SUMMER 2021 | VOLUME 83 | NO. 2

SPECIAL EDITION: GRIEF, GRACE, & GRATITUDE IN THIS ISSUE FROM THE EDITOR: 10 In this time of COVID, we have experienced THE AMAZING GRACE OF GOD individual and collective loss. In this reality, we are And on that fateful day last summer in tempted to remain in a place of scarcity and fear Minneapolis, I felt as though our nation had as our normal has shifted. Still, when we step back not advanced at all. In spite of a pandemic and see God’s grace and see the abundance in our that should have united Americans, racial and midst, we can operate and live into our collective political divisions remained stubbornly in place. ministry with an attitude of gratitude. This edition of the Colorado Episcopalian invites us to recognize and express grief, grace, and gratitude across the Episcopal Church in Colorado. 10 The Amazing Grace of God

01 From Bishop Kym Lucas: Our Hope 14 A Pandemic Year of Grief, Grace, & Gratitude 03 Grief, Grace, & Gratitude 18 Doing Church, Real Church 05 Away 21 Journey to Gratitude & Grace 07 Here I Am

03 18 GRIEF, GRACE, & GRATITUDE DOING CHURCH, REAL CHURCH I have gotten almost everything I ever wanted in my As we entered transition, we were told about life: a great education, astonishingly meaningful work, grief, cycles of grief, and the various processes wonderful friends, interesting experiences, and a that spool out at church when congregations 52-year marriage to a man who was the reason I said and their rector’s part. It’s all true. It’s a process almost daily: “My favorite words in English are ‘we,’ ‘us,’ our whole church underwent in its many parts. and ‘our.’ Our five-year, heavy-duty struggle began in At times during the transitions, it felt like we May 2016 when my husband, Frank, had a bad stroke. were just pushing uphill.

POSTMASTER: The Right Reverend SEND ADDRESS CHANGES TO: Kym Lucas Colorado Episcopalian Bishop of Colorado 1300 Washington St., Denver, CO Canon Mike Orr 80203-2008 Canon for Communications & Evangelism, PUBLICATION INFORMATION: OFFICE AND MAILING ADDRESS: Editor A publication of the Bishop 1300 Washington St., Denver, CO and Diocese of Colorado 80203-2008 Copyright 2021 The Bishop and COVER: 303.837.1173 • 800.446.3081 The Rev. J. Sierra Reyes with a young girl at Diocese of Colorado [email protected] St. Luke’s Episcopal Church, Denver. Published Quarterly EpiscopalColorado.org Photo courtesy the Rev. J Sierra Reyes Photo courtesy Nick Fewings on Unsplash

OUR HOPE BY BISHOP KYM LUCAS

ope is forged out of the biblical call to dig As the Body of Christ, we are being compelled deep into our innards to tell the truth of to reimagine who we are, how we live out our “H what we see, feel, hear, and experience. baptismal calling, and how we answer the question And it reminds us that we must always show up in “What is your hope?” in a broken world. the face of relentless evil, particularly in such times when it appears so normal and natural in our midst.” And while we’re all grappling with the answer to that question, what is clear is that our hope must — E. M. Townes be bold. Our hope must be greater than simply a return to our buildings or a return to “normal.” Our hope must always be rooted in our call to truth: to This past year I have spent a lot of time thinking telling ourselves the truth about ourselves, to the and praying about hope. In a conversation with my rigorous self-examination of how what we profess therapist (who is Jewish), I spoke about how tired I to believe compares with how we live. Our hope was: tired of the pandemic, tired of the violence and must be rooted in the promise of the abundant life death that just keeps being perpetrated. I spoke of in Christ for all of God’s children, rooted in the how I live in terror about my sons and their safety kingdom that has come and is coming. Our hope every day just because this world is not a safe or fair must be greater than our fears. place for black and brown males. He allowed me to lament, and then said, “But you Christians are a With God’s help, we are moving out of this hopeful sort of people.” He paused, adding: “At least pandemic. By God’s grace we will soon be able to it seems you’re supposed to be.” Then he asked: gather in person, to see our friends and family, to “What is your hope?” rejoice in the incarnate presence of the other. My hope is that we remember all that we have learned. As we have lived with COVID-19, the pandemic My hope is that this time will have so opened our has revealed not only our physical vulnerabilities hearts to God’s love, that we are eager and able to but also the fractures in our society. We have seen share it with one another. My hope is that living via all kinds of reporting and news coverage how lives of love, mercy, and justice will always be our hopelessness, once it takes root, is difficult to dispel. first priority as disciples.

Colorado Episcopalian | Summer 2021 1 Photo courtesy Ales Maze on Unsplash

2 Colorado Episcopalian I have gotten almost everything I ever wanted in my life: a great education, GRIEF, GRACE, astonishingly meaningful work, wonderful friends, interesting experiences, & GRATITUDE and a 52-year marriage to a man who was the reason BY DR. LYNN W. HUBER I said almost daily: “My favorite words in English are ‘we,’ ‘us,’ and ‘our.’ ver since my conversion purpose: first, to let us know that to Christianity in 1962, we are the beloveds of that Holy One, and, second, to teach us how Our five-year, heavy-duty I have believed I must never stop praying to live like it. struggle began in May 2016 Ebecause “whenever I when my husband, Frank, stop praying, the coincidences I believe that crucifixion, or any 1 had a bad stroke. stop happening.” other unpleasant form of death, was simply part and parcel Over a period of five years, of Jesus’ total commitment to beginning on May 28, 2016, I bringing the message of the Holy have managed to withstand a One to humanity. It was that devastating series of losses. This commitment by Jesus that brought year, I decided to name my Lenten me to my knees. prayer theme “The Three Gs: Grief, Grace, and Gratitude.”

Shortly after I named my prayer theme, I was invited to contribute my own story to a series on these very same Gs. This left me with no doubt that this was an invitation rather than a temptation.

