Science Travel

Brian May Lithu- back in the Mania big smoke

page 18 page 6 page 22

 e student newspaper of Imperial College

No. 1,362 • Friday • 3 November 2006 • ffelixelix felixonline.co.uk Robert Winston: Ex-president Playing God? disregarded constitution

Andy Sykes nor forbidden by the Union’s consti- menting on the threat to conduct Editor-in-chief tution. The proposal was rejected by closed session Exec business with- 6 votes to 5, and shortly afterwards out consulting the committee, Mr The previous President of the Un- another proposal was circulated Matthews said: “I’m not 100% sure ion, Sameena Misbahuddin, may after the final candidates’ meeting that anything was decided outside have “flagrantly disregarded” the with a very short deadline. Again, of Exec that should have been dis- Union’s constitution, claimed Jon the paper was discussed electroni- cussed.” He also hinted that he Matthews (Deputy President, Fi- cally, with most of the votes arriv- was being kept in the dark about nance & Services) at a meeting ing after the deadline. The proposal Miss Misbahuddin’s decisions: “I’m of the Executive Committee on was passed 6 to 5, but some Exec aware of a few things (I’m not going Tuesday. members were unhappy with the to be specific) that I wasn’t told at Mr Matthews’ comments were short deadlines, lack of discussion the time but would have expected made while introducing a pa- and apparently forcefulness of Miss to have been.” However, he said per submitted to the Committee, Misbahuddin and leaked the closed that he felt the threat of unilateral which accuses Miss Misbahuddin session emails. action was more of a “threat/loss of of breaching the consitution dur- On learning of the leak, Miss Mis- temper” than a serious move. ing her handling of the sabbatical bahuddin told Exec that she “no He was supportive of Miss Mis- elections last year. The allegations longer trusted them” with closed bahuddin’s attempts to get the centre around the post of Deputy session business, and that she proposal approved, calling it “well- President (Graduate Students), a would decide on such business by intentioned”. However, he was criti- post currently occupied by Shama herself, without consulting the com- cal of the handling of the second Rahman. Ms Rahman apparently mittee, which is unconstitutional. proposal: “Exec certainly had no put forwards a proposal to the Ex- The two proposals led to confusion time to consider it properly, and ecutive Committee, via Miss Misba- as the new sabbs arrived this year, there was a significant amount of huddin, that suggested she take up with the team being presented with pressure brought to bear to accept her position in September, rather the first, rejected proposal rather it. With hindsight... they should have than in July with the other sabbs. than the second, accepted propos- stuck to their original decision.” This was to allow Miss Rahman to al. The former said that the DPGS The reasons for the current sabb work on completing her MSc during would be absent for the whole of team bringing up this matter have July and August; refusal of the pro- August, when in fact she would be been questioned by a number of posal may have meant Miss Rah- absent for the last three weeks of hacks. Ostensibly, the paper was man would have to step down. August, and work two days a week brought to try to amend the consti- Miss Rahman claims to have spo- during July and the first week of tution to clarify the situation with ken to Miss Misbahuddin about the August. electronic meetings, and to recon- proposal while she was deliberat- This reporter was unable to con- sider the role of the DPGS. The ing over whether to stand for the tact Miss Misbahuddin, but spoke paper included several options for position. However, the first paper to the previous incumbent of the a future Graduate Students rep- put before Exec by Miss Misbahud- post of Deputy President (Clubs resentative, such as changing the Lord Robert Winston, took part in a special lecture entitled din was only a day before the final & Societies), Simon Matthews. Mr start date, making it part-time sab- ‘Playing God?’ on Tuesday evening inside the Great Hall. The IC candidates’ meeting that would Matthews said that he only knew batical position akin to a Faculty Professor of Fertility Studies spoke to a packed house about the allow the votes to be counted. As about Miss Rahman’s proposal 24 Union President, and renaming connections between faith, religion and science. There was one such, only 24 hours were allowed hours before the candidates’ meet- the position to GSA Chair. These especially amusing anecdote about the scientist who discovered for discussion of the paper, which ing, when it was brought to Exec, considerations will be investigated sperm cells, only to be afraid of his own small wriggling gametes, was done by “electronic meeting”, and added that he felt “it [the deci- over the next few weeks by the sabb thinking he had some strange disease. something that is neither allowed sion] was definitely rushed”. Com- team. 2 felix Friday 3 November 2006

NEWS [email protected] Turnstiles to come? Elections complete

College closes reception desks around South Kensington campus This year’s Council elections are lix editor, who was elected as Non- complete, with results being an- Faculty Counsellor, a rather odd nounced at Thursday lunchtime, position that represents less than College has unveiled plans to but not without the usual share of 100 students in the College, includ- change the access to the campus, silliness, farce, and mistakes. ing those in the Tanaka Business with reception desks within build- Despite being announced as “the School and the sabbs themselves. ings being phased out in favour of most successful Council Elections Despite heavy email campaign- swipe card turnstiles. turn-out ever”, the average turn- ing by John Collins, the Union Through the summer, the Col- out was only 7.2%. This is likely at- President, some positions remain lege has been consulting with tributable to the lack of campaign- unfilled, and will have to be elected staff around the campus in order ing of most candidates, as most of at the next Council meeting. An ‘ad- to decide how best to “restructure them were standing unopposed by ministrative error’ lead to the Wel- reception services”. The initial anyone but Re-Open Nominations fare Campaigns Officer not being plans, which were the subject of (RON). The highest turn-out was in included on the website form for discussion amongst College Secu- the Faculty of Medicine, with 12.3% voting or standing, leaving prospec- rity and receptionists, involved the of undergraduates coming out to tive officers confused. This position closure of twelve out of the fifteen vote for their counsellors. will also by elected at Council. reception desks around campus, Notable victors from the elections As reported two weeks ago, hus- with two more being converted into were: Ashley Brown, the editor of tings in the JCR proved as farci- ‘concierge positions’. In the build- Live! (CGCU online newspaper, cal as usual, with most students ings where reception desks were live.cgcu.net), who was elected as only paying attention when RON to be removed, turnstiles activated Postgraduate Engineering Coun- (Stephen Brown) took to the stage. by swipe cards were to be installed, sellor; Alex Guite, the leader of the Nonetheless, any increase in vot- similar to the ones in the newly NUS Yes campaign, who was elect- er turn-out for what is often seen completed Chemistry entrance. ed as Postgraduate Natural Science as the “hacks’ elections” is to be This meant that visitors to one of counsellor; and Andy Sykes, the Fe- commended. the buildings with turnstiles would be directed to a central desk in the Sherfield Building where a member of staff from the desk or the desti- The magnetic strip turnstiles in the new Chemistry entrance nation department would take the Student’s death in Beit Hall visitor to the correct building and give them access. ice”. Couriers will also be directed would depend on what the man- The revised plans are somewhat to new drop-off points, varying with agers of the building wanted, and similar, with seven desks remain- department. that despite the buildings being on ing: the College Main Entrance, Felix has learned that plans to in- swipe-controlled access 24 hours a the Chemistry & Biochemistry stall more of the swipe card access day, College Security has no prob- building, the Blackett Lab (Phys- turnstiles in buildings are under lem allowing all students and staff ics entrance), the Faculty Building, consideration. The turnstiles are access to all the buildings. the Huxley Building, the Skemp- monitored with CCTV, and only al- Though Mr Davis has promised ton Building and the Sir Alexander low access to students and staff proximity readers for turnstiles, Fleming Building. The external who work inside that particular the ones in the Chemistry Entrance facing entrances will be swipe card building. Jumping the gates should are magnetic strip only, and have access only; these are the Royal trigger alarms, and Security can proved somewhat problematic, School of Mines entrance, the Hux- locate the jumper by viewing the being slow to reset on occassion. ley entrance at 180 Queens Gate, CCTV footage. Turnstiles are likely However, the concierge position al- and the Aeronautical Engineering to be added to the Queen’s Gate and lows congestion to be bypassed by Beit Hall, where the student was found dead in his room entrance. These entrances will only Prince Consort Road entrances by opening the glass gates. be accessible to students who study January. The overall aim of the plans is to in these departments, apart from When the plans were proposed improve the security of South Ken- An undergraduate maths student had previously suffered from epi- the Aero entrance, which will per- during the summer, they were met sington campus, and to centralise was found dead in his room in Beit lepsy however. mit any student with a swipe card. with criticism from some inhabit- visitor access. However, the prom- Hall on Tuesday. The student’s parents have been The loss of reception desks means ants of the campus. Some suggest- ised closure of Imperial College The alarm was raised by the stu- informed of the tragedy, and a Col- that extra staff are likely to be tak- ed that they would make collabora- Road, and turnstile placement at all dent’s mother, who had not been lege tutor is currently supporting en on to deal with the extra mail. tion across departments difficult, as entrances of the campus are prob- able to contact her son. The war- them, along with the Warden of Beit Whereas post was previously left in freedom of movement from building ably a fair way off since both West- dening staff acted immediately and Quad. Ben Harris, Deputy Presi- the reception areas of buildings by to building would be restricted. Ceri minster and the Royal Borough gained access to his room, then dent (Education & Welfare), said: postal staff, it will now be delivered Davis, Head of Security, has said Councils must agree, and may also called paramedics and the police. “At this sad time the thoughts of all directly to the department itself, re- that the final decision on who would depend on the long-term plan of pe- The cause of death is being inves- those involved in the Union are with sulting in “an improved postal serv- be allowed access to the building destrainising Exhibition Road. tigated by the police. The student the student’s friends and family.” felix 1,362 Friday 03.11.06

