Newfoundland & Labrador Foster Families Association
Summer Edition July 2016
Greetings from Chair Supporters Appreciation Page Teen’s Corner
Review of CYCP Act Foster Parents Share Experiences Children’s Pages
2015-2016 Annual Reports Voices of Youth Educational Section
Summer is messy, summer is fun, summer is spending all day in the sun.
Summer is campfires, smores and late nights, summer is windy days spent flying kites.
Summer is tan lines and splashing in lakes, summer is morning with chocolate pancakes.
Summer is time spent with family and friends, summer is hoping that it never ends. EXECUTIVE OFFICERS BOARD OF DIRECTORS Edie Newton (Chair) CENTRAL REGION Joy Arnold (Vice Chair) Coralee Roberts Joy Arnold Debbie O’Neil (Treasurer) Triton Glovertown
Fronie Blake (Secretary) LABRADOR REGION Perry Chubbs Nicole Shuglo Happy Valley-Goose Bay Hopedale
GRENFELL REGION
STAFF Shirley Fowler Vacant Roddickton Diane Molloy Executive Director WESTERN REGION [email protected] Debbie O’Neil Jim Cox Amy Kendall Stephenville Corner Brook Social Worker [email protected] ST. JOHN’S REGION
Elizabeth Joy Edie Newton Vacant Administrative/Financial Assistant Conception Bay South [email protected] EASTERN REGION
Melvina Elliott Fronie Blake Newman’s Cove Hant’s Hr. Newfoundland and Labrador Foster Families Association Department of Child, Youth Regional Child Youth Suite 105, 21 Pippy Place St. John’s, NL, A1B 3X2 and Family Services and Family Services Representative Representative Tel: 754-0213 Toll Free: 1-877-754-0218 Cathy Morris Barry Rice Fax: 754-5007 St. John’s Baie Verte
E-mail: [email protected] Community Representative Youth Representative Web: www.nlffa.ca Susan Onalik Nicole Withers St. John’s St. John’s
See back cover for a listing of Local Associations throughout the province. Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 1 Summer Edition Greetings from Board Chair
I am very grateful for the opportunity to serve for the next 2 years as your Chair of the Board and wish to thank the members of the Board for having the confidence in me to do so. I'd like to take this opportunity to give you a bit of insight into who I am and the skills, talent and passion I bring to this role.
As a Foster Parent, I realize the significant role the NL Foster Families Association plays and having sought guidance and support on more than one occasion. My husband Eugene and I have been fostering for 6 ½ years now and have loved and cared for 18 children. In that time we have transitioned 2 children onto adoptive forever homes, and helped with 15 families reunifications (so far)!
As a professional, I have been in the non-profit charitable world for over 25 years in various leadership roles and I have served as Chair and as a member of many Boards over the years. I strive for continuous improvement in any role I take on, always grateful to acknowledge the wonderful work that has taken place by other leaders in an organization before me.
As Chair of the NL Foster Families Association you can expect nothing less than a desire to ensure that our mandate to: • advance and promote the professional role of foster parents. • provide a collective voice for Foster Families in Newfoundland and Labrador. • promote collaborative partnerships that strengthen policies, programs and services which enhance the care and support provided to children and families in a manner that is sensitive to their cultural and individual needs. will guide our every decision and the excellent support you are accustomed to receiving from our Staff and Volunteer Leaders in the Locals across the province will continue.
I look forward to working with my fellow Board Members (the list provided in this newsletter) to create a strategic plan that will guide the business of the NL Foster Families Association into a bright, successful future. I assure you that any comments, suggestions and ideas you have will always be welcomed and considered.
I hope to meet many of you at events and functions during my time as Chair and as a member of the Fostering Community my husband and I are so proud to be a part of.
Warm regards,
Edie Newton Chair
Foster Families Week will be celebrated this year from October 16-22, 2016. This is a time set aside to recognize and celebrate foster families in our community. Keep an eye out for events happening in your region. Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 2 Summer Edition
Review of the Children and Youth Care and Protection Act
The Department of Child, Youth and Family Services is reviewing the Children and Youth Care and Protection Act, which is the legislation that governs child protection, in care and youth services programs.
This statutory review will assist the Department in its ongoing efforts to further strengthen services to children, youth and their families. Key policy areas being focused on include youth services; information sharing; prevention services; licensing and regulation of external agencies; permanency planning for children in care; and services to Aboriginal children, youth and families.
The Department is accepting input from the public during the review process and has developed a discussion guide with specific questions related to the key policy areas listed above. The discussion guide can be accessed at http://www.gov.nl.ca/cyfs/cycp_act_review.html
As stakeholders, the Newfoundland and Labrador Foster Families Association and foster parents throughout the province will be participating in a teleconference consultation with the Department on Wednesday, October 12th at 6:30pm. This is a great opportunity to have your voice heard on sections of the act that directly impact the children and youth in your home and you as a foster parent.
If you are interested in participating, please contact the Newfoundland and Labrador Foster Families Association office by September 26th and leave your name. You may call 754-0213, or toll free at 1-877-754-0218. You can also email [email protected]. You will then be contacted prior to the consultation with the call-in details.
As Diane and Amy travel throughout the province in the Fall, there will also be opportunities to discuss the review at regional meetings.
Government Moving to Direct Deposit Payment System
As you are aware, the Provincial Government is moving away from issuing cheques and all financial transactions will be done through direct deposit. The plan is to have all financial payments converted to direct deposit by December 2016.
If you are not yet receiving your payments through direct deposit, you must complete the electronic payment request form as soon as possible. You should have already received this form in the mail.
If you have questions or are unable to provide the required information, you need to contact the Department of Child Youth and Family Services at 709-729-5605 so a staff member can help you through the new process. You may also email [email protected] Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 3 Summer Edition 2015-2016 Annual Reports
Report from Chair of the Board
I would like to welcome all of you to our Annual General Meeting and Symposium. Thank you for your interest and your support. 2015-2016 has been another good year for the Association.
I will not go into detail about what has been accomplished this year because our Executive Director will be covering that in her report. You will also be hearing the reports from the regions.
In my role as Chair, I had the opportunity in July to attend the launch of For the Love of Sam, a book written by foster parents Edie Newton and Eugene Organ as a resource for foster parents transitioning a child to adoption. I want to thank Edie and Eugene for their initiative in developing this resource for foster families. During Foster Families Week, I had the pleasure of presenting the Newfoundland and Labrador Foster Families Association/VOCM Cares Bursary to Danielle Wicks at an event in Corner Brook. Danielle is the daughter of foster parents Dennis and Laurie Wicks from Gambo and is pursuing her post-secondary studies in Corner Brook. I want to extend a thank you to CYFS staff for organizing this celebration. I also visited Immaculate Heart of Mary School in Corner Brook during Foster Family Week and presented the winning students with their awards for the Provincial Drawing and Writing Contest.
I was not able to make the in-person Board Meeting and Training Day in Clarenville in the Fall but did make the Happy Valley-Goose Bay meeting in the Spring. In-person meetings are so important not only for conducting Board business, but also for the opportunity for the Directors to get to know each other and come together as a team.
This past year has been a rewarding experience for me serving as Chair of the Board. It was a time of learning and personal growth. Diane and the Directors are a supportive team of individuals, and they helped make the past year easy for me. It was a pleasure to serve in this capacity. As I complete my time as Chair, I wish good luck to the next Director who will be taking over for the next two years. I have one year left on the Board as a Director, and I am looking forward to continuing to be part of this great team. In closing, I would like to say fostering is a great experience which is very rewarding.
Jim Cox Chair Executive Director's Report
I would like to begin this annual report by thanking all of you for being here and for your interest and commitment to the foster care program in our province. I am grateful to be part of this Association and to have the opportunity to work on behalf of our foster families. This has certainly been an interesting year as we have continued our ongoing work and also moved into some new initiatives.
This year also brought a change in our provincial government. Shortly following the Fall election, I was invited to meet with the newly appointed Minister of Child, Youth and Family Services (CYFS) Honourable Sherry Gambin-Walsh to talk about the foster care program and the work of the Association. Also in attendance at this meeting were Derek Bennet, MHA for Lewisporte-Twillingate and Parliamentary Secretary to the Minister, Rachelle Cochrane, Deputy Minister (DM) and Rick Healey, Assistant Deputy Minister (ADM). Prior to her election to the House of Assembly, Minister Gambin-Walsh worked in a community organization and, as such, had some familiarity with our Association.
