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challenges

Top Gear challenges are a segment of the Top Gear tele- • Can Ford’s World Rally Championship pit team vision programme where the presenters are tasked by the dismantle and rebuild a rally faster than four producers, or each other, to prove or do various things women can get ready for a night out? Series Two, related to vehicles. Episode Five • May oversees an attempt at the land-speed 1 Novelty/stunt challenges record for a caravan Series Two, Episode Six • A “race for the universe": Sci-Fi characters race Novelty challenges and short stunt films are typically around the Top Gear track Series Two, Episode based on absurd premises, such as jumping a bus over Eight motorcycles (instead of the more typical scenario of a • Can achieve 100 mph on the 200m run- motorcycle jumping over buses), or a nun driving a mon- way of HMS Invincible? Series Three, Episode One ster . These features have become much less promi- nent over the life of the programme (they were much • How many caravans can a 1987 Volvo 240 jump more regular during the first four series); they have been over? Series Three, Episode Two superseded in later series by the “How hard can it be?" and • What is the best wig for driving fast in an open Cheap car challenges, which are much larger in scope. top ? Series Three, Episode Five

• How fast do you have to drive to be undetected • Which professor can do the best burn-out? Series by a speed camera? Series One, Episode One Three, Episode Seven

• How many motorcycles can a double-decker bus • Can a nun drive a monster truck? Series Four, jump over? Series One, Episode Two Episode Two • • Can Grannies do donuts? Series One, Episode Hammond and May play darts using real Three Series Four, Episode Four • • Can you make an 'average' car into a 007/Bond Hammond makes fun of motorists that block car, for less than £300? Series One, Episode Five yellow boxes Series Four, Episode Eight • Is the jet from a 747 enough to blow a car over? • Can Grannies do handbrake turns? Series One, Series Four, Episode Eight Episode Six • Can you parachute into a moving car? Series • What is Britain’s fastest faith? Series One, Four, Episode Nine Episode Seven & Ten • Olympic Games for cars: Long Jump Series Four, • Who is Britain’s fastest white man? Series Episode Ten One, Episode Eight • How many bouncy castles can an ice cream van • Lotus give a Lada Riva a £100,000 makeover Se- jump? Series Five, Episode One ries One, Episode Eight • Hammond and May play conkers with caravans • How much faster will a car go if you strip it to Series Five, Episode Four save weight? Series One, Episode Nine • Historic People Carrier Racing Championship • What to do with the worst car of all time, the Series Five, Episode Five 1985 Nissan Sunny? Series Two, Episode One • Can a stretch limo jump over a wedding party? • What is Britain’s fastest political party? Series Series Six, Episode Four Two, Episode Two • Hammond oversees an attempt at the world • What country makes the fastest ? Series record for the number of complete sideways rolls Two, Episode Three in a car Series Six, Episode Nine

1 2 2 CHALLENGE REVIEWS

• Hammond and May play with life-size radio con- • Drive until you get bored / Test: enjoyable travel. trol cars made from real cars Series Seven, Episode Clarkson claimed that Jaguars “ease the burden of Two travel”[1] and devised a test for the Jaguar XJ to see how far he could drive one before he got bored. He • The Team try to get a 1986 to beat a skier ran out of country before he got bored. Series Two, down a ski slope at Lillehammer Winter Olympic Episode Four Special

• Hammond oversees an attempt by the Stig at • Lap of the M25 / Test: fuel economy. Clarkson the nonexistent indoor world speed record Series drove a lap of the M25 in a diesel Lupo, Eight, Episode Six while another driver used the petrol version to see which would achieve greater fuel efficiency. Clark- • Motorhome Racing Series Ten, Episode Six son was allowed to spend any money he saved over the petrol version on a gift at South Mimms ser- • Hammond converts a G-Wiz into a full-sized vices. He chose a small gold model of a cockerel, remote-controlled car Series Ten, Episode Ten which made a reappearance in later series as “The • May oversees an attempt by Top Gear Stuntman Golden Cock”—the award given to the presenter at the nonexistent world record for car jumping who'd made the most embarrassing mistake of the in reverse Series Eleven, Episode One year. Series Three, Episode One

• May oversees an attempt by Top Gear Stuntman • destruction / Test: toughness. to replicate a corkscrew car jump, as featured Clarkson and May used various methods in an at- in The Man with the Golden Gun Series Eleven, tempt to destroy a 1988 Toyota Hilux, which in- Episode Two cluded driving it into a tree which belonged to Churchill Parish, . The villagers presumed • The Top Gear team (Britain) take on the hosts that the damage had been accidental or vandal- of D MOTOR (Germany) in a series of car chal- ism had occurred until the Top Gear episode was lenges to decide the best motoring country Series broadcast. After the BBC was contacted, the direc- Eleven, Episode Six tor of Top Gear admitted guilt and the broadcaster • Bus Racing Series Twelve, Episode Five paid compensation.[2] Other tests on the Hilux in- cluded leaving it out in the ocean, slamming it with • Hammond oversees an attempt by Top Gear a wrecking ball, setting the cabin on fire and finally Stuntman to beat rival show 's dis- having it hoisted to the roof of a tower-block that tance record for jumping a car while towing a was subsequently blown up. The heavily damaged caravan Series Twelve, Episode Seven (but still driveable) Hilux now stands on a plinth in the Top Gear studio. Series Three, Episodes Five & • Clarkson plays British Bulldogs with the British Six Army Series Thirteen, Episode Four

• Airport vehicle racing Series Fourteen, Episode • Helicopter gunship evasion / Test: handling. Four Clarkson tried to avoid being caught in missile lock from an WAH-64D Apache attack helicopter while • Clarkson drives a 1994 Reliant Robin from driving a . Series Four, Episode One Sheffield to (constantly flipping over) Series Fifteen, Episode One • to and back again on a sin- • Top Gear UK vs Top Gear Series Six- gle tank of fuel / Test: fuel economy. Clarkson at- teen, Episode Two tempted to drive a 4.0 V8 diesel 800 miles (1,300 km) on a single tank of fuel. Series Four, • World Taxi Racing Championship Series Twenty, Episode Four Episode Two • Minicab road testing / Test: toughness and prac- ticality. Hammond and May worked as minicab 2 Challenge reviews drivers in order to subject a Renault Scenic and Ford C-MAX to a year’s worth of hard abuse in one A common theme on Top Gear is an approach to review- evening. Series Four, Episode Seven ing cars that combines standard road tests and opinions with an extremely unusual circumstance, or with a chal- • Off-road up a mountain / Test: off-road ability. lenge to demonstrate a notable characteristic of the vehi- Clarkson tried to drive a Land Discovery cle. from the beach to the top of Cnoc an Fhreiceadain 3

in , completely off-road. It was heavily crit- • VIP chauffeur / Test: luxury. In , May con- icised by environmentalists for the damage done by ducted road tests of the Mitsuoka Orochi and Galue, the vehicle’s tyres. This stunt was memorable in that and used the Galue to chauffeur a Sumo wrestler Clarkson left the mountain by helicopter with the and his manager to a tournament as a way to test Discovery’s keys in his pocket, so delaying its re- if the car is “Japan’s Rolls-Royce.”[4] Series Eleven, moval from the hill. Series Five, Episode Three Episode Six

• 24 hours in a car / Test: comfort. Hammond and • GT car on a WRC stage / Test: 4WD system. May May spent 24 hours in a Forfour to assess takes a Continental GT to a Welsh stage the marketing claim that the car is “designed like a of the World Rally Championship, and acts as Kris lounge.” Series Five, Episode Four Meeke's co-driver. Series Nineteen, Episode One

• Tank evasion / Test: off-road ability. Clarkson dis- • covered whether a tank could lock its Car and tablecloth / Test: Speed. The Stig tries main cannon on to a Range Rover Sport. Series Six, to use a Nissan GT-R to pull a tablecloth off a table Episode One without smashing any of the ornaments and cutlery. Series Twenty-One, Episode Four • Car Football / Test: toughness and handling. Ham- mond and May, along with a selection of profes- sional drivers, played a football match using Toyota 3 How hard can it be? Aygos. Series Six, Episode One A recurring feature on Top Gear involves the hosts un- • Sniper evasion / Test: handling. Clarkson drove dertaking a number of bizarre challenges involving cars. around a deserted village (British Army training fa- The segments involving the challenges are usually pre- cility Copehill Down) in a Mercedes-Benz SLK55 ceded by , though sometimes Richard or AMG and a 2005 Porsche Boxster S, trying to evade James, asking the audience and viewers: “How hard can snipers of the Irish Guards. Series Six, Episode Five it be?"

