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The Reluctant Famulus 122 March/April/ 2018 Thomas D. Sadler, Editor/Publisher, etc. 305 Gills Branch Road, Owenton, KY 40359
Contents Introduction, Editor 3 A book review, Editor 5 Involved in fan art, Marc Schirmeister 6 BVIania, Eric Barraclough, 8 Kentuckiana, Al Byrd, 13 The Crotchety Critic, Michaele Jordan, 18 NAE, Gayle Perry, 23 Letters, 28 Considering Words, Ed., 34 Artwork, Pictures Front cover, Brad Foster A tank, Internet,3 Pulp covers, Internet, 5 Island, Eric Barraclough, 9 Virgin Isles. Internet, 11 More pulp covers, Internet, 12 Spores, 28, 30, 32 ABK, 29, 32, 33 Collage, Ed. 36 The man himself, internet 36
The Reluctant Famulus is a product of Strange Dwarf Publications. Some of the comments expressed herein are solely those of the Editor/Publisher and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of any sane, rational persons who know what they are doing and have carefully thought out beforehand what they wanted to say. Material not written or produced by the Editor/Publisher is printed by permission of the various writers and artists and is copyright by them and remains their sole property and reverts to them after publication. TRF maybe obtained by The Usual or in return for written material and artwork, postage costs, The Meaning of Life, and Editorial Whim. Or a ton of Hershey’s Special Dark chocolate.
2 3 Introduction. Another day in my boring life
Well they are at it again—no, not which has rendered a long gun barrel ir- those so-called legislators or whatever relevant, because the barrel was de- you choose to call them who are occa- stroyed...” sionally in Washington DC expected to The article says, “The large, frying- be working but are fighting one another pan shaped “turret’ admittedly appears instead of actually doing their job. That’s similar to the Israeli Merkava IV main as far as I’m going in that direction. battle tank.. If it is a tank, the simple ex- No. I’m referring to those groups of planation is that it is indeed an Israeli people who are obsessed with UFOs and tank and not an alien one.” extraterrestrials and claim to see all sorts That’s pretty much it. of things on Mars and Luna. Ok. The That got me to wondering why who- Moon. ever it was were fighting on good old There really isn’t much to the arti- Luna/Moon. Why not on Mars ,Venus or cle—perhaps a bit of padding. A popular Earth? Those places have much more UFO group connected with YouTube. room for a battle or a few others. Maybe This time the Ufo group among the latest none have yet to be discovered. But I di- sightings claims to have discovered what gress. This is supposed to be about a they think could the remains of what claimed war on the Moon and a leftover they allege to be an alien battle tank left vehicle. Take a look at the image and see behind after a war fought on the Moon. what you think. They even have a photo of the tank. The image was taken from servers at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California. Supposedly, if you tilt your head a little bit, the lighting is dim and you al- low your imagination take over you might see what is similar to a large turret without a main gun. Let your imagina- tion become bolder , “This could be due to the use of advanced alien technology
3 4 For what little it’s worth . . . young man and a photo of a son named Hans Al- A brief book review bert Then there were photos of all those who knew him closely. It has been enlightening. It has The following is the dust jacket of a book I provided me with the names and photos of the acquired several years ago and placed on the prominent physicists of the times, Max Plank, shelves with others and not read. It is a biography Niels Bohr, Ernst Rutherford and that other prominent scientist Charlie Chaplin. I'm just jok- ing about that one unless “City Lights” is science. A photo of Einstein working in his turret study in his Berlin home and various other photos. Whether I wanted to or not I also learned a lot about pre-WWI Germany, a relative quiet period before WWII and Germany' s politics before and after. Fortunately there is still more about Ein- stein himself. All in all it is a worthwhile book. If you're a history nut. I think I'll look around to see if I can find a biography of Einstein alone without all the wars. Even so, it wasn’t a waste of time. Or else it doesn’t take much to satisfy me.
of Albert Einstein by Thomas Levenson as you can tell by the dust jacket .Then recently I de- cided to give it a try, alternating it among some others I was reading. So far, I'm about halfway through the book except for around 54 pages of notes I'm not going to read even if it's a bad decision. I have learned a lot more about Albert Ein- stein beyond what little I knew. I've learned about his wife(wives) and children a photo Einstein as a
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5 6 FROM: 1555 Vista Lane, Pasadena, CA 91103 - 1 9 4 1
Dear Sheryl Okay, when did I first get involved in fan art, you ask? That would’ve been between August 1970 and February 1971, the period When I first joined the N3F, sorry I can’t give you the precise date, I just don’t remember anymore, and the paperwork I might refer to is no longer available to me. I do remember, though, that a couple of weeks after I became a member I mailed a big manila envelope of drawings to a N3F fanzine, THE COLLECTOR'S BULLETIN I think. They accepted and published my scrawls, and I joined the ranks of Tim Kirk and Bill Rotsler, though I was nowhere as good as they were, of course. One of the reasons I got into SF fandom was to have a showcase for my cartooning. Back in 1969, my last year as a student at South Pasadena Junior High, I became staff cartoonist for the school paper, THE TOWER, and also did drawings for the year book. For the first time in my life my cartooning skills paid off, and I went from being a pariah to a cool guy. I had a good, long, sweet sip from the Cup of Success, and I wanted more. Trouble was, when I started high school the next year, it looked like my triumph as an adolescent cartoonist was a fluke, and I ran into a wall of indifference I couldn’t scale. The school newspaper outright refused to run cartoons or illustrations, and what had delighted my classmates in the 9th grade bored them in the 10th. I kept drawing, but there didn’t seem to be any purpose to it. I tried to interest my hometown news papers, the JOURNAL and the REVIEW, in publishing my car- toons, but was turned down flat. And though I knew about fanzines, because I had no access to a mimeograph or ditto machine, and because photocopying was so expensive, I never gave a thought to self-publishing a collection of my work. I was getting nowhere fast, and SF fandom gave me an excuse to draw, and in a subject I deeply enjoyed. In thinking about it decades later, if it hadn’t been for fandom I'd probably have given up drawing altogether, I was that frustrated with my lack of success in my mundane life, cartooning-wise. Fandom gave me a market, so to speak, allowed me to develop my drawing skills, encouraged me to draw, liked what I drew, and, in the end, gave me the expertise to make a living off my pencil as a storyboard man in TV animation. That’s the thank you I owe to science fiction fandom.
You also asked what media I drew my fan art in. Pen and ink, mostly. I drew on ditto
6 7 sheets once in a long while, and only once on a mimeo stencil and I made a botch of that. Usually, the ‘zine editor would electro stencil my fillos for publication, though sometimes they were traced on the stencil by hand. I inked my first cartoons with a Rapidograph pen, then switched to fountain pens with flexible nibs (I was criticized for not having thick and thin in my Rapidograph lines) ,then brushes and dip nibs, and sometimes, fo untain pens, depend- ing on my creative mood. Most of my professional work in animation was drawn with a 2B or 8 pencil. Usually it was black lead, but sometimes I used colored ones. It was all a matter of speed and what Xerox machines could handle. Leads above 38 will give you a nice black line, but smear too easily, and anything below 28 will not copy black enough, though sometimes a good B pencil will work. Nowadays, of course, everything is repro- duced with the help of a PC, so your drawing medium isn’t as important as it used to be, since there’s none of the old printing limitations to deal with anymore. But sometimes I do draw some- thing for publication in 2B pencil. I’m retired from animation, and want to use up the pen- cils I still have on hand.
