day one heaven from where i stand psalm 103 :10 -12
He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. - Psalm 103:10-12
I laid my head down on my pillow and sighed a deep sigh. I had lost my cool with my overtired toddler….another night that feels so ruined by the battle of wills. Will she remember me this way always? Do I even have the strength to do any better? The struggle over bed-time seems always to be never-ending in the moment, and yet when it passes, and the air is quiet again I am left with the guilt. If I'm honest, the chaos did not begin at 6:30pm, but before my head lifted from the pillow I am now resting on from the night before. I neglected to take every merciless thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), and now I pay the price. I allowed myself to be taunted with lies and frustrations little by little throughout the day and of course, the small degree of what was left of my composer exploded like a pathetic firework when I began to be tested and tormented by the fear of failing as a mom.
Why do I always do this? I am familiar with this tightness in my chest. The one that no amount of shut-eye can eradicate. I have felt it when I allow my thoughts to wander down the path of "what-if's" and the "what could have been" moments of my life. What if I would have spoken up more? Would I have not been overlooked for the position? What if I would have never said yes? Would I be in this mental state now? Why do I keep going back to the same broken things for relief when I know the only place that I can truly find it? My weakness is all too real and overwhelming.
Maybe your moments of weakness do not involve curly-headed 3-year olds and crocodile tears. Maybe they look like hidden chocolate wrappers, secret DM's or discarded shopping receipts. Maybe it sounds like a deep-seated, internal dialogue of insecurity that second guesses every word that comes out of your mouth – always wishing you would have done or said something other than the very thing you did or said. Never being okay with who you are and why you are this way. Settling for the constant feeling of unsettled. Maybe the moment your heart was damaged against your will replays over and over in your mind like a bad dream you can't wake up from.
Christ is Christ for you. Psalms 103 is a love letter to the broken-hearted woman, the woman dragging the monster of bitterness into each and every new day. The weight of regret that grips to her ankles, keeping her from flying free and running like the warrior she was designed to be. The prescription for your regret is to read these verses over yourself until you believe them. It may take your whole life, nevertheless, read them loud and proud into your future. Because they are truth. The only antidote for the infectious disease of lies is the application of truth. As far as east is from west, as high as the heavens are above the earth, so far has HE removed our transgressions from us, those that we did of our own volition and those that were done against us. I cannot even begin to fathom the tools it would take to effectively reach Heaven from where I stand. And great analogies exist to articulate the vastness of the span of distance that is from east to west, yet I still can't comprehend the scale. These verses remind us that God is not interested in measuring our failures at all. They are so far removed from His mind when He looks at us. If God doesn't measure them then why should I? His grace is given to me like bed-in-breakfast every morning. I must receive His heart for my life in order to free myself from the noose of regret. I must take on His strength provided for my weakness. When God looks at me, He sees Jesus. He doesn't see my fits of rage, my battle with insecurity or my doubt that He is near. He loves me, and His love is what makes me want to leave the place of regret behind.
Another day will begin again, and I have another opportunity to live boldly, grace-filled for my friends and family, life-giving for those I encounter. The best mother I can be is wrapped up in my ability to uphold truth. I can do this confidently if my focus is the depth of His love for me rather than the depth of my failures.
He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. – Colossians 2:14
Dear Jesus,
I come to you in all of my weakness and failure, I admit how badly I need you today. Rescue me from the replay of my regrets and the mistakes I have made in my past. Remind me of your goodness and your heart towards me. That you don’t measure my failures. You pour out grace and mercy with each new day, this grace and mercy awaits me even before I lift my head from my pillow and before my feet hit the ground. Thank you for your gift of forgiveness that instills within me hope and peace for my future.
Amen.
day two sacrifice for shame genesis 3
As soon as sin entered the world in the Garden of Eden, shame showed its ugly face. Often we confuse shame with conviction, and that is exactly what Satan would have you to believe. Let’s reflect on the day sin first entered into the world. In Genesis 3, we read about a naked Adam and a naked Eve embarrassed and exposed. They had broken the one commandment God had given, which was not to eat of the fruit from the tree of good and evil. Like so many of us when we feel exposed, they tried to do what they could to cover their shame themselves.
