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dvd extras ad report card Fugue Interstate Jorge Posada Is Having Laura's Baby! election scorecard Advanced Search Outliers in Pennsylvania architecture explainer Architecture Is a Team Sport Do April Showers Bring May Flowers? art explainer Seven Mysteries of China Apocalypse No! assessment explainer WTF, WKW? Why Are Global Food Prices Soaring? books explainer The New Global Nomads Why Does China Care About Tibet? books fighting words Greer Tames the Shrew The Tall Tale of Tuzla chatterbox fixing it Hillary's Rev. Wright, Part 2 Health Care Policy

Convictions fixing it Stuck on Yoo The Environment corrections fixing it Corrections The Laws in Wartime culturebox fixing it This Film Should Be Played Loud! The Presidency culturebox fixing it Monkey Business Education dear prudence fixing it My Niece Is Falling to Pieces Tech Policy

Deathwatch fixing it The Hillary Deathwatch The Military

Deathwatch fixing it The Hillary Deathwatch Foreign Policy

Deathwatch foreigners The Hillary Deathwatch A Wrinkle in the Fabric of Society

Deathwatch gabfest The Hillary Deathwatch The Corkscrew Landing Gabfest

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Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 1/124 hot document press box The Torture Memo Links That Stink hot document press box Nipple Rings vs. Metal Detectors Rupert Murdoch Is Not the Antichrist hot document press box Putting the Private in Private Eye The Times' New Welcome Mat human nature press box Fetal Subtraction The States Are Falling, the States Are Falling! jurisprudence reading list Yoo Talkin' to Me? The Pitchers and Catchers Report jurisprudence recycled Shades of Gray The April Fools' Day Defense Kit map the candidates slate v The Return of Ron Paul Internet Dangers for Kids medical examiner slate v Footloose and Sugar-Free Should She Enlist? Inverviews 50 Cents moneybox slate v The Mark-to-Market Melee Weatherman Gone Wild moneybox slate v Why Fed Reform Won't Work Dear Prudence: He Won't Dress Up! moneybox slate v Rich Men Behaving Badly Obama Girl Hurts … Obama! moneybox sports nut Staying on Bush's Course Grappling With History movies teachings Illegal Use of Hands Terror U other magazines technology The Rewards of Motherhood Cloudy Judgment other magazines television Clipping the Right Wing Ben Silverman's Critique of Slate poem television "Oh Blessed Season" Dance Marathon politics television What I Mean, Not What I Say Conan Appears on Leno politics the chat room Campaign Junkie Words of Warcraft politics the green lantern Chicago School Days Will Diesel Save the World? politics the has-been What Made Richardson Flip? Name That Loon

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 2/124 The Spot: A man lies comatose in a hospital bed. His anguished the has-been lover asks the doctors if there's anything she can do. Despair is Iron City Blues taking hold when suddenly the man's eyes open, and he begins to talk. "My team ... it's a keeper league," he says, spitting out the the undercover economist words in his last throes. "Don't. Trade. Prince. Fielder!" With The Price Is Right that, his vitals go dead, the doctors bring in defibrillator paddles, and the woman starts to wail. An announcer intones: today's blogs A Winning Argument? "Join the endless drama. Play fantasy baseball on ESPN." (Click here to watch the spots.) today's blogs Did You Get the Memo? The purpose of this campaign (it includes a teaser ad that runs on TV, plus several more Webisodes available at today's blogs EndlessDrama.com) is to create and retain interest in ESPN's Mugabe's End? fantasy-baseball leagues. According to the ad agency behind the campaign, the fantasy-baseball season can feel "long" and today's blogs Sadr Says "daunting" to some players. Thus the ads—with their references to the "endless drama" inherent in fantasy sports—are meant today's blogs both to fire up excitement for the start of the new season and to Dean Screams encourage players to stick it out for the whole marathon. today's papers I'm a decent test case for the campaign. I've played fantasy How To Lose a Fight in Five Days baseball in the past, and the long season waiting ahead does feel daunting. So daunting, in fact, that this year I finally decided to today's papers Yoo Said It opt out. I couldn't get jazzed about signing on for another six months of statistics parsing. I couldn't summon the passion today's papers required to scour the waiver wire, replace injured players, assess Food 911 daily spreadsheets, and make lots of careful, math-based decisions. It seemed like it might be more fun just to watch some today's papers real baseball games on TV. Best Laid Plans So, did this ESPN campaign work on me? Did it get me psyched today's papers up for my league's draft and stoke my fires for another half-year Bogged Down in Basra of fantasy "drama"? No. (Frankly, by late July, the only drama in today's papers my league is over who can come up with the punniest team No More Alphabet Soup name. Queer as Foulke? Siouxsie and the Ben Sheets?) But my mind was already made up, and, indeed, my league has now today's papers started without me. For people who were still on the fence as this Swimming With the Sharks season loomed, it's possible the ads offered a nudge of encouragement. video Wars: Chechnya and Iraq Any habitual fantasy player will enjoy the knowingness of the war stories jokes. The ads get all the details right and are clearly written by Bush Bungles in Basra and Bucharest people familiar with the ins and outs of nerdball. (In fact, one of the ad-agency creatives involved with the campaign has actually well-traveled written a book about playing fantasy football.) References to The Mecca of the Mouse lopsided trades, shady waiver wire pickups, and "keeper leagues" (in which you can carry players over from one season to the next) help establish geek cred.

And framing the campaign as a soap opera parody is a clever ad report card idea. It puts forth the notion that a season of fantasy baseball Jorge Posada Is Having Laura's Baby! offers enough unexpected ups and downs to keep players A new ESPN campaign spoofs soap operas. Is that a good thing? engaged for months on end (just as a soap buoys along its By Seth Stevenson viewers on a stream of twists and turns). But the trouble with the Monday, March 31, 2008, at 11:23 AM ET campaign is that it gets the balance wrong: It's too much about

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 3/124 soaps, not enough about baseball. While nailing the parody, it as a bartender breaking up a fight. (His wife also appears as a sort of forgets why it's here in the first place. (Perhaps, like a love interest. When I asked if she was an actress, the ad guys soap character in a head bandage, it has amnesia? Or maybe this described her as "an aspiring actress.") But some of the episodes is the evil, goateed twin of the real campaign?) feature no baseball players at all—just the soap actors and maybe a bland ESPN commentator. I can't see how these spots Executives at Arnold Worldwide, the agency behind the spots, could hold much appeal for a jocky audience. In fact, some Web had originally planned to hire a big-name commercial director to sleuthing last week suggested that the campaign is stirring up mimic soap opera production values. But then they realized: more intense interest on soap opera message boards, where fans Why not just get the real thing? Through connections between are delighting at the chance to see their soap heroes appear in a ESPN and ABC, they enlisted a director from the long-running sports context. Great for the soap fans, but I think ESPN was soap One Life To Live and even filmed on the show's sets. hoping for the opposite effect.

"The way they shoot soaps is completely different from the Grade: B-. Almost too well-executed. The ads play so much commercial world," says executive creative director Roger like real soap scenes that they neglect to do enough spoofing. I Baldacci. "The director sits in a control room with lots of did enjoy the "smack videos" available at EndlessDrama.com. monitors. They have three cameras running, and he snaps his These are intended to keep you excited about your fantasy fingers to switch cameras and go live to the next one. You're league as the season wears on by letting you e-mail seeing the whole ad happen live [instead of filming one camera unsportsmanlike video clips to your competitors. For instance, angle, stopping to set up the next shot, and then restarting with you can send a clip of a sexy nurse who offers sympathy to another camera angle]. The lighting technician sits in the control opponents when their star players get injured. "It's not enough room, too, and they have every light imaginable on the ceiling of just to win in fantasy sports," chuckles Baldacci. "You have to the set. With the push of a button, they can change the lighting. rub it in." In the commercial world, we would stop for 45 minutes while they set up flags and bounces and the D.P. [director of photography] anguishes over everything." Baldacci says they shot all eight ads, plus a lot of ancillary material, in two days. "The efficiency was incredible." Advanced Search Friday, October 19, 2001, at 6:39 PM ET Baldacci sounds entranced with his trip to Soapville, but I think this immersion strategy may have backfired a little. Using actual soap crews (and performers—there are actors here on loan from One Life To Live and All My Children) made the soap opera architecture jokes almost more rooted and authentic than the fantasy-baseball jokes. "There are overdramatic pauses, camera zoom-ins, and Architecture Is a Team Sport So why do they award the Pritzker Prize to just one person? other little elements that make it feel right," says Baldacci. "For By Witold Rybczynski instance, in a soap, they have a lot of time to let scenes play out, Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 11:42 AM ET and there's more dead time. So, we let our pacing become much more relaxed than it normally would be in an ad. We trimmed them up a little bit, but we had to fight that urge in order to stay The Pritzker Prize, which this year was awarded to French true to the genre." architect Jean Nouvel, is often referred to as the Nobel Prize of architecture. It is an inaccurate analogy. Nobel Prizes, whether in literature, chemistry, or physics, are given to individuals for My question is: Who in ESPN's target audience will really care individual work; buildings are the result of teamwork. how well these ads capture the mood and aesthetics of soaps? Sometimes Nobels are awarded to small teams of scientists, and I'm sure there are a few dudes out there who are avid fans both researchers do have assistants, but not 140 of them, which is the of soap opera and of fantasy baseball (though I would advise size of Ateliers Jean Nouvel, whose head office is in Paris but them not to mention this in their online dating profiles). But the which maintains site offices in London, Madrid, Barcelona, vast majority of dorkball enthusiasts are men with zero interest Rome, and Minneapolis. in daytime melodrama. It occurred to me that perhaps the campaign was an effort to attract more women to ESPN's fantasy leagues, but the agency says this was not its goal. (There are a This is not to take anything away from Nouvel, an imaginative if few million female players, but they make up a small percentage sometimes heavy-handed architect. He deserves credit for of the fantasy universe.) assembling—and leading—the talented teams that get his designs built. But teams they are. One of the most striking features of the bullet-shaped Agbar Tower in Barcelona, The ads are funniest when we see real baseball stars thrust into designed in association with the firm b720 Arquitectos, is its the soap setting. Yankees catcher Jorge Posada does a nice turn

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 4/124 shimmering exterior glass screen. The screen was fabricated by the Italian firm Permasteelisa, one of the leading curtain-wall manufacturers in the world, responsible for some of the most striking walls of recent times—including that of Frank Gehry's art Walt Disney Concert Hall in Los Angeles, Norman Foster's Seven Mysteries of China Hearst Building in New York, and Coop Himmelblau's BMW Is porcelain addictive? Welt in Munich. By Christopher Benfey Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 7:10 AM ET The Pritzker Prize promotes the fiction that buildings spring from the imagination of an individual architect—the master builder. This wasn't true in the Middle Ages, when there were Click here to read a slide-show essay about the arcane history real master builders, and it isn't true today. The modern architect of porcelain. works with scores of specialists, first and foremost structural engineers, without whom most architects today would be lost. Armies of consultants are responsible for everything from . acoustics and lighting to energy conservation and security. Fabricators like Permasteelisa manufacture—and influence the . design of—specialized building components, and contractors put the whole thing together. .

Construction has become so complex that responsibility for . design and building is commonly split between design architects and so-called executive architects, who oversee the preparation of construction documents and supervise the building process. The international nature of high-profile architectural practices— Ateliers Jean Nouvel is currently building 40 projects in 13 assessment countries—means that local associate firms like b720 Arquitectos also play a key role in the process. Given the messy WTF, WKW? and unpredictable nature of construction, it is often the person on How Wong Kar-wai lost his way. the building site who makes critical design decisions. By Grady Hendrix Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 5:03 PM ET The other crucial ingredient for a successful building is the client, not only because he pays for it—though that is no mean contribution, since building costs are notoriously difficult to In 1991, when Wong Kar-wai released his dreamy 1960s period estimate. It is often said that good buildings require good clients, piece, Days of Being Wild, he wrote in the director's statement: and great buildings demand great clients—who will support the "I really do not think it matters much if my films are critically architect but also challenge him. It is surely no coincidence, as well-received or not. What is essential is that I want my John Silber points out in Architecture of the Absurd, that Gehry's audience to leave the cinema having enjoyed the film, and that IAC headquarters building in New York, designed for Barry means the whole world to me." Imagine his frustration, then, Diller, is the best work the architect has done in years. when Days was released to resounding critical acclaim and complete commercial failure, as were his next four movies. At some point he must have decided to reverse the formula— The fact that architecture is a team sport is what makes buildings valuing critical acclaim over audience enjoyment—because this so interesting. Art is often chiefly the reflection of an individual week his first American film, My Blueberry Nights, arrives in sensibility, but architecture tells us something about the society the United States, and it's the cinematic equivalent of seeing that produced it, its technology, its values, its taste. In that sense, Wong disappear up his own posterior, eased by gobs of critical building buildings is more like making movies than creating praise. personal works of art. The Academy Awards recognize that the auteur theory of filmmaking has little relevance to making major movies; that's why Oscars are awarded in all those categories— Twenty years ago, his first movie, As Tears Go By, caught art direction, sound mixing, makeup—and why the best-picture lightning in a bottle when Andy Lau pulled Maggie Cheung into prize is given to the producers, not the director, writer, or actors. a phone booth and passionately made out with her as a Perhaps the Pritzker should be given to the "best building." The Cantonese cover of Berlin's "Take My Breath Away" swelled on prize would be picked up by the architect, the engineer, the the soundtrack and the booth's fluorescent lights burned brighter builder, and, oh yes, the client. and brighter until they seared the screen white. It was the first "Wong Kar-wai moment," and, in the six movies he made

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 5/124 between 1988 and 1997, there would be many more: Faye Wong And the critical praise had never been louder. In the Mood for singing "Dreams" by the Cranberries in Chungking Express as a Love created a new Wong Kar-wai who was the darling of lovelorn cop sipped coffee in slow motion while the world Cannes and a global brand name. But rather than being hurled itself around him in fast forward; Frank Zappa's satirical invigorated by the critical hosannas, he seemed to be paralyzed. "I Have Been in You" transformed into a breakup dirge in He spent years shooting his follow-up, 2046, swiping characters Happy Together; the Flying Pickets closing Fallen Angels with and settings from In the Mood, and the film landed on screens their rapturous cover of "Only You"; Tony Leung gearing up for limp and lifeless. Next came his short film The Touch, set in this a night of breaking hearts while Xavier Cugat's "Perfidia" cha- same 1960s pocket universe, full of cosmetics-caked harpies in chas in the background of Days of Being Wild. lacquered beehives and Tony Leung (plus Tony Leung look- alikes) with oil shining in his hair, smoking endless cigarettes in Wong's movies showed how pop songs let us escape the world the shadows. for a place where emotions are stronger, colors are brighter, and everyone can say exactly how they feel—but for only three Even his collaborators were getting bored. "I feel that 2046 is minutes at a time. He blended the tragic transience of pop with unnecessary, in retrospect," Christopher Doyle said to the an aching nostalgia for the eternally ending present, a uniquely Guardian. "I think probably Wong Kar-Wai realized that Hong Kong attitude. Hong Kong is a city fascinated with the somewhere, and that's why it took so long. You do realize that next new thing while simultaneously feeling as cramped and you have basically said what you needed to say, so why say close-knit as a small town. (See Wong's Fallen Angels, in which more? I think you have to move on." a hit man escapes a bloody shootout only to run into a high- school classmate.) Most Hong Kongers live a short commute But Wong couldn't move on. He had always been fascinated from where they grew up, and everyone knows everybody else, with his childhood in 1960s Shanghai and Hong Kong, and his but development happens at the speed of light, and most people's post-2000 work has been an extension of Days of Being Wild— childhood memories have been paved over by the time they're replicating its cinematography, sets, costume design, and adults. Living in Hong Kong means experiencing a constant, characters. His latest, My Blueberry Nights, is set in low-level mourning for the way things used to be while rushing contemporary America and should have been a new direction. at breakneck speed into the future—a lot like living in a Wong But it comes off as desperate, playing like a greatest-hits version Kar-wai film. of his '90s filmography performed by an all-white cover band. His visual motifs of clocks and countertops, no longer carrying Wong, his cinematographer, Christopher Doyle, and his art the shock of the new, feel as empty and shopworn as fashion director and editor, William Chang, improvised fast-on-their-feet advertisements. movies that captured this spirit of Hong Kong. They often pushed the length of scenes beyond the point of the audience's Even his upcoming projects sound like more of the same. There's patience, but their highs were so high and their lows so low that a reworked version of his 1994 martial-arts film, Ashes of Time, it was easy to forgive the sometimes tedious middles. Despite and while that film deserves the attention, rereleasing it is the Wong's relentless commercial failure, he quickly became a decision of a director who's looking backward, not forward. major force on the Hong Kong filmscape, with his movies Then he plans to shoot another preserved-in-aspic 1960s film, spurring trends, getting parodied, getting ripped off, hated, and this time starring Nicole Kidman. For a director who specializes loved. in long, rapturous close-ups of his actors, there's something suicidal in the idea of casting an actress with the least expressive After Wong won the best-director prize at Cannes for 1997's face this side of Steven Seagal. The saddest thing is that the Happy Together, he took off in a radical new direction. In the critics who say they love Wong's innovative style and creativity Mood for Love (2000) was an oblique tale of a love affair have been praising him for performing the same tricks again and between Tony Leung and Maggie Cheung, and it was to movies again. what Sting's The Dream of the Blue Turtles was to rock: a clear marker that we were now in the land of the middle-aged and the Wong Kar-wai's production company, Jet Tone, also seems to be married. In the Mood was technically accomplished, but in a middle-age slump. The actor Tony Leung, who has appeared previously Wong had mixed reflective stillness with kinetic in six of Wong's films, is managed by Jet Tone. But rather than movement, creating a volatile cinematic experience. In the Mood letting Leung age gracefully, the company recently issued was all stillness and no movement—it didn't race, it swooned. A airbrushed publicity shots, giving the handsome, middle-aged weepy violin piece took center stage, with dozens of period pop actor the smooth, inexpressive face of a 12-year-old boy. Leung, songs relegated to the background, little more than audio in an interview a few years ago, acknowledged that he and wallpaper. The headlong rush of youth was gone, replaced by Wong seemed to be trapped in a time loop. "For the past ten the regret of adulthood. The King of Pop had left the building. years I think we're doing the same movie, starting from Days of Being Wild to 2046 we're somehow doing the same thing. One time we [Wong and I] talked on the set and said we should do

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 6/124 something different, at least for the audience." But all signs peers, parochially focused on their own American meritocratic suggest that Wong can't find the energy to break out of his dreams. gilded cage. He still has the potential to be the world's most transcendent director, but wake me up when he stops repeating But Lahiri was right in step with a globalizing world. In the late his past movies and attempts something—anything—new. 1990s, she veered off her ethnically correct academic track (B.A. from Barnard, M.A.s from Boston University in English and creative writing, followed by a Ph.D. in Renaissance studies) to embark on fiction about the enigma of Indian-American arrival. By then, accumulated brain drain and boundary crossings and books intermarriage had made hyphenated heritages "part of this The New Global Nomads country's identity," as she put it. Lahiri was already probing the aspirational strains, the blend of professional drive and personal Jhumpa Lahiri and the perils of assimilation. By Ann Hulbert unease, when the World Trade Center towers collapsed. Her Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 1:12 PM ET subject—the barriers and fears that haunt even the well-off in a newly porous world—had become, in a way, the subject. And her Bengali background bequeathed her a perspective she's been developing ever since. What Lahiri never fails to miss is how the The era of the global nomad seems to have arrived in the United very wariness that isolates her Indians from their American States. Both leading presidential candidates—not just Barack neighbors, and divides custom-bound parents from their Obama but John McCain, too—grew up shuttling between anxiously assimilating children, also inspires a common quest cultures and learning "to not build walls around ourselves and to for a sense of kinship. In a time when borders—between genders do our best to find kinship and beauty in unexpected places," as and generations, not just nations—are more permeable than ever, Obama's sister summed up the sunny cross-cultural credo of the no one can count on feeling fully at home in the world. campaign trail. Meanwhile, a pre-eminent chronicler of the hybrid consciousness has emerged as well: Jhumpa Lahiri, a Bengali-American who writes about darker transnational Assimilation, in Lahiri's fiction, is about coming to terms with shadows. "Being a foreigner is a sort of lifelong pregnancy—a disorientation. It is about not fitting in or settling down, not perpetual wait, a constant burden, a continuous feeling out of starting over from scratch and freely forging a new identity or sorts," reflects the mother who has been transplanted from destiny. Her characters balance precariously between two Calcutta to Cambridge, Mass., in Lahiri's novel, The Namesake worlds—not just Asian and Western, but inner and outer, (2003). The same character's husband can't escape an awareness traditionally circumscribed and daringly improvised, unwilled of "all that was irrational, all that was inevitable about the and willed—and they do so not just transitionally, but world." permanently. In fact, The Namesake was animated by the counterintuitive insight that the second generation's sense of dislocation can be, in its way, harder to deal with than the full- The legacy of growing up in the grip of a globally mobile fledged transplantation traumas of the foreign-born parent heritage is once again Lahiri's theme in her third book, pioneers. In her new stories—which have grown longer—Lahiri Unaccustomed Earth. In a collection of stories as limpid yet pursues that theme. In various stages of setting up house, her complex as her Pulitzer Prize-winning debut, Interpreter of mostly thirtysomething Bengali-Americans feel half-betrayed Maladies (1999), she returns to familiar terrain—most of her yet awed by their parents. Not that they ever let them know. Part Indians are highly educated, upper-middle-class suburbanites on of the burden they live with is unspoken ambivalence about the Boston-New York corridor—and to her well-honed role. elders who, against great odds, managed a feat that daunts their Lahiri is an unillusioned anatomist of the greatest immigrant offspring. Well-aware of their own advantages—not least success story in the United States. But this time, she has accent-free English and freedom from the old world custom of captured more clearly than ever before a restless feeling of arranged marriage—these U.S.-born young adults still can't help uprootedness that is as representative of America now, in the feeling adrift. post-9/11 era, as the credo of wide-eyed openness ever was. Lahiri is a narrator subtly in tune with her poised yet highly Born in Britain in 1967, raised in Rhode Island, and regularly sensitive characters. She sets store, as they do, by emotional taken on long visits to India, Lahiri grew up feeling, she has reserve and a studious display of control—all the while alert, as written, "intense pressure to be two things, loyal to the old world they mostly are, to powerful tensions coiled beneath the surface. and fluent in the new." As dutifully high-achieving daughters They are well-aware of profound gaps in perspective, yet where (never mind immigrants) often do, she mostly felt she failed at they have trouble bridging them, Lahiri excels at just that. In the both exacting tasks. And it seemed that nobody appreciated her title story, and in the three linked stories that close the collection, plight. Her father and sari-clad mother, and the Bengali social she maps the divergent angles of vision and emotion that circle that defined her home sphere, certainly didn't. Nor did her

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 7/124 obstruct, even as they broaden, her characters' search for a sense foreordained, rooted in a shared past of family connection, of belonging. reminiscent in that sense of their parents' arranged marriages. Yet Hema and Kaushik are restless American romantics, born in In "Unaccustomed Earth," 38-year-old Ruma, with a 3-year-old the wrong place and time to have the fatalistic courage of their in tow and another baby on the way, has recently moved from elders, who trusted that a shared future would truly yoke them. Brooklyn to suburban Seattle, where her husband, Adam, takes a new job that has him on the road a lot. It's a classic American As Lahiri steps in to thwart their convergence, she is as alert to scenario, to which Lahiri adds a twist by having Ruma's father "all that is irrational as well as inevitable about the world" as the pay a visit, alone; Ruma's mother died suddenly the year before. father in The Namesake was. In her fiction, learning "to not build Father and daughter, together and apart, are embarking uneasily walls around ourselves" doesn't begin to cover the challenges on new stages of life untethered by a woman whose that await her characters. They are wanderers navigating elusive traditionalism had cramped yet also anchored them in different borders, bumping up against barriers and testing ties, uneasily ways. Lahiri shifts throughout between Ruma's and her father's wondering if they will hold or not. That doesn't prevent Lahiri— points of view, and between oblique Bengali generational strains or Hema and Kaushik, or plenty of others in these impressive and the more familiar affluent American family fault lines they stories—from finding "kinship and beauty in unexpected can't help resembling. places." But it inspires a perpetual vigilance and an awareness that, even as the globe shrinks, vast distances will never The father, who unbeknownst to his daughter has met a Bengali disappear. widow on one of the European tours he has started taking, worries that Ruma risks being marooned in Seattle. He's haunted by echoes of his wife's predicament decades before: "Like his wife, Ruma was now alone in this new place, overwhelmed, without friends, caring for a young child, all of it reminding him, books too much, of the early years of his marriage, years for which his wife had never forgiven him. He had always assumed Ruma's Greer Tames the Shrew A feminist icon rescues the Shakespeares' marriage. life would be different." So, of course, had Ruma, a busy lawyer By Laura Shapiro until recently. But she finds herself peculiarly unmoored without Monday, March 31, 2008, at 7:11 AM ET the mother whom she had vowed not to take as her model. Ruma had also assumed that, balking at Bengali custom, she would never want her parents to come live with her. So, she is surprised to end up hoping her father will move in. And she is bereft to One of the very few things we know for sure about Shakespeare discover what he, like the secretly autonomous adolescent she is that a stone slab lies over his grave site in the chancel of Holy once was, doesn't dare admit to her: that, far from feeling Trinity Church in Stratford-upon-Avon, inscribed with an stranded, he has moved on to forge a new connection. epitaph:

In her inspired concluding section—three stand-alone stories, Good friend, for Jesus' sake forbear with separate titles, grouped together as "Hema and Kaushik"— To dig the dust enclosed here. Lahiri again has younger Bengali-Americans unexpectedly Blest be the man that spares these stones, pulled back into the old ways, only to find that the bonds they And cursed be he that moves my bones. forge, unlike the ties their elders submitted to, don't rescue them. As she has before, Lahiri plays with an updated variation on an Did the greatest writer in the English language really take his th arranged marriage, intrigued by the notion that perhaps chance leave with a rhyme that sounds like a 17 -century advertising can steer us more happily than choice seems to. Kaushik and jingle? And what made Shakespeare such a fierce protector of Hema, thrown together briefly as teenagers by their parents' his own grave? One recent answer, perfectly plausible in the tenuous friendship in suburban Boston, each narrate a story that context of most Shakespeare studies, comes from Stephen prepares us for a much later, and brief, reunion. Their stories Greenblatt, whose Will in the World (2004) is a beautifully prepare subliminally for a rupture as well. Both unfold in the assembled mosaic of Shakespeare's life, work, time, and place. last, omnisciently narrated story. Like many of the poet's biographers, Greenblatt is convinced that Shakespeare despised his wife. Hence the verse: He knew The trio is a tour de force, embodying in its structure and voices she would survive him and wanted to make sure she couldn't Lahiri's core themes. Outsiders at heart—Kaushik has become a insist on being buried with him. roving photojournalist, and Hema has only lately broken off a long-term affair with a married man—the two characters reach And there the matter might have rested—if Germaine Greer back to probe a sense of homelessness, addressing their stories hadn't just galloped onto the field to defend the honor of the directly to each other. Here, at last, is a tie that feels most reviled woman in the Shakespeare industry. Hated his

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 8/124 wife? Says who? In her new book, Shakespeare's Wife, Greer early years, for example—while other scholars see nothing of throws down her own explanations for the verse, reinforcing interest in a woman who wasn't a high-born beauty or legendary them with battalions of research. Various scraps of information courtesan. about Shakespeare's final years, she argues, indicate he may have been dosed with mercury, which was the usual treatment Greer herself is a longtime Shakespeare scholar with plenty of for syphilis. Anyone digging up his bones—to move them to the experience in the murky depths of Elizabethan-era research. By charnel house, as often happened when more room was needed examining sources on Stratford, the Hathaway family, and the in the chancel—would have been able to tell by the lesions what lives of comparable women, she comes up with a hazy but had killed the poet. Not a pretty legacy. Perhaps his son-in-law, plausible CV featuring Ann's skills as a malt-maker, herbalist, who was also his doctor, wrote the verse to protect the memory. knitter, and home manager. She also has a fine time slashing Or, she suggests, maybe he was buried in the churchyard and the away at nearly everything previously written about chancel shrine was set up later so that visitors coming to see Shakespeare's wife. Shakespeare's very own church would have something to sigh th over. Greer notes that there was an attempt in the late 17 Because of the supposedly shotgun marriage, biographers have century to move Shakespeare's body to Westminster Abbey. If asserted that young Shakespeare was seduced by an ugly old anyone had started digging and found no body in the chancel, maid and dragged to the altar, and that he fled for London the church would have been in big trouble. Maybe the verse was because the marriage made him miserable. Greer, by contrast, quickly inscribed on his gravestone to fend off such a possibility. has young Shakespeare ardently wooing an older woman (several examples in the plays), welcoming the pregnancy Maybe … probably … it's likely … perhaps … Without such because it meant their parents couldn't object to the marriage (if disclaimers, we'd have no Shakespeare industry at all. For he didn't want to marry her, he could have run away or denied centuries, scholars have trawled a tiny pool of reliable data about paternity), and leaving for London because he couldn't make a the poet's life, poring over each real-estate transaction or baptism living in Stratford. The only evidence that he didn't keep loving as if it were a kind of homunculus that could tell us all we're her is that she gave birth to no more children (maybe she longing to know about the man himself. The best of couldn't, after bearing twins) and the fact that there are no Shakespeare's biographers practice the art of speculation the way surviving love letters (but then, there are no surviving letters pianists sometimes let loose with glorious cadenzas of their own from Shakespeare to anyone). devising before returning to the score. Whole stretches of Greenblatt's book come across like Mozart—pure pleasure, and Greer also suggests that by the time Shakespeare packed and there's no need to believe a word of it. left, Ann may have been relieved. "Ann Shakespeare could have been confident of her ability to support herself and her children, But Greer isn't making music, she's defending a wronged but not if she had also to deal with a layabout husband good for woman; and if her book is less eloquent than Greenblatt's, it's nothing but spinning verses, who had the right to do as he also funnier and more provocative. She's obsessed with the other pleased with any money she could earn," she writes. "Ten to one Shakespeare—Ann (or Anne, or maybe Agnes) Hathaway (or if he was useless, he was also restless." Hathwey, possibly Gardner), who married William sometime around the end of November 1582. She was 26, he was 18. She Yet the plays are full of wives who desperately miss their was three months pregnant with the first of their three children. husbands, and Greer believes these portraits reflect Ann. Greer And that's pretty much all we know. has always had a peculiar soft spot for rugged, time-worn marriages that can survive every storm. In The Female Eunuch, Which is why Ann—a woman with no back story—is exactly she offered the example of Lillian Hellman's long relationship the right subject for Greer, the Cambridge-educated feminist with Dashiell Hammett. (This was before the discovery that historian whose first book, The Female Eunuch (1970), declared Hellman had slathered her memoirs with fiction.) Over the years, that women's identities had been "corrupted and extinguished" wrote Greer, Hammett and Hellman fought, betrayed each other, by male needs and fantasies. "Women must learn how to parted, and returned—a "strange distant love affair" more question the most basic assumptions of feminine normality," she impressive to Greer than simple romance. Where Greenblatt wrote. "Everything we may observe could be otherwise." It's a finds a dearth of happy marriages in the plays, Greer finds more template for her approach to Ann Shakespeare: Don't let powerful bonds. "What should be obvious is that Shakespeare conventional scholarship get the last word. Similarly, in The did not think in twentieth-century cliches," she writes. "We are Obstacle Race (1979), she resurrected five centuries' worth of not dealing her with representations of folk as 'happily married,' forgotten female artists, not to claim they were geniuses but to but as truly married." figure out how and what they contributed to the history of art despite the stranglehold of propriety and custom. Hence she's Greer never loses faith in this relationship, and she makes sure always on the lookout for what must have been Ann's real-world Ann doesn't, either. By the end of the book, Shakespeare's wife accomplishments—keeping her babies alive past the treacherous is selflessly nursing him through his final illness, financing the

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 9/124 bust of the poet that was erected in the church, and helping Does all this mean I'm ready to come out and organize the First Folio. It's a little much—even Hellman didn't recommend that our Democrat readers choose have to forgive syphilis—but it speaks to a famous quirk at the Sen. Clinton in Pennsylvania's April 22 heart of Greer's feminism. In The Female Eunuch, she praised primary? The Taming of the Shrew for its portrait of Kate as an ideal wife. Huh? Kate, the free-spirited woman who is abused by her No—not yet, anyway. In fairness, we at the husband, Petruchio, until she's suitably broken? The whole play Trib want to hear Sen. Barack Obama's is odious, but Greer is drawn to it. Kate, she wrote, "has the answers to some of the same questions and to uncommon good fortune to find Petruchio, who is man enough others before we make that decision. to know what he wants and how to get it. He wants her spirit and her energy because he wants a wife worth keeping. … [S]he But it does mean that I have a very different rewards him with strong sexual love and fierce loyalty." In this impression of Hillary Clinton today than book, Greer barely mentions the play; but I don't think she's before last Tuesday's meeting—and it's a very changed her mind. I think she's taken this chance to give her favorable one indeed. beloved Shakespeare a wife who's worthy of him and the marriage he deserves. Scaife slobbered in similar fashion over Bill Clinton after the two enjoyed, last summer, what Scaife later described to Vanity Fair as a "very pleasant" lunch—one that prompted Scaife to contribute $100,000 to the Clinton Global Initiative—in the former president's New York office: chatterbox Hillary's Rev. Wright, Part 2 "I never met such a charismatic man in my On second thought, Scaife isn't Hillary's Jeremiah Wright. He's her Louis whole life," Scaife says, glowing with pleasure Farrakhan. at the memory. "To show him that I wasn't a By Timothy Noah total Republican libertarian, I said that I had a Monday, March 31, 2008, at 7:02 PM ET friend named Jack Murtha," a Democratic member of the House of Representatives from Romance continues to blossom between Hillary Clinton and her Pennsylvania. "He said, 'Oh, Jack Murtha. once-mortal enemy, Richard Mellon "Vast Right-Wing You're talking about my golfing partner!' " In Conspiracy" Scaife. In the March 31 issue of his crackpot the midst of these backslapping memories, newspaper, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, which loses though, Scaife goes carbuncle-eyed and somewhere between $20 million and $30 million a year, Scaife refuses to answer on the record when asked if praises Hillary's self-assurance, the depth of her knowledge on he still thinks Vince Foster's suicide was, as he foreign and domestic issues, and her confidence. "Her meeting once told the New York Times, "the Rosetta and her remarks during it changed my mind about her," Scaife Stone to the Clinton Administration." gushes—affirming, perhaps, Woody Allen's famous maxim that 80 percent of success is showing up: Scaife, as I noted last week, is a significantly more poisonous slinger of divisive rhetoric than Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Obama's Walking into our conference room, not former minister, about whom Hillary expressed disapproval at knowing what to expect (or even, perhaps, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review powwow. During the 1990s, expecting the worst), took courage and Scaife professed to believe that Hillary had actually killed confidence. Not many politicians have Foster, and he used the Tribune-Review to spread that ugly political or personal courage today, so it was rumor. Scaife's unwillingness to retract such seamy accusations refreshing to see her exhibit both. ("[Bill Clinton] can order people done away with at his will. He's got the entire federal government behind him") a full decade Sen. Clinton also exhibited an impressive after the fact doesn't strike me as repentant, even by the command of many of today's most pressing redempt-o-matic standards of today's 24-hour news cycle. If, as domestic and international issues. Her answers Hillary said about Wright to Scaife and his employees, "Hate were thoughtful, well-stated, and often dead- speech [is] unacceptable in any setting," what are we to make of on. Scaife's regular outbursts of blatant misogyny? In 1981 he called a female journalist profiling him for the Columbia Journalism […] Review a "fucking Communist cunt," adding for good measure that her mother was "ugly." Scaife's marriage broke up after a detective hired in 2005 by his wife, Margaret "Ritchie" Scaife, caught Scaife in flagrante with a woman who'd been twice

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 10/124 arrested for prostitution. When Ritchie sought to confront the that she doesn't want his damn endorsement, and that if he couple, Scaife had her arrested for trespassing. She spent the bestows it, she'll refuse it publicly? I wouldn't hold your breath. night in jail. Later, after Ritchie and Richard commenced marital separation, he posted on his front lawn the sign "WIFE AND DOG MISSING—REWARD FOR DOG." For Hillary "to seek help from Scaife in publicizing Obama's supposed tolerance of hate speech," Jonathan Alter observes in the April 7 Newsweek, Convictions "sets a new standard in campaign chutzpah." Stuck on Yoo Dissecting the latest Bush administration's legal rationale for torture. In the Feb. 26 presidential debate in Cleveland, Hillary told Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 10:31 AM ET Obama that it wasn't enough for him to express strong disapproval of Louis Farrakhan's anti-Semitism; he had to reject Farrakhan's support. She cited a "similar situation" she'd faced during her first Senate run in 2000, when she "rejected" the support of the anti-Semitic Independence party. "I was willing to corrections take that stand," she said. Corrections Friday, March 28, 2008, at 7:21 AM ET And there's a difference between denouncing and rejecting. And I think when it comes to In the March 26 "Press Box," Jack Shafer this sort of, you know, inflammatory—I have mistakenly stated that a drug party described in a no doubt that everything that Barack just said Time magazine story took place on Cape Cod. It is absolutely sincere. But I just think we've got took place in New Jersey. to be even stronger. We cannot let anyone in any way say these things because of the In the March 26 "Television," Troy Patterson implications that they have, which can be so misidentified Troy Aikman as Troy Aiken. far reaching.

Obama replied that he saw no difference "between denouncing In the March 25 "Other Magazines" item on Vogue, and rejecting," but that "I'm happy to concede the point, and I Morgan Smith gave the wrong first name for would reject and denounce." Evelyn Nesbit's benefactor Stanford White.

Hillary's willingness to tolerate the potential support of a In the March 22 "Today's Papers," Morgan Smith misogynist reptile like Scaife strikes me as precisely parallel. In misidentified a region between Pakistan and this case, though, Clinton has not been asked to denounce or Afghanistan as a "border with Pakistan." It should reject the prospect of a possible endorsement by Scaife and his have read a "border with Afghanistan." Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. Why not? She could, I suppose, attempt a "hate the sin, love the sinner" approach and claim she's In the March 21 "Culturebox," Paul Collins incorrectly referred only mimicking Obama's Wright speech. But Obama was able to to New York Telephone as NYNEX in pre-1984 references. point to longstanding personal ties; to the bitter life experience of Wright's generation of African-Americans; and to Wright's In the March 21 "Explainer," Michelle Tsai more laudable accomplishments, of which there were many. understated the relative density of water to air. Hillary, by contrast, only just met Scaife for the first time; can Water is more than 800 times denser than air. cite no mitigating hardships in Scaife's life, save perhaps Scaife's well-publicized alcoholism; and, except for that $100,000 check to her husband's foundation, can point to little in the way of In the March 21 "Politics," John Dickerson laudable accomplishments. This last would be particularly incorrectly said that the branch of the military awkward not only because of the impression it creates—that the being spoofed in the movie Stripes was the Clintons have been bought off—but also because any discussion Marines. The correct branch is the Army. of Scaife's charitable giving would have to acknowledge its emphasis on funding conservative think tanks and nutty right- If you believe you have found an inaccuracy in a wing causes like the American Spectator's get-Clinton "Arkansas Slate story, please send an e-mail to Project." [email protected], and we will investigate. General comments should be posted in "The Fray," Scaife isn't Hillary's Wright. He's Hillary's Louis Farrakhan, our reader discussion forum. Hillary's Independence party for 2008. Does she dare tell Scaife

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 11/124 his Fay Wray. It's an easy conclusion to draw. James isn't wearing his Cavaliers uniform—he's wearing anonymous black shorts and an anonymous black tank top. She's wearing a silky culturebox bias-cut gown, not unlike the one Wray wore. The photo, shot by This Film Should Be Played Loud! Annie Leibovitz and surely signed off by Vogue Editor Anna Wintour, appeared, to some, to evoke one of the ugliest racist What makes a great concert movie? By Jonah Weiner tropes: black male as ape. Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:01 PM ET In the movie, Kong has a thing for Wray. But she's already sort of seeing someone, the dashing white adventurer who's trying to Click here to read a slide-show essay on concert movies. rescue her. The Vogue "remake" has intriguing symmetry. Bündchen is already seeing someone, too: the dashing quarterback Tom Brady, who is not simply white—in the minds . of many season-ticket holders and journalists alike, Brady is gilt. Vogue could have chosen Tyra Banks, Alek Wek, or even Heidi . Klum. But it went with a woman who, while ridiculously famous in her own right, is now recognizable as the girlfriend of . American sports' golden boy. Somebody at that magazine knew what he or she was doing. The picture's visual inspiration might . be King Kong, but the narrative corollary is D.W. Griffith's Birth of a Nation. Men, lock up your ladies! Here comes LeBron!

But even typing that just gave me a headache. Only on a second glance, at a supermarket checkout, did any of the cover's culturebox subtexts surface for me. I was struck less by the stereotypes at play than by its erotic value: It's a hot image, and what's sexy Monkey Business about it is more a matter of celebrity than race. Bündchen doesn't So is that Vogue cover racist or not? look terrified. She looks exhilarated. And James looks neither By Wesley Morris mad nor simian: He looks triumphant. Vogue could have put one Monday, March 31, 2008, at 4:48 PM ET of the issue's more friendly, less suggestive photos on the cover. But they're comparatively dull. In the other shots of James and Bündchen, the two look like old girlfriends. The fun and sex that No matter how many "courageous" speeches Barack Obama leap off the cover are gone. On the cover, the superstar and the gives, America will never be a "Let's talk about race" kind of supermodel have surprising chemistry, the kind that makes you place. It'll always be a "Let's talk about how we can't talk about stop pushing your shopping cart and pick up the magazine. race" kind of place. I'm all for doing my part. I'd like to start a talk show called This Week in Racism. Eventually, in the It's possible that Tom Brady will get ribbed when he arrives at broadcast, we'd get around to the cover of Vogue's current training camp this summer, but the ribbing seems just as likely "shape" issue. to come from Randy Moss, who's black, as it would from Wes Welker, who's white. I'd like to think that after their groggy At the end of last week, a lot of people, smart and dumb, were Super Bowl performance a few months ago, the Patriots have losing their minds over it. The cover captures LeBron James more pressing concerns. So do black people. I, for one, have dribbling a basketball while holding onto Gisele Bündchen. racism fatigue. I'm wiped out. Between the outrage over James, of course, is the NBA sensation, and Bündchen is the Obama's Jeremiah Wright problems and Bill Clinton's sensational Brazilian supermodel. His face is in mid-roar. His unbelievable mutation from American's first black president into arm is around her waist. He appears to be 10 times her width. Karl Rove, I don't have the bandwidth to fight Anna Wintour. She looks underfed but appears to be having a very good time. Seeing that cover as purely racist doesn't give the people looking at it enough credit. It dates Vogue for relying on the allusion but And yet: "It's racist," people cried. "Racist how, you it also dates us for going crazy over it. Racial hysteria is the old oversensitive weirdos?" people cried back. James and Bündchen black. Maybe it's so old it's avant-garde—very Vogue. were playing themselves—unless the image happened to remind you of a certain cinematic classic from 1933, in which a giant gorilla scoops up a pretty white lady and proceeds to mount the Empire State Building. This is where the trouble begins. According to this scenario, James is King Kong and Bündchen

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 12/124 dear prudence offending her sensibilities and more concerned about rescuing My Niece Is Falling to Pieces her children. Should I take her away from her derelict mother and raise her right? Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:55 AM ET —Prudie

Get "Dear Prudence" delivered to your inbox each week; click Dear Prudence Video: He Won't Dress Up! here to sign up. Please send your questions for publication to [email protected]. (Questions may be edited.) Dear Prudie, I am a twentysomething female engaged to a wonderful man. Dear Prudence, We have been together for five years, and I couldn't be happier. My older sister and I are very close and very much the opposite During the summer, he was gone for months on business, and I of each other. I am practical, organized, and always try to be a committed a very bad act. After a night of what I thought was good role model. She is a free spirit, dressing in her teenager's harmless flirting with a guy at a bar, he invited me to crash at his clothes and just seeing how the cards fall. Her daughter is place. I made the biggest mistake of my life and cheated on my struggling, failing at school, and thinking of dropping out. She husband-to-be. I'm not blaming the incident on too much alcohol has been getting into fights at school and in trouble with the (although that was a contributor) and fully accept the blame for police. She also got pregnant but had a miscarriage. This girl is what I have done. I am full of guilt and hate for myself. I'm so smart and has such great potential but is making poor choices afraid to tell my fiance because I know our relationship will end, and crying out for attention. I would like to invite her to live but at the same time, I don't want to start our lives together with with me, at least during the school year. My husband has agreed a huge lie. My parents' marriage ended due to my father's she is welcome to live with us and our daughter. I work during infidelity, and I swore I wouldn't be like that ... but here I am. To the day and am home every night and weekend. My sister works make matters worse, my best friend is now dating this person. many evenings and weekends at a bar and is not home with her She knows what happened and was disgusted by it, but a month children often. She frequently goes out partying, and her later they were exclusive. I know she is disappointed in me, but drinking habits have many people in the family concerned. I am she doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact that her boyfriend not trying to say that my sister is a bad mother or person. She is had a part in this, too. He has been sending me sexual text very loving and tries to give her children everything (material) messages lately, and I know if she knew, she would blame me, that they want, which has also made them quite spoiled. Would although I've ignored the messages and have not welcomed this it be wrong or offensive to invite my niece to live with me? behavior. So, what do I do? Tell my amazing fiance what I did and hope he can find a way to forgive me, or keep my lips —Unsure Aunt sealed?

Dear Unsure, —Once a Cheater, Not Always a Cheater You may not want to say your sister is a bad mother, so I will say it for you. What other conclusion can you draw about Dear Once, someone who is irresponsible, neglectful, indulgent, and drunk? Your best friend knows and disapproves of what you did, and is Despite your closeness, you know your sister has made a hash of now dating the guy you cheated with; and the guy you cheated her own life and is doing everything she can to make sure the with is trying to betray your best friend so he can have another next generation does the same. It sounds as if it would be a go round with you. This situation is about as stable as taking blessing to bring your niece into your home and give her Semtex on a bumper-car ride. Chances are, your fiance stability and firm, loving guidance so that she can graduate from eventually will hear about this—and imagine the stress you'll be school, instead of dropping out and giving birth to yet a third under hoping each day is not the day someone blabs. Yes, if you generation of misery. But if you do this, don't have any illusions tell him, you run the risk of losing him, but at least you also have about how hard it will be. Because of her lousy upbringing, your a chance to show you've come forward of your own accord, you niece lacks control of her emotions and behavior; at the very are sickened by this single slip, and you pray he won't give up on least, you should seek assistance from people in the school you. It would be helpful if you could say you are so distressed system who can help give this girl the tools for successful by your own behavior—especially since you grew up under the functioning in life. You mention that while your sister is out shadow of infidelity—that you have already gone into therapy to partying, she leaves her children at home alone, which means figure out why it happened and make sure it never does again. there is more than one offspring at risk. Since your entire family is worried, all of you need to get together and get advice on —Prudie working out a plan for interceding with your sister. Does she need rehab and parenting classes? Should social services be Dear Prudence, called in? Everyone needs to be less apprehensive about I know parents shouldn't play favorites, but I can't seem to help

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 13/124 myself. My two children have completely different to donate to theirs as well. I get guilt-tripped into giving and temperaments: The boy, nearly 15, is sweet and considerate. He resent it, especially when I need the money myself. The situation regularly tells me I'm "the best mom in the world" and is always became worse when my friend asked me to buy goods from her generous with hugs. We almost never fight, but if reprimanded, son to support the Boys Scouts of America, and I refused he usually either apologizes or gets weepy. He is funny, because I don't want to financially support an organization that is interesting, and sweet, and I truly enjoy his company. His 13- openly intolerant toward homosexuals. She said I was being year-old sister is a different story. Almost as soon as she learned selfish. How do I let my friends know that while I support their to talk, she started telling me she hated me. She's nasty to her right to support, I don't want anything to do with their causes? brother and demanding and rude to her father and me. She is constitutionally oppositional, arguing about everything from —Philanthropicky homework to whether she has to get out of bed in the morning. I know she's just a child, and I really do love her, but often I don't Dear Philanthropicky, like her much. I know part of my job as a parent is helping her Since your friends think you are Bill and Melinda Gates rolled learn to handle her explosive personality, and I'm thankful that into one, you have to take a firm stand with all of them. The outside our house she is a mostly reasonable, pleasant girl. But I causes that move you to get out your checkbook are your own worry that—if we survive five more years of this daily business, so when your friends hit you up for the annual drive, nastiness—I will never want to see her again. That's not the kind explain that you are on a budget and you have already earmarked of mother I want to be; I have two wonderful children, and I'd the organizations to which you are going to donate. From your really like to feel equally connected to them. What can I do? Boy Scouts discussion, it sounds like you make the mistake of debating the merits of your friends' charitable ventures. Don't. —Mommy Dearest Just say you know there are many worthy causes, and so you don't end up being a charity case yourself, you need to apply Dear Mommy, discipline to your giving. You've got two issues: One is your guilt over preferring the company of your delightful son; the other is what to do about —Prudie dealing with your very difficult daughter. I spoke to Dr. Alan Kazdin of Yale, author of The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child, who says his approach will change the way your daughter treats you because it will show you how to change the way you respond to her. His Web site has an introduction to his method of replacing your child's unwanted behavior by Deathwatch systematically rewarding the opposite behavior. This The Hillary Deathwatch Washington Post article has more from Kazdin, and other A big-time supporter threatens to defect to Obama. psychologists, on how to handle defiant kids. No method will By Chris Wilson turn your daughter from Groucho into Harpo, but some Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 1:56 PM ET professional guidance should turn her into a Groucho who willingly gets out of bed in the morning. As for the imbalance in the way you react to your kids, Kazdin had some more advice: The mortar in Clinton machine's bulwark, once thought to be Lighten up on yourself. Who wouldn't favor the company of a indestructible, continues to crumble as a once-faithful supporter happy, delightful person who says you're the best, to a hostile hints that he might defect. Plus, more good fundraising news for presence whose favorite phrase is "I hate you"? But if you can the Obama camp brings Clinton to an even 9 percent chance of bring out your daughter's more agreeable qualities, you will feel survival. less angst about your preference for your son. On the face of it, New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine's statement this —Prudie morning on CNBC that he reserves the right to defect if Clinton loses the popular vote sounds more inside baseball than headline Dear Prudie, news. But consider these factors: Corzine endorsed Clinton more Recently, I have been put in an awkward situation with my than a year ago as part of Clinton's initial sweep of group of friends. All are involved in different charitable superdelegates. (Yesterday was the anniversary of that organizations to which they ask me to donate. However, I do not announcement.) A defection by Corzine would mean the agree with the goals of every organization (particularly those foundation is crumbling. Also, Clinton won the New Jersey that are clearly religious in nature, as I'm agnostic bordering on primary by 11 points on Feb. 5. Jersey is in her backyard, and apathetic) and would like to be generous with only those whose the fact that the governor would consider siding with the popular missions I support. But I'm pressured to give to all because each vote over the overwhelming opinion of his constituents won't go friend knows that I've given to certain charities and expects me

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 14/124 overlooked by other superdelegates from states she won. If Group, he'll burnish Obama's foreign-policy credentials. (And Richardson is "Judas," what would that make Corzine? maybe his old-folk cred, too—Hamilton is 76.) Too bad he's not a superdelegate. However, Wyoming Gov. Dave Freudenthal, Meanwhile, Obama announced $40 million in donations to his who also endorsed Obama today, is. campaign in March, including more than 200,000 first-time contributors, according to the press release. The Clinton Hamilton's home state, meanwhile, doesn't agree with him. campaign was reticent on their own figures, which likely won't According to a new SurveyUSA poll, Clinton leads Obama by become public until the campaign files with the FEC down the nine points in Indiana. The state's May 6 primary is still a long road. way off, and this is just one poll, but a major Clinton victory there would hand the campaign a lifeline, even if Clinton still Better for the Clinton campaign is how much traction its can't make up the pledged-delegate count. In Pennsylvania, "Obama can't win" jingle is gaining. The words are emblazoned Obama narrows the gap from 12 points to nine, according to a on the cover of today's New York Post, bannered on the Drudge Quinnipiac poll with a 2.5-point margin of error. A Rasmussen Report, and picked up by MSNBC's First Read. Now that poll puts the gap at five points. Again, there are still three weeks Obama's leads among pledged delegates and the popular vote until April 22, but the chances of a Clinton blowout appear to be appear to be insurmountable, look for the Clinton campaign to shrinking. push this "electability" argument front and center. At the same time, some Dem bigwigs are easing off earlier A new poll from Quinnipiac University has Clinton ahead 50 procedural recommendations that favored Obama. A day after percent to 41 percent in Pennsylvania, shaving a few degrees off Nancy Pelosi said Clinton should stay in the race if she wants to, the incline of Obama's uphill fight in the next-to-vote state. Howard Dean says superdelegates should vote as independent Previous polls had put Clinton ahead by double digits in this agents—not a revelation, but the statement backs away from must-win for her campaign. (A new Public Policy Polling survey suggestions that superdelegates should ratify the pledged- has Obama ahead by two points in AP, but this is an outlier for delegate count. That said, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid now.) How much this matters depends whose narrative you buy. agreed with Dean that superdelegates need to make up their The Clinton camp says "a win is a win." The Obama camp, minds by July 1. For Clinton, time good, deadlines bad. meanwhile, is tamping down expectations, despite outspending Clinton at least 3-to-1 in the state. CW-meister Mark Halperin Lastly: Less money, more problems. Early estimates put says anything less than a 10-point win for Clinton in the Obama's March fundraising total north of $30 million. Not as Keystone State means it's over for her. hot as his $55 million February haul, but enough to dwarf Clinton's estimated $20 million for March. This despite what For a full list of our Deathwatches, click here. For a primer on many consider Obama's worst news month yet. Meanwhile, Hillary's sinking ship, visit our first Deathwatch entry. Send Clinton's debts are reportedly as high as $9 million, not your own prognostications to [email protected]. including her $5 million self-loan. Obama is already outspending her 3-to-1 in Pennsylvania—and he can afford to continue. There's a saying that candidates never drop out; they just run out of cash.

Deathwatch For a full list of our Deathwatches, click here. For a primer on Hillary's sinking ship, visit our first Deathwatch entry. The Hillary Deathwatch Strong head winds put the Clinton camp back in irons. By Christopher Beam Send your own prognostications to Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 1:25 PM ET [email protected].

A high-profile Obama endorsement, a tightening race in Pennsylvania, and a big March fundraising gap dock Hillary 0.4 points, taking her down to 9.5 percent on the Clintometer. Deathwatch The Hillary Deathwatch The big news: Democratic national-security guru and former Slow news is good news for Clinton. Indiana Rep. Lee Hamilton is endorsing Barack Obama. By Chadwick Matlin Hamilton's backing isn't expected to invigorate voters, Kennedy- Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 2:23 PM ET style (though you saw how that worked out). But as a member of the 9/11 commission and co-chair of the vaunted Iraq Study

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 15/124 For a full list of our Deathwatches, click here. For a primer on When you've got a 1-in-10 shot of winning the Democratic Hillary's sinking ship, visit our first Deathwatch entry. nomination, a day without any major screw-ups is a good one. After avoiding any major pitfalls—but also failing to lure Obama into any traps—Clinton has buoyed her chances of winning the nomination to 9.9 percent. Deathwatch The good news first: Yesterday we relayed that the Wall Street Journal was reporting that Obama was going to snag seven The Hillary Deathwatch North Carolina superdelegates in the coming days. It turns out Clinton vows to stay in the race despite financial woes, more Obama endorsements, and bad news from Texas. somebody jumped the gun. He'll get endorsements, but we don't By Christopher Beam know how many. Meanwhile, in Mississippi, Obama picked up Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 2:23 PM ET two unexpected delegates, which tightens the vise on Clinton yet again. UPDATE: Clinton's chances of winning have already gone up Also, Clinton crawled back to within four points of Obama in 0.2 percent since we wrote this. Click here for the latest today's national Gallup poll. Even better news: Enterprising poll Deathwatch odds. watchdogs discovered that Obama's Gallup numbers are routinely better when the polling window includes the weekend rather than only the workweek. Clinton and her pollster, Mark Lots of Clinton news over the weekend, not all bad—but bad Penn, now have license to toss grains of salt all over Obama's enough to dock her another 0.6 points in the Rodhameter, resurgence in the polls. (Late-breaking developments may put an bringing her chances of winning to 9.7 percent. end to the salt-sprinkling, though.) Roughest of all is the latest national Gallup poll, which gives Nancy Pelosi offered a little more sunshine in Hillaryland when Obama a margin-of-error-busting lead of 10 points—his largest she told NPR's Morning Edition that Clinton should take the this year. Rather than destroying him, maybe the Jeremiah nomination fight to the convention if she feels like it. For Wright flap only made him stronger (in the short term, at least). Obama Democrats, that's like telling Clinton to take a knife and That, or Bosnia is the new macaca. start stabbing the party's heart while she's at it. But Clinton soldiers on. She vowed to the Washington Post on But all good things must come to an end. Word leaked that Saturday that she would continue to the convention in August. Obama is outspending Clinton 3-to-1 in Pennsylvania, a We would take her word for it, if promising to push on weren't a problem for Clinton's campaign, which is already beset by frequent predictor of doing just the opposite. Meanwhile, Obama rumors of financial trouble. Advertising usually leads to a surge ratcheted down the "Hillary must go" rhetoric, saying she can in the polls, and Obama already trails Clinton by a moderate 11 stay in the race as long as she wants. Smart move to soften the points in the Keystone State. If she can't counteract Obama's drop-out drumbeat, even if he himself never called for her to advertising arsenal, she'll fall back to free media like her exit. Too much cockiness could stoke a backlash. appearance on Leno on Thursday to charm her way into America's living rooms. Clinton still leads among superdelegates, 250 to 217, but Obama continues to close the gap. Today, Minnesota Sen. Amy th Worst of all, Canada has once again been injected into the Klobuchar endorses Obama—the 64 superdelegate to swing his Democrats' nomination fight. In an interview with Canadian way since Feb. 5. (Clinton has lost at least eight in that same public radio on Sunday, Missouri Rep. and Clinton period.) Everyone saw it coming, but a nail is still a nail. Make superdelegate Emanuel Cleaver said he'd be "stunned if [Barack that another prominent white woman (on top of Claire Obama] is not the next president of the United States." Cleaver, McCaskill, Janet Napolitano, and Kathleen Sebelius) who who is black, said the African-American community would like doesn't think Hillary should be the nominee. Meanwhile, the it if he backed Obama, but he wouldn't feel right if he made the Wall Street Journal reports that Obama has seven North switch. He compared her to a football team that you know isn't Carolina superdelegates lined up to endorse. going to win, but you root for it anyway. That'll inspire confidence. Things look equally dire on the financial front, as the Clinton campaign struggles to pay its bills in a timely fashion. As the And finally, from the Department of Bad Omens,Clinton Politico's Ken Vogel reported over the weekend, "If she had paid announced a foolish new theme song. It's the famous score from off the $8.7 million in unpaid bills she reported as debt and had Rocky. Only problem: Rocky loses to Apollo Creed at the end of not loaned her campaign $5 million, she would have been nearly the first film.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 16/124 $3 million in the red at the end of February." That the unpaid In Pennsylvania, she suffered a setback in her efforts to win bills include health insurance costs doesn't help. endorsements and superdelegates when Sen. Bob Casey endorsed Obama even though he said he was staying neutral in But, hey, at least Clinton can make the case that she won big the race. Casey comes from a long political lineage that is well- states like Texas, right? Sadly, no. Final numbers are still known in the eastern part of the state and among Catholic trickling in from the district and county conventions Texas held Pennsylvanians. Rubbing salt in the wound, Obama said he on Saturday (Step 2 in the state's electoral freak show), but it didn't even court Casey's support—he entered the House of looks like Obama won the day—and, by extension, the state's Obama on his own volition. March 4 vote. Clinton netted five delegates in the primary, but Obama's estimated nine-delegate net in the caucus puts him Meanwhile, Sen. Patrick Leahy—an Obama supporter—called ahead of her. Clinton will continue to say she won Texas, but if for Clinton's withdrawal yesterday but then removed his foot you're talking about delegates, she didn't. from his mouth and backed off the assertion today, saying it's a decision "that only she can make." Even though he dialed back Meanwhile, violence in Iraq intensified—then cooled—as the his original statement, it adds another high-profile voice to the Maliki government cracked down on Shiite militias in Basra and growing din that Clinton is doing more harm than good by Baghdad. For Hillary, the Iraq imbroglio is double-edged. On sticking around. Chris Dodd—another Obama devotee—has the one hand, Clinton loves her a national-security debate. But made similar comments. on the other, it steers discussion back to that pesky 2003 authorization vote. Last time we checked, Clinton was nudging Two statements from two head honchos are also draining the convo away from Iraq and toward Afghanistan, the invasion Clinton's momentum. Both Howard Dean and Al Gore said they everyone can agree on. expected the nomination to be decided before the convention. Pressure from the top will likely push superdelegates to side So, with a dip in the polls, another superdelegate lost, mounting with Obama or Clinton before August. Hillary's political clock is debt, and ugly numbers in Texas, the outlook in Hillaryland ticking. remains bleak. On Saturday, Clinton compared the race to a basketball game: "You know, we are in the fourth quarter and it For a primer on Hillary's sinking ship, visit our first Deathwatch is a close contest. We are running up and down. We are taking entry. shots." The metaphor would work if she mentioned that Obama is up by 124 points, he has the ball, and Clinton has been missing shots all quarter. All she has now is hustle.

