February 2011 Volume 27, Issue 2 2 Minnesota Women’S Press, February 2011

Changing the Universe through Women’s Stories RACHEL ORMAN RACHEL

Love your body Embrace Sworn to keep ‘I’m, Like, What if Helen never your curves a secret SO Fat!’ made it to Troy?

february 2011 Volume 27, Issue 2 www.womenspress.com 2 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011

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Changing the Universe through Women’s Stories 8 Love your body issue CONTACTUS 651-646-3968 email: [email protected] 20 www.womenspress.com Send a letter to the editor [email protected] Subscribe [email protected] Advertise [email protected] 22 Suggest a story idea [email protected] Enter your online calendar listing at www.womenspress.com, click on Calendar, then “add an event” Join book activities [email protected] 10 MWPSTAFF READERS’WRITE Publishers/Editors YOUSAID ...... 5 Kathy Magnuson, Norma Smith Olson Contributors Elizabeth Ellis, Anne Hamre, FEATURES Letters from our readers Kathy Kastan, Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, THINKABOUTIT ...... 6 ONYOURMIND ...... 9 Amber Procaccini, Pat Samples, Julia Cover girl Pelosi and more I am FABULOUS Sewell, Katie Spencer, Jennifer Thaney, Jillian Van Hefty, Ka Vang LOVEYOURBODYFEATURE ...... 8 BOOKSHELF ...... 12 Cover Artist Rachel Orman Embrace your curves Transcendance Design Norma Smith Olson PROFILE ...... 10 LEADERVOICE ...... 14 Advertising Sales Michele Holzwarth, “I’m, Like, SO Fat!” Nancy Jambor, Kathy Magnuson 82-year-old sparkler Accounting Kathy Malchow BOOKTALK ...... 13 YOURSTORY...... 16 Operations Faye Kommedahl, Kari Larson LesFic book group Pay attention to your heart Founding Publishers Mollie Hoben, YOURSTORY...... 24 Glenda Martin WORDSANDPICTURES ...... 18 Is it still a miscarriage? Our mission is to tell women’s stories in What if Helen never made it to Troy? ways that create community and encourage YOURSTORIES ...... 27 change. COLUMNISTS Canine connections The Minnesota Women’s Press is dis- WELCOMEWORDS ...... 4 LEADERVOICE ...... 28 tributed free at 500 locations. To fi nd one near you, visit www.womenspress.com Lookin’ good I was a chubby kid and click “get a copy” or call 651-646-3968. SHESAID ...... 29 YOURSTORY...... 30 Subscriptions are available by First Class Sworn to keep her dirty secret Are you married? mail: $52 for one-year Fan Community membership (includes email updates, invi- ACTNOW ...... 38 YOURTHOUGHTS ...... 31-33 tation to community gathering, free copy of Does my friend have an eating disorder? Love Your Body words from our readers BookWomen magazine); $28 for a basic one- year subscription, $53 for two years. GOSEEDO ADVERTISINGSECTIONS Printed on recycled paper at ECM, a certifi ed green printer. Please recycle. COVERARTIST ...... 20 HEALTHGUIDE ...... 15 ©2011 by Minnesota Women’s Press Inc. Rachel Orman’s body artwork WOMEN&PETS All rights reserved. ISSN #1085-2603. GUIDE ...... 25 MINNESOTA WOMEN’S PRESS INC., EVENTSCALENDAR ...... 22 970 RAYMOND AVE., STE. 201, ST. PAUL, MN 55114 “Agnes Under the Big Top” and more CLASSIFIEDADS...... 34 4 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 WELCOMEWORDS NORMASMITHOLSON Lookin’ good KATHYMAGNUSON “Your butt is really waaay too big, You seriously need to lose some weight, girl.” Can you imagine saying that to your best friend? “You could never go out in public wearing that swimming suit. What were you thinking?” Would you say that to your mother? ”Grandmother, you USED to be good looking.” Would you share that insight with her? Of course, you wouldn’t. Then why do we say those same demeaning, insulting, put-down comments to ourselves? Why do we tell ourselves things that would be too impolite to say to a stranger, much less someone we love? “Your hair is a disaster. You have thunder thighs. Your ankles are as fat as a telephone pole.” Coming Up: We asked you, our readers, to tell us if you loved your bodies. If not, In March our theme is Global Women. why not and what it would take to say “I love you” when you look at Is it a woman’s world? Why or why not? yourself naked in front of a mirror. We received more responses to this How has traveling or living outside of question than to any other we’ve posed. Some are in these the U.S. impacted your thinking about pages and more are posted online. being a woman in the world? “Enjoy life! In this “Love your Body” issue of the Minnesota Send a paragraph or two to Women’s Press we share stories of women embracing their [email protected] That’s what curves, an 82-year-old solo adventure traveler, a plus-size Deadline: February 10 model and a heart-attack survivor. Look for advice on March Advertising Guides: we’re here for.” how to talk about eating disorders with people you love • Camp & Activity Guide and thoughts about just not caring what other people • Elder Guide think. Advertising deadline: February 10 We are doing noon-time yoga in the Women’s Press [email protected] office. We gather to intentionally breathe and stretch, getting in touch In April it’s all VOICE. Do you have an with some less-used muscles in our bodies. Some of us love it. Some experience about losing, finding or tolerate it (barely). We can be supportive of each other and laugh as we using your voice? Tell us about it. work at it. As we do the yoga routines we throw in some self-talk, too. Send a paragraph or two to Tracy, our instructor, guides us through the routines and parses out bits [email protected] of wisdom. She calls them “lead thoughts,” words that lead us in positive directions. “Enjoy life! That’s what we’re here for.” “I am beautiful, Deadline: March 10 blissful and bountiful.” “I stand up for myself with grace.” April advertising guides: What if the next time we looked in the mirror we said, “You’re lookin’ • Grrrls Go Green Guide good, girl!” • Home Guide and • Spirituality Guide Advertising deadline: March 10 Co-Publishers [email protected]

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT? Tell us by February 14! As one girlfriend to another, tell us What Women Want! Fill out our annual online readers’ survey and tell us what you think. Tuesday, February 22 • 7 p.m. Who knows? You might even win a girlfriends’ getaway for you and ﬁve friends to beautiful Kavanaugh’s Resort in Brainerd. Go to www.womenspress.com and click on the What Women Want button. We can’t wait to hear from you! Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 5 YOUSAID

What do women want? really need it frees up oceans of energy to pay attention to More men in our world like Chuck Derry, Frank Jewell and make a difference with what you already have. When and Ed Heisler, getting their words out to the men of the you make a difference with what you have, it expands. world, starting with Minnesota, and going from there. It is Another way of saying that is: What you appreciate appreci- way past time that men step up. [DoOver Feature, MWP, ates.” January 2011] This is a marvelous way of keeping in mind the fact that Cheri Jensen, St. Paul what we need and what we want are quite different. Getting what we want does not always provide the keys to content- Thank you for highlighting men’s organizations that are ment. working to end gender violence (Men as Peacemakers and Kathy Hagen, Wayzata the Minnesota Men’s Action Network). Likewise, at the Candidate confidential University of Minnesota, a student group, Men Against Gender Violence, encourages young men to take responsibil- Thank you to Shannon Drury and the Minnesota Women’s ity to end sexism and gender violence. This group is spon- Press, MN NOW and many others for speaking out. [SheSaid sored by the U’s Aurora Center, which offers sexual violence column, MWP, August 2010] education and prevention programs, www.umn.edu/aurora. As we close the chapter on 2010, I find myself at a cross- Lisa Wersal, Vadnais Heights, Minn. roads once again, much like I did five years ago when I left my life of paid advocate work to renew my education and Hockey hooray pursue a more public servant atmosphere. Thanks for featuring Why should I represent a district whose news, schools, GOTANOPINION? Angela James and Cammi and government do not believe in “liberty and justice for all” Like something in MWP? Granato, recent inductees unless you are white, Christian, conservative and have lived Or disagree? We want into the Hockey Hall of Fame. on the same land since your ancestors? to hear from you. Write [ThinkAboutIt, MWP, January I will tell you why. Because I am a citizen of this district [in to editor@womenspress. 2011] Now let’s REALLY Nowthen, Minn.], because state statutes qualify me to do so, com. Include your name, support them by attending because I refuse to back down to the “privileged” minority, address and phone number • Camp & Activity Guide women’s hockey games. The because our residents and our children need to know that for verification. Letters are • Elder Guide Gopher Women’s Hockey you do not need to be rich, Christian, white, a lawyer, have assumed to be for publica- Advertising deadline: February 10 team plays at Ridder Arena, degree from Yale or Harvard, or own property your ances- tion and may be edited for the only arena in the United tors founded to run for office. length and clarity. States built for a women’s I will represent this district but under one condition: the it’s all VOICE. team. Try it. You’ll like it! majority of you that still believe in “freedom and justice for Sandra A. Brick, Minneapolis all” stand beside me and fight for it with me. I will not do this battle alone because it is not mine to fight, it is yours. Abundance thinking Laurie Olmon, Nowthen, Minn., Councilwoman*, Abundance thinking has taken on many faces and it con- Daughter/Mom/Wife/Sister*, Advocate/Activist*, Fiscal tinues to evolve. [WelcomeWords, MWP, January 2011] I’ve conservative*, Social liberal*, Epileptic*, Recovering learned about a new way of thinking called ‘’sufficiency.” Catholic*, Politician*, White Female*, Military family mem- • Grrrls Go Green Guide When we seek abundance, we sometimes want more of what ber* • Home Guide we do not need. It is as important to know what is enough. * Because this country still feels the need to label people so here are • Spirituality Guide Lynne Twist of the Global Sufficiency Network, says it like some of mine. Advertising deadline: March 10 this: “If you let go of trying to get more of what you don’t

