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ed980319.qxd 21/04/98 15:32 Page 1 (1,1) Issue 933 - Weekly Thursday 19th March 1998 Budget praise: can Labour do no wrong? The Guardian claimed that the Chancellor MattPannell had shown hints of both “Red Gordon and Editor Flash Gordon”, and even the Daily Mail praised Mr Brown for his ‘Purity and Zeal.’ Tuesday’s budget statement by the Liberal Democrat leader Paddy Ashdown Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordon was broadly positive, though Mr Brown, he Brown, was yesterday greeted with almost said, had been “too timid” with his extra universal praise. Commentators and news- public spending. The inflation forecast of papers from across the political spectrum 3% would effectively chop £750million greeted the package, calling it “fair and from public spending, “cancelling out the ambitious”. The Chancellor had no mea- new money for Education and Health.” sures aimed specifically at students, though a so-called ‘University Challenge’ package The budget’s main proposals include: Tax of £50 million is to be introduced, enabling relief for low income families, with the aim Universities to bid for grants, designed to of encouraging work. Chancellor Gordon Brown with his budget on Monday ‘turn scientific discoveries into commercial- ly viable projects’. The changes which will affect students most Protect your antiques on directly (students not generally being wor- According to Conservative leader William ried about tax on their £50,000 savings Hague, who had the first chance to voice his accounts) are: criticism of the budget, “Under this Labour the mean streets of Surrey government, after the taxes that have taken nBeer: Up only 1p per pint. So don’t let Danny Symington’s view is that people place over the last ten months, the typical them blame Gordon when they raise the John Dear family is £798 worse off in a year. Nothing beer prices in Chancellors next year. wishing to sell antiques should do so the Chancellor has done today remotely n through a recognised dealer and they should Petrol: Up 23p per gallon When we hear the word,”crime”, various compensates for the price people have paid n not let strangers into their houses. Sound Diesel: Up 29p per gallon images startle our brains. Murders. Rapes. over the last 10 months for a Labour gov- n advice from a man who clearly deserves a £500 million extra on public transport Indecent assaults. Muggings. Drug addicts ernment.” He went on to claim credit for promotion. (mostly going on the London underground) taking their crack, smack and other things the economic conditions which had enabled n DS Symington doesn’t stop there. For Cigarettes up 21p per packet that rhyme with “ack”. There simply can’t a balanced budget to emerge in the first example, consider this scenario. Time is be any crimes worse than these ,can there? place: “This government were lucky when tight, and you rush off in your Volvo estate One area of worry for commentators Or can there? A recent fax from Guildford they started; they inherited the fastest (or Sherman tank) to drop the kids off at seemed to be the danger that interest rates police gave us wind of a new terror. Yes, the growth of any major European economy, school. You jump out and walk little Simone would have to rise in order to restrict an streets of our beloved Guildford are being they inherited unemployment falling fast.... and Norbert into the playground . When you overheating economy. This could in turn soiled by a different sort of crime. Quickly, It was the Chancellor’s duty to preserve a return to your car, something is wrong. Oh increase the strength of sterling, already turn off the lights and hide under a duvet, golden economic legacy, and step by step, no! Your brand new Gucci handbag contain- high on the international currency before you are caught by the menace of he has been dismantling it.” exchanges. Good news for British tourists ing that rare photograph of Leon Trotsky phoney antique dealers! has been stolen! Dummkopf! You forgot to abroad (and LIS students on placement) this These criminals in waistcoats often call Yesterday’s newspapers did not share his lock the car! What can be done to rectify could hit exporters, as prices of manufac- unannounced on householders and offer to scepticism, however, with the Sun claiming this problem? Symington has the answer, tured goods in the UK effectively rise for value family furniture. Once inside a house, that the measures would “hit all the right “Even if they are leaving the car for only a those purchasing from overseas. William they use highly persuasive jargon to trick targets”, and the Independent adding