At our Symposium last year, we announced that the Foster Care Handbook was complete and would soon be in the hands of our foster parents. We have received extremely positive feedback from both foster parents and social workers about the usefulness of the handbook. As we had expected, it is a great resource and a great starting point, particularly for new homes. Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 4 Summer Edition
The Waypoints Supporting Foster Parents Pilot Program was developed in response to an identified need for greater support for foster parents. This was a message the Association was clearly hearing from foster parents and bringing forth to the Department for a number of years. Waypoints had also seen this need in their work when young people who may have been able to live in a foster home if the proper supports were available, were instead placed in their residential programs. In early Summer, the Association and Waypoints were invited to a meeting with Rachelle Cochrane and Rick Healey to begin discussions about responding to this need. By the Fall, Waypoints had a pilot program developed and referrals were being accepted. Foster parents, who avail of this new resource, are provided professional support and hands-on intervention to enhance their existing skills. They also have access to after-hours/crisis support and monthly training opportunities. Response to this program has been very positive and discussions are currently underway about possible expansion beyond the initial pilot area. A proposal has been submitted to CYFS by Waypoints and is fully supported by the Association. The long term goal is to eventually have the Waypoints Supporting Foster Parents Program available to foster parents throughout the province.
The development of a Peer Mentoring Program is another initiative we are currently working on. As most of you may know, the foster parent role is unique and is not always easily understood by others who have never shared the experience. We consistently hear from new foster parents that the first few months of fostering can feel very isolating and can result in lots of uncertainty. Experienced foster parents have a great deal to offer their less-experienced peers in terms of emotional and practical support and advice. This program will see experienced foster parents mentor new foster parents as they enter the foster care community. We have completed our research on peer mentoring models and now have a committee in place to further develop the program. We are anticipating that it will be up and running within the next 6 months.
In keeping with our mandate of working in partnership with CYFS, we have had five meetings this year with the DM and ADM to discuss fostering issues and how we can work together to enhance the foster care program. We have also met with regional CYFS staff to talk about the work of the Association and to identify ongoing challenges for foster families. We were in the House of Assembly twice this year for Ministerial Statements related to foster care.
I also had the opportunity this year to attend a PRIDE Train the Trainer session in Clarenville. This was a really great opportunity to engage with social workers who will be facilitating PRIDE and doing the assessments for new applicants. I was able to share some of the feedback we have received from families who have finished their PRIDE training which may be useful for the Trainers and Assessors who are just starting to do that work. I also participated in some of the Level 3 training offered this year.
In addition to our Annual Symposium last June in St. John's, we also offered training days in Clarenville and Goose Bay this year. Mileage and child care costs were provided by CYFS for foster families to attend this training which increased attendance. There were 27 people registered in Clarenville and 28 in Goose Bay. Some of our Locals also offered educational sessions to foster families in their regions.
Amy and I were able to travel to all regions of the province this year with the exception of the Northern Peninsula and Southern Labrador. We were also unable to coordinate a visit to Sheshatshiu. These regional visits are always very productive as we have meetings with our foster families, CYFS staff and Amy also does school presentations. The time we spend with our foster parents gives us the opportunity to share information but, more importantly, to hear how things are going for them. It ensures we are current in our understanding of the successes and challenges they experience.
We also continue our community involvement which encourages dialogue about fostering and provides an ongoing opportunity for community education. Amy is still a member of the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) Committee, the Coalition Against the Sexual Exploitation of Youth and the Newfoundland and Labrador Association of Social Workers Discipline Committee. I am a member of the Tuckamore Centre Advisory Committee and have recently joined the Board of the Coalition Against Violence Avalon East. I am also continuing Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 5 Summer Edition my work with the National Executive Directors Committee. The Association is also a member of the Canadian Foster Family Association, the Child Welfare League of Canada and the National Youth in Care Network.
I had the opportunity this year to present at an Inuit Engagement Session which was one of 6 sessions held across Canada to engage the Inuit population living in urban centers in discussion about the realities of that experience. I spoke about the support we provide for our foster families and also about the over representation of Inuit children in foster care and the need for more foster homes within the Inuit communities. During my presentation an Elder in the group shared his experience of being removed from his family as a child and the impact it has had on his life. This led to some good discussion about the losses children experience when they are removed from their culture.
I also participated in a Youth Information Day at the Newfoundland and Labrador Youth Centre which was an opportunity to speak with some young people in custody about their previous experience in care. Mabel Andersen and I also presented to the child welfare class at Memorial University School of Social Work which offers a great opportunity to connect with future social workers and increase their understanding of the foster care program. Following this class, I met with a social work student who was doing a research paper on the over representation of aboriginal children in foster care in Canada. Amy has also brought our Different Kinds of Families Presentation to 4,260 students in grades K-12 this year. We had 12 new schools receive the presentation this year and 18 others welcomed us back because feedback from previous presentations was so positive.
Throughout the year, Amy and I have provided personal support to 70 families who requested this service. We have also seen an increase this year in social workers encouraging foster parents to avail of the support offered by the Association. The reasons people call for support are diverse; it may be as simple as asking for help interpreting a policy or as complex as dealing with an allegation. We walk with individuals through the grief process when children leave, and we provide a safe place to vent and debrief after difficult experiences. We help foster parents to manoeuver the system and effectively advocate for services for themselves as well as the children in their homes. We are often sounding boards and devil's advocates but mostly we take the time to listen, validate a foster parent's experience and understand the magnitude of the task of caring for other people's children.
Sadly, this year the fostering community has lost 6 foster dads: Terry Arnold of Glovertown, Ray Miller of Placentia, Derek Tilley of Middle Arm, Stan Alward of Westport, David Finch of Torbay and Francis Gillard of Harry's Harbor. Our thoughts are with these families as they cope with their loss and adjust to life without their loved ones.
The purpose of an annual report is to provide an overview of the work that has been accomplished throughout the year. It is also an opportunity to publically thank those who support the Association.
We extend sincere thanks to Minister Sherry Gambin-Walsh and the Department of Child, Youth and Family Services for their ongoing support. We are so appreciative of the positive working relationship we have with the Department. In particular, we want to recognize Rachelle Cochrane, Rick Healey, and Donna O'Brien for understanding the importance of building strong partnerships and for being so responsive to the identified needs. A special thank you is extended to Cathy Morris and Barry Rice who represent the provincial office and regional offices respectively on our Board of Directors. We also want to thank frontline social workers, who like our foster families, are committed to the safety and well-being of children.
We acknowledge the businesses and individuals who donated items for our silent auction and all those who made monetary donations throughout the year including those who donated in memory of family and/or friends who passed away during the year. Special thanks to the Presentation Sisters, Sisters of Mercy, VOCM Cares for their ongoing support. We thank Rick Kelly, Executive Director of Waypoints and his staff for the tremendous job they have done in the development of the Supporting Foster Parents Program. We look forward to continuing this wonderful partnership as we endeavour to meet the needs of our foster parents. Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 6 Summer Edition I want to thank our Board of Directors for their leadership and commitment to building a strong, vibrant foster care program in our province. I really appreciate the support they provide to me on an ongoing basis. I also want to thank Amy and Elizabeth for all they do throughout the year. The Association is very fortunate to have such great employees.
As always, we save the most important thank you for last. What can we say that would really capture the tremendous gratitude we have for our foster families? You are the backbone of the foster care program, and there are no real words that can adequately express appreciation for all you do. May you always know how much you are valued and respected.
I would like to conclude by sharing a poem written recently by Joy Arnold which reflects the heart of a foster parent.
Diane Molloy Executive Director
Seasons
They say to everything there is a season.
So for a child that comes into my care no matter how long the season is I hope the following for them:
Caring showed every step of your journey. Understanding for those scary moments.
Outstretched hands when you need one to hold. Eyes that can tell you that this is a safe place.
Food in your belly to help you grow. Laughter that makes your tummy ache.
A safe haven to rest your head. These are things that I wish for you sweet child. Joy Arnold Foster Parent
Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 7 Summer Edition Labrador Region
Warmest greetings to everyone from the north coast of Labrador!
I am happy to give my first annual report from the region - it's hard to believe that a year has gone by since Rosie Lucy, who served faithfully on the Board for many years, gave the last report; I am humbled to walk in her footsteps.
Last Fall, Hopedale welcomed Diane and Amy of the Provincial Association who, for the second year in a row, happened to arrive in Hopedale on Guy Fawkes Night (November 5) as they traveled over the region. They have now established a (well-received and now anticipated) tradition of handing out glow-in-the-dark bands to all the children at Hopedale's annual Community Bonfire! Earlier in the day, over refreshments and goodies prepared by CYFS staff, Diane and Amy met with foster parents and CYFS staff, providing lots of information and encouragement for all in attendance. During this meeting, Hopedale Clinical Supervisor, Elaine Condon, presented fresh flowers and certificates of appreciation to our Hopedale foster parents on behalf of CYFS. As well, at this meeting we discussed our aim to strengthen our Local Association so that it may truly serve as a source of support and community to the foster families of Hopedale. We discussed the hope that, by providing each other with a network of support and encouragement, we may, in turn, encourage others within Hopedale to become foster parents.