More later. Take Care. Yours– Schirm .2-26-18
7 8 BVIana [British Virgin Islands] What I did on my holiday
By Eric Barraclough tury, a hell-hole for slaves in the 18th and early 19th Centuries. But here’s where the Virgin Islands (both British & U.S.) differ from their “There is no way you are going to make the neighbors, in the 60s and 70s of the 20th Cen- connection going back!” tury other islands were reveling in their new I was at San Juan Airport, Puerto Rico, found independence but the Virgin Islands re- somewhat tired, somewhat irritable, after endur- mained as ipso-facto colonies. Virgin Gorda ing a flight from London to Miami and another especially has no trade apart from tourism, even from Miami to San Juan. One more fifty min- the sugar plantations are gone. In fact there is ute flight and I could start a much deserved no agriculture worth speaking of so it’s easy to week of nothing but R & R in Virgin Gorda. see why they are happy to rely on the Common- And then the Gate Clerk read my itinerary, wealth. looked me straight in the eyes and said “They The island is incredibly green. Although haven’t given you enough time. There is no way why it is so green came as a bit of shock. you are going to make the connection going So there I was on the tarmac at San Juan back!” Airport, not knowing if my return flights would Charming! connect or if it would mean shelling out a small Virgin Gorda (which means Fat Virgin) is a fortune for new return tickets. I wasn’t the only tropical island, part of the British Virgin Is- one on the tarmac, there was also a rank of lands, 1,000 miles away from Miami and 4,000 Cape Air Cessnas, aircraft only slightly larger from London. It was sighted by Christopher than a Mini Cooper. One was adorned from Columbus in 1493 on his second trip to India. nose to tail with a mural of Humpback Whales That's right, Cristoforo Colombo didn't know frolicking underwater. I was pleased to see it where he was going, didn't know where he had was not my plane. Any Cessna showing ambi- been and did it all on other people's money. But tions of becoming a submarine is to be avoided he was the first (since the Vikings) to do so. at all costs. My joy, however, was short lived. He also said the profile of island was The flight was to be on a Britten-Norman BN2 like that of a fat virgin lying on her side. From Islander. Although the BN2 is thirty-six feet this dubious observation historians have come long over all, the cabin area felt like a two-seat to the conclusion that Columbus had spent too wide bubble-car that was stretched twelve feet long at sea. from fore to aft. On take off it smelt of paraffin, It’s history is practically the same as any in flight it was noisy, air conditioning was other West Indies Isle. First sighted by Colum- achieved by the pilot holding a window flap bus in the late 15th or early 16th Century (the open with his left hand (that was not a lie) and native Arawak & Caribs must have been blind he did not refer to it as a Britten-Norman BN2 as bats not to be able to have seen their own Islander, he referred to it as “Slow.” islands), a refuge for pirates in the 17th Cen-
8 9 After forty minutes of noise ridden flight the than the Atlantic. crammed plane started a slow descent over the A quick stop at customs (which is one half of water corridor between St. John Island and Tor- the only building on the airport) and then I was tola (which is called Sir Francis Drake’s Channel, out to collect the rent-a-car. Except there was no why that is I’ll tell you all about next ish) and rent-a-car. There was also no phone and my cell then “Slow” turned north-east towards Virgin didn’t work in Virgin Gorda. Luckily a guardian Gorda. angel came in the form of a native Gordian who At that point, if the passenger’s body could had shared the flight, she simply gave me her squeeze itself enough to turn right, such a passen- phone like we were the oldest of friends. That’s ger would have seen Norman Island. Way back the informality of Virgin Gorda. But frustration when, Captain Owen Lloyd, the great grandfather wasn’t finished with me yet, rent-a-car’s phone of Robert Louis Stevenson, sailed to that island wasn’t working! My guardian angel then offered on The Sunflower. His journal became the back- a ride in her taxi to rent-a-car’s office. ground for Treasure Island. And believe it or not, The taxis on the island are something-else, in the late Nineteenth Century, treasure was found 4x4 flatbeds with couch seats along the sides and there! a tent roof over that. Gloriously open to the ele- Two islands beyond that is a speck of land ments and the elements are glorious. called Dead Chest Island. Blackbeard marooned There’s also an unwritten etiquette when driv- fifteen would-be mutineers there and his only ing there, which is officially 25 mph, unofficially grace to them was a single bottle of rum. Hence 40 mph and on the open road the locals will over- the old sea shanty that was incorporated into Dis- take you on a blind-uphill-curve at a speed that is ney’s Treasure Island. highly illegal. As for the etiquette, on the open road everybody waves to everybody else, in town the resident blacks only wave to other resident blacks, the white tourists only wave to other white tourists, and the taxi drivers (who are 98% black) wave to everyone. To cut a short story even shorter, not only was rent-a-car’s phone not working, the head office on Finally ‘Slow; reached sight of the green, Tortola had not informed Gorda that I’d rented a green island of Virgin Gorda. The plane almost car! Tortola is the larger and much more popu- grazed the fist-shaped bluff known as Copper lous island to the South-west. Population 24,500 Mine Point, the only part of the island to incur the compared to Gorda's 1,400. great British Industrial Revolution, and then after At last, I was given the standard Jeep Wran- a gut-wrenching 135 degree turn the plane came gler. to a relatively gentle touchdown on the tarmac. After a long, long journey not free from tribu- There is only one tarmac, with an escarpment im- lations, I treated myself to a pizza at the St. Tho- mediately on the West side and the Caribbean Sea mas Bay Marina so night had fallen when I fi- lapping on the East side. It’s not comforting to nally drove out to the resort. Driving on Virgin know that in that area the Caribbean is deeper Gorda was like driving on a roller-coaster and
9 10 driving an automatic was akin to driving a stick- mist. One issue with a light tropical mist is that it shift without a clutch. Almost all of the journey does not thoroughly remove soap which then col- was traveled in the lowest gear. When it came to lects in the lower crevasses of the body and for mountainous slopes there was none of that namby the first time since starting puberty I woke up in -pamby Swiss roads slowly zig-zagging up the the night with jock-itch! incline. Oh no! On Virgin Gorda the roads went Or I hoped it was jock-itch. It could have up at angles of transportation that are otherwise been ringworm or worse. Much worse. I have a only known to the world's space agencies. Com- girlfriend who insists on our watching The Mon- ing down was also in the lowest gear, with heavy sters Within Me. Have you ever seen that pro- use of the brake, to help prevent the car taking on gram? It’s on the American Animal Planet Chan- the speed of an ICBM. Please consider that at nel and the plot (actually it’s a documentary) is some of the descents it was impossible see the always the same, some poor sap suddenly gets road ahead until within six feet from the drop, bouts of sharp pain or becomes incapacitated, they were that sharp and that sudden. doctors are flummoxed until a specialist is The resort (tucked away in a small bay) brought in and discovers the sap has been in- seemed to have been designed by the same person fected by some extremely rare parasite while vis- who invented crazy paving. iting tropical locations. The whole thing is an ex- Another oddity (which was a little disconcert- cuse for gross-out CGI of bugs, worms and in- ing) was that there was no key to the apartment. sects burrowing into human flesh and intestines, “There is no crime on Virgin Gorda.” said the then multiplying, morphing and exploding. Most attendant. of which have nothing to do with the parasite in At least I could lock myself in but on leaving question. the apartment (which was really an efficiency) it So much for a good night’s sleep! Also, there was open to anyone and the maids. As for “no was a constant loud chirping which I took to be crime on Virgin Gorda”, there are nevertheless birds or frogs but was told later that they were two police stations and the one at North Sound crickets! Virgin Gorda must be populated with the probably boasts the best view of any police sta- largest crickets in the world, not that I ever saw tion in the world. The temporary inmates must be any of those insect noise makers. Add to that the so very pleased. full moon was glaring through some upper win- By that time all I needed was a shower and a dows (again no blinds), plus there was the worry good night’s sleep. That brought forth the discov- about the flight back and the incessant jock-itch ery that the bathroom was a wet room whose win- and that does not set up the ingredients for a dows had no blinds. At least they were above peaceful night’s slumber. waist height and the bathroom was on the first Dawn held a revelations. Firstly that slope by floor (that’s second in the U.S). To the east there the bathroom window was at 85 degrees, no was a hill slope which could hide a tom peeping chance of a Paul Pry there, especially with the at my manly physique but I can confidently say what the slope was covered with. Which was the there was no such person out there as there was second revelation. I had read up on the history of no sound of anyone throwing up. the islands (and I’ll come back to that in Part The shower itself sent down a light tropical Three) but not on the fauna and flora. Flying in,
10 11 the island presented itself as covered with a blan- business (to western eyes anyway). The shelves ket of dark verdant vegetation. Blanket be were half bare with one or three of each item, damned, it was more like an eiderdown. The only mercifully they did stock some generic Tinactin places that weren’t green was where man had for jock itch, sleeping aid tables that looked like boldly built houses or a marina or cut a road. Up “As seen on TV” and packaged reams of copy close the greenery was identifiable as desert paper. plants! Palms, cacti including Prickly Pear (which I wonder if anyone has ever produced a one of the islands was named after) and Prickly fanzine from the West Indies? Ash (an endangered species) but instead of being This was written before Hurricanes Harvey & sparse and spasmodic as in a desert, they cover Irma hit the BVI the island. Meantime, I needed ointment to cover the jock itch and then buy some eating supplies. Knowing how expensive island food can be, I'd come prepared with packaged curried, some Via coffee straws and a 3 oz plastic bottle of cooking oil. The guide books had said Gordians bake great bread, what the books didn’t say was the supply ship came in on Friday, the bread is baked on Sat- urday and by Monday it’s all gone (it was now Monday). The only bakery in town had just pas- tries and cakes left, luckily the latter came in mouth watering large proportions. To be honest there is another commercial bak- ery that supplies the groceries and supermarkets. The bread they bake is light but thankfully not the white swidge of Wonder Loaf. There are only a handful of groceries on Gorda and most are owned by Bucks but the one to search out is Bucks Wholesale which despite its name does sell individual items, such as large chunks of Devonshire Cheddar Cheese and that rarity of rarities, Milk! Coming to Virgin Gorda you are met with the revelation that you (as a
Caucasian) are in the minority in this world.
