Andrea Levy’s most heavenly dinner party at varsity.co.uk

The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 | varsity.co.uk | Friday November 17 2006 | Issue 647 Student accused of drunken assault »St Edmund’s student sent down by college »Previously arrested at May Ball this year told her colleague that he went on ALICE WHITWHAM to grope her buttocks from behind. News Editor The second member of staff was informed of the incident immedi- A male student at St Edmund’s ately afterwards by the first. She College has been sent down after admitted that she had initially been allegedly assaulting a member of frightened of what might happen if staff on college premises. The student she walked across the room. “I did- is purported to have been involved in n’t avoid the Combination Room an incident on Wednesday 8 but I was frightened and don’t November at around 8am. know what I would have done had The police received a phone call he touched me”, she said. She con- reporting the incident from St tinued that she nevertheless Edmund’s Dean, Dr Michael Robson, entered and wished the student at 8.29am that same Wednesday, a “good morning”, to which he Cambridge Constabulary replied “Show us your arse”. spokesperson told Varsity. Turning away from him in A St Edmund’s student, who response, she told of how he shout- wished to remain anonymous, told ed, “Well fuck you then”. He only Varsity the following day that the ceased his verbal abuse, she added, alleged assault, which was of a sex- when a male member of staff ual nature, was committed against a approached to see what was hap- member of the college’s cleaning pening. Neither of the women staff. He also reported that the intend to press charges. assailant went on to verbally abuse St Edmund’s Master, Paul Luzio, a second member of the cleaning declined to comment on either the staff who had arrived on the scene a alleged assault or the disciplinary St Edmund’s College, where the incident is alleged to have occurred JOE GOSDEN few moments later. action taken by the college against When Varsity contacted the sec- the student. He said “All that I’m has been corroborated by the mem- Cambridge after his arrest, Luzio deny or say anything”. ond member of the cleaning staff, going to say is that I’m not going to ber of the cleaning staff who spoke again stated his wish not to provide Students at the college articulat- she described him as having been in comment on individual cases”. He to Varsity. She stated, “The same a comment on individual cases. He ed feelings of unease following the a state of drunkenness. The first, added that in any disciplinary situa- student was arrested after the May stated “We want to treat all stu- incident. A second year Natural who wished not to be interviewed tion “we would always follow our Ball for launching stuff out the win- dents and staff with respect”. He Scientist confessed, “I used to feel directly, had informed her colleague Statutes and Ordinances”. dow”. A second year St Edmund’s added, “We’re going to follow our safe in college but now I’m ques- that he had been carrying a bottle Police have confirmed that the student expressed their surprise procedures if it’s necessary to do tioning that”. One first year added, of vodka at the time. She also same student had been arrested last that “he wasn’t sent down at the so”. When pressed by Varsity on his “Once I get within college perime- described how he had told the first summer on suspicion of carrying out May Ball”. refusal to discuss the matter at any- ters I would assume I didn’t need to member of staff that he was going criminal damage at the St When questioned as to why the thing more than a theoretical level, worry. Perhaps I should be more on to follow her up to the bedroom. She Edmund’s May Ball on June 23. This student was allowed to return to he said, “I’m not going to confirm, my guard.” FEATURES INTERVIEWS LIFESTYLE ARTS & Climate in crisis: A peep at Fashion doffs FEATURES a burning issue Mitchell and its hats Webb »PAGE 12 »PAGE 15 »PAGE 26 2 varsity.co.uk/news | 17.11.06

Write for Varsity News: Newsdesk Meet 5.30pm Sundays in King’s College Bar In Brief International immiscible Lover allegedly »New poll reveals that foreign students do not mix on campus torches car Cambridge”. Louis Caron did not members do not mingle well with minority”. Their relative large A 29 year old drainage engineer faces TOM WOOLFORD think the findings reflected on his local students,” he explained, number, he said, enabled them to trial at Cambridge Crown Court, fellow postgraduate American stu- attributing the findings to a “clash form their own societies and thus accused of setting fire to his 48 year old A Council for International dents. “American students? Yeah, of cultures” that causes internation- “form a totally separate cultural girlfriend's car. Christine Marriott Education poll has shown that they mingle. Many of my friends are al students to “retreat back into and social group”. “Most Chinese claims that her younger lover set light most foreign students do not mix British,” he said, “but half the grad- their comfort zones”. students,” he explained, “do prefer to her black Saab after she refused to with their British counterparts. uate students are international; Various JCRs are working to coming to the events of these soci- leave his bungalow in Orwell, The poll of over 600 students from England is an island”. improve integration. Wu Hong eties to mingling with British and Cambridgeshire. Maskell denied start- 87 different countries in 25 further But Jussi Kajala, President of the King, Queens’ College other international students”. ing the fire but expressed his irritation. education institutions in the UK Scandinavian Society, said “interna- International Officer, admitted “it Kelvin Chiu, however, claimed “She came round for sex... she knew it has revealed that while 8 out of 10 tional students in Cambridge tend is true that Asians can often be that the Chinese Society does not and I knew it”. Cat Moss were satisfied or very satisfied to mingle more with other interna- spotted together,” but denied that retard integration, since “most of with the support they tionals, especially at the international students intentionally our members would have struggled received from their insti- undergraduate level,” avoided the British, instead sup- to settle in with UK locals any- tution, only 27 per cent adding that for posing that “like attracts like”. He how”. Without the Chinese Society, All girls at Ely said that that British Scandinavian stu- he added, its members would have after 1000 years people were among dents “it is obvious- formed “even smaller cliques with those that they mixed ly easier for us to “mixing with people of their nationality”, instead The first performance of evensong by with most often. mingle with the of being challenged to integrate Ely Cathedral's new girls’ choir took The findings have British than for, British students into the wider community through place last Wednesday. With a thou- prompted a variety of say, Asian students joint Society events. Beng Beng sand years of all-male singing behind responses from mem- since our cultures is not a problem, Ong claimed that the Malaysia it, the cathedral's introduction of bers of the internation- are more similar”. Society serves to “help integration female voices has ruffled some feath- al community in Kelvin Chiu, it’s a choice” by reaffirming one’s cultural her- ers. Dr Peter Giles, of the Campaign Cambridge. Nina President of the itage and beliefs,” leading its mem- for the Defence of the Traditional Marinsek denied that the Chinese Society was bers to perceive themselves as “a Cathedral Choir, told the BBC “we are findings were true of the “not surprised by the unique person with something valu- sacrificing a wonderful, ancient tradi- Slovenian community. findings. A signifi- able to contribute” in “this global tion of men and boys’ choirs for politi- “We’re too small to really cant pro- marketplace of diversity which is cal correctness”. Tom Parry-Jones form a contingency”, she portion has planned a “homestay pro- the University”. said, “all the Slovenes I of our gramme” in Queens’ to promote CUSU International Co-Chair, know are well inte- integration through “prolonged Ben Yeoh, said “we believe not grated within contact”. Jan Stejskal, TCSU mixing with British students is not Fez attack photos the com- Overseas Welfare Officer, said a problem, it’s a choice”. He released by police munity “Trinity overseas students seem to explained that CUSU’s role, how- here have very little problems with min- ever, was in breaking down barri- Cambridgeshire Police have released in gling with British students”, but ers to full interaction with British CCTV images of two men they want explained that the college’s interna- students, and mentioned its suc- to speak to, in connection with the tional events were now being mar- cess in running free English lan- assault of a 21 year old man in the Fez keted to British students to pro- guage workshops as part of its Club on October 29. The victim suf- mote further interaction. He added ongoing efforts to improve condi- fered serious injuries to his arm and that “the only real problem we have tions and resources for overseas face when he was set upon by two CUSU International Co-Chair Ben Yeoh EMILY WRIGHT encountered so far is the Chinese students in Cambridge. men, shortly after he left the toilets in the venue. Detective Sergeant Mark Barker urged anyone with informa- tion to call Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111. David Brooks Engineering for any Anyone for pigeon pie?

www.snurl.com/12cqp and every situation skills that are required in develop- JOHN WALKER ment and emergency situations such as refugee camps. Students took part Engineering students at Cambridge in a number of different exercises, are undertaking practical training for including the construction of mud the provision of international humani- bricks, essential for the building of tarian aid. emergency shelters. A group of 24 engineering students The event was run by Registered recently took part in a three-day Engineers for Disaster Relief (RedR), course at Clare Farm near an organisation that provides engi- Cambridge, designed to give them neering personnel for worldwide Know someone both the practical knowledge and the humanitarian programmes. 0 Engineers can comprise up to 40 Smart? per cent of humanitarian workforces. 0 Andrew Lamb, Trusts Officer for Successful? 1 RedR, said “If you don’t have an Business-minded? engineer or two or ten working in a refugee camp, people will die”. He Artistically added “People on the course appreci- brilliant? ate the chance to quite literally get their hands dirty. Training events give people a lot more confidence to Varsity are go in to international development work.” looking for 100 As well as receiving training in practical skills, students were given people to feature advice on the psychological impact of in the first edition visiting disaster zones by nurses and professional engineers. Ian Steed, of Lent Term manager of the Humanitarian Centre in Cambridge, said “Even at a basic level, people may go through You have the a period of cultural alienation when visiting unfamiliar environments... opportunity to this is amplified in a refugee camp MIRANDA HOWARD-WILLIAMS have your say environment”. A pigeon has been recently making so much of a nuisance of itself Nominate at REDR John Heelham, a fourth-year engi- in Selwyn College’s magnificent chapel, that the Dean has been Students receiving practical neer, told Varsity “For me, and for forced to take swift action. A falcon is to be brought in this week- varsity.co.uk training needed to cope with others on the course, this has been a emergency situations life-changing experience”. end to put an end to the problem. varsity.co.uk/news | 17.11.06 3

Chief News Editors: Joe Gosden and Jamie Munk Newsdesk Tel: 01223 353 422 Email: [email protected] After-school French »Majority of French students come to Cambridge with skill-levels too low to meet lecturers’ demands »No one scores top marks in the Varsity French test

Professor of French and Neo- LIZZIE MITCHELL Latin literature, Philip Ford, blames News Reporter the “change in the late 80s from O- level to GCSE”, and A-level exams 80 per cent of first year French stu- “which reward expression and cre- dents are being streamed into reme- ativity but not grammatical and dial classes on arriving at spelling accuracy”. The response of Cambridge, a statistic which high- the French department has been the lights the vast disparity between the institution of a diagnostic test at the demands of the MML syllabus and beginning of Part IA to stream stu- those of French A-level examiners. dents into classes for extra language This figure emerges at a time tuition, as well as a full program of when the subject is attracting fewer grammar teaching being available to students each year in schools. In a all students. Varsity-set test of basic grammar Professor Ford has also criticised and GCSE-level vocabulary, issued the lack of literature in A-level exam- to first-year French students this ination curricula. “It is completely week, no candidate scored anything artificial to say that literature isn’t a approaching full marks, with one stu- part of French culture; you can’t open dent (male, privately schooled) sim- a French newspaper without coming Je ne sais pas! A student takes l’examen français de Varsity MICHAEL DERRINGER ply scrawling “too hard” across the across literary references. A-levels paper before walking out. are cutting out a whole register of it does not “devalue the qualifica- While state-educated males topped language.” Asked whether an A-level tions that have come before”. the results table with an average of syllabus should be aimed purely These issues at the top of the aca- L’examen (the exam) towards continuation of the subject demic scale come against the back- at a higher level, Professor Ford said drop of a sharp decline in the num- “we never had to that the “recreational use of French ber of students taking languages in Translate into English Il venait d’entendre la différence should be a spin-off” from a course schools. A survey by the National Chauve entre une tasse de café et une do this at targeted towards the analytical and Centre for Languages has suggest- Maussade tasse à café the literary. ed that in only 21 per cent of com- Douanier school” In recent years there has been prehensive schools now make Feuilleton extensive debate on whether A-lev- GCSE level languages mandatory. complained one els are getting too easy, with the 2004 The number of students taking Give the gender of Tomlinson report suggesting a major French at A-level has almost halved foie student overhaul of the system which would since 1996 and this year Cambridge grève include the introduction of A+ and saw a 6.7 per cent drop in MML A++ grades to distinguish between applications, with a 14.3 per cent Give the passé simple of the brightest candidates. The drop nationwide in those choosing plaire (3rd sing) Qualifications and Curriculum French. Last month, an investiga- manger (2nd plu) Authority (QCA), whose job is to tion was launched by the 43 per cent, privately-educated girls maintain qualification standards, told Government to explore ways of Translate into French: scored an average of just 31 per cent. Varsity that “the purpose of the A- reigniting interest in modern for- The best book I have ever Of the 34 students who completed the level is to equip students with the eign languages in schools. Lord read was about French verb questionnaire, only three understood ability to go on to further study if Dearing, heading the investigation, forms the construction ne … pas que (not they choose to do so,” but said at the told The Times that to appeal to The man who did it was the only), while six were able to decline a same time that “requirements have students, languages need to be con- same one I said had done it verb in the regular past historic. The moved on” and that there have been textualised and placed within a majority of participants declined to “changes in theories of education” “vocational framework”, words Translate into English: put their names to their work. “We which have rendered old teaching which suggest a curriculum moving La grêle ne tombe pas que sur never had to do this at school”, com- methods obsolete. The QCA stressed ever further from the demands of ceux qui n’ont pas fait leurs plained one student. that its primary role is to ensure that the Cambridge tripos. devoirs “Soviet style” fire station plan crashes and burns at Council N

adequate light and ventilation. E ing conditions for light, air quality fire officer for the Cambridge region, D

JENNIFER THOMSON S

Concerns were also raised over the O and the size of accommodation. We expressed his regret that attempts dangers from radiation generated by G need more detail on the location and to initiate change had failed. He said, E O

Plans for a new Cambridge fire sta- J mix of affordable housing.” “The decision to reject our applica- tion have been rejected after one But the Council’s decision was far tion has serious ramifications for the Cambridge City Councillor branded Proposed flats from unanimous, and Councillor Sian future of the fire service in the proposals “Stalinist”. Reid praised them as “imaginative”. Cambridge. The existing fire station Cambridgeshire and Peterborough “Stalinist” John Andrews, managing director of is bigger than we need, leaving Fire Authority’s application to Revurban Developments, had unused space. It is not energy effi- demolish the existing Parkside Fire informed the committee that “High cient, has high maintenance costs Station was rejected by the planning quality design was of paramount and no disabled access.” He went on committee by five votes to four. It importance to us. The scheme pro- to emphasise the benefits which the had hoped to replace it with a new vides vital facilities ... it is a positive new fire station would have brought. building, to include 131 flats and a a mobile mast on the nearby police contribution to townscape and “The proposal we sought would have restaurant or café, with additional station. Alan Baker, Committee design quality, affordable housing, provided a brand new fire station at car parking. Chairman, described the proposed provides the first car club in no cost to the taxpayer, allowing us The City Council claimed that the flats as “Soviet style, Stalinist”. Cambridge and together with your to continue to deliver our service to scheme would result in overdevelop- Baker told Varsity, “I don’t think the officers, I recommend the scheme for the public from a central and easily ment and that some flats would lack application provides appropriate liv- Cambridge’s current fire station your approval.” Tom Carroll, chief accessible location.” Some think it’s about setting deadlines.

We think it’s about hitting them.

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varsity.co.uk/news | 17.11.06 5

Tel: 01223 353 422 Newsdesk Email: [email protected] Pitt Club under pressure from Council »Tension rises between UPC and their Pizza Express tenants

trying to run a business with them MARY BOWERS on top of us.” The Pitt Club, which has attract- The future of parties at the ed many illustrious members since University Pitt Club (UPC), a pri- its foundation in 1835, remains vate members’ club on Jesus Lane, shrouded in rumour and mystery. has been brought into question after The Club has always attempted to Mill Pond a series of complaints were lodged maintain an air of secrecy about its with Cambridge City Council about activities. The UPC, named after Fun and frolicking late night noise levels. Licensing Prime Minister William Pitt-the- down by the riverside restrictions have already resulted in Younger, cherry-picks its members a rise in bar prices, allegedly leading predominantly from public schools. Happy-snapping tourists at the to a drop in the numbers frequent- Although it has a reputation for Mill Pond last Saturday were treat- ing the club this term. exploiting privilege, the UPC has ed to the overexposed sight of a Complaints were made concern- group of naked rowers parading by ing late-night parties in July and at the river. Going to investigate, our the start of this term. An “University Pitt spy was greeted by two drunkards Abatement Notice was served by wearing only deer stalkers and Cambridge City Council against Club a shadow of their birthday suits. They kindly Jesus Lane Pizza Express, who own explained that they were members the licence to the building. Manager its former self” of UCL Boat Club on tour and were Ana Boricic was forced this week to conducting intiations as a part of demand that music be restricted to a their Cambridge stop. Our spy was, small stereo, and played only during however, forced into retreat after restricted hours. being accused of visible physical In addition, bar prices have attraction. increased since Pizza Express recently been dogged by rumours began selling alcohol to the UPC of financial difficulty. The Club, 7a Jesus Lane, the home of the University Pitt Club EMILY WRIGHT this term. A spokesman for the which owns the neo-Grecian 7a Club said “not all members are Jesus Lane, sold a 25-year ground remained tight-lipped about any of its former self”. Boricic suggest- St. Catharine’s happy with the increase”. Boricic floor leasehold to Pizza Express in financial difficulties leading to ed to Varsity that since the was more willing to elucidate, sug- October 1997 for £125,000. Since these decisions. increase in bar prices and the Miaowing silenced by gesting that demands for further then the restaurant has occupied While a club spokesman com- restrictions on playing music, the a good deaning discounts on food and alcohol from the ground floor, previously the mented that “parties will be qui- Pitt Club had been “less busy”. older members were putting strains home of the Hawks’ Club, with a eter in the future”, others have Party-goers had previously “been A few members of the Aristocats on the relationship between the separate entrance for UPC mem- begun to voice concern that the quite loud and stayed quite late”. drinking society have had their restaurant and the UPC. “It’s an old bers. In addition, the Pitt Club has UPC has long been in decline. Varsity has also learnt of the catawailing silenced after some gentleman’s club, with old traditions refused to buy its own alcohol Cambridge University online ency- sudden closure last week of the 7a rowdy behaviour last weekend. and they can be quite demanding”, licence, despite pressure from Pizza clopaedia Janus describes the Jesus Lane basement nightclub, Coming back from a night out at she explained. “It can be difficult Express to do so. The UPC has University Pitt Club as “a shadow Po Na Na. The Junction with a group of non- Cambridge friends, the festive felines decided to take the party back to the otherwise peaceful St. Chester- Chad’s hostel. The less than perfect Synthetic biology success pussies were deaned, and will not be able to attend formal hall for the bution to the Documentation, “Life 2.0” by the Economist. iGEM Nash rest of term. TOM PARRY-JONES Presentation and Poster categories, ambassador James Brown, a mem- with the Grand Prize going to the ber of last year's Cambridge team, Biologists and engineers from University of Ljubljana, Slovenia. explained the significance of the sci- “stabbed 24” Cambridge have returned laden with Between them, the three British ence as the “next stage for genetic Trumpington Street prizes from this year’s International teams (Cambridge, Edinburgh and engineering”. Rather than making Genetically Engineered Machine Imperial) took a third of the awards small changes to existing organ- NIKKI BURTON Anyone got the clap, competition (iGEM), after the 37 par- on offer. isms, which Brown called little then? ticipating teams from around the The iGEM competition is a flag- more than “dog breeding”, synthet- A former Cambridge resident accused world met for a jamboree at the ship event in the emerging field of ic biologists split genetic compo- of murder told three teenage girls he Cambridge is bracing itself in prepa- Massachusetts Institute of Synthetic Biology, an area which nents into isolated parts, or had stabbed 24 people, a court heard ration for the sight of hundreds of Technology (MIT). The Cambridge has sparked great debate in the sci- “BioBricks”, that can then be built this week. Gary Chester-Nash denies sheepish-looking lotharios snaking team was recognised for their contri- entific press and has been dubbed into a biological machine like Lego. the murder of Jean Bowditch, 59, in their way down to collect their The details of the parts are kept in Cornwall last October. The woman’s CUSU brown envelopes, currently an “open source” registry, and those body was discovered with nine stab stacked up in Trumpington Towers. at the forefront of the discipline wounds to her torso. Chester-Nash The enclosed Chlamydia testing kits hope to avoid the proprietary was arrested by police on the same will be discharged next week to a patented fate that has befallen the day for stealing sandwiches and later local JCR, and will be available at pharmaceutical industry. linked to the murder. the scheme’s launch at departmental This year’s competition showcased The girls who gave evidence were sites next Wednesday. what can be achieved when the disci- befriended by Chester-Nash and later plines of Engineering and Biology are “got drunk with him”. Chester-Nash bridged. The Cambridge team’s proj- reportedly “said he had stabbed 24 ect involved designing two popula- people, two of which were near fatal. Bombay Brasserie tions of differently coloured bacteria He told us he had stabbed one person who would battle for dominance of a in the stomach and pushed him off a An encounter of the plate. Yet the practical benefits pre- cliff.” The trial continues. pants down kind sented by the field were also apparent from other entries. Students from An arty group of drinking society Princeton worked on growing stem ladies out on their first outing did- cells into specific kinds of tissue out- n’t quite know what had hit them as side the human body, whilst the MIT they swanned gracefully into the team changed the smell produced by Bombay Brasserie on Wednesday E.coli bacteria from that of faecal night. The Eight Easy Pieces, look- matter to the far more palatable mint ing forward to a night of charming or banana. conversation with a group of gen- There has been much hype sur- tlemen from the Hawks’ Club, were rounding the field of Synthetic confronted on entry by the sight of Biology, and Brown argued that a pair from another swap enacting a recognising its full potential is a “long mock-copulation, pants down, in way off... five, ten, fifteen years”. But the middle of the restaurant. One of as evinced by this year's iGEM, which the innocent Pieces admitted “we attracted three times more universi- were all pretty shocked - it was ties than 2005, he was adamant that 8.30pm on a weeknight”. Participants in the iGEM competition, from above “it's happening”. Gary Chester-Nash