Suddenly, there’s a sound. They recognize the sound. It’s a sound they are familiar with—it is the Lord walking in the garden. Startled and ashamed, they hide. This is where shame and conviction are vastly different. Conviction draws us closer to God because we realize He is the only one who can restore, cover and redeem us from the mess we’ve made. Shame, however, drives us to hide. To hide away from His loving arms. The arms that can restore and redeem any mistake we’ve made.
Adam and Eve tried to fix things themselves which left them hiding from the one they’ve been enjoying fellowship with. Did Adam and Eve do something wrong? Absolutely. Are there consequences and trials we walk through due to the choices we make? Yes! God is sovereign. Knowing what Adam and Eve had done and the knowledge they now possessed, He had to remove them from the Garden. However, God gives us a glimpse of what is to come through the sacrifice of Jesus for our shame and past. God himself made garments of skin to clothe Adam and Eve so that they did not have to walk around embarrassed and exposed. This sacrifice is nothing in comparison to the sacrifice of Jesus; however, it goes to show how the Lord feels regarding our shame and the lengths He goes to cover and restore us to how He had created us to be.
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for the sacrifice you’ve made on behalf of my sin. Thank you that you do not give what I deserve, and although I may walk through consequences, your sacrifice covers any shame that I may carry. Please help me to bring the parts of my past that have been in hiding to you and allow you to heal, mend and restore them.In Jesus’ name, amen. day three the accusing voice romans 8:1
I will never forget the day I was walking around a store with my now husband, about one year post graduating high school. I ran into some acquaintances from where I attended. Casually catching up, something on my finger caught one of the girl's attention. You see, I have the kind of past where mistakes can be found without looking very hard. Since graduating, I had rededicated my life to Jesus and had fully given Him my whole self. I had made a re-commitment to abstain from sex until marriage, and I purchased myself a ring as a reminder to myself of God's restoration. Upon spotting my ring, the girl proceeded to laugh and state how funny it was to see me wearing that. This girl knew my past and who I had been. Upon leaving, so many accusations arose; I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I was re-opening in my mind the case that Jesus had closed with His cross. Maybe I wasn't clean. Maybe it was silly to think I could gain my purity back with just a prayer. The truth is, the enemy has come to steal, kill, and destroy. His schemes aren't new or innovative. However, his destiny has been sealed.
Revelation 12:9-11 gives us a visual of Satan, our accuser, being thrown down and gives us this proclamation: "they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony."
When thoughts and feelings of condemnation, shame, and regret start presenting themselves, remind yourself the case is closed! The accuser has been conquered and defeated. In Christ, he has been overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony!
My testimony is this; my past has many regrets, many condemnable areas; however, how great a love that my Jesus has covered those with His blood. My debt was great, and He paid it in full. How could I do anything now but praise Him? My case has been closed.
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for closing my case. Thank you for canceling a debt that I could never repay. Thank you for making me an overcomer. Help me to walk in your freedom and to testify to myself when I begin to look back and to those around me that your blood speaks a better word, a better way, and a new life! You alone, Jesus, have defeated my accuser. Thank you.
In Jesus' name, Amen. day four undeserved gift isaiah 1:18-18
"Come now, let us settle the matter," says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." Isaiah 1:18-19
I came from a Christian background; I was raised in fear of the Lord and have dedicated my life to the Lord since I was very young. The fear of God kept me from many things that could have otherwise got me in trouble as a young woman. I somehow think because I didn't commit the "big sins" that I somehow earn His love. I tend to look down on other people who've had a "darker" past.
