E 61, ISSUE 21, SEPTEMBER 7 1987 FREE

d reporting . by 720K ram) th ) all th ) including th ) gst additional 'sst.... to 60 different ta n d re-draft arint in 53 sy it is to use, ctly opposite OP SECRET: UCKLAND WINS Nl CHALLENGE

xao_ H»stw i t r a d (but don't tell anyone) CONTENTS Regular Agenda...... 17 As we plough into the third term, exams Arts...... 9 and both the best and the worst of pe. face. Some may retreat to graffitied Banqueting on a Bursary...... 17 booths, shelving all partying away temj Brad’s Barysphere...... 13 some may relive memories of a wild Camelcomicality...... 5 Ruapehu with the Canoe Club; some Chaplain’s Chat...... 7 seduced by the longer sunny days and sir Cheep Eats...... 17 books for beach towels. Whatever you d Classic Cars...... 16 the next couple of months, be happy at .j* After 21 issues, for some unexplained Crossword...... 15 we continue to produce Craccum without Gig Guide...... 12 tract - perhaps your continual abuse prc Kelloggs Serial...... 7 necessary incentive - perhaps we need the - or perhaps we’re just plain mad! For Readable Lettuce...... 18, 19 reason, you’re stuck with us for 4 more * Sports...... 15 This week Craccum features a review controversial book: Spycatcher; there are Features (too many) ads from a certain bank; and you enjoy our new-look, multi-purpose Caption Competition Results...... 16 page: one less page for me to fill, one ] for you guys to ignore and the CC boys Changing the Dinosaur...... 6 get inky bums! Economics of Disaster...... 10 Spycatcher...... 3 Universities Phased Out...... 11

CRACCUM is a source of free expression and in­ formation for Auckland University Students and the University community. CRACCUM is not the official publication of the Auckland University Students’ Association Inc or of the University of Auckland. Both bodies do not endorse or agree with opinions expressed within CRACCUM. The editors may not necessarily endorse such views either, if only they would read them. CRACCUM is 6l years old. Helpers and contributors: Col­ Address: 2nd floor, AUSA. in A m ery, G ra n t S im pson, Rick Postal: CRACCUM, c/o AUSA, Private Bag, Petersen, Daphna Whitmore, Auckland. M iria m ,L e o n ie fo r keeping me CRACCUM is published by the Auckland Univer­ sity Students Association, insane and Gregg’s for keeping phone: 390-789 ext 840. m e aw ake. Editors: David Ward, Vicki Turner, Pat Stodart, Ewen Smith, Kerry Hoole, Derek Craig

Advertising Manager: Wendy Lawson, Ph 390-789 ext 841. Typesetting: Barbara Hendry. Printing: Print Corp, Tauranga.

\ \ - t - x t M v T 4 k) y o u Utu. tkW t Mo-rrc£.p sp a t)

- j r / o y o o f L Ij rvi TO R T^ 5r/^ b£....C(^ 4i?0(

6 U > 6 U R r T f - 5 .71. x u k p p (> r o u n j 4 o ^ 3 A 1/ W

L o o k , A<

I

Pcfsip c A ^ u o s o p c M o j a \ w k c t t s - r C ^^v £ q o 50/ icco4^ fig Vycrruc^' ~t~—p

uJGascvs X 4 ■sS-r p \U f Uhl&JtA&Zcy - X / o o To ALLOW -'TVHfcl* U3HDCJL? G H t o G ? To Cpxfc LM * C£A/ftsH k o O R T { .0 o ? K r CMt-.Ufc'b TUn-S OfitL FoRx

A s o a e V s i o

IT

T, AC-rf lZ N A T Z ^ L Y —

OB 1 T H f-lC O T t o * A % 6 - f v A jp f

2 ◄ CRACCUM SEPTEMBER 7 1987 . M thor of a Spycateher/(W right - Peter, a name that HolliSf was rumoUred to be in Australia, making AS10 a lly lends itself easily .to betrayal) and the writer of reality; which later helped the CIA to get rid of W hitlam -review have ,6 ne thing in common: we both at 1 9 7 4 .3 V . *' x V :; \ e in our lives signed the Official Secrets Act x ‘dv ; fright’s confession 4 0 the Lancaster House bugging _]y and legally precludes either of us from i reads: ‘We supervised tbe installation and throughout the writing about what we did whilst in r^ t of the 60’s afrd 70*s, the systenT. was used whenever Majesty’s $ecre£ Service, high level diplomatic negotiations took place in London’. er, Mr Wrigh£ does not apparently ; Sir Keith Holyoake deed please note! to reveal all oV Jn p st o f th e activ itie s h e w as sw ori fyll5’s,m&in interest in the establishment of Pacific out- y over. H ii rdiudh p u b lic ise d m e m o irs have yet t<_ i ^ . pc^ts was for intelligence gathering in this part of the inside of a bookshop, except in the land of the Y ,--world. However, there was no intention on their side to where the spy tradeis looked upon as an honourable KJ reciprocate this pooling of information. British in­ on, and ex-agerits can write abou^their operations telligence knew well in advance, .that the Ouvea crew were as they get iperrijiission from the Government, coming here to sink the Rainbow Wafrior. Petty Officer land of the free has\supplied me with a contraband Andries left a trail of his movement^ as thick as treacle [by courtesy of Viking Penguin Inc at 40 West 23rd in London when he bought the taotor and the Zodiac later New York, NY 106,10 for the princely sum of,30 ygv, used on the job. If the SIS w^re told, they certainly kept US. Rather likplfhft infamous Lady Chatterly ii y quiet about it. - 'xi-1 • ies, this book, b^being banned, has attfapted fa r^ ;£ g $ A right wing organisation, set u^ by the likes to Sillitoe, attention th a n its m e rits deserve. Thev law -l<^ds in was not likely to have any sympathy with ‘trendy lefties’ - pillars of its right-wing ruling establishment - of Greenpeace. And so, a man wfiose life could have been Lde themselves inV ih^enem ie^^^b^prej^^ .saved, drowned. a 7 • f -g to let them even publish excerpts from the book, Yeah, it’s a real dirty business, espionage. And M r Wright long arm of their imperious law hasr been extended doesn’t come out of iLwith very clean hands. He will cer­ Hong K ong, a n d n o w eyen/Sfretches^as fa r as this' tainly get h great deal in royalties from what is a very ean outpost where the Dominion was only aUOw- mediocre book. Already/^000 copies are on order to the eet away with one episode. Its presses wets*silenced publishers where, Heinemann. They have advised me that injunction slapped to the masthead, and Radio British Empire. M l5 got it all on tape thanks to S pycat­ if I quote any material from the book in my review, an had its air waves wiped clean of offending passages cher (page 58 and ff) who had every room, including the injunction will follow. Fair comment and quotes from the the dreaded Spycatcher. toilets, bugged for the duration. source have always been allowed in Piterary criticism and this brouhahas really justified? W right does npt M uldoon (with no Sir RobertYhen) gave our SIS powers- I will be glad to defend any such action should it reach well and his book is far from being a masterpiece'; to intercept communications by wire tapping in 1977, and ,^ th e courts. English language. In fact, he had to get it ghosfed provided an officer has a warrant, he is immune fromprO- Needless to say the memoirs of my short stay in M l 6 Greenglass who has tried to shape the dull nar- seciition. If L, as a journalist, gave out the nam e of such >w ould be far more exciting than Mr Wright’s, but I observe into a somewhat racier style. The original was writ aiT Officer, I could be^fmed^TBOCLdOlFacs. W hen Sillitoe" the law. I signed the Official Secrets Act. And Turenges 11 over two years ago and most of the material is was heferih JOeteber^ 1951 setting up dttLspy network, don’t make a right. , like the one W right wears in his publicity photos, plot to get rid of Harold W ilson which the Domi- briefly alluded to before it was silenced, was certainly of life in the mid-seventies. I was still in Britain and remember almost colliding with the pipe- ^g, populist PM on the steps of that august piece of the establishment - the BBC. The young of right-wing officers in M15 certainly wanted to of Harold. ‘This time we’ll have him out’, one of tells Wright. His part in the conspiracy was far from He makes a comparison with the Zinoviev letter which was used in 1924 to get rid of the first government under Ramsey McDonald. However, ’t gets this all wrong. He gives the date for this in of the narrative (page 369) as 1928. Elsewhere is a year later to 1929. If he can be as inaccurate on a simple fact of history, one wonders how ac- Mr Wright is in exposing the secrets of his service Eleanor Ikinofo akenta Urale Fue Ualesi he failed to keep. AUCKLAND STAR 1ZB NZ HERALD omehow appropriate that the decision whether to h or not must be made in Van Diemen’s land and precisely in New South Wales where the convicts first i. The Court of Appeal is expected to have handed its judgment by the time this non-review hits the

jne up there in the British establishment doesn’t Mr Wright and it’s rumoured to be Mrs Thatcher he recently described as ‘a bitch’. Nor did the M15 operative hit it off with his boss, Sir Roger who since his death has been accused of being a mole. This is what he thinks of Spycatcher (p. ‘He and Wright were busy setting up a privileged Favau Valepo RADIO NORTHLAND NORTHLAND TIMES HAMILTON PRESS and something had to be done to break it up’, ger may well have been the ‘fifth m an’ (the third lilby; alive a n d w ell in his M o sco w p e n th o u se ) a n d . . . a l l graduates of jrth Blunt, who wasn’t prosecuted because he was *1 surveyor of paintings to the Queen) in a network MANUKAU tussia must have drooled over, hould we in New Zealand be concerned about the «ies of men of the ilk of Hollis, if Wright’s facts POLYTECHNIC him are true. In 1951 a former head of M15, Sir PACIFIC ISLAND JOURNALISM COURSE Sillitoe, cam e here to set u p o u r very o w n SIS. T h e If you would like to know more about next year’s course lunist scare was then at full throttle with the dock pick up a brochure and application form from the »nd state of emergency, with its draconian laws just students’ association office or write to: In the same year the victorious National Party under The Secretary, General Studies Department, Hand introduced an Official Secrets Bill into Parlia- Manukau Polytechnic, PO Box 61066, Otara. The NZ security service was intended to be an equal NOTE: APPLICATIONS CLOSE OCTOBER 1 r in the imperial order of espionage, mastermind- London. At this moment in history, Wright, a id in electronics, was given the job of bugging Lan- House where in the next two decades colonial con- were held to dismantle what remained of the SEPTEMBER 7 1987 CRACCUM ► 3 Money matter are made easie with BNZ Campus Pack