Da Vinci exhibition Going surfing “The collection manifests itself as “To many who don’t know, wind- a fascinating and beautifully ar- surfing is probably the greatest ranged collection of sketches and hangover cure you can dream of.” thoughts of the prolific genius that PAGE 28 was Leonardo.” PAGE 5 & 16 Coffee Break returns Trouts and radicals “David Hasselhoff left a void in Fe- “A friend asked me if I wanted lix that many have always thought to go and see a blues guitarist could not be filled (due to the size called Walter Trout. Intrigued by of the Hoff’s monstrous loins). the name I agreed, despite having Luckily for all of you I’m far better! only a passing interest in blues Hear me roar! So stand straight music, and boy was I impressed when I’m talking to you!” with the result.” PAGE 32 PAGE 14 Sport does exist Fabric’s seventh Rotten Peaches “Five weeks of having a non-ex- “By 3am we left happy that we’d “She’s yet to come to the crush- istent sports page and my article spent a great night out, although ing realisation that she an invisible getting published under “hockey” not relishing the prospects of try- speck in the universe and no-one instead of “football” last week was ing to drive home.” cares that she DJs.” enough to piss me off completely.” Borat moviefilm out everyplace today in London! Is it essential viewing? PAGE 15 PAGE 21 PAGE 35 & 36 PAGE 17 Friday 3 November 2006 felix 3

NEWS [email protected] Students’ uncapped top-up anger Students march to Trafalgar Square in national protest over government plans to lift the cap on top-up fees

David Ellis rently applies to be lifted; this has News Editor sparked the recent protest. If the £3,000 cap is lifted then students 7,500 students marched through could be exposed to even more fi- London on Sunday to protest nancial pressure. Predictions show against top up fees. The march be- that average graduate debt could gan in Bloomsbury, passed Down- rise to £44,000 by 2023. ing Street and ended up in Trafal- The main concern is that stu- gar Square where 3,000 balloons dents from low to middle income were released, one for every pound backgrounds will be deterred from each new student owes to the gov- further study by the burden of debt. ernment under the new Top-Up Gemma Tumelty, the NUS presi- fees scheme. dent, said: “We really believe that The protest was aimed at forc- debt will be a huge deterrent on ing the government to drop plans students entering education. to remove the £3,000 cap on top “This year there were 15,000 fewer up fees. Many students want the students - that’s a huge concern to entire scheme scrapped, although us, particularly when Government the government pushed the Higher is trying to widen participation.” Education Act through parliament, Although new students will not which set up the current scheme, have to pay their fees until they in 2004. There were fierce protests start working, Ms Tumelty said the at the time, and now plans to lift prospect of debt after graduation the cap on fees have rekindled the was “still there like a mill-stone touch paper. round someone’s neck”. Top up fees are an attempt to re- Just 10 Imperial students as op- form the way undergraduate stu- posed to 40 LSE students attended Students gathered to hear speeches from prominent campaigners in Trafalgar Square last Sunday dents pay for university courses. the protest. The low turn out cer- Until 1997 students would pay noth- tainly does not reflect the Union’s ing for their university education. position with Union President, John that any attempt to lift the cap, al- institutions to be far more competi- The message is getting through After 1997 students had to pay Collins throwing his support behind though a very real danger, is still tive in attracting research grants, to school pupils. ‘Sexy Maths’ was up to £1,250 per year for their de- the march. John Collins also noted three years away.” the main source of income for uni- an outreach program at Imperial grees, the exact amount was set in an article for Live!: “Around a The impetus for reform came versities. There is then a snowball- College last year. Students went to by ‘means-testing’ which looks at dozen students from Imperial were from the universities themselves. ing effect as top academic talents local schools and give a presenta- the income of a student’s parents. spotted on the march which com- The Russell Group, the British chose to work in the US, attracting tion aimed at advertising the ad- Students could then apply for a pares favourably to larger London equivalent of the Ivy League, has more research grants. The Brit- vantages of studying at university means-tested student loan from Unions such as UCL, which has a been particularly supportive of the ish universities are together in the and, in particular, the advantages of the Student Loans Company, a gov- smaller turnout.” new measures. view that something must be done. studying Mathematics at university. ernment owned organisation. The The union didn’t receive help from In the US the undergraduates pay The solution proffered by the The program was very successful, loans were charged such that inter- ULU due to illness, and heard the large amounts to study. The univer- government is the so called top up leading to the more appropriately est is in line with inflation. In ‘real’ details of the protest late because sity loans the student the fees until fee. But the scheme is a contradic- titled ‘Maths Matters’ program, al- terms this meant the loans were Imperial is not a member of NUS. after graduation. An undergradu- tion to a fundamental principle that though one of the main questions interest free. After graduation the But these factors did not stop a con- ate course at Harvard, for example, Britain aspires to. Namely, that no school pupils asked at the events student pays back the loan at a rate certed publicity drive by the union cost $39,880 for the 2004/5 academic citizen should be held back from was: “Why should I study at univer- of 9% gross income on all earnings which included a poster campaign, year, that’s approximately £21,000. success for lack of opportunity. We sity, don’t you end up with a lot of above £15,000. The introduction of publicity at the JCR and the front The price contains board and lodg- have the NHS; every citizen is en- debt?” these fees was controversial, seeing page of the union website being ing, tuition fees and health care titled to healthcare, state educa- This is precisely the question the the average student debt rise from given over to the protest. The main cover. Students can claim $28,500 tion; every citizen is entitled to an government doesn’t want school £2,212 in 1992 to £13,501 in 2005. reason for a low turn out appeared in aid from the university. The rest education. Top up fees are seen by pupils asking, they claim to be dedi- Under the new scheme, which to be a sense of apathy amongst Im- must be paid up front. By contrast, many as depriving those from less cated to increasing the number of came into effect this year, univer- perial students. an Imperial student living in Beit affluent backgrounds from the op- graduates. With this in mind, they sities can charge up to £3,000 per Ben Harris, Deputy President for hall in the same academic year portunity of higher education. The currently offer a system of grants year for undergraduate studies, Education and Welfare, said that would have expected to pay around effect is to drive a wedge into soci- for disadvantaged students that provided they meet certain equal- the main reason people were not in- £6,000 for a similar service. ety, widening the rich poor divide. can total £3,000 per year. They don’t, ity standards as far as induction terested was because the cap would With the stark difference in the Last week Felix reported on the however, tackle the problem of stu- is concerned. The Student Loans not be removed whilst they were at amount students pay gives the US case of Geraint Banks-Wilkinson, dents being disaffected with the Company pays the fees instead of university. The drawn out approach universities access to far greater a student who took his own life be- burden of debt resulting in the 3.7% the student and the loans system the government has adopted on the resources than the British ones. cause he was unable to cope with fall in the number of student appli- remains unchanged. The student introduction of top up fees seems The Russell Group, and other uni- the financial pressure of studying cants, that’s equivalent to the entire loans and the university fees are to have taken the edge off the cam- versities claim that this causes US at university. population of Coventry University. then paid back to the Student Loans paign as far as Imperial students Company after graduation under are concerned. the same terms as before. Compared to last year’s larger The changes mean that the av- march, there were 20 fewer Impe- erage student debt is predicted to rial students attending this time reach £20,000 for students enrolling round. This low turn out amount in 2006. would appear to be part of a nation- The scheme that applies to this al trend. years freshers is only the beginning Speaking to Felix, Ben Harris of the government’s plan though. said: “I believe the low turnout There are suggestions for the from Imperial mirrors a national £3,000 cap on top up fees that cur- trend. This is partly due to the fact

Top-Up Fees Information • Families earning less than £17,501 can apply for grant of £2,700 a year, which reduces to nothing for families on £37,425

• Universities charging maximum fees will have to fund bursaries of at least £300 for the poorest students

