The Necessity of Betrayal in Transformation
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THE NECESSITY OF BETRAYAL IN TRANSFORMATION By STEVEN WING BELCHER A dissertation submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY IN PSYCHOLOGY MERIDIAN UNIVERSITY 2013 Copyright by STEVEN WING BELCHER 2013 THE NECESSITY OF BETRAYAL IN TRANSFORMATION by STEVEN WING BELCHER A dissertation submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY IN PSYCHOLOGY MERIDIAN UNIVERSITY 2013 This dissertation has been accepted for the faculty of Meridian University by: __________________________________________ Aftab Omer, Ph.D. Dissertation Advisor __________________________________________ Melissa Schwartz, Ph.D. Dissertation Chair _________________________________________ Shoshana Fershtman, Ph.D. Committee Member Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me; Other times, I can barely see. Lately it occurs to me . What a long, strange trip it's been. The Grateful Dead “Truckin” To my beloved wife Cielo who ignited my initiation with her death in 2002 To my precious wife Na who bears witness to the end. ABSTRACT THE NECESSITY OF BETRAYAL IN TRANSFORMATION by Steven Wing Belcher This study explored betrayal as an alchemical medium for transformation. The study’s Research Problem posed the question, “In What ways does turning towards affective experiences facilitate movement towards the transformative potential inherent in the experience of betrayal and engaging the initiatory threshold?” The research hypothesis was that evocation of the betrayal experience reflects and reprises the original sense of anger, shame, and hopelessness, as well as capacity for change. The Literature Review focuses on affect, spirit, and the dynamic aspects of change and self-awareness. Particular attention is given to attachment and forgiveness theory as well as the seam between affective experience and transformation of the psyche. The Learnings address how the act of betrayal is perceived, its capacity to persist and scapegoat long after the event, and the promise of redemption and transformation. The study utilized the subjective and qualitative methodology of Imaginal Inquiry, composed of four phases: evoking, expressing, interpreting, and integrating the research experience. The research employed guided meditation, creative arts, and journaling, to evoke material on the experience of betrayal. vi vii The study’s Cumulative Learning was that working through affects that arise from in the experience of betrayal allows for movement from loss and ossified postures, to courage and the acknowledgment of shame and anger. Learning One states that the existence of one or more tightly gripped subjectivities will resist healing processes, particularly as manifested in grieving what was lost. Learning Two states that betrayal is built on personal and divergent truths, which can be difficult to change. Learning Three states that the betrayed are vulnerable to becoming caught in victim identity. Learning Four states that the wound of persecution can catalyze a world of autonomy, self- discovery, and redemption. Finally, Learning Five states that shame-driven anger can push the betrayed into illusory, solution-oriented obligations that must be abandoned. The significance of the study is built on the transformative and initiatory elements of betrayal and identifies structures that inhibit change and healing. The study highlights an aspect of the god Hermes, which navigates through the extremes of black and white, and uses liminal space to set the psyche free. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This has been a truly long, strange trip that rested on the shoulders of many. I have to honor those participants in the study who courageously and selflessly revealed their inner souls and made this research possible. I particularly want to thank my fellow students in Cohort 12; what dear souls and fellow crewmembers on the boat of revelation and transformation! In particular, I deeply appreciate fellow cohort members David Westwood, Cheryl Nygard and Henry Kaiser for reading certain drafts and giving me invaluable insight. Writing is a lonely process and there are times when isolated creativity bumps up against the reality of theory and common sense. I am thankful that I have such friends as Cynthia Nova, Sandra Gaspar, and Stephanie Marchel to keep my spirits up and my feet on the ground. I would be remiss without honoring my gifted grief therapist, Ilka de Gast, whose offhand remark led me to Meridian University. viii CONTENTS ABSTRACT . vi ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS . viii Chapter 1. INTRODUCTION . 1 Research Topic Relationship to the Topic Theory in Practice Research Problem and Hypothesis Methodology and Research Design Learnings Significance and Relevance of the Topic 2. LITERATURE REVIEW. 