Check out BNZ Campus Pack now for free and easy m; management. The last thing you want during your students years is to worry about money. Bank of New Zealand understands problem and we’ve introduced BNZ CAMPUS PACK to help out. Here’s what you can get: • Interest free overdraft up to $500. • Free cheque accounts. • Free AutoAccess account — competitive interest rate) • . Free Autocard. • BNZ VISA Card with $300 credit limit — no service charges. • Free automatic payments. • Autosave Account. You may also qualify for: • A Student-Graduate Loan tailored to meet your m THERE’S A BNZ BRANCH ON OR NEAR EVERY CAMPUS. PICK UP OUR BNZ CAMPUS PACK BROCHURE AND APPLY NOW. Deposits are unsecured. An Authorised Trustee Investm

m Bank of New Zeala

4 ◄ CRACCUM SEPTEMBER 2 1987 you've just finished reading In 1980 student enrolment was one of this amazing saga down on previous years, with only ACCUM issue 12, copies one student enrolling. Luckily for University Staff, First year student ill available from the Robert Fitzgerald enrolled in 849 CCUM office), here's the papers, which in fact was all of . And I don't mind telling them. Doing every paper at once t there's a few bits in the caused a few problems for Robert Wsity's shady parts they during exams, but as he said, 'It's nothing a good study timetable 't exactly print on the cover won't help'. the "Calender” . Know what 1983 was notable for one thing. mean, nudge nudge, wink Second year student Baron von • ,k, a nod's as good as an Fagansteinie made his triumphant session of utter disgust to a return, having been last seen in 19.17 when he took off to find nd man... Baron Von Fagansteinie shortly before his unfortunate Snoopy, Nobody had told him the (and m essy) death in 1983. war was over, and as he had a Jn I960, the University under­ large fuel tank, he just kept on fly­ go revolution. But I've already Studies and Spanner Fixing. Fierce totally opposed to the rest. Of ing. He was a determined man and you that (see above). The fighting saw American troops course nothing much happened for he could not land until he found his iversity introduced several new retake the Political Studies depart­ students, but many executive avowed target. Alas he didn't, but srs in 1962, called 'Defence of ment, but unfortunately they never members went on to become he received rapturous applause as Zealand - Why America is so recaptured the department of American military advisors or Fijian his a irc ra ft a p p e a re d over to us', 'Habititus Bulocus' (It's Spanner Fixing, which is why you colonels. Auckland University in 1983 and at­ ertain whether this was taught can't take papers like 'Crescents - Speaking of Fiji, 1975 saw the tempted to land. Unfortunately, the the Latin or Biology depart- Should they turn clockwise? Or University embark on its runway from which Fagansteinie -ts), and the music department's should they turn clockignorant?', outrageously successful tour of the had departed in 1917 was now the national, 'Look out, in just one and 'How to wrench a maonkey'. Pacific. Visiting Auckland, site of the Cafeteria, which meant jre year the Beatles will be In 19721/2 the world's fattest man, Auckland, and Auckland, the Fagansteinie received a rather nas­ Vious'. And they were, but not Ulysses K Ley lee, was elected Presi­ University was recreated for each ty surprise as he landed. All was not itout a little help from a certain dent of the Students' Association. He performance, so well so that it look­ lost though, as observers noted that -kland University Lecturer. Pro- was so large that he resembled a ed like the University never left the following day the first fresh cafe r I.M. Hye flew to New York, Lon- very heavy beach ball, but. unfor­ home. pie in history was served. or somewhere like that to tunately the inevitable happened. 1977 was the first year at Universi­ 1985 was fairly quiet, although ke the famous 'Sgt Peppers' Leylee tripped while walking down ty for 1988 President, Richard Foster. Science student P. Richards was late m for the Beatles, who were ac- Grafton Road, and was thus the first I don't know about you, but I was in for two maths lectures in a row one lly sick that week. Professor Hye President to be rolled. The Students' Form One then. Gee, that guy must Monday. ;s subsequently shot by John Len- Association still retained some be really old. Mr Foster then went on And so there we have it. Auckland who wanted to ensure that the crowd appeal though, as political to establish the Ancient History University's true history, but for what -ties got credit for Professor Hye's infighting worsened into armed department, which only thrives to­ happened in 1987 you'll have to ;:k. struggle. Executive meetings were day because Mr Foster is so old that wait until next week. I understand it i the late sixties the Vietnam war conducted in Albert Park, in two sets he is able to study his own life. Have was something quite scandalous, :yed a large part in University life, of trenches. Not upset by military a chat to him sometime, he'll tell you too. ■the Viet Cong successfully cap- conflict, the executive split even fur­ what it was like to meet Julius ed the departments of Political ther into 16 separate factions, each Caesar. David (George) Ward N K P A G E S Are what you get when CRAC- horrible ink on the back cover, so A week's CRACCUM costs to produce a rather flimsy cushion. jM's editor of the week promises they can sit on CRACCUM and not thousands of dollars, takes many Still, I guess it's an accurate sum­ ne friends that there'll be no blacken their botties. Wonderful eh? hours of work by many people, all mary of what some people have contributed to CRACCUM. SEPTEMBER 7 1987 CRACCUM ► 5 AUSA must change. The Students The main difference is that under the Association with a turnover of more than CHANGING new system people would be elected on $3,000,000 per annum, is managed by the basis of their financial and ad­ people on the whole who have inade­ ministrative abilities, resulting in better quate administrative experience or train­ management of AUSA. At present, the ing. Students running for Executive posi­ THE DINOSAUR four paid officers can dominate Ex­ tions often do so on the basis of political ecutive decisions without fear of being inclination rather than managerial abili­ brought into account by the portfolio ty — and it shows. The Executive Pro­ holders. Portfolio holders have non- perty Services scandal was as much an Executive responsibilities and receive no indictment of AUSA as of the President. honoraria (they must attempt to pass Even now, the problems involved in ad­ papers). With seven Administrative Of­ ministering AUSA properties have not ficers the new structure has more checks been adequately solved. and balances incorporated into it. Ac­ Proposals for restructuring have been countability would be improved. floated in the past. Unfortunately not a The portfolio positions would become single suggestion has been acted upon. In SRC appointed and no longer obliged to each of these proposals there is a com­ attend Executive metings. Apart from mon theme — that the administrative the SRC chair and the MSO, the port­ and the political functions of AUSA need folio holders would not be entitled to to be dealt with separately. The present vote at Executive meetings. They would, Maori Students Officer (MSO) structure results in neither being per­ however, be formally guaranteed speak­ Media Officer (Media) formed effectively. ing rights and the authority to manage National Affairs Officer (NAO) A browse through the files of Ex­ a b u d g et. Overseas Students Officer (OSO) ecutive agendas will reveal that the same Under the current system, portfolio Sports Officer (Sports) issues are dealt with year after year. holders are almost forced to decided bet­ Student Representative Council Chair Broadly speaking, these fall into six w een th e ir p o rtfo lio a n d their time- (SRC) categories: Travel requests, project re­ co n su m in g E xecutive d u ties. W ith these Welfare Officer (WRO) quests, budget analysis, capital purchases positions coming under the jurisdiction and legal and staffing matters. Although of the Student Representative Council, Every Executive member has a budget Finance committee and various other people could run for office knowing that which they are authorised to spend on committees make recommendations it is they could devote their full attention to photocopying, advertising and other such always Executive who have to make the their portfolio. The IAO could spend all expenses. Most Executive members are decisions. These are often far from of his/her energy on international affairs also members of at least one other com­ satisfactory. The present structure: instead of being obliged to waste time mittee. Regular attendance of the fort­ dealing with purely administrative nightly Executive meetings is mandatory. EXECUTIVE m a tte rs. Officers are cheque signatories and Planning a new structure raises a O fficers receive a weekly honorarium. A restruc­ whole host of issues such as who decides President (Honorarium) tured Executive might look something what the changes will be, how they are Administration Vice President (Hon) like this: implemented and when. This must be Education Vice President (Hon) dealt with constitutionally by a General Treasurer (Hon) EXECUTIVE Meeting, which will require considerable President (Honorarium) student interest. Time will tell. Portfolio Holders Two Vice Presidents (Hon) Cultural Affairs Officer (CAO) Treasurer (Hon) Clubs and Societies Representative Welfare Officer (Hon) (C lubs) Seven Administration Officers (Hon Environmental Affairs Officer (EAO) $1,000 each) International Affairs Officer (IAO)

Where to start your career after graduation is a very important decision. With an interest in accounting, your options are many: PROFIT chartered accounting, business or industry, government or e d u c a tio n .

The expanding role of accountants in today’s social and BY OUR economic environment offers opportunities and challenges. We believe that chartered accounting offers the best background of SKILLS training and experience on which to base your future career. Chartered accounting firms may appear very much alike and of course they have many things in common. However, the differ­ ences are important. Firms are managed by people, and as back­ grounds, perspectives and personal philosophies differ, so does each practice. These differences are reflected in the everyday work environment, in the firm ’s priorities and policies, and in m orale.

We would like to invite any student who is interested in a posi­ tion with this firm, or who feels in need of a little career guidance, to contact the Staff Partner (c o lle c t) at:

Deloitfe Haskins+Seils Chartered Accountants

A u ckla n d (09) 34-369 Manukau City ----- (09) 279-9359

H a m ilto n ...... (71)392-527 Hastings

6 ◄ CRACCUM SEPTEMBER 7 1987 plain’s C h a t . . .