• Students can still pay up-front if they want to

• Unpaid fees are repayable by graduates once their annual income passes £15,000

• Payments must be at least 9% of gross income above £15,000 3000 balloons released in Trafalgar Square, one for every pound new students owe to the government for each year of their degree 4 felix Friday 3 November 2006

BUSINESS [email protected] City explained: hedging with swaps

Jayraj Choksi settled in net. So for example if A CHF and pay capital gains taxes if Business Correspondent owes B 1.5% and B owes A 3%, B they made any money in the proc- simply pays A 1.5%. ess. At the same time, the World Options and futures allow the oppor- Currency swaps employ a similar Bank wanted to borrow DEM and tunity to hedge price risks, swaps structure; however, they relate to CHF to lend to its customers, and allow the opportunity to hedge risk the conversion of one currency to doing so on the open market would against cash flows. At their most another. In effect, currency swaps involve issuing DEM and CHF simple, swaps do exactly what they allow companies to borrow debt bonds, which would have had large say: they swap the cash flow of, say, in one country, where it may be issuing costs. company A with those of company cheaper, and then swap it into the Under the swap, the World Bank B. Inherently, they are not traded currency they need it in. This can assumed IBM’s DEM and CHF ob- on exchanges and are classified be a dangerous game as the compa- ligations and borrowed in USD to as over the counter (OTC) deriva- ny has debt obligations in the cur- pay off IBM’s loan. Actually, it de- tives, contracts which are struc- rency it has initially borrowed in, livered the money straight to IBM. tured specifically for their primary and if there are no revenue streams In the meanwhile, IBM paid off the market, by investment banks. As in that currency to cover for the re- World Bank’s USD loan. The cur- such, they cannot be bought or sold payments, the company would then rency rates swung in IBM’s favour, on the open market and represent have to convert money, exposing it and Salomon Brothers made a lot of flows which are of course very spe- to foreign exchange rates. money. cific to the counterparties involved A landmark currency swap oc- Finally, equity swaps. These are in the transactions. curred in 1981 between IBM and actually a subset of a broader type There are three main types of the World Bank, arranged by Salo- of swaps called total return swaps. swaps: interest-rate, currency, and mon Brothers (now a part of Citi- In this type of swap, party A holds equity swaps. In an interest-rate group). IBM had raised debt princi- certain assets, say shares, and pays swap (IRS), there is a transfer of Currency swaps play an increasing role in hedging all kinds of risk pal in Deutsche Marks (DEM) and any returns those assets make to the interest rate paid on borrow- Swiss Francs (CHF), and swapped party B, who in return pay A inter- ings and loans by company A and them into dollars (USD) to finance est. In essence, party B has gained company B. Why would compa- points, to a fixed interest rate. LI- six-month, one-year, five-year – any their various corporate ventures. exposure to the price risk without nies want to swap interest rates? BOR is short for London Interbank period up to 50 years. Basis points The problem for IBM was that to actually holding the asset, but any Just like options and futures help Offered Rate, a rate that banks of- simply mean 0.01% (1bps = 0.01%). repay its DEM and CHF loans it capital gain made from the assets eliminate price risks, interest-rate fer each other on borrowings on the It is worth noting that the principal would rack up considerable trans- must also be given up by A to B. Any swaps help eliminate risk to inter- London interbank money market. borrowing, the money on which the action costs when buying the DEM losses are paid by B to A. est rates. Typically, in an IRS, a The British Bankers Association interest rate is being paid, is not the and CHF to repay their loans, pay In short, swaps allow companies company will exchange the floating publishes different rates with differ- focus of the swap, only the interest a call premium (i.e. pay more than to hedge their operational risks and interest rate (i.e. variable market ent maturities; for example, there rates themselves. As with cash set- market price), issue bonds in USD allow them to cut many of the costs rate), usually LIBOR plus 50 basis exists a daily LIBOR, three-month, tled options and futures, a swap is then convert the money to DEM/ associated with raising debt. Get on the property ladder Analysis: oil cartels The average couple borrows more than £28,000 from parents

Paul Estruch of this is a lack of houses of the right government has recently raised Business Correspondent quality in the right areas. the threshold on stamp duty, in an For first-time buyers these prices attempt to make it easier to buy Renting a property is expensive are proving just too high. First-time cheaper houses for which first-time and difficult, but getting your foot buyers are now borrowing 3.27 buyers demand. on the property ladder is even hard- times their income on a mortgage. The government has also just er. As of October 2006, according to Imperial College Graduates, who introduced a scheme called Open rightmove.co.uk, the average ask- earn the most of all graduates, last Market HomeBuy designed at pro- ing price for a property was nearly year averaged starting salaries of viding an additional 25% of the val- £220,000 and this is even higher in £25,780, which even with borrowing ue of homes in interest-free loans Greater London, at over £300,000. over 3 times would leave them with for key workers. These prices are amplified in some a house well below the national Many people rely on their parents OPEC is the oil cartel responsible for half the world’s oil output areas; for example, in September in average. to give them a little boost. With the Kensington and Chelsea, the aver- All this is not to say it is impos- average couple needing £29,000 for age asking price jumped 10% to just sible to get yourself on to the prop- deposit and stamp duty on a house, When you first think of cartels, it the production of oil, accounting for short of £1 Million. The main cause erty ladder once you graduate. The people spend years saving up just conjures the image of an illegal about 60% of the worlds known oil so they can take out a mortgage. drug empire in the deepest jungle of reserves and 41.7% of the oil pro- This is where mum and dad join South America with tight ranks and duction in 2005. Its main aim is to in, helping towards the deposit, or extreme rules, such as the Medellin protect the interests of its nations even contributing to mortgage re- Cartel. Whilst a cartel in business by controlling the amount of oil its payments. Most parents get this is unlikely to result in deaths, it can members output. Whilst this might money from the big increase in involve the exchanging of brown sound all bad and mean high prices value of their house, completing the envelopes and secret meetings. for us, OPEC also tries to keep the property circle. A cartel is a group of independ- oil market steady by altering its out- Increasingly another way of gain- ent businesses whose goals are to put and can even increase output to ing a mortgage is becoming popu- jointly raise prices and income, lim- try and absorb a sudden market in- lar. Getting a house and sharing it supply, or eliminate competition, crease in the price of oil. the mortgage with another person usually in a market where there Closer to home, earlier this year, often allows someone to get a share are only a few sellers, for their ad- many airlines, including British of their first property. However this vantage. Such cartels are illegal in Airways, had their offices raided by has many pitfalls. Finding someone most countries; however, they con- the EC and the Department of Jus- to share a mortgage with requires tinue to exist, particularly interna- tice and are still under investiga- a lot of trust. It is very difficult to tionally, where nations have immu- tion. This was to look into possible get out of the mortgage if you can- nity under public international law. price fixing of fuel surcharges and not stand to live with each other: In the UK, the Office of Fair Trad- other costs related to cargo. With you are liable for any of their short- ing enforces European Community the EC imposing a maximum fine of comings in payments, and you both (EC) and UK competition laws in up to 10% of annual sales, and with have to agree what to do with the particular the Cartel and Competi- the negative publicity, this could be house further down the line. tion Act 1998. costly to the airlines involved. Whilst it can be tough to get on Perhaps the most renowned and Typically cartels have a very short the property ladder it is definitely most commonly used example of life. It is very easy for one member possible. Once you do get yourself a cartel is that of the Organization to break production limits and pro- a nice little place, you can sit back of Petroleum Exporting Countries duce more in attempt to make more and reap the benefits of increas- (OPEC). It is has 11 member state, money for itself. As soon as this ing house prices whilst others are and was founded by Libya, Iran, happens, the cartel will become in- trying to get themselves their first Iraq, Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela. effective, and normal market forces The average property in the UK is now worth in excess of £200,000 house. Its members are very important to will begin to take over. Friday 3 November 2006 felix 5

SCIENCE [email protected] Science through the looking glass Felix examines the new field of neuroesthetics, and decides that it is time to start uniting science and art