6 varsity.co.uk/news | 17.11.06 News Feature Old, rich, landed and loaded: the haves...

and the construction company JO TRIGG Churchill Residences Limited. It Trinity St John’s also benefited substantially in the The relative wealth of Cambridge 2004-2005 financial year from dona- colleges has long been a matter of tions and benefactions amounting rivalry and dispute. A Varsity to over £16m; four times the Fixed Assets*: £504,109,000 analysis of the most recent college amount received by Trinity in the Insured value of land: £191,539,000 accounts shows that Trinity College same period. Approximate Financial Endowment: Expenditure: £1,737,719 is the wealthiest by a considerable Ranking by fixed assets is only £700,000,000 margin. Despite not publishing the one way of comparing the wealth of Foundress Lady Margaret appar- value of its fixed assets, the figure colleges, it is important that the Insured value of land: £266,500,000 ently left all2 her money to John’s by which the colleges have been size of the student body be consid- and her silver to Christ’s. ranked, Trinity’s wealth has been ered. Dividing the total fixed Expenditure: £5,274,937 confirmed to be at least 100 times assets by the number of students, greater than that of St Edmund’s, Trinity remains the wealthiest col- Jesus the poorest college. The estimated lege and St Edmund’s the poorest, Trinity College is well-known as the richest of the Oxbridge Colleges. financial endowment of Trinity , a but the smaller colleges take on Allegedly the third-biggest land owner in the United Kingdom (after figure which alone would make up greater financial significance. the Crown estate and the Church of England), it has holdings in the Fixed Assets: £236,404,421 only a part of the fixed assets sum, Corpus Christi and Peterhouse, Port of Felixstowe and Cambridge Science Park. College accounts Insured value of land: £208,000,000 is almost £200m greater than the both with a high total of fixed reveal that Trinity spent £378,570 on staff allowances and gifts and Expenditure: £10, 306,690 total fixed assets of St John’s, the assets, rise to third and fourth £3,975 on Fellows’ desserts between July 2004 and June 2005. But next wealthiest college. Homerton places respectively as a result of Trinity is also very charitable with its wealth. In the 2004/5 financial Borrowed £8m from the Royal Bank was the only college that did not their small student bodies, pushing year, it donated a total of £4,153,624 to no less than 22 different trusts of Scotland in order to invest in more release any figures at all in last larger colleges Jesus and Trinity and organisations including Macmillan Cancer Relief, Papworth diverse properties3 year’s university accounts. Hall further down the table. Hospital Heart Failure Clinic and the University Library. The fixed assets of a college are Varsity’s analysis of the fixed long-term assets which comprise assets per capita figures reveal a 1 the combined value of their invest- scale ranging from £572,851 to Trinity Hall ments and their tangible assets. £19,120 per student. But college These tangible assets are made up bursars were adamant that a col- predominantly of the value of land lege’s wealth did not affect the Fixed Assets: £172,354,243 and property, causing the amount quality of a student’s education. Insured value of land: £109,234,420 of land and property a college own Dick Taplin, Downing College Expenditure: £7,039,038 to have a enormous influence on Domestic Bursar, said “Frankly, I their relative wealth. Older col- do not believe that wealth would, Paid to maintain the London- leges benefit from having had a in general terms, affect the quality Cambridge road in the 1800s, provid- longer period of time to accumulate of the education received, since ing milestones4 with the college crest. land and property, as well as the there are so many other variables, fact that the age of their buildings including the fact that the student often lends wealth as a result of selected the college (rich or poor) their listed status. This would in the first place, and so probably Corpus appear to explain why each of the feels more comfortable in their col- top five wealthiest colleges was lege”. A statistical analysis carried founded before 1550, while each of out by Varsity revealed that there Fixed Assets: £172,218,402 the bottom five colleges was found- was no correlation between Insured value of land: unknown ed after 1880. Tompkins Table ranking and col- Expenditure: £6,953,274 Modern colleges, which domi- lege wealth. nate the bottom half of the table, Furthermore, ranking colleges Corpus is exceptionally wealthy in sil- are more likely to rely on income by wealth is subject to difficulties. ver, being the only college not to sell generated by conferences. Trinity College Senior Bursar Dr its silverware5 during the Civil Wa.r Whereas Fitzwilliam earned Jeremy Fairbrother pointed out £409,000 from conferencing accom- that “Many colleges’ fixed assets, modation, income from freehold because they are ancient listed land and buildings totalled a mere buildings, are actually an economic Peterhouse £114,000. Gonville and Caius, in liability, because their maintenance comparison, earned £146,872 from costs so much”. In the light of this conferencing accommodation, but statement, fixed assets may be Fixed Assets: £171,887,000 gained £2.4 million from freehold considered a “dubious” measure of Insured value of land: unknown land and buildings. wealth because they do not repre- Expenditure: £7,833,000 There are, however, anomalies. sent the expendable capital avail- Churchill College, founded less able to a college. During the 1970s recession, rumour than 50 years ago, has been ranked Although colleges at the bottom has it college fellows ate the deer from tenth, above seven of the more tra- of the table may lament their the Deer Park6 to cut formal hall bills. ditional “old” colleges, those found- poverty, for the most part, the ed before 1600. The college influence of differences in wealth receives income from three sub- are likely to be restricted to visible *all figures quotes are for the financial sidiary companies: Churchill displays of wealth and financial year July 2004 - June 2005. Conferences Limited; The Moller bonuses such as travel grants and Homerton’s accounts are not submit- Centre for Continuing Education; formal hall subsidies. ted to the Reporter.

The best of the rest Cross Campus from around the country History in the Students urged Lonely landlord Student sen- Highlands to roll then rock gets company tenced for bigamy The public have been invited to partic- The Department of Health is A west London houseowner has spo- A student at the London College of ipate in a debate at Dundee launching a £4 million campaign to ken of her solution to solitude. Communication has been convicted University, to coincide with the BBC's encourage 18 to 24 year olds to Heather McCauley, 58, told the of bigamy, and sentenced to a total new series Scotland’s History: The engage in safe sex when out on the Guardian that in 1984 she’d “ordered of 20 months in prison. Zita Top 10. The noble aim of the project is “pull”. The television advert shows some students” from a local universi- Savage, 26, claimed that she was to try and find the most significant courting couples with “the name of ty, and has been providing free board forced to marry the three men in event in Scotland's past. The event is an STI... clearly displayed on their to young scholars ever since. She question by a crack gang, but her expected to remain civil until the first clothing or jewellery”. If only real added “Everyone has jolly happy argument seemed to hold little mention of the film Braveheart. life was so simple... lives here”. sway on the judge.

varsity.co.uk/news | 17.11.06 7 the haves... Caius Newnham St Catharine’s Wolfson Robinson

Fixed Assets: £127,401,607 Fixed Assets: £90,287,969 Fixed Assets: £68,797,000 Fixed Assets: £47,307,000 Fixed Assets: £24,863,000 Insured value of land: £173,864,007 Insured value of land: £77,200,000 Insured value of land: unknown Insured value of land: £57,595,932 Insured value of land: £65,464,000 Expenditure: £8,411,183 Expenditure: £8,747,714 Expenditure: £6,065,000 Expenditure: £4,295,000 Expenditure: £5,373,000

Originally called Gonville Hall, until Keeps £104,518 in wine stock, origi- Nearly merged with King’s in 1880 Changed its name from University Originally founded on £17m donation it was rescued from financial ruin by nally located at 74, Regent Street. for financial reasons. College in 1973, in recognition of a dona- by David Robinson, one of the largest Dr John Caius.7 12 17 tion from22 the Wolfson Foundation donations26 ever made to Cambridge King’s Downing Christ’s Fitzwilliam Lucy Cavendish

Fixed Assets: £126,561,000 Fixed Assets: £86,798,000 Fixed Assets: £66,602,000 Fixed Assets: £43,509,000 Fixed Assets: £24,323,000 Insured value of land: £153,000,000 Insured value of land: £92,791,298 Insured value of land: unknown Insured value of land: £71,735,000 Insured value of land: £30,347,593 Expenditure: £12,872,000 Expenditure: £6,980,000 Expenditure: £5,848,000 Expenditure: £5,443,000 Expenditure: £2,523,000

Recently spent £226,000 refurbishing Downingites maintain they would be Spend £4,584 a year on master and Makes £17,000 a year from their Originally founded 1950 for women the Provost’s Lodge. considerably richer had they not sold fellows’ entertainment allowances. launderette at £1 a wash. who were not fellows of any college. 8 the Downing13 Site to the University. 18 23 27 Emmanuel Magdalene Sidney Sussex Hughes Hall

Fixed Assets: £110, 350,941 Fixed Assets: £73,763,845 Fixed Assets: £64,952,747 Fixed Assets: £18,483,546 Insured value of land: £96,385,000 Insured value of land: £104,600,000 Insured value of land: £114,000,000 Insured value of land: £35,091,250 Expenditure: £7,651,370 Expenditure: £4,736,687 Expenditure: £5,274,937 Expenditure: £2,053,404

Amongst Emma’s tangible assets are It is generally believed that the col- Most valuable asset is purportedly Initially founded at the Cambridge recorded £161,500 worth of pianos. lege is poverty-stricken and actually Oliver Cromwell’s head, buried Training College in 1885 with only 9 owned14 by St John’s. under19 the College chapel. fourteen28 students. Churchill Clare Queens’ Girton Clare Hall

Fixed Assets: £105,978,346 Fixed Assets: £70,707,000 Fixed Assets: £57, 310, 511 Fixed Assets: £42,127,000 Fixed Assets: £10,579,203 Insured value of land: £87,648,603 Insured value of land: £89,000,000 Insured value of land: £96,000,000 Insured value of land: £77,882,436 Insured value of land: £17,970,176 Expenditure: £7,779,971 Expenditure: £6,370,000 Expenditure: £6,402,994 Expenditure: £7,144,000 Expenditure: £1,395,486

Owns three companies which pro- Has £12,453,000 in scholarship funds Has known five Queens as Spent £144,000 refurbishing the Received £372,951 from “partner vide much of its income. and £433,000 in travel grants. patronesses including the Queen JCR corridor toilets. universities in South Korea and 10 15 Mother20 and Elizabeth II. 24 Japan”.29 Pembroke Selwyn New Hall Darwin St Edmund’s

Fixed Assets: £103,991,180 Fixed Assets: £69,992,285 Fixed Assets: £52,852,893 Fixed Assets: £33,160,032 Fixed Assets: £8,381,224 Insured value of land: £89,300,000 Insured value of land: £65,189,679 Insured value of land: £49,246,015 Insured value of land: £25,968,127 Insured value of land: £14,656,500 Expenditure: £8,747,714 Expenditure: £4,802, 320 Expenditure: £4,483, 291 Expenditure: £2,241,859 Expenditure: £23,266,000

The college steward has reputedly Ann’s Court, completed in 2005 was Offers free formal halls every week Built on land owned by the family Noted for its recent contributions to promised to leave a large sum of money named after Ann Dobson, one of the to graduate students. of Charles Darwin. Blue Boats and Varsity Rugby. if the college11 keep daily formal hall. principle16 benefactors. 21 25 30 ...and the have-nots

After a remarkably relations with a very close, and male, of the first calibre, he expressed reser- non-libidinous week in friend of hers. While this might have vations initially, but before long was the diocese, it seems been a cause for consternation or cessa- up to his knuckles in love. Amor ex fic- that Cambridge’s tion of friendship in more conservative tum, as our classically-minded col- mojo has circles, the two plaintiffs decided to leagues would say. returned... in a remedy their differences by, appropri- Finally, a scandal in the making is So how much do you cost your college anyway? sexually pro- ately enough, doing each other... developing in quarters very close to gressive format... In a mirror-image reversal, it seems the Bishop. An ecclesiastical colleague a) The Bursar has my bank details on the wall Reports that a self-styled intellectual historian of ours was overheard enthusing b) I have a marvellous collection of formal hall china arrive con- and discerning homosexual of our about a newly-bearded and shaggy- c) Last winter we were forced to burn the furniture cerning a certain acquaintance may be in the process of maned student, telling a close acquain- d) The Master still owes me that tenner from last year diminutive young making a forced conversion to hetero- tance that he was the sort of guy woman of our acquaintance who has sexuality. We have reports that two of whose ‘head you would like to rag Vote online at varsity.co.uk been indulging in regular trysts with a his female friends last week decided to back as you take him from behind’. So rather pretty young ‘straight’ boy. take pity on his lack of success with his keep your ears pricked for screams of Imagine her surprise when she discov- own sex and introduce him, jointly, to frustration from your local House of ered that the very same young man the delights of the female body. God. Never let it be said that we at the had been simultaneously engaging in According to stairwell eavesdroppers Bishop shield our own....

8 varsity.co.uk/comment |17.11.06

Email: [email protected] Tel: 01223 353422 Comment editor: Lowri Jenkins Editorial 11-12 Trumpington Street, Cambridge. CB2 1QA Comment Email: [email protected]

Izzy de You’ve got mail Rosario But you’re better off ignoring it

Sickening Talent side from being one of complete waste of time and cyber- make an impression because of their the very few people space”. A professional lobbyist has persistence. Which, presumably, is It has the same power to divide and enrage Cambridge students as a who did not respond to echoed this, adding that, “One letter the reason why so many of these serious political debate. It’s always accused (sometimes with good rea- the notorious “Illegal still counts as 100 constituents speak- meaningless titbits are chain emails, son) of being nepotistic. Many people despise it, a few love it and a few Immigrants” email ing”. If you care enough, buy a determinedly fighting extinction with more spend far too much time thinking about. What is it? The Varsity with derision, Ellenor stamp and write a letter: an e- the threat of ten years bad luck or 100 of course; back for another year of dubious glory. At the beginning ABland was tripped up by the seem- Petition will affect nothing. the promise of instant good fortune. of Lent term, readers will once again be treated to its plentiful smorgas- ingly insubstantial nature of email as Most frequently, forwards have no Finally, there are politically minded bord of “talent”; of which the necessary use of quotation marks flags up a medium. Formerly one of the Tory pretensions of utility at all. I can’t time-wasters, including the kind councillors for Calne, Wiltshire, she imagine people feeling deeply moved favoured by Ellenor Bland. A sample the essential problem, which plagues the list every year; how can “tal- was suspended from the when they find out that knowing of that fateful forward: “Britain ent” actually be defined? When a national newspaper prints a “talent” Conservative party after being crazy! They pay all year/ To keep list it is a lot easier to accept their definition because the journalists, and reported to the Commission for welfare running here.” Of course G

other figures who compile it, seem qualified to do so by merit of their N Racial Equality by the Lib Dems, for I they may be well-meaning attempts D obvious successes. Varsity, being a student newspaper, can’t really forwarding an email containing the R to inform, much like the e-Petition. A establish this mantle of authority on its own so we enlist the help of a so-called Illegal Immigrants Poem. H However, regardless of the content, L Her defence (aside from the stagger- E assuming that your friends share the panel of professionals (academics, journalists, politicians) whose opin- H C ions seem more reliable. ingly predictable “we have friends A same political perspective as you R

who are Asian”) was that it was : might be interpreted as downright But aside from the fairness of the 100, why print it in the first place? N O “childish and churlish for anyone to I offensive. It’s clearly not as easy as Last year’s 100 neatly sidestepped the difficult issue of whether it was T A

make something big of this”. Emails R it seems to be sure of who shares a “power” 100 or a “talent” 100 by suggesting that it was a list of the T are treated as though they are less S your views, or even your sense of U