Caucasians are lacto tolerant, most other races are not. And as the Gordians are mainly Negro most of the milk sold is Lactade.
The only Chemist Shop was a little corner establishment that looked like it was going out of
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12 13 MYSTERIOUS KENTUCKIANA The Scourge of the Astroblemes
Alfred D. Byrd of Middlesboro, but I’d also long forgotten it until, one day, several months back, the depart- Those of you who read “Join the Venusian Re- mental chairman for whom I work brought gatta!” in the previous ish may recall that Frieda from home and unfurled on a bulletin board the Vogel let slip that her meta-writer (i.e., I) had U. S. Geological Survey geological map of been planning to write next about the lost Kentucky for 1988 and then told whoever Shawnee village of Eskippakithiki in neighbor- would listen (me, for one) of the state’s three ing Clark County (neighboring, that is, if you “cryptoexplosive structures,” as they’re labeled live in Fayette County, Kentucky, like me). on the map. Fascinated by objects so fascinat- When I read in the ante-previous ish’s loccol ingly designated, I looked up all that I could Dave Rowe’s suggestion that I write of the se- find on each of them, so I’d done the research cret of Middlesboro, I chose to save Shawnee on this article before I even knew that I’d write Village (alumni of the University of Kentucky it. How’s that for efficiency? will grasp this reference) for another day, for The first of the structures about which I’ll write who can resist an invitation to tell of the is the Jephtha Knob Cryptoexplosive Structure, scourge of astroblemes? Not I, at any rate. Hav- now more commonly called Jephtha Knob Cra- ing gotten stuck with the role of Henny Penny ter. This lies in the Outer Bluegrass west of in a kindergarten play, I’ve been a doomsayer Frankfort and just before Shelbyville as you’re ever since then. heading from Lexington to Louisville on either Astrobleme. Doesn’t that sound like the name of I-64 or U. S. 60. Amazingly, the structure’s a product for curing planetary acne? Sadly, an southern edge overlaps I-64, and the structure’s astrobleme is planetary acne, and Kentucky has northern edge overlaps U. S. 60. How’s that for a case of it that’s erupted (technically “irrupted,” planning? I say “edge” rather than “rim” be- as the object causing the break came from the cause, even more amazingly, you can’t see any- outside in, not the inside out) in three places. thing that looks like a crater’s rim from either One of these, as you may’ve guessed, is Mid- highway, as I can testify to you from having dlesboro. It’s the biggest, best known, and most gone back and forth from Lexington to Louis- instructive of the astroblemes, so, as a good ville on both roads many a time. If I were the writer would do if one were writing this article, kind of writer noted for terrible wordplay, I’d I’ll save Middlesboro for last. say that the inability to take rim shots on your As a Kentuckian of long standing (since 1974, iPhone has contributed to an ignorance of as- in fact, though I’d often visited the Common- troblemes in the Bluegrass… wealth before then), I’d long known the secret
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Did I write that? My self-editor must’ve gotten w lowstone calderas. Also, the knob’s metamor- stuck on “off.” Maybe, I need an upgrade. In phic rock is nowhere in contact with igneous any case, let me go on to tell you that you also rock, as metamorphic rock usually is. Eschew- can’t see Jephtha Knob from either highway, ing cryptovolcanism, the geologists relabeled even though the knob’s the highest point in Jephtha Knob as a “cryptoexplosive structure,” Shelby County and rises three hundred feet in which “cryptoexplosive” means “we don’t above the surrounding terrain, as the knob’s know what blew up, but something had to have equidistant from both roads and screened from blown up to make this thing.” them by intervening rises. Jephtha Knob alerted As geologists further explored the region of geologists to the strangeness of the countryside Jephtha Knob, they found a circular pattern of around it. In Kentucky, a “knob” is a steep disturbed terrain showing closely parallel faults sided hill arising out of level ground, of which and types of rock that I’ll discuss in connection there isn’t much in these parts, as I may’ve with Middlesboro. Geologists, to their relief, mentioned elsewhere. Most Kentuckian knobs grasped that they were dealing with a 425 My- rise in a region imaginatively named the Knobs, old crater formed when an asteroid showed which forms a horseshoe (how appropriate!) what it could do to Ordovician limestone. (In around the Bluegrass’s western, southern, and the Bluegrass, Ordovician limestone is the latest eastern edges, but Jephtha Knob is nowhere layer of sedimentary rock exposed by the uplift near the Knobs. Thus, Kentuckian geologists of the Cincinnati Arch as it’s raising a former had to account for an adventitious knob. shallow seabed above sea level. Yes, the Blue- (
14 15 store, and then turning right on Big Sink Road, w Having gone there to visit Cumberland Gap where the structure will be on your right after a National Historic Park, I can tell you from per- mile or so. I haven’t been out Big Sink Road, sonal observation that you can no more see a but, now that I know that its name doesn’t refer crater’s rim at Middlesboro than you can at to an appliance in Paul Bunyan’s kitchen, Big Jephtha Knob. Still, pioneers coming into Ken- Sink Road is on my itinerary. tucky through Cumberland Gap noticed at once “Big Sink” is the original name that locals gave that there was something odd about Middles- to the cryptoexplosive structure near Versailles. boro’s future site, for, after spending tiring Living amid karst topography (I may write an hours on threading a narrow passage that article on this if both TRF and I last long wouldn’t be out of place in Mammoth Cave, enough), the locals assumed —reasonably, I they debouched into a three-point-seven-mile- must say — that a mile-wide hole in the ground wide circular plain. More than just geologists was a sinkhole. It could’ve been, but patterns of wondered what had made this. As there was no faulting within it suggest that it’s a meteorite limestone around Cumberland Mountain, impact crater. Like Jephtha Knob Crater, Ver- through which Cumberland Gap runs, a sink- sailles Crater, as Big Sink or Versailles Crypto- hole was out of the question there. Besides, a explosive Structure is now known, lies in Ordo- diameter of nearly four miles is a tad large for a vician limestone. Geologists estimate that the sinkhole, don’t you think? crater is 440 My old. It was a bad time to be Speculation turned, as it often turned in the Bluegrass limestone back then. Nineteenth Century, to volcanism. Certainly, the Now, it’s time for us to move on to this article’s Middlesboro basin could at first sight have been pièce de résistance, Middlesboro Cryptoexplosive the caldera of a volcano that’d gone off like Structure, a. k. a Middlesboro Crater. You can Mount Mazama and then fallen into itself. The reach this by heading out of Lexington basin did hold metamorphic rocks (in this case southbound on I-75 and getting off of this onto derived from Permian sandstone and shale), U. S. 25E in Corbin, far up in the Appalachian but, as they were at Jephtha Knob, these were- highlands, where you can visit, as I’ve twice n’t anywhere near being in contact with igneous visited, the Harland Sanders Cafe and Museum, rock. Farewell, Mount Middlesboro. We never where you can stroll through the original road- knew you because you never were. side diner where the Colonel developed Ken- Now that facts had wiped the slate clean of vol- tucky Fried Chicken, and then dine on a prod- canism, what was left to geologists at Middles- uct that, reputedly, he repudiated. Still, boro? The question went unanswered until the “Chicken and the Colonel” is a story for an- 1960’s, when scientists of the U. S. Geological other day, and not for me. After you’ve dined Survey (you were wondering when I’d get back on Original Recipe or Extra Crispy as your taste to that, weren’t you?) surveyed the basin for inclines, you can head on down U. S. 25E and, coal and petroleum. In 1966, world-renowned in time, reach Middlesboro. marine geologist Robert S. Dietz (“Er, Dr.