The Friends of the Saint Paul Public Library and The Advocates for Human Rights present an ongoing series of films and discussions focusing on the global issue of women’s human rights: “Killing Us Softly 4: Advertising’s Image of Women” Tuesday, February 22 • 7 p.m. Call The Friends at 651-222-3242 Merriam Park Branch Library, 1831 Marshall Avenue, Saint Paul for more information In a new, highly anticipated update of her pioneering series, Jean Kilbourne takes a fresh or visit us online at look at how advertising traffics in distorted and destructive ideals of femininity. The film www.thefriends.org marshals a range of print and television advertisements to lay bare a stunning pattern of for a complete lineup damaging gender stereotypes; images and messages that too often reinforce unrealistic, of FREE events. and unhealthy, perceptions of beauty, perfection, and sexuality. A discussion follows the film. 6 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 THINKABOUTIT “We know that silence equals consent when atrocities are committed against innocent men, women and children. We know that indifference equals complicity when bigotry, hatred and intolerance are allowed to take root. And we know that education and hope are the most effective ways to combat ignorance and despair.” —U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords in 2010, speaking at a Holocaust memorial event Source: womensmedicacenter.com

Wasted away Cover girl Isabelle Caro, a Former U.S. French model who Speaker of the allowed herself be House Nancy Pelosi photographed for is recognized on the an anti-anorexia cover of the Winter campaign, has 2011 Ms. magazine died at age 28 as the “most effec- from a respiratory tive speaker ever.” infection. At 5 ft. The magazine scolds 5 in., she recently Time, Newsweek weighed as much and the New Yorker as 90 pounds, 30 for never having pounds heavier her on their covers, than she was in while new speaker, the 2007 cam- John Boehner, has paign photos. She spoke out often about her anorexia and her already been on all efforts to recover, and the menace of eating disorders on the fash- three. Boehner, who ion industry. was sworn in Jan. 5, About the disease she suffered from since the age of 13, Caro has made campaign said, “I wish we could treat our bodies as the place we live from, promises to be the most “pro-life speaker in history.” rather than regard it as a place to be worked on, as though it were Pelosi was the highest-ranking female politician in U.S. a disagreeable old kitchen in need of renovation and update.” history. Her new position is minority leader in the now Source: www.nytimes.com Republican-controlled House of Representatives. Source: www.feministmajority.com

Mastel’s Specializing in Personal Injury CATHERINE E. HOLTZCLAW 612-333-5673 MBT, CPA, CFP® www.lordandfaris.com Health Foods HOLTZCLAW PLANNING LLC 10% Off Your Entire Order • Objective, personal investment advice and financial planning on an hourly basis. (Juicers, special offers Priscilla and any sale items Lord • Tax preparation for individuals, trusts not included) and estates. Faris One coupon per customer • Discover the possibilities and opportunities Expires 2/28/11 for reaching your life goals. 1526 St. Clair Ave., St. Paul (2 blocks E. of Snelling) 651-646-9806 • www.holtzclawplanning.com 651-690-1692 2251 DOSWELL AVENUE, ST. PAUL, MN 55108 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 7 THINKABOUTITMORE Lower birth rate for Minnesota teens— for now Recently released 2009 statistics nationally and locally show the low- est teen birth rates in the 70 years since record-keeping began. The rate nationally was 6 percent lower than in 2008; in Minnesota it was 7 percent lower. It’s most commonly thought that the reason for the rate drops is better use of contraception. However, in Minnesota the lower figures may be short-lived. A recently published Minnesota Student Survey showed more March 2011 Women’s History Month Speaker high school students are having sex and fewer are using con- doms. Rates for sexually transmitted infections have gone up in When Everything Changed Minnesota, particularly for Chlamydia and HIV. “There is still a lot of unprotected sex going on, and adults still need to take responsibility for ensuring the teens in their Gail Collins lives know the facts,” said Brigid Riley, executive director of the Minnesota Organization on Adolescent Pregnancy, Prevention Columnist for the N.Y. Times and Parenting (MOAPPP). In Minnesota, there is no dedicated state funding for sex education, no statewide instruction standards and no health require- ment for graduation. The magazine scolds Source: www.moappp.org

Celebrating 20 Years of scholarship about Women and Religion

The Susan Draper White Lecture Series United Theological Seminary of the Twin Cities

What We Know From Where We’ve Been: Tuesday, March 8, 2011, 7 p.m. In Praise of Ambivalence O’Shaughnessy Educational Center Auditorium Mary Farrell Bednarowski University of St. Thomas, St. Paul Campus Monday, March 7, 2011, 7:30 PM Free and open to all Multiple Perspectives On Where We’ve Been And What We Know For further information 651-962-6119 Facilitator: Christie Cozad Neuger Please join us as Gail Collins discusses topics in her • Objective, personal investment advice and Panelists: Alika Galloway, Sondra Mattox, recent book When Everything Changed. Copies of the financial planning on an hourly basis. Carolyn Pressler, Nancy Victorin-Vangerud book will be for sale and the author will hold a book • Tax preparation for individuals, trusts Tuesday, March 8, 2011, 11:00 AM signing after the presentation. and estates. • Discover the possibilities and opportunities Sponsored by the Luann Dummer Center for Women for reaching your life goals. Lectures are free and open to the public. 651.255.6143 • www.unitedseminary.edu 8 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 LOVEYOURBODYFEATURE

Do you love what you see when you look in the mirror? The National Organization for Women (NOW) asked that question for its 2010 annual poster contest for Love Your Body Day. Sarah Neuser of Eagan won in the college and university category and the grand prize in 2010. To her, loving your body means, “not being critical and just being accepting. Nobody’s body will ever be perfect and there are parts that can be hard to accept. As long as you are healthy and you take care of your body, that is what matters,” Neuser said. “One thing I know is that I was blessed with female role models who taught me that being Sarah Neuser happy, and being a good person, were more important qualities than having designer products and fitting into society’s image of ‘beautiful.’ I know some girls don’t have that,” Neuser said. “When I was little I loved playing dress up and I still do. But dress up shouldn’t define who we are as people. No two bodies are the same. So, the important thing to remember is that if you love your own body, and find happiness in your life, then nothing can stop you, and you are beautiful.” Sarah Neuser, Eagan, Minn., 2010 grand prize winner

Whitney Calvert, Linesville, Pa., 2008 grand Deepsy Patel, Conyers, Ga., 2010 open Shannon Wu, Orange Village, Ohio, 2010 high prize winner category winner school category winner