WI**IE THE WHALE

(The asterisks in the title can be replaced either by Ns or by Ls; whatever its faults, this is an equal opportunity My first part in the soap opera, Three Cakes of c o lu m n .) Knights Castille Sing Don Giovani in E flat' was a tragic one. I had to play a tormented newspaper The cetacean in question swam into public view in an humour editor who had to break some very distur­ article on the front page of the New Zealand Herald. It bing news to an associate. The scene opened with is a small flat paddle-shaped piece of wood which is sold, three shootings, four divorces, eight childbirths, apparently in Christian bookshops, for the express pur­ and a stern telling off. This took up the first quarter pose of chastising children. The Herald article reported hour of the soap, which then degenerated into a that Mrs Narelle Dawson-Wheeler, concerned at the use mindless monologue as the scriptwriter realised - or, rather, abuse - of the whale, had tackled leaders of hed used all the good bits too soon. certain Christian bodies, and ‘implored them to talk with There was also drama off screen, as the director their congregations and explain that this sort of abuse is wrestled a pair of scissors from a new cameraman wrong.’ They replied that they didn’t think it was w ro n g . who didn't understand the word 'cut'. But of course such trivial goings on as may occur in real life didn't I’m not proposing just now to argue the propriety or worry me, as I was a star now. Fiction was reality, otherwise of corporal punishment. For what it’s worth, and reality a pain in the bum. Batman was doing we’ve tried, for thoroughly Christian reasons, to bring up well in Hollywood, too. He had secured a part play­ our children without hitting them (though that’s a lot ing an evil criminal in the 'Batman' show. Yes I know harder in practice than it sounds in theory); I’ve certainly they don't make the 'Batman' show anymore, but never felt impelled to lay into them by anything I’ve found I just couldn't spoil his fun. in the Bible. The commercial break was over, and it was time for my tragic scene. It went something like this: I’m more interested at the moment in the conflicting 'Droid, you know that episode six of 'Kevin the judgments of right and wrong. How do you decide bet­ Wondernewt?' You ah, haven't seen it anywhere ween the two? It’s easy to respond with a conditioned have you? It's just that, and I don't know how to put reflex, on either side, but do you really know why (o r even this gently, it doesn't seem to be anywhere in the if) your reflex answer is sound? It’s im portant : if you’re office. Episode seven's in my humour file, and I don't going to tell people that they’re wrong, you should be suppose you could do another number six? I'm ready to say why - unless, of course, you just want to sup­ sorry! Really I am, I spent hours searching every bit press anyone who doesn’t happen to agree with you. of this monstrous office, and no Kevd I'll kill myself it it helps.' As you can see, this was heartbreaking And even if you do know what your reasons are, how news, but of course Droid forgave the evil editor do you compare them with other people’s reasons ? Mrs and wrote another Kevvy six so they could all be Dawson-Wheeler’s antagonists would know their reasons printed, and everyone lived happily ever after. very well; if you disagree with their attitudes, how do you Please? Kevvy 5's in Issue (Vegemite) 14, if you want know that your reasons are better ? to see where the story left off... So I waited anxiously for the reviews of my debut G.A.C for the A.U. Chaplaincy performance.

George You liked Star Wars, Raiders and E.T...

The great master of the Golden Age of Science Fiction returns to the field with the biggest action packed, imagination inspiring novel ever! Battlefield E a r th byL.Ron H ubbard

"I wrote Battlefield Earth for those who enjoy adventure, the w ill to survive and the basic spirit of the individual against impossible odds.” ~E Ron Hubbard

"Pure Science Fiction, the great pulp music in every line ... will be talked about for a decade. A masterpiece." ~A . E. Van Vogt

"This has everything: suspense, pathos, politics, w a r, h u m o r , diplomacy and intergalactic finance... if you like Heinlein you will like Hubbard." ~Publishers Weekly

FROM ALL Bookse ers G et yours today! $12^95 ind GST Available from Booksellers and other good bookstores SEPTEMBER 7 1987 CRACCUM ► 7 RCU ETME 7 9 7 198 7 SEPTEMBER CRACCUM 8

7719 than just their time. BNZ can help make ends make help can BNZ time. their just than meet. to tide you over to become a success story.a become overto you tide to future. your of part a be liketo important. will be planning financial start, right the critical.to arecareerTo off getyour of months formative and search job The certain. couldn’tmore be thing One ambitions? are your what willhold, it What future. the to Call at any branch of the BNZ and ask them what they can do for graduates graduates for do can they what them ask and BNZ the of branch any at Call NZ’s One bank, Bank Newof ownthe recognize bank Zealand, this wouldand it’sNowisnear. end back The good. Yourare looking prospects Graduation. You’ll they’re invest to that find prepared more * BNZ YOUR RANK AUCKLAND IE LOVER AND YOUTH THEATRE THE REAL INSPECTOR BELOVED Enrolments are now being taken for the third term!! Programme includes: Out Theatre return to The Gods, HOUND Creative drama, voice, film and video, ry Upstairs with a new work, covering improvisation, movement, last production in The Gods was theatre games, performance skills, con­ NFANTS and was highly acclaim- THE REAL INSPECTOR-HOUND fidence building and lots of fun!! the extent that the New Zealand by Tom Stoppard is a beautifully writ­ Classes cater for pre-schoolers to I called it ‘the m ost inventive and ten and hilariously funny comedy. The adults, enrol now as places are limited. laming theatre seen on the audience on entering the auditorium are For further information and ind stage this decade’. confronted with a second audience enrolments please telephone 771-755. lover a n d t h e b e l o v e d which appears to be looking back at [traordinary sto ry inspired by C a r- them. This other audience is watching a cCullers novellett TH E BALLAD play and along with two theatre critics, M oon and Birdboot, we are drawn into HE SAD C A F E . It explores th e |llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll| [relationship betw een a w o m an o f the action. jght, a man with a hunched back Performed by students of the Auckland jroken bridegroom. Between them Youth Theatre and directed by Stephanie sate a tension that paws away the McKellar-Smith, the play becomes more i of rationality to expose elemen- v/e Wouldn’t cfream.- and more farcical as the actors and the olent passion. This strange and eaU ncS eartV ilincc,.. audience become entangled in the trful ballad is presented in a highly various plot lines. style employing elements of ex­ • •. VuunTinrf c°V fae There is the mysterious Simon Gas­ physical perform ance and black coyne who ‘just moved into the V>as a ceiTS.\n cV i^rrn v. neighbourhood’, Lady Cynthia Mul- t Out Theatre-Mari Adams and doon the mistress of the Manor, M ajor el Mizrahi are jo in e d fo r th is p ro - Magnus Muldoon who ‘turned up out of (0 by Bruce H opkins an ex Limbs the blue from Canada just the other and a member of The Golden day’, Mrs Drudge the help who pops in bis. The climatic boxing sequence on her bicycle, a M adman in the swamps teen choreographed by Robert and of course, just who is The Real In­ !the former pro W restler and Stunt spector Hound? idinator. Opens on Monday 31 August playing lover a n d t h e b e l o v e d nightly (excluding Sundays) to Saturday at The Gods on Friday September 12 September with two matinees at 2pm runs until September 27. Perfor­ on Saturday 5 and Saturday 12 of ate Tuesday and Thursday at S ep tem b er. and Wednesday, Friday and at 6.00pm. There will be a Sun- brmance a t 4 .0 0 p m . S eat p rices 00. Senior Citizens, Groups of and Students with Identifica- s are eligible fo r $ 1 2 .0 0 seats. Standby of $8.00 applies to each ice. liiiiiiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiinniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiM iiiiiiiiitiiiiM iiiiiiiimiiiiiiiii^iM M iiiM iiM iiiiiLiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiii NEW TRAINING ----- SCHEME FOR THE PERFORMING □g Butterworths Bookshop ARTS First Floor, Johns Building, 21-23 Chancery Street, City. Phone 399-171

troduction of the first national scheme for ‘backstage’ workers Hours: Monday-Friday 8.30 a.m. to 5.00 p.m. Technicians make up about a third of fheatre was announced this week. all those working in the live arts and Lg for applicants for the two-year entertainment sector. Lighting and training course for theatre sound crew, stage managers, wardrobe, Mans, the scheme was noted as a scenic construction, stage and fly crew, investment in th e fu tu re o f th e SEE US FOR YOUR production managers and designers, all ’s live arts and entertainment can be helped by further training to PRESCRIBED & RECOMMENDED make a more skilful, and therefore more w course would give those com- safe, efficient and creative contribution LAW BOOKS the industry the opportunity to to theatre. oasic skills and knowledge by The schemes are supported by a broad 3f a pragmatic, industry-based base of employers, unions and profes­ programme. Trainees will be bas- sional associations, including the dance heatre for th e tw o -y ea r tra in in g and theatre companies, the commercial All trainees will be given the op- and civic venues and art centres, the ty to become familiar with the Federation of Entertainment Trade i and o p e ra tio n o f all te c h n ic a l Unions, Backstage Workers and the NZ production, theatre practice and Association of Theatre Technicians. The phy, before following an in- scheme is also funded by the VTC - ad­ 1 course of study and on-the-job ministered Training Development in the area in which they intend Assistance scheme and the Queen ALBERT alise. Elizabeth II Arts Council. PAR* TTC, organiser of the scheme, nally representative body form- 5 to initiate and operate train- les. It also ru n s s h o rt tra in in g o consolidate and develop the echnicians already working in Accounting, medical, scientific and technical books also available.

We offer student discount 10% Also Available For Tisa-Card Members.