“people who define Cambridge”. This doesn’t really sugar the pill. L

revealing about the sender than a let- L humour. Despite being an active I Saying that you’re defining a place through its people is another way of ter or a phone call, because they are member of a political party, Ellenor saying the list picks itself, which is untrue. Ultimately someone has to so convenient and so comparatively Bland managed to irritate someone make those decisions and the accusing finger of elitism cannot really be cheap. They are also (or consequent- enough for this ridiculous email to be pointed anywhere other than at the Varsity team. Furthermore, the ly) not particularly memorable, with passed on to the Lib Dems. Varsity 100 is not really a self-constructing entity; the list defines the exception of the well written and Essentially, if an email comes from importance as much as “importance to Cambridge life” supposedly those from people we care about or your account, it is representative of decides the list. It is not an organic creation, but rather a culmination of about topics we care about. Other your sentiments, if not your words; than that, they just clog up Hermes; Mrs Bland’s plaintive defence, “I did- the opinions of a few people about a few other people. The descriptions the most trivial of all being the for- n’t write it”, is irrelevant. Endorsing “cliquey”, “exclusive” and “elitist” all apply. warded email, in all of its glory. a view by sending on the email ren- But the Varsity 100 exists, not because we enjoy making people good There’s the e-Petition: a well-mean- ders these words your own. Emails or bad about themselves, but because of demand. Most other ing attempt rendered essentially every plotline from Saved By The that exist solely to be forwarded Universities don’t have a talent list, perhaps because no one would real- pointless by its form. Its information Bell makes them a Nineties child, or rarely ever say anything worthwhile, ly care if one appeared. Cambridge, however, has a habit of construct- is rarely collated and is unreliable: I that the embodiment of true love is or entertaining, let alone possess any ing “celebrities”. For some this might seem an alien concept, but if you mean, it would not be particularly dif- when your boyfriend kisses you on redeeming feature that means they start to move in certain circles the hazy concept of University “fame” ficult to generate a large number of your forehead. Yet they keep on should be forwarded to everyone if (or infamy) will begin to appear. Varsity is a student paper, and as such false email addresses. According to coming. These emails are more trite your address book. But they are not we attempt to reflect the widespread views and interests of our reader- the social activist, Michele and reductive than the printed mes- simply a waste of time; they are a Landsberg, “all email petitions are a sage in a Hallmark card, and only waste of your words. ship. We don’t purport to have any agenda. If we didn’t feel there was an interest in the Varsity 100, we wouldn’t print it. But we think there is. It’s a strange occurrence in Cambridge, but students like to know where the power lies; they like to point out who’s going to be the next Jamie What not to wear big thing; they like to celebrate talent in a way that is partly respectful Munk and partly resentful and the Varsity 100 facilitates these feelings. So, Stash: a sartorial and social curse get voting online for your favourite thespian, athlete or general poly- math right now. Let’s not be shamefaced about this. No more so than our tripos examinations, this is a highly dubious, competitive and sub- icture the scene a year splash tops, pink polo shirts; it’s all I’ll be queue-jumping at Cindies jective way of categorising people and a standard fact of Cambridge or two into your pretty dazzling. Needless to say, I later because I was in the blues student life. Cambridge life. only succeeded in getting “MUNK” tennis team 2005. Look, it even Looking round your plastered on the back of a sombre says it across my backside.” room, there are a few black t-shirt that was slightly (now Hang on, I hear you cry! Surely Penguin Classics mugs, definitely) too small for me. wearing my Cambridge University The Independent Cambridge Pa semi-sizeable collection of formal A Capella Society body warmer is Student Newspaper since 1947 hall china and maybe a sorrowfully no different from defining myself Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947, and distributes 10,000 free copies empty gin bottle in the corner. “We are all by any other sartorial choice, be it to every Cambridge college and ARU weekly. Varsity is proud to be the holder of numerous student media These all nonchalantly contribute the converse and skinny-jeaned awards and a vast number of alumni now working in international media. Varsity also publishes BlueSci to that impeccable “student look” conscious of how indie look, or the classic boatie magazine, The Mays, and an online edition at www.varsity.co.uk. you’ve cultivated. toff’s up-turned collar? We are all Board of Directors: Dr. Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Mr Tim Harris, Mr Tim Moreton, Ms Amy Goodwin (Varsoc President), Mr Tom Walters, Mr Christopher Adams, Mr Michael Derringer, Mr And wait a minute, what’s that we appear to the conscious of how we appear to the Christopher Wright, Mr Joseph Braidwood, Miss Mary Bowers and Mr Jonathan Ensall. rearing its ugly sleeve out of your outside world outside world, and in this town you Editors Mary Bowers and Jonny Ensall [email protected] Associate Editor Was Yaqoob laundry basket? It can’t be! But can’t avoid being seen and judged. [email protected] Chief News Editors Joseph Gosden and Jamie Munk [email protected] yes, how predictable: the ubiqui- We cultivate a particular look with Features Associate Editor Natalie Woolman [email protected] Arts Associate Editor Hermione tous “hoody”, branded with your and in this town whatever we wear, so why should Buckland-Hoby [email protected] Arts and Features Visual Editor Rhiannon Adam [email protected] name and the logo of some spurious stash be dismissed? Interviews Editor Tess Riley [email protected] Sport Editor Bobby Friedman [email protected] you can’t avoid Sport Associate Editor Dr Sophie Pickford [email protected] society you can’t remember being It is because stash is a status Online Editor Joe Braidwood [email protected] Online Team Richard Zito, Chris Wright, Joe part of. Like countless generations ” thing. While fashion-statements Osborne, Henrietta Brooks, Nick Swetenham, Amy Renton and Dmitri Levitin [email protected] of sportsmen, thesps, and society being judged portray your personality and allow News Editors Joanna Trigg, Alice Whitwham and Tom Parry-Jones [email protected] News Reporters members before you, you have you to look your best, a boat club Nikki Burton and John Walker Comment Editor Lowri Jenkins [email protected] Discuss Editor Catherine Hall [email protected] Science Editor Udayan Bhattacharya [email protected] Science unwittingly been sucked into the hoody neither looks stylish nor Associate Editor Mico Tatalovic Food and Drink Editor Katie Craig [email protected] Restaurant cult of “stash”. says anything about you; and from Critics Martha Spurrier and Mathilda Imlah [email protected] Lifestyle Editors Saskia Payne and Stash has dubious appeal. Who personal experience, it will shrink Carol Peacock [email protected] Fashion Editors Olivia Johnson and Rosanna Falconer [email protected] Literature Editors Lucy McSherry and Andy Wimbush [email protected] would want to walk into the UL Stash definitely has a certain je in the wash. But in the hyper-com- Music Editors Freya Jonson Ross and Katy Wells [email protected] Visual Arts Editor Jonny Yarker with their name plastered on the ne sais quoi about it. But to me petitive bubble we inhabit for [email protected] Screen Editor Olly Riley-Smith [email protected] Theatre Catherine Spencer back of an ill-fitting t-shirt proclaim- this is less a kaleidoscope of names three short years, stash allocates Classical James Drinkwater [email protected] ing “MC Lagermeister”? Yet it is and colours, more the stagnant its manifold wearers with places in Design Jessi Baker and Jonny Ensall Illustration Julien Hunt, Rachel Harding, Mary Bowers and Pippa Cornell Production Cassell Carter, Mike Yue Yin and Georgia Argus Chief Photo Editor Amica Dall everywhere round this little town: whiff of muddy Cam water it the pecking order, whether a lowly [email protected] Photo Editors Emily Wright and Alexandra Constantinides [email protected] in the library, jogging along the exudes. Strolling late into that JCR Services Officer or full-blown Business Manager Adam Edelshain [email protected] Production and Chief Designer Michael backs, strolling down King’s Parade. morning lecture on Renaissance Union Society Honorary Derringer [email protected] Technical Director Michael Derringer and Chris Wright technical- Cambridge is full of the stuff. humanism, stash announces “I’m Secretary. Like a modern revival [email protected] Company Secretary Patricia Dalby [email protected] I must confess, I am a failed really busy and important, just of the long extinct practice of hat Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. and printed by Cambridge Newspapers Ltd. All copyright is the exclusive property of Varsity Publications Ltd. stasher. A naïve first year, I walked look at my back: I was “DIREC- doffing, random items of stash are No part of this publication is to be reproduced, stored on a retrieval system or submitted in any form or by any through these same hallowed clois- TOR” of that play you didn’t come the nuts and bolts of the means, without prior permission of the publisher. ters, wide-eyed with amazement at and see last week because you Cambridge social hierarchy. © Varsity Publications Ltd, 2006. 11-12 Trumpington St., Cambridge CB2 1QA Tel: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 352913 the bright hues of nylon. Blue were sat in the library crying into So freshers, what are you waiting Medical Society hoodies, purple your essay”. It smugly notes “Yes, for? On your marks, get set, dress...

varsity.co.uk/comment | 17.11.06 9

Ethics Girl

Cubicle encounters

o, I’m standing in a loo queue in the Kambar when it rings. It belongs to a girl who’s in one of the cubicles. I would have let it ring andS called back later, after the pull-up-tights-skirt-down-emerge- from-cubicle stage. (Boys, you have no idea.) The girl in the Kambar did not. And, far from answering with “Yes, I’m walking through a very echoey tunnel,” she hollers “Lizzie, how are you? Yeah, fine. I’m just on the loo.” What do you say to that? I don’t know what poor Lizzie’s reaction was, but she can’t have been too put off because lady-on-loo proceeded to tell her all the latest gossip. Their mate’s boyfriend got drunk and slept with another girl. Mate got upset so kissed other girl in revenge (eye for an eye and all that). He found this kinky, she went shopping with his credit card, now he has flu, she’s got a new microwave and they’ve all got her- mes. I mean herpes, a subject that’s on everyone’s lips (ahem). We’re all a little confused by this stage. ILLUSTRATION: PIPPA CORNELL This Kambar event made me think. We’ve all got choices. Bare- bottomed cubicle girl had the Andy choice to answer her phone, Lizzie Wimbush Caught in the act had a choice to put it down on dis- covery of callee’s location, I had the choice not to listen… intently, Soul-selling and the importance of being earnest and her mate’s boyfriend had the choice to use condoms, not sleep here’s an amusing see ADC staff rattling collecting my hippie persona suddenly enthusiastic publicity mode. “Good around, and purchase something refrain you hear in tins after the main show, but demanded my thesping skills. Last morning sir, information about cli- more ethically friendly than a Cambridge about that’s where it stops. week, I participated in a small mate change? Thank you very microwave. Honestly! “selling your soul”. Furthermore, did the cast of these protest against short haul flights. much, have a good day.” (And if Choice is important. As British This nifty bit of folk shows suddenly become aware of Before we began, I was handed a you compliment them first, you citizens, we are fortunate to live wisdom considers a the issues behind their plays? Did stack of flyers. I immediately get even better results.) Had our in a democracy with just civil careerT in management consultancy they do anything? I’m not sure we realised that the endless hours I intrepid band of hippies the stage rights. In crude contrast are the to be the ultimate Faustian pact. can easily answer any of those had spent publicising a play on charisma of some of the ADC’s totalitarian states – often in the It is uttered particularly often in questions with a resounding “Yes”. Edinburgh’s Royal Mile were not more colourful members, we poorest countries – ruled by dic- circles of thespy types, urging I should point out that, accord- wholly useless. would have got rid of many more tatorship. Unfortunately, howev- their friends not to give up on dra- ing to my housemates, I am a leaflets and convinced far more er, and perhaps ironically, devel- matic dreams, as if treading the thesp to the very core. Much of people of the dangers posed by the oped nations’ freedom of choice boards was some kind of beatific my time at Cambridge has been “I don’t think growth of the aviation industry. has allowed detrimental and irre- stairway to heaven. No one ever spent in rehearsals; the theatre My example is, of course, pretty versible damage to the planet. questions this. No one asks why makes me very happy indeed. that many of us trivial. I’m not really suggesting Driven by the desire to make con- the average career in the dramatic Recently, however, I’ve gained that Sir Ian and Dame Judy tinual economic growth, prosper- arts should be considered morally another label from my friends. still hold onto should restart their careers as ous nations have favoured lower superior to a city desk job. Why is Thanks to my fondness for organic street fundraisers. But my broad- prices over higher quality. The it not considered possible to “sell vegetables and an ever-present the pious old er point is that aspiring actors image of clothes strewn across your soul” to RADA, LAMDA or worry about how humanity is would do well to step back and the wasteland that is Primark, anywhere else? messing up the planet, I’ve been notion that Art wonder what it is about their cho- trampled by scavenging shoppers I don’t think many of us still branded a “hippie”. Every thesp (whatever that sen career that makes it impor- stuffing voluminous piles of gar- hold onto the pious old notion that knows that when you’re given a tant, even noble. I’ve no doubt ments into cheap, plastic baskets, Art (whatever that is) can make new role to play you might as well is) can make us that there is a certain nobility to represents all too well the hor- us better people. But surely, says enter it with enthusiasm and these be found: after all, representing rors of complacent conspicuous the thespian, theatre can alert us days, it’s pretty easy to method- better people” humanity on stage or on screen is consumerism. to the plight of our fellow human act your way into hippiedom. So, I an important job. But let’s not lose We have a decision to make: the being! Look at some of this term’s went off to London for that sight of why we might be doing greatest choice of all. Either we let shows so far: Blasted demonstrat- Demonstration against Climate theatre in the first place. What things carry on and limitation will ed that the horrors of war can be Change. I signed a pledge promis- are we trying to say? What are we be imposed upon us by increasingly closer than we think. In the Blood ing not to use aeroplanes. I don’t trying to achieve? Why is it neces- draconian legislation or, the choice showed us the difficult lives of drive anymore, except to pick up sary? If we can’t answer these comes from within. Solutions to inner city single mothers. A State my granny for lunch. I switch off You see, there are many ways to questions, or if the answers are issues such as environmental dam- Affair reminded us of how drugs lights with fanaticism. I’ve avoid- make people take flyers from you too closely aligned our own self- age and social injustice do not, can wholly obliterate young lives. ed Sainsbury’s, started shopping and thesps know all the tricks. gratification and love of success, should not and cannot lie in the We certainly left the theatre with at the market and get organic food Clutching the stack of paper in then we should be very worried. hands of governments alone. It these worries in our minds, but delivered from local farms. The one hand, I adopted my best Mephistopheles will have snatched requires us to accept a simplifica- did we do anything? Were we ever transformation is almost complete. actor’s (insincere?) charm and our souls for the very cheap price tion of our domestic, working and encouraged to? Occasionally you’ll I was surprised, however, when sunk my voice into courteous, of a round of applause. travelling lives whereby we value quality over quantity. Far from being a process of de-evolution, this will provide a union of personal Right to reply happiness, ethical justness and envi- ronmental survival. At the moment, we still have a Do you have something to say? choice. Let’s keep it that way. After all, the more ethical our decisions, the less likely we are to get hermes. email [email protected] Tess Riley

10 varsity.co.uk/discuss | 17.11.06

Discuss editor: Catherine Hall Turn to page 23 or lift up Arts and Features for more discussion Discuss Email: [email protected]

» Post from »Letter of the week Paris “It is not surprising that people appear to have double standards concerning smoking and binge drinking”

Dear Sir, ask what you’re doing in Cambridge contradicts himself in his next sen- shaved off their life expectancy or if you don’t already know it. Most of tence by conceding that smoking is a not. Joe (currently) has a right to I found Joe Hunter’s Comment us are also aware that binge drinking “relatively small” presence among smoke, just as others have a right to ‘Smoke Signals: There’s no smoke causes cirrhosis of the liver, potential young people! Does he expect perfect find his smoking habit objectionable. Alicia Spenser-Joynes without ire’ disturbing in its equation alcoholism, and other (social) prob- obedience to authorities telling us Thomas Ling of smoking with a rebellious attitude, lems. But these problems are being how bad smoking is for our health? Emmanuel College and unfounded in its implication that publicised relatively recently com- the student who chooses not to smoke pared to the dangers of smoking, so it I sympathise with the apparent ani- Tell Varsity what’s on your is choosing conformity over individu- is not surprising that people appear mosity that Joe must encounter as a mind - each week, the best ality. to have double standards concerning smoker. But there is of course the letter will win a specially am not the fashion police, smoking and binge drinking. Joe sug- argument that Joe’s smoking passive- selected bottle of wine from nor am I particularly well We all know that smoking causes gests that decades of anti-smoking ly affects others around him, whom our friends at Cambridge dressed. Nevertheless, it lung cancer: this fact has been parrot- campaigns have not worked “to any he hasn’t consulted to ask whether Wine Merchants, King’s Parade would be a lie if I denied ed to us for so long that one has to significant degree”. Yet he apparently they want to have several minutes that the most perfect ten minutes of my entire first yIear was following in the wake of campaign then suggests a lack of and has remained more or less Sir, a girl in matching tweed knicker- political priorities, and a belief that unchanged since RAG’s inception in bockers, waistcoat, heels, beret the importance is located in the dona- 1959. This attitude to charity I wish to voice my concern at the and cape strutting her stuff across tion rather than its effects.” Sadly fundraising is vital, since many of the casual use of the word ‘Ubermensch’ the Sidgwick site. Rubbernecking this view is not only highly cynical, charities we support would be almost in Matthew Richardson’s Comment at fashion victims is a vice I’ll but shows a rather fundamental mis- impossible to raise money for were piece, ‘Learning our Lesson’ on ‘the never give up. The problem in understanding of the way in which we to stand on the street with buck- perils of privileging research over Paris with this wonderfully bad RAG works. ets or run specifically-targeted teaching’ within the University kind of bitchiness is that everyone events, because they are either (Varsity, 12.11.2006). In an otherwise seems so chic. Around two thirds of the money unfairly stigmatized (as with certain thoughtful and thought-provoking raised by RAG comes from charity mental health charities, for example), piece the thoughtless and tactless It’s time to debunk a myth. The street collections. Our student volun- not well known or quite simply small. casting of ‘Darwin, Thompson, French are not the most stylish teers give up many hours of their RAG’s apolitical untagged fundrais- Watson and Russell’ as ‘superior people in the world. Anyone who time to stand on street corners with ing is vital for small local charities beings’ was surprising and offensive. says otherwise has clearly never buckets, in some cases raising many whose volunteers are often elderly, travelled on the metro. Of thousands of pounds over the course unwell or disabled. This is no mere matter of pedantic course, there are those that man- of the year. In these cases, donors political-correctness , but rather age to turn themselves out pretty know exactly where their money is RAG provides a pragmatic way of indicative of a growing tendency to damn well, but – and trust me on going at the point of donation and can supporting a wide range of causes. pepper Comment with pseudo-intel- this – there are also those that judge whether or not to give based Hot air and vacuous rhetoric may lectual jargon strikingly inappropri- get it oh so wrong. There’s the on the merits of the cause being sup- well make one feel righteous; sadly ate to the matter or argument at grannies who sit on the metro in ported. they do little to cure cancer, prevent hand. I hope a lesson has been learnt all their finery – evening dress Dear Sir, child abuse or support and protect and that the normal high standard of from the mid-80s, layers of blind- The remainder of the money is raised the vulnerable in our society. editorial decision-making will not be ingly bright eyeshadow, heaps of I read with interest Jacob Bard- through events for the (admittedly further eroded. rings, necklaces, brooches. The Rosenberg’s article ‘Charitable apolitical) RAG Appeal fund. This is Yours faithfully, scarily high heels they wear are Misgivings’ (Varsity, 3rd November distributed according to a democratic Simon Sprague Yours sincerely, surely extra dangerous when hip 2006) in which he suggests that ballot of RAG reps. The ethos of the RAG President 2005-06, RAG David Marusza, formerly of replacement surgery is a plausi- “...giving to RAG instead of any other RAG ballot is maintained each year, Central Treasurer 2006-07 Corpus Christi College ble eventuality. Hair in shades of orange, violet and pale green, backcombed to death and twist- ed around itself to perch not so daintily atop an aging crown is popular. Yet, they pull off their Way Back When: Varsity Archives eccentric look with pizzazz. »May 12th, 1989: Wot a sizzler! - Council ban on fried onions It’s not that the French are actu- ally all that chic, it’s just that, on tion of the highway and unfair difference, really” was the con- the whole, they radiate self-con- competition to unhappiness sensus of opinion. fidence. As a fellow student of about litter and, above all, odour. mine sashays along in her All four hot dog stands in orange flowery velour capri The ban was not enforced until Cambridge have been affected pants and towering bouffant bee- March of this year and it has and the operator of one of them hive, she exudes a certain je ne apparently made a noticeable is now preparing a petition to sais quoi. She projects, appar- difference to trade. Roger, who the Council which most of his ently effortlessly, what she wants sells hot dogs in the centre of customers sign. Roger said, us to see, what she herself wants town, said: “It is a problem and ‘When I tell people that the to be, so convincingly that peo- does affect us financially. We Council has banned onions they ple not only accept her style but have lost custom because people all laugh. If public opinion had compliment her on it. She looks have the idea that a hot dog is been sought I’m sure it would fabulous because she believes not a hot dog without onions, have come out on our side.’ It she looks fabulous. It’s a trick and because we no longer have would seem that, once again in that every stylish person, French that beautiful smell pervading Roger’s words “The vocal minori- or otherwise, uses. which attracts customers.” ty have really sold everyone short.” So I’ve developed a newfound Eric from “Benetton”, one of the respect for the outlandishly complaining shops, was not so But from a caravan in the mar- attired. I salute them as they convinced of the delights of the ket place a strong smell of have the guts to choose who they bulbous vegetable’s odour. “It onions still emerges. The woman want to be every time they put was horrible, it was disgusting”, who runs the food stall is aware on a piece of clothing. Perhaps I, he said. “It was smelling up the of a ban on fried onions but not a like a certain cohort of Sidgwick whole shop, and onion does not recent one, “I’ve been here twen- fashionistas, just need a lesson exactly have a very social smell, ty years and frying onions has in image projection from our especially not for a clothes always been banned,” she said. French friends to be able to stalk shop.” the streets in style. It certainly She achieves the smell by boiling would save a lot of time trying to ot dogs are losing Health Committee took the deci- In the neighbouring clothes the onions, which gets around accessorise my clothes in the their appeal follow- sion on 21 September of last year shop, “Snob”, one sales assistant the regulation but has the same morning. ing a Council ban on following complaints against the said “I like it!” and another that effect as frying. Roger pointed fried onions. hot dog stands by shops and she never noticed it, while at this out and concluded “I really Cambridge County pedestrians. The complaints var- Thornton’s chocolate shop, also don’t understand why we can’t HCouncil’s Public ied from accusations of obstruc- next door, “It didn’t make any fry onions here.”