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Dietz, how much ‘marine’ is there around Mid- w ghenies’ western edge, but is now high and dlesboro?” [Footnote One]) found classic signs dry.) Apparently, one day out of the blue, an of an impact crater in the Middlesboro basin. object about as large as Kroger Stadium (the The first of these is a floor of closely spaced University of Kentucky’s football arena used to parallel faults. As I’ve mentioned these in con- be Commonwealth Stadium, but everything nection with Jephtha Knob, I won’t belabor needs a sponsor nowadays) fell to the earth, and them here. The second classic sign is the shatter life in the Appalachian Basin got hard. cone. A meteorite striking sedimentary rock (in “When hasn’t life in Appalachia been hard?” this case, sandstone interbedded with shale in you might ask. A relative of mine, commenting the Permian Period) sends expanding shock on life in Morgan County, Kentucky, in the waves downwards through it. Compressed by 1930’s, once said, “They told us there was a de- the shock wave, the sandstone turns into its pression on, but we couldn’t tell a difference.” metamorphic form, quartzite, in a cone-shaped Oops, did I get away from Middlesboro? I pattern. As a metamorphic shatter cone is harder promise to get over digressions, if I don’t get than its parent rock, the shatter cone stands out distracted again. In any case, given the lack of and is easily separated from it. level ground in Kentucky, and especially in the The third classic sign of a meteorite impact cra- Appalachian highlands, it’s no wonder that a ter is related and similar in origin to a shatter city devoted to coal mining rose in the crater cone: shocked quartz. Grains of quartz subjected after the Civil War. Coal mining has gone on in instantaneously to several megapascals of over- the crater itself, though mining companies have pressure develop closely spaced parallel planes had to develop special techniques for mining of deformation that show up under a micro- coal in the crater’s disturbed strata. I regret to scope as fine striations. Shocked quartz was first tell you that I’ve been unable to learn what discovered at nuclear weapons test sites, our these techniques are. Still, why should I have maybe not so humble attempts to recreate im- expected to? If you developed a special tech- pacts of crater-forming meteorites. As I’ve al- nique for mining coal in a crater, you’d want to ready dropped the nukes in TRF, I won’t drop keep that technique proprietary, wouldn’t you? them again now. The asteroid that formed Middlesboro Crater Middlesboro Crater lies, as I’ve said, in Permian may’ve had a powerful effect on Kentucky’s his- strata. As these are geologically younger than tory. The portions of the Wilderness Road that Ordovician strata, geologists have set an upper cross Cumberland Mountain and Pine Moun- limit of 300 My for Middlesboro Crater’s age. tain, which runs parallel to it a few miles north- (In the Permian Period, what’s now Middles- west of it, are narrow and tortuous. Even per- boro was part of a shallow seabed called the sons afoot had to go in single file through parts Appalachian Basin, which was raised above sea of these, and it was barely possible to get live- level by the subsequent Allegheny Orogeny. stock and transportation through. If Middles- The Appalachian Basin still exists on the Alle- boro Crater didn’t lie between Cumberland
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Mountain and Pine Mountain, crossing them w the earth wholly inside a meteorite impact cra- might’ve been much harder for pioneers than it ter? Now, I’ve revealed Dave Rowe’s secret. was, if not impossible. As things were, the long A personal note on crater tourism: I found Me- stretch of level land within the crater was a teor Crater in Arizona overpriced and, frankly boon to Daniel Boone’s plan to bring horses put, touristy. If you haven’t seen Meteor Crater, and wagons through the gap and lead them up please visit it before you go on to Grand Can- the Wilderness Road to the Bluegrass. yon. After that, Meteor Crater is just another If Middlesboro Crater didn’t exist, pioneers hole in the ground, as it was for me. would still have entered Kentucky, but almost Still, that hole in the ground turns a profit for exclusively by the Ohio River, and settlement of its owners. Maybe, Middlesboro will also do the Bluegrass might’ve been long delayed and well with its crater. Maybe, Middlesboro will subordinated to the development of river ports someday be sister city to cities inside craters on such as Limestone (present-day Maysville), the moon or Mars. When you’re in a hole, you Newport (across the Ohio River from Cincin- can only go up. It’s an ill asteroid that blows up nati), and (pardon my French) Louisville. The no one good. prosperous settlements of Lexington and its halo [Footnote One: Yes, I know that shale and of county seats in horse country would’ve sandstone are marine sediments. As I’ve written grown much later than they did grow, if they elsewhere in TRF, “Kentucky is a strange place, grew at all. How different would such an Ohio- all seabed and no sea.”] centric Kentucky have been from the one in which I’ve lived for forty-two years? How dif- The following has nothing to do with the pre- ferent would a United States of America that ceding. I thought it had something to do with a held such a Kentucky be from what it is? space alien that got into an Earth’s spacecraft. I We’ll never know unless, maybe, Harry Turtle- was disappointed to learn it was called terror in dove writes a trilogy to answer those questions. the subway. Well it still might have something to do with a space alien. He or it got into the As things are, Middlesboro Crater exists, and wrong car or didn’t have enough money for a Middlesboro lies within it. I can say from per- fare. My apologies to Al for putting it here. sonal observation that the part of the city that Naughty me. Sorry about that, Dave. lies along U. S. 25E looked clean and prosper- ous to me. By all reports, Middlesboro is doing better than most of Appalachian Kentucky’s coal -mining towns are. Lying between Pine Moun- tain State Resort Park and Cumberland Gap National Historic Park, Middlesboro is repur- posing itself for tourism. In respect of this, how can it hurt Middlesboro to be the only city on
17 18 Crotchety Critic
History of Moscow is pure fantasy. It's urban Foreigners fantasy, but it doesn't let the modern setting I came across The Secret History of Moscow contaminate the story with the rigors of reality. by Ekaterina Sedia (Prime Books, 2007) in Looking back over that last paragraph, I Apex Magazine. They were celebrating the rise can't help thinking that it sounds like I disap- of foreign SF/F and the much needed diversity prove. How could I? I write mostly fantasy my- it brought to the fannish world. They were also self (barring this column). I mention it because offering two very inexpensive packages of e- it caught me by surprise. Maybe it's just me books to help the reader get acquainted with the (okay, just I), but I found the title misleading. movement. (They were probably also promot- You put the words 'secret' and 'Moscow' to- ing an upcoming book, but I don't remember gether, and I automatically start thinking politi- what it was, and I've mislaid the article.) I cal intrigue. Even though I'd been warned by bought the smaller, less expensive package— the cover blurbs that it was fantasy, I still visu- just in case I didn't like them. (I'm a serious alized a sort of Dr. Strange/James Bond blend, cheapskate when it comes to new books. There a world where magic was available as an espio- are so many books in the library, and I don't nage tool. Something hard and sharp edged. even have to find a place to store them when Not so. The Secret History of Moscow is I'm finished. And I have it in my head that I soft and gentle. Ms. Sedia may have spent half ought not have to spend a lot on a book, only to her life here, but she evokes Moscow with the find that—as so often happens—I don't like it.) all the nuances of a remembered home. It was I pulled up The Secret History of Moscow not, I would guess, an entirely happy home. It first, because I'd heard of it. There'd been a bit has a bleak, sorrowful aspect, in keeping with of a splash when it first came out, big enough to its history and its reputation. It is also intimate, make me think I might want to read it. (Took as seen by someone who took the time and trou- me awhile.) I was not aware at the time that it ble to seek out its private corners. was 'foreign', and in fact it isn't, really. At least, Fantasy novels frequently take pains to es- not in the sense of having been written abroad tablish 'ordinary' protagonists, so as to present in a foreign language, and then translated for the other world as a place where anyone might the American market. suddenly find themself. The protagonists in The Ms. Sedia is authentically Russian. She was Secret History of Moscow are not just ordinary, born and raised in Moscow. She moved to the they are utter losers: a schizophrenic, a drunken U.S. as an adult to pursue a Ph.D. Then she street bum, and a cop who will never get ahead married, and never went back. Instead she took because he wouldn't join the Party. They are up teaching botany at Stockton College. (She investigating the strange plague of people trans- also worked as a research assistant at MIT.) forming into birds. Together they go on a Eventually she branched out into writing books strange journey, and see some strange things in her spare time. In English. You might think before finding their way home. Along the way, that with such a solid background in science, they bump into a variety of Russian magical she would be writing SF. But no, The Secret beings and phenomena. The end is bittersweet.
