that usually leads to a goalie looking behind of Trent Yawney and the hiring of Savard, the effort every night. But they win, and they him and lots of Red Wing smiles that just Hawks threw up a 9-3-3 stretch. What fol- win because they don’t have to be near their make our blood boil. Especially Jiri Hudler’s, lowed was a puke-tastic sequence where the best to beat most teams in the league. Every couldn’t tell you why. The Hawks are one Hawks won 2 of 14 games and lost any chance team will provide you with a couple chances, of the few teams with enough speed to get of even beginning to consider to think about and with the bathtub of offensive-skill Scum caught out once or twice but recover. Find the the . boast, they’ll take those chances. And man, balance today, boys, and don’t make us regret So we’ve seen hot Decembers before. isn’t it annoying beyond belief? all the booze we drank to keep warm out here. Admittedly, we’ve never seen one this hot. We Not that we ever would. -Ronnie Woo-woo also haven’t seen hockey of this quality. But we’ll only know that this Hawks team is truly different if this train keeps a-rollin’ right into the new year. All Right, That Sucked Last night’s performance hasn’t put our fears to bed. But we also think the 4-0 scoreline makes it look a lot worse than it was. We’ve said it before, but the difference between Scum and pretty much the rest of the league is they don’t miss when they have the chance. In the first period last night, the Hawks carried most, if not all, of the play. Their power play was dancing circles. Conklin made some big saves, one stupid from Buff, and you’re down one. Repeat for second period, but replace Kane for Buff. Down two. You know what they say about : Give them an inch, they’ll steal your car. However, this wasn’t like the game at the beginning of December which Detroit stole. They had their share of domination as well. The second period wasn’t particulary pretty. We didn’t learn anything new last night. For stretches, even whole games, the Hawks can stick with Scum. But to beat them, they have to be pretty much perfect. Detroit doesn’t. There’s the gap for you. “God, even sitting outside doesn’t cover up their smell.” MUSINGS FROM THE EDITOR

You’ve McDonough Enough: I’m pretty sure if I see one more every segment on the news ramps up the expectations on this team. interview with John McDonough’s smiling face talking about the All this hullabaloo would lead people to believe that this a team Winter Classic, I’m going to vomit up a living organism. Yes, today worth paying serious attention to. That means serious playoff-pro- is a great event to be a part of. It’s exciting that the Hawks are the gression. Tread lightly, Mr. McDonough. The more eyes that are center of the Hockey World today. It’s downright fixed on the Hawks, the more mouths to laugh if it all shocking how quickly the Hawks are carving out goes pear-shaped. their own spot in the sports scene. But John, this is not the Hockey Super Bowl, as you’ve Lunch With A Side Of Glass: I’m sure I’m not the termed it. It is not a college Bowl game, as you’ve only one who feels this way, but I absolutely abhor also termed it. This is nothing more than a regular games against Scum. I never enjoy them for one season game. The Hawks didn’t earn it by play second. I turn into a petulant 12-year old child during on the ice. They were given it. It’s a gimmick. A them. I’m never sure what I’m capable of, win or fun, cool gimmick, but nothing more. The fact that lose. I just know that blood and arrests are certainly the Hawks are hosting the NHL’s marquee regular within bounds. Scum fans, their broadcasters, their season event has little or nothing to do with their uniforms, everything just brings my blood to a boil. play on the ice, which you’ve claimed is the most Sam Fels So today, I’ll enjoy the atmosphere right up until face- important thing. A win will be no more than two off. As soon as that puck hits the ice, I will be the points. A loss will not be devastating. Let’s try and be realistic most miserable person on Earth. God help me if there’s a Scum fan here, if we can. sitting next to me. I never even enjoy victory over them. It’s just a The Hawks have to be really careful from here. There have feeling of relief that I won’t have to listen to some lunchbox from been far too many columns written, interviews done, and appear- Bloomfield Hills or Grosse Point or Domino Farms bellow some ances made for a team that, as of yet, hasn’t accomplished all that bullshit that leaves me about 3 seconds from seeing if he can fully much. Isn’t all this going to look awfully silly if the Hawks meekly digest a crowbar. go out in the first round in April? Not only with every win they pile I’d like to believe that one day I’ll grow up. But I think up, but with every feature on ESPN.com, every front-page story, you and I both know that will never happen. NHL STANDINGS *as of 12/31 Eastern Conference Western Conference

ATLANTIC W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY CENTRAL W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY NY Rangers 23 13 3 49 107 107 13-7-2 10-6-1 Tools United 24 7 5 53 132 105 13-3-2 11-4-3 New Jersey 21 11 3 45 107 90 11-7-1 10-4-2 HAWKS 20 7 7 47 123 88 11-1-4 9-6-3 Philadelphia 19 10 7 45 123 112 12-4-3 7-6-4 Nashville 17 16 3 37 90 107 10-4-1 7-12-2 Pittsburgh 19 14 4 42 118 110 8-8-2 11-6-2 Columbus 16 16 4 36 94 103 11-6-1 5-10-3 NY Islanders 11 22 4 26 94 134 6-9-2 5-13-2 St. Louis 14 20 3 31 106 128 9-9-2 5-11-1

NORTHEAST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY NORTHWEST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY Boston 28 5 4 60 137 82 13-1-1 15-4-3 21 11 4 46 109 106 12-4-3 9-7-1 Montreal 21 9 6 48 108 91 11-4-4 10-5-2 20 14 3 43 108 97 11-5-1 9-9-2 Buffalo 17 15 5 39 105 108 10-9-2 7-6-3 Colorado 19 16 1 39 102 104 11-6-0 8-10-1 Toronto 15 16 6 36 115 133 7-6-4 8-10-2 Edmonton 17 14 3 37 95 102 6-5-3 11-9-0 Ottawa 12 17 5 29 80 98 9-6-3 3-11-2 Minnesota 17 16 2 36 89 82 10-7-2 7-9-0

SOUTHEAST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY PACIFIC W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY 24 11 3 51 124 111 15-1-1 9-10-2 San Jose 28 4 4 60 126 84 18-0-2 10-4-2 Carolina 17 15 5 39 97 112 9-9-1 8-6-4 Anaheim 19 14 4 42 107 105 10-7-2 9-7-2 Florida 16 15 5 37 91 100 8-5-3 8-10-2 Phoenix 17 15 5 39 94 105 11-5-2 6-10-3 Tampa Bay 10 16 10 30 85 110 4-6-7 6-10-3 Los Angeles 15 16 6 36 95 102 10-8-6 5-8-0 Atlanta 12 20 5 29 109 136 6-11-2 6-9-3 Dallas 15 15 5 35 103 121 8-6-3 7-9-2

