American Read

CHEW ON THIS Millions of people are starving around the world. Legendary competitive eater is not one of them

WORDS: MARK KRAM JNR Main photo: Tim Shaffer

ust by looking at him, it would in a projectile across the room. That it appear that he has an undeniable appeal be hard to pin down what Takeru borders on the unseemly goes without – including a 9.75 inch penis, which he Kobayashi does to keep body and saying, especially in a world where there has displayed in such screen gems as soul together. Given his slender are children who are starving. But people Inside Seka, Super Hornio Brothers and 5ft 8in, 128-pound build, it seems love it, and they crowd into sporting Tales from the Crapper. The Hedgehog fairlyJ obvious that he does not move arenas to cheer Kobi and his challengers was on hand to publicise the event, which pianos for a living. But guess again if you on, just as they did one early morning at he did so with the help of the cluster of said he was a jockey. He is too big for that the Wells Fargo Center in for X-rated stars that paraded behind him – on the American circuit. Guess window 20. Not only were there trays including Jenna Jameson, ‘The Queen of washer, movie usher or hotel clerk and upon trays of barbecued chicken wings Porn’, and Mary Carey, who appeared to you would be wrong, wrong and wrong to be had, they were served up to the have been squeezed into her dress by the again. In fact, chances are you could contestants by strippers from every club Army Corps of Engineers. Shutterbugs guess forever and still not come up with in the city. All I can say is, you had to be asked the three to pose for snapshots, the correct answer: that Takeru Kobayashi there to believe it. during which Jeremy opined: ‘Wing is a champion competitive eater. Bowl outsells Guns & Roses and Poison While he is so small that he does h, what could be better than a concerts. This is Philadelphia.’ not appear as if he has eaten for weeks, greasy chicken wing served up by Wing Bowl is sponsored each year Kobayashi (or ‘Kobi’ for short) can scoff Aa stripper covered with tattoos? On by a Philadelphia sports radio station, down immense quantities of food, the drive over to the Wells Fargo Center 610-WIP. It began innocently enough as including hot dogs, , Twinkies, at 6am that February day, I wondered if I a way to liven up the gray days of winter, bratwurst sausages, lobster rolls, chicken should not have had some precautionary in somewhat the same way that Sports wings, and – ah yes – cow brains. shots of some kind. I had been around Illustrated came up with the idea of the In circles, there is a chicken wings before, and I had been annual swimsuit issue. A larger-than- reason he is called ‘The Tsunami’. Not around strippers before, but not both in expected crowd showed up that first year, only does he out-eat his opponents, the same setting. It seemed … well, yuck! so it was held again the following year. he overwhelms them with a force that But in service to this essay, which you have Even more people showed up. It was held wipes away any trace of them. Records to rely on for a expert view into the decline at various venues across the city until are shattered whenever he sits down at a of the American sporting scene, I passed Mayor recommended that it table. In a preview of coming attractions, up whatever immunisation there was be held at The to accommodate he burst on to the scene on 4 July 2001 at to be had and walked inside the arena, an even larger turnout. From there, the the Nathan’s Eating Contest in where I clipped on a press credential and downed 50 in a mere 12 and came eye to eye with Ron Jeremy. minutes – or an average of one every 114 Unless you have lived a sheltered seconds. The previous record had been 25. life – and bless you, if you have – you are Americans have embraced Kobi – aware that Jeremy is a former porn star. or, shall I say, Americans who find his He was called ‘The Hedgehog’ – and he particular activity amusing. Personally, looks like one. In fact, he looks more like I can think of no spectacle less appealing a customer that one of his films would than watching someone stuff his face attract than an actor. But while he is Takeru Kobayashi ploughs through chicken with cow brains and then purging it squat, overweight and balding, it would wings on his way to winning Wing Bowl 20

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photo: Cindy Ord/getty images/Gallo Images part ofa part ‘Save the Twinkie’ campaign– year. On the Wendy Williams Show – as the worldrecord of35setthe previous in 10minutes–anddoingso topped Championship in2006,heate 58ofthem the Jacksonville World Bratwurst Eating dumplingsineightminutes. At Hong Kong in2005,heate83vegetarian better thanhistotaltheprevious year). In eating 97hamburgers inonesitting(30 SquareKrystal Off,hesetarecord by prowess hotdogs. devouring At the2006 organisers. But Kobi hasnotjustshown a contractual disputewiththecompetition which pointhebecameentangledina Three second-placefinishesfollowed, at 49 and53.75hotdogsin12minutes. he hasconsumed50,50.5,44.5,53.5, Hot DogEatingContest, which during beginning in2001,hewontheNathan’s unprecedented sixconsecutive years scene.on totheinternational For an of milk.From there, histalents hecarried how hewouldcausallydown 10bottles classmates remembered withvividness a schoolboy inNagano, Japan, his has beenanunstoppableforce. As his game. With foodinhishands, he close tohimwhenheisatthetopof event –andwhynot?No onecancome won theevent theprevious year. Squibb at2-1odds. ‘Super Squibb’ had with6-4,215-poundJonathanfavourite contestants inthefield, Kobi wastheco- three minutesand40seconds. Ofthe26 polished offfive poundsofpineapplein two minutes;andRichard ‘Not Rich’ Razzi consumed aone-poundhamsandwichin minutes; ‘Gentleman Jerry’ Coughlan long meatballsubsinthree andahalf ‘Boring John’ Barnett atefive one-foot and ahalf-gallonofmilkinthree minutes; downed sixpeanutbuttersandwiches involved: ‘Kenso’ Kevin Richmond air. To give you someideaofwhatthat bythemselves worthy auditioning on championhadtoprovenot aformer year to Wing Bowl. Everyone whowas old Kobi wasaninvitedguestthis stage ofcompetitive eating,the33-year- yourself inpublic. of easewhenitcomestoexposing heels, thejobdoesentailsomedegree tray ofchickenwhilewalkinginhigh yet alongwiththeabilitytobalancea by astripper not necessarily profession, case you are a wondering, ‘Wingette’ is held on-airauditionsfor ‘Wingettes’. In add somespicetotheevent, thestation Delaware inthefield. viedforaberth To to Mardi Gras. Big eatersfrom across the Wing Bowl evolved into Kobi appeared relaxed tothe prior Given hiscredentials ontheworld something akin something akin