18 19 The story is simple, and I do not need or visibly horrific with red eyes, fangs dripping want to tell you much. It is shaped by its mood, drool, and no indication of surviving rationality. its atmosphere, and these are what you will It was just a monster. bring away with you when you read it. Which I Over time, it evolved into something that recommend you do. could, in dim light anyway, pass as human. Once again, I have picked up a foreign Like most evolution, the change was a bid at novel with a title I found misleading. Maybe it's survival. The original vampires ceased to be a me. (Yes, I know. Grammatically that should be threat when there ceased to be enough isolated 'Maybe it's I'. So sue me.) The title in question wilderness to harbor them. Like a mummy that is A Small Charred Face. can barely crawl after a victim, red-eyed slaver- Perhaps it's the word, ‘charred’. Somehow, ing beasts might be dangerous—as is a rabid the thought of a charred face brings to my mind dog—but not terrifying in a well lit city, undead all the horrors of war at it its worst. I see that or no.) poor iconic girl from the Vietnam news foot- Camouflaged as fellow humans, and pos- age. I suspect most of you are old enough to sessed of great cunning, vampires were scary remember her: A young teen, or maybe pre- again. Especially when armed with a variety of teen, roughly facing the camera and fleeing supernatural powers, such as flight, shape- with outstretched arms from some horror be- shifting and invulnerability to most weapons. hind her. Her mouth is open in a wail; her face (We all love scary stories.) But even that did is distorted with pain and weeping. The witness not sustain the thrill, so they (the mythmakers, cannot really see what she flees, but the caption whoever they may be) threw in hypnotic pow- tells you. Not a monster. Napalm. ers enabling the vampire to entrance its victims. A Small Charred Face by Kazuki Saku- Plus, the curse was made infectious, so that vic- raba—originally published in 2014 by tims were transformed into vampires after Bungeishunju Ltd and published in English by death. (People, even among the devout, had 2017 by VIZ Media—is not a grim semi- stopped believing that anybody who didn't get a documentary about the horrors of war. It has proper burial became an unholy monster.) some horrors in it, including the titular charred That last adaptation backfired. The en- face, but it is a soft sad novel. About vampires. tranced victims acted like they were in love. So I can almost hear you cringing. Oh, no, not the hypnotic allure acquired a sexual tone. Next vampires again. If I had known before I started thing you knew, vampires were a good deal that the book was about vampires, I probably more attractive than humans. Taken out of a would have rolled my eyes, and declined to rigidly ritualistic religious context, the undead read it. I am SO sick of vampires—despite the thing didn't make much sense. The difference fact I used to love them. between undead and immortal became indistin- But this one was different. We all know the guishable. So the vampire drank blood. You classic concept of the vampire, as a vile undead could get that from any blood bank. It looked predator, a supernatural cannibal lurking in the alive, it acted alive, it smooched like alive— shadows. In its earliest form, the vampire Who’s to say it’s not alive? lurked in the woods near the roads, and was
19 20 So, flip! Vampires became desirable. They selves to humans, or let humans learn of their got sparkly. Instead of demons, they were an- meetings—let alone bring a human to one. The gels. Only problem is: they become mind- penalties for breaking these rules are harsh, bogglingly boring. ranging from being buried 'alive' for months at Kazuki Sakuraba is a popular Japanese au- a time, to the amputation of limbs, to being tied thor, having come to public attention with her to a stake before dawn and left to die when the light novel/manga Gosick, which was made into sun rises. an anime series. Her 2007 novel Red Girls: The Not all of them attend the meetings. Court Legend of the Akakuchibas was nominated for a officials aside, most bamboo live solitary lives, James Tiptree award. I'll call her Ms. Sakuraba; eking out their existence on animal blood, alone I'm pretty sure that in the novelist's PR copy, and friendless. The lucky ones find a single the family name has been placed, English style, friend, someone who will help them groom after the personal name. (A lot of Japanese themselves sufficiently to get menial employ- commentary does that, although, of course, they ment among humans and earn enough to pur- retain the Japanese format when speaking or chase blood from blood banks. (Since they can't writing Japanese.) see themselves in mirrors, those without such Ms. Sakuraba has carved out a middle road. friends are hopelessly unkempt, and so shunned Vampires are neither monsters nor sparkly by humans.) magic fairies. They are persons. Much like hu- Their fatal weakness is their love for hu- mans in some ways, different in others. Also mans. It's not that they crave human blood. It's much like traditional vampires in some ways, that they really do love humans. On some level different in others. They are called the Bamboo. they sense the spark of life, and are drawn to it, (That's probably a very significant image in Ja- cherishing it and sheltering it. pan. I'm afraid I didn't quite get it.) Much of the story revolves around a single Like traditional vampires, the bamboo sub- boy, Kyo. He is the sole survivor of a gang sist on blood, and cannot abide sunlight. Like massacre, and is drawn from his hiding place by traditional vampires, they are difficult to kill. the sound of slurping. He finds a bamboo Most wounds inflicted on them heal immedi- (named Mustah) licking up his murdered sister's ately, although amputations are permanent. blood, and he begs Mustah to kill him, too. They do not age. Which is not to say they are Mustah does not oblige. But he can't stand to immortal. Their lives are long, well over a cen- see Kyo weeping, so he takes the boy home tury, and they remain youthful until the end, but with him to his partner Yoji. there is an end. They die. Mustah and his Yoji take in the orphan, and They (at least this group) come from China. raise him, hiding him from his family's enemies They have a society, with a king, and rules, and and protecting him against numerous dangers, regular meetings. Most of their rules are de- mundane and supernatural. They shouldn't; it's signed to keep them out of human perceptions: a capital offense, but they can't resist the temp- they are forbidden to kill, or feed on, humans tation. Their darling Kyo (a very ordinary boy) (although they may drain corpses.) They are not is just so beautiful, with the light of his life to live together with humans, or reveal them- glowing within him. They try to be stern when
20 21 he takes silly chances, but they love him so wrong. Both mysteries and magic need to be much that every time they look at him they designed carefully and logically. (Yes, magic is smile. They want him to grow up to be a won- logical when done right!) Combining them dou- derful man. They are heartbroken when he says bles your chances of screwing up. he wants to become bamboo. So, the bad news first. The mystery leans Mustah and Yoji are not just criminal into the formulaic. And as happens so often in freaks. Other bamboo are shown to be just as rigidly plot-dominated stories, the characters susceptible to the beauty of life, even at great are little more than icons, marking the essential personal cost. We also see something of the landmarks of the story line. They are not per- original flight from China, and again we see the mitted to develop to the point where their re- bamboo as often foolishly sentimental. There sponses might derail the plot from its tracks. are good bamboo and bad ones. But none of The main character is given one emotional them are grandiose and mythic. Just persons. problem, because—as everybody knows—the All in all, A Small Charred Face gently ex- protagonist is supposed to learn something. (I amines the nature and value of life. It's not admit, I am talking about run-of-the-mill mys- heavy-handed, or preachy. It just gives you teries. Some do better. Not enough of them, but some pictures to think about. Not a great book, some.) but worth reading. Servant of the Underworld is not immune to I almost didn't read Servant