The Lord had to deliver me from my false religious mindset (thank God!). The salvation that God gave is not something we produced out of works (Eph 2:9). Our part of salvation is only RECEIVING the gift of God. As long as we think that we can earn God's love, we will always struggle with shame, sins, and guilt. Friends, we didn't earn anything good from God. Quit trying to finish His work for Him. He has done his part. He said, "It is finished." You are clean, you are forgiven, and you are a new creation. Christ did not simply fix your old nature; he killed it (Galatians 2:20).
Let us together let go of the false burden of sin, condemnation, past, and failures. Jesus had taken care of those burdens so that we can pick up other peoples' burden AND bring it to the cross. (Matthew 11:28-30). Let us together, pick up the burden of family members who don't know Christ yet, the coworkers who are bound with addiction, and the friends who struggle with rejection. Let us pray for them and prayerfully seek an opportunity to tell them that, though their sins are like scarlet, they too can be as white as snow. They are accepted, loved and forgiven. His love is enough!
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for helping me to let go of my false burden and pick up your burden. Help me to hear your voice when you call me to pray, to share the good news and to heal—and help me to obey.
In Jesus' name, Amen
day five favored romans 8:1
King David, was a man after God’s own heart. He was WINNING in life. The Bible records that he found favor in the sight of God and man. He was a successful, inspiring and anointed leader that everyone dreamed of being like. But then, one day, he failed. He made a huge mistake by sleeping with someone’s wife—and then killed her husband to cover up his sin (2 Samuel 11-12). In my opinion, this is one of the biggest scandals in biblical times. Imagine watching an amazing Godly leader whom you highly respected fall into sin. If you have been a Christian long enough, I am sure you can relate.
Throughout my walk with God, I have found myself making so many mistakes. I have failed God so many times by going back to the things I was delivered from. The condemnation, the guilt, and the shame can be unbearable at times. But the Bible teaches us what we need to do when we have fallen off the wagon, and these are the things that have helped me over the years:
● Rule #1: GET UP as quickly as you can (Proverbs 24:11). Run to God—don’t hide from Him. Don’t skip church or small groups. Keep showing up. Keep seeking Him. Confess your sin, as David confessed his sin against God to Nathan, the prophet, when Nathan called him out on his sin. Look for people who are willing to lift you up in prayer—people who are spiritually more mature than you. Reach out and don’t isolate yourself! (1 John 1:9). ● Rule #2: Do not dwell in your guilt and shame (Romans 8:1). Do not entertain the tormenting thoughts. The voice of the Holy Spirit will always empower you and impart healing. ● Rule #3: Renew your mind. Fill your mind with the Word of God. Only His word can transform your life (2 Timothy 3: 16-17). Commit yourself to read the Bible and pray.
It doesn’t matter how many times you fall. What matters is how many times you get up to keep seeking God. King David is a great example of someone who fell off of the wagon but never fell out of love with God. God’s love restored him, changed him, and established him as one of the greatest men of God in history. Extend that same grace and mercy to others who fall off the wagon. Let the love of God in your life bring restoration to them and guide them back into the right path.
Dear Jesus, Thank you for dying on the cross for the sin of the world. Thank you for releasing me from the bondage of sin, and please forgive me for the times when I seem to run back to the things that enslaved me. Thank you for your grace. Help me to chase after you, and give me the strength to turn from the desires of my flesh.In Jesus’ name, Amen.
day six hidden no more john 4:1-39
The story of the woman at the well has always been one of my favorites stories in the bible. If you read the scripture referenced above, you’ll see a picture of a woman who was outcasted by society. She draws water at a community well at a time of day that was not popular because she was trying to avoid people in her village. Have you ever had a past that made you hide or avoid certain people? I remember when I accepted Jesus and the very people I had hung out with the summer before terrified me! I knew that they thought I was putting on a show. I also avoided them because I was scared they would share with others all the things that I did that I felt the shame of. I deleted all my tagged pictures- unfollowed multiple people - all to try to clear my name and my past from haunting me. I wanted to forget completely who that girl was and move on. Little did I know at the time that Jesus didn’t just want my future, but He wanted to redeem my past. Jesus approaches a woman, more specifically, a Samaritan woman, who Jews did not associate with. If you look at a map, you will see that Jesus takes the long way to his destination to meet with this woman. Jesus is never bothered with interruptions or inconvenience. He knew she would be there; He knew He would have an encounter with her. This tells me that no matter my past, failed attempts or shameful stories, Jesus is ready to meet with me.