• Road Test Russian Roulette / Test: random road testing. Hammond and May worked as 3.1 Lap the Nürburgring in less than 10 ScooterMen[3] in order to road-test as many ran- minutes... in a diesel domly selected cars as possible—the catches being that they wouldn't know what they'd be road-testing, Series Five, Episode Five and that they had to do it in the presence of the cars’ owners. Series Six, Episode Nine Clarkson took a diesel Jaguar S-Type to the Nürburgring with the aim of completing a lap in less than 10 min- • / Superbridge / Test: illustrate the point utes. Clarkson was being coached by , of supercars. The trio took three supercars (a Ford a noted German racer. After consecutive unsuccessful GT, a Ferrari F430 Spider and a S) tries, Clarkson managed to lap the Nürburgring in 9 min- on a road trip to the recently opened utes and 59 seconds, with Clarkson celebrating enthu- via . Series Seven, Episode Three siastically and showing the results proudly to his coach. Schmitz was still unimpressed, proclaiming that she could do that time in a van, and then lapped the Jaguar 47 sec- • Car Ice Hockey / Test: toughness and handling. onds faster than Clarkson’s time. Hammond and May, along with a selection of pro- fessional drivers, played an ice hockey match us- ing Suzuki Swifts, while Clarkson acted as referee. 3.2 Lap the Nürburgring in less than 9 Winter Olympics Special minutes and 59 seconds... in a van • Horse racing camera platform / Test: smooth ride. Clarkson reviewed the C6 and put it to Series Six, Episode Seven work as a mobile camera platform covering a horse To celebrate the 's 40th birthday, Hammond race. Series Eight, Episode Five went to the Nürburgring to see if Clarkson’s mentor from the previous Nürburgring challenge, Sabine Schmitz, • Car Football 2 / Test: toughness and handling. could live up to her claim and do a lap in a diesel 2005 Hammond and May, along with a selection of pro- Ford Transit van in less than 9 minutes and 59 seconds. fessional drivers, staged another football match us- Despite all the modifications made to the van (removal of ing Toyota Aygos against a new contender, the the passenger , spare tyre, tools, windscreen wipers, Volkswagen Fox. Series Eight, Episode Five Hammond, etc.), Schmitz was not able to do a lap time of 4 3 HOW HARD CAN IT BE? less than 10 minutes, achieving a lap time of 10 minutes “Toybota”. May fitted a 1962 with a and 8 seconds. mast and sails. This caused clearance problems on the road and he had to take an alternative route when on land due to a “low bridge.” Hammond’s dampervan was very 3.3 Convertible people carrier heavy and slow on the road, and quickly sank after en- tering the water. Both the Herald and Hilux performed Series Eight, Episode One well in the water. May was voted the winner by the studio [nb 1] The presenters were set the task of building a convert- audience. Winner: May ible people carrier. They succeeded in removing the roof from a 1996 and replaced it with a canvas fold-down top. The resulting vehicle was able to travel at 3.6 Car interior design 100 mph without losing its roof, and was driven through an animal park without any incident. However, a trip Series Eight, Episode Four through a car wash resulted in the brand-new million- Clarkson bought a 1996 Mercedes-Benz S280 and de- pound wash facility catching fire. signed his perfect interior based upon his house. The car, This was the 100th episode but no-one in the crew real- dubbed "Anne Hathaway’s Cottage", featured a wood- ized this at the time and was only pointed out later by fans burning stove, kitchen chairs, a flagstone floor, and wood of the show. with a cement base (weighing approximately two tons), even plastering the door trim. and then tested the car. A lack of seat belts and un- 3.4 Present a drive time radio show secured meant they tumbled around inside the car. Eventually, with May holding Hammond’s seat, a 0–60 Series Eight, Episode Two time of 35.4 seconds was established. The presenters tried to host a drive time radio show on BBC Southern Counties Radio in Brighton, but ended up 3.7 Improve your lap time by 20 seconds with many complaints from the listeners. This was mainly because Clarkson’s travel bulletins focused on hounding Series Eight, Episode Five motorists he could see dawdling on CCTV, rather than issuing the more normal information on the location of Sir claimed that he could cut down any of problem areas caused by such people and how to avoid the presenters’ driving time around a race circuit by 20 them. seconds, so James took him up on the offer and they used a TVR Tuscan at Oulton Park.

3.5 Amphibious vehicles 3.8 Caravan holiday Series Eight, Episode Three Series Eight, Episode Six Clarkson, May and Hammond went on a caravan holiday in Dorset to try and find out more about caravanning. The trio unsuccessfully tried to have fun and caused numer- ous traffic jams. May crashed the caravan into a bollard. Hammond and the Top Gear dog were “kidnapped” by an elderly female fan. Clarkson “accidentally” set the cara- van and its neighbour on fire while trying to cook chips.[5]

3.9 Kit car race

Series Eight, Episode Seven Jeremy Clarkson's amphibious Toybota pickup. The presenters, based at Knockhill Racing Circuit in Fife, were set the task of building a Caterham Seven Kit car The presenters were set the challenge of building am- from scratch and drive past the starting line, faster than phibious cars, and using them to get to—and across—a the time it would take The Stig to reach the track from two-mile-wide reservoir. Hammond transformed a 1983 the Caterham showroom in Caterham using a pre-built Volkswagen camper van into a narrowboat-style “damper Caterham Seven Kit car. The presenters won the chal- van;" Clarkson attached an outboard motor to a modified lenge because The Stig was arrested by the traffic police 1989 Toyota Hilux pick-up truck, which he dubbed the just 3 miles from the finish. 3.14 Stretch limos 5

3.10 Roadies van challenge of challenges at the airfield, including a “drag race,” in which they raced each other while dragging something Series Eight, Episode Eight found around the airfield. In the end, it was discovered May had ordered the wrong type of seed, so they ended The team decided to test some by being roadies for up with 500 gallons of which was later used for The Who. May picked a 2005 , Ham- the 24-hour endurance race. mond chose a 2006 Ford Transit, and Clarkson selected a 2006 Volkswagen T30 TDI 174 Sportline. After The Who’s concert at Hyde Park, Clarkson, Hammond and May took some of their equipment 90 miles to the site 3.14 Stretch limos of their next show. They concluded that the cheapest van for the task at hand should always be used. Subsequently, Series Nine, Episode Six Clarkson admitted that the feature was not the greatest of The presenters were sent out to buy normal cars that ideas. After this challenge the presenters were then set are available in Britain, then turn them into stretch the challenge of buying a van for £1000, the ensuence of . Once the presenters had built their limos, which proved far more entertaining. they had to chauffeur three celebrities across London to the . Hammond chauffeured in a 3.11 Road works in 24 hours 1996 MG F “Sports Limo,” arriving with a stuck throttle and having to assist her exit with a pool ladder. Clark- son chauffeured using a greatly length- Series Nine, Episode One ened, dual rear axle 1993 Fiat Panda, which as origi- The presenters decided to speed up the road works on nally engineered had not been road legal, and arriving the B5481 near Bidford in . According to with only half a car after it split in two before reach- the County Council, it would take an entire week, but the ing its destination.[nb 2] James May attempted to chauf- Top Gear team achieved it in just one day (although they feur in the “Salfa Romeaab” (a cross between the did have 32 men working with them). According to the front ends of an 1996 164 and a 1996 Saab film, Clarkson prevented them from having proper lunch 9000); Lemar ultimately got frustrated and got out of the breaks and instead fed them on the berries growing on the car after May repeatedly got lost. Clarkson claimed vic- bushes by the side of the road. However, for tea, Ham- tory as he got one photograph of his celebrity published in mond fetched fish and chips for all the workmen. The a newspaper. However, as his co-presenters pointed out, team worked through the entire day and night to get the the image appeared in Clarkson’s own newspaper column job done. Jeremy decided to motivate the men by putting in (to which he responded that they both also on Maggie Thatcher’s speeches on a loudspeaker and say- have newspaper columns that they could have used). ing “The sooner you're done, the sooner I'll turn her off”

3.15 Polar race special 3.12 Reliant Robin Space Shuttle Polar Challenge Special Series Nine, Episode Four Main article: Top Gear: Polar Special Hammond and May tried to convert a 1992 Reliant Robin into a space shuttle. They were given 12 days to build it[6] and help from the Rocketry Asso- In April–May 2007, Clarkson and May teamed up to race ciation. Eight tons of thrust was required to launch the Hammond from Resolute, Nunavut to the North Mag- Robin—the largest non-commercial rocket launch under- netic Pole, taking the route set out in the Polar Challenge. taken in Europe. The Reliant Robin took off; everything The terrain in between is some of the toughest in the seemed to be working until a release bolt attaching the world—a mix of mountainous land masses and jagged sea Robin to the fuel tank failed to detach. The combined re- ice where temperatures can drop to −65 degrees Celsius sult spiraled out of control and crashed on a nearby hill- (−85 degrees Fahrenheit). Jeremy and James used a spe- side. cially adapted Toyota Hilux pick-up truck, while Richard used a sled pulled by a team of ten Canadian Inuit dogs, driven by American explorer Matty McNair. In the end 3.13 Growing petrol using the truck won, although the sled overtook them at one point while they were crossing the first of two fields of Series Nine, Episode Five ice boulders. The presenters decided to grow their own environmen- The Hilux used by the camera crew would later appear in tally friendly petrol by planting rapeseed in a field. For Season fifteen, Episode One, modified to be able to drive this challenge, each presenter needed to research and ac- near Eyjafjallajökull volcano in Iceland to obtain a lava quire a . Each presenter then took part in a series rock. 6 3 HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