FFI: To view all of this year’s and past year’s winning posters and send an e-card of a poster go to: http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org/posters/contest-2010/index.html Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 9 ONYOURMIND Saint Clair Sunday Evenings: 2nd & 4th Sundays @ 6:51pm Celtic Contemplative Communion Beauty is within us Jan 9, 6:51 pm–Love Begets Love Nordic Contemplative Evening Prayer r? Pilgrim Jan 23, 6:51 pm–The Darkness Is as Light By the time I was 15 years old, JULIASEWELL Lutheran Guest – Rocky M jos on lute & guitar I had been called fat too many Church

times to mention. Had I allowed A Home for “Faith Goes to the M ovies” Hungry Minds & Souls Starting Jan 16: an Epiphany Sermon Series these events to affect my self- A Reconciling in Christ Sundays @ 8:30 & 11:00 am belief, I would never have had Congregation Rev. Carol Tomer, Lead Pastor the courage to become the first A Congregation Caring 1935 St. Clair Avenue at Prior, St. Paul for Creation www.pilgrimstpaul.org ~ 651-699-6886 plus-sized model chosen by the Sunday Worship 8:30 am & 11 am (Sept.-May) Mall of America Teen Fashion Board to headline designs for Macy’s, Lane Bryant and Torrid. Hundreds of feeders and a variety of My mother always told me, “You I was a part of high-quality seed for your feathered friends! are beautiful and you carry a light in www.chickadeeshouse.com you that neither man nor woman can a larger culture 1771 Lexington Ave. N., Roseville put out.” So, growing up a plus-sized that only seemed (more sexy) young woman, I believed just that. to preach that I quickly began to see, however, that outside the realm of my moth- “bigger was er’s appreciation of my beauty, I was NOT beautiful.” a part of a larger culture that only seemed to preach that “bigger was NOT beautiful.” I made a conscious decision that I would never let the media, my peers or colleagues define me. I would give them my defini- tion of myself. What they did with it was up to them. Beauty should only inspire more beauty, not eating disorders, self-esteem issues or depression. As such, I would redefine beauty to be the process of identifying one’s light and learning to shine it as brightly as possible. Beauty has very little to do with the physical and everything to do with what is encapsu- lated within us. Currently, I am a motivational speaker and performer. There is no time for second-guessing or doubting myself. There exists infinite potential in each of us. So, why waste it? I also work with underprivileged youth in a Detroit high school where it’s not uncommon for young girls to HATE their bodies. I tell them just like I’m telling you, “You are unique and beautiful and no one can do you better than you. We, as women, define who and what we are. Never submit yourself to the defi- nitions of another. All we have in this world for sure is control over our own self, our own bodies and minds. Never give this power up to anyone. You are too beautiful, powerful, unique and brilliant.” I knew dreaming big opened up possibilities for me to help others do the same. I want every woman reading this to do herself a favor. Tape this statement on your mirror and read it every morning, “I am beautiful. I am the only person just like me. No one can do me like I can. I am FABULOUS.” Julia Sewell grew up in Minneapolis, graduated from Augsburg College in psychology and is currently working with City Year in Detroit. www.sewellspeaks.com 10 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 PROFILE “ Always the adventurer Connie Van Valkenburg’s life path has led her on miles of uncharted territory

by Jennifer Thaney Connie Van Valkenburg is an 82-year-old adventurer who can lay claim to all seven continents. She has kayaked in two oceans, the Sea of Cortez and too many lakes and rivers to count. Her passion for birding, botany and photography has led her to

AMBER PROCACCINI explore local bogs and faraway islands, and she is currently writing a memoir of her travels. It all started when she was 4 years was divorced and remarried. Van old. Van Valkenburg lived on the Valkenburg continued her studies north shore of Long Island, N.Y., in in Texas and then graduated from an area covered by trees, hills and Western Michigan University with a beaches. When her older sister went B.A. and secondary education degree, exploring, Van Valkenburg went too, and a double major in biology and following a trail of cookies her sister psychology. After moving to St. Paul, left behind. Her little legs carried her Van Valkenburg and her second over fences, to the tops of trees and husband divorced and she eventually among the ice floes that dotted the married a third time. The relationship ocean in the winter. lasted until he died of cancer 20 years “I have always been an adven- later. “He supported me in everything turer,” Van Valkenburg stated. “I’ve I wanted to do,” Van Valkenburg said. done things that many men wouldn’t “That’s rare.” do.” Admitting that since then she has Those things include a 24-mile not been able to find a man who can solo trip across Lake Superior to Isle keep up with her, Van Valkenburg has Royale in her homemade, 15-foot settled for primarily solo adventures kayak. Recalling how she almost got and now lives in St. Paul, where her caught in a storm, Van Valkenburg exercise regimen consists of shovel- wonders if she would have been so ing snow and walking nearly every gutsy today. She was in her mid-40s at day. The heavy snow this winter has the time, taking a needed break from been a godsend for her upper body her husband and children. “I do have strength, which is required for kayak- fears on occasion,” Van Valkenburg ing. Last summer she joined the local admitted, “but I pay attention to branch of Inland Sea Kayakers and is [them].” learning how to do the Eskimo Roll, Kayaking aside, Van Valkenburg’s which involves righting a capsized life path has led her on miles of kayak. She is also learning Spanish so uncharted territory. She got mar- she can better navigate future travels ried to her first husband while in to Spanish-speaking countries. Connie Van Valkenburg is ready to go with her college in Ohio, and had three boys. And she will likely go abroad snowshoes and camera. From there she transferred to a again. The only challenge she sees in school in North Carolina, where she her path is a European policy in some Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 11

The Power of I feel like a sparkler going off in Possibility How is your life? The “ Power of Possibility all directions, and will do just about coaching course is designed to jolt you everything. — Connie Van Valkenburg AWAKE to what is still ” possible. Sign up today at 651.402.2975 or at countries that bans people over 75 from renting a car. “I’m learningjourneys.net not restricted by age,” Van Valkenburg declared. “If I get a International Center chance, I’d like to go in a hot air balloon … there is no sense of Coaching in staying home.” She is also planning a 2011 trip to Alaska to take pictures of polar bears, and another trip to Kamchatka, Russia, in 2012 to photograph brown bears. Van Valkenburg’s drive for adventure comes from her positive attitude and curiosity, she said. “You have to have an interest. I feel like a sparkler going off in all directions, and will do just about everything.” One of Van Valkenburg’s interests is photography. She has her own business, Onion Blossoms Photography, selling prints and cards. One of her favorite subjects is wild orchids. Minnesota is home to 42 varieties, and Van Valkenburg regularly treks across forest trails and swampy bogs to fi nd them. Her love of birds has also fueled much of her travel, and she has been to Oregon, Texas, Madagascar, Tanzania, Australia, New Zealand, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Patagonia, the Amazon and Antarctica to photograph them. Van Valkenburg surmised it is her passion to see new things that sets her apart from other people her age. They don’t take charge of their lives and are content to sit back and watch life go by, rather than actively engage in it, she said. “Physically, none of the women I know who are my age are capable of doing what I can do,” Van Valkenburg said, The profi le appears in every explaining why so many of issue of the Minnesota her adventures are solo ones. Women’s Press. It refl ects “Maybe there is a lack of things our founding principle and that drive them, and a lot of guiding philosophy that them have fear,” she continued. every woman has a story. “They are missing life. I am Readers are welcome to sub- living life. I am going out and mit suggestions for profi le Only 5 perfOrmances! doing everything I can do until subjects. Email your ideas to Jan. 29, Feb. 1, 3, 5, 6 I can’t do it anymore.” [email protected]. Two of history’s most commanding women, Queen Elizabeth I and Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots, engage in a ruthless fight for the English throne – and the heart AGNES of one man. UNDER THE BIG TOP, a tall tale mnopera.org 612-333-6669 WORLD PREMIERE Ticket Office: M – F, 9 a.m. – 6 p.m. BY ADITI BRENNAN KAPIL FEB 18 – MAR 6, 2011