20 Introduction and Overview Betrayal as Initiation Theological and Philosophical Perspectives on Betrayal Psychological Research on Betrayal Betrayal as Trauma Betrayal and Forgiveness Imaginal Mythical Approaches to Betrayal Conclusion ix x 3. METHODOLOGY . .78 Introduction and Overview Co-researchers Limitations and Delimitations Participants Four Phases of Imaginal Inquiry 4. LEARNINGS CHAPTER . .102 Introduction and Overview Cumulative Learnings Learning One: Perpetual Loss – The Unreal Soul Learning Two: Shades of Grey – Abandon Truth Learning Three: The Role of the Victim – The Dead-end Road Learning Four: The Scapegoated Hero’s Journey – The Road to Redemption Learning Five: Atlas Shrugged – Release from Bondage Conclusion 5. REFLECTIONS . 163 Significance of Learnings Mythic and Archetypal Reflections Implications of Study Appendix 1. ETHICS APPLICATION. .182 2. CONCEPTUAL OUTLINE. 187 3. CHRONOLOGICAL OUTLINE. 190 xi 4. INFORMED CONSENT . .. 194 5. DATA COLLECTION . .197 6. SUMMARY OF DATA . 197 7. SUMMARY OF LEARNINGS . 229 8. TABLE OF BETRAYAL . 232 9. SCRIPTS . 234 NOTES . 246 REFERENCES . 261 1 CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION Research Topic Betrayal. There is no perceived human experience that is more common, devastating, or memorialized. It is a word that is seldom used by those who feel betrayed but permeates all modes of social intercourse. In that great American cultural vernacular, popular music, almost every song contains a lament of betrayal. When will I break Into pieces It’s your mistake I finally see that Everything I thought was you was a lie Now you left love dying It’s in the arms of a stranger. 12 Stones, “In the Arms of a Stranger” In the archetypal landscape of loss, the lyric fragment says it all: the expectation that love will be met with love, the shattering of trust, the disintegration of ego, the shame quickly moving to anger and blame, and finally the death of expectation and hope. Cultural and literary icon Kurt Vonnegut repeatedly pronounced an evocation of self- denial and betrayal in Slaughterhouse Five with the enigmatic and world weary “so it goes.” Betrayals, romantic or otherwise, serve as waypoints of our lives, marking the predictable and the profane. Expectations are not met, love objects evaporate, and ties of trust are broken. In the wake of these perceived violations well tidal waves of feelings: 2 shame, anger, hate, and everlasting bitterness and depression. Sometimes the anger and shame turn into reflection and rebirth. The swing of the human compass invariably points to trust being assumed or given and then violated as predictably as the attraction of love and security. The nature of the topic suggested areas of literature generally known as depth or soul psychology and suggested looking more for the “why” than the “what” of it; the review is eclectic and directed toward trauma engendered by betrayal and its ancient archaic roots. This includes literature that both reflect deep and ancient wisdom as well as contemporary interpretations in story and theory. A particular emphasis is directed to the dynamics of betrayal and its role in triggering transformative processes and inclusive initiatory events. In the following review of current literature, the topic of betrayal is examined in its constituent parts, the common nature of the event, and its predictable reactions and affects. Betrayal at its dark root-meaning is a breaking of valued trust, a transgression of a trusted and close relationship. It seems to get its power from feelings of shame and the sense of being unlovable and not worthy. Julie Fitness posits that betrayal is to “deceive or mislead, to reveal secrets, and to disappoint the hopes or expectations of others”; in interpersonal relations, she notes, betrayal usually occurs in a relationship where the principals are involved with and trust each other. 1 Betrayal is so devastating because it exposes the reality of a trusted person who does not care, and the act of betrayal devalues and sometimes destroys the perceived relationship. The act can make the person betrayed feel isolated, diminished, and rejected. 2 3 David Ray Griffen proposes that in the United States there is a strong cultural “black and white” mindset in which important interpersonal relationships are seen in a dualistic good versus bad context. 3 This literal mindset draws a fragile line in the sand where the possibility of betrayal is ever-present and even an accidental stumble crosses the line between trust and betrayal. An individual’s “truth” of betrayal is a solitary and tightly gripped concept held closely by those who are betrayed. Thomas Moore notes that the term truth is so loaded with hidden assumptions that he never uses it. 4 Joel Block believes that individuals have to be realistic about their expectations