First, I would tell you that my faith Dr. Lynn and the Rev. Frank Huber.

is not based on Jesus’ crucifixion Photo courtesy Lynn Huber and resurrection, at least not per se. Rather it is centered on what I believe was the real sacrifice of Okay—since then, there have been Jesus, which was also the basis many, many teachers: Quakers, for my conversion—from being Buddhists, Hindus, Jews, and a a vaguely Jewish, consciously slew of Christians, some of them prayer-hungry teenager to an even Episcopalian. They all bring adult Episcopal Christian. the same message in various I believe that the Holy One [whose forms, a message I summarize very name in traditional Judaism as, “It’s all of us or none.” In other cannot even be pronounced] was words, “love your neighbor as willing to take on the astonishing your very own self.” The moment limitations of time and space that we “other” someone, or in and flesh (including all the some way make them in our own vulnerabilities to which flesh is mind less than fully human, we heir) simply for one, two-part have excluded ourselves as well.

Colorado Episcopalian | Summer 2021 3 I am learning—no, I shall claim it. I HAVE learned—to truly I have gotten almost everything I ever wanted in my life: a love myself! I do lots of mirror work as part of the grieving great education, astonishingly process. Without even having to seek, I can now really see and meaningful work, wonderful friends, interesting experiences, serve Christ in my very own self! (Don’t be too impressed; it and a 52-year marriage to a man took well over 72 years for me to get there!) And it has made a who was the reason I said almost total difference in my life. daily: “My favorite words in English are ‘we,’ ‘us,’ and ‘our.’

Our five-year, heavy-duty struggle time. And we had some really myself! I do lots of mirror work began in May 2016 when my beautiful times, even some travel, as part of the grieving process. husband, Frank, had a bad stroke. after that first stroke. Without even having to seek, I can now really see and serve Having retired in 2007 from his Then COVID-19 arrived. Frank Christ in my very own self! (Don’t second career as an Episcopal and I could not see each other be too impressed; it took well priest nine years before, Frank from March 6, 2020, until we over 72 years for me to get there!) by choice undertook most of moved again in July of that And it has made a total difference the cooking and shopping, yard ghastly year—to Clermont Park. in my life. and garden work (his unpaid We had been on the waiting list but creative third career), and for four years, and they had a There are lots of the 3 Gs still much more (including managing full range of social and medical to do. I live with the line from the finances). Meanwhile, I was services so that we could be in Cardinal Newman’s hymn, “Lead busily involved in social justice the same place, no matter what Kindly Light”— work, doing spiritual direction, happened to either of us. teaching and preaching in various I do not ask to see the distant places (a licensed lay preacher in There we had 40 days of what scene; one step enough for me. three dioceses and having one- may have been the best time in shot invitations in many others), our whole marriage— unbroken But hope, and grace, and serving as the first convener 8 hours a day together, with gratitude —and living without of the Colorado Chapter of the conversation, touching, laughter, expectations, but with powerful Episcopal Peace Fellowship, and story-sharing, tsk-tsking over the expectancy—do make it possible doing several prison ministries. I news, and more. We both were to walk the grief walk. And I am loved it all! indescribably glad to be together! discovering new life in getting I was almost always almost giddy. involved again in working for The stroke turned our lives and peace, justice, and reconciliation. our marriage upside down. Then early one morning, his (Short public service I dropped almost everything nighttime caregiver called to announcement: I just got trained (except spiritual direction). I took tell me Frank could not move— as a Braver Angels moderator—if up Frank’s household duties (not not at all! He had had another you don’t know the group, check to mention 24/7 caregiving), both huge stroke and was moved into it out online). of us hoping against hope that skilled care. He remained there he’d recover enough for us to stay from September 6 until he died I pray for you all, whatever you in our home and near his garden. on December 3 from COVID-19. have endured during this time of During that time, we saw each so much upheaval in our lives. It turned out not to be. So, with other only a very few, very short May you do whatever grieving sadness, we agreed in 2018 to times, and Frank had trouble you must do, trusting that you move to Balfour Senior even managing the phone. It was are not alone and that grace and Living, close to our beloved indescribably hard. gratitude can have space in your church (St. Andrew’s). I did not grieving too. God bless you. always do caregiving gracefully, Now I am having to learn to let go DR. LYNN W. HUBER is a member and Frank did not always receive of what I said at least 10,000 times at St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church in it gracefully. We said a gazillion over my 52 years with Frank: “My Denver. times, “I can’t do your work, favorite words in English are ‘we, and you can’t do mine, but we us and our.’” 1 From Clair Lindsay, my friend and can listen, try to understand, first spiritual director (before either and forgive—as many times as I am learning—no, I shall claim of us knew there was such a thing). necessary,” And we did—every it. I HAVE learned—to truly love

4 Colorado Episcopalian Moonset from the back (west) side of Barberry Cottage at Cathedral Ridge.

Photo courtesy the Rev. Mary Kate Réjouis

In real COVID life, every slice of our life was stacked one on top of another, in ways that have been written about so much I don’t need Away to repeat them. Getting away was unstacking some BY THE REV. MARY KATE RÉJOUIS of them, just a bit.

arly last summer, when churches and clergy It helped also that I could send an email to and leadership were still just pivoting, Cathedral Ridge staff, and then, magically, when and pivoting again, I was so grateful that I arrived, food was in the fridge, prepped and ECathedral Ridge, under the leadership of the ready to be warmed up, meal after meal. That was Rev. Kim Seidman, chose to pivot so we could get wonderful too. It made it different enough for me, away, safely. that something holy and good could happen when I went up there with the kids. In real COVID life, “Safe at home at Cathedral Ridge” was the tag line, every slice of our life was stacked one on top of and I leapt at the chance. I have no shame in saying another, in ways that have been written about so it was mostly because there is no washer and dryer much I don’t need to repeat them. Getting away was to use there. Laundry had become the persistent unstacking some of them, just a bit. sign and symbol of everything hard about COVID-19 isolation. Laundry was always there, lurking around This was mostly true for the grownup (me), which the corner. It was there after I finished a sermon. became clear the moment one kid said, “I don’t It was there, lurking, after another day of teaching understand why we go sit on another couch in grade 4 at home to the kids. Somehow, although we another house with the same old people (i.e., me hardly ever left the house, we (the children, I mean) and sibling) to watch the same old movies.” (We managed to generate the same amount of laundry, if watch a lot of movies during COVID time—part not more, than before the lockdown. “Getting away” entertainment, part desperation). True enough, kid, meant getting away from all that laundry stood for, but at least in the evening I could walk a quarter even for just a couple of nights. mile down the road in the crisp cold air and see