that few moments, we advise drivers that the Hague immediately pounced on this: “For owners into parting with their heirlooms for the budget “will change lives for the better.” doors are locked, and valuables are kept out industry, he [the Chancellor] has created the insultingly small sums of money. The “deal- The Mirror suggested that Mr Brown had of sight.” The advice merely points out that worst of all worlds, higher tax and higher er” may convince the owner that their furni- “Managed to give to the poor, without tak- Guildford is a relatively safe area of the interest rates... businesses are being cruci- ture is riddled with woodworm to make the ing from the rich....No budget in memory country. So, in the immortal words of fied by the exchange rate!” crapulent offer seem more reasonable . has done more for the low-paid and poor.” Crimewatch, sleep tight and don’t have According to the fax, Detective Sergeant nightmares. News 1 n Features 3 n Letters 4 n Music 6 n Entertainments Guide 7 . Cinema and Arts 8 n Union News 9 n Notices & Personals 9 n Sport 12 . ed980319.qxd 21/04/98 15:32 Page 2 (1,1) 2 News Thursday 19th March 1998 n Hes a suit, but not as we know it James Buller’s News in Brief Vatican Apologises To Jews New Union Manager gets his grilling After more than 50 years the Jewish com- (the Vatican claims the Christian church A fortnight ago, the for 2s 6d, the amount it would Chris Evans / Zöe Ball? cost to buy as scrap, but I had it Zöe Ball, without a doubt. munity has received an apology from the saved thousands of Jewish lives), it does appointment of valued last year at £900. Times / Guardian? Vatican, for failing to oppose the holocaust seem to acknowledge that more could have Dennis Frost as Guardian in World War 2. The Pope during the war been done. This is the latest act by John General Manager of Give three words, which you Dale Winton / Anthea Turner? years, Pius the Twelfth is said to have had Paul II, who has spent his 20 year papacy the Students’ Union think best describe yourself. Neither of them. Anthea Nazi leanings. Although he is not criticised striving to improve Jewish relations. was announced. Our Enthusiastic, welcoming… Turner is so inane. She doesn’t interview reveals open… friendly, something like help the women’s liberation From Hair To Infinity...and beyond! that. argument at all. some welcome Approachable? Yes, that’ll do. Trevor McDonald / Michael 4.5 Million people are to pay $50 each to alien race that found the probe could find radical tendencies.... Buerk? send a sample of their hair into outer space. out about us (and even potentially clone Name the best TV programme Michael Buerk I suppose. But The 1lb package of hair, CD ROMS (and a the donors) from the DNA stored in their Andy Goodacre you watched last week. both of them are a bit lame. I Late Review, Thursday, BBC2 prefer John Snow. drive) will be blasted towards a far away follicles. (Lets hope they’re nice to them!) Features Editor solar system in 2001. The hope is that any 11:20pm. I also enjoyed the McDonalds / Burger King? BBC2 series ‘Having It All’ Again, neither. When the first Alton Towers Falls Into Oblivion Name: Dennis Frost about parenting. McDonalds opened in Britain in Woolwich High Street in The newest ride at the Midlands theme park teeters on the brink for a few seconds, Age: 45 1972, I was outside picketing has just been unveiled. Called “Oblivion”, before starting a sheer vertical drop subject- You can change two things in them. I don’t like either of Family:Partner, Christine and the 160 second, £12 million ride takes riders ing them to more G Force than astronauts the whole world. What are them. baby daughter Sophie, 7 they? Socialism / New Labour the equivalent of 16 storeys up. Then it upon take off. months. I’d like to see the Serbs and Socialism Croats sort out their differ- Cooker / Microwave Blunkett clobbers Oxbridge colleges What job were you doing before ences. And the Northern Cooker, although that’s a diffi- this one and why did you Ireland problem. cult one. Education Minisrter David Blunkett hoped other Universities. The money will be choose to become Union BBC2 / Radio 4 to bring an end to the row over funding for phased out from 1999 onwards, though the General Manager? Radio 4. I was brought up Oxford and Cambridge Universities on Universities will be able to bid for extra I was senior staff writer for ‘Who would you most like to without a television, and I do Tuesday. Oxbridge staff had been fighting money set aside for preserving ‘excellent’ three years on Classic have a one-2-one with?’ think Radio 4 is very good.

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