In verse 18 Jesus brings up her past. We often want to forget where we came from or ignore what we are currently struggling with. I don’t believe Jesus brought this up to belittle her or to shame her, but for her to hear that He knows every single detail of her life, that he cares & that he is the only thing that will truly satisfy her. Jesus is the only source of true freedom from shame & the bondage of sin.
When this woman leaves Jesus, she leaves with an incredible boldness. Time spent with Jesus is necessary for fighting off the shame of your past and future fears. Time spent with Jesus will stir up courage in your soul. You see that courage represented in verse 28 when this woman, after her encounter with Jesus, RUNS to the village (the very village she was trying to avoid) and shares with them the Gospel! Here you see the first woman evangelist publicly proclaiming Jesus the Messiah to both women and men. ATTA GIRL! Now that is what a FEARLESS FEMALE looks like.
So beautiful- let me encourage you with this - Jesus is not turned off by your past, no matter how messy it is. He already knows every detail of your story, every heartache and reason for the tears you have cried. No matter what shame you feel the weight of today- Jesus comes to take it away, and not just take it away but give you a boldness to run and tell others about the freedom and grace he has to offer. Jesus has come to love and set you free. Let your story impact the whole village.
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for seeing me when I wanted to hide every part of myself to the world. Thank you that even in my darkest days you see a daughter worthy of your amazing love. Today Jesus, will you help me see myself the way you see me? Redeemed, beautiful and loved. I’m ready to walk out your truth in boldness, help me share my story. Thank you for forgiving me when it was hard to forgive myself. I love you, Jesus.
Amen
day seven all things new acts 9:1-19
I'll never forget the day that Jesus sought me out when I was on the darkest road in my marriage, sort of like when he sought out Paul on the road of Damascus, and completely changed everything. He was THERE. Have you ever had a moment like that? My marriage was over, and my husband was leaving. It was on that road that I encountered the presence of God stronger than I ever had before, as He was revealing Himself and speaking to me, and holding me when I was in desperate need of a Savior. What was dead, He was bringing back to life. That really happened to me, and Damascus road really happened to Paul. Has something like that ever happened to you? We were going one direction, and He showed up and totally changed the course of everything.
Fast forward to today, and I am in a new season. "He makes all things new" (Revelations 21:5). He really does. I am living the proof of that now in a marriage that's being healed and experiencing intimacy and joy like never before. My past has been redeemed. So, what's the problem? If I'm honest, the problem is that I still struggle with painful reminders of that past. Have you ever felt that way? Sure, I just told you how I remember Jesus meeting me in that valley, but sometimes I'm reminded of the darkness and the grief of my past, and the pain, shame, regret, fear, and anxiety all come flooding back. I'll be going on just fine in my day when something "triggers" me, and the trauma replays. And replays. I don't WANT to, but I'm going back there. Again. It can feel like mental oppression that can consume my thoughts and leave me stuck --- in the past that Jesus redeemed me from (with His blood!), and missing out on that very future that's been purchased and planned for me. And sometimes, I wonder if I'm the only one. I wonder if Paul ever struggled with memories of his Saul life. Memories of his brothers and sisters' blood on his hands because he mercilessly persecuted Christians. Memories of how he hated the very One who loved him and gave His life for him. How DID Paul ever move on and walk in the purpose that God had for him with a past like his? And how will I?
If I can't control the reminders and triggers or make memories disappear, then what? Everybody knows we can't really forget. It begs the question, what did Paul mean when he says "forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead" (Philippians 3:13), when Paul himself talked about his past (Acts 22), and still pressed on and walked in the purpose that God had for him? And that's what I'm in the process of learning now...
