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AD DEADLINES Contact Razorcake via our regularly THANK YOU: Let’s just assume that the lady taking the microphone wants ISSUE #42 updated website, www.razorcake.org to add some vocals to a rippin’ song thanks to Dave Disorder and Rob Stephen for doing the cover layout and taking the picture of the Future December 1st, 2007 or PO Box 42129, LA, CA 90042 ISSUE #43 Virgins, respectively; One hundred balloons and angels with bountiful, February 1st, 2008 “If a person hasn't ever experienced square dandruff thanks to Kris Tripplaar for his pic in Liz’s column; the heart of the lord is really just a well-lit Tecate can thanks to Nuvia Crisol 9LVLWZZZUD]RUFDNHRUJ true despair, she grows old never knowing how to evaluate where she is Guerra for her photo in Jim’s column; Transistor radio IV into the arms of Click "Ads" for rates and details. in life; never understanding what joy the elderly thanks to Gus for his illustration in Amy’s column; “Hey, dude, Our ad rates are super duper. can you draw someone with a broken light bulb in his head?” thanks really is. I'm grateful for it." –Banana to Ryan Gelatin for his illustration in Gary’s column; What’s that word Yoshimoto, Kitchen where people have sex with animals? thanks to “someone” for their pic- Cover photograph by Rob Stephen (www.robstephen.com). That shit's copyrighted. ture in The Rhythm Chicken’s column; The bat, an olive branch, and the Cover layout by Dave Disorder @KHH=N SKNG>KPDBKNPDA/=IKJAO=J@EJPANJ=PEKJ=HłJ=J?APD=JGOPK Steve Larder for his illustration in Dale’s column; Crazed. Dig up. Baby. This issue is dedicated to the memory of Lance Hahn. May you not be in any more pain. Graveyard. Swaddle. Cry. Thanks to Maynard for his photo collage and ļIU>=HHO=NAłJA‡PD=JGOPK DNEO+AHOKJBKNDEOLDKPKEJ+=N@SQ=N†O column; Just in case you’re scared of the “Arena Rock Vs. Prog Rock” piece, rest assured that punk rock wins thanks to Mike Faloon for that article and Amy Adoyzie for the illustrations and layout; Hand grenades, ODNA@OKBDKLA =J@GJKSHA@CAŃ=?GF=?GAPOKBPD=JGOPK/U=J)A=?D Pabst and paperwork... for the Christian Parenti interview and Keith Rosson for the layout and illustrations; It feels like I’m reciting a line from Logan’s Run, thanking Gunther 8544 for The Electric Kisses interview; U.N. Bono blows, go Two of Razorcake's Joan Jett thanks to Mark Velasquez and August Heinrich for their pho- invisible backbones. tos in that interview; And the award to the band that loves Zima, wine coolers, uhmm beer! the most goes to… Gang Green, so thanks to Sean Koepenick for the interview, Nicole Tammaro for the pics, and Dave Disorder for the layout; “The fence is cut open over there,” thanks to Mary-Clare Stevens for her photos in the “How to Fight for a Skatepark” piece, and for Amy Adoyzie for the layout; All of these folks helped proof this issue, but the computers are rebelling against us thanks to Emily Ep- stein, Shannyn Morse, Kurt Morris, Mary-Clare Stevens, and Adrian Sa- las; You make us look purty thanks to Chris Baxter for being a Photoshop wizard; The politics of reviewing material is a microcosm of the music “industry”’s failures and shortcomings, yet is kick-ass for DIY thanks to following for their record, book, zine, and DVD reviews: Dave Wil- liams, Mr. Z, Jessica T., Keith Rosson, Lord Kveldulfr, Sean Koepenick, Donofthedead, Ty Stranglehold, Kurt Morris, Mike Faloon, Adrian Salas, Art Ettinger, Joe Evans III, Bryan Static, Ben Snakepit, Nørb, Sarah Shay, Corrine Gust, Dave Disorder, Josh Benke, Allan MacInnis, Mike Frame, photo by Jimmy Alvarado, Stevo, Constantine Koutsoutis, Craven Rock, CT Terry, Will Kwiatkowski Lauren Trout, and Will Kwiatkowski; Thankfully, we’ve all had our shots kudos to Chris Devlin, Patricia Coleman, and Donofthegimmehead for helping pack, ship, and sort the last issue.

Issue #41 December 2007/January 2008 PO Box 42129 Los Angeles, CA 90042 www.razorcake.org WE DO OUR PART COLUMNS 6 Liz O. Guerrilla My Dreams 8 Jim Ruland Lazy Mick 34 38 10 Maddy Tight Pants Shiftless When Idle 12 Amy Adoyzie Monster of Fun 15 Ben Snakepit Snakepit 16 Gary Hornberger Squeeze My Horn 19 Mitch Clem Punk Rock Bakery 20 Rhythm Chicken Dinghole Reports 22 Designated Dale I’m Against It 24 Art Fuentes Chico Simio 25 Kiyoshi Nakazawa Won Ton Not Now 26 Nardwuar The Human Serviette Who Are You? 30 Sean Carswell A Monkey to Ride the Dog 33 Dan Monick Photo Page 46 56 FEATURES 34 Arena Rock Vs. Prog Rock by Mike Faloon 38 How to Fight for a Skatepark by Todd Taylor 46 Christian Parenti by Ryan Leach 56 Future Virgins by Buddah and Todd Taylor 64 Electric Kisses by Gunther 8544 70 Gang Green by Sean Koepenick

FAVORITESANDREVIEWS 76 Top 5s Anything wrapped in bacon! 64 70 78 Record Play it loud and bring an extra pair of pants. 104 Zine Remember fun? 108 Book Todd: What’s the pants-crapping count at now?

Individual opinions expressed within are not necessarily those of Razorcake/Gorsky Press, Inc. Razorcake/ Gorsky, Inc. Board of Directors are: Todd Taylor, Sean Carswell, Dan Clarke, Katy Spining, Leo Emil Tober III This issue of Razorcake and www.razorcake.org were put together by: Todd Taylor, Daryl Gussin, Megan Pants, Sean Carswell, Jenny Moncayo, Skinny Dan, Chris Baxter, Chris Devlin, Joe Evans III, Amy Adoyzie, Dave Disorder, Keith Rosson, Adrian Salas, Shannyn Morse, Patricia Coleman, and Maddy Tight Pants. Moving? Have a subscription to Razorcake? Please do us both a favor and contact us before you move. Bulk mail doesn't forward. Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.50 ppd. in the U.S. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.50 bulk rate or $21.50 first class mail. Plus you get some free stuff. These prices are only valid for people who live in the U.S. and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Visit the www.razorcake.org for a price. Prisoners may receive free single issues of Razorcake via Prison Lit. Project, c/o Bound Together Books, 1369 Haight St, SF, CA 94117 or Books to Prisoners, 92 Pike St., Box A, Seattle, WA 98101 (who don’t ship to CA prisons). Want to distribute Razorcake in the United States? Email us via the "distro" link on the website. "Getting bored of the shit you do all day is better than getting yelled at for the shit you do all day." Too Many Daves, "Honky Lips." “In order to get I’M AGAINST IT your intrepid report GUERRILLA MY DREAMS behind the wire LIZ O fence, we had to be creative.” F amous Tony

It was the third day of the Coachella camp, no fewer than ten pieces of thick string Coogan, the British comedian who played festival and, sometime when the sun was at wrapped and knotted around each other to WKH LPSUHVDULR LQ WKH ¿OP 7KH WHOHYLVLRQ LWVPRVWEOD]LQJ,HQGHGXSZDLWLQJDURXQG form a few blocks of desert-friendly color journalist who was so enthralled by punk that the press area for the Hot British Band with with the word “backstage” cutting through the he launched an indie empire was now forever Iwhom I had secured an interview. A half hour FHQWHU7KHZULVWEDQGZDVWLHGWR¿WWKHVL]HRI scrawled in my mind as a guy with a grin that had passed since our designated meeting a wrist much larger than my own. I slipped it VFUHDPV ³6PDFN PH´ ZKR GLGQ¶W VHHP WR time. Every thirty seconds or so, I would over my hand without problem and wrapped let anyone forget that he went to Cambridge. look at the screen of my phone, wondering the excess through another bracelet so that it 7KLVPDQVHDWHGQH[WWRPHZDVURXJKO\WKH LIPD\EHVRPHRQHFDOOHGEXW,FRXOGQ¶WKHDU ZRXOGQ¶WIDOO:HZDONHGWRJHWKHUWKURXJKWKH same age as my parents with a distinguished it over the press tent chatter mixed with the entrance as I acted like I really belonged here. air about him. He was cordial, although he only slightly dissipated sound of the band at 7KHZULVWEDQGEHORQJHGWR7RQ\VDLGRQH seemed a bit weary, like the heat had proved the nearest stage. of my escorts. itself bothersome. Finally, someone called. Hot British ³)DPRXV7RQ\"´DVNHGWKHRWKHU ,QHYHUDVNHGKLPLIKHZDV7RQ\:LOVRQ Band wanted to do the interview inside a ³London as the foreign getaway in my the interview that no one ever wants to do PRVWO\PXVLFLDQVPRVWO\SHRSOH,UHFRJQL]HG PLQG %XW LW ZDVQ¶W MXVW WKDW 7RQ\ :LOVRQ DPLGVWWKHFURZG7KLQJVFKDQJHWKRXJKDW IURP SKRWRV LQ +RW %ULWLVK 0DJD]LQHV 0\ was known for speaking in extremes. In his Coachella, where security is abnormally strict escorts introduced me to everyone, ending the mildest moments, he either loved or hated DQGDEDFNVWDJHSDVVLVWKHVRUWRISUL]HHYHQ round of “pleasure to meet you” quips with VRPHWKLQJ 0XFK RI KLV ZHOOGRFXPHQWHG DFHOHEULW\FDQ¶WDOZD\VVFRUH,QRUGHUWRJHW the man who provided my backstage pass. sentiments about music, though, were fueled your intrepid report behind the wire fence, we ³7KLVLV7RQ\´ by much stronger emotions. For a journalist, had to be creative. )DPRXV7RQ\VKRRNP\KDQGDQGVSRNH he was a dream subject. 7KH KDQGOHU IRU +RW %ULWLVK %DQG KDG D just enough to convey a British accent. %XW , ZDVQ¶W KHUH WR LQWHUYLHZ 7RQ\ smashing idea. She would borrow a wristband ³,W¶VDSOHDVXUHWRPHHW\RX´,VDLGLQD Wilson. Instead, I entered the trailer and from someone who was not planning on tone that was genuine without seeming to spent twenty minutes or so with Hot British leaving the premise anytime soon. I would convey the fact that I was almost certain that Band. When I left, I stopped by the Famous wear the odd piece of fabric for the duration , NQHZ H[DFWO\ ZKR )DPRXV 7RQ\ ZDV DQG 7RQ\VOLSSHGRIIWKHZULVWEDQGKDQGHGLWWR of the interview and then return it after we had that knowledge was about enough to make me KLPDQGVDLGWKDQN\RX7KHQ,DWWHPSWHGWR ¿QLVKHG,WZDVSHUIHFW shriek on the inside. slip back through the gate, but was promptly 0\FRQWDFWDQG,¿QDOO\ORFDWHGHDFKRWKHU 0\VXVSLFLRQZDVWKDW)DPRXV7RQ\ZDV apprehended by a security guard who handed somewhere between a line of fake bathrooms DFWXDOO\7RQ\:LOVRQWKHIRXQGHURI)DFWRU\ PHWRDQRWKHUVHFXULW\ZKRWRRNP\GULYHU¶V and one of the two backstage entrances. She 5HFRUGVDQG0DQFKHVWHU¶VOHJHQGDU\EXWQRZ OLFHQVHDQGUHIXVHGWRJLYHLWEDFNWRPH7KHQ met me with someone else who may or may defunct Hacienda nightclub. However, after he drove me to the front of the concert, the QRW KDYH EHHQ SDUW RI +RW %ULWLVK %DQG¶V seeing 24 Hour Party People, the movie based parking lot exit, and I sat there arguing with entourage and handed me the wristband. on the history of Factory and the Hacienda, KLPIRU¿IWHHQPLQXWHVXQWLO,FRQYLQFHGKLP 7KHZULVWEDQGORRNHGOLNHWKHEUDFHOHWVP\ DIHZ\HDUVDJR,FRXOGQ¶WKHDURUWKLQNWKH that I just happened to make a wrong turn friends and I made by the armload at summer QDPH 7RQ\ :LOVRQ ZLWKRXW VHHLQJ 6WHYH while text messaging someone as I walked through the press area after an interview. All of concertgoer, but were viewed as “Classic greatly admired and screwed it up by not this was actually true, I just sort of left out the 7RQ\´ E\ P\ )DFWRU\REVHVVLYH IULHQGV DQG thanking him for the music. part about being backstage for the interview. me. He stood with a cane and wore white, 0RQWKVSDVVHGDQG,OHWWKHVWRU\UHVWLQ He brought me back to the press area, kindly but, from my vantage point looked similar the back of my mind. No one but Carlos and UHWXUQHG P\ GULYHU¶V OLFHQVH DQG ZDUQHG D HQRXJKWROHDYHPHÀRRUHG,WH[WPHVVDJHG Amy knew what happened and I intended third security guard that I “claimed” to be a my boyfriend, “I think I accidentally met WR NHHS LW WKDW ZD\ 7KHQ RQ VRPH ODUN , journalist and was never to be allowed in the 7RQ\:LOVRQ´7KHQ,OHDQHGRYHUWR$P\DQG GHFLGHG WKDW , PLJKW DV ZHOO *RRJOH 7RQ\ vicinity of that gate again. ZKLVSHUHG³scene. make up all those thick English accents on fact that I have an overactive imagination, that 7ZRZHHNVDIWHU,GHWHUPLQHGWKHLGHQWLW\ the tape? simple stories involving seemingly uneventful RI)DPRXV7RQ\KHSDVVHGDZD\IROORZLQJ With my already strong aversion towards walks down the street become the stuff of D ERXW ZLWK NLGQH\ FDQFHU 7KH QHZV DXWKRULW\ ¿JXUHV LQFUHDVHG WR WKH H[WHQW WKDW myth. Back in Los Angeles, away from the traveled fast and, that weekend, it seemed I now felt an intense burning sensation in mind-sucking rays of sun, I had resigned as though every club in Los Angeles had my stomach, I left the press area and walked P\VHOIWRWKHEHOLHIWKDW)DPRXV7RQ\ZDVD put together some sort of tribute to the man towards the stages, where I ran into no fewer ¿JPHQWRIP\LPDJLQDWLRQ

7 “I wanted to know I’M AGAINST IT ‘why’ but settled LAZYLAZY MICK MICK for ‘how’ and got JIM RULAND a forensics report instead.” Carried Away I found out my music teacher killed :KHQ,WDONHGWRP\PRWKHUDERXW$ODQ¶V damn poor progress on our instruments. himself when I came home from a Bruce suicide the next day, she tried to convince me In all the years that he came over to our Springsteen concert at RFK Stadium in WKDWLWKDGEHHQDQDFFLGHQW+H¶GJRWWHQLQWR house, I only managed to learn a handful of Washington, D.C. an argument with his mother, she postulated, WXQHVQRPRUHWKDQDGR]HQRUWZR:DOW]HV I hated Bruce Springsteen, but my best and lashed out at her without meaning to and marches mostly. A few slow reels and Ifriend bought me a ticket as a birthday hit her. I think she was trying to make me hornpipes, but nothing too complicated. I SUHVHQW , GLGQ¶W ZDQW WR JR EXW 6WHYH feel better, but it only made me feel worse. practiced when my mother forced me to in LQVLVWHGZH¶GKDYHDJRRGWLPH+LVEURWKHU , VWLOO KDGQ¶W EURNHQ IUHH RI WKH JULS WKDW the hour before Alan was scheduled to arrive. worked as a bar back at the Knights of Catholicism had on me. Everything made Sometimes it took a month to learn a single &ROXPEXVDQGKH¶G¿OOHGXSVRPHWZROLWHU me feel guilty and to think of Alan, bunkered song and I never did manage to learn how bottles of Sprite with jug wine. Steve had in his house, wracked with guilt over what to read music. If Alan was disappointed he DYDQDQGWROGPHKH¶GLQYLWHGDSUHWW\JLUO KH¶GGRQHZDVDVSHUIHFWDYLVLRQRIKHOODV, never showed it, but deep down I knew that from the neighborhood named Betty who could dream up. he was. had an easy reputation. It was hard to imagine Alan killing $ODQ¶V SDWLHQFH ZDVQ¶W ZKDW PDGH Our seats were in the last row of the upper anything. He wore glasses and a beard him so remarkable to me. He was the only GHFNRIWKHVWDGLXP,FRXOGQ¶WVHH%UXFHQRW and had long straight hair that he kept in a person I could talk to about the fantasy and on the stage, nor on the screen; but by the end pony tail. If you saw him you would think VFLHQFH ¿FWLRQ QRYHOV , ORYHG WR UHDG 0\ RIWKHQLJKW,¶GVODSSHGDBorn in the USA two words: “Renaissance Fair.” He taught parents worried that I read too much “weird sticker my forehead and was drooling into traditional Irish music and knew thousands stuff” and my siblings thought I was a freak. %HWW\¶V 'FXSV ZKLOH VOXUULQJ WKH ZRUGV WR of songs on the penny whistle, some of which Looking back, I understand their concern. I “Pink Cadillac.” only a handful of folks knew how to play. He ZDVKRRNHGRQ7RONLHQ+RZDUG/RYHFUDIW When I came home that night, my father ZDVQ¶W MXVW D WDOHQWHG PXVLFLDQ KH ZDV DQ DQG 0RRUFRFN 6WUDQJH QDPHV IRU VWUDQJH was waiting for me with the bad news. He archive unto himself. stories and their covers featured lurid images VWRRG LQ WKH OLYLQJ URRP LQ D 7VKLUW DQG 0\SDUHQWVORYHG,ULVKPXVLF0\IDWKHU of monsters, blood, and tits. underwear, otherwise the house was dark talked one of his buddies into rigging the But Alan understood. He talked to me as DQGTXLHW0\PRWKHUZRUNHGQLJKWVDVWKH whole house with sound so it was not unusual if I was an adult and not some hunchbacked head nurse at a detox unit at the hospital. to wake up on weekend mornings to Irish PLVDQWKURSH,GRQ¶WUHPHPEHUKLPVD\LQJ $W¿UVW,WKRXJKW,ZDVEXVWHGIRUERR]LQJ rebel songs. much, but talking to him validated the and being out late, but there was something 0\ SDUHQWV WKRXJKW LW ZRXOG EH IXQ WR FKRLFHV,GLGQ¶WUHDOL]H,ZDVPDNLQJDWWKH LQP\IDWKHU¶VWRQHWKDWWROGPHVRPHWKLQJ learn how to play the Irish music they loved WLPHEXWZKHQ\RX¶UHIRXUWHHQDQGZDONLQJ was wrong. VRZHOO7KH5XODQGFODQZDVDOUHDG\HQUROOHG around school carrying huge hardcover “Alan killed himself.” in Irish dance lessons, so it made sense to sign FRSLHV RI ERRNV ¿OOHG ZLWK PDJLF DQG 0\ IDWKHU ZDV D QDYDO RI¿FHU us up for music lessons, too. Shortly after we PRQVWHUV \RX¶UH PRVW GH¿QLWHO\ PDNLQJ D DSSUHKHQVLRQ ZDVQ¶W LQ KLV YRFDEXODU\ EXW started, the venue where the music lessons choice. Alan knew this, knew what I was KHZDVRR]LQJZLWKLWQRZ ZHUHKHOGVKXWGRZQ0\SDUHQWVRIIHUHGXS going through, and I loved him for it, albeit , DVNHG IRU DQVZHUV :H FDQ¶W VWRS our house and soon every other Wednesday in the shameful way of an adolescent who ourselves from asking. “Alan killed himself” night Irish music could be heard throughout was seldom comfortable in his own skin. is a simple sentence but a complex story. I WKHKRXVH0\PRWKHUWRRN¿GGOHOHVVRQVP\ 7KHQSROLFHDWWKHGRRUEUDLQVRQWKHÀRRU wanted to know “why” but settled for “how” brother fancied the concertina, and my sisters my music teacher was a murderer. and got a forensics report instead. DQG,WRRNXSWKHWLQZKLVWOH0\IDWKHUZKHQ Although it does no one any to good to 0\IDWKHUH[SODLQHGLQDVIHZZRUGVDV he was around, served drinks. VSHDNLOORIWKHGHDG,LPDJLQH$ODQ¶VPRWKHU SRVVLEOHWKDWP\PXVLFWHDFKHUDPDQZKR¶G At the end of the night, all of the teachers as a shrewish woman who mistook her been coming to our house for years to give and students gathered in the family room VRQ¶V JHQWOHQHVV IRU SDVVLYLW\ DQG WROG KLP me and my siblings music lessons, had killed in the basement and played together in a things he did not want to hear. Sometimes his mother and barricaded himself inside her crude ceili, which is a kind of jam session. LW¶V SUHIHUDEOHWR LPDJLQHWKDW KH NLOOHG KHU house until the police arrived, and when they 6RPHWLPHV ZH ZHUHQ¶W KDOI EDG , VWLOO on purpose because this version spares him did, he put his mouth around the barrel of a UHPHPEHUWKHQDPHVRIWKHVRQJV³*DOZD\ WKH DJRQL]LQJ JXLOW KH PXVW KDYH IHOW DV KH shotgun and pulled the trigger. %HOO´ ³'LFN *RVVLS¶V 5HHO´ ³0LFNH\ ZDLWHG LQ KLV GHDG PRWKHU¶V KRXVH IRU WZR ,GRQ¶WUHPHPEHULIP\IDWKHUKXJJHGPH &KHZLQJ %XEEOH *XP´ (YHU\ RQFH LQ D days before the cops showed up; but I know or not. He was certainly capable of it, but he while the songs of my childhood turn up on a this is a lie. ZDV D FOXPV\ KXJJHU DQG ,¶G EHHQ GULQNLQJ UHFRUGE\WKH7RVVHUV'URSNLFN0XUSK\VRU Alan said exactly two things that have DQGGLGQ¶WZDQWWRJLYHP\VHOIDZD\,NQRZ Blood Or Whiskey. VWD\HGZLWKPH7KH¿UVW³$EDUHEUHDVWHG he asked me if I was all right. I said I was and One of the teachers moved away. Another maiden or two never hurt anybody,” in went down the stairs to my basement bedroom, ORVWKLVZLIH7KHVWXGHQWVGULIWHGRII2QO\ response to my complaint that my mother crawled into bed, and drifted off with my $ODQ NHSW FRPLQJ EDFN 0\ EURWKHUV DQG ZRXOGQ¶W OHW PH VHH 5UDWHG Conan the thoughts alternating between Betty and Alan. sisters and I neglected our lessons and made Barbarian 7KH VHFRQG FDPH DIWHU , DVNHG Photo by Nuvia Crisol Guerra I’d sit on Grafton Street and ask pretty girls if they wanted to hear a yank play the tin whistle. $ODQ WR EH P\ FRQ¿UPDWLRQ VSRQVRU DQG pretty girls if they wanted to hear a yank play PRXWKSLHFHV , GRQ¶W SOD\ YHU\ RIWHQ DQG ZDV VKRFNHG WR OHDUQ WKDW KH ZDVQ¶W D the tin whistle. It was usually good for a few QHYHUIRUYHU\ORQJ0\UHSHUWRLUHLVOLPLWHG Catholic. I assumed that all Irish musicians pence or a cigarette and helped introduce me but sometimes if I play the songs at different were Catholic. He told me he was a secular to the local street punks busking for change. speeds (very slow and very fast) I can trick humanist and when he could see that I plainly $PDQZKR¶GMXVWJRWWHQRXWRI7KH0D]H² myself into thinking I know more than I do. GLGQ¶W XQGHUVWDQG ZKDW KH ZDV VD\LQJ KH the now defunct prison in Northern Ireland I put the whistle in my mouth, distribute added, “I love my fellow man not because for political prisoners—sat down with us the weight evenly between my teeth and *RG WHOOV PH WR EXW EHFDXVH KH¶V ZRUWK and asked to borrow my whistle. He wiped OLSV , SODFH WKH SDGV RI P\ ¿QJHUV RQ WKH loving.” In light of what happened, was Alan the mouthpiece on his pants and played the instrument and the metal is cool to the touch. worth loving? VDGGHVWVRQJ,¶GHYHUKHDUGDVRQJ¿OOHGZLWK ,FORVHP\H\HVDQGSOD\,GRQ¶WZRUU\LIWKH 7KHWLQZKLVWOHLVDIXQQ\OLWWOHLQVWUXPHQW WULOOV DQG ¿OOV WKDW ZHUH WKH HTXLYDOHQW RI D QRWHVDUHWUXHRULIP\EUHDWKIDOWHUV,GRQ¶W ,W ORRNV OLNH D FKLOG¶V WR\ EXW LV LQFUHGLEO\ ELUGIUHH]LQJWRGHDWKRQDZLQWHUEUDQFK+LV FDUHLIDQ\RQH¶VOLVWHQLQJ)RUDPRPHQWD FRPSOH[ 7KH\¶UH RQO\ DERXW WHQ RU HOHYHQ SHUIRUPDQFHVWRSSHGWUDI¿FDQGZKHQKHZDV small but vital part of Alan is alive inside the inches long, but have incredible range. A GRQHWKHUHZDVQ¶WDGU\H\HRQWKHEORFN music and it carries me away. fast reel on a tin whistle will get your feet I keep tin whistles around the house. I tapping, but a slow air can be devastating. SLFN WKHP XS LQ P\ WUDYHOV 0RVW RI WKHP 0\ WLQ ZKLVWOH OHVVRQV VHUYHG PH ZHOO are from Ireland. Some are old and have –Jim Ruland WKH ¿UVW WLPH , ZHQW WR 'XEOLQ DQG UDQ RXW EHHQSOD\HGVRRIWHQWKDWWKH¿QLVKKDVZRUQ RIPRQH\,¶GVLWRQ*UDIWRQ6WUHHWDQGDVN off around the holes. Others have cracked 9 “Where fetuses linger for nine months in a pool of I’MSHIFTLESS AGAINST WHEN IT IDLE urine, and mankind MADDY TIGHT P ANTS has lost all hope of eating seafood.” Stereotypes of Stupidity

Attention ivory tower academics, readers I searched, I pictured myself dissecting a ,WDOOVWDUWHGRQWKH¿UVWGD\RIFODVV of James Joyce, and assorted intellectual pig and being unable to properly identify A girl came in wearing Apple Bottom miscreants! Avert your glance because what the femur, and thus being doomed to a jeans, made famous by some rapper I follows is a tragic tale of the failure of the very grad-school-less world of devastation and FDQ¶W UHPHPEHU , LQ IDFW RZQ D SDLU RI Aeducational endeavor itself! A tale so gruesome despair. I continued scrolling down the list, these jeans, because they have apples on WKDWLWFDQRQO\QRZEHWROGcereal- tight (punk rock!). I initially felt a certain themed amusement park. It was funny when DI¿QLW\ ZLWK KHU , WKRXJKW WKDW SHUKDSV For most people, this might mean VKH ZDV WZHQW\RQH EXW QRZ WKDW VKH¶V VKH ZDV RQH RI WKRVH VQHDN\ GLI¿FXOWWR taking some classes, writing some papers, WZHQW\HLJKWLW¶VMXVWZHOOVDG´7KRXJKWV GHWHFWSXQNURFNHUV7KHRQHVZKRIDLOWR and complaining about exams. However, of myself limping around portraying an VSRUW 3XQN 5RFN ,GHQWL¿FDWLRQ 35,  DW since I seem to have the remarkable ability elderly Lucky the Leprechaun clouded my DOOWLPHVIRUFLQJ\RXWRLQWHUSUHWWKH¿QHU WR DWWUDFW DOO WKLQJV ULGLFXORXV DQGRU vision, and I could barely continue reading ambiguities lurking in their pink Converse stupid), what follows is not your ordinary through my list of options. shoes! And then she started talking. jaunt through the halls of higher learning. Indeed, what follows is what happens when $QG WKHQ , IRXQG LW 7KH %LRORJ\ RI 7KH LQVWUXFWRU KDG MXVW EHJXQ D QRQ DQDJLQJSXQNURFNHUMXPSVLQWRWKHOLRQ¶V Women! A clearly bullshit class lurking GL]]\LQJO\VLPSOHH[SODQDWLRQRIPXVFOHV den itself and wrestles with the, um, lions. amongst non-bullshit classes so as to In fact, I think the only information she “Yes, she worked at a cereal-themed amusement park. It was funny when she was twenty-one, but now that she’s twenty-eight, it’s just, well, sad.”

obscure it! Like a pop punk girl hiding in had (correctly) deemed that we would ,WDOOVWDUWHGZKHQ,UHDGWKH¿QHSULQW the middle of a Crass sing-along basement be able to understand was: Humans RQWKH0DVWHU¶VRI6RFLDO:RUNDSSOLFDWLRQ party! A hidden gem in a world full of KDYH PXVFOHV 0XVFOHV KHOS XV $IWHU , I needed to take two prerequisites to enroll. pig femurs! (Note: Do pigs even have committed this to memory, I looked up One was statistics, and the other was “a femurs?) I enrolled quickly and with great and my Apple-Bottomed friend had raised ELRORJ\FODVV´8SRQUHDOL]LQJWKDW,KDGWR enthusiasm, envisioning a science class so her hand. Perhaps she was going to bring WDNHWZRPDWK\VFLHQF\FODVVHV,UHYLHZHG easy even I could pass it. up a comparison between the muscles of my personal history of failure in both Dischord Records bands and the muscles endeavors, and decided that the logical I should preface this by saying that, as of NY Hardcore kids, provoking a lively step would be to take the classes at a.) the perhaps evidenced above, I am a complete and debate of good muscles vs. bad muscles! easiest possible college and b.) the cheapest total idiot. I am comfortable with my own brand Perhaps she was going to briefly touch SRVVLEOH FROOHJH 6XUSULVH 6XUSULVH 7KLV of idiocy, which tends to involve the inability on the lack of muscles in the power ended up being the same place. to locate directions or solve simple math pop explosion of the 1970s, and the problems. But, as I was to learn, there was a implications this had for Lookout Records 7KH QH[W VWHS ZDV WR ¿QG WKH HDVLHVW subtype of stupidity not even I possessed! Yes, bands two decades later! I awaited her possible biology class. I scanned the choices: there are several people who have even more question with eager anticipation. And then biology 101, anatomy, biochemistry... As tenuous grips on reality than myself! she asked, “Is it bad to eat mussels then?”

10 7KH LQVWUXFWRU ORRNHG FRQIXVHG 7KH JLUO continued, “Because, you know, should you really eat your own muscles?” Ack! Ack! Ack! I am dumb, but even I understand that two things can be pronounced the same, and yet, not be the same thing. Sadly, my IULHQGGLGQRWUHDOL]HWKLVDQGSURFHHGHGWR debate this point with the instructor for at least WHQ PLQXWHV GHVSLWH WKH LQVWUXFWRU¶V attempts to resolve the issue by writing out the two words on the board and noting the different spellings.

$IWHUWKLVKDG¿QDOO\EHHQUHVROYHGRU more honestly, a sort of detente had been reached, with neither side willing to attempt defeat, we continued. Over the next several minutes, I learned that humans are made RI FHOOV $QG WKDW FHOOV KHOS XV *URZLQJ increasingly comfortable with the rigorous intellectual level of the class, I started making a list of my top ten favorite songs as a way to interject some math into the equation! In the middle of writing down, “Broken Home Broken Heart,” the same girl raised her hand DJDLQ7KHLQVWUXFWRUKDGMXVWH[SODLQHGWKDW sweat was good. And yes, sweat helps us! Everyone moved forward a little in their VHDWVZRQGHULQJZKDWZRXOGKDSSHQ7KHQ came the question: “Is it harmful to wipe off sweat?” In this situation, I think the smart move on the part of the instructor would be WRUHVSRQG³:$,7$5(<286(5,286" Have you been wiping your sweat off for all these years?” Sadly, she simply said that this, in fact, was irrelevant.

7KH FRQYHUVDWLRQ PRYHG WRZDUGV WKH IHPDOHUHSURGXFWLYHV\VWHP7KHLQVWUXFWRU showed a basic slide of female genitalia, and was quickly going through the basics. Here is the vagina. Here is the urethra. And then, DTXHVWLRQIURPRXUIULHQG³6RZDLW7KRVH come out of different holes?”

I sat at my desk and tried to envision a world where these questions made sense. A world where humans eat their own bodies and showering post-bike ride could have fatal implications. A world where pee and periods intermingle in some sort of nightmarish biological disaster. A frightening, vile world, where fetuses linger for nine months in a pool of urine, and mankind has lost all hope of eating seafood.

While I was busy pondering these grisly details, another student announced that she accidentally bought an extra textbook and needed to sell one. She wrote her number on WKHERDUG7KH$SSOH%RWWRPHGJLUOORRNLQJ confused, raised her hand and asked, “Is that phone number going to be on the test?”

7KH(QG

–Maddy

P.S. Please send Replacements mix tapes, candy, DQG$SSOH%RWWRPMHDQVWRPHFR5D]RUFDNH “When my chest aches... it’s not JGCTVDWTPDWVUVKƀGF MONSTER OF FUN excitement from AMY ADOYZIE waiting for the next Reigning Sound record.” TWENTY-SEVEN CANDLES Or I AM, INDEED, YOUNGER THAN REV. NØRB AND SHALL HENCEFORTH REFRAIN FROM WRITING COLUMNS ABOUT AGING BECAUSE THAT DUDE IS WAY OLD.