Indeed, the shortage of foster homes in the region continues to be a challenge in ensuring that children entering into care remain in their community and culture. Last February, in collaboration with CYFS, I took part in a Nunatsiavut Community Health Fair in an effort to recruit new foster homes in Hopedale and to provide information about fostering. This event was held at The Nanuk Centre, a new community and recreation complex that opened in Hopedale over the Winter. CYFS provided the eye-catching "Foster-A-Future" display presentation for use in this endeavour, and I incorporated a display board featuring the Nunatsiavut Fostering Logo reflecting and honouring Inuit culture (please see below). Our Nunatsiavut Zone Manager, Jill Parsons, donated some children's books about fostering to use as door prizes at this event.
In January, our Hopedale Local sponsored a supper/FASD information session for foster parents with Labrador-Grenfell Health Behaviour Management Specialist Charlene Rumbolt. This session proved to be very informative and helpful to caregivers as they strive to most effectively nurture and meet the needs of the children and youth in their care. This past Winter and Spring also saw many foster parents within Hopedale and Nain receive PRIDE training; and, as I write this, plans are in the works to deliver the training to foster parents in Makkovik and Postville as well.
As I reflect fondly on the year gone by, I too look forward to the year ahead - as we work together to support and care for children, youth, and families within our province.
Nicole Shuglo Director Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 8 Summer Edition Well, it's that time again coming to the end of another school year. The kids will soon be out of school and the parents are busy with preparations for Summer vacation and clean up from a long Winter.
There hasn't been a lot of activity with our Local in the past year. We have had meetings but not a great deal of interest from the foster families. We do have a regular group who come out to meetings, and I want to acknowledge their efforts to keep our Local active. We have had a few new homes open in the region, which is a good thing, and we are trying to spike interest for these new families to get involved with the Local.
We had our Halloween party in October which was lots of fun and our Christmas party in December was also a success with games and Santa. In March we had the provincial Board in town for a training day and Board meeting. Some foster families from our area, Labrador City and the North Coast participated in the training day and, of course, Diane and the Directors on the Board. It was an enjoyable weekend. In April we had an online auction which turned out to be quite successful. All the items were new or slightly used and were donated by foster families and friends. This was a wonderful fundraiser, and we planned another one for May month. We are planning our annual BBQ for June.
Have a safe and fun-filled Summer.
Perry Chubbs Director
Grenfell Region
Hello from foster families in the Grenfell area. I can't believe that it's been a year since I became a Director on this Board. It's been a great year, and I am enjoying the experience. In September I represented our Association at the Canadian Foster Family Association Conference in Niagara Falls; it was an excellent week with awesome workshops. I also attended in-person Board meetings/training days in Clarenville and Goose Bay. It is always such a learning experience when the Board gets together with other foster parents in the regions.
It is sometimes a struggle to get attendance at our Local Association meetings, but we get a great turnout to our outings. In October our Local and Child, Youth and Family Services staff had a Halloween party. The kids all came dressed in their costumes; we had a great potluck supper and a fun night was had by all. In December we had a Christmas party with 50 people in attendance; the kids had a great time going home with movies and treats.
In March we had a cake and basket walk with 27 people in attendance. We had popcorn, and everyone had a lot of fun. In April we had a Local meeting with 14 people in attendance, which is not a really good turnout with such a large number of foster families in our area. We are now in the process of planning an event for June.
We hope you all have a safe and fun Summer with your family and friends.
Shirley Fowler Director
Western Region
It's been a very interesting year for me as a new Director on the Board for the Foster Families Association. This position has been vacant for a number of years in our region, so I took the position with the hopes of making a contribution and getting our Local up and running again. I've spent this year learning lots of things from other Directors on the Board about how they run their Locals, and my goal is by September/October to have an active Local in my area.
To recap the last year, for Foster Family Week in October we had a swimming party and had a great turnout. Both the foster parents and the kids had a great time. In November CYFS introduced the new life book to the foster Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 9 Summer Edition families in our area. They did a great job putting the books together and now when a child comes into care, you will automatically start a life book. Thank you to our CYFS Department for putting these books together. Also in November, we had an in-person Board meeting in Clarenville. It was so nice to finally meet everyone on the Board and the foster parents that attended. We had two seminars, one on Effective Discipline and another on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. We received so much useful information, and had such a great weekend.
In the first week of December, Amy and Diane were in our area and met with families in both Piccadilly and Stephenville. Once the New Year came in, we were made aware that the Child, Youth and Family Services offices in Stephenville Crossing and Piccadilly would be closing with all staff moving to the Stephenville office. This is going to be a big adjustment for both the foster families and CYFS staff. We had another in-person Board meeting in Goose Bay and had a seminar on Intergenerational Trauma. We gained a lot of good information. This has been a great year, and I have really enjoyed being a member of the Board.
Debbie O'Neil Director
It has been a very busy year in the Western region. The Corner Brook-Bay of Islands Local continues to meet at 6:30 p.m. on the last Monday of each month at the CYFS office. In June, Ashley Chafe, our social worker liaison offered a session on Block Funding which was very informative. We did not meet over the Summer but got back into our monthly schedule in September. Zone Manager, Brian Park, attended our September meeting to welcome everyone back after the break and to answer any questions people had. In October, we had Laura Casey-Foss do a very valuable presentation on Attachment Disorders. All sessions were very well attended.
In October the Chair of our Local, Stephanie Lowe, participated in a recruitment event at the Agriculture Fair where she had the opportunity to talk to people interested in becoming foster parents and to give them information related to fostering. In October as well, foster families were invited by Child, Youth and Family Services to a get together at the Blow Me Down Ski Club to celebrate Foster Families Week.
In November, Constable Scott Mosher from the Royal Newfoundland Constabulary did a presentation on Internet Safety. December was a busy month with a swimming Christmas party where the turnout was great. Santa brought gifts for the children and we also had a potluck. Diane and Amy also visited our region in December, and we had a very informative meeting. Those in attendance had the opportunity to talk about things that were happening in our area as well as hear about the work of the Provincial Association. Thanks to Diane and Amy for coming out!
In January, the meeting focus was on future planning and giving people an opportunity to identify concerns and raise questions. In February some of our foster moms went out to supper for a well-deserved social. At our February meeting, there was a presentation by Key Assets staff on their Live-in Model Pilot Project. Our Local did not meet in March as it was Easter week. In April Laura Casey-Foss did a presentation on the new diagnostic guidelines for FASD.
I am also very pleased to report that we now have another Local Association in our part of the region. On March 17, the newly formed Deer Lake/Pasadena Local held its first meeting. I want to thank the members of the Executive of both Locals for their willingness to take on this leadership role. I have one year left on the Board to represent our region, and I would encourage other foster parents in my area to consider this opportunity when it comes up next year.
Jim Cox Director
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. ~ Charles R. Swindolls Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 10 Summer Edition Central Region
Our 2015-2016 year began with the provincial Symposium in June at the Ramada Hotel in St. John's. There were many new ideas and thoughts brought forward throughout the weekend. I encourage all foster parents to attend at least one Symposium; very informative, large auction, wonderful food, entertainment and an opportunity to socialize with others on our team. :)
On Sunday, January 31, 2016 at the CYFS office in Springdale - we had our first Local meeting of the year. Diane Molloy and Amy Kendall, both of the Provincial Foster Families Association, were out and met with foster parents in our area to discuss a few things that were happening and to answer questions. Thanks Diane and Amy and foster parents for attending this important meeting. Great response…Positive feedback. It's great getting together and supporting each other!
In February we had a get together for foster families at the Kin Center in Springdale. We had over 30 participants; children included. We had bingo, a magic show, face painting, food and lots of fun and prizes. On March 11-13 I attended a training day and in-person Board meeting at Hotel North Two in Happy Valley-Goose Bay. The Impact of Intergenerational Trauma on Children and Families session was excellent and such an eye opener. Thanks to the presenters and to all those who attended.
I want to say a special thanks to Botwood foster parents for organizing a sports event in April at the Botwood Memorial Academy. It was a get together for all foster families, and we all had a wonderful time and enjoyed amazing homemade food. I encourage all foster families to attend these outings because we all have so much fun together.
I have been really looking forward to this Symposium and the opportunity to meet other foster parents from across Newfoundland and Labrador. As another year on the Board comes to a close, I'd like to encourage all foster parents to take the opportunity to get involved the next time positions become available on the Board. It's unreal the amount of knowledge you can get from being involved. I truly enjoy sitting on the Board, and I am looking forward to another year. It's such a great learning and growing experience for me. I am also proud of our Local Association. Our goal for 2016-2017 is to become even more active and to increase our attendance. Wishing you all a well-deserved, wonderful, healthy and safe SUMMER. :)
Coralee Roberts Director
Greetings from Kittiwake Local foster families. We have enjoyed another year as the Local Association in our area. The foster parents who come to our meetings are from Glovertown, Gambo, Wareham, and sometimes Gander area. The average count of our meetings is 8 to 12 people per meeting. We have had only 1 child come into care in our area in the last 12 months; this is something that we should be very happy about.