3.16 Amphibious cars: redux

Series Ten, Episode Two

Richard Hammond driving Top Gear’s diesel BMW 330d in the Britcar 24 Hours.

an event for novices, as they had expected, but it was a James May's amphibious Triumph Herald. fully professional endurance race and the team would be competing alongside actual 200 mph supercars. How- The presenters made a second attempt to use amphibious ever, with help from The Stig, they eventually finished cars—this time to cross the . All three third in class and 39th overall, despite a fuel pump fail- presenters modified their original designs: Clarkson cre- ure, only just making the start, several fuel leaks, going ated an amphibious 1996 Nissan ; Hammond off the track many times, and Hammond crashing into a used a new 1981 ; May upgraded Mosler. and used the same 1962 Triumph Herald he had used in the original challenge. May was unable to sail the Her- ald out of the harbour, sinking twice and damaging the 3.19 Renault Avantime tuning challenge vehicle beyond repair. Hammond’s Transporter worked well initially, but the engine was damaged in rough seas, Series Twelve, Episode Three necessitating the use of an outboard engine. It eventually The presenters were challenged to make an ordinary flooded and sank. Clarkson won, while carrying his co- car lap the track as fast as a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolu- presenters, in his “Nissank” on the trip. The presenters tion X, which has a time of 1 minute 28 seconds, us- had aimed for Calais, but missed, finishing in Sangatte. ing only the price difference from that ordinary car to They also attempted (and failed) to break the record set a used Lancer Evo. They did not know what car they by for the fastest crossing of the Chan- would have to work with. Despite May’s prediction of a nel in an . Winner: Clarkson 3-cylinder diesel, the car was revealed to be a 2002 Renault Avantime. Notwithstanding vari- 3.17 Driving a Formula 1 car ous modifications—including wheels, tyres, brakes, the exhaust of an unknown TVR, the rear wing from an F1 car (which was later taken off), a wooden front splitter Series Ten, Episode Eight (which caught fire)—the presenters were unable to beat Hammond sets out to complete two laps around Stowe the Evo’s time. They did improve on the original time by Circuit at Silverstone driving the Renault R25 Formula 7.1 seconds, but this was achieved mostly through a com- One car, which took both the driver’s (with Fernando bination of swapping out the heavy, electrically heated Alonso) and constructor’s championship titles in the 2005 seats that came with the Avantime for much lighter car- season. bon fibre racing seats, and May retuning the engine to get it nearer its rated power. The presenters noted that the other modifications generally didn't help, and some 3.18 Britcar 24-hour endurance race even made the car slower. The only modifications that did work properly cost little beyond the time, effort and Series Ten, Episode Nine relatively simple equipment used. In the previous series, the presenters planted their own crop, which was rapeseed. However, due to an 3.20 From Basel to on a single ordering blunder made by James May they accidentally made 500 gallons worth of biodiesel. In order to dispose tank of fuel of it, they took part in the Britcar 24-hour endurance race at using a modified 2003 BMW 330d. Series Twelve, Episode Four Arriving at the event, the team discovered that it was not See also: Fuel Economy Race - Car vs. Car vs. Car 3.24 Build a train 7

A flamethrower was fitted at the rear, operated by Jeremy, The presenters were challenged to drive from Basel, and a Bovril boiler in the cab for James to counter the lack to Blackpool, England, on a single tank of of heating. During testing in Norway, the team blasted fuel, in order to switch on the Blackpool Illuminations. grit through a house window, set fire to a man and ran into Although each presenter chose a different route, Clark- a car hidden by snow. They then successfully ploughed a son estimated the distance as approximately 750 miles. road that had not previously been ploughed that winter. Each presenter chose diesel vehicles: Jeremy used a 2007 Jaguar XJ6 Diesel, and in spite of using every feature 3.24 Build a train in the car, and driving uneconomically, completed the journey. He was beaten by Richard Hammond, driving a Series Seventeen, Episode Four 2008 BlueMotion. James May, driving a 2008 , arrived 40 minutes after Clark- The presenters believed that train travel in the UK is too son. expensive, and the main reason is that trains are expen- sive to build. They first of all converted a 1990 4.0 Jaguar XJS to work on the railway, before building carriages 3.21 Make a car advertisement from old caravans for the varying classes of passenger (first, second, “scum”) and a Buffet car using wheels from Series Thirteen, Episode Seven Permanent Way trollies. The Jaguar was unable to pull the four “carriages” due to their weight, and the Jaguar’s James and Jeremy were given the challenge to create rear-wheel-drive. The presenters split into two teams, a simple, but effective, TV advertisement for the new with Clarkson taking the Jaguar and promising to build a TDi. Several entries were made, “Train GTI”, and Hammond and May converting a four- including one stating while the Scirocco wasn't fast it was wheel-drive 2001 to pull the existing carriages. economical, a rehash of a previous Golf ad, and one de- tailing a funeral (slightly spoiled by Clarkson). All were The presenters (with their respective creations) then rejected, leading Clarkson and May to create separate raced from “near Leicester"(Leicester North) to “near ads. Clarkson won with references to World War II. Loughborough"(Loughborough Central) on the Great Central Railway with a number of railway experts as passengers. Clarkson won the race despite having been 3.22 Build an caught behind Hammond and May at times and almost colliding with a Class 08 shunting locomotive, with the Series Fourteen, Episode Two Buffet car on Hammond’s and May’s train catching fire, and then “scum class” being hit (and destroyed) by pass- The presenters were challenged to create their own elec- ing diesel locomotive D123 Leicestershire and Derbyshire tric car that would rival the G-Wiz. The first car, nick- Yeomanry. named "Geoff", was put through its paces in the city of Oxford, before being re-built as the Hammerhead-i Ea- gle Thrust. The Hammerhead underwent a number of 3.25 Off-road mobility scooters safety tests at the Motor Industry Research Association, with the Top Gear trio attempting to fool the examiners Series Eighteen, Episode Four by using simple camera trickery. It was then reviewed by Autocar magazine, with the team disappointed by The presenters are tasked with creating their own off- the review, while making a reference to , the road mobility scooters for rambling in the Welsh coun- telecommunications regulator. tryside. Clarkson builds an eight-wheeler with two en- gines from two electric scooters, with lawnmower wheels. May makes an electric wheelchair and Hammond creates 3.23 Build a snowplough his machine from a mobility trike and a petrol powered builders’ wheelbarrow, with a single wheel at the front and Series Sixteen, Episode Five crawler tracks at the back The task ends with a race in the countryside against three wounded soldiers. Only Ham- Due to the problems Britain suffered during the previ- mond manages to finish the race, with Clarkson’s scooter ous winter with snow, and local authorities not having the falling down a hill into a set of trees, and May aborting the money to spend on road clearing equipment, the presen- mission and getting stuck outside a pub near Crickhowell. ters came up with the idea of the Snowbine Harvester to save money, working on the theory combine harvesters were sitting idle during winter months so were readily available with a cheap conversion kit. The team fitted 4 Cheap cars a snowplough to the front of a used Claas Dominator. It was also converted to a gritter using the grain chute, ca- The presenters are given a budget to buy a used car con- pable of blasting grit through the windows of nearby cars. forming to certain criteria. The budget is typically around 8 4 CHEAP CARS

£1,500, but it has ranged between £100 and £10,000 de- lap-time testing. Clarkson won the challenge given that pending on the type of car. Once purchased, the pre- he bought the Volvo for £1. Winner: Clarkson senters compete against each other in a series of tests to establish who has bought the best car. 4.2 Cheap Porsche challenge The presenters have no prior knowledge of what the tests will be, although they generally involve: Series Five, Episode Six The presenters were given £1,500 to buy a Porsche. • A long journey used to determine reliability and fuel Clarkson bought a 1983 928, Hammond bought a 1980 economy 924, and May bought a 1984 944. The challenge included • A lap round a race track, usually by the Stig, to de- driving from London to Brighton, fuel economy, using the termine performance. In some cases the Stig sets a car in a lonely-hearts column, lap time, selling the car, time in a similar car and the presenters have to beat and using the change from the £1,500 modifying the cars it. for judging by the Porsche Owners’ Club. Clarkson won the challenge (despite bringing the most unreliable of the • An inspection to discover what is and isn't working three cars) when he earned more by breaking down his or how much of the car is original car and selling it for parts. Winner: Clarkson • Spending any leftover change from the initial budget on repairing and/or modifying the cars 4.3 Cheap coupés that aren't Porsches • Selling the cars at the end of the challenge. challenge