It must be tough being a kid these days. Did I miss something? Am I unaware from waiting for the next Reigning Sound What with e-predators on the internet of the latest trends in the evolution of the UHFRUG,¶PQRWSODJXHGZLWKWKHFULSSOLQJ stalking their virtual minor butts, pseudo- modern teenager? Have all their young IHDUWKDW,¶YHIXFNHGXSP\OLIHEHFDXVH celebrities like Nicole Richie permeating bodies soaked up too much radiation , KDYHQ¶W QHVWOHG LQWR WKH FRPIRUW RI Ievery media outlet for no good reason, or from cell phones and lead-tainted toys stability or settling down. having to admit that the president of our IURP&KLQD",VWKDWZK\WKH\KDYH]RRP When mom was my age, she was still FRXQWU\ZDVQ¶WDFWXDOO\QHFHVVDULO\YRWHG night vision shooting out from their fresh a fairly new immigrant with three kids to LQWRRIILFH:H¶UHOLYLQJLQDWLPHZKHUH eyes and can see all the fine lines on my watch after in a foreign country where HYHU\WKLQJLVVRHUURQHRXVO\IDNHWKDWLW¶V freckled face? Perhaps these young ones VKH GLGQ¶W VSHDN WKH ODQJXDJH DQG NQHZ UHDO7KH\¶UHKRSSHGXSRQZKDWHYHUWKH possess old-lady ESP and can tell just nothing of the culture. But me, well, I latest sports drink and fast food extreme from looking at me that I was born before GRQ¶W HYHQ ERWKHU ZLWK WDNLQJ FDUH RI WDFRWKDW¶VEHLQJPDUNHWHGWRZDUGVWKHP the NES was invented and I grew up with houseplants. She was responsible for three Since they were old enough to receive an the 8-bit version of those Italian plumber OLWWOHOLYHVDQGDOO,¶YHEHHQGRLQJODWHO\LV DOORZDQFHWKH\¶YHEHHQWROGWRFRQVXPH EURWKHUV" *XV VD\V LW¶V SRVVLEOH WKDW WKH getting giddy over boys and thinking up as much as possible in an effort to kids know what grammas smell like. stories to write. VDYH 0RWKHU (DUWK DQG ORRN KHOOD VH[\ ,W¶V ERWK VDWLVI\LQJ DQG LQVXOWLQJ WR ZKLOH GRLQJ LW , FDQ¶W LPDJLQH EHLQJ D * * * * * know that when the kids talk about “all teenager, hormones raging through their WKHP ROG SHRSOHV´ WKDW ,¶P SUREDEO\ adolescent bodies every which way and 0D\EHLW¶VWKHH[WUDV\OODEOH clumped in that group. Little do they trying to make sense of their place in Leading up to it, it had always been know that on my twenty-seventh birthday WKLV VXU UHDOLW\7KDW¶VSUREDEO\ZK\VR MXVW D WULV\OODELF ZRUG 7ZHQW\WZR I received a gift of a mix tape from a boy: many of them are dicks. twen-ty-five, twen-ty-six. clearly a move that has its deep roots in But now a slight blip slips out when teenagedom. It was an actual cassette tape * * * * * ,VD\P\DJH7ZHQW\VH9(16D\LQJLW with ninety minutes of some of the best out loud makes me weary. Like that ven SXQN EDQGV DURXQG WRGD\ 7KH NLGV FDQ It was a quarter past eight and I was late is the weight of all those late nights in VQLFNHU DW P\ QHZ V\OODEOH EXW , ZRQ¶W IRU7ULYLD1LJKWDWWKH3XE,ZDVGUHVVHG smoky grey bars nursing just one more KHDU WKHP EHFDXVH ,¶P OLVWHQLQJ WR P\ down in a puffy red knit cardigan and beer, bloating my belly and the bags under new mix tape. EOXH9HOFURVQHDNHUVDV,VKXIÀHGDURXQG my eyes. the block from our house to the bar. After ,¶YHQHYHUEHHQSDUWLFXODUO\FRQFHUQHG * * * * * cutting through the gas station on the corner about aging because I feel like a perpetual of SE 39th DQG *ODGVWRQH WKUHH WHHQDJH nineteen-year-old obsessed with crushing I spent my birthday as any self- ER\VGHFNHGRXWLQRYHUVL]HGJUH\KRRGLHV RQ *UHJ &DUWZULJKW DQG FROOHFWLQJ respecting twenty-seven-year-old kid and droopy dark shorts trudged behind me. SDVVSRUWVWDPSVVLQFH,¶PQRWEHKROGHQWR would: I went to a show and let all my 7KHLUVKRXOGHUVVOXPSHGIRUZDUGZLWKHDFK adult responsibilities. Even as time passes friends buy me beer. We jiggled and step in an exaggerated suburban hustler DQG,¶PDZDUHWKDW,¶PJURZLQJROGHUHDFK VZD\HG DQG GLGQ¶W KDYH WR ZRUU\ DERXW stroll, trying so desperately to emulate day, there have only been a few occasions getting home before curfew or doing WKHLUKLSKRSKHURHVDVVHHQRQ 0 79 ZKHUH,IHOWOHJLWLPDWHO\ROG8VXDOO\LW¶V homework. Another advantage about being ³+H\EDE\ZKDW¶V\RQDPH"´2QHRI DWDVKRZZKHUH,¶PHOERZLQJIRUVSDFH of age is being able to drink outside of your them hollered in my general direction. with high school kids or suggesting that backyard. I was all kinds of inebriated, to I turned slightly, furrowed my brow they keep their pants on when they discuss the point where I may have said and done and kept moving forward. WDNLQJWKHPRII%XWIRUWKHPRVWSDUW,¶P things that my age-addled memory does “Oh never mind,” he scoffed. “You old.” lucky to not be afflicted with a case of not recall, like the following, retold to me +ROGLW:DLWDQHI¿Q¶PLQXWH:X]]DK" the crabby-oldies or arthritis (yet). I can by Keith. ³7KDW¶V VRPH VKLW WR VD\´ , VKRXWHG still sweat it out, smile and dance until the As we waited at the bar, I gyrated back before rushing into the bar to tell my band has strummed its last chord. When against Keith and asked, “You got a friends about how I just got called out for my chest aches with a faint tenderness, boner?” being geriatric. LW¶V QRW KHDUWEXUQ EXW VWLIOHG H[FLWHPHQW “No…” he replied. 12 ³µFDXVHLI\RXGR´,VDLG³

–Amy Adoyzie DP\DGR\]LHFRP

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

'RQRWDGMXVW\RXU5D]RUFDNH)DQ]LQHFROXPQV Yes, your favorite pøwer pøp pøliceman, Rev. Nørb, had recently broached the topic of being an old dude in issue #40 (coincidentally, not just the issue number, but also the number of years in which the Reverend has been RQWKLVHDUWKZLWKXV 6R¶VP\SUHVHQWFROXPQUHDGVOLNH ,¶P EHDWLQJ D GHDG ELUWKGD\ KRUVH PDGH RI WLQ\ FXEHV RI cheese. In my defense, I decided on writing about being a VH[\JUDPPDZHHNVEHIRUH,UHFHLYHGWKHODVWLVVXHDQG,¶P WRRVWXEERUQ LHOD]\ WRFKDQJHP\PLQG As an apology for unknowingly aping his latest subject matter, I offer an open letter.

'HDU0U5HYHUHQG1¡UE First and foremost, I must admit that I do not own any Boris the Sprinkler records nor have I ever seen your band perform. During the Boris heyday in the mid 1990s, I was VLQJXODUO\FRQVXPHGZLWK7KH0U7([SHULHQFHDQGKDG QR SODFH LQ P\ FRQVFLRXVQHVV IRU DQ\WKLQJ WKDW ZDVQ¶W associated with Dr. Frank. However, I did see you in live DFWLRQ ZKHQ , ZDV VWXFN LQ P\ SDUHQWV¶ KRXVH ZDWFKLQJ daytime television over summer vacation. Jenny Jones was hosting another episode of her riveting talk show about EL]DUUH FUXVKHV DQG WKHUH ZDV D \RXQJ ZRPDQ LQ D VKRUW EODFNVNLUWDQG&KXFN7D\ORUVJXVKLQJDERXW\RXEHQHDWK bright studio lights. I can recall, as vividly as one can remember a scene they saw on a television set more than ten years ago, you stumbling onstage with your antler helmet DQG ]HEUD SULQW VKRUWV VSD]]LQJ RXW , UHPHPEHU WKLQNLQJ two things: 1) Are pop-punkers allowed to wear shorts that tight? 2) How do I get on that show to talk about my DGRUDWLRQ IRU 'U )UDQN" 7KRVH TXHVWLRQV DUH QRZ PRRW EHFDXVH ,¶P DOO DERXW WKH IUHHGRP RI WLJKWQHVV DQG ,¶YH DOUHDG\SURIHVVHGP\XQG\LQJGHYRWLRQWR07;DWVKRZV somewhere in between Love Is Dead and Revenge Is Sweet, and So Are You.) Aside from sharing that golden televised moment, , ZDQWHG WR WKDQN \RX DV ZHOO 7KDQNV IRU \RXU PDQLF columns, disregard for paragraph breaks and periodically XVLQJWKHORZHUFDVH³L´ZKLOHUHIHUULQJWR\RXUVHOI

Fondly, Amy Illustration by Gus by Illustration

15 “It’s a short story I’M AGAINST IT about conjoined SQUEEZE MY HORN twins who hate each GARY HORNBERGER other—and are about to duel to the death.” Pieces of Light Bulb Stuck in His Head For me, the magic of punk music started the point in writing a month-long diary and have to get your hands on it. (Billups Allen, some twenty-odd years ago when some WKHQ SXWWLQJ LW LQWR D FRPLF ]LQH ,I WKHUH (8QLYHUVLW\%OYG7XFVRQ$= IULHQGV DQG , ERXJKW 7KH 9DQGDOV RQ WDSH were comical events that happen each day, FUDPKROHWKHFRPLF#KRWPDLOFRP and we marveled in the new freedoms we I could see that, but I rode to work on my found there. Not being a musician myself, I bike, smoked pot, and drank beer gives me FUN TIME COMIX #7 F nothing. Now if you rode the bike into a bus By multiple artists, $2.00 U.S. ODWFKHGRQWRWKHFRDWWDLOVRIDIULHQG¶VEDQG and all the other bands that shot off of that. DQG WKHUH ZDV D ¿HU\ FUDVK WKDW LJQLWHG WKH Fun Time Comix is just a little to jived for :KHQ,UHFHLYHGDFDOOWKLVVXPPHUIURP7LP pot and it was put out with beer, you have PH7KHDUWLVWRRVXUUHDODQGWKHZULWLQJLV at the head desk of what was once Visual something. I will give points for drinking WRDUWIDJ7KHFRPLFLVZHOOSXWWRJHWKHUEXW Discrimination, I called back without haste. I Pabst Blue Ribbon, but I have to also take WKDW¶VDERXWLW7KLVRQHLVGRQHLQDPHGLXP was invited to what was dubbed as a “Visual WKHP EDFN IRU VKRSSLQJ DW $OEHUWVRQ¶V , EH\RQG P\ DELOLW\ WR GHVFULEH VR , ZRQ¶W Discrimination Punk Reunion.” must say, in closing, this is personal stuff 0DGLVRQ 8QGHUJURXQG 3UHVV DQG 5HFRUGV As with any reunion, I found it bittersweet: WKDWZRQ¶WPDNHLWWREntertainment Tonight. PDGLVRQXQGHUJURXQGSUHVV#KRWPDLOFRP the fact that we all had survived was sweet; 0DUF 3DUNHU  1(  $YH  www.buddhafart.com) on the downside, we were just getting old. Portland, OR 97213) 7KHRULJLQDOJX\VZHUHDOOWKHUHH[FHSW-HII THE HIC-UP #1 Banks—who we feel really could care less I REALLY STEPPED IN IT By multiple artists, free DERXWXV&DOLIRUQLDQV²DQG-XQLRU7LPZKR THIS TIME #6 Punk rock in a free comic, how great is that? set the thing up, Steve, whom I admire for By Brian Dubin, $? 7KLVOLWWOHGXGHKDVVHYHUDOJRRGOLWWOHVWRULHV putting up with us and is always there, Jeff 1RZKHUHLVDFRPLF]LQHWKDWLVZULWWHQOLNHD including my favorite: bowling ball head and .Z, who I was with the night he got the boot, diary, but is funny and the crap this guy does KLV¿UVWSXQNVKRZ,DOVROLNHWKH&KULVWPDV were all in attendance. R. D., the replacement LVH[FLWLQJ,PHDQFRPHRQZKRGRHVQ¶WIHHO ZLVK OLVW EHFDXVH HYHU\RQH OLNHV 0RXQWDLQ drummer showed late, and then there were DFRQQHFWLRQZKHQKHJLYHVWKH¿QJHUWRKLV Dew. If this little dude stays the course, the rest of us who latched on to this band for old crappy job? I felt so at one with the writer WKH\¶UH JRLQJ WR KDYH WR XS WKH SULQWLQJ RXU¿IWHHQPLQXWHVRIVXESDUIDPHDQGDOO DWWKDWPRPHQW,WRWDOO\FRQJUDWXODWHKLP7KH quantities. I must say this is better than Fun WKHZLYHVDQGNLGV,PXVWVD\WKDWLW¶VDOZD\V rumor about his sexcapades is a riot. It feels Time Comix PDGLVRQXQGHUJURXQGSUHVV# fun to see and chat it up with these guys. It is OLNHDFRPPHUFLDO7KHFRYHUFROODJHLVSUHWW\ hotmail.com) WUXO\DPD]LQJWKDWZHDOOPDGHLWFRQVLGHULQJ IXQQ\ WRR 7HOO PH WKHUH LV QRWKLQJ IXQQ\ some of the destructive habits some of us DERXWDGRJLQUHGVKLUWDQGEODFNEOD]HUWU\LQJ MAYFLIES & KDG,WPD\EHWKH¿UVWWLPH,KDYHOHIW7LP¶V to pick up a hottie while leaning on a pinball SLIDE GUITARS without some memento of V.D., but I think table. Ah, the rotten smell of the seventies! %\(G0RRUPDQ86 , KDYH HYHU\WKLQJ WKDW 7LP FRXOG JLYH PH So get out there and really step in it. (Brian 7KLVRQHLVDFROOHFWLRQRIFRPLFVDQGSRHWU\ except the negatives of the pictures the night Dubin, 3019 St. Paul St., Apt 2f, Baltimore, $W¿UVW,WKRXJKWLWZDVJRLQJWREHQRQVHQVH he jumped up while singing and came down 0'DEUDFDGDYHUU#JPDLOFRP but as the room darkened, the poems became with pieces of a light bulb stuck in his head, PRUH KHDUWIHOW 7KH DELOLW\ WR GHDO ZLWK blood running down his face. Probably some CRAMHOLE#1 hardships in life is hard to conquer, yet they of the best and most punk rock photos I had By Billups Allen, $? are eased into submission with the words HYHU WDNHQ7KDQNV7LP 6R \HDK , KDG D 7KHUH LV D SXQN URFN KHDYHQ DQG , KDYH DQGYLVXDOVRIWKLVERRN7KHRQO\WURXEOLQJ JRRGWLPH,W¶VQRIXQJHWWLQJROGHUEXWLWLV found it in the pages of Cramhole , GRQ¶W part is that, so far, every book including this fun looking back and sharing with others. know how this guy found the parallel to RQHKDVKDGVRPH¿JXUHLQLWVPRNLQJSRW,V 6HHZHSXQNVDUHQ¶WDOOWKDWEDG some of my own experiences, but he has, and pot really the drug that makes writers lucid? I was told that there would be one of ,¶PODXJKLQJDWP\VHOI7KHRGGIHHOLQJRI Anyway, this book starts with some strange these every year. If that happens, great. I being a chastised old punker is summed up discussion over eggs and toast—and maybe hope we can get Big Frank and Banks to perfectly, along with the feelings toward the I was mentally blocking—but it really made VKRZDQGLILWGRHVQ¶WKDSSHQDQGZHDOOSRS QHZ \RXWK PXVLFDO EHOLHIV 7KH PDLQ VWRU\ QRVHQVH7KHUHVWRIWKHERRNKRZHYHUKDV XSWRGRVRPHWKLQJHYHU\IHZ\HDUVWKDW¶G made me laugh out loud to a point where VRPH UHDOO\ IHHO JRRG SDVVDJHV 7KLV RQH be okay, too. So, in ending, I just want to tell my dogs came running in to see what was needs to be read, perhaps, in a drunken or all of those guys thanks for the friendships, JRLQJ RQ , FDQ¶W HYHQ GHVFULEH WKH VWRU\ high state of being to get the full effect, but it the shows, the drinking, and the best twenty- ZLWKRXWEHLQJSURELDVHG/HW¶VMXVWVD\WKH VWLOOKLWVPHQWDOIRUWLWXGHLI\RX¶UHFRKHUHQW VRPHRGG\HDUVRIDJX\¶VOLIH7+$1.6 guest is perfectly annoying, and to some (G0RRUPDQ(th6W$SW0SOV GHJUHHIXOO\UHDOLVWLF,MXVWFDQ¶WEHOLHYHWKH 01HGLVVRGHDG#JPDLOFRPZZZ BIG FUCKING DEAL #1 main characters allowed her so much slack, edsdeadbody.com) %\0DUF3DUNHU86 EXW , WKLQN WKDW¶V ZKDW PDNHV LW VR IXQQ\ %LJ IXFNLQJ GHDO LV ULJKW , MXVW GRQ¶W JHW Cramhole is truly my rough diamond. You As with any reunion, I found it , bittersweet:

the fact that we all had survived was sweet;

on the downside, we were just getting old.

Illustration By Ryan Gelatin

OUT OF ORDER COMIX hate each other—and are about to duel to reader, you enjoy shit, fuck, and dick humor, $3.00 U.S. the death—when a sharply dressed eye hand then this is the comic for you. Every panel ,¶PVRUU\EXWLW¶VDQRWKHUGLDU\,UHDOO\==== ascends from the depths of the bog and stares H[FHOVLQWKHGHSWKRIJURVV7KHFKDUDFWHUV GRQ¶W NQRZ ZKDW ==== WR VD\ 6125( the brothers into submission. I know it seems are usually pimple-faced, diseased-ridden, It looks like ZZZ it was drawn by ZZZZ a wacky, but it is actually pretty fricken cool. VKLWÀLQJLQJGHJHQHUDWHVZKRGULQNRUIXFN seven year old. Once again, I hate to be harsh, 0D\EHLW¶VWKHVWRU\RUPD\EHLW¶VWKHDUWEXW LQWRH[FHVV,W¶VQRWP\3RZHU$GHEXWLI\RX EXWLW¶VMXVWDGD\LQWKHOLIHRIWKHPXQGDQH LWLVDVWDQGRXWIRU¿IW\FHQWV ¿QGWKDWIXQQ\KHUH¶VSDJHDIWHUSDJHRILW Sorry. (Out Of Order, PO Box 72775, Davis, (www.ognerstump.com) *RRGUHDGLQJWR\RX )DQWDJUDSKLFV%RRNV CA 95617, www.outoforderrecords.com) 7563 Lake City Way NE, Seattle, WA 98115, XXX SCUMBAG PARTY wwwfantagraphics.com) THE EYE HAND OF Volume 2 of the THE CAROLINAS Collected Angry Youth Comix %\$*ROGIDUEFHQWV86 By Johnny Ryan, $18.95 U.S. –Gary Hornberger ,W¶VDVKRUWVWRU\DERXWFRQMRLQHGWZLQVZKR I have so many of the Angry Youth Comix WKDW,UHDOO\GRQ¶WNQRZZKDWWRVD\,IDVD 17

19 “As we stepped onto Michigan soil, I I’M AGAINST IT mentioned to my THE DINGHOLE REPORTS fellow traveler, “I RHYTHM CHICKEN heard this state likes to fuck!” Men of Interstate Leisure

7KH'LQJKROH5HSRUWV LQPLQGWKDW*LOOV5RFNLVKXQGUHGVRIPLOHV Radio is poised to turn this country into one %\7KH5K\WKP&KLFNHQ away from anything resembling KROQ). ELJJHQHULF&'SXUFKDVLQJPDUNHWDQGWKDW¶V (Commentary by Francis Funyuns) 8QIRUWXQDWHO\ WKHUH¶V DOVR 'HSHFKH 0RGH J$<ZLWKDFDSLWDO$<LI¶Q\RXDVNPH [Edited by Dr. Sicnarf] *HQH /RYHV -H]HEHO DQG -DQHV $GGLFWLRQ T thrown into the mix, not to mention a DJ who (Okay, Rhythm Chicken. Now that you got %DOOV RU DVV" %$//6 25 $66" 7KLV WKLQNVKH¶VKRWVFKHLVV \RXU;0EDVKLQJRXWRIWKHZD\OHW¶VJHWWR LV WRGD\¶V ELJ TXHVWLRQ 'RHV ;0 5DGLR Well, I gave up trying to make my some new ruckus! – F.F.) VXFN %$//6« RU GRHV ;0 5DGLR VXFN coworkers listen to the old guy channel. $66" , NQRZ , NQRZ ,JXHVV,VKRXOGVHOOP\VWRFNLQ;0EHIRUH WR\RXUVHOYHVULJKWQRZ³:KRFDUHV"´;0 the modern alternative poop chute called I start badmouthing it, eh? – Dr.S] pretty much exists outside of most punk Ethel (YHQ RQ WKLV FKDQQHO , ¿QG D IHZ URFNHUV¶ GDLO\ OLYHV ULJKW" ,W¶V OLNH DVNLQJ WKLQJV,FDQVWRPDFKWKHRFFDVLRQDO)XJD]L Sooooooooo, one of my best friends was ZKLFK 1¶6\QF VRQJ KDV WKH PRVW WHHQDJH track, a Ramones song here and there, and JHWWLQJ PDUULHG ,¶YH NQRZQ 'U /RUG crush references, or what Harry Potter book QRZ D VSODWWHULQJ RI $JDLQVW 0H VRQJV Kveldulfr, Ph.D. since the third or fourth VROGWKHPRVWRQLWVUHOHDVHGDWH:+27+( Once again, they are a few rainbow trout in a JUDGH 5XFNXV 2¶5HLO\ DQG , ZHUH DVNHG FLOCK CARES?! One should probably leave VWUHDPRYHUÀRZLQJZLWKEXOOKHDGVDQGFDUS to be part of his wedding to take place in WKH UHSRUWLQJ RQ ;0 5DGLR WR PDJD]LQHV Now I am painfully exposed to such artists as .DODPD]RR 0, DFURVV /DNH 0LFKLJDQ like Spin or MaximULJKW":HOO,¶YHIRXQG Sublime, 311, Incubus, Korn, and System Of 5XFNXVDQG,MXPSHGDWWKHFKDQFHWR¿QDOO\ myself in a lab rat situation where I feel I A Down. At the very least, it makes me feel ULGHWKH66%DGJHU7KLVIHUU\FRQQHFWV86 mustFRPPHQWRQ;0¶VVXFNLQJSUHIHUHQFH like demanding a raise for having such audio +Z\IURP0DQLWRZRF:,WR/XGLQJWRQ be it balls or ass. feces spackled into my ears. Balls or ass? 0, :H¶G DOZD\V EHHQ P\VWL¿HG E\ WKH So, a few years back I started cooking at 0\ SURWHVWV DUH XVXDOO\ YDVWO\ +DSS\ 6FKQDSSV &RPER¶V WULEXWH WR WKLV WKH6KRUHOLQH5HVWDXUDQWLQ*LOOV5RFN:, RXWQXPEHUHG7KHRQO\WLPHWKH;0V\VWHP ¿QH YHVVHO DQG QRZ ZH¶G VFKHGXOHG RXU WKH QRUWKHUQPRVW LQNOLQJ RI FLYLOL]DWLRQ RQ is turned off is during the holiest time of fateful cruise! this erect wang of a peninsula called Door every week during Packer season. As far as &RXQW\(YHU\QRZDQGWKHQ,¶OOJODQFHRXWWKH ,¶PFRQFHUQHG;05DGLRVKRXOGEHRQLWV Food and cocktails are real cheap back window at the phone booth which hosted knees giving extended toothless blowjobs to And da’ water ain’t dat deep WKH¿UVWHYHU5K\WKP&KLFNHQWHOHSKRQHWRXU WKH *UHHQ %D\ 3DFNHU 5DGLR 1HWZRUN LQWR Trow your troubles on a heap (also seen on the back of a Crucifucks album! HWHUQLW\7KHQZKHQHYHUWKH*%351JURZV Day just don’t matter 7KLVERRWK¶VJRWURFNFUHGOHWPHWHOO\D  tired of such follies, Bob Uecker gets sloppy You’ll be sorry when it’s done 0LNH WKH RZQHU KDG ;0 5DGLR SXW LQWR seconds. Just yesterday I was preparing the Cuz you’re havin’ so much fun the kitchen to keep us slop slingers happy. QLJKW¶V VXSSO\ RI FRFRQXW VKULPS WHPSXUD When you go across the lake 7KH RWKHU NLWFKHQ ZRUNHUV DUH JHQHUDOO\ ZKLOH OLVWHQLQJ WR WKH 3DFN¶V WULXPSKDQW ON DA’ BADGER! overjoyed at such technological hijinx. I, fourth quarter comeback, squarshing the San however, remain steadfastly skeptical. Were Diego Chargers thirty-one to twenty-four! :H FRXOGQ¶W VWRS VLQJLQJ WKLV KLW VRQJ it not for this job, I would have no exposure Such victorious kitchen solidarity cheers (along with “Dutch Pile”) for the entire four- to such luxury. were soon followed by some “song” by a hour voyage, accompanied with healthy 0\ ¿UVW LPSUHVVLRQ ZDV RI PLOG JURXSFDOOHGWKH*RULOODVRUWKH1DWLRQDOVRU portions of beer from the portside lounge! In DPXVHPHQW , ÀLSSHG WKURXJK WKH FKDQQHOV VRPHRQH¶V&KHPLFDO5RPDQFHRUVRPHRWKHU WKH LPPRUWDO ZRUGV RI 5XFNXV 2¶5HLO\ ZH DQGIRXQGLWNLQGDQHDW7KHUH¶VDQROGVFKRRO VXFKGULYHO7KDW¶VOLNHIHDVWLQJRQWKH¿QHVW were “interstate men of leisure!” R&B channel called Soul Street, which I still rare beef tenderloin only to have it yanked  $V ZH VWHSSHG RQWR 0LFKLJDQ VRLO , ¿QGWREHPRVWHQMR\DEOH7KHUHDUHFKDQQHOV away and replaced by a graying, half-eaten mentioned to my fellow traveler, “I heard IRUµVPHWDOKDUGFRUHWHHQ\ERSSHUSXQN %LJ0DFZLWKWLUHWUDFNVRQLW%DOOVRUDVV" this state likes to fuck!” We drove the three old-school punk, folk-americana, all kinds One of my coworkers commented on KRXUV WR .DODPD]RR DQG IRXQG WKH UHVW RI of hip hop, or whatever else you might how cool it is that people all over the country the wedding party properly sauced at a local ZDQW7KHQP\DPXVHPHQWEHJDQWRTXLFNO\ can now listen to the exact same channel WDYHUQDQGMRLQHGLQ7KHUHZDVDQDIWHUEDU WXUQ WR DJLWDWLRQ 7KH RQO\ FKDQQHO , FRXOG of whichever type of music. I call that party in the parking lot with pilfered pitchers really stomach was one called Fred, which QDWLRQZLGH KRPRJHQL]DWLRQ , PXFK SUHIHU of local brew, soon followed by front yard is labeled as “classic alternative,” a phrase VRPHWKLQJ FDOOHG UHJLRQDO YDULDQFH :KDW¶V FKHHULRV ZKLSSLQ¶VKLWWLHV LQVRPHUHQWHG which makes me want to shit on the face of big on the west coast might not even appear 689 *RG%OHVV$PHULFDIXFNHUV ,WGLGQ¶W whoever would say such a thing seriously. RQWKH0LGZHVW¶VUDGDU:KDW¶VKXJHLQWKH WDNHPHORQJWRUHDOL]HKRZ/RZHU0LFKLJDQ I found it a pleasant shock to hear the 0LGZHVW EH VFRIIHG DW RQ WKH HDVW FRDVW makes me drunk. 'HVFHQGHQWV 7KH 'DPQHG RU 7KH 'LFNLHV :KDW¶VWKHKRWWHVWVKLWLQWKH'DNRWDVPLJKW Saturday morning, Ruckus and I were RQWKH³UDGLR´ZKLOHÀLSSLQJEXUJHUV NHHS EHWKHFROGHVWSKOHJPLQ7H[DV,WKLQN;0 shaken awake early and touted to the It wasn’t long before I took off all my clothes and walked around naked before jumping into Indian Lake.

/RQJ /DNH 7DYHUQ IRU %ORRG\ 0DU\V DQG (Is this a wedding album or a ruckus SKRWRV ZLWK WKH IDOOHQ KHUR ,W ZDVQ¶W ORQJ Old Styles. We had to get a good schnook report? - F.F.) before I took off all my clothes and walked on before the strip clubs opened at noon! around naked before jumping into Indian Lake. After a visit at the HobNob and the Portage >:H¶UHUXQQLQJRXWRIVSDFHKHUH&KLFNHQ, 7KLVLVZKDWWKH\WROGPHDQ\ZD\ skatepark, we made our way to the wedding would advise getting to the ruckus. – Dr.S.] rehearsal and dinner, soon followed by a ,WORRNVOLNHLQ\RXUFDVH:LVFRQVLQFRXOGQ¶W full night of imbibement at the Kraftbrau 7KH FURZG ZDV VWDUWLQJ WR WKLQN WKH KDQGOH0LFKLJDQ±)) DQG%HOOV%UHZHU\7DVWLQJ5RRP7KHQLJKW celebration was drawing to a close when ended at an after-hours strip club where 0LFKLJDQ0DWWDQG,VQXFNRXWWRWKHFDUWR >:HOO0U&KLFNHQ\RXFHUWDLQO\NQRZKRZ Kveldulfr was pulled on stage for bachelor get the Chickenkit. We set it up on the corner to make a fool of yourself. – Dr.S.] lapdance orgy action. He instantly pulled RI WKH GDQFHÀRRU DV WKH IDPLO\ DQG IULHQGV off his shirt and whipped both hands into the observed, somewhat confused. I mounted So, to get back to the question of the day, air “touchdown style.” No stripper would go the age-old trap and pulled on the stinky GRHV;05DGLRVXFNEDOOVRUDVV"$IWHUWZR near him till he put his shirt back on! I love &KLFNHQKHDG7KHFKHHUVVWDUWHGDV,EHJDQ painful tourist seasons of exposure to this LWZKHQ0LFKLJDQFDQ¶WKDQGOH:LVFRQVLQ pounding out yet another dose of wedding new network, I can say with utmost certainty 6XQGD\ZDVZHGGLQJGD\7KHFHUHPRQ\ UXFNXV URFN7KLV ZDV RQH RI WKRVH VSHFLDO WKDW;05DGLRVXFNV%27+%$//6$1' was on the shore of Indian Lake, soon performances where you could actually tell ASS… and even likes rubbing its nose on the followed by a party-barge pontoon boat how much alcohol the Chicken had consumed WDLQW0DUNP\ZRUGVVRPHGD\5&5DGLR ride full of champagne and cheap beer! MXGJLQJE\KLV³SHUIRUPDQFH´7KLVJLJRQO\ will be heard in every kitchen! 7KH UHFHSWLRQ ZDV XQGHUZD\ DV ZDV WKH lasted for one “song,” furious and stunning extensive consumption of fermentables. DV LW ZDV ZLWK VWLFNV DQG HDUV À\LQJ DERXW 0D[LPXP FRQJUDWXODWLRQV JR RXW WR WZR Kveldulfr insisted that all the men partake LQ IUDQWLF PDQLD 7KRVH LQ DWWHQGDQFH ZHUH lucky couples this issue: Kveldulfr and in a shot of gin (tavern squad tradition!). simply beside themselves in disbelief! I love $OOLVRQ DQG 5XFNXV 7KRPDV DQG .ULVWHQ 7KH'-ZDVSOD\LQJYDULRXVZHGGLQJGDQFH LWZKHQ0LFKLJDQFDQ¶WKDQGOH:LVFRQVLQ 7KUHH FRQJUDWXODWRU\ FOXFNV JR RXW WR WKH favorites while the groom and I pogoed about $IWHU WKDW LQLWLDO DQG RQO\ EODVW RI FUD]HG newlyweds! CLUCK! CLUCK! CLUCK! in merriment. I ended my best man toast by chicken rock, I lifted both wings skyward to VD\LQJ³6ROHWPHEHWKH¿UVWWRRIIHU\RXWZR DFFHSWDOO0LFKLJDQ¶VSUDLVH VLJQDWXUHPRYH  –Rhythm Chicken \RXU¿UVWEHHIMHUN\DVDPDUULHGFRXSOH´DV 7KH FURZG VLPSO\ ZHQW DSH7KHQ .YHOGXOIU UK\WKPFKLFNHQ#KRWPDLOFRP ,KDQGHGWKHPMHUN\IURP(DV\6WUHHW0HDWV claims that I sort of “melted” and slithered out '\FNHVYLOOH¶V¿QHVW7KHQLJKWZDVEXLOGLQJ of my throne while kicking the drums around. up to something quite chaotic! 0LFKLJDQ0DWWFDUULHGP\OLPSFDUFDVVDURXQG IRU D VWLQW 7KH EULGH DQG JURRP SRVHG IRU

21 “Let’s see, carrying I’M AGAINST IT golf clubs, or I’M AGAINST IT dodging poo from DESIGNATED DALE some shit-smeared, naked ape?” Ramones Karma %\ WKH WLPH \RX¶UH UHDGLQJ WKLV WKH of the above-mentioned LP sessions: “Smash never made nearly as much as the other band Richie Ramone vs. the Ramones lawsuit may arrangement of a West Side Story VWXGLRDQGOLYH+HZDVE\IDUWKH5DPRQHV¶ -RH\RU'HH'HH LIKHKDVQ¶WE\WKHWLPHWKLV medley” that was performed by the Pasadena PRVW WHFKQLFDOO\ WUDLQHGMD]]LQVSLUHG JX\ goes to print). In this current lawsuit, Richie Pops here in L.A., with formal approval of the they had behind the kit. Because of this—it claimed that there was never any agreement HVWDWH RI /HRQDUG %HUQVWHLQ ³+H¶V D VHULRXV was kinda funny—soon after Richie left the to sell his songs digitally, and that he had not musician,” says Sanders, adding that Richie EDQGWKHUHZHUHUXPRUVÀRDWLQJDURXQGWKDW fully signed over the rights to the songs he has settled out in Scottsdale, AZ, where he was a golf caddie somewhere down in had written. He also wants an injunction to he makes his living as a session musician. )ORULGD,¶GDOZD\VWKRXJKWKHZDVJRQQDSRS prevent the future digital distribution of his Someone in public made the not-so-jokingly up somewhere else, drumming for some other work without his personal consent. VXJJHVWLRQWKDW¿OLQJDIHGHUDOODZVXLWZDVQRW established band down the line. Hey, go ahead 7KLV LVQ¶W WKH ¿UVW WLPH WKDW 5LFKLH KDV a very punk rock way to handle the matter. and laugh if it was true about him becoming a gone after his former band for claiming what 6DQGHUVUHSOLHG³,W¶VQRWSXQNURFNQRWWRSD\ golf caddie, butthole, but weirder things have KH VD\V LV ULJKWIXOO\ KLV +H¶G SUHYLRXVO\ the people who support you, either.” KDSSHQHGWRSHRSOHLQURFN¶Q¶UROOGXULQJWKHLU ¿OHG D ODZVXLW LQ WKH 1HZAnimal Boy LP, other exploitation of the compositions in any you pay anywhere from ninety-nine cents DQG³,.QRZ%HWWHU1RZ´DQG³,¶P1RW-HVXV´ QRQSK\VLFDO GLJLWDO IRUPDW +H¶V EDVLFDOO\ a song to roughly ten bucks for a record. from the 1987 Halfway to Sanity LP. Richie EHHQSDLGDIUDFWLRQRIZKDWKH¶VGXH´7KLV 8QOHVV 5LFKLH¶V WXQH ³ Too Tough to Die DERXW¿YH\HDUVDJR take a honest (and I stress the word honest, have taught anyone related to that band Were there that many downloads purchased Richie) look at the big picture, maybe he did anything, I hope Richie will do the right thing of the other three LP-inclusive tunes that have a balance of cash-ola coming to him for and settle for what he honestly deserves. 5LFKLHKDGZULWWHQWRR",FDQ¶WVD\IRUVXUH the 400-500 Ramones gigs he played, as well 7KDW5DPRQHVNDUPDKDVSURYHQWREH but based on the past record sales of those as a fair cut of the merch for his duration in a bitch. WKUHH UHOHDVHV ,¶G EH ZLOOLQJ WR EHW WKDW LW the band. But, even if he does have it coming, LVQ¶WQHDUWKHDUHDKH¶VUHDFKLQJIRU notice I said, “did.” “Did” is past tense, ,¶P$JDLQVW,W ,PHDQIXFNLW¶VQRWOLNHVRPH+ROO\ZRRG like “should have,” as in “Richie should –Designated Dale movie music scorer used the Ramones classic have straightened all of this shit out in the 'HVLJQDWHGGDOH#\DKRRFRP 23

,ASTEPISODEWEINTRODUCEDAYOUNGCOUPLEINLOVEDUR INGAENCHANTEDDATE%VERYTHINGSEEMEDPERFECTWHEN 7ON4ON.OT.OW THINGSWENTSUDDENLYSOUR By Kiyoshi 0ARTTWOOFALOVESTORYTOLDINFOURPARTSENTITLED #OBRAVS-ONGOOSE&OREVER 4OBECONTINUEDIN2AZORCAKE “It was right before I’M AGAINST IT the banana event WHO ARE YOU? where Marian fornicated with a banana on stage.” Nardwuarvs. the Human Serviette AFI

Nardwuar: Who are you? UHFRUG GRQ¶W \RX" µ&DXVH , QRWLFHG OLNH she walked right up to me and just started Davey:,¶P'DYH\+DYRN $),²DQG)XJD]LDQGPD\EH-DZEUHDNHU²VHW talking to me and said I was cute. I almost Nardwuar: From? WKHDWWHQGDQFHUHFRUGVDW*LOPDQ GLHG,WZDVDPD]LQJ$QGWKHQODWHUVKHKDG Davey: From AFI. Davey: $QG2SHUDWLRQ,Y\7KH\DOOKDGLW DEDQDQDLQVLGHKHU$QG,GLGQ¶WPDNHWKH NNardwuar: And Davey, who do you have I think the last time we played there we took FRQQHFWLRQXQWLOODWHU%XWXK7KH,QVDLQWV beside you? WKH)XJD]LRQHZKLFKZDVWKHRQHDIWHU2S are playing again. Actually, right before we Davey: 7KLVLV-DGH3XJHWDOVRIURP$), ,Y\%XWZHKDYHQ¶WSOD\HGWKHUHLQ\HDUV OHIW,VDZDÀ\HUIRUDQ,QVDLQWVVKRZ Nardwuar: $),\RX¶UHEDFNLQ9DQFRXYHU It became, like Jade said, it became so Nardwuar: I thought she died! British Columbia, Canada. And now I uncomfortable for everybody involved that Davey: Yeah, unfortunately, she did, but I ¿QDOO\ KDYH D FKDQFH WR DVN \RX DERXW ,WKLQNZHVWRSSHGSOD\LQJWKHUHLQµ%XW JXHVVWKH\¶UHSOD\LQJZLWKRXWKHUZKLFKLV the importance of this place right here ZH¶UH QRW DOORZHG WR SOD\ WKHUH DQ\PRUH very strange. >1DUGZXDUSXOOVRXWDERRN@*LOPDQ DQ\ZD\EHFDXVHZH¶UHRQDPDMRUODEHO Nardwuar: :HOOLW¶VJUHDWWRFRQWLQXHWKH :KDWFDQ\RXWHOOPHDERXW*LOPDQ" Nardwuar: $OWKRXJK , WKLQN *UHHQ 'D\ tradition! Davey: Davey Havok of AFI? SUDFWLFHDW*LOPDQ6WUHHW ZH¶YH SOD\HG WKHUH PDQ\ WLPHV$ ORW RI Davey: I was there for the banana thing, but Jade: 7KHEDE\VWLOOKDXQWV*LOPDQ6WUHHW great bands. it was right before the banana event where Davey: $QG WKH EDE\ VWLOO KDXQWV *LOPDQ Nardwuar: 5LJKW QRZ \RX¶UH WRR ELJ WR 0DULDQIRUQLFDWHGZLWKDEDQDQDRQVWDJH Street. Brett found it in the sound booth. SOD\*LOPDQDUHQ¶W\RX" ,¶G EHHQ RXWVLGH DQG ZH OLYHG LQ D VPDOO Nardwuar: *HWWKHVWRU\VWUDLJKWIURP$) Jade: 1DUGZXDU SXOOV RXW D band Sweet Baby. Nardwuar: And the guy from Inside Out 1H¶HU'R:HOOVVLQJOH@ Davey: Sweet Baby, right, okay. So Sweet too, right? Davey: Ahhh, interesting. I was trying to %DE\WKHQZHQWWR²LVWKHUHDQ\*UHHQ'D\ Davey: ,V +HOPHW LQ LW" , GRQ¶W WKLQN think of this band. connection to Sweet Baby? +HOPHW¶VSOD\LQJZLWKWKHP Nardwuar: Who turned into the Hi-Fives! Nardwuar: I just thought they were Nardwuar: What can you guys tell me Davey: 5LJKW'LGQ¶WWKH\KDYHDFRQQHFWLRQ hugely influential. about this? Can you clear this up? Rage ZLWK%UHQW¶V79DVZHOO" Jade: 6ZHHW &KLOGUHQ ZKLFK *UHHQ 'D\ $JDLQVW 7KH 0DFKLQH ZHUH WKH\ RQFH D Nardwuar: Yes, they did, exactly! I started out as. straight edge band called Inside Out?