Our meetings, which are held monthly, are a place where foster parents can get together to support one another and be made aware of changes to our foster parenting system. In December we found out that, once again, we were losing our liaison social worker, Allura Bartlett. She has now moved on to another area. We were pleased to welcome Brittney Pike, who has taken on the title of liaison for our Local.
In June of 2015 I had the privilege of attending our Symposium which was held at the Ramada Hotel in St. John's. It was great to take in the workshops where there is a wealth of information. I also found that it was awesome to reconnect with foster parents from our great province.
In November the Board of Directors met in Clarenville for an in-person meeting and Training Day. The two sessions offered were Effective Discipline and Introduction to Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. It seems like we can never learn enough about how alcohol affects children in the womb. Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 11 Summer Edition We also held an in-person meeting and Training Day in Goose Bay on March 11th to 13th. It was another great training day and a rewarding experience. I had the privilege of meeting Premier Ball on Sunday evening. He was headed to the Labrador Winter games opening. We had a short chat about the area; I told him I was from Glovertown. He asked why I was here in Goose Bay. When I told him it was for a workshop for the Foster Families in the area and a Board meeting, his comment was "You people offer a great service that our province should be very grateful for." He shook my hand, and I thanked him for his kind words. I tell you this for the simple fact that each one of you as a foster parent and anyone that is involved in fostering deserves that pat on the shoulder or in this case handshake.
We were told in April of this year that the CYFS office in Gambo will be closing. This came as a shock to everyone. We are very upset by this decision from the government. We, as a Local, feel that this decision may negatively impact the children in care.
On a much sadder note, we lost a foster parent in our area on September 18, 2015. My husband passed away after a lengthy illness. Terry was Chair of our Local for over 3 years and was an avid advocate for children in care.
This past year has been a rewarding and, as you can tell, heartbreaking one. I am very proud to say this Board and the staff at this Association has been so very helpful and gracious to me. I look forward to this coming year as we continue to provide care for our precious children.
Joy Arnold Director
Eastern Region
It has been a year since I have returned as a Director on the Board, and the time has gone by so quickly! I really enjoyed the in-person Board meetings and training days in Clarenville and Goose Bay. It is great to get together with the other Directors. I had to miss a couple of monthly meetings; thanks to the Board for their understanding and patience.
We have two Local Associations in my part of the eastern region, Clarenville/Bonavista and the Burin Peninsula. Diane and Amy were out in the Fall for meetings with foster parents and for school presentations. Although we have a large number of foster parents in Clarenville/Bonavista, the turnout was low for the meetings. The turnout was good at the meeting that was held in Marystown.
The Clarenville/Bonavista Local does not meet on a regular basis, but we did have two social events during the year: a Christmas party and a get together in April. Attendance was good, and everyone enjoyed themselves. The Burin Peninsula Local continues to meet regularly, and they also had several socials this year including a Halloween and Christmas party.
In closing, on behalf of the Clarenville/Bonavista Local, I want to offer congratulations to Laurie Anne Connors on the upcoming arrival of her first baby. We will miss you greatly while you are away.
Melvina Elliott Director
I am very glad to be here this year since I missed the Symposium last year due to medical reasons. This event is such an opportunity to connect with others who share my passion for this work.
The Bay Roberts-Harbour Grace Local has been active all year with meetings and a number of other events. In December 2015, we had a Christmas party at the Splash Center in Harbour Grace with a great turnout of 60 plus children in attendance. The event was very well planned and the kids loved that Santa dropped by with gifts. The Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 12 Summer Edition CYFS office in Harbour Grace hosted a breakfast in the Fall of 2015 for all foster parents during Foster Families Week. Staff and Management wanted to thank us for all of our hard work and dedication that we provide to all children in care. All of the foster parents in attendance received a little token of appreciation. I want to thank CYFS for organizing this event.
In April, Diane Molloy attended one of our Local meetings, and we discussed, as a group, how to be a more effective Local Association in the coming months and years. After this meeting, we attended a powerful memorial honoring Quinn Butt, whose life was cut short at a very young age.
I want to thank the Executive of our Local for their leadership and the work they put into organizing our meetings and events.
In my Director role on the Provincial Association, I attended two in-person Board meetings and training days; in Clarenville in November and Happy Valley-Goose Bay in March. In Clarenville, Dave Martin from Key Assets provided a half-day session on FASD; Waypoints also had a workshop on Effective Discipline. Both of these sessions were equally informative. Thank you to all presenters who took time out of their busy schedules to host these valuable sessions. In March, Dr. Joe Solanto and Shirley Flowers did a full day workshop on Intergenerational Trauma. A big thank you to Nunatsiavut Government for their support in making this workshop possible. It was one of the best planned and most powerful workshops that I have ever attended.
I continue to represent our Provincial Association as a Director on the Board of the Canadian Foster Family Association (CFFA). In September of 2015, I attended the CFFA Conference and AGM in Niagara Falls, Ontario. There were some changes to the CFFA Executive with the election of Tammy Roberts to the Secretary position. Tammy brings a wealth of knowledge and experience including being the present Executive Director of the Foster Family Coalition of the NWT, foster parent and an adoptive parent. During the conference, I attended a number of workshops including Creating Sexual Safety in Adoption and Foster Care hosted by Dr. Wayne Duehn. In January, we held our first CFFA conference call. We are hoping that this will be a regular part of our operations as we continue into the future. In May, there was an in-person meeting in Alberta that I was unable to attend due to our family vacation.
Thank you to Diane and my fellow Board members who always encourage and help me believe in myself even in the face of very difficult times. I feel in my comfort zone when I am in your presence. I just wanted to add a little piece of great news; my oldest daughter in care graduated high school and is attending post-secondary in September. During her graduation, she said "I am not what happened to me but what I choose to become." This is one of the reasons why I have been a foster parent for over 22 years; it keeps me going to see another day.
Fronie Blake Director
St. John's Region
2015-2016 being my first year sitting on the Foster Families Association Board representing the Conception Bay South area, then combining the CBS and St. John's Locals, I have enjoyed the learning curve and challenges change always brings. With the tremendous training sessions now offered by Waypoints, we are committed to focusing on social activities for the children/families in our catchment area. Last Fall the St. John's Local held two events, a social and a training night that was organized by Claire Hutchings and Terri-lynn Taylor. Attendance was low at both events, but everyone actively participated. We held our first combined event on February 13th at the Fluvarium entertaining a good turnout of children and families in spite of the weather.
We now have a vacancy in St. John's to support the Local activities and to fill the vacant role on the Board. This is a wonderful experience, and I encourage you to consider getting involved! Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 13 Summer Edition Sitting on the Board has been interesting. At a time when new opportunities are being presented and policies and by-laws are being reviewed it makes contributing my time, skills and experience feel valued and appreciated. Having the opportunity to help steward the Association we all belong to and rely on for support, is such a privilege and pleasure - so much great work has and will continue to be done to support our children in care and the families that embrace them - I highly recommend YOU get involved too!
I wish to thank the Board members for sharing their experiences and support with me as I learn the ropes and Diane and her team for managing the day-to-day business with such passion and commitment.
Respectfully submitted,
Edie Newton Director
New Local Association
We are very pleased to share that we now have a new Local Association and below you will find their first newsletter report. Thank you is extended to Eunice, Kellie and Wilson for their leadership in achieving this goal.
Greetings From Labrador West!
I am happy to report that we now have a Local Association started in Labrador City. The executive is Eunice Earle as Chair, Kellie Granville as Vice Chair/ Treasurer and Wilson Matthews as Secretary.
We have already had our first meeting, and it was filled with both laughter and tears. Those present shared some of their stories, and we were able to see some of the connections in our experiences and that's awesome as that is what we want to be about.
Our next meeting will be September 29th, 7:30pm at our local CYFS office. We encourage all foster parents to attend. For further information please call 282-3951.
Eunice Earle Chair
May the sun bring you new energy by day, may the moon softly restore you by night. May the rain wash away your worries, may the breeze blow new strength into your being. May you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life.
~ Apache Blessing Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 14 Summer Edition
Thanks for your Kindness and Generosity.
Your Support for our Annual Symposium is Greatly Appreciated!