Series Six, Episode Two All three presenters are highly competitive; vandalism and sabotage are commonplace, and any presenter whose Following the previous challenge[nb 3] the presenters were car breaks down during a challenge will typically be aban- sent to buy that weren't Porsches for £1,500 and doned to make their own way to the designated desti- report to . Clarkson bought nation. Certain challenges since the African Cheap Car a 1991 Mitsubishi Starion, Hammond purchased a 1983 Road Trip have had a back-up car made available for any BMW 635 CSi, and May bought a 1982 Jaguar XJS, presenter whose car breaks down and cannot be repaired. which was leaking oil as soon as it arrived. The back-up vehicle is generally a model that is loathed The first challenge was to see if they could exceed 140 by all three presenters, or in some other way antagonistic mph. May won by reaching 140, though the Jaguar broke to the current challenge. down and had to have its oil and water replaced. The Due to the controversial nature of some challenges, it is Starion, thanks to a modified turbocharger and some ac- difficult to gauge who has been the most successful so far, cidental weight shedding, achieved 119 mph, beating the but as a rough guide: May and Clarkson have won the BMW’s 115 mph. A test of ride comfort was then car- most cheap car challenges with seven victories and Ham- ried out; each presenter drove their car at 30 mph over mond has won three. Some challenges remain unclear, a cobbled road with a bowl of water in their lap, los- however, such as the £10,000 mid-engined Italian super- ing points for every ounce spilt. The Jaguar won again, car challenge, where no presenter actually made it to their and while Hammond’s sporty BMW did poorly, Clark- destination (although May came the closest). The winner son fared even worse; the Starion’s manual gearbox was of the £1000 police car challenge remains unclear as a of almost no consequence. The Stig then set a lap time result of Hammond eating the final results of Clarkson’s for each car on the Alpine testing track, where the Star- Fiat, and declaring himself the winner. ion narrowly beat the BMW. The Jaguar came last and lost its engine oil again. The three presenters were next asked to drive from Millbrook to the QI club in Oxford; 4.1 £100 Car challenge points were awarded for the order of , deducted for breakdowns, and fuel economy was measured. May’s Series Four, Episode Three Jaguar broke down so many times that he eventually gave The presenters were given £100 to buy a car that was up the challenge, managing just 8 miles per gallon. Clark- road legal (had current tax and an MOT certificate). This son beat Hammond to the club, albeit with poorer fuel was to prove that a car could be purchased and driven consumption. from London to Manchester and back again for less than The final challenge was an endurance race - each presen- it would cost to take the train (around £180), including ter was allowed to modify their car with the money left the price of the fuel. Clarkson bought a 1988 Volvo 760 over from the original purchase. Hammond fitted a poorly GLE, Hammond bought a 1991 Rover 416GTi, and May constructed bodykit to the BMW. May tried to paint the bought a 1989 Audi 80 1.8E. The challenge included re- Jaguar in (only to run out of paint) liability, fuel economy, stopping time, safety, price, and and spent the rest fixing the engine. Clarkson had a more 4.6 US Special - Used American car for $1000 challenge 9

professional paint job, and installed an even more pow- As a followup from a previous challenge, and as punish- erful turbo. The outcome was unexpected - while Clark- ment for the useless reviews of the vans tested, the pre- son’s new turbo made the Mitsubishi the fastest car in the senters were given £1,000 to buy a van and face a series entire race, the engine repeatedly overheated and broke of challenges. Clarkson, following Hammond’s original down after almost every lap, before one last blow up put strategy of buying a simple van, bought a 1992 Ford Tran- him out for good. Hammond’s transmission failed in the sit, while May chose a 1999 LDV Convoy box van for its final stages of the race, but still beat May by two laps (al- considerable storage. Hammond arrived last with a 1994 though the Jaguar suffered wear during the race, it only Suzuki Super Carry, as it was very fast for a van. broke down once when the brake fluid overheated). Win- [nb 4] The tests began with a drag race; Hammond won eas- ner: May (Clarkson, by concession) ily, Clarkson came second, and May last. They then per- formed a race to see how long it took to load and un- load various items (each presenter was given an illegal 4.4 Italian mid-engined supercars for less immigrant). May had little trouble loading his van, but than a second-hand Mondeo challenge had an uncooperative immigrant. Clarkson, who contin- ually moaned about his aversion to manual labour, simply Series Seven, Episode Four threw most of his items into the Transit carelessly. He then wrongfooted May by parking just behind the LDV The presenters were given £10,000 to buy a 1970s super- to stop it unloading. Clarkson consequently won, while car, which had to be mid-engined and Italian, and told Hammond, who had fallen far behind due to the compar- to report to . Clarkson bought a 1974 Maserati atively small storage space of the Suzuki, lost badly. Merak, (he was told it was an SS model, only to discover during the challenges that it only had a £38 SS badge). The third challenge was tailgating a passenger car as Hammond a 1979-built (1983 late-reg) Ferrari 308 GT4, closely as possible. Thanks to the Suzuki’s flat front, and May found a 1974 Urraco. Various Hammond came close to a centimeter. Clarkson crashed challenges included a lap of the Castle Combe Circuit, the Transit into the back of the car, and May’s LDV was changing the oil and sparkplugs of their cars and driv- completely outpaced. Next the presenters were told to re- ing from Chippenham to Slough on a set amount of fuel. place their driver’s side doors. Hammond and May were Hammond won most of the challenges, and May’s Urraco able to remove their doors easily, while Clarkson sim- was a constant source of problems due to its poor electrics ply rammed his off with the LDV. He then used tape to - it arrived in Bristol on the back of a , and broke fix a new door on, while Hammond successfully fitted his down on almost every leg of the trip. The Merak began with bolts; May eventually ran out of time. The fifth chal- to deteriorate at Castle Combe, where it was revealed to lenge tested how long a burglar took to break into the rear have terrible brakes, and the engine began making wor- door of each van; the burglar failed to open Hammond’s, rying noises alongside very poor performance. Clarkson smashed open May’s in half a minute, but took only 10 initially blamed the tappets, but as the day progressed, seconds to break into the Transit. Finally the presenters May declared that the engine was disintegrating. In the were tasked with outrunning a police patrol car driven end, none of the cars survived the final journey. First, by the Stig on their test track. Clarkson won the event, the Merak’s engine exploded, showering the Urraco in which also featured a spectacular roll-over by Hammond pieces of the wreckage and forcing Clarkson to crash into trying to achieve the Scandinavian flick while going round a hedge. The 308 appeared to run out of fuel 10 miles the first corner. Hammond, however, still won the overall from Slough, although Hammond later explained that the challenge. Winner: Hammond. entire electrical system had failed suddenly. Finally, the Urraco ran out of petrol on the outskirts of Slough, caus- ing a major traffic jam. The presenters therefore unani- mously declared that the scores were useless, and Clark- 4.6 US Special - Used American car for son summarised with “yes, you can buy a mid-engined $1000 challenge Italian supercar for less than £10,000, but for the love of God, don't!" No winner officially. Hammond on Series Nine, Episode Three points See also: Top Gear: US Special The GT4 used in this challenge was later bought and being repaired by Hammond, only to be damaged again when he The presenters wanted to find out if it was easier to buy was in the Petrolheads, where he was tricked and rammed a car for a holiday rather than rent one, so each of them during a challenge. was given a budget of US$1000 to purchase a car, which they would take on a road trip across four US states, from Miami, Florida to New Orleans, Louisiana. Clark- 4.5 White van man challenge son bought a 1989 Chevrolet Camaro, May got a 1989 Cadillac , while Hammond bought a Series Eight, Episode Eight Dodge Ram pick-up truck. 10 4 CHEAP CARS