27

Davey: No. Uh, as you know. I know you communal living and it was disgusting and know the answer to this question... DZIXOEXWLW¶VZKDWZHFRXOGDIIRUG$QGULJKW Nardwuar: 1R,GRQ¶W1RQR DWWKHHQGRIRXUVWD\WKHUHWKHIUDW¶VFKDUWHU Davey: [laughs] Really? Do you not? got reinstated and frat boys started moving Nardwuar: 1R SOHDVH WHOO PH 7KHUH¶V LQ7KH\FRXOGQ¶WNLFNRXWWHQDQWVZKRZHUH some connection though. there, but as soon as anybody moved out, they Davey: Well, Zack De La Rocha was a singer moved in frat boys. of a straight edge hardcore band called Inside Jade: All of a sudden, we were in an active 2XW ZKLFK LQFOXGHG²ZKDW LV *UDQGPD¶V frat, and it was a total bum-out. UHDO QDPH²0DUN 0DUN RXU IULHQG 0DUN Davey: It was awful. It was cool, though.

who played guitar in Inside Out and was also Well, one cool thing about it was that the— Chris Nelson Photo by LQ*RULOOD%LVFXLWV$QGKHZDVLQWKDWEDQG ZKDW¶VWKHIUDWOHDGHUFDOOHG"7KHSUHVLGHQW with Zack, Inside Out, who are a straight edge of the frat or whatever, was gay. And he hardcore band on Revelation Records. And was secretly gay and he and his boyfriend WKDW LV WKH FRQQHFWLRQ WR 5DJH $JDLQVW 7KH used to have sex in the showers. Like, in the 0DFKLQH8K=DFNLVQRORQJHUVWUDLJKWHGJH communal showers, and the rest of the frat *LOPDQ6WUHHWDQGLWZDVIDQWDVWLF+HXVHGWR Nardwuar: ER\VGLGQ¶WNQRZZKLFKZDVQLFH $),-DGHDQG'DYH\,¶GOLNH interview AFI and a bunch of other bands all WRDVN\RXDERXW/HRSROG¶V5HFRUGV:KDW Nardwuar: Winding up here, AFI. I would like to ask you about the last time we talked. WKHWLPHEXWLWZDVDJUHDW]LQHEHFDXVHLWZHQW FDQ\RXWHOOPHDERXW/HRSROG¶V5HFRUGV" contrary to the outlook. It was a very, very p.c. Davey: ,GRQ¶WNQRZLI\RXUHPHPEHUEXWWKHODVW >ODXJKV@ :HOO /HRSROG¶V 5HFRUGV time in Berkeley and in the scene, and very, time we talked in 2003. ZDV D UHFRUG VWRUH WKDW XP ZH GLGQ¶W very extreme in retaliation to the conservatism VSHQGPXFKWLPHLQ,W¶VLQ%HUNHOH\LW¶VRQ Jade: Was it 2003? RIWKHµVZKLFKLWZDVFRPLQJRXWRI6RLW 'XUDQW %XW /HRSROG¶V 5HFRUGV ZDV PRUH Davey: We spoke... we spoke here? urban, if you will. Nardwuar: On tape. ZDVYHU\YHU\SROLWLFDOO\FRUUHFWDQGWKLV]LQH Nardwuar: And you hung out on the steps Davey: Oh! Okay. ZDVQ¶W ,W WRRN LWVHOI IDU OHVV VHULRXVO\ WKDQ most of the scene and it was great. We loved it Nardwuar: 7KHODVWWLPH,WDONHGWR\RXRQ RI/HRSROG¶V for it because it was funny and people would Davey: tape, you told the people, Davey, you said, My War: Killing Time in Iraq, Nardwuar: Well, thanks so much AFI. that time? E\&ROE\%X]]HOO" Anything else you want to add to the people Jade: Yes, it was no longer a frat house, it Davey: Absolutely. out there at all? was really just a kind of squat house, but a Jade: , UDQ LQWR &ROE\ %X]]HOO D IHZ Davey: 0LONNLOOV ORWRISHRSOHOLYHGWKHUHIURP7KH'LVWLOOHUV weeks ago. Jade: 7KDQNV IRU WUHDWLQJ XV VR ZHOO RYHU DQG1LFNIURP7LJHU$UP\$QGZHDOONLQG Nardwuar: $QG KH¶V OLNH DQ H[*, WKDW WKH\HDUV&DQDGD:H¶OOEHEDFN of lived in the same house. XVHGWRJRVHH$),DW*LOPDQDQGQRZKDV Nardwuar: No more ball grabbing. Nardwuar: written an interesting book! µ&DXVH,KDGDOOWKHVHYLVLRQVRI Davey: Oh, yes. Keep ball grabbing at a you guys coming back from the shows, tip- Jade: He was a hardcore kid from the Bay minimum, thank you very much. toeing back through the frat house. area and he went to Iraq and, yeah, he wrote Nardwuar: Come back in three years and Davey: No, both frat houses that I lived in and a book about it. see what happens. Well, thanks so much the frat house that we lived in together, there Davey: Nick 13 and I were just talking about AFI. Keep on rocking in the free world and were no frat boys during our stay there until the this the other day. We were looking for an doot doola doot doo... article in Details YHU\HQG2XUIUDWKRXVH0DWW)UHHPDQXVHG WKDWKH¶VUHFHQWO\ZULWWHQ:H Davey and Jade: Doot doot! WRUHIHUWRDV³WKHVTXDW´,WZDVQ¶WWHFKQLFDOO\D ZHUHGLVFXVVLQJKRZWKLVZDVQRWKLV¿UVWVWLQW squat, but there were like, twenty-two, twenty- DWMRXUQDOLVP+HXVHGWRGRD]LQHFDOOHGThe To hear this interview visit four people living in this one house and it was Insubordinator back when we used to go to www.nardwuar.com 29 LAZY MICK “I kept trying to TO RIDE THE DOG ſIWTGQWVYJCV&06 AI’M MONKEY AGAINST IT UVQQFHQT&GUEGPFGPVU SEAN CARSWELL 0WVU6TCPUHGT!&QPWVU 0GZV6QYP!Œ Hoodlebugging

,URGHP\ELNHGRZQWKH+RRGOHEXJ7UDLO \RX¶UHDJHHNRUDQ(QJOLVKSURIHVVRU6LQFH way that she wanted to express them with all the in western Pennsylvania feeling like I was ,¶PERWK,ORYHGWKHERRN,ZRQ¶WERUH\RX complexity, innuendo, and nuance she used. He VWXFN RQ ERWK VLGHV RI D WLPH PDFKLQH 7KH with all the details, but what you need to can go back and read and read that notebook and trail itself was paved over an old commuter know about it is that Ong discusses the ability ZKDW KH NQRZV ZLOO JURZ 0RUH PHDQLQJ ZLOO Irailroad line that started in the Pennsylvania to write and read as a technology—which it FRPHRXWRIWKRVHZRUGV+H¶OOWKLQNDERXWLWDV town called Indiana and ended in Blairsville. LVWKRXJKZH¶UHVRDFFXVWRPHGWRLWWKDWZH ³UHDGLQJEHWZHHQWKHOLQHV´EXWKH¶VQRWUHDGLQJ Little reminders of the old days still ran along GRQ¶WVHHLWWKDWZD\²DQGLW¶VWKHWHFKQRORJ\ EHWZHHQWKHPDWDOO+H¶VMXVWJUDGXDOO\FRPLQJ WKH EXULHG WUDFNV *URXQGKRJV VWRRG WR SHHU WKDW PDGH :HVWHUQ &LYLOL]DWLRQ ZKDW LW LV to a better understanding of what they say. And DFURVV D IDOORZ ¿HOG FKLSPXQNV VFDWWHUHG Ong says that in cultures that have never WKDW¶V RQH RI WKH UHDOO\ DPD]LQJ WKLQJV DERXW away from my shadow, a buck paused on the been exposed to reading or writing, thought reading and writing: meaning grows as you trail before racing down to a creek to drink. patterns are completely different. Cultural continue to reread. Even the simplest diary will 7KH JKRVWV RI QLQHWHHQWK FHQWXU\ LQGXVWU\² PRUHVODZVWUDGLWLRQVHWFDUHDOOPHPRUL]HG become more complex, more elucidating the coal mines and iron furnaces and the young LQWKHIRUPRIDQHSLFSRHP%HFDXVHWKHUH¶V more you read it. Words and sentences carry a JURZWK RI D FOHDUFXW IRUHVW²ÀRDWHG DURXQG QRGLFWLRQDU\SHRSOH¶VYRFDEXODULHVDUHRQO\ lot more information than we usually give them PH7KHWUDLODOVRLQWHUVHFWHGOLWWOHUHPLQGHUV a few thousand words. People living in oral credit for. WKDW,ZDVYHU\PXFKLQWZHQW\¿UVWFHQWXU\ culture are no less intelligent than people In a way, that works in oral cultures, too. America: the wastewater treatment plant; the living in a literate one, but they do think ,¶PVXUHZKHQWKRVHSRRU$WKHQLDQEDVWDUGV EDVHEDOO ¿HOG ZLWK D SDLQWLQJ RI WKH QXFOHDU differently. Writing and reading changed the KDG WR PHPRUL]H The Iliad, the meaning power plant below the scoreboard; the actual way people think. For one thing, when we are grew with every recitation. In their minds, it QXFOHDUSRZHUSODQWEHKLQGWKHEDVHEDOO¿HOG able to write, we can literally take thoughts probably started out as a war story, morphed the freeway that ran sometimes dangerously out of our heads and store them somewhere into a gay love story, and eventually became close to the trail; the iPod I had plugged into HOVH,QRWKHUZRUGV,GRQ¶WKDYHWRDOORFDWH WKHODZRIWKHODQG,W¶VQRWDOOWKDWGLIIHUHQW my ears, blasting the Descendents. As I crossed DQ\PHQWDOVSDFHWRVD\DYRFDGRVZKHQ,¶P from me listening to that Descendents album RYHU7ZR/LFN&UHHN,FDXJKWDJOLPSVHRID hungry for guacamole. Instead, I can just write a hundred times and singing along to all the The Iliad started out as a war story, morphed into a gay love story, and eventually became the law of the land.

billboard through the trees. It showed a picture a shopping list and put avocados, jalapeno words until the meanings grew and grew RIDIUHHZD\DQGVDLG³'177;71'59´ peppers, garlic salt, tomatoes, tortilla chips, and eventually led me to thinking way too ,W WRRN PH D IHZ PLQXWHV WR ¿JXUH RXW DQGEHHURQLW7KDWZD\,FDQIRUJHW DERXW hard about it while I rode the Hoodlebug and ZKDWWKHKHOOLWPHDQW,NHSWWU\LQJWR¿JXUH those items until I get to the store and read my creating a whole scenario about this sad little RXW ZKDW '17 VWRRG IRU 'HVFHQGHQWV 1XWV list. In the meantime, my mind will be free goth girl and her black and white composition 7UDQVIHU"'RQXWV1H[W7RZQ" to wonder about things like the Descendents notebook, using a nubby pencil to write all You, on the other hand, if you have a cell song “Hateful Notebook.” DERXWKRZ*UDYHUHDOO\JHWVKHUDQGWKH SKRQHLI\RX¶YHVHQWDWH[WPHVVDJHEHIRUH ,W¶V RQ SHUKDSV WKH PRVW XQGHUUDWHG too-skinny dude with his horn-rimmed glasses LI\RXGRQ¶WKDYHWKH'HVFHQGHQWVDQGGRQXWV Descendents album, Everything Sucks. In short, DQG',<EX]]FXWDQGKXJHLQWHUQDOGHVHUWRI on the brain, probably knew right away what LW¶VDVRQJDERXWDJLUOZKRZULWHVDOORIVHFUHWVLQWR insatiable longing. the sign said. You are one up on me. I was a her notebook and the narrator of the song wants But I have time to think about these all of mile down the Hoodlebug, thinking about WR NQRZ ZKDW¶V LQ LW 0RUH WKDQ WKDW WKRXJK these ridiculous things. Why? Because I come something entirely different when suddenly the narrator wants to readZKDW¶VLQLW%HFDXVH from a literate culture that allows me to take Don’t Text and Drive popped into my head. WKHUH¶VDGLIIHUHQFHEHWZHHQNQRZLQJZKDW¶VLQ most of my thoughts and store them on paper Perhaps because this revelation hit me right in D QRWHERRN DQG UHDGLQJ ZKDW¶V LQ D QRWHERRN somewhere, or allows me to borrow or access the middle of the song “Hateful Notebook” in :KHQ\RXNQRZZKDW¶VLQDQRWHERRN\RXUPLQG thoughts that other people put on paper so that WKHPLGGOHRIWKH7UDLO7KDW,V7ZHQW\)LUVW assimilates the information into your thought I could use them when I want to. Century America, my brain started reeling. processes, changing exactly what is written into And since I had this time, I used it to Earlier this past summer, I read a book your vague conception of what is written. When ZRQGHU ZKDW WKH IXFN '17 7;7 1 '59 called Orality and Literacy by Walter Ong. you read it, though, you know exactly what is UHDOO\PHDQV,PHDQEH\RQG³GRQ¶WWH[WDQG ,W¶V WKH NLQG RI ERRN WKDW \RX RQO\ UHDG LI written, exactly the thoughts that she had in the drive.” What does it really mean? One of the things that Ong talks about is the turning point of literacy. Originally, people used writing just as a way of counting money or VWRULQJVWXII:DQWWRNQRZZKDW¶VLQWKDWEDVNHW over there, look at the picture of the olive on the side of it. Want to know how much money you got for those olives, count the number of vertical lines you drew on that piece of bark. From there, the circles and lines got more DGYDQFHG 7KH\ VWDUWHG WR PHDQ PRUH %XW what really changed everything was the vowel. %HIRUHWKHYRZHOWKHFLUFOHVDQGOLQHVFRXOGQ¶W be read the same way by everyone. Where one person sees an olive, another sees and orange. :KHUH RQH SHUVRQ VHHV '17 DQG UHDGV LW DV don’t, another person reads it as donut. What VHSDUDWHV WKH GRQ¶WV IURP WKH GRQXWV" 7KH vowel. Put a vowel in a word and anyone can learn to read fairly accurately. And once anyone can read, everyone is able to take thoughts out of their heads and store those thoughts in a ZD\WKDW¶VDFFHVVLEOHWRDEURDGHUSRSXODWLRQ /DZV PRUHV DQG WUDGLWLRQV GRQ¶W KDYH WR EH PHPRUL]HG -XVW ZULWH WKHP GRZQ DQG ORRN them up if you need to. Free up your mind to invent new stuff to maybe make life easier. :KHQ\RXFRQVLGHUWKLV\RXUHDOL]HWKDW everything we have in this culture of ours— from bicycles to baseball games to train tracks to blacktop paved over train tracks to nuclear power plants to iPods to aging punk rock bands—can be traced back to one single technology: the vowel. And now we send text PHVVDJHV WKDW WUHDW WKH YRZHO OLNH LW GRHVQ¶W even matter. %XWWKDW¶VQRWP\SRLQW7KLVLVQ¶WMXVWD long rant to say that text messaging sucks. I KDYHQRLGHDZKHWKHURUQRWLWVXFNV,GRQ¶W KDYH D FHOO SKRQH ,¶YH QHYHU VHQW D WH[W message. Hell, it usually takes me anywhere between a week and forever just to answer DQHPDLO7KHUH¶VQRZD\,¶PJRLQJWRZDON Illustration by Brad Beshaw around with some little machine that lets than the old Smith Corona word processor that paved over to make a bike path or when the clear- people send little vowelless messages about ,ZURWHP\¿UVWQRYHORQ,WGH¿QLWHO\EHDWVWKH cut forests grow back everywhere but where the WKH PLQXWLD RI WKHLU GD\ ,¶G UDWKHU ULGH P\ shit out of the electronic typewriter I used to nuclear power plant is, those are just changes to bike and listen to the Descendents. write essays in high school. the way we get around or the way we get energy. $WOHDVWWKDW¶VZKHUH,DPULJKWQRZ,¶P %XW EHFDXVH ,¶P RI WKDW JHQHUDWLRQ WKDW :KHQJURXQGKRJVJD]HDFURVVIDOORZ¿HOGVLW¶V YHU\KDSS\WKDW,GRQ¶WKDYHDFHOOSKRQHMXVW grew up from typewriter to word processor just a different thing for me, a guy who lives in like there was a time when I was very happy WR :RUG ,¶P HYHQ PRUH DZDUH RI KRZ WKLV &DOLIRUQLDWRORRNDW7KH\¶UHSDUWRIWKHFKDQJH WKDW , GLGQ¶W KDYH DQ HPDLO DFFRXQW$QG LW¶V technology changes our way of thinking. When that is all around us and perpetual and part of the QRWEHFDXVH,¶PD/XGGLWH,ORYHDORWRIQHZ I used to write on a typewriter or use a pencil QRUPDOKXPDQH[SHULHQFH7KHDFWXDOWKLQJVOLNH technology. I was listening to an iPod while I (like my imaginary Hateful Notebook girl), I my bike and the power plant, may be unique to +RRGOHEXJJHG6XUHWKHPXVLFGRHVQ¶WVRXQG really thought about what I wanted to say before RXUWLPHSHULRGEXWWKH\¶UHMXVWSDUWRIWKHFKDLQ as good as it does when I play it on vinyl, but writing it down. I mean, I really thought about of creation and destruction that have surrounded LW¶VDKHOORIDORWPRUHFRQYHQLHQWWKDQULGLQJ LW , GLGQ¶W ZDQW WR KDYH WR W\SH RXW D ZKROH ZHVWHUQ FLYLOL]DWLRQ IRU D IHZ WKRXVDQG \HDUV a bike with a record player on the handlebars. QHZSDJHMXVWWR¿[DVHQWHQFH,GLGQ¶WZDQW But that little computer chip that was sitting on 7KHELNH,ZDVULGLQJZDVSUHWW\VWDWHRIWKH DSDJHIXOORIFURVVHGRXWRUHUDVHGZRUGV7KH my hip, mainlining punk rock tunes into my DUW WRR , GRQ¶W NQRZ ZKDW NLQG RI PHWDO LW ZRUGSURFHVVRUFKDQJHGWKDWDELWEXWLWZDVQ¶W ears, or the computer chip that connects careless ZDVPDGHRIEXWLW¶VDORWVWURQJHUDQGOLJKWHU until computers got cheap enough for me to be drivers passing out essentially meaningless and than the steel that they used to smelt in those able to afford one and I started to use Word that vowelless messages to one another, and that huge old furnaces that still dot the western my method of writing really changed. Now, I chip in the laptop that helps me to write this all Pennsylvania landscape. Even when I type this, write as a think. I type sixty words a minute. I represent something much larger than a change ,¶PXVLQJDODSWRSDQG0LFURVRIW:RUG,PD\ keep about forty of them. I use the backspace LQRXUHQYLURQPHQW7KH\UHSUHVHQWDFKDQJHLQ QRWEHDIDQRI0LFURVRIWDQG:RUGPD\KDYH NH\PRUHWKDQ,XVHWKHOHWWHU³H´$QGWKHUH¶VD WKH ZD\ RXU PLQGV DUH ZRUNLQJ ,W¶V D FKDQJH its own problems, (what with all the changes it IXFNORDGRI³H¶V´LQWKLVFROXPQ in the way that we think, a change bigger than PDNHVWRZRUGVZKLOH\RX¶UHW\SLQJWKHP\RX *HWWLQJEDFNWRWKH+RRGOHEXJDQGWKH'17 DQ\WKLQJKXPDQVKDYHXQGHUJRQHVLQFHWKH\¿UVW can hardly even type “teh” anymore without the 7;71'59ELOOERDUG DSKUDVHZKLFKQRWVR came up with the vowel. And, goddamn, none of program changing it to “the.” You can hardly incidentally, does not get a squiggly line under it us knows where this is going to take us. type Hoodlebug without a red squiggly line when you type it in Word), it was at that moment XQGHUQHDWKHYHQWKRXJK,NQRZLW¶VDUHDOZRUG WKDW,UHDOL]HGMXVWKRZVLJQL¿FDQWDOOWKHVHOLWWOH –Sean Carswell DQG,¶PVSHOOLQJLWFRUUHFWO\ :RUGIUHDNVPH LQVLJQL¿FDQW WKLQJV OLNH FHOO SKRQHV DQG L3RGV RXWVRPHWLPHVEXWLW¶VVWLOODKHOORIDORWEHWWHU and laptops are. When the railroad tracks are 31

Paris, France - Go Figure. Dan Monick's Photo Page ,WUXVWHG/HRQLQDORWZD\VEXW,GLGQ¶W similarities—both camps believed in the +RXVLQ¶´(LWKHUWKH\ZHUHWU\LQJWRVDYHRQ follow his radical changes in music. I doubted intrinsic value of bass solos and gatefold their typesetting bill or they wanted to show what he had said about folk back in tenth double album sets—arena rock and prog rock XVWKDWWKH\ZHUHEDGER\VµFDXVHWKH\XVHG grade and then, senior year, when he got ZHUHQ¶WGLIIHUHQWW\SHVRIPXVLFVRPXFKDV EDGVSHOOLQ¶,GRXEWZKHQLWFDPHWRWDOO\LQJ into punk rock, I doubted him again. I had competing philosophies that formed a two- merchandise sales and gate receipts, that the never heard punk, but I dismissed it anyway. party system with a shared message: rock EDQG¶VµULWKPDWLFVNLOOVZHUHHTXDOO\VORSS\ I had good reason to hate punk rock. Since music was a spectator sport. 'URSSLQ¶ DOO WKRVH ³J´V ZDV RQH WKLQJ ditching 7RS  UDGLR LQ MXQLRU KLJK , KDG Arena rock bands made it clear that I but how best to accommodate the fan unable listened to both kinds of good music: arena ZDVQ¶WFRROHQRXJKWRMRLQWKHLUUDQNV7KH\ to read? Cowbells. Copious amounts of rock and progressive rock. Some people wrote mindless odes to having a good time cowbells, clonking out the quarter notes, ZLOOWHOO\RXWKHVW\OHVDUHLQVHSDUDEOH7KH\ relentlessly pandering to the lowest common insuring that anyone, regardless of literacy will cite bands like Kansas and Styx. Never GHQRPLQDWRU 7DNH  6SHFLDO DQG WKHLU RU VREULHW\ FRXOG ¿QG WKH EHDW 7KH URFN trust anyone who cites Kansas or Styx as 1982 album Special Forces, which featured gods treated their fans like cattle, herding exemplars. Aside from a couple of surface ³%UHDNLQ¶/RRVH´³7DNHµ(P2XW´³5RXJK WKH PDVVHV WRJHWKHU WR ERRJLH GRZQ 7KDW is before “boogie down” developed a disco FROOHFWLRQ RI VSRUWV FDUV 0LOGO\ GHFDGHQW WKHP 7KDW¶V ZKHQ WKH FRQIXVLRQ VHW LQ , connotation at which point the industry lyrics about getting high and getting laid XQGHUVWRRG IRU H[DPSOH WKDW *UDQG )XQN RI¿FLDOO\DOWHUHGWKHMDUJRQWR³URFNLQ¶RXW´  were also part and parcel of the lifestyle. Railroad were kidding when they sang $UHQDURFNEDQGVORYHGÀDVKLQJEUDYDGR Not you, the listener, having sex—there ³:H¶UHDQ$PHULFDQ%DQG´EXWZK\GLGWKH\ RUDWOHDVWWKDWDVWUDQJHVWUDQGRIµVVW\OH was nothing participatory about the arena feel compelled to pose nude for the album bravado—pasty, scrawny guys wearing rock experience—but the guys in the band cover? And Journey, were they auditioning RYHUVL]HG KRFNH\ MHUVH\V RU OHDWKHU YHVWV scoring with the ladies, typically referred for National Lampoon when they wrote the with bouquets of chest hair creeping out, WR DV ³PDPD´V albums. A noble goal perhaps, but their 7DUNXV¶ DQJHU LVVXHV VXUIDFH DJDLQ DQG WKH persecution or convictions or hardships. As WDOHV ZHUH LPSHQHWUDEOH 5HFRJQL]LQJ mecha-pterodactyl is soon dead, followed a fan, all I could do was hope to be among that most of their fans were mere mortals, by the next causality, a submarine with long

36 JUDVVKRSSHUOLNHOHJV7KH¿QDOIRH is the dreaded manticore, a lion with the face of a gorilla and a metallic VFRUSLRQ WDLO 0DQWLFRUH FXWV 7DUNXV¶H\HDQGWKRXJKWKHZLQQHU LVXQFOHDUWKHEDWWOHZLWK0DQWLFRUH WDNHV LWV WROO RQ 7DUNXV $V WKH illustrations come to a close we VHH7DUNXVVWDQGLQJLQWKHVXUIWKH waves gently lapping at his treads. +LVJXQVKDYHFRROHGDQGKHJD]HV WRWKHKRUL]RQORVWLQWKRXJKW 7KDW H[SODLQV RU DW OHDVW accounts for, most of the songs on side one, which ends with an instrumental called “Aquatarkus.” $IWHU DOO KH KDV HQGXUHG 7DUNXV the ultimate terrestrial killing PDFKLQHDQLPDO PRYHV LQWR WKH marine world for further mayhem. Having conquered land and VHD FRXOG ÀLJKW EH QH[W" :DV ,QWHUVWHOODU7DUNXVWRIROORZ"$QG ZKDW GLG 7DUNXV VHHN" 7UXWK" Destruction? A warm embrace to fend off the nagging notion that we spin randomly in a godless universe? Did he choose to kill or was he programmed that way? Did 7DUNXVUHSUHVHQWPDQNLQG" As with arena rock, prog rock, ultimately, was an empty experience that left me with TXHVWLRQV,GLGQ¶WZDQWWRFRQVLGHU I could not relate to pre-historic armadillo tanks any more than I could imagine escaping via the Starcruiser Boston. It was time to borrow some records from Leon. The Politics of Concrete RIOLIHIRUWKHIRONVZKROLYHDURXQGPH,WZDVD¿JKWIRUVRPHWKLQJ as real as concrete. ,¶YHQHYHUHQMR\HGDQ[LRXVFURZGVJHWWLQJKLWZLWKÀ\LQJREMHFWV or cops, so going to large political protests has never been high on my Geography Lesson priorities. Yet, I consider myself politically active and informed. Years back, Sean Carswell and I interviewed the historian Los Angeles is like the fall of Rome, but instead of lead pipes, Howard Zinn, author of A People’s History of the United States. Zinn LW¶VEXUHDXFUDF\7KUHHDQGDKDOI\HDUVDJR,FDXJKWZLQGWKDWWKHUH UHDI¿UPHGZKDW,¶GEHHQWKLQNLQJIRUDORQJWLPHSROLWLFDOUHVLVWDQFH was a skatepark proposed two blocks away from my apartment. FDQ EH SHUVRQDO MRXUQH\ DQG LW FDQ WDNH PDQ\ IRUPV ,W¶V QRW RQO\ ,PPHGLDWHO\YLVLRQVRI'UHDPODQGDQG*ULQGOLQH²WZRRIWKHPRVW WKHFRFNHGDUPUHDG\WRWKURZD0RORWRYWKURXJKDZLQGRZ,WFDQ highly regarded skatepark builders in the U.S.—danced in my head equally be a writer, collecting the stories of the disenfranchised and like dual concrete snake runs. threading them together into a varied banner of dissent. /RV$QJHOHV&RXQW\LVQRW:DVKLQJWRQ2UHJRQRU,GDKRLWLVQ¶W ,W¶VEHHQVDLGWKDWFLWL]HQVFDQÀH[PRVWRIWKHLUSROLWLFDOPXVFOH HYHQOLNHWKHUHVWRI&DOLIRUQLD,WEHOLHYHVLW¶VLWVRZQFRXQWU\,W¶V locally. I have a lot of pride for where I live, Highland Park, Northeast the most populous county in the United States—over ten million /RV$QJHOHV,W¶VOLNHDVPDOOWRZQVXUURXQGHGE\DELJFLW\,GRQ¶W GRFXPHQWHGIRONV²\HWLWFDQ¶WFRPSHWHZLWKFLWLHVWKDWERUGHULWLQ ZDQW WR ³LPSURYH´ LW LQ WKH JHQWUL¿FDWLRQDO GRXFKHEDJJLVK 689 terms of skateparks. In February of 2004, it had one marginal concrete JX]]OHDODWWHKXQGUHGGROODUVKRHERXWLTXHEHHUVRYHU¿YHGROODUV VNDWHSDUN3HGORZ:KDWZDVZRUNLQJEH\RQGFLW\OLQHVGLGQ¶WPDWWHU in-a-bar sense. I wanted to attempt to improve it in a civic way. 7RWKHEXUHDXFUDWVDQ\ZKHUHHOVHPLJKWDVZHOOEH0DUVRU7LMXDQD 7KHUH¶VDNLGGRZQVWDLUV+H¶VDELWRIDEXWWPXQFKDQGKH¶VVSHQW 0\ IULHQG²7KH $PEDVVDGRU²DQG , ZDONHG RYHU WR RXU ¿UVW many a three-hour session of bouncing a rubber ball against the other meeting in the local middle school classrooms across the street. VLGHRIWKHZDOOZKHUH,ZRUN+H¶VDSUHWW\W\SLFDONLGIRUWKHDUHD 7KHHYHQWZDVFDOOHG6NDWH6XPPLWDQGWKHTXHVWLRQSURSRVHGZDV VKLIWOHVVFUDQN\ERUHGDQGUDLVHGRQ79$OWKRXJKKHDQQR\VPH “Does Highland Park want a skatepark?” It seemed like a rhetorical KH¶VHPEOHPDWLFRIWKHUHDVRQ,ZDQWHGWRKHOSJHWDTXDOLW\VNDWHSDUN HQRXJKTXHVWLRQ,QWKHWHQEORFNUDGLXVRIWKHVFKRRO,¶GHVWLPDWH made in my neighborhood. that there are over one hundred skaters, most of whom have never ,¶GEHDOLDULI,VDLGWKDW,RQO\IRXJKWIRUDVNDWHSDUNKHUHRQ VNDWHGDQ\ZKHUHH[FHSWWKHVWUHHWLQWUDI¿FLQSDUNLQJORWVLQIURQWRI ORIW\SULQFLSOH,ZDQWHGVRPHWKLQJ,¶GKDYHIXQVNDWLQJVRPHWKLQJ KRXVHVDQGVWRUHV7KHNLGVDWWKHPHHWLQJUDQJHGIURPZDU\WRPLOGO\ WRLQYLWHP\IULHQGVWRVRPHWKLQJFKDOOHQJLQJ,ZDQWHGWR¿JKWIRU hostile throughout the morning. When something was said they agreed something that would improve, if even by a small degree, the quality to, they wagged their decks over their heads. Otherwise, they largely Near the end, there was a question-and-answer session. A well-meaning lady suggested art projects at the skatepark: “A place for kids to take apart their boards and paint their decks!” 7KHUHZDVSROLWHDSSODXVHIURPWKHDGXOWVDQGVQLFNHULQJIURPDQ\RQH who skated. I signed up to be on the “community design committee” list that was passed DURXQG7KH&LW\ZRXOGQHYHUXVHWKDWOLVW :HZHUHDERXWWR¿QGRXWWKDW7KH&LW\DOUHDG\KDGWKHLUSODQ7KHPHHWLQJ was mostly playacting, a tick in a column on a spreadsheet: “Community wants skatepark!” It ended with a homeless guy yelling about wanting restrooms in the park. 7KHGXGHKDGDSRLQW,I\RXGRQ¶WSOD\LQD/LWWOH/HDJXHZKRFRQWUROVDFFHVV WRWKHMRKQWKHUH¶VQRSROLWHZD\WRKXFNDZKL]LQWKHDUHD If You Think Someone Has No Pull, Treat Them as You Would the Mildly Retarded, Then Blank Face City Techniques #2 and #3

$WWKHVHFRQGFRPPXQLW\PHHWLQJP\KRSHVZHUHVWLOOXS,¶YHQHYHUOLYHG ZLWKLQDVNDWDEOHGLVWDQFHWRDFRQFUHWHSDUN,ZDVUHDG\WR¿JKW«LQDSROLWHFDOP PDQQHU,SXWRQP\FROODUHGVKLUWDQGEUXVKHGP\WHHWK,IHOWDOONXQJIX¶\ ,¶P SUHWW\ XVHG WR EHLQJ WUHDWHG OLNH D PRURQ 7KH &LW\ REOLJHG LQ WKH IROORZLQJIDVKLRQZKHQFRPPXQLW\PHPEHUVDUHK\SQRWL]HGE\\RXUVSLQQLQJ ZKHHOVRISURWRFROUHYHDO\RXUSODQ²WKDW¶VUHDOO\DVWDWHPHQW²LQWKHIRUPRID TXHVWLRQ7KHQLQFOXGHPDQ\³RSWLRQV´ IRUWKDWIHHOJRRGJORZRI³FRPPXQLW\ HPSRZHUPHQW´ ,IFRQVWLWXHQWVGLVDJUHHZLWK\RXWDONWRWKHPOLNHWKH\¶UHGHDI slow, and speaking another language. ,ZDVKRUUL¿HGWKDWWKHLU³RSWLRQVIRUGHVLJQ´ZHUHOLWWOHPRUHWKDQGLIIHUHQW UHFRQ¿JXUDWLRQVRIWKHVDPHPRGXODUSDUN7KHGULOOLVWROD\GRZQDVODERI concrete (picture a parking lot), plop metal and wood structures on top. Voilá. 9HU\H[SHQVLYHVXFNDJHWKDW¶VQRLV\DQGEUHDNV 7KH$PEDVVDGRUDQG,ZHUHLQGLJQDQW:HFDPHWRGLVFXVVDVNDWHSDUNQRWD SOD\JURXQG7KLVLQMXVWLFHZRXOGQ¶WVWDQG:HZHUHWKHQH[SRVHGWR« “Moving Forward” Means Ignoring the Question City Technique #4