TOP 10 LIST PUCK DROP Look-a-Likes Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions By Wings Fans 10. Consider bathing 9. Expand horizons by date-raping a redhead this year 8. Tell even more people how hard Detroit has been hit by the econ- omy, even though I’ve never actually lived in the state of 7. Claim even more that non-sellouts at Joe are due to economy, and ignore the 40,000 the Tigers average 6. Try and block Lions from memory Every day I get in the queue... 5. Finally stop pretending we’re proud of Kid Rock to get on the short-bus that takes 4. Admit that Eminem is overrated by a factor of 12 Datsyuk.... 3. Only blow guys for really good coke, not that stepped-on shit 2. Burn down neighbor’s house, not my own 1. Like every other Wings fan, move to Chicago 20-7-7

Dear Patrick: Teams will notice you can be flustered by physical play and are prone to dumb, selfish penalties because of. Knock it off. Sincerely, Us # Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary 88 R 5'10" 187 19 34 16 25 41 5 26 8 0 2 103 15.5 $3,725,000 10 L The Sharp-Shooter 6'1" 197 26 34 19 11 30 -1 30 7 0 4 104 18.3 $3,900,000 32 L VerStud 5'10" 180 22 33 10 19 29 14 39 3 1 1 62 16.1 $491,667 19 C Captain Marvel 6'2" 209 20 34 9 19 28 8 25 3 0 2 82 11 $2,800,000 51 D 51 Phantom 6'0" 188 29 34 6 20 26 6 2 3 0 1 53 11.3 $7,142,875 24 R Martin Havlat 6'2" 217 27 34 9 17 26 13 12 3 0 1 93 9.7 $6,000,000 16 L 6'2" 198 22 34 7 16 23 16 14 0 0 0 73 9.6 $1,550,000 36 C Dave Bolland 6'0" 188 22 34 7 14 21 8 18 0 1 1 46 15.2 $845,833 2 D 6'1" 194 25 34 4 14 18 19 18 0 1 1 70 5.7 $1,475,000 25 D 6'3" 213 22 24 3 14 17 -4 15 3 0 1 29 10.3 $2,768,587 33 R 6'3" 247 23 31 7 9 16 5 33 1 0 2 89 7.9 $3,000,000 22 R 6'2" 213 23 28 5 9 14 6 32 2 0 0 53 9.4 $675,000 46 C Colin Fraser 6'1" 188 23 34 2 8 10 2 37 0 0 0 22 9.1 $500,000 7 D 6'3" 220 23 34 4 6 10 13 37 1 1 0 52 7.7 $600,000 55 L 6'2" 220 24 30 6 1 7 1 65 0 0 0 25 24 $568,000 Johnny went 6-12 on face-offs last Johnny went 6-12 on night. Stinkums. 23 D Aaron Johnson 6'1" 211 25 20 3 4 7 15 12 0 0 1 12 25 $3,500,000 43 D 6'0" 207 24 5 0 4 4 -1 2 0 0 0 13 0 $900,000 28 R Craig Adams 6'0" 197 31 21 2 2 4 -2 14 1 0 0 22 9.1 $600,000 8 D Matt Walker 6'3" 214 28 22 0 2 2 6 22 0 0 0 23 0 $600,000 5 D * 6'1" 211 31 23 1 1 2 -4 8 0 0 1 15 6.7 $2,333,333 37 R Adam Burish 6'1" 189 25 19 0 0 0 -5 49 0 0 0 21 0 $712,500 Totals/Averages 6'1" 203.75 24.17 121 215 519 35 4 1076 11.25% $44,682,295 *injured Cam must feel hard done by. He has done everything asked of him, and yet ends up in the pressbox due to d- man logjam. This shouldn’t happen again. Wiz doesn’t have Cam’s hands on the top PP unit. # Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 39 6'1" 209 35 18 1079 2.45 11 2 4 1 558 44 0.921 0 2 4 $6,750,000 38 6'1" 205 33 17 991 2.3 9 5 3 1 460 38 0.917 0 0 0 $5,625,000 Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 34 35 2070 2.38 20 7 7 2 1018 82 0.919 0 2 4 $12,375,000 TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $57,283,000 CAP SPACE: $274,000*

Probable Pairings Probable Lines *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 51 Campbell 25 Barker 22 Brouwer 10 Sharp 88 Kane 2 Keith 7 Seabrook Injury List Adam Burish- Questionable (Broken Toe) 32 Versteeg 19 Toews 33 Byfuglien 43 Wisniewski 8 Walker 16 Ladd 36 Bolland 24 Havlat 55 Eager 46 Fraser 28 Adams

16 years ago, David Stern sent me to ruin the NHL. I have done every- thing I can think of to drive the core I am so close to completing the task fan away, strip hockey of all that’s Stern charged me with.... great about it, and eliminate any at- tention by the mainstream media... SCUM 24-7-5

During the Olympics in Salt Lake in 2002, Zetterberg carried the label “Best

His Behind the Net Rating has been nevgative twice in past three years. om’s shoes. We don’t buy it.

Player Outside The NHL.” Soon after, carried it. We can’t think of We’ve all heard the theory that Kronwall will step into Lindstr a clearer indication of the difference that used to exist between the two organi- zations, and one that the Hawks still have much to do to close.