www.mixedblood.com 12 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 BOOKSHELF Body archive PATSAMPLES The stories our bodies have to tell Because I love to dance unbound, I felt a deep resonance when I came across the freshly spelled word transcendance in “A Walk on the Beach” by Joan Anderson. Transcendance describes exquisitely what I experience each Friday when I gather with other women who enjoy the luxury of moving and we give our bodies a chance to have their say. We dance (“Free Motion,” we call in my muscles and corpuscles. It makes it), exploring and telling tales from our for fascinating reading. lives wordlessly. We bend, glide, twirl, While “reading” the other day, I BOOKSHELF: lean, sway, skip, romp and roll. We play noticed that my belly felt tight and my These books make Pat and laugh—and sometimes cry. Mostly torso was collapsed slightly forward. Samples feel tender toward we fall in love with our lives and each As I paid attention with curiosity and her body: other. That’s because our bodies are so compassion, I recognized that I had been The Woman Who Watches truthful when we let them move freely. straining to accomplish a project and was Over the World by Linda Shame-free honesty invites acceptance. feeling somewhat defeated. My body had Hogan Acceptance leads to love. responded accordingly, expressing my Taking part in this unbridled mov- internal state. What Are You Afraid Of? ing meditation every Friday is one of In the very act of noticing, I felt my by Lavinia Plonka the easiest ways for me to encounter the breath deepen, my belly widen and my Secrets, Lies, Betrayals experience of transcendence (the usual spine straighten. I felt taller, more alive, by Maggie Scarf spelling). It’s not so much that I feel lifted expansive. I refound my center and my A Walk on the Beach by out of my body into an strength. Joan Anderson ethereal spiritual domain, Reading good books often does the The Subtle Self: Personal The book I am as this original spelling same thing for me, awakening me to Growth and Spiritual might imply. Rather, I have some tamped down sense of myself and most compelled to Practice by Judith the experience of living giving it room to breathe. I remember in Blackstone read these days is more deeply in my body. “A Walk on the Beach” the older woman The transcendent, as it walking with luscious freedom, advis- my own body. were, comes and takes up ing her friend to dispense with wearing What’s on your residence there. It moves underwear and let the flesh be unbound. bookshelf? me. It dances me. It is given expression At least I think that’s what she said. It’s Send us 500 words about through me. What happens is indeed the story I now carry in my body any- your booklife, plus your list transcendance. way–whether or not I wear underwear. of five related books by How we come to enjoy and learn from Pat Samples is the author of “Body women authors. our body isn’t about picking the right Odyssey: Lessons from the Bones and [email protected] word, of course. It is about being atten- Belly” and “The Secret Wisdom of a tive to our somatic teacher. The older Woman’s Body: Freeing Yourself To Live I get, the more often my body talks to Passionately and Age Fearlessly.” me. If I’m not attentive, it will only get She is also the coordinator for the louder—exhibiting more pain or distor- Minnesota Creative Arts and Aging tion until I listen. So the book I am most Network (MnCAAN). compelled to read these days is my own body. It is filled with stories, the archive of my life experience. All that my senses have taken has left a permanent impression. It is recorded in my bones and belly,

Hooked on books? The Minnesota Women’s Press For a free sample copy, email [email protected] One-year subscription (6 issues): $30 also publishes the magazine BookWomen—A Readers’ BookWomen, 970 Raymond Ave., Ste. 201, St. Paul, MN 55114 Community for Those Who Love Women’s Words. www.womenspress.com • 651-646-3968 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 13 BOOKTALK The LesFic book group The very first book our group they haven’t read the book. meets once a month at the read together, “And Playing Encourage feedback from all True Colors Bookstore in the Role of Herself” by K.E. your members, even the shy Minneapolis. The members Lane, was a universal hit. ones. Everyone should be aim to read a wide variety The story was about coming given a chance to have a voice. out, both to oneself and to the Treat everyone fairly and with of fiction genres written by world. Learning to play the respect. lesbians—mystery, sci-fi, role of yourself can sometimes speculative fiction and Does your group have any be the hardest role ever, even if rituals or traditions that you romance. you are an accomplished actor. follow? What book recently sparked a What makes your group work? great discussion? At each meeting we introduce The LesFic book We have a very supportive ourselves and tell one thing group recommends “Stranded” by Blayne Cooper. group, with a lot of ebb and about us no one else knows. “And Playing the The story followed the trials of flow. If people can only make it Role of Herself” by three women who are stranded once in a while, that’s OK. We Editor’s Note: Short story K.E. Lane. in the Amazon jungle after the don’t have rules about having and mystery writer, Jessie What would your van they are riding in crashes. to read the book. The group Chandler, facilitates the LesFic book group The three women have to come is very inclusive, friendly and book group. Her book, “Bingo recommend? to terms with each other and welcoming. Because our niche Barge Murder: A Shay O’Hanlon learn to function as a team in is small, it’s a comfort to have a Caper,” will be published on May 1. www.jessiechandler.com order to survive. It’s about place to talk about the kind of relationships and how they can books we love—lesbian fiction. be formed through times of Tell us about your book group! What tips could you share with great stress and terror, and the Write to editor@womenspress. other groups? bonding that can happen. com. What book would your group Flexibility makes our group most recommend? work. Don’t shun anyone if

www.womenspress.com • 651-646-3968 14 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 LEADERVOICE DIANNE Promote positive body image to teens NEUMARK- SZTAINER We are surrounded by contradictory weight-related messages. We are encouraged to overeat foods high in calories, which put us at risk for excessive weight gain, and simultaneously are bombarded with messages that make us feel badly about our bodies, and place us at risk for body dissatisfaction, disordered eating behaviors and eating disorders. It can be even more challenging for our teenage daughters. Our research at the School of Public Health at the University of Minnesota has provided us with some ideas for parents. We imple- mented an all-girls physical education class called New Moves in many of the Twin Cities high schools to help prevent weight-related problems (see www.newmovesonline.com). A major aim is to come from a place of self-appreciation. Our research suggests that by helping girls and women feel better about their bodies, we will be more likely to take care of ourselves through healthy eating, physical activity and positive self-talk.

Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, The four cornerstones for promoting a healthy weight and positive body image in your teen PhD, MPH, RD, is a 1. Model healthy behaviors for your 3. Focus less on weight; instead focus on professor in the Division children behaviors and overall health of Epidemiology and Community Health School Avoid dieting, or at least unhealthy Encourage your teen to adopt healthy of Public Health at the dieting behaviors behaviors without focusing on weight loss University of Minnesota. Avoid making weight-related comments Help your teen develop an identity that as much as possible goes beyond physical appearance She included an excerpt from her book “‘I’m, Like, Engage in regular physical activity that Establish a no-tolerance policy for weight SO Fat!’ Helping Your Teen you enjoy teasing in your home Make Healthy Choices about Model healthy (but not perfect) eating 4. Provide a supportive environment with Eating and Exercise in a patterns and food choices lots of talking and even more listening Weight-Obsessed World.” 2. Provide an environment that makes Be there to listen and provide support Copyright 2005, New York: it easy for your children to make when your teen discusses weight concerns The Guilford Press. Reprinted healthy choices with permission. When your teen talks about fat—ﬁnd out Make healthy food choices readily what’s really going on available Keep the lines of communication open— Establish family meal norms that work no matter what for your family Provide unconditional love, not based on 612.377.6108 • www.adtdental.com Make physical activity the norm in your weight, and let your child know it 2232 Hennepin Ave. S., Minneapolis, MN family and limit TV watching Support your teen’s efforts to get involved in physical activity Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 15 eens women’s MILDRED eat foods high in calories, which put us at risk for excessive weight S. HANSON ded with messages that make us feel badly MD, PA ed eating Health Guide Gynecology for ch at the School of Public Let these adolescents and women-friendly, their mothers and major aim is grandmothers health-care •฀Preventive฀Care–฀ professionals ฀ annual฀exams •฀Contraception฀including฀฀ ฀ take care of you. ฀ IUD฀&฀Implanon฀insertion฀฀ ฀ &฀removal •฀Immunizations See these advertisers online with links We invite you to be a patient! to their websites at www.womenspress.com 612-870-1334 710 E. 24th St., #403 Mpls, MN 55404

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Holistic Health 2011 Minnesota Women’s Press 3.5” wide x 7” high 18 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 WORDSANDPICTURES Helen: What If?

COURTESY OF 20% THEATRE COMPANY THEATRE OF 20% COURTESY by Anne Hamre

My dreams are over, I have ceased to cry Against the fate that made men love my mouth And left their spirits all too deaf to hear The little songs that echoed through my soul. —from the poem “Helen of Troy,” Sara Teasdale (1884-1933)