For a primer on Hillary's sinking ship, visit our first did you see this? Deathwatch entry. Predator Rap Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 5:41 PM ET

Deathwatch drink The Hillary Deathwatch Cognac Attack! A great day for Obama means a nasty day for Hillary. The king of brandies is back. Which ones are worth drinking? By Chadwick Matlin By Mike Steinberger Friday, March 28, 2008, at 5:28 PM ET Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 7:50 PM ET

Friday was not kind to Hillary Clinton. Based on Deathwatch's In December, six British men were given multiyear prison top-secret morbidity formula, Hillary tanked on four metrics sentences for hijacking a French delivery truck and stealing today, reducing her chances of winning the nomination by 1.7 $168,000 worth of Courvoisier cognac. To anyone familiar with points to 10.3 percent. the recent ups and downs of the cognac market, it is a tale with symbolic resonance. In the late 1990s, you almost couldn't give The nastiest news for Clinton is in the polls.She has drifted France's most famous brandy away; these days, cognac sales are eight points behind Obama in a national Gallup survey—the first at record levels, producers are struggling to keep up with time that she has trailed Obama by a statistically significant demand, and highway robberies are cutting into the available margin since the Rev. Wright imbroglio. Every point she loses in supply. So how did cognac get its groove back? Credit its revival the national polls pushes her a bit closer to Davy Jones' locker.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 17/124 to an unlikely union of American rap stars, Chinese and Russian became popular in the mid-1990s, with jump-starting the fat cats, and hipster bartenders. cocktail revival. Cognac has been used for cocktails as far back as the 19th century. One of the all-time classic mixed drinks, the That cognac ever fell on hard times was a mighty comedown for sidecar, supposedly invented in Paris during World War I, is the so-called king of brandies. Cognac is prized for its complex composed of cognac, Cointreau, and lemon juice; it is now perfume, its refined flavor, and its staying power on the palate. coming back into fashion, and the mixology phenomenon has Some find it a little too regal. A.J. Liebling preferred Calvados, also given rise to some new cognac-based drinks. The cognac the apple-based spirit from Normandy, which he claimed had "a region recently played host to an International Cognac Summit, more agreeable bouquet, a warmer touch to the heart, and a more during which a group of eminent mixologists invented a drink outgoing personality than Cognac." Apart from a few dissenting called "the summit," composed of cognac, lemonade, lime zest, opinions, however, cognac has always been considered the cucumber peel, and fresh ginger. classiest and most pleasurable brandy. The third leg in cognac's rebuilt stool is the growing affluence of As it happens, my lone visit to the Cognac region, located on the China and Russia. While the United States is still cognac's Atlantic coast just north of Bordeaux, was in 1999, when the largest export market, taking roughly one of every three bottles crisis was at its peak. It was just a few weeks before the turn of shipped abroad, demand in both China and Russia is surging. the millennium, and the mood in Cognac, even among the big With cognac imports growing 20 percent to 30 percent annually, four producers—Courvoisier, Hennessy, Martell, and Rémy China has now eclipsed Britain as cognac's second-biggest Martin—was apocalyptic. Japan's prolonged economic malaise overseas market. Business is flourishing in Russia, too, and not and the financial meltdown that struck the rest of East Asia in just for the big-four exporters. Some smaller producers, notably 1997 had hit cognac hard, and the single-malt scotch mania then Delamain and Audry, also command strong followings there. So sweeping Western yuppiedom had come as another heavy blow. great is the Russian thirst for cognac that they are even invading Sales were stagnant, local grape growers were staging violent the vineyards: Last year, an outfit called the Russian Wine Trust protests, and cognac was burdened with the worst possible acquired Croizet, a cognac house founded in 1805. image—it was seen as an old fart's drink, a digestif for tuxedoed geezers smoking cigars in wood-paneled libraries. The future for All three factors in combination have created a global cognac Cognac seemed as dark as its cellars, and even if I hadn't been a frenzy. In 2007, a record 158 million bottles were sold fan of the region's signature tipple, the gloom I encountered worldwide, and the cognac houses are naturally rushing to cash there would have driven me to drink. in on the flush times, particularly at the high end. Hennessy recently introduced a new cognac, called Beauté du Siècle, Amid all the despair, however, the makings of a resurrection whose specs are as over-the-top as its name: Only 100 bottles are were already sliding into place. Cognac had always enjoyed a being produced, the bottles are all made of Baccarat crystal, each strong following among African-Americans, and during the one comes in an ornate mirrored chest apparently fashioned by a 1990s, it became a staple of rap lyrics. References to yak and team of 10 artists, and the cognac is hand-delivered to buyers by nyak began turning up in hip-hop songs, a trend that reached its members of the Hennessy board. The cost? $235,000 per bottle. apogee with the 2001 Busta Rhymes/P. Diddy duet "Pass the Courvoisier." ("Give me the Henny/ You can give me the Cris/ Most cognacs don't require six-figure investments, but given all You can pass me the Rémy/ But pass the Courvoisier.") the branding, marketing, and elaborate packaging, cognac is not Although a spokesman for Busta later admitted to the New York cheap, and the combination of spiraling global demand and a Times that the performer had used Courvoisier simply because it sickly U.S. dollar is only ratcheting up the cost. VSes, the fit in the song and was actually a Hennessy man, the hit anthem lowest-rung cognacs (ranked thus because they are the least gave Courvoisier a huge boost in sales, and the shout-out from aged), typically go for between $25 and $35, while VSOPs, one the rap community sent cognac's cachet soaring, a development level up, fetch $35 to $50 per bottle. XOs, the premium that was the subject of bemused coverage in the business press. offerings, normally sell for $70 and up. The tariffs are stiff, It's believed that the African-American community now though it is worth bearing in mind that an open bottle of cognac accounts for anywhere from 60 percent to 80 percent of U.S. can be consumed over a number of months. sales. According to Impact Databank, 4 million cases of cognac were sold in the United States last year, more than double the So which cognacs are worth drinking, and how should you drink number a decade ago. them? VSes and VSOPs are generally considered cocktail material, while XOs are usually left unadulterated. (Click here Another bump has come from the cocktail renaissance that for more information on the differences among VS, VSOP, and began in the 1990s. The "mixology" fad, with its bar chefs, XO.) Purists—curmudgeons, if you prefer—find the whole cocktail stylists, and outré concoctions, has been a tonic for cognac-as-cocktail thing a bit louche. Not being the shaken-and- almost the entire spirits sector, and the cognac industry is no stirred type myself, I definitely prefer cognac straight up. On the exception. In fact, some credit the Hennessy martini, which other hand, less-aged cognacs, even most VSOPs, are not much

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 18/124 fun on their own (the flavors are often harsh and unharmonious) some labels, means that the cognac was made from a blend of and work better in combination with other spirits, soda, or tonic. eaux de vie produced in the two Champagne districts; to be Moreover, VSes and VSOPs account for 85 percent of all the designated as such, however, it must contain more than 50 cognac on the market, and if the mixology phenomenon is percent Grande Champagne grapes.) helping support production at all levels—and clearly it is—then I say mix away. Cognac is made through a double distillation of the base wine, which yields an eau de vie that is around 70 percent alcohol. As for specific cognac producers, my taste runs to the little guys. Years of maturation in oak casks evaporates much of the alcohol The big four, which soak up more than 90 percent of cognac (the evaporated content is poetically referred to as "the angels' sales in the United States, turn out very good XOs, but I find that share"). Depending on how much natural evaporation takes the brandies made by some of the smaller houses are more place, distilled water or low-alcohol spirits may be added to take distinctive. I also prefer them because they tend to show more the alcohol level of the finished brandy down to 40 percent, fruit and flowers, less heat and wood. Delamain Pale & Dry which is the norm, and the minimum required. XO ($120) is a personal favorite —a mellow cognac, with terrific aromas of dried fruits, flowers, licorice, vanilla, and Cognacs are categorized according to the amount of aging they spice, leading to an eternal finish. I also love the Audry Réserve have received. VS, or "very special," contains eaux de vie that Spéciale ($115), a buttery-smooth elixir with a bouquet of have spent at least two years in barrels. VSOP, or "very superior honey, nuts, baking spices, flowers, and minerals. (If you've got old pale," requires a minimum of four years' aging. XO, or the dosh, Delamain and Audry both produce higher-end cognacs "extra old," requires a minimum of six years, although the eaux that are even more ethereal.) Hine is another insider's choice. de vie used for the better XOs tend to be much older. The Hine Antique XO ($145) is an elegant brandy marked by orange peel, wood, floral, and spice flavors that show great persistence. Hine also produces an excellent VSOP that, rare for this category, drinks well straight up. Fittingly, it is called Hine Rare VSOP ($50). It doesn't have the complexity of the Antique, but it has good fruit and floral scents along with an dvd extras appealing nutty note, and it goes down very nicely. I am also a Fugue Interstate fan of Frapin. Frapin's Chateau Fontpinot XO ($108) is a laid- Lost Highway—the O.J. Simpson story by way of Vertigo as imagined by David back, delicious cognac, redolent of toffee, wood, earth, and Lynch—finally comes to DVD. By Dennis Lim menthol. Having any of these cognacs after a good meal is almost enough to make me want to throw on my tux, grab a Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 8:06 AM ET cigar, and join those geezers in the library.

Dismissed by reviewers and ignored by audiences in 1997, Lost Highway has come to occupy an increasingly central place in David Lynch's evolution. This malevolent neo-noir was a return to first principles—not since his hallucinatory debut, Eraserhead (1977), had a Lynch film so completely taken up residence sidebar inside someone's head—but it was also a sign of things to come. Except for the G-rated detour of The Straight Story (1999),* his Return to article subsequent films—the sumptuous Hollywood nightmare Mulholland Drive (2001) and its degraded video corollary Inland Empire (2006)—have assumed the form devised in Lost Highway. All three, which could be said to make up a psychosis Cognac Attack! trilogy, are nonlinear puzzle-movies in which the otherworldly ambience and the rifts in space-time are a direct outgrowth of the Over the centuries, various grapes have been used for cognac; protagonist's mental trauma. the principal one these days is ugni blanc, an otherwise- pedestrian variety that just happens to make for great brandy. Simply put—simple being a relative concept here—Lost The grapes are grown in six different districts that ring the town Highway is the story of a jazz musician (Bill Pullman) who of Cognac in a series of concentric circles. In descending order apparently kills his possibly unfaithful wife (Patricia Arquette), of prestige, they are Grande Champagne, Petite Champagne (the then turns into someone else (Balthazar Getty) who promptly two Champagnes have nothing to do with the sparkling wine, begins an affair with the dead woman's doppelgänger (Arquette but, like the Champagne region, they are known for their chalky- again), or maybe it's the same woman, not actually dead and soil influences), Borderies, Fins Bois, Bons Bois, and Bois wearing a blond wig. Ordinaires. (The term "Fine Champagne," which appears on

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 19/124 The film has taken ages to make its way to DVD, and in a rudely beautifully shot on film by Peter Deming, it's clear that to Lynch, perfunctory edition at that—not a single extra, unless you count video communicates a different kind of truth. The tapes are not subtitles. (The British and French releases, featuring interviews mere stalker artifacts; they signal the return of the repressed. with Lynch and the actors, are superior options if you have a When a detective asks whether the couple owns a camcorder, multiregion player.) Fred says he hates them, and his explanation is telling: "I like to remember things my own way … not necessarily how they Still, Lost Highway has attracted a growing cult. Critics happened." The discovery of Renee's dead body, not complained about its incoherence, but today the film seems incidentally, happens on video. easier to parse than, say, Inland Empire or even cult brainteasers like Memento, Donnie Darko, and Primer. With its myriad Lynch later revealed that the film's basic drives—murderous doublings and insistent twinning of the sex and death drives, it jealousy and repressed guilt—emerged from an obsession with has been a goldmine for psychoanalytically inclined scholars the O.J. Simpson case. Interviewed on the French DVD, he says, (including philosopher Slavoj Žižek), who have deciphered the "Here's a guy who—at least I believe, you know—committed plot in terms of repressed memory, wish fulfillment, and two murders and yet is able to go on living and speaking and, repetition compulsion. Despite his famous aversion to you know, doing and golfing. … How does the mind protect interpretations, Lynch has encouraged these psychological itself from that knowledge and go on?" readings by describing the hero's condition as a "psychogenic fugue" (a disorder whose main feature, according to the The O.J. connection makes the presence of Robert Blake in a Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, is "sudden, unexpected travel pivotal role all the more unnerving. (Blake was later tried and away from home … with inability to recall one's past"). acquitted for the murder of his wife.) The first act reaches its sinister peak with the appearance of Blake's kabuki-faced ghoul. It's not just shrinks and academics who have been inspired. Accosting Fred at a party, the Mystery Man, as he's identified in David Foster Wallace's essay in Premiere magazine on the the credits, claims he's at Fred's house at that very moment and making of the film is a masterful blend of set-visit reporting and proves it with one of the freakiest phone calls in film history. critical biography. One of the movie's eeriest plot points—a couple terrorized by surveillance videotapes—later turned up in The scene is a textbook illustration of that uncanny sensation so Michael Haneke's Caché. Austrian composer Olga Neuwirth, specific to Lynch films that they are often simply called making an explicit link between a psychological and a musical Lynchian (per David Foster Wallace, "one of those Potter fugue, reimagined Lost Highway as an avant-garde opera, with a Stewart-type words that's definable only ostensively—i.e., we libretto by novelist and Nobel laureate Elfriede Jelinek. "When I know it when we see it"). At their creepiest, Lynchian moments saw the film for the first time," Jelinek said, "it was like a blow involve a shock of recognition (or self-recognition) and a to my brain stem." metaphysical impossibility: déjà vu, seeing a doppelgänger, being in two places at once. When the heroines of Mulholland Those who love or loathe Lost Highway, which Lynch co-wrote Drive are huddled in Club Silencio, the onstage cabaret is with novelist Barry Gifford, probably do so for much the same revealed as a sham (the singer collapses but the song goes on), reason: It's visceral to the point of discomfort. The first third— forcing Naomi Watts to confront the failure of her own fantasy. practically wordless, confined to interiors, scored to an In Inland Empire, Laura Dern finds that she has somehow especially bass-heavy version of Lynch's signature drone—is a wandered back to an earlier point in the film and is spying on … sustained creepfest that belongs with the retreat into the Black herself. Lodge in the Twin Peaks finale or the Club Silencio interlude in Mulholland Drive. Fred and Renee (Pullman and Arquette) live In the trance state that often takes over in Lynch's films, these in a big, bare Modernist box and in a constant state of nameless moments are the equivalent of a hypnotist's clap. Sometimes dread. Their conversations are stilted and ominous, and so is the these rupture points, when illusions fall apart or the action shifts sex. Rooms are balefully underlit; labyrinthine corridors lead from one reality to another, are cued by code words or phrases into pitch darkness. (Lynch bought the building, in the that recur throughout, gaining mystical significance with each Hollywood Hills, especially for the film, and it now houses his repetition: "This is the girl" from Mulholland Drive; "I'm not production facility; he lives next door.) who you think I am" from Inland Empire.

The paranoid mood intensifies with the mysterious appearance Lost Highway has its own magic phrase. In the first scene, the of VHS cassettes on Fred and Renee's doorstep: Apparently intercom buzzes at Fred and Renee's house, and a voice declares, someone is taping them as they sleep. "Dick Laurant is dead." When Fred looks out the window, there's no one there. (Lynch says this happened to him one day, The use of video here foreshadows Lynch's conversion to digital. an unknown voice intoning those very words.) At the end of the After shooting Inland Empire on consumer-grade video, he film, the same intercom buzzes and the same phrase is spoken, vowed never to go back to celluloid. Even in Lost Highway, but this time Fred is the speaker, not the listener.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 20/124 The narrative resolves into a Möbius strip, ending where it double-digit increases among voters who care most about health begins (albeit from a jarringly different perspective). The lost care, the economy, and the war in Iraq. highway that races by in the David Bowie-scored opening credits is not quite a road to nowhere but, perhaps more But again, these are numbers we haven't seen anywhere else alarming, an infinite loop. The relation between circular form before. Two other polls taken during a similar time span—but and obsessive content attests to the vortexlike pull of Hitchcock's using different methodologies—both had Obama trailing Vertigo, a sacred text for Lynch (who also explored the blond- Clinton. brunette dichotomy in Twin Peaks and Mulholland Drive). Žižek argues that the narrative's shape mirrors "the very loop of the Election Scorecard uses data supplied by Mark Blumenthal and psychoanalytic treatment in which, after a long detour, we return Charles Franklin at Pollster.com. to our starting point." Posted by Chadwick Matlin, April 3, 1:32 p.m. Lynch made Lost Highway after a five-year silence (his previous feature, the widely panned Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, had depleted his cachet), and it appears to have unlocked something in him. The movie is itself a rupture point within the Lynch cosmos. It moved his films even closer to the logic of the unconscious, not least his own. In the French DVD interview, he Delegates at stake: acknowledged as much. The protagonist's flight from reality "has a beautiful feel to it," he says. "I get the psychogenic fugue almost every afternoon." Democrats Republicans

*Correction, April 1, 2008: This story mistakenly stated that Total delegates: Total delegates: 2,380 David Lynch's The Straight Story was rated PG. (Return to the 4,049 Total delegates corrected sentence.) Total delegates needed to win: 1,191 needed to win: 2,025

Delegates won by each Delegates won by each election scorecard candidate: candidate: Obama: 1,626; Clinton: McCain: 1,325; Huckabee Outliers in Pennsylvania 1,486 (out): 267; Paul: 16 Obama takes ownership of the lead in Pennsylvania, but there's reason to be cautious. By Chadwick Matlin Source: CNN Source: CNN Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 1:52 PM ET

Want more Slate election coverage? Check out The last time PPP polled Pennsylvania, Barack Obama was Map the Candidates, Political Futures, Trailhead, down by 26 points. That was two and a half weeks ago, after the XX Factor, and our Campaign Junkie page! Rev. Wright controversy but before Obama's speech about race in America. PPP did another sweep through the state this week and found drastically different results. .

According to PPP (PDF), Obama is leading Clinton in . Pennsylvania by two points. That's a 28 point shift in the margin between the two Democrats, and it's one that was unexpected. Pollster.com's polling average shows Obama trailing Clinton by 10 points in the state—far from PPP's numbers. No other poll has ever shown Obama in the lead in the state. explainer Obama's lead comes from a shift in support from demographics across the board. His numbers with men, women, African- Do April Showers Bring May Flowers? Americans, baby boomers, and seniors are all up. He's made Not quite. By Samantha Henig Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:07 PM ET

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 21/124 Got a question about today's news? Ask the Explainer. The month of April kicked off with severe storms soaking much of the country. The old adage would have us believe that all this Explainer thanks Charlie Nardozzi of the National Gardening rain bodes well for next month's blossoms. But do April showers Association, Phil Normandy of Brookside Gardens, Jody Payne really bring May flowers? of the New York Botanical Gardens, and Thomas C. Vogelmann of University of Vermont. No more so than showers in May or September. Exactly which rainy period has the biggest effect on growth depends on whether you're looking at perennials or annuals. Perennials, which are plants whose roots stay alive even after the part aboveground dies, usually pop up as the first proud trumpeters of explainer spring. If you're in Maine or England, that's likely to be in May; farther south, it makes more sense to call them late-March and Apocalypse No! early-April flowers. (Some perennials like the Cyclamen coum Is the U.S. government liable for the end of the world? By Chris Wilson have the audacity to show up and thrive as early as January.) Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 6:31 PM ET Regardless of when the perennials bloom, the rainfall of the previous month isn't that relevant. Plants such as tulips and daffodils, two common perennials, sprout from bulbs that have The New York Times reports that two men in Hawaii have filed a been in the ground since at least the previous autumn, which is lawsuit in federal court to stop the construction of a particle when their buds were forming and roots were growing. So if accelerator near Geneva. The plaintiffs claim that the facility on there had been a severe drought in September, the tulips and the French-Swiss border—which is partially funded by the U.S. daffodils may suffer months later. Once the foliage starts government—might create bizarre physical conditions that peeking through the soil in early spring, rainfall again becomes would lead to the creation of a black hole capable of swallowing important. If there's a drought, the perennials won't grow as the planet. The case is set for an initial conference with the high, and they wither faster. But in most years, there's enough Justice Department in mid-June. Could the government be moisture in the soil from the winter's snow to sustain the spring legally responsible for risking the apocalypse? flowers. No. For cases like the one filed last month against the Large Whatever effect April's showers do have on May flowers tends Hadron Collider in Geneva, the plaintiffs face several virtually to be negative. Too much rain while the plants are blossoming insurmountable barriers in U.S. courts. As part of the makes them more susceptible to diseases like Botrytis blight, demonstration of standing, they must prove damages or the which causes buds to shrivel before they open. threat of damages, known as "injury-in-fact." In this case, they must demonstrate that the threat posed by the LHC is genuine and significant. When one of the same plaintiffs filed a similar For annuals, which are the flowers that must be replanted every case against the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider in 1999, a year, lifespan and growth are influenced by the rainfall in the California court ruled that his claims were "speculative" and that months immediately after they're planted, not the month before. he failed to prove any imminent risk. Summer annuals like petunias, marigolds, geraniums, tomatoes, and cucumbers go into the ground after the frost-free date, which varies by region but hovers around late April. Once planted, they There is no hard and fast rule for how probable a risk must be in must receive enough water during the next few months to stay order to qualify as injury-in-fact. In 2006, the D.C. Circuit Court healthy. (The exact amount depends on heat and wind, but a of Appeals ruled (PDF) that that the Natural Resources Defense good rule of thumb is that if you stick a finger into the soil and Council had standing to sue the EPA over ozone depletion on the feel some moisture, you're good.) Too much heavy rain can beat basis of a risk of nonfatal skin cancer in one out of 200,000 them down or, if the soil isn't draining properly, drown their people. However, even physicists who have been charitable to roots and kill them. But April showers would have no effect on the concerns over the particle accelerator overwhelmingly say annuals planted in May. the probability of a disaster is many orders of magnitude smaller than that. The one place where April showers would truly bring May flowers is the desert. In arid regions like the Mojave, plants sit Even if the plaintiffs could gain standing in their case—a matter under the sand, sometimes for years, just waiting for enough that would also involve questions of when individuals have water to send up shoots and leaves. A few weeks—or sometimes standing on environmental threats—they would have to even days—after a heavy rainfall, the desert will explode with demonstrate that those overseeing the collider had broken the color. law in some way. The current lawsuit charges that the defendants, including the U.S. Department of Energy, violated

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 22/124 the National Environmental Policy Act by failing to adequately corn intended for human or animal consumption decreases, notify the public of safety concerns. prices go up. Why does this local shift in policy affect food prices around the world? The diversion of American corn into The lawsuit also argues that the defendants ignored the energy has a ripple effect for two reasons: First, the United "precautionary principle," an approach to weighing the promises States is the world's largest corn exporter, accounting for about and risks of research. A definition of the principle drafted by a 40 percent of global trade, so when corn-as-food production 1998 consortium stated, in part, that when a line of research decreases here, costs go up everywhere. Second, when the price posed a threat to humans, "the proponent of an activity, rather of corn increases, farmers in the United States, Europe, and than the public, should bear the burden of proof." But while the elsewhere who use the crop to feed livestock look for cheaper precautionary principle has not been enshrined in law in the alternatives, like wheat or sorghum. These alternatives, in turn, United States, the European Union has incorporated the doctrine become more expensive. into many of its policies, based on guidelines adopted in 2000. The plaintiffs in the LHC case directly charge the Center for Another factor is the improved standard of living in rapidly Nuclear Energy Research, which operates the collider, with developing countries. The demand for foodstuffs like meat and violating the EU's precautionary principle. However, the center dairy is on the rise in China and India, sending costs skyward not is outside the jurisdiction of U.S. courts. only for those items but for the grain used as cattle feed. Finally, weather deserves a share of the blame. Australia has seen bad Got a question about today's news? Ask the Explainer. droughts six years running, and last year there was major flooding in Argentina. Since both of these countries are major Explainer thanks the Department of Energy, Cass Sunstein of the dairy exporters, milk and butter are pricier than they used to be. University of Chicago, and Jonathan Turley of George Washington University. Got a question about today's news? Ask the Explainer.

Explainer thanks Brenda Barton of the World Food Program and Brian Halweil of the Worldwatch Institute. explainer Why Are Global Food Prices Soaring? Energy costs, investment in ethanol, bad weather in Australia … By Juliet Lapidos explainer Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 6:31 PM ET Why Does China Care About Tibet? Plus, when are monks allowed to get violent? By Nina Shen Rastogi The U.N. World Food Program's executive director told the Los Friday, March 28, 2008, at 7:04 PM ET Angeles Times that "a perfect storm" is hitting the world's hungry, as demand for aid surges while food prices skyrocket. Cost increases are affecting most countries around the globe, Buddhist monks and other Tibetans began protesting in and with prices for dairy products up 80 percent, cooking oils up 50 around Lhasa on March 10, the anniversary of a major uprising percent, and grains up 42 percent from 2006 to 2007. (For more against Chinese rule. Tensions have been flaring in the region specifics on how prices have changed since 2000, the U.N. Food ever since, with some protests turning violent. Tibet is a remote, and Agriculture Organization has a handy chart.) Why are impoverished mountain region with little arable land. Why does groceries getting so expensive all at once? China care so much about keeping it?

Energy prices. The global food system is heavily dependent on Nationalism. China invaded Tibet in 1950, but Beijing asserts petroleum, not just for shipping goods from one location to that its close relationship with the region stretches back to the another but also for production, packaging, and processing. As 13th century, when first Tibet and then China were absorbed into the price of oil rises—crude oil is currently hovering at around the rapidly expanding Mongol empire. The Great Khanate, or the $100 a barrel—so do the costs of planting, harvesting, and portion of the empire that contained China, Tibet, and most of delivering food. East Asia, eventually became known as China's Yuan Dynasty. Throughout the Yuan and the subsequent Ming and Qing High oil prices have also created a secondary problem: The dynasties, Tibet remained a subordinate principality of China, burgeoning interest in biofuels. In 2006, 14 percent of the total though its degree of independence varied over the centuries. corn crop in the United States was converted into ethanol; by When British forces began making inroads into Tibet from India 2010, that figure will rise to 30 percent. When the production of

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 23/124 in the early 1900s, the Qing emperors forcefully reasserted their Explainer thanks Robert Barnett of the Weatherhead East Asian suzerainty over the region. Institute at Columbia University, Andrew Fischer of the London School of Economics, Melvyn Goldstein of the Center for Soon after, revolutionaries overthrew the Qing emperor—who, Research on Tibet at Case Western Reserve University, and being Manchu, was cast as a foreign presence in Han-majority Jonathan Silk of Leiden University. China—and formed a republic. Tibet took the opportunity to assert its independence and, from 1912 to 1950, ruled itself autonomously. However, Tibetan sovereignty was never recognized by China, the United Nations, or any major Western power. Both Sun Yat-sen's Nationalists and their rivals, Mao fighting words Zedong's Communists, believed that Tibet remained The Tall Tale of Tuzla fundamentally a part of China and felt a strong nationalistic Hillary Clinton's Bosnian misadventure should disqualify her from the drive to return the country to its Qing-era borders. The 1950 presidency, but the airport landing is the least of it. takeover of Tibet by Mao's army was billed as the liberation of By Christopher Hitchens the region from the old, semi-feudal system, as well as from Monday, March 31, 2008, at 11:26 AM ET imperialist (i.e., British and American) influences. Resentment of the Chinese grew among Tibetans over the following decade, and armed conflicts broke out in various parts of the region. In The punishment visited on Sen. Hillary Clinton for her flagrant, March 1959, the capital of Lhasa erupted in a full-blown but hysterical, repetitive, pathological lying about her visit to Bosnia short-lived revolt, during which the current Dalai Lama fled to should be much heavier than it has yet been and should be India. He has lived there in exile ever since. exacted for much more than just the lying itself. There are two kinds of deliberate and premeditated deceit, commonly known as There are also strategic and economic motives for China's suggestio falsi and suppressio veri. (Neither of them is covered attachment to Tibet. The region serves as a buffer zone between by the additionally lying claim of having "misspoken.") The first China on one side and India, Nepal, and Bangladesh on the involves what seems to be most obvious in the present case: the other. The Himalayan mountain range provides an added level of putting forward of a bogus or misleading account of events. But security as well as a military advantage. Tibet also serves as a the second, and often the more serious, means that the liar in crucial water source for China and possesses a significant question has also attempted to bury or to obscure something that mining industry. And Beijing has invested billions in Tibet over actually is true. Let us examine how Sen. Clinton has managed the past 10 years as part of its wide-ranging economic to commit both of these offenses to veracity and decency and development plan for Western China. how in doing so she has rivaled, if not indeed surpassed, the disbarred and perjured hack who is her husband and tutor. Bonus Explainer: When are Buddhist monks allowed to get violent? When it's for a compassionate cause. Monks and nuns in I remember disembarking at the Sarajevo airport in the summer Tibet take at least two, and sometimes three, sets of vows that of 1992 after an agonizing flight on a U.N. relief plane that had constrain their behavior. For most violations, the penalty is had to "corkscrew" its downward approach in order to avoid usually a confession that the act was committed. But if a monk Serbian flak and ground fire. As I hunched over to scuttle the were to kill another human being—one of the most serious distance to the terminal, a mortar shell fell as close to me as I violations of the Pratimoksha vows—he would be liable to ever want any mortar shell to fall. The vicious noise it made is expulsion from the monastery. That being said, there is a with me still. And so is the shock I felt at seeing a civilized and tradition in Tibetan mythology that could be used to justify multicultural European city bombarded round the clock by an taking violent action against an oppressor. The ninth-century ethno-religious militia under the command of fascistic king Langdarma, a follower of the Bön tradition, is popularly barbarians. I didn't like the Clinton candidacy even then, but I believed to have persecuted Buddhists during his reign. A monk have to report that many Bosnians were enthused by Bill assassinated him on the grounds that, by killing Langdarma, the Clinton's pledge, during that ghastly summer, to abandon the monk was acting compassionately toward the tyrant—taking bad hypocritical and sordid neutrality of the George H.W. karma upon himself in order to spare the king from Bush/James Baker regime and to come to the defense of the accumulating the same through his despotic actions. victims of ethnic cleansing.

It's important to note, however, that the actual extent to which I am recalling these two things for a reason. First, and even monks were responsible for the violence in Tibet remains though I admit that I did once later misidentify a building in unclear. Monks instigated the initial demonstrations, but lay Sarajevo from a set of photographs, I can tell you for an absolute Tibetans may have ratcheted up those protests to riot status. certainty that it would be quite impossible to imagine that one had undergone that experience at the airport if one actually had Got a question about today's news? Ask the Explainer. not. Yet Sen. Clinton, given repeated chances to modify her

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 24/124 absurd claim to have operated under fire while in the company own plane at Sarajevo airport, if only as a gesture of reassurance of her then-16-year-old daughter and a USO entertainment that the United States had not forgotten its commitments. The troupe, kept up a stone-faced and self-loving insistence that, yes, response from the happy couple was unambiguous: He was to do she had exposed herself to sniper fire in the cause of gaining no such thing, lest it distract attention from the first lady's health moral credit and, perhaps to be banked for the future, national- care "initiative." security "experience." This must mean either a) that she lies without conscience or reflection; or b) that she is subject to It's hardly necessary for me to point out that the United States fantasies of an illusory past; or c) both of the above. Any of the did not receive national health care in return for its acquiescence foregoing would constitute a disqualification for the presidency in the murder of tens of thousands of European civilians. But of the United States. perhaps that is the least of it. Were I to be asked if Sen. Clinton has ever lost any sleep over those heaps of casualties, I have the Yet this is only to underline the YouTube version of events and distinct feeling that I could guess the answer. She has no tears the farcical or stupid or Howard Wolfson (take your pick) for anyone but herself. In the end, and over her strenuous aspects of the story. But here is the historical rather than objections, the United States and its allies did rescue our honor personal aspect, which is what you should keep your eye on. and did put an end to Slobodan Milosevic and his state- Note the date of Sen. Clinton's visit to Tuzla. She went there in supported terrorism. Yet instead of preserving a polite reticence March 1996. By that time, the critical and tragic phase of the about this, or at least an appropriate reserve, Sen. Clinton now Bosnia war was effectively over, as was the greater part of her has the obscene urge to claim the raped and slaughtered people husband's first term. What had happened in the interim? In of Bosnia as if their misery and death were somehow to be particular, what had happened to the 1992 promise, four years credited to her account! Words begin to fail one at this point. Is earlier, that genocide in Bosnia would be opposed by a Clinton there no such thing as shame? Is there no decency at last? Let the administration? memory of the truth, and the exposure of the lie, at least make us resolve that no Clinton ever sees the inside of the White House In the event, President Bill Clinton had not found it convenient again. to keep this promise. Let me quote from Sally Bedell Smith's admirable book on the happy couple, For Love of Politics:

Taking the advice of Al Gore and National Security Advisor Tony Lake, Bill agreed to a fixing it proposal to bomb Serbian military positions Health Care Policy while helping the Muslims acquire weapons to Do it first, don't write a bill, and let someone else take the credit. defend themselves—the fulfillment of a pledge By Ezra Klein he had made during the 1992 campaign. But Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:58 AM ET instead of pushing European leaders, he directed Secretary of State Warren Christopher Much of the next president's job will involve cleaning up George merely to consult with them. When they W. Bush's messes: Iraq. Guantanamo. A government starved for balked at the plan, Bill quickly retreated, revenue. Cheetos under the desk in the Oval Office. But in the creating a "perception of drift." The key factor case of health care, it's more about cleaning up a mess the in Bill's policy reversal was Hillary, who was president mostly ignored and only occasionally exacerbated. said to have "deep misgivings" and viewed the situation as "a Vietnam that would compromise health-care reform." The United Here's what has happened: Since 2000, employer-based health States took no further action in Bosnia, and the insurance premiums have shot up 100 percent. Wage growth has "ethnic cleansing" by the Serbs was to hardly represented one-fifth of that. About 10 million Americans continue for four more years, resulting in the have joined the ranks of the uninsured, and according to at least deaths of more than 250,000 people. one estimate, more than 100,000 Americans have died because they lacked access to quality care. Health costs have continued their double-time march, and economists now estimate that, if I can personally witness to the truth of this, too. I can remember, left unchecked, government health spending will be about 37 first, one of the Clintons' closest personal advisers—Sidney percent of the GDP by 2050. Add in private health spending, and Blumenthal—referring with acid contempt to Warren the Brookings Institution's Henry Aron estimates that "the Christopher as "a blend of Pontius Pilate with Ichabod Crane." I income that's left over for everything else in the economy, other can remember, second, a meeting with Clinton's then-Secretary than taxes and private health care spending, stops growing and of Defense Les Aspin at the British Embassy. When I challenged … actually declines." him on the sellout of the Bosnians, he drew me aside and told me that he had asked the White House for permission to land his

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 25/124 On health care, the vital question for the next president isn't Predictably, those arms of government actually tasked with merely what to do but how to do it. Reform requires much more writing bills felt a bit left out. Sara Rosenbaum, now the chair of than a willing executive, as anyone who worked in the Clinton health policy at George Washington University, was eventually White House between the years of 1992 and 1994 can tell you. charged with drafting the Clinton plan. Looking back, she says, The problem is not just policy—Washington is stuffed with "I was the biggest mistake of the Clinton health care bill. It was wonks and idea entrepreneurs eager to explain how to fix the a terrible error to have the president doing what Congress was health care system—it's politics. Without 60 votes in the Senate, supposed to do. It was a misuse of the relationship between the you don't have a policy. You have a position. And nobody is legislative branch and the executive branch. The executive going to get good, affordable medical care from a position paper. branch is supposed to generate action, and the committees are Sadly, there's a long history of executives coming in with a clear supposed to actually take the action. By sending a 1,300-page position paper explaining what they want to do to fix health care bill, you're writing a detailed blueprint for the policy rather than but no political strategy for how to achieve it. The next president using the congressional process to create a consensus." need not repeat that mistake. He or she needs, first, a clear political approach—based, in part, around a solid understanding That last bit is important. The policy-creation process centered of the mistakes made by the Clintons in 1994—that's backed up in the executive branch is good at creating policies. But the by a solid set of policy principles. congressional process is good—or at least as good a system as we have—at creating working legislative coalitions. And that's what we need. So the next president needs to announce that he or she wants to do health reform, but through an open process, centered in the Congress, that includes lots of public feedback. • Do it first. One of the problems with the Clinton health care process was that it took so long to get a bill to Congress. By the • Let someone else take the credit. In part, the 1994 effort was time Clinton actually sent solid legislation to Capitol Hill, in foiled by simple Republican intransigence. Bill Kristol, then a November of 1993, he'd already spent most of his initial political Republican strategist, wrote a famed memo titled "Defeating capital on the North American Free Trade Agreement, gays in President Clinton's Health Care Proposal," in which he warned, the military, and the Deficit Reduction Act and had been "Any Republican urge to negotiate a 'least bad' compromise with battered by the beginning of Whitewater; the crisis in Haiti; and the Democrats, and thereby gain momentary public credit for the massacre of American soldiers in Mogadishu, Somalia. helping the president 'do something' about health care, should be resisted." Similarly, Bill McInturff, a Republican pollster, At the risk of offending other contributors to this series, I'd advised that the party's midterm hopes relied on "not having advise the next president not to leave Congress to dither while health care pass." you take your hits and pursue other priorities. Having run, in part, on the issue of improving health care, he or she will have Cynical? Sure. But Kristol and McInturff were responding to something of a mandate upon entering office. Do not let that very real electoral incentives. Much of the electorate still dissipate. On Day One, the next president must ask Congress to considers health care a Democratic issue. This is particularly begin an open process that will put a bill on his or her desk by true when the reform charge is led by a Democratic president Day 100, include public hearings in the process, and, on the and named after him or her. For Republicans to assist in passing 100th day, give a prime-time presidential speech to a joint health reform, then, would be to give Democrats a massive session of Congress. The president should ask for meetings with accomplishment they can take with them into the election. If the both the majority and the minority leader on this issue every 25 next president to try ambitious heath reform is to succeed where days. And if there's no bill by the 100th day, it's time to start the last failed, he or she will need to hang back a little bit and using the bully pulpit to press those who would delay. change the political incentives. Let the congressional process work, and allow the bill to be named after two powerful • Don't write a bill. Speaking of Congress, remember that old senators—one of whom should be a Republican looking for a Schoolhouse Rock skit "I'm Just a Bill?" Remember how the bill legacy. He can pull in a few of his powerful colleagues who also described its birth? "Some folks back home decided they wanted see themselves as historic legislators, and you'll be closer to your a law passed, so they called their local congressman, and he said, majority. And don't worry: Even if the bill is called Baucus- 'You're right, there ought to be a law.' Then he sat down and Grassley, you'll still be the one signing it. wrote me out and introduced me to Congress, and I became a bill." Well, perhaps in 1994, Bill Clinton had forgotten that • Have a political strategy. Health care is complicated. Voters teaching. He convened a massive task force that eventually grew are afraid of losing what they have. The electorate has a lot of into 30 separate working groups that boasted 500 separate status quo bias. Powerful stakeholders will oppose the final bill. participants. The point of this task force? Er, to write a bill. So the next president needs to deploy an aggressive communications strategy from the first day. The commander in chief will need to make sure that his or her allies are well-funded

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 26/124 and ready to rebut attacks; that the war room is well-staffed with The Bush administration squandered eight crucial years by a powerful set of talking points; and that the various stalling and blocking any concerted national action to slow stakeholders know that attempts to kill reform will not only lead global warming. Candidates Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, them to be written out of this bill, but to seeing their own and, to a lesser extent, John McCain all favor strong federal political priorities impeded in the future. Remember when Teddy climate legislation. If none of the current climate change bills Roosevelt said, "Speak softly and carry a big stick?" Well, by (for a roundup, click here) gets passed this year, the new letting Congress write this bill, you're speaking softly. The president must immediately propose a new law to slash political strategy is your big stick. In the past, the executive greenhouse-gas emissions in the first State of the Union address branch has been so concerned with creating a bill, they've and make its passage a first-year priority. The fate of the forgotten to sell it. By outsourcing the creation to Congress, you planet—no exaggeration—potentially depends on the United can free up resources for the PR blitz. States moving quickly from climate laggard to climate leader.

• Have principles more than a policy. Don't take the above to The new president should also use his or her executive powers to mean you should go into the reform process without any idea of shift national policy—no need to wait for Congress. The U.S. what you want. It's just that what you want shouldn't be too Supreme Court ruled last year that the Environmental Protection specific. Health reform is meaningless if it isn't actually Agency has the power to regulate carbon dioxide emissions universal, if it doesn't make the system more seamless and under the Clean Air Act. The EPA has done little since then, and integrated, and if it doesn't reform the insurance industry so it a new president can direct the agency to start writing rules to can begin competing on price and quality rather than risk- that effect immediately. Likewise, a new administration can get shifting and denials of coverage. Optimally, you'll also break the out of the way of the various states that have taken climate link between employers and health insurance and create a public change policy into their own hands. Where the Bush plan that can compete with private plans, so consumers can administration blocked California's request to regulate choose between health insurance that seeks profit and health greenhouse-gas emissions, a new president can embrace insurance that seeks health. So those should be your principles: California's initiative and encourage the other states seeking to universality, integration, insurance industry reform, a transition experiment with environmental regulation in their own away from employer-based insurance, and public-private backyards. competition. You can advocate for those things without getting too hung up on the details. Rather than being dogmatic about On his or her own, a new president can also spur international policy and agnostic about politics, as your predecessors were, action to fight global warming. Appointing a high-profile you should be dogmatic about politics and, if not agnostic about climate czar—Al Gore might be available and willing—could policy, more focused on ends than means. jump-start international climate treaty negotiations. Heck, maybe the new president can even show up occasionally, too. Back at home, a new high-level interagency climate office could begin to coordinate the economic, security, and environmental dimensions of the climate crisis, which will be with us for fixing it generations. The Environment Refocusing on the environmental crisis. Climate is big, but the new president has other work to do, too. By Emily Bazelon and Paul Sabin Over the past eight years, the Bush administration has Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:58 AM ET systematically dismantled environmental protections by easing enforcement, reinterpreting policies, and blocking the imposition of stricter standards. A new administration should use the same President Bush's environmental policies may be alarming, but executive powers to reverse course. Here are some they are nevertheless worthy of study. This administration has representative messes the new president can clean up using used every last hammer, wrench, and saw in the executive executive authority: toolbox to pursue its ideas about how we should use energy, land, water, and other elements of nature. And so when the next • New source review. Changes to this program with a snoozer of president comes into office, he or she will similarly need to a name reveal the Bush administration at its most enterprising. deftly deploy every trick of agency rule-making, executive New source review is the government's means of propelling the order, enforcement of existing laws, and cooperation with cleanup of aged power plants and industrial facilities. In the late Congress to reverse the damage done by the Bush administration 1990s, according to this great overview by Bruce Barcott in the and to usher in a new order. New York Times Magazine, the power companies were on the verge of being forced into making widespread improvements to their emissions controls, changes that would have cut dangerous • Climate change. This is the green elephant in the living room. sulfur dioxide and nitrogen oxide pollution. Then the Bush

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 27/124 Department of Energy came along and spearheaded the charge to meddling with the findings of government scientists to an gut new source review, steamrolling Christine Todd Whitman, entirely new level. From sex education to mercury then-head of the Environmental Protection Agency, and the contamination and climate projections, the administration has agency's director of enforcement, Eric Schaeffer, who resigned blocked, altered, and suppressed crucial data and conclusions it over the controversy. The new Bush administration rules doesn't like. The next president needs to give scientific expertise allowed the utility companies to wriggle out of their fix: They the respect it deserves by reporting results honestly and got 10 years' reprieve for installing any new pollution-control supporting work that's rigorous even when it's not expedient. Or equipment, and they could make significant changes to their profitable. Whether or not that helps halt global warming or plants and still claim they were doing "routine maintenance," preserve the landscape, it's a change worth making. thereby avoiding expensive pollution control upgrades. The next president should announce on his or her first day in office that it's time to reconsider these rules and to come up with standards that will hold power companies accountable for the muck they spew into the air. fixing it

• Ozone standard. Just two weeks ago, the administration The Laws in Wartime announced that because of the president's "last minute Boost trust, Close Guantanamo and establish a national intervention," as the Washington Post put it, the EPA would security court. By Jack Goldsmith weaken the agency's new ozone limits. After setting a tighter standard for long-term exposure of forests and crops to ozone Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 7:12 AM ET than for short-term human exposure, the EPA, under pressure from the Office of Management and Budget and the White Don't count on the next president to undo George W. Bush's House, scrapped the separate long-term standard. The proposed legal policies in the war on terrorism. All three remaining limits were already more lax than those recommended by the presidential candidates have pledged to close the detention camp EPA's scientific advisers. The new president should reverse this at Guantanamo Bay, pay greater respect to law, tamp down order—and others like it—by following the recommendations of unilateral presidential powers, and enhance America's stature scientists mandated by law to set scientifically based standards abroad. But many controversial Bush administration policies that protect human health and ecosystems and agricultural crops. have already been revised to satisfy congressional and judicial critics. And after receiving a few harrowing threat briefings and • More power to the White House. Here's another technical rule absorbing the awesome personal responsibility of keeping change with broad implications, ripe for reconsideration. Last Americans safe, the new commander in chief won't rush to year, the White House increased its sway over government eliminate the Bush program as it stands next January. He or she agencies by requiring each agency to select a political appointee will realize that any legal climb-down that is later perceived as to oversee new rule-making and the guidance provided to even indirectly responsible for an attack would be a personal and regulated industries. The new president should scrap this order political disaster. outright. While analyzing the costs and benefits is essential to efficient regulation, the Bush change undermines agency Aggressive counterterrorism policies will thus continue into the professionals and leaves regulatory initiatives to the political next presidency. They will, however, be wrapped in more whims of the White House. attractive packaging and adjusted in ways appropriate for an indefinite conflict. Some suggestions for how to achieve these • The Bureau of Land Management. Under Bush, the Bureau of goals: Land Management has opened large swaths of land in states like Wyoming, Colorado, Montana, and Oregon to oil and gas drilling, often ignoring scientists' concerns about the effects on wildlife habitat. In the Pinedale, Wyo., field office, an internal review leaked in 2006 stated that there was often "no evaluation, • Boost trust and credibility. Many people accuse the Bush analysis or compiling" of all the data demonstrating the administration of exaggerating the terror threat for political gain, consequences of such drilling on the surrounding land and water. but the truth is nearer the opposite: The Bush administration The new president should restore the safeguards in the process frets about homeland attacks more than it lets on. Yet as 9/11 for granting new oil and drilling leases, so development doesn't recedes from national memory, the public worries less about the needlessly trash the patches of landscape that still look like the terror threat it cannot see and more about aggressive powers and Old West. policies whose purpose it cannot fully appreciate. This growing gap between the government's view of the terror threat and the • Public science. Politicians often try to control the release of public's is an enormous challenge for any president. "[P]ublic information, but the Bush administration has truly taken sentiment is everything," Abraham Lincoln once said. "With

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 28/124 public sentiment nothing can fail; without it, nothing can president who genuinely engages Congress can almost always succeed." get what he or she needs for national security.

The next government can narrow this credibility gap by fighting • Give the telecommunications carriers immunity. There is the intelligence community's notorious tendency to over-classify, bipartisan agreement that the legal framework for surveillance is and by making public more threat information so the nation can outdated and must be amended to give the president more better understand what it faces. flexibility to surveil potential threats, subject to congressional and judicial review. The most contested remaining issue in this But more information from even a rhetorically gifted president area is whether Congress should confer legal immunity on will not be enough. The president's words are more credible telecommunications firms that cooperated with the when echoed by officials who do not share all of his political administration's Terrorist Surveillance Program. Private-industry aims. When Franklin Delano Roosevelt began to prepare the cooperation with government is vital to finding and tracking nation for war in the spring of 1940, he appointed Henry terrorists. If telecoms are punished for their good-faith reliance Stimson and Frank Knox—Republicans who rabidly opposed his on executive-branch representations, they will not help the New Deal—as secretaries of war and Navy, respectively. These government except when clearly compelled to do so by law. men were invaluable in convincing the Congress and the nation Only full immunity, including retroactive immunity, will that FDR acted in good faith in taking aggressive steps against guarantee full cooperation. The Democrat-controlled Senate the growing but underappreciated German threat in the year intelligence committee recently agreed, by a vote of 13-2, but before Pearl Harbor. The next president should follow FDR's the full Congress has thus far balked. The next president should lead by filling important national security positions with push hard to see that full telecom immunity prevails. individuals from the other party. • Close Guantanamo. There were two justifications for using • Work with Congress. The next president can further enhance Guantanamo as a detention facility. The first was to minimize the credibility of war-on-terror policies by getting Congress— judicial scrutiny. The courts have chipped away at this rationale especially political opponents in Congress—onboard. The for years and will likely eliminate it altogether when—as most president can share more national-security data with Congress commentators expect—the Supreme Court announces this June than with the public. When Congress supports aggressive that U.S. constitutional protections extend to the base. policies based on this information, the nation is more likely to accept that the president is acting in good faith. After 16 The second justification for Guantanamo was to avoid Democrats in the Senate and 41 Democrats in the House joined frightening and possibly endangering U.S. citizens. This Republicans last August to give a weakened president justification still has force but is outweighed by the fact that unprecedented surveillance powers, it became much harder for Guantanamo is now widely viewed—justifiably or not—as a critics to maintain that the terror threat did not warrant such damaging symbol of American mistakes in the war on terrorism. broad powers. One should not, however, underestimate the political difficulty When the president presses Congress to take a stand on war-on- of putting Guantanamo out of business. It will be interesting to terror issues, he and the nation receive other benefits as well. watch the dance among states clamoring not to become home to (This is a central theme of Ben Wittes' forthcoming Law and the Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his friends. Long War.) Forcing Congress to act spreads responsibility for policies when things go bad, as John Kerry learned when he • Establish a national-security court. Closing Guantanamo begs tried to run away from his 2002 Iraq vote in the 2004 the question of what should be done with the 100 to 150 presidential election. Congressional debates educate the country remaining detainees whom no responsible president will release, about the nature and stakes of the terror threat. And as well as any future detainees. Right now, 15 detainees are congressional approval increases judicial support that will be scheduled to be tried in military commissions. But trial by crucial in the long war. The Supreme Court's main objection to military commission is not the solution. The politically damaged President Bush's counterterrorism policies has been that he's commissions are disliked by the same military tasked with acted without or contrary to Congress. But the court almost running them, and they will be subject to legal and political always goes along with national-security policies supported by challenges for a decade. The next government should ditch both political branches. commissions altogether and place the incapacitation of terrorists under the supervision of a national-security court composed of There is no guarantee, of course, that the next president can federal judges with life tenure. persuade Congress about the terror threat or that Congress will not play politics with a terrorism issue. But the politics of The national-security court would have two jobs: trying terrorism usually cut in favor of aggressive action, and a terrorists and reviewing the detention of those who cannot be tried. Trials could be governed by modified rules of evidence,

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 29/124 secrecy, and security that are constitutionally valid but not deals more satisfactorily with asymmetric warfare, with currently available in ordinary criminal trials. National-security international terrorism, with the status of irregular combatants, court trials would be more legitimate than military trials because and with the treatment of detainees." The German foreign they would be run by independent Article III judges rather than minister and an important European security organization have military judges. And they would attract fewer legal challenges made similar recommendations. And last year, John Bellinger— because unlike military commissions, most of the procedural and the State Department legal adviser who has worked hard to substantive rules they'll employ would be time-tested. bridge differences with allies on these topics—convened an important meeting at West Point with legal advisers from seven But criminal trials are not always feasible. Sometimes the allied nations to forge consensus on these issues. The next government has credible information that a detainee is very president with fresh goodwill should build on these dangerous but cannot prove a crime beyond a reasonable doubt developments. with nonclassified information in a manner consistent with civilian standards of justice, even as modified. When the • Fix interrogation. In 2005 and 2006, Congress went along with government certifies that this is so, terrorists should be detained a two-track approach to interrogating terrorists suspected of pursuant to a system of preventive detention akin to the one now having information crucial to stopping an attack. It held the in place in Guantanamo, but supervised instead by the national- military to a very high standard but allowed the CIA to maintain security court. Congress should ensure that this system applies to a program of classified interrogation techniques that must not citizen and noncitizen detainees alike and has procedural amount to torture or cruel, inhuman, humiliating, or degrading protections appropriate for indefinite detention, including treatment. Earlier this month, Congress changed its mind and appointed attorneys with proper security clearances, access to all tried to extend the DoD rules to the CIA, but President Bush information the government has on the detainee, and ongoing vetoed the bill. review to ensure that the detainee remains a threat. The way forward on this issue builds on a proposal by former • Work with allies to establish an international legal framework President Bill Clinton. Congress should require the next for terrorists. Last week, John McCain called for a "new president to make a classified finding—akin to findings used for international understanding on the disposition of dangerous covert operations—giving reasons why aggressive techniques detainees under our control." This is a good idea, not because of are required. This finding and the subsequent interrogations a squishy commitment to internationalism but because an should be reviewed for legality and effectiveness by an internal international consensus on how to treat detainees would foster executive-branch body and reported to the congressional deeper international cooperation crucial in thwarting terrorists. intelligence committees. This approach would maintain the option of using lawful interrogation techniques that might stave To achieve this goal, the United States must stop talking about off a crisis, while at the same time addressing legitimate which international laws do not govern the detention of terrorists concerns about accountability, legal compliance, and abuse. and start talking about which ones do. The Supreme Court took a step in this direction when it determined two years ago that We are surprisingly close to putting policy issues in the war on Common Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions—which provides terrorism on a sound legal footing appropriate for the long term. minimal and rather abstract rights to enemy combatants— The most important issue for the next administration to resolve governs the conflict with al-Qaida. The United States can flesh is the system for incapacitating terrorists. Beyond that, what the out the meaning of Common Article 3 by drawing on some next president most needs to fix are appearances and processes aspects of Article 75 of the First 1977 Protocol to the Geneva in dealing with the public, Congress, and the world. This is no Conventions, which provides more elaborate minimum-warfare small thing. A major lesson of the last seven years is the standards. The United States has rightly opposed ratifying the centrality of these soft factors to the successful exercise of the protocol in all its details for fear of legitimizing terrorism, and hard power needed to defeat the terror threat. Article 75 itself contains vague provisions that in the wrong hands might be viewed as too restrictive. But these uncertainties are also an opportunity for the United States to draw on higher international standards to flesh out the meaning of Common Article 3 while at the same time shaping these standards to its fixing it own conception of appropriate justice. The Presidency End the war on terror as a legal paradigm; abolish military commissions, and There is more room for international agreement on these issues restore FISA. than one might think. The foreign affairs committee of the By Bruce Fein House of Commons recently concluded that the Geneva Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 7:11 AM ET Conventions "lack clarity and are out of date" and urged the British government to "update the conventions in a way that

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 30/124 and sweeping secrecy. It tends to gratify popular bigotries and President George W. Bush's successor should renounce his encourages a conflation of any dissent with treason. Remember monarchy. It betters the instruction of King George III, which the imprisonment of Eugene Debs; the concentration camps for provoked the Declaration of Independence. Among other things, 120,000 Japanese-Americans; the burglary of the office of Lewis the 44th president of the United States should do the following Fielding, Daniel Ellsberg's psychiatrist; and President Bush's promptly upon taking office: Transfer the impending trials of six water-boarding and warrantless spying on American citizens in "high-value" al-Qaida detainees before Spanish Inquisition-like criminal contravention of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance military commissions to civilian courts; repudiate President Act of 1978. The next president must recognize the fundamental Bush's kidnappings, secret imprisonments, and maltreatments of dangers of a permanent state of war and the granting of infinite suspected al-Qaida supporters abroad on his say-so alone—a power as commander in chief page from Hobbes' state of nature; denounce signing statements that declare the president's intent to disregard provisions of bills • Abolish military commissions. Under the new president, he has signed into law because he disputes their military commissions should be promptly abolished. No citizen constitutionality; and end the snobbish custom of former or noncitizen should be detained without charges as an unlawful government Brahmins preening in their honorifics after leaving enemy combatant. No detainee in the custody of the United office. The Founding Fathers prohibited titles of nobility to States should ever again be denied an opportunity to challenge encourage a nonhierarchical culture that honors equality before the factual or legal basis for his detention before an impartial the law. judge in habeas corpus proceedings. The Classified Information Procedures Act of 1980 should be employed to prosecute Robert Draper recounts in Dead Certain: The Presidency of terrorists without compromising national security. Ramzi George W. Bush an alarming averment by the current occupant Yousef, Zacarias Moussaoui, and Jose Padilla—among other of the White House. Without blushing, Mr. Bush insisted to his accused terrorists—all have been successfully prosecuted under biographer: "You can't learn lessons by reading. Or at least I CIPA. Existing criminal conspiracy law should be employed to couldn't." Here's a to-do list for his successor: thwart terrorist plots in their pre-embryonic stages. Although we seem to have forgotten this fact of late, the criminal law is both forward- and backward-looking. • Put an end to the imperial presidency. President Bush has usurped what Gen. Washington and the Founding Fathers • Withdraw all U.S. troops from foreign countries. The reprehended: unchecked power that sacrifices fundamental Declaration of Independence explains that the purpose of liberties to trust in the president. To paraphrase Lord Acton, government is to secure unalienable rights of life, liberty, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Just ask President Bush's the pursuit of happiness. The United States was not created to kidnap-and-torture victims, including Khaled El-Masri, Abu build an empire, to aggrandize government, or to purge the Omar, or Maher Arar. The Constitution's marquee is checks and planet of nondemocratic regimes. Accordingly, the next balances, a system predicated upon a suspicion of human nature. president should announce that we are withdrawing all U.S. James Madison sermonized in "The Federalist No. 51": "If men troops from foreign countries and that, hereinafter, all the were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were nation's military resources will be devoted to building missile, to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on electronic, and other defenses against potential foreign attacks. government would be necessary." The United States lacks the wisdom necessary to spin modern democratic gold from centuries of despotic flax by military force To restore the constitutional equilibrium envisioned by the or otherwise. Iraq and Afghanistan are clear proof. Further, the Founding Fathers, the next presidential inaugural should United States has no moral responsibility for the destiny of enumerate the following particulars. persons outside its jurisdiction who pay no taxes to support the government and pledge no allegiance to the republic. • End the "war on terror" as a legal paradigm. International terrorists are criminals, not warriors. The next president should • Restore both oversight and transparency. No president is see to it that terrorists will be captured, interrogated, prosecuted, infallible. Executive-branch decisions or policies made without and punished according to civilian law. The United States is not congressional vetting or oversight are prone to staggering at war with international terrorism. The next president should mistakes—for example, the Bay of Pigs, the Vietnam War, or ensure that we do not brandish the weapons of war in lieu of post-Saddam Iraq. Endogamous thinking is as foolhardy as traditional law enforcement against international terrorists. endogamous marriages. And secrecy, moreover, breeds lawlessness, maladministration, and abuses. Sunshine is the best If the conflict of the United States with international terrorism disinfectant. The next president must restore the tools of judicial and congressional oversight that have been eroded if not amounts to a war, then this nation is permanently at war—a obliterated in the past eight years. condition the Founding Fathers insisted was irreconcilable with freedom. War crowns the president with monumental powers

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 31/124 • Cabin the scope of executive privilege. The next president must evidence that torture works. The Defense Department and the end the practice of invoking executive privilege to shield FBI renounce water-boarding, and intelligence veterans concur confidential presidential communications or advice from any that information derived from torture is worthless. Moreover, if examination by Congress absent an illicit legislative purpose, the United States tortures, the risk of torture to our own captured including exposure for the sake of political embarrassment. The soldiers climbs exponentially. The new president should next president should not defend the expansive claims of categorically renounce torture. It cannot be justified executive privilege of President Bush used to justify the pragmatically. And no civilized nation stoops to imitate the nonappearances of former White House Counsel Harriet Miers savagery of its enemies. and Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten before the House judiciary committee in the investigation of the firings of nine U.S. The ultimate stewards of the Constitution are We the People. attorneys. The next president should initiate criminal Grover Cleveland amplified this in his first inaugural address: prosecutions of the two for contempt of the House of "Every citizen owes to the country a vigilant watch and close Representatives. scrutiny of its public servants and a fair and reasonable estimate of their fidelity and usefulness. Thus is the people's will • Restore the role of warrants under FISA. The next president impressed upon the whole framework of our civil polity … and must immediately agree to go back to collecting foreign this is the price of our liberty and the inspiration of our faith in intelligence in conformity with the individualized warrant the Republic." provisions of FISA. He or she should not seek an extension of the Protect America Act—which authorizes group warrants akin to general writs of assistance, which were anathema to the Founding Fathers and prohibited by the Fourth Amendment. We have yet to be provided any evidence that FISA handicaps the fixing it president's collection of foreign intelligence any more than do congressional restrictions on breaking and entering homes, Education opening mail, or torture. FISA functioned without complaint Fixing education policy. By Jim Ryan from any president for more than two decades before President Bush determined, in secret, to defy it in the aftermath of 9/11. Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 8:10 AM ET And at this very moment, the president is operating under the old FISA law because the Protect America Act has not been extended with no proof of heightened danger to the nation. The Identifying what needs to be fixed in the field of education is next president should also convene a grand jury to determine easy: the No Child Left Behind Act, currently up for whether the government participants, in flouting FISA, should reauthorization but stalled in Congress pending the next election. be criminally prosecuted—including President Bush and Vice The elaborate law requires schools to test the bejeezus out of President Dick Cheney. If the rule of law means anything, it elementary- and middle-school students in reading and math, to means that occupants of the highest offices must turn square test them again in high school, and to sprinkle in a few science constitutional corners. tests along the way. Schools posting consistently poor test scores are supposed to be punished so that they'll clean up their acts and • Restore the state secrets privilege to ensure justice to victims of allow NCLB's ultimate goal to be achieved in 2014. The act constitutional misconduct. This doctrine is a rule of evidence imagines that essentially all students across the country will be fashioned by the courts, not a constitutional requirement. The "proficient" in that year, meaning that they'll all pass the battery Bush administration has successfully invoked the state secrets of standardized tests required by the NCLB. Hence the act's privilege to deny a remedy for victims of its own constitutional catchy title. wrongdoing, for example, the kidnapping, imprisonment, and maltreatment of Khaled El-Masri. When he sued the culpable NCLB was enacted in 2001 with huge bipartisan support, though unnamed CIA operatives, his case was dismissed because the many Democrats in Congress have since disclaimed if not identities of the constitutional scofflaws were a state secret, a denounced it, presumably having had some time to read it. The ruling more Kafkaesque than Kafka. The new president should act is at once the Bush administration's signature piece of submit legislation that would require a default judgment in favor education legislation, its most significant domestic policy of victims of unconstitutional conduct if the state secrets initiative, and the most intrusive federal education law in our privilege is invoked by the president to deny the plaintiffs a fair nation's history. The federal government provides less than 10 opportunity to prove their claims. percent of all education funding, yet NCLB drives education policy in every school district in the country. In short, it's a big • Torture should be categorically renounced. President Bush has deal. It's also in need of repair. No one—conservative or liberal, hedged on whether he would torture suspected al-Qaida Democrat or Republican—doubts that. detainees in hopes of extracting intelligence. There is no

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 32/124 • NCLB creates perverse incentives. The third and most That's the easy part. The hard part is how to fix it. Let's start with fundamental problem has to do with perverse incentives. Schools what not to do. must show annual improvements on test scores or face increasingly severe sanctions and the stigma of being labeled as • Don't scrap it. Some reformers advocate scrapping the whole failing. NCLB couples this punitive scheme with utter laxity thing and starting anew. Well-known education author/activist regarding the standards and tests themselves. States get to Jonathan Kozol recently went so far as to stage what he termed a develop their own standards, create their own tests, and set their "partial" hunger strike (others mercilessly called it a "diet") to own passing rates. Imagine if the EPA told the auto industry it protest the act. Efforts like Kozol's, designed to torpedo the act, would be fined heavily for polluting too much but let are rash. NCLB has big problems, but its core ideas—creating automakers decide for themselves what counts as "too much" high goals for all schools, ensuring accountability for meeting pollution. That's basically how NCLB works. them, and focusing attention on disadvantaged and minority students who are too often ignored—are worth retaining. That's It didn't take states very long to figure out how to play this weird why both the New York Times and writers for the National little game: Avoid failure by lowering the bar! And that's exactly Review have praised the basic idea of NCLB. what some did, either by making the tests easier or simply lowering the score needed to be considered "proficient." As a • Don't stop all testing; stop stupid testing. Most of the problems result of shenanigans like these, most state tests are not very caused by the act stem from its ridiculous test-and-punish hard to pass. That many schools still post poor scores is a sign of regime. Specifically, the act promotes the heavy use and misuse how far we still need to travel, but it's important to recognize not just of tests, but of stupid tests. This isn't a reason to abandon that, at a very basic level, this whole thing is a sham. NCLB, all testing; it is a reason, however, to come up with better tests despite lofty rhetoric to the contrary, is not about equalizing and better ways to use those tests to judge schools. opportunities in poor and rich, city and suburban schools; it's about making sure kids can learn some of the basics. No less, for sure, but also no more. There are three problems, in particular, that need addressing.