of the Under- these problems. It opens with the protagonist world by Aliette DeBodard (Angry Robots Acatl being ordered by his superiors to investi- 2010) because, as it said plainly on the title gate a murder/abduction. (No, he's not a cop. page, it is Book 1 of Obsidian and Blood. I'm More on that later.) He is extremely annoyed, sure there's no need to remind you how I feel and tells them to get somebody else. But the about sequels and so, by implication, series. order stands. He has to do it, because he's the But I’d actually bought the Apex World SF only one likely to care if the crime gets investi- Bundle. (Not saying I spent a lot. But still, gated or not. You see, the prime suspect (you money had changed hands.) And it was Book 1 know, the one caught red-handed—literally red- I’ve read the first book of many series. The first handed, as in covered with blood—at the crime book is often—even usually—the best. And I scene) is. . . wait for it. . . the protagonist's was still excited about the idea of hooking up to brother. foreign SF books and authors. Normally, that would have been it, as far as I was also not thrilled to discover it was a I was concerned. I have a special hatred for mystery. I don't hate mysteries, but they're not mysteries in which the author thinks they can my genre. Too often I find them formulaic. This flesh out the character of the cop/detective/ one, however, was a magical mystery. Magical whatever by giving them a personal stake in the mysteries are a tricky mix. They can be won- mystery. derful, bringing new color and excitement to a But just this once, I persevered despite the genre that has grown (in my arrogant opinion) hackneyed situation. Because these characters extremely tired and dated. That's if you get it do all have one very strong point in their favor. exactly right. But it's terribly easy to get them Servant of the Underworld is set in the Aztec
21 22 Empire. You recall, I mentioned Acatl is not a themselves, as it depends too heavily on mate- cop? He’s not a cop, because this society does- rial that the reader is unlikely to know. Still, n’t have cops, per se. Acatl is the High Priest of Ms. DeBodard does a credible job of guiding Mictlantecuhtli, the god of the underworld and the reader through a bizarre tangle of competing the dead. (There's a pronunciation guide, given magics, and clarifying the critical points. The on the first page. You'll need it.) reader emerges at the end with the satisfying Acatl never really develops to the extent I sense of a solid conclusion. prefer in a character. But his life is so strange The setting, too, helps maintain reader inter- that I might not be able to understand him any- est, even in competition with all that magic and way. The same goes for his superiors, his sec- blood. Ms. DeBodard has done her homework. ond-in-command, his sister and sister-in-law, She seems to know endless interesting detail and his fellow investigators. They all have one about clothing, food, and home décor. dominant emotion, and no more. Acatl has two, I won't go so far as to say this was a great because he's the star of the book. book, but it was pretty good. If you like myster- But he has plenty of problems. For starters, ies and/or you enjoy exotica, then give it a try. he gets no respect. No priest does. There are four kinds of people in Tenochtitlan, the capital city. Warriors, priests, peasants and slaves. Only the warriors are respected. Acatl's own parents despised him for becoming a priest. Magic is not exactly a commonplace in Tenochtitlan in general, but it permeates the book. Most of the characters have some knowl- edge or experience of it, if only because most of the characters are members of one priesthood or another. Every deity has his or her own brand of magic—and they do differ widely—but they all have one thing in common. Blood. Every ritual, every prayer, every spell re- quires blood. Some spells can be managed with a slashed forearm or the ever-popular torn ear lobe. Others require a sacrifice, and each deity has a favorite animal it wants sacrificed. (Temples routinely maintain storerooms of caged animals, along with magical apparatus.) Major civic rituals require human sacrifice. The blood is everywhere. The mystery itself is more interesting than the opening suggested. It's dense and compli- cated. Readers have no real hope of solving it
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27 28 Letters from the readers
From Jerry Kaufman well as variations that go back to the mid 4/24/2018 -19th century.) I've of two minds regarding Vladimir The front cover was one of Nabokov as an American writer. He Kurt Ericksen's better works, wrote a number of his novels in Russian, topical and funny. and translated them into English. He also wrote material while living in Berlin and I have little interest in Doc- Paris before he moved to the U.S. in tor Who. I've seen a few of the 1940. In any case, I love several of his Matt Smith episodes and a novels. Ada, or Ardor, is an alternate couple of the Christmas Spe- world story, probably the only of his that has an cials, but the series concept never caught my sf element. interest, or even made sense to me. I know that Overall, though, Eric makes The Rub of for British folks, and some Americans it's be- Time sound like an entertaining and thought- loved and important, but on an emotional level I provoking reading experience. don't get it. Yours, I enjoy looking at the old pulp covers you've Jerry Kaufman been printing, and sometimes I wish I could get [I get a kick out of his covers which are my hands on one or two of the magazines, like unique. Not to be accused of favoritism the Weird Tales pictured on page 42. What a , so too are the works of Steve Stiles, Brad lineup of writers it shows! Foster , Sheryl Birkhead and Peggy Ranson be- I've read a few of Martin Amis' novels, and fore she passed away. Regarding Doctor Who: enjoyed them, so I read Eric Barraclough's re- There is nothing wrong about your lack of in- view of The Rub of Time with great interest. terest in Dr. Who. That’s normal. It would be I've always thought the British were better edu- foolish to demean someone because they aren’t cated, on the whole, than Americans, so I'm not interested in the same things. For instance, I’m surprised that British writers would have a not much impressed by musicals even though I deeper vocabulary. So I'd expect Amis, or acted in two when I was in high school Nigella Lawson, to use less well-known words. (Oklahoma and Brigadoon) I can’t sing worth a Eric's little digressions are interesting, too. I damn. It isn’t because I can’t sing but more, to was not aware that "If a man isn't a socialist at me, unnatural, unreal. hokey and contrived. The twenty he has no heart, etc" was an American Founding Fathers enjoyed singing and dancing cliché. I actually thought, if anything, it was a but those were reserved with social events, no British saying, often attributed to Winston for political dealings. Churchill. (A quick look at sources in Google But singing, dancing and prancing all over suggest Churchill may never have said it, and the place, to me, probably the only one: No it's been attributed to a number of others, as