If and when reminders of the past come, I will remember Jesus there. I will remember my "but then God" moment. In Galatians 1:13-15, Paul openly talks about who he was in the past and how he tried to destroy God's church! But I've learned a lot from this passage. I see that Paul doesn't shamefully stay there. He chooses to see his "but then God" moment."By now you have heard stories of how severely I harassed and persecuted Christians… but then God called me by His grace; and in love, He chose me from my birth to be His."
Rather than just trying to forget or suppress, I am confronting these reminders as they come and learning to take them captive. A lot of the reminders of my past can be LIES that need to be submitted to the truth. Feelings of fear, shame, regret, and condemnation may be from the past, but they are not from God. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up again the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5
I can't REMOVE memories of my past, but I can MOVE them to the foot of the cross. Painful reminders, triggers, and memories are indicators that I still need Jesus to heal me. And He WANTS to heal me. Instead of trying to throw these reminders away, or allowing them to bring me down any further, they can be the very thing that brings me back to the arms of my Savior to receive His love and grace. "…So I will celebrate my weakness, for when I'm weak, I sense more deeply the might power of Christ living in me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
Without a past, we have no testimony. People need to hear about our past, our Damascus road, and they will see the transforming power of God in our lives! God can and will use our past to draw people to Him! God certainly used Paul's past: "People were saying, "The one who used to persecute us is now preaching the very faith he tried to destroy!" And they praised God because of me." - Galatians 1:23-24 And "we overcome by the blood of the Lamb AND the word of our testimony." Revelations 12:11
Paul's past wasn't one to be proud of (let's be real - none of ours are) yet this is the man who God called by His grace, loved and chose to share the Gospel! God is calling us by His grace, loving and choosing us, too. (Galatians 1:15) , regardless of our past!! That's the Gospel! If Paul would have let regret and shame of his past keep him bound there, I don't believe he would have ever been able to walk in the purpose that God had for him. Today, Paul is one of the treasured mentors of our faith, because he helped write much of the New Testament, which has unveiled the love of God to generations and generations. God has a plan for us too, and there's too much at stake for us to not to see how God has redeemed our past and even wants to use it!
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for making all things NEW. Jesus, you are in the business of taking broken things and using them for your glory, and I am incredibly thankful to be apart of your work. Jesus, I pray today that you continue to heal my heart, continue to help me bring my anxious thoughts and painful memories back to you, back to the foot of the cross. I surrender my heart, my mind and my day to you, Jesus. Day by day I am believing and trusting that you make all things good.
Amen
day eight restoration of reputation luke 7:36
In Luke 7:36, we are introduced to a scene we often see today, whether it be in a church setting, office, or amongst our peers. Jesus was invited to eat at one of the Pharisee’s homes, and as Jesus was reclining at the table, a woman of the night (prostitute) came and knelt at His feet. She brought with her an alabaster jar of ointment, and with her tears began to wash His feet. As she was pouring her heart out before Jesus, mumbling started taking place around her about her sins and reputation. People in the town knew she was a prostitute. When the Pharisee that invited Jesus saw what was taking place, he mumbled, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him, and what kind of woman she is.”
So many of us have shadows from our past—things we regret, things we wish didn’t follow us around. Often we allow those shadows to prevent us from serving Jesus because we fear what the modern day “Pharisees” around us might say.
Jesus knew this woman’s past. He knew her reputation. Jesus retorts to the Pharisee a beautiful parable of two people who owed money to a money lender. Jesus speaks restoration about this woman’s past and says, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown.” This woman was fully aware of her sins, but she knelt before the great debt forgiver. She knew what she owed, and it was more than she could ever pay back. I’m sure she was aware of what the others would say; however, her love for Jesus was more powerful than her reputation by man. By humbly serving Jesus in faith, He states in Luke 7:50, “your faith has saved you.”