During their journey they were given a series of chal- Namibian border. Clarkson declared the Beetle as the lenges, which included the cars being driven around a winner, since it had no documented mishaps during the track by The Stig’s overweight “American cousin,” doing trip, much to the shock of Hammond, with which May 0 to 50 to 0 without over-running the track and thereby answered "[he]'s right!". Volkswagen Beetle (back up crashing into a river full of alligators, and camping a night car) in a field eating only roadkill. They also had to paint slo- gans on each other’s car in order to get them shot at or arrested as they drove across Alabama. When the three 4.8 did make some good pulled into a gas station to refuel, the station’s owner cars after all challenge called a gang and attacked them and their film crew with stones and chased them out of town. Series Ten, Episode Seven[7] Upon arrival at New Orleans, the three presenters found In an argument with the producers of Top Gear, the pre- the city was taking a long time to recover from Hurricane senters claimed British Leyland did produce some good Katrina and thus could not bring themselves to ask for cars after all. So, they were given a budget of £1,500(of money for their cars. They instead gave them away their own money) to buy a British Leyland car in which to people who needed them. In the episode’s cred- they would face a series of challenges, for which, in- its, the presenters were credited as “Cletus Clarkson”, stead of points, they would earn money back. Clark- “Earl Hammond JR”, “Ellie May May” and “Roscoe P. son got a 1981 Rover SD1, Hammond bought a 1972 Stig”. All of the other credited crew had their first names Dolomite Sprint, whereas May acquired a 1978 . changed to “Billy Bob”. Winner: Clarkson Clarkson Challenges included a variety of tests at the MIRA prov- declared himself the winner and May as the loser (as he ing ground, and seeing how far the cars could be driven could not even give his car away). while full of water. The boys also reproduced the intro of Money from the various squeaks and clunks their cars made. After all the challenges, Clarkson summed up the 4.7 £1,500 two-wheel drive African cross- money and declared May the winner of the challenge, as country car challenge not only did he get back all that he had paid, he made a £20 profit. Winner: May Series Ten, Episode Four See also: Top Gear: Special 4.9 Make a police car for a lot less money than the real police spend on their cars The presenters were sent to Botswana to buy a car that challenge was not an off-road vehicle and had only two-wheel drive, which they would drive across the country, from the eastern border of Zimbabwe to the western bor- Series Eleven, Episode One der of Namibia (approximately 1,000 miles). The chal- The presenters were all given £1,000 to buy a car and lenge included a drive over the , which turn them into police cars able to surpass the Police’s left Clarkson and May’s cars filled with dust after they standard-issue Diesels. Clarkson bought had been stripped of excess weight as to try to prevent a 1998 Fiat Coupé 20V Turbo for £900, painted it in Ital- their cars sinking through the thin surface, and over the ian Polizia di Stato livery (although the colour was wrong), Okavango Delta. This was to prove “to the people of Sur- and fitted it with "Boudicea" wheel covers. May bought a rey that they don't need 4×4s in case there are leaves on 1994 Lexus LS400 for £900 as well, which he painted in the road.” This challenge introduced a new rule that stipu- a traditional 'jam sandwich' livery, fitted with an air siren lated if any of the presenters’ cars were to break down be- from an ice cream van, and armed with paint sprayers yond repair, they would have to complete the journey in a at the back. Hammond bought a 1994 Suzuki Vitara for substitute vehicle - for this challenge, a Volkswagen Bee- £750, and equipped it with light bars and a self-deploying tle (the Beetle being the presenters’ unanimous choice as stinger on the front (actually several doormats stitched to- their least favourite car). Clarkson bought a 1981 Lancia gether with nails poking through). The presenters’ cars Beta Coupé, which was the most unreliable car of the lot. were then put to test around the Top Gear track, which in- Hammond bought a 1963 Opel Kadett, which he named cluded beating the Stig’s lap in the Vauxhall Astra diesel Oliver (consequently becoming the butt of jokes of the (coupled with extra points for flamboyance), clearing a other presenters), while May bought a 1985 Mercedes- crash site in less than two minutes, and then stopping the Benz 230E. Hammond felt such affection for his car that Stig in a police chase (the latter driving a BMW 7-Series) he subsequently had it shipped to the UK (which resulted “Without using £125,000 worth of Volvo, the RAF, and in Clarkson and May making fun of him), and it now 16 health and safety forms.” The real police first demon- has the occasional cameo on Richard Hammond’s Blast strated how to stop the stolen car using four Volvo V70 Lab. Oliver was Hammond’s “prized possession” in the estates, boxing in the car to the side of the road, following Top Gear 'Lorryist' challenge. All three made it to the the fulfillment of “13 separate health and safety criteria.” 4.11 Mercedes-Benz 600 vs Rolls-Royce Corniche Coupé challenge 11

All three cars were subsequently displayed at the British During the journey to the Concours, Hammond had Motor Show 2008. Winner: Hammond[nb 5] to manually send coolant into his engine using a hand cranked pump (due to a broken water pump during the track day challenge). This eventually broke, and his en- 4.10 Can you buy an Alfa Romeo for £1000 gine seized, forcing May to tow him. After crashing into or less without it completely ruining May a few times, May got fed up and abandoned him. your life all the time? challenge Clarkson helped to tow Hammond despite his gearbox nearing the end of its life, and the two sabotaged May’s engine bay with cheese. After the judges finished, James Series Eleven, Episode Three was awarded 74 out of a possible 150 points while Jeremy and Richard were given 23.5 and 9 respectively - the low- est scores in Concours history. Clarkson was declared the overall victor (largely due to the car’s low price), which pleased him greatly as it was his first victory in three years for a cheap car challenge. Winner: Clarkson

4.11 Mercedes-Benz 600 vs Rolls-Royce Corniche Coupé challenge

Series Eleven, Episode Five Clarkson and May attempted to find out which of their The presenters’ Alfas when the challenge ended. From left to classic luxury limousines—Clarkson’s 1969-built (1973 right, Hammond’s Spider, Clarkson’s 75 and May’s GTV. late-reg) Mercedes-Benz 600 “Grosser” or May’s 1972 Rolls-Royce Corniche—was better. So they brought their The presenters were challenged with proving to the cars to the for a series of challenges. show’s producers that in order to be a true “petrol head”, This was not a real “Cheap Car Challenge,” as Hammond you need to have owned an Alfa Romeo. So, they were did not participate, the presenters owned the cars prior to each given £1,000 to buy their own Alfa Romeo. Clark- the challenge, and neither of the cars involved were par- son bought a 1989 Alfa Romeo 75 3.0 V6 (for £450), ticularly cheap. They summarised the choice as “between Hammond bought a 1984 Alfa Romeo Spider 2.0 (for 'Camp' and 'Camp Commandant' " based on the previous £1,000), and May bought a 1996 Alfa Romeo GTV 2.0 owners of the vehicles they were using in the challenge. TwinSpark (for £995). The cars were put to a series Winner: Clarkson of tests, which included participating in a track day on the Rockingham Motor Speedway road course, featuring their cars on a calendar which they must sell at a news- 4.12 How much lorry do you get for £5000 stand, and then lastly entering an Alfa Romeo exclusive challenge Concours d'Elegance event, traveling as far as 80 miles to get to the event area. Series Twelve, Episode One At the race circuit, the presenters were to gain a point Unable to understand how truck-driving can be so hard, for every car they overtook and lose a point each time the presenters each bought a second-hand lorry for under they were overtaken. As the field consisted predominately £5,000. May bought a Scania P94D, Clarkson bought a of high-end sports and supercars, none of the presenters Renault Magnum and Hammond bought an ERF EC11. managed to overtake any competitors. Clarkson rolled Clarkson painted his truck black, resulting in multiple his car attempting to overtake a . visibility problems. Hammond tried to Americanize his In a side challenge, each presenters had to create a calen- truck by attaching a dog kennel to the front of his truck. dar featuring their cars which was to be sold at a news- May attached many flowers and decorations to make it stand. None of the presenters’ calendars managed to sell look like a float. After decorating their lorries, they were even a single copy. sent to Millbrook Proving Ground, where the first chal- After the track day, the presenters then had to prep their lenge was to successfully powerslide their on a cars for a Concours d'Elegance competition. Clarkson skid pan (as demonstrated by “The Stig’s Lorry-driving decided to respray his car in Skoda Green, a colour he Cousin”). None of them managed, but May and his truck used on his Fiat in the Police Car Challenge. May came out unscathed. Clarkson got " his gear shifter stuck meticulously cleaned his car, being careful to remove all up his arse.” And Hammond’s dog kennel fell off. the dust from the interior and bodywork, and Hammond After several attempts at attaching trailers, the second re-upholstered his seats using Clarkson’s leather jacket. challenge involved driving round the Alpine handling 12 4 CHEAP CARS