28 29 way. Eric probably got up a few Ameri- Can you picture Hamilton can noses with his piece on Martin and Burr at their duel, danc- Amis but at least it gives this loc a ing, waving their pistols in the few excuses to mention some Brit- air, singing of what they’re ish foibles. Such as the food chan- going to do to the other? Maybe even their sec- nel goddess Nigella Lawson, whose father, onds join in dancing and singing the rules of du- Nigel Lawson, was Chancellor of the Excheq- eling. Again, No way. Sorry for the rant. I a single uer under Maggie Thatcher. The Lawson's dissenter. It’s nothing against you; you’re not own J. Lyons & Co, a sugar, food and cater- alone.// Enough of that. It would be wonderful to ing company. Compare that to Domino over acquire many of those old pulps if it weren’t for here. Anyway, Nigel started putting on their scarcity which would make them almost as- weight until he looked like the Goodyear tronomically expensive. Blimp standing on its fins, but he managed Unless we could find a way to steal them. A to slim down and as a result wrote a diet bad idea.] book. So there's Nigella fatten the people up A writer’s nationality isn’t as important as and Nigel slimming them down. what and how well she or he writes. So continue Have no idea what alternate universe Mar- on reading things you end up liking and finding tin Amis lives in but his denouncement of good no matter what the writer's nationality might Four Weddings And A Funeral does not hold be. To hell with the critics. That's how I feel.] true. That a film with a "whimsical fondness" for the upper classes would have caused a six- ties audience to wreck the cinema is plain ba- Dave Rowe 8288 W Shelby State Road 44 loney. The BBC did a great version of the Franklin IN46131-9211 Jeeves stories with Dennis Price and Ian Carmi- 2018-May-20 chael and nobody stormed the BBC. By the way, the exact quote that Eric was trying to recall was Amis’ “Americans Dear Tom, aren’t as witty as Brits, Because humor is about giving a little bit of offense.“Found Re: TRF 122 that in a AARP Bulletin! Don’t know much about Christopher Hitchens With the mention of Venus exploration: except for A] his quote “Ronald Reagan is doing Have you seen the Northrop Grumman to the country what he can no longer do to his Corp. proposal for a Venus Atmospheric wife” which has more than a little bit of offense Maneuverable Platform? It looks like a jet and underlines Paul Gallico’s observation that but floats like a blimp and is driven by two “No one can be as calculatedly rude as the Brit- propellers. And back in late March, the Uni- ish.” versity of Wisconsin-Madison expanded on, And B] when Hitchens was dying he said Harold Morowitz and Carl Sagan’s theory that he would have loved to have had the pleas- that the upper clouds of Venus could sup- ure of outliving four despised politicians, includ- port micro-organic life? 29 30 ing Henry Kissinger and Robert time to go online and see what I can Mugabe. find about it, especially any photo- Have never been able to graphs. As for micro organic life in the fathom this emotion, if emotion it upper clouds of Venus. If the current be. Some articles and documenta- (mis)administration would allow it ries have mentioned outliving an maybe NASA could send a probe to enemy as some form of accolade Venus to pass through Venus’s upper to their subject. But as the subject clouds, take samples of the micro- was not responsible for the death organic life and the cloud’s air and of the enemy it amounts to noth- bring it back to Earth. Wouldn’t that be ing more than time’s random lot- fantastic. I think . . . were there any SF tery drawing, so why the brouhaha? stories that took place on Venus? I’ll have look Well, the following may go some way to that up too. A story where some micro-organic explaining this phenomenon... My recent visit life gets loose and into Earth’s atmosphere and to Britain brought out the revelation that a cer- thrives? There might already be one like that.// I tain “acquaintance” had quit this mortal coil. suspect many Americans weren’t very happy He wasn’t a satirist or even a cynic, he was a about Ronald Reagan’s administration and his tiresome snide who constantly made disparag- dig at, “Hi. I’m from the government . . .” ing remarks about all and sundry and much of Whadda ya expect of a movie actor. Well, even- what he said seemed designed to make people tually, Alzheimer’s got him.// Personally, I don’t hate him. If that wasn’t enough he was given to have anything against the Brits. I can’t say any- violence, tried to stab a fellow in the gut with a thing bad about them. Look at what they have to plastic knife (despite a university education he contend with: the French, Italians among others. was also incomprehensibly stupid, in more * It’s all well and good to have a large vocabulary ways than one) and when told another friend had but bombarding a person with words they’ve had an operation and pressure to the stomach never heard of much less having used compli- could be fatal, this misanthropist promptly cates conversation with people. It’s sort of like punched the poor guy in the stomach (luckily the listening to gibberish. I once read that Eskimos guy survived). have a large number of names for snow. To about On hearing that this malevolent excuse for a every other person snow is that white stuff that human being had finally kicked the bucket, the that falls all over and has to be shoveled away or emotion felt was not triumphal pleasure, but just to contend with in a blizzard. Except at Christ- mildly pleasing, like finding a nasty stain had mas. * I’m only joking.] been removed in the laundry. And I make no apologies for the comparison. From John Purcell:
[ Sad to say, no I haven’t. It sounds interesting. Hey, hey! Two issues in a row! The kid’s on a There’s so much news and information it’s al- loc-writing roll again. most impossible to keep track of it or even learn Now that Kurt Erichsen’s retired from his day about it except accidentally. I’ll have to take the job he will have more time to create wonderful cover art for fanzines, such as the adoring your
30 31 latest issue. I really like the way may have to check that book out Kurt took a recent event—the of my college’s library. Also here, launch of SpaceX’s Falcon Heavy Alfred Byrd’s “interview” was rocket which included a Tesla as definitely fun. This makes me part of the payload— and had fun want to enlist in the Venusian Re- with it. This particular cover makes me wonder if gatta. It was also good to see a short autobio- there will ever be a sub-light speed limit for graphical piece from one of fandom's funniest travel between the inner planets of our solar sys- artists, Marc Schirmeister (I really need to ask tem. Of course, an interplanetary autobahn makes him for a cover for Askance one of these days), a lot of sense in order to cut down travel times. and Gail Perry once again delights with all those Fun stuff here, Kurt. Well done! prehistoric critters. As always, fascinating stuff. Speaking of light-speed, your introductory Well, that should do me for now. I look for- mental meanderings about visible light and the ward to seeing your next issue. Take care. speed of light is something that science fiction writers always butt their heads up against. There All the best, really isn’t any way to get around this ultimate John Purcell speed limit unless, of course, somebody finally 3744 Marielene Circle figures out a way to break the laws of physics. College Station, TX 77845 Until then, we have to be content with slow- USA poking it around at sub-light speeds. [Thanks for the locs . They’re much appreciated. Helen E. Davis makes me a bit jealous that You’ve been pretty busy recently. Just be careful. she was able to see that full solar eclipse last Sep- That roll might quit rolling and fall over on its tember. We had cloud cover in our part of Texas side. The non-fannish world might get in the way.//I hope Kurt has a good and enjoyable retire- that day, so I was only able to watch videos on ment. He might even be able to create lots of fan- the news that night. It’s still pretty damned cool zine covers. It’s amazingly how Kurt, Steve stiles, to see it. For that matter, if I recall correctly from Brad Foster, Sheryl can come up with such an issue of Alexiad, Joe and Lisa Majors’ excel- unique covers come alive.// Yes, Sir. The likeli- lent fanzines, in 2024 there will be a full solar hood of humans of building interstellar craft ex- eclipse tracking over east Texas, so I will be able ceeding the speed of light or even just achieving to see that one, provided we are still living here. it is, we fear, unobtainable. Thanks to good old A. A. E. —who I mentioned earlier—and other Odds are, yes we will, so place your reservations physicists of the present. We might as well resign for our spare room now. ourselves to voyages that take centuries or mil- I think I shall pare down other comments lennia (If anyone could grasp the enormity of here. Starting off with Eric Barraclough’s article, such voyages. Well there have been stories about that was interesting, but his writing style of using generation star ships and voyages.// My wife and side comments that veer off topic, plus some I watched the eclipse on TV news. We weren’t grammatical and spelling errors, annoyed me a quite close enough to go outside to watch and I bit; however, I still enjoyed “A Diet of Cod.” even had a piece of glass from a welder’s helmet. So you’re willing to rent out one of tour rooms. Now, that Rub of Time collection of essays by Texas a bit too far away for us to drive. As a mat- Martin Amis sounds (interesting? Intriguing? I ter of fact I have a cousin who lives in Texas.