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary 13 C Pavel Short-Bus 5-11 185 30 36 15 26 41 15 8 6 1 1 105 14.3 $6,700,000 81 R Marian Hossa 6-1 210 29 36 17 17 34 12 28 2 0 4 153 11.1 $7,450,000 40 C 6-0 190 28 34 14 17 31 8 18 7 0 2 140 10 $2,900,000 26 L Faggy McFagFag 5-9 178 24 36 13 16 29 4 2 4 0 2 74 17.6 $1,150,000 28 D 5-10 195 35 36 4 23 27 8 12 2 0 0 69 5.8 $6,000,000 93 L Johan Franzen 6-2 210 29 31 17 9 26 7 24 5 1 5 104 16.3 $1,150,000 37 R 6-2 211 32 35 7 18 25 3 22 2 0 0 106 6.6 $1,200,000 5 D Nicklas Lindstrom 6-1 190 38 34 5 19 24 13 10 3 0 2 79 6.3 $7,450,000 96 R Tomas Holmstrom 5-11 185 35 28 11 12 23 14 16 7 0 1 44 25 $2,250,000 11 R Daniel Cleary 6-0 211 30 28 6 12 18 4 18 1 0 2 66 9.1 $2,500,000 55 D 6-0 185 27 35 2 15 17 -3 28 1 0 1 49 4.1 $3,000,000 51 C Valtteri Filppula 5-11 202 24 36 5 11 16 5 26 0 0 0 53 9.4 $2,000,000 3 D Andreas Lilja 6-3 228 33 34 1 9 10 7 30 0 0 0 32 3.1 $1,250,000 22 D Brett Lebda 5-10 195 26 32 2 5 7 1 26 0 0 0 33 6.1 $650,000 82 L Tomas Kopecky 6-3 205 26 36 2 4 6 -5 18 1 0 0 43 4.7 $525,000 23 D Brad Stuart 6-2 220 29 35 1 5 6 0 14 0 0 0 67 1.5 $3,750,000 33 C Kris Draper 5-10 190 37 36 2 3 5 -10 22 0 1 0 48 4.2 $1,850,000 18 R 6-0 190 36 34 2 2 4 -5 16 0 0 0 26 7.7 $950,000 14 D 5-11 185 24 16 1 2 3 -4 6 0 0 0 16 6.3 $475,000 25 R Darren McCarty* 6-1 210 36 13 1 0 1 -2 25 0 0 0 6 16.7 $569,000 24 D Judas 6-1 190 46 3 0 0 0 0 4 0 0 0 0 0 $750,000 Totals/Averages 6-0 198.33 31.14 128 225 72 373 41 3 1313 9.75% $54,519,000

*injured

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 30 Osgood, Chris 5-10 181 36 19 1127 3.19 12 2 4 0 482 60 0.876 0 1 0 $1,700,000 29 Conklin, Ty 6-0 184 32 17 1002 2.43 12 5 1 3 511 43 0.916 0 0 2 $750,000 Totals/Averages 5-11 182 34 36 2129 2.81 24 7 5 3 993 103 0.896 0 1 2 $2,450,000 We really shouldn’t be shocked how Conklin’s performed. TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $57,096,000 Every season he has gotten significant playing time his GAA CAP SPACE: $274,000 has been below 2.50 and SV% above .900. Probable Lines Probable Pairings *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 5 Lindstrom 28 Rafalski Injury List 96 Holmstrom 13 Datsyuk 93 Franzen 55 Kronwall 25 Stuart Chris Osgood-Questionable (Groin) 11 Cleary 40 Zetterberg 81 Hossa 3 Lilja 22 Lebda Darren McCarty-Out (Asshole) Nicklas Lindstrom-Questionable (Ankle) 26 Hudler 51 Filppula 37 Samuelsson 18 Maltby 33 Draper 82 Kopecky

...IS THIS THE YEAR? The Committed Indian’s Guide To Wrigleyville We understand that today may mean your first journey to the Lakeview neighborhood -- either in a long time, or ever -- because even though John McDonough may not know it, not all Hawks fans are Cubs fans. Perhaps you also haven’t come here because of the ridiculous condo prices and rent, or have never had the need to drink Miller Lite while Britney Spears blasts on the PA. So we thought we’d introduce you to the Hawks home for the day. The Area The People

Wrigleyville is vibrant area. It is sometimes Residents of Wrigleyville are a well-to-do called Roofie-palooza or The Place Beneath The bunch. You’ll find plenty of degrees from Big Trees Where Nobody Sees Where The Date- Ten schools here. On Saturday afternoons Rapists Go To Have Their Picnic. It is choc-full you’ll find a bevy of hot, young women wearing of bars whose clientelle would be considered football jerseys, which is admittedly sexy as all “upscale” or “douchey”. A cruise down Clark hell. Unfortunately, that feeling is ruined when St. at 2am will offer plenty of viewing of men in said girl talks. Former fraternity brothers and collared, blue shirts peeing in alleys and wom- sorority sisters abound in Wrigleyville, and af- en in expensive shoes vomiting on cabs while ter a brief conversation with any of them, you’ll proclaiming “I’m a catch! Why am I alone?” quickly see why they paid for friends in college. The Home Dugout The Bleachers

This is where the Hawks will enter the field Today, for the first time in close to 20 years, from. Normally, this space houses a team of this famous section of will be seat- mental-midgets who in the most important ing patrons who have actually come to watch the situations swing wildly at low sliders before sporting event on the field. Customarily, these urinating down their own leg. The dugout is stands are filled with drunken kids and tour- also thought -- by blithering morons -- to ists from Iowa. They are an idiotic bunch, who contain a curse that has kept its normal occu- are prone to litter the field with garbage for the pants pennant-less for 64 years and counting. slightest injustice, such as a bad call or a stiff Unfortunately for all, one of those blithering breeze. Vomit and tits aplenty. Brain cells? Not morons is chairman of the baseball team. so much. The Fight Card

HAWKS vs. SCUM Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com

GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Black Bruised Just Analysis Nose Eye Ego Dancing 4-2-08 Wiz v. 2nd. Lot of haymakers thrown, few land. Downey Downey 9:43 x on points. 11-11-07 Sharp v. 2nd. Sharp with one of his few, but always suc- Kopecky 16:23 cessful, forays into the fisticuffs. Takes it in x a decision 10-12-07 Burish v. 1st. Burish takes on all-world prick, lands a Drake 19:47 couple jabs. Drake does the same thing he x does with wife, i.e. punches while opponent is prone. Draw 10-6-28 Wiz v. 1st. Wiz lands some heavy shots. Drake again Drake 6:10 x x waits for wife-position. Wiz in KO. What To Watch For: Somehow, we get the feeling NBC has told the NHL that if there are any fights they’ll pull the plug on the broadcast. No way Bettman is going to have his signature event sullied by something that entertains people even more. No siree bob. In addition, it’s not hard to fathom that no one wants to get punched in the face when it’s 20 degrees out. How- ever, with emotions running high, the Hawks may want to rally the crowd behind them even more by throwing their weight around against the pansy-fied Wings. It could lead to shenanigans. We’re calling for Wiz to make his mark on national TV. Power Play Penalty Kill Team Opp PPG PP% Team OPP PPG PP% Team TS PPGA PK% Team TS PPGA PK% PHI 141 38 27 NYI 162 29 17.9 MIN 134 15 88.8 PIT 151 28 81.5 DET 146 39 26.7 OTT 146 26 17.8 NYR 152 18 88.2 ANA 202 38 81.2 BOS 132 33 25 CGY 169 30 17.8 SJS 139 18 87 NYI 174 33 81 CHI 148 35 23.6 VAN 173 30 17.3 BUF 146 19 87 NJD 135 26 80.7 WSH 153 35 22.9 COL 157 27 17.2 CHI 138 20 85.5 TBL 184 36 80.4 SJS 172 38 22.1 NJD 122 20 16.4 CGY 157 23 85.4 PHX 151 30 80.1 MIN 146 32 21.9 DAL 156 23 14.7 LAK 161 26 83.8 STL 165 33 80 STL 162 35 21.6 MTL 164 24 14.6 PHI 185 31 83.2 WSH 174 35 79.9 TOR 159 33 20.8 CAR 179 26 14.5 FLA 155 26 83.2 DET 149 30 79.9 ATL 151 31 20.5 TBL 159 23 14.5 OTT 149 26 82.6 COL 148 31 79 ANA 142 29 20.4 FLA 139 20 14.4 NSH 176 31 82.4 CAR 144 32 77.8 BUF 163 32 19.6 NYR 176 25 14.2 BOS 136 24 82.4 DAL 141 33 76.6 EDM 159 30 18.9 PHX 166 23 13.9 MTL 164 29 82.3 EDM 151 38 74.8 LAK 167 31 18.6 NSH 153 21 13.7 VAN 185 33 82.2 TOR 130 33 74.6 PIT 163 30 18.4 CBJ 161 17 10.6 CBJ 157 29 81.5 ATL 153 41 73.2 Bulletin We have reliable intelligence that suggests this abortion of a celebrity will be in attendance today. Likely to be flocking to a camera like a moth to a flame, albeit a talentless, lard-filled moth. Can also be spotted after the 2nd period if Hawks are losing, as he will remove his Hawks jersey and put on a XXXXXXL Detroit Chelios jersey. Should attract many snowballs and beer cups, but not ones thrown by fans. His gravitational pull will take care of that. If you see this man, resist urge to have contact in any way. His lack of ability in conta- gious, and you don’t want to get fired from whatever you do. KNOW THY ENEMY