I raised my hand. “What about a purely concrete park with transition and bowls? I think…” I was stopped cold by a lady who reminded me of a mean-ass, robotic 0DUJDUHW&KR6KHZDVEDFNHGXSE\DODG\ZKRVHWDOHQWZDVSXEOLFUHODWLRQV VW\OH7HÀRQZKRVHFDWFKSKUDVHZDVVD\LQJ³,NQRZH[DFWO\ZKDW\RXPHDQ´ EXWREYLRXVO\QRWOLVWHQLQJWRDQ\WKLQJWKDWFRXQWHUHG7KH&LW\¶VSODQ DFWHGGLVLQWHUHVWHGOLNHWKH\¶GVHHQWKLVVRQJDQGGDQFH ³:H¶YH DOUHDG\ GLVFXVVHG WKH GHVLJQ DVSHFWV RI WKH SDUN´ &KRERW VDLG before. Basically, they acted how kids usually behave ³7KLVLVQRWWKHPHHWLQJIRUWKDW:HPXVWPRYHforward.” ZKHQWKH\¿QGWKHPVHOYHVLQVFKRRORQD6DWXUGD\ &RPPXQLW\PHPEHUVVWLQNH\HGWKH$PEDVVDGRUDQGPH7KH\UHYHDOHGWR PHODWHUWKDWWKH\ZHUHWKLQNLQJWZRWKLQJVZKHQZH¿UVWFURVVHGSDWKV³:KR Lull Them Asleep are these jokers and why do they want to steal the park away from the kids?” It City Technique #1 KDGWDNHQWZR\HDUVRI¿JKWLQJIRUWKHFRPPXQLW\PHPEHUVWRJHWWRWKLVVWDJHLQ WKHQHJDWLRQVDQGVRPHFORZQVZHUHQ¶WJRLQJWRZDOW]ULJKWLQDQG\RLQNLWDZD\ , VKRXOG QRWH WKDW ZKHQ , PHQWLRQ ³7KH &LW\´ LW¶V from them. Fair enough. D FROOHFWLRQ RI DOO 7KH &LW\ RI /RV $QJHOHV EUDQFKHV 7KH&LW\EXUHDXFUDWVVHQVHGWKLVGLVFRQWHQWDQGLPPHGLDWHO\WULHGWRWXUQWKH Recreation and Parks, Department of Engineering, Council community against the Ambassador and me, insinuating that we were pros, had a 'LVWULFW2I¿FHRIWKH0D\RUWKHOLVWJRHVRQ7KH\FDQ vested interest, and worked for a competing skatepark company. (None of which move in a herd or in small groups, but very rarely alone. DUHUHPRWHO\WUXH³0D¶DP´,VDLG³,¶PQRWEHLQJFR\ZLWK\RX,FDQEDUHO\ 7KH 6XPPLW ZDV D PHHWLQJ RSHQ WR WKH HQWLUH grind.”) Apparently, Cho-bot had a hard time conceiving that people could be FRPPXQLW\ :KRHYHU VD\V WKDW VNDWLQJ¶V QR ORQJHU LQWHUHVWHGLQDSURMHFWZKRFRXOGQ¶WPDNHPRQH\GLUHFWO\RIIRILWQRUZDQWWR considered dangerous should spend a morning with reap any “community” points. RUGLQDU\ ³FRQFHUQHG FLWL]HQV´ GXULQJ WKH VNDWHSDUN 7KH&LW\DFWHGOLNHVRPHWKLQJEHLQJUHYHDOHGRI¿FLDOO\WRWKHFRPPXQLW\ proposal process because, deep in their hearts when it may IRUWKH¿UVWWLPHKDGDOUHDG\EHHQGLVFXVVHGDWOHQJWKWKDWLWZDVDIRUHJRQH hit close to their property values, skateboarding equates conclusion, and that I was wasting their time. ZLWK GUXJXVLQJ VDWDQZRUVKLSLQJ JUDI¿WLKDSS\ JDQJ ³/DGLHV,MXVWZDQQDVNDWHDSDUNZLWKRXWKDYLQJWRGULYHWRLW,QWKLUW\¿YH bangers. (Drug use was repeatedly cited as the reason \HDUVWKDW¶VQHYHUKDSSHQHG7KH$PEDVVDGRUDQG,DUHWKHRQO\WZRFRPPXQLW\ why there could never be a bowl at the skatepark. Way PHPEHUVLQWKLVURRPZKR¶OODFWXDOO\EHVNDWLQJWKLVWKLQJ´ too easy to rip some bingers down there, out of sight from &RPPXQLW\PHPEHU5LFN$ODQL]VWRRGXSIUXVWUDWHGZLWK7HÀRQGLUHFWHGKLV the cops.) DJJUDYDWLRQDWKHU³:H¶YHEHHQZDLWLQJVHYHQPRQWKVZLWKXQDQVZHUHGTXHVWLRQV´ 7KH6XPPLWFRQWLQXHGZLWKDVOLGHVKRZE\DYHWHUDQ 0DQ\ FRPPXQLW\ PHPEHUV LQ DWWHQGDQFH ZHUH REYLRXVO\ GLVWUDXJKW 8S JUDI¿WLDUWLVW$OWKRXJKWKHGXGH¶VVNXOOVZHUHFRRODQGKLV until the Skate Summit, the City had openly resisted the idea of a skatepark at VWXIIZDVZHOOUHFHLYHG,GLGQ¶WTXLWHJUDVSZKDWKHKDGWR every juncture. do with skating. In the meetings to come, there were often ³7KHUHDUHSHRSOHLQWKHFRPPXQLW\ZKRDUHRSSRVHGWRWKHSDUN:HKDYHWR weird curveballs in an attempt to bro down with the kids. take them in consideration, too,” said Cho-bot out of seemingly nowhere. 39 “Who?” Rick asked, neck tightening. KLPVHOIKHQHHGHGPDUEOHV7KH$PEDVVDGRUDQG,QHHGHG ³,WGRHVQ¶WPDWWHUZKRWKH\DUH5LFN3HRSOHLQWKHFRPPXQLW\´ WRVKRZWKDWZHZHUHQ¶WWZRLQGHSHQGHQWMDFNDVVHVEXWSDUWRI7HDP replied Cho-bot. Highland Park. Rosa Rivas, another community member in attendance, had 7KHUH¶VWKLVWKLQJFDOOHGWKHLQWHUZHE,W¶VIXOORILQIRRQKRZWR collected the signatures of each and every home and business owner ULSRII&RNHPDFKLQHVRUPDNHHYHU\WUDI¿FOLJKW\RXDSSURDFKWXUQ with a sightline to the park. Before signing, she took them through green (i-hacked.com), but there are also government and corporate what the skatepark would mean for the community as a whole and documents there. And, as it turned out, Spohn Ranch was its own what to expect of the new visitors to their neighborhood. Each and EHVWHQHP\,WERDVWHGZD\WRRPXFK7KH$PEDVVDGRUDQG,ZHQWWR HYHU\KRPHDQGEXVLQHVVRZQHUVLJQHGWKHSHWLWLRQ7KH&LW\KDGD WKHLUORFDOO\SODFHGVNDWHSDUNV:HWRRNSLFWXUHVRIWKHLULQGH¿QLWHO\ copy of that list on their clipboard. closed-for-repairs-after-two-years, looks-like-a-prison-yard in ³3HRSOH5LFN2WKHUSHRSOH´&KRERWUHSHDWHG³

,WVORZO\GDZQHGRQXVWKDW6SRKQ5DQFKDOWKRXJKWKH\KDGQRW³RI¿FLDOO\´EHHQ signed on as the manufacturer of the skatepark, were the only skatepark manufacturing representatives at both the design meetings and the short tour of two concrete skateparks. Digging deeper, we also found out that Spohn Ranch was not only a division of a SOD\JURXQGPDQXIDFWXUHU*DPHWLPHLWKDGDYLUWXDOVNDWHSDUNPRQRSRO\LQ7KH&LW\ KDGGRQDWHGPRQLHVWRWKHPD\RU¶VFDPSDLJQDQGKDGPDGHRYHUDKDQGIXORIKROGLQJ SHQVFOHYHUO\PDUNHWHGDVVNDWHSDUNVLQWKHDUHD7KH\SODQQHGWRUROOULJKWWKRXJK(DVW L.A. and crap out the prefab parks in their wake in the name of “building communities.” Spohn Ranch thought they had it all sewn up. Befriend Senior Citizens The Third Smart Thing for a Skater to Do

,W¶VLURQLF,PDGHIULHQGVZLWKDORWRISHRSOHZKRLIWKH\WULHGWRVNDWHZRXOG VKDWWHU D KLS 7KH\ ZHUH DOO ROGHU PHPEHUV RI WKH FRPPXQLW\ PDQ\ FKXUFKJRHUV professors, and local business people genuinely interested that the kids get a quality place for recreation, feeling like they were living in the neglected shadow of communities like 6DQWD0RQLFDDQG*OHQGDOH0DQ\RIWKHPZHUHUHWLUHG$OORIWKHPZHUHDEVROXWHO\ supportive of the Ambassador and me after we educated them about concrete skateparks. 7KH+LJKODQG3DUN6NDWH3DUN&RDOLWLRQZDVIRUPHG 0RQWKVODWHUDIWHUDGHSWZUDQJOLQJE\RXUQHZIRXQGIULHQGVLQWKHFRPPXQLW\ DQRWKHUGHVLJQPHHWLQJZDVFDOOHGE\7KH&LW\³:RRGRU&RQFUHWH"´ZDVWKHTXHVWLRQ 41 little disconcerting. El Beardo—one of the OHDG EUDLQV EHKLQG 6DQ 3HGUR¶V &KDQQHO 6W3URMHFWZKR,¶GEHHQ¿OOLQJLQRQDOORI the advancements—attended the meeting DQG IHOW OLNH KH¶G FRPH LQ WRR ODWH LQ WKH SURFHVVWRFKDQJHPXFK7RKLPLWIHOWOLNH minds had been made up, that we could ¿JKWIRUOLWWOHGHVLJQWZHDNVEXWQRWKRZ WKHVNDWHSDUNZRXOGÀRZDVDZKROH ,W¶V IXQQ\ , IHOW WKH VDPH OLNH DOO RI the large decisions at every stage of the skatepark were done without—or even in GLUHFW GH¿DQFH RI²FRPPXQLW\ PHPEHUV¶ LQSXW $QG ,¶G FRPH LQ DW WKH EHJLQQLQJ RI WKH GHVLJQ SURFHVV 7KH &LW\ KDG DQ DPD]LQJWDOHQWRIKROGLQJXSDVLJQWKDWRQ RQHVLGHVDLG³7HOOXV\RXULGHDV

I went to too many meetings. I went to meetings about meetings. It was during this grey time where more things broke loose, bit by painful bit. Costs to make anything in /$ DUH LPSHQHWUDEO\ KLJK 7KH main culprit blamed was China. ,W VHHPV WKDW $PHULFD¶V RQ WKH losing end of that brilliant trade DJUHHPHQW DQG HYHU\ WLPH 7KH City showed us a blueprint, the cost of concrete and rebar kept shooting up. Los Angeles is a great place to live if you never have to pee or shit. Current price for a public bathroom in Los Angeles—nothing fancy, mind \RX²LV  ,W¶V  for security lights. $2,000 for a plaque (and the plaque holder) so \RX¶OO QHYHU IRUJHW ZKR KHOG WKH purse strings, $110,000 for the guard shack, and the list goes on. 0HPEHUV RI WKH VNDWHSDUN coalition attended an “emergency” mid-afternoon design meeting GRZQWRZQ²E\7KH&LW\¶VUHTXHVW and on their schedule—only to ¿QGWKDWWKHHQJLQHHUZKRLQLWLDWHG WKHPHHWLQJZDVQ¶WDFWXDOO\JRLQJ to show up. When he was called by his staff and put on speaker phone, we discovered that he was in WUDI¿FDQGDSSDUHQWO\QRWKHDGHG WRZDUGWKHPHHWLQJ*UDFLRXVO\KH offered to “pull over and look at the SODQV´0\WD[HVSD\WKDWGXGH 7RQ\ +DZN SXOOHG WKURXJK IRUXV+HUH¶VWKH%LUGPDQ¶VKDLNX about the skatepark design at that moment (which still featured the WRLOHW ERZO  ³7KLV ORRNV OLNH D disaster waiting to happen. Bad design.” His foundation donated $1,000 to the skatepark.

PHQRQHDFKVLGH,FRXOGQ¶WHYHU¿JXUHRXWWKHUXOHVRIWKHJDPHEXW with a guy who asked me not to walk over the landscaping. FRPSOHWHO\XQGHUVWRRGWKDW7KH&LW\GLGQ¶WZDQWWKHPSLVVLQJLQWKH “When is it scheduled to open?” I asked, remarking on the EXVKHVWKDWOLQHGRQHVLGHRIWKHSDUN6RLQDQRSHQ¿HOGRQHGD\WKH SUHVVXUHZDVKHGFRQFUHWHDQGDJJUHVVLYHJUDI¿WLUHPRYDOWKDWJDYH city plopped a bunch of boulders in such a manner that a nice, wide the concrete a nice sheen. ¿HOGZDVWRWDOO\XQXVDEOHIRUDQ\WHDPVSRUW7KHERXOGHUVDUHKDUGWR “Who are you?” he asked. mow around and get tagged all the time. ³&RQFHUQHGFLWL]HQ,¶GOLNHWRVNDWHLW´ ,QRQHRIWKHFRUQHUVRIWKH¿HOGZDVWKHSURSRVHGVLWHRIWKHVNDWHSDUN ³&RPHEDFNLQDQKRXU*UDQGRSHQLQJZRQ¶WEHIRUDQRWKHUZHHN It was during this darkening time where, I said, many times, or so.” ³)XFNLW,JLYHXS,FDQGULYH¿IWHHQPLQXWHVWRDQRWKHUSDUN´,MXVW An hour later, I walked right in the middle of a group of obvious GLGQ¶WIHHOOLNHWLOWLQJDQ\PRUHZLQGPLOOVLQWKHQDPHRIFRPPXQLW\ bureaucrats (they were admiring the new plaque; probably looking for service. their names) and asked, “Still on? Can we skate it?” 7KHGLUWRIWKHSURSRVHGVNDWHSDUNUHPDLQHGXQWRXFKHG ,QWKDWPLOOLVHFRQGLWWDNHVWRJDLQVSHHGWRWKH¿UVWOLWWOHKXVKRI wheels clicking over tile, the bureaucratic rodeo became a distant memory. Eight months later, I got a call from one of the community ,W¶VDPD]LQJKRZFOHDQVLQJMXVWVKXWWLQJXSDQGVNDWLQJFDQEH PHPEHUV7KHSDUNZDVEDFNXSRQWKHUDGDU7KHPDLQFKDQJHLQSODQ +DWVRIIWR&DOLIRUQLD6NDWHSDUNV¶FRQFUHWHSRXULQJDELOLWLHV7KH was that the project was shifted into the Department of Engineering ERZO¶VDURFNHWGHHSIDVWELJVPRRWK LQDQHIIRUWWRVDYHRQFRVWV1RWQHFHVVDULO\JRRGQHZV7KH&LW\KDG ³+RZ¶VLWULGH"´WKHEXLOGHUDVNHG PDGH RQH SDUN SUHYLRXVO\ WKH RQO\ FRQFUHWH VNDWHSDUN LQ /$ ,¶G “Better than I can skate it.” already “had words” with dude in charge of its construction. ,W¶VQRWSHUIHFWEXWLQDSDUWRIWKHZRUOGZKHUHLW¶VVXUSULVLQJLI Me: ³5REHUWHYHU\WLPHLWUDLQV3HGORZSDUNÀRRGV:K\DUHQ¶W 7KH&LW\FDQGLJDKROHLQWKHJURXQGIRUXQGHU,ZRXOGKDYH there drains in it?” taken a lot worse. Robert: “Drains are in that park.” Me:³2ND\WHFKQLFDOO\EXWWKH\DUHQ¶WKRRNHGXSWRSLSHV´ A week later was the grand opening ribbon-cutting ceremony. Robert: No answer. 7KHSDUNZDVSDFNHG6SHHFKHVZHUHPDGH.LGVZHUHERUHGRIWKH Robert has since landed a promotion and advanced to another VSHHFKHVVQLFNHUHGDW'U'LFN'\NH¶VQDPHDQGEHFDPHYLVXDOO\ City job. Bravo. anxious for a chance to skate. It was nice that the Highland Park Skatepark Coalition got its due 7KH&LW\KDGDJUHHGWKDWWKH\ZRXOGEXLOGWKHODVWDJUHHGXSRQ GXULQJWKHVSHHFKHV\HWLW¶VDOZD\VDOLWWOHRGGZKHQWKHEDQQHUVRI VNDWHSDUNSODQ1RRQHFRXOGGLVFORVHZKDWWKH¿QDOFRPSURPLVHKDG community involvement are raised so high and wagged so vigorously EHHQLW¶GEHHQVOLFHGGLFHGUHFRQ¿JXUHGH[SDQGHGDQGFRQWUDFWHG by the same bureaucrats who consistently insulted and ignored the so many times that they could have built it any one of ten ways, coalition, only to grudgingly accept—through constant badgering and depending on the date of the blueprints they were holding. No design EHLQJVFUXWLQL]HGLQWKHLUSUDFWLFHV²WKDWDZHOOEXLOWVNDWHSDUNZRXOG was on display the day of the ground breaking ceremony. help the entire community of Highland Park. :KDW,GRNQRZLVWKDWPLOOLRQGRHVQ¶WEX\DVPXFKDV\RX A stampede of kids tore up the landscaping between the time the think it would in L.A. California Skateparks started construction, and ribbon was cut and an attempt was made to enforce the mandatory after concrete had been poured, we were invited to have a look-see. helmet rule. Every inch of the park got christened by urethane 7KH¿QDOL]HGSODQZDVDFRPSURPLVH$WRQHWLPHWKHSDUNZDVWREH ZKHHOVEDSWL]HGE\EDUNLQJWUXFNVDQGSROLVKHGE\WKHVZHDWRI EXLOWLQWZRSKDVHV7KHHQGUHVXOWLVDOLWWOHZHLUGEHFDXVHLW¶VOLWHUDOO\ fallen skaters. cut down to as big as the funds on hand. But, they made the bowl to Finally, the second largest city in America, Los Angeles, got its spec. Peeling back the burlap over the curing concrete revealed a nice third cement skatepark. (Another one, Belvedere, opened in East L.A. DPRHEDVKDSHGERZO²RQHRI(O%HDUGR¶VUHFRPPHQGDWLRQVWKDWZDV EHIRUHWKH*DUYDQ]DSDUN 7KHUHZHUHPDQ\WLPHVZKHQ,WUXWKIXOO\ an improvement on the kidney shape—six feet deep in the shallow GLGQ¶WWKLQNZH¶GJHWWKLVRQHDQG,KDYHWRJRZDONRYHUWKHUHWRVWDUH and nine feet in the deep, terra cotta tile, with six inches of vert and DWLWVRPHWLPHVWRPDNHVXUHWKDWLW¶VUHDOO\EXLOWWKDWDOOZDVQ¶WMXVW )HGHUDOSRROFRSLQJDOODURXQG5HDOFORVHWRZKDWZH¶GDVNHGIRU some long dream. After the concrete cured, it was instantly getting carved. ,GRQ¶WKDYHDQ\H[SDQVLYHVWDWHPHQWVWR¿QLVKWKLVRIIZLWK, I kept on visiting the park, walking around it, thinking of what it GRQ¶WIHHOOLNHKXJJLQJHYHU\RQHLQYROYHGEXW,IHHOJRRGWKDW,ZDV looked like in my mind versus what I was seeing, still expecting it to part of a group that prevented skaters from getting the bare minimum. disappear like a dream. I feel good that, in some small, but real, way that I had some say in the When I was up the street, getting beer and soymilk, the checkout FRQFUHWHWKDWJRWSRXUHGLQP\QHLJKERUKRRGDQGLWZDVQ¶WIRUDQHZ woman, who knows I skate asked, “Did you hear what happened to PHJDFRQGRRULQWKHQDPHRIJHQWUL¿FDWLRQ+RSHIXOO\VRPHNLGV² the park yesterday?” ZKR¶YHQHYHUNLFNWXUQHGRQWUDQVLWLRQEHIRUH²ZLOOEHJLQUXOLQJWKH ³,W¶V¿QLVKHG´,VDLG³,W¶VJRLQJWRRSHQVRRQ´ bowl. Some kid will start skating tomorrow and never stop. ³1RQRWWKDW7ZRNLGVKRWZLUHGWKH%REFDWVWKDWWKHFRQVWUXFWLRQ 0RVWO\ LW¶V QLFH WR VHH WKDW RUGLQDU\ FLWL]HQV ZKHQ WHQDFLRXV crews left overnight and were arrested by the cops while jousting them enough, can positively change the environments in which they live; LQWKH¿HOGQH[WWRWKHSDUN´ can stick their heads into the toothy political maw of one of the most :HERWKODXJKHG,W¶VSDUIRUWKHFRXUVHLQ+LJKODQG3DUN.LGV frustrating bureaucracies ever created, and achieve a modest, but very are bored. As I walked back home, I stopped by the park, just to look real goal. at it. Someone had taken a paint roller and tagged the entire length RILW7KHIURQWJDWHZDVVSUHDGDVLGHOLNHDFXUWDLQ$SSDUHQWO\WKH *** VL[SDGORFNV7KH&LW\KDGSODFHGRQWKHFKDLQOLQNHQWUDQFHZHUHQ¶W enough to stop people from skating. +DWVRIIWR7KH+LJKODQG3DUN6NDWHSDUN&RDOLWLRQDQGFRPPXQLW\ 7KHQDWLYHVZHUHJHWWLQJUHVWOHVV members, Heinrich Keifer, Nancy Wyatt, Rosa Rivas, Rick and 'D\VODWHU7KH&LW\ZLVHGXSDQG¿OOHGWKHSDUNZLWKVDQGZKLFK ,UHQH$ODQL]'U6WDQ0RRUH0LFKHOH+DUQVEHUJHU'U'LFN'\NH WKULOOHGWKH%0;HUVLQWKHDUHD DQG VNDWHUV $QG\ +DUULV /DQFH 0RXQWDLQ DQG %HQ 6FKURHGHU Weeks passed and everything in a twenty-yard radius of the park HYHQWKRXJK,¶YHQHYHUPHWWKHJX\,XQGHUVWDQGKH\HOOHGDWWKH got mercilessly tagged. construction workers). Look Like You Know What You’re Doing A Good Life Lesson

,¶PDOXUNHU,¶YHJRWWHQLWIURPP\'DG Passing by the unopened skatepark, I struck up a conversation 45 rom the American plains of the 1870s to the Philippines of the early 1900s to the Cold War-era conflicts in Vietnam, El Salvador, Guatemala, and Colombia, military terror against civilian populations has been the central feature of American counterinsurgency. ă&KULVWLDQ3DUHQWL The Freedom

hristian Parenti is an important writer. His well-researched and supported critiques of the prison- industrial complex (Lockdown America), unlawful surveillance (The Soft Cage), and the immoral wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (The Freedom, various articles for The Nation) are the types of GLVVLGHQWOLWHUDWXUHWKDW¶VWKHEDQHRIPDQ\XOWUDZHDOWK\FRUSRUDWHHOLWHVDQGWKHURJXLVK%XVK $GPLQLVWUDWLRQ¶VH[LVWHQFH

Rather than support repressive orthodoxies, Parenti challenges them—starting with his 1999 book Lockdown AmericaZKLFKXQFRYHUV$PHULFD¶VHYHULQFUHDVLQJ*XODJOLNHSULVRQV\VWHP8VLQJ hard facts and relentless logic to counteract decades of modern prison propaganda, Parenti uncov- ers what “hard on crime” really means by focusing in on whom it affects (people of color and those living in destitution), who supports it, and why they support it.

,Q¶VThe Soft Cage, Christian provides an eye-opening expose of tracking and surveillance in the U.S. Starting with slavery and ending in the present, Parenti unveils how nefarious indi- viduals and groups have treaded upon our supposed right to privacy guaranteed under the Fourth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.

&KULVWLDQ¶VODWHVWERRNThe FreedomLVDQLQYDOXDEOHJXLGHWRZKDW¶VJRLQJRQLQ,UDT8QOLNH PDQ\OD]\MRXUQDOLVWV VHH)R[1HZV 3DUHQWLJLYHVKLV¿UVWKDQGXQLQKLELWHGDFFRXQWRIWKH FRQVHTXHQFHVRIWKH:DURQ,UDT&KULVWLDQFDWFKHVDOOVLGHV86VROGLHUVIRUFHGWR¿JKWDZDU many do not believe in (or understand), Iraqi civilians living in squalor and fear, and even the re- VLVWDQFH²ZKRP3DUHQWLLQWHUYLHZVFODQGHVWLQHO\LQDRQHKRXUFDEULGH7KHUHLVQREHWWHUJXLGH WRZKDW¶VJRLQJRQLQ,UDTWKDQThe Freedom²DWOHDVWE\P\UDGDU,W¶VDQDGGHGERQXVWKDWWKH ERRN¶VDQHQMR\DEOHUHDG$WWLPHVKXPRURXVEXWPRVWO\SLVVHGRIIThe Freedom is impossible to put down.

Christian Parenti does not take on pleasant subject matter. Prison, surveillance, and war are depressing (especially if your country is being bombed). What makes Parenti such an enjoyable ZULWHULVKLVKXPRUOXFLGLW\DQGORJLF²WKHODVWDWWULEXWHLQVKRUWVXSSO\LQ$PHULFD¶VFRUSRUDWH UXQPHGLD8QGHUO\LQJHDFKRI3DUHQWL¶VERRNVDQGDUWLFOHVLVDFRPPLWPHQWWRKXPDQULJKWVDQG the belief that we should, and could, live in a better world.

INTERVIEW by RYAN LEACH LAYOUT by KEITH ROSSON

ILLUSTRATIONS by KEITH ROSSON 

47 Ryan:,¶PFXULRXVDERXW\RXVWDUWLQJRXW or early twenties that you were really interested in criminal justice when I started ZLWK ZULWLQJ Europe. What were dyslexic and writing has always been L.A. riots. some of your early writings? I imagine really hard, so I did not write a lot in high Doing Central America solidarity work in your father had a big impact on you. VFKRRO,WZDVVRUWRIDVWUXJJOH,WZDVQ¶W San Francisco, we would talk about the police Christian: 0\ HDUOLHVW ZULWLQJ ZDV IRU until I was twenty or twenty-one—when and our mode. Our interpretation of what was UDGLR,WZDVDURXQGWKHWLPHRIWKH¿UVW*XOI I had done those radio internships—that happening was drawn from our experiences in War and the wars in Central America were I had started writing. And I did it so as to Central America and our studying of Central ZLQGLQJGRZQ6RPHRIWKH¿UVWUHSRUWLQJ, learn how to write. As a child, my teachers America. But that was really inadequate. Seeing did was on those issues. I did an internship would say, “Oh! He writes well, but he police operations against (United States) gangs— at KPFA (KPFA is a listener-sponsored radio cannot spell.” trying to see this in terms of state repression in station located in Berkeley, California. KPFA Ryan: Yeah. I just recently read a book—I &HQWUDO $PHULFD DJDLQVW XQLRQV²WKH\¶UH WZR broadcasts to the San Francisco Bay Area) teach second grade—by a guy named WRWDOO\ GLIIHUHQW WKLQJV 2UJDQL]HG SROLWLFDO LQWKHHDUO\µVDQGWKDW¶VZKHQ,OHDUQHGWR &KULVWRSKHU/HH+H¶VVHYHUHO\G\VOH[LF, resistance by progressive forces against class become a journalist: in college. Yeah, I was WKLQNKH¶VJRLQJDIWHUDGRFWRUDWHULJKWQRZ exploitation and state violence is totally different UDLVHGLQDSROLWLFDOIDPLO\7KHQLWZDVDURXQG He was talking about how he was dissuaded than the state cracking down on criminal and WKH LVVXH RI &HQWUDO $PHULFD LQ WKH µV from a very early age from writing, that SRVVLEOH FULPLQDO \RXWK RUJDQL]DWLRQV , GLGQ¶W in high school, where I became politically there was no prospect for him to write. It have a proper analysis to really understand aware in an adult way and politically active, ZDVQ¶WXQWLOODWHUWKDWKHEHJDQWRZULWH+LV and explain what in the hell was going on in to some extent. I traveled down to Central story reminds me a little of yours. American cities, so I started looking into these America—to Nicaragua and El Salvador and Christian:,W¶VDFRPPRQDIÀLFWLRQ%XW questions of police repression. *XDWHPDOD²D EXQFK RI WLPHV DQG UHSRUWHG WKDQN*RGFRPSXWHUVKHOS $IWHUWKHULRWV²WKH¿UVWSLHFH,KDGHYHU RQ WKDW $FWXDOO\ WKH ¿UVW WLPH , GLG DQ\ Ryan: 7KDW¶V ZKDW /HH VWDWHG DV ZHOO , published was after several years of doing war reporting was in El Salvador. I visited was looking for Foucault at the library— MRXUQDOLVP IRU UDGLR PDLQO\ IRU 3DFL¿FD², WKH )0/1 OHIWZLQJ 6DOYDGRUDQ JXHULOOD WKDW¶V KRZ , FDPH DFURVV \RX DQG \RXU wrote an article for Z Magazine. It was about group formed in 1980 to end oppression in book, Lockdown America. I pulled it out DeWayne Holmes, who had really started the El Salvador; now a major political party). DQG VDZ WKH EDFN$P\ *RRGPDQ KRVW &ULSV%ORRG JDQJ WUXFH DQG WKHQ KDG EHHQ 7KLV $PHULFDQ IURP 9HUPRQW ZKR , NQHZ of “Democracy Now!”) speaks highly framed by the L.A.P.D., with possible help from was with them, doing documentary work. of your work. So I thought, “Hey, this is WKH )%, 0LNH 'DYLV LQÀXHQWLDO KLVWRULDQ 7KURXJKWKDWFRQQHFWLRQ,KXQJRXWZLWKWKHP ZRUWK FKHFNLQJ RXW´ ,¶P JODG , GLG ,Q SROLWLFDO DFWLYLVW PHPEHU RI µV QHZOHIW IRUWZRZHHNV7KLVZDVULJKWLQ1RYHPEHU the preface to the book, you write about group Students for a Democratic Society, of 1991 when they had declared a unilateral getting harassed by an undercover cop. teacher at University of California, Irvine), FHDVH¿UH 7KH )0/1 ZHUH UHVHUYLQJ WKH Christian: Just sort of mistaken identity. Jerry Brown (former governor of California right to respond to government aggression, Ryan: I know you are keenly aware of >@ FXUUHQW $WWRUQH\ *HQHUDO IRU but they were no longer launching offensive what was going on in terms of police WKH 6WDWH RI &DOLIRUQLD  DQG 0D[LQH :DWHUV operations. I went back there two years later brutality. Did that event set you in motion (California Democratic Congresswoman after the peace process and did a series of to write the book? [1991-present], co-sponsor of the House UDGLRIHDWXUHVIRU3DFL¿FD7KDW¶VKRZ,JRW Christian: 1R 7KDW HYHQW ZDVQ¶W resolution to impeach Dick Cheney) all spoke my start in politics and political writing. instrumental. I just thought it was a DW'H:D\QH¶VVHQWHQFLQJKHDULQJDQGKHZDV Ryan: 6R LW ZDVQ¶W XQWLO \RXU ODWH WHHQV colorful way to start the book. I became still given seven years for a ten dollar robbery ZKLFK KH GLGQ¶W FRPPLW 7KH ZKROH WKLQJ KH GLGQ¶W ZLQ DJDLQVW /\QGRQ -RKQVRQ ZDV D VHWXS ,W ZDV D &2,17(/352VW\OH D ORW RI *ROGZDWHU¶V LGHDV ZHUH WKH QHZ frame up for a guy who was involved in precedents that would follow, whether you bringing peace to South Central. were a Republican or a Democrat running Ryan: Reminiscent of Fred Hampton IRURI¿FH sans the murder: a situation of collusion Christian: His rhetoric won. between the federal government and a Ryan: 7KH¿UVWWLPH,KDGHYHUHYHQKHDUG FLW\¶VSROLFHGHSDUWPHQW RI%DUU\*ROGZDWHUZDVWKURXJKD*LO6FRWW Christian: the explosion of criminal of massive economic dislocation caused by MXVWLFH LQ WKH µV 7KH IHGHUDO JRYHUQPHQW Reaganomics. So the right wing wins the was pouring money into policing. SROLWLFDOEDWWOHLQWKHµVDQGWKHQLWODXQFKHV Ryan: 7KDW¶V D PDMRU WKHPH WKURXJKRXW DQ HFRQRPLF RIIHQVLYH LQ WKH µV  7KDW Lockdown America. You write about Nixon economic offensive—cutting wages, cutting starting all these bureaus and groups. regulation, cutting taxes to the rich—lead to Christian:7KH/($$ /DZ(QIRUFHPHQW an explosion in poverty and a degradation of Assistance Administration) was his thing. crucial public institutions such as schools and Ryan: And you also talk about RICO KHDOWKFDUH7KHUHZDVDUHDOFULVLVLQWKHµV 5DFNHWHHU ,QÀXHQFHG DQG &RUUXSW DQGµVWKDWH[SUHVVHGLWVHOILQZLOGOHYHOVRI 2UJDQL]DWLRQV$FW ,UHDOO\DSSUHFLDWHKRZ JDQJYLROHQFHDQGFUDFNDGGLFWLRQ7KHNLQG in depth you go with the subject, going all RISDUDPLOLWDU\UHVSRQVHZDVQ¶WVLPSO\ERUQ WKHZD\EDFNWR%DUU\*ROGZDWHU$OWKRXJK out of the idea of the right wing wanting