Nell Barrie and learning about the brain at the same time. I asked Dr Burns why For me, the choice between art and she thinks art and science can work science first came at the end of together. GCSEs. I was hit with the stark re- “I genuinely have always loved alisation that I might need chemis- both art and science,” she told me. try and maths A-level to go with the “I really got into art properly after biology that I loved. But if I’d kept ‘discovering’ Dali… he saw science my options open at A-level, tthen as holding the secrets for some kind I certainly would have had to pick of divine truth. I use art as a tool for sides when I decided on a degree. communicating science – I seem But why is there this polarity, never fairly unique in having the science ‘science and art’ but only ‘either background but also being an art- or’? ist… but I see the combination as The idea of the “two cultures” of a way of being able to help people science and art is an old one. Sci- find their own way into seeing how ence is thought of as being all about beautiful and inspiring science is.” reality, while art allows you to put She certainly succeeds in inspir- your own interpretation on life, the ing participants in her events. And universe and everything. But are she’s not alone in combining “the they really so different? A scientific two cultures”. Scientists around theory can be thought of as a repre- the world are becoming interested sentation of reality – it’s never com- in the new field of “neuroesthetics”. pletely accurate, but it’s supposed The idea behind this new discipline to help you understand the world is that art, as a human activity, can a little better. But isn’t a painting be understood by looking at the just another representation of real- laws of the brain. For example, new ity? Doesn’t religion help believers brain imaging techniques are be- to understand their world? Does ginning to allow neuroscientists to science really have a monopoly on study the neural basis of visual art. truth? The Institute for Neuroesthetics Even the smallest introduction to was recently founded in Berkeley, philosophy of science will quickly California, and is attached to the illustrate that scientists don’t have Wellcome Laboratory of Neurobiol- all the answers. More and more sci- ogy at University College London. entists are turning to art either as The institute pursues the idea of a way to communicate their work, consilience – the integration of or as an interesting new subject knowledge from different fields for study. A recent event at the Sci- (such as art and science). ence Museum’s Dana Centre is just Neuroesthetics is interesting in One of the products of “Art of the Brain”. sponspored by the Medical Research Council and EDAB such an example. “Art of the Brain” the way it assumes that art and sci- was presented by Dr Lizzie Burns, ence are not really so different. Sci- a science-based artist, whose aim entists with an interest in where art can be coloured and colours can and science are set to become bet- ence and art are for us today. Each was to inspire the audience about and science meet are now engaged have their own sounds. ter friends than ever before. inspires the other, and we need both neuroscience by using art. in research projects like identifying It’s a young field, but with big So while the new spin on “the two to appreciate and understand the Dr Burns presented her own art the molecular basis of the brain’s players like the Wellcome Trust cultures” aims to bring science and universe. “The most beautiful thing inspired by neurons and the brain, emotional response to art, and look- becoming more engaged with art art together, it’s becoming clear we can experience is the mysteri- and the audience got messy with ing at neurological conditions like through their Sciart programme that the two have never really been ous. It is the source of all true art paints, pens and even coloured air synaesthesia, in which the senses (funding art based around the bio- separate. Prehistoric art was a win- and science.” And no, it wasn’t Dali dough, making their own brain art become intertwined so that sounds medical sciences) it looks like art dow on the artists’ world, just as sci- who said that. It was Einstein. Da Vinci decoded: a beautiful mind

Tamara Nicolson privileged to witness Leonardo’s in- stretched arms and legs was, for portion. Perhaps most startlingly terest in the workings of the human Leonardo, the product of a study in of all, da Vinci manages to render Mention the words ‘da Vinci’ and body via sketches and scribblings. human proportion. Other sketches that most irrational thing – beauty most people will automatically think In one display, he draws the arter- of parts of the human anatomy and – into something highly rational of Dan Brown’s over-rated pot- ies of an old man (Leonardo himself buildings are also studies of propor- and scientific. boiler, or perhaps of the legendary skilfully dissected the old man after tion, or innovatory ways of shaping Thus, the ‘Experience, Experi- Mona Lisa. If, like me, you have du- death). At once, the observations space (such as the depiction of an ment and Design’ exhibition at the tifully trouped off to the Louvre in of the human arterial system seem extraordinarily ‘plastic’ spiral stair- V&A showcases Leonardo’s appli- order to see that ‘enigmatic’ smile to have triggered a parallel fascina- case – the technical feat of a very cation of the rational, his struggle from 100 feet away, behind hordes tion and flurry of intellectual output skilled draughtsman). Of course, for new knowledge and his attempts of like-minded tourists, you might associated with rivers and aque- these drawings are no less beauti- to uncover laws of the universe. It have felt the selfsame disappoint- ducts (not least architectural ideas ful for the fact they are first and is during this process that he also ment as me. involving aquaducts, valves, pumps foremost scientific studies. Here simultaneously uncovered great However, the da Vinci Exhibition and irrigation systems). The ‘body we see that science and art are beauty. Here we witness the work- currently on show at the V&A pro- of the world’, ‘veins of water’ and interchangeable; though whether ings of a breathtakingly original vides no such disappointment. The the ‘tree of blood vessels’ as he him- Leonardo himself made the distinc- mind, yet we also see how the ap- collection manifests itself as a fas- self described them, were the inspi- tion is debatable. plication of science to his art helped cinating and beautifully arranged ration for these new ideas. That is, Certainly his oil painting of the him to come up with a massive ar- collection of sketches and thoughts the workings of the human system Mona Lisa residing in the Louvre, ray of new ideas. Indeed his ability of the prolific genius that was Le- (ie. nature), such as the heart valve is one in which beauty rather than to combine all these aspects have onardo. It provides the viewer with and the manner in which the body science seems to be a primary aim; provided the inspiration for some of some insight into the thoughts of pumps blood, provided the inspi- however, even in this work, the the greatest inventions and works arguably the greatest artistic and ration for these new architectural background mountains are studies of art known to mankind. scientific mind the world has ever ideas. of proportion and space, the face of seen. There is little doubt however, that the Mona Lisa draws from his fasci- Leonardo da Vinci: Experience, The underlying and continuous despite being appreciated mainly nation and subsequent mathemati- Experiment, Design. V&A, theme running through the exhi- for his artistic side (at least in our cal studies of light reflecting off the Exhibition Road. bition is of the great man’s fasci- day and age), this exhibition cele- human face (drawings which we Exhibition open until January 7th. nation with how the world works brates Leonardo the Scientist – one see in this exhibition). £7 students/£10 adults. – of how everything (including the who utilised drawing as a primary Furthermore, the figure of the Telephone the booking line on human body) is mirrored in the tool of analysis. For example, the Mona Lisa herself is also more 0870 906 3883. whole of nature: the smaller merely iconic image of a man drawn with- than partially the result of da Vin- Audio tour highly recommended. Da Vinci’s intricate observations reflecting the whole. Thus, we are in a circle and a square with out- ci’s fascination with human pro- £3 students/£3.50 adults. 6 felix Friday 3 November 2006

SCIENCE [email protected] Brian May: BSc, CBE, PhD? Bang! Colin Barras chats to the Queen legend about his new book, Jimi Hendrix jamming in the Great Hall and his return to Imperial to finish the most overdue thesis ever