We are loathe to waste space on behalf of any fan of Scum, pect from the AHL to try and change things up if complacancy is getting and we didn’t think we could find any who spoke in complete sentences. to be a problem. However, we found Christy from Winging It In Motown (www.wingin- You lost earlier this year due to your aged logjam. gitinmotown.com). For someone from the Motor-Ain’t-Running City, Are there worries that more of your prospects will have to go else- she seems a jovial lass. So, against our better judgment, here she is to where? And who are they? provide answers to our questions about the Sister-Chasers. Yes, it’s always a concern that we might have to lose a prospect because there just isn’t enough room for him. That being said, the key prospects Q: Though the Wings are still in the upper echelons of the league, for us are not going anywhere. On defense, Jonathan Ericsson and it’s hard not to notice your defensive frailties. Are Scum fans con- Jakub Kindl are our big up and comers. On offense, it’s , cerned about that moving forward? , Mattias Ritola, and Cory Emmerton. We have a few A: Wings fans are certainly concerned about our defense. Not as much other players (Ryan Oulahen, Evan McGrath, Darren Haydar, Randall as goaltending, but it’s definitely been an issue this season. It’s amazing Gelech) that will become RFAs this summer, but aren’t the blue chip that we have the same group of defensive guys as last season after the players like Kyle Quincey that I would be really worried about losing to deadline, yet we just haven’t gotten it together for whatever reason. another NHL team. Fortunately our offense has been fantastic and that’s kept us going, but After your 6-0 thrashing of the Sharks a couple weeks back, how do we definitely need to get the defense in gear if we hope to make it a long Scum fans think they match up with them in the playoffs (not that it playoff run. matters, we’re taking you out in the 2nd round)? You’ve got some headaches coming up, with Zetterberg, I’m pretty sure most Wings fans would agree with me, but the two teams Franzen, and Samuelsson all due big raises. Who’s going to be the I would least like to face in the postseason are the Blackhawks and casualty? Sharks. The Sharks are a scary thought because they now play pretty We actually have even more headaches than that. Even though it’s not much the same style we do thanks to former Wings assistant coach likely, Marian Hossa is still a possibility plus we have to worry about turned Sharks head coach Todd McLellan. Plus, their players are bigger restricted free agent Jiri Hudler, who has had a fantastic season thus far. so it would definitely be a physical and challenging series that would Realistically, the Wings can only keep two of the big three (Zetterberg, probably go six or seven games. I still believe the Wings would pull it Franzen, and Hossa) and Samuelsson and Hudler’s fate will depend on out (if everyone stays healthy), but despite the blowout game it should the salaries of the big two players. If I had to guess, I would say we re- be a tight series. sign Zetterberg (a given), Franzen, and Hudler. Should the Wings win Obviously, today’s game has been run through the hype machine the Cup, Hossa is definitely gone but if not, we may see GM Ken Hol- like there’s no tomorrow here in Chicago. What’s the coverage been land keep Zetterberg and Hossa and look to our up and coming prospects like leading up to it in Detroit (though we know no one in Detroit to fill in the void left by Franzen, Samuelsson, and Hudler. can afford to buy a newspaper)? One of your more annoying habits, out of the hundreds, is that you The coverage hasn’t been bad and there certainly is a buzz around town always seem to pick up the exact player you need at the deadline. about today’s game. However, we have had a couple big news events Will that player be a goalie this year? If not, what other position that have overshadowed the events leading up to the game. First, it was might you try and improve? the whole auto bailout fiasco and now it’s how the Detroit Lions went To be honest, I really don’t see the Wings doing much if anything this 0-16 for the first time in NFL history. But to be fair, it’s hard to cover year at the trade deadline. The reason is that we are right up against the events leading up to the game as well as NHL.com or a Chicago the so it would have to be a pretty even trade (rather than a newspaper when the Detroit papers don’t have anyone reporting in Chi- prospect or two) for it to even be possible for us. Goaltending would be cago in the couple weeks before the game. The coverage of the actual the most likely position for something to happen especially if someone game should be great though. should get injured (knock on wood), but I honestly believe Holland is going to stick to his current lineup. If anything, we may bring up a pros-

Hawks-SCUM: the Last 4

Dec. 30th, 2008: Hawks 0, Scum 4 Dec. 6th, 2008: Hawks 4, Scum 5 (SO) Well, you all saw it. Hawks power-play does ev- After going down 2, Hawks spend rest of 1st and erything, including serving beer, but doesn’t man- 2nd periods bashing Scum’s skull in. Take foot off age to score. Dumb penalties lead to power-play the gas in 3rd, and Scum plow through. Lose in goals and Conklin standing on his head. skills competition when no Hawks can beat Ty Fuck- ing Conklin.