49 to crack down on people for the sake of SODFHRIDMDLOWHUP,W¶VQRZDGGHGWRD Ryan: And you talk about libraries being cracking down on people; it was a desire sentence. One thing I found atrocious is shut down—whether that occurs in private to protect the theme park core of American WKHSULYDWL]DWLRQRISULVRQV,KDGKHDUG or public prisons—in order to cut corners. cities as they were redeveloped. It was also DERXWWKHPEXW,GLGQ¶WUHDOL]HWKDWWKH\ Prisoners need reading material. Obviously, a form of theatre to kind of punish and had grown so exponentially. some prisoners have been wrongly accused. SHQDOL]HWKHSRRUDQGGLVSOD\WKHSRRUDV Christian:,WKDVQ¶WJURZQDVPXFKDVSHRSOH $SULVRQHUHGXFDWLQJKLPKHUVHOI²WKDWPD\ criminal to the rest of the society. WKRXJKWLWZRXOGEHFDXVHLQSDUWLW¶VYHU\ EHWKHLUNH\RXW7KHUH¶VDIDPRXVTXRWHE\ Ryan: Yeah, and in The Soft Cage you go KDUGWRPDNHDSUR¿WRIIRISULVRQV7KH\¶UH 'RVWRHYVN\7KHJLVWLV³New York Times, which I Christian:7KHVWRU\ZLWKWKDWLVIURPWKH 7KH\DUHJHQHUDOO\PXFKODUJHUWKDQMDLOV GLGQ¶WGRWKDWPXFKDVDKLJKVFKRROVWXGHQW end of World War I there was a push to DQG PRUH UHJLPHQWHG  7KHQ WKHUH DUH 7KHUHZDVWKLVVWRU\DERXWWKHSULYDWL]DWLRQ create DQDWLRQDOLGHQWL¿FDWLRQQXPEHU%\ RYHU¿YHPLOOLRQRQSUREDWLRQDQGSDUROH of prisons in France. We were blown WKHHQGRI:RUOG:DU,PRGHUQLGHQWL¿FDWLRQ people checking in with the court system. away that a system based on violence and as we know it had developed: an ID with a Sometimes those arrangements can be FUXHOW\FRXOGEHPL[HGZLWKSUR¿WHHULQJ,W SKRWRJUDSK DQG ¿QJHUSULQWV %HIRUH WKDW pretty innocuous, but sometimes people obviously was an invitation for incredible there was a system called Bertillonage, KDYH WR FKHFN LQ HYHU\GD\ 7KH\¶UH VWLOO DEXVHVWKHPRVWREYLRXVRQHEHLQJLI\RX¶UH which were oblong body measurements. under a very intense judicial regulation getting paid to keep prisoners behind bars, %XW WKHQ WKDW JLYHV ZD\ WR ¿QJHUSULQWLQJ HYHQWKRXJKWKH\¶UHVWLOOQRWLQSULVRQ ZKDW LQFHQWLYH ZRXOG WKH ¿UP KDYH WR OHW and photographs. Certain groups wanted to Ryan: And like you wrote, parole is them go if they behaved well, rehabilitated create a national ID. J. Edgar Hoover was VLPSO\ WDFNHG RQ ,W GRHVQ¶W WDNH WKH themselves, whatever? a key player in pushing for this even before the creation of the FBI. And there were private sector ultimately winning the day. Ryan: And I can see that—not having forces supporting this right wing political Ryan: As I was reading The Soft Cage, such a pessimistic view. Reading some of movement: certain business interests, certain parts reminded me of the French 1DRPL .OHLQ¶V DXWKRU No Logo) work, RSSRVLQJODERUXQLRQVSROLFHFKLHIV7KHVH philosopher Jacques Ellul, particularly she talks about corporations coming in and people were continually defeated in their his works The Technological Society and the fact that there will always be people efforts to create a national ID number because Propaganda. Ellul more or less stated that RQ WKH IDU OHIW VD\LQJ ³, WKLQN \RX¶YH Americans opposed the idea of allowing the WHFKQRORJ\LVDORWOLNH3DQGRUD¶V%R[2QFH overstepped your bounds there.” And IHGHUDO JRYHUQPHQW WR WUDFN WKHP 7KHVH \RX VWDUW \RX FDQ¶W VWRS 6RFLHW\ GRHVQ¶W WKDW¶V VRUW RI D SRVLWLYH PHVVDJH , WU\ WR forces could never get it through congress. control technology, technology controls carry with me. 7KHUHZDVQ¶WHQRXJKVXSSRUW society. If I understand his ideas correctly, Christian:+RSHIXOO\LW¶VQRWMXVWSHRSOH One of the main concerns about the he stated that we are going down a fatalistic RQWKHIDUOHIWVD\LQJ³1R,WKLQN\RX¶YH creation of Social Security would be: road where the advance of technology is the overstepped your bounds.” Preferably, “What would the uses of this number be?” objective and things like questioning the what we want is very mainstream $QGWKHUHZDVDUHDO¿JKWRYHUWKHOLPLWV status quo and the humanities inevitably fall resistance. Regular people saying, “No, SXWRQWKH6RFLDO6HFXULW\QXPEHU7KDW¶V by the wayside. I think what he was really WKLVZDULVLPPRUDO7KLVZDULVDZDVWH ZK\ OHJDOO\ \RX GRQ¶W KDYH WR XVH \RXU asking was “Are we really progressing?” $QGDKRUURU:H¶UHQRWJRLQJWRSD\IRU Social Security Number for anything other Christian , ZRXOGQ¶W ZDQW WR EH VR LW:H¶UHQRWJRLQJWRVHQGRXUFKLOGUHQRII than paying Social Security taxes. Industry IDWDOLVWLFDERXWLW7KHUHLVWKHTXHVWLRQRI WRGLHLQLWDQ\PRUH´:HFDQ¶WOHDYHWKH and a coalition that supported a national how social relations become embedded important work—it has to be a democratic ,' WULHG WKURXJK WKH µV µV µV DQG within technology. Social relations produce SURFHVV²DQG ZH FDQ¶W OHDYH WKDW LQ LQWRWKHHDUO\µVWRFUHDWHDQDWLRQDO,' technology, but then those social relations are the hands of small groups of ideology- number and were continually defeated. also embedded in the technology. So what FRPPLWWHG SHRSOH 7KDW KDV WR EH SDUW 7KH\FRXOGQRWGRLW NLQGRIVRFLDOUHODWLRQVSURGXFH¿UHDUPV"$ of what everybody does in a democratic 7KHQLQWKHHDUO\µVWKHEDQNLQJDQG set of social relations that are fundamentally VRFLHW\$QGE\GHPRFUDF\,GRQ¶WPHDQ insurance industries held a conference where about violence and dominating people as by just voting. I mean by participating… they admitted defeat in the legislative arena D NH\ FRPSRQHQW RI SROLWLFV 7KRVH DUH Ryan:*HWWLQJRXWRQWKHVWUHHW and they decided to legislate de facto on the social relationships that then produce Christian: Yeah, and on an everyday level. their own. And they said, “Okay, what has to ¿UHDUPV$QGWKRVHVRFLDOUHODWLRQVDUHWKHQ Ryan: Which I ultimately think is much more happen is that the major banks have to insist embedded in the technology. And what LQÀXHQWLDOWKDQDQ\NLQGRIYRWLQJV\VWHP that customers use their Social Security GR\RXXVHD¿UHDUPIRU"

51

Christian: *UHDW 7KDQN \RX ,W¶V D IDVW XQGHU 6DGGDP 7KURXJK WKHLU WKUHH PDLQ easy read. parties—which are all bitter rivals of Ryan: I read it in two days. You dedicate the one another—they united on this issue of book to the people of Iraq, which I think is a IRUFLQJ DQ HOHFWLRQ 7KHUH ZHUH PDVVLYH great thing. As I said earlier, my dad served QRQYLROHQWPRELOL]DWLRQVLQ-DQXDU\ LQ9LHWQDPRQWKHKHHOVRIWKH7HW2IIHQVLYH As a result of that, the Bush Administration Something he has stated was that the people of DJUHHGWRJLYH,UDTLVDQHOHFWLRQ7KHUHZDV Vietnam—especially the villagers—paid the fraud, but more or less the elections were PDMRULW\RIWKHSULFH7KHLUGLNHVZHUHERPEHG democratic. And what they produced was 0\GDGZDVH[SRVHGWR$JHQW2UDQJHPXOWLSOH D6KLLWHGRPLQDWHGJRYHUQPHQW$QGWKDW¶V times, but Vietnamese villagers never escaped how I see the Iraqi government now. it. It was on the ground they walked on. ,UDTLVEHFRPLQJDIDLOHGVWDWH7KHUH¶V Christian: 7KH\ KDYH VRPH RI WKH KLJKHVW DPDVVLYHFLYLOZDU7KHJRYHUQPHQWUHDOO\ rates of exotic cancers—certain types of GRHVQ¶WKDYHPXFKFRQWURO0LOLWLDVDUHWKH liver cancer—that are found nowhere else. RUGHURIWKHGD\$QG,GRQ¶WVHHDQ\WKLQJ Ryan: And no reparations were paid to other than a long process of that war burning WKH9LHWQDPHVH:H RIWHQ GRQ¶W KHDU DERXW out. I think when the U.S. leaves, which it the major casualties of war: the civilian will, there will be a lot of bloodshed; but there LQKDELWDQWV:DUSKRWRJUDSKHU7LP 3DJH LV already is a lot of bloodshed. Ultimately, the quoted on the back of your book: “Every various religious communities have to come war produces a couple of iconic books: together and create some sort of modus Dispatches did Vietnam; The Freedom does YLYHQGL $QG XQIRUWXQDWHO\ WKHUH¶V JRLQJ Iraq.” I agree with him. But you have to keep to be more to this civil war before there is in mind that Dispatches FDPHRXWLQ¶WZR any sort of reconciliation. years after the war ended, four years after the Ryan: 7DONLQJ DERXW$IJKDQLVWDQ ZRXOG U.S. left Vietnam. I really appreciate the fact you say the complete failure of that country that you got this out while the war was still LVWKHUHDVRQZHGRQ¶WKHDUPXFKDERXWLW" going, where it will have the most effect. Christian: I would say the reason we hear Christian:

9-11, Al-Qaeda was, in fact, very close with for the rest of the world so that the rest of the LW¶VDVWHSSLQJVWRQH,WVUROHIRUWKH%XVK WKH7DOLEDQ 7KH7DOLEDQLVDIXQGDPHQWDOLVW world is beholden to the U.S. and will not administration was to get to Iraq and the 6XQQL 0XVOLP JURXS WKDW UXOHG PXFK RI challenge U.S. power. media followed. $IJKDQLVWDQ IURP WKH PLGµV WR   7KLV LV WKH RYHUULGLQJ REVHVVLRQ WKDW Ryan: What do you see in the future for 7KH\ KDG LQVLQXDWHG WKHPVHOYHV LQWR WKH they had talked about on the record in Afghanistan? 7DOLEDQFDELQHWVXFKDVLWZDV7KH7DOLEDQ WKHLU ¿UVW FDELQHW PHHWLQJ EHIRUH  Christian: I think Afghanistan will be had very stripped-down institutions of state. As soon as they take power in January of kept on life support with international aide 7KH\GLGQ¶WKDYHDUHDOGHYHORSHGH[HFXWLYH 2001, they are discussing regime change PRQH\IRUWKHQH[W¿YH\HDUV,WKLQNWKDW or legislative branch, that sort of stuff. Al- LQ ,UDT 7KLV LV VRPHWKLQJ WKH\ KDYH over the next three years there will be a 4DHGDZDVKDUERUHGE\WKH7DOLEDQUHJLPH ZDQWHG IURP WKH EHJLQQLQJ 7KH OHDGLQJ withdrawal from Iraq and that crisis will And they did attack the U.S. and killed 3,000 lights of the Bush Administration had been spread; and that there will be increased SHRSOH 6R WKHUH ZDV VRPH MXVWL¿FDWLRQ IRU writing openly about the need for regime discussion about Afghanistan. But for the some sort of response. Bush then uses that change in Iraq and why it was necessary QH[W¿YH\HDUVWKHVWDWXVTXRZLOOUHPDLQ ability to respond to go after Iraq. LQEDVLFDOO\WKHVDPHWHUPV,¶YHGHVFULEHG LQ$IJKDQLVWDQ7KH7DOLEDQZLOOFRQWUROWKH He wants to go after Iraq because it has 7KH\ZHUHGRLQJWKDWXQGHU&OLQWRQ7KH\ southern half of the country, and the Afghan DOOWKLVRLODQGEHFDXVHLW¶VLQWKHUHJLRQWKDW ZHUH FULWLFL]LQJ KLP IRU QRW EHLQJ PRUH government will be an ineffective, totally KDVDERXWRQHWKLUGRIWKHUHJLRQ¶VRLO0RVW proactive. So then 9-11 happens and the FRUUXSWLQVWLWXWLRQZKLFKFDQ¶WGRDQ\WKLQJ LPSRUWDQWO\ LW¶V WKH UHJLRQ WKH (XURSHDQ Bush Administration uses Afghanistan as International money will be pumped into Union—which is now an economy of 400 DVWHSSLQJVWRQH7KH86JRHVLQTXLFN WKHFRXQWU\0RVWRILWZLOOEHVWROHQDQG million people—and the major economies of with too few troops. After the invasion, I will not help the people. In a nutshell, the $VLDGHSHQGRQIRURLO7KRVHRWKHUWZRSROHV WKLQNLW¶VLQ-DQXDU\RU)HEUXDU\RI future of Afghanistan is ongoing guerilla RI WKH ZRUOG HFRQRP\ GHSHQG RQ 0LGGOH the Republicans in Congress actually warfare for probably decades. Eastern oil. China and India are growing forgot to appropriate any money for Ryan: What are you working on now? incredibly fast; at almost ten percent per year. GHYHORSPHQW LQ $IJKDQLVWDQ 7KH\ WKHQ Christian:,¶PZRUNLQJRQWKLVERRNRQ 7KH\ QHHG HQRUPRXV DPRXQWV RI HQHUJ\ VR caught that and appropriated 300 million. $IJKDQLVWDQ,GRQ¶WUHDOO\KDYHDWLWOHIRU they are increasingly dependent on imported Ryan: Unbelievable. it yet. It should be out in 2009. If people RLO IURP WKH 0LGGOH (DVW 7R FRQWURO WKRVH Christian: 7KDW IDFW DORQH WHOOV \RX DOO are interested in my articles, I have a other poles of the world economy, it behooves you need to know about what the Bush website up which has a listing of all my the U.S. political class to try and project power administration thinks of Afghanistan. recent works. LQWRWKH0LGGOH(DVW1RWVRDVWRQHFHVVDULO\ ,W¶VDSURSXVHGWRFRQIXVHSHRSOH7KHUH SULYDWL]HWKHRLOLQWKHUHJLRQ²QRWWRRZQDQG was no Al-Qaeda in Iraq. Afghanistan is FRQVXPHLW²EXWWREHWKHSROLFHRI¿FHUWKDW an utterly corrupt, hopeless mess. I think christianparenti.com guarantees the security of the fuel supplies WKDW¶VZK\\RXGRQ¶WKHDUPRUHDERXWLW

55 They’re so simple and it makes no real sense why they still exist. Vinyl records are the lifeblood of DIY punk because it’s almost impossible to make money off of them. Records aren’t convenient. They’re fragile. You’ve got to sit and listen to antiquated plastic spinning RQDSODWWHUJHWXSDQGÁLS¶HPRYHUinto The Future Virgins: what doesn’t make sense on the surface, really makes perfect sense when it’s banging back and forth in a groove. Treated right, DIY punk continues to outlast every outcropping of punk which got its wrists broken from swinging from that brass ring—from riot grrrl to grunge to emo to ska-punk. Why? Even if DIY punk sells really well, the best it can hope for is breaking even to get the next record out. Okay, that and an ice cream sandwich, a pizza, and a twelve pack if you’re lucky, but little more. The Future Virgins have two 7”s out. Ten songs. That’s it. Both are well worth your time tracking down. I try my best to not play the same sides over and over again (the grooves get heated up and your records will wear out faster), but it’s hard not to do. It’s another simple test of music, wanting to steal it right from the air as it’s playing and believe you’re living inside of it. It’s a corny and romantic way of listening to music, to believe that it transforms, that it takes you somewhere else that you want to be. That feeling’s supposed to end somewhere around twenty- three, when real life bruises your idealism with unpaid bills and uninsured injuries. Music’s just entertainment, right? Hell yeah, I’m rooting for the unglossed underdogs. I understand when band members have to work full-time shit jobs to support their music habit. I fully get the concept of barely scraping by but looking for the next thing to create. I understand that in America, if you’re poor and alive, you’re obscure. I understand records which sound like melodic explosions recorded in a house on the edge of collapse. You can only really count on your friends and family; the rest is roulette. If you’ve dug the anxious, melody-laced heartbeats of Sexy, The Horrible Odds, ADD/C, and The Jack Palance Band—bands that these guys were or are involved with—The Future Virgins are an easy recommendation. For those of you who haven’t, you’re just as lucky. There’s an entire world of easily accessible, all-too-easily-overlooked music out there, just ripe for you to pluck, and I can’t suggest highly enough that you buy the vinyl whenever you can. It’ll last longer, both the music and the format. This interview was a group effort. Todd Taylor wrote the intro and prepped the questions. Buddah conducted the interview at JJ’s Bohemia, a mom and pop bar downstairs from Revolution Sound, Mike Pack’s recording studio in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Russ Van Cleave and Scott Laval of The Tim Version shared their stories. photo by Rob Stephen Rob photo by layout by Dave Disorder

photos by Rob Stephen www.robstephen.com

Kyle King myspace.com/punxpix and courtesy of the Future Virgins

Ashley Krey: vocals, guitar Mike Pack: bass, vocals Cole Champion: drums Billy Joe Johnson: vocals, guitar Buddah: Ashley, how often do you make the trip up to Chattanooga? Ashley: 8VXDOO\ RQFH D PRQWK 7KLV 6HSWHPEHU,¶OOGRWKHGULYHWZLFHEHFDXVH ZH KDG VRPH WURXEOH DQG FRXOGQ¶W JHW WRJHWKHU ODVW PRQWK ,W¶V D VL[KRXU IRXU hundred mile drive. Mike: Nine times. Buddah: How do you know someone is Chattanooga and not just some weird poser?… well yeah. Billy Joe: 7KH\ ZRUN DW WKH 3LFNOH %DUUHO 7KH3LFNOH%DUUHOLVWKH&%*%VRIWKHVRXWK EXWWKH\GRQ¶WGRVKRZV Cole: ,W¶V D EDU VODVK VDQGZLFK VKRS WKDW KDV employed almost every punk in Chattanooga. ,W¶GEHVDIHWRVD\WKDWHYHU\EDQGLQ&KDWWDQRRJD KDVKDGDPHPEHUWKDW¶VZRUNHGDWWKH%DUUHO 0LNHDQG%LOO\DUHFXUUHQWO\HPSOR\HGWKHUH Buddah: With all that band activity why, Future Virgins? What scratch does it itch? Ashley: *RRGSHRSOH Mike: 7KLV LV WKH ¿UVW EDQG ,¶YH EHHQ LQ [laughter], so I feel like maybe I can keep XS WKH HQWKXVLDVP 0D\EH EULQJ KDOI D IXFNLQ¶ ZLWFK WR D EXQFK RI ROG EDVWDUGV 7UDQVODWLRQ7KHZLWFK³WRJLYHVRPHWKLQJ the witch” is to give it all you got, “make it coco,” if you will.) Billy Joe: ,W¶VKDUGWR¿QGRWKHUVNLQKHDGVLQ Chattanooga who are willing to play working class music with you. [laughs] Cole: ,W¶VDGLIIHUHQWJURXSRIVSHFLDOIULHQGV Mike: ,¶GOLNHWRSRLQWRXWWKHIDFWWKDW,RZQ this master (tape). Buddah: Ashley and Billy, a lot of people OLNHG6H[\:K\¶GLWHQG" Billy Joe: :HOO µFDXVH RXU GUXPPHU ÀHZ home in the middle of tour. Ashley: , ZRXOG VD\ WKDW LW¶V µFDXVH , OHIW California several years ago. Billy Joe: , GRQ¶W NQRZ7KDW¶V VRPH GHHS seeded shit. Ashley: 7KDW¶V SUH%LOO\ 6H[\ VWXII ZH¶UH talking about. photo by Rob Stephen

Billy Joe: I was the laidback guy. Cole: 7KDW¶VZKHUHDOOWKHKRRNHUVKDQJRXW WDNHSL]]DRUGHUVDQG,WU\DQGJLYHGRQDWLRQV Ashley: 7UXFNV DUH VPDOO 7KLQJV FDQ EH Buddah: &ROH RQ WKH LQWHUQHW \RX¶YH WREDQGVZKHQWKH\¶UHLQWRZQ pretty tough on everyone, going on a three- been called… Buddah: It depends? week tour in a Nissan pickup, with two people Billy Joe: ,W¶V NLQG RI IXQQ\ µFDXVH &ROH¶V Cole: :HOO,OLVWHQWRWKHEDQG¿UVWDQGWKHQ in front and one in the jump seat. Other bands the only dude who gets on the internet. decide whether or not I wanna give money. have gone through worse, though. Buddah: 'R\RXWDNHWKHULJKWRUGHUDW/XSL¶V" Billy Joe: So you play god? Cole: 7KHGUXPPHUDOZD\VKDGWRULGHLQWKH Cole: (YHU\ WLPH« 0DQ \RX KDWHU %LOO Buddah: Cole, according to The McKenzie back of the truck. “Can I come over to your house, Cole, and Banner you received a Hope Scholarship for Ashley: It was a Rosa Parks situation. VHWXSD0\VSDFH"´ $1,250. What did you get the scholarship for? Did Buddah: Drummers deserve that… Billy Buddah: …“Cole might give you his last dollar you buy any drum equipment with the money? \RX¶YHEHHQFDOOHG³KDQGVRPH:LOO\´ and then do a little dance.” Please explain. Cole: 7KLVLVWKH¿UVW,¶YHNQRZQRIDQ\VRUW Mike: 2QO\ RQ UG 6WUHHW 7KH\ FDOO KLP Cole: :HOO PDQ 7KH LQWHUQHW LV D WDQJOHG RIVFKRODUVKLS,I,FRXOG¶YH,ZRXOG¶YH handsome. ZHE LI \RX ZLOO

'R\RXHYHUKDYHWR¿UHDQ\RQH" Ashley: 2QO\¿UHGRQHJX\%XWKHZDVQ¶WD SXQN 7KHUH¶V QR VFHQH DFFRXQWDELOLW\ 1R it was more of a “Is this working out for the both of us?” Buddah:

As told by Russ Van Cleve of The Tim Version. Mike, Scott, and Shawn, who are mentioned, are also in The Tim Version.

7KHVWRU\JRHVWKDW0LNH3DFN7LOWZKHHO WKH'DYH\0DUNDQG&KULVOLQHXS DQG7KH 7LP9HUVLRQZHUHDOOLQWRZQIRUVRPHWKLQJ WKH¿UVW RUSRVVLEO\VHFRQG )HVW 6KDZQ VD\V KH UHPHPEHUHG WKDW 0LNH had stealthily stolen a couple bottles of UHDOO\VKLWW\OLTXRUIURP0DUNHW6WDQGKDG FRPHRXWWRWKH7LOWZKHHOYDQZLWK6KDZQ to stash them or some such thing. Davey, &KULVDQG0DUNZHUHDOOKDQJLQJRXWDWWKH YDQ$Q\ZD\VWKLVJURXSRIIUDWER\ORRNLQ¶ kids in a really nice SUV pulls up and they DSSDUHQWO\VWDUWWDONLQJWR0LNH3DFNDERXW how they really wanna get into something sinister. You know “bro-ing down with the punk rock dudes” or some such nonsense. 6R0LNHVD\VWRµHP³2K\HD":HOO,¶P gonna go take a shit on that church over there.” 2I FRXUVH WKH\ GRQ¶W EHOLHYH KLP 6R he says, “Okay, gimme some paper towels,” and he walks over and shits on the front steps RI WKH FKXUFK 7KH IUDW GXGHV DUH IUHDNLQ¶ RXW µFDXVH 0LNH LV UHDOO\ VWLFNLQ¶ LW WR 7KH 0DQ 6R0LNHFRPHVEDFNDQG WKH\¶UH DOO LPSUHVVHG VD\LQ¶ ³'XGH WKDW ZDV awesome!” or what have \RX VR 0LNH JHWV DOO Cole: Well, it feels good to just be able to embrace your destiny. And SXPSHGXSZLWKµHPDQG not have to create one. VD\V³get in the van and takes off and the dudes in the SUV down South, get hitched, and start a label? take off after them. Billy Joe:

Ashley Krey:6H[\'RU\7RXUHWWHDQGWKH Cole Champion:0LVWHU%OLVWHU$''&6KDGRZEXLOGHU 6NLUWKHDGV%ODFN&KDQQXNDK7HQGHUFREUD Fixins, Suspicious Packages

Mike Pack: Jack Palance Band, Horrible Odds, Billy Joe Johnson: 6H[\*LDQW%DJVRI:HHG7XUG+XQJU\ Reatard Beaters, Ye Ole Buttfuck, Queerwulf, Christ, Robot Pope, Dude Party, Suspicious Packages +LGGHQ6SRWV0LVWHU%OLVWHU

Buddah: And you spend most of your Buddah: In your record collection, what two Buddah: 6LU 0L[ $ /RW SOD\HG 6OXJJR¶V time doing? SLHFHVRIPXVLFDUHDGMDFHQWWRWKH0LV¿WV" How was that? Please compare and contrast Billy Joe: 0HQ Billy Joe: )XFN,GRQ¶WNQRZWKHDOSKDEHW ZLWK7KH9LEUDWRUVZKRSOD\HGWKHUHWRR Buddah: 0LNH3DFNZKDWGR\RXVSHQGPRVW Cole: ,DFWXDOO\ORRNHGDWWKLVRQH0LQXWHPHQ Ashley: $FWXDOO\,DVNHG7HUU\DERXWWKLVDQG of your time thinking about? DQG0LVVLVVLSSL-RKQ+XUW VKHZDVQ¶WWKHUH6KHZDVLW1HZ2UOHDQVDW Mike: Keeping it in phase. Buddah: Ashley, how much time do you WKHWLPHDQG,ZDVVWLOOLQ&DOLIRUQLD%XWVKH¶V Buddah: :K\LV3ODQ,W;6RXWKDVXEODEHO spend on the punk side of the restaurant? JRWDJUHDWVWRU\DERXWWDNLQJ581'0&WR and not its own label. Ashley: Like booking stuff? Shows are about WKHPDOOZKHQWKH\SOD\HG6OXJJR¶V Ashley: :HOO,ZDVQ¶WWKHUHIRUWKHLQFHSWLRQ ¿IW\SHUFHQWRIRXUWLPH$ORWRISHRSOHLQ Mike: 7KH 9LEUDWRUV ZHUH SUHWW\ ODPH EXW EXW,FDQWHOO\RXLW¶VQRWUHDOO\DVXEODEHO DQGRXWRI6OXJJR¶VERRNJRRGVKRZV0RUH 7KH6FRUSLRQVZHUHJUHDW 3ODQ,W;6RXWKLVLWVRZQODEHOLQGHSHQGHQWO\ of my time is spent shopping for groceries Buddah: Ashley, you hooked up with a putting out music from the Southeast. I think DQG FRRNLQJ WKH H[FLWLQJ VWXII 7KHUH¶V Chattanooga band but you never lived in when Pipe Bomb started, the name was just a GH¿QLWHO\WKHVLGHRIVKRZVWKDW¶VQHZWRPH Chattanooga? VKRZRIIULHQGVKLSZLWKWKH3ODQ,W;PXVLF QRZ 7KH VWUHVV :RUU\LQJ DERXW FRSV DQG Ashley: ,WKLQNWKHUH¶VDFHUWDLQQDWXUDOFRPIRUW Mike: I tried for a year to grow a devil lock ¿JKWVDQGSHRSOHWUDVKLQJWKHQHLJKERUKRRG here, where you feel really good—not about the EXWFRXOGQ¶WGRLW,¶PJRQQDVWD\EHKLQGWKH 7KLQJV , GLGQ¶W XVHG WR WKLQNDERXW'XULQJ WRZQ²EXW WKH SHRSOH \RX PHHW KHUH 0D\EH kit on this one. the summer, we probably have four-plus \RXJRVRPHZKHUHHOVHDQGLW¶VDOLWWOHGLIIHUHQW Buddah: Who all do you consider your shows a week. You come here and you can make lasting friends. extended family? Buddah: )DYRULWHVKRZVDW6OXJJR¶V" 3HRSOHDUHUHDOO\IULHQGO\HVSHFLDOO\SHRSOH,¶YH Cole: 7KHVHGXGHV Ashley: 3UREDEO\RQHRIWKHRQHVEHIRUH7KH met who play shows, do shows, and go to shows. Billy Joe: 7KHVHJX\V,¶PLQDEDQGZLWKDQG )HVWLQ*DLQHVYLOOH Buddah: +RZ¶G\RXJHWWRJHWKHU" P\0DPD Cole: 'RRU .H\V 2II :LWK 7KHLU +HDGV Billy Joe: ,PHW0LNHDWWKH,%3,QVWDQW%HHU Cole: ,VQ¶WVKHLPPHGLDWH" 7LOWZKHHO« Pleasure. It was a bar in Brainerd where they Billy Joe: ,GRQ¶WNQRZ,GRQ¶WKDQJRXWZLWK Ashley: 7KRVHDUHDORWRIIXQµFDXVHWKH\¶UH did shows. I was walking around the mall her very much. PDGQHVVDQG\RXFDQ¶WFRQWUROLW with a leather jacket back then. Buddah: WKH\KDGDJUHDWVLJQWKDWVDLG³:$50 on the show that night. After all four bands BEER, COLD FOOD, SORRY SERVICE.” had played and the show was over, they MIKE PACK, Cole: , PHW 0LNH SUREDEO\ DIWHU D -DFN decided to do an impromptu jam with various QUALITY DUDE Palance Band show. I met Billy a few years URDGLHV SOD\LQJ GUXPV 7KLV LV VRPHWKLQJ , ODWHUµFDXVHKH¶GFRPHRYHUDQGHDWP\IRRG would learn was a bit of a habit for them, to As told by Scott Laval Buddah: Did you all meet in Chattanooga? play every Replacement song after the music of The Tim Version Ashley: 0LNH UHFRUGHG 6H[\ WZLFH KHUH was supposed to be over. Well, Danny stuck &ROH,PHWSOD\LQ¶VKRZVLQ&KDWWDQRRJD, his head inside the door from the porch and As for the Future Virgins, my only PHW\RXKHUH%XGGDK$W%URQWH]¶VKRXVH politely asked them to stop. And they say, “Sure UHDO KLVWRU\ LV ZLWK 0LNH 3DFN IURP 1RDW'DQQ\¶VKRXVH:KLFKZDVNLQGRI PDQQRSUREOHP:H¶OOMXVWGRRQHPRUHVRQJ the Jack Palance Band. All I can tell WKHZLOGHVWVKRZ,¶YHHYHUEHHQWR,WZDV (YHU\ERG\µ%DVWDUGVRI

63

The Ramones sheltering The Runaways. The Go-Go’s with gonads. The Ronettes rearing The Real Kids. The Donnas with a dude. These may read like gross QXGTUKORNKſECVKQPUQH6JG'NGEVTKE-KUUGU6JGPCICKP UKORNKEKV[KUVJG5GCVVNGVTKQŏUURGEKCNV[ /KMG)WKVCT^5CTCJ$CUU^.QTK&TWOU

Gunther: :KRDUH7KH(OHFWULF.LVVHV" Gunther: :KHQ ZDV WKH .LVVHV ¿UVW EDQG LIZH¶UHERWKVSHQGLQJDORWRIPRQH\RQWKH Mike: :H GRQ¶W OLNH PRVW SHRSOH YHU\ practice? EDQGOLNHIRUDUHFRUGLQJRUWRXU7KHUH¶VQR much and we love simple and poppy. We Sarah:0LNHDQG,VWDUWHGSOD\LQJWRJHWKHU one at home to buy groceries or pay the rent! think the stripped-down three-piece band is in my apartment in September of 2001. 6RPHWLPHV LI WKHUH¶V VRPHWKLQJ VWUHVVIXO the coolest! We are huge fans of the entire First practice with a drummer was with our going on with the band it can weigh a little KLVWRU\RIURFN¶Q¶UROO:H¶UHGXPEIRULW:H friend Dave in February of 2002. I guess that on our free time. But the good outweighs the FDQ¶WJHWRYHULWDQGGRQ¶WZDQWWR:HORYH would be the actual beginning of the Electric EDG,ORYHZRUNLQJZLWK0LNHDQGFUHDWLQJ the bands other people overlook and we love Kisses. Fast forward to three drummers later! VRPHWKLQJ WRJHWKHU$OVR WKHUH¶V QR RQH WR the bands that are huge and taken for granted. We started playing with Lori in August of leave at home when we tour! :HWKLQNWKDWDQ\EDQGWKDWFDQFURVV$&'& µ )XFN , FDQ¶W EHOLHYH LW¶V EHHQ DOPRVW Mike: I think it is the best! As long as you with the Ramones will be the best band ever. ¿YH\HDUV have a good, solid relationship and good Something like that. Gunther: 0LNHKDUNHQLQJEDFNWR\RXUGD\V communication and all that touchy feely shit, Gunther: What was your earliest LQ7KH=LOOLRQDLUHV\RX¶YHEHHQORQJREVHVVHG you got no problem. Our heroes are Fred and URFNµQ¶UROOHSLSKDQ\" ZLWKWKHSLQNµQ¶EODFNFRORUVFKHPH,VWKDWD 7RRG\&ROHIURP'HDG0RRQDQG.HSLDQG Sarah: 5HDOL]LQJ WKDW -RDQ -HWW ZDV WKH UHÀHFWLRQRIDZDUPEXWWRXJKDWWLWXGH\RX 5RDFKIURPWKH*URRYLH*KRXOLHV6HHPVWR coolest person alive. I feel like “I love bring to various projects? work for them and it works for us. Rock and Roll” was created to seduce little Mike: 7KDW¶V D SUHWW\ JRRG GHVFULSWLRQ , Gunther: What were your last three munchkins like me. DOVROLNH6ZHHW7KXQGHUWKHLGHDRIURFNLQ¶ purchases from the cut-out bins? Mike: As a very small child, it would be the and poppy at the same time. Hot pink and Mike: ,KDYHQ¶WUXQDFURVVDQDFWXDOFXWRXW hundreds of repeated listenings of Hair of black are my favorite colors and always look bin for years but the ninety nine cent bins in the DogE\1D]DUHWKLQWKHFDU3UREDEO\P\ great. I am also a big fan of the red, white, Seattle are killer. Recently I have picked up favorite record to this day. As far as myself DQG EODFN FRORU VFKHPH 3LQN¶Q¶EODFN LV Macdougal Blues by Kevn Kinney, Manos ¿QGLQJVRPHWKLQJ,ZDVEORZQDZD\E\$& classic and I never tire of it. Just like a Black by Spinanes, and Red White and Black by DC at a young age and this has stuck until Sabbath riff. 7KH %HOOUD\V , DP DQ DEVROXWH VXFNHU IRU present day. Gunther: 2Q³6SLQQLQ¶/DEHOV´\RXFODLP 99 cent records and discs. I have absolutely Lori: 3UREDEO\GLVFRYHULQJP\ROGHUVLVWHU¶V that music “eases your mind” and makes you no impulse control and they stack up mighty abandoned stack of 45s and becoming “feel less alone.” Can a record collection KLJKDURXQGKHUH,KDYHVFRUHGVRPHDPD]LQJ obsessed with “Wake Up Little Susie” by really be your best friend in the world? things over the years and any trip to Amoeba the Everly Brothers. I drove my family Mike: Actually, that very song is about the Records will mean a huge stack of records. QXWVOLVWHQLQJWRLWRYHUDQGRYHUDJDLQ0\ fact that it can be your best friend in the Gunther: How many people in Seattle are obsession would repeat itself with “I Want world, but if it is then you are in trouble. It still stuck in 1994? the Young Fresh Fellows or Fastbacks tree around on the carpet and everyone kisses each need it so much anymore. will guarantee a good time and a great tune. other, giving a little static electricity kiss. I Gunther: :KDW¶V LW OLNH SOD\LQJ LQ D EDQG Kurt Bloch is the patron saint of Seattle and we GLGQ¶WSOD\DQ\LQVWUXPHQWVDQGQHYHUZURWHD ZLWK \RXU VSRXVH" 'R WKH DIIDLUV RI 7KH FRXOGQ¶WEHDQ\KDSSLHUDERXWLW song, but I thought it would make a cool band Electric Kisses carry over to the dinner table, Gunther: If the Kisses were to headline a QDPH/DWHUZKHQ0LNHDQG,VWDUWHGZULWLQJ or are they left in the garage? nationwide tour, what two other bands would songs together, I had the opportunity to use it. Sarah:7KHRQO\WLPHLWFDQUHDOO\EHDGUDJLV be on the bill? 65