Brian May returns to the studio graduate from the Physics depart- my home county. Back to the 1960s I can’t do this any more!” This is to work on new album? That’s not ment, was deeply involved in post- Imperial music scene, Brian is soon probably a familiar story for many especially newsworthy. But Brian graduate academic life at Imperial. on more familiar ground. “Well, going through the PhD process. May returns to Imperial to work on What was life like for an Impe- Jimi Hendrix… that was a great Brian decided to give up the re- PhD? Now, there’s a scoop! Tape rial student in those halcyon days? coup. He was playing in the Great search entirely, and soon Queen recorder in hand, I phoned Brian “Well, a lot of hard work,” Brian Hall. We sold 1000 tickets!” had released their first album. The for a chat. admits. Some things never change. Brian’s own music career took off rest, as Brian jokingly agrees with Long before Queen, Brian had de- But this was the world of Swinging at around this time. One of his early me, is rock and roll history. veloped a great passion for astron- London, and Imperial saw its fair groups, 1984, supported Jimi’s Im- But, while you can take the stu- omy. He chats to me about zodiacal share of action. “It was a fantastic perial gig, “If you could call it sup- dent out of academia, you can’t take light; “A beautiful light you can see time to be around musically,” he porting!” says Brian, bashfully. Lat- academia out of the student. Brian just after sunset if you’re lucky and recalls, “I was on the entertain- er, an early ancestor of Queen was continued to be fascinated with you live in the tropics.” This, then, ments committee and we booked a to have its first rehearsal in a room things astronomical and ultimately was the subject of his PhD. “Most lot of great groups: Spooky Tooth, somewhere behind the Great Hall. developed a close friendship with Bang! The Complete History people think it’s due to dust in the for instance.” I maintain a polite si- “In those days it was called the Jazz Patrick Moore, astronomer and of the Universe solar system that’s scattering the lence. But a Wikipedia search later Club Room. I rented it for a couple populariser of science. Patrick is Brian May, Patrick Moore and light. People were wondering where reveals this group to be noteworthy of days and that’s where Roger and one of Brian’s co-authors on Bang! Chris Lintott the dust came from and there was for its Cumbrian origins, greatly in- I first played.” This being Queen The Complete History of the Uni- £20, Carlton Books, London the inkling of the idea that it might creasing the rock credentials of drummer Roger Taylor, then a stu- verse, published earlier this month. 2006. be something to do with dent at London Hospital Medical The book claims to be a readable ac- the way that the solar College. “So, Roger turned up and count of astronomy. Is this a direct This is a beautiful coffee-table system was formed. set up his drum kit and started tun- reference to the work of Stephen size book, filled with gorgeous It was an object of ing them and I was quite amazed. Hawking, famously an author photographs of the universe great interest I’d never seen anyone tuning drums whose books are bought but seldom and elegant explanations of at the time.” before,” recalls Brian, used to the read? “We have boundless respect the state of our knowledge The time in hit-it-and-hope approach of most for Stephen Hawking,” Brian says, about the cosmos, its origins question, rock drummers. “He tuned them “but I personally found A Brief His- and its future. the late in the most amazing way so tory of Time a difficult book. A lot Divided into seven chapters, 1960s; they all started to blend of people who are deep into their it tells the biography of the Brian, together. I was absolutely disciplines don’t realise how simple universe, sidling through the a re- stunned.” things have to be before a normal beginning of light, the uni- cent Brian and Roger, with person can understand them.” verse’s evolution, the forma- their friend Tim Staffell, The science communicator’s job tion of stars and planets and played under the name is a tough one, as Brian concedes, the emergence of life. The Smile. But within a “There’s this fine line you walk. You final chapters look into the short space of time don’t want to sacrifice major con- future and to the anticipated the band line-up cepts but you don’t want to get deep end of the universe. had changed to into problems that people can’t fol- The text is accessible and include Freddie low.” He has in mind one area of un- engaging without coming Mercury on piano derstanding that remains baffling across as dumbed down. It is and vocals, and to the non-scientist. “I think very aimed at a non-scientific audi- John Deacon on often it’s the maths that puts peo- ence and includes as asides bass. Queen was ple off. I personally love maths, but (in ‘grey areas’) explanations born and Brian a lot of people get an instant block of the Kelvin temperature began to drift when they see an integral sign.” scale and other concepts that away from his as- But Brian’s interest in science might be unfamiliar to a non- tronomy research. communication goes beyond this. Imperial student. I wonder if he “In many disciplines you’re wres- Like bonus tracks on a CD, ever considered tling with a problem in one small after chapter 7 we come to quitting the band area and the problem could already more fascinating information. for academia? “I have been solved in another area Tips for getting into practi- think I was slightly and you wouldn’t know about it.” To cal astronomy and guides discouraged with help the spread of scientific knowl- to the night sky help you go academic life be- edge even within the science com- further; biographies of sixteen cause my supervi- munity, the authors of Bang! have astronomers and physicists, sor was raising set up a website, www.banguni- whose research has led to our so many issues verse.com. “I encourage everyone current understanding of the about the thesis, to visit. We’re hoping it will develop universe. saying ‘write a over the next few months as an or- What is unlear is who wrote bit more, write gan of interaction.” what parts of the book. An en- a bit more’. I This newly re-kindled passion for tire section is dedicated to the got to the point astronomy has encouraged Brian biographies and achievements where I thought: to finish that PhD he began almost of astrophysicists - it would 40 years ago. Surely this is one of have been nice to know each the longest running PhDs ever? “I of the author’s own contribu- know! It’s going to be a record!” he tions.There’s a Bang! website jokes. “I’ve been in touch with Pro- www.banguniverse.com you fessor Rowan Robinson, who’s can look at. the head of astrophysics, Joanna Carpenter and he’s very kindly of- fered me a desk and computer.” Brian has already been down to Win Bang! “re-recce” Imperial. I ask him if much has Felix has 10 copies of Bang! to changed. “The big sur- give away. To win, answer the prise was trees in Beit following question: Quad! There was nothing there when I was a stu- What musical Instrument did dent. You guys have done a Brian May play in the band good job making it into an Queen? area that can be used and a) The kazoo enjoyed. And with tables b) The guitar where you can sit and have c) The cello a beer!” He may be older and wis- Email to the answer to: er, but Brian is beginning to [email protected] think like a student again. Isn’t it wonderful? Friday 3 November 2006 felix 7

SCIENCE [email protected] Brian May’s cosmic background Felix looks back in time at the Imperial alumnus’ poor student days and the formation of rock icons Queen

Give me a title!(brian bio) Colin Barras

Brian May’s (far left) writing partners for Bang! The Complete History of the Universe including Patrick Moore (left) and Chris Lintott (right)

Colin Barras his teenage years, famously work- Nature and the Monthly Notices of The band was incredibly prolific, Theatre on Tottenham Court Road. ing with his father, Harold, to build the Royal Astronomical Society. An releasing a further fourteen stu- Brian continues to make the mu- There are many roads to rock star- an electric guitar from the wood academic career seemed assured. dio albums and three greatest hits sic headlines in the new millen- dom, but few are as unlikely as the of a nineteenth century fireplace. But then the financial reality of packages between 1974 and 1999. nium. One of the abiding images of one travelled by Brian Harold May. The unique sound of this guitar, the student life hit. Brian’s doctoral This was a band of musical equals; the 2002 celebration of Queen Eliza- He was born in Middlesex in July “Red Special”, was later to become research dragged on into a fourth all four band members contributed beth’s Golden Jubilee is Brian’s ren- 1947 and his first ambition was to as recognizable to legions of Queen year, and the grant to support his memorable songs to the Queen dition of God Save the Queen from become a surgeon rather than a fans as Freddie Mercury’s vocals. living expenses dried up. Brian canon. Brian was responsible for the roof of Buckingham Palace. In musician claims his mother. Indeed, But, ever the realist, Brian still resorted to teaching in a compre- rock anthems We Will Rock You and 2005, Roger Taylor and Paul Rodg- his music career had inauspicious recognized music as a mere hob- hensive school in Brixton to make Now I’m Here. ers, lead singer with 1970s band beginnings with much-hated com- by. Encouraged by his parents, he ends meet. Meanwhile, his eve- Following the untimely death of Free, joined Brian on the first tour pulsory piano lessons from the age continued his education at Impe- nings were devoted to music. By Freddie in late 1991, Brian coped by Queen in twenty years. Later in of five. His father, an accomplished rial College in 1965, reading phys- now, Smile was no more; in 1970 the by throwing himself into his solo the year, Brian received a CBE at ukulele player, was undaunted by ics and infrared astronomy. During lead singer, Tim Staffell, had left music career. The Brian May Band Buckingham Palace. this apparent lack of interest in his time at Imperial, he continued the band to pursue new musical ho- was formed in 1992 and toured the But Brian has not forgotten his all things musical. He introduced making music, initially through rizons elsewhere. Tim’s roommate, world and elsewhere on the back of early interest in astronomy and Brian to the ukulele the following a band formed during his school Freddie Bulsara (later Mercury) a successful album. Brian contin- photography. He has been a regu- year and Brian quickly showed an days (called 1984) and later through persuaded Brian and Roger to ued to explore new musical direc- lar guest on The Sky at Night, the aptitude for the instrument. On his the short-lived group Smile. It was continue performing, and together tions; Queen had become the first BBC’s long-running television seventh birthday, after persistent through Smile that Brian met future formed Queen. In 1971 John Dea- rock band to become involved in show devoted to astronomy, and is nagging, Brian was given his first Queen drummer Roger Taylor. con joined the band on bass. film scoring, for Flash Gordon in reportedly working on a biography guitar. The seven-year-old Brian In due course Brian graduated Short of both the time and money 1980 and Highlander in 1986. Brian of nineteenth century photographer was developing in other directions with a BSc Honours degree in necessary to complete his PhD, penned the score for the French T R Williams. He was awarded the too; his love of astronomy and pho- Physics and Mathematics, and em- Brian chose to discontinue his aca- art film Furia in 1999. Elsewhere, honourary degree of Doctor of Sci- tography date to this time. barked on a PhD, also at Imperial. demic work. The decision proved to he was involved in the successful ence by the University of Hertford- Academically gifted, Brian won a He studied zodiacal light, the sun- be a wise one; Queen recorded their translation of Queen’s music to the shire in 2002. Recently, Brian has scholarship to Hampton Grammar light reflected off interplanetary eponymous first album in 1973 and stage; The Queen musical We Will decided he will finally return to his School at the age of 11. He main- dust particles. The research went debuted in the UK singles charts Rock You is now well into its fifth academic studies to finish the PhD tained his interest in music during well, and Brian published in both with Seven Seas of Rhye in 1974. successful year at the Dominion he began in the late 1960s. 8 felix Friday 3 November 2006 Comment&Opinion A waste of time, effort, and money Their ideals may seem attractive on the surface, but if you have ever been unfortunate enough to be closely involved with the NUS you will know the reality is a whole world away from what they lead us to believe