Oct. 25th, 2008: Scum 6, Hawks 5 (SO) Apr. 2nd, 2008: Scum 2, Hawks 6 Absolute thriller. Both teams have extended pas- Yeah, so we ignored the last game of last season. So sages of domination. Hawks surrender 3 straight what? Wasn’t meaningful to either team. This one goals in 3rd --some of them works of art --to go was, and man was it sweet. A Patrick Kane tour-de- from 4-2 up to 5-4 down. Kane ties it late in 3rd, force with 3 points leads to total ass-kicking. Bis- but Hawks fall in Home Run Derby. cuit laying out Downey the highlight. Referee Stats For The Hawks

Referees 1st NHL Hawks Games Hawks PP’s Hawks Pens/Game Hawks PP/Game Hawks PK/ W L OTL Game PK’s Game 2 Fraser, Kerry 1980 2 9 14 11.5 4.5 7.0 2 0 0 3 Leggo, Mike 1997 1 2 1 3.0 2.0 1.0 0 0 1 4 McCauley, Wes 2003 4 10 11 5.3 2.5 2.8 2 1 0 5 Rooney, Chris 2000 ------6 Marouelli, Dan 1984 3 14 11 8.3 4.7 3.7 1 2 0 7 McCreary, Bill 1984 2 8 7 7.5 4.0 3.5 2 1 0 8 Jackson, Dave 1990 3 14 13 9.0 4.7 4.3 2 1 0 10 Devorski, Paul 1989 1 5 6 11.0 5.0 6.0 0 1 0 11 Sutherland, Kelly 2000 ------12 Koharski, Don 1981 1 6 7 13.0 6.0 7.0 1 0 0 13 O’Halloran, Dan 1995 2 12 10 11.0 6.0 5.0 1 0 1 14 LaRue, Dennis 1991 4 17 16 8.3 4.3 4.0 3 0 1 15 Auger, Stephane 2000 3 12 10 7.3 4.0 3.3 2 0 1 16 Shick, Rob 1986 1 2 2 4.0 2.0 2.0 0 0 1 18 Kimmerly, Greg 1996 4 20 21 10.3 5.0 5.3 3 1 0 20 Peel, Tim 1999 1 7 8 15.0 7.0 8.0 1 0 0 21 VanMassenhoven, Don 1993 2 6 4 5.0 3.0 2.0 1 0 1 23 Watson, Brad 1996 2 7 4 5.5 3.5 2.0 1 0 1 25 Joannette, Marc 1999 2 13 5 9.0 6.5 2.5 1 0 1 26 Martell, Rob 1996 1 3 1 4.0 3.0 1.0 1 0 0 27 Furlatt, Eric 2001 1 3 4 7.0 3.0 4.0 0 0 1 28 Lee, Chris 2001 1 5 4 9.0 5.0 4.0 1 0 0 29 Walsh, Ian 2000 ------30 Hasenfratz, Mike 2000 2 11 7 9.0 5.5 3.5 0 1 1 32 Kowal, Tom 2000 3 11 76 29.0 3.7 25.3 3 0 0 33 Pollock, Kevin 2000 2 7 9 8.0 3.5 4.5 1 0 1 34 Meier, Brad 1999 3 12 14 8.7 4.0 4.7 3 0 0 35 Warren, Dean 1999 ------36 Morton, Dean 2000 1 5 4 9.0 5.0 4.0 0 1 0 38 St Laurent, Francois 2006 2 14 15 14.5 7.0 7.5 1 0 1 39 Dwyer, Gord 2003 3 16 15 10.3 5.3 5.0 2 0 1 40 Kozari, Steve 2006 3 18 12 10.0 6.0 4.0 2 1 0 42 O’Rourke, Dan 1999 2 11 13 12.0 5.5 6.5 1 0 1 43 Pochmara, Brian 2006 ------45 St. Pierre, Justin 2003 4 19 15 8.5 4.8 3.8 2 0 2