Colorado Episcopalian | Summer 2021 5 the rings around a January moon and hold the between noticing the small, good things and living quiet, good darkness of the night in my heart and in gratitude. feel hope, as small as a star, and as powerful too. Sometimes it takes being away, somehow, just to Real gratitude occurs in the midst of grief. It’s got grasp that. rough edges to it, because there are no neat and tidy answers, not just the other side of a coin. To The sledding, when it was good, helped. In warmer be thankful for my life and health and that of those seasons, so were the rocks to climb on, and the I love and care for most, when close to 600,000 chance to teach the kids the term “glacial erratics” people have died from COVID-19 is a hard kind of (look it up). Anything that gave us something thankfulness. Real gratitude is taking a breath on a thrilling, to remember what “thrilling” feels like— gravel road because we know how much work there kind of like that line from “O Holy Night”: is to do the repair of the world (Isaiah 58:12), and our part in it. Real gratitude is gasping at beauty and A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices. then getting back to work.

The grief of COVID-19 was like laundry: always, I thought about that kid’s disarmingly simple wish to always there. Early on, we wondered how many go to the grocery store again, the last time we were years until a vaccine (thanks be to God for the at Cathedral Ridge. Less than 24 hours into a very progress made there!), and I imagined worst-case few days of spring break, a person with a gun broke scenarios that involved multiple years of doing sacred quotidian space and killed people at King school at home. Later we wondered about other Soopers in Boulder, a place closer to home for me things—will we wear masks in school and church and for us than I can hardly stand. And again, we forever? Will there be college in a decade? Will we recited the hard gratitudes—that we were safe and ever stand around at church with donuts and coffee away and 10 people were not. How dare we? again? Will it be thrilling? Did grief win? Maybe, for a while. In the end, what We made lists of post-COVID dreams one night I found is this—sometimes the world will want us when we were away. When one kid put “Go to the to choose either grief, or gratitude. The next week, grocery store with mom,” I choked up and said: of course, was Holy Week—where Jesus leads the “How about we watch another movie?” So we way in grief and gratitude, choosing both, through watched “Dolphin Tale” for the umpteenth time death, to resurrection. And so we follow him down (or maybe it was “Dolphin Tale 2”), because those the road, taking a breath in the beautiful darkness movies always get me in my heart, and I needed of night: I choose both grief and gratitude. an apparent reason for mom to be a little weepy. The grief since March 2020 has been unrelenting. THE REV. MARY KATE RÉJOUIS is the Rector of St. I don’t have any illusions that my grief was more Aidan’s and mother to nine-year-old twins, and or less than others, and I’ve never subscribed to a she didn’t think it was possible to get better at theology of comparative grief. All I know is that this multitasking until March of 2020. virus compounded so many other slings and arrows of outrageous (mis)fortune: politics, the politics of a virus, the virus of systemic racism infecting this country, how to keep those I love safe, from all I sometimes keep a list of things I wish I didn’t know. those viruses. For one, the number of minutes a kid can spend *completely* distracted from school on any given And, yet, every time I could step away, I found day. For another, how my patience can disappear so quickly when holding all the things together: not grief, but gratitude. Sometimes these two are the lunch heating on the stove, a phone call, a new presented as sides of a coin—this is the silver- dial from Colorado Department of Public Health. lining theory of enduring hard times. Just find the For another, how much dying of COVID-19 is like small graces and pay attention to them. I believe drowning, slowly, and so alone. I grieve for the and practice this theory often—indeed, those small medical personnel who have watched this, again graces are the lighthouses that help us sail safely and again, then gone home and done their best during hard times … just get to the next one, and not to share the virus with their families. the next one, and the next one. I’ve numbered days and weeks that way. But there’s a difference

6 Colorado Episcopalian Photo courtesy Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

HERE I AM BY CANON MIKE ORR

he other day, I heard from a He came to the point right away, admitting friend—rather, to his pain and anger toward the Church. the partner of a longtime friend. Why me? He knew I was a churchgoer, a I didn’t know him person of faith—a person who would listen. well, but I liked Tand admired him. He came to the point right away, admitting to his pain and anger toward life expected of him: married, He knew I’d relate to his story the Church. Why me? He knew had children, and later divorced. because I’ve shared bits and I was a churchgoer, a person Eventually, he courageously pieces, over the years, about my of faith—a person who would confronted his sexuality and own faith journey and my story. listen. He’d grown up in rural came out to his family and I also grew up attending church, South Dakota and had attended community as gay. went to church camp, led small church regularly from childhood groups, “struggled” with my through early adulthood. He Then his church turned their sexuality, and spent long, painful did all the right things: went to back on him and pushed him years in reparative therapy. My church camps, led small groups, out. He’s held on to his grief and relationship with God could have played the organ, and served in anger toward his former church, been characterized as tirelessly church leadership. He lived a and toward God, ever since. serving God with my gifts and

Colorado Episcopalian | Summer 2021 7 Evangelism is a work of saying “Here I am” when presented with the opportunity to show love or answer a call to talk about who Jesus is to us personally; to share that Good News we hold in our hearts and on our lips.