So what can the next president do to fix this mess? Propose an • We don't know enough about school quality. Current test amended NCLB for reauthorization and make sure the new results don't tell us all we need to know about schools. Far from version contains at least three key changes: it. Students are tested in reading and math and a little in science. Reading, math, and science are important, but so are social studies, history, literature, geography, art, and music. Instead of • Standardize the standards. It's time to create national standards telling us how schools are doing in these other subjects, NCLB and tests in at least reading, math, science, and social is turning them into endangered species by pushing schools— studies/history. National tests in the past have been nonstarters especially those that are struggling—to downplay if not ignore politically, but they have always polled well, and some subjects not tested. Many tests that are given further narrow the politicians are starting to come around. The reality is that the focus of education by relying on multiple-choice questions that current federal-state compromise isn't working and doesn't make reward memorization and regurgitation rather than analytical and sense in a shrinking and flattening world. Why should we expect creative thinking. less of a student in Mississippi than in Massachusetts? Do fractions and algebra matter in North Carolina but not North Dakota? • What we think we know may be wrong. The second problem is that looking at just a sheet of test scores is a lousy way to judge school quality. Standardized test results tend to track It's worth noting here that the best high-school students already socioeconomic status. As a teacher once remarked, the most take national tests, though we don't call them that. We call them accurate prediction you can make based on a student's test score Advanced Placement tests. No one argues that it would be better is her parents' income. Teachers and schools with middle-class to have 50 different AP tests in American history instead of one. kids will invariably look better than those with poor kids if the Why should only our best students have the advantage of a high- only measure is how many students in a particular year pass a quality, national testing system? test. What we can't tell from scores alone, because they don't tell us where students started or how much they progressed over the • Administer fewer tests. National tests should be given less year, is the value that a particular teacher or school has added to often, perhaps in only fourth, eighth, and 11th grades. This would a student's education. Basing teacher and school evaluations on a provide relief from the relentless test march that characterizes snapshot of a year's test scores makes about as much sense as elementary- and middle-school years, which would give judging investment advisers based on how much money they are breathing room for subjects like music and art while managing instead of the gains they earn for their clients. concentrating attention on key thresholds in education. Reducing the overall amount of tests should also improve the quality of the tests themselves.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 33/124 • Rank schools; don't prescribe punishments. The federal chip in, much as law schools cover the student loans of their government should get out of the business of telling states how graduates who go into public service. The longer the service, the to reform and punish their schools, and we should drop 2014 as more loans forgiven. The federal government should use this as our rendezvous with perfection. It's a gimmick that has outlived a model to encourage college graduates to go into teaching—and its usefulness and is now causing more harm than good as states to stay there for more than two years. grow increasingly desperate to find ways to avoid the looming possibility that most of their schools will be labeled as failing. • Preschool. It's clear that many children should start school The federal government should instead, right now, create a before kindergarten. The benefits of high-quality preschool, system to rank every school within a state. A ranking system especially for children from poorer families, easily outweigh the will provide both crucial information and create ongoing costs. States have recognized this and have pumped billions of pressure for reform. It will also take away the incentive to game dollars into preschool education over the last decade, but the testing system. Because some schools will always be ranked millions of children remain without access. The federal higher than others, there's no reason to try to make all students government, in conjunction with the states, should strive to look as if they're from Lake Wobegon. provide access at least to all 4-year-olds whose families cannot afford a high-quality preschool on their own. This would be both Scores on national tests should be one factor in the rankings but a politically popular measure and one of the single best not the only one. School quality should also be measured using investments any level of government could make. value-added assessments, crediting schools that make exceptional progress with their students, regardless of where More could be done, of course, but this is plenty for starters. All those students started. Other criteria should include graduation of these fixes will take real leadership and real money. But rates, measured fairly and uniformly; college-attendance rates; they're worthwhile and certainly better investments than our and parental satisfaction. Still other criteria, such as current response to educational failure: building more prisons. advancement from grade to grade, might be used for elementary and middle schools. Ranking systems aren't perfect, but using multiple criteria to rank schools should provide a much clearer and fuller picture of school quality. States can then decide on their own how they want to sanction or assist the low- performing schools. fixing it Tech Policy If and when NCLB is fixed, the next president should Jump-starting our tech policy. By Tim Wu concentrate on two key issues: teachers and preschool. Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 8:09 AM ET • Teachers and money. Math and science teachers are in short supply, and there aren't enough good teachers in high-poverty Perhaps the only thing that's actually improved over the last and high-minority schools. A partial answer to this problem has eight years under President Bush is technology (if not tech been known for a long time. It's called money. To attract more policy). In the sense that Nixon presided over an age of great and better qualified teachers, and to attract them to particular films like The Godfather, the Bush era was also the age of subjects and particular schools, we need to pay them more. The Wikipedia, search engines, YouTube, and Facebook. But the federal government has money. You see where this is headed. Bush system of benign neglect can only go so far, leaving plenty to fix as soon as the next president takes office. • Teachers and prestige. Money alone is not enough. Respect, prestige, and decent working conditions also matter. The federal Here are a few suggestions for things we can fix right away: government cannot monitor working conditions in tens of thousands of schools, but it can create a teaching program that restores prestige to the profession. Teach for America—which • Appoint a broadband czar. Most people in technology will tell places recent college graduates for two-year stints in some of the you that the leading problem today—the one thing sinking all most difficult schools in the nation—is inundated with boats, so to speak—is the broadband last mile, the final applications. In recent years, they've had to turn down four out connection between people and the Internet. Since 2000, of every five applicants, most from very good colleges. Indeed, computers have become faster, hard drives cheaper, and free e- in one year, 10 percent of the entire senior classes at Yale and mail better, but for the vast majority of Americans, Internet Dartmouth applied. access remains clunky. Same goes for wireless broadband (cell phones with good Internet access), which is arriving, but slowly The federal government should create a similar program by and expensively. These facts limit what everyone in the tech and agreeing to reimburse at least some of the college expenses of media industries can imagine as effective new products. They those who enter teaching. Colleges and universities should also are also beginning to put the United States at a disadvantage as

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 34/124 compared with nations in Asia and Europe that have invested commissioners show up with "team loyalty"—a duty to serve the more. interests of one of the major industries. And lax restraints on lobbying post-FCC service exacerbates the problem—why make It's a daunting problem with a long history of both public and your future boss angry? private failure. Unlike, say, building a better dating service, broadband is an infrastructure problem that requires solutions The next president needs to break this tradition. She or he should akin to improving roads or plumbing. National infrastructure search far and wide (yes, even outside of Washington, D.C.) for policy is tough, and, at its worst, Bush's approach has borrowed the wisest tech experts and visionaries to try to create an FCC largely from Emperor Nero. dream team. The yardstick is the 1927 commission. By 2010, we should ask whether the next administration has managed to at To start fixing things, the next president should immediately least equal President Coolidge in the quality of its appointments. announce a national broadband policy with this simple goal: to put the United States back into undisputed leadership in wireless • Fix international tech policy. The president has broad powers and wire-line broadband. But the question is how, and that's to set U.S. international tech policy, and the next president can where things get complicated. Proposed fixes abound: pay act to do so quickly. As with the FCC, the president has the Verizon, AT&T, or Comcast to build it? Treat the Internet's chance to staff the Office of the U.S. Trade Representative with pipes like the interstate highways, and have the government some of the best and brightest; he or she should also appoint a build them? Use tax credits to encourage consumers to buy their worthy successor to "Internet ambassador" David Gross in the own fiber connections? Sell property rights in spectrum or create State Department. The president can also act to reverse a few of a "mesh" wireless commons? the uglier policy practices that have crept in.

No one really knows what the best answer is. That's why the Here's a leading example: Today, the United States—at the next president should appoint a specialized broadband czar to get request of the domestic drug industry—continues to sanction after the problem. Right now, broadband is no one's poorer nations for trying to make available low-cost medicines responsibility, and the buck keeps getting passed between for their citizens. For much of the 1990s, the drug industry and industry, Congress, the White House, and the FCC. The point of the U.S. government insisted that the sale of affordable generic a czar would be to make it someone's job to figure out what it AIDS drugs in African nations would be bad for innovation and will take to fix broadband. global health. Under heavy pressure, the Clinton administration in 1999 swore it wouldn't punish poorer nations that break • Create the FCC dream team. The next president will have the patents to sell cheap AIDS drugs, and Bush pledged to respect opportunity to appoint an entirely new Federal Communications that policy. But as recently as last year, the United States was Commission. The FCC is the principal American regulator of pressuring Thailand to abandon its efforts to provide cheaper communications, setting many of the most important rules for AIDS drugs to its citizens—even though Thailand had followed information economy. The appointment opportunity shouldn't be WTO rules in doing so. wasted—the next president could and should dramatically transform what the FCC can be. U.S. backsliding in this area is indefensible and creates plenty of bad international karma. The next president should declare early Once upon a time, actual experts were appointed to the on that the United States will no longer put trade pressure on commission. The first commission, in 1927, was, as historian developing countries using WTO-compliant means to make Philip Rosen writes, "a remarkable group." It included a former medicine more affordable. admiral who was a naval radio expert, an inspector from the Commerce Department, an engineer and editor from McGraw- • The technology of transparent government. One of the great Hill, a practicing broadcaster with a Ph.D. in English, and a state and enduring accomplishments of the Bush administration was Supreme Court judge. Today, none of these people would be that it undermined once and for all the argument that the best considered for the job. decisions are made in secret. Some of Bush's more grotesque mistakes—like the decision to spy on American citizens without Instead of communications expertise, the leading qualifications warrants—might have been averted by even a tiny amount of are now mostly political. Preferred experience includes time transparency. logged as a Capitol Hill staffer or in state government; work as a Washington, D.C., telecom attorney and/or lobbyist; some Bush leaves behind a transparency tradition somewhere between campaign experience; and buy-in from a major industry. Yes, Brezhnev and Dracula. A new administration can and should many talented people possess these qualifications, and the FCC change that—but giving people information about what the has, and continues to have, great leaders. But at some level the government is doing is actually an information-technology approach is like choosing from among Nike's lawyers to find problem. To an Internet user, what the government really lacks coaches for the U.S. Olympic team. At its worst, it means today is a good search engine or wiki to find out what's going

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 35/124 on. The White House, perhaps through a CTO- or CIO-like fixing it figure, can find out what the barriers to transparency are, how The Military many are unnecessary, and what can make it easier for citizens How to fix the U.S. military. to follow their government. Whether that means turning the next By Phillip Carter and Fred Kaplan White House into a four-year episode of Real World, I leave to Monday, March 31, 2008, at 7:12 AM ET the next administration to decide.

Long-term solutions The next president will inherit a military in strange shambles. Its soldiers fight extremely well, but its army is on the brink of • Immigration. The insanity of the current U.S. immigration breaking. Its budget is enormous, but most of the money goes to policy hurts not just the conscience but the tech industries as weapons that have little to do with promoting real security. well. Yes, Congress controls immigration levels, but the new Some official documents detail the problems and outline president can certainly push for more visas for highly skilled solutions, but too often they aren't translated into action. The foreign workers. Otherwise, innovation will follow the talent, principal task, therefore, is to do just that—in the face of whether it's in India, Ireland, or Palau. enormous bureaucratic resistance.

• Patents and prizes. The United States patent system drifted into a state of generally recognized insanity in the late 1990s, turning the supposed friend of innovation into a menace. In its darkest days, the U.S. Patent Office and the Federal Circuit Court • Overhaul the budget. If you'd awakened from a 20-year-long essentially threw open the patent store and let anyone take what slumber and glanced at the current defense budget, you'd think they wanted. Hence the years of ridiculous patents on the Cold War were still raging. President Bush's budget request sandwiches and anti-gravity space vehicles, along with industry- for the next fiscal year—totaling $541 billion, not including endangering patents used to force settlements out of innovators money for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan—is dominated by like RIM and Microsoft. aircraft carriers, submarines, fighter jets, and ultratech combat fighting vehicles, i.e., the sorts of weapons you'd need to fight To their credit, the Supreme Court and the Patent Office have in the sort of comparably armed superpower that no longer exists. recent years fixed a few of the worst problems, but issues Members of Congress impose no discipline on this remain. The next president or his surrogate must lean heavily on extravagance—they scarcely even ask whether all these the Patent Office to take seriously its responsibility as an programs are necessary—for fear of accusations that they're effective gatekeeper of patent quality. The deeper cure has two weak on defense or soft on terror. parts: The first is pushing for a system that allows opposition to patent applications and other reforms, like the famous "gold- Yet there is a way out of this paralysis. In each of the past few plated patent" proposal championed by Mark Lemley, Douglas years, Bush has put all the costs of Iraq, Afghanistan, and "the Lichtman, and Bhaven Sampat. The second is starting to longer war on terror" into a separate "supplemental" to the rebalance the pro-patent Federal Circuit, arguably among the budget. The next president should ask the defense secretary to do more activist courts in the nation and the recent target of a two things: First, make sure everything in the supplemental Supreme Court crackdown. The president can appoint judges to really is needed for those wars (tens of billions of dollars' worth the Federal Circuit Court of Appeals (the patent court) who are don't appear to be); second, announce that everything else is both respected experts yet also believe that more patent isn't back on the table. There hasn't been a "bottom-up review" of the always better. defense budget—a systematic look at the requirements of security—since the end of the Cold War. It's time to conduct In addition to patent reform, over the last decade economists one, seriously. We don't have the money to stay this course. have urged limits to the patent as a tool of encouraging invention. More economists think there needs be a greater role • Rejigger the military services. One obstacle to rational military for "innovation prizes"—prizes for beneficial inventions that, for planning is that, for the past 40 years, by unspoken agreement, one reason or another, the commercial patent system doesn't the defense budget has been evenly split among the Army, the seem to do a good job of encouraging. Examples are renewable- Navy, and the Air Force. To do otherwise—to announce, for energy technologies or treatments for diseases in developing instance, that the Army needs 20 percent more money and the countries. If we can afford to put a price on the head of Osama other services could each get by with 10 percent less—would set Bin Laden, why not one for inventing a malaria vaccine? off a firestorm inside the Pentagon and wreck the interservice cooperation that has marked U.S. military campaigns in recent years. So, over the next several years, certain missions should be played up, others played down. Because the current Air Force is

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 36/124 dominated by fighter pilots, the Air Force's No. 1 priority today military forces or proven adept in other skills that will likely be is to build as many F-22 fighter planes as it can, at a cost of essential in future conflicts. (There is precedent for this: As a hundreds of billions of dollars—even though they would play no result of the Goldwater-Nichols reforms passed by Congress in role in any foreseeable war over the next two decades. One way 1986, all new generals must have experience in a joint—i.e., to wean them off such weapons is to build up (and put more multiservice—unit.) ) The Army should also consider "360- money into) other Air Force missions—for example, cargo- degree evaluation"—i.e., consultation by junior, as well as transport planes (to carry ground forces and their gear), close- senior, officers—in order to identify the most talented leaders in air-support planes (to fire shells or drop bombs in support of its ranks. (Corporate America has long employed this troops on the ground), or to provide security for bases (many Air technique.) Force personnel have been reassigned to do just that). The defense secretary could announce that the service's continued • Create incentives for a real nation-building or share of the budget depends on boosting the importance of those counterinsurgency capability. The Army's new field manual on missions. (This is, bureaucratically, a long-term project.) "Full-Spectrum Operations" says that "stability operations" are just as important as combat. However, these words will ring • Fix the Army. The Army is (barely) meeting its recruitment hollow unless and until more troops are trained in such goals by lowering standards and dishing out large bonuses. And, operations and more officers with expertise in that area are despite paying equally large rewards for retention bonuses, it is promoted to general. A year ago, a unit was created in Ft. Riley, now hemorrhaging talented junior and midgrade officers. The Kan., home of the 1st Infantry Division, specifically to train Iraq war, with its grueling and never-ending deployment advisers—officers who would go advise Iraqi and Afghan schedules, is the main reason for this. (Defense Secretary Robert security forces. Several Pentagon officials, including Secretary Gates said recently that Army recruiters face a serious challenge Robert Gates, said that this was one of the Army's most as long as signing up means getting assigned to Iraq.) But Iraq is important missions. The commander of the unit was Lt. Col. only part of the problem—and thus getting out of Iraq will John Nagl, one of the Army's top experts in counterinsurgency. provide only a part of the solution. But Nagl has since complained that the unit was filled on an "ad hoc" basis and that many of the trainers had no experience as • Invest in people. When the draft ended in 1973, the Army advisers. He has now decided to leave the Army. We—and, chiefs shifted incentives from veterans' benefits (such as the GI more importantly, other officers—will know that the Pentagon is Bill) to enlistment bonuses. This approach has now gone too far, taking this putative goal seriously when the unit is commanded resulting in a "transactional" mindset that hurts morale and by a general and when officers who go out in the field as warps the military's credo of service. The next defense secretary advisers are promoted as routinely as those deployed as infantry should shift back to the old approach: Fund civilian education fighters. for enlisted personnel and officers; provide leave for them to pursue bachelors' and graduate degrees between deployments; • Spread the responsibilities around. Civilian experts are give educational grants to family members as compensation for probably better than sergeants at the kinds of stability operations the hardships of repeated moves; invest in immersive training in described above. So, the next president should see that more foreign languages and cultures. These things will produce better money goes to the State Department, USAID, and other officers, as well as happier ones. agencies—many of which have nascent offices of stability operations and foreign assistance—and let them do the jobs. • Promote the right leaders. Owing to a shortage of officers, Secretary Gates urged this course (even if he didn't volunteer to almost anyone can get promoted to lieutenant colonel. Beyond hand over any of the Pentagon's billions). Some senior Army that, the Army's promotion boards are a hidebound lot— officers have told us that, for certain urgent tasks in Iraq and notorious for favoring officers who resemble themselves and for Afghanistan, they would rather have 500 more Foreign Service especially screening out intellectuals, mavericks, and officers than 5,000 more soldiers. If wars—or foreign policies strategically minded warriors. (Gen. David Petraeus—who generally—are national campaigns, the burden should be carried possesses a rare mix of leadership talent, soldierly prowess, by the national government more broadly. intelligence, raw ambition, and luck—is one of a handful of exceptions.) Junior officers read each year's promotion list as • Taxes. On that subject, if we're not going to return to military they would tea leaves; it tells them what types of officers are conscription, more citizens have to contribute something to desired and what types are not. Many creative officers leave the national defense—if not their blood, then more of their treasure. Army after realizing that it holds no future for them. All the steps outlined above—especially those that involve recruiting and retaining qualified personnel—are very expensive. Technically, the president and Congress must approve all And they can't all be paid for by canceling the F-22 and other promotions. Therefore, either could require that a certain Cold War relics. Nor should they be paid for by borrowing more percentage of new brigadier generals possess specific qualities cash from China. If we want to continue the kind of military or backgrounds—for instance, that they have trained foreign we're pursuing, and the kinds of wars we're fighting, then let's

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 37/124 pass a surtax to pay for it. If we don't want to pay for it, then let's post. The real agenda at the Annapolis summit, just before then, drop the whole idea—scale back our missions in the world and was to corral the Sunni nations into an anti-Iran coalition. But figure out some other way to fulfill them. that won't happen—the leaders won't ally themselves so openly with the United States—until we at least seem to get serious about the Israeli-Palestinian talks. Each of the region's problems has its own dynamic, but each is also linked to the others. Bush has always known this. In 2002-03, he thought that the road to fixing it Jerusalem went through Baghdad (i.e., that by toppling Saddam and transforming Iraq into a democracy, the neighboring Foreign Policy dictators would fall like dominoes)—when, if anything, the road What it will take to heal U.S. diplomacy. goes in the opposite direction. Bush's father and Bill Clinton By Fred Kaplan employed Dennis Ross as a full-time Middle East envoy. His job Sunday, March 30, 2008, at 10:46 PM ET was to douse the flame whenever anyone lit a match and to pounce on any opportunity for a strategic breakthrough. As long The next president must repair our tarnished image in the world as Arafat ruled the PLO, such opportunities were perhaps and restore some of our lost power. The good news is that, in illusory. Ross or someone like him should go back to do what he some respects, the one goal goes along with the other. The bad used to do—in a more fluid, intriguing setting. news is that both are harder than they may seem, because our diminished condition stems not just from President Bush's • Iraq: Use the troops as leverage. Most Democrats realize that policies but from our victory in the Cold War, which total withdrawal in the next few years is impractical. If John paradoxically made us weaker. McCain is elected, the Joint Chiefs will inform him that his vision of a 100-year occupation is impossible. (If deployments This seems odd at first glance (didn't we emerge as "the sole continue at anywhere near current levels, the Army might break superpower"?), but for all its horrors, the Cold War was a system before the end of his first term.) The goal should be to withdraw of international security. The world was dominated by the as quickly as possible while trying to keep Iraq from going up in United States and the Soviet Union, and the countries in between flames. Some believe Iraq's leaders won't get their act together often subordinated their own interests to accommodate—in the until they see that we really are leaving. Maybe. But it's equally, West by choice, in the East by force—the interests of their if not more, plausible that there is no act for them to get together superpower protector. When the USSR evaporated, we didn't and that the prospect of our departure will drive each faction to step into the vacuum; the vacuum expanded. Old allies realized retreat and prepare for the imminent civil war. The major parties they could go their own ways and pursue their own interests with want us to leave—but not now. One way to exploit this less regard for what Washington thought. Other powers—China ambivalence: Start the withdrawal but attach benchmarks. (The especially—moved up in the world, offering alternative old benchmarks, which Bush put in place but ignored when they alignments. weren't met, might still be suitable.) If the Iraqis meet certain benchmarks, we'll suspend the withdrawal and help consolidate Bush accelerated this development by failing to recognize it. He the progress until the next benchmark. If the Iraqis fail to meet and his top aides thought that since we were now all-powerful, them, we will continue the withdrawal. The surge—in fact, our allies were no longer necessary—when, in fact, they were more entire military presence—is a means to an end: an instrument to necessary, and harder to lure, than ever. The next president will provide security while Iraq's leaders settle their sectarian feuds. have to do what Bush failed to do—step up diplomatic activity, If the feuds are irresolvable, we can do only so much; there is renovate old alliances, devise new ones—not just because little point in keeping our thumbs (and most of our fingers) diplomacy is preferable to war but because we have no choice. plugging up holes in the bursting dike. If Iraq were like South In short, if handled shrewdly, the things the next president must Korea or postwar Europe (or even Bosnia), that would be one do to repair our image will also enhance our power. thing; but no Americans died in combat after those wars were over and the long occupations began. That's not the case with Here are some of the main things: Iraq.

• Prevent Iraq's internal violence from spreading into neighboring countries. One can imagine Iran intervening to help the Shiites; Saudi Arabia or Egypt or Jordan stepping up to aid the Sunnis; Turkey moving in to crush the Kurds—in short, the • Travel to all the Middle East countries and leave behind a full- civil war morphing into a regionwide conflagration. The next time envoy to the region. It is appalling that President Bush president, working with the United Nations, the Arab League, or made his first trip to Israel and the Palestinian territories in his whatever entities are suitable, should convene a regional final year and, even then, did nothing—and that he assured the conference. There should be no utopian aspirations. It should be envoy whom he did (finally) appoint that the job was a part-time

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 38/124 a businesslike office where delegates of the interested nations foreigners regularly meet, so that if the violence does begin to spread, there A Wrinkle in the Fabric of Society will already be a forum for trying to contain it. This measure In Turkey, head scarves are potent political symbols. would save many days or weeks—which could mean all the By Anne Applebaum difference in the world. Monday, March 31, 2008, at 8:01 PM ET

• In certain neighboring countries … In 2006, Condoleezza Rice was asked why she wasn't talking with Syria. She replied, "The It can be a little wisp of fabric, nothing more. It comes in longer Syrians know what they need to do." Maybe, but they didn't versions, shorter versions, versions that cover the hair, others know what was in it for them if they did—what they would get that cover the face. According to Le Monde, you can even get a for walking away from the Iranians and coming over to our side. Viennese stylist to design one in the manner of "Catherine Zeta- Spelling out the trade is what diplomacy is about. Maybe there's Jones or Naomi Campbell," with a whiff of supermodel glamour. nothing we can reasonably offer that they'd accept; but there's no harm in trying. But whatever shape it takes, and whatever you want to call it, the political controversy surrounding the scarves that many (though • Separately, open up talks with Iran with an eye toward not all) Islamic women use to cover their heads will not go negotiating a "grand bargain." These talks should cover all away. The debate surrounding head scarves, banned in French issues—including Western capital investment and the end of schools and some German state institutions, has just re-emerged sanctions in exchange for concessions on enriching uranium and at the center of an extraordinary lawsuit, one that could, if supporting terrorism. This effort may not go anywhere. But successful, bring down the Turkish government. Bush's hostile rhetoric has only bolstered Ahmadinejad's domestic support. Diplomatic overtures, if made openly and (by all appearances) sincerely, may undermine his resistance to Brought by the chief prosecutor of Turkey, the suit—to put it reform. bluntly and briefly—accuses the ruling party of violating Turkey's Constitution, and it proposes to evict its leaders, including the prime minister and the president, from politics. • Work toward new Pakistani alliances. In Pakistan, the situation The central point of this sticky legal clash between the is so fluid and uncertain, it's hard to know at this point what "secularism" of the Turkish Constitution and the "will of the policies ought to be pursued 10 months from now. But backing nation," as the ruling party calls it (or the "dictatorship of the away from Musharraf and moving toward whatever coalition of majority," in the words of Turkey's chief prosecutor), is the head parties the Pakistani people support (as long as the Taliban or al- scarf: Last February, the government lifted a long-standing ban Qaida aren't involved) would be a smart move. In these kinds of on the wearing of them at universities, and Turkey's secular situations, it's wise to invoke the Realist's slogan: Nations have classes are furious. interests, not friends. (In this case, our hardheaded security interests and our moral aspirations—to create conditions for the survival and, if possible, the spread of democracy—coincide.) This kind of controversy is not entirely new to Turkey, where political parties have been banned in the past (and prime ministers hanged in the more distant past) for insufficient • Pursue public diplomacy. What we do sends a more potent secularism. What strikes me as important this time around is the signal to the world than the cleverest PR campaign. But once we enduring significance, once again, of that simple piece of cloth. start doing smarter things, we should also be smart about promoting our efforts. For instance: Revive the U.S. Information Agency—a once-vast independent entity that (though lecture To outsiders, the issue usually seems petty. (The International programs, libraries, concerts, etc.) promoted not American Herald Tribune titled its editorial on the subject "Much Ado policy but American values. Send as emissaries abroad people About Head Scarves.") Those with an Anglo-American bias— who understand the language and the area (not well-meaning myself included—have often been persuaded that the issue is provincials like Karen Hughes). Expand the Foreign Service. one of personal liberty: A head scarf should be a matter of Offer scholarships for intense study in crucial languages. Train "choice." But if politicians are grandstanding about head scarves, customs officers to treat foreign visitors more courteously at maybe that's because head scarves, at least in Turkey and a few embassies and airports. It should be possible to be vigilant about other places, are political symbols and not purely religious security without assuming that every tourist is a terrorist. "choices" at all.

Fairly or not, in certain Turkish communities, a head covering in fact marks the wearer not just as faithful but as a believer in a particular version of Islam. Fairly or not, the head scarf carries with it, at least in Turkey, partisan connotations, as well as a suggestion of the wearer's views of women. Political scientist

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 39/124 Zeyno Baran pointed out to me that most of the wives of the how faulty memory hurts candidates on the campaign trail, and current Turkish political leadership wear head scarves, that most the 10th anniversary of Viagra. of them donned the scarves after their marriages, and that most of them never worked or studied again after they wed. You can Here are links to some of the articles and other items mentioned see why women who want something different might feel in the show: threatened. John on Hillary Clinton's will to live In fact, the Turkish ban was first instituted in the 1980s precisely Jeff Greenfield on primary lessons to protect these bareheaded women, as well as the secular Mickey Kaus on the first time Obama attended the Rev. students who wanted to remain so. For 20 years or so, the ban Jeremiah Wright's church was relatively successful. After a few initial protests, it was "Today's Blogs" on Hillary misspeaking about her trip to Bosnia widely accepted—how else can a deeply divided society survive, Emily recommends the film Fifty Nude Women unless it creates zones of neutrality?—at least until the current A public opinion poll finds that 22 percent of Democratic voters government tried to get rid of it again this year. nationwide say Hillary Clinton should drop out of the race, but 22 percent also say Barack Obama should drop out For the record, the French head-scarf ban—though widely mocked when instituted in 2004—is at the moment considered a Posted by Dale Willman on March 28 at 11:51 a.m. great success, at least by the French government. Droves of girls did not drop out of school, as predicted. Every year, French March 26, 2008 officials say, there are fewer conflicts over the issue. Over time, they argue, Muslim girls will find it easier to integrate into French society. Listen to Cultural Gabfest No. 4 with critics Stephen Metcalf, Meghan O'Rourke, and John Swansburg by clicking the arrow on the audio player below: None of which is to say that Turkey's supreme court can or should oust the Turkish government: I'll let Turkey's lawyers fight that one out. But if they try to do so, let's not pretend it's unimportant. And if, someday, this argument comes to our You can also download the program here, or you can subscribe shores, let's not be surprised by that. In the end, the head-scarf to the weekly Gabfest podcast feed in iTunes by clicking here. debate isn't about a wisp of fabric but about the viability of secular Islam itself. In this week's Cultural Gabfest, our critics discuss whether Barack Obama was channeling Walt Whitman, whether the head of JPMorgan was channeling Gordon Gekko, and whether English professors should be channeling Wal-Mart associates. gabfest Here are links to some of the articles and other items mentioned The Corkscrew Landing Gabfest in the show: Listen to Slate's review of the week in politics. By Emily Bazelon, John Dickerson, and William Saletan Barack Obama's "A More Perfect Union" speech Friday, March 28, 2008, at 11:50 AM ET Walt Whitman's Song of Myself New York magazine's profile of Jamie Dimon Click here for the most recent Cultural Gabfest. Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko in Wall Street Joseph Schumpeter's "Creative Destruction" Listen to the Gabfest for March 28 by clicking the arrow on the The New York Times'"You Say Recession, I Say 'Reservations!' audio player below: " NOBU restaurant in New York City Gerald Graff's Professing Literature: An Institutional History Meghan's pick: The Hakawati by Rabih Alameddine You can also download the program here, or you can subscribe John's pick: Dispatches by Michael Herr to the weekly Gabfest podcast feed in iTunes by clicking here. Stephen's pick: Boys and Girls in America from the Hold Steady

John Dickerson, Emily Bazelon, and guest Will Saletan gather in Posted by Andy Bowers on March 26 at 8:16 p.m. Slate's Washington, D.C., studio to discuss whether Hillary Clinton has any chance of winning the Democratic nomination, March 21, 2008

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 40/124 Listen to the Gabfest for March 21 by clicking the arrow on the To include those who will not be drinking, John Dickerson audio player below: introduced this week's supermarket-aisle chatter in place of the usual cocktail chatter. Emily pointed out an upcoming Second You can also download the program here, or you can subscribe Amendment case before the Supreme Court; David marveled at to the weekly Gabfest podcast feed in iTunes by clicking here. Marion Barry's political resilience; and John introduced this week's best listener-submitted sports metaphors. Emily Bazelon, John Dickerson and David Plotz discuss Barack Obama's speech, the fifth anniversary of the Iraq war, and the The e-mail address for the Political Gabfest is guns case before the Supreme Court. [email protected].(E-mail may be quoted by name unless the writer stipulates otherwise.) The e-mail address for the Political Gabfest is [email protected].(E-mail may be quoted by name unless the Posted by Alex Joseph on March 14 at 3:30 p.m. writer stipulates otherwise.) March 12, 2008 Posted by June Thomas on March 24 at 12:10 p.m. Listen to Cultural Gabfest No. 3 with critics Stephen Metcalf, March 14, 2008 Dana Stevens, and John Swansburg by clicking the arrow on the audio player below: Listen to the Gabfest for March 14 by clicking the arrow on the audio player below: You can also download the program here, or you can subscribe to the weekly Gabfest podcast feed in iTunes by clicking here. You can also download the program here, or you can subscribe to the weekly Gabfest podcast feed in iTunes by clicking here. Our newest podcast, the Cultural Gabfest, is back just in time to take on the Eliot Spitzer meltdown and how it's echoing through Emily Bazelon, John Dickerson, and David Plotz gather in the media. Critics Stephen Metcalf, Dana Stevens, and John Slate's Washington, D.C, studio to discuss the impact of New Swansburg also discuss the recent rash of fake memoirs and a York Gov. Eliot Spitzer's resignation, how Geraldine Ferraro's breakout blog that claims to shed light on stuff white people like. comments can help or hurt each Democratic candidate's campaign, and the ongoing murmurs about a Clinton-Obama Here are links to some of the items mentioned in this week's dream ticket. episode:

Eliot Spitzer's involvement with a prostitute and subsequent "The Fake Memoirist's Survival Guide" on Slate resignation dominated the discussion. Of particular note, the A Fan's Notes by Frederick Exley Gabfest team explored the possibility that Spitzer did not pay The Stuff White People Like blog enough. They discussed a post on "The XX Factor" that argues Stuff White People Like on NPR's Talk of the Nation that finding sex may not be easier for powerful men. They also Dana Stevens' recommended movie: Chop Shop looked at the consequences of Spitzer's resignation on his John Swansburg's recommended fake memoir: Amazons: An superdelegate vote. Intimate Memoir by the First Women To Play in the National Hockey League by Cleo Birdwell (aka Don DeLillo) A roundup of Slate's coverage of the Eliot Spitzer scandal can be Stephen Metcalf's recommended TV show: Top Gear from BBC found here. America

The discussion then turned to Geraldine Ferraro's racially loaded Posted by Andy Bowers at 11:55 a.m. comments and the impact they will have on each campaign. Emily conceded that Ferraro's comments held some truth, although her phrasing was deeply flawed. March 7, 2008 Finally, the Gabfest panelists doubted the possibility of a dream ticket between the two major Democratic candidates. Emily was To play the March 7 Political Gabfest, click the arrow on the particularly taken with Clinton's recent ads, which, she believes, audio player below: have successfully planted the seed in voters' minds that Obama is the "unready" candidate. You can also download the program here, or you can subscribe to the weekly Gabfest podcast feed in iTunes by clicking here.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 41/124 Emily Bazelon, John Dickerson, and David Plotz gather in The adult's dream of a flowery haven full of teaching Slate's Washington studio to discuss Hillary Clinton's comeback, opportunities quickly comes into conflict with the child's natural John McCain's White House photo-op, and Margaret B. Jones' energy and need to act on things, not just look at them. fake memoir. Here are some suggestions for how to decrease conflict and Here are some of the stories mentioned in the podcast: increase your and your young charge's chances of success. The desired outcome in this arena consists of plants that stay alive David Greenberg's "History Lesson" on how Democrats always and no child or parent actually weeping or throwing things. take forever to pick a nominee A Slate V discussion of Tuesday's results, featuring Emily ~ Don't wait until July. It will be too hot to plant, and there will Bazelon, Dahlia Lithwick, and Melinda Hennenberger be slim pickings at the nursery. Slate's coverage of fake memoir week (check out the links at the top of the page) ~ Be flexible. The act of gardening, with its necessary adjustments to weather and terrain and plagues and pests, Charlotte Allen's "Outlook" essay and the outraged response on forcefully promotes flexibility. Now, you're interacting with a "XX Factor" small human being with a short attention span as well as with the "Trailhead" on Yes, Pecan ice cream and the hijacked larger forces of nature. conference call Bend a bit in matters of taste. While you're imagining an all- Gabfest listener Neal Jahren was nice enough to set up an white garden, your child will be picking out the orange marigold unofficial Facebook fan page for the show. If you'd like to join that goes badly with every other color, especially his or her next the discussion there, here's the link. selection, the red petunia with white stripes that resembles nothing in nature.

~ Start small. Many an adult tells of being turned off gardening If you have ideas for the most appropriate sports metaphor for for life by being given the chore of weeding a parent's half-acre. the Democratic slugfest, or if you'd just like to tell us what you Your child can grow a surprising amount of interesting stuff in a think about the show, our e-mail address is [email protected]. half-barrel in the sun. Take care to put drainage holes in the (E-mail may be quoted by name unless the writer stipulates bottom and fill it with a lightweight sterile soil mix rather than otherwise.) Posted by June Thomas at 6:16 p.m. yard dirt. Mix in slow-release fertilizer pellets. String twine up a wall onto hooks. Have your child plant seeds of a vine like morning glory or small gourds or scarlet runner bean. Go to a farmers market or nursery and let him or her pick out a trailing annual like petunias or verbena for the barrel's edge and some gardening spearmint for an area that will be shaded. Water with a watering can, not a hose, gently and thoroughly. (More later on the dire Kinder-Gardening consequences of child plus hose.) How to teach your child to tend the land without losing your mind. By Constance Casey Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 12:53 PM ET You could stick with the half-barrel or go bigger by preparing a sunny 4-by-6-foot spot. Surround this small patch with boards to define it. Put a narrow board across it, so your child can reach the plants without stepping on them or the soil. Improve the soil Ah, there's nothing like spring with your child joining you in the before you plant. In a city, this means a well-gloved adult will garden. Little hands at work in the sweet, crumbly soil to create remove glass, cans, bottle caps, cigarettes, rocks, and lumps of a wee enchanted fairyland. Phooey! (Or a stronger expletive.) concrete. Spread compost or well-rotted manure on the soil and dig it in lightly. Save the big rocks. Your child can use them to Tending a garden is not trivial work. To do any kind of outline the planted bed so the plot won't get stepped on. gardening is to balance disorder and order, chaos and control. To be a parent is to deal with the same forces. To see why it's important to be clear about where not to walk, picture an outdoor birthday party for a dozen 4-year-olds. Pavers Certainly, children can get a lot of pleasure from growing are great—kids can hopscotch along them. Raised beds for flowers and vegetables. But let go of the sweet fantasy of the vegetables and precious plants are even better for keeping plants toddler tending the bean from seed to stalk or the kindergartner out of harm's way. struck dumb with wonder as you explain evolution, photosynthesis, and genetically modified organisms.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 42/124 ~ Select structures that work for both adults and children. With a For a child's cutting garden, cosmos and black-eyed Susans small yard, you have to decide whether you want a playground provide the classic grandmother-pleasing daisy shape. You will or a garden. A playground, unless it involves a swimming pool, want to demonstrate to your youngster that when you pull on a gets old fast. The abandoned jungle gym and the rusted swing flower stem, you often pull up the whole plant. Trust your child set are clichés for a desolate place; leave play structures to park with small scissors with rounded ends. planners. Instead, make a big, sturdy bench—it could be no more than firmly planted cinder blocks and a thick, wide board. A Children are supposed to like plants that are pretty, but they child can jump on and off it and, when exhausted, sit and rest really, truly like plants that are weird, even monstrous. One very beside you. Any kind of platform, as small as a bench or as big easy monster perennial is joe pye weed, which can get to be 6 as a deck, works as a lookout, a stage, an island, or a fort. feet tall, with meadowy pink flowers that are attractive to butterflies. ~ Let the child make a mess, but not everywhere. If you take a minute to watch a child enter a yard, you'll see him sizing up the The tropical plants commonly known as elephant ears are place for somewhere to climb, somewhere to dig, and weirdly beautiful. One of them, esculenta black magic has huge somewhere to hide. Give your kid and a friend some trowels and leaves that emerge green and turn to purply-black. Another, a well-defined place where you want the soil loosened up. Alocasia amazonica, has dark-green leaves with dramatic white veins, in the shape of an African mask. When putting shrubs beside a shed or garage, plant those hydrangeas or viburnums 4 feet away from the structure, leaving There's an easy rose bush, Rosa chinensis mutabilis, with orange room for a hiding place. Spread pine-bark nuggets underfoot to buds that open to yellow, orange, pink, and pinkish-red. cut down on mud; the bark will smell good when it warms up. Combine it with the buddleia that has orange-pink and purple all on the same flower. ~ Choose plants that will give you a relatively fast payoff. There are some seeds that can go right into the ground in that 4-by-6- ~ Supervise watering. (Imagine that birthday party if one of the foot space. 4-year-olds gets a hold of a hose.) Watering is both the most important thing for keeping plants alive and the biggest danger The whole plot could be sunflowers from seed. Food plants that in gardening with children, power saws aside. A blast of water work well from seeds sown directly outdoors include beans, tears or uproots small plants, washes away soil, and splatters peas, carrots, radishes, and summer squash. If you combine leaves with mud. sunflowers with food, place the sunflowers where they won't shade everything else. It isn't easy to get across the concept of watering slowly and thoroughly, letting the water sink in. This is why God created For plants like tomatoes, buy seedlings. (There are very few watering cans. An adult or some calm, sane child should use the home windowsills sunny enough to grow healthy tomato hose to fill the watering can. You then have a very pretty seedlings indoors.) camera-ready tableau. Because your child will probably get bored after the second watering can, the adult in the garden A surprisingly cool plant for children is Brussels sprouts. A 3- needs to use a hose (with a soaker nozzle) to water the garden inch seedling grows a stupendously strong and thick trunk by the next morning. harvest time. The sprouts are fantastic plucked when they're the size of a baby fingernail. ~ Finally, teach by example more than by explaining. If an adult is working in a concentrated, calm, meditative manner, it is a Should you grow a squash like zucchetta trombolina (one of the very good bet that a child will interrupt. With luck, the selections in the John Scheepers seed collection "A Child's interruption will come with the question What are you doing and Garden of Wonder"), harvest those green submarines when why? they're small, or you will be overwhelmed. Prickly squash leaves can irritate skin, not enough to hurt but enough to provide a The last but most important step: Take a look together every day lesson in how plants protect themselves from browsing animals. at what's growing.

Also look for plants that are very pleasant to touch. Many of the *** scented geraniums have leaves that are both velvety and fragrant. Lamb's ears really are gray and fuzzy, and easy to grow Some inspired advice: "Recognize that kids' gardening priorities in well-drained soil. are different, well, practically opposite of adults'." That comes from Cheryl Dorschner, a columnist at the Burlington Free Press. Here's a particularly good Web site for more information.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 43/124 March 28, 2008

Order in the court: Your Hollywoodland correspondent hollywoodland decided to take a firsthand look at the Pellicano trial on The Office Spinoff Thursday, arriving in the midst of seemingly endless testimony And other news from the NBC "in-front." about how phone companies work. By Kim Masters Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 5:56 PM ET Even Pellicano—balding, wearing unfashionable glasses and his prison-issue, olive-drab windbreaker—yawned as he watched Yee-haw: NBC promised year-round fun at its "in-fronts," held the endless cross-examination. Seated along the defendant's row Wednesday afternoon. The network doesn't have many new hits with Pellicano were accused co-conspirators from the phone to tout, so it's trying to lure advertisers with an ambitious plan: company and the police department. The courtroom, with its original shows 12 months a year. And instead of waiting until high vaulted ceiling and rows of recessed lights, felt like a weird May to present its plans at the upfronts, NBC is tossing a lot at converted airplane hangar. the wall right now. There was momentary hope that things might perk up when the Here's a little dish on the fates of what may be your favorite phone company guy got off the stand and Freddie DeMann, shows: former partner with Madonna in Maverick Records, stepped up. He testified about shelling out $135,000 for Pellicano to snoop The Office will be paired with a spinoff, but NBC is not telling on his son-in-law to establish whether he was cheating on anything about it—except that it's supposed to launch after the DeMann's daughter. He admitted to listening to revealing taped Super Bowl. Interest in the original show is such that "all our phone conversations involving that son-in-law. The testimony Office scripts are watermarked," Ben Silverman, the co-chairman was awkward but not devastating. One fact seemed worth of NBC, said. "We're only going to bring [the spinoff] to market noting: Others who admitted on the stand that they had listened if it's ready for market and up to the quality of the original." He to tapes that were allegedly made illegally have testified under a also noted that unlike competitors' comedies, NBC's are funny. grant of immunity. But there was no mention of immunity "I've watched the other shows on other networks. I've never during DeMann's testimony, and yet he hasn't been charged with laughed," he said. anything.

Chuck will be back on Monday nights. Life will hang in there by Pellicano did not question him. The attorney representing ex-cop a strand on Friday nights. Friday Night Lights will be back in Mark Arneson tried to ask DeMann if he didn't think his February—though the show struggles in the ratings, it has a daughter was better off after Dad got the dirt on her husband. passionate following. NBC is keeping it by agreeing to air the The relevance of that as a legal defense was obscure; the judge series after it runs via DirecTV. sustained an objection, so DeMann didn't answer.

NBC will also schedule series that have previously aired in More pathetic was former phone company employee Teresa Canada or on the BBC. Why not? It's worth a try. Wright, who wept copiously while she admitted that she conducted "hundreds" of unauthorized searches at the behest of Rayford Turner, an old friend and colleague who was sitting Bionic Woman and Journeyman are dead. E.R. has one season there in court down the row from Pellicano. She acknowledged left, with a finale in late February. tearfully that she, too, is awaiting sentencing.

As for new shows, Silverman has heavily hyped My Own Worst This week's biggest drama involved an announcement in court Enemy, the new Jekyll-and-Hyde show with Christian Slater. We on Tuesday that lawyer Bert Fields was planning to take the had no idea Slater was this hot, but Silverman repeatedly Fifth if called to testify. (Recall that Fields is the lawyer who compared casting him to earlier snarings of Steve Carell for The hired Pellicano on behalf of many clients over many years, Office and America Ferrera for Ugly Betty. They chased Slater to including Brad Grey and Michael Ovitz.) London and Spokane! Once the network got him, it skipped the pilot and went straight to series. Fields promptly denied that and said he'd testify if called. The U.S. attorney's office then issued a statement explaining the Silverman cautioned that the schedule remains fluid, invoking— confusion this way: Fields' personal lawyer, John Keker, had and mixing—sports metaphors: "We're constantly playing a advised that Fields would invoke his Fifth Amendment rights but three-dimensional chess game. …We obviously are going to then the counsel for Fields' law firm said it wasn't so. And Keker need to be able to call audibles." (link) was, mysteriously, out as Fields' lawyer.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 44/124 What does it mean? We consulted former prosecutor Laurie It would mean that he helped an alleged serial rapist get off the Levinson, who's not following the trial day-to-day but knows hook. how these things work. She says it's possible that Keker reflexively wanted Fields to take the Fifth, as any criminal- And he got away with it all for years. defense attorney might, and then found out that his client disagreed with that plan. Or it's possible that Fields knew of the For a long time, Pellicano's tough-guy talk seemed to put him on plan but didn't like the reaction after it was made public. Or the verge of self-parody: the hard-boiled gumshoe playing the perhaps his firm didn't like the reaction. It could be that Keker private-dick role in the manner that people in Hollywood would thought his client should take the Fifth and wasn't comfortable expect. And in many cases, his alleged victims were hard to with hanging around if that didn't happen. pity—like producer Bo Zenga, who had to take the Fifth more than 100 times when he was deposed in a lawsuit that he had Keker's reputation is so good, she says, that most people would initiated. (Zenga has also declared himself an award-winning give him the benefit of any doubt in any rift with Fields. Of screenwriter when all he had "won" was a contest that he'd made course, Keker can't talk about what happened because it's up himself.) privileged. Then there was Lisa Bonder, who tried to shake down Kirk As to whether the prosecutors will call Fields, she was doubtful. Kerkorian for $320,000 a month after gaming a DNA test to Fields is not the prosecution's friend in this matter, she says, and trick him into supporting a child who wasn't his. It was hard to calling him would represent unknown and unnecessary risk. Just feel bad when Pellicano exposed that type of behavior. another disappointment in what was once supposed to be the trial of all Hollywood trials. (link) But even if all of Pellicano's victims had put themselves in harm's way, what he appears to have done goes far beyond their March 21, 2008 concerns. Every day of testimony sharpens the focus on allegations that should scare everyone—even folks who have never gotten closer to Hollywood than the multiplex. (link) Sordid details: As expected, Paramount chief Brad Grey's testimony at the Pellicano trial was not too sexy. Garry Correction, March 19, 2008: The item on the Pellicano trial Shandling may have gotten people's hopes up with his originally included a photo of John Connolly, who's actually a complaints about Grey's behavior as his manager, but no one in reporter who investigated Pellicano. The image has been this case has a stake in pursuing that angle. The question was removed. whether Grey knew of Pellicano's alleged wrongdoing, and Grey, naturally, said he did not.

So it's hardly surprising that Shandling—a professional, after all—turned out to be more entertaining than Grey. For those hot document looking for a big takedown of Hollywood power, it's long been clear that the trial seems unlikely to pay off. But the fact that The Torture Memo Pellicano's big-name clients appear to have skated doesn't mean Former Deputy Assistant Attorney General John Yoo greenlights abusing prisoners of war. that the allegations in this case aren't sensational. They could By Bonnie Goldstein hardly be more so. Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 1:28 PM ET

If the government's got its facts right (and Pellicano, acting as his own counsel, isn't mounting a serious defense so far), then the worst is true: Justice in this country can be bought pretty hot document easily, if not cheaply. Nipple Rings vs. Metal Detectors Gloria Allred strikes a blow for body piercing. The case has elicited testimony that Pellicano convinced cops By Bonnie Goldstein and phone company employees to snoop through data that Monday, March 31, 2008, at 1:58 PM ET should have had vigilant protection. He perverted the system, and not just to benefit rich clients who wanted to shake off unwanted spouses or thwart opponents in business deals. He is accused of having successfully intimidated a number of alleged From: Bonnie Goldstein rape victims to prevent their testifying against a client. Got that? Posted Monday, March 31, 2008, at 1:58 PM ET

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 45/124 Gloria Allred, who represents victims of harassment, discrimination, and wrongful termination, is "the most famous woman attorney practicing law in the nation today," according to her own Web site. That immodest judgment would be hard to dispute. In her storied career, Allred has filed an amicus brief in Paula Corbin Jones v. William Jefferson Clinton; represented Posted Monday, March 31, 2008, at 1:58 PM ET Amber Frey, Scott Peterson's mistress, during Peterson's 2004 double-murder trial; and, recently, taken on Heather Mills as a client after the activist/fashion model divorced Paul McCartney. At a packed press conference last week, Allred announced her latest cause: the alleged harassment of a graphic artist named Mandi Hamlin by officials of the Transportation Security Administration at the Lubbock, Texas airport. At issue is whether the TSA followed a humane protocol for women who wear nipple rings. hot document In a letter (see below and on the following two pages) Allred Putting the Private in Private Eye describes the February incident. Hamlin, Allred writes, was Want to know what's on the Pellicano wiretaps? Get your own detective. nearly barred from a Southwest Airlines flight to Dallas because By Bonnie Goldstein of her numerous metal piercings. When the hand-held metal Friday, March 28, 2008, at 3:02 PM ET detector beeped near Hamlin's "left breast" (below), Hamlin offered to confirm that her nipple rings did not constitute a deadly weapon by showing them to a female TSA agent. Instead, Hamlin was led behind a "dark curtain" where she was forced to Posted Friday, March 28, 2008, at 3:02 PM ET remove them with "the help of pliers" while "a growing number of predominantly-male TSA officers" could be heard "snickering in the background" (Page 3). This was, Allred argues, not only At criminal trials in U.S. federal courts, documents filed by cruel but also at odds with the TSA's own policy, which states prosecutors and defendants are typically readily available to the that a "pat-down inspection" is sufficient and leaves the question public through a court-records information system. Sometimes of whether to remove the body piercing as an alternative to a trial exhibits will also be posted by the Justice Department, as pat-down entirely in the hands of the airline passenger. At the with wiretap transcripts at a recent mob trial in Chicago. press conference, Allred demonstrated the painful and humiliating procedure using a mannequin and a brassiere (see The federal trial of Hollywood private investigator Anthony video), then demanded that the Department of Homeland Pellicano, under way in Los Angeles, also involves wiretaps, but Security make "a public apology." TSA, for its part, says it those records have not been particularly accessible. Pellicano is appreciates Hamlin's "raising awareness on this issue" and accused of putting police department employees on his payroll sincerely "regrets the situation in which she found herself." The and of crimes related to an enterprise that paired wiretapping agency says it is "changing the procedures to ensure that this technology with moonlighting telephone company employees. does not happen again." Hollywood attorneys hiring Pellicano used illegally overheard phone calls or pilfered police records to gain the upper hand in Send ideas for Hot Document to [email protected]. Please their celebrity clients' legal disputes. Paramount chief Brad Grey indicate whether you wish to remain anonymous. testified at the trial that he was unaware of Pellicano's role in resolving Grey's contentious falling out with former management client, comedian Garry Shandling. Shandling, whose $100 million lawsuit against Grey in 1998 was settled for a paltry $10 million, also appeared.

Portions of Pellicano recordings have been played in court, but, although the government's evidence includes much of his allegedly nefarious "work product," a curious citizen looking at Posted Monday, March 31, 2008, at 1:58 PM ET the 26-page docket of U.S. v Pellicano (excerpts Pages 2 and 3) will more likely encounter an "Application to Seal Document" than a juicy transcript. Numerous filings in the case have been replaced with the federal court's equivalent of a No Trespassing sign (see below). Pellicano's former clients and their former

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 46/124 adversaries are apparently aligned at least in one thing: keeping are delivering on their promises, rather than about whether what snoopy gossips away. they're doing is wrong.

Send ideas for Hot Document to [email protected]. Please One key point from that article was that the new transforms the indicate whether you wish to remain anonymous. old. What's old is sex selection. What's new is the combination of ease, safety, and privacy with which you can now do it. This is a fundamental dynamic between technology and culture: Technology can coax cultures one way or the other by making it easier to do what you want to do, with less difficulty and without other people knowing about it.

Now comes further evidence of this effect. Two days ago, economists Douglas Almond and Lena Edlund published an article in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences examining the ratio of male to female births in "U.S.-born children of Chinese, Korean, and Asian Indian parents." Among whites, the boy-girl ratio was essentially constant, regardless of Posted Friday, March 28, 2008, at 3:02 PM ET the number of kids in a family or how many of them were girls. In the Asian-American sample, the boy-girl ratio started out at the same norm: 1.05 to 1. But among families whose first child was a girl, the boy-girl ratio among second kids went up to 1.17 to 1. And if the first two kids were girls, the boy-girl ratio among third kids went up to 1.5 to 1. This 50 percent increase in male probability is directly contrary to the trend among whites, who tend to produce a child of the same sex as the previous child.

There's no plausible innocent explanation for this enormous and Posted Friday, March 28, 2008, at 3:02 PM ET directionally abnormal shift in probability. The authors conclude that the numbers are "evidence of sex selection, most likely at the prenatal stage."