Adventure Sales & Services, Gander Gerry Whelan Scuttlebutt Advocate for Children & Youth Grand Time Inc. Shirley Fowler Anonymous Donors Hallmark, Stavanger Drive Shoppers Drug Mart, August & Lotta Hempware LeMarchant Rd. Avalon Dental Home Hardware, Glovertown Smith's Home Hardware Bayside Convenience, Triton Imprint Specialty St. Christopher's Hotel, PAB Bell Aliant Joy Arnold St. John Ambulance Blake Family Kelsey Arnold St. John's IceCaps Body Works - Springdale/Baie Verte Kitchen Queen St. John's Soap Works Breakwater Books Lane Home Furnishings Starbucks, 215 Water St. Budgell's Sports & Marine, Triton Laura's Lighting & Décor, Steele Communications Burin Peninsula Local FFA Gander Super 8 St. John's Capital Hotel Lawtons Drugs, Gander Surplus Furniture & Mattress Carquest, Gander LeGrow's Travel, Carbonear Warehouse Cathy Morris Leon's Furniture Ltd., Gander Scotiabank, Avalon Mall Cicily's Garden, Glovertown Maverick Sports & Collectables Springdale Forest City of Mount Pearl McDonalds, Bennett Group of Resources Collision Clinic Companies Susan Onalik Coralee & Wilfred Roberts Melvina Elliott Terra Nova National Park Country Keepsakes Michelle White The Goldsmith Cowan Heights Dental NAPA, Freshwater Rd. The Lamp Post Crosbie Job Insurance Newfoundland Sportsman Tim Hortons, Fraser Rd., Crystal's Place Inc., Triton Nicole Shuglo Gander Dept. of Child, Youth & Family Services North Atlantic, Come By Toyota Plaza Dicks & Co. Chance Tracy Swan Dianne Leonard Wiseman Paint Shop, 445 Torbay Rd. Triton Garage Limited Downhome Inc. Paradise Dental Venice Pizzeria DRL Coachlines Pat & Bill Morris W.H. Dalley, Springdale Dulux Paints, 32 Allston St. Pennecon Wanda Ellsworth East Coast Converters Pharma Choice, Glovertown Warr’s Castle Building East-Glo Castle Building Supplies, Purity Factories Centre, Springdale Glovertown Quality Auto Supplies, Weight Watchers Florence & Jim Cox Glovertown Wendy Thorne Gander Honda Ramada St. John's Whink Gander Hyundai RNC Association Woodmans Garage, Gander Kia Roddickton Local FFA Glovertown Gander Toyota
A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. ~ Amelia Earhart Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 15 Summer Edition Special Thanks to 100 Men who Give a Damn
Sean Stack, 100 Men who Give a Damn presents a cheque for $10,500 to Diane Molloy, NL Foster Families Association
2016 VOCM CARES/NL Foster Families Association Bursary
The role of biological and adopted children of foster parents is an extremely important one because fostering is a family affair. These young people share their parents with others and must learn to adjust to an ever-changing home environment. In recognition of their contribution and support to the children who are placed in their home, VOCM CARES and the Newfoundland and Labrador Foster Families Association has established a Bursary Program to assist with educational expenses.
Who can Apply? A biological or adopted child of an approved foster family residing in the province. The applicant must be enrolled in a post-secondary education program.
Bursary Amount: One bursary of $500 will be awarded each year.
Application Deadline: Applications and all supporting documentation must be received at the Newfoundland and Labrador Foster Families Office by September 15, 2016
Selection and Presentation: After reviewing all applications, the selection committee will determine who will be awarded the Bursary. The successful applicant will receive the Bursary in the third week of October in celebration of Foster Families Week.
To obtain an application, visit our website at www.nlffa.ca or call the office at 754-0213 or toll free at 877-754-0218
If someone has applied previously and was not successful, we encourage then to re-apply! Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 16 Summer Edition
Foster Parents Share Experiences Foster Parents Share Experiences is a regular feature in our newsletter. It would be great if Foster Parents would write a story of their experiences providing care for children and forward it to the office. We want to have a ready supply of stories for future newsletters. It is realized that not everyone is comfortable writing about themselves but everyone has a story to tell. If you would like to share your experiences but need help putting it on paper, you can call the office and we will give you a hand.
I prayed as I never have in a long time and my boy carried me when I could not walk.
When I first saw him, I loved him. When they asked me to take care of him, I said "I do" . That day, I made a commitment to take care of him as best as I could. He was born with special challenges and this year was a year that I almost lost my willpower. I had a skidoo accident which resulted in a broken ankle, a broken jaw and it was discovered that I had a leaky heart valve. I was laid up. Then the person he called Dad since toddlerhood had a heart attack and was placed on life support. He eventually regained full consciousness and is now in recovery.
All through this, I prayed as I never have in a long time and my boy carried me when I could not walk. He held my hand as I had stitches and staples removed. He missed much school but now it is June. He did all of his exams and in the end he passed. I am walking but with a pronounced limp and the man he calls dad is fine. I believe in the power of prayer and he has challenges but my goodness, what a good boy he turned out to be.
Foster Parent (name withheld by request) This is a wonderful story. Thanks for sharing!
Diane asked for a few lines on our experience as foster parents. Boy didn't she make a mistake with this spell check I can do anything. My wife, Trudy, and I started caring for children 35 years ago, first our own children and then 17 years ago came our non-biological children. It escalated from the first child that came in our door; their scared faces just get a hold on your heart and keeps you going . There are all types of challenges that you face each day with culture, health, behavior and finding the right way to get through to reach that child's inner self if that's the right word to use. If I was to say it has been all fun and roses, I would be lying but life is not meant to be that way.
There are times we would say when this child is gone, there will be no more. But then the phone rings and it starts all over again because you remember that first one and you don't even think to say no. There are many times you almost forget to call your wife before you give the answer. There have been challenges, accusations, even investigations, but through it all, it was and still is worth the love that's given and received. It's not all rainbows and butterflies but if we had to do it all over again we would. Thanks for the opportunity to tell our short story it could have been a whole lot longer. Until next time....
Perry and Trudy Chubbs
Thanks for sharing your story Perry and Trudy. It’s great how your few lines touched on some of the most important aspects of fostering! Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 17 Summer Edition Voices of Youth
Voices of Youth is a regular feature. This space will be available for the printing of poetry, drawings, short stories, or life experiences of young people. If submitting a drawing, please ensure you use a dark pencil. For reasons of confidentiality, the full names of those who submit will not be printed unless the individual is over 16 and has provided their consent.
Thanks for the beautiful picture Gabrielle. You have a wonderful talent!
Gabrielle, age 13
Experience of a Birth Child
When the idea of being a foster family first came up, well let’s just say it was an interesting day. My family's adventure began in the middle of March of 2010 as my parents came to pick me up from a volleyball practice. As soon as I opened the door, before a hello was even spoken my Mom said “We’ve having a family meeting when we get home, and everyone needs to be there.” At first I was a little confused, simply because at the time it was only both parents and I living there, so everyone, was well us. But I went along with it, as it seemed both parents were really on edge.
So we went, and sat around the table, I remember my Dad wouldn’t even let me change first. As we sat, my parents looked at me, then at each other and smiled and said “So, Kelsey, how would you feel about a little brother or sis?” I can remember choking on my water and coughing so hard Mom came to pat my back. The only thing that was running through my mind at first was “I’m 13, you’re kidding right.” But they weren’t. And as they Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 18 Summer Edition explained the idea, the idea of being a big sister grew and grew. It helped even more when Mom promised that even the older kids that came to live with us would have to do chores as I did. By the end of the family meeting, it was settled, we were going to give this a try, we were going to open up our family to those who needed one, and we were all pretty excited.
Fast forward three weeks and I met my very first social worker, David Oxford. I remember walking in the house after a practice one afternoon to see this strange man sitting in my kitchen. That day I was interviewed and to this day I’ve never seen someone take as many notes on me as he did during our interview. I remember I asked how many he had taken, 13 full pages. Our first placement was a little girl. With nerves rising and excitement bubbling we agreed, and off we went to pick up the little angel. I remember going with my dad and saying a little prayer together before knocking on the door. As soon as that door opened and the little girl with big curls walked out and into our lives, everything changed as we knew it. It has been 6 years since that day. In these last 6 adventurous years we’ve had over 22 children between the ages of 11 months to 16 years old join our family and take refuge under our roof – for days, weeks, months, and even years.
I’ll be honest in saying that first the idea of having strangers in my home was scary, my family has always had a busy lifestyle, and I didn’t think we could fit someone else’s busyness into it. I didn’t know if I’d like having a bunch of new little brothers and sisters. I mean I was the baby of the family for 13 years; I didn’t want to lose my title. I had question after question running through my head, but thankfully I had parents who were willing to sit down and talk them out with me.
Through this system I’ve been given the great honor to meet some children with life stories that I could never dream of - some have experienced more than I had and would ever want to. Yet even in their confusion, loneliness and hurt, they were still open to love, even if some were afraid at first. Which is, honestly, what fostering has taught me the most. I’ve learned to be open, in all things; in fear, new adventures, and life. I had to be open when a little girl cried in my arms over having her Mom chose someone else over her; I choose to be open when the guy in my high school class came to live with me, when the lock had to be taken off my bedroom door, when sickness came and when fear of new things crept in.
There have been some very exciting, amazing, and wonderful things that have come through this experience also. I had to choose to be open, to all of the new things. Letting strangers come and live in our home. This means changing everything. It also means you can become a new person and if you let it, a better person. In all honesty it’s thanks to this idea that both of my parents dreamed up that I am who I am today. From holding a little girl as she cried, to teaching some cute little boys to tie their shoes; each event and child has taught me something different, something I would never have tried.