Be encouraged today that whatever season of your life you are in, not to allow the things spoken over you in the past determine your future. Whatever your reputation may have been, allow Jesus to speak something greater. Don’t allow fear of what others may say or think hinder you from being at the feet of Jesus.
Dear Jesus,
I realize that my sin is greater than what I could ever pay back. Thank you for covering it for me. Help me realize that what you say about me and who I am is greater than those around me, and allow me to lay down my reputation to take up yours. Help me to encourage others around me who may allow fear of their past to hold them back from serving You. Jesus, there is safety in your arms. In Jesus’ name, Amen. day nine regret can’t redeem joshua 2:1
Have you ever watched a trailer for a movie and thought, "eh, not interested" but ended up stuck seeing it with friends—then it turns out to be a great film? Or maybe you've looked at something labeled "organic" and thought "no thank YOU," but your best friend cooks it and it ends up being some of the best food you've ever eaten? That's because labels don't always do justice to what or who is behind them. Rahab was one of those people. The Bible records her as a prostitute, someone that most people looked down upon, put shame on and avoided. But God used her in mighty ways! She was the sole person who helped Israel scout out and then overcome Jericho. And to me, the most beautiful part of this whole story was that God didn't leave out her past. He didn't ignore who she was at the time. He lifted her in spite of it, embraced where she was and used her even in a time she might not have considered her best.
Over a year ago my husband and I found ourselves in a situation where he had lost his job. No warning. We had an 18-month-old and a mortgage payment, and we had no idea how we would manage and support either. With no savings and years of poor money management, we were stuck! Shame and regret swallowed us, and we had to make a choice. We decided the best plan of action was to move in with family until we got back on our feet. That took exactly one year to the date. Within that year, we felt a lot of shame. We chose this path of adulthood, and somehow we failed. But God, He guided us and changed us throughout that year, and we came out better and stronger all by His grace! The things we had labeled ourselves as—broken, unusable and lost—God took and used to bring out the best in us. He didn't ignore where we were or where we came from; He used us regardless. Regret can't redeem you; only Christ can! So let's stop focusing and dwelling on regret from the past and lift our eyes to Christ—the Redeemer and Savior of our past! Our God doesn't need us to change who we are before we come to Him. He doesn't need us to "clean up" our mess. All He asks is that we come. Let's give Christ our all, not just our future, but our past as well! Because He can use it ALL! He wants to use it all! Because all of you, is all He made and He loves everything about you!
Dear Jesus, I lift up my all to you—the past, the present, the future. Take away my shame, big and small, and use it to relate to others around me. Take my past mistakes, hurts, and regrets and let them heal and propel me forward in what you have planned for my life. Use all of me for your kingdom and your glory. Amen. day ten our pilgrimage hebrews 12:1-2
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2
Hebrews 11 revisits many of the amazing acts of bold faith done by those who have gone before us. We are the legacy of these believers, who planted seeds in faith and often didn’t even get the reward of seeing the fruit. But they continued looking ahead to the future, regardless. Hebrews 11:15-16 states, “If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.”
These courageous leaders could have turned back to their pasts, to the lands they were leaving; however, they desired better, and their desire for better has benefited us today. That is the thing about looking ahead rather than back at the past is that it benefits those who come after. In Hebrews 12:1, we are commissioned to lay aside every weight and sin and run the race that is set before us, looking forward to Jesus. It says for the joy that was set before Him; He endured the cross. He endured it for you. He endured it for your family. He endured it for your friends, your neighbors, your co-workers. He endured it so that you can be free so that you can run towards Him. Your onward pursuit lays the groundwork for those who will come after. Looking away from your regret and to Jesus begins your legacy. Let’s run this race together!
Dear Jesus,
I lift up my all to you—the past, the present, the future. Take away my shame, big and small, and use it to relate to others around me. Take my past mistakes, hurts, and regrets and let them heal and propel me forward in what you have planned for my life. Use all of me for your kingdom and your glory.
Amen.