Sex selection of this magnitude has previously been documented in China, South Korea, and India, but not in the United States. Here, the authors note, the usual economic and political rationales for sex selection—dowries, "patrilocal" marriage, China's one-child policy, and dependence on your kids' support human nature in old age—don't apply. From this absence of practical motive, Fetal Subtraction some experts conclude that the study shows persistence of a Sex selection in the United States. cultural tradition as the populations in question migrated to the By William Saletan United States. But traditions can fade, and this one "is unlikely Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 7:59 AM ET to persist in subsequent generations," one demographer told the Associated Press. (Note to readers: If you're accustomed to getting Human Nature articles and items by RSS feed, you'll need to subscribe If you look at sex selection as a cultural phenomenon, that may separately to the feeds for the new HN Blog, News, and Hot be true. But if you look at it as a technology, the opposite is just Topics. Or you can simply bookmark the new HN home page, as plausible. The spread of fetal or embryonic sex-identification which links daily to all the new content.) tests, which can be taken in the privacy of your home at increasingly early stages of pregnancy, makes it easier for sex selection to spread beyond its original cultural base. So does the A few weeks ago, I wrote about the transformation of sex emergence of pre-implantation genetic diagnosis, which lets you selection—the practice of making sure your next baby isn't of chuck your conceived offspring before pregnancy even begins. the "wrong" sex—into a consumer protection issue. We're getting sufficiently used to this practice that we've begun to talk and write about whether companies that promote and facilitate it In fact, the 2000 census data reviewed by Almond and Edlund suggest that within the base population, selection of male fetuses has indeed increased. "The male bias we find in the U.S. appears

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 47/124 to be recent," they write. "In the 1990 U.S. Census, the tendency Can't think of anyone? Me neither. Someday, when we look for males to follow females among Indians, Chinese, and back at the Bush administration's "war on terror," we'll be unable Koreans is substantially muted." to point to the "bad guys" because they will turn out to be a bunch of attorneys in starched white button-downs, using The most obvious factor is technology. Referring to data from plausible-sounding legal analysis to beat precedent and statute the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics, the authors and treatise from ploughshares into swords. And not one of them observe, "Between 1989 and 1999, prenatal ultrasound use will be held to account. among non-Japanese Asian mothers rose from around 38 percent to 64 percent of pregnancies." They add: "Since 2005, sexing From torture to warrantless spying to the creation of a lawless through a blood test as early as 5 weeks after conception has prison at Guantanamo Bay, this has been a "war" waged by a been marketed directly to consumers in the U.S., raising the thousand memos. And with the release last night of the long- prospect of sex selection becoming more widely practiced in the awaited John Yoo "torture memo"—81 pages of half-supported near future." Bush administration wish fulfillment—we have an official poster boy for the lawyerly claim of someone who was "just doing his If you think of yourself as a techno-progressive—someone who job." believes, as Barack Obama does, that "maximizing the power of technology" will help fix everything from energy to the This morning, my inbox runneth over with e-mails from folks environment to health care—the increase in sex selection should wondering what will happen to the memo's author, a man who so give you pause. Technology can facilitate regression as easily as blithely argued that, in effect, if the president authorizes it, it it facilitates progress. But if you think of yourself as a pro-life isn't illegal. What's going to happen to John Yoo is pretty much conservative, the data should humble you, too. In the what has happened to every other lawyer who ever offered a populations in which it has increased, sex selection isn't a plausible-sounding legal opinion about how to break the laws in newfangled perversion. It's a custom, and a patriarchal one at pursuing the war on terror. Nothing. He was just doing his job. that. If the sex-selection story teaches us all to be a bit more The worst thing that will happen to Yoo may be that he has to skeptical of both tradition and technology, that'll be real teach the dreaded 8:30 a.m. Friday class at Berkeley next year. progress. It's the lawyers who wrote the "no" memos who lost their jobs.

In his book The Terror Presidency, my friend Jack Goldsmith— who prescribes some fixes for the legal war on terror elsewhere jurisprudence in Slate today—depicts the paralyzing effect of something called Yoo Talkin' to Me? "lawfare." Lawfare was described by Air Force Brig. Gen. Plausible deniability, and other reasons why warfare by midlevel legal Charles Dunlap as "the strategy of using or misusing law as a memoranda is a really bad idea. substitute for traditional military means to achieve an By Dahlia Lithwick operational objective." Ordinary acts of foreign policy become Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 5:58 PM ET bogged down in a maze of after-the-fact legal consequences. Donald Rumsfeld saw this form of warfare as a limit on American military authority. He was determined to find a Pop quiz for the law junkies: solution to what he called "the judicialization of international politics." 1) Name the lawyer in the Bush administration who was sanctioned, sacked, or prosecuted for anything related to the Goldsmith argues that when government actors are hemmed in firing of nine U.S. attorneys last spring. on all sides by domestic and international laws, they become immobilized and fearful. As he notes, "It is unimaginable that 2) How about the attorney fired for allowing the destruction of Francis Biddle or Robert Jackson would have written Franklin thousands of White House e-mails or the CIA torture tapes? Roosevelt a memorandum about how to avoid prosecution for his wartime decisions designed to maintain flexibility against a new and deadly foe." It was the accumulation of all these new 3) The guy dismissed after advocating for warrantless laws and courts and lawyers that contributed to an inability for wiretapping in violation of the FISA law? anyone in the Bush administration to act quickly and forcefully to prevent the next attack after 9/11. According to Goldsmith, 4) Disciplined for gross civil rights violations through the misuse the war had been "lawyered to death," and hoards of executive- of National Security Letters? branch officials were afraid to act aggressively in fighting the next terror attack because they were terrified of the legal consequences of doing so. Thus, high-ranked government

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 48/124 officials milled around on the sidelines waiting to be green- lawyer managed to cook up some law in his constitutional Easy- lighted by some attorney, in much the same way onlookers at a Bake Oven that somehow became America's interrogation policy car crash are afraid to move the body. and a how-to for interrogators at Abu Ghraib. Part of that answer lies in the difference between what lawyers do—suggest It sounds awful, and it's almost possible to see John Yoo as the permissible legal pathways—and what advisers do—suggest the brave individual willing to green-light aggressive interrogation wisest pathways. This is the difference, as Philip Zelikow, amid all that paralysis. But in hindsight, Yoo has proven himself executive director of the 9/11 Commission has put it, between to be a one-man argument for the wisdom of "lawfare." Those deciding "what we can do" and "what we should do." Whether same forces that constrain the executive from acting boldly in a Yoo really should be held responsible for writing a shockingly crisis may also keep it from behaving in ways that later shock bad memo about what we can do during interrogations is not the conscience. If it's a choice between sober legal reflection and even the interesting question. How that memo then morphed into unhinged prisoner abuse, sober reflection also has its what we should do is the important half. With Yoo's legal advantages. "analysis" in hand, and the accountability for it diffused among many government officials, the system of legal memos promises But that choice also assumes lawyers engaged in sober to give cover to everyone at the top. As Rosa Brooks so wonderfully put it in the Los Angeles Times, it takes a village to reflection, and that may be assuming too much. Indeed, if adopt a torture policy. But accountability should not evaporate anything, Goldsmith and others may have understated the just because a lawyer wrote a memo at the start of the chain. dangers of "lawfare"—if the lawyers tasked with working around the web of international laws begin from the premise that laws are just obstacles. As we are beginning to learn, the 3) Lawyers cannot predict the future: The problem with letting growing tendency to conduct wars in the courtroom hasn't lawyers set policy is that they cannot always anticipate real- actually constrained anyone at all over the past seven years. The world consequences. To be fair, Yoo couldn't have known that expanded role of all these laws and lawyers in the war on terror his legal worldview would become the blueprint for torture. But has had the opposite effect: The Bush administration has proven legal decisions have real-world consequences; they aren't just time and again that the Rule of Law is only as definitive as its value-neutral thought experiments. And as a stunning new piece most inventive lawyers. in Vanity Fair by Philippe Sands on the evolution of the Bush torture policy reminds us, when the White House—in the persons of Alberto Gonzales and Jim Haynes—tried to distance In short, the Bush solution to the paralysis of lawfare seems to themselves from the 2002 Bybee-Yoo memo, they did so by be to hire lawyers who don't believe in the law. characterizing it as so much harmless legal spitballing, merely exploring "the limits of the legal landscape." Opponents of And the newly revealed Yoo memo highlights several reasons lawfare worry that snap decisions made by politicians in a crisis why warfare by midlevel legal memoranda is a terrible mistake: will be judged by lawyers in the unforgiving light of hindsight. But the Yoo memo drives home the dangers of the opposite 1) The dangerous presumption that there are two legitimate phenomenon: Unsupportable decisions by reckless lawyers can sides to every question, including settled ones: This is a peculiar be disavowed by politicians claiming that, hey, it was just an hallmark of Bush administration's existentialist thinking. abstract legal memo. Witness Michael Mukasey, whose ability to turn settled legal st questions ("water-boarding = torture") into exercises in 1 A lot of folks are inclined to write off the news of the torture Officer Spockian Deep Thought ("water-boarding might be memo today because: (i) we already knew this; (ii) it's no longer torture. Or it might not. Fascinating problem. Hmmm"). The the law; and (iii) David Addington won't be allowed to listen in Yoo memo is what Orin Kerr rightly characterizes as "lawyerly." on their phone calls in seven months. I respectfully dissent. We It looks like a memo. Notes Kerr, "It cites tons of authority, should be thinking long and hard about how this memo came to hedges arguments, discusses counterarguments, and generally be our interrogation policy, even for a few months. Now is the reads like a careful lawyer's work." That's because in law school, time to question the wisdom of trusting the policing of the they teach you to take out the bits that say, "Stick 'em in the eye boundaries in the war on terror to a swarm of anonymous with the shrimp fork!" But as Kerr also concedes, you can be midlevel lawyers whose minds may just be too open for our own lawyerly and also poorly reasoned. There are good arguments to good. We need to get away from the wrongheaded notion that a be made for many stupid legal ideas, but that doesn't make them war on terror is the same thing as a war against the law. legal. We need to stop revering open-mindedness when it comes to settled law. It suggests that contrarian, dangerous, bad ideas have equal weight to settled, prudent, careful ideas, so long as there are citations and footnotes to support them. jurisprudence 2) The diffusion of legal responsibility and plausible deniability: Marty Lederman asks important questions about how a midlevel Shades of Gray

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 49/124 Barack Obama has gotten past affirmative action. Have we? The challenge is made all the more difficult by Obama's By Dahlia Lithwick reputation for fresh thinking: This is a perfect chance for him to Monday, March 31, 2008, at 7:39 PM ET break with the liberal orthodoxy on race-based preferences, according to both conservatives and liberals who oppose these programs. To this day, some of the conservatives from the Law When it comes to the question of race in America, Barack Review wonder whether Obama agrees with them on race-based Obama is used to hot tempers, accusations of bias, protests, affirmative action—a testament to his skill at projecting speeches, and outrage. In 1990, Harvard Law School was a empathy, if nothing else. "But in politics you can only be a battleground in the identity wars: The faculty was angrily split moderator for so long," says Connerly. Eventually, "you must over minority hiring and how to teach race in the classroom. become a referee." Two years earlier, 50 students had occupied the dean's office, demanding a more diverse faculty; and that spring, Derrick Obama has certainly sent signals that he is not doctrinaire on the Bell—the first African-American to get tenure at Harvard Law issue. In an interview last May on ABC's This Week With School—resigned over the issue. George Stephanopoulos, he was asked whether his own daughters should someday receive preferences in college Similar tensions roiled the Harvard Law Review. The students admissions. His response was unexpected: "I think that my were up in arms over—among other things—the role of race and daughters should probably be treated by any admissions officer gender in the selection of editors. "That year was unusual in that as folks who are pretty advantaged." He added, "I think that we there was a group of very assertive conservative types on the should take into account white kids who have been Law Review," says Adam Charnes, who counted himself among disadvantaged and have grown up in poverty and shown them. Obama, who had earned a place on the journal in his first themselves to have what it takes to succeed." His comments lit year at Harvard, saw a role for himself that has come to define up the blogosphere with speculation that as president he might his pitch for the presidency today—as a bridge builder. He spearhead a major policy change, shifting the basis of approached the conservatives, according to another member of affirmative action from race to class disparities. that contingent who has requested anonymity, and explained that while he supported affirmative action as a policy matter, he The ABC statement fits into Obama's record on the issue, which recognized that it came at a cost. He didn't consider them racists has never been black and white. As a 28-year-old at Harvard, for opposing it. Charnes praises Obama as "a straight-up guy Obama attended meetings of the Black Law Students who always told you exactly what he thought." The Association and spoke at at least one event, demanding greater conservatives saw Obama as a moderate and threw their support diversity on campus. But his classmate David Troutt, now a law behind him. Obama became the new Law Review president. professor at Rutgers, says he was no militant. "There are a lot of people that spent a tremendous amount of time on that issue. In his Philadelphia speech on race, Obama tried to walk an They sued the school. They camped out at the dean's office," equally fine line. He didn't disown his controversial pastor, Rev. says Troutt. Obama wasn't among them. His head was in a Jeremiah Wright, or the black church tradition from which he different place. had emerged. Yet Obama also made clear that he understood the reaction of whites angered by Wright's denunciations. That's a Students at the University of Chicago, where Obama later hard balancing act when talking about race in the abstract— lectured on constitutional law, don't recall him taking a hard line detractors later criticized Obama for pandering to all sides. But there, either. Erika Walsh, who graduated in 2002 and took it's nearly impossible with an issue as specific, and potent, as Obama's Equal Protection and Due Process class, says she came affirmative action. away with no idea about Obama's personal views on affirmative action or any other hot constitutional issue. "The way he Should Obama become the Democratic nominee, this could be conducted the class, he wanted you to talk, and he would be one of the tougher issues on which to find common ground. provocative," she says. Andrew Janis, who graduated in 2005, Ward Connerly—a prominent opponent of affirmative action— took Obama's class Current Issues in Racism and the Law. Like is pushing to get referendums on the subject onto ballots in at Walsh, he has no recollection of even discussing affirmative least five states this fall. It may be difficult for Obama to avoid action, which suggests either that the issue wasn't important taking a definitive stance: Affirmative action, says Connerly, "is enough to make its way on to his syllabus or that professor probably the most difficult race issue [Obama] will have to Obama just wasn't all that fussed about it. face." If the candidate denounces affirmative action, Connerly predicts, "his support among blacks will plummet from around As a lawmaker, Obama has never had to confront the issue 80 to 50 percent. Then, bear in mind that much of his support in directly. There haven't been any major votes on affirmative Iowa, Vermont, and Wyoming came from white males, who by a action since Obama joined the U.S. Senate or during his time in margin of 70 to 30 oppose affirmative action." the Illinois Senate. When asked about his position, the campaign points to his previous statements on the subject, in which he has

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 50/124 defended the practice in broad terms. He has called himself "a because he tells folks what they want to hear. The deeper truth firm believer in affirmative action." In a 1998 Illinois National seems to be that he's not that interested in affirmative action at Political Awareness Test, Obama answered "yes" to questions all. People close to Obama consistently say he doesn't talk about asking whether state government agencies should take race and it all that much. He wants to get beyond race as a singular, sex into account in "college and university admissions, public defining category in America. The folks who know Obama employment and state contracting." And following the Supreme predict that he will not, if elected, be on a crusade to repeal or Court decision in 2003 in which the court charted a middle eliminate existing federal affirmative-action programs, but ground on affirmative action in upholding the admissions policy they're also clear that he wouldn't seek to expand them or use at the University of Michigan law school, Obama was quoted in race to define them in new or significant ways. the Chicago Defender celebrating the ruling and warning that "George Bush is still looking to replace some members of the As is so often the case with Obama, his political and court, more conservative members who might end up reversing constitutional views are almost inextricable from his personal this opinion." Tanya House Clay, senior deputy director for history. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, in his recent public policy at People for the American Way, works closely book, My Grandfather's Son, describes having stuck a "fifteen- with Obama's office on electoral reform and other issues. She cent price sticker" on his diploma from Yale Law School and says her organization "has no reason to worry" about his stowed it in his basement, because it bore the "taint of racial commitment to affirmative action because of his clear dedication preference." Obama chooses to look at his differently. In 2001, to providing equal opportunity to all. he told the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education, "I have no way of knowing whether I was a beneficiary of affirmative But what Obama has done—as in his comments about his action either in my admission to Harvard or my initial election to daughters—is to try to broaden the question of increasing the Review. If I was, then I certainly am not ashamed of the fact, diversity beyond "race and test scores," as he writes in his most for I would argue that affirmative action is important precisely recent book, The Audacity of Hope: "Affirmative action because those who benefit typically rise to the challenge when programs, when properly structured, can open up opportunities given an opportunity." Thomas never seems to have gotten past otherwise closed to qualified minorities without diminishing affirmative action. Obama seems not to have gotten into it. opportunities for white students." Gerald Kellman, who Obama proved in Philadelphia that he can understand and even supervised Obama during his days as an organizer in Chicago, transcend the hardest questions about race. Affirmative action says the two of them never discussed affirmative action may be one of a handful of issues on which partisans tolerate specifically but did talk about programs that "level the playing few shades of gray. field." "Not so much advantages in being chosen," says Kellman, "but things like after-school programs, tutoring, summer jobs." A version of this piece appears in this week's Newsweek. Obama wanted something done to make up for the things that poverty had denied African-American and Hispanic kids. With Eve Conant in Washington and Sarah Kliff in New York. Kellman also says Obama preferred to work through community organizing and community programs wherever possible, rather than legislation.

Asked to speculate about how Obama managed to sidestep so many of the most sensitive issues about race until the Wright map the candidates story exploded this month, Janis, his former student, said, The Return of Ron Paul "Obama never sees race as in its own special camp. For him, The GOP candidate you forgot about is back on the trail in Pennsylvania. race and class and gender are all different kinds of social By E.J. Kalafarski and Chadwick Matlin inequality, and they are all interrelated." That has led some Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 2:42 PM ET opponents to hear what they want to hear in Obama's rhetoric. The Goldwater Institute's Clint Bolick, who is helping Connerly with his anti-affirmative-action propositions, says of Obama and After a month and a half off the trail, Ron Paul is back in action. his comments about his own daughters: "The fact is that he does We last saw Paul in his home state of Texas rallying University not full-throatedly support race-based policies. What Obama is of Texas students in Austin. But since then, he slunk away from doing is opening the door to needs-based, rather than race-based, the presidential circuit to fight off a primary challenger in his affirmative action." home district on March 4. He won that battle but lost the presidency to John McCain in the meantime. While Paul was off Try as one may to decode the tea leaves of Obama's handful of the trail, McCain made 33 stops and reached the number of statements and writings about affirmative action, the truth is that delegates needed to become the Republican nominee. you can find evidence that Obama is for race-based affirmative action and class-based affirmative action. That's not necessarily

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 51/124 But that doesn't mean Paul is done campaigning. He's in control pill, I woke up one day with bad skin. When topical Pennsylvania this week and next for four speeches and rallies at remedies failed me, I began to wonder whether cutting back on colleges in the state. Despite John McCain's nominee status, Paul sugar might help. The science behind the sugar-acne equation has not suspended or withdrawn his campaign, so Map the was apocryphal at best, but overhauling my diet still seemed Candidates will keep on tracking him—even if he disappears for worth a try. And so, on the stroke of midnight this past New another month and a half. Year's Eve, I resolved to give up sugar, long one of my favorite substances. We've updated Map the Candidates' look to offer you even more information than before. Click here to explore the country's The average American consumes a shocking 150 pounds of political landscape, and be sure to tap into the candidates' and sugar a year, or roughly 20 teaspoons every day. Such through- states' statistics pages by clicking the popout symbols next to the-roof concentrations of added sweeteners may contribute to their names. all sorts of health problems beyond the obvious obesity: high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease, diabetes, hyperactivity, Map the Candidates uses the candidates' public schedules to insomnia, and, yes, acne. And that's not all: Sugar could also act keep track of their comings and goings. A quick primer on your as an immunosuppressant and cause respiratory problems like new election toolbox: asthma. And a recent Harvard study posited a link between simple carbohydrates and decreased fertility.  Do you want to know who spent the most time in Iowa or New Hampshire last month? Play with the timeline The World Health Organization has recommended cutting our sliders above the map to customize the amount of time sugar intake in half, to no more than 10 percent of our total displayed. calorie consumption. But even 10 percent sounded like a lot to  Care most about who visited your home state? Then me, so I decided to rule out all high Glycemic Index substances zoom in on it or type a location into the "geosearch" that would spike insulin production—at least for the first few box below the map. weeks. That meant not just no Ben & Jerry's but no booze, no  Choose which candidates you want to follow with the baguettes (or pizza!), no mashed potatoes, and minimal fruit and check boxes on to the right of the map. If you only dairy. want to see the front-runners, then uncheck all of the fringe candidates. Voilà! You're left with the cream of In a stroke of luck, a close friend volunteered to wean herself off the crop's travels. sugar at the same time. She also suggested that we formally  Follow the campaign trail virtually with MTC's news chronicle our efforts online to dissect every triumph and rough feed. Every day YouTube video and articles from local patch on our journey to sugarlessness. And while our resulting papers will give you a glimpse of what stump speeches blog was pathetically short-lived, our two-person support group really look and sound like. Just click the arrow next to indisputably served its purpose. the headline to get started.  Take a closer look at candidates by clicking on their We both learned pretty quickly that preparing our own food was names to the right of the map. You'll get the lowdown the key to eliminating sugar. For me, this meant a narrowing of on their travels, media coverage, and policy positions. my daily diet. If I were some brilliant self-trained chef, I might've used the experiment to broaden my culinary range, but Click here to start using Map the Candidates. I'm not, so I didn't. In any event, like David Lynch, I've never minded having the same meal every day. I like what I like, and I was pleased to discover that a good deal of what I like is naturally sugar-free. I began breakfasting on either scrambled eggs or, far more frequently, steel-cut oatmeal sweetened with either defrosted berries or grated apple and cinnamon. And medical examiner despite my Seinfeldian passion for cereals—particularly those Footloose and Sugar-Free ornate granolas that masquerade as health foods—I forced The odyssey of my no-sweets diet. myself to pass right over that aisle of the grocery store. By Laura Moser Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 5:41 PM ET For the other major meals, I ate a stripped-down version of my old diet—lots of salads (homemade dressings only), three- ingredient soups, beans and brown rice, chickpea stews, quinoa I always thought I had a pretty virtuous diet—unless you medleys, and whatever other "slow" carbohydrates I managed to counted the cookie I had with lunch every day and the half-pint work in. (My one reach—a curried bulgur dish—was an of ice cream after dinner. My metabolism was efficient, so why embarrassing failure, never to be repeated.) For snacks, I had worry? But then, last summer, shortly after going off the birth-

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 52/124 raw cashews and tamari almonds and guacamole and bricks of couldn't finish the drink—I, who have never not finished a paid- Gruyere in various combinations. for foodstuff in all my life! And the weirdness wasn't yet over, either. A few minutes after dumping the chai, I collapsed back Dull? Rather. A detriment to domestic harmony? Very possibly. into bed and passed out. Before 8 a.m. My husband soon regretted introducing me to William Dufty's Sugar Blues, the seminal (and hilariously camp) 1975 screed Over the course of that month, a pattern emerged. After about against all things sugared. Though he admired my discipline, he six days on the wagon, I would leap out of bed gripped by a constantly mourned our cleaned-out pantry. Still, he couldn't raging obsession with some very specific proscribed food: pad argue with one unanticipated benefit of our righteous new thai, say, or a plain white bagel or a Mrs. Fields' semisweet lifestyle: a dramatically lower grocery bill—yes, even in these chocolate-chip without nuts. I would then hit the streets—often times of agricultural crisis and despite the outrageous asking still in my pajamas—in pursuit of that food. Once that food was price of almonds these days. Turns out it's the packaged, in my possession, I would consume it on the spot, with or processed foods that add up the fastest, the two-bite scones and without chewing. frozen pizzas and other such vanquished staples of our household. Plus, maybe I was just eating less. Then, just as inevitably, would come the crash. Proof of sugar's power—the flooding of my system with insulin and the I liked saving money, and once past the initial withdrawal subsequent drop in my blood-sugar level—would knock me off- period, I started to feel pretty good about my random self- balance and send me crawling back to bed. After extended betterment scheme. In no time at all, my skin was unmottled and periods of living off complex, slow-release carbohydrates, I was my stomach improbably flat. Why had I ever touched refined clearly no longer inured to these rollercoaster blood-sugar sugar? The simple sugars present in natural foods—like the fluctuations. There was another stumbling block, too: I just dextrose in milk and the fructose in fruit—didn't trouble me so didn't like fretting over food all day long. My whole life, I've much. But processed foods heavy on the sucrose and high- taken pride in not being one of those girls. You know the type I fructose corn syrup offered none of the health benefits of fruit mean: the food-fixated, calorie-counting, scale-owners of our and milk. The caloric density of artificially sweetened foods is species. itself a major problem, and in addition, they can seriously screw with our insulin response over the long term. The more refined And so, after a month of extremes, I decided to take the middle carbohydrates we eat, the higher our insulin requirement, and the path. When I wanted to eat fruit, I would eat fruit. If I wanted a harder, over time, our bodies must work to produce appropriate slice of pizza or a meal in a restaurant or an entire log of goat insulin. According to The New Sugar Busters!, "too much cheese while watching cable news, I was allowed that, too. As a insulin promotes the storage of fat, elevation of cholesterol result, I found myself slipping up less often than before. I no levels, and possibly the deposition of plaque in our coronary longer lunged for the bread basket, and I still mostly avoided arteries," though a doctor friend tells me that refined sugar is by desserts. (And, Starbucks aside, straight-up desserts had always no means uniquely responsible for this chain of calamities. been my undoing, not soft drinks or store-bought salad dressings or other common sources of "hidden" sugars.) But I was no Either way, I thought I was sold. But then, on the morning of the longer limiting these indulgences as some empty test of self- New Hampshire primary, seven days after my diet began, I woke control. It seemed I'd just lost the urge. Who knew that the up craving a Starbucks chai, and I mean craving a Starbucks chai sweetness of the milk in a cappuccino could be so satisfying? with every molecule of my being. I called my friend, hoping she'd talk me off the cliff. Before she could pick up, I slammed These days, I'm mostly surprised by how well I've kept it up. I'm down the phone. also surprised by how completely unnecessary so much of the food I used to eat was, and how little I miss those ice-cream Ninety seconds later, I was waiting in line at Starbucks, and I benders. But I'd be lying if I claimed that my sugar cravings was psyched. Would I care for any snack with my beverage? have vanished altogether. Chai is one thing; chocolate is still Well, now that you mention it, I most certainly would! Since chocolate. Yet even my relationship with that essential food when was 7:32 a.m. too early to enjoy a delicious triple group has changed. Before going sugar-free, I had never favored chocolate cupcake? Five o'clock somewhere, indeed: That dark chocolate over milk. On the contrary: I had only scorn for cupcake was gone before I'd stepped back out into the blizzard. the pretentious Dagoba devotees of my acquaintance. Now, For my first taste of sugar in a week, it was only so-so, but then though, I wonder whether my Butterfinger days are gone for I'd never been big into Starbucks pastries. I still couldn't wait for good. Even a bar with the once-unfathomable cocoa content of the chai—that chai promised to be the most amazing, explosive 73 percent tastes textured and complicated and just sweet taste sensation of all space and time. But here's the thing. It enough. wasn't. Like, not at all. Truth be told, it was actually pretty nasty—monochrome and syrupy and a tad poisonous-tasting. I A sharpened sense of taste is by no means my only gain. Have I sipped and I grimaced, but eventually I gave up. I simply mentioned my sparkling complexion? When minor flare-ups

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 53/124 recur, it is generally within eight hours of a sugar binge. (Laugh collateralized debt obligations, which are investment vehicles if you like; the empirical evidence is too powerful to ignore. And built out of subprime bond securities. These securities lacked a recent study supports this still-vague link between good skin long trading histories or deep markets. To value them, many and a low glycemic load diet.) Another unexpected boon: My outfits slipped the surly bonds of mark-to-market and assigned a periods are as regular as when I was on the pill, and preceded by value to them based on so-called mark-to-model. (In other zero PMS. words, educated guesses based on algorithms.)

But if I'd hoped eliminating sugar would motivate me to balance When credit started to go bad, market participants had to write a five-hour-daily meditation practice with a rigorous course of down the value of such assets. For institutions holding onto bank triathlon training (and I sort of did), I can't help but be a little loans—an asset for which there is an active secondary market— disappointed with the experiment. I do not feel 10 years younger marking to market was relatively simple. If markets priced bank or sprightlier or even 1 percent invincible. I am still lazy and debt of companies with a particular credit rating at 85 cents on achy and frequently hyperactive. Still, we measure progress in the dollar, banks had to write down 15 cents of the value of each baby steps. And it's been more than two months since I've dollar of the loan. This process helped drive the massive write- banged on the door of Mrs. Fields dressed only in a nightgown downs seen at banks like UBS and Citigroup. and winter coat. But for the complex new financial instruments, the valuations became far more unstable. Many hedge funds and financial institutions had borrowed huge sums of money to buy assets for which there wasn't an active market. When that debt started to moneybox go bad, it triggered a chain of unfortunate events. In many The Mark-to-Market Melee instances, funds were forced to sell assets to meet margin calls. Occasionally, creditors would seize assets and sell them. (That's Is an obscure accounting rule to blame for the credit market meltdown? By Daniel Gross what happened to the Bear Stearns hedge funds that failed last Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 5:53 PM ET year.) This spiraling activity had the effect of further depressing prices for such instruments. In some instances, buyers disappeared entirely. The valuations of these new instruments also plummeted because of market psychology. In establishing According to a small but powerful group of America's financial value for assets, funds and banks often relied on newly created decision-makers—mostly supply-siders and those in their indices, such as the Markit ABX indices. Since those indices are thrall—the chief cause of the credit market meltdown is not actively traded by investors, they can be driven up and down folly, or reckless lending, or the demise of America's financial (mostly down) by speculation and fear. The end result: The management. It's an accounting rule. banks and funds holding subprime bonds (which is to say, pretty much the entire global financial complex) have been forced to "Mark-to-market" is a seemingly innocuous term for the massively cut the mark-to-market value of their holdings requirement that companies, banks, hedge funds, mutual funds, because those values are based on the incredibly pessimistic and the like report the market price of the financial instruments indices. they hold and trade. (Here's some good background from Morningstar.) Mutual funds that own stocks make such a report In recent weeks, some have been arguing that just as Abraham every day. Publicly held firms like Bear Stearns must do so at Lincoln suspended habeas corpus in a time of war, perhaps the end of every quarter, and hedge funds must do so on a rolling regulators should suspend mark-to-market in this time of crisis. basis to reassure their creditors that the assets they've put up for Paul Craig Roberts, a veteran supply-sider and former Reagan collateral are still worth something. Mark-to-market is thus administration official, wrote on March 11 that the mark-to- crucial to the functioning of transparent markets. market rule "is imploding the U.S. financial system by requiring financial institutions to value subprime mortgages at their For mutual funds, marking to market is a simple affair. But for current market values." His solution: Suspend the rule, let those who hold thinly traded assets or assets for which there isn't financial institutions "keep the troubled instruments at book a ready market (mortgage-backed securities, corporate debt, value, or 85-90 percent of book value, until a market forms that venture capital investments, etc.), doing so is more of a can sort out values, and allow financial institutions to write challenge. In these cases, managers mark to market either by down the subprime mortgages and other troubled instruments comparing analogous assets or by estimating "what market over time." In other words, let's assign an imaginary happy value participants would use in pricing the asset or liability." to these assets until the seas grow calmer. Steve Forbes echoed the sentiment in his column in Forbes, calling for a 12-month In the past five years, Wall Street firms created huge volumes of suspension of mark-to-market in "exotic financial instruments new kinds of complex securities, such as subprime bonds and (primarily packages of subprime mortgages)." The reason: "It's

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 54/124 preposterous to try to guess what these new instruments are No one questions that the current network of financial worth in a time of panic." This line of thinking quickly wormed regulators—which dates to the '30s—is confusing and unwieldy. its way into McCain's big economic speech. He put it more There are seven existing bodies in Washington created anodyne terms: "First, it is time to convene a meeting of the specifically to avoid the type of looming crisis that might be nation's accounting professionals to discuss the current mark-to- created by a couple of trillion dollars' worth of opaque financial market accounting systems. We are witnessing an unprecedented securities careening out of control. (And that's not including the situation as banks and investors try to determine the appropriate Financial Accounting Standards Board, established as an value of the assets they are holding, and there is widespread independent entity to evaluate the veracity of how financial concern that this approach is exacerbating the credit crunch." For institutions value certain securities.) its part, the Securities and Exchange Commission issued an opinion letter, in which it told firms, "[I]t is appropriate for you But Paulson's plan wants to add a couple more: the Prudential to consider actual market prices, or observable inputs, even Financial Regulatory Agency to watch government-guaranteed when the market is less liquid than historical market volumes, banks and the Business Regulatory Agency to focus on unless those prices are the result of a forced liquidation or consumer protection. distress sale." None of that, however, will control the excesses of investment The language is technical, but the arguments here are simple and banks which, among other things, led to the mid-March really quite silly—especially coming from folks who value meltdown of Bear Stearns. That task would putatively fall to the market indicators over all else. These folks are saying that when Fed. markets are volatile and irrationally pessimistic, it's just not fair to force people to act as if the market prices are real. To some extent, that is already what the Fed is charged with doing. The Fed is supposed to maintain liquidity to grease the But you'll notice that they never made that argument back when system (through discount windows to the "worthy" banks); markets were irrationally optimistic, as they were from 2003- exercise monetary policy to keep it going; control risk; and 2006. No hedge fund manager ever told a bank that it should provide oversight to protect consumers. It is already regulator to lend him less money because the value of the collateral he was much of the industry, including bank holding companies and putting up was clearly a product of unwarranted optimism or that diversified financial holding companies formed under the he shouldn't collect management fees based on the assets under Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act of 1999. management because their value was clearly inflated. Nobody ever complains about the market's ruthlessness and inefficiency Had the Fed shown any appetite or competence for these roles, when it's making them money. we might not be in the situation we are in now. It could, for example, have questioned how certain Wall Street institutions already in its jurisdiction—notably Citigroup and others that have been forced to write off billions in subprime mortgage losses—were overleveraging the loans on their books. moneybox Why Fed Reform Won't Work But it didn't. Today's banking system has too many intertwined Yes, the financial regulation system needs overhaul, but the proposed plan is players that all do one another's jobs. Its complexity is the a Band-Aid for Wall Street's mortal wounds. creation of all the legislators who gleefully embraced By Nomi Prins deregulation during the last two decades. Monday, March 31, 2008, at 5:27 PM ET We will not solve the problem of an unstable, risk-laden banking system by putting false hope into an ill-equipped body, no matter Here's how to think about the proposed reform of financial how much added "transparency" has been proposed. oversight unveiled by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson on Monday: The Federal Reserve Bank, whose job already includes The fundamental question remains: What is the overseeing body regulating a large component of the financial system, has failed going to do with a more powerful window onto the financial pretty badly at its tasks. The proposed solution—to give it more industry? What would the Fed do if it noticed that every responsibility—seems ridiculous and hazardous. financial firm was creating and stockpiling risky securities and borrowing money to stockpile more? Is it realistic to believe it Yet that's the plan. Having ignored or been unduly confused by would intervene and cut the amount? the complexity of the banks already under its jurisdiction, the new, improved Fed would get more books to examine for undue Or let's say that the Fed knew that flawed risk parameters were risk, adding in brokers and insurance companies. being used to evaluate these flimsy securities. Wouldn't

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 55/124 enforcing penalties be construed as an infringement on free- We don't hear as much about the culture of poverty these days. market capitalism? Perhaps it's because the market turmoil is making us all feel a little poorer. Or perhaps it's because a highly visible group is The Paulson plan does nothing to give the oversight agencies now exhibiting all the outward appearances of the underclass: any more legal standing to intervene or enforce than they already the overclass. Forget welfare queens and the culture of poverty. possess. That's hardly surprising, given the vociferous opposition Think Wall Street kings and the culture of affluence. that greater regulation faces from Wall Street firms (to say nothing of barely regulated hedge-fund and private-equity Wall Street types don't live in ghettos, barrios, or the hollows of firms). Appalachia, but they do inhabit environments that are sealed off socially from the rest of the world—the Hamptons on Long This isn't to say that requiring greater transparency from the Island; Manhattan's Fifth Avenue; Greenwich, Conn. Because banking industry is a bad thing. But the illusion of greater they rarely interact with people of middle-class means (save the transparency at the expense of true insight is a new disaster odd doctor, lawyer, or interior designer), they have become waiting to happen. It's like jumping out of a plane with a faulty woefully out of touch with the solid bourgeois values that made parachute; the idea of the parachute gives you confidence, but America great. that complicated drawstring that won't engage will get you every time. In the underclass, unmarried, young fathers don't take responsibility for their children. In the overclass, twice-married, Given this, it might be construed as a blessing that Paulson's middle-aged Wall Street daddies don't own up to the proposed reforms seem unlikely to be enacted anytime soon. On consequences of their insane financial miscues. Wall Street Monday, Paulson said: "These long-term ideas require titans are almost incapable of seeing the problem with taking thoughtful discussion and will not be resolved this month or nine-figure payouts in years in which their stocks plummet. even this year." "There's just a total disconnect between the compensation and the responsibility for their actions," says William Cohan, a former Lazard banker turned author. Well, he's right about that. All of the plan's suggestions are cosmetic. Instead, let's please have a serious discussion about the nature of the banking system structure itself: its complexity, its In his book The Age of Abundance, libertarian author Brink responsibility, and the proper role of the federal government in Lindsey boils down the difference between the desperately poor regulating it. The United States has had such a debate before, and the blissfully rich to an ability to focus on the long term. leading up to the landmark 1933 Glass Steagall Act. We can and "Members of the underclass operate within such narrow time should have such a sweeping debate again. horizons and circles of trust that their lives are plagued by chronic chaos and dysfunction," he says. By contrast, elites are well-organized long-term thinkers. Riiiiight. "Modern Wall Street is a system," says Charles Morris—a former Chase banker and author of The Trillion Dollar Meltdown—"that rewards crazy risk-taking in the short term without regard for the long- moneybox term consequences." Rich Men Behaving Badly Meet the super-rich, the dysfunctional class threatening American values. Critics point to a pervasive sense of victimhood in the By Daniel Gross underclass. But listen to what Bear Stearns CEO Alan Schwartz Saturday, March 29, 2008, at 7:08 AM ET told the troops after his firm succumbed to wounds that were almost entirely self-inflicted. "We here are a collective victim of violence," he said. Yep, just another case of the Man keeping the For decades, social scientists, policy wonks, and politicians have Man down. studied and debated what's come to be known as the "culture of poverty." The consensus: A group of Americans is set apart from Conservative critics constantly carp that the culture of poverty the mainstream by geography, class, and income. Its members has encouraged a sense of dependency on Washington. Of adhere to norms that don't apply to the rest of society and engage course, in recent months, the bureaucracy—the Federal Reserve, in self-destructive behavior that imposes significant costs on the the Federal Housing Authority, Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac— nation at large. The culture of poverty has made for potent has generally ignored the struggles of poor homeowners. Yet it politics (remember Ronald Reagan's fictitious welfare queen?) vaulted into action to save the bankers from their own disastrous and spawned best-selling polemics from the right (Charles bets. When Bear Stearns, the nation's fifth-largest investment Murray) to the left (Jonathan Kozol). bank, approached insolvency, the Feds orchestrated JPMorgan's acquisition of it.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 56/124 In 1993, the late Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan coined the term have remarkably detailed (and remarkably similar) platforms on "defining deviancy down." The prevalence of bad behavior in how to attack the various economic woes facing America. the underclass, he argued, caused institutions to lower standards and expectations, which effectively socialized the costs of John McCain, fresh from a whirlwind tour aimed at dysfunction. Today, the Federal Reserve is "defining solvency demonstrating his foreign-policy credentials, took a somewhat down." In recent weeks, the Fed has responded to Wall Street's different approach. There's an emerging theme surrounding his crisis by systematically lowering the standards of what it would campaign: The problem with the last eight years isn't that the accept as collateral for loans. (Historically, only government Bush administration had the wrong policies or was incompetent. bonds or bonds backed by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were No, the problem is that it lacked intensity. Which is why McCain good enough.) But as part of the Bear Stearns deal, it agreed to is bent on offering a more concentrated, sustained, high-energy lend $30 billion against assets of dubious provenance. And guess form of Bushism. Bush has been adamant about staying in Iraq who bears the risk if that $30 billion can't be paid back? You and until the end of his presidency; McCain is adamant about staying me. If write-downs continue, rumor has it, the Fed might start up to 100 years, if necessary. Bush has taken to carefully cherry- accepting sports memorabilia, Beanie Babies, and Pokémon card picking facts and metrics (the number of soccer games visible collections as collateral. from the air, to cite one) to construct a narrative on how well things are going there. (I bet there weren't many soccer matches There are important differences between the underclass and the in Sadr City today.) McCain prefers simple declarations to data overclass, notes Susan Mayer, dean of the University of points: "We're winning. I don't care what people say. I've seen Chicago's Harris School of Public Policy Studies. The overclass the facts on the ground." is better connected, and it can cause more damage. "Poor inner- city kids selling drugs to suburban kids can harm people," Mayer The same holds true for the economy. By virtue of his history as says. "But financial markets can bring thousands and thousands a deficit hawk, a foe of earmarks, and an opponent of the Bush of people to ruin." tax cuts—not to mention the presence of reality-based advisers like Douglas Holtz-Eakin, former director of the Congressional The pernicious culture of affluence merits further study. When Budget Office—McCain deserves some benefit of the doubt. self-proclaimed rogue sociologist Sudhir Venkatesh sought to Unfortunately, the brains behind the economic operation seems learn about the culture of poverty, he hung out in Chicago's to be former Sen. Phil Gramm, the Texas A&M economist- notorious Robert Taylor Homes and befriended drug dealers. turned-senator who confidently forecast in 1993 that the Clinton The tale is chronicled in his fascinating book Gang Leader for a program of spending cuts and tax increases on the wealthy Day. If he really wants to understand the workings of a would be "a one-way ticket to recession." And the sections on dysfunctional class that's threatening American values and McCain's Web site about domestic policy reveal, as Matt taxing national resources, Venkatesh, who teaches at Columbia, Yglesias noted, "a nearly astounding level of vacuity." should move into a co-op on the Upper East Side and get a job on Morgan Stanley's trading desk. He can call his next book Reading McCain's economic agenda and listening to his speech, Hedge-Fund Manager for a Day. it appears that the problem with the last eight years is that we haven't seen enough tax breaks for the wealthy, that economic royalism hasn't been pursued with sufficient vigor, and that the middle and working classes haven't been stiffed sufficiently. moneybox McCain wants to extend the Bush tax cuts, which he once Staying on Bush's Course opposed as a needless sop to the rich in a time of war. (I await Here's some straight talk: McCain's fiscal program is either a joke or a fantasy. David Brooks' inevitable explanation of how opposing taxes in a By Daniel Gross time of war in 2001 and 2003, when deficits were low, but Friday, March 28, 2008, at 2:56 PM ET supporting them in 2011, in a time of war and high deficits, is deeply moral and admirable.) But McCain wants to see Bush's tax relief and raise it some. McCain would slash the corporate- In the last week, the three remaining presidential candidates income-tax rate from 35 percent to 25 percent (because made big-picture economic speeches that were perfectly in corporate profits as a percentage of GDP didn't spike enough this keeping with the tone of their campaigns. Barack Obama decade?), and he'd abolish the Alternative Minimum Tax, which delivered his speech, introduced by New York Mayor Michael would be a welcome move for many upper-middle-class Bloomberg (a potential Obamacan?), at Cooper Union, a venue taxpayers. "In all, his tax-cutting proposals could cost about long identified with great oratory. Hillary Clinton tactically $400 billion a year, according to estimates of the impact of delivered her speech in the current battleground state of different tax cuts by CBO and the McCain campaign," the Wall Pennsylvania and offered a list of solutions. Both campaigns Street Journal reported. And how to make up for the lost revenues? Hmmm. McCain promises to cut earmarks; to

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 57/124 eliminate waste, fraud, and abuse; and to reduce the projected Correction, March 31, 2008: This article originally misstated growth of Medicare; but he won't provide many numbers. As the that the 2009 budget projected receipts of $2.7 billion. The WSJ deadpanned: "The cost will make it difficult for him to correct figure is $2.7 trillion. (Return to the corrected sentence.) achieve his goal of balancing the budget by the end of his first term." That's perhaps the understatement of the year. The 2009 budget calls for a deficit of $407 billion on projected receipts of $2.7 trillion*, as this table shows. Essentially, McCain wants to cut revenues by about 15 percent from current levels, with movies nothing close to that in spending reductions, in a time when, even after spending excess Social Security payroll taxes, the Illegal Use of Hands deficit is running at more than $400 billion. Here's some straight George Clooney's pro-football comedy Leatherheads. By Dana Stevens talk: McCain's fiscal program is either a joke or a fantasy. Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 11:57 AM ET McCain's housing speech, delivered in Orange County, Calif., ground zero of the housing crisis, was a mixed bag. He provided a good description of the problem. But his solution to an era in Leatherheads (Universal), George Clooney's third outing as a which financial deregulation set the stage for federal bailouts, director and the first in which he plays a starring role, has rampant speculation, and reckless lending is ... less regulation. everything going for it on paper. Setting a screwball comedy "Our financial market approach should include encouraging against the backdrop of the emergence of professional football in increased capital in financial institutions by removing the 1920s sounds like a rollicking idea. The period songs and regulatory, accounting, and tax impediments to raising capital." costumes are as jaunty as can be. And the casting of Clooney, Bizarrely, he has also joined the chorus arguing that mark-to- our era's Clark Gable, as aging football star Dodge Connolly is a market accounting—the rules that require companies to, you natural. So, why does the whole thing feel sloggier than the know, tell investors the actual market value of assets they hold— climactic game, a near-scoreless battle waged in a lake of mud? should be revisited. Much as I'd like to, I can't put all the blame on Renée Zellweger. The Federal Reserve and the Bush administration have justified I've always had an animus toward this actress, with her self- the extraordinary help offered to investment banks and investors congratulatory cuteness and incessant mugging. But I have to by saying that it matters less how we got here and more how we admit she's nicely cast as spunky newspaper reporter Lexie deal with the situation as it is. For McCain, however, it's all Littleton, who begins to follow Dodge's team, the Duluth about the journey. Poor decisions should not be rewarded— Bulldogs, after they recruit a popular college player, Carter unless those poor decisions are made by really rich people who Rutherford (John Krasinski). Carter is also a WWI hero, known run investment banks and hedge funds. While "those who act for having single-handedly captured a whole company of irresponsibly" shouldn't be bailed out as a matter of principle, it's German soldiers in the battle of the Argonne. Lexie's editor OK to take extraordinary measures to help banks prevent (Jack Thompson) finds the whole story suspicious and puts "systemic risk that would endanger the entire financial system Lexie on Carter's trail. Lexie's initial strategy, in the grand pre- and the economy." Obama and Clinton—and the Bush feminist Barbara Stanwyck style, is to seduce Carter into spilling administration, through its various efforts to ease the mortgage the beans about what really happened in the war. But George crisis—have argued that it might be possible to spare further Clooney being George Clooney—all the more so in a systemic risk if something were done to buck up the fortunes of speakeasy—she can concentrate only so long on that skinny guy homeowners. Bollocks, says McCain. People should just put up from The Office. more money for down payments and work harder to keep current with their mortgage payments. Leatherheads' overlong middle section is devoted to the vagaries of the Dodge/Lexie/Carter love triangle, as Clooney and Straight talk? No doubt. At a time of rampant economic Zellweger exchange semi-snappy banter while the hopelessly insecurity and low consumer confidence, at the end of a business upstaged Krasinski moons on the sidelines. It was enough to cycle in which median incomes didn't rise and the percentage of make this sports-averse viewer wish for a little more pigskin. It's working people with health insurance fell, McCain won't fascinating to learn that pro football as we know it is a relatively succumb to the easy temptation of saying that government policy new sport and that, as recently as the mid-1920s, the game was can help improve the situation. But smart politics? I wonder. unregulated, poorly attended, and on the verge of bankruptcy What's left of the Republican Party is becoming increasingly (even as college football drew huge audiences). The movie downscale, and many swing states have been ravaged by the nostalgically contrasts Dodge's disappearing version of the housing crisis (Nevada, Florida) and globalization (Ohio, game—essentially, a barroom brawl between two goalposts— Michigan). Besides, he's already got the let-them-eat-cake vote with Carter's emerging one, an efficient business dependent on sewed up. advertising money. But the script—which was written by two Sports Illustrated reporters with a long history of covering

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 58/124 football—seems reluctant to explore this contrast, perhaps for "wanted no part of 'the white man's religion' " and "[p]reachers fear of alienating its female audience. Personally, I'd have who had helped lead the civil-rights movement were being preferred to see more of the backroom tactics of the nation's first outflanked by black nationalists." Wright, with his brand of football commissioner (an arresting Peter Gerety) and less of black liberation theology and "insistence on the presence of Zellweger pouting in period hats. Africa in the Bible," grew the church from fewer than 100 members in 1972 to the more than 8,000 who attend services Still, Leatherheads is better than a finger in your eye. It's a today. The piece speculates that Barack Obama "may have felt perfectly passable, if instantly forgettable, date movie, lushly flattered to be part of a congregation rooted in the righteous shot by Newton Thomas Sigel and with a script intelligently history of a civil-rights struggle that he himself had missed, versed in American classics like His Girl Friday and Hail the except as a beneficiary." … In an essay on the aging boomer Conquering Hero. Maybe Clooney has just raised our generation, Slate founder Michael Kinsley observes that his expectations too high with his uninterrupted ascent from "that experience with Parkinson's disease makes him feel "like a scout dude on E.R." to respected lefty director/producer (by way of from my generation, sent out ahead to experience in my fifties Messenger of Peace and Sexiest Man Alive). At this point in his what even the healthiest boomers are going to experience in their career, he's earned the right to make a movie that's just OK. If sixties, seventies, or eighties." Clooney's contemplating going retro again for his next project, may I suggest a remake of It Happened One Night? Reese Witherspoon would make a fine latter-day Claudette Colbert, New York,April 7 and instead of just going bare-chested as Gable famously did, The cover story recounts the Facebook imbroglio at Horace Clooney could guarantee big box office by taking it all off. Mann, a New York City prep school, and mulls the state of private education. After Horace Mann students created Facebook groups mocking their teachers, faculty members reported them to the administration. But trustees—many of whom were parents of the Facebookers—intervened to keep the students from being other magazines disciplined. The piece reflects that "wealthy parents … believe their contributions entitle them to substantial input in the running The Rewards of Motherhood of the school," and "at times, teachers can seem merely like Newsweek on women who become "gestational carriers" to supplement the hired help." … A column reviews the influential Democrats who family income. By Morgan Smith could put an end to the rancorous battle for the nomination—but Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 3:49 PM ET it argues that none of them has sufficient sway to persuade Clinton to end her campaign: "The last best hope is that Hillary will eventually come to see yielding as not merely the path to self-preservation, but also as her only route to long-range self- Newsweek, April 7 aggrandizement." Yes—that means 2012. The cover story focuses on couples who turn to surrogate mothers to bear their biological children—and the women who make the choice to carry another family's baby. Military bases are seeing increasing numbers of "gestational carriers" as, Wired, April 2008 according to the piece, many women use surrogacy to The cover story reveals how Apple's rejection of the "touchy- supplement family incomes. Often, they can "earn more with one feely philosophies of Silicon Valley" has helped make the pregnancy than their husbands' annual base pay." … A piece company a success. With its insistence on producing all uncovers Afghanistan's "debt weddings," in which families are hardware and software in-house, Apple "bears more resemblance forced to marry off a daughter (in one instance, as young as two to an old-school industrial manufacturer like General Motors months) to repay a loan. The practice plagues poppy farmers, than to the typical tech firm." This also allows for a "radical who must face violent drug traffickers after their crops are opacity" around products and company policy, which CEO and destroyed by government eradication efforts. … An article "notorious micromanger" Steve Jobs enforces with a vengeance. explores America's "geeky obsession with fonts." Your choice of … A piece reports on the ongoing feud between tech blogs typeface sends its own message: "[F]onts with round O's and Gizmodo and Engadget. Simply put, it "comes down to a frat- tails are interpreted as friendly, while angular types convey like rivalry, driven by boyish egos and measured in pageviews." rigidity and coldness." Though they cover the same subject matter, the blogs maintain different identities: "Engadget is cool and straitlaced … [while] Gizmodo revels in cheap jokes and hedonism." Despite continuous attempts to discredit each other, the dueling blogs The New Yorker, April 7 have become "more powerful than most of the mainstream A piece studies Chicago's Trinity United Church of Christ as it media outlets they compete against." changes pastors after the Rev. Jeremiah Wright's 36-year tenure. The church grew out of a time when young black people

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 59/124 at least one occasion," a disgruntled conservative activist Texas Monthly, April 2008 returned a fundraising request in an "envelope stuffed with A piece marks the 15th anniversary of the deadly standoff outside feces." … An article explores a Darfur advocacy group's Waco, Texas, using interviews with Branch Davidians, "nuanced" efforts to pressure the Chinese government to drop its journalists, law-enforcement agents, and other witnesses to give arms and oil dealings with Sudan as Beijing Olympics approach. a riveting—and, at times, contradictory—moment-by-moment … A trend piece about "abstinence clubs" on Ivy League retelling of what happened. The medical examiner who campuses explains that many formed in reaction to what they investigated the burned-out building where 74 Davidians died viewed as "institutional encouragement of promiscuity" through says, "We found the women and children huddled together, college-sponsored safe-sex education programs. under blankets. … They were covered in debris—not just construction debris but spent rounds of grenades and ammunition." … In a column, Paul Burka writes on the endemic Time, April 7 fraud in El Paso, Texas, where "no level of [municipal] The cover story addresses deficiencies of the much-touted government [is] immune" to corruption. The city's geographic alternative fuel ethanol. An alarming, and paradoxical, isolation and slow economy contributes to the state of affairs. consequence of the biofuel craze is the depletion of the Amazon Burka reports, "[T]here is a sense here that no one is watching, rainforest. The demand for allegedly eco-friendly energy has so why not line your pockets?" driven crop prices through the roof, and farmers in Brazil want a piece of the profits. So, ethanol is "doing exactly the opposite of what its proponents intended." In addition to ethanol's negative Paste, April 2008 impact on the environment, its production is also causing food The cover story looks at avant-garde pop artists Gnarls Barkley, prices to rise—which could spark a global hunger emergency. … declaring that the group's "strength lies largely in [its] ability to A piece questions the future of Fox News, which "will need to bend time, traveling back and forth between the trippy 1960s and remodel itself again" after Bush's presidency comes to an end. the computer-dominated modern world." It compares "Crazy," Though the network has been unfocused lately, its viewers likely Gnarls Barkley's runaway hit, to "what 'Creep' was to Radiohead won't go away: "It just has to figure out what's going to make or what 'Loser' was to Beck. … They are great songs created by them mad starting in 2009." artistic visionaries who happened to be embraced by the public." … A piece profiles the husband-and-wife singer/songwriter team behind the Weepies. The duo's music has been featured on Economist, March 29 Grey's Anatomy and Scrubs and in JC Penney and Old Navy The editorial leading the cover package on American foreign commercials, but the indie musicians insist they aren't sellouts: policy cautions it will be difficult for a new presidential "Come over here and pay for [our son] Theo's schooling or administration (be it McCain, Clinton, or Obama) to repair the whatever he wants to do when he grows up, and we'll turn down United States' shredded global reputation. "The mere fact of not people who have great musical ideas but happen to work for Old being Bush will bring a dividend of goodwill," but Europeans Navy." want "America to stop playing world sheriff and submit to the same rules as everyone else under the United Nations." … A piece surveying Bush's foreign-policy legacy notes that his approach to world affairs has made him "one of the most polarizing presidents in American history." … However, another other magazines article concludes that the source of many Europeans' anti- Clipping the Right Wing Americanism is that they are "furious with the Bush administration precisely because of its refusal to live up to the New York Times Magazine on the downfall of the GOP and Time on the troubles facing Fox News. American ideals that had served the country so well during the By Morgan Smith second world war" and that with "a little wooing, they might be Friday, March 28, 2008, at 12:23 PM ET willing to fall back in love with America."

New York Times Magazine, March 31 Harper's, April 2008 The cover story traces the erosion of the Republican Party A piece considers the alarming possibility of transmittable following the disastrous 2006 midterm elections. GOP elders cancer. Contagious forms of the disease persist among certain "worry that the social conservatism that helped seal Rove's animal populations: Tasmanian devils suffer from parasitical majorities might create for them a deficit that lasts a generation, facial tumors that they pass to each other during fights and that the party's position on social issues like gay marriage may mating skirmishes; a sexually transmitted cancer exists among permanently alienate younger, more moderate voters." The dogs. There are documented cases of humans "catching" cancer, National Republican Congressional Committee reports that "on too. Most were doctors or laboratory workers who accidentally

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 60/124 came into contact with cancerous cells, either by a cut or needle prick. … An article explains how a flood of Iraqi refugees has destabilized Syria, which has now closed its borders to displaced Iraqis. The neighboring country, which once enjoyed sectarian poem peace, now copes with the antagonism of the primarily Sunni "Oh Blessed Season" refugees toward its Shiite inhabitants, while the added economic By Chris Forhan strain cripples its infrastructure. One Syrian man says, "Iraq is an atomic explosion. It is a chain reaction that has not come to an Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 8:02 AM ET end." Listen to Chris Forhan read .

GQ, April 2008 An article investigates the flagging mail-order-bride trade in the Summer strode slowly in clownish festoonery, forgiving former Soviet Union. As Moscow prospers, the "vaunted everything. 'Russian bride' may soon be a thing of the past." Men after "their very own superhot June Cleaver" now look to places like Blessed was the fruit of its womb: slumbering bees, blossoms' Colombia, Thailand, and Brazil, where women are less selective furious purple and still believe in the "myth of the well-heeled American *****effusions, swooping in to save the day." … A profile visits Joe Francis in clouds scattered like napkins late of lips moist with cream and jail as he waits for a trial date for charges on tax evasion. champagne. (Francis has since been released.) During the interview, the Girls Gone Wild founder says in front of a female guard, "Look at that Chiffon was a word heard often then. rack." "Can you take me home?" he asks her. "Don't I get conjugal visits? It's been eight months." Oh, to live like that again, operatically bored with the reckless long business of Must Read *****becoming. New York's cover package on the Bear Stearns buyout provides a glimpse into the boardroom dealings between JPMorgan, the To loll on a ridge above the jostling gondolas, Fed, and Bear—as well as a from-the-ground report on how the to sprawl in a field amid the ruins of lunch, the crumbs and investment firm's employees reacted when they heard they'd rinds, been bought out for $2 a share. to be slaked by a final swallow of wine and feel safely ravaged and awry, Must Skip Time interviews Hillary Clinton but doesn't succeed in cracking to joy in the horses' forelocks, beribboned with blooms of sweet the senator's boilerplate responses—her paragraphs-long replies everlasting— sound as if they're fresh off the campaign press. a distraction from the black, inapt cast of their eyes,

Best Politics Piece that sequestered look, as of something they've seen and not Forget the swirling debate over the Democratic primaries. forgotten yet. Newsweek asks the question on everyone's mind: Why don't female politicians have more sex scandals?

Best Culture Piece Harper's profiles the farmers of the "raw milk underground," who believe it's their mission to bring consumers unpasteurized politics milk, and the government's attempts to shut them down. What I Mean, Not What I Say The little fibs campaigns tell all day long. By John Dickerson Best Cocktail-Party Factoid A piece in the New Republic reveals that after an economist Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:04 PM ET proposed etching a black fly near the drain of toilet bowls in a men's restroom at an Amsterdam airport, "spillage" was reduced by 80 percent—"It turns out that, if you give men a target, they When ABC reported the scoop that Hillary Clinton told Bill can't help but aim at it." Richardson that Barack Obama couldn't win in the general election, I thought it was a good nugget but not surprising. It's not as if she'd previously said she'd be a better nominee because

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 61/124 Obama is a bad dancer. The Clinton campaign has been arguing Why not say what you mean? Two reasons. Neither campaign that Obama can't win in the general election for months. He can't wants to be accused of giving John McCain any statements that win big states; he can't win among key constituencies like blue- he can use in the general election against the eventual collar voters, Latinos, and Catholics; he can't beat McCain; he Democratic nominee. Also, in the event that the candidates wind can't pass the commander-in-chief test. The electability charge up as each other's running mate or even just campaigning for the is, in fact, the only basis Clinton has left as she battles to other one in November, they don't want to have to eat too many overthrow Obama's lead among pledged delegates. It's nearly on of their own words. "It's a thin but important line," says a Clinton's campaign signs. Clinton staffer.