It has been six years now, and I’ve happily passed on the role of “baby of the family” to each child that’s walked through our doors. Not because I had to, not because my parents made me, because each child was worth it. Our first little lady that moved in with us that I mentioned earlier only stayed with us for 3 weeks, and a hard 3 weeks at that, but she is how I know this program works. She still goes to school back home, and each time she sees me now I don’t get to leave without a hug and “Hey sis!”. So that’s what this program has taught me; being a birth child in a foster home has been all about being open, about being willing to allow others to belong where you belong, about being a family to everyone that you meet. Each child needed somewhere to belong and I hope they found it in our home.
This experience has helped me and educated me in more ways than one, and I am so happy about it.
Kelsey Arnold Thanks for sharing your experience Kelsey! It is great to hear the perspective of a birth child in a foster home. Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 19 Summer Edition Teen’s Corner
Healthy relationships are about:
Respect: Valuing a person for who s/he is.
Being reliable: Following through when someone says they will do something and/or when they make plans with a person.
Honesty: Being truthful and meaning what is said to a person.
Sharing: Being open to sharing how you feel about things you like and dislike; while also being open to hearing about how someone else feels.
Independence: Giving people personal space and understanding that people need different amounts of time for themselves.
Being considerate: Being careful not to do something that would hurt or offend someone.
Trust: In a healthy relationship, girlfriends and boyfriends can rely on each other and know they will not share each other's private information or say anything that would embarrass each other. (The exception here is if a friend shares information that indicates they are in trouble and need help — such as abuse, emotional distress, addiction, etc. This type of information should be shared with a safe adult).
Healthy negotiating: When people disagree, each person shares their side and together they come to a decision that they are both comfortable with.
Intimacy: Getting close to someone by sharing personal experiences, being affectionate and spending time together.
Listening: Spending time and paying attention to a person when they want to talk.
Having fun: Laughing and enjoying hanging out with a person.
Unhealthy relationships are about:
Jealousy: When someone resents you (holds a grudge) for spending time with other people.
Clinginess: When someone is desperate to be with you all the time and does not provide you any personal space.
Rage: When someone screams or blows up at you.
Excessive arguing: When two people are constantly fighting.
Disregarding feelings: When someone doesn't consider your feelings and doesn't seem to care when you are upset.
Blame: When someone doesn't take responsibility for their behaviour and shifts the blame onto you.
Threats: When someone intimidates and controls you to try to get you to do something that you do not want to do. Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 20 Summer Edition Persistence: When someone won't take "NO" for an answer and keeps bugging you to do something.
Pity: When someone tries to get you to feel sorry for them to get their own way.
Guilt: When someone makes you feel badly for saying "NO" or not agreeing to do something.
Keeping score: When a person keeps track of favours they have done for you expecting equal favours in return.
Physical violence: When someone physically hurts you.
Sexual exploitation: When someone uses you sexually for their own benefit.
Source: www.kidsintheknow.ca
Why Your Parents Should Let You Sleep
You use every minute of the day. School, homework, sports, part-time jobs, your social life, and other activities often mean you get up early and stay up late. It probably seems like you barely have time to sleep. And if you're not getting 8-10 hours of shut-eye, you aren't getting enough.
A good night's rest is as important as getting three healthy meals a day: It's mental nourishment. Without enough sleep, you can't be your best.
But sometimes, when you do get the rare chance to sleep more, you might get grief from your parents. So here's help - six reasons to give them so you can sleep in when you're running low on Zzz's.
1. "More sleep could help me get better grades."
Without enough rest, you can't be expected to do your best work at school. A long-term lack of shut-eye can lead to bad grades, memory problems, and poor judgment. Some studies have shown a higher chance for depression and ADHD, too.
2. "More sleep will help me be a safer driver."
Being groggy is dangerous, especially when you're behind the wheel of a 2,000-pound car early in the morning. You're not just a hazard to yourself - you're endangering other drivers. One study shows a link between earlier school starts and car accidents involving teens, so it's extra-important to be alert when you're behind the wheel in the morning.
3. "I really do need more shut-eye."
Sleep's not something you just want - it's something you need as a teen. At your age, you're biologically programmed to want to sleep more - and to doze off later at night. For the most part, adults need less Zzz's: 7 to 9 hours.
4. "Enough sleep can help me keep off extra pounds."
A study found that teens who slept less than 8 hours each night and then didn't make up the sleep they missed had a higher risk of becoming obese. It's important to try to get the right amount of rest on a regular basis, but you may be able to catch up on some shut-eye on weekends and holidays to fight off unhealthy extra pounds. Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 21 Summer Edition Just try not to count on sleeping more on certain days. It turns out that a sleep schedule that is drastically different on weekends can put your body out of whack - making it harder for you to get to bed and get up when you need to during the week.
5. "Sleeping can help me not get sick."
You can't be in good overall health when you keep missing out on rest. When you don't get enough, your immune system gets weak, making it easier for you to catch colds and other illnesses. Too little sleep can also lead to unusually aggressive behavior, and an urge to eat unhealthy foods or use drugs or alcohol.
6. "Go to bed earlier? It's not that simple."
Even after you've tried all of these reasons, your parents may just tell you, "Go to bed earlier." But that can be easier said than done.
You shouldn't go to bed unless you're sleepy, or you'll be tossing and turning while trying to drift off. The best way to nod off, even if it is earlier than you'd like, is to get into a sleeping pattern. So you'll need to train yourself. The good news is that gives you a reason to get some downtime away from homework, chores, friends, and your family.
Find a relaxing activity to do in the hour leading up to the time you need to get to bed. You could read, listen to music, or soak in the tub. But things like watching TV, surfing the Internet, gaming, and texting don't count, because they don't let your mind shut down.
If you're hungry before you start your bedtime routine, have a snack, not a full meal. Make it light but satisfying - like a few whole-grain crackers and low-fat cheese. And it probably goes without saying: For a better night's sleep, lay off the caffeine. Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 22 Summer Edition
Children’s Pages Glue Starfish Craft/Necklace
What you need: white glue, a toothpick or small stick, waxed paper, sand or glitter, paper clip, yarn
1. Working on a piece of waxed paper, carefully squeeze some white glue in the shape of a starfish. If you need to adjust the shape of the starfish a bit, use a toothpick. 2. Fold a paper clip into a V shape. Put the ends of the paper clip at the end of one arm of the starfish. 3. Sprinkle the glue lightly with sand (or glitter). Gently shake of the excess sand (or glitter). Let it dry completely (this takes at least overnight or sometimes longer). 4. Carefully peel the waxed paper off the back of the starfish. Use the yarn for a necklace or string.
You now have a pebbly-textured starfish to wear, display or hang in a window.
Riddles
Q. What belongs to you but is used more by others? A. Your name Q. Everyone has it and no one can lose it, what is it? A. A shadow Q. What do you call a baby bear with no teeth? A. A gummy bear Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 23 Summer Edition
Would you like to win a prize? Color this page to enter our Summer Coloring Contest. Four prizes will be awarded. Send your picture to Suite 105, 21 Pippy Place, St. John's, NL, A1B 3X2 before August 31 , 2016. Copy the page and share it with a friend!
Name: ______Address: ______Town: ______Province: ______Postal Code: ______Telephone: ______Age: ______Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 24 Summer Edition
Educational Section
Overcoming Perfectionism
Children and teens that struggle with perfectionism are:
• Afraid of embarrassment or humiliation • Chronic procrastinators • Driven by high standards • Easily frustrated, impatient and quick to give up • Highly fearful about making mistakes • Overly cautious and excessively thorough in tasks (e.g. spending 3 hours on a 20 minute assignment) • Rigid and stubborn, needing it to do it their way, refusing to accept help • Risk averse • Unable to see the shades of gray in situations
Wanting to do your best and trying hard to reach important goals are wonderful characteristics. However, children with perfectionism don’t simply want to do their best, they must do their best, and will do so at all costs. To reach a goal, that is often lofty by other’s standards, they are willing to go to extremes such as losing sleep, skipping meals, alienating friends, and upsetting their families.
Helping your child overcome perfectionism in 5 simple steps
Step 1: Educate about perfectionism
First, talk to your child about perfectionism. Help him/her understand that perfectionism makes us overly critical of others and ourselves. This may make us unhappy and anxious about trying new things, or quick to quit when things aren’t just right. Perfectionism makes it difficult to finish tasks and can be frustrating for everyone in the family. You might use the metaphor that there is a tyrannical boss inside our brain that says things such as: “If you don’t get it perfect, you’re a failure,” or “Disappointing others means you are a terrible person.” The boss makes it hard to learn new things because it takes lots of practice and time to perform well. Trying to be perfect zaps the enjoyment out of a lot of activities and achievements.
Step 2: Teach positive statements
Perfectionistic children and teenagers often have rigid “black-and-white” thinking. Things are either right or wrong, good or bad, perfect or a failure. Help your child see the gray areas in-between. For example, something can have a flaw and still be beautiful. Getting a B+ is still a great achievement, especially if you tried your best!