Features

&ArtsFriday November 17th 2006 | Issue 647

A Burning Issue

Features Interview Arts Reviews » George » Close up » Why » Varsity gets Monbiot in the and personal improvising is a sneak Varsity climate with the Peep not just for preview of the change Show boys GCSE drama new Bond forum students movie P 12-13 P 15 P 16-17 P 19

12 varsity.co.uk/features | 17.11.06 Features Front Climate

CrisisAs part of a Varsity climate change forum, Tess Riley discusses CO2 emissions with two of the world’s leading environmentalists, whilst Cambridge students express some of their own concerns

George Monbiot Tony Juniper s

In George Monbiot’s latest book, Heat – How to Stop Tony Juniper, Executive Director of Friends of the the Planet Burning, the investigative journalist expos- Earth England, Wales and Northern Ireland, has es the corporate campaign to deny man-made climate been an environmental campaigner for almost twen- change. The book confronts us with one of the biggest ty years. Recently his work has concentrated on The challenges the world has ever faced: in order to pre- e Big Ask campaign, which calls for new climate vent the planet from warming by two degrees, we change laws that would force the government to need to reduce global carbon emissions by 60 per cent make year-on-year cuts in carbon dioxide emissions. in 24 years. In the richest nations, that means a cut of Progress was made when, this October, a new 90 per cent. Climate Change Bill was announced, backed by over This figure is daunting. However, Monbiot’s aim in

r 400 MPs. Environment Secretary David Milliband Heat is to show how this can be achieved, and why said the Bill would put the Government’s CO2 tar- we need to get on with it now. I met Monbiot the day gets into statute and establish an independent body before Heat was released and talked to him about his – the Carbon Committee – to work with the work, and his hopes and fears of the celebrity status Government to reduce emissions as well as creat- of “green”. ing enabling powers to implement the new emis- sion-reduction measures required. “There is a great danger of green issues turning into a fashion. That’s exactly what happened in 1991/92, around

u “It is important that we all do our bit to tackle climate the time of the Earth Summit. The enormous surge of inter- change (see foe.co.uk/living) but the scale and urgency of est in green issues became a fad very soon and hasn’t aris- the problem requires government com- en again for 15 years: I just hope it doesn’t become too cosy mitment and leadership at a national now.

t and international level. Friends of the Our big problem is the individualisation of society. Earth’s The Big Ask campaign asked We’re constantly being told to take responsibility and the government to commit to reducing act like individuals but with something like climate UK carbon emissions by 3 per cent a change you just can’t do it. We need a really powerful year to avoid the worst effects of cli- lead from government; the government setting up a mate change. We must ask the gov- framework in which carbon emissions can be cut, ernment to demonstrate this commit- investing in new infrastructure, new technologies, and a ment to take urgent action with a producing regulations that mean carbon cuts apply to Climate Bill. Only then can we credi- everybody rather than everybody else. bly put pressure on the global com- There’s very little we can do by ourselves. We have to munity to follow this example. get political; stop being consumers and start being citi- As students, you have the oppor- zens again. That means we must put an enormous tunity to play a key role in develop- amount of pressure on government to force them to force

e ing our understanding of the world us to do the right thing. we live in. You will shape the world While we can fly between London and Edinburgh or of the future. Cambridge A wherever, people will. Increasing numbers of them will. It glacier melt ed due to the University has a deservedly excel- effects of gl just shouldn’t be allowed. You’re killing people doing that. obal warming lent international reputation. You Image taken . Flying kills. Carbon emissions are already killing people from the film have the opportunity to lead the An Incon , around the world and they’re going to kill a lot more – venient Truth way in showing how we can all live tens of millions of people at least. Just for the sake of a more sustainably.” marginal amount of convenience. That’s simply not F acceptable.” varsity.co.uk/features | 17.11.06 13

Apathy Lad Lianna Will Horwitz Hulbert Why bother being green?

Lianna is a third-year Will is a third-year Psychology Want to save the environment? Want to geographer at Corpus Christi student at Emmanuel. He protect our planet’s precious natural and is group co-ordinator of the spent the summer volunteer- resources? www.justgive.org has some Cambridge People and Planet ing with an HIV/AIDS cam- advice for you “Flush the toilet less often group. paigning organisation in – if you cut flushing in half, you’ll save up South Africa. to 16.5 gallons a day. Plant short, dense For me, climate change is the most shrubs close to your home’s foundation to important green issue. I could cam- The debate over the science of cli- help insulate it against cold… Don’t buy paign about people’s right to water, mate change is over. The scale of products made from endangered animals about refugee issues, about plum- the problem is enormous. Even the – better still, switch to a vegetarian diet meting biodiversity or disease epi- most conservative credible esti- because raising animals for food con- demics. But all of these issues are mates of its possible impact sumes vast quantities of natural bound up with the question of how require that we implement imme- resources, including water, land, and oil.” much carbon we emit. The Stern diate change if we are to avoid But, if I’m honest, I just don’t care all report on the economic impacts of devastation on an environmental that much. I like to flush my lavatory as climate change was welcome but and human level. Yet I am still and when required, rather than letting it economics is not the real issue here. uncomfortable with the idea that all pile up just for the sake of nature. I’m It’s a moral one. Cutting carbon we should prioritise climate not planting short, dense shrubs close to emissions could save tens of millions change. Yes, it’s vitally important my home’s foundation because that from starvation; from displacement; but I don't feel these issues can or would involve a trip to the garden centre from the wars that are destined to should be hierarchical. and, frankly, I’m sceptical as to whether break out over dwindling natural If we prioritise climate change, a few bushes would keep me toasty in resources. are we not consenting to the death the cold winter evenings – unless I chose Too often, the problem of climate of millions of people suffering to use them to stoke a nice roaring fire. change is reduced to buying energy- from AIDS or civil war? If you had Endangered animals? Pish. If I want a saving light bulbs at home and to choose between combating cli- toasted Siberian tiger baguette, I’ll be switching your computer off stand- mate change or providing life-sav- having one, thanks very much. by. I can claim full marks on all ing drugs to your mother, what Vegetarian? There isn’t a snowball’s that. So far, so good, in terms of per- would you do? It’s not about one or chance in hell that I’ll be sacrificing my sonal smugness. the other: we need take a holistic Big Mac for the sake of global warming. I felt I was doing my bit. Then, approach to environmental, social Next to this article there’s probably this summer, I worked in a London and political issues if we are to see another one describing the merits of fol- office, a pretty average office where positive development. lowing advice like that offered by just- all the computers are left on More practically, development overnight, nothing is recycled, and and climate change are inextrica- the watercoolers not only chill bly linked; if we do nothing about » Endangered water, but dispense hot water in climate change, our attempts at animals? Pish. If I want case boiling a kettle is too much development will be offset by the effort. Walking back after a night devastation it causes. Equally, a toasted Siberian tiger out, I saw office blocks throughout development is essential to amelio- town still lit up at midnight. rating the impact of climate baguette, I’ll have one Suddenly I realised that all my change. Countries where the work- efforts to reduce my carbon emis- ing population has been decimated give.org, and before all you budding envi- sions were achieving very little. The by AIDS, or where most people live ronmentalists go “Greenpeace” on me and energy I save annually is probably on less than $2 a day, do not have smear my door with horse manure, I’ll outweighed by what one average- the money to invest in the technol- admit that mine is a losing battle. If we sized office wastes in three days. ogy that the developed world sees don’t start respecting the world around us Suddenly I felt very insignificant. as fundamental to combating cli- soon, there won’t be much of an environ- I looked up the statistics. The mate change. ment left to respect. Being green in a con- commercial and industrial sector is The Stern Report accepted the sidered and rational manner is certainly the overwhelming contributor to need for leeway in allowing devel- the way forward and I hope that for every carbon emissions in Britain, produc- oping countries to continue disrespectful, lazy cynic like me there is a ing nearly half of all CO2, before increasing carbon emissions in the hoard of slightly crazy eco-warriors com- taking into account transport emis- short term, allowing them to reach pensating for my inaction. sions. Domestic emissions account a stage where reducing them is But how many of these eco-warriors, I for 24%. Personal energy efficiency feasible. For example, a sudden wonder, make environmental gestures is just the start of a much greater, dramatic increase in air taxes just to heal their own guilty consciences neccessary change in the way we would devastate the small and to fit in with the trendy, forward use energy. economies of countries such as thinking green movement? How many Scientists tell us that many those in Southern Africa, whose people will leave things to mellow in islands and low-lying regions are main exports are fruit and vegeta- their toilet bowl and eat organic bean- going to be entirely submerged and bles. Alternatives to this way of wraps, but drive in people carriers and natural hazards will increase incre- trading must be developed for the take breaks in the Maldives? While my mentally. One million species could sake of these countries but imme- cynical attitudes may have drawn little be lost by 2050. Drought and famine diate changes must be approached green gasps from some readers, I doubt will be increasingly common. with caution. that the prospect of a short break on the Moreover, the poorest, who release Climate change, tackled correct- continent thanks to Stelios’ rock bottom E

the least CO2, will suffer most. The ly, will provide an opportunity to K prices regularly elicits the response that A R

richest 20% of the world’s popula- bring about positive changes D it should. So, from now on whenever you M I

tion, who release 90% of its green- which directly benefit people living T buy your “eco” this and do your “green” Y

house gases, will be relatively cush- today as well as future genera- B that, please make sure that you’re acting N O

ioned. How terribly ironic. We have tions. It is one of many issues fac- I consistently and considerately, for the T A

to stop thinking about climate ing us in the twenty-first century. R sake of our planet and the wellbeing of T S

change as just an environmental Luckily, addressing them does not U future generations. Not just to tick the L L issue – it’s a social justice issue. have to be a mutually exclusive I environmentalist box inside your head. exercise. ONLYTHE BRIGHTEST IDEAS MAKE IT ENGINEERS AND PHYSICISTS

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MAKE YOUR NEXT MOVE A CHALLENGE : WWW.SENTEC.CO.UK varsity.co.uk/features | 17.11.06 15 Interview Mitchell & Webb Alison Pearce talks to the minds behind Peep Show about Footlights, performing onstage and which one of them is funniest

omedy duo David Mitchell and people can act well. But really the art is in Robert Webb have become house- the writing. I think actors are rather inse- Chold names thanks to Peep Show: cure about that because they know that the innovative Channel 4 series that is essentially if you’ve got the right script entering its fourth series this year. But you can go on and if you say it audibly despite their comedy status, there is a then you’ll be fine whatever happens, and slightly nervous atmosphere in the air as that feels disconcertingly easy. So actors we meet in the lobby of The Cambridge like to go to hell and back, transforming Arms Hotel a few hours before they go on themselves and thinking things through, stage for their stand-up show The Two and tell themselves that this makes all Faces of Mitchell & Webb. “Meet my new the difference. But in truth, everyone liked Husky” announces Webb, as he points to that joke or found that sentiment moving the enormous, padded duffle coat he is car- not because of you as an actor, but just rying. It’s certainly one way to introduce because it is well written and conveyed yourself. Perhaps this is preparation for a audibly. cold reception. Mitchell and Webb met through the How have you found adapting your 1994 Footlights pantomime, which was TV and radio scripts for the stage? written by Webb. Their humour ranges RW: It’s tricky when you’ve got a radio from highbrow social satire to slapstick script and want to put it on stage. vase-smashing-over-head sketches. Sometimes it feels awful, just a forced Highlights from their new show include product where the new visual element Numberwang! – a game show where con- feels really unnatural. testants win by shouting out numbers at DM: In TV you never know whether the random according to non-existing rules, script is funny because you’ve done it and Sir Digby Chicken Caesar, a tramp charac- everyone involved likes it. In Peep Show ter who crusades for truth, and a sketch there’s never that moment of hearing any- involving lecherous snooker commenta- one laugh because it never gets played in tors. Peep Show is a marvel to watch, but a studio. So being on stage again is weird away from the cutting-room and voiceover in that way. production team, how do Mitchell and Webb fair under the stark scrutiny of the Where do you get your ideas for live spotlight? sketches? RW: Things that annoy us mostly, like day- What did you learn from your time in time TV. You write sketches when you Footlights? have to. There’s a necessity, a deadline, so RW: There weren’t rules, but things people your brain clicks in. said were important: like you mustn’t do DM: If I had to write a sketch today I’d be any TV parody. stuffed – but I don’t, so it’s fine. DM: And changing words to pop songs – that was absolutely the thing you did not When you are writing a sketch, do do. If you change the words to a funny you play the characters out as you’re song, you change the tune as well. creating them? RW: Of course, we realise now, that’s RW: Whatever character we are writing exactly what we’ve done in some of our for, we’ll both do both of the voices at each work. You leave Footlights and get to relax other, depending on where we are in the in a way. script. We act at each other... DM: ...and then try and type it. The turn How are you feeling about perform- of phrase that first pops into your head is ing back in Cambridge again? often the best, and quite difficult to recap- DM: We were terrified we were going to ture. slip in lots of local references – RW: Ten years old – and wrong. Which one of you is the funniest? DM: Is Gardies still going? DM: Well, it would be a bit grim if we both RW: Yeah, I checked. thought Rob was. I mean hypothetically... If I thought I was second best in my own How comfortable are you about act- double act... I mean who wants to work ing on stage? with someone better than them? “Someone RW: You read a lot about actors who do it who is good but a bit worse” – because they want to disappear into the I think both of us think we’ve got that. role they’re playing. Which is a load of bol- RW: [quietly sips cappuccino] locks quite frankly. They still want to be on stage with loads of people hanging on What would you do if you were invisi- their every word. ble for a day? DM: They flatter themselves that acting is Mitchell and Webb relax before their show, The Two Faces of Mitchell and Webb. RW: Have myself arrested so I wouldn’t an art form in itself rather than an inter- From 14th September BBC2 will be broadcasting their new sketch show series cause any harm. pretative skill. As a craft, it is good that That Mitchell And Webb Look on Thursdays at 9.30pm. DM: I quite like being visible.

16 varsity.co.uk/arts 17.11.06 varsity.co.uk/arts | 17.11.06 17 Arts Front THE ARTS COLUMN