31 32 New Braunfells or some- group. We in the province of Ontario can no thing like that. Damn my longer criticize American for electing Trump, lousy memory. An eclipse for we have just elected Doug Ford, a Trump in 2024. Hmm. I would be wannabe, as premier. Politics gets worse and 78 by then. I hope. Could- n’t make it happen a little worse, and now here, too. Ford pledged that he sooner? Fat chance of was for the people, but now, we expect cut- that.// Eric is British and backs on vital services, cutbacks that shall af- they do things different fect everyone, and tax cuts that shall benefit the from what we colonials do rich only. here. The locol, and more on the great horror ac- tors…from what I gather, all of them (Karloff,
Price, Lorre, Lee, Carradine, Cushing and more) were all the nicest of guys, the gentlest men, con- 1706-24 Eva Rd. fident in their acting skills, and happy to show them off. They were the complete antithesis of Etobicoke, ON the characters they portrayed in the horror movies CANADA M9C 2B2 they starred in. Price was an art collector and June 9, 2018 gourmet cook, and loved to travel, especially up Dear Tom: here, where he’d do silly stuff for a children’s horror show in nearby Hamilton. Thank you for issue 122 of The Reluctant Fa- Bravo to Dave Rowe for knowing the Cana- mulus. It’s been a crazy time lately, so we’ve dian origins of Winnie-the-Pooh. There is a been busy with so many other things. We’ve just movie coming out soon about Christopher passed the season of celebrations for us (our 35th Robin’s relationship with that bear and his friends wedding anniversary, my 59th birthday), and we in the Hundred-Acre Wood, and I think there’s a just had our most successful vending opportunity second one that may be more of a Milne biogra- of the last few years, so we’re back to making phy. This is another in the series of Disney mov- jewelry and shirts. Writing took a back seat for a ies that are live-action versions of animated clas- while, but here I am roaring back. sics. A great cover. Space is deep, space is dark, but My loc… Re my comments on Raymond Elon found, a place to park. (All together now…) Burr, I recently saw where he is buried. He is in Burma-Shave! the Burr family plot in New Westminster, British More mentions of Dolt45… Just now, he’s in Columbia. I would very much like a six-year as- Quebec City at a G7 gathering. He sent out tweets signment to take me to age 65 and retirement, but dissing his host, Justin Trudeau, and also Em- more and more, I am thinking that perhaps I manuel Macron, president of France, he’s pushy should retire early, perhaps in a year or so. Few and rude, and will be leaving early, especially to companies will hire someone my age, but on avoid any discussion of global climate change. Monday I do have an interview with a major ac- He no longer wants to work with his allies, but counting firm, so perhaps I will get my wish, and wants Russia admitted into this exclusive little save some bucks to further retire on. I find most
32 33 companies, in spite of the em- Six, although differing from her I’m also for ployees actually operating the Winnie-the-Pooh (actually he’s Winnie-ther- company they work for, treat their employees as liabilities Pooh) and The House at Pooh Corner. I’ve rather than assets, and they are only too willing to played Pooh-sticks. drop people if it can save them a dollar. She is quite right that we don’t treat religion well. Looks like I did the page, which is pretty Those of us, pros and fans, who are agnostics and good for me these days. Thanks for this issue, and I shall be pleased when the next issue arrives, no atheists often appear to be so out of annoyance. So it rush, take your time. See you then. seems was Thomas Jefferson, but having a genius
on your side doesn’t make you right — and he was a Yours, Lloyd Penney. [Depending on the level of crazy it might be very complicated genius. Religions I don't believe more interesting than boredom. You know the old in have inspired beauty, compassion, the too rare act saying, “Idle hands are the devil’s playground” or of looking above ourselves. We give them, to use a some such. Only 34 years and 59, you youngster. Let’s hope your jewelry and shirts business lasts a bad pun, short shrift. long time. I’ve never heard that Burma Shave Gayle Perry’s article was particularly interesting for ditty. I’ll have to remember it. That’s a keeper. its evidence that Ingvi isn’t a louse. Does T.K.F.W. Wow. Your new political situation sounds almost as bad as what’s happening here. The way things Reinhardt read this fanzine? are going there may not be much of America left. In your reproductions of pulp-magazine covers I But you do have Justin Trudeau. My condolences. much like the March 1953 Astounding by Gordon As some people have remarked about Dolt 45, for someone who claims he will make America Pawelka, with strong solid composition, avoiding good again, he’s doing a lousy job of it. I apolo- clutter, our plague then and now. He did fine work gize for the political comments. It’s a no no. But around that time. Historians note that the cover what’s going here is real and can’t be ignored.// I’ll leave the subject alone. I knew Vincent Price story "Thou Good and Faithful" as by John Lox- was an art collector. I wasn’t aware of his other mith was John Brunner's first U.S. sale. pastime. Carradine left a couple of generations of The Reluctant Famulus 305 Gills Branch Rd. c/o Carradines like the Barrymores did. But who Sadler Owenton, KY 40359 really cares?]
From John Hertz 236 Coronado St., No. 409 To John Hertz Los Angeles, CA 90057 12 June 18 Dear Tom, [Speaking of Baum’s Oz works, I have a Hardcover copy of The Wizard of Oz, Copyright I gladly join Michaele Jordan’s applause for The Land 1956, I bought a long time ago years after the of Oz and the rest, especially those by Frank Baum. copyright date maybe 30 0r 40 years ago. At the Also When We Were Very Young and Now We Are same time I bought a copy of The Lost Princess 33 34
Considering words happy. And I’m sure the word luckily is sad that to be replaced by a younger (I think) and more After having gone over the exchange regard- stylish word. That person’s name was left out ing Kingsly Amis and language and words I intentionally. couldn’t help myself . I did the usual (somewhat Erinaceous: “hedgehog-like” or “Oppan flawed) Google search for subjects regarding hedgehog style“. That’s an interesting word but words. Please bear with me since we all use how often would I would need to use it. ? Likely words all the time either written or spoken. Here never. are a few samples of what I encountered, some- Cruciverbalist. Its meaning is “a person who times including reasons, reactions to certain makes up crosswords“. I wonder just how many words and why some people have problems with times would anyone need to use that word? them. Some, to me, were rather funny or arbitrary This one I’ve seen before. What a mouthful. and dictorial or autocratic. Those of them seem- Floccinaucinihilipilification is the name for, ingly expecting everyone to bow down at their “The act or habit of describing or regarding proclamations. something as unimportant, of having no value or There were lists on useless words, obscure being worthless.” I wouldn’t dare to say that out ones and ones no longer being used. I was sur- loud or even try to whisper it. prised to see I was familiar with some of them. Philtrum. Its the line or wrinkle between nose Here is my made up example of one, Keep your and upper lip“. Do anyone of us need to use that aglet dry. An aglet is the metal or plastic end of a word? Oh what a lovely philtrum you have. shoelace. I learned that a long time ago. Of Tintinnabulation is the “sound of the bell“. I course there were words I had never heard of , remember when taking Latin in high school we much less used. were taught the Latin version of Jingle bells and Fartlek: ” Someone came up with name to a part of that word was in it. Since I can’t sing I form of running (road or cross country)”. It’s a never sang that song at Christmas. But I was fa- Swedish word. That one I can understand since miliar with it any way. most of us don’t speak or write Swedish. I made Nutation describes a type of rocking or sway- me think that someone ate too many beans before ing motion“. Supposedly that includes axes and running somewhere. words such as “gyroscope”, “planet” and Serendipitously: “by a happy accident“. In my “spacecraft dynamics”. Another word we likely understanding of the world, accidents are never would never use.
34 35 Pusillanimous is a word I came upon in some stomach into the upper part of the small intestine. novel or short story I once read. One critic said, The average body makes two gallons of digestive “The word Cowardly means the same thing” juices a day. The hydrochloric acid in your stom- Comestible. Someone named Ian C said: ach is so strong it could eat into metal, but a spe- “There must be thousands in English on account cial form of mucus protects your inner linings of Anglo-Saxon and Romance alternatives, so it from this acid along the length of its journey.” is just a case of picking the silliest.” He may be I’ve learned a lot. One night I woke up and had right. I’ve come upon that word and it never both- an almost explosive burp and man did that burn. I ered me. don’t know about the metal part. “Otiose. It means useless, “said a person A Waldo Is a mechanical, hand-like device for named Akash Paun. “Oh, very clever. “Serving manipulating objects by remote control. We SF no practical purpose or result; archaic: indolent or fans know that it’s named after the main character idle,” Well that’s his belief. Someone else might in Robert A. Heinlein's novella Waldo (1942), disagree. Irregardless [I agree with that one] It’s Potable, for drinkable (water). was pinpointed Stupid, useless and ugly. by someone named Chris Gibbon: “ On the rare I read a about one person who changed the fol- occasions I see it, it makes me stop and re-read lowing sentence ,“We drank alcoholic bever- the sentence, assuming it’s a misprint.” Hell, I’ve ages.” to “We drank alcohol.” [unless I’m mis- come across it and never had a problem with it taken that word also applies to a medicinal liquid and I’m no genius by a long distance. I figured it used on cuts to avoid infestation. to kill any out without any problem. germs.] Why not just say “drank whiskey , wine, Ongoing. Chosen by a Robert Orchard : “Dire beer, whatever”? 1980s Americanism, now depressingly ubiqui- That’s enough for now. You can wake up. tous. Perfectly good English alternative is Sorry to interfere with your nap. ‘continuing’. Worse: ongoing situation.” I don’t If you behave yourselves I won’t run a part have an opinion either way. two of this in the next issue. Borborygmus According to one expert: (Pronounced bor-buh-rig-mus) is the name for the rumbling sounds made by the stomach, caused by the movement of fluids and gases, as food, acids and digestive juices migrate from the
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