PRAISE FOR GETTING OFF Despite the central role of pornography in the sexual socialization and psyches of millions of men, it is stunning how rarely we discuss it thoughtfully and honestly: with each other, with women, and per- haps most importantly, how rarely we examine its effects on us as men. Robert Jensen’s book does all of this. Agree or disagree with his analyses or conclusions, this brave book challenges all of us to face this crucial and sometimes painful subject with courage and hope. —Jackson Katz, author, The Macho Paradox PRAISE FOR HEART OF WHITENESS “Very few white writers have been able to point out the pathological nature of white privilege and supremacy with the eloquence of Robert Jensen.” —Tim Wise, author, White Like Me “Jensen’s concise and thought-provoking book offers a variety of ways for white Americans to abandon their unearned skin privilege and rejoin the rest of humanity.” —Kel Munger, Sacramento News and Review “With radical honesty, hard facts, and an abundance of insight and compassion, Robert Jensen lays out strategies for recognizing and dis- mantling white privilege—and helping others to do the same. This text is more than just important; it’s useful. Jensen demonstrates again that he is a leading voice in the American quest for justice.” —Adam Mansbach, author, Angry Black White Boy, or The Miscegenation of Macon Detornay PRAISE FOR CITIZENS OF THE EMPIRE “It is up to the citizens of the empire, Jensen says, to ‘build move- ments that can transform people’s opposition into political power.’ That sounds like a tall order, but Jensen’s use of personal anecdotes, analogies, and in-your-face common sense makes the reading easy and his request sound doable, even logical.” —Publishers Weekly “Robert Jensen does more than challenge us to think and feel—he also encourages us to transform our lives.” —Norman Solomon, co-author, Target Iraq “Robert Jensen supplies a much needed citizens’ manual, that explains well the evasion of moral principles that underlie appeals to patrio- tism, and the differences between nominal and real free speech and a vibrant versus an empty and managed democracy.” —Edward S. Herman, co-author, Manufacturing Consent getting off [PORNOGRAPHY AND THE END OF MASCULINITY] by Robert Jensen south end press cambridge, ma ©2007 by Robert Jensen. The views expressed in the book belong to the author and not the institutions with which he is affiliated. Cover design: Design Action Collective. Page design and production: South End Press Collective/Joey Fox Any properly footnoted quotation of up to 500 sequential words may be used without permission, as long as the total number of words quoted does not exceed 2,000. For longer quotations or for a greater number of total words, please write for permission to South End Press. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Jensen, Robert, 1958- Getting off : pornography and the end of masculinity / by Robert Jensen. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 978-0-89608-776-7 (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Pornography--Moral and ethical aspects. 2. Pornography--Social aspects. 3. Women--Crimes against. 4. Feminist theory. I. Title. HQ471.J47 2007 306.77--dc22 2007006615 Printed in the United States. 10 09 08 07 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 South End Press 7 Brookline Street, #1 Cambridge, MA 02139 http://www.southendpress.org [email protected] read. write. revolt. This book is dedicated to the memories of Andrea Dworkin and Sally Koplin. o Beatrice: What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open. Houdini: It has. Now I’m going after it—all pieces. —Muriel Rukeyser Houdini: A Musical table of contents Our First Glance In The Mirror: The Rowdy Boys 1 introduction masculinity [ANDREA AND JIM] 5 pornography [THE PARADOX IN THE MIRROR] 13 masculinity where we are stuck [PLAYING KING OF THE HILL] 21 pornography a pornographic world [what is normal?] 37 pornography as mirror [content] 51 choices, his and hers [production] 79 we are what we masturbate to [consumption] 97 getting nasty [ariana jollee and laura david] 121 not-masculinity where we need to go [MORE THAN JUST JOHNS] 133 conclusion pornography [what is sexuality for?] 153 masculinity [what can men do?] 165 Our Last Glance In The Mirror: The Sad Men 185 endnotes 186 a bibliographic note 195 acknowledgments 197 Our First Glance In The Mirror: The Rowdy Boys I am at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas in January 2005. At one of the 300 exhibitor booths on the floor of the Sands Expo Center is Tiffany Holiday, a woman who performs in pornographic movies. She is kissing and touching another female performer, and