If you’d like to contribute to The Committed Indian, or just want to tell us what you think, or call us asshats, feel free to email us at committedindian@ gmail.com. Every guest contributor will have a chance at a free jersey from Triple Threat Sports! The Committed Indian The best toilet reading around Hockey Sabermetrics We expanded to 16 pages partly so we could provide you with the Behind The Net numbers every night. So here they are for both teams. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. Example: Kane has faced the toughest opppostion at +.12 QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. TOF/60- Time spent off-ice, per 60 minutes, at full strength. +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/- OFF/60. Chicago not including last game NAME GP QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 TOF/60 +-ON/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Aaron Johnson 19 -0.11 -0.22 11.24 32.91 3.37 0.48 2.89 Andrew Ladd 33 0.07 0.16 12.49 33.08 2.33 0.38 1.95 Duncan Keith 33 0.06 0.21 19.22 26.36 1.51 0.48 1.03 Matt Walker 21 -0.06 -0.25 12.31 34.13 1.86 0.84 1.02 Martin Havlat 33 -0.02 0.03 13.41 32.16 1.63 0.62 1.00 32 0.05 -0.09 12.96 32.83 1.59 0.63 0.96 Dave Bolland 33 0.08 0.45 11.90 33.67 1.37 0.76 0.62 Brent Seabrook 33 0.08 0.39 17.37 28.20 1.15 0.77 0.38 Troy Brouwer 27 -0.03 -0.27 11.80 33.93 1.32 1.18 0.14 Dustin Byfuglien 30 -0.01 0.22 12.28 32.76 0.98 0.92 0.06 Patrick Kane 33 0.03 -0.08 14.21 31.36 0.90 0.93 -0.03 33 0.02 0.13 13.40 32.17 0.81 0.96 -0.15 Colin Fraser 33 -0.12 -0.68 7.57 38.00 0.72 0.96 -0.24 33 -0.05 -0.24 18.13 27.44 0.60 1.13 -0.52 Ben Eager 29 -0.14 -0.40 7.71 37.95 0.27 1.36 -1.09 33 -0.04 0.07 13.59 31.98 -0.13 1.36 -1.50 Craig Adams 20 -0.17 -0.43 7.35 40.15 -0.82 0.97 -1.79 Brent Sopel 23 -0.12 -0.01 10.89 34.84 -0.96 0.97 -1.93 Cam Barker 24 -0.05 -0.14 14.65 31.37 -0.68 2.07 -2.75 Adam Burish 19 -0.05 -0.16 6.29 37.65 -2.01 1.26 -3.27 Scum NAME GP QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 TOF/60 +-ON/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Tomas Holmstrom 27 0.05 0.83 11.59 33.86 2.49 -0.07 2.56 35 0.04 0.67 13.09 32.75 2.1 -0.16 2.25 Marian Hossa 35 0.03 0.79 13.05 32.79 1.44 0.1 1.34 Nicklas Lindstrom 34 0.12 0.59 16.06 29.83 1.32 0 1.32 Daniel Cleary 27 -0.07 0 12.36 33.37 0.9 0.27 0.63 Brian Rafalski 35 0.11 0.71 16.65 29.19 0.82 0.29 0.53 Valttieri Flippula 35 -0.03 -0.23 13.15 32.69 0.78 0.37 0.41 Henrik Zetterberg 33 0.08 0.16 14.34 31.39 0.89 0.52 0.37 Mikael Samuelsson 35 0.04 0.04 12.8 33.04 0.67 0.42 0.25 Johan Franzen 30 0.11 0.18 14.18 32.2 0.71 0.5 0.21 Andreas Lilja 33 -0.14 -0.42 12.94 32.99 0.42 0.39 0.04 Jiri Hudler 35 -0.06 -0.21 10.48 35.36 0.49 0.48 0.01 Brett Lebda 31 -0.13 -0.37 13.12 32.92 0.59 0.71 -0.12 Brad Stuart 34 -0.02 -0.12 16.71 28.98 -0.11 0.91 -1.02 Niklas Kronwall 34 -0.02 -0.09 17.17 28.75 -0.21 0.86 -1.06 Kirk Maltby 33 -0.1 -1.11 7.75 38.07 -1.17 0.81 -1.99 Tomas Kopecky 35 -0.11 -0.55 9.21 36.63 -1.12 0.89 -2.01 Derek Meech 15 -0.17 -0.79 9.38 37.32 -1.71 0.64 -2.35 Darren McCarty 13 -0.17 -1.19 5.28 38.82 -1.75 0.83 -2.58 Kris Draper 35 -0.06 -0.66 9.76 36.08 -2.11 1.19 -3.3 not including last game Hockey Sabermetrics Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn vs. Taken Here’s how the teams match up in Corsi Rating, which measure how many shots are Pretty self-explanatory. A measure of penalties drawn vs. taken, per 60 min. attempted for a team vs. how many are attempted against while a given player is on the ice, per 60 min. Chicago Scum Chicago Scum NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 NAME CORSI NAME CORSI Burish 2 1 Zetterberg 2 0.5 Martin Havlat 14.2 Marian Hossa 25.2 Fraser 1.7 1 Hossa 1.7 1.4 Andrew Ladd 13.3 Johan Franzen 24.8 Versteeg 1.6 0.9 Kopecky 1.5 1.5 Dave Bolland 12.1 Henrik Zetterberg 20.9 Adams 1.6 0.4 Holmstrom 1.3 1.2 Duncan Keith 10.8 Tomas Holmstrom 20.7 Brouwer 1.5 0.9 Datsyuk 1.2 0.4 Brian Campbell 10.8 Brian Rafalski 19.1 Sharp 1.5 1.2 Filppula 1.2 0.9 Matt Walker 9.5 Jiri Hudler 19 Bolland 1.4 0.8 Maltby 1.2 1.2 Dustin Byfuglien 9.3 Niklas Kronwall 18.7 Kane 1.4 1 Hudler 1.1 0.2 Brent Seabrook 8.8 Pavel Datsyuk 18.5 Toews 1.1 0.9 Draper 1.1 1.4 Patrick Kane 7.7 Mikael Samuelsson 17.9 Eager 1.1 2.7 Franzen 1 0.7 Kris Versteeg 7.5 Nicklas Lindstrom 16.9 Ladd 1 0.9 Samuelsson 0.5 0.9 Jonathan Toews 5.8 Valttieri Flippula 16.3 Havlat 0.8 0.7 Kronwall 0.5 1.2 Patrick Sharp 5.1 Andreas Lilja 14.1 Byfuglien 0.8 1.1 Cleary 0.4 0.9 Troy Brouwer 4.9 Brad Stuart 12.6 Johnson 0.6 1.4 Stuart 0.4 0.5 Craig Adams 4.9 Brett Lebda 12.1 Walker 0.5 0.2 Lilja 0.3 1 Cam Barker 4.8 Daniel Cleary 9.3 Campbell 0.5 0.1 Rafalski 0.1 0.4 Ben Eager 3.5 Tomas Kopecky 8.6 Sopel 0.5 1 Lebda 0.1 1.5 Aaron Johnson 3.1 Kirk Maltby 8.2 Keith 0.2 0.5 Lindstrom 0 0.4 Colin Fraser 1.7 Derek Meech 0.9 Seabrook 0.2 1.2 Meech 0 1.3 Adam Burish 1 Kris Draper -1.8 Barker 0 0.5 McCarty 0 0 Brent Sopel -4.3 Darren McCarty -21.8

Chicago Face-Offs Scum Player Face-Offs Taken FO% Player Face-Offs Taken FO% Jonathan Toews 527 54.1 Pavel Datsyuk 607 57.3 Dave Bolland 459 46.2 Henrik Zetterberg 529 53.3 Patrick Sharp 398 43.7 Kris Draper 460 60.4 Colin Fraser 344 48 Valtteri Filppula 286 51 Kris Versteeg 48 45.8 Johan Franzen 83 57.8 Total Rank: 26th 47.5 Daniel Cleary 67 50.7 Total Rank: 1st 55.6

NHL LEADERS *as of 12/31

Goals Points GAA SV%

Player Team G Player Team P Player Team GAA Player Team SV% 1 Jeff Carter PHI 26 1 Evgeni Malkin PIT 59 1 CBJ 1.78 1 Craig Anderson FLA .936 2 A. Ovechkin WAS 25 2 A. Ovechkin WAS 49 2 M. Fernandez BOS 2.02 2 Tim Thomas BOS .935 3 Tomas Vanek BUF 25 3 PIT 49 3 Tim Thomas BOS 2.04 3 Steve Mason CBJ .935 4 BOS 22 4 Marc Savard BOS 43 4 S. Clemmensen NJ 2.15 4 M. Fernandez BOS .930 5 NJ 20 5 Zach Parise NJ 42 5 Roberto Luongo VAN 2.17 5 Jonas Hiller ANA .929 6 Patrick Sharp CHI 19 10 Patrick Kane CHI 41 9 Cristobal Huet CHI 2.30 10 N. Khabibulin CHI .921