Rhiannon Easterbrook On Art and the Welfare State

It’s often disappointing when a favourite band split up. However, when Billy Making It Up Childish’s mod-punks The Buff Medways – providers of many a great night out during my teenage years – played their final gig to the interest of relatively few With the arts world currently enjoying the buzz of ...while Catherine Spencer considers people, I didn’t feel too down. You see, I’m certain Billy Childish will carry on; this spontaneity, Michael Chilcott revels in the the current enthusiasm for devised work is because that’s what he does and what he has done since the late 70s and it is precisely why The Guardian called him freedoms offered by improvisational jazz... on screen and on stage “Britain’s greatest cultural asset”. Despite several expulsions from art usually really thinking quite a lot. I do a although there are undoubtedly numerous from the experimentation and interaction react, create stories and express ideas school, undiagnosed dyslexia and a huge- lot of listening. I’m very aware that I think extraordinarily beautiful musical moments between company members, have broken without reliance on a text provokes actors ly troubled upbringing, he has produced Jazz about what I’m going to play, and what’s committed to tape in a studio, it seems Performance into the mainstream with performances at to make important decisions about their a body of work consisting in up to 3000 going on and how I can sort of fit in with that the best way to experience improvised the National Theatre. Kneehigh has performance. It can also be a deciding fac- paintings, more than a hundred albums, that, or complement it, or pull it in another music is in a live (read living) setting. received particular acclaim for its produc- tor in the shape of that final performance, four novels and over forty volumes of azz education is ridiculously con- direction, or try and push it this way...”. Watching The Convergence Quartet play in mprovisation in drama is hampered by tions of The Bacchae and Tristan & Yseult, helping to decide what works and what poetry, with the result that he has a servative” says Alex Hawkins, This creates a feeling of co-dependence Cambridge last week, it became clear that a slightly skewed reputation. More but perhaps the group which has received doesn’t. The terror which improvisation attained both iconic and influential cult “Jpianist in The Convergence within an improvising group – all players in an improvised performance, the audi- Ioften than not, the mention of it brings the most sustained attention is Complicite, can inspire is precisely because it makes status. Quartet, which features amongst its other are essentially at the mercy of each other, ence member is engaged in a process not to mind a few cringey drama games - the whose feted production of Measure for not thinking impossible. Improvisation Yet, in sharp contrast to his devoted members American masters Taylor Ho and the music gains its shape and form dissimilar to that of the artists themselves, kind which form the basis of many a GCSE Measure was recently revived at the allows for creative experimentation, but fan base, which had included such fig- Bynum and Harris Eisenstadt. “It teaches from the interaction within the group. “No and the relationship between artist and theatre studies course, and seem to involve National. Complicite’s way of working is more importantly it helps a cast acquire ures as Kurt Cobain and, bizarrely, Kylie you how to sound like a certain accepted instrument has a dominant role over any audience is a key part of the live experi- either excruciating role-playing exercises particularly interesting; as their decision to confidence and flexibility. Whilst devised category of “legitimate’ artists.” Hawkins is ence of improvisation. As Hawkins points or a lot of derivative leaping about. Even stage Measure for Measure indicates, they work could not happen without improvisa- part of a thriving improvisation scene in out, “Just as the improvisational dynamic when improvisation techniques aren’t do not draw a rigid boundary between tion, it has an equally important role in » The Guardian called Oxford led by the Oxford Improvisors » “No instrument has a is altered by the dynamic between the being used by a bunch of teenagers who devising works from scratch and the pro- many productions, ensuring that no text is group, of which Dominic Lash, the dominant role over any players, so is it altered by the dynamic think drama is a way out of thinking for an duction of what might be considered taken for granted. him “Britain’s greatest Convergence Quartet’s bassist, is a found- between players and audience, in the same hour or so, they are often dropped very “straight” plays. Improvisation in the theatre, even in cultural asset” ing member. The group sees improvised other; we are all equal; way that a painting is different when quickly at the start of rehearsals, used as Founder Simon McBurney has stated devised work, usually has a less prominent music as really pushing jazz forward into mounted on different coloured walls.” ice-breakers and warm-ups before being that every play is “ultimately in the hands place in final performance. In film however, uncharted territories. “Actually, this conser- it is a very socialist In a sense, free improvisation is the ideal left by the wayside. There is a world of dif- of those who perform it”. This ethic under- the mode of production allows for it to be Minogue, his work, which is sometimes vativism [in jazz education] is entirely con- dynamic.” mode of self-expression. You aren’t bound ference, however, between the use of pins every production, whether the inspira- retained to a slightly greater degree. challenging in its emphasis on honesty trary to the improvisational spirit of the by rules or prescription, but are instead improvisation as a game and as a tool cen- tion is a story, an image, or a play by Directors such as Ken Loach and Lars Von and substance, is unfamiliar to many. It masters,” argues Hawkins, “Every great allowed to go wherever your imagination tral to the rehearsal process. This latter Shakespeare. Kneehigh and Complicite Trier allow space for improvisation during is widely felt that today’s Arts world is restructuralist has developed the jazz lan- other; we are all equal; it is a very socialist takes you. This unlimited expression and approach is being increasingly adopted stress the importance of collaboration; filming, whilst in projects such as Funny subject to the constraints of the market guage, and there is not a single jazz great dynamic.” says Hawkins of the interaction the sheer unexpected nature of free across theatre and film; in fact improvisa- actors are encouraged to contribute every- Ha-Ha, and Before Sunrise and Before place, with a premium placed on com- who did not do something new.” The way to involved in improvisation. “It’s very inti- improvisation is a profound and exciting tion has a far more pervasive influence on thing they feel is relevant to the work in Sunset, the film develops from prior inter- mercial success, an attack levelled at continue the tradition, then, does not lie in mate in that sense – any given perform- thing to witness as audience member or the performing arts than slick final produc- hand, to keep scrapbooks, to cover the stu- action and exploration. Before Sunrise and every medium. Some wonder, then, that imitating old masters like Coltrane, Parker ance can only emerge from that particular performer; so, in the words of Thurston tions might appear to suggest. dio walls in things they find. Improvisation its recent follow up Before Sunset retain a Billy managed to commit so much time and Rollins; it lies in adopting their group of players: it is a living music, rather Moore of Sonic Youth, “...do yourself a favor In the theatre, its new lease of life is techniques are an important part of this particularly strong sense of improvisation to the creative process when faced with exploratory spirit. than a repertory music.” and seek some of this shit out and free yr linked to the increased prominence of complete integration by which actors come in the final cut. The dialogue between commercial unviability. Forced to choose Free improvisation is essentially a music The idea of the music as organic is an fucking mind and yr ass will surely scream devised work. Companies like Improbable to own a production. Ethan Hawke and Julie Deply is naturalis- between spending his time labouring and in which there are no rules, no idiomatic important one for free improvisation, and and SHOUT.” and Kneehigh Theatre, which create pieces Asking questions, getting people to talk, tic; stories do not link up, there are repeti- making his work more marketable, prescription and no limits on what is tions and stutters, a noticeable lack of moulded by those with business inter- acceptable. “It is a music of “freedom to” – beautiful phrasing, a certain awkwardness ests, his brilliant work would neither freedom to play what we want, rather than is apparent in their interchanges. The film have had such power nor caused such ‘freedom from,” says Alex Hawkins. demonstrates how improvisation can knit pleasure. So, thank goodness for the dole, “Freedom from” introduces a new set of subject matter and performance, their from which it is well documented that restraints. If I were to say it’s freedom unstructured dialogue enabling an accu- Billy spent more than twelve years bene- from harmony, Western rhythmic con- rate portrayal of two strangers who meet fiting. With the abuse and neglect he suf- s straints, or conventional instrumental on a train. It also shows how improvisation fered, he was always going to be an out- techniques, that would be a set of limiting forces performers to concentrate on human sider but the Welfare State, which has conditions of the music. Freedom in a true detail, as everything they do must come allowed many to hone their craft, helped sense is the freedom to act according to the from themselves. him use his status constructively. With general vibe of the moment, not according The ability of improvisation in the devis- some of his financial concerns alleviated, t to any preordained charter.” ing process to achieve these various effects he was free to actively pursue artistic This is not to say however, that the is cited by those behind Something About endeavours without regard for fashion, music is necessarily some sort of chaotic Life and Music, the one piece of completely as his involvement with the notorious free-for-all. The performance of free devised work appearing on the ADC stage Stuckism movement shows. Ironically, improvisation in a group setting can be this term. The show draws on films such as his stubborn retrospection made him the

r compared to having a conversation – if you Before Sunrise, to create a piece developed father of the revived garage rock scene. went to a dinner party, for example, only to from the collated experience of the cast, We all know how subjective Art is and spend the evening talking without stop- taking songs chosen individually as spring- that even geniuses may be overlooked: ping and throwing food at other guests, boards into dialogue. It promises to be just consider Tolkien’s many rejections. you would certainly not be invited back. something very time specific, formed as it is Let’s just hope that the Welfare State The free musician is in a constant state of from the actors own stories and experi- continues to be an unofficial patronage listening, analysing and reacting to the ences; it is also, inevitably, a gamble, but system by giving others with integrity music that he hears around him. British gambles are often as interesting where they the chance of creating wonderful art, bassist John Edwards described in an fail as where they succeed. Devised theatre however few lives it ultimately enriches. interview with Dominic Lash the concen- is still relatively rare in Cambridge drama A tration required for free improvisation. “I’m – with luck this won’t be for too long. ILLUSTRATION BY ROBIN RUDD 18 varsity.co.uk/features | 17.11.06 Interview Ross Noble Olly Riley-Smith talks to the Perrier Award nominee about hair problems, calcium dependance and his global aspirations

Ross Noble has been performing Student comedy can be a bit hit and stand up since he was fifteen. Fifteen miss though. years on, he is now regarded as one of You never can tell. The last time I played the UK’s finest comic talents. Having here, they had a thing called the Hackney been nominated for the esteemed Empire New Act Competition, and I saw a Perrier comedy prize in 1999 he won guy come on who totally bemused the audi- the Time Out award for best comedi- ence. He did this act called the an in 2000. He is currently touring Mudjahadeen Touring Theatre Company, with his show Fizzy Logic. came on in a fez and pretended to ride a camel, went “Yehhahahaheyweeyah” How did you enjoy the show tonight? [makes call-to-prayer sort of sound]. You It was good, but London audiences are could tell he had something, but the audi- always a little bit polite. I’ve just been ence just didn’t get. I remember thinking at touring all around the regions, and at cer- the time “What is he doing?” That was tain nights people just lose their shit and Sacha Baron Cohen. People used to stare at are like “aaeeeuughgh”, but in London me the whole time, I think that’s the thing everyone’s kind of [putting on a grand, with comedy, but if you stick with it, you do Dickensian voice] “right, we’re going to the your thing, then you reach your goals. theatre”. Good fun, just people freaked out tonight and were a bit like “whoa there” Have you got any plans for the when I talked about stuff that was a little future? Film, TV? controversial. I’m about to go off and do a 30,000 km motorcycle ride in Australia, doing gigs at You don’t often do stuff that is so night. I’m on the same bike that Ewan potentially racy, as you did tonight, Macgregor was on for Long Way Round. about religion. It’ll be like Long Way Round meets Sunday The thing is, I do stuff that walks a fine Night at the London Palladium. That real- line, but ’cos I basically talk bollocks, ly excites me more than when people ask nobody ever notices. When the whole Iraq “Do you want to do a sitcom?”, or reality thing was building up and I was going shows. Why would I want to go on I’m A “this is nonsense”, everyone was like “oh Celebrity, sitting in the garden of a hotel, he’s just pissing about talking about non- when I can spend five months motorcycling sense”. around the whole of Oz?

Does that annoy you? Has anyone ever patented any of the Not really, I just talk about what I think’s stupid products you come up with in funny. That’s what’s funny – the fact that, I your shows? can basically slag off all major religions No, but they should. Somebody did give me and talk about having sex with children, a “meat on the face” toy that had a string and people are loving it, going “yeah, that’s on it. comedy”. There are four pints of milk and some Do you have any tips for people in Edam cheese in the fridge, is that Footlights? your rider? It’s funny actually, ’cos comics have got a Yeah, I have a major calcium problem. If I weird attitude towards Footlights. It used don’t eat all that Edam all my bones just to be that people from Footlights would turn to dust, I’m a big skin bag of dust, and come out of Cambridge and then, because I have to be beaten like a rug. their friends had become TV producers and channel controllers, there’s a slightly odd Is your hair a benefit or an inconven- thing in the comedy community where ience? non-university educated comedians who It depends what I’m doing. If I’m entering have basically left school and either gone a sexy Jesus competition at a holiday camp straight into stand up, like me, or done or pretending to be a King Charles spaniel, shitty jobs and then get into stand-up, who while escaping from the police, then it’s a view Footlights with suspicion. I think benefit. If I’m trying to pass myself off as a that’s kind of changed now, but there’s a bit Hari Krishna – drawback. of a history of that of going “these people have gone on because they’re university How much of your show is impro- chums”. I think that for every Peter Cook vised? and Steven Fry it produces, it probably It depends really, it’s very hard to say how equally produces someone who never both- much is improvised, because when I’m ers going any further, and ends up working doing stuff that I’ve actually done before it’s in the civil service or the city or something. obviously stories. It’d be like I’ll tell a par- But Peter Cook is the greatest comic mind ticular story repeatedly on a tour, but how I the country’s ever produced, and of course, The globetrotting Ross Noble, widely considered one the country’s get to it and how I tell the story differs you’ve got all the Python lot too, and that’s most exciting comedians. Pictured here working the “sexy Jesus” look. every night, and I add little things each not to be sniffed at. time, it really all depends on the night.

varsity.co.uk/arts | 17.11.06 19 Reviews

Casino Royale #### Dir: Martin Campbell

As soon as my mother suggested whisking even miss Downing’s very own John Cleese me away from the law books for a Bond as Q. Eva Green is the voluptuous Bond weekend in London, the reflection of the Girl, and, as she so rightly puts it herself, Armani shop window could already be seen for once the girl “is not just a bimbo in a glinting in my eyes. Street, Bond Street bikini”. Don’t get me wrong – I enjoy the was of course my initial thought. Bond, scantily-clad hottie bouncing down the James Bond seemed somehow less appeal- beach in slo-mo on horseback just as much ing. What seems like the millionth in a as the next girl, and fear not gentleman, series of bog-standard Bond-saves-world- you still get exactly that. The much wel- gets-the-girl-and-they-all-lived-happily- comed difference is that Vesper Lynd is ever-after never really provided any com- much more sophisticated, combining beau- petition with a sultry little dress and ty, grit, mystery and intellect in perfect maybe even some shiny new stilettos. measure – sure to keep the feminists happy. With a, quite frankly, boring name like The love story is one of the best features Casino Royale, is one really expected to be of this film. And yes, Bond actually utters inspired? My only experience with cards is the “L” word himself – and I don’t mean Snap and, maybe when living a little more “laid”. I’m itching to tell you how the story dangerously, I stretch to Pairs. The ends, but let me just say instead that this is thought of a Bond film based entirely no conventional Bond. around a card game was hardly the stuff The disappointing aspect of this film is that the main plot lacks sharpness. Based around a big Casino game, Bond comes face » A blonde Bond is to face with euro-villain Le Chiffre, played by Mads Mikkelsen, and must face off with like a ginger Cinderella: him in a high-stakes game in Montenegro. just wrong Bond’s mission is to clean Le Chiffre out, thus siphoning off global terror’s funding. Sounds bland? That’s because it is. Despite dreams are made of. the filmmakers’ attempt to bring the issue Furthermore, with Craig David, or who- of terrorism into the plot, there is no real ever he is, playing the legendary hero, this sense of this. was adding up to a recipe for disaster. For If you’re looking forward to gadgets and me, Daniel Craig, whatever his talents, gizmos aplenty, you’re probably going to be stood no chance of ever being more than a disappointed. This film moves away from mere pretender. This blonde-haired, blue- ballpoint pens that turn into parachutes eyed, body building wannabe reminded me and goes back to basics. This lack of boys’ more of my seven-year-old cousin’s jungle toys actually adds to the film. There is, of edition Action Man doll then of an agent course, the standard share of sleek super- worthy of 007 status. A blonde Bond is like motors, including a stunning Aston Martin a ginger Cinderella: just wrong. – but even then I’m sure Bond doesn’t get There is a “but” and this “but” is by no his use out of it before it is propelled means tiny, pert and perfectly curved. It’s through the air in a record-breaking seven the biggest, fattest “but” and one you spins. wouldn’t want landing on your lap. Despite The greatest features of those classic all my scepticism and a sub-standard open- Bond movies are those archetypal comic ing scene, this film is without a doubt the moments, particularly Bond’s smooth one- best Bond film in a very long time. Craig liners. In this aspect Casino Royale doesn’t not only surprised me, his performance disappoint. I also guarantee that watching blew me away. It suddenly became clear Bond getting his balls “scratched” with a why he has already been signed up for the rope will never be so well done again. next few films. He brings a deeper, more pragmatic and very much multifaceted Nadia Manzoor Bond to our screens. This portrayal of Flemming’s hero takes the whole Bond With special thanks to Mr. Michael Wilson franchise in a darker, grittier and far more for kindly having Varsity at the Cast and engaging direction. Judi Dench is, of course, Crew Preview screening. brilliant as ever, so much so that I didn’t

Online James Drinkwater on the perils of page-turners Judging by the positive critical of the performer’s technique or inter- (if a woman), their upper body endow- may be pretty redundant if the turner » You like appraisal of director Denis Dercourt’s pretation during rehearsal and recital. ments can obscure or even interfere has fallen asleep. films, eh? newly released film, The Page-Turner Likewise, there are numerous with the pianist’s left hand (though the But, if score sabotage is now in (described as a “deliciously elegant reverse is possible, I suppose). The vogue, vulnerabilities become oppor- Read the and very French psychological If the turner is a turner also must balance not sitting tunities. Why not try some of these thriller”), it seems the choice of sub- » too close, but being able to read the out on your college organ scholars: review of ject wasn’t that bizarre after all. For woman, upper body notes of the score clearly. Then, there suddenly turn Jewish, that is, back- Scenes of a although it’s hardly a viable profes- is the threat of becoming too absorbed wards; hum along, adding your own sional occupation, the ideal page-turn- endowments can in the whole thing and forgetting to counterpoint, or fill out the bass with Sexual er combines acute sensitivity and tim- interfere with the turn. Here the performer’s prompting extra octaves in your sparer Nature by ing. They judge exactly how far the comes into its element: firstly the moments; or just nod when they nod pianist is reading ahead of the notes pianist’s left hand slight nod to stand, then the assertive and, equally vigorously, say “I agree – Sarah they are actually playing; they are the nod to turn, and finally the exasperat- this really is excellent: I can’t wait to model of discretion on stage and, things that can go wrong, sometimes ed nod indicating to turn immediately see what’s next up your sleeve!”. The Woolley though musically-trained, make not with embarrassing results. Physically, because we’re already half-way down latter’s particularly good with Dupré. the slightest intimation of disapproval the turner’s clothes, tie or, worst of all the next page! However, much of this

20 varsity.co.uk/arts | 17.11.06 Reviews

Online The Prestige #### THE BOOK this week Dir: Christopher Nolan CLUB » ”If, for you, jazz is Christopher Nolan, director of the refreshingly moments, we are still not sure whether this sus- gritty Batman Begins, returns with this occasion- pension is required. The final resolution left a nig- musical ally bemusing but never dull offering, featuring a gling feeling in this reviewer’s belly, but the fact stellar line-up which includes Christian Bale, that I was still caring, and keenly so, after more masturbation Hugh Jackman, Michael Caine and Scarlett than two hours of endless twists and turns, is a then this Johansson. The same talent is deftly applied to a fine thing. complicated and fast-moving plot, and the result is Bale and Jackman turn in solid performances, kind of rather good. while Michael Caine reprises his “Alfred” role from Bale and Jackman play Robert Angier and the Batman film. Johansson turns up in a curious- performance Alfred Borden, two aspiring magicians in Victorian ly non-descript role, looking stunning, but unfortu- will seem like London who meet when working as plants in the nately failing to rise above the ordinariness of her Andy Wimbush audience of a successful magic show. After a character. She turns up so suddenly, you hardly On Foucault’s self-indul- tragedy occurs during one show, sparking great realise it’s her, and when you do, your enjoyment of gence of the enmity between the two, they attempt to sabotage the film is none the better for it. Pendulum and out-do each other. Cue much chicanery and The Oscar for “Most Bizarre Cameo” of the year grossest double-crossing as their deep rivalry becomes a must surely go to David Bowie, appearing as the quest to perform the greatest magic trick ever. inventor Nikolas Tesla. Adopting an entirely It is a well known fact that human kind” Credit must be given for the novel way in which unconvincing east European accent, Bowie adds beings are superstitious creatures. the story is told. Nolan uses multiple timeframes some not necessarily unwelcome, though perhaps We touch wood, we walk around lad- Matt Lomas that can be confusing at times, but which elevate unintentional, hilarity to a film which is otherwise ders, we half-believe our horoscopes. reviews the the film above the status of mere magical romp. a serious and intense piece of work. These quibbles But Umberto Eco’s Foucault’s Although such methods may not be altogether are minor, however. The Prestige is a very good Pendulum is a novel that mines the legendary original, it is rare to see a period drama told in this film, well worth a watch simply for the experience depths of our superstitions like never fashion, and rarer still to see it done so well. of Nolan’s masterful story-telling. before. A bunch of jaded book editors jazz pianist, The suspension of disbelief, we are told, is often decide, as a joke, to make up an elab- Keith Jarret essential to the enjoyment of drama, but the Henry Cook orate conspiracy theory. They ensure genius of this plot is that right up to the final it has all the main ingredients of an in his first occultist’s wet dream: the Knights Templar, Caribbean mysticism, the European Holy Grail, ectoplasm, Kabbalah, concert in Mary Magdalene and (of course) Mickey Mouse. But the joke eventual- over a decade » Having suffered through a stream of Da Vinci nonsense, we can laugh even harder than when the novel was first published in 1988

ly catches up with its creators when people start to believe the bogus theo- Krapp’s Last Tape #### ry. Never underestimate the powers of human superstition. Today, having ADC suffered through the glut of Da Vinci nonsense, we can laugh even harder at Eco’s hilarious novel than when it The outlook is bleak in Jeff James’s pro- mouth when concentrating. The futility of performance in this production. Nothing was first published in 1988. And yet, duction of Beckett’s Krapp’s Last Tape. Krapp’s life is nowhere captured better interferes with Beckett’s words or ideas. it’s often unclear who the butt of the Krapp has spent his life repeating, remi- than when he eats his banana – Tom His final line of “Not with the fire in me joke is. As I tried to digest all of the niscing and regretting: “Thank God that’s Secretan rips the skin off with the eager- now” is made to seem too pathetic even to esoteric religious history, I wondered all done with anyway” could be Krapp’s ness of a child opening a Christmas pres- laugh at: he stares, watery-eyed into the if Eco wasn’t laughing at me for tak- motto. Everything in the play is a repeat space in front of him, looking in short, like ing it all far too seriously. of a previous event: Krapp is listening to the last person in the world who would If you have the stamina to get your an old tape of himself, rewinding at will so » Well-judged restraint have “fire” within them. head round the book’s labyrinthine that we get some phrases twice; he eats and moderation make No matter how much Krapp tries to dis- plot, you’ll find yourself greatly two bananas, in exactly the same way and tance himself from the speaker on the rewarded. Foucault’s Pendulum is an through the absence of artifice we are the most of Beckett’s tape (“Thank God that’s all done with any- exhilarating intellectual rollercoaster reminded that the play itself has been writing and Secretan’s way”) James and Secretan work to the through a wealth of obscurantist rehearsed and repeated many times. utmost to undermine his words and it is information, from the ridiculous to Everything is monochrome in Krapp’s masterly performance testimony to their success that the audi- the sublime. The plight of the charac- world, the stage is strewn with white ence comes away without being able to ters, stuck in world they have created boxes, Krapp’s desk is almost bare and in this production. clearly remember whether some lines yet can barely understand, is often Krapp himself is dressed in only black and came from Krapp himself or the tape. very moving, yet never far from sar- white. Nothing has any importance ent but then, as if unsure how to proceed, We’re left with the inescapable impression donic comment. This is a beautifully attached to it any longer, except that is, for just lets it hang limply from his toothless that nothing has changed and, more than written, exhaustively researched and bananas. Tom Secretan creates in Krapp mouth. that, nor is it likely to: “Be again, be again. absurdly comic novel. In a just world, the epitome of a wasted and futile life – Jeff James uses well judged restraint All that old misery.” Foucault’s Pendulum would be a best- from the awkward, stooping gait of an old and moderation to make the most of seller and Dan Brown would still be man to the slight twitch around the Beckett’s writing and Secretan’s masterly Elizabeth Davis writing shit self-help books.