skills and doing good works, evangelism that prompted me to is a deeply rooted work of hoping God would overlook me recall this recent encounter. That personal storytelling, sharing, as an abomination and could moment, that conversation, WAS loving, and listening. Getting real somehow pity me enough to love evangelism. Not the “E” word we and sharing our lives and faith me. For eight years, I worked at a have often come to dread in the authentically. Evangelism is a nondenominational megachurch church. In this conversation, I’d work of saying “Here I am” when where I played the part I was earned the trust through sharing presented with the opportunity supposed to play, complete with my own stories over time, to hear to show love or answer a call a fake, shiny, plastic persona the story of a fellow human being to talk about who Jesus is to us where I buried my authentic self. who needed to share his pain and personally; to share that Good Of course, I feared opening up in look for a glimpse of hope; that News we hold in our hearts and any genuine way to anyone. This same ray of light that had been on our lips. tragically twisted understanding extended to me years previously of God and myself turned me by someone who had earned my This June is Pride month. It is into a wreck. God didn’t give up trust enough to share my own a time where LGBTQIA people on me though. I sought out a pain and grief. And this is the feel a sense of community therapist who told me, “I don’t space where I trust the Holy Spirit and draw from that strength believe God doesn’t love you…all to work. Work that can pry open of being in community. It is a of you. I believe you are perfectly the hardest of hearts, calm the time for celebrating families and wonderfully made…all of worst storms, and comfort those and communities of intention, you.” A ray of light entered my who feel unlovable. where hope, love, and even God shadowed world. Carrying that can be found. If you feel called, hope, I sought out resources that Often we think evangelism is I encourage you to listen to painted God in a much different a big corporate churchwide peoples’ stories in the diverse light…that explored a theological initiative of shouting that “God LGBTQIA community. It may understanding of God and God’s is Love!” whether it be on our open a conversation where you wholeness in an entirely new church signs, from street corners can understand the grief and pain way. A God of grace. A God of on our Easter banners, through of someone who has walked a love. A God who beautifully and church initiatives to “invite a challenging faith journey, been wonderfully made each of us. friend to church,” in participation abandoned by family members, in secular community events or feels estranged from God. It My friend expressed grief and where we can sneakily slip that may be a time for you to extend pain during our conversation. I message in, or by posting an grace and be the face of Jesus responded with accounts of hope encouraging sermon from a they never knew existed. and Jesus and love and sexuality church leader or service on our and how they were life-giving to church Facebook pages. God Pride month may also be a time me, and I hoped they would be certainly can work through those where you feel called to explore for him as well. A few days later, initiatives to communicate, but in the Bible in a new way and hear I listened to a podcast about my own experience, evangelism from others who’ve wrestled

8 Colorado Episcopalian Bryan Fleming (L) and Canon Mike Orr (R) at their wedding with presider the Rev. Elizabeth Marie Melchionna.

Photo courtesy Alli Dunham

with the complexity of pastoral, personal, scriptural, and prophetic theology in the context of moving from fear to love; from conditional to unconditional. I commend to you a few books that have helped both myself and my friends and family members grow in our understanding of God’s Love:

• This Far by Grace: A Bishop’s Journey Through Questions of Homosexuality, by J. Neil Alexander

• Unclobber: Rethinking Our Misuse of the Bible on Homosexuality, by Martin Colby

• Letter to my Congregation, by Ken Wilson

Additionally, the Episcopal Church in Colorado has a treasure trove of formation resources, mentors and coaches, and opportunities to learn about how you can support LGBTQIA persons in your churches and greater communities online at https://episcopalcolorado.org/ welcoming-and-inclusion/.

Let’s listen for God’s call together. Let’s be open to listening to one another and welcoming others who are “beautifully and wonderfully made.” Let’s seek and serve Christ in all persons together, loving our neighbors as ourselves. God is at work. Perhaps you will be the ray of light that someone needs. Maybe you will be the Jesus someone never knew existed.

CANON MIKE ORR is the Canon for Communications & Evangelism for the Episcopal Church in Colorado.

Colorado Episcopalian | Summer 2021 9 The Amazing Grace of God BY THE REV. RICHARD PAXTON, THE REV. SALLY BROWN, & THE REV. NANCEY JOHNSON BOOKSTEIN, DEACONS

BY THE REV. RICHARD PAXTON, DEACON passenger standing on the southbound platform ST. PETER’S EPISCOPAL CHURCH, BASALT was a person of color. We were mostly white over here on my platform.

I reflect on my year of quarantine, “grief” That very day, some 35 years ago, it crashed down seems to be the wrong word. “Outrage” upon me that racism is an all-American problem, As hits much closer to the mark. Among all not just a southern problem. the bitter events of 2020, I was most outraged over the killing of George Floyd in Minneapolis, the city And on that fateful day last summer in Minneapolis, in which my wife and I became engaged—a city I felt as though our nation had not advanced at of fond memories. I grew up in the Mid-South—in all. In spite of a pandemic that should have united a culture steeped in overt racism. Years later, my Americans, racial and political divisions remained midwestern college peers often chided me, arguing stubbornly in place. that “southerner” and “bigot” were interchangeable terms. I wondered. And I was outraged. Is outrage too strong an emotion for a follower of Christ? The grace of God tells me no. A few years after college, as I stood waiting for the train on the northbound L platform in Chicago’s Throughout Holy Scripture, we are reminded Loop, I was struck by a realization. Looking across again and again just how important justice is to the electrified rails, I noticed that virtually every our God. Justice is an overarching theme of the

10 Colorado Episcopalian Photo courtesy Dylan LaPierre on Unsplash

That very day, some 35 years ago, it crashed down upon me that racism is an all- American problem, not just a southern problem.

And on that fateful day last summer in Minneapolis, I felt as though our nation had not advanced at all. In spite of a pandemic that should have united Americans, racial and political divisions remained stubbornly in place.

And I was outraged. Is outrage too strong an emotion for a follower of Christ? The grace of God tells me no.

Bible. And so, yes, outrage in the face of injustice and hopes of the world” (BCP p. 543). I took several is a fitting response. opportunities over this past year to do just that. The grace of God, I hope, was channeling through The Bishop of Washington, Mariann Edgar Budde, my virtual preaching, a lot of which reflected the backs me up here. Asked repeatedly by national deacon’s outrage. media how she felt when her church was attacked last summer by officers using rubber bullets and And yet, I remain grateful. I am grateful to be tear gas to break up a peaceful Black Lives Matter married—married to an excellent chef who made all protest, Bishop Budde consistently responded, our meals interesting and nourishing. I am grateful “We are outraged.” for the daily walks with our son who thrives in spite of his disabilities. I am grateful that the vaccine The pandemic is, outrageously, cruelest to those who suffer the worst injustices imposed by our became abundantly available. I am grateful for societal systems. It was my experience that the essential workers and frontline workers. grace of God shined a light on all the injustices not caused by the pandemic, but those exposed by And I am grateful for the amazing grace of God, the pandemic. who certainly did not always send us “warm fuzzies” in 2020, but who did equip us with our most I often remind people that a deacon is ordained essential ministry: transforming lives through the to “interpret to the Church the needs, concerns, power of our Christ.