She’s been the subject of an epic 1956 Hollywood ﬁlm, a 2003 The play TV miniseries, a 1975 John Cale “ album and a 1988 tune by Robert made me laugh Plant (sample lyric: “She walks like a gunslinger”). Now, thanks out loud, and it to 20% Theatre Company Twin Cities, Helen of Troy takes to a local made me think stage—in a play that presents her story, according to the director, “as about beauty she would tell it.” According to Co-Artistic Director and Founder Claire Avitabile, 20% and war and love Theatre Company gets its name from a 2002 report by the New York and stories, and Council on the Arts, showing that only about one-ﬁfth of professional it made me feel theater artists are women—despite the fact that women submit more things for these than half of the resumes. The company’s mission is to produce new, people who are progressive work by female and transgender artists. “As a company, we like to present literally the stuff alternative ideas to the public: ‘What if this happened instead?’” Avitabile of legends. said. “Helen” poses just such a ” thought experiment: What if she —Leah Adcock-Starr never made it to Troy? The play, written by Ellen McLaughlin, imagines what Helen’s life would have been like, trapped for 17 years in a four-star hotel overlooking Egypt’s pyramids, with almost no link to the outside world except TV’s Weather Channel. “She’s been trapped by her own myth, and has spent her energy and time and focus on maintaining the image or version Gretchen Emo is Helen in 20% Theatre Company’s performances. Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 19

of herself that has been created to fulfi ll the expectations, desires and needs of other people,” said Director Leah Adcock-Starr. “She needs to tell her own story. We all do.” DOES YOUR FINANCIAL ADVISOR KNOW Adcock-Starr was in college when she stumbled across YOUR FINANCIAL GOALS? IF NOT LET'S TALK. McLaughlin’s collection of Greek plays at a used bookstore, and “fell in love with McLaughlin’s poetry and wit.” From the collection, “Helen” emerged as a favorite. “I fi nally received that Julian Locke Micko Financial Advisor glimpse of an incredibly com- . www.edwardjones.com MemberMember SIPC CIPF plicated human woman who 1665 W County Rd C Roseville, MN 55113 was as captured by her myth as 651-636-4348 I seemed to be,” Adcock-Starr said. “The play made me laugh out loud, and it made me think about beauty and war and love and stories, and it made me feel aauthors booKLoVErs ChaMPaGNE CELEbrItIEs MusICIs things for these people who are literally the stuff of legends.” The theater company wres- Congratulations tled with “why does it matter” questions: Why this play, and to the Minnesota Book Awards Finalists! Leah Adcock-Starr why now? Check out the list of 23rd annual finalists The director noted that READ LOCAL. “Helen” is a play about war— at www.thefriends.org and why wars are fought, how they’re lost and won, and their cost. “Helen’s war, the Trojan War, we discover is being fought for an illusion—a lie,” Adcock-Starr said. “It’s a war begun under false pretenses oy takes to a local that exacts a devastating toll. www.thefriends.org That’s so relevant it gives me chills.” It’s also a play about women, book artist award Winner ector beauty, body image and celeb- Claire Avitabile rity—and as a woman who, like regula russelle all women, “is inundated every to be honored Friday, February 4, 5:30 - 7:30 p.m. ork moment of every day with images of so-called beauty. That resonates with me,” Adcock-Starr added. ofessional The play has a “feminist vibe,” Avitabile said. Some of it comes out in Helen’s conversations with her maidservant. Then there’s the feeling you get at the end—after dramatic upheaval and a plot twist we won’t spoil—that this woman is not a victim, but a survivor. As Avitabile put it: “In the end, she’s gonna be just fi ne.” Join us for a free “The women in this play are strong, smart and wonder- exhibit reception: art, esent fully human—even the goddess,” Adcock-Starr said. “It’s a play about a woman discovering her own power and learn- wine, hors d’oeuvres, ‘What live music and more! vitabile ing to tell her own story.”

IFYOUGO: open book, 1011 Washington ave. s., Mpls. What: Helen Save the date now for the Book Awards Gala on McLaughlin, imagines what Helen’s When: January 28-February 12 Saturday, April 16, 2011 at the Crowne Plaza Where: Gremlin Theatre, 2400 University Ave. W., St. Paul Riverfront Hotel in downtown Saint Paul. hotel overlooking Egypt’s pyramids, with almost no link to the Cost: $12-$20 sliding scale and $10 for students The Minnesota Book Awards is a Capital City project, led by The Friends of the Saint Paul Public Library, in consortium with the Saint Paul Public Library FFI: www.tctwentypercent.org and the City of Saint Paul. The Book Artist Award, presented by MNBA and the Minnesota Center for Book Arts, is sponsored by Lerner Publishing Group. gy and time and focus on maintaining the image or version booksbooKs funFuN laughterLauGhtEr stylestYLE lightsLIGhts CamerasCaMEras 20 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 COVERARTIST Body images Rachel Orman explores the human body through her art, her work and her studies by Norma Smith Olson “There’s a certain angelicness about children when they are sleeping,” cover artist Rachel Orman said about her daughter, the model for the painting “She Needs Only Wings.” “The quality of the morning light is so radiant, subtle, beautiful, soft and illuminating. It’s a picture of her just before I woke her up. She just looked so beautiful.” It’s one of a whole series Orman, the mother of two daughters, has created. “She Needs Only Wings” Self-expression When she was a child, Orman’s mother consistently signed her up for art and music classes, instilling the idea that the creative process was a huge part of a being whole and human. As a child, her family’s evening routine was to have dessert and draw. From her perspective, as the youngest of six children, she thought of her siblings as “fantastically more artistic” than she was, “based on motor skills and how creative, witty and smart they already were. They were definitely [people] to look up to and be completely jealous of. It was a good motivator,” she said. While not planning to become an artist, Orman landed in the first graduat- ing class at the Minnesota state arts high school, in 1991. “The Perpich Center for the Arts was very much a life saver,” Orman said. “At that point in my life, my mom was very ill. She died just before I got into the high school. [The PCA] provided a really great family. They encouraged me, supported me, welcomed me and helped me to express all of this stuff that probably I wouldn’t have been able to otherwise.” One of her main mentors was her art teacher, Bill Slack, who encouraged her to draw what was coming from inside herself. “Other art teachers had Rachel Orman always wanted me to copy and create things realistically. He’d say ‘That’s not artwork. What are you doing? That’s not who you are.’ He always encouraged me to take the next step,” Orman said. Sometimes the subject Body work “ She continued to study art at the University of Minnesota, where she is too out there. It’s not graduated with double majors in art and psychology. She’s intrigued by the human body. “I want to know how it runs, how it moves, how it thinks,” necessarily pretty. Orman said. “I love to draw it and observe it, but I also love to take care of it, ” learn about it and see how I can make it heal or run better.” — Rachel Orman So currently, in addition to her artwork that has a focus of the human form, she is also a massage therapist and is studying Chinese medicine. “Healing is an essential element in my painting and my life’s work,” Orman said. Her mother’s dying of cancer when Orman was 15 influenced Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 21

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Mon-Fri 9-10 | Sat & Sun 9-9 | www.wedge.coop 22 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 GOSEEDO FRIDAY, 2/4 Russelle honored St. Paul artist, Regula Russelle, has been named winner of the 2011 Book Artist Award by the Friends of the St. Paul Public Library. An exhibit celebrating her work runs through March 6 with reception Feb. 4, 5:30-7:30 p.m. Open Book, 1011 Washington Ave. S., Mpls. FFI: 651-366-6488 or www.thefriends.org. Russelle’s art is also on display with works by 10 other Minnesota books artists through Feb. 25 at the Gage Family Art Gallery, Augsburg College, 2211 Riverside Ave., Mpls. FFI: 612-330-1524 or www.augsburg. edu/galleries “One World, One Cloth,” Regula Russelle OPENS FRIDAY, 2/4 Birmingham, revisited “Four Little Girls: Birmingham 1963,” a play by Christina Ham, explores the lives of the four girls who were killed in the church bombing. Prices vary. Through Feb. 27. SteppingStone Theatre, 55 Victoria St. N., St. Paul. FFI: 651-225-9265 or www.steppingstonetheatre.org

OPENS FRIDAY, 2/4 ‘Shirley Valentine’ Win free tickets! Register at womenspress.com At age 42, Shirley feels her life is in a rut. Will she have the courage to break free and start over? Stars Cheryl “Four Little Girls: Birmingham 1963” Willis. Prices vary. Through March 20. Jungle Theater, 2951 Lyndale Ave. S., Mpls. FFI: 612-822-7063 or SATURDAY, 2/12 www.jungletheater.com Books and pancakes Annual beneﬁt breakfast and SATURDAY, 2/12 book sale for the Women’s Prison Book Project. Enjoy all-you-can- eat pancakes, grits, fruit salad and beverages, then buy some books. Hardcovers $3, paperbacks $2. All proceeds go toward helping women in prison all over the country get books. 8 a.m.-noon. $6-$10 sliding scale, $3 kids. Walker Church, 3104–16th Ave. S., Mpls. FFI: www.wpbp.org See more calendar listings online at www.womenspress.com Look for the Minnesota Women’s Press at the following events in February: Minneapolis klezmer • Univ. of MN Gopher Women’s Basketball and Gymnastics Twin Cities band Lucy Michelle and the Velvet Lapelles • Girls Only, The Secret Comedy of Women, Hennepin Stages, through April 4 (above) play their brand of folksy “Minneapolis klezmer.” • Smart Talk Speaker Series—Allison Levine, Orpheum Theatre, Feb. 21 Michelle herself provides the vocals and plays piano, • Honoring Women Worldwide Events ukulele and guitar. $12/advance, $15/door. 8 p.m. • Metro Mini Expos Cedar Cultural Center, 418 Cedar Ave. S., Mpls. • Women in Networking Events FFI: 612-338-2674 or www.thecedar.org • Women’s Initiative for Self Empowerment (WISE) Events 651.292.4323 • www.HistoryTheatre.com • 30 E. 10th St., St. Paul Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 23 www.womenspress.com GOSEEDO RICH RYAN