course with their trailers loaded with various awkward America. loads (Hammond an unsecured , May a Clarkson emerged victorious by reaching the bar first. wedding cake, and Clarkson hay bales and an electric Winner: Clarkson fire) All three failed to get their cargo round the track, with Hammond’s car breaking through the rear doors and falling off, and May’s cake falling over. Clarkson’s load 4.14 Finding the perfect car for 17-year- unsurprisingly set fire to the trailer. olds The next challenge featured the trucks, speed limiters removed, in a race around the two-mile bowl of Mill- Series Thirteen, Episode Two brook to see which was fastest; Hammond won with his With a budget of £2,500 each including insurance, the lightweight ERF hitting 90 miles an hour. The fourth test three bought cars that were “ideal” for 17-year-olds. had each presenter attempting to perform a hill start with Clarkson, Hammond and May bought a 1995 Volvo 940 their vehicles, and to encourage them, prized possessions estate, 1993 Hyundai Scoupe and 1994 were placed behind each of their lorries. Jeremy, with Mk III respectively. They were then given a series of chal- his drum kit placed behind his lorry, was successful as lenges. Some of these challenges included driving across his vehicle had a crawler gear, although May and Ham- a field and an obstacle course, in which each presenter had mond promptly ran over and trashed the drum kit. Oliver, to drive round the course and hit as many of the obstacles Hammond’s restored Opel Kadett from the Botswana ad- as they could. Winner: Clarkson venture, was placed behind his lorry and he eventually forfeited rather than risk crushing it. May’s grand pi- ano was smashed when he failed to prevent his lorry from 4.15 Seeking petrolhead heaven in three rolling backwards, although the production crew had al- £1500 rear-wheel drive coupes ready damaged it while positioning it. The final challenge, for speed, braking, and toughness had Series Thirteen, Episode Five each presenter driving their vehicles through an obstacle With a budget of £1,500, Clarkson, May and Hammond at 56 miles an hour, and the winner going the shortest had to buy a rear wheel drive car. Clarkson bought a distance after hitting it. Hammond managed to stop his 1991 , May bought a 1983 Ford Capri (but lorry in a shorter distance after driving through a mobile switched to the 1977 backup car after the home than May did after driving through a structure built Ford broke down) and Hammond bought a 1991 Nissan out of six hundred water coolers. Clarkson traveled the 300ZX. They faced numerous challenges including try- shortest distance, but was injured after driving his lorry ing to beat a 1-minute, 32.31 second lap time set by a through a brick wall. At the end, the “hopelessly com- , and accelerating to 60 mph and then plicated” scores were tallied, and May was declared the braking to 0 mph within 200 meters or risk destroying winner. Winner: May something belonging to them. May ended up destroying another one of his pianos. As a finale, they participated in an Andros Trophy ice race (which included F1 driver 4.13 Vietnam Special Olivier Panis) against heavily modified , ulti- mately being lapped several times (on one occasion, Panis Series Twelve, Episode Eight referred to the Marina as “a shitbox”). May emerged vic- torious in the Morris Marina, which had a piano dropped See also: Top Gear: Vietnam Special on it in the end. Winner: May

The three presenters went on a trip to Vietnam where they were each given 15 million Vietnamese đồng to buy a "set 4.16 Buying a pre-1982 car for less than of wheels" able to drive 1,000 miles from Ho Chi Minh £3,000 City in the south to Halong Bay in the north. However, due to the car prices and the money they were given, the Series Thirteen, Episode Six task was completed using cheap motorbikes. The goal Clarkson, May and Hammond were told to go to a car was essentially to do in eight days what the Americans auction and buy any car for less than £3,000 that was failed to do in the ten years of the Vietnam War. built before 1982. Jeremy was poised to purchase a As in previous challenges, the producers provided a re- Ford Cortina, but he wanted a convertible and bought a placement vehicle to any presenter whose vehicle broke 1969 Austin-Healey Sprite, although he accidentally used down, in this challenge a minibike decorated in a some of his money to buy it, as he bought it for £3,600. stars and Stripes livery with Born in the USA by Bruce Richard “went ugly early” and bought the first lot, a 1953 Springsteen playing on an iPod (redubbed with The Star- Lanchester LJ 200. James May was set to buy a Bristol, Spangled Banner in some versions), causing much dis- which went over his budget in bidding, and because there tress to the presenters due to the Vietnam War with was only one car after the Bristol he was forced to buy the 4.18 A track day car which is as good in the real world 13

last car of the auction—a 1977 blue Citroën Ami Estate. 4.18 A track day car which is as good in the They were then told to go to Mallorca for a rally, with two real world challenges spread over two days. They were also given their co-drivers by the producers. Jeremy was given the head of Balaeric Club, who spoke no English. Series Fifteen, Episode Two Richard was assigned to Brian Wheeler, a sarcastic dwarf The three were given a budget of £5,000 to buy a 4-door mechanic. James was given glamour model and Page 3 saloon that would be as good in the real world as it would girl Madison Welch. be on a track day. The challenge was carried out in Ger- Upon arriving in Mallorca, the presenters were horrified many. May bought a 1985 Mercedes-Benz 190E 2.3-16v to find out that they were almost two days late for the , Hammond a 1996 E36 BMW M3, and Clark- rally, which was actually a five-day event, and thus had no son a 1989 Ford Sierra Sapphire RS Cosworth. Chal- chance of winning. They chose to bet £25 on whichever lenges included determining their cars’ top speed on an one of them had the best score at the end of the rally. unregulated autobahn, interior space (by carrying a Ger- Clarkson’s malfunctioning gauges made calculating his man Oompah band), and an ADAC evaluation of the speed difficult, James had to cope with Madison’s severe cars. The BMW initially performed well until it came lack of interest and navigating experience, and Richard’s last in the evaluation test, revealing badly repaired acci- Lanchester proved incredibly unreliable, breaking down dent damage. Finally, the presenters went to a circuit, several times per stage and overheating constantly. While where the cars were lapped by the Stig’s German cousin. Clarkson was in the lead heading into the final day, May In the studio there were the results of two more unbroad- posted the most consistent lap times at the regularity track cast challenges: points for each viewing of a track day [8] day and inched out Clarkson in the final challenge. After video uploaded to YouTube, and an economy run. The the challenge it was revealed that all three presenters liked last test was based on price - each pound under the budget their chosen cars so much they had bought them from the received one point - meaning that the £4,999 Sierra and BBC. Winner: May the £3,990 M3 lost to the £2,990 190E. Winner: May

4.19 Campervan challenge 4.17 Special

Series Fifteen, Episode Four Series Fourteen, Episode Six Bemoaning the fact that campervans are either the huge See also: Top Gear: Bolivia Special American style motor homes unsuitable for European roads or the tiny and cramped European models, the pre- The three presenters traveled 1,000 miles through the senters were challenged to construct inexpensive camper- rainforests of Bolivia to the Pacific coast of . They vans that would be comfortable to sleep in yet manageable used pre-owned off-road vehicles, bought locally in Bo- on narrow twisting European roads. They had to have a livia for less than £3,500 each. Hammond bought a tan sleeping area, a toilet and a cooking area. Clarkson con- Toyota Land Cruiser, which had been converted into a structed a three story Bauhaus inspired campervan on a soft top convertible by a previous owner. Despite the car’s 1988 Citroën CX chassis. May attached a roofbox with a reputation for durability, it turned out to be the most un- sleeping bag on top of a 1987 Lotus Excel and Hammond reliable car, suffering multiple and suspension constructed a collapsible cottage on the back of a 1984 breakdowns right from the start. It was damaged beyond 110. Clarkson found his Citroën difficult to repair on the sand-dune descent. Hammond nicknamed drive and nearly toppled over several times. May’s Lotus his Land Cruiser “Donkey.” Clarkson bought a red Range was cramped and Hammond’s design was cumbersome Rover, which he believed had a 3.9-litre fuel-injected en- and impractical. Challenges included driving to a camp gine. However, when he showed his co-presenters un- ground in Polzeath, Cornwall, changing into a wet suit in- der the bonnet, May noted it had carburettors, making side the campervan, sleeping, “going to the bog" in their it the 3.5-litre model. Overall Clarkson’s Range Rover campervans, and cooking a meal. During the meal chal- turned out to be the most reliable, despite the car’s rep- lenge, Richard set fire to his cottage. Later, the three took utation otherwise. May bought a red (although "..in the a trip to a beauty spot in Hartland in North Devon where advert it was blue...”) Suzuki Samurai with a 1.3-litre en- Hammond and May “accidentally” rolled Jeremy’s Cit- gine, which was the smallest of the three vehicles. De- roën over a cliff. Back in the studio, Clarkson protested spite this, May made no modifications, and it had the but all three presenters reluctantly came to the conclu- least breakdowns. One disadvantage of the Suzuki was its sion that although James had the least amount of prob- open differentials, which made it “3-wheel drive” Win- lems with his campervan (the only one being space), all ner: Clarkson of their designs were rubbish. No winner 14 4 CHEAP CARS