SEPTEMBER 7 1987 CRACCUM ► 9 a fhei Economics

ON THE BRINK C h in a , o n c e a so c ialist co u n try , has also capitalism thanks to a bourgeois coup d’etat hea The world stands on the brink of another 1929-type Teng Xia-ping. It has invited all the big mo~ depression. Only this time the hardship will be far more b u sin e sse s b a c k a n d th e C h in ese w orkers suffer deeply felt because today finance is so interconnected tion once again. internationally. A s th e w o rld m oves to w ard s a m a jo r depression, In the 1970’s, the world began experiencing an economic d o es N ew Z e a la n d . O n ce a g a in , wage workers recession that has not let up. And now, as an agricultural ‘New Zealand’ has to accept a lower standard of' and industrial crisis of overproduction converge, a full By ‘New Zealand’ is really m eant ‘the wage work blown depression seems inescapable. whose shoulders the governemtn is placing the. Depressions are not new to capitalist societies. In the last b u rd e n o f th e crisis; w ith G ST ., grow ing unemplc century they occurred with monotonous regularity - every and cuts to an already eroded social welfare sy ten years on average. Bourgeois economists were left scrat­ T h e g o v e rn m e n t is n o m o re th a n the executive ching their heads as to why this was, and some decided tee of the entire capitalist class, whose dominant that ‘sun spots’ were the cause of their economic woes! consists of the biggest monopolies. The Labour Marx examined capitalist economics from the standpoint ment is showing its true colours as representatr of historical materialism, which views different socio­ phoney workers party. All Labour Governments (- economic formations as having succeeded one another in ly in New Zealand) have been traitors to the workir history at definite epoches, each with its own specific posing as protectors of their interests while in tit economic laws. Thus he was unhampered by the common­ The effect of all this is felt in the US. Last month the tions serving as the agents of the capitalist class. ly held illusion that capitalism is a natural and eternal largest US bank, Citibank, was seriously affected by system. He showed that capitalist production is anar­ Brazil’s inability to repay its loan. They had to forgo chical, each capitalist produces in competition with others dividends to shareholders to provide reserves to cover the to the maximum degree without regard for what the unpaid debt. There are other banks in similar positions. market can absorb. Each capitalist produces to the max­ If any big bank collapsed under such circumstances a imum, as though the total absorbing capacity of the chain reaction would result with widespread collapse in market is his/her own. banking. All this frightens the capitalists, who remember Fundamentally,crises arise from the basic contradiction the last depression with horror. 3RD WORLD GRAB of capitalist society which is the contradiction between The only country which did not experience a depression On the world scene in the last three decades, tl the social character of production and the private from 1929 to 1935 was the Soviet Union. They were b e e n in c re asin g c o n te n tio n b etw een the two super character of appropriation. This is expressed as a con­ building socialism there, a system of co-operation where for hegemony over other countries: for dominatio tradiction between production and consumption. the working class and its allies rule, and where planned th e ir reso u rces, fo r raw m a te ria ls, for exclusive ‘The last cause of all real crises always remains the poverty production is possible. There was no crisis of overproduc­ over their markets, places for investment of and restricted consumption of the masses as compared tion in the Soviet Union because production was not for capital, for the more total integration of these subor to the tendency of capitalist production to develop the pro­ profit but for people’s constantly rising material and countries into one or other of the military blocs cultural needs. ductive forces in such a way, that only the absolute power superpower control. The multinationals, billr Millions of workers began to look to the Soviet Union, of consumption of the entire society would be their limit.’ g an g sters, rak e in m a x im u m p ro fits from exploits (Marx: Capital Vol III p 568 Kerr ed) attracted by the obvious success of this new society. Sad­ the third world, on top of squeezing the last cent The capitalist buys the workers labour power at the ly they no longer have socialism in the Soviet Union, a ‘their own’ workers in the developed countries. At tf lowest rate (to get the greatest possible profit), but the restoration of capitalism took place under Krushchev and time, Japan and the EEC are prowling where the mass market for the products is formed in the last analysis his successors. A new ruling bourgeoisie has arisen there, seeking TH EIR share of the spoils of imperialist pi a class of bureaucrats and managers who treat the state by the purchasing power of the wage workers. Hence crises As part of one bloc of plundering imperialist state of overproduction relative to the market happen. Because enterprises as their personal property. Consequently, the Zealand has long been able to get a share of the i it is not a system of co-operation, planned production is Soviet Union too, is experiencing serious economic through the medium of relatively stable high pri impossible. Mountains of unsold foodstuffs are ac­ difficulties. its farm exports, particularly on the British mark' cumulated, and in many countries (particularly the US), these days are quickly coming to an end. farmers are being paid to keep land out of production. When economic depressions occur, and the This recently happened in New Zealand with grape workers are made intolerably difficult they struggle growers being paid to take land out of grape production. their exploitation. Then the ruling class resort too- Overproduction is happening in industry too, with resul­ ror in order to hold onto their power, wealth tant price-cutting. We see this in the car industry at the privileges. T h e w ea p o n o f th e m o nopoly capitalistsf present time. International competition in the car industry epoch, used to crush the rising forces of the prof is intense. a n d th e n a tio n a l lib e ra tio n m ovem ent, is fascist Changes in the international situation have led to capitalist country, however supposedly ‘civi changes in the business cycle, and since World War II there (remember Germany), is immune from the dang have been numerous recessions, but not a 1929-type fascism being imposed. depression. But fundamentally the system of monopoly capitalism is still the same and crises of overproduction continue happening as we are seeing now.

WORKERS WILL RESIST

W hile open fascism is not to the advantage to thei ENTER THE FINANCIAL PITS class in New Zealand at this time, there are tenJ towards it, such as the legislation designed to cripple The biggest capitalist countries are also facing financial tant unions (the only sort the boss fears) and to turn' crisis. Partly, this is because of the different third world into ciphers. Police are given expanded powers of : countries that are unable to repay immense loans to the and arrest, ostensibly in connection with drugs US and Europe. Their difficulties are not surprising, on ALSO USABLE FOR POLITICAL ENDS. There* the one hand, the big capitalist powers keep the raw T O L Fi crime of ‘unlawful assembly’ ostensibly aimed at material and agricultural prices of their imports at very n f j i i i BUT USABLE ALSO FOR POLITICAL ENDS, low levels while forcing acceptance of their own systematic police photographing of demonstratoil monopoly-priced products onto their third world debtors. co m p ila tio n o f dossiers on th em for filing in the The US is now almost the biggest debtor nation with AND NEXT is THE com puter centre, a more direct form of political in' an overseas deficit of $US200 billion, which is steadily TRIPLE SOMERSAULT tion by the state forces. growing. The countries to which the US has lent money 99 Economic crises lead to intensified oppression. 1 (particularly Latin America) are also experiencing where there is oppression there is resistance.’ sharpening of the economic crisis. Peru and Brazil are unable to continue repaying their debts to the US, and Mexico could soon be in the same position. Last year the IM F refinanced Mexico with great difficulty, it is unlike­ D APHNA WHITMO ly they will do so again.

10 -4 CRACCUM SEPTEMBER 7 1987 ■ I

ently G overnm ent is pouring Owing to the 'bums on seats for­ millions of dollars into the mula' for Technical Institute funding, ical Institute system in an effort administrators must keep the hours of soak up' unemployment. At the full-time students up in order to time University funding is static generate income for the Institution. the T.l. developm ent is being This means whereas a full-time Var­ sity student may only attend 16 hours ived by many as a covert attack of optional lectures per week, a full­ the varsities. sed time Tech student will have 28-35 hours of compulsory class hours. This aspect of this 'favouritism' is another large inhibitor to part-time i has not yet been highlighted by work for students at Polytechs. nentators is th e reality th a t the I do not maintain that all of these tech system, however much sins are about to be visited upon the ,ey is currently going into it, is University system . However, it is a lie fly moving towards a User Pay of the current Government to claim :ture. It is my contention that the that it is not applying cost recovery Vs are being used as a trial run for principles to tertiary education and Pay - cost recovery practices there are clear indications that ;h will later be implemented changes to the current system of Tech iin the University system. funding will be used as a dummy run ,ere is no doubt that the Labour Tech's User Pays for a similar system for University. :mment, and its National counter- The Technical Institute system is should the Nats be elected, see mostly externally moderated, which Polytech sector as cheap, flexible means that exam fees are not part of Goose Cooked iders of Tertiary Education. The course costs. The charges levied by The National Party's terrifying Ter­ issues of quality of Education, these outside bodies are based on tiary Education Policies envisage :nt Welfare and planned develop­ total User Pays basis and AAVA, (the Universities and Technical Institutes 'd are being set aside in the ques- main moderating body,) will charge, directly funded by the same body or able scurry for cost efficiency, for example - to a full-time student sit­ commission. Under that system, what ne statistics which highlight the ting (6) papers in A rchitecture $1 8 0 is toleraole or good for the Technical icrences between Government sup- for collating their results. Even a total­ goose will automatically be seen as for University and Polytech ly internal paper gathers a charge of good for the University, gander. ;ems are - S taff to Student ratios nearly $20 to AAVA who do nothing jiin the University community is but file the result. It must be said that Technical In­ I while at Tech's this is 1 to 13.6 If a student does not pay in full their stitute Students Associations would rising. Support staff to Teacher AAVA fees by July 31st in the year of not oppose User Pays funding of Ter­ s are even more drastic. A t their course of study they will not be tiary Institutions when the User is kland University the ratio is 1 tutor allowed to sit their final exams. identified as the real or possible lecturer to 1 support person e.g. As part of the policy of enhancing employer of students. Nor are market etary, technician, administration cost efficiency in the Tertiary sector driven funded courses, provided fete, while at ATI the ratio is 1 to th e G o vern m en t is pressing for directly by Tertiary Institutions for par­ Polytechs to expand their hours of ticular industries or groups opposed. operation. This will result in not only Obviously there is a need for a close versifies Too Expensive longer academic years for students, link between the market place that (thereby cutting into their vacation employs students and those providers s means that the Techs have been earnings period,) but also raises the of Tertiary Education that present the ,at considerably less cost than the prospect of compulsory classes at students for employment. But I believe jrsities but there is considerable 6.00 am or 10.00 pm in the evenings. that the best method of channeling ristream consequences for In 19 8 5 a survey undertaken of funds from the ultimate beneficiary of dents and administrators as a Waikato Technical Institute full-time Tertiary Education, the employer to jit of this lack of staffing, students showed that 53% of these the 'client' of Techs - the student, is s estimated at ATI that another people were in part-time jobs in order through the state. This should ensure allied staff are needed current- to subsidise their bursaries. A more re­ that Education as well as training is ,run to optimum efficiency and to cent survey done at ATI indicates that provided for young people. Juce the service which the clients, that figure is now up to about 80%, the students and the community particularly in courses with heavy run­ Technical Institute Students and large, require. ning costs such as nursing. their Associations oppose all other ; ATI has ten campuses on which forms of User pays policies in their Ching goes on around Auckland Education sector. We do so in order to the majority of these are totally Students Suffer from Long Hours protect ourselves and our system from erviced by Welfare agencies such the elitism which is now undermining 'counsellors, healtn centres or even Longer teaching days will not only the Nation's Universities. AUSA and eteria. This does not reflect a lack restrict the options of full-time its members should study what is will on the part of the ATI but is a students to undertake part-time work, happening at the ATI and other Techs of unavailability of space and of but will also cut deeply into their and start developing now defence already restricted recreation time -rnment provided funds to provide systems which will ensure that the ort staffing. thereby adding to the stress under few doors left open to people from ATI currently requires over ten which many full-time students less well off back-grounds to gain en­ sand sq metres of teaching, sup- operate. trance to Universities are not slamm­ jrt, student amenities and facilities In the WTISA survey of 1985 96% ed shut in the insane scramble to save re is currently no expectation of of working students said it was hav­ high income, and Company, Tax 1 being provided. ing a negative effect on their studies. dollars. Student Welfare Services are Rick Petersen itched beyond reasonable levels, ATISA Manager example there are 3 counsellors ,'ing 18,000 students on 10 cam - Rick Petersen Organised the Education ss at ATI. Auckland University, on Fight Back Campaign in 1979/80 on site, has the equivalent of 7.2 full- Waikato University, Worked for Waikato counsellors for 12,000 students. Technical Institute as an Exec. Officer from I does not have a dance hall nor 1981 to 1987, was on the Governments the main campus gymnasium Review on Financial Assistance to Tertiary Students in 1985/86 and is currently the where near the standards Manager for the A.T.I. Students Assn. ablished by its University terpart. TECH'S IVERSITI