But as thoroughly obvious as the Clinton remark is, it's the kind Still, getting across the idea that a candidate is fundamentally of plain-as-the-nose-on-your-face statement that candidates are flawed matters. It's a more powerful argument than saying he's never supposed to actually make out loud. They'll walk you up less good. If he's merely that, voters can take a chance on him, to the idea. They'll even sound out the vowels to help you say it knowing they aren't really risking a few bedrock Democratic yourself, but in primary season, no one is supposed to actually principles. The party won't be at risk of nominating a say, "He can't win" or "He doesn't have the credentials to be conservative Supreme Court justice or launching a new war commander in chief." Her campaign will suggest that your against Iran. If a voter, or better a superdelegate, can be sleeping children could be extinguished in their beds if Obama is convinced that a candidate is doomed, on the other hand, then elected, but when Clinton is asked at a debate if Obama is not you can move them to your man or woman as the safer, if less ready to be president, she'll say that's for the voters to decide. appealing, choice.

The prediction that Obama will be a general-election failure is so This is what's at stake when Clinton aides discuss the incendiary taboo that now that Clinton has said it, her aides won't repeat it. remarks of Obama's pastor Jeremiah Wright, as Greg Sargent of After a conference call devoted to stacking up all the reasons Talking Points Memo reported earlier this week. The question Obama would lose to McCain, I asked Clinton's top strategist the Clinton camp wants on everyone's minds is whether Obama's and spokesman if they were saying, as Bill and Hillary Clinton pastor will sink him in the general. have said privately, that Obama can't win. "No," the Clinton aides dodged, they're merely arguing that Clinton is the better The Democratic campaign, then, has come down to the question candidate. of which candidate is fundamentally flawed, even though neither side wants to really come out and say this. It's a way to get what A version of this happens in Obamaland, too. In response to you want, you hope, without taking responsibility. My son used Clinton's claims that Obama is unelectable, the Obama campaign to do a version of the same thing. He'd hold up his hands over has initiated its own version of the same accusation over the last his eyes and pretended we couldn't see him. few weeks. Clinton can't win in a general election when voters think she has a "credibility gap." "To head into a general election with over half the electorate not believing you are trustworthy is a serious problem," campaign manager David Plouffe said. "The American people will not elect a candidate that they do not see politics as trustworthy." Campaign Junkie The election trail starts here. Taking the Obama argument to its logical conclusion, I asked Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:52 AM ET campaign adviser Greg Craig, who has known Hillary Clinton since college but is siding with the other guy, if he thought she was fundamentally dishonest. He was on one of the Obama conference calls at which this was essentially asserted. But, of course, he demurred. He was just on the call to dispute her politics foreign-policy claims, he said. Chicago School Days Obama's lackluster record on education. By Alexander Russo The Obama camp wants you to hear the charge that Clinton is a liar, but they play peekaboo by framing it in terms of the Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 3:05 PM ET political challenge her candidacy poses for Democrats. They never want to come out and just say liar by itself. When Barack Obama agreed in a New York Times interview that Clinton had School reform advocates in Chicago have of late been heralding not been fully truthful six months ago, he took a lot of heat. He Barack Obama as a champion of local school councils, Chicago's has never gone that far again. hyperlocal system of school governance. Unique among big-city school districts in the United States, these independent, elected

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 62/124 bodies at each school are made up of parents, teachers, and In 1999, hard-charging schools chief Paul Vallas went to the community members, 10 in all, plus the principal. Think of them Illinois Legislature to win more control over principal hiring and as mini school boards, parent-teacher organizations on steroids, firing. Vallas headed the Chicago schools between 1995 and or condo boards for schools. 2001. His get-tough initiatives—mandating summer school for students who failed end-of-year exams, for example—got Created 20 years ago, these councils each hire and fire their own glowing press coverage and earned him not one but two principals. Though firings aren't common, they turn out to be a mentions in President Clinton's State of the Union speeches. very big deal. Dismissing a principal is the education equivalent of capital punishment. It's often career-ending. It disrupts a Vallas wanted to make sure in 1999 that his precious cadre of school to the core. And it sends shock waves out through the rest experienced principals wouldn't continue to get bounced out of of the system. The councils—each dominated by six parents— their schools for no good reason. In particular, he wanted to limit are not all-powerful, however. Since 1995, Chicago has also had the LSCs' power to dismiss principals at the end of their four- a central Board of Education overseen by the mayor that, among year contracts. Each year, a small number of councils (maybe 15 other things, has the power to close schools and open new ones. percent of the roughly 150 principals who are up for renewal in any given year) would opt not to renew their principals' Not surprisingly, the relationship has been extremely uneasy contracts. Most of the time, the decisions weren't controversial. between the central board office (dominated by college-educated But occasional surprises—and concerns about the lack of any professionals) and individual school councils (dominated by real oversight or appeal provisions—dogged the process from minority parents, not all of them college-educated). Put simply, the start. some advocates think LSCs are the best and only real way to improve Chicago schools—by emphasizing local control, Vallas felt that some effective principals were being let go curriculum flexibility, and parent involvement. Others think that because they were white or because of personal conflicts. He making each school independent is an indulgent holdover from proposed giving himself the authority to review and approve another era that mostly gets in the way of improving most decisions to let principals go, styling the change as an accountability in a massive, 600-school system. "accountability" measure. Local-control advocates called it an attempt to "gut" local control. In reality, Obama never really championed the local councils. He supported them behind the scenes and only eventually came out Both were right. Taking away the LSCs' power to fire principals publicly on their behalf. When he did weigh in, he came down would have hamstrung the councils' independence. But on the wrong side of the debate—against protecting principals independent LSCs had done a good job at opening up the school from unwarranted dismissals and in favor of keeping councils system to parents without transforming student achievement. independent, no matter what. In the end, the resolution of the Vallas was trying to complete the centralization that had begun conflict between the two sides didn't alleviate anyone's concerns. in 1995, when the state gave the mayor a say over the schools. In Instead, it prolonged a turf battle that seems to have dragged that context, leaving the LSCs in place just made no sense, down academic progress in the years since. particularly given the need to make greater academic strides.

The story of Obama's involvement suggests that on similarly Obama was uniquely well-placed to take the lead in mediating contentious fronts involving national education policy, like the this battle. He had a relatively strong background in community No Child Left Behind Act, he might respond the same way— and education issues. He was friends and pickup-basketball holding back when powerful interest groups collide, only to buddies with Arne Duncan, who was then in charge of magnet support the status quo of local control in the end. The candidate's schools (and has since taken over Vallas' job). Obama also knew Chicago record on education also raises questions about his Vallas, who liked him. Then, as now, he was considered a much-vaunted ability to bring different sides together to find politician who could unify people and resolve challenging lasting solutions. conflicts. And in a racially charged debate like this one—Vallas was a tall white guy who sent his kids to parochial school—it Obama's links to local school councils began more than 20 years didn't hurt that Obama was black. ago, when they were first being created. His South Side community organizing group, the Developing Communities To be sure, it would have been no easy feat to bring Vallas and Project, supported the 1988 reform act that created the councils. local-school advocates to the table, and there's no guarantee that A decade later, when Obama was a second-year state senator, he the effort would have worked. New and unknown to many other served on the board of several local education foundations that Democratic lawmakers, Obama wasn't even on the education had supported the councils and chaired the board for the Chicago committee. Annenberg Challenge, a $50 million philanthropic effort that supported local control. Still. For several months, Obama didn't indicate clearly where his sympathies lay. He didn't join with protesters and other

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 63/124 legislators who swarmed public events denouncing the Vallas the debate over No Child Left Behind, the 2002 federal law that proposal. He didn't talk to the press about the importance of requires annual testing by states in reading and math and community engagement for schools or the unfairness of mandates publication of test score results for poor and minority diminishing the influence of the 5,500 elected LSC members. students. For more than six years, state and local educators have Obama kept tabs on the negotiations through his staff, met complained that such mandates get in the way of local control occasionally with local-control advocates, and, according to and flexibility. those who were involved, sometimes provided ideas and advice in private. But that was about it. Some local advocates weren't Based on Obama's actions in Chicago in 1999, it's hard to even sure whether he would ultimately be on their side or not. imagine him taking charge of the continuing debate over And many worried that without someone like Obama to stop it, whether and how No Child Left Behind should be renewed. the Vallas juggernaut would overrun any opposition. Forced to take a side, Obama's record suggests that, ultimately, he would be sympathetic to local autonomy. But there's not In the end, support for Vallas' proposal suddenly collapsed, the much evidence to show that he would be able to help mend deep victim of political infighting within the district. A face-saving and abiding schisms between testing hawks and local-control provision was added to the existing LSC law that allowed advocates. And without strong and unifying national leadership, principals to appeal their dismissals to an outside arbitration our troubled public-education system stands little chance of board, but it was written so narrowly that it was all but unusable. making the dramatic improvements that it needs. "We put it in there as a fig leaf for Vallas," recalls a legislative staffer who was involved in the negotiations. "It wasn't something that was supposed to be used."

Only after the fig leaf was in place did Obama come out publicly politics in support of local school councils, making a brief speech (PDF) What Made Richardson Flip? on the Senate floor to codify the final agreement preserving local Clinton insiders speculate about Obama's offer to him. councils' authority. To his credit, Obama didn't augment racial By John Dickerson division. Vallas was in essence trying to take control away from Friday, March 28, 2008, at 4:52 PM ET poor and minority parents. He credits Obama with never having played the race card. "Barack could have taken the bait but he didn't," says Vallas, now head of the New Orleans schools. "He never demagogued the issue." What did Barack Obama offer Bill Richardson for his endorsement? Nothing, say both the Obama and Richardson camps, but this is the question angry and jilted Clinton In being so late to the debate, however, Obama didn't really have supporters are asking in the wake of Richardson's announcement to stand up to anyone—not the groups he was affiliated with, not a week ago that he would support Obama rather than their Vallas, not Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley. He was just woman. approving the final result. He remained loyal to his roots, but only when it was easy to do so. To some critics, this is exactly the problem. "Obama has no history of standing up to school Despite Clinton strategist Mark Penn's effort to downplay the interests or anyone else," says Dan Cronin, the Republican state endorsement, Richardson's move was very helpful to Obama. senator who handled the 1999 legislation (and recalls little if any When Richardson said he'd decided to back Obama in part involvement from Obama). "If you look at his past record, because of Obama's speech reacting to the uproar over his there's nothing that's particularly bold or creative." former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, his move became a symbolic end point to the controversy. Richardson also went beyond mere praise, calling for Democrats to rally around Partisan judgments aside, Obama missed the opportunity to Obama and bring the contest to a close. address long-standing questions about unwarranted dismissals of principals or to resolve the conflicted relationship between LSCs and the central Chicago school board. There is still no It is a standard tactic to accuse a turncoat of having been bought meaningful way for principals to appeal their dismissals; few off. Some would say this is the Corleone reflex in the Clinton have tried, and not one has been reinstated. And the structural world, which punishes those who stray. What better way to conflicts remain between what are essentially two different malign Richardson than to claim low motives, which undermines systems of governance. (New York City avoided this problem by Richardson's professed reason—that he was inspired by Obama's doing away with its community school districts at roughly the grand speech on race. same time it gave control of the school board to the mayor.) But Clinton supporters say Richardson was poised to join the Tension between local control and centralized accountability family—in fact, he was already a charter member—and the isn't just a problem in Chicago, of course. It's also at the core of speed of his reversal makes them think self-interest must have

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 64/124 played a role in his jump. Many of those who are angriest have sign of the new landscape, Moveon.org sent out a fundraising known Richardson a long time and have raised money for his letter asking Pelosi to stand her ground. various campaigns. They talked to him while he was sitting on the fence, and in those conversations, they say, he signaled his Richardson, through a spokesman, denies that he told anyone he eventual support for Hillary. Why renege on old friends? A would support Clinton. Those who know him say that as a grand offer must have been in the offing, the detractors surmise. politician who has negotiated with some of the world's trickiest foreign leaders, he knows how to let people "believe what they On Thursday, I talked to one of those in the Clinton circle who want to believe," as one put it. Both Obama's and had talked to Richardson, and that source said the damning Richardson's spokesmen offer ironclad denials that reason the former energy secretary gave for his then-apparent Obama offered Richardson anything specifically or plan to support Clinton was Obama's lack of experience—the implicitly in the way of a quid pro quo, and there is central nail Clinton has been hammering. Not to mention that no actual evidence of any kind of deal. experience was the basis for Richardson's own presidential campaign. What Bill Richardson did or didn't extract from Barack Obama in return for his timely support may not be known until Obama On Larry King Live on Thursday night, James Carville, who wins the nomination and picks his running mate or wins the branded Richardson "Judas" for what Carville said was a election and names his Cabinet. But there is one other little piece particularly high level of betrayal, named a handful of Clinton of evidence that suggests Richardson must have wrested some fundraisers who say they had similar cheery conversations with promise in return for his support. It's contained in the Richardson. Richardson also gave former President Bill Clinton "Richardson Rules," his pointers for how to negotiate: "Don't the impression that he would ultimately back Hillary Clinton as concede absolutely everything the other side is requesting. Get well as Bill Clinton's top aides. When Bill Clinton called something in return, even if it's minor." Richardson on hearing the news of his endorsement switch, Richardson refused to return his phone calls. "I wouldn't treat President Bush the way he treated President Clinton," says Carville. Richardson's communication director, Gilbert Gallegos, says no such representations were made to anyone connected to Clinton and that when Bill Clinton flew to New Mexico to watch press box the Super Bowl with Richardson, the governor was clear about Links That Stink his intentions. "Gov. Richardson told President Clinton not to Grumbling about the misuse of hyperlinks on news sites. come to New Mexico for the Super Bowl if he expected an By Jack Shafer endorsement," says Gallegos. Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:25 PM ET

This has been a bad week for Clinton's financial backers. In addition to the Richardson betrayal, they also feel that House When Vannevar Bush first dreamt of hyperlinks back in the Speaker Nancy Pelosi has turned on them. Despite their years of 1940s, surely he envisioned something tidier than the link riots supporting the party, they have been unable to use their leverage that erupt on many of today's Web pages. The extraneous links to move Pelosi away from what they see as her public support etched into most Washingtonpost.com stories, for example, for Obama. Though Pelosi says she is neutral, she has said that make it look as though an insect rode a unicycle dipped in blue the superdelegates should follow the will of the pledged ink through the copy before you got there. delegates. Since Obama holds an insurmountable lead among the pledged delegates, this is just a long way for her to say, "Elect Almost any Washingtonpost.com or Nytimes.com news story Barack." Clinton fundraisers wrote to Pelosi asking that she demonstrates the sites' link-happy tendencies. A good example retract her remarks and support the party rules that allow of the Washingtonpost.com's overkill is this Page One story superdelegates to vote their conscience. Furious at the letter, she from Monday about the alleged budget crunch faced by some refused to. states. In the first 95 words, the story links Illinois, Cook County, Michigan, New Jersey, California, and San Fernando What's significant about the Pelosi and Richardson duet is that Valley to Washingtonpost.com landing pages containing general both seem to have made a calculation that in the long-brewing news, video, and audio about those places. No thinking human tension between party elites and the new grass roots, they're would ever add these links—obviously, a human has siding with the latter. These veteran Democrats may be making programmed a computer to automatically insert them. their moves based on their assessments of Obama as a candidate, but they also may be informed by his success in raising money Of what use are such landing pages? For the reader, little. They online and from a huge number of small-dollar donors, which exist for the publisher to serve another page of ads and to may mean a dilution in the power of traditional rainmakers. As a optimize search engine results.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 65/124 I don't oppose sites serving ads or optimizing pages to improve His name is Frank Rich, and unlike so many of his newspaper search results—as long as the strategies don't waste readers' peers, he links to the competition, the out-of-town newspapers, time. But that's what many of the landing pages do. The real sin the blogs, the candidates' Web sites, TV transcripts, YouTube, here is how extraneous links induce link shyness: When the time survey results, and his own publication's copy. comes that the reader will benefit from clicking on a link, he'll not bother because the site has taught him its links are worthless. It's the way it should be done, and I'm not saying that just because it's the way nearly all Slate writers do it. Next up on my hate list are links that come alive when you mouse over them. On many business sites, a pop-over bullies its ****** way onto the page when your cursor lands on a keyword or phrase, offering to fetch you a stock quote or company news, Ryan Block suggests remedies (Firefox add-ons, etc.) for the conduct a search, or impose a frigging ad on you. These pop- most obtrusive ads but hopes you won't modify your browser to overs really suck when they obscure the copy I want to read. See block all ads because then he (and I) would be thrown out of this Bloomberg.com page for a modest example of this practice work. What links peeve you the most? Send nominations to and Yahoo News and Breitbart.com for really obnoxious ones. [email protected].(E-mail may be quoted by name in (Ryan Block of Engadget has declared war on keyword pop-over "The Fray," Slate's readers' forum, in a future article, or ads.) elsewhere unless the writer stipulates otherwise. Permanent disclosure: Slate is owned by the Washington Post Co.) I despise sites like the Nytimes.com that think double-clicks of a word should automatically open a new window and fill it with Track my errors: This hand-built RSS feed will ring every time the word's definition. Please show me where I can turn this Slate runs a "Press Box" correction. For e-mail notification of "feature" off! I've reserved a superscalding hypercircle of hell errors in this specific column, type the words links that stink in for Yahoo News, which thinks double-clicking a word means I the subject head of an e-mail message and send it to want a billboard of additional news and search options to spring [email protected]. from the page. Don't bother telling me how to turn this feature off. I'll just avoid Yahoo News altogether. (And every page tainted with Snap Shots.)

Only slightly less maddening are the sites and writers that think a links package that reads "click here, here, here, and here for press box more" is an inducement to visit additional pages. If a writer is Rupert Murdoch Is Not the Antichrist too lazy to indicate where the link is going to take me, I'm too Proof revealed at Georgetown University. busy to click. (Along those lines, I could do without the By Jack Shafer overdone links that make an entire paragraph linkable.) Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 7:05 PM ET

Gawker's mixed-link philosophy also grates on me. Some links in its copy lead to Gawker landing pages. That's bad. Others lead Rupert Murdoch addressed the students and faculty of to specific Gawker stories or to outside stories, which are also Georgetown University this afternoon, explaining the "creative relevant. That's good. I wish the site didn't force me to inspect destruction" wrought upon the news and entertainment industries the status line of my browser to see where a text link is about to by changing technology. Murdoch cast himself as a relentless take me. Mr. Denton, remove those landing-page links from competitor, which he is, who has taken on entrenched inside your stories! monopolies and oligopolies around the world, which is also true. (FishbowlDC's Patrick W. Gavin live-blogged the event.) Here's my last bitch: Why doesn't every newspaper Web site routinely link directly to the competition's work? If a As speeches go, it neither electrified the crowd nor induced itchy competitor's story is good enough to cite in the copy, it's good posterior syndrome. Murdoch got off a couple of good jokes enough to link to. Examples: A recent Washingtonpost.com about the similarities between the Jesuits, who founded story cited an Nytimes.com story but linked to a generic page Georgetown, and his company, News Corp. about the Times. The Nytimes.com does no better, citing a news- breaking Washington Post story in a recent article but not "The Jesuits and News Corp. attract highly talented people from linking to it. (I can't even locate a landing page for the all over the world. The Jesuits and News Corp. like to challenge Washington Post on Nytimes.com. Subtle slap or oversight?) the status quo. And both the Jesuits and News Corp. have a reputation of independence and innovation. Of course, there are There is, I'm happy to report, one old-school print journalist some differences. I don't want to discourage anyone from whose stories point to the greater Web when they're put online. considering the priesthood, but I will tell you that at News Corp.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 66/124 we don't insist on vows of poverty or chastity," Murdoch said. Hold it right there, Rupe, and let me tighten that necktie with a "And as chief executive, I can tell you I'm not sure about the retrospective of your comments about the BBC and Star. degree of obedience, either." After News Corp. purchased Star in 1993, it dumped the BBC The rotten old bastard did his best work while taking questions because its news coverage displeased Chinese authorities, a from the crowd after his 20-minute set, answering candidly point that was widely reported as fact. The company about his ambitions to buy Newsday (it would make a good downplayed those stories for a few months until Murdoch told business fit with his struggling New York Post), why he won't be his biographer, William Shawcross, the truth. Chinese leaders buying Yahoo (he says he doesn't have as much money as "hate the BBC," Murdoch told Shawcross. Of his critics, Microsoft's Mr. Gates), and press bias (he thinks a thousand Murdoch said, "They say it's a cowardly way, but we said in points of view should bloom, or something like that). order to get in there and get accepted, we'll cut the BBC out."

He miscued, however, at a couple of junctures. While talking This turnabout was reported in both the June 14, 1994, Wall about political bias and the news, he said: Street Journal ("Rupert Murdoch ... has acknowledged months after the fact that he yanked British Broadcasting Corp. news The Washington Post [company] has a site from his satellite television service in northern Asia in hopes of called Slate, and the guy who runs that calls soothing bad relations with China") and the June 14, 1994, me the Antichrist. Financial Times ("Mr. Rupert Murdoch … has finally admitted that he kicked BBC World Service Television off his Star TV system in Asia to please the Chinese government and help Jacob Weisberg, the guy who runs Slate, has never called establish the satellite service there.") Murdoch the Antichrist, according to Nexis. Nor have I. Perhaps he was confusing Weisberg with the guy who runs the New York Times? A September 2007 Vanity Fair piece by Michael Wolff (One of Murdoch's top guys tells a similar story in his recent reported that Times Executive Editor Bill Keller once "angrily book Rupert's Adventures in China: How Murdoch Lost a confronted" Murdoch lieutenant Gary Ginsberg and said, "How Fortune and Found a Wife.) can you work for the Antichrist?" Then, 13 years later, Murdoch decided to recant his confession, Keller says he didn't "confront" the Murdoch employee, whom insisting in the May 24, 2007, Financial Times that: he had known for a while. And he wasn't angry. Star was losing $100m per year; we had to pay "I greeted Gary, smilingly, with something like, 'So I gather $10m per year to the BBC. I said "Let them you've gone to work for the Antichrist.' It was a joke," Keller pay it themselves," and they did. We also writes via e-mail. "Maybe it's true, as someone said, that there's cancelled two other third-party channels— no such thing as a joke. But it was a joke." MTV and Prime Sports. At that stage we never ever had any request from anybody in China. Indeed, there was no discourse at all. The only question to derail Murdoch was a politely worded query from a Chinese student who wanted to know what steps News Corp. would take to support freedom of speech, human That he's a demonstrably poor teller of lies proves, once and for rights, and democracy in China. all, that Murdoch is not the Antichrist.

"I'd better be careful answering this—I always get into trouble ****** when talking about China," Murdoch said to many laughs. What I do call Murdoch every chance I get is a genocidal tyrant. "Especially from my Chinese wife." But even a genocidal tyrant can have a good day. Like today! One of his newspapers, the Australian, ran a lengthy review of Rupert's Adventures in China, which the Australian Web Murdoch then recounted the criticism he's faced for evicting magazine Crikey calls "earnest, broadly discursive, insightful BBC News from his Asian satellite-TV company, Star. The BBC and sometimes amusing." What makes this newsworthy, of was paying $10 million a year for the slot, he told the assembly. course, is that the Murdoch-owned Far Eastern Economic Review spiked a review of the book last month in an act of what "The BBC has a lot more money than I; they can get their own the author of Rupert's Adventures would describe as transponder and their own satellite. And that was taken as me "anticipatory compliance." Send your Murdoch musings to kowtowing to the Chinese government. And I've had that hung [email protected].(E-mail may be quoted by name in around my neck forever," he said. "The Fray," Slate's readers' forum, in a future article, or

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 67/124 elsewhere unless the writer stipulates otherwise. Permanent After bombarding readers with its incendiary Page One, the disclosure: Slate is owned by the Washington Post Co.) newspaper dared readers to catch their breath with the Page 2 "News Summary." The sprint resumed and didn't end until the Track my errors: This hand-built RSS feed will ring every time last news page had been turned. Slate runs a "Press Box" correction. For e-mail notification of errors in this specific column, type the word Georgetown in the Then on March 25, the Times more than doubled the space given subject head of an e-mail message and send it to to summaries, spreading them over Pages 2 and 3 and renaming [email protected]. the feature "Inside the Times." Page 4, once the reliable home of international news, now does meta duty, too, presenting a digest of NYTimes.com pages and serving as the paper's new home for corrections. Now the newspaper reads as if it begins with three speed bumps.

For ink-stained page turners, it was as if the quicksilver Times sidebar had put out deck chairs and free tea and invited readers to linger over the news—instead of bolting after it like wild dogs. For Return to article many veteran readers of the Times, these magaziney table-of- contents pages fit like a loose suit and read like a celebration of Rupert Murdoch, Genocidal Tyrant? white space.

To the best of my knowledge, nobody ever called Rupert What did the paper cut to accommodate this expansion? Tom Murdoch a genocidal tyrant until he introduced the useful image Bodkin, assistant managing editor and design director at the in a summer 2007 conference call. Here's how the Washington Times, says the paper's new kickoff doesn't come at the expense Post reported it. of any inside news or features. And rather than trying to ruin the paper with a Chinese-restaurant-length menu, Bodkin asserts Rupert Murdoch wanted the Wall Street that he is trying to improve the paper. Journal badly enough to endure a summer's worth of hurt feelings. "People say they have less and less time to read the paper," Bodkin says. Any way you look at it, he adds, competition for "That's ... why I spent the better part of the readers' attention has never been greater. The new summary past three months enduring criticism that is acreage will provide readers with useful "shortcuts" to the tens normally leveled at some sort of genocidal of thousands of words inside and help direct their attention to tyrant," the 76-year-old global media tycoon Web site features they'd otherwise miss. said yesterday during a conference call on News Corp.'s fourth-quarter results. "If I didn't Arriving with the new pages is a redesigned reefer box at the think it was such a perfect fit with such bottom of Page One, one that further redefines navigation, as unlimited potential to grow on its own and in well as a more emphatic introduction of international news and a tandem with News Corp. assets, believe me, I typographical tweaking of the briefing boxes. would have walked away." "Definitely attached to this whole change to the front of the book was giving the 'International Report' a display page, a real opening," he says. press box "The criticism I've heard is, 'We've got to plow through four The Times' New Welcome Mat pages until we get to the real news?' You know, plowing through The paper's design director defends its expanded summary pages. four pages? I feel like I'd like to put together a little video that By Jack Shafer shows you how to turn two pages," Bodkin says. "If you're not Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 5:57 PM ET interested in that two-three feature, skip it."

"If you scan A1 and you read two and three, you've got an As recently as March 24, the New York Times' A section began overview of any significant news event of the day," he adds. with its traditional gallop. Getting that same "taste" would otherwise require flipping every page, "which is less efficient."

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 68/124 Bodkin isn't dismissive of the new look's critics, acknowledging that different readers have different styles of reading.

His intent is to set out "the thematic organization of the paper a Untold in the Post story is how the state and local governments little more aggressively. Which, again—for the hardcore have increased their spending every quarter for the last four reader—isn't all that important. But it's a big, complicated paper, years, as the above chart, drawn from the Commerce and it helps to organize the paper." Department's Bureau of Economic Affairs data, shows. The combined state and local number gives a better picture of By the conclusion of our interview, Bodkin had talked me down government spending than the state-government figure alone. from my ledge. I'm not sure Times readers want or need such a The states and localities routinely expanded entitlements, condensation, but having been given permission by the architect invented new programs, and spread more cash on their of the new welcome mat to ignore it, I'll do my best to coexist. mainstays as growing tax revenue flowed in.

****** Now, as the stumbling economy forces individuals and families to rein in their spending, it's only sensible that the state and local governments should have to tighten their belts. It's called living What do you make of the new summaries? Send your two cents within your means. But news stories rarely reflect this sentiment. to [email protected].(E-mail may be quoted by name in "The Fray," Slate's readers' forum, in a future article, or elsewhere unless the writer stipulates otherwise. Permanent In the print edition of the Post (but not online), the paper disclosure: Slate is owned by the Washington Post Co.) reproduces a chart that it sources to the Center for Budget and Policy Priorities, which it correctly identifies as a liberal think tank. The chart, derived from this CBPP document, lays out the Track my errors: This hand-built RSS feed will ring every time Slate runs a "Press Box" correction. For e-mail notification of "budget gaps" projected by 22 states and the District of errors in this specific column, type the word Bodkin in the Columbia for fiscal year 2009 and three more in fiscal year 2010. That means, of course, that 25 states are not yet projecting subject head of an e-mail message and send it to budget gaps, which is the "half full" view of the glass. One [email protected]. would think that states living within their means would be of interest to Post readers, but we learn little to nothing about their fiscal practices. How many of the states constructed unreasonable or profligate budget projections? The Post doesn't say. press box The States Are Falling, the States Are The CBPP release is actually better than the Post on the half-full Falling! point, noting that mineral- and energy-rich states are The press corps plays Chicken Little. experiencing tax "revenue growth," as are agriculture states By Jack Shafer harvesting the big-money crops of corn and soybeans. Left Monday, March 31, 2008, at 7:14 PM ET unstated by the Post and the CBPP is the fact that some states— such as Utah, North Carolina, and Georgia—generally do a good Whenever the economy starts to slide southward, the press starts job of matching tax revenues to expenditures. Others—think sprouting horror stories spout about how "tax revenue shortfalls" California and Illinois—build FUBAR fiscal houses whether the are starving state governments. Today's (March 31) Washington economy is booming or busting. Sounds like a story to me. Post Page One piece—"States Are Hit Hard by Economic Downturn: Many Cutbacks Felt by Most Needy"—repeats so State deficit "crises" are usually caused by government officials many of the genre's clichés that the writers could have who fail to match their revenue projections to slow growing assembled the piece from memory. revenues. They dither instead of act because they regard shortfalls as a political problem to solve, not a financial one. True to form, the Post leads its story with how "cuts," Businesses executives, on the other hand, can't afford to dither "shortfalls," and "slashed" budgets are depriving the needy of because their company will go bankrupt (something states can't health care, requiring layoffs of state employees, and gutting do) or they'll be sacked. after-school programs. Campgrounds are closing in Michigan, the Post reports. A city in New Jersey can no longer afford When the states and liberal think tanks dictate the sky-is-falling Independence Day fireworks. Some states have ended weekend angle in news stories, the press overstates the harm done by cuts hours at DMV offices. to recipients of government largesse at the expense of the harm done to the average taxpayer who pays for the programs.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 69/124 Meanwhile, the richer budget story routinely gets missed: Why posts revealing self-critiques, like a recounting of a June 2007 do some officials spend their states into fiscal hell, and how do game in which Brad Hawpe deposited a first-pitch change-up others avoid the trip? into the seats: "I was sure I was making the right pitch to the right hitter in the right spot. Obviously I was wrong." ****** One of Schilling's former teammates with the Philadelphia Oh, how I hate the Washington, D.C., sales tax. Send links to Phillies, Lenny "Nails" Dykstra, is the subject of a riotously your least favorite tax to [email protected].(E-mail entertaining profile in the March 24 issue of The New Yorker. may be quoted by name in "The Fray," Slate's readers' forum, in The tobacco-chewing, headfirst-sliding Dykstra has, improbably, a future article, or elsewhere unless the writer stipulates made a mint as a daytrader and car-wash mogul. When he's not otherwise. Permanent disclosure: Slate is owned by the sucking down cheeseburgers and repeating the word bro, the ex- Washington Post Co.) outfielder is busy putting together the Players Club, a new monthly publication that will educate professional athletes on Track my errors: This hand-built RSS feed will ring every time money matters. "This will be the world's best magazine," Dykstra tells writer Ben McGrath. Slate runs a "Press Box" correction. For e-mail notification of errors in this specific column, type the word Tax in the subject head of an e-mail message and send it to It wasn't long ago that ballplayers didn't have millions to invest. [email protected]. In The Last Real Season (out in May), one-time Texas Rangers beat reporter Mike Shropshire chronicles baseball's 1975 campaign, the last season before full-scale free agency came into effect. Shropshire's no romantic, though: The Last Real Season is the sportswriter's Ball Four, a hilarious, profane diary of a year spent dodging punches from booze-infused Rangers manager reading list Billy Martin and trying to wring copy out of a dead-end team. The Pitchers and Catchers Report (My favorite excerpt from the author's 1975 clippings: "[Rangers The best books, articles, and Web sites to read about the start of baseball first baseman Jim] Fregosi is old enough to be somebody's season. grandfather, although, to the best of his knowledge, he's not.") By Josh Levin Saturday, March 29, 2008, at 7:07 AM ET If you have only 15 minutes to spare, settle in with the stranger- than-fiction story of Tony Gwynn Jr. and Trevor Hoffman. As There's red-white-and-blue bunting in the stands, the smell of ESPN the Magazine's Tom Friend explains, Gwynn, the son of cotton candy is hanging in the air, and the scalpers want $400 for Padres legend Tony Gwynn, grew up idolizing and palling four together. Yes, it's time once again for baseball's Opening around with Hoffman, his father's longtime teammate. In the Day, that glorious time of year when every backup infielder is a final weekend of the 2007 season, the Padres called on Hoffman potential All-Star. Get ready for the season with this short to get one final out to secure a spot in the playoffs. The man at syllabus, a baseball primer that's guaranteed to leave you the plate: the younger Gwynn, now a reserve outfielder with the jonesing for beer, hot dogs, and box scores. Milwaukee Brewers. Even if you know what happens next, there's enough drama here to make your skin tingle. It's a ESPN might only cover the teams in Boston and New York, but welcome springtime reminder of the heartbreaks and triumphs in March, even Kansas Citians can have delusions of grandeur. that make baseball the world's greatest game. Drink in the optimism of a new season at Rany on the Royals, where long-suffering fan Rany Jazayerli lays out the top 23 reasons he's excited to be a Royals backer. Read Jazayerli's hyperdetailed, deeply personal tributes to Kauffman Stadium, closer Joakim Soria, and announcer Denny Matthews, and you'll have found a 24th reason to embrace the Royals: an expert recycled blogger who chronicles the team's ups and (mostly) downs. The April Fools' Day Defense Kit This year, don't be taken for a sucker by the media. By Jack Shafer Curt Schilling's blog, 38 Pitches, offers an insider's take on life in the big leagues. The Red Sox starter (who'll miss the start of Monday, March 31, 2008, at 7:51 AM ET the season with a shoulder injury) loves the sound of his own keyboard, but there are rare insights here if you're willing to wade through the plugs for his video-game company. Not only You don't look gullible, but you are. Year after year, the media does Schilling break news—like his scoop last March that take advantage of your naiveté and humiliates you with an April Jonathan Papelbon would be Boston's closer—the pitcher also Fools' Day prank.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 70/124 You're probably still kicking yourself for being fooled by the trademarks, and copyrights. The Daily Mail announced the April 2000 Esquire feature about "Freewheelz," an Illinois postponement of Andrew and Fergie's wedding because of a startup that promised "self-financing, free cars" to consumers. clash with Prince Charles' calendar. He was going to be Every time you spot Discover magazine on the newsstand, you butterfly-hunting in the Himalayas. The Daily Mail told readers growl because you fell for its April 1995 article about the that nuclear submarines were now patrolling the Thames. The discovery of the ice-melting, penguin-eating hotheaded naked Independent published a scoop about skirts for men at a ice borer. Your father probably still gripes about Sports fashionable shop. The Guardian declared it would replace the Illustrated's April 1, 1985, article about Sidd Finch, the New women's page with the men's page. In 2000, the Times York Mets prospect who could throw a baseball 168 mph. complained that the surreal quality of the news—Labor turning right wing, for example—had taken the ease out of cracking a The Museum of Hoaxes Web site catalogs these greatest hits to good April Fools' joke. complete its Top 100 list of the greatest April Fool's hoaxes of all time. There's the BBC's legendary segment on the Swiss If they pranked before, they'll prank again. In addition to the spaghetti harvest (1957), Phoenix New Times' story about the British press and NPR, the weekly chain formerly known as formation of the "Arm the Homeless Coalition" (1999), and PC New Times Inc. (now Village Voice Media) loves to hoax its Computing's report on legislative efforts to ban the use of the readers. Google has established a reputation for silly hoaxes with Internet while drunk (1994), just to name a few classics. pages hyping its Google MentalPlex and PigeonRank technologies. It once posted openings for its Googlelunaplex April Fools' hoaxes succeed because the victims, conditioned by office on the moon and introduced a smart-drink called a stream of implausible but true stories in the press, aren't GoogleGulp! expecting the sucker punch. If you don't want to be anybody's fool this year, assume a guarded crouch, especially as the Too good to be true. News organizations sometimes fall for the countdown to April 1 progresses. Some April Fools' Day pranks April Fools' Day pranks perpetrated by outside hoaxsters, so arrive in your mailbox a couple of days before the holiday in the don't expect every clue to be obvious. If an April 1 article form of a monthly magazine. Remember, to be forewarned is to declares that something valuable is now "free" or purports to be forearmed. break news about "hidden treasure," you're being had. Does an organization's acronym or abbreviation spell April Fool? Also, Beware strange animals. If a story whiffs even remotely of the scan copy for anagrams of "April Fools'" or some similar play on hotheaded naked ice borer, it's likely to be a hoax. Technology words. Discover's story on the hotheaded naked ice borer cited Review hoaxed its readers with an April Fools' story in 1985 as its authority wildlife biologist "Aprile Pazzo," which is Italian titled "Retrobreeding the Woolly Mammoth." In 1984, the for April Fool. Orlando Sentinel did the same with a piece about the cockroach- devouring Tasmanian mock walrus. In 1994, London's Daily Alex Boese, curator of the Museum of Hoaxes and expert on all Star sports pages reported that invading superworms might things April Fools', advises that you finish reading articles destroy the Wimbledon green. before rushing into the next cubicle to spread the incredible news. Many hoax articles end with an obvious clue or an Turn off your radio. Deejays love to pull practical jokes on explanation that it's all a joke. Double-check all radio warnings April Fools' Day. In 1989, KSLX-FM in Scottsdale, Ariz., of disasters—volcanic eruptions, floods, killer bee invasions— broadcast the claim that the station had been taken hostage by and question any story uncovering a new, onerous tax (say, on Pima Indians, prompting calls to the police. WCCC-AM/FM in Linux). Hartford, Conn., told listeners on April 1, 1990, that a volcano had erupted not far away. San Diego's KGB-FM alerted listeners New-product announcements that arrive on or near April 1, such on April 1, 1993, that the space shuttle Discovery had been as the left-handed Whopper, should be approached with rerouted from Edwards Air Force Base to a local airport. skepticism, Boese says, but he cautions against reflexive hoax- Thousands showed up to view the landing despite the fact that spotting. On March 31, 2004, Google released the beta version the spacecraft was earthbound that day. It's not just shock jocks of Gmail, which featured 1 GB of free storage, cavernous pulling the pranks—you can't trust NPR, either. Its "humorists" compared to other e-mail provider offerings. That was the same have aired pieces on portable zip codes you can take with you day the company unveiled its Googlelunaplex plans. The moon when you move (2004), federal health care for pets (2002), and joke and the generosity of Gmail's 1 GB storage caused some advertisements projected onto the moon (2000). nerds to sense a con and insist—wrongly—that Gmail was a giant April Fools' Day hoax. Shun the British press. The British tabloids make stories up all the time, but on April Fool's Day, everybody on Fleet Street ****** fabricates. The Times used the day to run a spoof ad announcing an auction of "surplus intellectual property"—various patents,

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 71/124 For a GoogleGulp of hoaxes, check out Alex Boese's book Hippo Eats Dwarf: A Field Guide to Hoaxes and Other B.S. On Sunday night, boxer Floyd Mayweather made his pro- What hilarious media-generated April Fool's Day hoax have I wrestling debut at Wrestlemania XXIV. After a rote series of missed? Send your nominations to [email protected]. punches and chokeholds, Mayweather defeated his mammoth (E-mail may be quoted by name unless the writer stipulates opponent, the Big Show, by resorting to the standard arsenal of otherwise. Permanent disclosure: Slate is owned by the dirty fighting: groin shots, brass knuckles, and that fail-safe Washington Post Co.) weapon of the dastardly wrestler, the folding chair. Weeks of hype preceded the showdown, including spots on Larry King and Conan O'Brien, with much of the time devoted to whether Mayweather was really getting $20 million. Whatever amount Mayweather took home, it was too much—once the event was slate v under way, it seemed like both men wanted it to be over. Internet Dangers for Kids Why was the world's best pound-for-pound boxer wrestling in A daily video from Slate V. Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 12:09 PM ET the first place? Pro wrestling might seem like an odd career move for a real fighter, but it wasn't a surprising development for boxing connoisseurs. Floyd Mayweather's foray into the world of turnbuckles and body slams is in keeping with a grand tradition that dates back to turn-of-the-century champs like Ruby slate v Robert Fitzsimmons and the great Jack Dempsey. The wrestling Should She Enlist? Inverviews 50 Cents bug even bit the greatest fictional boxer of all time, Rocky A daily video from Slate V. Balboa, who took on Hulk Hogan (aka Thunderlips) in Rocky Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 5:26 PM ET III. But the precedent that's most relevant to Mayweather's case is that of the Greatest of All Time. In 1976, Muhammad Ali tangled with Japanese wrestler Antonio Inoki. The hypemen: Vince McMahon Sr. and Jr. of the World Wrestling Federation. slate v Weatherman Gone Wild In the past year or so, Floyd Mayweather has catapulted himself A daily video from Slate V. from mere boxing stardom to a level of pop-cultural notoriety Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 11:44 AM ET that's quite rare for a fighter these days. In doing so, he's helped lift his entire sport out of the doldrums, all with an act that looks and sounds an awful lot like the one perpetrated by a young loudmouth from Louisville, Ky., named Cassius Clay. slate v Dear Prudence: He Won't Dress Up! When Ali, then Clay, first emerged in the early 1960s, boxing's A daily video from Slate V. obituary was being written in the sports pages. Television had Monday, March 31, 2008, at 11:20 AM ET destroyed the subculture of local clubs, and the bland, unpopular Floyd Patterson had recently lost the heavyweight title to an even less popular fighter, glowering ex-con Sonny Liston. Beloved stars like Rocky Marciano and Sugar Ray Robinson slate v were retired or in decline, and no bright lights were emerging to Obama Girl Hurts … Obama! take their place. A daily video from Slate V. Friday, March 28, 2008, at 5:02 PM ET Enter Ali, riding his good looks, fast hands, and loquacious Louisville Lip to fame. This flamboyant shtick—a charismatic young fighter reveling in the role of the cocky black braggart— was a shot in the arm for the sweet science. In later years, Ali sports nut admitted that he stole large parts of his act, including the "greatest of all time" bit, from Gorgeous George, a legendary pro Grappling With History wrestler of the 1940s. Floyd Mayweather follows the Muhammad Ali career path ... by climbing into the wrestling ring? By Dave Larzelere Of course, for Ali, playing the self-adoring villain was a gesture Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 8:07 AM ET of racial defiance as well as a promotional tactic. Now that he's been all but sainted, it's easy to forget how much of Ali's fame grew out of the fact that the white middle class hated him and

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 72/124 tuned into his fights in the hopes of seeing the Louisville Lip the depth and savvy it takes to emerge from a typecast villain buttoned once and for all. into a full-fledged leading man.

Floyd Mayweather courted a similar kind of infamy last May in It's a trick that not even World Wrestling Entertainment could his mega-fight with Oscar De La Hoya and in the behind-the- perpetrate on its fans. In the initial promotion for Mayweather's scenes series that HBO aired to hype it, 24/7. Though De La Wrestlemania appearance, he was positioned as the noble David Hoya, boxing's pay-per-view king, was by far the marquee in a David-and-Goliath showdown, defending the honor of the attraction going into the bout, Mayweather stole the show, popular Rey Mysterio against the 7-foot Big Show. But there positing himself as a new version of Ali updated for the hip-hop was a problem with this "Floyd the Courageous," a plain fact generation. "I'm the greatest of all time" morphed into "I'm the repeated over and over again by various wrestlers and richest of all time," and the Money May persona was born. With commentators—nobody likes Floyd Mayweather. In the face of 50 Cent a regular companion in his ever-present posse, and with this realization, the WWE brain trust, never shy about tinkering money-flinging and self-adulatory boasting his two favorite with the forces of good and evil, recast the fighter in a darker but public activities, Mayweather donned the black hat of black much more familiar light: the cocky braggart with a posse of defiance, selling his life, attitude, and style as a reflection of the thugs. values of the most banal rap videos. And so it was Sunday night, the crowd roaring when it appeared Just as it did for hip-hop, this gangsta lean pushed Mayweather's that Big Show was going to finish Floyd, then booing when fights to the top of the charts. De La Hoya/Mayweather became Floyd turned the tables and used some hastily produced brass one of the most profitable events in pay-per-view history. The knuckles to do the finishing himself. It was a bizarre and comparable success of Mayweather's bout with Ricky Hatton lackluster affair, and in that way warrants Floyd yet another later in 2007 made it clear that it wasn't just Oscar who was comparison to Ali, whose wrestling bout with Antonio Inoki was responsible for all that cheddar. The lesson: If you want to open a lifeless travesty. Of course, at that point Ali had earned himself like Star Wars, you need a Darth Vader. The fans booed and a pass or two from the adoring public. That Mayweather wants hissed and rooted for his downfall, and just like Ali before him, such affection for himself is clear, but the way he's going about Money May laughed all the way to the bank. getting it isn't working. You'd think Mayweather, having stolen so readily from the Ali playbook, would understand that on Less than a year later, however, Mayweather already seems history's stage only the bit players are bad guys. The big stars trapped inside a monster of his own making. The "mo' money" always play the good guy in the end. vaudeville act has gotten old fast, and Mayweather doesn't seem to know what to do with it. All he does seem to know is that he wants to be a superstar of the sort that boxing hasn't known since Sugar Ray Leonard, and to achieve that, he's getting admirably creative: appearing on Dancing With the Stars, playing in the teachings NBA Celebrity All-Star Game, regularly floating the idea that he'll turn away from boxing and pursue a career in mixed martial Terror U What's behind the boom in homeland-security and emergency-management arts. And now Wrestlemania. It's as if he's trying to emulate both majors? acts of the Ali drama at once—the self-conscious villainy of the By Jessica Portner Louisville Lip era and the multiplatform cartoon character of the Friday, March 28, 2008, at 11:33 AM ET mid-1970s for whom boxing was only a small facet of a gigantic media creation. The traditionally slow-moving education industry is churning By the 1970s, Ali had transformed into the good guy. Thanks to out a slew of students with specialties in "mass catastrophe" and a series of epic fights, the vindication of his position on "international disaster." More than 200 colleges have created Vietnam, and a genius for selling himself, the most loathed of homeland-security degree and certificate programs since 9/11, heels became the hero of heroes and the face of a generation. To and another 144 have added emergency management with a follow in those mighty footsteps, Mayweather has a long way to terrorism bent. travel, indeed, and one has to wonder if circumstances and his own skill set ever will allow for such a metamorphosis. As a Homeland security is outpacing most other majors in part fighter, Floyd Mayweather is astonishingly gifted and deserves because governments and corporations are hungry to hire mention in Ali's exclusive class. But as far as charisma goes, Ali professionals schooled in disaster. One-quarter of the top slots— vs. Mayweather is a historic mismatch. The Greatest of All Time from presidential appointments to high-level civil servants to could play any role, going from villain to hero or clown to sage, scientific posts—at the Department of Homeland Security sometimes in the space of a single rambling sentence. To this remained empty last year. And with one-third of posts at the point, Mayweather hasn't demonstrated such dramatic range nor Federal Emergency Management Agency vacant, thousands of

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 73/124 graduates are landing lucrative government gigs before they've disaster permeates every syllabus whether the threat is al-Qaida finished their weapons of mass destruction final. A student at the or avian flu. University of North Texas now works as an emergency planner in Florida when he's not tracking hurricanes for fun. A graduate Students are learning lessons written by the same international of the University of Southern California's Center for Risk and security experts who also instruct ex-police-chiefs-turned- Economic Analysis of Terrorism Events is using his dissertation, emergency-management consultants on how to respond to rooted in game theory, to help police at Los Angeles changing global threats. The Center for Homeland Defense and International Airport improve inspections. Others are security Security, funded by DHS and FEMA, offers a free, ready-made directors on ships or bomb specialists at luxury hotels. curriculum to more than 130 universities. Packed with critical expertise, the Naval Post Graduate School's curriculum has been DHS has doled out more than $300 million since 9/11 to eight a hit with university leaders. Most schools use bits and pieces to prestigious U.S. universities to open "centers of excellence" flesh out their existing courses. The University of Connecticut devoted to narrow topics like "the psyche of terrorists" or copied it almost exactly. Universities say they are vigilant in "microbial risk analysis." Though the funding is a pittance in making sure courses in every major are written and taught to federal-budget terms, the investment is a notable deposit into entertain all points of view, however unpopular. But homeland higher-education coffers and a forceful message to colleges: security, which is a young academic discipline still developing Build these degree programs and students will register. its faculty, tends to be especially welcome territory for disaffected Bush administration officials who talk openly about Universities, which recognize a good business venture and an bureaucratic hurdles to preventing disasters. A respected doctor admirable mission, have spent millions of dollars trying to enlisted to lead major disaster-response teams vented in one enhance their offerings with electives on cybersecurity and seminar about the "inadequate" and "dangerous" decisions made agricultural terrorism. Thousands of military and law- by DHS leaders. enforcement experts have also enrolled in certificate programs to expand their expertise. Lecturers with real-world know-how are in demand across campus. Since 9/11, professors in more established disciplines Educators say terrorist training camps probably have rigorous like international relations and criminal justice are taking time curricula with hefty reading lists and hard-grading teachers. away from teaching students how to negotiate treaties or win America could use an army of tech-savvy terror experts who legal arguments to quiz them on genetically engineered have the smarts to thwart the next Chernobyl or to whip out an pathogens and dirty bombs. Other majors, studying everything orderly evacuation plan when Katrina's sister arrives. It's fitting from genetics to linguistics, are checking out homeland-security that the generation of American students that grew up with courses, too. Not since the space race have so many different violent video games are the ones outsmarting the real villains. disciplines abandoned their academic fiefdoms to collaborate. Emergency-preparedness and disaster-management classes might have geography majors and biologists, language majors Rarely has an academic field swept through American campuses this quickly. When the Russians beat America into space in 1957 and economists all dreaming about rescue scenarios in a mock by launching Sputnik, the first unmanned spacecraft to orbit situation room. An anthropologist might look at how culture makes people susceptible to foreign influence, while engineers Earth, Washington helped universities respond. The federal look at a building's vulnerability to attack. Hopefully, these bounty boosted college science and technology programs to future spies, corporate disaster planners, and biohazard counter the perceived intellectual threat from the Soviets during specialists will continue this multidisciplinary communication the Cold War. Physics and astronomy programs flourished. Products like ready-to-eat foods, no-fog ski goggles, and water- well past graduation. resistant clothing were born. The question is, Will federal-government bosses listen to these young advisers? Experts on counterterrorism and weapons of The next time such a major academic shift whipped through mass destruction were sidelined before the Iraq war. The university campuses, it was a product of rage rather than government investment. In the 1960s and '70s, students at President's Commission on Intelligence Capabilities of the United States Regarding Weapons of Mass Destruction reported colleges across the country rallied their schools to create to Congress in 2005 that former CIA Director George Tenet African-American and women's studies majors to counter the failed to pass along a senior intelligence officer's doubts about prevailing white-male-dominated canon. the presence of WMD to former Secretary of State Colin L. Powell before the Iraq invasion. The 2003 estimate on Iraq The ballooning number of homeland-security and emergency- intelligence produced by then-CIA intelligence analyst Paul management majors must be making some campuses feel like Pillar found that a U.S.-led war against and occupation of Iraq Terror U. Homeland-security majors type out term papers on would increase popular sympathy for terrorist goals. The how to identify and outwit America's foes. The inevitability of government is encouraging people to gain academic credentials

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 74/124 even after the establishment ignored advice from the existing I thought that people who kept files on their desktops, and spent experts after 9/11. their days installing and upgrading application software, were idiots. Why not just have one copy of everything—applications, It's hopeful to think that by helping to create an elite squad of files, etc.—on the network, let the IT guys back it up for you, terrorism-savvy graduates, some government officials may be and connect to it from wherever you are? That's what Google trying to correct that mistake. Listening to a fresh cadre of Docs does, finally. But now that my youthful efforts have come professional paranoids could help prevent an anemic response to to fruition, I've sworn off my the-network-is-the-computer a natural or manmade disaster. Not only could that save agency evangelism for several good reasons. bosses from literal danger and the bad press that follows a botched operation—it could help them keep their jobs. First, networks are flaky. Part of what makes the Internet so powerful is that, unlike an old analog phone line, it doesn't have to maintain a live, nonstop, real-time connection. As long as your mail gets transferred and Web pages download within a reasonable amount of time, you don't notice if your connection technology briefly goes down once in a while. If you're using that connection to edit photos, you do notice. One office network I Cloudy Judgment use is shared by a few software engineers who regularly move Web-based applications are all well and good, but there's still no beating the gigabytes of data among servers. I can tell when they're at it, desktop computer. By Paul Boutin because my Photoshop Express session abruptly hangs between Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:57 AM ET operations for a few seconds.

Second, today's network apps run inside another application— I had just finished a Photoshop how-to for Wired when the your Web browser. That makes them slower, and it limits the software's maker announced a new free online version, possibilities for the apps' user interface. The desktop version of Photoshop Express. Great, I thought: Instead of telling readers to Photoshop has a wonderful feature called the Magnetic Lasso spend 100 bucks, I can point them to the free, no-installation- that automatically finds the outline of a face as I drag the mouse required version. After a few minutes of noodling, though, it was roughly near its edges. I can wave my mouse sloppily around a clear that Photoshop Express couldn't perform the basic human form, and the Magnetic Lasso will meticulously outline vacation-shot-enhancement tricks I'd written up. Neither can the human silhouette in my picture. That lets me punch up the Picnik or Phixr, two other popular Web-based photo editors. As color of a tourist in a photo or tone down ugly objects in the of yet, no Web-based photo manipulation tool is even as background. Photoshop Express will only let me adjust the entire sophisticated as Photoshop Elements 5, the previous PC edition. photo at once. Buy a copy on eBay for $40—you'll thank me the next time your Web connection conks out. Google Docs is similarly crippled. Its slide-show editor has the same functionality of an early-1990s version of Microsoft Photoshop Express is just one small example. There's now a PowerPoint and has just as many bugs in the way it formats text. flood of Web-based applications that serve as simplified—read: I recently prepared a presentation for sharing online and spent limited—versions of popular desktop software. Google Docs, the more time fixing screwy indentation and mismatched font sizes in-your-browser competitor to Microsoft Office that I gushed than I did writing the words. Honestly, I don't know whether about a year ago, is probably the best example. Google just these are limitations on a browser interface or just plain bugs in announced that its word processor, spreadsheet, and slide-show Google's code. But that's a general problem with Web-based tools will soon let you keep working without a live network apps: There's a lower bar for perfection, probably because we're connection. That will remove their biggest shortcoming. Still, still in the "Yay! It works in your browser!" phase. Call me the more time I spend using Web-based apps like Google Docs, crazy, but I'll keep using PowerPoint until the browser-based the more I appreciate my desktop computer. solution is better than the one we've already got.

I used to be a network-computing zealot. I spent five years in the The people who build browsers need to do a better job, too, if 1980s as a programmer and administrator for MIT's Project they expect me to do all my work inside one. Don't even get me Athena, an ambitious attempt to network the school's milewide started on the daily hell wherein I hit a Web site that locks up campus. Plunk yourself in front of any Athena computer, type in Firefox, killing all of my browser windows. If my desktop e- your password, and all your stuff would be instantly available, mail crashes, it doesn't shut down my photo editor. But when just as if you'd plugged in a giant hard disk. I put in another five one browser-based app goes, they all go. Several times a week, I years at NCD, a Silicon Valley startup that tried to capitalize on hit Technorati to do a search and end up with Google Docs, some of Athena's principles. Photoshop Express, and the rest of Web 2.0 stuck frozen on my screen. Even Microsoft Word doesn't crash that often anymore.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 75/124 In theory, Web-based apps—also known as "software as a Belloni. Silverman seems to have instigated a glorious new era service" or, less precisely, "cloud computing"—are the future of in executive-level trash talk, with a Fox programmer today computers. That ignores the huge progress in personal computers telling Variety, apropos of NBC's plans for the fall, "They're that sit on your desktop, in your lap, or in your pocket. Multi- making grandiose statements. … Everything they're saying now, core processors, touch screens, motion sensors—all major they could say in May. The difference is, they're doing it with computing advances, none of which are happening in the cloud. shows that don't exist." Consider the iPhone, a huge hit because of the things it does right there in your hand. It's a sharp-eyed camera with a killer Those nonexistent shows represent the most uniformly escapist photo-album tool you flip through with your fingertips, and it's a lineup of debuts in television history. The dramas include Knight big music and video library you can play anywhere. You can't Rider (as in KITT), Merlin (as in Camelot), Crusoe (as in Defoe run applications like that over a network, and you won't be able and scheduled to air on Friday), The Listener (about a mind- to for a long time. reading paramedic, Bringing Out the Dead meets Medium), and My Own Worst Enemy (with Christian Slater as a soccer I think there's a market for free, Web-based apps that offer basic dad/superspy killing machine). Silverman described the hero of features. Knock yourselves out, dilettantes. For me, it'll be years The Philanthropist as a cross between James Bond and Robin before Photoshop Express can become powerful enough to Hood, but I prefer to think of him as a hybrid of Bruce Wayne replace my desktop version, or before Google Docs gets me to and the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Then there's Kings, a uninstall Microsoft Office. I'm not sure I want to. One of the modern-day retelling of David and Goliath starring Ian nice things about Word and Photoshop is that once I fire them up McShane. It represents, according to Bill Carter, "a joint and start working, I can forget all about the Internet for a few promotion with the Liberty Mutual insurance company. … The hours. Sometimes, my PC and I just want to be alone. themes of the show are meant to be consistent with Liberty Mutual's 'Responsibility Project.' " You may recognize the Responsibility Project from those commercials— "Responsibility. What's your policy?"—depicting altruists engaged in such acts as helping short people reach things on television high shelves and not running over dogs. Ben Silverman's Critique of Slate On the reality-show tip, NBC will introduce Chopping Block, a And other illuminating moments at the NBC Infront. By Troy Patterson restaurant show from the only chef in England with a temper Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 2:06 PM ET worse than Gordon Ramsay's—Marco Pierre White, of Quo Vadis, L'Escargot, and, once upon a time, Mario Batali's night terrors. But the man of the moment in the reality realm is Thom Beers, creator of such manful occupational odysseys as the The hype for the fall TV season began early this year with the History Channel's Ice Road Truckers and Discovery's Deadliest "NBC Infront: Primetime 08/09 Upfront Presentation." There Catch. He'll be expanding the subgenre with Shark Taggers and were many sound reasons for NBC to jump the traditional America's Toughest Jobs. On the latter show, regular Joes will upfront week—the mid-May period when broadcasters seduce serially toil as loggers, wildcat oil drillers, and assistants to $9 billion out of advertisers—and they include the paralysis of network executives. the writers' strike, the emergence of a full-year programming schedule, the chance of more extensive product placements, and NBC's fourth-place ratings. Ben Silverman, co-chairman of The new comedies include an Office spinoff, a pre-Election Day NBC's entertainment division, called it "a perfect storm," which primetime run of a Saturday Night Live spinoff, and Molly is his favorite cliché. The fact of NBC's owning both the Shannon's Kath and Kim. Regarding the last—an adaptation of a broadcast rights to the Beijing Olympics and the next Super mother-daughter laugh-fest from Australia—Silverman Bowl? "A perfect storm." Tina Fey's minting as a superstar? mentioned having put Selma Blair through "a Darryl Zanuck- "Perfect storm." These days, the operative question in Burbank type screen test," which struck me as odd. Though Zanuck, like and at 30 Rock is, What would a nor'easter do? many a mogul, viewed film of novice actors before offering them contracts, his most famous contribution to the casting process involved meeting would-be starlets on his couch 'round To be sure, NBC's scaled-back presentation is disappointing on about 4 p.m. When I asked Silverman whether he meant that line many levels. There are no clips to view, no actors or producers as a joke about hooking up with his employees, he said, "Ah, to chat with, no open bars to assault. But I've got liquor at home. Slate, Slate.…You deliver the highbrow every single time. I'll Further, attending an upfront involves endless jostling with pass on your question." You brought it up, dude. hundreds upon hundreds of rudely self-satisfied ad buyers, and the only jerk to deal with on yesterday's conference call was Silverman, a guy who recently labeled his peers at other In all likelihood, Silverman meant nothing at all and was just networks graceless morons in the presence of Esquire's Matthew bullshitting. The Wall Street Journal's Rebecca Dana today

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 76/124 quotes him likening himself to P.T. Barnum, who of course knows the press-release value of alliteration: "Now, five female thought he knew how often suckers were born. dancers will be fox-trotting with their fathers while five male dancers will be doing the mambo with their mothers as they vie for praise from the judges and for America's votes." While the Oedipus and Electra complexes do not come up for discussion, the show nonetheless exists as a family-therapy session in 4/4 television time, crafting behind-the-scenes narratives about support and acceptance and personal growth. The dad who was always at the Dance Marathon office bonds with the daughter who was always at the barre, and The dazzling moves of Step It Up and Dance, America's Best Dance Crew, and so on. The judges, affectingly, take the greatest care to be gentle Your Mama Don't Dance. By Troy Patterson in their criticisms. The contestants, steadfastly, remain adorable Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 3:38 PM ET even when looking like fools. The girls in the makeup department need to lay off the eye shadow.