4.20 British challenge 4.22 Four seater for less than £2000 (that all turned out to be BMW 325i’s) challenge Series Fifteen, Episode Six The boys attempt to prove that old British sports cars never deserved to be killed off by the hot hatch. Jeremy Series Sixteen, Episode Four buys a 1974 Jensen-Healey, James buys a 1989 TVR S2 The three were given £2,000 to buy a four-seater con- and Richard buys a 1994 Lotus M100 Elan. The trip vertible car. However, they all buy the same car: a BMW involved going to the places where all their cars were 325i. Hammond bought a 1987 model for £1,600 which “born”, beginning at the Lotus factory in , then had done 94,318 miles according to the odometer, and onto the Jensen factory in West Bromwich, before finish- had aftermarket wheels, aftermarket alarm, a lower sus- ing at the TVR factory in Blackpool. There was no win- pension and extra locks fitted. Clarkson bought a 1988 ner, as the team said that all of their cars were the best. model for £1,950 which had done 137,488 miles and had All winners a paving slab in the boot (to improve handling) and May a 1989 model for £1,900 with no modifications. Clark- son decided to turn the challenge into a test to see how different the three supposedly identical cars had become over time, so the trio ignored the producers’ challenges and devised their own. 4.21 Middle East Special First there was a drag race which Hammond was unable to take part in as his car broke down due to the alarm (for which he was deducted 1,000 points): accelerate to 100 Series Sixteen, Episode Zero-Two[9] mph then stop again. May won comfortably as his car proved to be in better mechanical condition than Clark- See also: Top Gear: Middle East Special son’s. This led to Clarkson claiming that speed is not ev- erything and May disagreeing, in stark contrast to their The three were given £3,500 to buy a 2-door convertible usual opinions. Next the cars were examined by a foren- sports car, find their way to the birthplace of Jesus, and sics team to test the condition of their interior. Clark- provide Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh as per the Three son’s car contained crisps, leaves, and his own dried skin, Wise Men. Hammond bought a 2000 Fiat , which he claimed was not disgusting at all and lost no Clarkson bought a 2000 Mazda MX5 and James cheated points. May’s car was in worse condition with nasal mu- and bought a 1998 BMW Z3 over budget for £3,966. The cus, scabs and saliva costing him 30 points. Hammond starting point was - which the three were unaware of again fared the worst with saliva, blood and pubic hairs, until they landed. They were given flak jackets and hel- losing 30 points and, worst of all, feces losing another mets to get to their location. There was also at least one 1,000 points. Next, thieves attempted to steal all three armed guard travelling with the group. cars: Clarkson and May’s cars were still there after 20 minutes, but Hammond’s was stolen almost immediately As has happened on previous challenges, a spare car was losing him yet another 1,000 points. provided by the producers should any of the cars criti- cally break down. In this case it was an 1.6 The trio were then required to lap the Top Gear Test convertible - a car loathed by all three presenters. Track in their cars, trying to match the Stig’s time done in a modern BMW 325i. Clarkson recorded the fastest time During the challenge, May had a concussion in the mid- despite blowing his engine, followed by Hammond with dle of the desert, resulting in a trip to hospital. He was May slowest. After that, the three cars were filled with discharged later in the episode and continued the journey. helium and the presenters were required to sit in them Upon reaching their final hotel, the three set out to buy to test for leaks. Clarkson and May’s voices went high gifts: Hammond bought a gold necklace of Jesus’s face, and squeaky due to the gas, but Hammond’s did not as it May bought a bottle of Frankincense — in fact, a bot- had leaked out, once again leading to a 1,000 point de- tle of hotel shampoo — and Clarkson was unable to find duction. The cars were then inspected to determine how any Myrrh, so bought a Nintendo DS. After following a much money was needed to restore them to showroom star they were led to a stable containing shepherds (who condition. May’s required £5,500, Hammond’s £7,500 apparently arrived on quad bikes,) Mary & Joseph (al- and Clarkson’s £11,000. Finally the presenters decided though not identified as such,) and a manger. They pre- to form a stunt driving team in front of a live audience sented their gifts, and asked to see the child, which was at the Essex County Fair (this did not count towards the revealed to be a baby Stig. points challenge), they all collided almost immediately. Hammond’s Fiat was voted the best by both Clarkson and When the points were tallied up, May won easily due May, to Hammond’s obvious surprise. Winner: Ham- to his car being in the best condition so having the mond lowest restoration cost. Clarkson narrowly beat Ham- 4.25 Rallycross with less investment than golfing 15

mond to second place as his far higher restoration cost Allegro. Challenges included bringing Western-themed was marginally outweighed by Hammond’s numerous goods with their cars and building a stall to promote them, thousand-point deductions. This led Clarkson to con- A mountain rally and modifying their cars to be better clude two things: “all identical cars aren't necessarily able to tackle the dangerous mountain roads. No de- identical” and “Richard Hammond, who buys more used clared winner cars than any man alive, is useless at buying used cars.” Winner: May 4.25 Rallycross with less investment than golfing 4.23 Best Hot for doing various things in Series Eighteen, Episode Seven The three criticise the sheer amount of money people Series Seventeen, Episode Two have to spend just to play golf, and they claimed that you In order to determine which hot hatchback was the best, can invest less money in car racing, or in this case, ral- the trio were told to bring one to the Italian city of Lucca. lycross. To prove this, each of the presenters must find Clarkson brought a Citroën DS3 Racing, May a 2010 a cheap, race-worthy car and modify it so it can be race- Renaultsport Clio Cup and Hammond a 2011 ready. Clarkson bought a BMW 328i, Hammond bought , which the other two claimed was neither hot nor a Citroen Saxo 1.6 VTS, and May bought a Toyota MR2. a hatchback. The first challenge was simply to drive out Hammond was the most successful of the three, finishing of Lucca, which proved extremely difficult due to the nar- third in two heats and coming second in the final, ahead row maze of one-way streets with no signposts. Clarkson of Clarkson. Meanwhile, May was the least successful, got out first, followed by Hammond (who had abandoned finishing last in two heats and third in the “loser’s final”. his car to find the way out on foot), while May ended up The trio then conclude that you can go motor racing with stuck on top of the city wall. less investment than golfing (all the cars, including race modifications, costs less than £2000, whereas golf costs Next, they had to drive to Canelli picking up seven items more than that). Winner: Hammond on the way: a branch of a cedar tree, ice cubes, a photo of as many people as possible getting into their car, a CD from a service station (without leaving their car), a bicy- 4.26 Finding the source of the river Nile cle, a vine and a dog. Hammond completed the scavenger hunt first, but with a toy dog instead of a real one, the Series Nineteen, Episode Six and Seven branch of a larch instead of a cedar, and no CD. Clark- son was next, with all the items correct. May was last The three were given a budget of £1,500 to buy a sec- again and his ice cubes had melted. May got 12 people in ond hand estate car in Britain which they would then his photo, Clarkson 13 and Hammond got 14 by opening be using to find the source of the River Nile in . the sunroof and having them stand up with their heads Jeremy bought a 1999 BMW 528i, James a 1996 Volvo sticking out. 850 R and Hammond a 2002 WRX. The Backup car was a 1998 ,a car loathed by the Finally, the presenters had to drive a lap of the Circuit de three of them. The starting point was a small town in during the Monaco Grand Prix weekend in their Uganda. After traveling to Lake Victoria, which many hot hatchbacks. Clarkson posted the fastest time, fol- people think is the source of the River Nile, the boys lowed by Hammond with May slowest. When the points noticed, that Lake Victoria is fed by several rivers that were totalled up, Clarkson was the clear winner, followed come from different locations. After a look on the map, by May, while Hammond had all his points taken away the three found some other lakes further south which for abandoning his car in Lucca, failing to get three of could be the source of the Nile. So they started their the items properly, taking his photo with the people not long drive south. After sleeping in a really poor ho- fully inside the car and turning up with a car which wasn't tel the boys decided to convert their cars into “mobile a hatchback. Winner: Clarkson homes”. Hammond installed a little kitchen, Jeremy a cooling box full of beer, and a toilet on the outside of his car, and James a little garage complete with tools. All 4.24 Special of them also installed some sort of bed. After a long drive through Africa, which showed that Hammond made Series Seventeen, Episode Seven a clever choice with his all wheel drive Subaru in view of The three were given £7,000 to buy a reliable British all those dirt tracks, and several “modifications” (the guys and use them on the streets of India. Jeremy were stealing bits from each other’s cars to modify their bought a 1995 Jaguar XJS 4.0 Celebration Edition, James own car) the boys were getting closer. Whilst driving over bought a 1976 Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow and Ham- some rough dirt tracks the cars suffered a lot. There were mond bought a 2000 Mini 1.3L. As in previous chal- several punctures and Hammond broke his wishbone on lenges, a backup car was also present, a 1979 Austin the passengers side. During the night, he was able to fix 16 4 CHEAP CARS