Encourage your child to replace self-critical or perfectionistic thoughts with more kind and helpful statements. Even if s/he doesn’t believe these statements right away, enough repetition will allow kind and helpful thoughts to replace the old, negative perfection.
Some examples of helpful statements: No one is perfect ... that’s why pencils • “Nobody’s perfect” have erasers. • “All I can do is my best” • “Even if I mess up, my family will always love me and my friends will stick by me” • “Believing in myself - even when I’m making mistakes - will help me do better” • “It's not failure that matters, it's what we do with it that counts” Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 25 Summer Edition Have your child say these statements out loud whenever s/he starts to be self-critical or upset about not doing something perfectly. Encourage your youth to write out these statements on index cards and post them around his/her bedroom. As the parent or caregiver, you can also use these statements when you make mistakes to demonstrate how to apply them in real situations.
Step 3: Help build perspective
Perfectionistic children and teens tend to “catastrophize”. Mistakes or imperfections are seen as more terrible than they really are. These youth focus on the negative consequences of failure and assume they will be unable to cope and move on. In most cases, these feared consequences are unlikely and much more drastic than the reality. Understandably, catastrophizing increases anxiety and interferes with performance. Help your child recognize that one mistake does not equal failure, and that one bad performance does not mean that he or she is worthless.
Talk about famous people or characters from books or movies that your child admires who made mistakes or experienced failures, but still bounced back! For example, Oprah Winfrey was told she wasn’t right for TV. Famous basketball player Michael Jordan didn’t make his high school basketball team when he first tried out. You can also use examples from your life or your child’s, to highlight that feared consequences are often not as bad as one believes, and that we are better able to cope than we give our selves credit for.
Step 4: Beat procrastination
Perfectionistic children and teens often cope with their fear of mistakes by procrastinating. Help your child overcome procrastination by encouraging him or her to do the following:
Creating Realistic Schedules. Help your child by breaking down larger tasks into manageable steps. Use calendars to record assignment deadlines and schedule time to study for tests. Remember, the goal is to complete the task, not to make it perfect. Teachers can sometimes help set a fixed time for homework, if your child refuses to stop working after a reasonable amount of time.
Setting Priorities. Perfectionists sometimes have trouble deciding where to devote their energy and effort. Encourage your child to prioritize by deciding which activities deserve maximum energy and which require less. Let him/her know it’s okay not to give 100% to every task or activity.
Gaining Balance. Perfectionists tend to lead narrow lives because it’s very difficult to be very good at a lot of things. The goal should be to not invest more effort than is necessary to do a “good enough” job. This will allow more time to enjoy with friends and on other activities and hobbies – which are also important.
Step 5: Encourage freedom
Providing opportunities for your child to be flexible, make mistakes and take risks gives him/her a chance to be truly free to enjoy childhood and adolescence. Childhood is sometimes overlooked in the rush to grow up. Encourage your child to enjoy being a kid. Dare your child to spend less time on homework and more time playing tag for the over-studious perfectionist, or to leave his/her room messy for the neat-nick. Only when we are free can we truly be alive.
Source: www.anxietybc.com
Every child deserves a champion - an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection, and insists that they become the best that they can possibly be. ~ Rita F. Pierson Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 26 Summer Edition Boys and Dolls: Reducing Gender Stereotypes in Your Home
By Jae Curtis
It's practically a cultural habit to hand your son a toy car and buy your daughter dolls to play with, perpetuating the gender stereotypes that society deems as "normal" for girls and boys. But what happens if your son would rather dress to the nines in play clothes, and your daughter obsesses over action figures?
A 2009 study from psychology research journal "Sex Roles" found that 31 percent of "girl" toys are marketed toward a girl's appearance, such as plastic make-up and princess dresses, while 46 percent of "boy" toys appeal to a boy's traits and activities, such as a chemistry set or a football. Essentially, these gender-biased playthings teach children to define a girl based on her looks, while describing a boy based on his actions.
The same study shows that children begin to understand gender roles early—as young as 30 months of age! Children ages 3 to 5 experience an increased awareness of themselves and the world around them. Even toddlers can harbor certain opinions about what boys and girls should do, and may reject formerly beloved toys because of it.
Doug Gertner, Ph.D, also known as "The Grateful Dad," says, "When we send or support messages of idealized gender - tough, unemotional, driven boys, and demure, passive, dependent girls - we are not offering our children the opportunity to be themselves." Instead of forcing boys to shoot Nerf guns and girls to coddle baby dolls, remove the issue of gender roles and stereotypes in your home by allowing your child's imagination to run wild without gender-biased toys. Here are some ways you can do this:
• Purchase creative toys. Supply your child with creative, gender-neutral toys. An action figure armed with guns and armor can only be played with in one way, and it probably won't support your son's nurturing and creative qualities. Instead, invest in sturdy toys that can be used in a variety of ways, like art supplies, colorful scarves, building blocks or animal sets. Remember, your son still might create towers to knock them down, or your daughter could create a dress out of a scarf. Accept these stereotypical play situations as natural personality preferences - not a commentary on your parenting skills.
• Offer a mixed bag for play. Kids are blank canvases, so there's no right or wrong when it comes to free time. Let your kids test out new ways to play, like giving your son free reign in the toy kitchen, or hitting a few balls outside with your daughter. Parents who express gender-biased decisions about what is "right" or "wrong" for play, such as telling your son that a Barbie is a "girl" toy, can damage exploratory feelings and discourage him from trying something new in the future.
• Call up other kids. Play dates are more than just a way to keep your kid occupied and out of your hair for a few hours. Invite boys and girls over to your house, leave out a box of gender-neutral toys, and prepare group games to ensure that both sexes play harmoniously together. If everyone participates in the same types of activities, your kid will eventually realize there's no "right" oor "wrong" way to play, regardless of your sex.
• Diffuse bullying. While you can't protect your child from any negative views of the way he plays, you can put a positive spin on experimenting with different gender roles. For instance, if your son comes home in tears after being called a girl for playing dolls at school, remind him that all toys are meant to be fun for everyone. Then, call up and chat with school staff and the bully's parents; they should know that you promote all types of play in your home. Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 27 Summer Edition • Talk the talk with teachers. Even if you do your best to battle stereotypes at home, babysitters and teachers can undo your hard work without realizing it. Tell the people who care for your kids that you don't limit toys or activities for being "girlie" or "boyish" - and ask that they respect your wishes. If any caregivers feel uncomfortable abiding by your rules, find someone who shares your beliefs to take over.
• Confront gender stereotypes head-on. If you notice that your daughter complains that Spider-Man is "for boys," do your best to dispel her misconceptions. Gertner suggests talking about stereotypes when reading stories together, being "sure to emphasize that the little princess in the story is very smart and independent - not just pretty and seeking a man to care for her." If you have older kids, watch TV together or page through magazines and point out "typical" feminine or masculine ideas that you might notice.
The real trick to reducing gender stereotypes in your own family is to relax and allow your child to lead. You already have control over your child’s diet, wardrobe and schedule; you don’t need to control over interests and preferences. Expose your child to a range of toys, activities and interests and he/she will create their own path, fostered by your fantastic parenting skills.
Source: www.education.com/magazine/article/gender-stereotypes-kids
Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Newfoundland
...is now accepting applications for girls & boys ages 6-14 years that can benefit from having a friendship with a Big Brother or Big Sister.
Tell your friends and family - the Summer is a great time to get involved and this fun and rewarding program is FREE! Start something wonderful for a child you care about today!
Program details available at www.helpingkids.ca or by calling the BBBS office at 368-KIDS (5437) for more information.
Changes to the Adoption Subsidy Policy
Costs associated with post-secondary education can now be considered under the Adoption Subsidy Program for a child or youth who is/was in continuous custody and is/was adopted by their foster parent. Post-secondary costs can only be considered where the adoptive parent(s) is eligible for the monthly financial care rate. You can access the adoption subsidy polices on the government website at http://www.gov.nl.ca/cyfs/publications/adoptions
If you are currently receiving an adoption subsidy and have questions about this policy change and how it may impact your family, you can speak with your social worker.
Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 28 Summer Edition Personal Safety: Where to Begin and What to Discuss?
Beginning the discussion: Approximately 4 to 7 years of age
T Teach children to start to take ownership over their bodies: • encourage children to begin to dress themselves; • with supervision, have children begin to bathe and wash themselves; and, • introduce privacy to children and encourage them to use it when using the toilet.
T Teach children how to be assertive. Create opportunities for them to practice matching their body language with strong verbal messages that demonstrate they mean business ("NO!", "Stop!","I don't like that!", etc.).
T Foster self-awareness around children’s rights to make decisions about touching. If a child is reluctant to express affection, do not force it. Remember that teaching respect does not mean teaching obedience. Respect children's decisions to avoid physical affection, such as hugging.