We think that any bandVJCVECP ETQUU#%&% with the Ramones will be the best band ever. Mike: $V IDU DV KHDGOLQLQJ WKDW¶V D WRXJK to have someone come in on a recording and JRRG SULFHV DQG QHYHU D ORQJ ZDLW 7KH\ TXHVWLRQ7KHEDQGVZHZRXOGUHDOO\ZDQW, lay down a lead sometime. have biscuits as big as your head and great ZRXOGQ¶W IHHO FRPIRUWDEOH KHDGOLQLQJ RYHU Sarah:,ORYHWKDWZH¶UHDWKUHHSLHFH,ORYH mushroom gravy. We would play last on a Young People With the danger of cutting one or two instruments Sarah: We took our Canadian friends there for )DFHV7KH 1HFNHUV(.¶V ELOO WKDW ZRXOG out at a time. breakfast and after looking at the menu they UXOHWKHVFKRRO$VIDUDVDELOO-HII'DKO7KH Gunther: :KDW¶V WKH .LVVHV¶ EHYHUDJH RI DVNHG³:KDW¶VDELVFXLW"´7KH\ZHUHDQVZHUHG 0RGHUQHWWHV(OHFWULF .LVVHV ZRXOG NLOO 2U choice? with the biggest fucking biscuit in town. -RDQ-HWW1HZ

a Nobel Prize. I say give Joan Jett 5JGKUCWPKVGT YJQ+ECPget behind. Mike: Yes is the answer. I am sure that years. It is a great way to quickly check out ,VDZ-XOLDQD+DW¿HOGZKHQZHSOD\HGZLWK he will win one at some point, the lame new music and gives bands just starting out her band. She is strange enough, I suppose. sonofabitch. I have never been a U2 fan and DIRUXP7KDWLVDVEDGDVLWLVJRRGEXWLW¶V *UHDWVRQJZULWHUWKDWJDO I think it is weird that he is taken so seriously FRRO WKDW LW LV SRVVLEOH7KHUH DUH ZD\ WRR Sarah: One time when I was wearing my that he is asked to sit in on world politics many fucking bands but everybody thinks 6RYLHWWHV7VKLUWWKHUHZDVWKLVJX\LQWKH meetings and whatnot; a lame band that has WKDWGLIIHUHQWRQHVVKRXOGQ¶WH[LVW,VWLOOIHHO crowd from Fargo. He told me he had seen LQÀXHQFHGOHJLRQVRIODPHEDQGV,VD\JLYH DOLWWOHZHLUGDERXW0\6SDFHDQG,GRQRW the Soviettes play many, many times and -RDQ-HWWD1REHO3UL]H6KHLVDXQLWHUWKDW, back it as a personal page type thing at all. P\ 7VKLUW ZDV PDNLQJ KLP KRPHVLFN can get behind. Hell, give Steve Earle one. At this point, I think it is doing more good which was a relief because I though he was He is ten times the songwriter and actually than harm as far as music is concerned. just staring at my chest! Anyway, he was ZULWHV SROLWLFDO VRQJV WKDW DUH DPD]LQJ DQG Where else are you going to be able to just pretty drunk, and insisted on buying me a will age well. OLVWHQ WR *XQ¿UH 'DQFH .LFNVWDUWHU %HDW beer even though I was drinking the band Sarah: Well, I know Bono does a lot of Angels, or Hollywood Brats at the drop of EHHU7KLVJX\ZDVQ¶WWKHVWUDQJHVWSHUVRQ good charity work and all that. But what a a hat? ,¶YHVHHQDWRQHRIRXUVKRZVEXWKHDOZD\V boring bird-man! Why is he always wearing Gunther: :KR¶VWKHVWUDQJHVWSHUVRQ\RX¶YH sticks in my memory. He told us he was sunglasses? And U2 is the most boring honky seen at a Kisses show? in Seattle because he was in the army and \XSSLHVRXQGWUDFNDURXQG,GRQ¶WWKLQN,¶G Mike: 7KHUHDUHVRPHUHDOFKDUDFWHUVDURXQG KHDGLQJRXWWR,UDTWKHQH[WZHHN&UD]\ UHDOO\EHXSVHWEXW,WKLQN,¶GEHERUHG Seattle who we love dearly but I am not sure IXFNHU,KRSHKH¶VVWLOODOLYH Gunther: +RZ KDV 0\6SDFH EHHQ DV D that counts. We have had a few run-ins with resource? dipshit frat fucks and garage punk snobs, but More info at: Mike: From a band perspective, it has been QRWKLQJRXWRIWKHRUGLQDU\UHDOO\:HGRQ¶W electrickisses.com a great way to meet up with other real music usually see a lot of people, period, at our fans and other great bands. I have been in shows. Seattle is not real big on simple and touch with some people I have admired for poppy tunes and people who dress normally. Interview by Sean Koepenick Photos by Nicole Tammaro Graphics by Dave Disorder

Gang Green are Boston hardcore legends that broke the (the main songwriter/sole remaining member of the band) mold and then poured stale beer all over it. Forming as a picking Rockin’ Bob Cenci (ex-Jerry Kids), Walter Gustafson three piece in a suburb of Boston called Braintree back in (ex-Outlets), and Matt Sandanto (ex-The Chubs) to lead the 1981, they shocked the local music scene with their take- charge into the new millennium. They have been playing no-prisoners hardcore and album art. If you haven’t seen out as much as possible the last couple of years in both the cover of their first record it features three youngsters the U.S. and Europe. A new record is being worked on for a and their band’s name razor-spelled-out on a mirror, late summer release. But, along with bands of that era, like underscored by five fat rails and enough coke to kill a horse Government Issue, Dag Nasty, and Angry Samoans, Gang on the cover photo. (The reality is that no fifteen-year-olds Green deserves a special slot in your record collection. You could score that much blow.) Later on, the band ended up really haven’t lived if you haven’t heard “Snob,” “Alcohol,” or winning a radio-sponsored contest, which lead to a recording “We’ll Give It To You.” Find out why Gang Green really are the contract and a feature article in Spin magazine. A series of “King of Bands.” Walter, Matt and Chris were kind enough records on Roadrunner Records followed, which sometimes to sit down with me over a few cold Budweisers (you were veered off into punk/metal territory, but still maintained expecting Coors Light?) before their recent return to a DC the classic Gang Green sound. After a live record, the band stage. It marked the first time this outfit had been to my left the label and went on a brief hiatus. In the mid 1990s, neck of the woods in almost nine years. It was well worth the band reconvened with singer/guitarist Chris Doherty the wait. Sean: What made you decide to get the band Chris: Japan with Sean::KDW¶VEHHQWKHDXGLHQFHPDNHXSIRU Chris: The Song Remains the Same. WKHPEXWLWGLGQ¶WZRUNRXW the latest shows? Chris: ,W¶VSUREDEO\JRLQJWREHVL[WHHQVRQJV Chris: 7KH\ ZHUH IXFNLQJ JUHDW :H¶YH

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Chris: We played at the Kingston Fairgrounds, in New Hampshire. It was an outdoor festival. 7KHUHZHUHDOOWKHVHSRUWDSRWWLHVEDFNVWDJH 7KHUH ZDV RQH WKDW KDG D IXFNLQJ SDGORFN on it. Only Sharon Osbourne could use. But we were sharing a big fucking construction trailer with Queensrÿche. We were rocking the thing back and forth while they were trying to practice. We just bugged the fuck out of them! So Sharon had to have her own pisser. Sean: 'LG WKH 305& 3DUHQW¶V 0XVLF 5HVRXUFH &HQWHU IRUPHG E\ 7LSSHU *RUH 7KH\ WULHG WKHLU EHVW WR FHQVRU PXVLF LQ America.) ever end up “sucking it?” Walter: 7KDW¶V WKH EHVW TXHVWLRQ LQ IXFNLQJ twenty years! Chris: We did have to change the picture of $LPHH0DQQDQG,P\VHOIZHJRWD³FHDVHDQG GHVLVW´IURPµ7LO7XHVGD\¶VPDQDJHPHQW Walter: Except nobody noticed it; it was only on the black 12”. So there you have it. Sean: Biggest lie you told yourself for years that you started believing, but no longer do? Matt: I have to be at the top of my game EHIRUHHDFKVKRZ7KHODVWWKLQJ,ZDQWWRKDYH KDSSHQ LV KDYH VRPHRQH VD\ ³, VDZ *DQJ *UHHQEDFNLQWKHGD\DQGWKHEDVVVRXQGHG

probably done two hundred shows with Matt:7KUHHRIWKRVHIRUUHKHDUVDO GLIIHUHQWWKDQWKDW´Belgium; it house one time and you were playing FRPSOHWH GHEDXFKHU\ :H¶UH FRPSOHWHO\ ZDVOLNH¿IW\WRVL[W\WKRXVDQGSHRSOH with my daughter? She was two years old. fucked up. Sean: ,NQRZ\RXRSHQHGIRU2]]\2VERXUQH And you had a daughter the same age.” I Matt: A ninety pack at rehearsal is not RQFH)DYRULWH2]]\JXLWDULVWDQGZK\ said, “Yeah, and your wife cooked a great overdoing it. Chris: No, no, no, and no. PHDWORDI´+HVDLG³,FDQ¶WEHOLHYH\RX Chris: When the thirty-six pack came out, we Walter: Zakk Wylde. fucking remembered that.” I mean this were so excited. Matt:

Sean: Have you ever shredded a solo so much Sean: ,¶PJRLQJWRJRWKURXJK\RXUSDVWKLWV Sean: You Got It? that your amp exploded? and have you make a brief comment on each. Chris: 'RQ¶WUHPHPEHUPXFKRIWKDW Chris:1R%XW,¶YHVHHQDPLOOLRQIDFHVDQG Did the cocaine on the cover of Preschool Sean: Older…Budweiser? ,¶YHPHOWHGWKHPDOO ever come back to bite you on the ass? Chris: We recorded that in this place in Walter: $ PRQLWRU FDXJKW ¿UH RQFH , Walter: It was salt. Rhode Island. We stayed at the studio, lived remember. It was an outdoor show in the rain. Chris: Yes, once my fucking daughter was there. We were locked down for like two And the monitor was kicking smoke at me. old enough to see it. ZHHNV7KHELJWKLQJDERXWWKDWRQHZDVWKDW Actually, that may have been with another Sean: Another Wasted Night? we actually recorded that album sober. We EDQGQRW*DQJ*UHHQ Chris: Fucking greatest record I ever GLGQ¶W DOORZ GULQNLQJ ZKLOH ZH ZHUH LQ WKH Sean: What band did the best cover of made man. studio. I think that was probably the greatest “Alcohol”? Walter: White Dog Studios, remember? I am record we ever made. We really fucking did Chris: 0HWDOOLFD DOOHUJLFWRGRJV7KHRZQHUKDGWKLVELJZKLWH that right. Walter: It was pretty good. dog. I would play a couple songs and then Sean: Another Case of Brewtality? Chris: If you had to boil it down to who did VWDUWZKHH]LQJ Walter: We did that one. WKHEHVWFRYHUKRZFRXOGLWQRWEH0HWDOOLFD" Chris: I just remember being set up in this Chris: It was just me and him. I mean, really, if you think about it. isolation booth so I could just start wailing Walter: We had some guest stars come in. Walter: Well, the drumming was a little off. on the guitar. :HKDGVRPHKHOSIURP'DYH0LQHKDQIURP 7KH1HLJKERUKRRGV Chris: 7KDW ZDV RQH RI WKH UHFRUGV that was the most fun to make. Walter and I did all the pre-production at my kitchen table; work on the songs and the DUUDQJHPHQWV:H¶GJHW WKH GUXP WUDFNV down. I would take a break for a cigarette VLQFH\RXFRXOGQ¶WVPRNHLQWKHUH7KHQ, would play the bass and then we would do WKHJXLWDUV7KDWZDVIXQ'DYHGLGWKLV great solo on “Death of the Party.” On Backed and Gacked, it was pretty much the same thing. Walter: Yeah, Backed and Gacked was part of an ongoing thing for us. Sean: What band were the biggest jerks to share a bill with? Walter: ,GRQ¶WOLNHWRVSHDNEDGO\RIDQ\ERG\ Chris: Keel. Walter: 6WLII/LWWOH)LQJHU¶VPDQDJHUQRWWKH EDQG7KH\DUHJUHDW+HLVQRWWKHLUPDQDJHU DQ\PRUH7KDWJX\ZDVWKHELJJHVWGLFN Sean: Now looking back, what L.A. bands really did hold their end against Boston hardcore? Chris: 7KH -HUNV$EVROXWHO\ PDQ JUHDWHVW band ever! Walter: 7KHUH¶VDFRXSOH³QHZ´EDQGV,¶P D ELJ IDQ RI 12); ,¶P VWLOO D ELJ IDQ RI 0LGGOH$JHG%ULJDGH:HOOWKH\DUH

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“A lineup even hippies can’t fuck up.” Lauren Trout Mike Frame Ryan Gelatin Jim Ruland Favorite Fictional Characters (And 1. Steve Earle, • Halloween (the holiday) 'DQ3DGLOODDW7RZHU%DU6' the Authors Who Created Them). Washington Square Serenade CD ‡7KH%URNHQ)DPLO\%DQG 2. Ladytron at 4th & B, SD • Ramona Quimby (Beverly Cleary) %OXHOLQH0HGLF • Haxan: Witchcraft through the $OL]HH³-HQ$L0DUUH´ Cincinnati Control Tower 7” • Arthur Dent (Douglas Adams) &KHVWHU¿HOG.LQJV ‡0RQVWHU3DUWLHVIDFWRU¿FWLRQ" 5. Perfect from Now On: How Indie Psychedelic Sunrise CD Rock Saved My Life, The Lord Kveldulfr 5. Lucero, Nobody’s Darlings CD Sean Koepenick by John Sellers (book) Five Great Things about My Top 5 Bands I’m Stoked to See at Wedding (Other Than Getting Miss Namella Riot Fest, Chicago—11/17-11/18/07 Joe Evans III Married) Top Random Five • Naked Raygun Top Five Highlights at Carlapalooza, ‡$EDULQ9LFNVEXUJ0LFKLJDQ ‡3ODWR¶V&DYH)LOP6FUHHQLQJV • Stiff Little Fingers D7ZR'D\6KRZWR%HQH¿W7KH letting us leave with full pitchers of DW7KH&RJ*LE6WUDQJHIURP • 7 Seconds National Ms Society (Besides Raising EHHUMXVWVRZH¶GJHWWKHKHOORXW +DOORZHHQ$OOBad Brains &RQ¿UPDWLRQWKDW7KH0RGHUQ two chicks for whom he was built. underground they have to show it at 0DFKLQHVDUHSOD\LQJDJDLQIRUJRRG ‡7X[HGRHV3RQWRRQERDW%HHU 7KH&RJ WKHPRVWFODQGHVWLQHFOXE Sarah Shay 7KH+DPLOWRQVFRPLQJDOOWKH ‡7KUHHGUXQNHQ:LVFRQVLQLWHVDQG in Los Angeles) 7KH0RXQWDLQ*RDWV way from Canada. three brew pubs within walking ‡+067HUURUDW(FKR3DUNKRXVH The Sunset Tree CD 7KH0D[/HYLQH(QVHPEOH distance of each other. SDUW\7KH\DUHVRRRRJRRG 2. Jason Webley, Counterpoint CD 0\EDQGPDWH%LOOZLQQLQJERWK • With gentlemanly grace the • www.globalwarmingcrusade. 0RWLRQ&LW\6RXQGWUDFN a punching bag and Screeching Rhythm Chicken held the matron com: A classroom outreach program Even If It Kills Me CD Weasel records, and combining RIKRQRU¶VKDQGDQGWROGKHUWKDW to teach children about the effects of 4. Bread & Roses, Deep River Day CD them on day two. she was very pretty while he global warming 0\PDQGROLQ 7KH6WHLQZD\V DQGWKHFDQG\ was standing in front of her, a ‡0LGQLJKW0RYLHV³6RXYHQLUV´ ¿JKWWKDWEURNHRXWLQWKHPLGGOH  EULGHVPDLGDQGWKHEULGH¶VPRWKHU • Eastern Promises by David Steve Larder fully naked. Cronenberg. Oh, Viggo... 1. Swans, Swans Are Dead CD Josh Benke 2. Army Of Flying Robots, Life Is ‡7KH*ROGHQ%R\V´ Maddy Tight Pants MP Johnson Cheap LP ‡7KH7RXFK0H1RWV´ 7KH*UHHQ%D\3DFNHUV • Finntroll live Ben Weasel, “Let Freedom Ring” bar in Portland. 7KHHQGOHVVSDWLHQFHRIP\ZLIH 2. I need to go buy a pair of ripped (Because the singing lessons made *DEH5RFNWU\LQJWRDFW after quitting my job with no other jeans so I can blend in and make no difference.) respectable in front of his girlfriend job lined up. people trust me at protests. at some bar in Portland. 7U\LQJWR¿JXUHRXWKRZWRWDNH *RRGVWRULHVGRQ¶WPDWWHUJHWWLQJ Nardwuar The Human Serviette care of my family with no day job. the scoop matters. 0XVLF0DFKLQHThe Ultimate Todd Taylor 7KHVLQIXODOOXUHRIZRUNLQJDWD 7KHUH¶VDORWRIIUHHIRRGRQ Turn On CD (inspired by the • Future Virgins, any and all bar once again. campus. DPD]LQJUgly Things Magazine • Reagan SS, Universal and 5. Finishing another issue of ,W¶VJRLQJWREHDORQHO\FRXSOH cover story) Triumphant, LP Drunken Master]LQH  DQG of years. 2. Riff Randells, Doublecross CD ‡7KH8QGHUJURXQG5DLOURDG7R sending it to the printers right when 3. Bison, Earthbound CD Candyland, Bird Roughs, LP quitting my job. Yippee! Mike Faloon *UDY\7UDLQAll the Sweet ‡7LH.QXJHQ)DOOHULugna Favoriter, Top 5 Presumably Great Unread Books Stuff CD LP and Busy Signals, self-titled LP Kurt Morris Haunting Me from My Bookshelf 5. Ape City R&B, Firestarter 7” ‡7LH7XOVDSour Digs, LP and Pangea 1. Black Flag, In My Head 1. In the Name of Salome, +DUYHVW0RRQ6RFLHW\VSOLW´ 2. Welcome to Flavor Country #12 -XOLD$OYDUH] Rhythm Chicken 3. Stanford Prison Experiment, The 2. A House in the Up Lands, Top Five Quotes Heard During Lord Ty Stranglehold Gato Hunch Erskine Caldwell Kveldulfr’s Wedding Weekend 1. Pray for Me: The Jason Jessee 4. Les Savy Fav, Let’s Stay Friends 3. Lord of the Barnyard, ‡:H¶UHLQWHUVWDWHPHQRIOHLVXUH Film DVD 5. Everything Pig Destroyer 7ULVWDQ(JROI ‡%5,$17$.(2))<2851876 7KH6XEKXPDQV &DQDGD /LYH 4. Boy Detective Fails-RH0HQR ‡0LFKLJDQPDNHVPHGUXQN 09.29.07 5. Founding Myths: Stories That ‡0DWW,¶OOJLYH\RXHLJKW\EXFNVWR &DQDGLDQ3%5 DOFYRO Hide Our Patriotic Past, shit your tux! 7KH&KLQD&UHHSV Ray Raphael • Your junk sucks! Fuck your junk! 5. Anything wrapped in bacon! 77 lacking in your life, I say pick this up. –Adrian Salas (Fat Wreck)

Hey! Person putting your RECORD REVIEWS ANDREW JACKSON JIHAD / GHOST reviewable in the mail: MICE: Split: CD Andrew Jackson Jihad is doing more full album art is required of the acoustic protest music with for review. D KXJH GROORS RI VDUFDVP *KRVW Pre-releases go into 0LFH¶V WDNH RQ WKH DFRXVWLF PXVLF the trash. is bit mellower, and they have dual male and female vocals. Honestly, at WLPHV *KRVW 0LFH JHW WR EH D OLWWOH too treacly for my taste, especially on 999: Death in Soho: CD the six-minute “Cementville” song, 7KH VDG IDFW LV WKDW RXWVLGH RI WKHLU about the magic of being little kids EULOOLDQW ¿UVW WZR DOEXPV DQG WKH RQH and playing nice with each other. time I saw them live more than twenty While Andrew Jackson Jihad sounds \HDUV DJR ,¶YH QHYHU UHDOO\ WKRXJKW D OLWWOH PRUH UDXFRXV *KRVW 0LFH LV these guys were much to write home SUHWWLHU 7KH SUREOHP LV WKDW *KRVW about, and this collection of new tunes 0LFHDOVRVRXQGVOLNHWKH\ZRXOGEH UHDOO\GRHVQ¶WFKDQJHWKDWRSLQLRQ1LFN most at home playing in the back of a sounds a bit tired through most of this, stationery and inspirational book shop WKHUHVWRIWKHEDQGVRXQGVOLNHWKH\¶G frequented by middle age ladies. Also, EHMXVWDVLQWHUHVWHGPDNLQJZDIÀHVRU both bands tend to border on sounding something as they are playing here, and overly self righteous. At least the QRQH RI WKH ¿UH WKDW PDGH VRQJV OLNH They guys are from Canada, but even if they bands have convictions. –Adrian “Nasty Nasty” is in evidence. Yeah, weren’t, I bet they all party harder than the 6DODV 3ODQ,W; ,NQRZWKH\¶UHDELWORQJLQWKHWRRWK EXW WKDW¶V QR H[FXVH IRU D SXQN EDQG guys in Rush. ARMEDALITE RIFLES: RIDQ\DJHVRXQGLQJOLNHWKH\FDQ¶WEH –Sean Koepenick Flux Idea for Cover: LP bothered, especially with so much going Well, on this album, they still manage on in the world to be bothered about. to recall Boy Elroy just like their seven- –Jimmy Alvarado (Overground) inch I reviewed earlier did, though their sound is expanded a bit on songs A STUDY IN HER: while the guitar and bass compete to studio sound. Live, I thought they OLNH³7KH5HYROXWLRQ´ZKLFKLVDELW Another Year in Philadelphia: CD see who can be the most punishing of really sounded close to the Lawrence more brooding than yer average punk 7KLV EDQG LV PDLQO\ MXVW RQH JX\ all. And who can argue with a lyric $UPV 2Q WKLV LW¶V PRUH RI D« , band delving in minimalist punk get, doing electro-pop who works with OLNH³BAD RELIGION: LVWRRORQJMeats now, exhuming the wreckage and DOEXP²ZKLFK LQFOXGHV ³:H 'RQ¶W WKH\UROOXSWR\RXUµKRRG7UXVWPH and Slobbers Even Today: CD rubble of our long-devastated cities) need the English,” plus all the other –Sean Koepenick (Arsenic) 7KLV&'GRHVWKHEDQGQRMXVWLFH, would think if they happened upon Dangerhouse cuts, the live tracks saw this band live a few years ago. a grindcore record like War, Hate, IURP)OLSVLGH¶VLive from the Masque BEAR CLAW: We saw three Japanese women set and Misery? Like, from a purely CD, and assorted other live and demo Slow Speed: Dead Owls: CD up and just wrote them off as another sociological standpoint, what does cuts, most of which are heretofore Unwound, mature sound to it with more control the living fuck out of here” by said punk. Standing as the more or less except it is made up of two basses, LQ WKH VRQJV , GRQ¶W IHHO WKH VDPH extraterrestrials were they to pop this GH¿QLWLYHVWDWHPHQWRQWKLVEDQGWKH one of which is tuned enough to sound constant, manic energy from when WKLQJLQWKHPRWKHUVKLS¶V&'SOD\HU" VRXQG TXDOLW\ LV GRZQULJKW DPD]LQJ to these ears like a guitar. Recorded I saw the band live. But the track $W WKLV SRLQW ,¶P WKLQNLQJ \HDK FRQVLGHULQJZH¶UHWDONLQJQRQERDUG by Steve Albini and mastered by Bob ³7RUFK´ LV DQ LQWHUHVWLQJ VRQJ 7KH SUREDEO\%HFDXVHWKLVLVVRPHFUD]\ live recordings and rehearsal and Weston, this is some powerful shit. song, though sung in Japanese, has a VKLWLQGHHG,GRQ¶WHYHQSDUWLFXODUO\ demo tapes for a lot of the stuff here. ,W¶VJRWDZHOOSHUIRUPHGGDUNLQGLH very sing-a-long feel to it even when like grindcore and I can admire the +HUU$UWL¿[ KDV DJDLQ VXFFHHGHG LQ sound but with a healthy foundation the music has more of punk meets a fact that this band is relentless, scary, dusting off a band long relegated to RI URFN 7KH YRFDOV GRQ¶W DOZD\V rock metal hybrid. It personally stands DQG WLJKW DV KHOO , PHDQ WKH\¶YH the back ends of the history books seem to accommodate the music quite RXWIRUPHDVWKHKLJKOLJKWWUDFN7KH got all the requisites of a standard and reminded the world of what a as well as a clearer, cleaner-sounding track “Not Peter” is the track that grindcore band—screaming guy, truly wondrous thing the Bags were singer might have. However, none of PRVWLGHQWL¿HVIRUPHWKHVRXQGRI &RRNLH0RQVWHUJX\WKHIX]]HGRXW during their short lifespan. Oh, and WKHVRQJVVOLSWRRPXFKLHWKHUH¶VQR the band: fast punk with screaming bass laying waste to the low end, all the mysterious line? “Fuck them, “slow song,” and the album is capped YRFDOV2QHWKLQJ¶VIRUVXUHWKHEDQG RILW²EXWWKH\¶UHGRLQJLWZLWKVXFK send them all to Canterbury.” Figured E\WKHIXFNLQJDPD]LQJ³5XGLPHQWDU\ is a tough one to pigeon hole on this goddamn precision and insistence it out all by myself a few years ago, Understanding,” where singer Scott release. It can be pretty one second to WKDW,FDQ¶WKHOSEXWWLSDQLPDJLQDU\ so wherever you are, Craig, allow Picco exclaims through gloomy low ugly and noisy in the next and then KDW 6WLOO WKH\¶UH \HW DQRWKHU EDQG me to offer up a sincere, “ptlhbbt!” end and pop-pop-pop drumming ÀRS LQWR VRPH IXQNMD]] JURRYH $ that uses loaded imagery (dudes ±-LPP\$OYDUDGR $UWL¿[ ³MUSIC INDUSTRY!: WKLVRXWIRUVXUHLI\RX¶UHORRNLQJIRU Wounded Veteran if they excelled rocks hard with the best of out there. Get Warmer: CD something different going on in the DW MD]] FDPS RU WKH DOEXP 5RERFRS 7KLV UHOHDVH VKRZV WKH FRQWLQXHG Best way to try to describe this album?: world of ska... or an unemployed, would put on if he was trying to get growth of the band with memorable hyper-kinetic, A.D.D., ska-punk in the depressive with a college degree. Also, ODLG ,W PLJKW VRXQG OLNH ,¶P WDONLQJ and fun songs showcasing their weird EHVWZD\SRVVLEOH7KHUHDUHDORWRI DV DQ DVLGH ,¶YH JRW WR JLYH SURSV VKLW KHUH EXW ,¶P QRW²HVSHFLDOO\ sense of humor. Four fun tracks on competent ska bands out there who to this band for actually walking the given the time period in which they this record that are gonna be fun are okay to listen to, but every so DIY walk and posting almost all their were active, I can see why these KHDULQJ WKHP OLYH VRPHGD\ 7KHUH LV often one sticks out because of how material, even this album, for free on JX\VZHUHKXJHLW¶VLQYHQWLYHGHQVH a reason why they are plowing their WKH\GRQ¶WTXLWHVRXQGWKHVDPH)RU the internet. You have no excuse not frantic, atmospheric shit that current own path and people are taking notice. instance, I really like Leftover Crack to check them out, and maybe buy a “heavy” bands are obviously using as –Donofthedead (Riff Raff) with their weird little black metal riffs 7VKLUW LI WKH\ UROO WKURXJK ±$GULDQ a blueprint, yet nine times out of ten thrown into the middle of their ska 6DODV $VLDQ0DQ fail to even come close to. Honestly, BUCKY SINISTER: What Happens in VWXII ,NQRZWKDW¶VQRWFRROWRDGPLW LW¶VDUHFRUG,GRQ¶WSODQRQOLVWHQLQJ Narnia, Stays in Narnia: CD DIWHU DJH HLJKWHHQ LI \RX¶UH QRW D BOTCH: American Nervoso: CD WRWKDWRIWHQ,¶PUDUHO\IHHOLQJSLVVHG Recorded live in San Francisco, MXQNLHEXWEODK 7KHVHJX\VVHHPWR Jesus wept. Pretty sure I can feel my RIIDQGFUD]HGHQRXJKWRPDWFKZKDW¶V What Happens in Narnia opens with be cramming as many sounds possible KDLUZKLWHQLQJDQGIDOOLQJRXWDV,¶P coming out of the speakers. –Keith references to the C.S. Lewis books in each song and never slowing down listening to this. Originally released Rosson (Hydra Head) DQGUROHSOD\LQJJDPHV7KHPHVVDJH XQOHVV LW¶V WR PDNH LW XS LQ WKH QH[W in 1999, American Nervoso is getting LV FOHDU HYHU\RQH¶V ZHOFRPH JHHNV measure with going even faster than the re-release treatment from Hydra BROKEDOWNS, THE: DUH SUHIHUUHG ,W GRHVQ¶W PDWWHU WKDW before. Yeah, there are horns but +HDG DQG ,¶P JUDWHIXO , GLGQ¶W KHDU New Brains for Everyone: CD ,¶YH EDUHO\ GDEEOHG ZLWK WKH 1DUQLD WKHUH¶VDOVRDWRQRIZHLUGHOHFWURQLF LWWKH¿UVWWLPHDURXQGDVLWSUREDEO\ 7ZRSDUWV'LOOLQJHU)RXURQHSDUW7KH books and never fell for the charms bleeps and bloops going on, a lot of ZRXOG KDYH VLJQL¿FDQWO\ VKRUWHQHG $UULYDOVDQGRQHSDUW7R\V7KDW.LOO of twelve-sided die, I quickly came to gang vocals, and I think I heard a my lifespan. While it may not be cool 3UHWW\GDUQJRRGIRUDEDQG,¶YHQRW WUXVW%XFN\7KDW¶VNH\IRUDFRPHG\ banjo at some point. I also have to WRDGPLWWKLVLVWKH¿UVWWKLQJRIDQ\ KHDUGRIXQWLOULJKWQRZ*ULWW\\HWQRW UHFRUG,¶PDVHQVLWLYHSURJUHVVLYHW\SH VD\,GRQ¶WHQY\WKHGUXPPHURQWKLV GXUDWLRQ ,¶YH KHDUG E\ WKHVH JX\V VORSS\DFKDUDFWHULVWLFWKDW¶VDOZD\VD and I need to know that the performer because he sounds like he must be DQG LW¶V SUHWW\ PXFK D QRQVWRS QDLO JUHDWWUHDWFRPLQJIURPWKH0LGZHVW LVQ¶W D PHDQVSLULWHG WZHUS PDNLQJ completely overworked with all the ELWLQJ VHVVLRQ IURP VWDUW WR ¿QLVK ZRXOGQ¶W\RXVD\"±0U= 7KLFN jokes for the sake of making jokes stops and starts and tempo shifts going Despite the slim promo packaging (Howard Stern). Once they clear that on, which makes sense because all the (cardboard sleeve with no more BRUTAL KNIGHTS: Life Ain’t Cool: 7” barrier, they have free reign, and those ROGHU%RPE7KH0XVLF,QGXVWU\VRQJV info on it than a list of international 3DUW RI 7RURQWR¶V QHZ ZDYH RI HOLWH are my favorites. Bill Hicks. David I heard before this seemed to use a GLVWULEXWRUV  WKH UHFRUGLQJ¶V IXOO WR noise makers comes another record Cross. Patton Oswald. Bucky Sinister drum machine in overdrive. Lyrically, the brim with discordance, punishing by this band after a couple of LPs mines similar territory. His approach LVVLPSOHOHW¶VODXJKDWWKHGXPEVKLW 2EVHUYDWLRQV   7KH EDQGV DUH shortcomings into rollicking anthems, CHINESE HAPPY: Bear Hands: CDEP ,¶YHH[SHULHQFHG7KH¿UVWKDOIRIWKH probably not aware of one another. EXWWKH\KDYH*RRGVWXIISweden and both sing in their ±7RGG &ULPLQDO,4 DOWKRXJK L¶P QRW HQWLUHO\ VXUH ZKDW second half of the record sounds like respective languages, so Knugen Faller makes me say that. Also reminds me Bucky is reading or, if going from could be telling me to put puppies CATBURGLARS, THE: You May Be DOLWWOHELWRIWKDWVRQJE\7K¶,QEUHG memory, working from a well-crafted LQWR D FKHHVH JUDWHU DQG ,¶G VWLOO EH Dumb, but I Don’t Care: 7”EP ZKHUHWKH\¶UHSUHWHQGLQJWREHVWRQHG script. His phrasing is better and the bobbing my head in a little dance. 4.) I was just in Prague and I noticed VWUDLJKWHGJHUVEXWLGRQ¶WNQRZZKDW humor pays off more consistently. I Josie Cotton is probably smiling really that most of the statues there were PDNHV PH VD\ WKDW HLWKHU7KH ZHLUG WKLQN %XFN\¶V D JRRG FRPHGLDQ EXW fucking broadly right now because two of people with huge clubs whacking Riot Bbboy earnestness of the early a great storyteller. Enough talk of bands have stepped up to the “Johnny something down by their feet, be it a songs is completely upset by “Friday JHQHUDOL]DWLRQVOHW¶VJHWWRH[DPSOHV $UHpower pop band to ³IHDWXULQJPHPEHUVRI7UDJHG\´ from this Richmond four piece. If though the band has the indie-noise snag, no commercial incentive to line found in most of their distro \RXOLNH%ODFN)ODJ%¶ODVWDQGHYHQ rock sound and style of Shellac, they rush out a half-baked record, just ZULWHXSV+RZHYHUWKHUH¶VQRWUDFH a little Scream, this may be the band seem to be missing the personality the challenge of rearranging those of Scandinavian thrash or Japanese to singe your eyebrows off. “Walk the that shines through on Shellac albums. SRZHU SRS EXLOGLQJ EORFNV D GR]HQ crust here. Criminal Damage chose Block” and “Set the Alarm” really ,W¶VKDUGWRFDOODQ\RIWKLVEDGEXWLW WLPHVRYHU7KH&RQGRUVOHGE\3DW WKH µV 8. 1R )XWXUH 5HFRUGV aimed for the gut. But this one never is pretty indistinct in the long run, as DiPuccio, come up aces, especially RL URXWH WKLQN %OLW] $WWDN 5HG OHWV XS IURP VWDUW WR ¿QLVK *ULWW\ it is very competent musically, but RQ ³6SDUH 7LPH´ ZKLFK KDG PH Alert, etc.) while managing to avoid VWDUNDQGUHDO*RHVJUHDWZLWKEODFN ZLWKRXWWKHHFFHQWULFLWLHVWKDWGH¿QH searching the credits for a mention WKH SXEFHQWULF WRXJK JX\ FOLFKp coffee in bed with a hangover. –Sean WKH EXON RI 6KHOODF¶V DPD]LQJ ERG\ RI*DU\)UHQD\RI)ODVKFXEHVIDPH  typically associated with the genre. .RHSHQLFN -DGH7UHH of work. Did I mention this band is Wait for It is barebones and fashion- All the tried and true oi staples are IURP&URDWLD"7KH\¶UHIURP&URDWLD free (the roots rock camp could claim present; group choruses, Chuck Berry CLOSET FATTIES: Ghetto Girls: 7” ±$GULDQ6DODV 0RRQOHH 7KH&RQGRUVDVHDVLO\DVWKHSRZHU leads, downstroke power chords, but 7KH¿UVWWZRWUDFNVRQWKLV´UHPLQG SRSSHUV DQGLW¶VUHDOO\UHDOO\JRRG the thoughtful lyrical content sets me of the catch-your-breath moments CONDORS, THE: Wait for It: CD ±0LNH)DORRQ 5DQN2XWVLGHUZZZ Criminal Damage far apart from LQ 6FDUHG RI &KDND DOEXPV street punk rock for smart JRULOODZLWKFKDLQVDZDQG¿UHZRUNV TXRWH DQG ZKLOH ,¶P QRW VXUH ZKDW CONNIPTION FITTS: kids. –Dave Williams (Feral Ward, WLPHDQG\RXNQRZLW¶VFRPLQJEXW Orson thought of skinny tie power QHHłCDPOKJ?E@ġ CD www.feralward.com) LW¶V UHDO IXFNLQ¶ QLFH MXVW NLFNLQJ SRS²,KDYHDGLI¿FXOWWLPHSLFWXULQJ I wish this were recorded just a tiny back and chugging some beers before the legendarily rotund thespian at ELW EHWWHU ,W¶V YHU\ FKHDSO\ GRQH DAS LLAMAS: World War: CD \RX¶UHZUHVWOLQJDUDELGKDLU\DUPHG D.QDFNFRQFHUWFLUFDµVLSSLQJD which is super punk, but just a little I am probably going to get kicked out simian of a song through a glass JODVVRI3DXO0DVRQVLQJLQJ³*RRG PRUH OR¿ WKDQ LW VKRXOG EH 7KLV of the Seattle Scene Clubhouse for table. And, lookee, the hidden track *LUOV 'RQ¶W´²KLV WKHRU\ ¿WV WKDW band is capable of a lot more than this VD\LQJ WKLV EXW 'DV /ODPDV GRHVQ¶W (on a 7”, mind you) is that gorilla. JHQUHZHOO*LYHVRPHRQHXQOLPLWHG UHFRUGLQJ DOORZV 7KLQN DERXW WKH UHDOO\GRDQ\WKLQJIRUPH,W¶VQRWEDG Bam! Bam! Bam! Features “scab resources and they will likely “classics”. New York Dolls, David by any means, and I can see why a lot members” (their words) of Witches return the favor by producing crap. Bowie, Rolling Stones, that kinda of people would dig it: new wave and :LWK 'LFNV 1HDW ±7RGG SSG *LYH WKHP OLPLWDWLRQV FKDOOHQJHV stuff. Filter it through the blown- GDQFHLQÀXHQFHVZHDYHLQWRSXQNGULYH Spent Planet, Ltd.) something to overcome, and things out amps of a bunch of punk kids DQG JRRG ROGIDVKLRQHG URFN¶Q¶UROO PLJKWFOLFN3RZHUSRS¶VERXQGDULHV KXI¿QJNH\ERDUGGXVWHULQVRXWKHUQ cockiness, with solid vocals and COG: Course Over Ground: CD are clearly marked: harmonies, Illinois, and you get the Conniption FRPSHWHQWPXVLFLDQVKLS,¶GGDQFHWR I was intrigued by this band when KRRNV DQG KHDUWDFKH $ ORW RI 7KH )LWWV,FDQ¶WZDLWIRUWKHPWRSXWRXW it in a club or bob my head along in a I read their one-sheet and saw that &RQGRUV¶ SUHGHFHVVRUV FRXOGQ¶W a better recording! –Ben Snakepit IULHQG¶VFDUEXW,ZRXOGQ¶WSLFNLWRXW these guys are total Steve Albini nuts. handle the restrictions, falling victim /HW¶V3UHWHQG WR SOD\ DW KRPH ,¶YH KHDUG QRWKLQJ Now, seeing as anything that Albini to the “wee bit of killer, whole lotta but good about them from local press, has played on is pure gold to me, I ¿OOHU´V\QGURPHSXWWLQJRXWDOEXPV CRIMINAL DAMAGE: friends, and acquaintances, so this had to give this a listen. Cog gets the that felt like singles that overstayed No Solution: CD may just be a perfect example of an sparse sound of Shellac down pat, their welcome; too many songs I assume that most fans of this album being unable to live up to too with trebly guitars, heavy bass, and WKDW GLGQ¶W IXQFWLRQ ZHOO ZLWKLQ WKH band (myself included) initially much hype. –Sarah Shay (Aviation) DEADLINE: 8/2/82: CD days, but these guys can still get the DICKTIONHEAD: Because the Scene +HDGV WKH\ FRYHU ³*LUOIULHQG ,V $K '& 0XFK ZDV LWV LQÀXHQFH RQ EORRGERLOLQ¶LQDOOWKHULJKWZD\V)LOH Could Suck Less: CD %HWWHU´ MXVW LQ FDVH \RX GRQ¶W FRPH a young East L.A. punker kid in the this under “holy shit, how does anyone 7UXH LW FRXOG VXFN OHVV EXW WKLV to that conclusion on your own). It HDUO\ µV DQG IHZ RI WKRVH EDQGV survive without this in their collection?” GH¿QLWHO\DLQ¶WKHOSLQJPDWWHUVPXFK± has one of the trippiest album covers IURPWKHQDWLRQ¶VFDSLWROKHOGVZD\OLNH –Jimmy Alvarado (Peterbilt) -LPP\$OYDUDGR 2'6'LFNWLRQKHDG ,¶YH HYHU VHHQ 6HULRXVO\ LW PDNHV 'HDGOLQH7KHLUWKUHHWUDFNVRQWKHFlex me kind of uncomfortable (but since Your Head compilation just seemed so DENY EVERYTHING: DIRECT FROM HOLLYWOOD I assume that was their aim, cheers). GLIIHUHQWRQDQDOEXP¿OOHGZLWKVRPH Fire This Time: CD CEMETERY: Six Feet under the ±6DUDK 6KD\ )XWXUH$SSOHWUHH1DLO WUXO\ XQLTXH EDQGV²0LQRU 7KUHDW I really love this album. Admittedly, I Mason-Dixon Line: 7” ,Q7KH&RI¿Q ,URQ&URVV5HG&*RYHUQPHQW,VVXH grabbed this CD mainly because the +HOO\HV7KH\XVHGWREHD+DOORZHHQ and the mighty, mighty Void—and just band was named after the Circle Jerks party band in Richmond back in the ELDORADO AND THE RUCKUS: sounded so much darker and, dare I song and my convoluted thought ROGHQ GD\V 7KH\ GLG FRRO VSRRN\ Do Androids Dream of Electric say it, more mature than others on that process went something like this FRYHU VRQJV OLNH WKH 0LV¿WV DQG Sheep?: CD revered record, even though they were “Circle Jerks = godlike, therefore, Screaming Jay Hawkins. Now they 7KH EUHDN XS RI WKH 3RUFK *KRXOV essentially mining the same territory. this band = good maybe…” What I all live in Brooklyn, have written was, indeed, a crying shame. Even “Stolen Youth” quickly became a part discovered is some excellent melodic some of their own songs and put out PRUH GLI¿FXOW LV WKH IDFW WKDW LW RI WKH HDUOLHVW RI P\ EDQG¶V VHW OLVWV KDUGFRUH WKDW¶V SLVVHG RII LQ DOO WKH DUHFRUGDQGLW¶VJUHDW)XQQ\JRRI\ IUHHG XS 6XQ 5HFRUGV D¿FLRQDGR although we never did it proper justice. ULJKW ZD\V 7KHVH JX\V IDOO RQ D µVIUDWURFNZLWKD³0RQVWHU0DVK´ and frontman Eldorado del Rey to For the most part, those songs were all very pleasant middle ground that is NLQGDIHHO7KH)DU¿VDDQGRFFDVLRQDO concoct this ridiculous, emo new we had to go on from this band, until VR QDUURZ WKDW , GLGQ¶W HYHQ UHDOL]H KLSVWHU VQDUO DGG D 0XUGHU &LW\ ZDYH EDVWDUGL]DWLRQ RI 0HPSKLV Peterbilt released 8/2/82 towards the H[LVWHG EHIRUH OLVWHQLQJ WR WKLV 7KH Devils aspect, but not too annoyingly. blues and garage. Apparently, the end of that decade, whereupon it went band is just a bit more aggro than ,W¶VDJRRGIXQUHFRUG,KDYHQ¶WVHHQ album is titled after the Philip K. almost as quickly as it came and has not Kid Dynamite, but ever so slightly them play in ten years, but they 'LFNVWRU\WKDWEHFDPHWKH¿OPBlade EHHQVHHQVLQFH7KDQNIXOO\VRPHRQH more melodic than Paint It Black. were great then. Buy this record and Runner, which explains, well, pretty has decided that being out of print for ,¶PVD\LQJWKLVSDUWLDOO\EHFDXVHWKH PD\EHWKH\¶OOJRRQWRXUDJDLQ±%HQ PXFK HYHU\WKLQJ 7KH UHVRQDWRU two decades was long enough, and bassist is wearing a Paint It Black 6QDNHSLW *R$SH JXLWDU DGGV D JUHDW 3HOO 0HOO WRXFK another generation of kids now has the VKLUW LQ WKH ERRNOHW EXW , ¿QG WKLV but when mixed with repetitive RSSRUWXQLW\ WR JOHDQ VRPH LQÀXHQFH GHVFULSWLRQ ¿WV WKH EDQG SHUIHFWO\ DISNIHIL: Self-titled: CD electronic “drum triggering,” the IURP WKLV XQVXQJ SRZHUKRXVH 7KRVH Did I mention these guys are from Speedy hardcore with breakdowns result is disquieting. On the same who like their hardcore loud, fast, and *HUPDQ\" :HOO WKH\¶UH IURP that would be right at home on Bridge parallel plane as Electric 6 and as direct will be more than happy with *HUPDQ\,QWKHWUDGLWLRQRIPDQ\RI 9. Not as much grit as I prefer to have uncomfortable as Buck Rogers ZKDW¶V RQ KHUH EXW MXVW DV LPSRUWDQW the best hardcore albums, this clocks with hardcore and more breakdowns UXQQLQJ WKURXJK WKH 7ZLOLJKW =RQH are the slower tunes, which are sick in at around twenty minutes for WKDQ,SHUVRQDOO\OLNH*RRGDVPRVW with a room temperature speculum. with unexpected chord changes, lyrics ¿IWHHQVRQJV PDQ\RIZKLFKPDQDJH EHWWHU WKDQ VRPH ±0LNH )UDPH ±-HVVLFD7 %LJ)RRW much more accomplished than “the to include at least one breakdown), so (Chainsaw Safety) SUHVLGHQWVXFNVJRVFUHZDGXFN,KDYH JHWLWDQGSUHSDUHWRPHPRUL]HVRPH EXPLODING HEARTS, THE: D UDG WUXFNIXFN IXFN IXFN´ DQG LV lyrics for the inevitable stage-diving DRIVER OF THE YEAR: Shattered: LP VWHHSHGZLWKDSDVVLRQWKDWMXVWGRHVQ¶W sing-along if these guys ever tour …Will Destroy You: CD 2003 seems so close to now when rear its head enough these days. I may state-side. –Adrian Salas (Yo-Yo) '27< LV V\QWK\ JODPÀDYRUHG OLVWHQLQJWR7KH([SORGLQJ+HDUWV2XW be an old East L.A. punker dude these EDVVKHDY\ OLNH D IXQN\ 7DONLQJ of the tragedy of all but one member dying in a van crash on their way back OLNH³'UDJWKH/DNH´DQG³Elvis Costello—to modern Northwest on later recordings. After all, it was a to deny them pleasure. Schaudenfreude SXQN²IURP7KH%ULHIV7UDQ]PLWRUV FLATLINERS, THE: GHPR±'DU\O 7KULOOKRXVH NLFNVDVV%(67621*³*URXS:LWK and Epoxies—all played with such The Great Awake: CD Rise Against but this band with a passion that is hardly matched would always get killed before i could also melds in elements of reggae and E\ DQ\ RWKHU EDQG WKHVH GD\V 7KH go talk to the orc girl and win her FIRST TO LEAVE: Forging a Future: CD ska to their music. Very melodic and only song that I could have done KHDUW±5HY1¡UE 7KULOOKRXVH 6DQ)UDQRXW¿WZLWKGLVWRUWHGJXLWDUV the music is well played. Should be without is the slow, folksy “Just Pray.” cool vocal melodies, and a whole well received by the fans of the label. 1RZRUULHVWKRXJK7KDWOHDYHVVHYHQ FRIENDS OF THE RED ARMY FACTION: ORWWD URFN¶Q¶UROO SHS 7KH VHFRQG As usual, a well-produced Fat release. RWKHUJHPVWRNHHSPHFRPSDQ\±0U Fuck Yr Violence: Cassette WUDFN LV FDOOHG ³0\ $LP ,V 7UXH´ –Donofthedead (Fat) = ,W¶V$OLYH Aesthetically, this thing is totally EXW DPD]LQJO\ HQRXJK LW LV QRW DQ crappy—sloppy, hand-written lyrics Elvis Costello cover. Spirited hi-jinks FLESHIES: Baby: LP FOUR EYES, THE: Five Songs DQG PXIÀHGDVVKLW VRXQG TXDOLW\ dudes! Produced by J. Robbins, he )OHVKLHV¶  VHOIUHOHDVHG GHPR LV (About Video Games and One about make it a fairly hard listen. But I gives the record his patented “tools QRZDYDLODEOHRQYLQ\OWKDQNVWR6)¶V Something Else): CD JRWWDDGPLWWKHUH¶VDFKDUPKHUHWKDW DQG FKURPH´ ¿QLVK WR JUHDW HIIHFW , 7KULOOKRXVH5HFRUGV)OHVKLHVDUHRQH 9LGHR JDPHV XJK 00253*¶V FDQ¶WEHGHQLHGLWVRXQGVOLNHLWZDV recorded at a practice (at one point, and B-sides, live tracks and some comparing them to each other, but spirit, reclaimed the ghost, and are you can actually hear the band trying home recordings of lead singer Litto nowadays the “Snuffy Smile sound” EHDULQJWKHZHLJKWQRZ6KLW¶VIXFNHG WR ¿JXUH RXW WKH SDUWV RI WKH VRQJ doing a little composing, and no doubt LVMXVWDVHDVLO\UHFRJQL]DEOHDVDQ\ XSHGHUPRUHWKDQHYHUDQGKHUH¶VWKH before they start playing), the lyrics D ZHOFRPH RQH VHHLQJ DV WKH\¶YH RWKHU SXQN ODEHO WKDW¶V GHYHORSHG VRXQGWUDFN±7RGG *UDYH0LVWDNH are short but politically spot-on, and become something of a cult band their own style (Fat Wreck, Dischord, WKHUH¶VMXVWVXFKDORYHO\DLURI³WKLV amongst Beat fans. In all, this is some and Lookout, to name a few) and GREATEST HITS: is a blast, dude, who gives a fuck if good stuff for those sympathetic to the WKDW¶VVRPHWKLQJWKDW*OHDP*DUGHQ For a Good Time Call: CD \RXOLNHLW"´,W¶VOLNHDVKRWRI% genre. –Jimmy Alvarado (No Fun) VKRXOGEHSURXGRI7KLVLVDZHLUG I am such a sucker for this style. It in the ass after slogging through all good little record. –Ben Snakepit has to be pretty lame glampunk for these one-sheets and promo glossies. GHADDAR / PANACEJA: Split: 7” (Snuffy Smiles) me to not like it and this disc is pure Actually reminds me a lot of Riot *KDGGDU PLGWHPSR SRZHUYLROHQFH HDU FDQG\ 7KH\ WDNH IURP WKH IXOO Cop if they were super sloppy and from Pennsylvania. Songs about such GOVERNMENT WARNING: spectrum: moody Hanoi and Lords recorded their stuff on a Fisher Price WKLQJV DV OD]\ ',< SURPRWHUV NLOOLQJ Arrested: 7”EP VWXII SRSSLHU VWXII DQG 7KXQGHUV ERRPER[ the Beatles. In bother to press grooves with no sound JHWFUXVKHG7KDWPDGHPHWKLQNWKLV WKLV ¿UVW LQFDUQDWLRQ¶V VKRUW FDUHHU RQWR WKH EODQN VLGH" 7KDW¶V ZHLUG hipster irony (in fashion and music) HEY GIRL: Spill Your Guts!!: LP they managed a few singles and a *OHDP JDUGHQ SOD\ FODVVLF 6QXII\ LV GLVSRVVHVVHG GLVSRVDEOH WKH\¶OO In the earlier part of this decade, the full-length, all of which, while not 6PLOHVW\OHSXQN,W¶VRYHUSURGXFHG be onto something “new” soon), Bay Area was blessed with a group of over the top like U.S. bands like the D OD 0LQRULW\ %OXHV %DQG LW¶V IDVW and future-less and past-less, where guys who played in various bands like Wailers and the Sonics, are competent DQGPHORGLFOLNHWKH8UFKLQDQGLW¶V as these pure strains of hardcore /RV5DEELV7RPP\/DVRUGDDQG3RVHU additions to the genre and show the got the trademark heavy Leatherface that keep recurring—the type that 3RVVH 7KH\ PDGH VRPH DPD]LQJO\ VHHGVRIZKDWZDVWRFRPHODWHU7KLV LQÀXHQFH LQ WKH O\ULFV$ IHZ \HDUV *RYHUQPHQW :DUQLQJ LV LQ WKH VNLQ FUD]\ SXQN URFN DQG , IHHO SULYLOHJHG LV WKH ¿UVW LQWHUQDWLRQDO &' UHOHDVH ago, everyone would go out of RI²GRHVQ¶W PDNH PH IHHO OLNH ,¶P to have seen them the few times I did, RI /RV *DWRV 6DOYDMHV¶ UHSHUWRLUH their way trying to describe a lot hopping into the throwback machine and have the recordings I have of them. featuring their full-length, singles of the Snuffy Smile bands without EHFDXVH WKH\¶YH LQKHULWHG WKH LQLWLDO I actually only have one recording DQGLW¶VWKH/RV5DEELV&'WKDWZDVRQ YRLFH 0LNH 3DFN ²FDWFK\ EXW QRW IDLE KIDS: The Factory Lines: CDEP driven to drink. Wish I had the lyrical 63$05HFRUGV7KDW &' IHDWXUHV D WRR VZHHW ZLWK OLWWOH ÀRXULVKHV WKDW 6ZHDWRQWKHÀRRU6KLUWVRII&UDFNHG prowess to address my drinking VRQJFDOOHG³+H\*LUO´ZKLFK,FDQRQO\ reveal themselves after repeated plastic cups full of shit beer. Squeals problem in every single song like DVVXPH LQÀXHQFHG WKLV EDQG¶V QDPH listens—along with the rumble of of feedback in between songs. Vocal WKHVH GXGHV 6HULRXVO\ WKDW¶V TXLWH +H\ *LUO UHPLQG PH RI /RV 5DEELV¶ Leatherface to churn out four songs FRUGV VFUDSHG UDZ

