New_7894 Jewi _ i 9 e 8

LastingImpressions By Steve Lipman WhoIsaBa’al Teshuvah? Thoughts of a Now-Orthodox Adult Raised in a Non-Orthodox Family

Igrewupinahomewhereweusually that you can lead a Torah-observant life halachot and Jewish precepts in my first watched Saturday morning cartoons on without sacrificing the professional suc- three decades, but I don’t know if I feel television, where we often ate chazir, cess that our parents prized. Thanks to the proper shame in my kishkes. I learn, where we sometimes opened presents set the growing number of Orthodox , butI’venotbecomeatalmid chacham. I under a Christmas tree. In the context of many of whom who were not Orthodox wear a , but I don’t know if my be- American Jewry a half-century ago, of as children, you can study medicine in havior always reflects that of a pious Jew. “religious school” a few days a week that shomer residencies. You can I keep kosher and Shabbat, but that’s the culminated in a Bar Mitzvah—sometimes take clients to meals in kosher restau- easy part. a Bat Mitzvah—that ended any sem- rants where the cuisine rivals that of any “There are no ba’alei teshuvah today,” blance of Jewish education for most treif establishment. You can even run for my rabbi in my hometown, now a recog- young Jews, it was a typical home. vice president. nized leader of Klal Yisrael in Israel, once Also typical for many American Jews I don’t like labels, but I proudly iden- told me. The title denotes such a commit- was the path I chose years later. I veered tify myself as an Orthodox Jew. When ment, such a level of knowledge, that the from my childhood roots in Reform and pressed, I’ll even say I’m a ba’al teshuvah. people who so loosely take it upon them- Conservative congregations, stopped But questions remain. For how long selves shouldn’t do so, he explained. turning on the TV on Shabbat, gave up can I keep calling myself a ba’al He told a story of a man who em- McDonald’s—and, of course, didn’t have a teshuvah? And am I really a ba’al teshu- braced a life of Torah observance in Lon- Christmas tree. Today, in the Orthodox vah?Isanyone? don a century ago. Standing out in his where I continue to in daven, Thirty years after I made the first ten- long black coat, mocked for his adher- the yeshivot where I learn the intricacies tative steps toward a life of traditional ence to Shabbat and kashrut, he was of Rashi and Rambam, I look around and Jewish observance, after I spent a month known as “the ba’al teshuvah,” so rare seemyselfsurroundedbymen,ofvarious at an intensive learning program, after I were his ilk in his days. ages, from similar backgrounds. began wearing a kippah all the time, after He was a ba’al teshuvah. Whether wearing a black or kip- I asked my mother to prepare only So I’m not a ba’al teshuvah. pah serugah, many of the mitpallelim and kosher chicken in our home, after I So what do people like me call talmidim in my circles were raised, like started staying at my Orthodox friends’ ourselves if someone asks about me, by parents who loved being Jewish homes on Shabbat so I wouldn’t have to our background? and who wanted us to be good Jews, but drive, I still ask myself these questions. I don’t have a good answer to not in the way that their shuckling, Yid- The learning and davening, kippah that question. dish-speaking, kapata-and-shtreimel- and kashrut are still in place, but the Several years ago I heard a story wearing immigrant parents had been. question stands: What—or who—is a ba’al about a from one of ’s They wanted us to be good Ameri- teshuvah? Is it anyone from a non-obser- talmid cans, too. vant background who has adopted a leading ba’al teshuvah yeshivot—he was So what did we do? We went off and shomer mitzvot lifestyle? At what point frum from birth and admired the learned to shuckle. We learned Aramaic, doyoupassfromba’al teshuvah to plain yeshivah’s derech halimud—who went to and some too. We put on a kap- frum Yid? a gadol for a berachah. ata and shtreimel. As my personal anniversary of The talmid introduced himself, iden- To all appearances, we are devoted frumkeit approaches, as the evolving ba’al tified his institution of advanced Talmu- frum Jews, virtually indistinguishable teshuvah movement adopts new ways of dic learning and then added, “But I’m not from the frum-from-birth (“lifers,” we reaching today’s potential members of a ba’al teshuvah.” call them) Jews next to us. the Orthodox community, the questions “Why not?” the gadol asked. We are part of the ba’al teshuvah grip me not only on a philosophical level. Chagrined, the talmid realized that movement that, contrary to secular as- Am I flattering myself to call myself a it’s no disgrace to be a ba’al teshuvah,no sumptions about the imminent death of ba’al teshuvah?AmI—orisanyonewho matter how you define the term, no mat- Torah Judaism, has swelled shuls and has gone from zero to 613—arrogant to ter how many years have passed since yeshivot in the last few generations. do so? you joined the ranks of the Orthodox, no Good Americans, we have shown The term means, literally, “master of matter how you judge yourself. return.” What have I mastered? I’ve ad- So until someone comes up with a Steve Lipman is a staff writer for the Jewish mitted with my mouth that I had, unwit- better title, I’ll go on calling myself a Week in New York. tingly to be sure, violated countless ba’al teshuvah. 

80 I JEWISH ACTION Winter 5770/2009