“Ashé,” Shá Cage, front, as Agnes Lori Greene CLOSES 2/27 OPENS FRIDAY, 2/18 ‘Ya Feel Me?’ ‘Agnes Under the Big Top, a tall tale’ Five women artists, Lori Greene, Andrea Hyde, Stephanie World premiere of a play written and directed by Aditi Morris, Dorothy Johnson and Dee Henry Williams, use photos, Brennan Kapil. It imagines the lives of immigrants in a U.S. ceramics and textiles to explore ideas about “allure.” Free. city, whose worlds intersect on a subway train. Prices vary. Obsidian Arts Gallery, Pillsbury House, 3501 Chicago Ave. S., Through March 6. Mixed Blood Theatre, 1501 S. 4th St., Mpls. Mpls. FFI: 612-824-0708 or www.obsidianartscenter.org FFI: 612-338-6131 or www.mixedblood.com

Win free tickets! Register at womenspress.com REGISTER TODAY! www.wfmn.org One woman’s 30-year journey of becoming an American American as For local artist Aamera Siddiqui, Curry Pie growing up was Written and performed by Aamera Siddiqui a balancing act FORMERLY THE JOINT DINNER OF Directed by Meena Natarajan & Suzy Messerole between her WOMEN’S PROFESSIONAL ASSOCIATIONS Indian heritage and her American March 10, 2011 surroundings. 5:00 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. Curried peas and hot dogs, Catholic Marriott, Minneapolis City Center school uniforms Keynote: Marie C. Wilson, The White House Project and colorful saris, Emcee: Robyne Robinson, journalist & entrepreneur Urdu and English 2011 Champion for Equality Award to SALO blend in this honest, humorous story The Stir is an annual fundraising event of the Women’s Foundation of Minnesota. of immigration, assimilation, and Lead Sponsor: Glass Ceiling Breakers: discovering what • Univ. of MN Gopher Women’s Basketball and Gymnastics March 17–April 10, 2011 it means to be • Girls Only, The Secret Comedy of Women, Hennepin Stages, through April 4 Single tickets starting at just $22! American. • Smart Talk Speaker Series—Allison Levine, Orpheum Theatre, Feb. 21 • Honoring Women Worldwide Events • Metro Mini Expos New Girls Network: • Women in Networking Events • Women’s Initiative for Self Empowerment (WISE) Events 651.292.4323 • www.HistoryTheatre.com • 30 E. 10th St., St. Paul 24 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 YOURSTORY

JILLIAN VANHEFTY Walk in her shoes The pee sticks came back negative, all seven of them. And I wasn’t experiencing any of the other symptoms I had during my ﬁrst pregnancy but I just knew I was pregnant. How? I saw a baby’s face in the clouds one day, truth be told. I really did, clear as a bell. And I had two dreams where people with smiling faces were rubbing my belly. I believe in that kind of stuff. So doc took a test to appease me, and whadda ya know, it was positive. Clouds don’t lie!

I went home with a certiﬁable glow and any less immoral? Can it still be called a mis- clicked the Belly Book pregnancy journal into carriage? Can you grieve as if it was? Do the my shopping cart online. Shortly after, I felt rules change if the hypothetical situations you an unbearably sharp pain in my abdomen pondered now relate to your own survival? and back. Then the bleeding began, not much Does ‘Do as I say not as I do’ suddenly apply? but enough for me to panic. An ultrasound I chose the shots—it was an easy decision. Do the rules showed no sign of anything in my uterus but I cramped and bled for eight weeks, but the change if the a “glob” on my ovary. Ectopic. hardest part for me was later stumbling upon hypothetical I quickly had to decide whether I wanted that pregnancy journal from the shopping shots or surgery to terminate the pregnancy. cart, knowing it would never be written in situations you Terminate. The word implied that I was and my husband and I would never meet that pondered now careless with birth control and now I had a baby in the clouds. problem to “take care of.” It sounded mean. I think most people know better than to relate to your We terminate incompetent employees; we judge a person till you walk in their shoes. own survival? exterminate rodents and insects. It made me I would like to add: Don’t judge another feel guilty for something that wasn’t my fault. woman till you carry her “glob.” You just I had to terminate a 1/4-inch fetus whose never know. face I saw in the clouds, a face my husband I Jillian VanHefty lives with her family in Eden wanted so badly to meet. Except … I wasn’t Prairie, Minn. She is a stay-at-home mom. really forced. Another option was to do nothing, but that meant risking my life if it would rupture. I have been ﬁrmly pro-choice my whole life GOTASTORY? and I suddenly pitied the adamantly “under We’d like to hear it. Some of the best writing no circumstances” pro-life women in the same we publish comes from readers. For writers’ situation. When they say, “When the mother’s guidelines, go to www.womenspress.com and life is in danger,” what if that mother is you? Is click on “About us.” Email your 450-word it now acceptable if it is medically necessary personal essay to [email protected]. to save your own life? Is it a true abortion? Is it

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Dog walking • Pet sitting/boarding Dog play groups • Field trips theurbandog-mpls.com 28 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 LEADERVOICE KATIE SPENCER Journey to self-love I grew up as a chubby kid, a big tall awkward teenager and fat young adult. I had been dieting since I was 9 years old. I was constantly on a diet and always felt shame about my size. As a tall woman and as a woman who took up I started talking to my friends about my feelings a lot of space physically, and personality wise, I about my body. I started to speak up about my felt conflict often about not fitting a feminine ideal, history of dieting and trying to be something other even if I didn’t believe in it as a budding feminist. than what I was. To actively develop compassion I was strongly woman identified and loved “girly” for ourselves leads to growing compassion for things, but felt I did not have a right to them as others. When we realize that the way we speak to a girl who was not pretty or sexy in a traditional ourselves and criticize ourselves is connected to way. Fat girls are not allowed to be sexy. I could how we speak and criticize others, we interrupt not see any other options for myself other than the cycle of policing not only our own bodies, but chubby best friend, or to diet and get myself to a policing those around us. And this allows us free- I was strongly socially acceptable weight and then be allowed to dom to let those around us to grow and change. be sexually desirable. I was trapped. woman identified Katie Spencer, PhD, is a staff psychologist at the The process of undoing the body hatred I was Center for Sexual Health, in the Department of and loved “girly” experiencing began with exposing myself to body Family Medicine and Community Health at the positive messages and talking to other women University of Minnesota. www.fm.umn.edu/phs/ things, but felt about my feelings about my body. I had to unpack I did not have a the years of body shame, fat hatred, misogyny and GOTAVOICE? right to them as a cultural messages about women’s bodies. We all live in a world where fat hatred and body hatred We’d like to hear it. For writers’ guidelines, go to girl who was not is the norm. Creating a world that is body loving www.womenspress.com, click on “AboutUs,” then pretty or sexy in a and body supportive takes intentionality. My “Writers’Guidelines. Email your 450-word personal journey to self-love started with allowing in the essay to [email protected] traditional way. message that I could be OK, that I was beautiful, to choose to see myself as amazing and powerful and gorgeous just the way I am in this moment.

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• • WHAT DO WOMEN WANT? Tell us by February 14! x x • As one girlfriend to another, tell us What Women Want! Fill out our annual online x x x x readers’ survey and tell us what you think. Who knows? You might even win a girlfriends’ getaway for you and five friends to beautiful Kavanaugh’s Resort in Brainerd. Go to www.womenspress.com and click on the What Women Want button. We can’t wait to hear from you! Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 29 SHESAID How can I help? KAVANG I sat quietly in the bathroom stall at my former workplace, unable to breathe and move, afraid of giving myself away. In the next stall I could hear a co-worker vomiting. The painful sound of her forcing her fingers down I started talking to my friends about my feelings her throat and food surging from her stomach into the toilet filled me with chills. Did she know I had come into the bathroom just minutes earlier? history of dieting and trying to be something other Maybe she didn’t know that I was in the next stall? Maybe she didn’t care?

