E This newsletter is available online as a 3.3Mb PDF formatted document at: H FALL www.drewprops.com/lowtide T LOWTIDE2000 covering the Southern Film-Scene like a soft, drapey thing of affordable goodness TAILGate NEW YORK - This week the toy-manufacturing industry was rocked by the news that the MEGO Corporation, believed bankrupt and out of business since the early 1980's, had faked the news of their own demise and were in fact working on prototypes for new interactive toys just in time for Christmas 2000. The dramatic photographs shown below indicate that MEGO plans to introduce a complete line of toys based upon the film "Run Ronnie, Run". Our spies brought back photographs of playsets, accessories and lite-brite patterns based on various situations and characters found throughout the film. Spokesman for MEGO, Alan Fong, states that "we were really stung by the bad reception to our Happy Days figures and the T E surprise success of our Dukes of Hazzard line was unexpected. Our HE TR leader decided to pull the plug and re-think our strategy entirely. A Now we're back, we're focused and we believe that we'll be making the best MEGO-style figures you've ever seen!" The grips invite you to their after-lunch performance Specifications on the two toys shown below, 'Bank Heist Ronnie' and series entitled "Tailgate Theatre". Enjoying its 8th 'Clobber-Me Clay" are very nice. Besides looking very much like the successful season, this reading/theatrical series has actors, the figures sport voice chips with over 200 sayings each. The received accolades from many national educational Ronnie figure sticks to walls, clean flat surfaces and to itself. The associations and was recognized by Oprah Winfrey as "Clobber-Me Clay" figure comes with an accessory case filled with "the best fusion of literature and performance that THIS braces, casts and plastic vomit. Both figures come with miniature journalist has ever seen". Taking a cue from the Russian Flynn's beer cans. Conspiratists Theatre of 1906, Tailgate Theatre utilizes existing real-world elements to build their stage sets and real-world items as props. One week a sandbag might represent a bottle of wine, but the next week that very same sandbag might represent a completely different bottle of wine. All of their storylines and scripts are painstakingly arranged by Gary Oldknow from scraps of paper discarded from film sets. As the Voice of Tailgate Theatre, Gary is especially intrigued by the "little stapled books" that he often finds on the ground, or stuffed into apple boxes. He considers these "little books" as his primary basis for every play he composes, often using as many as 16 or more to create one Tailgate story. To disguise any possible inconsistencies between character names, regional settings, time periods or plotlines, Gary uses a great many chase scenes, dream sequences and people getting hit with wine bottles (sandbags). Asked why he uses so many sandbags (wine bottles) in his stories, Gary's only reply was "Figure it out". Make plans to attend next week's performance of "A Man For Many Seasons" starring dolly grip Darryl Humber, the first five people there will get a pre-show look at the latest issue of Penthouse (please respect the five minute rule). PAGE 1 #1 Published in 1486, the Book of Saint Albans listed 146 terms for describing Grab Rail Wheedle groups of animals. With its originations Vanderhoff Nib Finster in hunting, the practice soon became a Fly-Rod Actuator parlor game and young ladies of the time were expected to know dozens of terms Fly-Rod Twist-a-ma-doodle like a skulk of foxes, a murder of crows and an exaltation of larks. Each Fibble descriptor was an attempt to encapsulate a group by one poetically ? all-encompassing term. This practice Figgle has been named "venery" by author James Lipton. Our own staff spent a beer-sodden weekend developing our Dragshaft own venerable terms for each film Trim Tab department and we hope you'll enjoy our (aka Beaver Tab) efforts. If you think you can do better, Treadle make your own stinking newsletter! As noted by actor/comedian David Cross, learning the names for camera parts is no mean feat. Most A chattering of makeup artists 35mm cameras have over five million individual parts and it takes several years to learn all the names of those parts. The LowTide pledges to help you learn the names of these parts in bite-size episodic A grope of grips increments. This month we'll learn 12 new part names. The best way to learn these parts is to touch A wail of ADs them and feel how they work together, so go ahead and experiment the first chance you get. Your A tangle of hairstylists camera department buddies will be