Puck Daddy

Improving on perfection: 10 ways to make the Winter Classic Completely Rule We can’t tell you how thrilled we are to have Puck Daddy, Instead of the shootout, ice ball throwing: The shootout might be Greg Wyshynski, in today’s issue. Greg writes the best hockey site a nice way to wrap up a pedestrian regular season game, but this is going, Yahoo’s Puck Daddy blog (sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_ the Winter Classic we’re talking about. So scrap the skills competi- daddy). It’s simply a must-read for any hockey fan, and the fact that tion and decide a winner by seeing which team can take the most ice he has stooped to our level today, well, we’re just chuffed. balls to the face without openly weeping. Not only because it har- kens back to those halcyon days of misbehaving lads playing shinny It’s hard to improve on perfection. That’s why there’s no on the pond, but because it has about as much to do with actual “Born to Run 2: Born Runner” or McDonald’s waffle fries or another hockey as deciding the winner of a game with a shooter, a goalie, Katie Holmes nude scene after “The Gift.” blind luck and no passing or defensemen involved. The first two editions of the NHL’s Winter Classic are, in the context of the League’s many missteps, close to perfection: The Change the announcers: No disrespect to Doc Emrick and the and Sidney Crosby facing the in rest of the NBC crew, but the Winter Classic demands a different a picturesque snow globe that attracted a huge television audience; approach. We nominate Dan Rather for the folksy clichés (“It’s and then the and Chicago Blackhawks capturing colder than Granny’s stare with your hand caught in the cookie jar”); casual fan attention again with a game in Wrigley Field. Barry Melrose for the hung-over pseudo-analysis and stylish Mafioso Assuming the 2009 edition goes as planned, it’ll be another winter wear; and Denis Leary to call all the players pussies for either success. But this is Gary Bettman’s NHL we’re talking about here; being cold and/or not hailing from the greater Boston area. success is a fleeting endowment, a temporary euphoria. We can only assume, as puckheads, that they’re going to find a way to screw this Get Dick Clark to sing “The Hockey Song” during the second pe- up. riod: OK, so he sounds like Tom Carvel nowadays. So here are 10 ways to make the Winter But the man IS New Year’s, and we’d sure as hell Classic so ridiculously awesome that it’s as close to take him over Ryan Seacrest. Then again, we’d take Bettman-proof as one can get without the benefit of Def Leppard using the as a urination garlic and a stake: trough over Ryan Seacrest, too.

Let the players be players on New Year’s Get the local NBA team’s dance squad as ice girls: Eve: Ryan Miller of the Buffalo Sabres told me No offense to the talented lasses who shovel snow that the players were expected to be “professional and toss T-shirts for the NHL, but the NBA probably at all times” on Winter Classic Eve, despite it being still takes the award for best-looking in-arena eye the second-greatest party night of the year (behind candy. So hire the local Spirit Explosion or Dance- Leafs Elimination Day). What a waste. Let the gasm or whatever they’re called, and put the bas- boys be boys, and at the very least you’d have a ketball beauties to work as Winter Classic Ice Girls. few guys still shaking off the whiskey haze during Greg Wyshynski Because there’s nothing funnier than a hot broad the game, pulling a Brophy from “Slap ” and falling on skates, and because sexy women plus icy begging guys not to throw’em against the boards for temps equals … well, just ask Letterman why his fear that they’d piss themselves. Or, if we’re lucky, some player will studio is always so cold. stumble onto the ice two periods late wearing only a two-day stubble, women’s underwear and a look that says the last 24 hours have been Allow owner Oren Koules to produce permanently wiped from his memory. the game: There’s no discernable defense from either team. Both coaches are fired 16 minutes into the Classic. And a creepy puppet Saturate the sinners: If we’re playing to the casual fans, then we keeps asking players if they’d like to play a game. need to keep the game as clean as possible; we’re not going to trick a newbie into spending $85 for a lower bowl ticket if they discover Have a pond hockey team from a small Alaskan town take on the NHL games are actually 60 minutes of holding, hugging and violent in a televised outdoor exhibition game: And acts with lumber. So if you’re sent to the penalty box during the maybe, you know, get Burt Reynolds to coach them. Winter Classic, you’re going to learn your lesson by getting doused with a bucket of freezing cold water. And we’re not talking a dribble Finally, play the game at Vostok Station, Antarctica: The lowest here; we’re talking a “You Can’t Do That on Television” flood from reliably measured temperature on Earth was recorded there in 1983, the heavens. And that’s how you get rid of obstruction, folks: with at minus-128.6 degrees Fahrenheit. Average temperature: minus-85 massive shrinkage and the threat of pneumonia. degrees. Any other Winter Classic is just a Classic.

Dress the goalies like Randy from “A Christmas Story.”: A per- Greg Wyshynski is the editor of the Puck Daddy blog on Yahoo! fect way to tie into holiday tradition, keep the goalies safe with extra Sports. He was recently named the 100th most powerful and influ- padding and increase -scoring … by dressing them in snowsuits ential person in hockey by The Hockey News, if you can believe that that keep their arms suspended in the air at all times. Shoot ‘till their shit. eyes are out, kids. The Making of The Chicago Blackhawks

YEAR TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Brian Campbell (BUF 6th round 1997 Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2001) Matt Walker (STL 3rd round 1998) Aaron Johnson (CLB 3rd round 2001) 2007-2008 Patrick Kane (1st round) Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round 1995) PHI for (FA PHI 2000) Craig Adams (HAR 9th round 1996) from CAR for future considerations. Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004) from CAR for Tuomo Ruutu (CHI 1st round 2001) 2006-2007 Jonathan Toews (1st round) Martin Havlat (OTT 1st round 1999) from OTT and (BOS 1st round 1990) for (FA SJ 2003), (SJ 2nd round 2003) and Michael Barinka (CHI 2nd round 2003) Kris Versteeg (BOS 5th round 2004) from BOS for (OTT 7th round 2001) 2005-2006 Patrick Sharp (PHI 3rd round 2001) Nikolai Khabibulin (WIN 9th round from PHI for Matt Ellison (CHI 4th 1992) round 2002) and CHI 3rd round pick 2006 2004-2005 Cam Barker (1st round) Dave Bolland (2nd round) Troy Brouwer (7th round) 2003-2004 Brent Seabrook (1st round) Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003), (2nd round) Jim Vandermeer (PHI FA 2000) and Dustin Byfuglien (8th round) 2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN 4th round 1990) 2002-2003 Duncan Keith (2nd round) James Wisniewski (5th round) Adam Burish (9th round) info in part provided by hockeyreference.com GM HISTORY COACHES (2005-Present) Head Coach-Joel Quenneville (Too Fucking Long, Too Many Fuck- Assistant Coach-John Torchetti ing Times) Assistant Coach- Mike Smith (2001-2004) Assistant Coach- Marc Bergevin Bob Murray (1999-2000) Goaltending Coach-Stephane Waite The Making of Scum