varsity.co.uk/arts | 17.11.06 21

Yo La Tengo ##### The Junction

Live music at large Cambridge venues is so often disappointing. If desperation had pushed you to the brink of nearly going to see the Automatic in October, then I would have highly recommended Yo La Tengo as an antidote to the Fifth Week MIXTAPE Blues. A warm, dreamy, guitar-noise pop session provided something of a catharsis to counter the cold weather, dullards, Starbucks, the £3.50 pints that the Junction specialises in, and any other pet hates you might harbour. They really were that great. Not enough people seem to have dis- covered Yo La Tengo. Even with over twenty years making lush guitar music, their three date tour of the UK arrived at Cambridge without any fanfare. This was fine by me, as there’s always something deeply satisfying about enjoying some- thing that other people are missing out on. The gig, designed to promote Yo La minute long guitar freak out, “Pass the and sincere as artists, but aren’t going to Tengo’s new album “I Am Not Afraid of Hatchet, I think I’m Goodkind”, and cov- stop playing different instruments just You and I Will Beat Your Ass”, was filled ers of Adam Ant’s “Ant Music” and Sonic because other people think they should. with spectacular psychadelic guitar Youth’s “Bad Politics”. Speaking to Ira after the gig, he talked highs, and beautifully longing piano lows. Instruments were often swapped, and about their love of covers and flexibility: Despite it having been six years since vocals shared between lead singer Ira for the band, creating music together is they were last in Cambridge, the three- Kaplin and his drumming wife, Georgia an even and equal process. For the fact piece soon made themselves at home Hubley, but the performance never suf- fans, the band produced a psychedelic with opener “Barnaby, Hardly Working”, fered. Matador, the band’s record compa- version of the Simpson’s theme tune for complete with droning feedback and som- ny, have described the band as “...restless. the episode where Homer rediscovers his nolent vocals. Though Ira joked with the This is not because they’re contrarians, hippy heritage. I say, here’s to another audience about being intimidated by but because they’re artists”. I would Summer of Love. playing to the intelligentsia, it certainly argue that Yo La Tengo see themselves as Brian Cantwell didn’t affect their performance. The both. As with other bands that have been undoubted highlights were the ten- around for so long, they’re professional

The Idiots are Winning ##### Public Warning #### James Holden Lady Sovereign

My love and when I returned home The rise her previous internet releas- affair discovered it was the very of Lily es have been. This album began same man who had captured Allen was has its flaws, but its main when I me before, all those months always problem is simply that it first ago. And now this. He was going to doesn’t pause for breath. At heard there, with little or no warn- leave times the sound is over- “Lump” ing, his CD was sat in HMV Lady whelmingly punchy, but hey, on a mix album. It scratched and the whole goddamn Sovereign in a twist, but that’s modern pop music. itself along my eardrums thing started again. This is whereas the tabloids won’t The best pop albums though, and ravaged my brain with an absolute masterpiece, it be frothing over Lady Sov are punctuated with ballads its pitiful wailing. Live sets tosses and turns, it never this Autumn as they were (which isn’t Sov’s scene.) of Holden’s summer tours stays still. There are no stan- for Keith Allen’s princess off- Grime’s best albums didn’t recorded by fellow lovers sur- dard techno tracks with their spring, she’ll still be the sub- have this problem as they faced on the web and were careful gradual changes; this ject of similar prissy indie were darker and knew when carefully transferred to is the sound of someone bru- bickering thanks to her suc- to hold back on the poppy headphones. About ninety tally fighting against a com- cess stateside. Last month intros and massive choruses. minutes into one the stutter- puter to bleed out everything she was the first ever British In leaving the restrictions of ing beats captured me, the that he wants from noise. Yet artist to be Number One on this scene behind, Lady pulsating throb and constant it fails to exclude the casual MTV’s TRL. People shouldn’t Sovereign needed something turning of the rhythm listener, somehow bridging moan about how many songs to prevent the over-excitable entranced me. Just as the gap between dumb and from the album have already side of her songs from grat- “Lump” had done before; I intelligent. There are no been released as singles – ing over the whole album. was reduced to a wreck. I sat lyrics to any of this music, what does it matter? I’m Despite all this, received in by a pool all holiday but the tracks provide more willing to bet a good propor- small doses she’s exactly the 0 Know someone smart? Successful? painstakingly scanning for words than you will ever tion of those who voted “Love kind of pop star we need. Business-minded? Artistically brilliant?0 this perfect sound. I was want. Me or Hate Me” to TRL top 1 anxious to know who it was Sam Blatherwick spot didn’t have a clue what Steve Kenans Varsity are looking for 100 people to feature in the first edition of Lent Term.

Have your say. Nominate at www.varsity.co.uk Online » Fresh Talent: ADC Freshers’ play The Permanent Way reviewed 22 varsity.co.uk/listings | 17.11.06 Listings FILM THEATRE MUSIC EXHIBITIONS GOING OUT K

E Breathless OBSTACLE 1 Rembrandt and Saskia Arts Picturehouse Sunday 19 Nov Fitzwilliam Museum E Thu 23 Nov, 17.00 Fez, 21.00-01.00, £3. Tue 14 Nov - Sun 11 March A Bout De Souffle – Godard’s A new live indie/electro/dance To celebrate the 400th

W greatest, is the soggy biscuit of from the makers of the noble anniversary of Rembrandt’s many a Goldsmiths tosser. But Kambonanza. A load of upcom- birth, the Fitz is displaying its

E don’t let that put you off – any- ing indie rock talent is coming to outstanding collection of his one can claim this anarchic and Cambridge despite you all being prints – primarily of his wife

H liberating film for their own. The rubbish.The much-feted Jeremy Saskia, either as herself or as Warmsley will be bringing his

T swaggeringly cool Jean Paul Bel- a model for other subjects. mondo steals a car, kills a police- warble-pop, Headland and Af- Rembrandt’s oft-remarked NOTORIOUS terChristmas will make you F man and gets distracted by dance to post-rock and the New upon psychological depth is Kambar, 22.00-02.30, £3. Parisian pleasures. His girl- Theresas will make you weep. present here, especially where A load of DJs dressed in jump- O friend Jean Seberg is the epit- Nat Slater, Eric Denton, Neil he charts his wife’s illness. You suits play synthpop, death disco, ome of 60s radical chic. The The Bald Prima Donna Ogden, Sketchy and Panic will can even buy a postcard from chart classics and alternative jump-cuts and improvised track- Corpus Playroom, Tue 21 - Sat the shop to send your mum so favourites. It’ll be like one of K be DJing while you pretend to ing shots will dazzle you. It’ll 25 Nov, 19.00 By Eugene she thinks you do stuff like this those cheese nights at Queens dance. The dignified Sunday but without the existential pain C make you want to leave Cam- Ionesco. Pioneering Theatre of night alternative to drinking all the time rather than eating I bridge and never come back. the Absurd. Ferocious satire of Reefs till you puke radioactivity Weetabix with chilli sauce and and accidental concentration All films showing at Arts Picturehouse talking to your wangle. camp chic, and with more cider P bourge banality. That’s us. in front of a bunch of total shits. unless stated otherwise and idiot-savant robot dancing. Gypo 14.45, 19.10 Abigail’s Party Corpus Playroom, Soft Machine 5 Rhythms Dance Set You Free Queens, 21.00- The Page Turner 16.20 19.00 Junction Shed, 19.00, £15 Improvised dance lessons, 00.45, £4, 90s cheese, 2006 hell Children of Men 20.20 The Permanent Way ADC, 19.45 Boo Hewerdine + Holly Junction, 19.45-22.15, £12 Jazz at John’s Party John’s FRI The Prestige 17.45, 20.30 Iphigenia at Aulis The Friends of Lerski Boathouse, 20.00, £7 CU Palestine Film – Soraida Fisher Hall, 21.00, Black Requiem 17.00, 21.15 Peterhouse Theatre, 20.00 CMF – The Art of Fugue Chetwynd Room, King’s Shabbat headlining, classical Hero 22.50 Dogg’s Hamlet ADC, 23.00 Clare Chapel, 20.30, £10 College, 20.00, free and shrill jazz-rock-funk-shaggin’

Gypo 14.45, 19.10 Abigail’s Party Corpus Playroom, Rachel Untank Stella Dina’s Compendio: A Latin Fever Queens, 21.00 - 17 19.00 Junction, 20.00, £11 tribute to Federico Garcia East African Shorts 15.00 00.45, would still cost too much The Page Turner 18.50 The Permanent Way ADC, 19.45 Left Side Brain Lorca if it was free SAT Children of Men 20.40 Iphigenia at Aulis The Friends of The Portland, 20.00, £5 Free, 4 Nov - 3 Dec. Solo exhibi- Live Music at Kings The Prestige 17.45, 20.30 Peterhouse Theatre, 20.00 tion at New Hall. Politics and King’s, 21.00-01.00, £2, Samba Requiem 17.00, 21.15 Dogg’s Hamlet ADC, 23.00 Art. Makes you very attractive for Carbon Health Week

Requiem 17.00, 21.15 Dracula Amy Winehouse Figures on Fabric The Sunday Service 18 Shooting Dogs (Christ’s) Junction, 19.00, £12.50 Fitzwilliam Museum Club 22, 22.00-02.30, £4 Downing Fellow’s Garden 20.00, 22.30 £2 20.30, £5 Birds of Wales, Redbeat, An exhibition of beautifully “Commando theme” god is not SUN Munich (Robinson) 21.00 Dead Letter Society & The done English 17th Century in favour of this service Dr Strangelove (John’s) 19.00, Underground needlework. Take that real Obstacle 1. Fez, 21.00-02.30, 22.00 Man on the Moon, 20.00, £5 world £3, real boys don’t do this The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 The History Boys 13.50 Hard Times Back Beat Percussion Is current policy on climate Notorious 19 Gypo 14.45, 19.10 Arts Theatre, 19.30, £10 Quartet West Road, 19.00, change doing enough? Kambar, 22.00-02.30, £3 Requiem 17.00, 21.15 Dickens’ sharp social satire £10. Based on Hawking’s Brief Keynes Hall, King’s College, Dancing in wee receives a chunkily bourgeois ON The Page Turner 16.20 History of Time. No I don’t 19.15, with refreshments Fat Poppadaddys M The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 update. Brown’s before mjah? know what the fuck it all Speech by Associate Director Fez, 21.00 - 02.00, £4 Children of Men 21.20 means either from the Carbon Trust Pleasingly generic, like a wank in Ikea Paisa 13.30 Bald Prima Donna Corpus Playrm, 19.00 Akira the Don George Monbiot - How to Precious* LBGT Night 20 Gypo 14.45, 19.10 A Doll’s House Emma Queen’s Bldng 19.30 Portland Arms, 20.00, £5 Stop the Planet Burning Club 22, 22.00-02.00, £3 Diary of Anne Frank Homerton, 19.30 Das Boot (Caius) 20.30 Something about Life &Music ADC, 23.00 Beverley Knight Union Chamber, 19.30, mem- Pigeonhole your sexuality! TUE Requiem 17.00, 21.15 King Lear Pembroke New Cellars, 19.30 Corn Exchange, 19.30, £21.50 bers only. Monbiot – the smart- Dancing in the living room The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 The Blue Room Fitz Hall, Queens,, 23.00 The Bomb Factory ARU casual face of environmentalism Because there’s nothing better Faust/Footlights Panto 2006 ADC, 19.45 Nosferatu 21.15 Dracula Downing Fellow’s Garden, 20.30, £5 Kudos Bar, 20.00, FREE, mate to do. Pathos, free

Rabbit Proof Fence 16.30 The Bald Prima Donna Corpus Playroom, The Good Shoes Literary Circles: Artist, au- Rumboogie 21 The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 19.00 The Soultree, 20.00, £5 thor, word and image in Ballare, 21.00-02.00, £3 Antigone Robinson College, 19.30 Il Postino (GU 17, Mill Lane) Diary of Anne Frank Homerton, 19.30 Shoes are probably the best Britain 1800-1920 Pretty much indefensible ED 19.30, £2 Alladin Panto Tit Hall Theatre, 19.30 thing about them Fitzwilliam Museum. Make Versus W King Lear Pembroke New Cellars, 19.30 Requiem 17.00, 21.15 yourself feel better about Kambar, 21.30-03.00, £3 Faust/Footlights Panto 2006 ADC, 19.45 Children of Men 21.20 Dracula Downing Fellow’s Garden, 20.30 browsing facebook Electro, industrial, floaties

The Page Turner 14.30 The Bald Prima Donna Corpus Playroom, Union of Knives Can Science be communi- Duplo 22 Breathless 17.00 19.00 The Loft, 20.00, £8 cated through the media? Kambar, 21.30-02.30, £3 Antigone Robinson College, 19.30 The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 Diary of Anne Frank Homerton, 19.30 Nine Below Zero Pharmacology Lecture The- Indie/gypsy/vom, cheap drinks HU Spun 21.00 Alladin Panto Tit Hall Theatre, 19.30 Junction, 19.00, £22 atre, Tennis Court Road, 20.00, Urbanite T Children of Men 21.20 King Lear Pembroke New Cellars, 19.30 White Label Music Night Faust/Footlights Panto 2006 ADC, 19.45 Dr. Raj Persaud argues for the is killing Cambridge. Still Dracula Downing Fellow’s Garden, 20.30 Portland Arms, 22.00, £6 death of fun Soultree, 21.00-02.30, £3

23 King Lear BOOK NOW Tue 21 Nov - Sat 25 Nov, monsters or the heroic, but Nina Nastasia 19.30, £5 rather about what happens The Junction After countless adaptations when people are placed Sun 26 Nov of Macbeth and Hamlet, under intolerable pressure. 19.00, £9

W Pembroke Players have A bleak meditation on Lacking much of the taken one for the team by power, greed and betrayal, extravagance of Newsom,

O tackling one of on public misjudgement Banhart et al, Nastasia’s Shakespeare’s most brutally and intensely private grief. smokily rich new folk is N tragic plays. King Lear is There’s no interpretative nevertheless wrenching, stripped down to its bare dancing, floaty fabrics or and well worth weepin’ over.