Colorado Episcopalian | Summer 2021 11 BY THE REV. SALLY BROWN, DEACON neighborhood. With a nod to Pope Francis, RETIRED who often moves about in his “Pope Mobile,” I converted my Subaru Crosstrek into my very Wednesday morning in mid-March 2020: own “Deacon Mobile.” Wearing a protective mask My usual day to serve at the St. Francis and keeping my car windows tightly closed, I ACenter just as I have done every Wednesday managed to create a perfectly safe way to bear each week for a quarter century. Although retired physical presence to my friends on the streets from parish ministry, I continue to live out my experiencing homelessness. diaconal call to bear presence to those experiencing homelessness in Denver by volunteering at the Twice a week for over a year I spent mornings safely St. Francis Center. But that particular Wednesday began an extended period of time when I would encased in my “Deacon Mobile,” driving ever so not be able to serve on site due to COVID-19 slowly and sometimes parking for a few minutes on precautionary measures. Being 85 years old, Champa, Curtis, Arapahoe, Lawrence, and Larimer I obviously needed to honor the guidelines streets and occasionally near the encampment sites established by the St. Francis Center to protect located in the Capitol Hill neighborhood. I said their older volunteers, and I also needed to listen aloud the names of those I saw and knew, I waved, to the wise and loving counsel of my daughter, an I gave a thumbs-up and prayed as I drove along. infectious disease physician. Some waved back. Some yelled “Sally, be safe—we miss you.” Others yelled: “Thank you for coming,” My head told me to be patient and obedient, but while others offered socially distanced high fives my heart was breaking. The St. Francis Center or the peace sign near the closed windows of my community is where my heart sings and my spirit car. I quickly realized that I was being ministered soars. It is where I find the Gospel embodied in to. Humbled and grateful, I received so much more the sacrament of holy relationships with staff, than I could ever have offered on those “Deacon volunteers, and the guests we welcome and seek to Mobile” mornings, month after month. serve. In my grieving I questioned in prayer how I might continue to bear faithful physical presence, the essential gift of personal encounter, in the midst A pandemic pilgrimage of grief, grace, gratitude. of the COVID-19 pandemic? During that pilgrimage, I experienced amazing grace—the grace that is “God’s favor towards us, And so, on that Wednesday morning in mid- unearned and undeserved, by grace God for-gives March 2020, I began what became a twice our sins, enlightens our minds, stirs our hearts, and weekly sacred journey to the St. Francis Center strengthens our wills” (BCP 858). Thanks be to God.

Photo courtesy Andrew Spinks

12 Colorado Episcopalian Photo courtesy Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

BY THE REV. NANCEY JOHNSON BOOKSTEIN, DEACON to use technology. Zoom meetings allowed us to bridge our isolation from one another. Many of our ST. BRIGITS EPISCOPAL CHURCH, FREDERICK technophobic congregants learned to use tablets and smart phones. Others spent hours helping them everal years ago, to celebrate my ordination, remotely. Once they knew how to use electronic a friend gave me the gift of a large coffee cup. devices, they became supporters of others. Having a SUntil this past year, however, it had lived in the congregation that had tech competence from expert back of a cupboard. I rediscovered it there during to zero and a leadership team willing to move from the pandemic. The message on the cup? “FIND JOY a mindset of scarcity toward one of abundance IN THE JOURNEY.” And what a journey it has been. transformed us. We had energy and expertise, Who knew the three-legged stool of the Episcopal now, to function at a higher level. We held an Church (scripture, tradition, reason) could also be international symposium on Celtic Spirituality as grief, grace, and gratitude? When I think back to a fundraiser. We conducted food drives and paid where we all were—me, my mission church, my utility bills for people in the community. When we friends and family—I continue to be amazed at how moved to outdoor worship, parishioners bought God’s grace has transformed us. what we needed and spent hours of their own time helping prepare and two days doing dry runs. One of the most important gifts of grace for me was the opportunity to be at home. Not only could Despite the grief and loss felt by so many, the people I focus more efficiently on my diaconal work. But I at St. Brigit displayed abundant determination, also spent more time with my family. I took walks creativity, perseverance, generosity, and they took outside, now with greater appreciation for creation risks during the disruptions of the pandemic. and the Creator. I thank God for providing me time Emerging from a pre-pandemic mindset of scarcity, in such abundance. I watched my family, friends, driven by a newfound hope, we now see with and congregation grow closer. People grieving the gratitude the abundance we have—abundance that loss of in-person gatherings developed a greater provides ministry both for worship and for new appreciation for each other. We have become ways to serve. more aware of and grateful for those whose lives intersect with ours. Our long isolation from one another is ending soon. What we once took for granted, connection, The pandemic brought us isolation. But it also is returning with renewed strength and meaning. bestowed on us a gift: competence. We began Thanks be to God!

Colorado Episcopalian | Summer 2021 13 Volunteers help with the Annual Campaign distribution at All Saints’, Loveland.

