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The Guild Season 5 by Felicia Day WGA REGISTERED The Guild Season 5 by Felicia Day WGA REGISTERED FADE IN: INT. CODEX’S BEDROOM - NIGHT Codex talks into her webcam. There are clothes strewn about the bed behind her, messy, an open suitcase lies behind her. CODEX Almost finished packing! I Don’t want to brag, but I am really good at it. When I was twelve, I rolled the score over on an arcade Tetris machine, sooo... Anyway, we’re leaving tomorrow for the Gaming Convention! The Guild is carpooling in Vork’s creepy van, so as long as there’s not an Amber alert out, we should arrive tomorrow, ready for a weekend of... I’m not really sure, I’ve never been to a Nerd-stravaganza before, but getting offline and out of my element will be awesome. Give me some space to work out my chaotically aligned feelings about Zaboo. Am I into him? Do I wanna do the nasty with him? (ponders for a beat) The idea isn’t repulsing me, but... Whatever. ROAD TRIP! Cut to Codex continuing to pack her suitcase on the bed in the background. She sings the Tetris theme with gusto. INT. VORK’S VAN - DAY The Guild is packed in like sardines. Boxes are piled to the ceiling, suitcases, computers and monitors as well. Vork is in the driver’s seat, Zaboo in the passenger. Bladezz is behind them in the middle, Tink to his right, playing a handheld game. Bladezz keeps edging closer to bother her. She elbows him away. Clara and Codex are further back. Vork is driving SUPER SLOW. Cars pass, horns blaring. ZABOO I spy with my little eye...oh, a family of six, flipping us off. Bladezz watches Tink game. He indicates to her breast area. 2. BLADEZZ Tink, that looks like a very fun game, but, if you could lower this a bit so I can see this area better. TINK Back. Off! God, why did I agree to go on this trip! Vork!! Do something! VORK Bladezz, stop doing whatever it is you’re doing to Tink. ZABOO Hey, it’s that family again! Still- still givin’ us the bird, hehe. VORK (yells out window) I’ll have your license, fiend! Vork lets go of the steering wheel, grabs a pen and paper to write down the license. Zaboo grabs the wheel. ZABOO Dude! How am I driving’d! Helloo? Clara calls out to the front of the van as she watches a video on her cell phone. Codex sits opposite her doodling hearts and “Zaboo & Codex” experimentally on some papers. CLARA Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are were there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? VORK (O.S.) Clara! Don’t make me pull this Guild over! Clara giggles, still watching her phone. Codex leans over. CODEX Are you watching that video I made you? CLARA Oh my God! You made High School Musical? CODEX No. I recorded your kids saying goodbye to us. It was super cute. 3. CLARA (paranoid) They noticed?! Now they’re going to tell Wiggly I left! Fudgenuts! In the front of the van, Zaboo starts pointing out cars. ZABOO I spy with my zombie eye... TINK My fist coming towards your face if you don’t shut the EFF up! ZABOO Come on Tink, everyone loves a car game! Tink leans forward, clocks Zaboo, then leans back again. ZABOO (CONT’D) Ow! Ooo, ah, oo, okay. Punch Buggy’d. Good one. Codex has made her way up to the front of the van. CODEX C’mon you guys, we’re gonna have so much fun at this convention. I mean, we’re going to play The Game, get to know each other better! (awkward flirty) Right, Zaboo? Zaboo turns around, now wearing a foam rubber Munchkin Mascot helmet and clutching a stack of Munchkin game boxes. ZABOO Yeah! Midnight Munchkin Madness! Alliterate’d. TINK Screw that! LET ME OUT! Codex holds Tink back, lifting up her stack of printouts, (the doodle page aimed at Tink.) Vork turns to Codex. VORK Psychological studies show that rats, housed in uncomfortably close proximity, become overly aggressive and gnaw each other to death. CODEX We may be close. 