thoroughly believe that Im- in return for your support, people of fees. This is an attractive argu- Surely, though, as I’m sure the perial should vote in the up- on the balcony instructing their fac- ment, but go and speak to MPs and pro-NUS camp will rightly say, Im- coming referendum to stay tion how to vote, stage occupations, it ruins any chance of a debate – it perial needs national representa- out of the NUS. Why? I write endless procedural motions, votes made discussion almost impossi- tion: as the relationship with the as someone who has experi- taking longer than an hour, dismal ble when at the Higher Education University of London draws to a Ience of NUS from being President attendance by the NEC (National Act 2004 votes Durham was trying close, it’s vital that we can speak up of Durham Students’ Union (DSU). Executive Committee – NUS’s top to argue that top-up fees weren’t and be counted. I have only just started at Imperial, officers), but in comparison to what the way to fund education and we I couldn’t agree more, but NUS but I can speak as someone who I was promised this seemed like should look at other options, but all isn’t capable of being that forum. was very heavily involved in DSU above par for the course. the NUS hacks could argue was the We should look at working with and had precious few good experi- Go three times and you realise same inflexible line – it must be to- comparable institutions – strong in- ences with the National Union. how entrenched these failings are. tally free with no payment. dependent unions working togeth- There are three core problems Political factions dominate NUS. In the three years I was involved er, co-ordinating campaigns and with the NUS. It doesn’t know what People grouping together because the NEC were a supercilious, self- lobbying. We’re ideally situated to it’s for, it has no forum to decide of a shared goal of opinions is no interested group. They would turn meet regularly with relevant MPs what it should do, and it is incapable bad thing, but at NC all that mat- up at Durham once in a blue moon, – at the mass lobbies of Parliament Tom Page of acting when it makes policy deci- ters to swathes of the delegates is although you will no doubt get the that NUS organises the turnout sions. Beyond this, there is a fourth which faction wins each issue, not chance to meet many of them in is often embarrassing. We will be issue that is not so much about the the issue/election itself. the next few weeks – if there’s one more effective acting without the theoretical institution, but the peo- Because of the power of the fac- thing you can be sure they’ll turn cumbersome monolith. ple who are involved: it is highly tions, and the amount of noise a up for it’s a disaffiliation/affiliation The pro-NUS camp will idealisti- “I thoroughly self-serving, and frequently more small group of students can make, referendum. After this initial flurry, cally talk about the voice NUS will concerned with its own internal NUS is impotent to represent the Imperial would see very little input offer us, the solidarity we’ll develop, believe that politics than issues facing students “average” (I don’t use this term from the NEC, yet we’d be paying the resources for union officers and across the UK. pejoratively) student. Near riots, them tens of thousands of pounds the benefits for every student. We Imperial should I went to three NUS National screams of “Intimidation!”, and a year. are only able, however, to join one conferences – 2003, 2004, and 2005 farcical votes of no confidence will In fact finances have been a major version of NUS – the real-world vote in the – such are the pleasures of stu- be brought up at the first mention problem in NUS with many (most?) version, and that couldn’t be fur- dent union presidency. There will of the Israel/Palestine occupation, affiliated institutions underpaying, ther from the ideals that it should upcoming be those who will say that Imperial but barely anyone will listen during leaving NUS with a massive deficit espouse. needs a national voice and NUS is a student housing debate, and the (the truly incompetent spending of NUS has much to gain from Im- referendum to where it can achieve it. One visit to resolution eventually passed will money by the NEC also does little perial joining, yet we have little to NUS National Conference (NC) il- be so very mundane and anodyne to ameliorate this issue). Even the tempt us bar the chance of 10% off stay out of NUS” lustrates how false this is. you’ll wonder why you even both- NUS Treasurer 2004/05 (Martin at Topshop. My first visit to NUS NC was com- ered to vote. Ings, an uncharacteristically hon- Let’s save our cash, our time, and paratively better than everyone had This polarisation extends to the est and hard working NEC mem- the trips to Blackpool, and instead told me it would be – sure you had NUS’s campaigns. The only higher- ber) would often look despairing as plough that resource into working rigged elections, voting cards that education funding line the NUS will he read out the latest batch of NUS actively with other unions and im- you could buy from political factions even listen to is the total abolition expenditure. proving services right here. Everybody needs a good neighbours’ liaison officer

very warden at Imperial consequences. mals actually …” and some offer substantial dis- has an added remit re- And a particular neighbourhood Over the years I have attended counts. The restaurant Tampopo, lated to the role of liaison. it is indeed, where the cost of an Kensington and Chelsea Police for example, gives a 20% discount For example, one warden average two-bedroom flat is com- Community Panel and Neighbour- with a student card. A number of is the liaison for issues parable to the GDP of a small hood Watch meetings where I other outlets regularly give us free regardingE the Health Centre, an- country and the standard vehicle was able to meet neighbours and items to use as raffle prizes. other with Registry for discipli- of choice is either a Porsche, Ma- police officers and discuss issues The fact that students don’t bring nary hearings etc. serati, or a Chelsea tractor. which were of relevance to halls of cars down to London also means I am the Neighbours liaison. I’m A few years ago I had to disci- residence. that parking congestion is less not entirely sure how this was ac- pline one of my student residents Most neighbours are quite happy than it would be if Evelyn Gardens tually assigned. It could be because to make him understand that it to have students around them but was all residents. I am ‘battle-hardened’ – having was not acceptable behaviour to it is the intolerant few which we, as And I wonder how many burglars dealt diplomatically with a hurl of urinate on one of these posses- the wardening team, need to pla- have been scared off by the noctur- abuse from one particular neigh- sions, parked outside Fisher, while cate. This task is made easier when nal habits of some of our students. Brian Falzon bour on more than one occasion his mate took photos. students respect the fact that liv- before such roles were officially Neither was it acceptable for one assigned. student to be lowered, on a rope, Or, hailing from Australia, some- by a friend, from a 3rd-storey win- “It could be “I have amassed one thought it amusing to assign dow to a 2nd-storey one, to be let me the role of liaison with the back into his room. because I Got anything a comprehensive namesake of that atrocious Aussie Noise is a particular problem. soap opera! It only takes a few individuals in am ‘battle- you would like list of all the Being in my penultimate year as a high density accommodation warden of Fisher Hall in Evelyn environment to generate a level hardened’” to share with creative ways in Gardens (appointments are made of noise which can quickly annoy for a fixed period) I have amassed neighbours. ing in an area which was recently our readers? which students a comprehensive list of all the cre- Noise curfews are in place at all referred to as the most expensive ative ways in which students man- halls of residents at Evelyn Gar- real estate in the world brings with Please send all manage to get age to get themselves into trouble. dens but these rules are, regret- it certain added responsibilities. For the most part, getting up to tably, sometimes flouted. So, on a Considering the concentration contributions to themselves into some mischief is all good fun but number of occasions my warden- of students that we have at Evelyn the funny side is not always ap- ing team has had to diplomatically Gardens, the number of incidents comment.felix@ trouble” preciated by private residents handle calls from very irate neigh- are comparatively low. who live in the neighbourhood or bours: “… yes sir … of course sir There are also certain advantag- imperial.ac.uk indeed by the wardening team ... we will look into it straight away es: local businesses love the extra who often have to deal with the … yes … no sir, they’re not all ani- commerce that the students bring Friday 3 November 2006 felix 9

COMMENT & OPINION [email protected] Wielding the Reasons for voting ‘yes’ mighty organ Why I don’t want ICU to be the most isolated union in London