And five, six, seven, eight: Dance shows continue to twirl across the airwaves at all angles—an unprecedented outbreak of So it is that Step It Up and Dance (Bravo, premieres Thursday dipping and twisting, popping and locking, preening and at 11 p.m. ET) enters a crowded field. None of the dance shows pandering. Call it Terpsichore Vision and marvel at its have any real sense of irony, and this will be the case until adaptability. It's easy to imagine WE—nominally a women's someone invents one focusing on the New Burlesque (to be network, essentially a bridal channel—whipping up Save the hosted by downtown superstar Murray Hill, the grapefruit- First Dance, in which affianced couples learn how to sway to shaped drag king in the polyester tux). But Step It Up and Dance "Unchained Melody" and "What a Wonderful World" while attempts to distinguish itself by trafficking in irony's closest vying to win a honeymoon vacation. NBC, headquartered at cousin, camp. The mistress of ceremonies is Elizabeth Berkley, Rockefeller Center, could confect Kick It: The Great Rockette who probably earned the job on the strength of her association Challenge. The Weinstein Company hasn't done much with the with Showgirls, the third-worst film of the '90s (behind As Good tiny arts channel Ovation since investing in it two years ago; if As It Gets and Sliver). She's not so much a hostess as a hood Harvey really wanted to build some buzz, he could hire Toni ornament. Bentley—an alumna of the New York City Ballet and the author of a literary memoir about butt sex—to combine those two One contestant, Miguel, introduces himself by touting his passions by hosting a late-night reality competition titled tenacity: "It's like telling da Vinci, 'I'm sorry. You're not a good Attitude Derrière. painter, you got to go.' " Another, Nick, talks about enrolling in dance class after first viewing Footloose: "At that age, I realized While keeping your fingers crossed that such a day will come, it was a good place to meet ladies." That age was 4. The season's you can tide yourself over with the likes of America's Best likeliest breakout star is Jessica, an amateur cowed by the fact of Dance Crew (MTV), produced by American Idol's Randy competing with folks who list stints in Broadway musicals, on Jackson, hosted by former teen heartthrob Mario Lopez, and big-time pop tours, and atop go-go club pedestals on their CVs. possessed of an unexpected sweetness. Here, the house style She weeps when feeling proud of herself and flees to the wings seems to derive from the martial stepping of black fraternities, when confused about her choreography, and what she lacks in the hectic posturing of music videos, and, when the lewdest self-confidence, she compensates for by not wearing very much competitors take the stage, humping a mailbox. The crews duel clothing. That is, she wears about twice as much as do the pros in a way that calls to mind the Sharks and the Jets. Last Friday's on Dancing With the Stars (ABC), the program that's done so live finale found the team Status Quo (six inspiring kids from a much to reshape the idea of the female back as an erogenous rough neighborhood in Boston) matching off against zone suitable for the family hour. JabbaWockeeZ (six kids from the West who managed to be inspiring despite performing in face masks fit for a slasher-film To invert the Chorus Line lyric, Step It Up and Dance has a psycho). The JabbaWockeeZ triumphed. O frabjous day! Tears "looks 10, dance 3" air. The girls are pretty, and the boys are fell, and confetti, and the vanquished crews bounced back to the lithe. Watching the pilot, I found myself irked by the repeated stage, extending their congratulations by forming a conga line, play of the second-rate Spice Girls song to which the because the muse of Terpsichore Vision never guides anyone competitors were mastering steps, but I stayed glued, certain that away from tackiness. everyone would start hooking up any second, such did they stretch and priss and thrust. It felt rather like staying too long at Elsewhere, in a realm where hip-hop, Scream masks, and basic a cast party: The noisy and grating emotionalism of the actors coordination are much less a presence, there is Your Mama intensifies as the hours pass, as does your belief that an orgy will Don't Dance (Lifetime, Fridays at 9 p.m. ET), hosted by former break out. Self-aware, the show tosses out just enough tidbits teen heartthrob Ian Ziering and produced by someone who about gender performance and the construction of sexual identity

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 77/124 to divert a queer theory seminar at Brown for 20 minutes or so. he learned from Stan Laurel: "Always do this. Tell the audience For instance, a judge tells two female dancers to learn the what you're going to do. Do it. And then tell them it has been distinction between dancing "strongly" and "like a mean angry done." Then, in his own voice, O'Brien pleaded, "If anybody man." Later, Miguel—the not-to-be-denied da Vinci—receives knows what the hell he's talking about, please tell me, because instructions "to butch it up a little bit more." "Did I look like a it's been ringing in my head for years." Leno responded, "We fag?" he asks in reply. Miguel's eyes indicate how receptive he is should call Jerry and ask him." Well, this points to the essential to constructive criticism. He is hungering to glide across the friction of the evening: O'Brien getting a touch mock-hysterical ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, an Astaire in gold lamé. in puzzlement at a comedic koan, Leno being stiff and clubby and patriarchal, none of us feeling terribly elegant.

television Conan Appears on Leno the chat room It was awkward. Words of Warcraft By Troy Patterson Fred Kaplan takes readers' questions about fixing Bush's military, U.S. national Friday, March 28, 2008, at 5:16 PM ET security, and foriegn policy. Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:18 PM ET

Thursday night on NBC, Late Night With Conan O'Brien was Slate contributor Fred Kaplan was online at offering a rerun, and The Tonight Show With Jay Leno was Washingtonpost.com to chat about how the next president could offering Conan O'Brien. The self-deprecating absurdist has fix the military and repair U.S. foreign policy after President visited the folksy wisecracker many times before, but this Bush leaves office. An unedited transcript of the chat follows. appearance promised and delivered an especially odd vibe. It was a blip of inside-showbiz awkwardness. Fred Kaplan: Fred Kaplan here. Glad to be back. Let's go to your questions. In 2004—with the end of O'Brien's contract approaching and ABC batting its eyelashes at him—NBC announced that O'Brien ______would ascend to Leno's swivel chair in 2009. But, for more than a year, there have been reports that the lame duck has quacked Paris: Reading the article, one gets the impression that the only that he doesn't want to give up his gig. Last month, Bill Carter— thing to be fixed in the foreign policy realm is the approach to author of The Late Shift, the classic account of Leno's getting the broader Middle East. What about multilateralism? this job in first place—reported that ABC and Fox were playing Relationships with China and Russia? Getting the Transatlantic footsie with Leno. The piece quotes an anonymous suitor hoping alliance back on track? Attention to Latin America? Stopping that Leno will be motivated to seek "revenge" on the network nuclear proliferation (e.g. India)? that's laying him off after his many years of service at the observational-comedy mill. Thus, the quarter-hour Jay and Fred Kaplan: Good question. (At least one other reader Conan shared together had the potential to offer a special lesson submitted a very similar one.) Three comments. First, I think the in funnyman psychodynamics—or at least a good workout for criticism is overstated. The first part of the piece, discussing armchair analysts at 30 Rock and paranoids in Peoria. general trends in international relations, and the last part, about the need for "public diplomacy," apply to our foreign policy There was a slight chill in the studio air. The greeting was rote. broadly. But you're right. I did focus perhaps inordinately on the Motions were gone through. I don't doubt that the two hosts Middle East. To that, I would say, second, I had only 1,200 share a personal relationship that's anything less than cordial. words; there's only so much one can do. And third, realistically, But before these clips get disappeared from YouTube, take a the next president—whoever he or she is—is not going to be look and see if you think that the cordiality seems forced. Scan able to get a whole lot done unless some sort of solution, or for signs of Leno—who, in O'Brien's presence, never mentions coherent approach, is worked out on Iraq. That depends, in part, that the anointed heir has indeed been anointed—being passive- on a sensible policy toward Iran, Syria, and the Israeli- aggressive. "So, you've been hosting the show," he queries. Palestinian conflict. "What other stuff have you been doing?" ______Conan at one point told an anecdote about Jerry Lewis. Doing a gaily awful imitation—a voice more Edith Bunker than nutty South Range, Wis.: Is it possible to fix U.S. soft power without professor—he passed along an inscrutable axiom that Lewis said fixing the corporate control that has come to dominate every

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 78/124 aspect of American culture, in particular the media? Can the hope—increasingly cautious hope, but hope nonetheless (not world still differentiate between American values and corporate dismay)—when trends seem, even slightly, to be going our way. policy? I would question, by the way, your premise that Iraq is "on its way to becoming a stable democracy." What papers do you Fred Kaplan: Yes, I think it is possible. The United States read? I should also add that some writers at Slate—for instance, Information Agency was just such an instrument all through the my colleague and old friend Christopher Hitchens—are Cold War, when arguably corporate control of American society unequivocal in their support for the war. and politics was far more pervasive than it is now. ______Stop-truth-decay : I can justify high tech weapons in one word: Jacksonville, Fla.: Four part question here: How much of the China. military spending problems (unnecessary extravagant carriers, fighter jets, etc.) are because of the fact that they support the Fred Kaplan: Well, that IS the rationale. If someone had fallen military-industrial complex of highly connected contractors? asleep in say 1985, woken up today and looked at the defense Can this problem be corrected without harming a now huge part budget, he (or she) would infer that the Cold War must still be of the American economy? Would any president be willing to going on. Look at the budget. About $600 billion—NOT take on this risk? How could they manage this collateral including the money spent on Iraq, Afghanistan, and "the longer damage? war on terror." What is that $600 billion going for? Well, a lot of it is for people. But much of the rest is for aircraft carriers, Fred Kaplan: Good question. I think the Military-Industrial submarines, fighter jets—remnants of the Cold War. What threat Complex is sometimes an overrated factor, but it's often an today is best answered by lots of such weapons? There is no underrated factor as well. (You would be hard-pressed to find such threat. Ah, but 20 years down the road, many say, China references to it, or to a euphemism for the same phenomenon, in MIGHT emerge as a great military power, and these weapons mainstream newspaper articles.) It's worth recalling that it was a will be necessary to deter or fight China. Two replies: First, great general, Dwight Eisenhower, who first uttered the phrase China's military power is strengthening, but it still doesn't and warned of its dangers. But it's not just industry. It's also amount to much. (Do me a favor and click on a Slate column I congressional districts (for a half-century now, the services have wrote a while back, detailing the contents of a Pentagon report sagely distributed contracts and subcontracts for controversial on the military power of the People's Republic of China. An weapons systems to as many districts as possible, the better to interesting document: The first half tries to raise your hair by build up legislative support). It's also the stranglehold that describing all the things China seems to be wanting to do. The certain subcultures within the services have over the weapons- second half calmly notes how far away they are from succeeding procurement process. For instance, the #1 priority of the Air at any of these ventures.) Second, to the extent China wants to Force these days is the F22 fighter jet—perhaps the only dominate the world, I think they're on track BUYING the place. airplane that has not been used in any of the wars we've fought We need to devote more attention to trade policy if we want to lately. Why? Because the Air Force procurement machinery is stave off China. still dominated by fighter pilots. Ditto for the Navy and aircraft carriers (and submarines), the Army and tanks. A rethinking of ______the role of military power in the post-Cold War world might overhaul these priorities. But as long as the politics of the Clifton, Va.: Bubba, has there been a terrorist attack in the U.S. services remain the same, little is going to happen. since Sept. 11? No. Do I care what the rest of the world thinks about our military and foreign policy? No! What is most ______important is this country's national security and protecting U.S. citizens. I dont care what the rest of the world thinks. If Plano, Texas: Do the liberals at Slate get angry when good anything, we need to spend more money on covert ops and news comes out of Iraq? Are all of you mad now that it looks chasing tangoes! If we are unlucky and Obama or Clinton wins like Iraq is on it's way to becoming a stable democracy? in November 2008, then be prepared for ten of thousands of deaths from terrorist attacks here in the U.S. Dick Cheney is Fred Kaplan: Let me ask you a question: Do you really believe right! So! the premise of your question? Do you really think we jump for joy with each report of a suicide bomb going off? Do you really Fred Kaplan: Hmm. The dollar's going down, our deficit and believe that we want to see the Middle East remain in the hands debt are spiraling out of control, we have a hard time of authoritarians or Islamic fundamentalists? If you've read my maintaining 150,000 troops in Iraq and another 30,000 or so in columns over time, you may have noted that I have expressed Afghanistan. And you don't care what the rest of the world thinks of us. How are we going to lure allies to join our causes

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 79/124 and contribute to our defense—yes, our defense (and our defense platforms, or the added costs and security risks involved national-security interests abroad)? This is not a gooey liberal in having their production spread across the country instead of question. It's a very hard-headed one. We do not have the concentrated in a few places. I recognize that both these money, the manpower, or the stomach to do the things you problems are to some extent imposed by Congress, but it's would like us to do all by ourselves. Meanwhile, because the unlikely that we will get a more effective, less expensive Soviet Union—the common enemy that held the Western military by ignoring them—meaning that at some point a alliance together—no longer exists, our erstwhile allies have President will need to confront Congress. Do you agree? realized they can go their own way, pursue their own interests, without much regard for what Washington thinks. We have no washingtonpost.com: GAO Blasts Weapons Budget (Post, choice but to pursue allies—not at the expense or sacrifice of our April 1) vital interests or bedrock principles, but with active diplomacy, which sometimes mean tactical compromises. Fred Kaplan: This is a serious—and very old—problem. If the president wanted to order the cancellation of, say, a big fighter- ______aircraft program—or wanted to defer production of another $3.2 billion aircraft carrier—we would have to pay enormous delay or curiousgemini: What Carter and Kaplan forget is that a lot of cancellation costs. Weapons contracts, quite reasonably, are these expensive cold war era weapons put a lot of money in loaded with these clauses. Then a defender of one of those defense contractors' pockets. These companies lobby hard and weapons programs would argue: If we cancel this program, we have close connections to the Pentagon. Also, many members of will lose the skilled work force, we will lose the industrial base; Congress have a political stake in the jobs these bloated if we want to manufacture it sometime in the future, there may programs create in their districts. This is all part of the "Military- not be the laborers—there may not be the corporation—to make Industrial-Congressional complex." it. For this reason, a lot of officials and legislators who have a lot of other things on their mind simply let it go; it's a fulltime job, Fred Kaplan: Well, we don't exactly "forget" these facts. We plus some, to tangle with these obstacles. But for this same spend a lot of time in our essay coming up with ways to deal reason, somebody's going to have to do it, at some point, before with them, to form semi-rational policies despite these obstacles. the excess costs and anachronistic allocations send us into the Take another look. You're right, though: it's a very serious poorhouse and wreck the army. problem, especially at a time when we need to overhaul the military structure, if we're to retain our solvency and recover ______much of our influence. Bethesda, Md.: "Bubba, has there been a terrorist attack in the ______U.S. since Sept. 11?" Hey, Clifton, I've got one word for you: anthrax. So, yes, there has been. Orion838: Good ideas, but unlike what the authors suggest, Congress doesn't just sit around and passively go along with Fred Kaplan: I don't think it's at all clear that the anthrax scare Pentagon plans to buy Cold War relics like aircraft carriers, was a terrorist attack. We don't know where the stuff came from. nuclear subs, high tech fighter planes, etc. Congress mandates I seriously doubt it was some foreign terrorist group—or if it that these purchases must be made, even when the Pentagon was, the leaders must have given it up as an ineffectual would prefer to spend the money elsewhere. The reasons are job approach: it killed very few people, sired panic but not of the for constituents and campaign contributions from defense sort that damaged our economy in the slightest; in any case, it contractors. Given these congressional priorities, it's hard to see has not recurred. Not to be complacent, but still... how we can ever find the money the authors show is needed. ______Fred Kaplan: You're right—sort of. Many times, the Pentagon or one of the services will put forth a budget that cuts, even kenl77: In regard to the Cold War era, the author says the slashes, some of these much-cherished weapons systems— following: "The world was dominated by the United States and KNOWING that Congress will restore the budget fully, if not the Soviet Union, and the countries in between often more. There's gamesmanship all round. subordinated their own interests to accommodate—in the West by choice, in the East by force—the interests of their superpower ______protector."

Sun Prairie, Wis.: Mr. Kaplan: I noticed that your brief piece in It seems to me that American history since 1945 involved a Slate did not address the absurdly long time it takes to design, substantial amount of coercion, ranging from flat-out declaration test and arrange for production of weapons systems and other of war to CIA subversion of governments and elections,

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 80/124 assassination of foreign leaders, support of ruthless dictators and other way. Recruitment targets are being met only by lowering economic destruction of third-world countries. To believe that standards to perilous levels. Junior officers are getting out of the somehow the United States was the good guy in the Cold War is service in droves. This is why a lot of general officers are eager another fable that Americans must shed before they ever can to find some way to cut our losses in Iraq—they fear that the understand why they so roundly are hated in much of the world. Army might wind up broken.

Fred Kaplan: I think you're misreading what I wrote, a bit. Or ______maybe I should have elaborated more fully (though I have in other columns and, even more, in my new book, Daydream Rockville, Md.: Regarding terrorist attacks, what about the Believers: How a Few Grand Ideas Wrecked American Power— Washington sniper, who roamed around the city for a month hey, I have to get a plug in here somehow). I'm not saying that killing people at random? The entire city was paralyzed with we were "the good guy in the Cold War" (though our sins were fear. I guess if it's not al-Qaeda or people with brown skin, we far less heinous than the Soviet Union's, I think it's reasonable to don't consider that a "terrorist attack." say—we did not suppress our European allies in the same way that Moscow suppressed, absolutely controlled, theirs, for Fred Kaplan: In fairness, the phrase "terrorist attack" usually instance). My point was this: During the Cold War, many implies foreign involvement. (Didn't the sniper have brown Western (and in-between) nations subordinated their own skin?) interests in order to accommodate ours. In some cases this was not voluntarily; in other cases, as you point out, less so. Now, with the Cold War over and the common enemy vanquished, ______many of these countries are pursuing their own intersts again. My point is that the Bush administration's initial premise—that Tyrtaios-rising: Would it surprise anyone to know our we are "the sole superpower' and therefore can do pretty much embassies and consulates, worldwide, are where they are to anything we want, and we don't need allies to do it—is represent our economic interests? What are those interests? completely wrong. In a very important way, we are less Certainly not catering to distraught American tourists, much to powerful than we used to be, less able to get our way without many's chagrin. A posting by cbarrett on The Fray discussed an trying much; the whole concept of "superpower" is obsolete. interesting issue: oil and our foreign dependence on it.

______It consumes us, we are held hostage by it and the competitive world demand for it. Everything else, the Palestine issue, proper Washington: Thanks for your columns—I have found them dialogue with key players, not just in that region, but within our quite interesting. Any word on how the Central Command own hemisphere, let alone Africa. Something not lost on the position will be filled? Is there any credence to the rumor that it Chinese incidentally. Have you been to Port Harcourt, Nigeria, will be Petraeus, with Odierno going to replace him at Multi- recently? Would it surprise you to learn a lot of petroleum and National Force Iraq? natural gas exports come from there to us?

Fred Kaplan: Thanks. I've read the same rumors you have. Our foreign policy extends to the use of military force projection They seem plausible. But I have no inside dope on what's for in enforcing an outline called the Carter Doctrine. Look it up and real—and it may well be that no more than a half-dozen people draw conclusions why we focus so much on the Middle East. do. What are our future economic priorities going to be? That will drive our foreign policy. In many cases, the use or misuse of our military strength as a form of foreign policy as well. Which ______future president has even hinted at addressing our dependence on foreign oil? I'm aware it's more complicated then that. But it's a U.S.: I'm very troubled by the extensive use of stop-loss orders start. and involuntary recalls of people who thought they'd gotten out of the military. While I realize military people signed on the Fred Kaplan: As you say, it's "more complicated" than oil (and dotted line, the use of these provisions in this way seems to me other resources), but certainly that's a large part of it. Most wars to be a clear violation of the spirit of the law. Are any plans over the centuries have had something to do with resources. being made to avoid this situation in future conflicts? You're certainly right in your main point—(a) that weaning our dependence on foreign oil should be regarded as a vital national- Fred Kaplan: I agree with you, but I see no end to it as long as security priority and (b) that no politicians are talking about this the military doesn't have any other way to keep the level of very much. troops that the political leadership (i.e., the president) wants to keep deployed—especially in Iraq. And currently, there is no ______

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 81/124 wayhey1: Is it too much to expect the current president to do all ______of these things that Kaplan suggests? Bush still has time left in office to get the ball rolling. Of course, to regain other nations' aix42: The U.S. must admit its use of torture and apologize. It trust he actually would have to admit to making mistakes. As a must stop use of black sites and Guantanamo and the ridiculous graduate of a 12-step-type recovery program, he should notion of "unlawful enemy combatants." The people of the U.S. understand this better than most—yet he hasn't shown any also need to become fully aware of how the actions of the U.S. inclination to apply life's important lessons to foreign policy, and against other nations of the world have hurt many people and that is disappointing. Machismo and claiming infallibility is the have caused great animosity toward this country. opposite of diplomacy, as well as the opposite of personal healing. Fred Kaplan: OK, but then what do we do after the self- flagellation. I don't mean to minimize the point. This IS a basic In that same vein, Fred said one thing I just can't let go by prerequisite to boosting our image and restoring much of our without making a comment: "The world was dominated by the power—which, as I point out in the Slate column, amount to United States and the Soviet Union, and the countries in between much the same thing (if done properly). often subordinated their own interests to accommodate—in the West by choice, in the East by force—the interests of their ______superpower protector." Nike: An even better idea! Instead of squandering the wealth of This is a myth that has gone on far too long. Western Europe the nation down one black hole after another in the Middle East, went along willingly with the United States—thanks in large part why not spend that cash on education, building roads, health to the Marshal Plan, in my opinion—but the same is not true of care, reducing the deficit, etc.? Nah, forget it. How would many other U.S. allies during the Cold War. Coercion and CIA- helping Americans serve the cause of the war pigs? God bless sponsored coups were used all over Latin America and the America. Middle East as tools to build anti-Communist alliances. The continued refusal to face this reality and own up to past expediencies fuels her current enemies and weakens her Fred Kaplan: Just curious: "black holes" aside, are you opposed internally. Any president admitting to these facts would disarm to any US activity overseas? many of America's most vocal and most radical opponents, and America would emerge again as the great model to which other ______nations aspire. Seattle: No politicians are talking about the foreign implications Fred Kaplan: Good point. I would say two things, though. First, of oil dependency? Last time I checked, both Obama and Clinton Europe was the centerpiece of our Cold War policy. Second, as were talking directly about it—and we here in the 17 states for the other countries, many of their governments went along dealing with global warming are doing something about it, with with us by choice—though it's certainly the case that some of people like me buying 100 percent green power from Seattle those governments were installed or bought off. I may have used City Light from wind, solar and hydro, for example, and all the phrase "by choice" too cavalierly. made in America! Half of war is economics—so, is not the major threat the Red Chinese taking global oil, coal and mineral ______resources worldwide while we dither?

Seattle, a military town: Given the massive outsourcing to Fred Kaplan: I think you're right. Thomas Friedman had a Blackwater and other nonmilitary "contractors" by the Bush fascinating story in the NY Times Magazine several months ago misadministration—usually at triple or quadruple pay—is it about U.S. firms manufacturing energy-saving devices—large- likely we can fix our military, given how much of its hardware scale devices—explicitly for export to the Chinese market. This has been chewed up in Iraq and the lack of noncontractor is another way to go. resources? And do you think this was a plan by Red China that Bush and McCain enabled with the help of John Yoo and other ______plants? Fred Kaplan: That's all, folks. Thanks for the lively forum. Fred Kaplan: I think we'll be seeing much less involvement by contractors in the near future. Don't think that reduced contracting will save us money. Somebody has to do the jobs that the contractors have been doing. Where are we going to get these people? As for the Red China plot: No.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 82/124 the green lantern engines and thus require more energy and materials to Will Diesel Save the World? manufacture. The environmental trade-offs of giving up gasoline. By Brendan I. Koerner Still, a diesel car's improved fuel economy can offset these Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 8:04 AM ET drawbacks. The UCS recommends that car shoppers revise a diesel vehicle's miles-per-gallon rating downward by 20 percent in order to get a more accurate picture of the overall impact on I recently returned from an extended stay in Europe, where oil consumption. most new cars run on diesel. Those cars are typically a lot more fuel-efficient than our gas guzzlers, which makes me Fans of the forthcoming Jetta TDi point out that the car's tailpipe wonder why there aren't more diesels on American roads. I emissions are clean enough to pass muster in California, a state know that diesel has a reputation for causing dirtier tailpipe with exceptionally tough emissions regulations. Yet the diesel emissions than petrol, but isn't that a bygone problem? TDi still lags behind many other vehicles that meet California's stringent requirements, including the gas-powered 2008 Jetta, Technological wizardry has, indeed, made diesel-powered which qualifies as a partial zero-emissions vehicle. vehicles vastly cleaner than in olden days. As a result, lots of gearheads are touting diesels as finally safe enough for The relative dirtiness of even the most advanced diesels worries American motorists, who will dig the cars' impressive fuel- some researchers, who argue that the resulting soot (which they economy numbers. There's considerable excitement on these term "black carbon") may be a key factor in global warming. shores, for example, over the impending arrival of the 2009 According to a 2002 Stanford University study, even if all Volkswagen Jetta TDi, a "clean diesel" vehicle that purportedly diesels were designed to meet California's emissions standards, gets 50 miles per gallon on the highway yet spews out far less diesel cars could still warm the globe more than petrol cars over soot than the diesels of yore, which wreaked havoc on air the next half-century. quality. So will the erstwhile environmental boogeyman of diesel fuel end up saving us all? The Lantern is still far from None of this is to imply that gasoline is necessarily more eco- convinced. friendly than diesel—the two fuels just have different pluses and minuses. European regulators seem to care more about reducing Diesel, named after German engineer Rudolf Diesel, has the continent's greenhouse-gas emissions than its particulate traditionally been simpler to refine than gasoline, although emissions and so have favored policies that prop up diesel. As making it also requires more crude oil per gallon. The end result you probably learned during your foreign sojourn, diesel is is a fuel that boasts much greater energy density than gasoline, cheaper than petrol in virtually all of Europe, largely due to its which explains why diesel cars get up to 40 percent more miles being more lightly taxed (though maybe not for long). The per gallon than their petrol counterparts. The higher energy opposite is true here in the United States, where diesel tends to density also means that burning a gallon of diesel emits more cost significantly more than regular gasoline—in part because greenhouse gases than burning a gallon of gasoline—about 15 our new, low-sulfur diesel is more expensive to manufacture, but percent more, to be specific. But due to the appreciable fuel- also because of a higher federal per-gallon tax. economy savings, diesel cars usually emit less of these gases per mile driven. The wild card here is the ongoing development of biodiesel, which can drastically reduce a diesel vehicle's tailpipe emissions. There's a more disturbing difference between diesel and Perhaps more importantly, it can also be made from domestic gasoline: Burning diesel also emits nasty particulates and smog- crops: In the United States, the chief source is soybeans, while forming nitrogen oxides, as should be apparent to anyone who's Europeans prefer canola. ever gotten a mouthful of bus or tractor exhaust. To calculate the environmental benefit of biodiesel is a complex The good news is that today's diesel contains significantly less task and one the Lantern hopes to accomplish in an upcoming sulfur than in years past, resulting in much less harmful soot. On column. Simply put, though, not all biodiesels are created equal: top of that, new diesel cars are outfitted with ingenious Some may require too much production energy and arable land emissions-control systems such as BlueTec, which treats exhaust to justify the effort from an environmental standpoint. with a urea-based solution to reduce its toxicity. We can hope that a number of well-done life-cycle analyses of But these improvements have come with costs. According to the biodiesel are in the works, so we'll soon know whether Union of Concerned Scientists (PDF), manufacturing a gallon of Malaysian palm is the future. In the meantime, though, the the new, low-sulfur diesel requires even more crude oil than the Lantern looks forward to test-driving the 2009 Jetta TDi—not old diesel. Also, diesel engines are more complicated than petrol only because it's supposedly a great ride but also to determine

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 83/124 whether Volkswagen is telling the truth about those fuel For now, we're content to make the people of economy figures. After all, wasn't the Toyota Prius supposed to Atlanta feel really embarrassed. ... 1:35 P.M. get 60 miles per gallon in the city? The Lantern's alter ego could barely get more than 50. Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Is there an environmental quandary that's been keeping you up at night? Send it to [email protected], and check this Danger Is My Middle Name: Outgoing Senator space every Tuesday. Larry Craig can take consolation in one thing: out in Idaho, everyone wants his seat. Fourteen candidates have filed to run for the Senate, including eight Republicans, two Democrats, two Independents, and a Libertarian. Hal Styles Jr. of the has-been Desert Hot Springs, California, entered the Name That Loon Republican primary, even though he has never The latest on the Senate race in the state formerly known as Craig's. Plus: been to Idaho. "I know I'll love it because, clean Baseball Bloopers. By Bruce Reed air, clean water and many, many, many Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 1:39 PM ET mountains," he says. "My heart, my mind, my body, my soul, my thoughts are in this to win." Wednesday, April 2, 2008 The general election will likely be a rematch between former Democratic congressman Larry LaRocco and Republican Lt. B.Looper: Learned reader Kyle Sammin recalls Gov. (and former governor) Jim Risch. If Idahoans find those that Idaho's Marvin "Pro-Life" Richardson has two insufficiently embarrassing, however, a number of fringe nothing on 1998 Tennessee State Senate candidate candidates have lined up to take Craig's place. According to CQ, Byron "Low-Tax" Looper. Besides changing his one Independent, Rex Rammel, is a former elk rancher who is name, Looper also murdered his opponent. Under angry that Risch ordered state wildlife officials to shoot some of Tennessee law, the names of dead candidates are his elk that got away. The Libertarian, Kent A. Marmon, is removed from the ballot. So even though he was running against "the ever-expanding Socialist agenda" he claims quickly charged with homicide, Looper nearly ran is being pushed by Democratic congressmen like John Dingell. unopposed. The victim's widow won a last-minute write-in campaign. Looper was sentenced to life in But by far the most creative third-party candidate is Marvin prison. Richardson, an organic strawberry farmer who went to court to change his name to "Pro-Life." Two years ago, he made that his Bloopers: The Pittsburgh Pirates are now the most middle name and tried to run for governor as Marvin "Pro-Life" mediocre first-place team in baseball history. In Richardson. State election officials ruled that middle names their season opener Monday night against Atlanta, couldn't be used to make a political statement on the ballot. As plain old Marvin Richardson, he won just 1.6% of the vote. the Bucs provided plenty of evidence that this year will turn out like the last 15. They blew a five-run lead in the ninth by walking four batters and Now that "Pro-Life" is his full name, the state had to let him run booting an easy fly ball. Pirate players said they'd that way on the ballot. He told the Idaho Press-Tribune that with the name change, he should win 5%. He plans to run for office never seen anything like it, not even in Little every two years for as long as he lives: "If I save one baby's life, League. For an inning, it looked like the team had it will be worth it." gone on strike to demand more money. As the Press-Tribune points out, Pro-Life is not a single-issue But to every Buc fan's surprise, the Pirates won, candidate, but has a comprehensive platform. In addition to anyway—12-11 in 12 innings—and with no game abortion, he opposes "homosexuality, adultery, and fornication." Tuesday, Pittsburgh has been above .500 for two He wants the pro-life movement to refer to abortion as "murder," glorious days. New General Manager Neal although he has not yet insisted pro-choice candidates change Huntington e-mailed me on Monday to promise their name to that. that the team's new regime is determined to build an organization that will make the people of Idaho Republicans and anti-abortion activists don't share Pro- Pittsburgh proud again. That might take a while. Life's enthusiasm. They worry that conservative voters will

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 84/124 check the box next to both Pro-Life and the Republican and prospects of victory in line with the war in candidate, thereby spoiling their ballots. So last week, the Idaho Iraq. Secretary of State persuaded both houses of the legislature to pass emergency legislation to clarify that "voters are casting a The Pittsburgh franchise hasn't finished above .500 vote for a person and not a political proposition." Under the since 1992. If, as universally predicted, the Pirates legislation, candidates who appear to have changed their names turn in their 16th consecutive losing season this to "convey a political message" will be outed on the ballot as "a person, formerly known as …." The Prince Bill will go to the year, they will tie the all-time frustration record for governor for signature this week. professional sport set by the Philadelphia Phillies in the 1930s and '40s. According to the Associated Press, Pro-Life accuses legislators of "trying to legislate intelligence"—a charge not often hurled at Pittsburgh is still a proud, vibrant city, which has the Idaho legislature. "The people that vote for me are more rebounded handsomely from losses far more intelligent than to have something defined in legislation like consequential than the Pirates'. The once-proud this," he says. Pirates, by contrast, show plenty of rust but no signs of recovery. In 1992, the team was an inning Of course, Idahoans who really want to make a political away from the World Series, when the Atlanta statement will still be able to outsmart the Prince Bill. Nothing Braves scored three runs in the bottom of the ninth in the legislation prohibits Idaho parents who feel strongly about to steal Game 7 of the National League issues from naming their children Pro-Life or Pro-Gun at birth. Championship Series. The Braves soon moved to For that matter, Marvin Richardson has changed his name so the NL East en route to winning 14 consecutive many times that if he changes it again, the ballot might have to division titles, the longest in sports history. The describe him as "a person formerly known as 'Pro-Life.'" Or he Pirates moved from the East to the Central and could just change his name to Mitt Romney. began their soon-to-be-record-setting plunge in the opposite direction. On the other hand, Republicans and Democrats alike can breathe a sign of relief over another unintended effect: the new law foils On Monday, the Pirates return to Atlanta for Larry Craig's best strategy for a comeback. Before the law, Craig Opening Day against the Braves. Baseball analysts could have changed his name to "Not Gay" and won in a no longer give a reason in predicting another last- landslide. "A person formerly known as Not Gay" is more like it. place Bucco finish. This year, the Washington Post ... 5:27 P.M. (link) didn't even bother to come up with a new joke. Last season's Post preview said: Friday, Mar. 28, 2008 Blech. This Pirates team is so We Are Family: Midway through the run-up to the mediocre, so uninteresting, so next primary, the presidential campaigns are destined for last place, we don't searching for fresh ways to reach the voters of know if we can squeeze another Pennsylvania. My grandparents left Pittsburgh sentence out of it for this capsule more than 80 years ago, so my Pennsylvania roots we're being paid to write. But are distant. But I still think I can speak for at least here's one. … The Pirates haven't half the state in suggesting one bold proposal we had a winning season since long for every April: a plan to rescue one of the 1992, and that streak will most mediocre teams in baseball history, the continue this year. That's still not Pittsburgh Pirates. long enough? Well, here's another line! Hey—two sentences Granted, the nation faces more urgent crises. But in one line! Make that three! And in hard times, people often look to sports for here's another! See how easy solace. To blue-collar workers in taverns across that is? western Pennsylvania, watching the Pirates lose night after night is as predictably grim as the Bush This year, the same Post analyst wrote: economy. The lowly Bucs are the reigning disappointment in the world of sport—with a Okay, folks, here's the deal: We batting average that seems pegged to the dollar need to fill precisely 4.22

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 85/124 column-inches of type with because of trade, the blame belongs not to NAFTA information about the faceless, but to an inept front office. Jason Schmidt, now tasteless Pirates, and as usual one of the top 100 strikeout aces in history, was we're not sure we can do it. But traded to the Giants. Another, Tim Wakefield, left guess what? We're already at .95 for the Red Sox. Franchise player Aramis Ramirez inches, and we're just getting was dealt to the Cubs. When owners sell off started! Wait—make that 1.19 members of a winning team, it's called a fire sale. inches. ... Should they finish The Pirates have been more like a yard sale. In below .500 again (and let's be 2003, when the Cubs nearly made the Series, the honest, how can they not?), they Pirates supplied one-third of their starting lineup. will tie the Phillies of 1933-48 for the most consecutive losing In the early '80s, an angry fan famously threw a seasons. (By the way, that's 3.53 battery at Pirate outfielder Dave Parker. Last June, inches, and we haven't even had fans registered their frustration in a more to mention new manager John constructive way. To protest more than a decade of Russell, Capps's promise as a ownership mismanagement, they launched a Web closer or the vast potential of the site, IrateFans.com, and organized a "Fans for Snell-Gorzelanny duo.) There: Change" walkout after the third inning of a home 4.22 inches. Piece of cake." game. Unfortunately, only a few hundred fans who left their seats actually left the game; most just So now the Pirates even hold the record for got up to get beer. consecutive seasons as victims of the same bad joke. This year, fans are still for change but highly skeptical. In an online interview, the new team Pittsburgh faces all the challenges of a small- president admitted, "The Pirates are not in a market team. Moreover, as David Maraniss pointed rebuilding mode. We're in a building mode." One out in his lyrical biography, Clemente, the first love fan asked bitterly, "How many home runs will the for Pittsburgh fans has long been football, not 'change in atmosphere' hit this season?" baseball. These days, no one can blame them. I've been a Pirate fan for four decades—the first Seven years ago, in a desperate bid to revive the glorious, the second dreary, the last two a long Pirates' fortunes, the city built PNC Park, a march from despair to downright humiliation. In gorgeous field with the most spectacular view in more promising times, my wife proposed to me at baseball. From behind home plate, you can look Three Rivers Stadium, where we returned for our out on the entire expanse of American economic honeymoon. On the bright side, the 2001 implosion history—from the Allegheny River to 1920s-era of Three Rivers enabled me to find two red plastic steel suspension bridges to gleaming glass stadium seats as an anniversary present on eBay. skyscrapers. Our children live for baseball but laugh at our The result? As Pittsburgh writer Don Spagnolo Pirate caps—and, at ages 12 and 14, haven't been noted last year in "79 Reasons Why It's Hard To Be alive to see a winning Pirate season. Yet like so a Pirates Fan," Pittsburgh now has "the best many in western Pennsylvania, I've been a Pirate stadium in the country, soiled by the worst team." fan too long to be retrained to root for somebody (The Onion once suggested, "PNC Park Threatens else. To Leave Pittsburgh Unless Better Team Is Built.") Spagnolo notes that the city already set some kind After 15 years, we Bucs fans aren't asking for of record by hosting baseball's All-Star game in miracles. We just want what came so easily to the 1994 and 2006 without a single winning season in pre-2004 Red Sox, the post-1908 Cubs, and the between. other great losing teams of all time: sympathy. Those other teams are no longer reliable: The Red Although the Pirates' best player, Jason Bay, is Sox have become a dynasty; 2008 really could be from Canada, if Pittsburgh fans have suffered the Cubs' year. If you want a lovable loser that will

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 86/124 never let you down, the Pittsburgh Pirates could be columns of the New York Times. Of course, since your team, too. ... 12:06 P.M. (link) he refuses to resign, you won't see it in the Idaho Statesman, either. Thursday, Mar. 13, 2008 Yet out of stubborn home-state chauvinism, if Craigenfreude: In a new high for the partisan nothing else, we Idahoans still marvel at the level divide, a mini-debate has broken out in far-flung of hypocrisy our boy has achieved, even without all corners of the blogosphere on the urgent question: the wealth, fame, and privilege that a rich New Who's the bigger hypocrite, Larry Craig or Eliot Yorker was handed on a silver platter. Many Spitzer? Easterners think it's easy for an Idahoan to be embarrassing—that just being from Boise means Conservative blogger Michael Medved of Townhall you're halfway there. offers a long list of reasons why Craig doesn't need to go as urgently as Spitzer did. He finds Craig less We disagree. Craig didn't grow up in the center of hypocritical ("trolling for sex in a men's room, attention, surrounded by money, glamour, and all doesn't logically require that you support gay the accouterments of hypocrisy. He grew up in the marriage"), much easier to pity, and "pathetic and middle of nowhere, surrounded by mountains. vulnerable" in a way Spitzer is not. Liberal blogger When he got arrested, he didn't have paid help to Anonymous Is a Woman counters that while Craig bring him down. No Mann Act for our guy: He and Louisiana Sen. David Vitter remain in office, at carried his own bags and did his own travel. least Spitzer resigned. Larry Craig is a self-made hypocrite. He achieved Warning, much political baggage may look alike. his humiliation the old-fashioned way: He earned So, party labels aside, who's the bigger hypocrite? it. Certainly, a politician caught red-handed committing the very crimes he used to prosecute Unlike Spitzer, who folded his cards without a fight, can make a strong case for himself. In his Craig upped the ante by privately admitting guilt, resignation speech, Spitzer admitted as much: then publicly denying it. His lawyers filed yet "Over the course of my public life, I have insisted, I another appellate brief this week, insisting that the believe correctly, that people, regardless of their prosecution is wrong to accuse him of making a position or power, take responsibility for their "prehensile stare." conduct. I can and will ask no less of myself." While it's admittedly a low standard, Craig may Moreover, for all the conservative complaints about have had his least-awful week since his scandal media bias, the circumstances of Spitzer's fall from broke in August. A Minnesota jury acquitted a man grace ensure that tales of his hypocrisy will who was arrested by the same airport sting reverberate louder and longer than Craig's. Already operation. Craig didn't finish last in the Senate a media star in the media capital of the world, he power rankings by Congress.org. Thanks to managed to destroy his career with a flair even a Spitzer, Craig can now tell folks back home that tabloid editor couldn't have imagined. Every detail whatever they think of what he did, at least they of his case is more titillating than Craig's—call girls don't have to be embarrassed by how much he with MySpace pages and stories to tell, not a lone spent. In fact, he is probably feeling some cop who won't talk to the press; hotel suites Craigenfreude—taking pleasure in someone else's instead of bathroom stalls; bank rolls instead of troubles because those troubles leave people a toilet rolls; wide angles instead of wide stances; a little less time to take pleasure in your own. club for emperors, not Red Carpet. Like misery, hypocrisy loves company—which, for Spitzer flew much closer to the sun than Craig, so both Spitzer and Craig, turned out to be the his sudden plunge is the far greater political problem. But Spitzer was right to step down, and tragedy. No matter how far his dive, Craig couldn't Craig should long ago have done the same. Politics make that kind of splash. You'll never see the is a tragic place to chase your demons. ... 5:30 headline "Craig Resigns" splashed across six P.M. (link)

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 87/124 Wednesday, Mar. 5, 2008 leaders ever could have hoped for. Last fall, NPR ran a whimsical story about the plight of South All the Way: As death-defying Clinton comebacks Dakota voters, whose June 3 contest is the last go, the primaries in Ohio and Texas were very primary (along with Montana) on the calendar. nearly not heart-stopping enough. On Monday, Now restaurateurs, innkeepers, and vendors from public polls started predicting a Clinton rebound, Pierre to Rapid City look forward to that primary as threatening to spoil the key to any wild ride: Christmas in June. surprise. Luckily, the early exit polls on Tuesday evening showed Obama with narrow leads in both But the national party, state parties, and Sioux do-or-die states, giving those of us in Clinton World Falls cafes aren't the only ones who'll benefit. who live for such moments a few more hours to Contrary to the conventional wisdom, the biggest stare into the abyss. beneficiaries of a protracted battle for the nomination are the two contestants themselves. Now that the race is once again up for grabs, much Primaries are designed to be a warm-up for the of the political establishment is dreading the general election, and a few more months of spring seven-week slog to the next big primary in training will only improve their swings for the fall. Pennsylvania. Many journalists had wanted to go home and put off seeing Scranton until The Office And let's face it: These two candidates know how returns on April 10. Some Democrats in to put on a show. Both are raising astonishing Washington were in a rush to find out the winner sums of money and attracting swarms of voters to so they could decide who they've been for all the polls. Over the past month, their three head- along. to-head debates have drawn the largest audiences in cable television history. The second half of last As a Clintonite, I'm delighted that the show will go week's MSNBC debate was the most watched show on. But even if I were on the sidelines, my reaction on any channel, with nearly 8 million viewers. An would have been the same. No matter which team astonishing 4 million people tuned in to watch you're rooting for, you've got to admit: We will MSNBC's post-debate analysis, an experience so never see another contest like this one, and the excruciating that it's as if every person in the Bay political junkie in all of us hopes it will never end. Area picked the same night to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. It looks like we could get our wish—so we might as well rejoice and be glad in it. A long, exciting race The permanent campaign turns out to be the best for the nomination will be good for the Democratic reality show ever invented. Any contest that can Party, good for the eventual nominee, and the ride sustain that kind of excitement is like the World of a lifetime for every true political fan. Series of poker: The value of the pot goes up with each hand, and whoever wins it won't be the least For the party, the benefits are obvious: By making bit sorry that both sides went all-in. this contest go the distance, the voters have done what party leaders wanted to do all along. This No matter how it turns out, all of us who love cycle, the Democratic National Committee was politics have to pinch ourselves that we're alive to desperate to avoid the front-loaded calendar that see a race that future generations will only read backfired last time. As David Greenberg points out, about. Most campaigns, even winning ones, only the 2004 race was over by the first week of seem historic in retrospect. This time, we already March—and promptly handed Republicans a full know it's one for the ages; we just don't know eight months to destroy our nominee. This time, how, when, or whether it's going to end. the DNC begged states to back-load the calendar, even offering bonus delegates for moving primaries Even journalists who dread spending the next to late spring. Two dozen states flocked to Super seven weeks on the Pennsylvania Turnpike have to Tuesday anyway. shake their heads in wonderment. In the lede of their lead story in Wednesday's Washington Post, Happily, voters took matters into their own hands Dan Balz and Jon Cohen referred to "the and gave the spring states more clout than party remarkable contest" that could stretch on till

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 88/124 summer. They didn't sign on to spend the spring in one of the most popular politicians in the state. Scranton and Sioux Falls. But, like the rest of us, Matheson's father was a governor, too. But unlike they wouldn't miss this amazing stretch of history Mitt Romney, Scott Matheson was governor of for anything. ... 11:59 P.M. (link) Utah.

Monday, Feb. 25, 2008 If Mitt Romney has his eye on the No. 2 spot, Josh didn't do him any favors. "It's one thing to Hope Springs Eternal: With this weekend's campaign for my dad, someone whose principles I victory in Puerto Rico and even more resounding line up with almost entirely," he told the Morning triumph over the New York Times, John McCain News. "I can't say the same thing for Sen. moved within 200 delegates of mathematically McCain." clinching the Republican nomination. Mike Huckabee is having a good time playing out the Even so, Romney watchers can only take heart that string, but the rest of us have been forced to get after a year on the campaign trail, Josh has on with our lives and accept that it's just not the bounced back so quickly. "I was not that upset," he same without Mitt. says of his father's defeat. "I didn't cry or anything." But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? Out in Salt Lake City, in an interview with In his year on the stump, Josh came across as the the Deseret Morning News, Josh Romney leaves most down-to-earth of the Romney boys. He open the possibility that his father might get back visited all 99 of Iowa's counties in the campaign in the race: Winnebago, the Mitt Mobile. He joked about his father's faults, such as "he has way too much Josh Romney called speculation energy." He let a Fox newswoman interview him in that his father could be back in the master bedroom of the Mitt Mobile. (He showed the race as either a vice her the air fresheners.) He blogged about the presidential candidate or even at moose, salmon, and whale he ate while the top of the ticket as the GOP's campaigning in Alaska—but when the feast was presidential candidate "possible. over, he delivered the Super Tuesday state for his Unlikely, but possible." dad.

That's not much of an opening and no doubt more As Jonathan Martin of Politico reported last of one than he intended. But from mountain to summer, Josh was campaigning with his parents at prairie, the groundswell is spreading. the Fourth of July parade in Clear Lake, Iowa, Endorsements are flooding in from conservative when the Romneys ran into the Clintons. After Mitt bloggers like this one: told the Clintons how many counties Josh had visited, Hillary said, "You've got this built-in Mitt Romney was not my first campaign team with your sons." Mitt replied, to choice for a presidential Ann's apparent dismay, "If we had known, we candidate, but he came third would've had more." after Duncan Hunter and Fred Thompson. … I would love to see We'll never know whether that could have made Mitt reenter the race. the difference. For now, we'll have to settle for the unlikely but possible hope that Mitt will come back Even if re-entry is too much to hope for, Josh hints to take another bow. ... 4:13 P.M. (link) that another Romney comeback may be in the works. He says he has been approached about Monday, Feb. 11, 2008 running for Congress in Utah's 2nd District. Face Time: When Ralph Reed showed up at a That, too, may be an unlikely trial balloon. Josh is Romney fundraiser last May, Mitt thought he was just 32, has three young children, and would face a Gary Bauer – perpetuating the tiresome stereotype Democratic incumbent, Rep. Jim Matheson, who is that like some Reeds, all Christian conservatives

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 89/124 look alike. Now, in Mitt's hour of need, Ralph is To be sure, Mitt was with conservatives when the returning the favor. According to the Washington music stopped. Right-wing activists who voted in Times, he and 50 other right-wing leaders met with the CPAC straw poll narrowly supported him over Romney on Thursday "to discuss the former McCain, 35% to 34%. By comparison, they favored Massachusetts governor becoming the face of getting out of the United Nations by 57% to 42% conservatism." and opposed a foreign policy based on spreading democracy by 82% to 15%. Small-government Nothing against Romney, who surely would have conservatism trounced social conservatism 59% to been a better president than he let on. But if he 22%, with only 16% for national-security were "the face of conservatism," he'd be planning conservatism. his acceptance speech, not interviewing with Ralph Reed and friends for the next time around. As voters reminded him more Tuesdays than not, Mitt Romney is not quite Ronald Reagan. He Conservatives could not have imagined it would doesn't have an issue like the Panama Canal. Far end this way: the movement that produced Ollie from taking the race down to the wire, he'll end up North, Alan Keyes, and ardent armies of true third. While he's a good communicator, many believers, now mulling over an arranged marriage voters looking for the face of conservatism couldn't of convenience with a Harvard man who converted see past what one analyst in the Deseret News for the occasion. George Will must be reaching for described as the "CEO robot from Jupiter.'" his Yeats: "Was it for this … that all that blood was shed?" If anything, Romney was born to be the face of the Ford wing of the Republican Party – an economic For more than a year, Republican presidential conservative with only a passing interest in the candidates tried to win the Reagan Primary. Their other two legs of Reagan's conservative stool. Like final tableau came at a debate in the Gipper's Ford, Mitt won the Michigan primary. He won all library, with his airplane as a backdrop and his the places he calls home, and it's not his fault his widow in the front row. It was bad enough to see father wasn't governor of more states. them reach back 20 years to find a conservative president they could believe in, but this might be Romney does have one advantage. With a worse: Now Romney's competing to claim he's the conservative president nearing historic lows in the biggest conservative loser since Reagan. If McCain polls and a presumptive nominee more intent on comes up short like Gerald Ford, Mitt wants to leading the country, heading the conservative launch a comeback like it's 1976. movement might be like running the 2002 Olympics – a job nobody else wants. Even conservative leaders can't hide their astonishment over finding themselves in this Paul Erickson, the Romney strategist who position. "If someone had suggested a year ago organized the conservative powwow, called and a half ago that we would be welcoming Mitt McCain's nomination "an existential crisis for the Romney as a potential leader of the conservative Republican Party," and held out Mitt as a possible movement, no one would have believed it," Messiah: "You could tell everybody at the table American Conservative Union chairman David sitting with Romney was asking himself: 'Is he the Keene reportedly told the group. "But over the last one?'" year and a half, he has convinced us he is one of us and walks with us." Romney has demonstrated many strengths over the years, but impersonating a diehard Conservative activist Jay Sekulow told the conservative and leading a confused movement out Washington Times that Romney is a "turnaround of the wilderness aren't foremost among them. It specialist" who can revive conservatism's fortunes. might be time for the right to take up another But presumably, Romney's number-crunching skills existential question: If conservatism needs Mitt are the last thing the movement needs: there are Romney and Ralph Reed to make a comeback, is no voters left to fire. there enough face left to save? ... 3:37 P.M. (link)

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 90/124 Thursday, Feb. 7, 2008 conversion on abortion by telling audiences that he would never apologize for being a latecomer to the Romney, We Hardly Knew Ye: When Mitt cause of standing up for human life. Conservatives Romney launched his campaign last year, he struck thanked him for trying but preferred the genuine many Republicans as the perfect candidate. He was article. In Iowa, Romney came in second to a true a businessman with a Midas touch, an optimist with believer, and New Hampshire doesn't have enough a charmed life and family, a governor who had diehards to put him over the top. slain the Democratic dragon in the blue state Republicans love to hate. In a race against national Romney's best week came in Michigan, when a heroes like John McCain and Rudy Giuliani, he sinking economy gave him a chance to talk about started out as a dark horse, but to handicappers, the one subject where his party credentials were in he was a dark horse with great teeth. order. In Michigan, Romney sounded like a 21st- century version of the business Republicans who When Democrats looked at Romney, we also saw dominated that state in the '50s and '60s—proud, the perfect candidate—for us to run against. The decent, organization men like Gerald Ford and best presidential candidates have the ability to George Romney. As he sold his plan to turn the change people's minds. Mitt Romney never got that Michigan economy around, Mitt seemed as far because he never failed to change his own mind surprised as the voters by how much better he first. could be when he genuinely cared about the subject. So when Romney gamely suspended his campaign this afternoon, there was heartfelt sadness on both By then, however, he had been too many things to sides of the aisle. Democrats are sorry to lose an too many people for too long. McCain was adversary whose ideological marathon vividly authentic, Huckabee was conservative, and illustrated the vast distance a man must travel to Romney couldn't convince enough voters he was reach the right wing of the Republican Party. either one. Romney fans lose a candidate who just three months ago led the polls in Iowa and New Good sport to the end, Romney went down Hampshire and was the smart pick to win the pandering. His swansong at CPAC touched all the nomination. right's hot buttons. He blamed out-of-wedlock births on government programs, attacks on With a formidable nominee in John McCain, the religion, and "tolerance for pornography." He got GOP won't be sorry. But Romney's farewell at the his biggest applause for attacking the welfare Conservative Political Action Committee meeting state, declaring dependency a culture-killing poison shows how far the once-mighty right wing has that is "death to initiative." fallen. In an introduction laced with barbs in McCain's direction, Laura Ingraham's description of Even in defeat, he gave glimpses of the Mitt we'll Mitt as "a conservative's conservative" said all miss—the lovably square, Father Knows Best figure there is to say about Romney's campaign and the with the impossibly wholesome family and perfect state of the conservative movement. If their last, life. He talked about taking "a weed-whacker to best hope is a guy who only signed up two years regulations." He warned that we might soon ago and could hardly convince them he belonged, become "the France of the 21st century." He the movement is in even worse shape than it pointed out that he had won nearly as many states looks. as McCain, but joked awkwardly with the ultraconservative audience that he lost "because Had Romney run on his real strength—as an size does matter." intelligent, pragmatic, and competent manager— his road to the nomination might have gone the He didn't say whether we'll have the Romneys to way of Rudy Giuliani's. Yet ironically, his eagerness kick around anymore. But with the family fortune to preach the conservative gospel brought on his largely intact and five sons to carry on the torch, demise. Romney pandered with conviction. He we can keep hope alive. In the Salt Lake City paper even tried to make it a virtue, defending his this morning, a leading political scientist predicted

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 91/124 that if Democrats win the White House in 2008, April. Mitt may be down, but the Five Brothers are Romney "would automatically be a frontrunner for back. 2012." The past month has been grim for the happy-go- It's hard to imagine a more perfect outcome. For lucky Romney boys. They sometimes went days now, sadness reigns. As the Five Brothers might between posts. When they did post, it was often say, somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere from states they had just campaigned in and lost. children shout; but there is no joy in Mittville—Guy Bright spots were hard to come by. After South Smiley has dropped out. ... 5:42 P.M. (link) Carolina, Tagg found a "Romney girl" video, set to the tune of "1985," in which a smiling young Tuesday, Feb. 5, 2008 Alabaman named Danielle sang of Mitt as the next Reagan. One commenter recommended raising $3 Mittmentum: With John McCain on cruise control million to run the clip as a Super Bowl ad; another toward the Republican nomination, Mitt Romney asked Danielle out on behalf of his own five sons. A finds himself in a desperate quest to rally true few days later, Matt put up a clip of a computerized believers – a role for which his even temper and prank call to his dad, pretending to be Arnold uneven record leave him spectacularly unsuited. Schwarzenegger – prompting a priceless exchange Romney knows how to tell the party faithful between robo-candidate and Terminator. Then the everything they want to hear. But it's not easy for real Arnold spoiled the joke by endorsing the real a man who prides himself on his optimism, polish, McCain. and good fortune to stir anger and mutiny in the conservative base. Only a pitchfork rebellion can In the run-up to Super Tuesday, however, a spring stop McCain now, and Luddites won't man the is back in the Five Brothers' step. On Sunday, Josh ramparts because they like your PowerPoint. wrote a post about his campaign trip to Alaska. Richard Nixon may have lost in 1960 because his So far, the Republican base seems neither shaken pledge to campaign in all 50 states forced him to nor stirred. McCain has a commanding 2-1 margin spend the last weekend in Alaska. That didn't stop in national polls, and leads Romney most Josh Romney, who posted a gorgeous photo of everywhere except California, where Mitt hopes for Mount McKinley and a snapshot of some Romney an upset tonight. Professional troublemakers like supporters shivering somewhere outside Fairbanks, Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh are up in arms, where the high was 13 below. He wrote, "I trying to persuade their followers that McCain is sampled all of the Alaskan classics: moose, salmon somehow Hillary by other means. On Monday, and whale. Oh so good." Eating whale would Limbaugh did his best imitation of Romney's stump certainly be red meat for a liberal crowd, but speech, dubbing Mitt the only candidate who conservatives loved it too. "Moose is good stuff," stands for all three legs of the conservative stool. one fan wrote. Another supporter mentioned Strange bedfellows indeed: Rush-Romney is like a friends who've gone on missions abroad and "talk hot-blooded android – the first Dittohead- about eating dog, horse, cow stomach, bugs." Conehead pairing in galactic history. Rush, take note: McCain was ordering room service at the Hanoi Hilton while Mitt was keeping the faith by choking down tripe in Paris. On Saturday, Mitt Romney wandered to the back of his campaign plane and told the press, "These droids aren't the droids you're looking for." Oddly The rest of the family sounds like it's on the trail of enough, that's exactly the reaction most big game as well. Ben Romney, the least prolific of Republicans have had to his campaign. the Five Brothers, didn't post from Thanksgiving through the South Carolina primary. Yesterday, he posted twice in one day – with a link to Limbaugh But in the home stretch, Romney has energized and a helpful guide to tonight's results, noting that one key part of his base: his own family. in the past week members of the Romney family Yesterday, the Romney boys set a campaign record have campaigned in 17 of 21 states up for grabs by putting up six posts on the Five Brothers blog – on Super Tuesday. Now we can scientifically matching their high from when they launched last measure the Romney effect, by comparing the

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 92/124 results in those 17 states with the four states more than 80 years ago, so my Pennsylvania roots (Idaho, Montana, Connecticut, Arizona) no Romney are distant. But I still think I can speak for at least visited. After Huckabee's victory in West Virginia, half the state in suggesting one bold proposal we the early score is 1-0 in favor of no Romneys. long for every April: a plan to rescue one of the most mediocre teams in baseball history, the Tagg, the team captain, also posted twice, urging Pittsburgh Pirates. the faithful to "Keep Fighting," and touting Mitt's evangelical appeal: "The Base Is Beginning to Granted, the nation faces more urgent crises. But Rally." Back in June, Tagg joked with readers about in hard times, people often look to sports for who would win a family farting contest. Now he's solace. To blue-collar workers in taverns across quoting evangelical Christian ministers. The western Pennsylvania, watching the Pirates lose brothers are so focused on the race, they haven't night after night is as predictably grim as the Bush even mentioned their beloved Patriots' loss, economy. The lowly Bucs are the reigning although there has been no word from young disappointment in the world of sport—with a Craig, the one they tease as a Tom Brady batting average that seems pegged to the dollar lookalike. and prospects of victory in line with the war in Iraq. Of course, if the Republican race ends tonight, the inheritance Mitt has told the boys not to count on The Pittsburgh franchise hasn't finished above .500 will be safe at last. By all accounts, they couldn't since 1992. If, as universally predicted, the Pirates care less. They seem to share Tagg's easy-come- turn in their 16th consecutive losing season this easy-go view that no matter what happens, this year, they will tie the all-time frustration record for will have been the best trip the family has ever professional sport set by the Philadelphia Phillies in taken, and this time no dogs were harmed along the 1930s and '40s. the way (just moose, salmon, and whale). Pittsburgh is still a proud, vibrant city, which has At the moment, the Five Brothers must feel the rebounded handsomely from losses far more same nostalgia to keep going that the rest of us consequential than the Pirates'. The once-proud will feel for their antics when they're gone. Back Pirates, by contrast, show plenty of rust but no when the campaign began, Tagg joked that they signs of recovery. In 1992, the team was an inning would love their father win or lose, although he away from the World Series, when the Atlanta might become something of a national Braves scored three runs in the bottom of the ninth laughingstock in the meantime. Mitt did his part, to steal Game 7 of the National League but whatever happens tonight, he can be proud the Championship Series. The Braves soon moved to firewall he cares most about – his family – has held the NL East en route to winning 14 consecutive up its end of the bargain. ... 6:15 P.M. (link) division titles, the longest in sports history. The Pirates moved from the East to the Central and began their soon-to-be-record-setting plunge in the opposite direction. the has-been On Monday, the Pirates return to Atlanta for Iron City Blues Opening Day against the Braves. Baseball analysts How to root for one of the most mediocre sports teams ever. no longer give a reason in predicting another last- By Bruce Reed place Bucco finish. This year, the Washington Post Friday, March 28, 2008, at 12:06 PM ET didn't even bother to come up with a new joke. Last season's Post preview said: Friday, Mar. 28, 2008 Blech. This Pirates team is so We Are Family: Midway through the run-up to the mediocre, so uninteresting, so next primary, the presidential campaigns are destined for last place, we don't searching for fresh ways to reach the voters of know if we can squeeze another Pennsylvania. My grandparents left Pittsburgh sentence out of it for this capsule

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 93/124 we're being paid to write. But steel suspension bridges to gleaming glass here's one. … The Pirates haven't skyscrapers. had a winning season since 1992, and that streak will The result? As Pittsburgh writer Don Spagnolo continue this year. That's still not noted last year in "79 Reasons Why It's Hard To Be long enough? Well, here's a Pirates Fan," Pittsburgh now has "the best another line! Hey—two sentences stadium in the country, soiled by the worst team." in one line! Make that three! And (The Onion once suggested, "PNC Park Threatens here's another! See how easy To Leave Pittsburgh Unless Better Team Is Built.") that is? Spagnolo notes that the city already set some kind of record by hosting baseball's All-Star game in This year, the same Post analyst wrote: 1994 and 2006 without a single winning season in between. Okay, folks, here's the deal: We need to fill precisely 4.22 Although the Pirates' best player, Jason Bay, is column-inches of type with from Canada, if Pittsburgh fans have suffered information about the faceless, because of trade, the blame belongs not to NAFTA tasteless Pirates, and as usual but to an inept front office. Jason Schmidt, now we're not sure we can do it. But one of the top 100 strikeout aces in history, was guess what? We're already at .95 traded to the Giants. Another, Tim Wakefield, left inches, and we're just getting for the Red Sox. Franchise player Aramis Ramirez started! Wait—make that 1.19 was dealt to the Cubs. When owners sell off inches. ... Should they finish members of a winning team, it's called a fire sale. below .500 again (and let's be The Pirates have been more like a yard sale. In honest, how can they not?), they 2003, when the Cubs nearly made the Series, the will tie the Phillies of 1933-48 for Pirates supplied one-third of their starting lineup. the most consecutive losing seasons. (By the way, that's 3.53 In the early '80s, an angry fan famously threw a inches, and we haven't even had battery at Pirate outfielder Dave Parker. Last June, to mention new manager John fans registered their frustration in a more Russell, Capps's promise as a constructive way. To protest more than a decade of closer or the vast potential of the ownership mismanagement, they launched a Web Snell-Gorzelanny duo.) There: site, IrateFans.com, and organized a "Fans for 4.22 inches. Piece of cake." Change" walkout after the third inning of a home game. Unfortunately, only a few hundred fans who So now the Pirates even hold the record for left their seats actually left the game; most just consecutive seasons as victims of the same bad got up to get beer. joke. This year, fans are still for change but highly Pittsburgh faces all the challenges of a small- skeptical. In an online interview, the new team market team. Moreover, as David Maraniss pointed president admitted, "The Pirates are not in a out in his lyrical biography, Clemente, the first love rebuilding mode. We're in a building mode." One for Pittsburgh fans has long been football, not fan asked bitterly, "How many home runs will the baseball. These days, no one can blame them. 'change in atmosphere' hit this season?"