Photo courtesy Carl Peterson

A PANDEMIC YEAR OF GRIEF, GRACE, & GRATITUDE BY TAD LEEPER

14 Colorado Episcopalian Thankfully, All Saints’ has a strong, resilient, and creative leadership team and staff. Throughout the pandemic, decision- making by church leaders and staff was guided by the Bishop’s office, by public health best practices, and, most important, by the Great Commandment—to love God and to love each other.

had conducted two in-person were still not worshiping in an in- worship services. Then on person congregate setting. The March 12, 2020, in the evening, I pandemic forced the suspension faced a life-threatening medical and/or cancellation of virtually all emergency—an acute cardiac scheduled activities at All Saints’. A event caused by atrial fibrillation few examples: in-person worship (A-fib). The quick action of my services—including last year’s wife, Mary, saved my life that Lenten and Holy Week services, night. She called 911, and after in-person funerals, Eucharistic the Loveland Fire and Rescue visits to shut-ins, and other pastoral EMTs arrived, they rapidly care events. All Saints’ also halted stabilized my heart rate and the use of the church building transported me to the hospital. by outside groups. Even the Thirty-six hours later, I came church’s participation in outreach home from the Medical Center programs came to an abrupt stop. of the Rockies. Implanted in Most significant, the communal my chest was a double-lead celebration of the sacrament of pacemaker. That same weekend the Holy Eucharist ceased for the time, I hugged my daughter foreseeable future. All these sudden Abby: We didn’t realize it then, and wholly unexpected changes but that hug would have to hold to the communal life of All Saints’ us for more than a year until we were accompanied by a profound were both vaccinated against and collective sense of Grief. COVID-19. Thankfully, All Saints’ has a The following week in March strong, resilient, and creative 2020, when I was recovering leadership team and staff. at home, Governor Jared Polis Throughout the pandemic, and the Colorado Department decision-making by church of Public Health imposed a leaders and staff was guided by statewide stay-at-home order the Bishop’s office, by public to contain the spread of the health best practices, and, COVID-19 virus. Thus began my most important, by the Great pandemic-shaped year of Grief, Commandment—to love God and Grace, and Gratitude. to love each other. In practical icture this: It is the terms, this meant making church- second week of March Just as the pandemic upended related decisions to keep the All 2020. The gravity of a my life—and the lives of all Saints community safe during PCOVID-19 pandemic Coloradans—so too was the All the pandemic. Gratefully, few All was dawning across the United Saints’ community knocked off Saints’ members contracted the States—including the state of its even-keel. The final 2020 entry coronavirus over the course of Colorado. On March 8 that in the church’s visitor register this pandemic year, and of those, same week, a Sunday, All Saints’ was on March 8. More than a no one became seriously ill. No Episcopal Church in Loveland year later, All Saints’ parishioners one died.

Colorado Episcopalian | Summer 2021 15 year brought Grief. My underlying health conditions At some point, after the parish began using Zoom services, it meant the coronavirus was a became clear to many of us that the two in-person services constant, looming threat of had separated the members of our congregation based on contracting the disease, likely fatal for me. As many others which Sunday morning service they typically attended. Now, did, I isolated from family and via remote technology, we were all worshiping together as a friends for the duration. Yet, single faith community. And we could even see each other’s along with all of the fear and faces while doing so. What a blessing indeed! Grief, I’ve also been blessed with numerous moments of Grace—and many reasons for deep Gratitude. Last summer, I was appointed junior warden Early in the pandemic, All Saints’ community in yet another way. by the All Saints’ vestry, a role leadership decided to embrace Before the pandemic, All Saints’ that has filled my life with Zoom meeting technology. conducted two Sunday morning countless opportunities to This decision turned out to be in-person worship services each learn, build relationships, and a blessing! As a result of virtual week. With the advent of the experience Grace and Gratitude. meeting technology, the past pandemic, All Saints’ moved to I am thankful for the many year has been filled with many a single, virtual worship service blessings that I have received as unexpected moments of Grace. on Sunday mornings. At some a result of serving in this church The All Saints’ community point, after the parish began leadership role. celebrated Easter Sunday 2020 using Zoom services, it became via a live, albeit virtual, Zoom clear to many of us that the two Moments of Grace and Gratitude church service. The use of Zoom in-person services had separated also occurred within my proved to be a safe, effective, the members of our congregation immediate family. My daughter and engaging means to bring based on which Sunday morning Abby and her beau Madison the All Saints’ community service they typically attended. were married last August at a together remotely on Sunday Now, via remote technology, we socially distanced, high country mornings and throughout were all worshiping together wedding—a beautiful, outdoors the week. As Sunday worship as a single faith community. gathering—and no one attending services resumed a regular And we could even see each the event contracted the virus. schedule via Zoom, Sunday other’s faces while doing so. Then in late November, my other morning and midweek virtual What a blessing indeed! While daughter Liz gave birth to Layla, ‘coffee hours’ with parishioners worshiping via Zoom, people our first grandchild. soon followed. Vestry meetings, had the opportunity to ‘match’ committee meetings, and even the faces of the worshipers on At the advice of Liz’s doctor, congregation-wide virtual town their computer screens with my wife, Mary, and I isolated at hall meetings were all conducted their respective ‘screen names.’ home for a month. Liz and her using the technology. Somewhat Further, since people were husband, Jay, did the same. The surprisingly, All Saints’ real-time worshiping together virtually four of us tested for COVID-19 virtual church services attracted from their living rooms, dens, soon after Layla was born. worshipers living in Wyoming, and even kitchens, parishioners Since we were all virus-free and Texas, Washington, California, were essentially welcomed into had quarantined for several and Arizona—and even an on- each other’s homes on Sunday weeks, Liz, Jay, and Layla (and the-road, long-haul truck driver. mornings. A growing sense of their 75-pound golden retriever Many from out-of-state still intimacy within the All Saints’ “puppy”) all resided safely in our regularly attend our live remote community—along with much home for December, as a single- worship services. Grace and Gratitude—emerged as family bubble. This gave Mary a result. and me the opportunity to help Zoom technology proved itself the new family with newborn to be an unlikely font of Grace Of course, in addition to Grace care, grocery shopping, cooking, and Gratitude for the All Saints’ and Gratitude, the pandemic laundry, dog walking, etc. The