of promoting any welfare or political is- ford, Cambridge, the LSE, UCL, War- sue that falls outside the jurisdiction of wick, Kings, Manchester, Bristol, and Imperial College. Edinburgh members of NUS, but they Now we could spend our newly ac- are also leading players within it. quired £79,000 p.a. on beer, but I sug- The NUS provides support services gest that this is not the most mature to affiliate unions. I strongly doubt that or inclusive way of allocating ICU’s re- ICU would be able to employ a strong sources. We could spend it on our clubs, team of professional lawyers, research- and we do plan to spend some of it on ers, lobbyists, regional liaison officers, compensation for those clubs that will campaigns support staff, and officer de- be adversely affected by our withdrawal velopment staff with just £52,000. Many Andy Sykes from ULU. However, with all this spare of the benefits of these services may not money floating about, should we not be be immediately obvious to our students, Editor-in-chief John Collins looking at the bigger picture? but they are nonetheless important. When we leave ULU next year we will For example, presently we rely heavily ear not, dear reader, for I have returned from mperial has been outside the Na- undoubtedly become the most isolated on the College for legal support, which my editorial hiatus, and I’d like to get a few tional Union of Students (NUS) student union in London. We will have is helpful when ICU is being threat- things straight. Firstly, I didn’t put myself on for nearly thirty years and in two minimal influence on any debate that ened with legal action from an external the front page. I was graduating at the time, weeks time we will be faced with takes place outside our campuses, re- source; but what do we do if the College and my deputy editors were in charge. When that age old question once again: ducing our capacity to represent the themselves are using lawyers against IF returned on Thursday, my face had become the front Ishould Imperial College Union affiliate views of our members. Should ICU us (as has happened in the past)? page picture story, and they weren’t really happy about to the NUS? wish to campaign on top-up fees, stu- The NUS can mobilise its resources removing it. Secondly, my response to Rupert’s letter All Union Presidents get asked this dent debt, Council tax, tenancy law, the to achieve things that individual unions has generated a lot of complaints, and I’ve tried to reply question pretty regularly and now that Oyster Card, the Congestion Charge, simply cannot manage on their own. I to all those that took the time to write in individually. If I have been officially relieved of my du- the Charity Bill, or anything else that am currently working through the proc- you feel something is missing from Felix, or that I’m do- ties as Returning Officer for this ref- our Rector has no control over, then ess of closing down a small section of ing a terrible job and should be replaced with an educat- erendum I finally have the freedom to frankly speaking, we would be power- the Prince Consort Road for our Cente- ed chimp and a typewriter, then you should tell me. I will share my personal views with you on less to influence these debates. nary Ball – a time consuming and com- reply personally to any email sent to me that’s obviously this subject. Of course, these views are plex task. Last Sunday the NUS closed a “Dear Editor” letter. I am only capable of generally di- mine alone and do not represent the po- down two miles of streets in Central recting Felix in a particular direction, not generating the sition of ICU or any of its committees or “The NUS provides London (and Trafalgar Square) for a content personally – that’s down to you, the readers. constituent parts. But they are shared national demonstration against top-up A few of you that approached me while I was distrib- by many prominent leaders within the support services to fees. No other student led organisation uting the papers seemed upset about the loss of Page- Union, including some of my predeces- can do that! 3-which-was-never-on-page-3. “Where are the titties?” sors and colleagues. affiliate unions” Of course the most obvious benefit they asked. One young lady wondered if she’d ever get Unlike most London student unions, of being in the NUS is that all Imperial see the rugby team sans shirts again. Well, fear not, for ICU has been affiliated to the Universi- Imagine if you were a cabinet minis- students would be able to obtain official Felix has a very talented photographer, and a willing list ty of London Union (ULU) but not to the ter or an editor of a national newspaper NUS discount cards, which are widely of people to get naked (no, not you again, Luke Taylor). NUS since the 1970s. We presently pay and you were approached by two stu- recognised outside the South Kensing- Your gratitious nudity will return next term. around £79,000 each year to ULU and dent leaders who both wanted to raise ton area and throughout the rest of the Though you’re probably sick to the back teeth of it, they use this money to run bars at Malet an issue with you that their constitu- UK. next week’s Felix will be a NUS referendum special, Street that our students rarely visit and ents felt strongly about. Now imagine if I fully accept that the NUS has its with both the Yes and No campaigns doing their best to manage clubs and societies that (with a one of them spoke for 12,000 students faults and I believe that there is much convince you that their cause is the right one. You can be handful of exceptions) directly compete and the other for 5 million. Who would that we can do to improve it; but I also assured that Felix as a whole is neutral, though the team with our own. The only real benefits we you listen to? believe that we have absolutely no have their own opinions on NUS affiliation. get from being part of ULU are that we Whether you like it or not, there is chance of changing the NUS whilst we I would relate an anecdote in this space, but this week get access to ULU sports leagues, ac- only one body in the United Kingdom stay out. Even though Edinburgh only the staff have chained me to a Mac so I can’t escape to cess to other student union officers and that speaks for UK students on a na- affiliated last year, they have already the bar. If anyone is reading this, please help. support for our campaigns. Sadly, from tional level and that is the NUS. Do not established themselves as the lead- 2007 we will no longer be allowed to be come under any illusion that the media ers of a growing movement for reform part of ULU as our dear Rector is lead- remotely cares about what we, as Im- within the NUS and I expect that if we ing Imperial College out of its parent in- perial students, think about national is- affiliate this autumn then we would fully A retraction stitution, the University of London, and sues – we simply have no voice. support and strengthen their cause. into new territory of independence. We may be the third best university in So when I come to vote on November Our withdrawal from ULU will result the country, but the rest of the top 10 14th, I will say “yes” to a national voice, in two significant consequences: firstly, universities’ student unions are all af- “yes” to professional support for our Stephen Brown we will ultimately be £79,000 per annum filiates of the NUS; we’re really not that officers, “yes” to reform, and “yes” to Comment Editor richer. Secondly, we will have no means important. Not only are the likes of Ox- discount cards.

Last week I was inadvertently very naughty, mainly due to my copying and pasting frames from previous issues. I expressed opinions on the upcoming referendum in my BST is not for me, says Hugh Stickley-Mansfield editorial, which referendum regulations say I should not have done in my capacity as a sub-editor of Felix since the newspaper has no opinion on such matters. I would Last Sunday marked the end of British Fortunately for the kite-flyers of Brit- ready scarce sleep. This is in addition to just like readers to know that my opinions were written Summer Time for another year, bring- ain, most of DORA’s provisions have owning considerably more clocks than in a personal capacity and that Felix is unbiased in this ing with it the twice-annual irritation of since been removed, but BST still re- is strictly neccessary (in common with debate and apologise if my editorial implied otherwise. adjusting all the clocks to hand, a task mains. The reasons for BST are sensi- George III, who was considerably more made even more arduous by the inclu- ble enough – to shift the hours of sun- obsessive about timekeeping, and was sion of clocks in pretty much every elec- light to when they would be of most use fortunate enough not to have to contend tronic device littered around the aver- in order to increase productivity and re- with any such troubling notions as day- felix age home. duce accidents. However, this does not light savings), making the whole con- What is doubly galling about this is address the issue of why winter should cept of BST utterly unappealing to me. Editor-in-chief Andy Sykes | Managing Editor Alex that most of these are damn-near im- have to revert to GMT – given the lack Perhaps it would be different if I lived in Antonov | Deputy Editors Tom Roberts, Becky possible to adjust, meaning that for the of sunlight at the best of times, why somewhere like Brixton or World’s End, Warren | Science Editor Krystyna Larkham | Politics next six months many people will be fiddle around with the clocks at all? In in which case I might well care more Editor Matthew Hartfield | Business Editor Michael constantly lied to by their microwaves or fact, from 1968 to 1971 this was indeed about whether or not I would be walk- Olymbios | Music Editors Matthew Hoban, Jenny setting the wrong things to record with the case, but this was unpopular with ing home in the dark than I would about Gibson, Tom Whitson | Film Editor Angela Lee | Arts their set-top boxes, and so on. This year the Scottish, amongst others, since wasting half an hour every six months Editor Emily Lines | Food & Drink Editor Hannah sees the ninetieth anniversary of the in- dawn would approach noon. and having my sleeping habits out of Theodorou | Fashion Editor Dolly Delaney | Nightlife troduction of this less-than-marvellous There is a libertarian argument kilter for the first fortnight in April. Editor Gregory Mead | Comment Editor Stephen innovation which has been with us (on against any legislation in the matter, Though worse still is forgetting about Brown | Environment Editor João Vitor Serra | and off, of course) since 1916, following since it should be up to individual or- the whole thing, leading to running an Clubs & Societies Editor Kirsty Patterson | Copy the Defence of the Real Act of 1914, one ganisations and people as to how they hour late for much of the day or to be- Editor Andy Mason | Andy’s Mum MILF of a number of wartime measures such organise their days, rather than have ing an hour early and losing any benefit as banning kite-flying, feeding bread government dictate sudden shifts that that might come from a potential hour Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Tel 020 7594 to wild animals, or buying alcohol on may be merely irritating, but also po- extra spent in bed. Or compounding the 8072. Fax 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Northcliffe Press, Northcliffe public transport, and various powers of tentially unhealthy. As an insomniac, I error by turning clocks forward when House, Meadow Road, Derby DE1 2DW. No 1,362, Friday 3 November 2006. censorship and requisition on the part dread the approach of BST each spring, they should go back, or vice versa. Not Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2006. of the government. as it often denies me an hour of my al- that I did that this year, I assure you. 10 felix Friday 3 November 2006

LETTERS [email protected] Letters to the editor The first batch of complaints have hit our inbox, driven mainly by the ex-editor’s letter and the slightly snappy response

