Ask Lori Gottlieb. P2-3

Community Community Functional Indian dyspepsia chartered P4can P16 accountant significantly eff ect based in Qatar sets the quality of life adventurous goal and its diagnosis to climb Mount can be challenging. Everest. Friday, April 12, 2019 Sha’baan 7, 1440 AH Doha today 230 - 330 COVER Flip side STORY What happens when a psychotherapist becomes a patient? Ask Lori Gottlieb. P2-3 CUISINE SHOWBIZ Shahi Mutton Korma, Federal judge rules against meat lovers’ favourite dish. Tanked aquarium-makers. Page 6 Page 15 2 GULF TIMES Friday, April 12, 2019 COMMUNITY COVER STORY BOOKS When the therapist needed a therapist PRAYER TIME Lori Gottlieb’s new book, Maybe You Should Talk To Fajr 3.55am Shorooq (sunrise) 5.16am Zuhr (noon) 11.36am Someone, chronicles her decision to get help, what she Asr (afternoon) 3.06pm Maghreb (sunset) 5.56pm Isha (night) 7.26pm learned from it, and how it informed her work with her USEFUL NUMBERS own patients, writes Nicole Brodeur Emergency 999 Worldwide Emergency Number 112 Kahramaa – Electricity and Water 991 Local Directory 180 International Calls Enquires 150 Hamad International Airport 40106666 Labor Department 44508111, 44406537 From time to Mowasalat Taxi 44588888 Qatar Airways 44496000 time everyone Hamad Medical Corporation 44392222, 44393333 exhibits a tad Qatar General Electricity and Water Corporation 44845555, 44845464 of this or that Primary Health Care Corporation 44593333 44593363 personality Qatar Assistive Technology Centre 44594050 disorder Qatar News Agency 44450205 because each 44450333 Q-Post – General Postal is rooted in the Corporation 44464444 very human Humanitarian Services Office ‘ (Single window facility for the repatriation of bodies) wish for self- Ministry of Interior 40253371, 40253372, preservation, 40253369 Ministry of Health 40253370, 40253364 acceptance, and Hamad Medical Corporation 40253368, 40253365 Qatar Airways 40253374 safety — Lori Gottlieb, therapist and author ote Unquo Qu te “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” — Mark Twain Community Editor Kamran Rehmat e-mail: [email protected] Telephone: 44466405 Fax: 44350474 ’ Friday, April 12, 2019 GULF TIMES 3 COVER STORY COMMUNITY ori Gottlieb’s new book, “We’re afraid of feeling something Maybe You Should Talk To that makes us feel uncomfortable,” Someone, chronicles her she said. “But if you tamp down decision to get help, what the feeling, it just gets bigger. Our she learned from it, and feelings are like a compass. They Lhow it informed her work with her guide us to what we need to pay own patients, writes Nicole Brodeur attention to.” After two years, he was done. For example, envy may be The man Lori Gottlieb thought she uncomfortable, but it can point you was going to marry didn’t want to to what you want. So listen to it. It raise her 8-year-old son. He had may make you anxious, Gottlieb two kids entering college and wasn’t said, “but it will help you understand interested in parenting another more about yourself.” child. At the time Gottlieb was dumped, And just like that, Gottlieb, a Los she had been working on another Angeles-based therapist and the book, based on a 2011 story she author of the weekly Dear Therapist had written for The Atlantic called column in The Atlantic, was a mess. How to Land Your Kid in Therapy. It She couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t tracked how, in a misguided eff ort to concentrate. make sure their kids were happy and The therapist needed a therapist secure, parents weren’t preparing herself. them to deal with hardship and Gottlieb’s new book, Maybe You disappointment. Those now-grown Should Talk To Someone, chronicles kids were coming into Gottlieb’s her decision to get help, what she offi ce feeling acute emptiness and learned from it, and how it informed depression because their parents her work with her own patients. had smoothed every wrinkle in their The book resonates, Gottlieb lives. said, because readers see themselves But Gottlieb couldn’t get any in the patients she chose to write traction on that story. She wanted to about, including a self-absorbed HARDSHIP: The man Lori Gottlieb thought she was going to marry didn’t want to raise her 8-year-old son back then. tell her own instead. Hollywood producer named John “I was at this point in my who is irritated by everyone and career where I really wanted to do doesn’t know why. everyone exhibits a tad of this or other people’s stories. support on the road. Gottlieb will something that was meaningful “People who are demanding, that personality disorder,” Gottlieb “It’s about how we make sense of spend time onstage with Katie to me and there were so many critical, and angry tend to suff er writes, “because each is rooted in ourselves and