16 Colorado Episcopalian blessing of three generations of redesign project was completed parishioners, and me personally, our family living together in our over a three-month period this with numerous, and numinous, home for a month was a source past winter and early spring— examples of God’s Grace. This of profound Grace and deep just in time to conduct masked past year, unlike any other, Gratitude for all of us. and socially distanced in-person has also proven itself to be a Holy Week worship services. wellspring of deep Gratitude Of course, the current availability The newly redesigned chancel for the Grace moments of new of the COVID-19 vaccine is a and refreshed nave provided a life, new learning, new and source of enduring Gratitude beautiful sacred space to again abiding relationships, newfound for my family and me, as welcome small groups of All resilience, and new beginnings well as for many members Saints’ in-person worshipers. for the All Saints’ community. of the All Saints’ community. This was truly a source of Grace The opportunity to become and Gratitude for our resilient Amen. vaccinated has collectively community of believers. TAD LEEPER is the Junior Warden resulted in a newfound sense of at All Saints’ Episcopal Church, safety, freedom, and emotional Upon reflection, this pandemic Loveland. well-being. year has provided All Saints’

I close this reflection on The technology setup for worship in the newly the past year with one final remodeled Chancel at All Saints, Loveland. anecdote illustrating how God Photo courtesy Carl Peterson worked through the All Saints’ community to ‘birth’ a wonderful moment of Grace and Gratitude during this past Holy Week 2021. At their pre-pandemic retreat in February 2020, the All Saints’ vestry decided to move forward with several architectural modifications to the church to make the building more physically accessible to all. A key accessibility change targeted by the vestry was redesigning the church’s chancel to make it easier and safer for worshipers to approach the communion rail to celebrate the Holy Eucharist. Unfortunately, the onset of the pandemic halted the vestry’s plans to remodel the chancel. Because the pandemic meant continued masked & socially distanced practices into 2021, the nave and chancel were not being used for in-person worship. What an opportune time to deconstruct and remodel the chancel with minimal disruption of worship services. At the same time, the nave itself was refreshed with a new coat of paint on the walls and wood polish on the pews. The chancel

Colorado Episcopalian | Summer 2021 17 Doing Church, Real Church BY IAN NELSON

Stephen’s Longmont has been through an interesting three years of growth. Before the pandemic hit, we had retired St. two rectors over fifteen months. First, we said goodbye to our long-term rector of more than 28 years, and then we bid farewell to our interim rector. We had known they were planning to retire. Still, when it came time, the departures were bittersweet for us. Adding to the uncertainty, the Episcopal Church in Colorado was transitioning to a new bishop. So while things went smoothly, at St. Stephen’s, we navigated the transitions with we closed our doors to public worship due to the some trepidation. I had joined the vestry at the pandemic. Still, we persisted in worship and service, beginning of this period, and then halfway through meeting outdoors and online. Once, we directed my first year, was named senior warden. I’m our congregation to tune in to the live stream from currently in my third year. St. John’s Cathedral, Denver. But every other week, we’ve provided a morning prayer or Holy Eucharist As we entered transition, we were told about grief, on Sundays, and subsets of our people do compline cycles of grief, and the various processes that spool every night. There is morning prayer on Thursdays. out at church when congregations and their rector’s The only difference is we’re not in the same room, part. It’s all true. It’s a process our whole church and we’re using technology for it. We have been underwent in its many parts. At times during the attempting to meet outdoors at least once a month, transitions, it felt like we were just pushing uphill. weather permitting, for communion. And during Volunteers were hard to locate. It wasn’t apathy, I the coldest part of winter, we offered a “drive-by” think. We just didn’t have much energy. We pushed communion. Our book club, men’s ministry, and through it. But it was a challenging time to lead—a meals for people-in-need groups have been strong challenge that may have prepared us for the during the pandemic, all meeting virtually or pandemic. We had already embraced that things outdoors. From what I’ve seen at St. Stephen’s—and were going to be different at St. Stephen’s. this may be at odds with the experiences in other congregations—the grief of physical separation has We celebrated the installation of our new rector, not been as acute as the grief of transition. We are the Rev. Melissa Adzima, about a month before still praying for, talking to, and loving one another.

18 Colorado Episcopalian Photos courtesy Ian Nelson of St. Stephen’s, Longmont, and Chris Montgomery on Unsplash

seven months, a temporary parish administrator, gifted at graphic design, redesigned our bulletin using the colors of the liturgical seasons. People loved it. This successful experiment has made us think we might try to expand that position into more of a communications director. It has absolutely impacted our thinking on what we’re looking for in a new staff member.

We’ve used audio and video recordings. At least one homily was recorded by a guest speaker because he simply couldn’t be available at our meeting time, but we still got to hear his message when we otherwise wouldn’t have. We’ve used audio and video clips from other sources pretty regularly when it fits. We had previously brought a video projector into our sanctuary and used video in our services. But it was rare. Since we’ve been able to do it reasonably easily during our virtual gatherings, we have used video more frequently, and it feels a little less like a special treat and more like an integrated part of our services. We have experimented with recording the readings as videos we play during our service, but we usually have our lectors read from home. We like it when more people get to take part. We still haven’t figured out a great solution for responsive reading, but we make do.

Before the pandemic, people would write their prayers out at a prayer station in the sanctuary. Now, they submit them beforehand via email or type them into the chat window. I think we have as many openly expressed prayers this way as we would have It’s just a little different. We’re still getting to know in person, maybe more. It feels remarkably intimate. our new rector, and pastoral relationships are still forming. The pandemic isn’t stopping that. I think We have made some mistakes, but our parish it has been kind of fun because we’re trying new has been gracious about it. Through the entire things, and there is no fear of changing something pandemic, I have only heard two complaints, which that would upset someone— everyone is just pertained to technical issues. I think some of the grateful for what we can do. mistakes are what make our online gatherings more real. Our “screen sharer” will get lost from time to We meet as a parish on Zoom; it’s interactive, not a time, and the wrong part of the bulletin is up on the one-way streaming application. People can talk to screen. It feels terrible when that person is you. The each other, and if they have cameras, they can see few seconds of trying to find the right page feels like each other. We “screen share” our bulletin. We have an eternity. But everyone understands. We have had music—sometimes live and sometimes recorded. people unmute themselves to voice support when it We’ve had guest speakers give homilies. Three happens. Another time we tried to use an extra-long different priests have presided at various times over cable connecting our computers and the cameras the year. so we could increase our physical distancing. The cable stopped working mid-sermon. I had to stop We have altered our bulletin as we have had people the service and ask our assistant priest to begin her to help with it. Initially, we had a PowerPoint sermon again. She was much more gracious than that we received from a sister church, and we I think I would have been. Sometimes things just customized it with our announcements. For about don’t work out as well as you’d like, but we learn