K essentials. No music, no pretty colours, just wanky lighting, just a couple madness and despair. It’d

O of chairs and a gloomy probably be best to ignore venue so intimate you can the conclusion of Lear’s O see the whites of the actors’ loyal Kent that “All’s eyes. (Or, in one case, the cheerless, dark and B red globules of blood from deadly”. Have a stiff one where his eyes have been afterwards. King Beer. torn out). A play not about Shakesbeare. Help me. decadent aesthetes, moral

varsity.co.uk/discuss | 17.11.06 23

Corrections and Cambridge Crisis: answers to your problems clarifications » “There is only so much throwing up in bushes that I can do” »The front page article in Varsity Issue 645 (“Ents Manager loses crowd control”) included a photo- graph of the Sunday Service clubn- Dear Varsity, can’t hold as much drink as others embarrassments after excessive always feel so terrible that it is night, earlier on in the evening and in the society, and as a result I’m drinking and I’m always the loser clearly affecting my work, but I before the majority of customers I am a member of a notorious always the first throwing up or when it comes to drinking games. don’t want to lose face and be the arrived. We would like to clarify that drinking society, and despite lov- passing out. I have tried the usual The other guys know this, and to only one not drinking on formal though the headline referred to the ing being part of it, it is creating a ideas of lining my stomach before some extent I’m targeted as an swaps or nights out. CUSU night Crowd Control at Soul problem that is affecting my a heavy night etc, but I still easy source of amusement. Tree, the photograph and caption health, social life and academic always end up the first drunk, and Any suggestions would be grate- were of the Sunday Service at Club work. Whilst I really enjoy the for- there is only so much throwing up I don’t want to leave the society or fully received! Twenty Two. Club Twenty Two has mal swaps, and have made a lot of into bushes that I can do. I always lose my friends, but at the same expressed concern that this could lead friends in the group, I am a light- feel awful the next day, facebook time I, and my liver, can’t keep up! James to a misrepresentation of what is in weight when it comes to alcohol. I is littered with photos of my The morning after a heavy night I fact a highly successful and busy night. Varsity agree that this was misleading and apologise for any James, first place - forfeit your dignity to Jesus, the only perfect person, lightweight isn’t all that bad; think inconveenience caused. no one. died in the place of those who about all the money you save by You seem to enjoy the society, deserve death, so that God can be getting trollied after a single glass despite the problems you have Dan Anderton just and yet forgive us. of wine. Every drinking society has mentioned, so leaving it altogeth- Bears Drinking Society Hope that helps. a lightweight so just think; you’re er is probably not an option. saving some other poor person the Instead, the best approach you Barnaby Montiero indignity of it all. So can take is to change the way Dear James, CICCU President just sit back, allow things happen inside the group. people to get you Many people in drinking societies To help people out one needs to dig drunk (as long as are lightweights, it’s just that to the real heart of their problem. Dear James, they’re paying) and some people can mask it better It would be of no benefit and enjoy being the centre than others. Instead of maniacally indeed would be unloving for a doc- Sorry to hear about your plight. I of all drinking games! gorging yourself on drink from tor to cover up a patient’s cancer would have to say in situations like Cheers! A reveller among the 600-strong the start of the night, take your and just let it grow fatally bigger this there is only one line of action crowd at last weekends’ Sunday cue from others who seem a bit while they just prescribe treatment to take and that is to follow the the- Catherine Carter Service. The night featured more controlled and paced about for the external symptoms. ory that practice makes perfect. Set Boat Club Captain special guest Marcus Patrick what they are doing. The Bible claims that mankind’s yourself and your liver a training Have a measured approach to big problem isn’t simply mistreat- plan and soon you will be a heavy- It is Varsity’s policy to amend all your social life which enables you to ing our bodies and minds by drink- weight like everyone else. significant errors as soon as possible set aside a certain night as one ing too much or mistreating others Remember when designing your in the digital edition on varsity.co.uk which you know will be ‘big’. Allow around – no, these are all just training plan start small and work and in the archives. Please email any yourself some recovery time the symptoms of a deeper problem. We your way up. Drink a couple of errors to [email protected] next day to let your liver wind have all rejected the God who made pints a night to start with then noting the issue and page number(s). down a few gears and sort yourself us and who gives us good things. soon you will be able to down a bot- Or telephone the business manager out before you can think about get- We ignore him and don’t thank him tle of wine before starters with on 01223 337575 between 9:30am and ting back into your weekly routine and think we know best how we ease. 5pm Monday to Friday. of work. should live. So just as the worst As with all exercise regimes, for Enjoy your drink when you are thing that a child could do to their this to be successful you need dedi- out - don’t set out to get smashed, father is to tell him that they don’t cation and determination. Before and give as good as you get in any want him to be their Dad anymore, you begin, compile a scrap book of games. so we have all done the worse thing all your most embarrassing drunk- co.uk If the other guys who know you in acting to show that we don’t en escapades (if you can’t remem-

are not a hard drinker are really want God to be our God. The just ber any, which is fairly likely, I’m T N »Mary Bowers your mates, then they will proba- God will, if we keep pushing him sure your fellow drinking society U H bly want to make sure you have away, go away and take away the members will be more than willing S

E enters the mind of L

as good a time as them, not humil- very life he gives us. to remind you). Then every time U J iate you in front of other people. That’s the true problem; here’s you think that you think of quit- :

N the Mighty Boosh’s O If they seem intent on making you the only solution. ting, you can be reminded of what I T A

the loser in all their fun, then you “Christ died for sins once for all, quitting will lead to. R Julian Barratt T would do well to consider what the righteous for the unrighteous, If you really feel you can’t stick S U L L you are doing with them in the to bring you to God.” to the plan, don’t despair. Being a I »The all-new daily editor’s blog a boy? (3,5) Varsity crossword no. 458 Games 2. Ego deludes content mathemati- Varsity asks: cian (5) 12345678 Poll Results Cryptic 3. Member of tribe got shot or destroyed (9) Crossword 4. Breathing equipment made from We asked: So how much of a Set by NENWES 9 10 happy college eater are you ACROSS leek tips — snore sorted out (7) anyway? 1. Twelve dozen in Eden oddly fascinat- 5. See 11 across ed (9) 6. Fly somewhere west of Brighton, a) My friends have taken to 6. Craving David first aspired (5) right? (5) 11 calling me the buttery buffoon. 9. Lord to return — wait for him in the 7. Repel pony, scattering flammable b) So where is this Sainsburys theatre? (5) gas (9) 10 place anyway? 10. Blatant about fifty-one not noticing 8. Cleaner is something particular, c) Brunch every Sunday sorts (9) 12 13 14 15 11. 11+13+27+5. Everyone joins in and perhaps, to the queen? (6) my hangover right out. the production is cancelled — it’s turn- 14. Condemn in sudden movement 13 16 d)My corridor kitchen is ing Nicholson grey (3,4,3,2,4,5,4,1,4,3) following academic — worry not (4,5) Michelin-starred. 12. Celebrate in verse some transcriber 15. High flier has no project within 16 17 18 19 20 14% Hymenaeus (7) changing area (9) 29% 20 (a) 17. Nearby gunshots flustered a writer 16. Bizarre story about three cardi- (d) — and is his fruit ticking? (7,7) nals forming Shropshire town (8) 20% 21. I’m super, changing referees (7) 21 22 (b) 23. Maybe tore and stared at some- 18. Make slit nor hole in nose (7) thing returning swiftly seaward (7) 19. Philosopher composer Alban’s up 19 next (7) 35% 25. Country notes watersheds (9) (c) 26. Article spinning net is concerning 20. Just let flow, timeless, in the 23 24 (5) Punjab? (6) 22 28. Wayward yet loving, being elder- 22. Drink, to a degree, equals dance ly (9) (5) DOWN 25 26 Go to varsity.co.uk for games 24. A tribe — nice one, strangely (5) 1. For this meal you need these, and solution and to vote in our poll

24 varsity.co.uk/fashion | 17.11.06

Fashion editors: Rosanna Falconer and Olivia Johnson Fashion Email: [email protected]

Gabriella wears coat, £70 to buy or £30 to hire at Vintage in Vogue, The Old Chemist Shop Antiques Centre. Dress, £12 at Primark. Beret, £12 to buy or £3 to hire at Vintage in Vogue. Tights, £6 at Marks & Spencer. Shoes, £65 at Nine West.

Andrea wears coat worn as a dress, £50 at Anna.

Styled by Rosanna Falconer & Olivia Johnson.

Photography by Debbie Scanlan.

With thanks to Philly Millward.

varsity.co.uk/fashion | 17.11.06 25

EXPOSURE

UNDEREXPOSED Men's Knits Not just for boys. Pick Better up slouchy, better quali- ty knits for that “boyfriend” look.

Fresh Flowers Blooms from the market Bolder brighten up your room now its getting dark at » Do away with dull tones and classic shapes and embrace the new 4pm. More fragrant than that synthetic Ambipur maximalism. Stand out from the crowd: play with structured volume, too. luxuriate in rich fabrics and finish with an extravagant hat

HATS ON / HATS OFF? Channing Tatum For: Against: That guy from Step Up. There’s something about hats. Sophisticated yet whimsical, a good hat Hats just aren’t what they used to be. Once considered the essential has the potential to make us feel like we are living in another, more addition to any chic woman’s or suave gentleman’s ensemble, they have romantic age. Pull one on and walk differently, stand a little taller, push now become an instant display of eccentricity. This is excluding the the shoulders further back, stride into Market Square in an altogether practical bobble hat or baseball cap used as protection against the ele- more prepossessing manner. A hat gives that nonchalant air of confi- ments. We’re talking a Justin Timberlake inspired trilby, an as-seen-on dence, attracting the eyes of those around. Girls might turn and look on Keira Knightley grungy beanie or, we dread to think, a work of “art” in envy; boys might suddenly rush to unlock your bicycle. There’s an precariously perched on top of the head, à la Sophie Anderton with her element of allure and mystery about a hat, and something sensual too. “O2 Millenium Dome”. Anderton wore this blatant piece of advertising OVEREXPOSED The way a loose lock of hair might tumble down from the hat’s to Ladies’ Day at Ascot: the hat wearers’ mecca and the day on which restraints, or the way hats playfully hide the features whilst simultane- the worst-dressed of any particular year invariably come out to play. The Fifth And ously emphasising them – eyes glitter meaningfully from under a brim, The traditional rule of etiquette for all hat wearers is that it must be Sixth Week Dip cheekbones become more defined, the jaw line more pronounced. removed indoors, a rule Cambridge students ignore as any glance A fanciful image? Of course, it depends on the hat in question. It’s def- around lectures and butteries will tell you. We can now rejoice as initely not about that juvenile purple fleece number with the exploding Avoid the confusion of etiquette and avoid the “edgy” pigeon hole into our social life begins pompom. So raid Mill Road, pop to Red Lion Street: whether a winter which people will inevitably place you. Extravagant hats can make an again. slouchy beanie from the high street, as sported by the likes of Keira outfit, but all too often break it. If you have the confidence (or down- Knightley, or a glittering, vintage evening cloche, something is bound to right arrogance) to pull off this bold sartorial choice with the required catch your eye. Just remember, those who wear hats stand heads above panache then go ahead, I take my hat off to you. Or I would if I were the rest. wearing one. Olivia Johnson Rosanna Falconer

Knee Length FASHION PHOBE PULLS A HAT TRICK Leggings

some bizarre hats got the chance, for one day They're called leggings Ed Cumming likes only, to sit on my super-sized skull. The first for a reason, to cover conservative fashion was a little trilby-type, distinctly Mr. Men your legs. Keep them affair, about which I had grave reservations. ankle length to avoid and a conventional way However, in the name of fashion I wore it and resembling a stunted lured some responses, mainly of the “you look stump. of life. He breaks out by like a fool and you’re not Pete Doherty” vari- ety. It went swiftly back in the cupboard. experimenting with The other hat was a creation of almost hys- terical genius. It could be described as a sol- millinery dier’s winter hat, a deerstalker or just a fash- Food Porn ion crime. Although it said “100% polyester” When I was born my head was one of the on the label, there was a definite dead rabbit It’s not “succulent, moist thousand biggest recorded in the UK. attached to the warming bits. It was lovely. It and sensual in organic Drawing any sort of attention to it has never managed to stretch snugly over my head, and, flavours”. It’s just been a priority. When once forced to wear a thanks to its ear muffs, it made me look like a chicken. hat, unfortunately while trying to demonstrate bear about to pilot a biplane. This was a great my sporting prowess on the cricket pitch, the hat. I went partying in it, and quite a few visor perched precariously on my head making attractive girls complimented me. Obviously me strongly resemble the eponymous hero of quite the gentleman. But I won’t start wear- Hey Arnold!. ing hats all the time. Unless you’re beautiful, Despite these warnings and misgivings, skiing, or riding a horse, leave your hat off.

Do you have Cambridge’s highest student IQ? »take the test with Varsity in association with Mensa UK Places are limited Friday 1st To register contact Dec, 2-4pm [email protected] Lady Mitchell Hall

The top 20 IQ scores will0 be listed as part1 of0 the Varsity 100 in Lent term

varsity.co.uk/lifestyle | 17.11.06 27

Food and Drink editor: Katie Craig Food and Drink Email: [email protected]

THE RESTAURANT A Quiet Drink COLUMN Martha and Mathilda La Raza » Mark King bemoans the misuse of good alcohol in Cambridge #### and points the way forward for those who just want a decent pint Potholing is not a sport which we enjoy. It is dark, underground, the walls are a bit sticky, you get stuck One of the essential elements of stu- as fast as possible; turbo-shandies pation in running the bar and select- content and a strong, bitter, hoppy between hard places, and not every- dent life in Cambridge is, undeni- and vodka concoctions designed to ing the drinks available, and with flavour. Marston’s Old Empire is one likes bats outside of belfries ably, social drinking. Whether it be fill us with just enough poison to more and more offering food and a particularly good. (Mathilda loves bats, Martha has just in our college bars, the local pubs or send us staggering into Cindy’s Even our drinking societies can be taught her how to call bats – in the clubs, we like to have a drink. where we attempt to pull each other. about socialising and enjoyment, Mathilda is subsequently hanging out And why shouldn’t we? Is it not Yet these things are only one side to » Just because rather than necking paper cups of of the window scratching her thumb- something we have a right to enjoy? an essentially glorious culture based Sainsbury’s basics vodka until you’re nail furiously). Fortunately, La Raza Despite living in what the tabloids on sociability and relaxation; one our lives here are sick. Jesus College’s Wheatsheafs is the kind of underground experi- would call “Binge Britain” we have a which deserves recognition as a society, for example, boasts the ence of every non-potholer’s dreams – healthy student culture here that is happy and healthy part of our lives. lived at 100 miles motto “not a drinking society, but a a large selection of Tapas, comfort- only enhanced by our love of social The city at large has an abun- society that enjoys a drink.” This is able sofas, a cocktail bar, free wireless drinking. Admittedly, there are dance of great places to enjoy this an hour does not the unknown, unsung element of internet and music events with half- many negative aspects; horror sto- aspect of student life to the full. mean that we have Cambridge’s social drinking culture, price student entry. ries of students’ drunken exploits in Despite some college bars being sim- and it is one we should fight to At the beating heart of Rose the newspapers; soulless institutions ply post-formal or pre-Soul Tree to drink like that defend. Just because our lives here Crescent, sandwiched between the like the Rat and Parrot, which exist watering holes, others have a life of are lived at a hundred miles-an-hour ever-salubrious McDonald’s, and the only to get us as drunk as possible, their own. With high student partici- does not mean that we have to drink genuine food (fast though it may be) unique community atmosphere, like that, or that we always choose of Gardies, La Raza is a bit of a secret L L

A these bars have become our locals. to. Just because we may get our as a lunch or dinner destination, even D

A If you are reading this thinking that kicks from discussing the problems though it has outside seating. It does C I your bar doesn’t sound anything like inherent in nineteenth century serve food however, and coffee or tea M A that, then do something about it, it’s Russian society or Richard Dawkins’ as well as early afternoon vodka. The your bar. Take some time out from latest rant does not mean that we underground setting is intimate, and being a boatie and do something pro- have forgotten the simple pleasures – unlike potholing – would be an ductive for a change! The city centre of a good pint in a good pub, does it? excellent place for dates or work pubs, meanwhile, also provide excel- I would suggest that the vast stu- escapes. At night, it is a distinctly lent spots to spend a relaxing dent turnout at the two Cambridge lively bar, with late opening hours evening with friends. beer festivals every year, the very and a trendy clientele. We would defi- Notwithstanding Greene King’s existence of societies like the nitely recommend Sunday night for attempts to gain a strangle-hold Wheatsheafs and the fact that cheap(er) cocktails, and Thursday for over the city centre circuit, there “going for a drink” remains the stan- a bit of Jazz, Soul and Funk. are some great pubs out there – dard method of social or even busi- To the Tapas – there is, as we say, a especially if you’re willing to venture ness interaction in this university large selection from meal-sized por- beyond Kelsey Kerridge. The Mill, means we have not. Psycho-analyse tions of lamb cutlets (£8.95) to the The Pickerel, The Live and Let it all you want, it’s a part of who we more starter-size roasted figs and Live: there are countless hidden are and we should be proud of it. melted goats cheese (£4.95). Both of treasures with real choice and real Student drinking is not all about these were very good. The lamb was beer. Should anyone at this point be bingeing and brawling; raise your tender and cooked to perfection. The thinking that Greene King IPA is pint and be proud to enjoy a drink. figs were tasty and sweet where the real beer might I suggest you try a Cheers! cheese was strong and sharp, real IPA which has a high alcohol although the figs would not have been harmed by a little more roast- ing. We also ordered paprika broad beans (£3.95), which are nice little WHISKY VIRGINS crispy nibbles. As must be obvious, these dishes With these cold, dark evenings drawing in the kind Cambridge Wine are designed for sharing, and it is def- Merchants decided a few stiff shots of whisky were needed to heat the vir- initely important to pick complemen- gins up... And with the largest selection between London and Scotland they tary foods, as one dish is not enough are just the people to educate us on this most grown up of drinks. for one person, and you will be pilfer- ing from the people sitting next to you, which – remember – is not Cambridge Wine Merchants’ Dewar Rattray, always received well in restaurants Sound of Islay, Bowmore Distillery, other than a Tapas bar. Cultural Single Islay Malt Whisky, 1998, £41.99 guides aside, we had two other dish- £18.99 es: Oatcakes, Cheese and Naranja The other end of the spectrum is a (orange jelly), which would have been The experts explained a single pricey but seriously impressive improved if the cheese had been malt has to be at least eight whisky. Of course, it’s a pretty stronger. As it was, it was overpow- years of age and is usually good investment as there is a ered by the dryness of the biscuits made from barley or occa- lot of drinking, and hangover and the bitter orange; and then by sionally rye or corn. at 57.8%, potential in one bot- our next course, Chorizo and Black tle. Pudding. We can particularly recom- Raw and synthetic on the mend this dish because it was gor- nose this was approached This whisky reeks of class geous. The chorizo was plump, and with trepidation, the smell with a powerful chocolatey, there was lots of it, and it was oily alone giving the sensation coffee taste countered by rich and beautiful. (Mathilda wrote that of inhaling many a unit of hints of red and citrus fruits. sentence, Martha agrees, but she alcohol. The assured initial The most satisfying part of won’t speak of dead animals as if she’s tastes of apples and pears the experience is that the in love with them). The black pudding were lost on us by the taste develops and lingers in was also nice, but apparently has had fiery finish with notes of the mouth for several min- a mixed reception from customers. chilli and peppers. For a utes and its warmth just We rounded all this off with a cappuc- pretty cheap whisky this keeps on going. cino and macchiato from “the best certainly packs a flavour- barista in Cambridge”. It definitely some punch. hit the spot.