SEPTEMBER 7 1987 CRACCUM ► 11

Md a np n e u j s u jjiju o o o; 9 AaanvD 3 H 1 V 3 H 1 ||B AanoaaiAi s p o u b a AIAI3QVOV 0 SMOQVHS j 989-E6Z. Md Z90-PLL A 90M -freQ Md auoqd asea/d Sdanioid ivdd Sdanioid 311111 >I3IM 0H s)uaAa iec/j a jou assa/d l a v a i w m n v s.Avap A3iavno s.Avap b u i A lAinasniAi aiw i> i3nvl ia iV 3 H l 1N31AI0IVI/M iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiii aZJLHIlX o) ‘saouejsuinojio aBuBL/o - m r u c w

2 2

01 jnoH '08 UOO|/\|

x n o d jy u o e |/\| a x ,,u e d e p ,. UJ908 00'9 >8

uouns Ajjax S d n ± >8 a|ex ueojjaiuv Aepox JJV uoe|/\| Aqpuejs juapnjs 8$ j a s s a j Q a q x - w d g g g jo pjeziM aqx-ujeoO'Ll uv-ujdoe'3l Adden - wdggv. oj gg g saq-indgxg Ajjaqo aqj japuryiudggz z q Ojsnj/M jo punos Ojsnj/M aqx-iudgsg m s

8 '8

'6 '6 ‘OZ'Z o isn i/\| JIM

m JV uoei/\j 9 u o ei/\i a x x n o d j y 1 ,,u B d e g , u o o i/\| 9 - L u d g x a z i H A H 00'9 uouns Ajjax s e i | |a w e o

a41 p *8 a|ex ueojjaiuv A e p o x

j e j j s - u i d g g x 6 /8 Aqpuejs Aqpuejs juapnjs 8$ j a s s a j g a q x - ujdQ O j o p u n o s uv-uudoe zL ’s ujeoe oi. s a q -tu d g i jo pjeziM aqi-uieocm aqj jo Apeq aqx-wdgg Ajjaqg aqj japun-wdgg-£ z q sjajseujuoijejs aqi-ujdgpg 0 1 0

$

8 £ Z 9 PM 9 0 ' UOO|/\|

,,u e d e r ,, u o e|/\( a x x n o d jy • J 0 9 q A j ' B i n p j o o jt f 9

s e j n a iu e g ujeoC Ol 00 uouns Ajjax >8

>8 a|ex ueouaiuv A e p o x JJV IJoejAl jaa/wg - tudQOT. ,jaseqg ou jq jassajQ aqx - tudgg-g Aqpuejs Juapnjs jo pjezj/v\ aqx-ujeoo'LL u o iu j b h aqj jo Apeq aqx-indgge uv-wdoe’Zl saq-ujdgxs AJJaqo aqj japufyiudggz z q sjajseuiuojjejg aqx-iudgjg Ojsny\| jo punos aqx-w dgeg

A

m

|/ '8 m oi jny± yi6 JIM O'LI 9 u o o UOCMjty 'OZ Z 'OZ

x n o d jy , (UGdBp,, a a m o o isn |/\| 9 lubo u o e |/\| a x

- s e in a iu e g h j 00 u o u n s A u a x 941 aZXHflX a I ex aI ueouaiuv Aepox UV !J0BIAI q j j u is >P!N - oJdQ O Aqpuejs Aqpuejs Juapnjs 8$ jassajQ aqx - w dggg jo pjeziM aqj jo Apeq aqx-tudgge auQ JB sAepjjy :iudgg- j uv-iudoe si s ujeoe ot jo punos 341 - wdgi/8 saq-ujdgxg S Ajjaqo aqj japun-uidgg£ z q Ajjaqo aqj japufyw dg£qx sjajseujuoijejs aqx-Judgjg aoueuijojjay looqos ojsnj/\|

'6 '6 JIM $ 9 8 ,,ueder,. !Joe|/\| ax !Joe|/\| UOO|/\| q o u n q 0!snj/\( s e j n a iu e g uouns Ajjax Aepox UV !-*oe|/\j no|c| aqx-iudg-^ E 6 Aqpuejs Juapnjg j a s s a j Q a q x - t u d g g g aqj jo Apeq aqx-tndoo jo p u n o s a q x - w d g x g s (u e iu q AJJaqo aqj japun-wdg£-[x sjajseujuoijejs aqx-iudgjg

J!M 9 00'8 00'8 UOO|/\| (/u e d e p ,. u o e i/\| a x semaujeQ Sil uoiing Ajjax Aepox u v poe[/\j aP!S isa/\A-Lud j o o q a|ny pue >poy-iudggt j o j s aqj jo Apeq aqx-iudgge A yisi uns ym i^s ym Ajjaqo aqj japurytudg£-|.l sjajseiuuojjejs aqx-wdgj-g i C c T B i n p j o

$ ‘6 ‘6 8 (ju e d e g . ijoej/vj ax ijoej/vj uouns Ajjax L L - w d g g q u°iA i 6 Aepox jjy uoe|/\| aqx - ujdQO'Z. Ltz |3 Aqpuejs juapnjg •j39q£im npjooft[ u m e a 6 !sn|/\| jo punos aqx-iudggg y m 0 ujejx e sa>|ex iajueQ-uidoo 12 •* CRACCUM SEPTEMBER 7 1987 IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1I1IIIIIIIII1II1IIIIIIIIII1II1IIIIIIIIIII1II1IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII11IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1II1IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII RAD ' 5 5 ARY 5 PHLKEL Nick Smith, Out-Flanking the

-•AJfZ: ThisEstablished. week Brad returned from self in­ flicted exile and stepped out to see Nick Smith, Chris Knox and Otis Mace play the Gluepot. Each, not afraid to experiment with new sounds and new concepts on the local scene. Brad managed to catch up with Nick Smith and found out what he's up to.

Nick toured with Billy Bragg at Orien­ As Nick teaches guitar at Seddon and tation this year and was well receiv­ Marist for a crust which means he ed throughout the country. Since then can't tour during term. He manages Nick has been working on a four track himself which he finds 'A lot of hard EP that will be out soon and is now work' but doesn't take his music doing a tour of NZ for promotion. The career that seriously though would tour started at the Gluepot two weeks like to make a living out of it. The clos­ ago and will end on campus, at ing of the EMI record pressing plant Shadows on this Friday. It also in­ saddens him because 'W hat I'd really cludes Pubs in Palmerston North, like to do is just to perform, make a Christchurch and Dunedin with one bit of money and put out records' and lunchtime performance at Massey with the closing putting out records?^ ' University. will be a lot harder.

His new EP has a w ide variety of ar­ That's it for this week, next week I tists and styles on it and will be a hope to have an interview with the change of tact from his last album Northland's controversial band 'The 'Flanker'. Flanker having just sold out Unseen'. Don't forget Nick is playing it's second pressing raised enough Shadows this Friday. funds to cover the costs of the new EP. The basic tracks were recorded at till next week a friend of Nicks' place then mixed in a studio. BRAD M.

JS: Do you ever ban certain bands? JS: Have The Warners, Screaming BL: I have done for a number of Pope, and Bygone Era been banned reasons. from Shadows? BL: The Warners and Bygone Era IDDY JS: And what are they? have been banned because of the BL: Adverse audience reaction, or volume problems which I’ve mention­ often it’s when they play their music ed, but also because they have a too loudly and refuse to lower the following of non-student skin-heads volume when asked. That sounds who did a lot of damage and caused really mean but it’s for good reasons. fights when those bands played at Firstly, there have been a lot of com­ Shadows last year. Screaming Pope plaints from the Maidment Theatre asked to play once but never got that music from Shadows interferes back to me about a date. with their performances, because the JS: Is it true that the Pleasure Party sound bounces around the quad. functions are always a great success? ACK Secondly, it is because of the BL: It’s true that the Pleasure Party Following a letter in the last issue of possibility of overloading the P.A. have run some successful functions CRACCUM, Exec member Jill and blowing the speakers. but there have also been some quite Segedin decided to investigate allega­ serious problems associated with tions made against the Shadows Staff JS: From your experience, would you them. I remember one dance where and the SAO. The resulting interview say that most patrons of Shadows go there were lots of underage drinkers follows .... there specifically to see the bands or (non-students). There was a hell of a do they use Shadows because it is lot of violence that night. A security Jill Segedin. On what do you base convenient? guard was quite badly hurt and the your choice of bands at Shadows? BL: I think that many go there function had to be closed early Biddy Leyland. Lots of bands come because it is convenient, but they do because of a near riot situation. and ask to play at Shadows. I always like to hear good music and com­ I think students like to see a variety decided on the basis of a demo tape, plain to the staff when they don’t like of entertainment. I personally don’t or if a band’s played before I gauge the bands. like covers bands but I book them their popularity from information JS: Is Shadows losing money? because many students request them. from the Shadows Staff, who pass on BL: No way. Shadows is probably the My aim really is to cater to the wants comments of the customers at the most lucrative catering outlet on of the students but at the same time bar. cam pus. to keep the quality high. SEPTEMBER 7 1987 CRACCUM ► A

j Your life style will change to- f tally. You’ll need money to set yourself up for the career op­ portunities ahead. The time to shop around for the best financial package is now. Start by sending off the coupon for full details on what the BNZ can do for you, the Graduate. You’ll receive full details on a financial package that is flex­ ible enough to tune into your needs and circumstances. And you’ll automatically go into the draw for a 12 month, $10,000 interest free loan. Apply now. Please send me full details of what the BNZ can do for Graduates and enter me into the draw for a $10,000 interest free loan. The loan is subject to normal BNZ lending criteria.

POST TO BNZ GROUP MARKETING, FREEPOST 267, WELLINGTON.

PERMANENT CONTACT ADDRESS.

CURRENT ADDRESS.