CONTACT ADDRESSES to bands and labels that were reviewed either in this issue or posted on www.razorcake.org recently.

•1234 Go!*OHQ¿HOG$YH •Desert Island Discs, 408 Belmont •Inimical, PO Box 2803, •Snuffy Smiles, 12-A Oakland, CA 94602 Ave. E., Seattle, WA 98102 Seattle, WA 98111 Kamikousaicho, Shichiku, •A389, PO Box 12058, •Dirtnap / Green Noise, 2615 SE •Iron Pier, PO Box 279, Kita-ku Kyoto 603-8117, Japan %DOWLPRUH0' Clinton St., Portland, OR 97202 East Setauket, NY 11733 •SOS, PO Box 3017, •Aborted Society, 1122 E. Pike •Do The Math, •It’s Alive, 11411 Hewes St., Corona, CA 92878 #1377, Seattle, WA 98122-3934 www.dothemathrecords.com Orange, CA 92869 •Soul Is Cheap, PO Box 11552, •Acetate, PO Box 36756, •Don Giovanni, PO Box 628, •Jade Tree, 2310 Kennwynn Rd., 0HPSKLV71 LA, CA 90036 Kingston, NJ 08528 Wilmington, DE 19810 •Sound Pollution, PO Box 17742, •ADD, PO Box 8240, •Douchemaster, 156 Pearl St., •Joyful Noise, PO Box 20109, Covington, KY 41017 7DPSD)/ $WODQWD*$ Indianapolis, IN 46220 •Spent Planet LimitedFR0DWW •Adrenalin Fix, Association Loi •Dr. Strange, PO Box 1058, •K, PO Box 7154, %XOO¿QFK5G/\QQ0$ 1901, N 0173005546, 2 Rue de Alta Loma, CA 91701 Olympia, WA 98507 •Still life, v.le Buffoli 18 20095, Barsac, 33800 Bordeaux, France •Electric Eel, 2315 S. 15th St. •Kiss of Death, PO Box 75550, &XVDQR0 0, ,WDO\ •Alternative Tentacles, PO Box Floor 2, Philadelphia, PA 19145 7DPSD)/ •Stress Domain, PO Box 55352, 419092, SF, CA 94141-9092 •Epitaph, 2798 Sunset Blvd., •Last Chance, PO Box 42396, Valencia, CA 91385 •Arsenic, PO Box 8995, LA, CA 90026 Portland, OR 97242-0396 •Strike 3, PO Box 1666, 0LQQHDSROLV01 •Fallen Angel, PO Box 3372, •Let’s Pretend, PO Box 1663, 0LGORWKLDQ9$ •Art Of The Underground, Burbank, CA 91508 Bloomington, IN 47402 •Sub Pop, PO Box 20367, PO Box 250, Buffalo, NY 14205 •Fashionable Idiots, PO Box •Lifeline, PO Box 692, Seattle, WA 98102 •$UWL¿[, PO Box 641, 0LQQHDSROLV01 0LGORWKLDQ,/ •Super Secret, PO Box 1585, 0RUHQR9DOOH\&$ •Fast Crowd, 2721 Wightman St., •Maple Leaf, PO Box 535, $XVWLQ7; •Asian Man, PO Box 35585, San Diego, CA 92104 Rosendale, NY 12472 •Sweet Rot, PO Box 78025, 0RQWH6HUHQR&$ •Fat Wreck Chords, PO Box •Menlo Park, 16 West 16th St. Vancouver, BC V5N 5W1 Canada •Atakara, 1020 Camino Carlos Rey, 193690, SF, CA 94119 #6RN, NY, NY 10011 •Talent Moat, 1124 Sutter St., 6DQWD)H10 •Feral Kid, 29 Custer St., •Moo Cow, 38 Larch Circle, SF, CA 94109 •Australian Cattle God, Buffalo, NY 14214 %HOPRQW0$ •Tankcrimes, PO Box 3495, (WK6W$XVWLQ7; •Fivecore67UHQWRQ:D\ •Moonlee, Pat Na Breg 8, Oakland, CA 94609 •Aviation, 1624 Boren Ave. Suite #105, Denver, CO 80231 5250 Solkan, Slovenia •Team Science+LJKODQG*OHQ #204, Seattle, WA 98101 •Fix My Head0DULRQ$YH •Nemesis Theory, 4150 32nd Ave. 3HDUODQG7; •Bad Afro, Studiestrade 24, 2, Oakland, CA 94619 SW, Seattle, WA 98126 •Teenage Heart, PO Box 213, 1455 Copenhagen K, Denmark •Folk Brand, 1366 Queen St. W., •No Class, PO Box 40158, %RVWRQ0$ •Big Foot, PO Box 41444, 2nd)ORRU7RURQWR2QWDULR Long Beach, CA 90804 •$UPHGDOLWH5LÀHV7KH, 70 Johns 0HPSKLV71 0./&DQDGD •No Fun, PO Box 8154, Estate Rd., Pine Bush, NY 12566 •Big Neck, PO Box 8144, •Fudge Sickll, PO Box 7052, $QQ$UERU0, •Blastoffs, The , 91 Vermont St., Reston, VA 20195 Villa Park, IL 60181 •ODS/Dicktionhead, 9510 8th Ave. Rochester, NY 14609 •Black Numbers0DQQHUV5G •Full Breach Kicks, 2060 N. NE, Seattle, WA 98115 •Thick, PO Box 351899, Ringoes, NJ 08551 California Ave., Chicago, IL 60647 •Overground, PO Box 1NW, LA, CA 90035-1899 •Blind Spot, PO Box 40064, •Future Appletree, PO Box 191, 1HZFDVWOH8SRQ7\QH •Thrill House, PO Box 460207, Portland, OR 97240 Davenport, IA 52805 NE99 1NW, England SF, CA 94146 •Boycott The Fencewalkers •Go Ape!, PO Box 411, •PeterbiltFR'LVFKRUG5HFRUGV •Tilton House, 1463 E. Republican St. FR9ODGLPLU*ODGNRY Brooklyn, NY 11211 3819 Beecher St. NW, #14A, Seattle, WA 98112 PO Box 1347, NY, NY 10276 •Go-Kart, PO Box 20, Prince St. Washington, DC 20007 •To Live A LieFR:LOO%XWOHU •Cabana 1, 315 S. Coast Hwy 101, Station, NY, NY 10012 •Plan-It-X, PO Box 14001, 1306 Flint Pl., Raleigh, NC Suite U-195, Encinitas, CA 92024 •Grave Mistake, PO Box 12482, *DLQHVYLOOH)/ 27605-1823 •Chainsaw Safety, PO Box 260318, Richmond, VA 23241 •Precedent Media Unlimited, •Treble Damage, PO Box 2768, Bellerose, NY 11426 •Handstand, PO Box 110398, $LQVOLH6W7KLUG)ORRU Naperville, IL 60567 •Cherry Red, Long Island House, Brooklyn, NY 11211 Brooklyn, NY 11211 •Trigger On The Dutendoo, 846 Warple Way, Acton, London, •Hardly Art, 2013 4th Ave., •Pure FilthFR'DQ\ND.RVWXUDN Wright St., Oshkosh, WI 54901 8.:5*(QJODQG 3rd Fl., Seattle, WA 98121 PO Box 15042, SF, CA 94115 •Troubleman Unlimited, 16 Willow •Chunksaah, PO Box 977, •Haunted Town10LOZDXNHH •Radio Is Down30% St., Bayonne, NJ 07002 Asbury Park, NJ 07712 Ave. #169, Chicago, IL 60647 State Ave. NE, Olympia, WA 98501 •Ultrasonar, 230 rue Raubourg St. •Cobra Music, 2136 N. •Heartfelt Bastard, 614 Cowan, •Rebel Sounds, PO Box 281, Antoine, 75012 Paris, France Beachwood Dr., Ste #6, LA, CA 90068 Fort Collins, CO 80524 'DOWRQ0$ •VictimizedFR,DQ:LVH •Collision Course, PO Box 215, •Hellcat, 2798 Sunset Blvd., •Recess, PO Box 1666, *D\ORUG5G-ROLHW,/ 3128 East Chapman Ave., LA, CA 90026 San Pedro, CA 90733 •Vodka Tonic Media, PO Box 1975, Orange, CA 92869 •High Wave, 751-7 Uchidomari, •Refuse, PO Box 7, 02-792 7HPSH$= •Combat Rock, PO Box 65, *LQRZDQ2NLQDZD-DSDQ :DUV]DZD3RODQG •Waiting For Lunch, 1541 W. Forest 50.)LQODQG •Hjernespind, PO Box 505, 2200 •Repulsion, 2552 N. Booth St., $YH'HWURLW0, •Cowabunga, 195-D Armstrong Way, Copenhagen N, Denmark 0LOZDXNHH:, •Wäntage USA, PO Box 8681, Upland, CA 91786 •Hockey Dad, 4150 Brant St., •Riff Raff60XOEHUU\6W 0LVVRXOD07 •Crafty, 75 Earley St., Vancouver, BC, V5N 5B4, Canada Richmond, VA 23220 •Wasted SoundsFR2OMXG Bronx, NY 10464 •Hopeless, PO Box 7495, •Rock Bottom, 25510 E. Box 1903, Linkoping, Sweden •Criminal IQ, 3501 N. Southport Vans Nuys, CA 91409 &RPIRUW'U)RUHVW/DNH01 •Wednesday, PO Box 2501, Ave., Chicago, IL 60657 •Hydra Head, PO Box 291430, •Rodent Popsicle, PO Box 1143, Santa Barbara, CA 93120 •Crustacean, PO Box 829, LA, CA 90029 $OOVWRQ0$ •White York, 99 Custer St., 0DGLVRQ:, •Idle KidsFR5RQ+DOO •Scatboy, 1029 Skylark Dr., Buffalo, NY 14214 •Dead Ideas, PO Box 851, &URPZHOO&UO$XVWLQ7; 0W3OHDVDQW1& •Worm Quartet, PO Box 23433, $XVWLQ7; •Idol, PO Box 720043, •Sex Cells, 253 N. Broadway Rochester, NY 14692 •Deep Elm, PO Box 5260, 'DOODV7; Apt. 10, Portland, OR 97227 •Yolks, 2835 W Logan Blvd. Apt 2E, Clover, SC 29710 •Incessant Drip, 3410 SE Sherry Ln. •Sharpie Fumes, PO Box 31224, Chicago, IL 60647 •'H¿QLWLYH-X[, 147 W. 24th St. #5, 0LOZDXNLH25 Halifax, NS, B3K 5Y1, Canada •Yo-Yo, PO Box 920105, NY, NY 10011 •Independent Punk Rock, 85 •Sickroom, PO Box 47830, %HUOLQ*HUPDQ\ •Deranged, 2700 Lower Rd., Roberts *DU¿HOG$YH6+DPLOWRQ21 Chicago, IL 60647 Creek, BC V0N 2W4 Canada L85-2S3, Canada •Small Pool, PO Box 173, Whittier, CA 90608 “DO NOT: Bother writing ZINE what college REVIEWS degrees someone

Send all zines for review to: holds under their Razorcake, PO Box 42129, LA, CA. names.” Please include a postal address (that’s how we trade), –Lauren Trout the number of pages, the price, Hullabaloo #1 and whether or not you accept trades.

BEAT SHEET Vol. 5.5, in question is NYHC pioneers Urban 'ZDUYHV 7KH 5LYHU &LW\ 7DQOLQHV HULLABALOO #1, $3 U.S., one stamp, one sheet, photocopied.. :DVWH¶VRQO\´DQGZLWKLQWKH¿UVW and alt-porn Director Vena Virago; $3.50 Canada, 5 ½” x 8 ½”, Local one-sheeter on the Boston page it becomes very obvious that WKH HGLWRU¶V SHUVRQDO KLVWRU\ RI KRZ photocopied, 14 pgs. hardcore scene. A bit of a tour diary 3KLO MXVW ORYHV WKH VKLW RXW RI µV he became a porn fan (his uncle used +LWKHUH¿UVWWLPH]LQHVWHUP\QDPH here and some reviews. Inspired as New York hardcore in general and to leave copies of Hustler laying LV/DXUHQDQGWRGD\,¶OOEHRIIHULQJ IXFN 'RHVQ¶W FDUH ZKDW \RX WKLQN WKLV UHFRUG VSHFL¿FDOO\ 7KHUH DUH around); and an article drawing you some constructive criticism Your scene needs this guy and not multiple interviews (band members, parallels between the materialism regarding how to make a DIY-themed you. You jaded, ironic fuck. –Craven ]LQH HGLWRUV WKDW KXQJ RXW ZLWK WKH of popular gangsta rap and the ]LQH 6LW EDFN GRQ¶W WDNH LW WRR Rock (Beat Sheet, 6 Wadleigh Place, EDQGWKHJX\IURP0DG$W7KH:RUOG ¿QDQFLDO DQG VRFLDO FRQVHUYDWLVP RI personally, and enjoy the ride. %RVWRQ0$ who recently—and legitimately—re- the Republican party. Ear Damage is 1. DO: Read Stolen Sharpie released the 7” as a 12”), reviews of not the second coming of The Probe, Revolution cover to cover. BODY COUNT #2, $2.50/trade, WKHRULJLQDOUHFRUGDQGDJDLQ3KLO¶V EXWLW¶VVXUHDVKHOODZRUWK\UHDGLI '2/RRNXSRWKHU',<]LQHVDQG 5½” x 8½”, photocopied, 44 pgs. passionate writing. I mean, maybe “punks who are openly into porn” is ¿QG RXW ZKLFK WRSLFV KDYH DOUHDG\ 'HVSLWH WKH IDFW WKDW ZH¶YH 7RGGIULFNLQ¶7D\ORUFRXOGJRRQIRU QRWDQR[\PRURQWR\RX±&77HUU\ been covered to death. supposedly topped out the format four pages or more, song by song, (Cheetah Shine, PO Box 582, Eight 3. DO: Include bylines or at least your RI WKH ³WUDYHO ]LQH´ FROOHFWLYHO\ DQG about a particular record that he likes; 0LOH$/ QDPHVRPHZKHUHLQWKH]LQH FXOWXUDOO\², JXHVV ,¶OO JUXGJLQJO\ , GRQ¶W NQRZ LI , FRXOG GR LW 6R LI '21273XEOLVKSRHWU\ admit that Cometbus wins out as far the photos are generally pretty cruddy EXIT 63 BLUES #6 & #7, $1,  '2 127 %RWKHU ZULWLQJ ZKDW as writing goes, with In Abandon DQGWKHOD\RXW¶VDOLWWOHGXOOLWGRHVQ¶W 5 ½” x 8”, photocopied, 16-20 pgs. college degrees someone holds under probably taking the cake for visuals matter too much—the joy really 7KLV]LQHLVDOOOLVWVRIZKDWWKHDXWKRU WKHLU QDPHV &ROOHJH GHJUHHV GRQ¶W and aesthetics—I still like reading VKLQHV WKURXJK KHUH 1H[W LVVXH¶V did every day for weeks on end. Both prove shit, and the whole point of DIY them. I still like the format. So apparently gonna cover the Zero LVVXHVDUHOLNHWKDWMXVWWKUHHRU¿YH is that anyone can teach everyone!) ZKHQ , JHW D ]LQH OLNH Body Count, Boys. –Keith Rosson (Phil Knowles, or eight things. And while that may '2127+DYHD4 $VHFWLRQ where some of the writing goes off 240 Spring Hill Dr. #240, Roselle, IL VRXQGLQWHUHVWLQJLW¶VQRWUHDOO\ZKHQ where you write both the questions the page margins and nothing really 60172-2470) you do the same thing almost every and the answers about why you thatH[FLWLQJKDSSHQVWRWKHJX\,¶P day. I learned that the author works a ZDQWHGWRPDNHD]LQH ,ILW¶VJRRG VWLOOLQWRLW7KHUH¶VVRPHWKLQJUHDOO\ DOROTHEA #1, $1, lot and really likes baseball as well as those answers will be self evident!) comforting and nice about reading 4” x 5”, photocopied, ? pgs. music. He also does most of the stuff  '2 127 8VH ODUJH WH[W RU OHDYH DERXW RWKHU SHRSOH¶V *UH\KRXQG 0LNHKDVZULWWHQDQLFHFRPSDFW]LQH WKH UHVW RI XV GR$QG , GRQ¶W NQRZ three-fourths of a page blank. (You nightmares and visits to hostels and of nice, compact stories, none more DERXW \RX EXW PRVW SHRSOHV¶ OLYHV could focus on putting all your effort VWUDQJHFLW\EDUV7KHZULWLQJGRHVQ¶W than a few hundred words. Some DUHQ¶WDOOWKDWH[FLWLQJ1HLWKHULVWKH into making a few really good pages!) delve much beyond the scope of “I might think that is too short of time DXWKRU¶V±.XUW0RUULV 9757 '2127/HDYHWZRSDJHVEODQN went here and did this,” but there are to create something of interest or to 9HUJHQQHV97 for the reader “practice making their some glimmers here and there. If this get the reader involved. However, RZQ]LQH´ ,WVKRXOGEHREYLRXVWKDW dude decides to do another issue and somehow he pulls it all together. HERE IT IS #3, the reader is capable of folding a sheet tries his hand at a tighter presentation 7KHVH VWRULHV ZHUH DOO ZULWWHQ DIWHU 8½” x 5½”, photocopied, 40 pgs. of paper in half!) and some fearless editing, we could 0LNH¶V PRP GLHG EXW WKH YDVW I really liked this. Cartoons about Well, there you have it. I hope have a winner. –Keith Rosson (Body majority have nothing to do with that WKH GD\V WKDW PDNH XS RQH¶V OLIH \RX ¿QG P\ VXJJHVWLRQV XVHIXO Count, 3608 28th St. SE, Calgary AB, WRSLF0LNHDOVRZLVKHVWRLQIRUPXV Some inventive stuff, too (the new or at least that they prepared you 7%+&DQDGD (as he does both in the opening and UHOLJLRQ RI$VX %HEHH 7KLV KDV QR for the eternal criticism that every closing notes) that he is a liar and VHQWLPHQWDOLW\DQGQRPRUDOL]LQJQR writer faces. Please send along the CLENCH #9, 2 stamps, \RX FDQ¶W WUXVW DQ\WKLQJ KH VD\V 6R opinions; its whole point is to spin QH[W LVVXH RI \RXU ]LQH VR , PLJKW 8½” x 11”, photocopied, 20 pgs. who knows if some of these stories little tales about seemingly pointless see how you have improved with or *UHDW FRQFHSW IRU D ]LQH WDNH D UHDOO\ KDSSHQHG LW¶V REYLRXV VRPH PRPHQWV LQ OLIH 7KH LGHD EHLQJ without following the above advice. “long-lost” hardcore record and just GLGQ¶W EXW LW UHDOO\ GRHVQ¶W PDWWHU as I take it, that in these pointless If you have any questions, please explore the fuck out of it. Find the While capable of pulling out some moments we discover what the point email me at ODXUHQG]V#KRWPDLOFRm. band members. Interview them. Fill emotions from the reader here or of living is. Reminded me a lot of 7KDQN \RX DQG SOHDVH VWHS RXWVLGH \RXUVHOILQRQWKHEDQGDQGUHFRUG¶V WKHUHLW¶VDOVRDTXLFNUHDGDQGDIXQ Jim’s Journal, a comic strip from the the boundaries of what feels safe. contextual history: time period, ]LQH ±.XUW 0RUULV  6SOLW 2DN HDUO\µ¶V+HUH¶VKRZLWZRXOGJR« ±/DXUHQ 7URXW  7D\ORU $YH 1 ORFDOH VRFLDOSROLWLFDO HQYLURQPHQW /Q7DOODKDVVHH)/ two panels about trying a new burger #103, Seattle, WA 98109) Find people who knew and hung out joint, the third providing the point: “It with the band. Interview them. Write EAR DAMAGE #18, $2, was okay.” Here It Is has that same INFECTICITIS #5, $2 extensively and lovingly about the Glossy, 5 ½” x 8½”, 40 pgs. IHHOWRLW1LFH±7KH/RUG.YHOGXOIU or stamps or trade, UHFRUG LWVHOI ,W¶V D WHUUL¿F LGHD DQG ,QVLJKWIXO VOHD]HSXQN WKDW¶V QLFH (PO Box 7023, Richmond, VA 23231; 5 ½” x 8 ½”, photocopied, 44 pgs. WKH HGLWRU¶V SDVVLRQ LV PRVWO\ ZKDW and low on the creep-o-meter. Email hellomermaid.com) Remember feeling really excited, FDUULHV WKLV LVVXH DORQJ 7KH UHFRUG LQWHUYLHZV ZLWK %ODJ IURP 7KH totally out of place, completely invincible, and absolutely homesick MISHAP #22/23, $3/trade/ ORGA(NI)SM #2, loves the underdog. –Craven Rock WKH ¿UVW WLPH \RX WUDYHOHG RQ \RXU free to prisoners, 5½” x 8½”, $4, 5½” x 8½”, copied, 48 pgs. 0LFURFRVP 3XEOLVKLQJ 32 %R[ own far away from your hometown? photocopied, 64 pgs. Written in English by an Italian 1432, Portland, OR 97293, www. Read about Halley, punk rock ,W¶VDOZD\VURXJKZKHQ\RX¶YHJRW currently residing in Japan. Whew—I microcosmpublishing.com) DGYHQWXUHU OHDYLQJ 0DVVDFKXVHWWV WR UHYLHZ IULHQGV¶ ]LQHV , PHDQ can hardly hold spit it my mouth to attend a semester of art school in VKLW ,¶YH OLVWHQHG WR 6FDQGLQDYLDQ DQGWKLVJX\¶VÀXHQWLQDWOHDVWWKUHH PROFANE EXISTENCE #52/53, California, and it will all come back IDQWDV\ PHWDO DW 5\DQ¶V KRXVH languages. Anyway, the theme of this $10, 8 ½” x 11”, newsprint/glossy WR \RX 7KLV ]LQH FRYHUV WKH HQWLUH ,¶YHGUDQNKLVEHHUDQGVOHSWRQKLV LVVXH LV ³¿UVW FRQWDFW´ DQG 6LPRQH cover, 162 pgs. semester, which she spends skating, FRXFK$QGQRZ,¶YHJRWWRUHYLHZ and Orga(ni)sm¶V IHZ FRQWULEXWRUV Holy shit! Profane Existence is ten hanging out with new, diverse D]LQHWKDW¶VDOUHDG\EHHQVLWWLQJRQ do a great job sticking with the theme bucks!? When did this happen? I friends, and dealing with occasional my crapper for weeks now. Okay, while still keeping things interesting. could subscribe to Thrasher for a ORYHVLFNQHVV 7KH ZULWLQJ LV JRRG enough complaining. Onward. As While the majority of it is centered \HDUDWWKDWSULFH,KDYHQ¶WDFWXDOO\ typos and awkward wording are the issue numbers suggest, this DURXQG -DSDQ WKLQJV \RX FDQ GR seen an issue of Profane Existence IRUJLYDEOH EHFDXVH WKHUH¶V HQRXJK RQH¶V D GRXEOH LVVXH²RQH VLGH get for free, people-watching on the VLQFH WKH 7RZHU 5HFRUGV LQ WRZQ YRLFH EHKLQG LW WR FRPH DOLYH ,¶P EHLQJ ¿FWLRQ WKH RWKHU EHLQJ IXOO train, a history of immigration to the shut down, and while I remember having trouble trying to describe of the usual pointed arguments FRXQWU\HWF WKHUH¶VDOVRDUXQQLQJ the nice, glossy cover replacing the how cool the illustrations are, but DQG ZHOO WKRXJKWRXW UDQWV WKDW¶V almost unspoken undercurrent of just QHZVSULQWRIWKHHDUOLHULVVXHV,GRQ¶W OLNH,VDLGVKH¶VDQDUWPDMRUVRMXVW made up the majority of Mishap trying to feel at home in a place that is remember it being so expensive. As “Great concept for a zine: take a “long-lost” hardcore record and just explore the fuck out of it. Find the band members. Interview them.” –Keith Rosson, CLENCH #9