Seven years ago, in a desperate bid to revive the I've been a Pirate fan for four decades—the first Pirates' fortunes, the city built PNC Park, a glorious, the second dreary, the last two a long gorgeous field with the most spectacular view in march from despair to downright humiliation. In baseball. From behind home plate, you can look more promising times, my wife proposed to me at out on the entire expanse of American economic Three Rivers Stadium, where we returned for our history—from the Allegheny River to 1920s-era honeymoon. On the bright side, the 2001 implosion

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 94/124 of Three Rivers enabled me to find two red plastic grace ensure that tales of his hypocrisy will stadium seats as an anniversary present on eBay. reverberate louder and longer than Craig's. Already a media star in the media capital of the world, he Our children live for baseball but laugh at our managed to destroy his career with a flair even a Pirate caps—and, at ages 12 and 14, haven't been tabloid editor couldn't have imagined. Every detail alive to see a winning Pirate season. Yet like so of his case is more titillating than Craig's—call girls many in western Pennsylvania, I've been a Pirate with MySpace pages and stories to tell, not a lone fan too long to be retrained to root for somebody cop who won't talk to the press; hotel suites else. instead of bathroom stalls; bank rolls instead of toilet rolls; wide angles instead of wide stances; a After 15 years, we Bucs fans aren't asking for club for emperors, not Red Carpet. miracles. We just want what came so easily to the pre-2004 Red Sox, the post-1908 Cubs, and the Spitzer flew much closer to the sun than Craig, so other great losing teams of all time: sympathy. his sudden plunge is the far greater political Those other teams are no longer reliable: The Red tragedy. No matter how far his dive, Craig couldn't Sox have become a dynasty; 2008 really could be make that kind of splash. You'll never see the the Cubs' year. If you want a lovable loser that will headline "Craig Resigns" splashed across six never let you down, the Pittsburgh Pirates could be columns of the New York Times. Of course, since your team, too. ... (link) he refuses to resign, you won't see it in the Idaho Statesman, either. Thursday, Mar. 13, 2008 Yet out of stubborn home-state chauvinism, if Craigenfreude: In a new high for the partisan nothing else, we Idahoans still marvel at the level divide, a mini-debate has broken out in far-flung of hypocrisy our boy has achieved, even without all corners of the blogosphere on the urgent question: the wealth, fame, and privilege that a rich New Who's the bigger hypocrite, Larry Craig or Eliot Yorker was handed on a silver platter. Many Spitzer? Easterners think it's easy for an Idahoan to be embarrassing—that just being from Boise means you're halfway there. Conservative blogger Michael Medved of Townhall offers a long list of reasons why Craig doesn't need to go as urgently as Spitzer did. He finds Craig less We disagree. Craig didn't grow up in the center of hypocritical ("trolling for sex in a men's room, attention, surrounded by money, glamour, and all doesn't logically require that you support gay the accouterments of hypocrisy. He grew up in the marriage"), much easier to pity, and "pathetic and middle of nowhere, surrounded by mountains. vulnerable" in a way Spitzer is not. Liberal blogger When he got arrested, he didn't have paid help to Anonymous Is a Woman counters that while Craig bring him down. No Mann Act for our guy: He and Louisiana Sen. David Vitter remain in office, at carried his own bags and did his own travel. least Spitzer resigned. Larry Craig is a self-made hypocrite. He achieved Warning, much political baggage may look alike. his humiliation the old-fashioned way: He earned So, party labels aside, who's the bigger hypocrite? it. Certainly, a politician caught red-handed committing the very crimes he used to prosecute Unlike Spitzer, who folded his cards without a fight, can make a strong case for himself. In his Craig upped the ante by privately admitting guilt, resignation speech, Spitzer admitted as much: then publicly denying it. His lawyers filed yet "Over the course of my public life, I have insisted, I another appellate brief this week, insisting that the believe correctly, that people, regardless of their prosecution is wrong to accuse him of making a position or power, take responsibility for their "prehensile stare." conduct. I can and will ask no less of myself." While it's admittedly a low standard, Craig may Moreover, for all the conservative complaints about have had his least-awful week since his scandal media bias, the circumstances of Spitzer's fall from broke in August. A Minnesota jury acquitted a man

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 95/124 who was arrested by the same airport sting Party, good for the eventual nominee, and the ride operation. Craig didn't finish last in the Senate of a lifetime for every true political fan. power rankings by Congress.org. Thanks to Spitzer, Craig can now tell folks back home that For the party, the benefits are obvious: By making whatever they think of what he did, at least they this contest go the distance, the voters have done don't have to be embarrassed by how much he what party leaders wanted to do all along. This spent. In fact, he is probably feeling some cycle, the Democratic National Committee was Craigenfreude—taking pleasure in someone else's desperate to avoid the front-loaded calendar that troubles because those troubles leave people a backfired last time. As David Greenberg points out, little less time to take pleasure in your own. the 2004 race was over by the first week of March—and promptly handed Republicans a full Like misery, hypocrisy loves company—which, for eight months to destroy our nominee. This time, both Spitzer and Craig, turned out to be the the DNC begged states to back-load the calendar, problem. But Spitzer was right to step down, and even offering bonus delegates for moving primaries Craig should long ago have done the same. Politics to late spring. Two dozen states flocked to Super is a tragic place to chase your demons. ... 5:30 Tuesday anyway. P.M. (link) Happily, voters took matters into their own hands Wednesday, Mar. 5, 2008 and gave the spring states more clout than party leaders ever could have hoped for. Last fall, NPR All the Way: As death-defying Clinton comebacks ran a whimsical story about the plight of South go, the primaries in Ohio and Texas were very Dakota voters, whose June 3 contest is the last nearly not heart-stopping enough. On Monday, primary (along with Montana) on the calendar. public polls started predicting a Clinton rebound, Now restaurateurs, innkeepers, and vendors from threatening to spoil the key to any wild ride: Pierre to Rapid City look forward to that primary as surprise. Luckily, the early exit polls on Tuesday Christmas in June. evening showed Obama with narrow leads in both do-or-die states, giving those of us in Clinton World But the national party, state parties, and Sioux who live for such moments a few more hours to Falls cafes aren't the only ones who'll benefit. stare into the abyss. Contrary to the conventional wisdom, the biggest beneficiaries of a protracted battle for the Now that the race is once again up for grabs, much nomination are the two contestants themselves. of the political establishment is dreading the Primaries are designed to be a warm-up for the seven-week slog to the next big primary in general election, and a few more months of spring Pennsylvania. Many journalists had wanted to go training will only improve their swings for the fall. home and put off seeing Scranton until The Office returns on April 10. Some Democrats in And let's face it: These two candidates know how Washington were in a rush to find out the winner to put on a show. Both are raising astonishing so they could decide who they've been for all sums of money and attracting swarms of voters to along. the polls. Over the past month, their three head- to-head debates have drawn the largest audiences As a Clintonite, I'm delighted that the show will go in cable television history. The second half of last on. But even if I were on the sidelines, my reaction week's MSNBC debate was the most watched show would have been the same. No matter which team on any channel, with nearly 8 million viewers. An you're rooting for, you've got to admit: We will astonishing 4 million people tuned in to watch never see another contest like this one, and the MSNBC's post-debate analysis, an experience so political junkie in all of us hopes it will never end. excruciating that it's as if every person in the Bay Area picked the same night to jump off the Golden It looks like we could get our wish—so we might as Gate Bridge. well rejoice and be glad in it. A long, exciting race for the nomination will be good for the Democratic The permanent campaign turns out to be the best reality show ever invented. Any contest that can

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 96/124 sustain that kind of excitement is like the World prairie, the groundswell is spreading. Series of poker: The value of the pot goes up with Endorsements are flooding in from conservative each hand, and whoever wins it won't be the least bloggers like this one: bit sorry that both sides went all-in. Mitt Romney was not my first No matter how it turns out, all of us who love choice for a presidential politics have to pinch ourselves that we're alive to candidate, but he came third see a race that future generations will only read after Duncan Hunter and Fred about. Most campaigns, even winning ones, only Thompson. … I would love to see seem historic in retrospect. This time, we already Mitt reenter the race. know it's one for the ages; we just don't know how, when, or whether it's going to end. Even if re-entry is too much to hope for, Josh hints that another Romney comeback may be in the Even journalists who dread spending the next works. He says he has been approached about seven weeks on the Pennsylvania Turnpike have to running for Congress in Utah's 2nd District. shake their heads in wonderment. In the lede of their lead story in Wednesday's Washington Post, That, too, may be an unlikely trial balloon. Josh is Dan Balz and Jon Cohen referred to "the just 32, has three young children, and would face a remarkable contest" that could stretch on till Democratic incumbent, Rep. Jim Matheson, who is summer. They didn't sign on to spend the spring in one of the most popular politicians in the state. Scranton and Sioux Falls. But, like the rest of us, Matheson's father was a governor, too. But unlike they wouldn't miss this amazing stretch of history Mitt Romney, Scott Matheson was governor of for anything. ... 11:59 P.M. (link) Utah.

Monday, Feb. 25, 2008 If Mitt Romney has his eye on the No. 2 spot, Josh didn't do him any favors. "It's one thing to Hope Springs Eternal: With this weekend's campaign for my dad, someone whose principles I victory in Puerto Rico and even more resounding line up with almost entirely," he told the Morning triumph over the New York Times, John McCain News. "I can't say the same thing for Sen. moved within 200 delegates of mathematically McCain." clinching the Republican nomination. Mike Huckabee is having a good time playing out the Even so, Romney watchers can only take heart that string, but the rest of us have been forced to get after a year on the campaign trail, Josh has on with our lives and accept that it's just not the bounced back so quickly. "I was not that upset," he same without Mitt. says of his father's defeat. "I didn't cry or anything." But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? Out in Salt Lake City, in an interview with In his year on the stump, Josh came across as the the Deseret Morning News, Josh Romney leaves most down-to-earth of the Romney boys. He open the possibility that his father might get back visited all 99 of Iowa's counties in the campaign in the race: Winnebago, the Mitt Mobile. He joked about his father's faults, such as "he has way too much Josh Romney called speculation energy." He let a Fox newswoman interview him in that his father could be back in the master bedroom of the Mitt Mobile. (He showed the race as either a vice her the air fresheners.) He blogged about the presidential candidate or even at moose, salmon, and whale he ate while the top of the ticket as the GOP's campaigning in Alaska—but when the feast was presidential candidate "possible. over, he delivered the Super Tuesday state for his Unlikely, but possible." dad.

That's not much of an opening and no doubt more As Jonathan Martin of Politico reported last of one than he intended. But from mountain to summer, Josh was campaigning with his parents at

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 97/124 the Fourth of July parade in Clear Lake, Iowa, Even conservative leaders can't hide their when the Romneys ran into the Clintons. After Mitt astonishment over finding themselves in this told the Clintons how many counties Josh had position. "If someone had suggested a year ago visited, Hillary said, "You've got this built-in and a half ago that we would be welcoming Mitt campaign team with your sons." Mitt replied, to Romney as a potential leader of the conservative Ann's apparent dismay, "If we had known, we movement, no one would have believed it," would've had more." American Conservative Union chairman David Keene reportedly told the group. "But over the last We'll never know whether that could have made year and a half, he has convinced us he is one of the difference. For now, we'll have to settle for the us and walks with us." unlikely but possible hope that Mitt will come back to take another bow. ... 4:13 P.M. (link) Conservative activist Jay Sekulow told the Washington Times that Romney is a "turnaround Monday, Feb. 11, 2008 specialist" who can revive conservatism's fortunes. But presumably, Romney's number-crunching skills Face Time: When Ralph Reed showed up at a are the last thing the movement needs: there are Romney fundraiser last May, Mitt thought he was no voters left to fire. Gary Bauer – perpetuating the tiresome stereotype that like some Reeds, all Christian conservatives To be sure, Mitt was with conservatives when the look alike. Now, in Mitt's hour of need, Ralph is music stopped. Right-wing activists who voted in returning the favor. According to the Washington the CPAC straw poll narrowly supported him over Times, he and 50 other right-wing leaders met with McCain, 35% to 34%. By comparison, they favored Romney on Thursday "to discuss the former getting out of the United Nations by 57% to 42% Massachusetts governor becoming the face of and opposed a foreign policy based on spreading conservatism." democracy by 82% to 15%. Small-government conservatism trounced social conservatism 59% to Nothing against Romney, who surely would have 22%, with only 16% for national-security been a better president than he let on. But if he conservatism. were "the face of conservatism," he'd be planning his acceptance speech, not interviewing with Ralph As voters reminded him more Tuesdays than not, Reed and friends for the next time around. Mitt Romney is not quite Ronald Reagan. He doesn't have an issue like the Panama Canal. Far Conservatives could not have imagined it would from taking the race down to the wire, he'll end up end this way: the movement that produced Ollie third. While he's a good communicator, many North, Alan Keyes, and ardent armies of true voters looking for the face of conservatism couldn't believers, now mulling over an arranged marriage see past what one analyst in the Deseret News of convenience with a Harvard man who converted described as the "CEO robot from Jupiter.'" for the occasion. George Will must be reaching for his Yeats: "Was it for this … that all that blood was If anything, Romney was born to be the face of the shed?" Ford wing of the Republican Party – an economic conservative with only a passing interest in the For more than a year, Republican presidential other two legs of Reagan's conservative stool. Like candidates tried to win the Reagan Primary. Their Ford, Mitt won the Michigan primary. He won all final tableau came at a debate in the Gipper's the places he calls home, and it's not his fault his library, with his airplane as a backdrop and his father wasn't governor of more states. widow in the front row. It was bad enough to see them reach back 20 years to find a conservative Romney does have one advantage. With a president they could believe in, but this might be conservative president nearing historic lows in the worse: Now Romney's competing to claim he's the polls and a presumptive nominee more intent on biggest conservative loser since Reagan. If McCain leading the country, heading the conservative comes up short like Gerald Ford, Mitt wants to movement might be like running the 2002 launch a comeback like it's 1976. Olympics – a job nobody else wants.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 98/124 Paul Erickson, the Romney strategist who fallen. In an introduction laced with barbs in organized the conservative powwow, called McCain's direction, Laura Ingraham's description of McCain's nomination "an existential crisis for the Mitt as "a conservative's conservative" said all Republican Party," and held out Mitt as a possible there is to say about Romney's campaign and the Messiah: "You could tell everybody at the table state of the conservative movement. If their last, sitting with Romney was asking himself: 'Is he the best hope is a guy who only signed up two years one?'" ago and could hardly convince them he belonged, the movement is in even worse shape than it Romney has demonstrated many strengths over looks. the years, but impersonating a diehard conservative and leading a confused movement out Had Romney run on his real strength—as an of the wilderness aren't foremost among them. It intelligent, pragmatic, and competent manager— might be time for the right to take up another his road to the nomination might have gone the existential question: If conservatism needs Mitt way of Rudy Giuliani's. Yet ironically, his eagerness Romney and Ralph Reed to make a comeback, is to preach the conservative gospel brought on his there enough face left to save? ... 3:37 P.M. (link) demise. Romney pandered with conviction. He even tried to make it a virtue, defending his Thursday, Feb. 7, 2008 conversion on abortion by telling audiences that he would never apologize for being a latecomer to the Romney, We Hardly Knew Ye: When Mitt cause of standing up for human life. Conservatives Romney launched his campaign last year, he struck thanked him for trying but preferred the genuine many Republicans as the perfect candidate. He was article. In Iowa, Romney came in second to a true a businessman with a Midas touch, an optimist with believer, and New Hampshire doesn't have enough a charmed life and family, a governor who had diehards to put him over the top. slain the Democratic dragon in the blue state Republicans love to hate. In a race against national Romney's best week came in Michigan, when a heroes like John McCain and Rudy Giuliani, he sinking economy gave him a chance to talk about started out as a dark horse, but to handicappers, the one subject where his party credentials were in st he was a dark horse with great teeth. order. In Michigan, Romney sounded like a 21 - century version of the business Republicans who When Democrats looked at Romney, we also saw dominated that state in the '50s and '60s—proud, the perfect candidate—for us to run against. The decent, organization men like Gerald Ford and best presidential candidates have the ability to George Romney. As he sold his plan to turn the change people's minds. Mitt Romney never got that Michigan economy around, Mitt seemed as far because he never failed to change his own mind surprised as the voters by how much better he first. could be when he genuinely cared about the subject. So when Romney gamely suspended his campaign this afternoon, there was heartfelt sadness on both By then, however, he had been too many things to sides of the aisle. Democrats are sorry to lose an too many people for too long. McCain was adversary whose ideological marathon vividly authentic, Huckabee was conservative, and illustrated the vast distance a man must travel to Romney couldn't convince enough voters he was reach the right wing of the Republican Party. either one. Romney fans lose a candidate who just three months ago led the polls in Iowa and New Good sport to the end, Romney went down Hampshire and was the smart pick to win the pandering. His swansong at CPAC touched all the nomination. right's hot buttons. He blamed out-of-wedlock births on government programs, attacks on With a formidable nominee in John McCain, the religion, and "tolerance for pornography." He got GOP won't be sorry. But Romney's farewell at the his biggest applause for attacking the welfare Conservative Political Action Committee meeting state, declaring dependency a culture-killing poison shows how far the once-mighty right wing has that is "death to initiative."

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 99/124 Even in defeat, he gave glimpses of the Mitt we'll Strange bedfellows indeed: Rush-Romney is like a miss—the lovably square, Father Knows Best figure hot-blooded android – the first Dittohead- with the impossibly wholesome family and perfect Conehead pairing in galactic history. life. He talked about taking "a weed-whacker to regulations." He warned that we might soon On Saturday, Mitt Romney wandered to the back of st become "the France of the 21 century." He his campaign plane and told the press, "These pointed out that he had won nearly as many states droids aren't the droids you're looking for." Oddly as McCain, but joked awkwardly with the enough, that's exactly the reaction most ultraconservative audience that he lost "because Republicans have had to his campaign. size does matter." But in the home stretch, Romney has energized He didn't say whether we'll have the Romneys to one key part of his base: his own family. kick around anymore. But with the family fortune Yesterday, the Romney boys set a campaign record largely intact and five sons to carry on the torch, by putting up six posts on the Five Brothers blog – we can keep hope alive. In the Salt Lake City paper matching their high from when they launched last this morning, a leading political scientist predicted April. Mitt may be down, but the Five Brothers are that if Democrats win the White House in 2008, back. Romney "would automatically be a frontrunner for 2012." The past month has been grim for the happy-go- lucky Romney boys. They sometimes went days It's hard to imagine a more perfect outcome. For between posts. When they did post, it was often now, sadness reigns. As the Five Brothers might from states they had just campaigned in and lost. say, somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere Bright spots were hard to come by. After South children shout; but there is no joy in Mittville—Guy Carolina, Tagg found a "Romney girl" video, set to Smiley has dropped out. ... 5:42 P.M. (link) the tune of "1985," in which a smiling young Alabaman named Danielle sang of Mitt as the next Tuesday, Feb. 5, 2008 Reagan. One commenter recommended raising $3 million to run the clip as a Super Bowl ad; another Mittmentum: With John McCain on cruise control asked Danielle out on behalf of his own five sons. A toward the Republican nomination, Mitt Romney few days later, Matt put up a clip of a computerized finds himself in a desperate quest to rally true prank call to his dad, pretending to be Arnold believers – a role for which his even temper and Schwarzenegger – prompting a priceless exchange uneven record leave him spectacularly unsuited. between robo-candidate and Terminator. Then the Romney knows how to tell the party faithful real Arnold spoiled the joke by endorsing the real everything they want to hear. But it's not easy for McCain. a man who prides himself on his optimism, polish, and good fortune to stir anger and mutiny in the In the run-up to Super Tuesday, however, a spring conservative base. Only a pitchfork rebellion can is back in the Five Brothers' step. On Sunday, Josh stop McCain now, and Luddites won't man the wrote a post about his campaign trip to Alaska. ramparts because they like your PowerPoint. Richard Nixon may have lost in 1960 because his pledge to campaign in all 50 states forced him to So far, the Republican base seems neither shaken spend the last weekend in Alaska. That didn't stop nor stirred. McCain has a commanding 2-1 margin Josh Romney, who posted a gorgeous photo of in national polls, and leads Romney most Mount McKinley and a snapshot of some Romney everywhere except California, where Mitt hopes for supporters shivering somewhere outside Fairbanks, an upset tonight. Professional troublemakers like where the high was 13 below. He wrote, "I Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh are up in arms, sampled all of the Alaskan classics: moose, salmon trying to persuade their followers that McCain is and whale. Oh so good." Eating whale would somehow Hillary by other means. On Monday, certainly be red meat for a liberal crowd, but Limbaugh did his best imitation of Romney's stump conservatives loved it too. "Moose is good stuff," speech, dubbing Mitt the only candidate who one fan wrote. Another supporter mentioned stands for all three legs of the conservative stool. friends who've gone on missions abroad and "talk

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 100/124 about eating dog, horse, cow stomach, bugs." Rush, take note: McCain was ordering room service at the Hanoi Hilton while Mitt was keeping the faith by choking down tripe in Paris. the undercover economist The Price Is Right The rest of the family sounds like it's on the trail of Does evolution explain why we hate to pay more for scarce goods? big game as well. Ben Romney, the least prolific of By Tim Harford the Five Brothers, didn't post from Thanksgiving Saturday, March 29, 2008, at 7:05 AM ET through the South Carolina primary. Yesterday, he posted twice in one day – with a link to Limbaugh and a helpful guide to tonight's results, noting that Friends of mine, a husband and wife, once argued over the price in the past week members of the Romney family of a packet of cakes bought at a convenience store. She have campaigned in 17 of 21 states up for grabs complained that the cakes weren't worth the price she had paid. on Super Tuesday. Now we can scientifically He pointed out that she had bought them—albeit grudgingly— knowing exactly how they tasted and that, therefore, they had to measure the Romney effect, by comparing the be worth what she had paid. No prizes for guessing which one of results in those 17 states with the four states them is an economist. (Idaho, Montana, Connecticut, Arizona) no Romney visited. After Huckabee's victory in West Virginia, the early score is 1-0 in favor of no Romneys. We economists know a lot about pricing, but we tend to be baffled by the way the human race thinks about it. The package holiday offer "Kids go free to Disneyland" is, to an economist, a Tagg, the team captain, also posted twice, urging profitable attempt to charge more to couples with two incomes the faithful to "Keep Fighting," and touting Mitt's and no children, who are likely to have more cash to burn. To evangelical appeal: "The Base Is Beginning to everyone else, it is an idea waved through unquestioningly—we Rally." Back in June, Tagg joked with readers about all like kids, after all. who would win a family farting contest. Now he's quoting evangelical Christian ministers. The The presentation of a pricing policy clearly matters—something brothers are so focused on the race, they haven't disconcerting to economists, who can translate all the pricing even mentioned their beloved Patriots' loss, into mathematical equations and make the presentation go away. although there has been no word from young It seems to be acceptable to charge a higher markup for fair- Craig, the one they tease as a Tom Brady trade coffee, organic bread, or lower-emissions gasoline. It is not lookalike. acceptable for businesses to say, "We are such fans of exploitative coffee, pesticide-laced loaves, and dirtier gas that Of course, if the Republican race ends tonight, the we're willing to discount them and accept a lower profit margin." inheritance Mitt has told the boys not to count on Underneath the gloss, the pricing policies are, nevertheless, identical. will be safe at last. By all accounts, they couldn't care less. They seem to share Tagg's easy-come- easy-go view that no matter what happens, this The most common puzzle of all, for an economist, is why prices will have been the best trip the family has ever so rarely rise in the face of a shortage. There was a shortage of Wii games consoles last Christmas, Xbox 360s in 2005, taken, and this time no dogs were harmed along Playstation 2 consoles before that, and so on. To secure tickets the way (just moose, salmon, and whale). for a hot concert, you will usually need to go to a scalper, because the regular concert promoters wouldn't dare charge a At the moment, the Five Brothers must feel the ticket price that might bring demand down to the level of supply. same nostalgia to keep going that the rest of us And when U.S. oil companies raised gasoline prices after will feel for their antics when they're gone. Back Hurricane Katrina, there were howls of outrage—despite the fact when the campaign began, Tagg joked that they that the refining infrastructure was badly damaged and that it would love their father win or lose, although he was evidently impossible to supply everyone at the customary might become something of a national low price. laughingstock in the meantime. Mitt did his part, but whatever happens tonight, he can be proud the I have previously pondered the very clever explanations firewall he cares most about – his family – has held economists produce to explain why prices do not rise to equalize up its end of the bargain. ... 6:15 P.M. (link) supply and demand. Perhaps ticket prices are kept low to encourage a memorabilia-buying younger crowd. Perhaps

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 101/124 popular restaurants like to have a waiting list for reservations Keith Sullivan, the Independent Liberal, says the Clintons are because it adds to the cachet. Even I am starting to feel that these more "like a cartel or the mafia, choice is never something that explanations sound strained. Are these side benefits really should come into play. It's always about entitlement and rank enough to outweigh the lost revenue from higher prices? with them." While John Riley at Newsday's Spin Cycle sees them as more callow and pathetic: "the Clintons look like The intuitive explanation, of course, is that we irrationally object crybabies and sore losers. It is so undisciplined that it furthers to high prices, even when the alternative is rationing, long lines, the impression of a campaign that may be on its way down, and and uncertainty over whether we can buy what we really want. can't accept the idea that somebody might actually prefer the other guy." That is discomfiting for economists, but we might at least take solace in the idea that even though there is no immediate logic to Justin Gardner at Donklephant thinks the Clintonistas have a belief in the just price, there is at least an evolutionary logic. made Richardson's endorsement more valuable than it is David Friedman—son of the late Milton Friedman and a superb "[Because there's no way that the Clintons would have Carville communicator of economics—has argued that our ancestors go out there and call Richardson 'Judas' or start this whisper would have evolved in an environment where most transactions campaign if they didn't want to destroy his credibility. And that's were one-on-one bargains. A hard-wired refusal to accept what all this is designed to do … muddy the waters enough so something other than the customary price would, in such a people don't trust him anymore. It may work with some. I setting, be an advantage. Anyone who reacts to a price rise with certainly hope not." irrational rage turns out to be a strong negotiator. And David Knowles at AOL's Political Machine observes: Our stubborn preference for a just price evolved in a setting that "John McCain certainly can win a Republican primary, and a is no longer common; but evolution does not respond quickly, whole lot of people said he couldn't. For that matter, declaring which may be why we still shriek with outrage at price hikes. It that the person who is currently beating you is not capable of would also explain why ticket scalpers still prosper. beating the next guy, thereby implying that you can, is a bit of a stretch."

Read more about the Clinton-Richardson fracas. In Slate, John Dickerson writes: "The prediction that Obama will be a general- today's blogs election failure is so taboo that now that Clinton has said it, her aides won't repeat it." A Winning Argument? By Michael Weiss "Jesus Glasses": California high schooler Chad Farnan and his Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:08 PM ET family are suing a history teacher for saying that Christianity is inextricably linked to bad behavior. "What country has the Bloggers analyze Hillary's latest anti-Obama tactic. They also highest murder rate? The South! What part of the country has the wonder about a history teacher who lambastes Southern highest rape rate? The South! What part of the country has the Christians and scratch their heads over Ted Turner's cannibalism highest rate of church attendance? The South!" No mention of comments. whether the teacher's wanting grasp of geography is included in the suit. A winning argument? "He cannot win, Bill. He cannot win." So Hillary Clinton told Gov. Bill Richardson in reference to Barack At the National Review Online, Corner regular Jonah Goldberg Obama, whom Richardson went on to endorse for the can't work up a sweat over this: "I think the lawsuit probably Democratic nomination. Richardson evidently thought likewise goes too far. But it's interesting to ponder what the bureaucracy not too long ago. But bloggers wonder whether playing the would have done to this guy if he'd employed a similar argument electability card is a sign of desperation. against blacks or Mexicans." Significant Pursuit by Renaissance Guy agrees: "Even though it is tempting to say that Steven G. Brant at Huffington Post writes: "Since Obama's turnabout is fair play, I don't think Christians should react to defeat is an unshakable reality in Hillary's mind, if Barack gets being offended in the same litigious way as the politically the nomination I hope Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Howard correct elite. I think the teacher overstepped his bounds, and I Dean arrange for Hillary to spend the period between the think his logic is questionable, but I don't think a lawsuit is convention and the general election in some far away place necessary or even warranted. Unfortuantely a federal district (Russia? China?) where her negativity will not drag down the judge thinks that it is." efforts of the rest of us to prevent the Republicans from maintaining control over the White House." Rachel Lucas turns the teacher's comment on its head: "Nevermind that one possible reason Christians in the U.S. are

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 102/124 more likely to do anything is because they are 77% of the the implausibilities weren't in service to such reprehensible ends. population, and that no public school teacher should ever be It's one thing to, say, confidently assert a very narrow but allowed to say any of that shit anyway, at least until they can plausible reading of a statute restricting executive power. also say shit about Islam without being fired." Confidently asserting a broad range of arbitrary executive powers (including the power to torture), allegedly beyond the Read more about the Christian-bashing teacher. power of the legislature to regulate, despite the explicit textual grants of relevant powers to Congress, during a 'war' whose Are you going to finish that? "Most of the people will have died battlefield could be the entire planet and whose duration could and the rest of us will be cannibals." That's Ted Turner, talking be infinite, is another matter entirely. to Charlie Rose, on the imminent aftermath of global warming. Josh Patashnik of the New Republic's Plank marvels at the lack of outcry from Congress over the release of the memo: "It'll be Reasonable Kansans'"Forthekids" cautions not to stockpile the soylent green just yet: "[L]et's just hope that Ted Turner doesn't interesting to see how Republicans in Congress (and John team up with Dr. Eric R. Pianka, world-renowned ecologist, and McCain) react to this. When you think about it, it's somewhat breathtaking that, as a group, they were--and remain--so docile, decide to take it upon themselves to do something about that willing to embrace (or, at least, quietly tolerate) a constitutional 'over population' issue. Pianka, at one time, endorsed airborne theory that renders them toothless." Ebola as an efficient means for eliminating 90 percent of the world's population." At TooHotforTNR, Spencer Ackerman believes this document illustrates the dangers of trying to define "acceptable" torture: Blue Crab Boulevard calls Turner a "dim-witted Malthus" "Remember: there is no such thing as a little torture. The slope except that the "implications in Ted Turner's vision are a little inevitably slips. Throw this memo in the face of any rightist who more sinister: 'See all the multitude of poor people who want to hectors that liberals don't 'understand'evil." be rich people? How greedy of them! We can't have them succeed at that, now can we?' … It's amazing that so many supposedly secular people want so desperately to be living in Wired blog Threat Level argues the damning evidence found in 'end times.'" this memo only reinforces the need to declassify more administration documents: "There's no reason that Congress Read more about Turner's cannibalistic scenario. should be in any hurry to hand more wiretapping power to this administration of exaggerators and chicken littles until it releases the other John Yoo memo -- the one that gave legal cover to the government's spying on American citizens without court orders. The one that told this President that he had the power to order his minions to collect, store and sift through my phone records today's blogs and internet usage without getting a judge's approval." Did You Get the Memo? By Alex Joseph Liberal Steve Benen at the Carpetbagger Report finds irony in Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 6:29 PM ET the similarities between the memo and a certain disgraced president: "Nixon once argued, 'When the President does it, that Bloggers jump on a newly released memo by former Bush means that it's not illegal.' It's since become something of a official John Yoo and discuss the congressional hearings in punchline, but the Yoo memo made the tenet official which oil executives were drilled about their record profits. government policy — so long as administration officials were trying to defend the country, they need not concern themselves with the law." Did you get the memo? A 2003 memo by then-Deputy Assistant Attorney General John Yoo was declassified Tuesday. The memo argued that federal laws should not apply to military But James Poulos of Postmodern Conservative believes the interrogators investigating enemy combatants and was rescinded outcry over limited methods of torture fails to recognize the nine months later. That's not stopping liberal bloggers from alternative of suffering on a much larger scale through all-out having a field day. war: "And so we have to rely on a different set of extraordinary techniques to try to make up for the fact that we're not prosecuting the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq as if the only goals At Tapped, the blog of the liberal American Prospect, Scott there were military victory. In a way we've got to think soberly Lemieux references Slate's own Emily Bazelon when registering about, our dark turn down the torture road is a consequence of shock over the newly released memo: "Bazelon cites their 'glib our late-modern, small-l liberal nausea over real war." certainty' as what stunned her, but I'd argue this would be potentially acceptable if its arguments were more plausible and Read more about the Yoo memo.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 103/124 Black gold: Executives from the five largest oil companies Bloggers ponder the wonderful notion of a Mugabe-free testified before Congress Tuesday about rising gas prices. While Zimbabwe and try to figure out what Nancy Pelosi really thinks some bloggers are crying foul about subsidies and tax breaks for about superdelegates and a prolonged primary season. the oil companies, others suggest the real pain at the pump isn't Big Oil but Big Government. Mugabe's end? After 28 years of brutal authoritarian rule, Robert Mugabe may be on his way out. According to the New York Marc at Cranial Cavity points the finger of blame at Times, the Zimbabwe president's attempt to falsify last government taxes: "The real price gouger is the government. weekend's election results are failing, and opposition leader According to the Tax Foundation, in the last three decades Morgan Tsvangirai is in negotiation with Mugabe's top advisers government has collected more than $1.34 trillion (inflation about brokering a transfer of power. adjusted) in gasoline-tax revenues — 'more than twice the amount of domestic profits earned by major U.S. oil companies This is Zimbabwe's Sokwanele quotes one democratic activist: during the same period.' " "i am so happy to see change is finally coming to my country. i have worked for 10 years. i think after change we will have a Townhall's Mary Katherine Ham suggests that the goals of Rep. rainbow zimbabwe made up of tolerance and i pray for a Ed Markey, chairman of the House committee that held the prosperous zimbabwe. my president believes that in 100 days we meeting, are contradictory, since he wants to lower gas prices can feed our children again. sehambile!!!! (he is gone)" Nancy and "move beyond this oil economy": "One of the things that Reyes at Mugabe makaipa puts one concern to rest: "[T]he might actually encourage a move 'beyond the oil economy' are major worry is that Zimbabwe will turn into another Kenya. The high oil prices, which discourage unnecessary consumption by main difference is that in Kenya, the riots were tribal factions motorists through perfectly logical self-interest instead of backing different men. In Zimbabwe, the Ndebele oppose government-imposed conservation mandates or whatever heavy- Mugabe, but many of the opposition leaders, including Morgan handed measure it is Markey wishes for," she writes. "Making Tsvaigirai, are of the majority Mashona tribe. So unlike Kenya, gas prices artificially respond to your whims makes the process you do not have danger of a tribal war." of buying gas artificially painless, thereby removing all indicators for the consumer that he should have any concern at But at the New Republic's Plank, James Kirchick, who knows all about an oil economy." Polimom at the Moderate Voice Mugabe's history well, is wary of celebrating the fall of the agrees: "The best thing that could happen, strangely enough, is tyrant just yet: "[W]hile it's tempting to hold out hope that for prices to go higher yet. Until we cross above the point where reports of his imminent demise are true, there is very little about the cost of renewable energy is less than non-renewable, we're Zimbabwe's history or Mugabe's own behavior to suggest that he stuck … and no amount of election year grandstanding will get would ever retire without handpicking a successor, or that he us out of the spring mud." would ever be forced out office without a fight." As Lawhawk at A Blog for All cautions: "Mugabe will have to be given quite ThisJustIn doesn't foresee a downturn in oil prices and therefore the golden parachute to make that happen. He still has support believes the oil executives' argument that the industry is cyclical from the military and unless the military sees the writing on the to be defunct: "So suck it up, oil industry. We have been wall and chooses to follow the election results that show the carrying you for a decade; it's time for you to carry us. And opposition clearly winning, they may continue to enable Congress, do what's right: Strip those tax breaks and either Mugabe's hold on power to the detriment of all Zimbabweans." invest the entire amount in research for alternative energy sources or give the ailing taxpayers a real tax break (not the But Kel at the left-wing Osterley Times notes: "[T]he speed upcoming fake one)." with which the results are being delivered, alone, tells us that Mugabe has been thrown off course and is frantically trying to Read more about the oil execs' testimony. fix things in his own favour. It's interesting that reports are coming out that he has been persuaded from simply pulling off a military takeover, as I would have imagined this to have been the first place his mind went." today's blogs Ed Morrissey at Hot Air says: "[t]he international community Mugabe's End? needs to increase its pressure on the situation as well. The West has no influence with Mugabe, but it does on his African By Michael Weiss associates. South Africa's Thabo Mbeki has been one of Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 5:15 PM ET Mugabes' closest allies, to the shame of Mbeki's own nation. Britain and the US should make clear to Mbeki his responsibility in convincing Mugabe to abide by the actual will of his people and depart forthwith."

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 104/124 Read more about Mugabe. Sadr says: Shiite cleric Muqtada Sadr ordered his Mahdi Army fighters to stand down Sunday after six days of bloody clashes in Nancy's about-face: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi previously Basra. This agreement came as a surprise to some, as Iraqi Prime said Democratic superdelegates should vote according to the will Minister Nouri al-Maliki had said previously that Iraqi army of the people (read: for Obama), but she's changed her mind, troops would see the Basra campaign through to victory. Many apparently. She told Good Morning America: "These bloggers point out that Sadr called off his troops after a peace superdelegates have the right to vote their conscience and who agreement was reached in the Iranian city of Qom. they think would be the better president, or who can win, but they also then should get involved in the campaigns and make At the Carpetbagger Report, liberal Steve Benen finds Maliki their power known there." Now how'd that happen? and Bush the losers here. "The humiliation for Maliki — and, by extension, the Bush administration policy — is rather Conservative Jimmie at the Sundries Shack feels sorry for breathtaking. He launched this offensive, he oversaw the Pelosi: "A smart person in her position would have ducked every 'crackdown' on Shiite militias, he vowed to see this through to election question. The Speaker of the House doesn't ahve a lot to 'victory,' and he was backed up by U.S. forces, despite his do with the election and you could forgive Pelosi for wanting to apparent reluctance to tell U.S. officials about his plans before stay out of the steel cage match that the primary has become. he attacked. And now look at the landscape." At 1 Boring Old Besides, she has plenty of other stuff to do, like seeing if she can Man, liberal Mickey opines that, despite the glaring defeat, the hit single digits before November. Instead, she decided, what the Bush administration will find a way to spin it favorably: "There's heck, why not just see if both of her feet could fit into her mouth been enough bloodshed in Iraq for several wars. Bush and in the same week." Cheney will be spinning like Rumpelstiltskin, about al-Malaki's flexing his muscles. Meanwhile, Moqtada al-Sadr comes out of it still holding Basra, Sadr City, and probably most of Southern Wonkette describes Pelosi's history of statements about the Iraq. He emerges from it as a proven Military and Political force. election as a journey from "Pelosi is just another Obama freak And he is likely headed to the winner's circle in the elections due riding the Hope Express all the way to President McCain's inauguration day" to "In other words, she is totally gay for in October." Hillary Clinton. Right?" In conclusion? "What a tease." "Any illusion that Iraq is near political reconciliation has also been shattered. The Western media division of Iraqis into merely Jules Crittenden sees a pattern to Pelosi's logic: "Let the election play itself out, as long as everyone gets behind one three sects—Shiite, Sunni, and Kurd—is obviously wrong, as candidate long before the election. There's some Moebius logic there is substantial discord within those groups," observes James Joyner at Outside the Beltway. "It's difficult to imagine that six in there. It's kind of like supporting the troops, while cutting all days of killing one another is going to lessen that in the near support for them." term." And Strata-Sphere's AJ Strata follows the money: "Must be in response to democrat top donors threatening the purse strings if At the Seminal, Washingtonian Jason Rosenbaum suggests integrating Sadr into the official power structure: "The way she did not stay out of the fight. Seems the power is still in the forward, as it has always been, is to bring Al-Sadr into the purse - all those hidden purses who yank the chains of the government. Declaring offensives on his followers - thugs and "public servant". Now it is clear who runs Washington, as if criminals though they may be - isn't going to work, and going there ever was any doubt." back on our agreements is only going to breed more distrust. Given our history, I wouldn't hold out too much hope for this Read more about Pelosi's comments. truce, but perhaps those ruling Iraq will finally prove me wrong."

Many bloggers gravitate toward the fact Iran brokered the peace, citing a McClatchy piece by Leila Fadel. Conservative Jules today's blogs Crittenden takes the trip to Qom as final proof the Iranians are Sadr Says deeply involved in Iraq's internal affairs. "Persians, By Sonia Smith magnanimous, agree to call off their Shiite militias. I guess this Monday, March 31, 2008, at 6:09 PM ET means we don't have to use 'alleged' or 'U.S. accuses Iran of involvement' or any other qualifiers anymore. Apparently the mullahs are calling the shots." Bloggers are parsing the significance of Muqtada Sadr's cease- fire in Basra and pondering the rise of abstinence clubs in the Ivy League. Declaring that Bush's influence in Iraq is waning, at Informed Comment, University of Michigan history prof Juan Cole sees

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 105/124 an ascendant Iran. "The entire episode underlines how powerful Slate's Melinda Henneberger, writing at XX Factor tweaks the Iran has become in Iraq. The Iranian government had called on New York Times: "It was in many ways right off-the-rack," she Saturday for the fighting to stop. And by Sunday evening it had critiques. "Not all young people who are virgins on purpose are negotiated at least a similar call from Sadr." dum-dum religious nuts. Some of them—brace yourselves— have even infiltrated Harvard. And have complicated Read more about Sadr and Basra. philosophical reasons for this lifestyle choice. Too complicated, in fact, even to take a stab at explaining. But don't sweat it, Ivy abstinence:A New York Times Magazine article on Ivy because underneath—who would have guessed?—they're League chastity clubs profiles Harvard junior Janie Fredell, who religious nuts, too!" And moderate law professor Ann Althouse scolds the New York Times for its Ivy tunnel vision. "Does was fed up with her school's "all encompassing hook-up celibacy require a social club? Does a celibacy club deserve a culture." Fredell is a member of True Love Revolution, a secular lengthy NYT Magazine article? Don't be silly! It's a celibacy group that uses science and philosophy to promote abstinence. In club at Harvard. That's what makes it newsworthy in the article, Fredell dubs herself an "unconventional feminist," as, she says, "conventional feminists" believe in "the freedom to NYTworld. 'Harvard' is named 22 times in this article." have sex without consequences." Read more about True Love Revolution. "The problem for these privileged kids is that they succeed in investing way too much focus and power on sex by making it a platform to display the perceived sanctity of their moral compass and personal virtue. Being a virgin doesn't mean you're a good person, it only means that you're not a person who has sex," today's blogs snaps Canadian feminist Medbh at Dante and the Lobster. Dean Screams Liberal Kim takes issue with Janie Fredell's conception of By Bidisha Banerjee feminism at Don't You Evah. "You don't have to be asexual to Friday, March 28, 2008, at 6:17 PM ET be a strong woman. Abstaining from sex does NOT mean 'Women Reclaim Self-Respect.' That logic is just off. What, any woman who has sex doesn't hold herself in high regard? Another Bloggers respond to Howard Dean's call to superdelegates to issue is how having any sex at all suddenly means you are make up their minds. They are underwhelmed by a Dutch promiscuous. Guess what? It is possible to satisfy your desires politician's much-hyped anti-Islamist video but overwhelmed by without being an egomaniac or self-hating doormat," she writes. Carla Bruni's visit to Britain.

At What Would Phoebe Do, Phoebe Maltz is unimpressed with Dean screams: Democratic National Committee Chairman Fredell's commitment because of her youth. "Too much is made Howard Dean is urging neutral superdelegates to choose a of the 'choice' to be virgins made by people who aren't even that candidate so that the nomination could be settled by July 1 at the old, and probably haven't met someone they wanted to have sex latest. with yet. We all had that freshman-year dorm-mate who 'didn't drink,' who went on to spend the whole of spring term hungover. "[Dean] is blocking Clinton's NDonly remaining path to the Or the avowedly chaste who meet someone they like senior year nomination, which is to wait for Obama to self-destruct," and, what the hell." explains DHinMi, a DailyKos diarist. "This is leadership from Howard Dean. I wish he had demonstrated more on Florida and Religious conservatives are pleased to see such clubs popping up Michigan, but his leadership on this is welcome," writes Big at elite liberal institutions. At Christian Reformed Campus Tent Democrat on TalkLeft. Ministries at UWO, University of Western Ontario blogger Mike Wagenman applauds the existence of True Love "I'm thinking more and more to sit this one out...at this point I Revolution. The article "seems to lay out the case for abstinence don't think my vote will count. This is being decided by the before marriage. It's weak people who are promiscuous. Strong leaders of the party NOT the voters," fumes commenter people respect themselves, others, and God with their bodies." "lochnessmonster" on the Swamp, the blog of the Tribune Co.'s Washington bureau. And Talking Points Memo's Josh Marshall While Savannah-based Christian writer Harrison Scott Key, at underscores the "trickle of comments -- often only noted in local Worldmagblog, supports the abstinence message, he thinks the papers -- from Clinton super-delegates who are maintaining their group's secular nature will hurt it. "Her group's arguments are support for Hillary but also saying that that support either may or powerful with the university audience, but if her propositions are will change if Obama wins the majority of the pledged founded on secular ideologies, they will ultimately fail. Here's to delegates." hoping there's more to these groups than the cracked and weary discourse of the body, of oppression, of feminism. If so, kudos."

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 106/124 Is the deadline too early or too late? "July 1???? Why is there a Brouwer, an expat in Beirut, makes another pointed critique: "A need to wait until then? The absolute latest date for the Muslim expert made an interesting comment yesterday on Dutch superdelegates to decide should be June 4, the day after the final TV by saying that Wilders has copied the exact style of the Al primaries in SD and MT. But even that isn't necessary. The last Quaeda recruiting tapes, as these tapes have a similar mix of 'super Tuesday' is May 6 (IN and NC). By May 7, everyone violent images and references to the Koran." should be able to put this thing to rest," comments Dan on Marc Ambinder's blog. Irish Trojan in Tennessee Brendan Loy Read more about Fitna. downplays the date and supports a superdelegate superconvention: "[I]f Hillary publicly buys into the concept Carla conquers Britain: This week, Carla Bruni accompanied (even if kicking and screaming), then it will have the potential of French President Nicholas Sarkozy to Britain on her first state producing some actual closure to the race, as opposed to the visit as first lady. The British press gushed over Bruni's style, anticlimactic June trickle of superdelegate endorsements that comparing her to Jackie Onassis and Princess Diana. Dean seems to envision." "The tone for the coverage was set early when, the day before Read more about Dean's deadline. France's first couple's visit, Christie's announced it was putting nude photos of Ms. Bruni up for auction. The tabloid Daily Mail Fit for Fitna: On Thursday, nativist Dutch politician Geert and even the ostensibly more respectable Telegraph wasted no Wilders launched his 15 minute anti-Quran film Fitna, which time in serving the public interest by publishing one of the juxtaposes verses from the Quran with images of recent photos (find them yourself, folks). " assert the editors of Foreign violence, on Live Leak. This aftertoon, Live Leak took the video Policy on their blog Passport. down, citing "threats to our staff of a very serious nature." Never mind the nude photos. Allsteim, who provides a detailed Many in the conservative blogosphere are happily embedding wardrobe analysis, salutes Bruni's decision to wear Dior: "It was the video. "Apparently Google still had it up and I was able to a diplomatic fashion choice since Dior is a revered French get an English Copy. This video needs to go viral…which it has. couture house, which is designed by the legendary Englishman But we all need to post it. A point is being made that the John Galliano." Muslims who get upset need to understand. Freedom of speech is paramount to freedom itself," pontificates Pierre Legrand's "[P]eople forget she is posh totty if ever there was. The daughter Pink Flamingo Bar. "Wilders also deserves a lot of credit for of a wealthy Italian industrialist, she's hobnobbed with high- focussing heavily on gays, and the fate that would be theirs if rollers her whole life," observes Second Cherry, an 'over-40s Islam ever took over the Netherlands. If this movie manages to babe.' "She's also fulfilling a media role that's been left vacant a win over Leftists in Europe, it would have done a great deal," long time. The world has been looking for a style icon since comments InfidelPride on JihadWatch. Diana snuffed it and maybe they've found it in Bruni."

But critics of Wilders' approach abound. "While Michelle Read more about Bruni. [Malkin] and Co. are all up in arms supporting Geert's freedom of speech, he is there asking for the Koran to be banned, therefore stifling everybody's freedom of speech," reflects the liberal law student behind Cowardly Political Musings.

"[W]ilders isn't actually serious about challenging Islamism," today's papers yawns Ali Eteraz, an American Muslim writer. "If Wilders How To Lose a Fight in Five Days really wanted to expose Islamism — the entire legacy of 20th By Daniel Politi century ideological Islam — he would start with how the French Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:23 AM ET Suez Canal Company funded the Muslim Brotherhood's first mosque….Or Wilders could have expressed some outrage over The New York Times leads with a look at what went wrong in the the drafters of the new Iraqi constitution — drafted in Iraqi government's offensive on Basra. It all apparently comes consultation with Western lawyers — which makes Sharia the down to a question of planning, which was at least partly due to law of the land (a fact bemoaned by Iraqi feminists)." Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki's failure to understand the full strength of the militias, as he was convinced the assault would Wilders' production values are also being scrutinized. "[I]f I'm be a success. Ambassador Ryan Crocker tells the paper that he going to get a death sentence on my head, I at least want to be first learned of the operation on March 21 and insists U.S. able to hold that head high for a job well done. This film was not officials thought it would involve a long-term strategy to slowly well done, it's standard youtube fare," scoffs A Dime a Dozen root out militias from the area. USA Today leads an interview Blog's graphic designer Robert Jago. Lebanon Update's Riemer with Crocker, who says the offensive "had its share of problems"

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 107/124 and estimates that the United States had only about 48 hours' foreclosures, notes the LAT. Passing it without this provision notice before the operation began. Overall, though, Crocker, "amounts to dancing around a fire when Congress is supposed to who is set to testify before Congress next week, insists the be putting it out," the president of the Leadership Conference on situation in Iraq has improved and says he expects the "political Civil Rights said. The WP points out that Democrats "will and economic progress" to continue. almost certainly" try to reinsert the bankruptcy provision as an amendment. The Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, and the Wall Street Journal's world-wide newsbox lead with Senate leaders agreeing Under a huge picture of President Bush walking with the on a bipartisan plan to help the housing market. The package president of Romania near a beautiful lake (swan included!), the would cost approximately $15 billion over the next 10 years and NYT points out that "for a man who came into office as the involves a little give-and-take on both sides, as it's clear that nation's first M.B.A. president," he has "sometimes seemed lawmakers are facing intense pressure to get something passed. invisible during the housing and credit crunch." Yesterday was The WP is most blunt in stating up high that the measure another clear example of this because Bush was discussing provides billions for "the slumping home-building industry NATO membership while the Senate rushed out its bipartisan while offering little to homeowners threatened with foreclosure." plan. Allowing others in the administration to discuss the issue The plan would provide $6 billion in tax breaks for home could be a good idea considering his low approval ratings. But builders, tax breaks for those who purchase foreclosed some Republicans worry that if Bush continues this way, most properties, grants for cities to buy foreclosed properties, $100 will simply remember how he was surprised to hear about $4-a- million for counseling, and a new deduction on property taxes, gallon gasoline, and he will end his tenure appearing out of among other measures. touch with the concerns of regular citizens.

When Maliki launched the full-scale assault in Basra, "nothing The WP and WSJ front news that Federal Reserve Chairman Ben was in place from our side," Crocker said. Apparently U.S. and Bernanke finally said the R-word before Congress yesterday. "A Iraqi officials were developing a plan that would involve a slow recession is possible," Bernanke said. Although Fed leaders buildup of troops followed by strategic attacks against militias. usually avoid using the word, many analysts praised Bernanke Gen. David Petraeus even warned Maliki that acting too quickly for being more honest, even if he was saying something that could reverse recent gains. But Maliki seemed determined to everyone already knew. "This testimony says that the Fed isn't in have a triumphant moment and, displaying his very impulsive denial anymore," an economist said. nature, decided to send his troops into the city of Basra even before all the Iraqi reinforcements had arrived. U.S. forces then The NYT and LAT front the latest from Zimbabwe, where had to quickly get organized in order to come to the aid of the election officials announced that President Robert Mugabe's Iraqi troops. On the upside, the move did show that Iraqi troops party had lost control of parliament. And now it seems virtually have the ability to mobilize quickly. certain that there will be a runoff between Mugabe and Morgan Tsvangirai. The LAT notes that an initial pronouncement from In a Page One article, the LAT tries to figure out how the Iraqi opposition leaders who said Tsvangirai had received more than security forces performed during the fighting, which is 50 percent of the vote, which the NYT cites, was actually due to something lawmakers will undoubtedly ask Petraeus next week. an "embarrassing math mistake." In fact, the opposition's own There is no clear answer, although most seem to agree that the figures show Tsvangirai didn't quite reach the 50 percent Iraqi forces did relatively well overall, even as the fighting threshold. Both papers note that there's growing fear that a revealed they continue to be plagued with logistical and runoff will lead to widespread violence that was all too common command problems. "There were pockets of excellence, but in previous campaigns. there was no synchronized excellence," a U.S. Army official said. The biggest shortcomings seemed to come from the In the WSJ's op-ed page, Richard Bond, a former chairman of the national police, who often are not trained in urban warfare. Republican National Committee, says Senate Majority Leader Although there are no official figures, there are reports that a Harry Reid has the power to end the Obama-Clinton fight if he's large number of police officers deserted or worked with militias willing to put his own interests aside for the good of the country during the fighting. "Police work where they live and are and his party. Reid would have to agree to step down and offer inherently influenced by the politics of their community," said a the role of Senate leader to Clinton. Bond thinks that "only the Western security official, who estimates there was a more than proffer of this consolation prize would likely persuade Mrs. 50 percent desertion rate in Mahdi Army strongholds. Clinton" to drop out. Meanwhile, USAT says many Democratic insiders see North Carolina's primary on May 6 as Clinton's last Senators came under much criticism yesterday for removing the chance to improve her standing or face even more calls for her provision from the housing legislation that would have allowed withdrawal from the contest. bankruptcy judges to modify the terms of mortgages. Some estimate this change could prevent as many as 600,000

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 108/124 The NYT breaks word that rapper Jay-Z is close to reaching a Legal scholars competed with each other to come $150 million deal with concert promoter Live Nation. The paper up with the strongest possible denunciation of the says the deal "rivals the biggest music contracts ever awarded" memo. "This is a monument to executive and notes that it could be a sign of what is to come as the music supremacy and the imperial presidency," one told industry deals with the constant decline of album sales. The the NYT, which also fronted the story. But the Post contract would give Live Nation a stake in virtually every aspect got an e-mail from Yoo himself, now a law of Jay-Z's career for the next 10 years, and the WSJ suggests that professor, who said: "Far from inventing some these side deals with the ever-enterprising artist are the real draw novel interpretation of the Constitution … our legal for Live Nation rather than his concerts. "I've turned into the advice to the President, in fact, was near Rolling Stones of hip-hop," Jay-Z said. boilerplate." The Post also helpfully posts PDFs of the memo, in two parts, so you can be appalled yourself. today's papers Senators have just gotten back from a two-week recess, and apparently they heard from Yoo Said It constituents who aren't happy the government By Joshua Kucera bailed out investment bank Bear Sterns without Wednesday, April 2, 2008, at 5:46 AM ET doing anything to help ordinary homeowners hit by the country's economic crisis. "Everyone was home The Washington Post leads with the release of a for a couple of weeks, and if they heard what I notorious 2003 Justice Department memo that heard in Florida, I think that they realize this is a argued that military interrogators didn't have to serious, serious problem," said Florida's Republican follow the law because they were defending the Sen. Mel Martinez, as quoted in the LAT, which off- country. The New York Times leads with Senate leads the story. leaders vowing to bring bipartisan legislation to help homeowners at risk of foreclosure, a story Lawmakers still haven't finalized the details of the that also tops the Wall Street Journal's world-wide bipartisan housing bill, but the papers say its newsbox. The Los Angeles Times leads with the provisions are likely to include money to issue federal government saying it will waive a variety of bonds to refinance subprime loans, funding for environmental regulations to ease construction of a counseling programs for at-risk homeowners, and fence between the United States and Mexico. USA requirements for lenders to give more information Today leads with Federal Aviation Administration to homebuyers. It would leave out a controversial whistleblowers saying that top FAA officials are too provision of a Democratic-backed bill, the ability of cozy with airlines and block enforcement of safety bankruptcy judges to modify home loan terms. The rules. bill could be ready as early as this afternoon, the NYT says. The interrogation memo, written by John Yoo, then the second-ranking official at the Office of Legal The Department of Homeland Security and its Counsel, put forward a "national and international head, Michael Chertoff, apparently got tired of version of the right to self-defense." The existence dealing with all the regulations that the border of the memo has been known for a long time, but fence was up against. It had already prepared draft it was released only yesterday. environmental impact assessments as required by law, and "environmental groups said they were According to the memo: "If a government awaiting the final reports when Chertoff made the defendant were to harm an enemy combatant announcement." during an interrogation in a manner that might arguably violate a criminal prohibition, he would be "It's surprising how cursory their reviews have doing so in order to prevent further attacks on the been," said Kim Delfino, director of the California United States by the al Qaeda terrorist network. … branch of Defenders of Wildlife. "There's a lot of In that case, we believe that he could argue that boilerplate and analysis shifted from one document the executive branch's constitutional authority to to another. It's kind of like they were going protect the nation from attack justified his actions." through the motions." With the new waivers, DHS

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 109/124 hopes to finish the 670-mile project by the end of in an Islamic society would be very comfortable," the year. one Mormon tells the paper.