4. TINK (points to printouts) CODEX! What the HELL is this?! CODEX Oh, it’s... nothing, really... ZABOO What are you guys talking about? I wanna be involved in everything that you talk about. Tink hides the brochure, pulls Codex to the back of the van. TINK Conference in the south wing. Now! Tink yanks Codex to the very back of the van, behind some big brown boxes. They whisper fiercely, Tink holds up the paper. TINK (CONT’D) That better be a suicide note! CODEX I was just...I dunno. What do you think about it? Him and me? TINK Huhn! You’ve gone from hot stunt guy to kilted Guild Leader to ZABOO? Your relationship patching system is seriously going the wrong direction! CODEX He is not a DOWNGRADE! I mean, look at him, what- what’s wrong with him? Codex and Tink turn as Zaboo yells loudly. ZABOO Oo, oo, ooo! The license plate game! The winner gets a lesson from me in Fortran! (burps then sniffs) Oh, and it’s gonna smell like burrito! So... CODEX (back to Tink) Maybe I just want someone who’s nice to me for a change. And Warlock/ Priest combo is killer, right? 5. TINK Middle-Earth to Codex: That’s not real life! CODEX Well, maybe it can be. Does it hurt to try? TINK Yes! Codex makes her way to the front of the van, Tink follows. They pass Clara, who’s yelling into her cell phone. CLARA ...but you knew the convention was happening sometime this year-ish, why are you acting so surprised? Codex and Tink arrive where Bladezz and Vork are now yelling at each other. Tension in the car is super high. BLADEZZ You can’t mess with Kevinator! The dude hooked us all up, with rooms, and tickets! I’m a “Special Guest,” remember, with air quotes! VORK That little bastard deprived me of my hard-earned capitalist-funded Guild Hall! I intend to report him to the heads of The Game personally! ZABOO BEFORE THIS CAR STOPS I WANT TO PLAY THE LICENSE PLATE GAME! CODEX Oh, boy. EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - EVENING Vork’s van pulls up in front of a mid-sized convention center. Attendees mill about, there is a CONVENTION VOLUNTEER, in a blue polo shirt standing at the curb, clipboard in hand, satchel over her shoulder. Her name tag says “RACHEL”, with flowers drawn around it in highlighter. Vork rolls down the window. Lots of arguing wafts out of the van from all the Guildies. VORK Polo shirt-clad woman! We’re here for the festivities. 6. CODEX Please let us out! RACHEL Welcome to “Mega Game-o-rama Con!“ We’re only taking registration tonight, the convention opens tomorrow, but- BLADEZZ (O.S.) Excuse me! Hey, Vork, tell her you’re chauffuering a Special Guest. VORK I think she got that. RACHEL Oh, wow! A Special Guest?! Are you kidding?! Follow me! Rachel immediately takes off running full speed down the road. Inside the car Vork and Bladezz watch. BLADEZZ Yep, already loving this. INT. PARKING GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER Rachel runs up, out of breathe. She bends over and points to the parking slot next to her. Vork’s van pulls in. RACHEL (out of breathe) I am officially- authorizing the use of this- parking... The Guild jumps out of the car (partially jettisoned). Luggage and boxes fall out as they clamor to the ground. Tink starts to pull her pink luggage out of the car. Rachel approaches Clara and Tink, semi-recovered. RACHEL (CONT’D) We are so honored to have you attend our convention! Bladezz barges over, shades on. It’s dark outside and he trips over Tink’s luggage. BLADEZZ AHEM! Excuse me, hi, I’m the Special Guest! What kind of VIP treatment is this?! 7. RACHEL Oh my God. I’m sorry! Did I just insult you?! Rachel bursts into tears. Codex approaches to comfort her. CODEX Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, no- calm down, it’s okay, you can’t know everyone, right? BLADEZZ Oh, excuse me! I’m not just EVERYONE! I’m the Cheesy Pirate Kid. I’m a MEME! Bladezz pulls out a Finn Smulders headshot from nowhere. RACHEL I’m sorry, I’m sure lots of people are really excited you’re attending, I mean not that I’m not... ZABOO (walks up) Oh, wow. I think we found someone more neurotic than you, Codex, heh! CODEX (flirty) Uh, yeah! I told you this would be a great weekend! ZABOO Wow are you- uh- having spasms or something? ‘Cause your face is twitching. BLADEZZ Okay, look. We have rooms, and badges, under the name Finn Smulders, okay? I don’t want stalkers showing up to my door, offering me their bodies, unless they’re double D certified, got it? RACHEL (checks clipboard) I have you here for six badges, but as for rooms, we don’t provide those to guests. ALL TOGETHER (BEAT) What? 8. BLADEZZ Okay... Kevinator told me that he’d hook me and my Guildies all up. TINK So you just assumed everything was taken care of under the classification, “hook up”?! BLADEZZ That’s how the leet speak! CLARA We don’t have any rooms? At all? VORK We’re homeless.
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