T Teach children the correct names of body parts.
T Teach children that their private parts, the areas covered by their bathing suit, belong to them and shouldn't be touched by others (present exceptions such as times when they are hurt or sick and they need help from a doctor or parents/guardian, etc.).
T Teach children to tell you if a person:
• asks to touch their private parts or asks them to touch another person's private parts; • wants to look at their private parts or asks them to look at another person's private parts; • wants to take naked pictures of them or shows them naked pictures of others; • tells them sexual jokes or talks to them about sex; • wants to bathe them and/or washes their private areas; and, • does anything that causes them to feel scared, hurt, sad, or uncomfortable.
T Explain the difference between secrets that are okay to keep and secrets that need to be told to a safe adult. Explain that any secrets about touching or secrets about picture taking should be told to a safe adult.
T Teach children how to label and express their feelings (e.g. happy, sad, mad, scared, mixed-up).
T Help children identify safe adults in their lives who they can turn to for help.
Continuing the discussion: (Approximately 8 to 11 years of age)
T Teach children the difference between public and private behaviour.
T Discuss the importance of privacy tied to changing, bathing and going to the bathroom. It is common for children of this age to begin seeking some privacy.
T Set limits with regard to what information children are exposed to, such as adult subject matters. Although children are interested in adult information, they do not have the knowledge or experience to handle it.
T Have children practice assertive behaviour. Create opportunities for children to engage in 'what if' situations where they need be assertive with someone, including with adults they do and do not know. Have them practice being assertive by using their voice and body to send a message that shows they mean business. Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 29 Summer Edition T Talk to children about how difficult it can be to be assertive with an adult they know. Knowing that being direct and shouting “no” is not very realistic in this context, reinforce that it is never okay for an adult, including those known to the child, to behave in a way that makes her/him uncomfortable. Reassure children that it is never their fault and encourage them to tell you or another safe adult if this happens.
T Discuss with children what friendship is and what it isn't. Individuals who are a risk to sexually abuse a child may use the idea of friendship to manipulate the child’s perceptions. This may desensitize the child to inappropriate behavior and increase their risk of victimization.
T Encourage children to identify and label their feelings. This will promote self-monitoring and increase self-awareness.
T Explain the difference between secrets that are okay to keep and secrets that need to be told to a safe adult. Explain that any secrets about touching or secrets about picture taking should be told to a safe adult.
T Have children identify safe adults within the family, at school, and in the neighbourhood.
T Discuss healthy vs. unhealthy relationships and the importance of adults respecting and maintaining appropriate boundaries with children. An adult's role is to protect children, not to be friends with and confide in children.
T Explain that sexual attention from an adult is never okay. It is important to explain that when an experience like this happens to a child, it is never the child’s fault. Under all circumstances, it is always an adult’s responsibility to interact appropriately with children.
T Continue setting limits with regard to what information children are privy to (e.g. adult conversations, television, music, Internet, games). Strengthening appropriate boundaries between adults and children increases their personal safety.
Source: www.kidsintheknow.ca
Coping with Back to School Anxiety
Anxious feelings are normal and expected in children and teens returning to school, changing schools, or for first-timers starting kindergarten. This transition can be stressful and disruptive for the entire family. In the days leading up to school, your anxious child may cling, cry, have temper tantrums, complain of headaches or stomach pains, withdraw, plead or bargain, and become irritable or angry.
Worries are Common. Anxious children and teens worry about many different school-related issues, such as teachers, friends, fitting in, and/or being away from their parents. Some common worries include:
• Who will be my new teacher and what if s/he is mean? • Will any of my friends be in my class? • Are my clothes OK? • Will I look stupid? • Who will I sit with at lunch? • What if I miss the bus? • What if math is too hard for me? • I can’t remember anything I learned last year! • What if something bad happens to mom or dad while I am at school? Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 30 Summer Edition Although it is normal for your child to have worries, it is crucial to have your child attend school. Skipping school will only increase your child’s fears because s/he never gets a chance to find out if his/her worries are valid. Furthermore, when children and teens stay home because of anxiety, they miss:
• Valuable opportunities to develop and practice social skills • Important chances for success and mastery • Being acknowledged and praised for talents • Fostering close friendships with classmates • Learning basic skills like reading, writing, and mathematics
5 Steps To Deal With Back-to-School Worries
Step 1. Take care of the basics: Ensure your child is getting enough sleep, eating regular meals and healthy snacks and has daily exercise. When your child’s mind and body are nourished, tackling school worries is easier. Plus, your child will be more likely to listen to you, and cope better when you insist on school attendance, if s/he has had a good nights sleep and a decent breakfast.
Step 2. Provide empathy: Listen to your child’s concerns. What is s/he worried about? Why does s/he expect that to happen? Let your child share his/her fears and talk about what’s on his/her mind. There may be good opportunities to simply listen to your child when you are in the car, standing in line at the store, at bath-time or during dinner. For some kids and teens this “casual” method of talking feels less intense and makes it easier for them to express themselves. For others, a private time with undivided attention feels better.
Step 3. Problem solve: Once you know what’s bothering your child, you can start to develop a coping plan. Anxious youth are often poor problem solvers and doubt their ability to cope. Addressing your child’s fear head on, by creating an active plan with concrete solutions, will significantly reduce the worry. For example, “If (the worst) happens, what could you do?” or “Let’s think of some ways you could handle that situation.” This gives you the opportunity to coach your child on how to cope with (and interpret) both real and imagined scary situations.
Step 4. Focus on the positive aspects: Once you have an understanding of what your child is afraid of, and a coping plan to address these fears, you can encourage your child to re-direct attention away from the worries towards the positives. Ask your child, "What are three things that you are most excited about on your first day of school?" Most kids can think of something good, even if it's just eating a special snack or going home at the end of the day. Chances are the fun aspects are simply getting overlooked by repetitive worries.
Step 5. Pay attention to your own behavior: For parents of younger children or children starting at a new school, it can be anxiety-provoking for parents to hand over care and responsibility of their child to teachers. Children take cues from their parents, so the more confidence and calm you can model, the more your child will believe s/he can handle this new hurdle. Be supportive yet firm. When saying goodbye in the morning, say it cheerfully – once! Ensure you don’t reward your child’s protests, crying, or tantrums by allowing him/her to stay home. Instead, in a calm tone, say: “I can see that going to school is making you scared, but you still have to go. Tell me what you are worried about, so we can talk about it.”
School Preparation Timeline (You may not need to take all of these steps)
1-2 weeks before school:
• Gradually return your child to a school-day sleep and wake routine. If your child has been going to bed several hours later than usual and sleeping in during the holiday, roll the clock back by 15-30 minutes daily. For example, instead of going to bed at 11pm, help your child get to bed by 10:45pm on day 1, by 10:30pm on day 2, etc. Do this until your child is in bed and asleep at a reasonable time, and is able to get up and Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 31 Summer Edition out of bed at the expected morning time, consistently. You may also need to ask everyone in the family to adjust to the new schedule, so your child isn’t the only one making changes.
• Ask your child to help plan school lunches for the first week. You can go to the store together to shop for these items.
• Create a list of school supplies together and plan a fun shopping trip.
• For younger children, go to the schoolyard and play a few times before the first day of school. This can help your child feel more comfortable in his/her surroundings, making the transition back to school a familiar one.
• Teach and practice coping skills for your child to use to address specific worries. A complete list of tools can be found in the Complete Home Toolkit at https://www.anxietybc.com/parenting/complete-home-tool-kit
2-3 days before school:
• Go to school several times – walking, biking, driving, or taking the bus. For young children taking the school bus, describe and draw out the bus route, including where the bus goes and how long it takes to get to school. Talk about bus safety.
• For new students, take a tour of the school. Most schools are open a few days before the official first day as teachers are setting up their classrooms. “Peek in” and ask for a quick look around. Show your child the classrooms, the cafeteria, and the bathrooms. If possible, meet your child’s teacher with your child present.
• Ask your child to help choose what s/he wants to wear on the first few days.
• Together with your child, pack up the schoolbag the night before, including a special toy or comfort item for younger children who are nervous about separating. A reassuring note in a child’s lunch can also help ease separation anxiety.
The first day of school:
• Prepare a favourite breakfast to make the morning more fun.
• Decide who will take your child to school if this is an option. Having your child go to school with a friend for the first couple of days may feel less scary, or driving your child for the first week until s/he feels confident to take the bus.
• If your child has a history of separation anxiety in other settings, tell the teacher. Most teachers are experts in this area and have years of experience!
• Most importantly, praise and reward your child for brave behavior. You might plan a fun meal at the end of the first day or week to celebrate your child’s success. Use this time to listen to all your child has experienced in his/her first day/week.
Source: www.anxietybc.com/parenting/coping-back-school-anxiety Foster Families Association July 2016 Page 32 Summer Edition Newfoundland and Labrador Foster Families Association – Membership Application
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