I knew who she was. She’s my co-worker water and left the bathroom. I gave her a few ealize that the way we speak to whose waistline is as small as one of my minutes to go back to her desk before I came thighs. She’s my co-worker who has patches out of the bathroom. To my surprise she was of missing hair on her scalp. She’s my co- getting coffee from the kitchenette near the the cycle of policing not only our own bodies, but worker who looks at me in disgust in the women’s bathroom. She gave me a knowing break room when I chow down Kung Pao look as though she had sworn me to keep her She’s my co-worker chicken while she pretends to eat her fruit dirty secret. who looks at me in salad. I am a coward. Instead of asking her if I According to National Association of could help, I quickly walked away. I wanted disgust in the break Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders to help, but I didn’t know how. We have room when I chow (ANAD), it is estimated that up to 10 million never spoken, not even a “hi.” That’s why I down Kung Pao people of all ages and genders suffer from am writing this column. I am hoping she or an eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia and someone like her who is suffering from the chicken while she binge eating disorder) in the United States. disease will read this column and realize that pretends to eat her Additionally, eating disorders have the high- there are people who care about them, but est mortality rate of any mental illness. just don’t know how to help. fruit salad. onal Only one in 10 people suffering from Ka Vang was born in Laos and raised in St. anorexia receive treatment. ANAD reported Paul. She is a poet, playwright and community that 5 to 10 percent of anorexics die within activist. 10 years after contracting the disease; 18 to 20 percent of anorexics will be dead after 20 years and only 30 to 40 percent ever fully FFI: recover. There are just a few people who have the www.anad.org ideal women’s body put forth by fashion See pages 34 and 38 for information about magazines and movies. In fact, according to eating disorders and how to speak with ANAD, the body type portrayed in advertis- someone you’re concerned about. ing as the ideal is possessed naturally only by 5 percent of the American females. I listened as she ﬂushed the toilet, went to the sink, turned on the water, gargled

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Win FREE Tickets at www.womenspress.com Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 31 YOURTHOUGHTS Each month in the Minnesota Women’s Press we ask for your thoughts on a topic. For February we asked: Do you love your body? Why or why not? If not, what would it take for you to love your body? Here are some thoughts from MWP readers. See more thoughts throughout the issue and the MWP website, www.womenspress.com

My body palette Adjust to fit Growing up in the 1950s I used my body as a creative out- I have always believed in better living through let—a palette so to speak. I could drape fun clothing on it, try technology, having spent my career in medical devices different color combinations, design and sew my own clothes. and information technology. Just as technology can I could experiment with hairstyles and the use of different personalize, customize, improve, make easier, make makeup. I could be subtle or outrageous—usually the latter! I more productive, make more satisfying our work and e you married?” he asked. “What does that have to started noticing my body and what it could do when I became home life, so can it extend and save lives both inside pregnant. Carrying new life inside of me gave me a sense of and outside our bodies. e I could give you a list of materials so security and being needed. I keep my body healthy on the inside and sparkling I am now 68 years old. My palette has become a crone. It is on the outside by exercising regularly, eating healthy, like a walking Kindle. It reads: This grey hair has been hard- paying attention to prevention, staying mentally e he’d parked his earned over the years of raising the three children I had in agile and adjusting my outward appearance with the 2-1/2 years, at times as a single mom. A chapter talks about help of plastic surgery. I have stopped complaining my going to nursing school at the age of 30. The next describes about those pesky wrinkles, sags and veins because the years of working in intensive care, then moving into home I can make them go away through the sophistica- care as a visiting nurse and finally hospice. My wrinkles show tion and safety of cosmetic surgery. With a relatively the worry but also the humor in my life. The age spots tell of quick recovery time and minor expense, I continue to the wisdom I have garnered in all these years. My left breast is fine-tune my appearance to let the world know how gone. The scar tells the story of courage and trust. I weigh too healthy and young I feel on the inside. oblem occurs when much! Eating is a social event and also a comfort thing for me. T.S., St. Paul e a woman who can’t be defined by a man … They use My body will always be my palette. I can still paint, adorn, color, posture and do what pleases me. The unique, incredible and beautiful thing is that my spirit is housed in it! ee Nancy Russ, St. Paul f American as Curry Pie

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Do I love my body? Comfortable in my skin Years ago, my developing feminist At this point in my life—I just turned 70—I do like my body. I’m actually more com- consciousness led me to take a private fortable in my skin now than when I was younger, trying to live up to images of beauty vow that I would no longer let other in the media and culture. Now, when I look back at pictures of myself, I wonder what people, commercials, fads, anything there was not to like! dictate how I should look. I would I was fortunate to be raised by an aunt who tried to help me be comfortable in my rebel against fascist beauty standards clothes and who modeled elegance. However, the norm (growing up in the ‘50s) was not that address body size, appearance and to encourage sexuality—so often my clothes (while stylish in fashion) were a bit loose dress. My vow was supported by the for my ﬁgure. company of college students and queer When I went to work for the Program in Human Sexuality at the University of women’s communities. I did not know Minnesota Medical School in the ’70s, I learned a lot about “owning my own sexuality” that this would be a daily struggle and I began to feel more sensual and in tune with my body. The lessons learned back sometimes. However, I can summon then stand me in good stead to this day. a ﬁery determination inside my body Marge Grahn-Bowman, St. Paul when I think about these issues, and that is yet another amazing thing my Learn to love body can do. I want to love my body but all I’ve been able to do so far is move from hatred to Annaliese Gehres, Minneapolis denial of its existence. This is easily done by wearing baggy clothes, not talking about it, not looking at it, and taking the least amount of showers possible. How do I learn to love something that has caused me so much pain? I’ve learned to separate it from myself and blame it for every negative thing I’ve come to face. Failed YOURTHOUGHTS? relationships, lack of friendships, the never-ending diets and exercising routines, the We’d like to from you. Watch page anxiety and depression, the lying and stealing, the annihilation of my once optimistic 4 each issue for our upcoming issue spirit—all can be blamed on an eating disorder represented in the form of my body. But themes. Then send your thoughts to I’ve learned to ignore it. I now seek meaning in music, travel, good conversation and [email protected] education. But I don’t think I will ever feel whole until I forgive my body, myself, and learn to love in general. Sarah Pray, St. Paul

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Genuine and beautiful My sister started me on my journey to love my body. She left A series of four retreats home 20-some years ago as someone who didn’t particularly for midlife and love her body and moved to the Big Apple. Something hap- midcareer women , trying to live up to images of beauty pened to her. She came home wearing fitted clothes that didn’t hide her curves and not-particularly-flat stomach. She wore bold necklines. She wore heels. She wore movie-star clothes and loved it and looked good. She was wearing what she liked, not Bringing our whole selves into the world owing up in the ‘50s) was not hiding what she didn’t like. She was being genuine and she was If you are beautiful! At 45, I don’t have the energy to care about how much people b Asking questions about identity, meaning and like what I look like. I am just too busy. I would LIKE to care, purpose in your work g my own sexuality” (maybe). It is freeing to find my own movie-star clothes, the b Searching for congruence between who you are ones that make me happy. And go out into the sunshine for all and what you bring to work to see. Do I have a belly? Yup. I had three kids. I sure do. b Striving to lead with greater personal power Do I have cellulite? I think so. I am pretty sure it is back there. b Seeking greater wholeness, balance, humanity and Flabby arms? Yup. Got that too. resilience in the workplace I also have ankles that will keep me upright in a tornado! Do I wear fitted tanks on hot summer days and do I wear Join a learning community that provides encourage- spandex while I bike? Yes, I do, but only if they look fabulous ment, challenge, deep inquiry and accelerated leadership and I love them. And I feel free to accessorize with plenty of development beginning with four 3-day retreats held in a bling and bright scarves. retreat setting. Become part of a larger women’s leader- Would you like the way I look? Don’t know. Don’t care. I ship learning community in place since 1997. do like the way I look, and I know that I have a beauty that For more information call Michele Simon 651-779-2985 . But airbrushed models don’t have. Rhonda DeBough, St. Paul www.womensleadershipcommunity.org

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Tell us by February 14! What Women Want Fill out the Minnesota Women’s Press annual survey and you might win. Go online NOW to www.womenspress.com Click on the What Women Want icon. 34 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 ACTNOW, CONTINUED FROM PAGE 38 CLASSIFIEDADS TAKEACTION: How can I tell if my family member or CLASSIFIED DISPLAY Run a boxed ad (1 or 2 inches) in a classiﬁed category. For more information, categories, deadlines friend has a problem with eating? and rates, contact an advertising specialist at 651-646-3968 or [email protected]