our place in the world. Couric, Scott Simon and Amy books about parenting,” she said. from intense loneliness,” Gottlieb the very human wish for self- We can see ourselves more clearly Dickinson. Last week, she appeared “I just wanted to write something writes. “I know that a person who preservation, acceptance, and safety. through stories instead of bullet on NPR’s Fresh Air with Terry Gross, meaningful, about adults and acts this way both wants to be seen (If you don’t think this applies to points.” an experience she called “a lifelong what we’re going through in our and is terrifi ed of being seen. I you, just ask your spouse or best She uses those same techniques dream.” culture, and how we’re approaching believe that for John, the experience friend.)” in the therapy room: stories and And the book has already been happiness in the wrong way.” of being vulnerable feels pathetic The questions they struggle with metaphors, which she believes have optioned for a television series by She also wanted to show that and shameful …” are the very same that Gottlieb more impact. Eva Longoria, who is bringing it to therapists don’t fi t the trope of the There is a young newlywed found herself bringing to her own In her column for The Atlantic ABC. “removed, cold Freudian,” or “the diagnosed with a terminal illness, therapy sessions: Are they unkind (where she is a contributing editor), Gottlieb’s therapy style is “very train wreck; the hot wreck who can’t a senior citizen threatening to end to themselves? Do they lie to Gottlieb, 52, guides readers through relational,” in that it is not the same function in her own life.” They’re her life on her birthday if nothing themselves? She also explores her dating issues and family rifts — one her patients have with people just “normal, human,” Gottlieb said. gets better, and a 20-something worry that seeking help might make fi guring out their place in the human outside the therapy room. “If they’re “I’m not an expert up on high, but who can’t stop hooking up with the her damaged goods, professionally. race with a mix of humour, heart pushing people away, people will go just like everybody else,” she said. wrong guys. They are depressed, “I think, especially in today’s and wisdom. She also writes for The away,” she said of her patients. “But “And I think that will help people lonely and searching. climate, emotional health gets short New York Times Magazine and has I never will.” see their lives more clearly. And once “From time to time — on a shrift,” Gottlieb said. “The book is appeared on national TV talk shows. Therapy allows people to give they can see their lives more clearly, doozy of a bad day or when pushed not a ‘how-to,’ or a ‘self-help,’ but That exposure has helped bring their feelings space, to not avoid they can make better choices in their until a fragile nerve is struck — looking inside ourselves through the book a lot of advance buzz and them. daily lives.” —The Seattle Times/TNS New Tim Cook biography looks at Apple vs FBI — and Cook vs Jobs By Levi Sumagaysay killed 14 people in December 2015. too dangerous to create. They have The fi ght ended when the FBI It was “a bet-the-company kind asked us to build a backdoor to the found another way to access the of decision,” Sewell told Kahney, iPhone.” iPhone and the agency could no who is editor of Cult of Mac, a news What the public did not know longer keep up pressure on Apple. The main thread in a new site about everything Apple, and was that the San Bernardino case But Sewell said that although Apple biography of Tim Cook is he is a author of previous books about the wasn’t the beginning of the battle, appeared to come out on top in man of principle. late Steve Jobs and Apple executive according to Sewell. He said he, terms of public support for taking a Nowhere was that more apparent Jony Ive. Cook and others had been meeting stand, Cook was disappointed that than during Apple’s battle with Sewell said a magistrate judge’s regularly with the heads of the FBI, the fi ght didn’t make it to court — the FBI in 2016, suggests author order to unlock the iPhone the Justice Department and the and that the issue is sure to come Leander Kahney in Tim Cook: The prompted Cook and his team to stay US attorney general for a couple up again. Genius Who Took Apple to the Next up all night to craft a response, and of years over the government’s The battle was consistent Level, an unauthorised biography that Cook was concerned about interest in “getting access to phones with Apple’s policies on privacy, of the Apple CEO that features all the angles — from Apple’s legal on a mass basis.” Cook had always especially nowadays as Cook takes interviews with company insiders.

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