WDNHP\ZRUGIRULW±/DXUHQ7URXW EDFN LVVXHV 5\DQ¶V ¿FWLRQ LQ KHUH YHU\YHU\GLIIHUHQWIURPZKDW\RX¶UH for content, this issue starts out with a (KDOOH\LVEDWW\#JPDLOFRm) was surprisingly accessible, if a XVHGWR7KDW¶VZKDWPDNHVWKLVWKLQJ large amount of coverage of the riots bit too short (he claims that just VXFKDFDSWLYDWLQJUHDG:KLOHWKHUH¶V in Copenhagen over the invasion and LOVE IN THE TIME OF PHDQV WKH\¶UH ³VHOIFRQWDLQHG´  nothing explicitly “punk” about this, destruction of the Ungdomshuset, SCABIES #3 and #4, $2, 2QWKHÀLSVLGHWKHUHDUHWKHXVXDO the writing and content transcends which is an interesting and generally 8 ½” x 5 ½”, 37 pgs. discussions about sustainability, WKDW²LW¶V D SUHWW\ FRQVXPLQJ ]LQH GLVKHDUWHQLQJVWRU\7KHQFRPHVWRQV 5HPHPEHUIXQ",WKLQN,¶PJRLQJWR anarchism, environmental and put together by the same guy that does of interviews, a Japan tour diary from KDYHWRFDOOWKLVDSHU]LQHEXWLW¶VQRW social responsibility—and “usual” Call And Response. –Keith Rosson the band See You In Hell, some anti- ³%ODK EODK ZHOO DUHQ¶W I not totally GRHVQ¶W PHDQ ³ERULQJ´ KHUH 7KH *LDQQL 6LPRQH  1DJDWVXWD Bush content (complete with poetry), boring as I adjust my monocle?” JX\¶VDOZD\VVWUXFNPHDVVRPHRQH 0LGRULNX

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Todd: What do you base you New Years Resolutions on? Ben:7KLV\HDU¶VZDVWRFRPSOHWHO\VWLFNWRWKH*UHPOLQ'LHWIRUD\HDU7KH *UHPOLQ'LHWLVZKHQ\RXGRQ¶WHDWDIWHUPLGQLJKW,KDYHQ¶WFRPSOHWHO\VWXFNWR LWEXW,¶PGRLQJSUHWW\JRRG Todd: What ever happened to being featured in GQ? Ben: It ended up being two sentences about me at the bottom of an editorial. It BOOK compared me to Bono of U2, for some reason. REVIEWS Todd::KDWDUHWKHWZRODUJHVWSKRQHELOOV\RX¶YHHYHUZUDFNHGXS" Ben: Back in the days before the internet, when you booked a tour you had to GRLWRYHUWKHSKRQH7KLVZDVDOVRLQWKHGD\VEHIRUHFHOOSKRQHVDQGHYHU\RQH having free long distance. A few people had scams going, like those dialers you could use on payphones that would make the sound of a quarter so you could WDONIRUIUHH7KHVFDP,KDGZDVWRUXQXSDKXJHSKRQHELOOLQP\QDPHWRERRN WKHWRXUWKHQMXVWQHYHUSD\LQJLW1RZ,FDQ¶WJHWDSKRQHLQP\QDPHDQ\PRUH but it was a good tour. Todd:1DPHVRPHWKLQJ\RX¶UHQRJRRGDWZKHQ\RX¶UHKLJK Ben::KHQ,¶PKLJK,EHFRPHDUHDOO\EDGEDFNVHDWGULYHU,¶OODOZD\VIUHDNRXW OLNHZH¶UHJRLQJWRKLWHYHU\WKLQJRUWHOOWKHGULYHUZKHUHWRJRRUKRZWRGRLW ,W¶VUHDOO\DQQR\LQJ Todd::K\GR\RXGUDZVRPDQ\VNHOHWRQVZKHQ\RX¶UHVWRQHG" Ben:$ORWRIWLPHV,¶OOMXVWGUDZZKDWHYHU¶VDURXQGPHDQG,KDYHDORWRI rubber skeletons hanging around my desk. Todd:%HVWLGHD\RX¶YHFRPHXSZLWKZKHQ\RX¶UHKLJK" Ben: Probably the idea to draw a daily comic strip. Todd::KDW¶VWKHSDQWVFUDSSLQJFRXQWDWQRZ" Ben:,W¶VEHHQDZKLOH,¶YHDFWXDOO\ODLGRIIWKHVDXFHIRUDELW,VWLOOGULQNDEHHU All Your Ears Can Hear HYHU\QRZDQGWKHQEXWQRWQHDUO\DVPXFKDV,XVHGWR,¶PVXUH,¶OOJHWDOO (Underground Music in Victoria, BC 1978-1984) VKLWKDPPHUHGDW7KH)HVWEXWWKDW¶VMXVWRQFHD\HDU By Jason Flower, Kev Smith, Rick Long, 79 pgs. Todd: 6LQFH \RX¶YH ZRUNHG YLGHR VWRUHV IRU VR ORQJ JRW VRPH ¿OP :KHQSXQNURFNVSUXQJRXWIURPXQGHULWVVOLP\URFNLQWKHODWHµVLWV recommendations? LQÀXHQFHZDVIDUUHDFKLQJ(YHQLQDVHFOXGHG,VODQGWRZQLQ&DQDGDWKHSXQNV Ben: Der Todesking GLUHFWHG E\ -RUJ %XWWJHUHLW +H¶V WKH JX\ WKDW GLG would have their say. Nekromantik. Also Tribulation 99GLUHFWHGE\&UDLJ%DOGZLQ7KHUHDUHWRQVRI 7KLV LV D FRORVVDO XQGHUWDNLQJ WR VD\ WKH OHDVW 7KH DXWKRUV KDYH SUHWW\ them. The Corndog Man, The Bride of Frank, Jerkbeast, I could go on and on... much turned up anything and everything that could be considered “underground Todd:1RZWKDW\RX¶UHUHWLUHGIURPUHFRUGUHYLHZLQJQDPHDEDQGWKDWEURNH music” in the city of Victoria in those early, formative years of punk rock and your back that you had to review. WKH',<DHVWKHWLF7KHUHVXOWLVEUHDWKWDNLQJ)OLSSLQJWKRXJKWKHERRNWKH¿UVW Ben:0DQWKLVEDQG'HDWKF\FOH,WKLQN\RXIHDWXUHGDTXRWHIURPWKDWUHYLHZ WKLQJWKDWJUDEV\RXLVWKHSLFWXUHV6RPDQ\SKRWRVÀ\HUVDQGVHWOLVWVOLWWHUWKH ,WZDVYHU\KHDYLO\LQÀXHQFHGE\7UDJHG\DQG,ZURWHWKDW7KHGXGHIURPWKH SDJHV7KHHQHUJ\MXPSLQJRXWDW\RXFRQYH\VWKHXUJHQF\DQGIXQWKDWZHUH EDQGZURWHPHDQHPDLODQGVDLGLWZDVDOD]\UHYLHZDQGWKDWWKH\GLGQ¶WVRXQG FRUQHUVWRQHV WR WKH XQGHUJURXQG PXVLF VFHQH7KHQ \RX QRWLFH WKDW WKHUH DUH OLNH7UDJHG\%XWWKH\VXUHVRXQGHGOLNH7UDJHG\WRPH ZRUGV VPDWWHUHG DERXW DURXQG WKHVH DPD]LQJ SLFWXUHV (YHU\WKLQJ LV ODLG RXW Todd: Snakepit tubes down rivers and swims in hotel pools at night, why no EDQGE\EDQGZLWK¿UVWDQGVHFRQGKDQGVWRULHVDQGPHPRULHV

LQ9LFWRULDEXWLW¶VQRWRYHU\HW)DUIURPLW,QFOXGHGZLWKWKHERRNDUHWZR&'V Todd: Is a fair critique that Snakepit is like Peanuts, except the kids are really featuring over seventy-nine minutes of (predominately unreleased) music from arrested-development punks? DOORIWKHEDQGVLQFOXGHGLQWKHERRN7KHUHDUHWUDFNVIURPVRPHRIWKHEDQGV Ben: ,¶G OLNH LW WR EH EXW LQ DOO KRQHVW\ LW¶V QRW WKDW PXFK OLNH Peanuts. In that people from elsewhere may have heard of such as Nomeansno, Dayglo PeanutsWKHUHDUHORWVRIYHU\ZHOOGHYHORSHGFKDUDFWHUVDQGLQP\FRPLFLW¶V $ERUWLRQVDQG7KH1HRV7KHUHDUHVRPHWKDWDUHZHOONQRZQLQFROOHFWRUFLUFOHV just me, with only the occasional bit of dialog from other people. DQGE\SXQNURFNNQRZLWDOOVVXFKDVWKH,QIDPRXV6FLHQWLVWV5HG7LGH-HUN Todd: What is N.P.C.P.—the letters on a box on the cover illustration of Ward, and House of Commons, and there are many that have never really seen your book? the light of day until now. Ben:7KDW¶VDFWXDOO\DJUHDWVWRU\,ZDVRQWRXUZLWK-&KXUFK7KLVZDV I have been a part of the Victoria punk rock scene for a long time now, and ZKHQ ZH ZHUH D IRXU SLHFH 7KH OHDG JXLWDU SOD\HU ZDV P\ JRRG IULHQG ,¶YHDOZD\VWDNHQJUHDWSULGHLQP\FLW\DQGWKHEDQGVWKDWLWKDVSURGXFHG7KH 'DYLG+HZDVDUHDOO\JUHDWJXLWDULVWDJUHDWJX\WRWDOO\FRROEXWKHZDVQ¶W IXQQ\ WKLQJ LV WKDW DIWHU KDYLQJ UHDG WKLV ERRN ,¶YH UHDOL]HG WKDW ,¶YH EDUHO\ YHU\JRRGDWDGDSWLQJWRWKHWRXULQJOLIHVW\OH+HZDVQ¶WDELJIDQRIVOHHSLQJ VFUDWFKHGWKHVXUIDFHZKHQLWFRPHVWRORFDOSXQNURFNKLVWRU\7KHERRNDQG RQÀRRUV²KHEURXJKWDIROGXSFRWZLWKKLP²RUGLUW\SXQNKRXVHV+HKDG music does not only cater to someone who is from here at all. I would recommend to shower every day. You know the type. A really good dude but just not cut LW WR DQ\RQH LQWR SXQN KLVWRU\ ±7\ 6WUDQJOHKROG  )URQW 6W9LFWRULD %& out for living that way. Canada V9A 3Y3, www.allyourearscanhear.com) Anyway, we were in Pittsburgh and we were staying with a friend of a friend, and it was a pretty gross punk house in a kinda shitty neighborhood. David opted My Life in a Jugular Vein to sleep in the van that night. At one point I went out to the van to get my backpack By Ben Snakepit, 288 pgs. or something, and David was awake. We started shooting the shit and David goes: Ben Snakepit has a new book out, My Life in a Jugular Vein,W¶VWKUHHPRUH\HDUV ³'XGHZHUHDOO\QHHGWRVWDUWVOHHSLQJLQEHWWHUSODFHV,FDQ¶WWDNHPXFKPRUH of daily DIY punk life, three comic panels for every day of the year. It comes of this.” He started getting really upset, like on the verge of tears. “We need to ZLWKD&'WRR:HGLGQ¶WSXWWKLVERRNRXW ZHSXWRXWWKH¿UVW ,NQRZ%HQ stay with NICE PEOPLE! CLEAN PEOPLE!” He kinda lost his shit and it was UHDOO\ZHOODQGZHGHFLGHGMXVWWRWDONLQVWHDGRIZULWLQJDUHYLHZWKDW¶GPDNH actually pretty funny. From then on, whenever we got a particularly sweet place to us both feel real uncomfortable and weird. stay, like a place with a bed or some nice carpet, we called it an “N.P.C.P. night.” Todd Taylor: Ever go back over a year of your comics and do self-analysis? Todd:(YHUEHHQWRWDOO\IXFNLQ¶ZHLUGHGRXWWKDWSHRSOHFDQVHHZKDW\RX¶YH Ben Snakepit:2K\HDK,GRLWDOOWKHWLPH,PLJKWFODLPWKDW,¶P³FKHFNLQJP\ GRQHIRUWKHODVWVL[\HDUVHYHU\VLQJOHGD\"+DVDQ\RQH¶VEHKDYLRUPDGH\RX ZRUN´EXWLQUHDOLW\,¶PMXVWPDNLQJVXUHP\OLIHVWD\VEDODQFHG double-think you should do what you do? 109

Ben:7RWDOO\DOOWKHWLPH,DFWXDOO\KDYHDOLWWOHUHPLQGHUVWLFNHURQP\GHVNWKDW ,W¶VDEHDXWLIXOERRNLQIXOOFRORU7KHJUDSKLFVOHDSRIIWKHSDJHDW\RX,I says “What you don’t say is just as important as what you doVD\´,¶OODOZD\V \RX¶UHDWDOOIDPLOLDUZLWKWKHP\RX¶OOLQVWDQWO\EHWDNHQEDFNWRDWLPHLQ\RXUOLIH EHWRWDOO\KRQHVWLQP\FRPLFVEXW,¶PVWDUWLQJWROHDUQZKDWLVVXHV,FDQOLJKWO\ when you were younger and standing at the top of a half pipe waiting to drop in skirt over and end up avoiding lots of trouble later on down the road. RUÀLSSLQJWKURXJKDQROGLVVXHRIThrasher,RQO\WKLVWLPHZLWKRXW\RXU¿QJHUWLSV Todd:$UWLVWLFDOO\ZKDW¶V\RXUQH[WVPDOOJRDOIRUSnakepit? JHWWLQJDOOEODFN«7KHSLFWXUHVWKURZ\RXLQWRVXFKDQRVWDOJLFGD]HWKDW\RX Ben:,¶YHEHHQH[SHULPHQWLQJZLWKGLIIHUHQWDQJOHV²LW¶VKDUGWRGHVFULEH²DQG DOPRVW IRUJHW WKDW WKHUH LV VRPH ZULWLQJ WKHUH WRRORWV RI LW 7KHUH DUH VWRULHV WKHFRPLFV,¶PGUDZLQJULJKWQRZSUREDEO\ZRQ¶WJHWSXEOLVKHGIRUDORQJWLPH behind many famous graphics, as well as tales from the fabled Phillips Studios and VRLW¶VNLQGDKDUGWRH[SODLQZKDW,PHDQ ¿UVWKDQGDFFRXQWVIURPPDQ\RIWKH\RXQJDUWLVWVZKRJRWWKHLUVWDUWZRUNLQJIRU 0LFURFRVP(DVW65RJHUV6W%ORRPLQJWRQ,10LFURFRVP:HVW -LP$VPXFKDV,ORYHDOORI-LP¶VSDVWZRUNRQHRIWKHEHVWSDUWVRIWKLVERRNLV PO Box 14332, Portland, OR 97293) the inclusion of his stellar return to the skate world after so many years out of the JDPH+HLVFUDQNLQJRXWVRPHNLOOHUVWXIIDQGLWURXQGVRXWWKHERRNQLFHO\7KLVLV Paping: The Teacher’s Edition DEVROXWHO\DPXVWKDYHIRUDQ\VNDWHUDUWLVW«KHOOHYHU\RQHVKRXOGKDYHWKLV±7\ By John Mejias, 80 pgs. Stranglehold (Schiffer Books, 4880 Lower Valley Rd., Atglen, PA 19310) *RG WKLV WKLQJ LV ZRQGHUIXO $EVROXWHO\ DZHVRPH 6HH DOVR KLODULRXV admirable, moving, aesthetically stunning, but mostly, yeah, just straight-up They Could Have Been Bigger Than EMI: A Discography of Now Defunct DZHVRPH0HMLDVLVDQHOHPHQWDU\VFKRRODUWWHDFKHUZRUNLQJLQWKH%URRNO\Q Independent Record Labels That Released Vinyl, Second Edition public school system. Paping LV D FROOHFWLRQ RI WKH ¿UVW HLJKW LVVXHV RI KLV By Joachim Gaertner, 567 pgs. ]LQHRIWKHVDPHQDPH$QGLW¶VMXVWVWXQQLQJDOODFURVVWKHERDUG9LVXDOO\ With respect to my own lot in life—a writer who loves punk rock—no matter LW¶V LQFUHGLEOH²VLONVFUHHQHG FRYHUV LQQHU SDJHV EHDXWLIXOO\ RIIVHW LQ EOXH what anybody writes about punk rock, it will never eclipse the music itself. Lip-syncing to Bad Religion in high school! Egads!

LQN JRUJHRXV KDOIWRQHV 7KH EHVW SDUW LV WKDW ZKLOH 0HMLDV RFFDVLRQDOO\ 9LQ\OLVWKHOLIHEORRGRISXQN,W¶VLWVPRQHWDU\DUWLVWLFDQGSV\FKLFFXUUHQF\ incorporates collage or what looks like linocuts in his work, for the most, 6RPHWKLQJGRHVQ¶W³UHDOO\H[LVW´LQSXQNLILW¶VQHYHUEHHQUHOHDVHGRQYLQ\O SDUW KLV GUDZLQJ VW\OH ZKLFK LV IXOO\UHDOL]HG DQG DEVROXWHO\ FRQVLVWHQW  LV 7KDW¶V MXVW WKH IDFWV 7KH RWKHU IDFW LV WKDW VRPH *HUPDQ SXQNV KDYH JUHDW FRPSDUDEOHWR3LFDVVR²LIWKHJX\¶GJURZQXSRQDKHDY\GLHWRIXQGHUJURXQG GDWDEDVLQJFDWDORJLQJDQGRUJDQL]DWLRQDOVNLOOV7KLVERRNLQDFFRPSDQLPHQW FRPLFVDQG/RV&UXGRV-XVWWKHZD\KHGUDZVSHRSOHLVLQQDWHO\FUD]HGDQG with the Flex! ERRN DUH H[KDXVWLYH LWHPL]HG DOSKDEHWLFDOO\  OLVWV WKDW DQ\ ZHLUGORRNLQJ²LW¶VDMR\WRORRNDW²DQGZKHQ\RXFRXSOHWKDWZLWKWKHIDFW SXQNKLVWRULDQVKRXOGQ¶WEHZLWKRXW7KLVERRNLVSDJHVRIQDPHVRIODEHOV WKDWKDOIWKHWLPHKH¶V GUDZLQJ KLV VWXGHQWVZKR VD\ DZHVRPHWKLQJVOLNH graphics from covers, and a list of each piece of vinyl released by every label ³7KDW3UHVLGHQW,QHYHUPHWDQ\RQHOLNHWKDW´DQG³,PDGHXSDJRRGVRQJ EHWZHHQ5HFRUGVDQG=\]]OH5HFRUGVDORQJZLWKWKHUHOHDVHGDWH,I\RX¶UH 6H[DEH[DVH[DFKD*LPPHPRQH\´LW¶VMXVWKLODULRXV)RUODFNRIDEHWWHU ORRNLQJIRUQDUUDWLYHRUDFULWLTXHRIWKHPXVLFORRNHOVHZKHUH,I\RX¶UHORRNLQJ UHIHUHQFHLWFRXOGEHFRPSDUDEOHWR'DYH5RFKH¶VOn Subbing]LQH²WKHUH WR¿QGRXWZKDWVD\5DELG&DW5HFRUGVSXWRXWLQDQGZKDWWKHPDWUL[ are so many similarities: struggling with the balance between trying to do number of the record is—or any information on tens of thousands of releases that right by students within an intrinsically fucked administrative framework are scattered far and wide on the internet (if even that)—this is the tome for you. WKDWUHOLHVKHDY\RQRXWPRGHGDQGLQHIIHFWLYHWHVWVFRUHV7KHGLIIHUHQFHLV $FURVVUHIHUHQFLQJSXQN¶VGHOLJKW±7RGG 3XUH3RS)RU1RZ3HRSOH2UGHU that Paping LV SUHVHQWHG ZLWKLQ D YLVXDO PHGLXP EXW ZLWK ERWK ]LQHV WKH GLUHFWO\IURP-RDFKLPSXUHSRS#EXLVVQHWFRP dedication, commitment, and care about the kids they work with is just so apparent. Anyone interested in education should grab this up for the times Voices in Wartime Anthology when inspiration may be getting lean (as well as the fact that these are, at their Edited by Andrew Himes, et al., 244 pgs. FRUHZRQGHUIXOVWRULHV DQGIDQVRIFRPLF]LQHVVKRXOGDOVRFRQVLGHUWDNLQJ Voices in Wartime AnthologyLVRQHRIWKHPRUHFRPSHOOLQJERRNVWKDW,¶YHUHDG WKLVRQHKRPHEHFDXVH0HMLDV¶DUWLVUHDOO\VSHFWDFXODUDQGZKROO\LQGLYLGXDO UHFHQWO\DQGRQHWKDWKDVDOHYHORILPSRUWDQFHIRUHYHU\FLWL]HQRIWKLVFRXQWU\ PapingLVMXVWDÀDWRXWEHDXWLIXOSLHFHRIZRUN±.HLWK5RVVRQ 3DSLQJ6W LI QRW IRU HYHU\ PHPEHU RI WKH KXPDQ UDFH7KH WH[W LWVHOI LV D FROOHFWLRQ RI 0DUNV3ODFH$SW1<1< QDUUDWLYHVDQGSRHPVEDVHGRQ+LPHV¶GRFXPHQWDU\RIWKHVDPHQDPHGUDZLQJ upon the words and voices of poets, soldiers, physicians, journalists, activists, Side A: The Music Lover’s Graphic Novel VFKRODUVDQGVXUYLYRUVDOOZLWQHVVHV¿UVWKDQGRUDIWHUWKHIDFWWRWKHSHUPHDWLQJ Edited by Rachel Dukes, 136 pgs. GHYDVWDWLRQWKDWKXPDQZDUIDUHLQÀLFWVRQERWKVRFLHWLHVDQGLQGLYLGXDOV:KDW 7KHSUHPLVHWRSide A is really great: a graphic novel featuring a diverse group they present is not pretty; in fact what these people have to say is purposefully of comic artists, all penning works about their introduction to or love of music. ugly so that those of us who have had the luck and the luxury never to be in a While I was familiar with very few of the artists—consider that a testament ZDU]RQHFDQDFKLHYHDOHYHORIXQGHUVWDQGLQJKRZHYHUPHDJHURIMXVWKRZ WR P\ LJQRUDQFH²LW GRHVQ¶W UHÀHFW RQ WKH TXDOLW\ RI VWXII FRQWDLQHG ZLWKLQ searingly traumatic such experiences can be. Actually, considering the diversity of styles and approaches presented here, Side However, it should be pointed out that in absolutely no way, shape, or form A¶VRIDSUHWW\FRQVLVWHQWFDOLEHUERWKLQWKHVWRU\WHOOLQJDQGYLVXDOSUHVHQWDWLRQV does Voices in WartimeUHDGDVDQDQWLZDUWRPH7KDWLVQRWWKHSXUSRVHRIWKH Regular ‘Cake readers will of course be familiar with Ben Snakepit (and his text. No judgments are offered regarding the moral or ethical motivations for ³,VLWWKH'HDG0LONPHQ"2ULVLW&U\SWLF6ODXJKWHU"´FRPLFKHUHLVDZHVRPH ZDU7KHUHLVDQXQGHUO\LQJDVVXPSWLRQWKURXJKRXWWKHERRNWKDWZDUVFDQGR by the way), but there are also some really great pieces by Arbee Chapnik (lip- DQGZLOOKDSSHQLIIRUQRRWKHUUHDVRQWKDQWKDWLW¶VDSDUWRIWKHKXPDQFXOWXUDO V\QFLQJWR%DG5HOLJLRQLQKLJKVFKRRO(JDGV /DZUHQFH*XOOR6DUD6KD\ FRQVWUXFW7KH SXUSRVH RI WKLV WH[W LV VLPSO\ WR VKRZ WKH UHDGHU ZKDW ZDU LV DQG&RUH\0DULH3DUNKLOO/L]*UHHQ¿HOG5DFKHO'XNHVDQG0DUDDQG6DP really all about—it is not glory, it is not victory. Rather, war is pain, blood, and 0HUZLQ2YHUDOOLWZDVDOVRUHDOO\LQWHUHVWLQJWRVHHMXVWKRZPDQ\SHRSOHIRXQG fear—the physical and mental mangling of human beauty. At no point in this WKHPVHOYHV³LQWR´PXVLFDIWHUKHDULQJ1LUYDQD²WKRXJKWKDW¶VE\QRPHDQVRU book are there any overt (socio-)political statements regarding war, not even HYHQFORVHWRWKHIRXQGDWLRQRIPDQ\RIWKHVHFRPLFV$OOLQDOOLW¶VDQLFH by American veterans of the current war in Iraq or the survivors of American diverse piece of work. Comes with the Winter Bloo split 7”. –Keith Rosson LQWHUYHQWLRQLQWKDWFRXQWU\7KLVERRNLVQRWFRQFHUQHGZLWKSROLWLFVLWLVRQO\ 3RVHXU,QN0HVD&ROOHJH'U6DQ'LHJR&$ concerned with tearing down the illusions regarding the actual conduct and effects of warfare that are created to render it palatable and excusable for those Skateboard Art of Jim Phillips, The of us that have never seen it. If I may paraphrase Camus, he wrote in The Rebel By Jim Phillips 208 pgs. that one of the reasons that society is becoming more violent is that the blood $Q\RQHZKRKDVKDGDQ\WKLQJWRGRZLWKVNDWHERDUGLQJLQWKHµVZLOO of the victims is not on the hands of the entire social group. His point is that if LQVWDQWO\UHFRJQL]HWKHDUWZRUNRI-LP3KLOOLSV+LVFDUWRRQ\PRQVWHUVDQGJRUH human suffering and the responsibility for bloodshed is diffused throughout the DOPRVWGH¿QHDQHQWLUHHUD)URP6FUHDPLQJ+DQGDOOWKHZD\EDFNWRWKHHDUOLHVW group, then the individuals in that group will be less likely to engage in violence. 6DQWD&UX]6NDWHERDUGVORJR-LPZDVWKHUH %ULDQ7XUQHU¶VSRHP³OEV´VSODWWHUHGWKDWEORRGDOORYHUPHEURNHPH While his last book (Surf, Skate & Rock Art of Jim Phillips WROG-LP¶VOLIH apart, and left me a sobbing, shaking mess; never has this reviewer read a piece story and featured all of his artistic endeavors, this volume focuses strictly on WKDWZDVVLPXOWDQHRXVO\VREHDXWLIXOWHUULEOHDQGWURXEOLQJ7KLVLVRQHRIWKH his work in the skateboard world and collects every single piece of artwork that primary effects of this text—the reader, however distant he or she may be from he ever did for a skateboard company. WKHFDUQDJHRIWKHZDU]RQHVHQVHVDOHYHORIFXOSDELOLW\MXVWE\EHLQJKXPDQ 111 The purpose of this text is simply to show the reader what war is really all about—it is not glory, it is not victory. Rather, war is pain, blood, and fear—the physical and mental mangling of human beauty.

Finally, in his narrative contribution, editor Andrew Himes offers what I DURXQGWKHWHUP³]LQHFRPPXQLW\´DQGIHWLVKL]HWKHPHGLXPLWVHOIUDWKHUWKDQ believe to be the most important point of the book: “I have a history as a fool, being obsessed writers, illustrators, journalists, and journalers or whoever that DQGDQDUURJDQWRQH0\IRROLVKQHVVZDVQRWWRRSSRVHWKH>9LHWQDP@ZDUEXW PDNH]LQHVEHFDXVHLWLVDQDYDLODEOHPHGLXP0HDQZKLOHWKH\¶YHSODFHGVWULFW WRRSSRVHWKHZDUULRU0\DUURJDQFHZDVWRLPDJLQHWKDW,KDGDORFNRQWUXWK FRQWUROV ERWK FRQVFLRXVO\ DQG LQGLUHFWO\  RQ WKH FRQWHQW RI ZKDW WKH ³]LQH justice, and morality, and that my motives were clean and pure, while those of community” is all about and take it for granted as being universal to everybody P\RSSRQHQWVZHUHUDFLVWYLROHQWDQGPRUDOO\FRQWDPLQDWHG´ S 7KLV ZKRGRHV]LQHV7KHVHWKLQJVXVXDOO\UHYROYHDURXQGYHJDQIRRGELNHVFRIIHH , EHOLHYH LV WKH IXQGDPHQWDO WUXWK RI ERWK +LPHV¶GRFXPHQWDU\ DQG WKLV WKH DQGWKHOLNH7KH\WKULYHLQDFLW\OLNH3RUWODQGZKLFKHQFRXUDJHVVXFKEHKDYLRU accompanying text; we may oppose or support war based on moral, ethical, DQGSDVVHVLWWRWKHEHUFRROLQDORFDOO\PDGHEDVNHWEXWLVRIWHQVWLÀLQJWR or ideological grounds, but unless we understand what war actually involves anybody else. DQGZKDWWKHVXUYLYRUVH[SHULHQFHEHWKH\FRPEDWDQWVRUFLYLOLDQVZH¶UHOLWWOH $OORZPHWRUHIHUWRDUHYLHZRIWKLVERRN,IRXQGRQOLQHRQWKHSXEOLVKHU¶V PRUHWKDQEOXVWHULQJEDJVRILJQRUDQFH±7KH/RUG.YHOGXOIU :KLW3UHVVZZZ website: “Portland, Oregon is one of my favorite cities. First of all, it’s hipper whitpress.org) than anywhere, and that includes San Francisco and Paris, France. Trust me, Portland is hipper than both. It’s got more cool anarcho-purple haired Zinester’s Guide to Portland, The mellow stoner smash-the-state people running their own companies out of their Edited by Shawn Granton 129 pgs. bedrooms than any berg in the Universe.” 7KLVLVWKHW\SHRISHUVRQWKDWWKLV 7KLVERRNLVFXWHDQGIXOORIJUHDWLOOXVWUDWLRQV,WZLOOGH¿QLWHO\SURYLGHWKH guide is intended for, people who love having everything handed to them and ]LQHVWHUZLWKSOHQW\RIWKLQJVWRGRLQ3RUWODQG2UHJRQ,WGH¿QLWHO\VHUYHVDVD can appreciate a town that is overly cool and provides it to them with the barest hip, cool, Portland version of a Lonely Planet guide. A lot of effort has been put PLQLPXPRIVWUXJJOH1RZWKHUH¶VDERRNIRUWKHP$QGRKWKHFKRLFHVWKH\¶OO LQWRLW$QG,¶PVXUHWKDWLWGH¿QLWHO\VHUYHVDSXUSRVHWRWKH%RKHPLDQPDVVHV have. WKDWFRPHLQWRRUDOUHDG\OLYHLQ3RUWODQGDQG¿QGWKHPVHOYHVVFUHDPLQJDWWKH )RUWKHUHVWRI\¶DOOOLNHWKRVHZKROLNHWRVHHNRXWWKHLURZQVHFUHWSODFHV overcast sky, “What the hell am I going to do with myself?” and make their own fun or the punks who have trouble doing what everybody 7KDWVDLG,¶PWU\LQJWRVLPSO\UHYLHZWKLVERRNDQGGRQ¶WZDQWWRJRLQWR HOVHLVGRLQJWKLVERRNLVQ¶WUHDOO\QHFHVVDU\1RULV3RUWODQGIRUWKDWPDWWHU DFULWLTXHRI]LQHVWHUVEXW,¶P¿QGLQJLWKDUGQRWWRGRVREHFDXVHLWVHHPV ±&UDYHQ 5RFN 0LFURFRVP 3XEOLVKLQJ 32 %R[  3RUWODQG 25 necessary. So please allow me some room to break it down. I am not a fan of www.microcosmpublishing.com) ]LQHVWHUFXOWXUHDWDOO EXW,ORYH]LQHVDQGVHOISXEOLVKLQJ,¿QGWKHPWREH distinctly different). Zinesters tend to be the type of folks who like to throw Many more book reviews can be found at www.razorcake.org.