UNIVERSITY OR TERTIARY INSTITUTION. ^ 5 BNZ YEAR OF STUDY ______YOUR BANK YEAR EXPECTING TO GRADUATE. 14 ◄ CRACCUM SEPTEMBER 7 1987 Aikido instructor Returns

The University Aikido Club is Paul Lloyd, Sylvia Hume, and Richard Lockhart with National Chairman, Michael Wigg, prior to benefiting from the return of one of its the team’s departure for Yugoslavia. past instructors. Rosso Fernandez has UNIVERSIADES7 ZAGREB YUGOSLAVIA just spent one year in Tokyo, at the World Headquarters for Aikido as an Ernst & Whinney uchi deshi (live-in student). Rosso was New Zealand Team. invited to Japan after a senior instruc­ tor from the Headquarters spotted his UNIVERSIADE’8' potential whilst visiting New Zealand. Rosso is the first non-Japanese to become an uchi-deshi at the head­ [New Zealand Universities’ Sports are : 1 min 05.38s in the heat of the 100m quarters for over 30 years. The training [competed at the 1987 Universiade Anthony Mosse (Stanford University) breastroke, but later finished 8 th in th e was rigorous, at least 3 to 5 times daily, |in Zagreb, Y ugoslavia, 8-19 July, won the Gold Medal in the 200m but­ final. He also finished 8 th in the final by the top instructors in the world in­ was k n o w n as th e ‘E rn s t & terfly event with a time of 2 m in 0 .2 0 s. o f th e 2 0 0 m breaststroke with a time of cluding the present head of Aikido and New Z e a la n d U n iv ersities’ He later took the Silver Medal in the 2min 23.59s. the next designated head. Whilst in |f. The Universiade, also known as 1 0 0 m butterfly, narrowly missing the Marguerite Buist (Waikato University) Japan, Rosso was given his Sandan or brld Student Games, is ranked se- gold by .08 seconds with a time of finished 7th in the 10,000 metres with a Third Degree Black Belt. Uchi-deshi |only to the Summer Olympics on 54.73s. time of 34 min 08.25s. ultimately, in Japan, become the profes­ National S p o rts C a le n d a r. T h e Sylvia Hume (University of Auckland) Paul Lloyd (Victoria University) failed sional instructors and leading exponents ctition involved twelve different finished 4th in the 100m backstroke with to qualify for the final of the 110m o f A ik id o . events a n d a ttra c te d 7,000 a time of lmin 04.45s (missing a bronz­ hurdles when he recorded the time of Rosso now intends to teach Aikido full­ and 2,000 m e d ia fro m 115 ed medal by .9 seconds) and also finish­ 15.03s in the heat. time and will instruct the University ed 6 th in the final of the 2 0 0 m Support personnel were Stephen Tew, Club once a week. The Club trains on [Ernst & W hinney New Zealand backstroke with a time of 2min 19.28s. Team Manager, Dr Andrew Ness, Team Tuesday and Thursday nights from rsities’ Sports Team m em bers and Richard Lockhard (University of Doctor, Andrew Ralph, Physiotherapist 6.00pm in the M artial Arts Room of the I respective u n iv ersities a n d resu lts Auckland) swam a personal best time of and Dave Henderson, Swimming Coach. Recreation Centre.

ACCOUNTANTS CHARTERED ACCOUNTANCY WITH A DIFFERENCE AUCKLAND

WE ARE a medium sized firm situated in Anzac Avenue, Auckland, located conveniently close to Queen Street and the central Business district.

WE HAVE EXPERIENCED EXTRAORDINARY GROWTH in recent months and are expanding our Staffing structure considerably. To achieve this we are seeking additional personnel, ranging from Intermediate to Senior, qualified or partly qualified. Ambitious accountants seeking a future in the profession are H invited to apply.

1 WORK INVOLVEMENT would be:-

DOWN either in the Audit Section of our Practice with an opportunity, if so ) Fascinate (7) 1. A thin soup (5) desired, to assist our Computer Systems Consultant with consultancy j Set up (5) 2. Intelligence (3) I Immediately (3,2,4) 3. A clump (4) assignments and to gain experience in our Accounting Services Section; “ ink in small mouthfuls (3) 4. Cordial (6) | Loathe (4) 5. Lineage (8) or in our Accounting Services Section. Two of the positions in this Sec­ I Cease to flow (8) 6 . Will (9) tion require mature, qualified or near-qualified accountants, who can I Fight (6) 7. Unlucky (7) deal directly with clients in all aspects of their affairs. These personnel 1 Niche (6) 11. Schedule (9) [ Go to law (8) 13. Border-line (8) would build a group of clients around themselves for personal develop­ [Commotion (4) 14. Unfeeling (7) ment within the firm. ere (3) 16. Motionless (6) kepute (9) 19. Regal (5) WE ARE COMPUTERISED and currently developing our in house systems Bout (5) 20. Season’s yield (4) Chief town (7) 23. Consume (3) and expanding our range of computerised products to our client base.

WE PAY EXCELLENT SALARIES and reward our staff relative to effort and ability. Staff are encouraged to advance within the firm.

the last week of last term’s Please Telephone or Write to :- so lu tio n : Mr P. Nelson or Mr M. Stanbridge, Partner, Wylie McDonald & Sneyd, Box 43, Auckland. Phone 32-243.

SEPTEMBER 7 1987 CRACCUM ► 15 I f c s J f i MONDAY M<

Paris Texas, iwling odyss jnal resonance -baked lands* ■v Vith H arry D e We have seen in this year of peace and lastassja Kii love at Auckland University, one (Sept 14th): ‘1 momentous and catastrophic misde­ meanor. One of the most hallowed ob­ jects in the history of the m otor car in­ dustry has been neglected - The Morris places. URSARY PAY M in o r. The Morris furthermore can Yes dear friends, as we hold hands in anywhere in first gear. Made for an i tones will be av a circle of unity we leave out the centre when life was much slower and m from the 1 of our devotion. But let us not dwell on could pack M a and Pa, five kids _ Inesday 9 th ! the celestial qualities of our highest be­ beach in and still climb the Bombay! 4.30pm. ing but now look at one example of these in less than an hour. So okay in se_. mrsday 10th I virtuous creatures which gently swoon th e c a r is a to rto is e b u t after that (a s will be av through our streets. especially down hills) this pegasus. lion 9am to L This weeks car is a 1960 model similar fly. There are then the classic Mon ir University in age and style to a lady who owns a m inor indicators which apart from i cattery who soon will be on her way to occasional one being snazzed by a bil the retirement home. Her name is Belin­ o r n a rro w alley b eco m e a sense of I DLITICAL S I and alarm to other motorists. da, fitting for a gleaming creature who STUDEN1 like others of its species has not a T h e M o rrie u n lik e cars today that ^ straight panel on it. But Belinda strikes wrap you in tin foil free for Christn an historical note, with the end of split­ o n a cra sh , will sta n d up to anything, to P ro fes screen windows in 1959, 1960 dawns as proved a Hiace van when ramming i W e d n esd ; an age when the Morris no longer has me this m orning wrapping itself rc_ nber, 7 .3 0 p m a crack through its window. my bumper. Parking also is no problt Cper ticket. Ava Now I know we may laugh at the speed as M orries’ can reduce Mini’s to ch Assistant and agility which this creature has boun­ their length for extra space. i-14 Symond ding through the forest, but dear Belin­ There are few scratches on the ing body of the Morris image” da does not consume many new green FRIDAY FO shoots in the ground (Petrol Super) and Morris Minor is your friend who i Korea - how < unlike the skateboard (those silly plastic can love and cherish like any hur lution? W h a t is things found in Weetbix packets) it partner. Belinda and I, despite a g? Come and stands as one of the few vehicles to have arguments are still very much in love: ; and pepper survived the age of Buddy Holly and will continue to be till she next br cavorting hips. And they’re everywhere d o w n . i like! E xecuti bumbling away to and from the greatest 11th Septer dl welcome.

CAPTION

The most important questions are not “How COMPETITION G raduates much will I get paid?" or “Will’they give me a First prize (2 dozen Steinlagers) goes to Junior of Herne Ibriefcase?” or “Will I Bay with this entry: have to travel out of Considering town?" — but, “Will I enjoy working with a team of progressive, IP® your future innovative dynamic people?” - - 5 Chartered Accountancy at Touche Ross is far removed from the ultra-conservative, ■ p B M career path? rigidly conventional profession j r y ” y | of yesteryear. .;1 S: Touche Ross recoghises the importance of its people by providing wide and varied work experience, allowing independence and flexibility. Initiative is encouraged Formal training is continually being undertaken in auditing, accounting, small business advisory services, taxation, management consulting, and special areas, such as investigations, acquisitions and insolvency services. Technology is an integral part of today's business world, and Touche Ross encourages its people to gain experience and knowledge, particularly in the micro computer field. If you have a desire to become a conservative, rigidly conventional accountant, then pursuing a career with Touche Ross is not for you . . . on the other hand, IF YOU DO WISH ■ to become part of a progressive, innovative and dynamic business, then pick up the phone or write - NOW and discuss your prospects with: Martvn Fisher, Staff Partner, Touche Ross & Co., CPO Box 3979, Auckfand. Telephone (09) 32-645.