very impressed!! An hack of electricians An exasperation of directors Hey my little cha-cha babies! Are you wearing your A swerve of teamsters sunscreen? Do you know what posion ivy looks like? Hey A confoundment of PAs Poppy, you drinking enough Cafe Cubano? Can I put a bandage A fold of wardrobists on that? Here, take my water, you look thirsty. A whisper of sound men It's a big old world and Greggy's here to A testosterance of camera guys look out for ya! Relax..... By cruel irony, medical science has historically benefited from the carnage of war. REJOICE Many of today's emergency life-saving techniques were learned by doctors on the a poem battlefields of Europe and Asia. Most recently, the lessons of Vietnam informed modern domestic-emergency response teams and ER staffs around the nation. you are a mountainous land Doctor Greg East, on-set medic for "Run Ronnie, Run" is a member of the your people are industrialized Southeastern Association of Film Emergency Technicians (SAFE-T), an Yerevan is your capital organization committed to continuing the innovation of battlefield surgeons by any means necessary. Currently the organization lists only one member, but Dr. East it's your largest city too. states that there has been a "healthy interest" by his peers and that he shortly expects to interview several new candidates for membership. Requirements for legend says that Noah's ark membership are stringent, and getting past the Board of Review for the does rest upon your mountaintops organization is a "real doozy" according to one member who requested anonymity for fear of reprisals. and in your valleys Currently, Dr. East is experimenting with the use of a new technique called "strap people feel deep pride and chap". Using only tourniquets and Chapstick™, Greg claims that ANY ailment can be cured or at least temporarily forgotten. The treatment is simple, the shish kabob and baklava, and can usually be applied in under two minutes depending on the location and magnitude of the injury. First, the patient is lulled into a sense of security by Dr. are your claims to fame East. Once calmed, Greg moves swiftly into the second step: wrapping a tourniquet around the afflicted portion of the patient and tightening it before they you've been invaded by multitudes experience alarm, discomfort or homicidal intent toward the Doctor. Once your people now are scattered distracted and denied blood to one or more parts of their body, Greg applies a liberal amount of Chapstick™ to the injury, a point near the injury, to someone near the injured person, or to anything brightly colored. The point of the be proud oh mighty land of sheep technique isn't as much about healing as it is about "doing the right thing". for your sons now hold the For more information about "strap and chap", becoming a member of SAFE-T or booms of sound simply to "share amenable contact with another human individual" please contact and record the spoken word Greg East immediately. Please. PAGE 2 a continuing series of biographical essays The approaching holiday season reminds us that on every Thanksgiving it is a tradition to surreptitiously fill the Best Boy Electric's workgloves with many tiny candies, fruits and sweetmeats. This tradition originated in 19th century London when gaslighters would fill their gloves with grapes and travel around the city distributing these treats to the less fortunate, cretinous children of that period. The most celebrated of these gaslighters was Sir Christopher Crowe, whose bravery at the Battle of Westerchestershire marked him for Knighthood and whose enormous gloves endeared him to a generation of homeless waifs. It is said that Sir Christopher could fit over two dozen bunches of grapes into his large, cuffed gas-lighting gloves. In a delightful coincidence, our own film company employs Mr. Steve Crowely. While not a Bob Odenkirk sprang from a long line direct descendant of Sir Christopher, it was said of Steve's family that they were so very much like of successful advertising men. It was the Crowe family that they were Crowe-like, or Crowely. It is from this homage-induced lineage his destiny to grow up and inherit the from which Steve springs, and we must indeed honor him with our best attempts to crown him a family-owned ad office, but fickle Fate modern day gaslighter. Toward that end, the LowTide is sponsoring the First Annual Glovestuffer dealt Bob a cruel hand. In a type- Competition. The first entrants to successfully honor Steve by secretly filling his gloves with treats (no liquids please) and photographing their efforts will receive a special surprise from our prize setting blunder that remains shrouded in vaults.