Man versus Beast versus Man Network in2003–aprogramme called Kodiak bear. for hissixthGuinness World Record. Kobi downed 14 Twinkies inoneminute John ‘Oink Oink’ Bradley rolled upon instant –andIamnotjokingcontestant a coininparking meter. At thatvery this casually, asifshewere dropping around again.Sheplace andturned did her toptoabigroar, snappeditbackin just that.She tothecrowd, turned lowered woman inabikinistandingbesidemedid parade: ‘Show usyour tits!’Sure enough,a down on from thestandsatstrippers Rome. Intoxicated spectatorsyelled looked likesomethingoutofancient crowd behaved likeanimals. The place devoured 50intwominutes36seconds. hot dogs(sansthebun)whilebear In aspecialthataired ontheFox So did–ahema 1 089-pound JoeyThe legendary Chestnuthas. So cananyone getthebetterofKobi? At the Wells Fargo Center, onlythe No one can come close to him when he is at No onecancomeclosetohimwhenheisat –Kobi consumed31 the topofhisgame. With food inhishands, he hasbeenanunstoppable force

Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest Contest Eating Dog Hot Nathan’s Kobayashi takes part in the 2011 2011 the in part takes Kobayashi American Read via satellite in New York New in satellite via 65 to alocal charity thatprovides food for thehungry local restaurant anddonated a partofhiswinnings Only afew hoursafterwinning, heshowed upata after crowned is champion The his record-breaking win at the the at win record-breaking his Wells Fargo Center Fargo Wells American Read 66

Squibb conceded, ‘He wasgreat.’ for three consecutive years withgrace. Squibb yielded thecrown hehadworn 83 wings. previous record by anastonishing 337 chickenwings. That eclipsedthe byswept tovictory consumingarecord you leave’ –Kobi rule settleddown and disqualification underthe ‘you heave, throw up–whichwouldhave ledtohis at onepointinround twothathewould awaywithit.’is running While itappeared that thepublicaddress announced: ‘He two, hehadsuchacommandinglead his oesophagus. Midway through round wiggled hisbodytoforce thefooddown the ‘Kobayashi Shake’, whichistosayhe teeth. Upon swallowing, heperformed each chickenasifhewere flossinghis Kobi wasastudyinprecision. He cleaned their waydeliberately through theirpile, chicken wings. Ashisopponentsworked contestants tore intotrays ofspicy surrounded by ‘Wingettes’, the half ofitonmeby thetimeitpassed. women wrestled inatubofmud.Ihad his float,uponwhichtwo Second-place finisher Joey ‘Super’ Up onthestageatalongtable scantily clad

I couldprobably eatthem.’ time. But ifyou brought me100more, Not really fast.Iwouldhave totakemy probably eatanother100wingsorso. with theaidofaninterpreter: ‘I could accepted his$20000prize. He even said and theregular contributor to Day Sport Monthly Sport Day A hiladelphia Daily News Daily hiladelphia P Kram isacelebratedsports writerwiththe ladies whosplashedmudallover me. Center. Even young thetwocharming the sillinessondisplayat Wells Fargo people ameal,andgave somepurposeto hungry. But itwouldgive more thanafew $3 370.It whois wouldnotfeedeveryone the hungry. He gave themachequefor thatprovidesa localcharity foodfor ofhiswinningstoPhilabundance, part up atalocalrestaurant anddonateda a fewhoursafterwinning,heshowed To hiscredit, Kobi issensitive tothat.Only beforecriticism forhow itdoesjustthat. any wayyou can.Nothing goestowaste.’ you live onthestreet, ‘When you findfood piece.’is ahurting Anothermanadded, addictadded, drug former ‘Being hungry “Please Lord, changethissituation.”’ The out ofagarbagecanandpray toGod: were plentyofdayswhenIwouldeat a tray andexclaimed, ‘Oh man, there of themenspeared acoldhotdogfrom turkey, andbarbecuedribs. popcorn One hot dogs, hamburgers, kielbasa,sliced out onatableinthekitchen,including occupants. Food from thevan wasspread byupon ourarrival aneagergroup of homeless shelter, where we were greeted amusement. Ifollowed thevan tothe whom foodisanecessityinsteadofan shed theirtops, there are peoplefor faces withchickenwingsandstrippers themselves by watchingmenstufftheir of affluence. busy WhileAmericans Brotherhood Rescue Mission. thefoodtoPhiladelphia would ferry helper intotherear ofthevan, which the gamewere stackedby and thedriver that hadbeenuneatenby fansduring Ministries. Hope-4-Men. Cartons offood Welcome Wagon. Brotherhood Mission on thesideofitwere thewords: The A van pulleduptoaloadingdock. Written walkfrom the a short Wells Fargo Center. Phillies gameatCitizen Bank Park, only Kobi from eartoashe grinned Competitive eating has come under Competitive eatinghascome under Hunger iseverywhere inthisland years before. It wasattheendofa I thoughtbacktoalatenightfew s IwatchedKobi accepthischeque, ’sRead. American , apublished author Business Business

photo: Bill McCay/WireImage/getty images/Gallo Images