a crowd of men gathers around. There are rules for how much actual sexual activity can take place on the convention floor, and the two women are pushing the boundary. The crowd encourages them to go further. The other woman leaves, and Tiffany begins to simulate mas- turbation, all the while talking dirty to the men gathered around her. The crowd swells to about 50 men. I’m stuck in the middle, holding a microphone for a documentary film crew. Emboldened by the size of the crowd, the men’s chants for more- explicit sex grow louder and more boisterous. Holiday responds in kind, encouraging the men to tell her what they like. The exchange continues, intensifying to the point where the men are moving as a unit—like a mob. Men’s bodies are pressed against each other as each one vies for the best view of the woman’s breasts, vagina, and anus. Many of the men are using cameras, camcorders, or cell phones to record the scene. It’s difficult not to notice—not to feel—that the men pressed up against me have erections. It’s difficult not to conclude that if there weren’t security guards on the floor, these men would likely gang-rape Tiffany Holiday. This is an expression of the dominant masculinity in the United States today. It is the masculinity of a mob, ready to rape. | 1 | introduction masculinity [ANDREA AND JIM] e a man. B It is a simple imperative, repeated over and over to men, starting when we are small boys. The phrase usually is connect- ed to one man’s demand that another man be “stronger,” which is traditionally understood as the ability to suppress emotional reactions and channel that energy into controlling situations and establishing dominance. Be a man, then, typically translates as: Surrender your humanity. To be a man, then, is a bad trade. When we become men—when we accept the idea that there is something called masculinity to which we should conform—we exchange those aspects of ourselves that make life worth living for an endless struggle for power that, in the end, is illusory and destructive not only to others but to ourselves. One response to this toxic masculinity has been to attempt to redefine what it means to be a man, to craft a kinder-and- gentler masculinity that might pose less of a threat to women and children and be more livable for men. But such a step is inadequate; our goal should not be to reshape masculinity but to eliminate it. The goal is liberation from the masculinity trap. I spent my first 30 years trying to be a man, learning the rituals of masculinity. Like all men, I never completely mas- tered the game, but like most men I became proficient enough to get by. But like some men, somewhere in my gut I knew there was something wrong, not only with my ongoing failure to be “man enough” but with the whole concept of being a man. It didn’t matter whether it was masculinity-as-domination or | 5 | masculinity-as-sensitivity—it all felt inauthentic. In my gut, it felt wrong. I spent 30 years repressing that gut feeling, to the detriment of myself and those around me. I’ve spent the past 20 years trying to change, to chart some course toward being not a man but a human being. This book is about that process, told in three different voices. Part of what I have learned comes from my work as a researcher and professor in the university; I will draw on data and theory (which need not be boring or irrelevant, though they often are). Part of my knowledge is based in political activism within a feminist movement, particularly the feminist anti-pornography movement; I cannot imagine making sense of this subject without feminism (which is a gift to men, not a threat). And, finally, part of this is simply my story, as a relatively ordinary man living in an ordinary world; I try to look at my own life as honestly as possible (which may sound scary, because it is).1 Because this book moves between research, politics, and the personal, I want to start at the moment when those three came together for me. In 1988 I left my career as a newspaper reporter and editor to begin a doctoral program in media ethics and law at the University of Minnesota. My interest in the law and philosophy concerning freedom of expression led me to the feminist critique of men’s violence and the sexual-exploitation industries, including pornography, which at that moment was one of the most controversial issues in First Amendment juris- prudence. I came to that study as a fairly normal guy with typi- cal experiences as a pornography user through childhood and early adulthood, and I had fairly typical liberal/libertarian ideas about pornography—to each his own/so long as it’s between consenting adults/one man’s art is another’s pornography, and so on.