Partners and Breakups Jeroným Klimeš Jeroným
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Partners and Breakups Jeroným Klimeš Jeroným XEROSTOMUS Copyright note This private printout is not intedented for any official distribution. This book is exclusively accessible only through the author's web page: http://breakup.klimes.us This book is copyrighted, not freely distributable. If any publisher wants to publish this book, do not hesitate to contact the author: Title: Partners and Breakups Address: Author: © PhDr. Mgr. Jeroným Klimeš, Ph.D. 2011 Jeroným Klimeš Email: [email protected] Barchovická 1150 URL: www.klimes.us 190 16 Praha 9 Phone: +420 608 221 075 Czech Republic Translated from the Czech by: Melinda Reidinger, Ph.D. Publishing House of the original Czech Version Portál, s. r. o., Klapkova 2, 182 00 Praha 8, Czech Republic email: [email protected] web: www.portal.cz Proper citation of this book: Klimeš Jeroným (2005): Partneři a rozchody (English translation). Portál, Prague, 240 p. ISBN 807367045-3 2 Jeroným Klimeš: Partners and breakups. breakup.klimes.us Contents Contents ................................................................................3 The Law of the Strongest Conscious Need.......................44 Introduction ..........................................................................4 The Law of Sharing Frustration........................................45 Acknowledgements...............................................................4 Partner Plague...................................................................46 Chapter 1...............................................................................5 Asymmetry – Introduction ...............................................47 Displaced Stages of the Breakup.........................................5 Asymmetry of Distance and Activation ...........................47 Conditions of the Stages.....................................................5 Preferential Curves – Appetence and Aversion................49 Latent Stage........................................................................7 Drop-down Curve.............................................................51 Relative Deprivation...........................................................8 Partnership of the „Tension” Type ...................................53 The Hybrid Partner...........................................................10 Evolution of the Forces of Attraction and Aversion.........55 Processes Hidden by Ordinary Activities.........................11 Curve of Overstimulation.................................................57 Inability to Name Negative Feelings................................11 Partnership of the „Quarreling” Type...............................58 Trigger Stage....................................................................12 Time Synchronization of Activation ................................60 Phase of Asymmetrical Decision-Making........................14 Zones and their Typical Symptoms..................................61 Subjective versus Objective Victory ................................14 Autostimulation and Autoinhibition.................................61 Splitting of Experience.....................................................15 Asymmetry of Dominance and Submission .....................63 Manipulation and Antimanipulation.................................15 Asymmetry of Dependence and Independence ................63 Principles of Parallelism and Complementarity ...............16 The Stage of Separation Reaction ....................................64 Subjective Time................................................................17 Asymmetry in Guilt Distribution......................................65 The Double Role of Pride.................................................17 Distribution of Guilt and Expert Testimony for Courts....69 Narrowing of Attention to the Former Partner .................18 Relative Deprivation and the Enforcement of Court Orders.70 Unprincipled Behavior of the Initiator .............................18 Chapter 3.............................................................................71 The Psychologist’s Recommendation ..............................19 Manipulation.......................................................................71 Assessment of the Relationship’s Viability......................20 Cycle of manipulations.....................................................72 Duration of the State of Asymmetrical Decision-Making Dichotomous Thinking – „Either-Or” Reactions..............73 and Allowing Free Choice................................................21 Dichotomous Thinking, Common Space and Decisions ..74 Physical Separation and Fantasy Stage ............................21 Catch Figures....................................................................74 Fantasy Figures.................................................................22 The Rules of Manipulation...............................................75 Diagramming the former partner and the proportion of Manipulation by Means of „Carrot and Sticks”................79 forces of attraction and aversion.......................................23 Tendencies Toward Mental Dependency .........................81 Compulsive Sociability, Drugs and Inability to Go To The Relationship of Peaks to a Drop-down Curve ...........82 Sleep on Time...................................................................24 Emotions as a Secondary Reward ....................................83 Reactive Depression and Unusual Feelings Toward Other Manipulators and Love.....................................................84 People...............................................................................25 Chronic Self-Hatred .........................................................85 Paradoxical Stage .............................................................26 Self-hatred and Relationships with Other People.............86 The Defender Overtakes the Initiator in Ending the Chapter 4.............................................................................89 Relationship......................................................................26 Fantasy Figures ..................................................................89 Paradoxical Phenomena....................................................27 Mental Representations as Models of Real People...........89 Absence of the Paradoxical Stage ....................................29 Externalization..................................................................91 Renewal of the Relationship – Seeking an Old-New Externalization Shifts the Subjective Boundaries Between Identity .............................................................................29 You - Me ..........................................................................92 The Tendency to Repeat a Trauma...................................29 Mental No-Man’s Land ....................................................93 The Possibility of Return..................................................30 We Do Not Attact Externalized Counterparts ..................94 The Problem of Therapy...................................................31 Externalization with Narcissists and Masochistic Stagnation in the Broken Relationship .............................32 Personalities......................................................................95 The Last Chance, and Futile Searching for a Feeling of Characteristics of Fantasy Figures....................................96 Subjective Certainty .........................................................33 Extreme Jealousy, Manipulation and Evolution.............105 Tendency to Repetition.....................................................33 How to Work With Fantasy Figures...............................106 The Principle of Authenticity versus the Principle of Introduction to Work with Fantasy Figures....................111 Reality ..............................................................................34 Directed self-talks...........................................................112 The Previous Relationship as a Means for Autostimulation36 Chapter 5...........................................................................114 The End of the Relationship – Establishing New Degenerated Communication..........................................114 Relationships ....................................................................37 The Concept of Rhetoric ................................................114 Group Living with New and Former Partners in Fantasies Main Principles of the Analysis of Rhetoric...................115 and Recommendations for New Partners .........................37 Communication Acts and Manipulation.........................117 Simple Filters for New Partners .......................................38 Types of Degenerated Communication ..........................119 Temporary Partners, Cobbling a Life Together, and Double Inability to Distinguish Negative Feelings .....................123 Filters................................................................................38 Couples’ Degenerated Communication and Summary and Outline.......................................................39 Breakthroughs ................................................................124 Chapter 2.............................................................................42 Conclusion......................................................................124 Defensive Reactions and Asymmetry................................42 Concluding Inspiration ....................................................125