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Marian Hossa (OTT 1st round 1997) Ty Conklin (EDM Undrafted FA 2001) 2007-2008 Brad Stuart (SJ 1st round 1998) from LAK for Darren McCarty (DET 2nd round 2008 2nd round pick and 2009 4th round pick 1992) Brian Rafalski (NJ Undrafted FA 1999) 2006-2007 2005-2006 Daniel Cleary (CHI 1st round 1997) Mikael Samuelsson (SJ 5th round 1998) Andreas Lilja (LAK 2nd round 2000) Chris Osgood (DET 3rd round 1995) 2004-2005 Johan Franzen (3rd round) 2003-2004 Brett Lebda (Undrafted FA) 2002-2003 Jiri Hudler (2nd round) Valtteri Filppula (3rd round) Derek Meech (7th round) 2000-2001 Niklas Kronwall (1st round) Tomas Kopecky (2nd round) 1999-2000 Henrik Zetterberg (7th round) 1998-1999 Pavel Datsyuk (6th round) Judas (MTL 2nd round 1981) from CHI for Anders Eriksson (DET 1st round 1993), 1999 1st round pick, and 2001 1st round pick 1995-1996 Kirk Maltby (EDM 3rd round 1992) from EDM for Dan McGillis (DET 10th round 1992) 1994-1995 Tomas Holmstrom (10th round) 1993-1994 Kris Draper (WIN 3rd round 1989) from WIN for future considerations 1989-1990 Nicklas Lindstrom (3rd round) GM HISTORY COACHES Asst. Coach- Brad McCrimmon 1996-Present: Ken Holland Head Coach- Goaltending Coach- Jim Bedard Asst. Coach- Paul MacLean The Hawks Record When...

Playing at home...... 11-1-4 Allowing a short-handed goal...... 1-1-1 Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!”.... 19-7-7 Playing on road...... 9-6-3 Taking 30 or more shots...... 16-4-4 Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D Scoring first...... 1-2-21 Taking less than 30 shots..... 4-3-1 during 4-on-4...... 19-7-7 Opponent scores first...... 9-5-5 Allowing 30 shots or more...... 10-3-5 We fantasize about shooting Eddie O.... 19-7-7 Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 3-0-1 Allowing 30 shots or less...... 10-4-2 We’re ecstatic is back...... 19-6-7 Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 8-1-3 100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 10-1-4 Ice-girls wear skirts...... 4-0-3 Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0 1st of a back-to-back...... 2-2-2 Ice-girls wear pants...... 3-1-0 ANYONE blows editors of Committed Indian ...... 0-0-0 2nd of a back-to-back..... 4-2-0 ice-girls wear shorts.... 4-0-1 Playing on a Monday...... 1-1-1 Opponent played night before.... 4-1-1 Ice-girls wear hideous pink outfit...... 1-0-0 Playing on a Tuesday...... 2-1-0 Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty.... 6-2-3 Leading after 2 periods...... 15-1-3 Playing on a Wednesday...... 4-0-2 Burish takes a penalty...... 4-3-2 Losing after 2 periods...... 1-4-2 Playing on a Thursday...... 0-0-0 Keith takes a penalty...... 5-1-2 Tied after 2 periods...... 4-2-2 Playing on a Friday...... 4-2-1 Sharp takes a penalty...... 8-2-2 In ...... 2-2 Playing on a Saturday...... 3-2-3 Toews takes a penalty..... 6-1-2 In shootout...... 2-5 Playing on a Sunday...... 5-1-0 Havlat takes a penalty.... 4-0-0 Cam Barker plays...... 15-4-4 Savard changes lines during game... 1-2-1 Sopel takes a penalty...... 3-2-1 Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence..... 3-2-3 Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 19-5-6 Sopel looks 6 steps slow...... 7-5-5 Lacking a #2 center...... 20-7-7 Are out-muscled by opponent.... 7-7-3 51 Phantom blows a coverage...... 13-5-6 In 1-goal games..... 5-3-7 Outshoot opponent...... 13-4-2 Toews is trying too hard...... 3-5-2 In 2-goal games...... 5-2-0 Are outshot by opponenet.... 7-3-5 At least 1 fight in 300 Level... 0-0-2 In 3-goal games...... 4-1-0 Havlat shies from contact...... 16-6-6 No fights in 300 Level..... 10-1-2 In 4+ goal games...... 5-1-0 Patrick Kane scores...... 8-3-2 Playing Eastern Conference..... 3-2-1 Scoring 3+ goals..... 13-1-4 Jonathan Toews scores...... 3-0-3 Playing Western Conference..... 17-5-6 Scoring less than 3 goals...... 0-6-3 Martin Havlat scores...... 5-0-1 Playing Central Division...... 2-1-5 PA plays Ministry...... 0-0-0 Patrick Sharp scores...... 12-2-2 Playing Northwest Division.... 9-1-0 PA plays Modern Cock-Rock..... 11-1-4 Dustin Byfuglien scores...... 4-0-1 Playing Pacific Division 6-3-1 PA plays Classic Cock-Rock...... 7-1-4 Dustin Byfuglien turns down a hit...... 17-6-5 Playing Atlantic Division 1-1-0 PA plays P.J. Harvey...... 0-0-0 Andrew Ladd scores...... 6-0-1 Playing NASCAR Division 0-1-0 Frasier fights...... 5-2-1 Dave Bolland scores...... 5-0-1 Playing Northeast Division 2-0-1 Burish fights...... 4-1-0 Adam Burish scores...... HA! Playing in October.... 4-3-3 Seabrook fights..... 0-0-0 51 Phantom scores...... 3-1-1 Playing in November.... 6-3-3 Barker fights...... 0-0-1 Duncan Keith scores...... 2-2-0 Playing in December...... 10-1-1 Buff fights...... 0-0-2 Brent Seabrook scores...... 4-0-0 Playing in January..... 0-0-0 Sharp fights...... 0-0-0 Aaron Johnson scores.... 2-0-1 Playing in February..... 0-0-0 Eager fights...... 6-0-1 Troy Brouwer scores.... 4-0-0 Playing in March...... 0-0-0 On Comcast...... 15-3-4 Scoring a Power Play goal...... 16-2-6 Playing in April...... 0-0-0 On WGN...... 5-3-3 Not scoring a Power Play goal... 4-5-1 UC plays really stupid goal song..... 11-1-4 On Vs...... 0-1-0 Allowing a Power Play goal...... 7-4-7 Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s..... 2-4-2 Judd Sirott swears a lot off-air 20-7-7 Not Allowing a Power Play goal...... 13-3-0 Getting obliterated on face-offs...... 7-6-4 Committed Indian is sold outside... 7-1-2 Scoring a short-handed goal...... 2-1-0 Are even close on face-offs..... 13-1-3 Editor of Committed Indian bleeds on programs...... 1-0-0

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