Ô Touche Ross Second prize (1 dozen Steinlagers) goes to Ian Barbour AUCKLAND with this caption : “Auckland University’s coxless sevens skull­ ing team getting in some practice before the New Zealand Chumps ” 16 ◄ CRACCUM SEPTEMBER 7 1987 w 0 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN PRODUCE )NDAY MOVIES POSITIONS ON NZSAC SIBLING WARD FOR REMUERA A BETTER CRACCUM ? t: Paris Texas. A n involv- Nominations are open for the Gained 108 votes. Obviously a prawling odyssey of great following positions on the New moral victory! Or would you just like to help out on Itional resonance set against Zealand Students Arts Council. this most austere weekly publication B-baked landscape, (save - P re sid e n t [With Harry Dean Stanton - T reasu rer CRACCUM & BFM in 1988? | Nastassja Kinski. Next - Four Executive Board POSITIONS (Sept 14th): ‘1941’. M em b ers Terms of all the positions are Applications are now open for Then WE WANT TO for one year. They are respon­ the following positions: sible for the direction of the ad­ SEE YOU AT RSARY PAYMENTS ministration and functioning of CRACCUM: iermore can NZSAC. Duties entail approx­ Distribution Manager r. M ade for an i |es will be available for im a te ly 12 meetings per year Technical Editor The Annual CRACCUM > slower and :tion from the Rec. Centre and other tasks associated with Advertising Manager 5a, five kids l . dnesday 9 th S ep tem b er, these. For more details contact b the Bombay 1 | to 4.30pm. your President of your Student CAMPUS RADIO Media skills workshop. So okay in se~ hursday 10th S ep tem b er, Association or NZSAC, P.O. Station Manager •ut after that ( | es will be av ailab le fo r Box 9266, Wellington, phone: Assistant Station Manager This SATURDAY, 12 > this pegasus nion 9am to 12 noon on- 850-214. The election of Presi­ Technical Director he classic Mori ur University ID card is dent and Treasurer and appoint­ Programme Director SEPTEMBER, 9.30AM ch apart from i td. ment of the Executive Board Advertising Manager snazzed by a I members will take place at the News Editor in the AUSA Council Tie a sense of I LITICAL STUDIES October Council of NZSAC on notorists. STUDENTS Sunday 11th October. Nomina­ The term of appointment is irs today that gifl tions close: 1st October 1987. from Jan 1 1988 to Dec 31 1988. Room (Next to ree for Christo* Further information is available up to anything.! to Professor Chap- from the Media Officer c/- Reception). hen ramming ii Wednesday 23rd NEWMAN HALL AUSA, Ph 390-789 ext 827. ?ping itself rou nber, 7.30pm to 11pm. We are the Catholic Students The workshop will be conducted by this year's CRAC­ ilso is no prob Dper ticket. Available from Centre at 16 Waterloo CUM editors, and will cover virtually all aspects of ce M ini’s to ch Assistant, Jennifer WINNERS OF BOWIE Quadrant. Our phone number CRACCUMISING, from editorial, layout, attitudes, writing, space, i -14 S y m o n d s St. TICKETS is 732-097. you name it. hes on the gle Masses: There is Mass every Anyone who wishes to help on CRACCUM next year »rris image. Ya 1. Michael Canning of Sunday at 7.00pm in Maclaurin may attend, you can also meet the 1988 editors (if you ■ friend who FRIDAY FORUM Chapel, and weekdays, Tues­ P a k u ra n g a . really want to). like any hun i Korea - how clo se is it to day to Friday at 1.10pm 2. Allan Stewart of Mt If you wish to come along (it will take all day Saturday), I, despite a ton? W hat is really hap- upstairs at Newman Hall. A lb e rt. please sign up outside the CRACCUM office by r much in love; g? Come and hear what Free lunch: Soup and rolls are 3. Mark Barlow of Interna­ Wednesday evening, so we know how many people 1 she next bre i and pepper bombs are available at Newman on Mon­ tional House. will be coming. Some refreshments will be available, like! Executive Lounge, day from 12.45 onwards. 4. Steve Brown of and some notes will be distributed. 11th September, 4 to Come in any time for tea, cof­ Sandringham. dl welcome. Oh yes, it's FREE, too! fee, milo and conversation. 5. Steve Barriball of Parnell.

Banqueting on a

VC C u t i k U c r r + s k ary. I chfu ,* fo r* rne Here’s a super-easy chicken recipe: CHICKEN AND APRICOTS COOL BANANA'S 2 tb s p oil The Cool Banana’s Cafe is on the corner of Darby and Chicken pieces (1 or 2 per person) Elliot Streets, up one flight of stairs. Although the cafe 1 pkt Maggi onion soup can prove a little hard to find, it is well worth the naviga­ 1 tin apricot halves tional effort. This restaurant, tucked away in a little cor­ ner and wrapped in crisp yellows and greens is quite Heat the oil in a frying pan and lightly brown the chicken exceptional. pieces, you don’t have to do this if you can’t be bothered! The main meals are all (all!) $7.50. This is amazing value Transfer the pieces into a casserole dish. W hisk together for the culinary delights offered. The choice includes such the onion soup and the juice from the apricots and pour dishes as whitebait fritters, Orange Roughy, and Devil over the chicken. Cover, and bake at 350°F for 40 to 45 sausages just to name a few. mins, or until the chicken is tender. Add the apricot halves After having consumed a scrumptious main, your in­ and cook a further 10 to 15 mins. trepid reviewer was sure things could get no better but they This is great served with baked potatoes and fresh green did! The desert menu brought on a fit of indecision that veges. could rival all but the most confused. We were tempted V.T. with pavlova and apricots, Chocolate cake and cream, and apple pie, again to give just a brief preview. The cappucino was a nice means of working up the energy to leave, but it would have been possible to finish with a variety of juices, and cordials. Now for the big m o­ ment of truth (drum solo). For a meal of - W hitebait frit­ ters and vegetables and chips, pavlova and apricots and ... k a cappucino the total cost was $12.00. If you’re not im­ pressed you should be! Craccum has really discovered something here. -A 3*-: The Cool Banana’s Cafe is open for lunch Monday to Friday, and Dinner Wednesday to Friday. So spoil rbour yourself. You won’t be able to do it for any cheaper elsew here.