it so they could finish their journey together. But the out the potent Cosworth-designed V6 engine and traction Producers then told them, that only one could find the control. Winner: Hammond “Source of the river Nile” and so only one could find his name in the history books. This meant a final race be- tween the three. Even though Hammond was making the 4.29 Find a cheap car that still lives up to best progress on the rough roads and dirt tracks thanks to the title of classic his AWD Subaru, May was the first to find the true source of the river Nile which made him the winner. Winner: Season Twenty-Two, Episode Eight May and two other blokes Due to rocketing classic car prices, a Jaguar E-Type is worth £200,000, whereas a Ferrari Daytona is worth £700,000, and an DB5 is worth 4.27 Proving that hot hatchbacks from £1,000,000. The trio are told to buy affordable classics their youth are better than their mod- and report with them to an old railway station in Bucking- ern equivalents hamshire. There, they are told they must live like classic car enthusiasts. Hammond arrives first in an MGB GT, a Season Twenty-One, Episode One car that he believes is the most iconic British sports car. Clarkson arrives next in a Fiat 124 Spider which he ad- They were sent out to buy any hot hatchback from mits is incredibly pretty but describes that it will go wrong their youth - specifically the 1980s. Clarkson bought all the time like all classic cars. Finally, May arrives in a a Volkswagen Golf GTi, May bought a Ford XR2i 304 S Cabriolet which arrives broken down. Af- and Hammond bought a Vauxhall Nova SRi. Chal- ter starting May’s car, the trio set off on classic car drive lenges faced included a hill climb (during the return in rainy weather. Although Hammond’s MG suffers no trip, Hammond crashed his Nova, setting up a running problems, Clarkson hates his Fiat due to it having Amer- joke throughout the challenge,) a “supermarket sweep” ican specifications (such as 5-mph bumpers, raised ride gymkhana event through a closed supermarket, (with height, and oversized aftermarket wheels), which makes Hammond again finishing on his side), and a drag race, in it difficult to drive. Although May is positive about his which Hammond critically damaged his car’s engine after Peugeot, he continues to suffer more breakdowns. While accidentally changing from second gear into first instead Hammond is initially positive, he and Clarkson eventu- of third. The last challenge involved the cars being chased ally get fed up with May’s continuous breakdowns and by the “TGPD” (Top Gear Police Department) to see how leave him behind. Season Twenty Two, Episode Eight long they could evade pursuit. Hammond was caught in- is unusual in that it had two cheap-car challenges, “Find stantly due to his damaged engine, while both Clarkson a cheap car that still lives up to the title of classic” and and May had their cars destroyed after long drawn out “Cheap SUV challenge”. pursuits. In the end the presenters decided that as all their cars had won an individual event, all three were the win- ners. All winners 4.30 Cheap SUV challenge

Season Twenty-Two, Episode Eight 4.28 Homemade ambulance challenge In response to the growing numbers of lifestyle SUVs, they were asked to buy a lifestyle SUV with a maximum Season Twenty-Two, Episode Three budget of £250. May was the first to arrive in a little Mit- The men decide to improve ambulances. Initially, they subishi Shogun Pinin which he bought for just £150, fol- modify a P45 (Series 19, Episode 1) with a flashing bea- lowed by Hammond in a Jeep Cherokee which he bought con and a gurney which attaches to a rear-mounted hitch, for £250, and then Clarkson in a Vauxhall Frontera Sport but this fails when the gurney jackknifes and ejects the RS which he bought for just £140. Challenges include a patient. The producers then instruct the presenters to “do snow slope climbing test (where Hammond failed to en- it properly”, and each buy an alternative to the standard gage his 4WD), a game of tag with caravans hitched to ambulance used by the NHS (a Mercedes Sprinter), with their cars and featuring “Leisure Stig” in a Kia Sportage, their choices being tested in a series of challenges. For a 0-60 acceleration and braking test at a muddy test £5000, Hammond bought a customised Chevy G20 V8 area with “Leisure Stig” setting the benchmark in a Kia Van, which he lauded for its 5.7 litre and its Sportage (where James made his way to a muddy pond at bargain price (compared to the £150,000 cost of a stan- the end of the track), modifying their own cars to suit the dard NHS ambulance). Clarkson bought a Porsche 944 lifestyle theme better and doing some “leisure activity” at Turbo, with the idea that the patient could be stowed a nearby pond, rolling their cars down a steep cliff to test under the all-glass hatchback; Hammond points out that the car’s robustness and safety, and to wrap it up, a five- the patient would bake in the tight, glass-enclosed space. mile-long off-road race from a grouse moor to May bought a – a Ford Scorpio Cardinal – which a conference and dinner held at Yorkshire’s Broughton was roundly mocked by the others, despite May pointing Hall, where the last to arrive had to do an after-dinner 17 speech. During the race, James was initially left far be- [4] "Series Eleven, Episode Six". Top Gear. Series 11. hind, but caught up later due to him managed to found Episode 6. 2008-07-27. BBC Two. James May: Alan a farm track that enabled him to overtake Clarkson and Partridge once said that Lexus is Japan’s Mercedes-Benz, Hammond, who were bogged down. Hammond eventu- in which case the Mitsuoka Galue could be, but this is only ally freed himself from the mud, and Clarkson, upset for a hunch, Japan’s Rolls-Royce. not being able to climb a small crest after fording a small [5] Topper, James (3 August 2007). “BBC admit Top Gear river, had to cut the Frontera in half. Eventually, Ham- caravan blaze was a fake”. Daily Mail Online. Retrieved mond had to deliver the after dinner speech, which didn't 23 August 2010. The BBC said that viewers would not please the crowds, marking their final appearance. Sea- have been misled as it was obvious that the sequence was son Twenty Two, Episode Eight is unusual in that it had “slapstick” with a “sitcom ending”. two cheap-car challenges, “Find a cheap car that still lives [6] Bellicoso, Louise (2007-02-15). “Amazing space launch up to the title of classic” and “Cheap SUV challenge”. for ...Delboy’s motor!". Buxton Advertiser. Retrieved 2007-02-21. While the show alludes to a 12-day build, in reality, it took over 4 months to build the final product.

5 Notes [7] http://www.topgear.com/uk/tv-show/series-10/ episode-7 [1] After the show, Clarkson and May insisted that their own cars were best; Clarkson said the Toybota was best be- [8] Exclusive - the video you didn't see on last week’s show. cause it would have reached the finish if it didn't roll over [9] List of Top Gear episodes#Series 16 at the last moment in a good time, but James hit back, .282010.E2.80.9311.29 saying that it wasn't a race, and the Toybota rolled over anyway.

[2] He had been required to shorten it to comply with the max- imum length of an unarticulated car allowed on a British road, and subsequently the join in the middle made out of masking tape failed.

[3] Clarkson: “We proved that you can't buy a Porsche for £1,500.” Hammond:"Well, not one that you can actually drive, any- way.”

[4] On points, May narrowly beat Hammond in the challenge, but Clarkson then attempted to claim victory by pointing out the Starion had been superior until the endurance race. May & Hammond acknowledged this, saying that the only problem with the Starion had been Clarkson’s modifica- tions. So they offered Clarkson the win if he admitted that, 'you're a clot and you ruined your car', which he did.

[5] During the results, Hammond claimed that Clarkson got 98 points (if he had 100 he would win the challenge), and eating the paper saying Clarkson had “98 points,” suggest- ing Hammond was hiding something. Clarkson claimed “Since I am not prepared to go through your stools in the morning, we have to conclude that the best car for the British police is a Suzuki Vitara with a doormat on the front.”

6 References

[1] “Series Two, Episode Four”. Top Gear. Series 2. Episode 4. 1 June 2003.

[2] “BBC stumps up for tree stunt”. BBC. 2004-02-21. Re- trieved 2006-01-09.

[3] “ScooterMan”. www.scooterman.co.uk. Retrieved 2008- 01-26. 18 7 TEXT AND IMAGE SOURCES, CONTRIBUTORS, AND LICENSES

7 Text and image sources, contributors, and licenses

7.1 Text

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7.2 Images

• File:2007_BritCar24Hours_TopGearBMW.jpg Source: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/76/2007_ BritCar24Hours_TopGearBMW.jpg License: CC BY 2.0 Contributors: PICT9151 Original artist: Colin_Eric • File:James_May’{}s_Top_Gear_Lexus_Police_Car.jpg Source: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5a/James_ May%27s_Top_Gear_Lexus_Police_Car.jpg License: Public domain Contributors: Transferred from en.wikipedia Original artist: --JimboUser_talk:Jimbo online[online]] Original uploader was Jimbo online at en.wikipedia • File:Jeremy_Clarkson’{}s_Top_Gear_Fiat_Police_Car.jpg Source: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f9/Jeremy_ Clarkson%27s_Top_Gear_Fiat_Police_Car.jpg License: Public domain Contributors: Transferred from en.wikipedia Original artist: --JimboUser_talk:Jimbo online[online]] Original uploader was Jimbo online at en.wikipedia • File:Question_book-new.svg Source: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/99/Question_book-new.svg License: Cc-by-sa-3.0 Contributors: Created from scratch in Adobe Illustrator. Based on Image:Question book.png created by User:Equazcion Original artist: Tkgd2007 • File:Richard_Hammond’{}s_Top_Gear_Suzuki_Police_Car.jpg Source: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/ba/ Richard_Hammond%27s_Top_Gear_Suzuki_Police_Car.jpg License: Public domain Contributors: Transferred from en.wikipedia Original artist: --JimboUser_talk:Jimbo online[online]] Original uploader was Jimbo online at en.wikipedia • File:Top_Gear_Alfas_1.jpg Source: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2d/Top_Gear_Alfas_1.jpg License: CC BY- SA 2.0 Contributors: 2008 AutoItalia Italian car day IMG_6223 Original artist: Tony Harrison from Farnborough, UK • File:Top_gear_amphibious_may_3.jpg Source: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1c/Top_gear_amphibious_may_ 3.jpg License: CC BY 2.0 Contributors: flickr Original artist: nahtanoj • File:Top_gear_toybota_2.jpg Source: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/07/Top_gear_toybota_2.jpg License: CC BY 2.0 Contributors: flickr Original artist: nahtanoj

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