Zimbabwe's longtime dictator Robert Mugabe appeared to be losing control of his country, as initial results from Saturday's presidential election show an opposition candidate winning, and there today's papers are apparently talks underway for a peaceful Food 911 handover of power. Both the NYT and the Post put By Daniel Politi the story on the front page. Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 6:01 AM ET

Both the WSJ and Post find bad news for John The Los Angeles Times leads with a follow-up to the World McCain as he runs for president in a struggling Food Program's recent emergency appeal for more money and economy. One of his top advisers, Phil Gramm, led takes a look at how the worldwide phenomenon of rising food the deregulation of the banking and financial prices is leading to more hunger and food shortages. The WFP services industry as a senator in the 1990s and is director calls it "a perfect storm" because not only does it cost now a vice chairman of a bank wrapped up in the much more for the agency to continue its current programs, but subprime mortgage crisis. Another adviser is Carly the number of people who need help is continuously increasing. Fiorina, the former CEO of Hewlett-Packard, who The New York Times leads with a lawsuit that claims insurance was publicly ousted by the company's board. The companies are costing the Social Security system millions of Post asks if these people are good for McCain to be dollars every year by forcing people who file disability claims with them to also apply for money from the federal program tied to publicly. "I, for one, have thought about it a even if it's clear that they'll be denied. These insurers often force lot," one McCain adviser answered. "And that's all I claimants to appeal the denial, thus costing more money and will say." delaying benefits for people who really need the government program. The Journal, meanwhile, finds that business groups that are traditionally Republican-friendly are The Wall Street Journal leads its world-wide newsbox with a donating more to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama look at how the offensive in Basra weakened Prime Minister than to McCain. One reason is that McCain has Nouri al-Maliki and increased the power of cleric Muqtada Sadr. annoyed many business leaders with his vaunted Iraq was quieter yesterday after most of Sadr's supporters appear "maverick" approach; another is that people don't to have complied with the cleric's call for a cease-fire. The expect him to win. Corporations have been Washington Post and USA Today lead with the resignation of "moving in a direction where the electorate is likely Housing Secretary Alphonso Jackson. USAT points out that it's to be," a Democratic analyst said. the first time in Bush's tenure that a member of his Cabinet has resigned amid a criminal investigation. The WP characterizes it Also in the papers … Intelligence centers as a clear blow to the administration, particularly since he's operated by states have more personal data on leaving in the middle of the mortgage crisis. Democrats had called for his ouster because Jackson is the subject of multiple you than you probably were aware of, the Post investigations for charges that he improperly used his position to finds. Also in the Post, South Dakota is going to try hand contracts to friends. Jackson, one of the few remaining another abortion ban referendum. The United officials in the Bush administration who followed the president Kingdom is showing a stiff upper lip and putting its from Texas in 2001, announced he would be leaving on April troop drawdown in Basra on hold in light of 18. increased violence there, the NYT says. A House committee dabbled in the online world of Second Besides feeding people in places like Sudan, where many rely Life, with predictably cringe-worthy results, the exclusively on aid, WFP officials are particularly concerned Post reports. The LAT says the Olympic torch is set about what they say is a new category of needy people who to make its only appearance in the United States could once afford to eat but for whom rising prices have turned next week, in San Francisco, and the Chinese are the most basic of necessities into somewhat of a luxury. These probably thinking twice about choosing a city with are mostly people who live in urban areas and are at the mercy such a high per-capita number of angry activists. of market prices. Several countries have already experienced Mormons and Muslims are finding that they have a food riots, and officials expect more to come. Meanwhile, the lot in common, the LAT reports. "A Mormon living LAT does a good job of explaining how growing hunger can

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 110/124 quickly reverse years of progress in developing countries by if you can hold for a few years, we've got a really great plan to worsening overall health and decreasing education levels. restructure the federal emergency response system.' "

Insurers who pay out long-term disability insurance want If you fall victim to a prank today, don't worry, it probably claimants to try to get Social Security benefits because it would means people like you. The NYT points out anthropologists have cut down on the amount of money the private company would found that practical jokes, like the ones many will be victims of have to pay out every month. The problem is that the during April Fools' Day, are a common way to welcome government program defines disability much more stringently someone into a group. "It can be a kind of flattery, if you're than private companies and usually doesn't pay out money unless being brought in," a sociologist tells the paper. Plus, it could be the person can't do any job at all. But everyone still has the right good for you. "The feeling of 'I should have known better' is the to apply for Social Security benefits and each case must be sort of counterfactual that serves to highlight your own investigated, which is why even the ones that are obvious denials shortcomings," a psychologist explains. "These counterfactual cost time and money for an already-strapped system. These costs insights can kick-start new behaviors, new self-exploration and, are then multiplied when insurers force claimants to appeal a ultimately, self-improvement." denial again and again.

The WSJ talks to U.S. officials who say Maliki also lost a significant amount of support because there's a widespread perception among Iraqi people that he ordered the strikes in today's papers Basra to improve his political standing before the October elections. But now Maliki looks weaker than ever, and Sadr has Best-Laid Plans By Daniel Politi seldom looked stronger. An expert in Shiite politics tells the WSJ this will end up being a "defining moment for Iraq" because it Monday, March 31, 2008, at 6:32 AM ET will mark "the birth of Sadrist power." Meanwhile, McClatchy is reporting that the Iranian general who helped Iraqi generals The New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, and negotiate the cease-fire deal with Sadr is on the U.S. terrorist the Wall Street Journal's world-wide newsbox all lead with watch list."Iran showed that they could mediate this cease-fire Shiite cleric Muqtada Sadr calling on his followers to put down while the U.S. has shown very little influence," a Middle East their weapons and bring to an end six days of clashes with Iraqi expert said. and U.S. forces. In exchange, Sadr demanded that the Iraqi government stop "illegal and haphazard raids," and free his All the papers front or reefer a look at how the plan by Treasury followers who are now imprisoned but haven't been convicted of Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. to overhaul the financial any crimes. Sadr also demanded the government help bring back regulatory system, which was officially unveiled yesterday, was "the displaced people who have fled their homes as a result of immediately criticized by a variety of lawmakers and interest military operations." The LAT says the six days of fighting have groups. The plan calls for streamlining the agencies that oversee killed more than 350 people. the financial system, but no one really thinks it has much of a chance of passing, because it's simply too complicated and USA Today leads with word that the Transportation Security involves too many moving pieces. The Post points out that the Administration will begin testing a more serene screening plan calls for the revamping or elimination of some longtime process at one airport in the hopes that it will improve security. Washington institutions, which is never easy to do. The LAT Here's a preview: "Mauve lights glow softly, soothing music quotes an expert who says Paulson is merely "taking advantage hums, and smiling employees offer quiet greetings and of the current crisis to push a regulatory restructuring plan that assistance." TSA officials think it will be easier to catch would otherwise attract no interest." suspicious passengers if security checkpoints are no longer synonymous with stress. In a chaotic atmosphere, screeners Paulson warned that "those who want to quickly label the could subconsciously feel the need to rush. "Chaos gives blueprint as advocating more or less regulation are camouflage," the TSA administrator explained. oversimplifying." And indeed, the NYT notes that the plan "features both regulatory and deregulatory elements." Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki called Sadr's statement "a step in Regardless, Democratic lawmakers said they simply don't have the right direction," though it's unclear whether the government time for such huge overhauls when they have to deal with the is willing to meet his demands. Also, no one knows whether current crisis. "This is a wild pitch. It is not even close to the many of his followers will listen and actually drop their weapons strike zone," Sen. Christopher Dodd said. The Consumer since his movement is hardly unified and many have divided Federation of America was more blunt: "Rolling out this plan in into separate militias. Regardless, everyone reports that even the middle of the current crisis is like telling Hurricane Katrina though violence continued after Sadr's announcement, it seemed victims stranded on their rooftops in New Orleans, 'Don't worry,

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 111/124 as though it had decreased in several key areas. "Some laid down across the country as many speculated that it was giving the their arms while others kept fighting," the Post summarizes. government an opportunity to rig the results.

The NYT, WP, and USAT point out that Maliki allies traveled to The LAT fronts, and everybody else reefers, the death of Dith Iran in order to negotiate with Sadr. USAT focuses its Page One Pran, the Cambodian-born journalist whose amazing story of story on the Iran angle and says the agreement was brokered by survival in the brutal Khmer Rouge regime served as the basis the commander of the Quds brigades of Iran's Revolutionary for the 1984 movie The Killing Fields. He was 65 and died of Guard Corps. "The government proved once again that Iran is a pancreatic cancer. Dith helped Sydney Schanberg, the NYT central player in Iraq," a political analyst tells USAT. journalist who covered the rise of the Khmer Rouge, make sense of Cambodia. When Schanberg was forced to get out of How much the violence will decrease in the coming days still Cambodia, he had to leave Dith behind. Nothing was heard from needs to be seen, but the NYT and LAT both note that if there's him for years, and he was presumed dead. But more than four one single loser from the six days of clashes it's Maliki, who years later, Dith managed to escape and moved to New York, clearly underestimated the strength of the militias. The prime where he became a photographer for the NYT. minister made a big deal of emphasizing that he was overseeing the operation in Basra and vowed to stay in the area until the USAT reports that a new survey reveals traditional dog names militias were defeated. "If anyone comes out a winner, it's Sadr," are falling out of favor, and more people are choosing to give a Middle East expert tells the LAT. "He's coming out stronger, their four-legged friends names that are usually associated with and Maliki looks like a lame duck." The WP points out that Sadr humans. Still, it seems some traditions are hard to shake since appears "more politically astute" than he was a few years ago Buddy continues to be among the top names for male dogs. because he seems to realize that his chances of winning big in Other top choices include Max and Rocky for males, while the upcoming provincial elections would markedly improve if he Bella, Molly, and Lucy head the list for females. "It's a reflection can claim credit for helping end the current bout of violence. of the position that pets hold in a household," an expert in dog history tells the paper. "They are integral members of the family, Early-morning wire stories report that the Green Zone was once just like a child." again pounded by rocket and mortar attacks today.

The WSJ goes inside with word that Housing and Urban Development Secretary Alphonso Jackson will resign this morning. The move is a blow to the Bush administration since today's papers Jackson has been a key player in its efforts to deal with the Bogged Down in Basra housing crisis. But Jackson has faced intense criticism By Ben Whitford throughout his tenure, and many critics have pointed to his Sunday, March 30, 2008, at 5:18 AM ET failures at handling public housing after Hurricane Katrina. Most recently, Jackson has been under investigation for charges that he gave out lucrative contracts to friends. The New York Times leads with with a report on violence in Basra, where Shiite militiamen continued to frustrate the Iraqi government's efforts to wrest back control of the city; U.S. The WSJ fronts a look at how a number of figures in the troops also clashed with insurgents in Baghdad, prompting fears Democratic Party are throwing their support to Sen. Barack that the tension could flare into a wider conflict. The Washington Obama in an effort to get Sen. Hillary Clinton to drop out of the Post eyes the Treasury Department's plans to rewrite America's race. The paper gets word that Sen. Amy Klobuchar of financial rule-book; lawmakers and regulators said the revamp Minnesota will endorse Obama today. In addition, the seven was unlikely to jolt the U.S. economy out of its current funk. Democratic House members from North Carolina are all The LA Times leads with a look at the Democratic district expected to endorse Obama as a group before the state's May 6 conventions now underway in Texas, where tensions are running primary. Although calls for Clinton to get out of the race high as supporters of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama jockey continue to get louder, the WSJ points out that "no Democrat for position. today has the power to knock heads and resolve the mess." Despite the presence of 30,000 police and government troops, Everyone notes that Zimbabwe's main opposition party claimed Mahdi army militiamen yesterday retained control of broad victory after presidential and parliamentary elections, which swathes of Basra, repeatedly launching attacks on government would mark an end to President Robert Mugabe's 28 years in positions before vanishing into alleyways and slums. The NYT power. But these claims were based on unofficial vote counts at reports that violence also spread north to Shiite districts of each polling station while the nation's election commission Baghdad, prompting fears of a wider breakdown of the ceasefire released almost no results. The delay led to growing tension called by the Mahdi Army's founder, Shiite cleric Muqtada al-

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 112/124 Sadr. The Post reports that the U.S. military provided ground percent is widely believed to be an underestimate—the Post says and air support to Iraqi government forces in Basra, and killed a stolen result could tip the country into chaos. "If Mugabe wins, dozens of Shiite insurgents during clashes in Baghdad. there will be civil war," said one opposition supporter.

The LAT fronts a piece framing the battle for Basra as a power Both the NYT and the Post cover Condoleezza Rice's calls for struggle between the Mahdi army and the Islamic Supreme Israeli and Palestinian negotiators to cooperate on security in the Council of Iraq, the national government's largest Shiite faction; West Bank; the move, which came as Rice began a trip to the the NYT likewise notes that the government assault may be Middle East, was intended to jump-start three-pronged intended, at least in part, to tarnish the Mahdi army's reputation negotiations between Israel, Hamas and the Palestinian ahead of coming provincial elections. On the NYT's op-ed page, Authority. Anthony Cordesman makes a similar point, warning that the United States should be cautious about too readily endorsing the Colombian officials say computer files captured in a central government's attack on the Sadr movement. The U.S. controversial cross-border raid show that the Venezuelan presidential hopefuls also joined the debate; John McCain said government has been attempting to arm Colombia's leftist the Basra assault was a sign of the Iraqi government's strength, guerrillas. The NYT says the files, currently being examined by while Barack Obama argued that it highlighted the Bush Interpol, suggest that Venezuela's intelligence chief offered to administration's failure to resolve Iraq's lingering political mediate between Colombia's FARC rebels and a Panamanian tensions. arms dealer, and that the group asked Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez for a quarter-billion-dollar loan "to be paid when Back home, the backlash has begun against the Treasury we take power." Chávez mocked the reports, saying the files had Department's proposed overhaul of America's decades-old been forged. "This computer is like à la carte service, giving you financial regulatory apparatus; the Post reports that the revamp whatever you want," Chávez said. "You want steak? Or fried will take years to implement and will have little impact on the fish? How would you like it prepared? You'll get it however the current credit crunch. And while the move would allow the empire decides." Federal Reserve to send SWAT teams into industry sectors or institutions that threatened the stability of the overall financial system, the NYT notes that the fine print makes it clear that the government would do virtually nothing to regulate many of the financial products that precipitated the current crisis. In an today's papers editorial, the NYT says it's hard to have confidence in the reforms, given the Bush administration's "disastrous" track No More Alphabet Soup record. By David Sessions Saturday, March 29, 2008, at 6:10 AM ET Hillary Clinton earns space on the Post's front page by declaring her intention to stay in the presidential race until the end of the The New York Times and the Los Angeles Times lead with a primary season and perhaps even until the Democratic National Treasury Department plan to grant broad new market-stabilizing Convention in August; she said she wouldn't consider bowing powers to the Federal Reserve. The plan is part of a larger out until the spat over Michigan and Florida's invalid primaries attempt to simplify the nation's "alphabet soup" of financial was resolved. The NYT runs a similar story inside, eying regulatory agencies. The Washington Post fronts that story but Clinton's efforts to woo Indiana voters ahead of the state's leads with another Bush administration proposal—a plan to bail primary on May 6. Clinton's pledge came as Texas Democrats out homeowners struggling to pay their mortgages after the bickered over the state's delegates; the LAT reports that values of their homes have dramatically decreased. The proposal infighting could cause the Democratic Party lasting damage at encourages lenders to let homeowners refinance their property the state and local level. Barack Obama, meanwhile, says he has for a more affordable rate, forgiving a portion of their debt in no problem with Clinton staying in the race; the Post's editorial exchange for financial backing from the federal government. board agrees, arguing that "polite political combat" will only The Wall Street Journal tops its world-wide newsbox with U.S. strengthen the eventual Democratic nominee. forces' launching of airstrikes in Basra, Iraq, as Iraqi forces faced a strong resistance from Shiite militias. Zimbabweans went to the polls yesterday, but many feared that whichever way they voted, President Robert Mugabe would The Treasury Department's proposal comes after a year of study retain his 28-year grip on power. The NYT reports that voter rolls by Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson, the LAT reports, and are absurdly swollen with the names of fabricated or deceased would overhaul a system built piece-by-piece over the past voters; even Ian Smith, the white prime minister who led the century and a half. The plan, which requires detailed approval by country when it was still Rhodesia, is on the lists. Still, with the Congress, would consolidate the current jumble of regulatory economy in utter collapse—the official inflation rate of 100,000 agencies—including the Securities and Exchange Commission—

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 113/124 into three overseeing institutions. The NYT predicts Democrats' Spring brings baseball to LAT's Column One, which observes the response, saying they'll likely complain that it does not go far early rehearsals of the Florida Marlins' new plus-sized male enough toward limiting the activities that caused the current cheer team, the Manatees. The Miami-based team's latest financial crisis. An LAT quote from one prominent Democrat, attempt at fighting perennial low-attendance, the Manatees New York Sen. Chuck Schumer, confirms that premonition: weigh in from 225 to 435 pounds, and most of them still can't Schumer says that Democrats agree with "large parts" of the dance after weeks of practices. Or maybe they're too busy proposal in "broad outlines" but that it does not address "the full making hot dog jokes and staring at the team's more traditional spectrum of complex new financial securities." Both the WP and cheerleaders—the Mermaids—to remember the steps. The LAT's the LAT credit the NYT for breaking the story on its Web site late humorous, understandably skeptical account is perhaps best Friday. captured by the response of one Manatee's 8-year-old daughter: "Oh, daddy, no!" The WP leads with a second Bush administration proposal addressing the credit crunch—a plan to rescue homeowners who Elsewhere in the lighthearted Saturday copy, a WP op-ed face foreclosure because falling prices mean they now owe far belatedly debunks Sen. Hillary Clinton's "3 a.m. Phone Call" ad more than their homes are worth. Details are still being finalized, by providing a history of presidential slumber. The experts— but the administration has revealed that the plan resembles one including Henry Kissinger—say they can't remember any proposed two weeks ago by Democratic Rep. Barney Frank decisions that had to be made in the middle of the night, and (legislation the WSJ says has "little hope of passing in its current even when presidents are woken, they can usually take the report form"). Under the proposal, the Federal Housing Authority and go back to sleep. "After all, if it's the end of the world, would urge lenders "to forgive a portion of those loans and issue there's nothing the president can do about it. If it isn't, it can new, smaller mortgages in exchange for the financial backing of almost always wait till breakfast." the federal government." If successful, the Post explains, the plan would mark the first time the White House has committed federal funds to assist individual borrowers.

The NYT, WP, and LAT all front Sen. Patrick Leahy's call for today's papers Sen. Hillary Clinton to drop out of Democratic race for president Swimming With the Sharks and avert a bloody nomination battle with Sen. Barack Obama. By Daniel Politi The NYT serves up Sen. Clinton's behind-closed-doors analysis—she told Democratic allies that she is the girl being Friday, March 28, 2008, at 6:00 AM ET "bullied out" of the race by the rough boys. Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean set out to calm The Los Angeles Times, New York Times, and the Wall Street "increasingly anxious" Democrats, the WP reports, by taking a Journal's world-wide newsbox lead with the latest from Iraq, television tour and setting a "target date" of July 1 for finalizing where tens of thousands took to the streets in Baghdad to protest the party's nomination. (Dean was suspiciously short on details against the crackdown on Shiite militias that is being overseen as to how the "target date" will be met.) The LAT explains the by Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. At least 125 people have "growing anxiety" in the party as Sen. Clinton reaping what she been killed, but the Iraqi security forces seem no closer to sowed—a self-focused, "complex and difficult" relationship with getting rid of the militias in Basra than when the offensive began fellow Democrats that is coming back to haunt her candidacy. on Tuesday. The Green Zone was once again pounded by rocket Clinton hopes to right her campaign with victories in and mortar attacks, which yesterday killed another American Pennsylvania, where she enjoys a comfortable lead in the polls. contract worker. The government imposed a curfew in Baghdad after explosions rocked the capital throughout the day and U.S. forces launched airstrikes in Basra in the midst of heavy violence continued to rage in several cities. The WSJ highlights fighting between U.S. and Iraqi soldiers and Shiite militiamen, that a bomb was placed under an oil pipeline near Basra, which according to the WSJ's world-wide newsbox. The NYT reports officials said could affect shipments and increase prices. In a that the campaign was initially handled by Iraqi security forces, Page One story, the WSJ highlights that the increasing violence who asked American forces to step in when they were unable to once again threatens efforts to lure big oil companies to Iraq. control the situation. Washington Post correspondent Sudarsan Raghavan fleshes out the day of sudden violence with a The Washington Post devotes most of its above-the-fold space to sprawling report from Sadr City, where he was trapped 19 hours the role of U.S. forces in the Iraqi crackdown but leads with a alongside the Mahdi army of Shiite cleric Moqtada al-Sadr. look at how the actions taken by the Federal Reserve in the last Raghavan's riveting account includes real-time interviews with couple of weeks could mark a vast expansion in the role of the Abu Mustafa al-Thahabi, a military adviser to the Mahdi army. central bank in the future. The Fed was just trying to deal with Neither the NYT nor the WP can resist subtle philosophizing the current crisis, but many are now starting to recognize the about what the pitch battles in Iraq "underscore." actions will have long-lasting consequences. "Whether we like it

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 114/124 or not, they've recreated the financial universe," a finance The Post says that when the leaders of the Fed decided to open professor declared. USA Today leads with the hundreds of flight up what is "essentially a bottomless pit of cash," which was cancellations that passengers have had to deal with this week previously available only to traditional banks, to large and warns there could be more to come as the Federal Aviation investment houses, they knew it was a big deal. The plan calls Administration continues cracking down on airplane safety. for that money to be available for at least the next six months, After problems were discovered in Southwest planes, the agency but even if it expires, the perception of how the Fed will act in a ordered all airlines to check for problems. American Airlines crisis has been forever changed. Experts now say that investment and Delta Air Lines canceled flights this week, and some suspect banks and their clients may be less worried about risky others will follow suit as the FAA continues its inquiry. investments in the future since they will assume that the Fed will come to the rescue if there's a crisis. The question now is President Bush declared yesterday that Iraq is returning to whether the Fed will formally take on a more heavy-handed "normalcy" and praised the latest operation in Basra as a sign approach to regulating Wall Street. that the Iraqi government is taking security matters seriously. "This offensive builds on the security gains of the surge and The LAT and NYT front, while everyone else goes inside with, demonstrates to the Iraqi people that their government is the proposals put forward by the presidential contenders to deal committed to protecting them," Bush said. with problems in the economy. Sen. Barack Obama emphasized there should be more federal regulation of the financial markets, The WP off-leads its Iraq story and says there are hints that U.S. while Sen. Hillary Clinton proposed a plan to retrain laid-off troops are more involved in the fighting than military officials workers. Obama put forward a $30 billion economic-stimulus let on. One of the paper's correspondents saw U.S. troops in package, and Clinton's aides took the opportunity to highlight armored vehicles directly fighting Mahdi Army forces in Sadr that she had proposed to spend $30 billion to help prevent City while Iraqi units largely stuck "to the outskirts of the area." foreclosures (the country needs "leadership, not followership," Throughout the day, "the din of American weapons" could be they said). Both the Democratic contenders sharply criticized heard, and the WP pointedly declares that U.S. troops "took the Sen. John McCain, who said the federal role should be limited lead in the fighting." So U.S. forces are getting more involved in because "it is not the duty of government to bail out and reward the conflict even as one American official admitted that "we those who act irresponsibly, whether they are big banks or small can't quite decipher" the situation and figure out why the borrowers." government decided to act now. But there's a growing consensus that Maliki is firing "the first salvo in the upcoming elections," The NYT highlights that, despite the rhetoric, both parties have says the official, who then gives us the understatement of the agreed that the government should be involved, but "the day: "It's not a pretty picture." U.S. military officials insist ideological clashes are … more about whom it should try to American troops are merely playing backup to Iraqi security rescue." In the end though, their results could be similar, since forces, but commanders with the Mahdi Army say they've been it's probably impossible to separate the individuals from the fighting U.S. troops for the past three days. markets, because each would suffer if the other is doing badly.

The LAT points out that U.S. officials are now in a strange The NYT's Paul Krugman analyzes their proposals and says that, situation where they have to consistently talk about how the just as with health care, each candidate's policy tells "a tale that crackdown is aimed at Shiite militias in general and insist that is seriously at odds with the way they're often portrayed." it's rogue elements of Muqtada Sadr's army that are to blame and McCain, who is often referred to as an independent maverick, not the cleric. Of course, they're worried that Sadr will officially "offers neither straight talk nor originality" as he offers call off his cease-fire. But as the WP makes clear, that cease-fire traditional right-wing views. Obama is seen as "a seems to exist in name only, since Sadr's "fighters and Iraqi and transformational figure," but his proposals "tend to be cautious U.S. forces are waging full-scale war in places." The NYT once and relatively orthodox." For her part, Clinton, who "we're again notes that there's "little evidence" that Iraqi security forces assured by sources right and left, tortures puppies and eats in Basra are targeting anyone besides Mahdi Army fighters. babies," offers proposals that "continue to be surprisingly bold Slate's Fred Kaplan plainly declares that the fighting in Basra "is and progressive." not a clash between good and evil or between a legitimate government and an outlaw insurgency. … It's just another The Post takes a look at Obama's huge success in raising funds crevice in the widening earthquake called Iraq." through the Internet and says that in the past two months the senator has "rewritten the rules of raising campaign cash." The The WP talks to administration officials who say Maliki key to his "elaborate marketing effort," which involves spending launched the offensive without consulting the United States. But heavily on Internet ads, seems to be that his campaign doesn't the move couldn't have been that much of a surprise seeing as ask for money at every possible turn and instead has pursued a the NYT reported on March 13 that the Iraqi army was planning "strategy of slow-walking its way into supporters' wallets." an offensive to take control of Basra's port.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 115/124 The WSJ reports that as foreclosures continue to increase, banks Maliki wound up a loser because he launched the offensive, and mortgage companies are increasingly finding that demanding that Sadr's militiamen surrender their weapons— homeowners are taking revenge by trashing their homes before then, a few days later, agreed to a cease-fire that kept the militia handing over the keys. As a result, many are offering armed. homeowners hundreds, or thousands, of dollars "to put their anger in escrow and leave quietly." Bush lost because he backed the campaign with America's armed might and his own proclamation.

The Iraqi army lost because its commanders and troops revealed all too clearly that they're still unable to lead a successful battle. video Wars: Chechnya and Iraq The U.S. Army lost because its troops are now doomed to stay in A Magnum photo essay. Iraq for still longer than they might have been led to believe. Tuesday, April 1, 2008, at 3:47 PM ET (The five "surge" brigades will go home in July, as scheduled; but the case will now be made that the Iraqi army's poor showing "I'm embedded with the Americans in Iraq. As a Westerner, in Basra means we can't prudently withdraw more of our own there is no more access to the insurgents' side. I don't claim to troops just yet.) have any overview. History made my choice—it's fine!" Who won? —Thomas Dworzak Sadr won because his Mahdi Army resisted the offensive—at the Photographs by Thomas Dworzak same time that his men continued to abide by his moratorium on Produced by Adrian Kelterborn attacking U.S. troops directly (in other words, he showed himself both militarily effective and politically in control).

And the Iranians won because Maliki turned to them to mediate the cease-fire with Sadr, thus confirming their status as a major war stories player in Iraqi politics and a dominant power on Iraq's southern port. (The Iranians probably would have won no matter what Bush Bungles in Basra and Bucharest happened, because the rival Shiite militia backing Maliki—the The president's latest gaffes. Islamic Supreme Council of Iraq, 10,000 members of which By Fred Kaplan fought alongside the official army—also has ties to Iran. Maliki Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 6:02 PM ET afterward admitted those 10,000 into the national armed forces. Does this mean that the ISCI militia has been co-opted into the Iraqi government—or that the government is, even more than Good lawyers usually don't take their cases to the Supreme before, controlled by the militia?) Court unless they have a strong chance of winning. By the same token, good wartime presidents don't announce that the fighting This week, Bush traveled to Europe, a less confounding part of has reached "a defining moment" unless there's a strong chance the world, for the annual conference of the North Atlantic Treaty that it will resolve in their favor or they believe that by Organization, held this year in Bucharest. Yet here, too, he rhetorically raising the stakes, they'll spur their troops to victory. behaved like a bad lawyer—and did more harm than good to those whose cause he advocated, in this case the new (if Yet President George W. Bush did just that last week, after Iraqi somewhat shaky) democracies of Ukraine and Georgia. Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki sent troops—backed by U.S. air power and (we've since learned) Marines and special-ops Leading up to the NATO conference, Bush assured those leaders forces—into the southern city of Basra in an effort to crush that he would push for their admission into the alliance. The Muqtada Sadr's radical Shiite militia and, by extension, its problem was that he hadn't checked with the other members first. political base. When most of those other members voted down the proposal, for a variety of reasons, the Ukrainians and Georgians felt insulted As a result of this needless hype, the clash—which, on its own and humiliated—understandably so. Their hopes had been raised terms, ended in stalemate—took on the air of a defeat, and in and then dashed—all in public. many dimensions. To call the battle "a defining moment" was to declare that its outcome would define the state of the struggle. NATO did release a statement noting that the two nations might And that state does not look good in the aftermath. be admitted someday. If Bush hadn't made his baseless promises

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 116/124 ahead of time, the document might have been read as an next five days, I plan not to stray beyond the borders of the assurance. But, under the circumstances, it seemed like a Disney empire. (Don't worry, that still leaves me 47 square brushoff. miles, an area roughly twice the size of Manhattan, in which to roam.) Again, Bush turned the status quo into defeat. Why? The New York Times quoted a "senior official" as saying that Bush wanted Why on earth would I, a childless adult, visit Disney World by to "lay down a marker" for his legacy. First, Bush may be myself? Basically, to figure out what the hell's going on in this thinking about his legacy, but the other Western leaders will place. Because America has clearly decided it's hallowed have to live and lead in Europe after he's out of power. Second, ground. what kind of marker is it to tick off Ukrainians and Georgians for no good reason and to pile another layer of uncertainty and More than 100,000 people visit Disney World every day. I went awkwardness onto the whole panoply of East-West relations? when I was a kid. Nearly all my friends went. A few went more than once. Heck, I know Jews who weren't bar mitzvahed but did As Casey Stengel once screamed, "Can't anybody here play this go to Epcot. game?" That was when he was manager of the New York Mets in the team's first season. Bush has been in power now for seven Somehow, this cluster of amusement parks has grown into a rite years and two and a half months. It's unbelievable that he has of American childhood. Kids are born with homing beacons set nine and a half months—enough time for more "birth pangs"— for Orlando. Meanwhile, parents—despite the hefty costs—often to go. seem just as eager or more so to make the pilgrimage.

My question is: What exactly are we worshipping at this mecca?

Day 1: Epcot well-traveled The Mecca of the Mouse I drive the three minutes from my hotel and ditch my rental car Worshipping at the church of Disney. in the lot. After swiping my pass-card and getting my fingerprint By Seth Stevenson scanned (a new security measure), I enter through Epcot's gates. Friday, March 28, 2008, at 11:39 AM ET Once inside, I'm immediately jaw-dropped by the looming mass of Spaceship Earth.

From: Seth Stevenson It's tough to ignore—being a 16-million-pound, 180-foot-high Subject: The Wide World of Disney World disco ball. One of Walt Disney's personal rules for theme-park Posted Monday, March 24, 2008, at 7:17 AM ET design involved a concept he curiously termed the wienie.A wienie is a show-stopping structure that anchors the park. It is meant be iconic and captivating, so that it lodges in your visual memory forever. Soon after checking in to my hotel room, I discover a mouse in the bathroom. Three mice, in fact. One is imprinted on the bar of Spaceship Earth is perhaps the wieniest of all wienies. And it soap. One peers out from the shampoo label. And a third, on announces right off the bat that Epcot will not be your standard closer inspection, is a washcloth—ingeniously folded by hotel kiddie fun park. Over at the Magic Kingdom, the wienie is the staff to create two protruding, terrycloth ears. fairy-tale Cinderella Castle. Here, it's a geodesic sphere inspired by the theories of R. Buckminster Fuller. I'm growing used to these rodentophilic touches. Earlier today, as I drove into the enormous Walt Disney nation-state here in When I enter Spaceship Earth, I board a ride tracing the history Florida, I noticed a tall electrical stanchion topped with a pair of of communication—from the first written symbols to the advent Mickey ears. Soon after, I spotted a water tower with the ears of the personal computer. It's low season now, so there's a painted in black. When it comes to branding, Disney's aim is mercifully short wait for the ride. That's the good news. The bad total immersion. news is that once the ride is under way, I discover that it's a vague, aimless snooze. Toward the end of it, we pass what I Which is good, because that's my aim, too. I'm here to envelop believe to be an animatronic Steve Jobs. He's pneumatically myself in the Disney World experience. I've obtained lodging gesturing inside a replica of a 1970s California garage. deep within the compound, at a Disney-owned resort. I've bought a $280 multiday pass, granting access to more Disney When the ride is over, we spill into an area called attractions than any person could reasonably endure. For the "Innoventions." It's sponsored by a company called Underwriters

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 117/124 Laboratories, which specializes in product-safety compliance. Showcase." It consists of 11 separate pavilions, each dedicated Among the fun activities here for kids: Try to make a vacuum to a different nation. overheat! Also: See if you can fray the cord of an iron! (I'm not kidding about this. There are 9-year-old boys with furrowed I like the idea of the World Showcase. And some of the brows attempting to cause product failures.) architecture—the faux Paris street scene, for example—displays an astounding talent for mimicry. But if you've ever actually Several other exhibit halls surround Spaceship Earth. According been outside America, this nod to the rest of the world is mostly to my guidebook, they feature "subjects such as agriculture, just insulting. automotive safety, and geography." Well gosh, that's what being a kid is all about! Half the pavilions have no cultural content at all. The Morocco complex is just souvenir stores selling carpets and fezzes. The Inside a pavilion labeled "The Land," I find myself being ride meant to encapsulate Mexico is a collection of slapstick lectured on sustainable development. The lecture is delivered by Donald Duck skits. (Donald loses his bathing suit while the animated warthog from The Lion King. I can overhear the parasailing in Acapulco, Donald flirts with some caliente nice mom behind me trying to distract her whimpering toddler. señoritas, etc.) I guess none of this should surprise me. Lots of "Look honey," she says, reading from her Epcot brochure, "the tourists view travel abroad as basically a chance to shop for next ride is a 'voyage through amazing greenhouses and a fish regionally themed trinkets. farm!' " The kid cries louder. By the early evening, it's getting dark, and both kids and adults Though I was only 8, I still remember the day Epcot opened in are getting crankier. A lot of strollers get wheeled into corners as 1982. The TV networks treated the event as news, airing live moms whisper-shout, "Settle down, Hunter" and "You stop that coverage. Every kid in my third-grade class was desperate to see right now, Madison." I'm also noticing a lot more people buying this wondrous new place. the $8.50 margaritas available next to the Mexico pavilion.

Once the fanfare faded, though, we began to sense that Epcot I take this as my cue and head back to the parking lot. was a slightly odd duck. Disney had purposefully designed it to Tomorrow's another day—and another theme park. appeal more to young adults than to their offspring. It was bound to disappoint all but the nerdiest of children. It had been the largest private construction project in all of American history— requiring three years and $1 billion to complete—and in the end, it was essentially a tarted-up trade expo. From: Seth Stevenson Subject: Disney's Hollywood Studios A perusal of Disney history suggests that Epcot was in some Posted Tuesday, March 25, 2008, at 7:36 AM ET ways the brainchild of the man himself. What Walt envisioned was an Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow—a real town, serving as a laboratory for cutting-edge ideas about urban planning. But after Walt died in 1966, his dream was gradually perverted into the theme park we see today. The keynote attraction of Disney's Hollywood Studios, listed first on the park brochure, is something they call the Great Movie Ride. This ride purports to trace the history of American Sponsors were called in to defray the huge costs, and in return, cinema. "Travel through classic film scenes and Hollywood Epcot's "Future World" exhibits became an ode to giant moments," the pamphlet promises. corporations. The automotive safety ride is brought to you by General Motors. The agricultural science ride is compliments of Nestlé. In his tome Vinyl Leaves: Walt Disney World and Eager to see what sort of curatorial stamp the Disney imagineers America (the title refers to the fake leaves on a Disney "tree"), might put on this topic, I line up, wait my turn, and hop aboard a mildly paranoid anthropologist Stephen M. Fjellman writes that conveyor pod. Soon, I'm rolling along past various iconic movie Epcot's attractions are meant to "convince us to put our lives— stuff. There's Jimmy Cagney cracking wise. There's Humphrey and our descendants' lives—into the hands of transnational Bogart wooing Ingrid Bergman. And oh, look, it's Sigourney corporate planners and the technological systems they wish to Weaver battling an alien. (To my great disappointment, we at no control." point pass Debbie doing Dallas.)

When I leave the Future World area, I walk around the Epcot There are two big problems with this ride (besides there being no lagoon to the other half of the park. Here I enter the "World Debbie). First, as best I can tell, the kids sitting all around me have no idea who any of these actors are. Never seen any of

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 118/124 these movies. They perk up solely at references to films that I think it's these interstitial moments—the seamlessness and the were released after 2005. attention to detail—that really stun Disney visitors and stay with them long after they've left. The rides are great, sure, but every Second, these aren't video clips we're watching: Those famous amusement park has rides. Disney creates fully realized scenes are being performed by animatronic robots. They have narratives. waxy faces and whirring pneumatic limbs. Frankly, they're weird. And they, too, leave the kids completely cold. Consider the Tower of Terror, located at the end of Sunset Boulevard. It's just a classic drop tower, where the goal is to I'm sure "audio-animatronic" creatures were nifty when Disney send your stomach up into your sinuses. A regular amusement pioneered them in the 1960s. They became possible after park would put you in a windowed gondola, crank it up high, Wernher von Braun lent his pal Walt Disney some magnetic and drop it. But here the complicated back story is that we're computer tape—the same kind that was used by NASA to visiting a haunted, 1930s-era Hollywood hotel. The hotel lobby synchronize its launches. (Pause to contemplate: Wernher von contains accurate period furnishings—battered velvet chairs, freaking Braun! He gave the world not only the V-2 rocket and musty lampshades. the Saturn V superbooster, but also the means to create an android Sigourney Weaver. Perhaps the greatest innovation of As I wait in line, shuffling forward, I eavesdrop on the couple all!) behind me. The woman (I've gathered she's from a show- business background) is marveling at Disney's set design. "Look In 1964, an animatronic Abe Lincoln wowed the crowds at the at the distressing on all the surfaces," she says with real New York World's Fair. People were convinced he was a live admiration. "That's not easy to do. You can't just let the set hang actor. Impressive achievement. Four decades later, though, who's around and age for 50 years." She's right: The place is yellowed, impressed when a mannequin blinks and raises its eyebrows? stained, and cobwebbed to a perfect patina. You'd never guess the whole thing was built in 1994. Sadly for Disney, many well-known rides throughout all the parks—even the famed Pirates of the Caribbean—still rely on After passing through the lobby, we're shown an expensively animatronics as a central selling point. I'm guessing that within a produced film about the hotel's haunted past. Then "bellhops" in decade all these robot performers will get phased out. Robot Barton Fink-ish costumes lead us to our seats. And then, at last, Humphrey and Robot Sigourney will get powered down one the actual ride happens. It's about 45 seconds of screaming our final time, then tossed on a pile in some dark, archival closet. A tonsils out as we plummet down an elevator shaft. All that effort few classics—maybe android Abe—will be left out on display to and ingenuity wrapped around such a simple thrill. But this is appease the nostalgists. precisely what draws folks all the way to Disney World instead of to their local Six Flags. However dated, it's still very Disney—this notion that the ultimate entertainment is to watch a machine impersonate a When the ride's done, I go back outside and watch people human. It hints at Disney's core philosophy. If I had to choose a strolling down Hollywood Boulevard. It turns out that the most single word to describe the Disney theme parks, that word would far-fetched fantasy in Disney World isn't the magic spells, the be inorganic. Or, as a cultural studies post-doc might put it: haunted buildings, or the talking animals. It's the fact that there "Blah blah simulacra blah blah Baudrillard." As has been noted aren't any cars. in many a dissertation, we visit Disney World to savor the meticulous construction—physical, mythical, and emotional—of For the mostly suburban Americans visiting here, this whole a universe that's completely fake and soulless. pedestrianism concept is at once liberating and bewildering. People don't seem ready for it. On the one hand, they adore But oh, how beautifully soulless it is. Upon leaving the Great walking with their children in a totally safe environment (one Movie Ride, I walk down a facsimile of Sunset Boulevard. Here, that's outside and is not explicitly a shopping mall). On the other I notice the asphalt under my feet has rubbed away in spots, hand, they're getting extremely winded. revealing the old streetcar tracks beneath. Of course, there never was a streetcar. And its tracks were never paved over to make It's pretty far to walk the whole park. "Slow down! Stop walking way for the automobile age. And that pavement was never so fast," I hear over and over—sometimes from fat adults, other subsequently eaten away by the ravages of time. In fact, this times from their chubby children. They sweat through oversize entire fake history came into being all at once, fully formed, T-shirts. They breathe heavily with every step. Their plump plopped on top of some Florida scrub land. As famed calves go pink in the sunshine, contrasting with their bright Baudrillard scholar Michael Eisner announced at the opening of white sneakers and socks. Self-propulsion appears to be a wholly the park in 1989: "Welcome to the Hollywood that never was unfamiliar challenge. and always will be."

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 119/124 Still, the rewards for their efforts are many. Around any given again, the insane attention to detail you find at every Disney corner there might lurk Power Rangers, mugging for property. photographs. Sometimes a troupe of fresh-faced teens will suddenly materialize and perform dance numbers from High For instance, once you've made that transition from the parking School Musical. Later, you can buy a multipack of High School lot, through the gates into the Animal Kingdom entrance area, Musical socks at one of the sidewalk souvenir stores. (OK, I the imagineers' next goal is to carefully orchestrate your first actually bought some of these socks. They were for my 26-year- glimpse of the massive Tree of Life. (It's one of this park's two old sister. We share a refined sense of humor.) wienies—the other being a replica Mount Everest.) Various inclines, berms, and hollows have been arranged so that you're As the afternoon wanes, and I grow tired of the masses, I duck forced to ascend a small rise before suddenly stumbling onto a into the least-attended attraction I can find. It's called "Walt gorgeous, unimpeded view of the tree. (The tree itself is an Disney: One Man's Dream." Inside, there's a small museum impressive feat of engineering. And is, of course, totally fake.) dedicated to Walt's life and a theater screening a short biographical film. There are about 12 people in the auditorium I've been curious to see how this obsessive nano-focus would be when the film begins. One family leaves halfway through reconciled with the challenges of a zoo. Live animals seem because their toddler is cranky. decidedly un-Disney, as they can't be compelled to perform a repeated, synchronized sequence. (Unlike an animatronic robot. Poor Walt, I think to myself. One day you're chilling with Or a low-wage employee.) With the animals' free will involved, Wernher von Braun, inventing lifelike robots. The next day it's impossible to ensure that every guest will receive the same, you're just some dude who drew a mouse. focus-group-approved experience. This sort of thing makes the imagineers extremely uncomfortable. (Hey, let this be a lesson to you, High School Musical brats. There will come a time when no one will be buying your Their response was to make the animals into a sideshow. In licensed hosiery anymore. Who will sing and dance with you many cases, you don't even get to watch the animals from a then? Allow me to answer: You will sing and dance alone.) static viewing point, as you would at a regular zoo. Instead, there's a "ride" with a silly narrative structure (about, for instance, chasing poachers), during which you get quick, oblique glimpses of the animals as you speed by. The true stars of Animal Kingdom aren't the lions, apes, and elephants. The stars are the precision-crafted environments you walk through. From: Seth Stevenson Subject: Disney's Animal Kingdom Here, come with me as we visit the delightful little village of Posted Wednesday, March 26, 2008, at 8:05 AM ET Harambe. Harambe is the perfect East African port town of your mind's eye. When you first come upon it, it's hard not to feel you've been teleported to Kenya. The Imagineering Field Guide to Disney's Animal Kingdom reveals that the imagineers deliberately left the parking lots out All the signs are in the right typeface. The buildings are lovingly in front of this Disney-style zoo as bleak and barren as they dilapidated. The paint-color choices are perfect. (The imagineers could. A wasteland, with no strips of grass to interrupt the say they took paint chip samples on research trips and did endless asphalt slab. They wanted to heighten the contrast we surface rubbings to get the building textures right.) feel when entering into the lush, wooded Animal Kingdom park. The scheme "ensures that the immersion into nature ... will be Having traveled to Africa myself, I can tell you that Harambe very impactful." gets only two minor details wrong. The first is that Africa has many more flies than this. And the second is that Africa has My first thought upon reading this was: Screw you, imagineers! black people. Parking lots suck enough as it is. You're saying you made yours even more depressing than necessary, just so you could Given the otherwise remarkable accuracy of Harambe's set showcase some cutesy landscaping idea? Go imaginuck design, I'm sort of surprised that Disney didn't manufacture yourselves! 15,000 animatronic Africans. OK, so they did import a few actual, nonrobot Africans to work the snack stands. Jambo! But Once I'd gotten this indignation out of my system, my second perhaps the bigger issue is: Where are the black tourists visiting thought was: Gosh, they sure do put a lot of thought into this the park? I've seen maybe two black families all day. As in the stuff. Leafing through these behind-the-scenes books (I also rest of Disney World, there are literally more French people here have The Imagineering Field Guide to Epcot) brings to light, yet than African-Americans.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 120/124 Another population dynamic I've noticed: the dearth of children The incessant magicalness is starting to wear on me. I'm feeling at this supposed family destination. I've seen lots of adult a need to escape Big Rodent's clutchy claws. At the same time, I couples with no kids in tow. Even when there's a token toddler don't want to risk too much corruption from outside influences. present, there are often six or seven grown-ups attached to it. I'm I'd rather not stray too far—geographically or spiritually. The beginning to suspect it's the adults who really want to be here, perfect compromise: a visit to Celebration. while the kids are just serving as fig leaves. This insta-town was conceived by Disney, built on Disney- This theory is bolstered by a scene I witness while waiting in owned land, and initially managed by Disney executives (though line for food. An elderly, gray-bearded gent is in front of me, the company has shed much of its involvement over time). And trying to buy a soda, when all of a sudden he's interrupted by his it's only a few miles from my hotel. I make the short drive, park twentysomething daughter, who is scurrying toward us. my car downtown, and hop out for a look. "Daaaaaad! She's not tall enough to go on the ride!" whines the woman, gesturing with a pout at the tiny girl clinging to her I've long been a fan of planned communities. I once lobbied my thigh. "So now I can't go! And you wandered off!" The man says editor at Newsweek to let me write a story about Co-op City— nothing. "Take her hand," the woman demands. The poor old those ugly brick apartment towers in the Bronx, N.Y., next to I- fellow is mortified by this behavior (and is in the middle of his 95. My resulting (very short) article included a quote terming beverage transaction, to boot). But he silently takes his Co-op City's architecture "a disgrace to humanity." The piece granddaughter's hand so his horrid daughter can go enjoy her also noted that Co-op City had been constructed on the rubble of fricking roller coaster. an abandoned theme park. The park was called Freedomland, and it was the creation of a former Walt Disney associate. Admittedly, Disney has some pretty great roller coasters. Toward the end of the day, I walk over to Anandapur (a fake Celebration, though it wasn't built until the 1990s, was in some Himalayan village, complete with Tibetan-style prayer flags) ways the creation of Walt himself. Walt's original plan for his and board the Expedition Everest ride. I'm seated in a rickety rail Florida swampland was to create a brand-new living town—the car, which creaks up to the top of the 200-foot mountain before true Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. swooping, banking, and dropping at insane speeds. Everyone Celebration is the belated (and mangled) realization of that screams together. It's a group outpouring of white-knuckle dream. terror. When the ride's over and I disembark, I find I've broken out in a light sweat. My dazed fellow riders look at each other in Walt had envisioned a high-tech, sci-fi city, in appearance not total awe: Can you believe what we just went through? unlike Epcot's Future World area (monorails whizzing by and whatnot). That's not how things turned out. Celebration is The same thing happens on the nearby Kali River Rapids ride. instead backward looking, with neotraditional, faux-prewar There are seven other people on my raft, and as we float down houses. Its old-timey, Norman Rockwell vibe is less Future the rushing river, I can feel us starting to gel into a team. We World and more Main Street U.S.A. shout warnings to each other when the white water rages ahead. ("Look out, here it comes!") We catch each others' eyes and can't Celebration's planners were proponents of New Urbanism (in help but smile. The little girl sitting next to me cackles every itself a somewhat nostalgic credo, what with its emphasis on time we get hit with a splash. She's shouting, "I'm soaked!" with marginalizing the automobile). The town's layout is pedestrian- a big, adorable grin. friendly, the retail and restaurant district is a short stroll from many houses, and all the car garages are hidden in rear alleys not If I've found one redeeming feature of the Disney World visible from the street. Sure enough, within moments of my experience, it's the community spirit that's fostered when arrival, I find myself smack in the middle of a New strangers all join together for a primal shriek of fear—or joy. Urbanist/Rockwellian moment: children walking home from school together as a friendly crossing guard holds up his stop sign.

The thing is, I can't help but wonder if these kids might be animatronic. Everything looks waaaaay too perfect. The town From: Seth Stevenson Subject: Celebration and Downtown Disney famously has a strict rulebook legislating things such as yard Posted Thursday, March 27, 2008, at 7:44 AM ET upkeep, what color your curtains can be, and what kind of furniture (if any) you can put on your porch. This results in a place so scrubbed of individuality that the houses seem to resent their human residents. I've spent three straight days inside the Disney World fortress.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 121/124 All the streets here have the same power-washed gleam as the Early in the evening, for instance, I had a drink at a club called streets in the Disney theme parks. The neighborhoods have the Mannequins. It had a mixed crowd: moms and dads in dorky same built-all-at-once aesthetic. I actually like some of the khakis, some college-age kids getting blitzed, and one pair of downtown buildings designed by shnazzy architects. (Favorites gay guys dancing up a storm under the disco ball. I was include the toylike post office by Michael Graves and the retro heartened by the diversity. But it didn't last. cinema by Cesar Pelli—though I feel Philip Johnson's town hall with its forest of pillars is a facile, unfunny joke.) But having When I popped back a few hours later, I ordered a drink and spent the last few days surrounded by maddeningly perfect scanned the room again. It appeared the demographics had Disney habitats, I'm now getting the sinking sense that I haven't undergone a radical shift. Now there were 150 men positively escaped the Mouse at all. swarming the rotating dance floor. They were accompanied by about three women. And I couldn't help but notice that these Celebration forces upon you the same seamless, manufactured men, as a group, seemed extraordinarily handsome, trim, and experience you get when you walk through the "villages" of well-dressed. Harambe and Anandapur. The inhabitants of Celebration are essentially living inside a theme park. (We might call it Suburb Ohhhhhhhhhh. I suppose that name should have been a clue, Land.) Each night when the park shuts down, they're still inside now that I think about it. the gates. Anyway, it's all good in the Disney 'hood. When we envision a In the evening, I decide to check out downtown Disney, back "magic kingdom," we, each of us, have our own ideas. inside the fortress. It's basically a very high-end strip mall—with a Planet Hollywood instead of an Applebee's, and a Virgin Megastore instead of a Hot Topic. I grab dinner at Bongos Cuban Café (celebrity owner: Gloria Estefan) and then stroll over to Pleasure Island as it gets dark. From: Seth Stevenson Pleasure Island is where adults on vacation at Disney go at night Subject: The Magic Kingdom to escape their children. Also here: businesspeople stuck in Posted Friday, March 28, 2008, at 11:39 AM ET Orlando for conferences and locals who treat this as their regular hangout. (Pleasure Island doesn't require a Disney Pass.) There's a club for every taste, from the disco lounge (8-Trax) to the hip- hop spot (BET Soundstage) to the mainstream, top-40 dancehall Inside every Disney theme park, you'll find at least one booth— (Motion). often more than one—stocked with information about Disney Vacation Club Resorts. A nice man or woman will hand you a A single cover charge gets you in to all the clubs, all night. So brochure, offer to take you on a tour of model rooms, and talk people bounce back and forth among the venues. This creates the you through a few different time-share options. Apparently, it's a sort of nightlife melting pot that you rarely, if ever, find in the terrific deal if you want to bring your family back to Disney real world. Because it's Disney, and we all feel safe and World every year. emboldened, no one's afraid to venture into what might be perceived as alien territory. Query: Why would anyone want to go to Disney World every year? You can pretty much see the whole thing in a week. OK, Nerdy white people stride confidently into the "black" club. fine, kids might like it enough to go back again—once, or maybe Older couples wade onto dance floors packed with twice. But this time share makes financial sense only if you whippersnappers. Gay dudes sashay through the redneck-y rock return about seven times. club. (When I say that, I'm not trying to play on a stereotype. I literally watched three gay men prance about and do ballet Holy frack! I'd go mental if I had to spend seven precious jumps while the house band played Lynyrd Skynyrd. These guys vacations trapped inside the Disney universe. But let's put my were egging each other on, trying to get a rise out of the crowd, personal feelings aside. Let's say you're a parent. Mightn't it be but none of the lumpy heteros seemed to pay any mind.) better to broaden your children's horizons just a tad? Like, maybe visit Canada—instead of just the Canada pavilion in I find the whole scene oddly hopeful—at first. If people can all Epcot? get along together here, maybe we can bring that tolerance back home with us. As the night wears on, though, different groups According to Disney, there are more than 100,000 member begin to self-segregate. families in the Vacation Club. These people have handed over all their foreseeable leisure time to the Walt Disney Co. It's an astonishing decision, no? And it's surely less about a destination

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 122/124 than an ideology. We'll call it Disneyism. These families aren't Many of the little girls watching this are wearing princess choosing a vacation so much as a religion. dresses (bought at those souvenir stores). For years, Disney must have sought a boys' version of the princess obsession, and it Walt Disney, the man, is a singular character in American seems they've finally found it—thanks to the blockbuster Pirates history. He gets his start as an animator, then becomes a movie of the Caribbean films. Lots of little dudes are running around in mogul, an amusement park baron, and eventually a pirate costumes, waving plastic swords. mythmaker—a sort of unprecedented high priest of American childhood. By the mid-1960s, with his techno-utopian plans for Disney has increasingly managed to find characters to leverage the living city of Epcot, Walt had even turned into (in the words for each different demographic group. Tinkerbell, from Peter of anthropologist Stephen M. Fjellman) "a social planner and Pan, has been rebranded as the slightly saucier "Tink" and now futurist philosopher." graces T-shirts targeted at your tween daughter. Meanwhile, your death-metal son will be drawn to the skull-and-bones It's these later incarnations of Walt that really fascinate me. The imagery of The Nightmare Before Christmas franchise. guy is sculpting the toddler id while also designing a domed metropolis with a monorail. How did this happen? A man who Even adults wear Disney gear here. There are moms in Mickey got famous drawing a cartoon mouse was now going to solve all ears and dads with giant sorcerer hats. This is a safe place for America's urban problems? everyone to act like a kid, and I'll admit there's a certain sweetness about that. It's hard to think of a comparable career arc. But as a parallel, evil-twin figure, consider Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. I'm not a fan of the gender dynamic implicit in the He was born 10 years after Walt, also in heartland America. His princess/pirate split. (Visiting Mickey and Minnie's side-by-side career likewise took off on the strength of mass-market houses does little to reassure me on this score. Mickey's house entertainments (in Hubbard's case, sci-fi). And then has a nonfunctioning kitchen and is full of sports equipment, midcentury—during that Atomic Age moment when everything while Minnie has a to-do list on her wall with the entries "Bake a somehow seemed possible—he turned his attention to a grand, cake for Mickey" and "Make a box lunch for Mickey.") Still, my ego-gratifying social project of dubious utility. heart melts when I see a little girl wearing a princess dress while sitting in her wheelchair, beaming ear to ear as her even beamier Who knows what ambitions might have bubbled up in Walt if parents take pictures. he'd lived past 1966. But I think one way to look at his life is as L. Ron Hubbard gone good. This is a long way of saying: I can understand why families love Disney World. And there's Disney isn't just a media outfit with some theme parks. It's a nothing wrong with making kids happy. I just think we'd all be worldview—sprung from the head of a lone, imaginative man. better off if we didn't indoctrinate our kids in the Disneyist And ultimately, for the people who come back to Orlando year dogma. after year, it's a church. After spending the past five days here, I've come to the On my last day here, I visit the Magic Kingdom—the original conclusion that Disney World teaches kids three things: 1) a and still best-attended of the Disney World parks. After walking meaningless, bubble-headed utopianism, 2) a grasping, whining down Main Street U.S.A. (a fake, turn-of-the-century boulevard consumerism, and 3) a preference for soulless facsimiles of lined with yet more Disney souvenir stores), I come upon the culture and architecture instead of for the real thing. I suppose it famous Cinderella castle. Fairy-tale spires everywhere. It's so also teaches them that monorails are cool. So there's that. gleaming, it looks like they repaint it every night. (Over the last several years, furthering my Disney-as-religion theory, the castle I end my day with the "It's a Small World" ride. Yes, it's a prime has become a prime location for wedding ceremonies. Up to five example of bubble-headed utopianism. Yes, it features weddings per day are held on Disney World's grounds. Mickey animatronics, which are dated and lame. And yes, that song just and other characters will even attend your wedding reception. never ends. No matter: The ride somehow manages to charm me For a fee.) anyway.

As I get closer to the castle, I see the familiar Disney apostles Designed for the UNICEF pavilion at the 1964 World's Fair, it (Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy) performing musical numbers shows us children of many cultures all living in harmony. (A on a stage, enthralling a large crowd. The lyrics to their songs color-saturated, Pop Art harmony.) It's an unassailable message, shuffle around a few key words—dreams, magic, imagination, and there's also something comforting in the ride's retro wonder—and weave them into some upbeat string arrangements. simplicity. Our open-top boat floats along, and I love the gentle Hymns for the Disneyist congregation. bump and redirect when it hits an underwater guide rail. I even

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 123/124 have a soft spot for the music. (Though I prefer to reimagine it as a slow, melancholy ballad.)

As I leave the park, I decide that after all my cranky complaining, I'm glad my week came to an end this way. "It's a Small World" makes for a nice, pleasant memory to finish on. I'm feeling positive about Disney again. And then there's an incident on the parking tram.

I'm seated on the tram, ready to ride back out to the parking lot where my rental car's waiting. The driver has already blown the horn and announced that no more boarding will be allowed. Suddenly, I notice a woman 20 yards away, running toward us.

The driver spots her too. The tram is in motion now, and he screams over the loudspeaker: "Ma'am! Stand back! There is no more boarding!" But the woman can see that there's no real danger here—the vehicle is moving at, like, 3 miles an hour— and fer crissakes she doesn't want to wait 15 minutes for another tram if she doesn't have to.

The driver keeps shouting. The other passengers are tut-tutting at this rule-breaker. The tram keeps rolling. The woman is getting nearer.

As I watch all this, I start to think about the totalitarian seamlessness of Disney. The berms that hide the loading docks and the Dumpsters. The fireworks that go off every night at precisely 9 p.m. The impeccably G-rated entertainment. The synchronized rides. The power-washed streets.

"Ma'am!" the driver yells again, with real exasperation. She's just a few strides away, with her eyes on that slow-moving prize. "Ma'am, there is no more boarding at this time!"

I can't help but break into a satisfied grin as the woman hops up on the running board and takes a seat.

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 124/124

Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC 124/124