The Emily Program provides this self-scoring tool for family Considering  or friends. Find out by answering these seven questions: LINE CLASSIFIED a career change?   Place your ad online at www.womenspress.com. Click on Classified Ads. $25 minimum charge. 1. Does it seem to you that your loved one has lost control 25-word line classified ads are $25/each. Prepayment is required for the amount of the over how she or he eats? entire run. We accept cash, check, money orders, Visa and MasterCard. Email, fax, mail or deliver text and payment to MWP: 970 Raymond Ave., Suite 201, St. Paul, MN 55114; Email: 2. Does your loved one ever make him/herself sick because [email protected] or fax to 651-646-2186. Line Classified ad payment accepted by phone they feel uncomfortably full? with Visa/MasterCard information, 651-646-3968. ��%&'(& �)&�& MSW LICSW 3. Does your loved one believe she/he is fat, even when Claims for adjustment due to error must be made within 10 working days of insertion. The Publisher will not be liable for slight changes or typographical errors which do not lessen the value of an EMDR others say she/he is too thin? advertisement. It is the responsibility of the advertiser to check the accuracy of the advertisement. Adolescents Women’s Issues 4. Do food and/or thoughts about food dominate your loved No refunds on cancelled Line Classifieds. Career Counseling & Assessment Clinic one’s life? Line Classified ads are published both in the magazine and on our website: (612) 423-8231 www.womenspress.com. www.mitikvah.com 5. Do thoughts about changing his/her body or weight NEXT AD DEADLINE: THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 5:00 P.M. 26-8 dominate your loved one’s life? LINE CLASSIFIED PRICING: 6. Are shared meals difficult because of your loved one’s All ads 25 words or less. Pricing your ad: Ads are run in eating behavior or comments about food, eating, or body consecutive issues. Rate ______$25/ad x issues ...... 1-5 issues image? x Number of issues ______$20/ad x issues ...... 6-12 issues = Total cost $ ______7. Are you or others worried about your loved one’s We boldface and capitalize the first 2-3 words at no extra cost. weight? In this informal survey, two or more “yes” answers strongly indicate the presence of disordered eating. (Adapted from Call 651-646-3968 to place your ad. the Scoff Questionnaire by Morgan, Reid & Lacy-BMJ, 1999.) Courtesy of The Emily Program, www.emilyprogram.com Adoption Services Automotive

200 waiting youth Complete 1 parent needed auto repair You service Safe Place Safe Passages Tell us your story! roviding a safe place to explore life฀s challenges MNADOPT 612-746-5129 MN฀Women's฀Press฀Staff฀Pick! We’re always interested to hear from readers who want to www.mnadopt.org 612-824-9833฀•฀900฀W.฀50th฀St.,฀Mpls. write for us. Some of the most articulate writing •Personal Growth & Antiques Business19:26 Opportunity •Empowerment we’ve published comes from women who don’t consider •Partnering PERSONAL PROPERTY SOLUTIONS - FUN, LUCRATIVE OPPORTUNITY. themselves writers. If you feel strongly an issue or SHANNON LAW. As professional antique •Life Transitions You: independent, like to learn and teach. •Inner Conflict a life experience, please tell us about it. appraisers, we provide written appraisals Us: women-owned company, tools designed and consultations and broker fine art and for women DIYers. Interested? 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Taunya Nelson, 5024 Vincent Ave. S., Minneapolis, MN 55410. 612-216-2194. 612-708-6001. 450 words maximum. [email protected], www. whitespacearchitecture.com Career Counseling BookShelf: Books on a theme and & Resources five that you’d recommend? Place your WANT SUPPORT WITH YOUR NEW 500 words maximum + book list. YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS? Looking for ad today! more meaningful work? For career or For complete guidelines for reader submissions, or go to life coaching, call Freda Marver, Begin phone 651-646-3968 Again Coaching, 612-922-4952, www. www.womenspress.com and click on “AboutUs,” then “WritersGuidelines.” email [email protected] beginagaincoaching.com Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 35 CLASSIFIEDADS Career Counseling Classes/Seminars Counseling Faith Communities continued & Resources PSYCHIC DEVELOPMENT CLASS. ST. 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Jill Longo one-on-one testing and ing services for any need. Serving the ��%&'(& �)&�& and Jim Larson. Phone: 952-541-1733. career counseling. South Metro. Eagan, Burnsville, Apple MSW LICSW Northeast Securities, Inc., 5775 Wayzata 612-625-1519 Valley, Lakeville. Denise @651-274-1323, EMDR Blvd. #700, Minneapolis, MN 55416. Email: www.careercounseling.umn.edu [email protected] Adolescents [email protected]. Web Page: www. Career Counseling & Assessment Clinic Women’s Issues jimvlarson.com. Member FINRA—SIPC. NATUREWISE CHEM-DRY. Woman Clearing Agent JPM Clearing Corp. owned/operated carpet & upholstery clean- (612) 423-8231 ing. Ask for our complete green cleaning www.mitikvah.com KAREN R PALM CPA. Tax preparation for BEGIN26-8 AGAIN COACHING. Find the system. Serving Ramsey County. Indepen- individuals, businesses, estates for over 25 work you were meant to do. Gain clar- dently owned & operated. 651-341-0933. DIANA SNYDER, LICSW. Psychodynamic years. Current and back taxes. 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• LOOK TO A TRUSTED, experienced real Spirituality Support our advertisers n • estate professional for a Smooth Sale. • Rose Hart has the experience to help SOUL READINGS/CLASSES. Heart- n • people with their real estate transactions. centered Soul Readings for clarity and and tell them “THANK YOU Coldwell Banker Burnet, Edina, MN. guidance. Psychic Development classes to 612-250-0119. [email protected], reconnect and claim your highest self. Cindy FOR ADVERTISING” www.rosehartrealtor.com Lehman, 612-669-1861. www.cindylehman. com, [email protected] in the n Place your ads today! To place your next ad call [email protected] 651-646-3968 38 Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 ACTNOW Food issues You want to be supportive, but you don’t know how by Kathy Magnuson Have you ever avoided a friend in crisis because you didn’t know what to say? Have you ever not called or stopped to see someone who was hurting because you couldn’t ﬁnd the right words? For some people, a friend or family member with food or body issues can present that kind of situation. You want to be supportive but you don’t know how.

Licensed Psychologist Sue Babcock of the How do you support that person? Or as Emily Program, which offers treatment for Babcock said, “What does it really look like eating disorders, gave practical advice. “I to be supportive in the trenches?” It looks always encourage people to look at what is like honesty. You might say, “I really want to concerning them. Are they starting to notice be supportive and I don’t know how to best that someone doesn’t eat with them anymore do that. Are there things you’d like from me or seems sad at mealtime or makes excuses or would you let me know if I say something to not be with them? Whatever the concern- that isn’t helpful?” ing behavior is,” she said, the point is “to be It’s not talking about will power and stick- able to talk about it from that point of view.” ing to a diet. It is her struggle, not yours, but She suggested saying, “’I’m worried that you can dwell on the positive and not feed I don’t see you any more at dinners.’ Or ‘I negativity. Babcock suggested if “someone noticed that your weight is dropping so I just makes negative comments about her body wondered what is going on with that?’ ‘It or how she eats, you could ask her, ‘How seems like you are avoiding eating. Do you would you like your behavior to be differ- want to talk about that?’” ent?’” Babcock also suggested saying, “I noticed Support can include focusing on the that you make a lot of derogatory comments person’s other qualities or how you connect about your body and I’m just wondering if with her aside from eating or exercising. It It’s not talking you want to talk a little more about that.” can be as simple and as powerful as letting “ She has heard some clients say that no one that person hear that even when you know about will power and has ever talked to them about food and eat- about her eating disorder, you still care for ing in that way. her and love her. sticking to a diet. It is Maybe your loved one has told you she/ he is in treatment for an eating disorder. her struggle, not yours, TAKEACTION: but you can dwell on Talking about food issues with a family member or friend the positive and not Accept your limitations; e.g. you can’t make her/him want to get better. Accept the person for who she/he is. Remember that she/he is an individual; feed negativity. ” she/he is not her/his eating disorder. —Sue Babcock Compliment strengths that have nothing to do with appearance, eating or food. Don’t make excuses for the person with the eating disorder. Remember that each person is responsible for her/his own behavior. Where do you see women Be a good role model when discussing food and weight-related issues. Having compas- connecting and making sion for another does not mean being manipulated by them. Do not comment about change in your world? someone’s weight and looks. Send me your story, magnuson@womens press. You can’t speak for her/him, but you can listen. Convey that you believe in her/him and com know that she/he will ﬁnd the answers she/he needs. Recognize that recovery is a process. It takes time; it’s seldom logical or linear. Courtesy of The Emily Program. See more on page 34. Minnesota Women’s Press, February 2011 39

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