Rule #1 by Laurence Rubin, MD, FRCPC
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IMPRESSION & OPINION Rule #1 By Laurence Rubin, MD, FRCPC Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India. February 2008. “The front page of the Hindu (Tamil Nadu edition) reported an unusual commotion at the main T-Nagar Bus Terminus this past Saturday night. A seemingly crazed middle-aged Caucasian tourist was seen running about the platform shouting ‘Kati, Kati!’ According to one eyewitness, after several minutes, he left on the 599 Bus…” hennai (formerly Madras) is one of the four desig - Ever-mindful of my lack of professional status in this juris - nated “mega-cities” of India, the others being diction, I demonstrated a few simple exercises and gave the CMumbai, Delhi, and Kolkata. best advice I know: lose weight! Unlike the jetlagged haze of disembarking in Mumbai, we Our now very grateful salesman accompanied us through arrived in Chennai after four weeks in India, armed with every step of the final and complex purchase process, all local knowledge. Our priority list included only the essen - the while telling his other friends that the “doctor” would tials: silk (Chennai is the place to shop in India), books, and be back and they should get in line for advice. a good cappuccino. A private car was at our disposal for the The next afternoon, after visiting the Shore Temples in first day, complements of the tour company manager. Mahabalipuram, our guide gave us a lift back to the city, Though traffic is chaotic in this city of 10 million people, 50 km away. The dresses were to be ready by 6 PM, so after a the roads had lines. A closer look, however, revealed at least snack at Amethyst, we asked the restaurant staff for walking two cars, a truck, and a motorbike per lane. Thankfully, directions. They snickered. Tourists don't walk, and appar - there were no cows. ently, neither do Indians. Take a tuk-tuk (auto-rickshaw). The visit was a great success: a pile of new books at Only 30 rupees (approximately 0.50¢ Canadian). Landmark, presents and great coffee at Amethyst, a tranquil We persisted. They relented and gave us directions. retreat in Gopalapuram. My eldest son, who had traveled previously in India, had Finally, we paid a visit to Nalli, the famous silk emporium proffered a few key pieces of advice prior to our trip. Rule #1 at Panagal Park. With material purchased, we had been told was no driving anywhere at night. He did not, however, say that tailors were available to fashion a dress in 24 hours, anything about walking at night. The cars move slowly, and but when I asked our salesman, he was at first evasive, the staff assured us there was no risk of harassment. claiming no such knowledge. I was disappointed but then, Chennai’s sidewalks serve as an extension of the ground- as often is the case in India, he asked my profession. “A floor shops and a multitude of other businesses and doctor”, I replied, and then surprisingly, he asked, “What objects, such as elaborate food stands, numerous small kind?” “An arthritis specialist”, I said. His eyes widened. He workshops, flower stalls, and sleeping dogs. Cows are ban - launched into a long plaint of his knee problems, and pro - ished to the outskirts. Sidewalks are thus generally duced a sheet filled with prescriptions. He asked my opin - reserved for activities, and walking is best done on the ion. I hesitated, but proceeded to answer, all the while road. Our dilemma: driving at night? No. Walking at night? reminding him of our need for a tailor. The solution to his It seemed safe enough. The trick is to ignore the traffic by problem and ours coalesced seamlessly: his memory placing your faith in the skill of the drivers. refreshed, the tailor appeared shortly thereafter. After negotiating the overpass, and the Alan Salai street, Very satisfied with my sincere manner and thorough Panagal Park’s lights were visible in the fading dusk. responses, he asked me to consult on a younger colleague. After 30 minutes, we reached the Nalli Silk Emporium. As “Maybe a new syndrome,” I murmured, “the ‘Nalli Knee.’” pre-arranged with the shop owner, she accompanied us to her 26 CRAJ 2012 • Volume 22, Number 4 cramped two-room third-floor walkup nearby. Several tai - lors were applying the final touches to my wife’s new dress - es, exact copies of the sample she provided, right down to the incorrect cuff button placement! We apologized for neglecting to correct the original, and it was quickly fixed. We had already decided to use public transport back to Mahabalipuram, having been told that a modern air- conditioned (AC) Volvo bus ran on the hour. Our guide had assured us that it was an excellent and safe option, and thus closest to meeting the general parameters of the nighttime rules. By happenstance, another client heading in the direction of the main T-Nagar Bus Terminus offered to accompany us. The walk to the terminus was slow, congested, and chaotic. The streets teemed with hawkers and shoppers. A fight broke out at one intersection. A motorbike ran over bus. At 8:50 IST (Indian Stretchable Time), the motor start - somebody’s foot. ed up and we entered the nighttime battleground that is We arrived and I approached the nearest official-looking traffic in Chennai. Some few minutes later, the conductor ticket booth. “Excuse me. What time is the AC Mahabalipu- approached us for tickets, asking, “Destination?” “Mahaba- ram bus, and how much does it cost?” I asked, hoping we lipuram. Two tickets, please”. He tapped his machine and a would not have too long to wait. “Mahabalipuram AC bus bill appeared. “50 rupees total”. Why the discrepancy from finished tonight. Next one tomorrow morning,” the man the price at the terminus? Service charges. behind the counter replied in the manner of someone who We arrived at Mahabalipuram an hour and a half later, with loves to give bad news to tourists. He probably also won - nary a tuk-tuk in sight. I did not relish a 5 km walk along the dered what we were doing at the terminus in the first place, dark highway. Several passengers, conscious of our plight, although I suspect he was not familiar with Rule #1. “But,” spoke to the bus conductor and a solution was found. The he said, before I could get the next question out, ”there is bus would drop us at the resort on its return trip to town. the 599 Deluxe bus at 8:30 PM”. I relayed the news to my Alone in the bus, we waited. Finally, the conductor, a wife that there would be no AC, but a “deluxe” bus grubby, officious-looking man sauntered over, and asked nonetheless. I turned and asked where the Deluxe 599 for the time. Strange that he of all people did not have a would be waiting. The man pointed vaguely in the direc - watch, but no need to complicate matters with more tion of the mass confusion on the right hand side. “How questions, so I told him it was almost 11 PM. much?” “23 rupees per person,” he replied. Then he said, “10 rupees each.” I paid. He then motioned Before heading to the bus there was one last problem, to the front, but the driver, weary after a long day’s work and and in my usual haste, I failed to clarify my plans with my presumably better compensated, waved him off. wife. Finishing in the open-air facility, the Deluxe 599 rum - The night air was cool and fresh, and the empty bus bled by. I ran back to the ticket booth, but to my horror she moved rapidly down the dark beach highway. Shortly, the was not there. Panicking, I ran about shouting her name in resort’s large and well-lit road sign was visible, and as the din and darkness of the massive terminal. No luck. promised, we were dropped off. Frantic, I feared for the worst, but kept on shouting. Then, One last problem remained. We still had to cross the from the middle of this crush of humanity, a man tapped highway. At night. me on the shoulder and, to my utter amazement, pointed The good news? We were not driving. to the exact spot where my wife was standing. I thanked him, found her, and after suffering the requisite tongue Laurence A. Rubin, MD, FRCPC lashing, we moved towards the bus and found seats. Professor of Medicine, University of Toronto The 8:30 departure time came and went. I turned to a Staff Rheumatologist, St. Michael's Hospital fellow passenger, confirming that this was indeed the right Toronto, Ontario CRAJ 2012 • Volume 22, Number 4 27.