Colorado Episcopalian | Summer 2021 19 from them. One member recently told me that “it about 1,000 lbs. of food and goods, more than we feels more participatory than when we’re in person,” have normally done. We are also launching a “little and “it feels like we’re still in church.” So I think free pantry” where people can come get things we’re going in a good direction and maybe even as they need. I believe there is more interest and making some aspects a little better. intensity surrounding these projects than there would have been otherwise. Pretty early on after the pandemic started, I noticed that a couple of our regular “Zoom I am grateful that the pandemic happened now congregants” were people I know couldn’t attend and not ten years earlier. In a way, I’m grateful that Sunday morning services regularly because of I was in this position when it did happen. I have health reasons. Before the pandemic, we reached been active in broadcasting our services. It’s not a the homebound through our Lay Eucharistic typical senior warden job, but I’m an engineer in Visitors, now we reach the homebound virtually. my day job, so I’m comfortable with technology. At that point, it felt like we weren’t just trying Besides, it has been fun getting out of my comfort to “get through the pandemic,” we were doing zone, closer to the altar side of things on Sundays. church, Real Church. Our online services are not It feels like I’m using my gifts to make our priests for everybody. I know that. And we have a group of more comfortable, knowing they do not have to people that are waiting for our doors to open back worry too much about the technology as we do up. But bringing people in, virtually, who can’t this entirely new thing together. The technology to normally be there is important work. We weren’t stream and connect is almost ubiquitous now. But, openly talking about what it was we hoped to take really, just a few years earlier, things could have away from the pandemic. Our vestry decided to been much different. I have been amazed by how make a major investment in some cameras and many members of the congregation have been able audio systems in our sanctuary. The expressed to connect to our services without missing a beat. I intent is that we would continue to share our cannot fully express my gratitude for how dynamic services with those that can’t physically attend. As and adaptable they are. many of our children have been doing with school, we are planning on a “hybrid model” with in- St. Stephen’s has a strong vestry. Immediately person and remote worship services if they can’t before the pandemic, we had five people volunteer be in-person. Although the pandemic is impacting to serve. In all the previous years, I can remember our finances, this was a strong move of faith by having to beg people to be on the vestry. I am our vestry. grateful for them and their commitment. More voices and more ideas make it all easier. We’ve had visitors to our online services. Some are out-of-state family members of our parishioners. We’ve also been blessed with a fantastic rector and But we’ve also had entirely new people visit. One assistant priest. They’ve been forced out of their of our recent visitors has been taking part by being comfort zones and have gracefully adapted. We’ve a lector and getting involved that way. We have had to work more closely than we might have talked a little bit about using the online service as without the pandemic, and I’m grateful for that a way to introduce new folks to our church. It’s a opportunity. I told our vestry at the beginning of low-friction, low-risk way to see what we do and the pandemic that I like big challenges when they hear our message. We have to figure out some of the details on how to do this, but I think it’s solvable. happen because you get to work closely with people, We plan to create an “internet greeter” who will and it brings a team together. greet visitors, answer any questions, and maybe direct visitors to a virtual guestbook. Maybe we’ll COVID-19 has absolutely brought us together, have monitors somewhere we can see each other at caused us to listen to one another and God more home during the Peace. closely, and pushed us in new ways. We’ve shared the grief of COVID-19 together. We’ve learned how Another surprise from this time, since we had to to receive grace, give grace, and Do Church, Real pause our outreach efforts, I believe the pent-up Church, together. desire to do outreach has focused us some. We IAN NELSON is the Senior Warden at St. Stephen’s have done two outreach efforts, donating food and Episcopal Church, Longmont. toiletries to those in need. We were able to donate

20 Colorado Episcopalian Christine Martin. While preparing for the Quest Photo courtesy Christine Martin retreat in the fall of 2020, I ordered a brand-new Bible off of Amazon. Despite my anger toward God from the pandemic and all the world news, I had decided that even if I couldn’t attend church or retreats in person, I wanted to try to find peace in God. The best way I knew how to do this was through scripture. I opened my bible and, amazingly, opened right to the book of Hebrews, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). As I read that verse over and over, I reflected on the pandemic. I realized that there was grace in the pain. God had given me the strength to JOURNEY TO persevere in the face of all of the loss, the hurt, and sorrow from GRATITUDE & GRACE the last year. More than a year later, things BY CHRISTINE MARTIN are slowly returning to normal. Vaccinations are given to millions of people every day, and things are looking up. I say that the last assemblies, sporting events, am grateful, now, for the year year has been a rites of passage. My classmates of reflection I had. Despite nightmare is an and I have had to manage four the pain, the confusion, and To understatement. different schedule changes! For the heartbreak, I have gained Throughout the last 13.5 months the last 4 months it was up in the more than I could ever know. or so, the entire world faced air if my graduation this summer I am now attending school 5 such a drastic change; our new would even happen. And while normal was a global pandemic. I know these losses may seem days a week. In the Fall, I will Like most people this last year, I small to some, to a senior in be attending Grand Canyon have struggled greatly to find the high school, they have been University to study Nursing with joy in such a dark time. It felt devastating. a minor in Christian studies. My all too easy to lose myself in the loved ones are alive and healthy. loneliness, and I was barely able I have also watched as social And though the pandemic is not to hold my closest relationships issues were brought to light yet over, I am more aware, full during quarantine, including across the nation. I experienced of grace, and so grateful for all my relationship with God. Who so much heartbreak from the that I have learned, and will knew after 12 long months of violence I was seeing. Living continue to learn, from this time grief and frustration I would with so much fear has been hard in history. manage to find goodness? for my mental health and I know CHRISTINE MARTIN is a member of it’s been hard for others as well. St. Gabriel the Archangel Episcopal I’ve lost so many things due It felt rather impossible to find Church, Cherry Hills Village. to COVID- school dances, peace with all that was broken.

Colorado Episcopalian | Summer 2021 21 THE BISHOP & DIOCESE OF

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