N Fri/Sat Late23.30 (NFT) Daily12.2015.0017.5020.40 (15) (2h40)(NFT)Daily11.30 BREAKING ANDENTERING THE PRESTIGE F 1 O (Sat/Sun Only)1.00(Sat/Sun 09.30(Sat/Sun Only)10.00 (2h50) (NFT)Daily CASINO ROYALE 007 RETURNSin 19.20 21.40 (1h55) (NFT)THURSONLY 17.10 TENACIOUS D JACKASS NUMBER2 ‘VUE MORETUESDAY’ - VOUCHER!) (£2.50 WITHYOURVUEMORE TUESDAY ALLTICKETS£4.00 (NFT) Sat/SunOnly16.20 g o ri/Sat Late22.3023.1000.07 6.30 17.3019.3020.0021.00 nly) 12.3013.0014.0016.00 r a b o f o t AC OUTE OKON INAFRICA? AFARM FANCY VOLUNTEER WORK n o o n k ulctos OBx69 abr,O1 E;[email protected]. OX16 6EB; Banbury, POBox 609, Publications, Kinetic Editor, Writers shouldsendsampleswithsynopsisandCVto:The Good materialcouldbringrichrewards. andlivelyStories must beshort withimmediateappeal. original materialfor anew teenagefictionseries. new mediapublisherislookingfor talentedwriterstoprepare A Can youwriteforteenagers? e c n d e o n o w t r e o e (12a) (2h30) s n (15) (1h55) • 0 c c 8 i a n 7 m (12a) 1 e b 2 (18) m r i 2 d EVERY a 4 N OKY.TI STHE IS THIS EMAIL: WEBSITE: MONKEYS. LIFETIME! APES A OF OPPORTUNITY BABOONS, DOGS, AND MONGOOSE, ZEBRA, WILD CROCODILES, PORCUPINES, BABY LEOPARDS, WARTHOGS, AND ADULT CHEETAHS, WITH WORK CONTRACTS. MONTHS 3 1 PER MONTH) AVAILABLE. (20 NUMBERS IN 2006 FOR NOW FOUNDATION BOOKINGS (SOUTH TAKING WILDLIFE NAMIBIA HARNAS g 0 e l 2 i k 4 0 e UNTIL o admin@work Subtitled screening: Only 11.10 Fri/Sat Late*22.4023.40 *18.00(Not Tues) 19.00*20.3021.30 *13.20(Not Sun)14.30*15.3017.00 *10.50 (Sat/SunOnly)12.10 Sat/Sun Only10.10 ances –pleaseaskattheBoxOfficefordetails *Audio descriptionisavailableontheseperform- BARNYARD OPEN SEASON Sat/Sun) (PG) (2h10)13.5016.20(Not THE DEVILWEARSPRADA SAW III BORAT 21.20 Fri/SatLate23.50 (Not Fri/Sat) (Sat/Sun Only)14.2017.3021.00 Tuesday 14thNovember*18.00 Sunday 19thNovember*13.20 (1h45) (NFT) r http://www.work Nominate at h You havetheopportunityto e people tofeatureinthefirst Varsity A S K A S K Friday 17NovtoThurs23 o dition ofLentTerm ave yoursay. u u r n r n n c c t t o o l DECEMBER 2007 DECEMBER i c i c w w i s s e e n t t s s

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Advertise on this page from just £20! E-mail [email protected] 30 varsity.co.uk/sport | 17.11.06

Sports editor: Bobby Friedman Sportsdesk Tel: 01223 353 422 Email: [email protected]

The Blues beaten in hockey derby Varsity Vase

told you last week that ARU III were my favourites to win the Varsity Vase. If bookmak- ers took bets on Cambridge College football, I would Ihave backed them to the hilt. I’m now feeling a little less sure of myself. I have a horrible feeling that if I had put all my money on ARU III to win the Vase, I’d be broke. I’m not saying that ARU won’t win the Vase but their league form isn’t great. I also think its worth pointing out that while ARU III have only been beaten once this season, it was by St Catz III, another Third team and coincidentally my new favourite to win the Varsity Vase. And so begins my analysis of Division 5. With nine points from four games, and having scored 17 goals so far, St Catz are the team to beat. Even their keeper has scored this season, and from his own penalty box no less. They face a tough game this Sunday against a resurgent Christ’s II, but I wouldn’t bet against them. Christ’s themselves have a chance at winning the title, having lost only once. They have also beaten two sides by eight goals, making them the division’s top scorers so far. Darwin II are also worthy of a men- tion, quietly keeping pace with St Catz despite an 8-0 hammering at the hands of the league leaders. However, Catz’s biggest chal- lenge in the hunt for the Division 5 title will be Caius III who inflicted the opening day defeat on them. The Blues failed to impress enough in the second half after conceding three goals without reply in the first SOPHIE PICKFORD Still unbeaten and with a game in hand on the leaders, Caius III may While the Blues put in a good sec- sloppy performance well below their and coolly slotting home past the well prove to be a serious threat, JAMES MACKINNON ond-half performance, it was their usual standard. Cambridge City goalkeeper. especially after beating Trinity capitulation in the first that left them Nevertheless, the Blues came back At 3-2 down, Cambridge still had Hall II 6-0. staring defeat in the face once more. out after the break with renewed some hope of securing a point, but The heavy loss leaves Trinity Cambridge Uni 2 Indeed it was a first half to forget, purpose, although, ultimately, the the Cambridge City defence man- Hall needing to do some soul Cambridge City 3 as the Blues seemed woefully unable three-goal deficit was to prove just aged to tighten up for the final quar- searching. They won on the opening to deal with Cambridge City’s too large a margin to overcome. The ter of an hour. They effectively shut day, beating Christ’s II 7-3, and so attackers. Too often men were being fightback began with a well-worked out the game, with the Blues unable the defeat to Caius was a bit of a The men’s hockey Blues were defeat- left unmarked in the D, allowing easy goal put away by the effective Jez to find a way past despite their best surprise. But Captain Will Sorby ed for the second week in a row in a finishes at the posts. It was no sur- Hansell. This effort was followed by efforts. At the final whistle the Blues denied that the team spirit had topsy-turvy match, going down 3-2 prise that the Blues found them- a wonder goal from Simon Ashton were left to reflect on a game of two been affected, and suggested that to Cambridge City at Wilberforce selves three goals down at the half- with fifteen minutes to go. Ashton halves, but particularly on a bad first Caius’ narrow pitch just “didn’t suit Road, and causing them to fall fur- time whistle. They had nobody to took the ball past three players, half that left them with too much to our style of play”. Their title cre- ther down the league table. blame apart for themselves, after a before moving on his reverse stick do in the second. dentials remain to be seen but I wouldn’t back them personally as they appear to be struggling for players. Borrowing one of Christ’s’ substitutes for the first half of their Yachtsmen come seventh in World Championships clash in order to field eleven players is not the “stuff of champions”. start for Cambridge. Sailing continued duce their best results of the week; Looking at the lower half of the RACHEL MORRIS into the small hours of the morning consistently in the top five. division, Girton II are struggling with the infamous “Round the Island” The final race of the Championship after two narrow defeats but the night race. An error on the part of the saw an even stronger breeze. The real losers at present are the Third Following their exceptional perform- charterers left the team without elec- high-performance Mumm 30 boats Teams of Churchill and John’s. Both ance in the BUSA Yachting Nationals tronics, leaving them to navigate certainly showed their colours as they have no points after three games at Easter, a team of seven Cambridge blindly around the Ile de Groix. By planed downwind in a high adrenaline, and appear to be competing against sailors was selected to represent torchlight and with the aid of a hand- physically gruelling sleigh ride, which each other to see who can concede England at the 2006 Student Yachting held GPS they completed the course in tested everyone to their limits. With the most goals. Churchill are lead- World Cup. This competition, recog- ninth place, disappointingly just losing an excellent start, the hard work of ing the way, with a goal difference of nised as the pinnacle of Student Yacht out to the French on the finish line. Julia Rennie in pit and the muscle minus 19, but John’s might just pip Racing, was held in the French town England’s Cambridge yachtsmen power of trimmers Megan Burrough them, after Captain James of Lorient at the end of October, and had fared very well in the qualifying and Rachel Morris, the team lead the Longman resigned saying “the Cambridge’s sailors came a very races in very heavy wind conditions, fleet around the course. pressure was too much”. respectable seventh. so the higher winds over the following In the end it was the Irish team who No time to cover Division 6 today Fourteen teams from universities two days of competition, up to Force 5, took the title and Cambridge’s I’m afraid, though my beloved Jesus and naval academies had gathered suited them well. While other teams England team was never able to seri- III picked up a valiant away point at from around the globe to represent began to flag, a tactical decision to reef ously threaten for first place. But with Robinson II. Coming back from a 2- their countries. With a fleet of high by Cambridge helm Rob Style a better start, the Cambridge team 1 deficit, they fought valiantly to tie performance Mumm 30 racing yachts, enabled England to power through could have done better than their sev- the game 3-3, and there was certain- an autumnal Atlantic breeze and a the waves. Smiles soon disappeared enth place. This was nevertheless a ly an air of controversy around the spectacular location, the event prom- as they realised that the mainsail had promising result for the first-ever Robinson penalty. I’ll be back next ised close, fast racing and did not dis- postponed for two days. When the begun to tear, threatening a blow out. Cambridge team to be selected to sail week though and don’t forget to appoint. competition finally commenced, Ben A skilful repair job afloat by main- in the World Championship, and the email your gossip and stories to: The early weather conditions were Lister and Malcolm Parry worked sheet trimmer Tom Smedley fortu- 2007 competition offers an opportuni- [email protected] hazardous and racing was initially their magic on bow, to ensure a good nately held, enabling the team to pro- ty for Cambridge to do even better.

varsity.co.uk/sport | 17.11.06 31

Tel: 01223 353 422 Sportsdesk Email: [email protected] Sport stuck in the closet

SOPHIE JAMAL & about his homosexuality. Indeed, he similar honesty and bravery; at the there are more openly gay sports- didn’t come out until 10 years later. time he came out, he knew of twelve women than sportsmen. It seems the JOAN IYIOLA “A bloody poof!” was how his manag- top footballers who were gay or bisex- female sports environment might well er at Nottingham Forest, Brian ual. None have followed Fashanu’s be less homophobic than their male Justin Fashanu was a trailblazer. He Clough, described his £1 million star example of openness. Given the large counterparts, so it is easier to com- was Britain’s first million pound black player. In his autobiography, Clough numbers of gay men in the UK it pete as an “out” homosexual. Take footballer, and the first and only pro- recounts a dressing down he gave seems almost completely implausible Martina Navratilova as an example - fessional player in Britain to come out Fashanu after hearing rumours that that another professional footballer one of the greatest women tennis as gay. In the 16 years since, no other he was going to gay bars. “‘Where do will not have been gay. But attitudes players of all time. She has spoken professional footballer has come out, you go if you want a loaf of bread?’ I might have intimidated these men openly about her sexuality and has despite the fact that one in ten men in asked him. ‘A baker’s, I suppose’. into not being honest about their sex- become a role model to many by rais- the UK is gay. The National Football ‘Where do you go if you want a leg of uality. Tragically, later Fashanu too ing awareness and the acceptability of League (NFL) in America recently lamb?’ ‘A butcher’s’. ‘So why do you took his own life. all sexual orientations in sport. told a die-hard fan that her request keep going to that bloody poofs’ So does the stereotypical atmos- But Navratilova also had to strug- for the word “gay” on a personalised club?’”. phere in locker room make a gay gle for her sexuality to be accepted; team jersey was “naughty” - perhaps Fashanu finally came out in 1990 sportsman feel uncomfortable? The she initially lost a number of key spon- demonstrating the unwelcome atti- because he was distressed by the locker room can be a very homophobic sors on coming out. Last year, though, tude towards gays and lesbians still tragedy of a 17-year-old gay friend environment, even if it is purely in her sexuality finally worked to her seen in professional sports. Justin Fashanu who had been thrown out of his fami- jest; a lot of it is perceived by the per- advantage, as she received an As if the perception that the ly home by homophobic parents, and petrators as banter, but for any gay endorsement deal with lesbian travel strength of a prop is reserved for a decision has now been reversed, but who subsequently committed suicide. sportsman it can be like entering the company Olivia. heterosexual man, or the finesse of a only after loud protests from the “I felt angry at the waste of his life Colisseum in Rome to face the lions. But within men’s sports, the diffi- goal for only those that wed the oppo- HRC and other gay rights advocates. and guilty because I had not been able Being forced to listen to derogatory culties still exist. Until the football site sex, isn’t enough, the professional Their message was clear: there are to help him”, Fashanu wrote in the comments about gay men all the time community stamps out homophobia, leagues in the U.S. themselves play gay people in professional sports. But book Stonewall 25. “I wanted to do will inevitably put people off playing and more footballers follow Fashanu, an integral role in singling out gays. fostering the environment to allow something positive to stop such sport, or make them less likely to attitudes may remain stuck in the There they tolerate a climate of homo- sportsmen to come out is not easy. deaths happening again, so I decided come out to their team mates. This past. While racist abuse has become phobia, even to the point of not allow- Fashanu’s decision cost him plenty of to set an example and come out in the latent homophobia perhaps explains wholly unacceptable at football ing the last name of some of their heartache. In 1980, aged 19, he was papers”. Justin Fashanu was the first why so few men in sport come out. matches, homophobic chants are all most popular players, Randall Gay, signed by Nottingham Forest and last professional footballer to be Statistics show that it is easier to too frequently heard. Much needs to Ben Gay and William Gay, to be Football Club for £1 million. Back open about his homosexuality. It took find openly gay participants in indi- be done in order to make sport a more placed on the back of a jersey. This then, in 1980, Justin was not open courage, and others have not shown vidual sports, and it appears that welcoming place for gay men.

Joe Powell Rugby: Cambridge 34 Leicester Tigers 5 & Oscar Gamblers Brodkin Unanimous

In the week that racing lost a true Omaha, Stud and Limit poker. For the “Bank Job” we back Man giant, in the form of the legendary People will always tell you poker United £15 to be winning at half- Desert Orchid, it may seem churlish is about “reading faces”, spotting a time and full-time against the to begin this column with a rant. But “tell” someone is giving off or hav- Blades at Bramall Lane on if Andy Robinson’s England side ing “balls”. In reality though, play- Saturday. Take the price at 1.95 had shown only a fraction of the ing the cards and not the people (just under even money) to get your fighting spirit that the Great Grey should be the mantra when starting weekend off to a flying start. had, then we would have out in the game. We started in For the “Long Shot” we’re going been able to report school. Having watched a bit of to Aintree to follow Just In Debt, a on a profitable week. poker and read a little online, we horse that came third and second in Instead the Argies were ready to tackle the minefield the last two runnings of the Becher sunk the “bank job” that is amateur cards. Matt Damon Chase. The renewal takes place this to leave us in deficit in Rounders, tells us, “If, after the Sunday and our nag has been beaten for the second week first twenty min- by only a length in the last two running and cursing utes, you don't years. We take it to be third time the state of English know who the lucky in the big race at Aintree on rugby. Indeed, having sucker at the Sunday (2.35, BBC 1). £2 to win at watched the Blues maul table is, it's you.” odds of around 18-1 is a huge price. the Leicester ‘Tigers’ on We’ve no shame The “Porters’ Tip” comes from the Monday, we would far to admit that at NFL where we reckon the New rather have had our that time, we York Giants should turn over the money on a team contain- were probably a Jacksonville Jaguars on Monday ing Ufton, Ansbro and licence to print night. Eli Manning failed to score Chris Lewis than the hap- money. The against The Bears last week but he less Flood, Allen and Ben other kids were lick- should be licking his lips at the Cohen. Sack Andy Robinson ing their lips at the sight of us, two prospect of a weak Jaguars’ defence. now and we promise not to grumble fish in a pond so deep we could £3 at 2.64 (13/8) will nearly triple any more! drown after our first steps. your money. But enough bitterness and onto As time went by, we realised that another love of ours: poker. It may other players were in effect just Running total: -£24.50 be a cliché to state that poker is one gambling and it was our lack of risk- of the easiest games to learn, yet taking that caused us to lose. The Bank Job one of the hardest to master, but as Indeed, one must play so aggres- Man Utd vs Sheffield United. the recent explosion in its populari- sively to ensure that, at times, other Utd win at half and full time. ty has shown everyone is playing at players cannot afford to “call your Stake: £15 the moment. The beauty lies in its bet”. At other times, one must play variation. You can play online reserved, folding appropriate hands The Long Shot (unless you are unlucky enough to and waiting for the right opportuni- Just in Debt, in the Becher Chase. be at one of the nanny colleges that ty to 'milk the fish' for all their Stake: £2 has banned the sites) or with your worth. If you log onto Betfair Poker mates. You can play for low stakes, you’ll be sure to find “CamFlush” or The Porters’ Tip fixed stakes or high stakes, in big “Hector01”…feel free to pull up a Giants vs Jacksonville Jaguars. multi-table tournaments or even for pew and we’ll try not to bleed you The Giants to win. fun. You can play No Limit Texas dry! After some basic training in Stake: £3 SOPHIE PICKFORD Hold ‘Em, currently the most fash- 'bankroll management', 'bluffing' ionable game or variations that and betting, you'll be able to brush With Varsity fast approaching, the Blues’ fine form continued arguably require more skill such as us aside and take on the big boys. SPORT | 17.11.06 Sailing In Depth varsity.co.uk/sport Yachting success Coming out in sport [email protected] page 30 page 31

CAPTAIN’S CORNER Lacrosse Girls Eton Fives stick it to London »Women come from behind to win around. Spirits were restored, with PERSEPHONE BRIDGMAN-BAKER rejuvenated calls of support from all players, and a run of winning draws resulted from good wing-defence Cambridge 11 teamwork. London 9 Cambridge’s defence was looking solid, with Emma Pack and goalie Matches don’t get much tougher than Alex Carnegie-Brown making excel- when your team takes on a side made lent calls to upfield defenders to stay up of the best players from the five back. Numerous attempts from major London Universities, including London to pull off goals from a settle PAUL JEFFERYS one outstanding international. They were upended by Cambridge, the ball become harder still when three of being swiftly taken up into attack by How long have you been playing? your strongest players are out midfielders Anastasia Selezneva and I’ve been playing for 8 years now. I because of injury. But even with Berry. Some great shots resulted started at school, and reached the these difficulties the women’s from Julia Clarke driving around goal quarter finals of the nationals. Since lacrosse team ran out 11-9 winners in and support from her co-attacker I’ve come to Cambridge, I’ve bene- a well-fought contest. Kate Morland saw more Cambridge fitted a lot from the much higher The Blues seemed determined to goals. The team came off at half-time score from the first whistle and after one goal down but with a win in sight. standard of Fives. an invigorating pre-match team talk, The second half was demanding What’s an average week like? they appeared ready to do just that. and both teams were frantic to secure Well in a normal week I’ll train From the first draw, Cambridge won the match. Recovering well with three or four times for two hours in the opening ground ball fight result- superb support from Carnegie- each session, as well as doing my ing in a swift goal for Tess Khoo, Brown in goal, the defensive pair had own fitness training. Then I have exactly the start Cambridge had some subsequent outstanding matches at weekends - this week- been hoping for. moments. Olivia Shipton was particu- end will be my fifth in a row away But London retaliated quickly, larly impressive, showing excellent from Cambridge. with two quick goals shooting past ability in transfering the ball from How good is the team? Cambridge’s defensive unit to put defence to attack. The Blues’ deter- We’ve got a fantastic team this them into the lead. Cambridge were mination was showing at every year, with five returning half-blues still up for the fight, however, and the stretch; fitness training was paying from last year, and all our top 6 are ball remained in their attacking off. More goals from regulars Clarke county standard. We’ve also got the third. Elaina Berry received a beauti- and Morland racked up the best university pair in the country- ful feed only to be triple-teamed by Cambridge total, and things became Aly Patel and Alick Varma won the London’s immensely effective ever closer after a fabulous long shot Universities Championships a cou- defence, forcing her to pull out of the from Glanville Wallis. ple of weekends ago. There are critical scoring area. Indeed, at this A superb decision to switch up the many top players competing for few point crucial players were clearly midfield caught London off guard, being marked out of the game. and Cambridge took full advantage places this year, so its really driving Regular top goal scorer and Welsh with a controlled goal from Morland the standards up. Despite the fact international Lloyd found herself driving from the top of the fan. The that Oxford have half of the best tightly marked, and Tanya Glanville excitement was contagious and Khoo pair in the country, we are confident Wallis was unable to make her usual ended a fantastic fast break with a that we can win our third Varsity drive towards goal. goal to send the Blues 11-9 up - a lead match in a row. London capitalised and scored that they never relinquished. What’s the greatest moment in your twice more to go 4-1 ahead and Against strong opposition the Fives career? Cambridge’s morale seemed to be Blues fought very well indeed, and SOPHIE PICKFORD Winning Varsity last year was diminishing. Captain Claire Nance fully deserved to be rewarded for great because Oxford had the best took the decision to call a time-out, their excellent efforts with a deter- The Hockey Blues lost 3-2 to their city rivals »See page 30 player in the country, so we won and managed to turn the match mined victory. despite being underdogs. What’s your best piece of advice? If you get angry, let it all out before The the next point. If not, you can throw Week In away a game in the blink of an eye. Weather FRI SAT SUN MON TUE WED THUR

Re-arrange the letters by rotating the Hitori Sudoku Kakuro discs to create six separate six-letter Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more than once The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in per row or column. Shaded squares may not be horizontally or condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never words leading in to the centre. Email vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares must form a single 1 through 9 exactly once. use a number more than once per run (a number may reoccur continuous area. in the same row in a separate run). your answer to: [email protected] 9 5 3 2 6 7 5 2 6 4 4 11 22 Y

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