SEPTEMBER 7 1987 CRACCUM ► 17 TITLE DISPUTED SERIOUS SATIRE DOUBLE DECEPTION MOVE OVER ROCKY Dear Craccum, D e a r Sir, Computer Science Department, Dear Craccum, W ho is this self-styled M ongolian Am­ It seems to me, reading the letters in 11 August 1987 By the togas of my ancestors! What bassador Kharloin CChoibalsan? I Craccum, that people are forgetting a Dear Editors: wrong with society today. Where is tl dispute and repudiate your title, you basic rule of writing satire: It should be I write in response to the letter from famous blood sports of yesteryear? I sawed-off swelled head. If you have to almost believable, but a little something Todd the Student, and some perplexity Spain they have bullfights and I see tl pump-prime your ego with diaphonous should give it away. Otherwise people as to how I should interpret it. Did Todd Rec Centre as being the perfect venue fc appelations you must be afflicted with take you seriously and get offended. take seriously the ‘principle’ which I put an Auckland version. an over-whelming sense of your own Michael Courtenay, for instance. He forward facetiously in my column ? Or I m e a n y o u ju s t have to look at tl unimportance. seemed to me to be satirizing extreme (I am I now taking too seriously Todd’s potential entertainment value that lr As for your claims, lies, all dam n lies! said extreme) feminist rhetoric about facetious reply to my article ? I don’t within our grasp. Imagine the line-up. It’s been well known for the last 8000 men as the only source of evil in his let­ know; so just in case anyone really did First there could be dogs versus Chris­ years, Mongolia has been infiltrating the ter ‘Female Species’. I’m surprised take it seriously perhaps I should try to tians. Then dogs versus feminists, in fact western world with nuclear-powered anyone thought that someone could real­ clear things up. dogs versus anybody! digital watches and pepper-impregnated ly mean such rubbish. Well, then. I don’t really suggest that B u t fo r a m a tc h th a t w ould really pack! vegemite jars! Along the same lines, I assume anyone attacks anyone or anything with the crowds in you couldn’t go past Enough of this persiflage. Matching ‘Patriotic Southerner’ is not serious in any weapon whatsoever. I am on record thro w in g Sheryl & Ju lian in the ring, taB wits with this CChoibalsan is like swat­ believing the writer of the gross and as being a pacifist, because I can’t see about a show-down - Capitalist versus ting a fly with a Kingswood. My major frankly silly letter signed ‘M artin Luther any alternative for a Christian. Perhaps Com munist. Rocky V would be nothin, concern of the moment is that there is IV’ to actually be a Christian, but is just it’s because my views on violence are so compared to this and the best benefit a creeping disease spreading over cam­ taking the opportunity to get in a dig. deep rooted that I assumed that no one would be that we might get some more pus. More incurable than herpes, less fun Incidentally, it has been estimated that could possibly take seriously the first few room for letters from Judge Red and the i than hangovers this foul malady is so in­ religious wars and persecutions in the paragraphs of the column. I’m not at all like. sidious it is called normality. It is called name of Christianity (but against its sure that I like the implications of the ... Sanity! (aargh, shock, horror, no no teachings) have claimed some 3 million possibility that some people did just Farts and ki: n o ....) victims during recorded history. Com­ th a t. P orkus Dork No one knows where it comes from. pare the tens of millions killed just this In any case, the second part of the col­ No one knows how it spreads. century by the followers of two anti-God um n describes the ‘principles’ as ‘raving’, Bruvvers and Sifters, fight the sinner’s philosophers, Marx and Nietschke, and ‘extreme’, ‘intemperate’, and I thought RAINCOATS FOR PAUi fight. The time has come to unite the tell me which should be taught in univer­ that would have made my meaning clear. Dear Steve Barriball, sities and which should be suppressed. neurotically shy, froth at the mouth and Or are those adjectives now seen as en­ Thank you very much for you act as though both of your brains have dorsements ? Once again, I hope not; I generous gift of a packet of condor Michael McMillan ooozed out of your three ears. Let my cling stubbornly to a belief that calm I decided to use them as rainr people come! and careful reason is the only proper because you m ade a big dick out of m. P.S. - I’m being serious (for once). This basis for action. but unfortunately some anonymous ir. is not a satirical letter. The unswattable Gadfly It isn’t the first time my sense of dividuals blew them up in the AVF humour has got me into trouble; there o ffice. seems to be no cure, so it probably won’t be the last. But this time Todd had good Yours in promotion of safe reason to question my motives - the P.S. Tur: photograph with which the column was adorned is clearly that of a man who would happily attack cars, pedestrians, or cyclists with any weapons whatever. NEW NAME FOR THE I can only claim that appearances - in COUNTRY ? photographs as well as in articles - can Dear Craccum, be deceptive. It is com m on practice amongst colon: Thank you for your attention. who achieve their independence their own real-life constitution, A la n C re a k discard their colonial imposed nan. a n d a d o p t a n a m e p e rh a p s more fitt' o r tra d itio n a l fo r th e ir country. Many; amples abound in recent history: HAMLET’S Gold Coast became Ghana on AUCKLAND-SINGAPORE ret. $745 PHILOSOPHY... d e p e n d e n c e , B e c h u a n a la n d becan B otsw an a, G ilb e rt Islan d s becam Dear Craccum (and Ophelia) Tuvalu, and so on. So you think students’ lives should be The time is bound to come when thi AUCKLAND-SYDNEY ret. $395 all study. But haven’t you heard that all c o u n try to o w ill get real independence work and no play makes Hamlet a very and a constitution. Most people I hav dull person indeed. discussed this matter with seem ti From your letter, it is apparent you a u to m a tic a lly assu m e th a t the name o AROUND THE WORLD $2200 think all students are either perverted the new independent nation, rather thai alcoholics or hardened drug users who sticking with a Dutch province, migh spend all their time in a state of b e c o m e A otearoa, w ith the minorit euphoria. But the reality is hard work South Island contingent (who wan THRIFTIES AND SUPERTHRIFTIES and lectures, from which there must be secession) plugging for Waipunamu fo some break. their island. Ophelia is quick to criticize student life, I have a n e a sie r suggestion. Why no but yet Ophelia is not even at Universi­ use a four-letter word, and thus pu ty, and has obviously no idea what it is ourselves am ong that small group of na really like, Ophelia is an office-junior — tions whose citizenry can boast: ‘I livi Maybe next year, when you join the in a four-letter word; - Peru, Mevu, Fi ranks of undergraduates, you too will ji, Laos, Mali, a n d Chad being othe find the need for socialising and enter­ distinguished numeraries in that selec OFFICES AT tainment, perhaps there is hope for you group. I propose the country be name< y et... KIWI. After all, NZers abroad an 2ND Floor, Finally, has it ever occurred to you that popularly known as ‘Kiwis’, wherea people might actually enjoy reading the ‘New Zealanders’ and ‘Aotearoans’ an S.U. Bldg, Auck.Uni. Kelloggs Serial. I mean, while you are at both both messy and hard to spell i Ph 370-555 it, why not just do away with Craccum you’re not used to them. Also, ou altogether - That would put an end to m o n e y is a lre a d y k n o w n on the interna wastage of student funds, and remove tional m arket as ‘the Kiwi$’. Pop a kiwi! 64 High St. one more distraction from a life of total profile on to the flag, and the identity stu d y ... is complete. Or have you a better idea? Auckland Ph 390-458 Y ours Yours faithfully, H a m le t Ernest Budge 18 ◄ CRACCUM SEPTEMBER 7 1987 EflDflBLESIMON’S SERMON?? P.P.S. ToL Paul Corballis - the TTUMachiavelli ISRAELI APARTHEID ROCKY piAGGOT OF TRASH ? campaign posters may look good, but if Readable Lettuce, r Craccum, H i scu m , you wanted to use a Renaissance per­ Hey Craccum and AUSA what the hell Just thought I’d write in and offend a sonality as your alter ego you should cestorslW haiJ^8 ? firstf/ ear stud„ent * ho has is going on? Why is it that we have had few people. I’ll avoid feminists as they have used a picture of Cesare Borgia. av Where ictlJ t0 flt mt° thlS blg COn' to wait for M artin B. Weaver to tell New get enough shit as it is, and yuppies get Now there was a good, sound, strong f vestervear? £ Dmerate of massive buildings, pro- Zealand what the hell is happening to t . i ‘ 3 ssors, lecturers, tutors and fellow studs, all the crap they deserve. W ho does that madman who GOT THINGS DONE!!!! leave? Well, lads for one. At Varsity a kid our fellow students under Israeli op­ Perfect ven^S fterfive years at high sch° o1’ 1 fin d [i pressive rule? W hen are we going to get w jrd to believe that this is the PLACE is anyone under 22. You know why? Of NO REDS HERE! course you don’t cretins. It’s because if our collective arse into gear and start do­ to In w l iat most p a th e tic p eo p le like m yself T h e E d ito r y o u ’re 2 1 st was your last birthday and ing something about Israel’s racism? Due to a lack of response to my let­ value that i J r t0 get t0 ’ w ith m y S c h ° o1 C e rt> U E you remember it then you haven’t been W hat a noise there would be if South in e t h e r UC* Bursary in hand. ters I am under the impression that to a really good party since to wipe out African government closed black univer­ 2s ver<5i K r t UP' H being a rro 8 a n t » 1 certainly feel that either A) everyone reading them is an your memory. (So some of you don’t sities, deported faculty and students and fpminictc •/** we of us wil1 survive ‘User Pays’, but apathetic bunch of losers and/or rejects, Feminists, fact ^ he,p if our STUDENX UNION agree eh? Well what do you know you’re cold bloodedly shot others. Well I can or B) everyone agrees with what I say. only bloody kids!) Kids, what’s wrong tell you that Israel is no different from ouid rean , EE was put to some good use. This so- Being the voice of the student majority with them? Well they have no conception South Africa - except Palestinians are uidn’t y readable maggot of trash is worth I shall assume the latter option and con­ about what life in the real world means. not black. The two countries have the tinue on my merry way in anouncing i in the rfng.fcj s ‘ha” th,e.paper “ |s pri"ted on' * s You can’t expect to know the meaning same apartheid aim. That is to get rid Capitalist v ™ issu e o f te rm tw o o n th e Mister Gorbachev is the only nominee of life, love and all that in four years out of the original inhabitants except those in the contest for wanker of the decade. ould be nothin* m dr“ kl" g raCeS' f Can ? nly Say ,ll?at of school. Exceptions: if you’ve been that are suitable for cheap labour. It he he h r ' iystomaeh has never been the same! It s In my opinion (and obviously yours) overseas without enough money to let seems to me that the ones that have been neflt Dod public relations to have the two Uncle Sam’s Star Wars programme is you have a comfortable time of it, then persecuted (?) have learnt the lesson dgeRedandthe' teident* on the froat c° ver' Pm sti“ the best thing to happen to warfare since pretty well. They can now use the same ‘ [jing to figure out who they are trying you know that life loves to give you a swift kick in the groin, if you can han­ Cane and Abel had a disagreement. techniques on others who never [represent, US civilised studs or AA. Have you noticed that the good old US dle it THEN you’re no longer a kid. So, persecuted anyone. the way fellas, where did you get the of A has never fought a war/battle on 'arts and kisses all you kids with lots of money and real­ So get cracking AUSA get behind M ar­ ey for the booze? its own territory? (excluding the Civil Porkus Dork ly meaningful relationships with so­ tin Weaver and get with the Palestinian W ar). This must be viewed as masterly students - help them to get their freedom ANTI-A.U.S.A. meone of your favourite sex think about it, you haven’t got it sussed yet. But, hey, tactics where self-preservation is of ut­ just as you would help the black students or pai G in a T elky most importance to the Americans. And don’t get depressed remember you can of South Africa. The ones that know now, the Americans are thinking of all still look forward to the joys of being a Weaver know he raves on but this time fctor’s reply: Yeah! Right on! other countries in the world by moving uch for your g ro w n up. he really has got his act together. the field of battle into the space arena. et o f condoms. Now all wars will be on no one’s m as rainc__ A RAVING CYNIC S a ra h H ill te rrito ry . dick out of me, But do our commie-cousins want anonymous in- MALES HARASSED P.S. Anyone who tries to psycho-analyse P.S. No Martin you are not sexist. A this? No! Therefore, I draw the conclu­ o in the AV ar Craccum, me, feel free, you won’t be able to tell me Palestinian woman said ‘When you are sion that the commies’ intentions include is with a mixture of sadness and anything new. Besides, I’m brilliant at under military occupation you don’t ask wiping out capitalism and the whole appointment, that I have to write to b u lls h it. for equal rights with your men because earth at the same time. they don’t have any rights either.’ on o f safe i. P.P.S. I’m 24, single, male and poor, so D r H P.S. Turner Again, unfortunately it is the same sub- u p y ours. on which I wrote to Craccum this [time last year. FOR THE Alas people there is some nasty kniver- ng, jut-jawed commandent going MAD RAVINGS IY ? ound Womenspace, ripping down isters of a male candidate running in Dear Craccum, When will you lot ever learn?? After mongst colonie : President & V ice P re sid e n t electio n s the letter I wrote to you some months ependence wit] :ld recently. ago I thought you’d desist from putting onstitution, to] Womenspace is espoused as a ‘H arass­ offensive material in your paper. But no, im posed name, [ ed free z o n e’ w h ere w o m en o f all this week I pick up my weekly Craccum aps more fittirw ckgrounds regardless of ethnic, and right on the editorial page I see mntry. Manyot^ ligious, political and social grounds ‘Spreading the ‘Kiwi disease’ (i.e. anti­ nt history: Th_ i mix. nuclear sentiments) is of vital impor­ Ghana on in-1 [There are som e p o ste rs in W om en sp ace tance to world sanity.’ HUH !! alan d becan eating c e rta in sexual a n d p o litic a l Now come on Craccum! For a •lands became styles which I don’t agree with, but i certainly n o t such an insecure gutless magazine that claims not to persecute oppressed groups, you’ve got a pretty :om e when this nder, to pull them down - just because | don’t agree with them ! shocking record of printing things 1 independence, "Voted Top Salons ~ [lam making a plea to those women or designed to offend one of society’s two 5t people I have most oppressed minorities - the Mad. with seem to woman who tore down that male ^ * Mews and Ladies, (The other minority, as I mentioned in iat the name of ndidate poster - it is my political my previous letter, is the intellectually U years running by ion, rather than oice as a woman to vote for a male ‘handicapped’) Your editorial assumes province, might voted on his policy and I feel he Metro readers' that sanity is the ideal state of mind, that i the minority iild represent all students. only sane people are against nuclear nt (who want [ So keep your dirty underhanded cen- weapons, that lunatics have no decent Waipunamu for orship to yourself ! feelings and their perceptions of new and DOWNTOWN • CITY different realities are invalid. May I in­ stion. Why not Sally Thomson 790-987 form you that you are dead wrong. I and thus put consider myself schizophrenic, I’m pro­ all group of na­ ICROAD «CITY ud of it, I’m anti-nukes and I don’t think il boast: ‘I live I’m any less loving or caring than any of 734-232 ^eru, Mevu, ft] BRING BACK ITV you sane lot. And may I say that anyone id being other] who tries to invalidate mad con­ LORNE STREET • CITY s in that select that was the national issue was it? sciousness may not actually perform the 390-689 intry be named What a load of bollocks. All I can say psychiatric tortures practised on lunatics rs abroad are is bring back bloody ITV. To all those in the past and present, but by showing .iwis’, whereas who helped get this publication out: such attitudes they indicate that they kotearoans’ are GET REAL. I m ean to say who isn’t sick condone such torture. Let’s have no more ard to spell if and tired o f b lo o d y p o litics? O b v io u sly of this offensive crap and make Craccum ?m. Also, our Charlotte Denny and G rant O ’Neill, the a pleasant publication for ALL readers. on the interna­ f lu £ L ones who told everyone what to do. Be l s ’- Pop a kiwi warned kids, it w on’t happen next year. Yours in protest against oppression' tid the identity Julia Byrne i a better idea? A politically apathetic person with a $10 off $8 off $10 off $8 off LA D IES C U T M E N S C U T P E R M H E N N A COM B ON SEMI- sense o f h u m o u r P.S. This letter is NOT intended as a & BLOW WAVE & BLOW WAVE 3urs faithfully, OR HIGHLIGHTS PERMANENT COLOURS (CD. and G.O. look it up in a dictionary) jo k e. Ernest Budge CUT OUT THIS ADVERT AND PRESENT TO OBTAIN DISCOUNT m wm mm m mm m m i mm ^m M i ^m mm m b ■■ mm mm ■ SEPTEMBER 7 1987 CRACCUM ► 19