Dear Editor, had a number of people approach We liked the me and say they’re enjoying the I feel compelled to write to you paper more now than previously, old Felix better about your response to Rupert and a number approach me and say Neate’s letter (Page 8, Felix 1361). the exact opposite. I think and hope The comment that your previ- that we’re slowly improving; I was Dear Editor, ous editorial about last year’s Fe- still recruiting team members until lix “backed up the feelings of the recently. I was a bit disappointed to read general population of the college” To deal with your second point your reply to Rupert Neate’s letter seems completely at odds with my about entertaining content - I un- in the last Felix. Okay, his letter was own experiences. As a fourth year fortunately lost the beloved Hoff rather confrontational, and indeed student, I can say that Felix under this year, as he has graduated, and Do you have an some lesser editors would probably Mr Neate was a far more entertain- his replacement hasn’t been able not have had the balls to publish it, ing read than it had been previous- to work due to excessive commit- but I take issue with your comment ly. Furthermore, I have yet to speak ments. I’m working hard to restore that your editorial was “backed up to anyone who disagrees with this something on a par with the Hoff, opinion about by the opinion of the general Col- sentiment. In contrast, I am some- even if it isn’t outwardly visible. As lege population”. In fact, pretty what unimpressed this year with the new staff grow more confident, much everyone I know in College front page stories about your own so their sections become more thinks that this year’s Felix has by graduation. interesting. Felix in general, and large been less interesting and I’m sure it’s too early in the year As to the graduation photo story, enjoyable to read than last year’s. to judge your own editorial skills, well, I didn’t do it. I was, obviously, Possibly this is due to us only hav- but it would be a good idea to learn graduating as the paper was coming ing seen the first few issues, but from your predecessors success out, so I handed over what I could to or do you have a there is an almost universal opinion rather than to belittle it. my deputy editors. When I finished amongst Felix-readers that whilst the front page on Wednesday, it this year’s may on the whole be Regards, was the Tibetan protest outside the better written, with fewer spelling John Lyle hotel in Kensington High Street. grievience that you mistakes and grammatical errors, When I returned on Thursday, it it is simply less interesting and had changed to a photo of myself entertaining than last year’s Felix. Andy Sykes, Editor, writes: looking like a complete moron. The news doesn’t seem very press- The news in College and the Un- wish to air? ing, possibly because there’s not Dear Chris and John, ion has been somewhat slow of late, much about, but more importantly as I’m sure you’ve noticed; there’s the rest of the newspaper just takes Of course I’d print your letter, Chris; not much I can do about that, I’m itself too seriously and does not re- it is not in my interest to censor bad afraid. ally have any light-hearted, ‘enjoy- feeling about the newspaper. What really riles me, and what able’ stuff in, perhaps forgetting As all the letters about my re- Chris has pointed out, is that I am that it is a student newspaper and sponse were negative, I will admit not responsible for the content of Write to us: not the Financial Times. that my viewpoint seems to be in the newspaper even though I am My opinion is that you can only the minority. I, of course, saw things generally held to account for it. aim as high, culturally, as the qual- from a different angle, working for My entire life is spent in the office, ity of your writing can allow and un- the newspaper and having been more or less, but I cannot write eve- [email protected] fortunately, due to the nature of our involved in Felix for many years. I rything. The bottom line is: you pro- university, writers of quality con- admire Rupert’s courage in taking vide the content. If you’re not happy tent are in short supply, so aiming on both the College and the Union, with something, come and speak to too high culturally can easily result but I believe on several occasions me. I’m always ready to hear new in ending up being plain boring. he far overstepped the mark. Many ideas. students did not know what hap- As for the comment about learn- Regards, pened behind the scenes, such the ing from my predecessors - that is We print all letters Chris Thomas dissatisfaction within the editorial exactly what I’ve done. I’ve been team about the editor’s manage- involved long enough, and seen PS I won’t be too surprised if you ment style. four editors come and go, to pick up don’t publish any of this letter, but You do go on to make a counter- knowledge and skills. received. Honest. I hope you take the opinion on statement that is as broadly sweep- I hope you find this issue more board. ing as my own. In my defence, I’ve enjoyable.

PhD Comics Daylight Savings Time SYNDICATED FROM WWW.PHDCOMICS.COM SYNDICATED unionpage

Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark GSA Health & Safety Advice Update

Recently, in the Union we have been informed of some quite has quite a big problem with Now that the term is under concerning incidents regarding the personal safety of students in unlicensed mini-cabs. way the Graduate Studentsʼ and around the South Kensington area. It is important especially Association has started the ball at this time of year when the clocks have gone back and the • If you are stranded somewhere rolling with our fi rst meeting dark nights are drawing in that students are aware of their and need to take a taxi, ensure which took place last week. surroundings. that you use a licensed mini cab We had lots of enthusiastic or licensed black taxi. ideas and the wine was The Information and Advice Centre can help if you have any fl owing…no, not the last part concerns regarding personal safety. We can give out free personal • It is always better to book a taxi Nigel Cooke alas. Ideas included comedy Shama Rahman attack alarms as well as give free booklets to students which can in advance rather than trying to Student Adviser nights, weekend trips to other give you common sense advice when walking the streets at night. hail one late at night. cities (within England and Deputy President Below are a few quick tips for you to take on board: [email protected] abroad!), fashion shows and (Graduate Students) • If you can, try to share a cab quite interestingly, a sports • If you are going out make sure you know where you are going home with friends. tournament between the [email protected] and have a planned route. It is good practice to tell people where Graduate Schools in as many you are going if you travelling on your own. • Confi rm the details of the cab driver before entering the car to number of sports as there is interest in (kickball, anyone? ensure it actually is your cab. Itʼs a cross between dodgeball and baseball in fancy dress). • When walking around look confi dent, be purposeful and be Most urgently though, we discussed the GSA Christmas alert to your surroundings. People who look confi dent are less • Make sure you sit in the back if you are on your own and ensure Ball on Monday 11th of December. This is looking set to be likely to be attacked. that you leave all doors unlocked. a fantastic event with comedians, break-dancers, mulled wine (non-alcoholic as well) and a 3-course meal. There • Try to avoid taking shortcuts through dark alleywas or parks, as These are just a few quick tips to bear in mind when you are going are also rumours of jugglers, casino and vodka/fruit punch this will increase the amount of risk you will be in as it will often about your daily life. If you have concerns regarding personal “luges” with an ice bar and all of this for £25. Tickets will be hard to see what is around you. safety then please do not hesitate to contact the Information be on sale very shortly. and Advice Centre, other people that can help include College • Try not to draw attention to your valuables especially at night, keep Security or the local police. In the very near future though, I would like to announce things like mobile phones and iPods well hidden from people. a landmark event between the Royal College of Music, The main thing to remember is to always be aware of your the Royal College of Art and Imperial for a postgraduate • Avoid walking past parked cars with their engines running and surroundings and donʼt take risks that you donʼt need to. night on Thursday the 9th of November. It promises to be people sitting in them. a night of eclectic music and people. A chance to meet the Donʼt let your concern turn into a crisis make The Information neighbours! • If you are travelling by bus try to sit near the driver, or if by and Advice Centre your one stop shop for all your welfare train try to sit in a busy carriage. needs. Hope to see you there! Shama It is also important to be aware, when you are trying to get Tel: 020 7594 8067 home late at night, of the transport you are getting into, London E-mail: advice @imperial.ac.uk

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VIP £25 | Guest £17.50 | (including After Party) | After Party £15 For tickets email>>> [email protected] www.icpanache.com Website Success Update on imperialcollegeunion.org

The Union website imperialcollegeunion.org has been going from strength to strength since the beginning of term. Last Month (October) the site served nearly half a million pages and 7.5 million requests. The busiest day was the 4th October, the day after Freshersʼ Fair, with over 28,000 pages served.

A big thanks to all of you who have visited the site and used its services. Keep checking the site for the latest Union news and Club & Society Information.

Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB imperialcollegeunion.org Tel: 020 7594 8060

Friday 3 November 2006 felix 13 Reviews MUSIC [email protected] Albums new and not so new This week Felix goes over some albums recently released to a summertime record

elements of the bands past to cre- neyed politically-correct moralising ate an original sounding record in that makes me want to reach for a a time when many of their contem- bucket. poraries are content to re-package Because inevitably and here’s the established, and often outdated, crunch, Trivium suck – There’s just trends. Whether Saturday Night no way round it. Trivium really do Wrist receives as much praise as give Mr. Dyson something to worry 2000’s White Pony will remain to about; no matter how hard they try Matty Hoban be seen when it is released. In my not to (and there’s certainly been opinion this album deserves to be a smidgen of effort here), and defi- Music Editor ranked within the top 3 of their back nitely no matter how technically catalogue. they can play, it still ends up as an Deftones Christian Maine ultimately forgettable album. Tapes’n’Tapes h my sweet Jesus Saturday Night Wrist To start with, Trivium need to The Loon of Nazareth – the (Maverick) learn the definition of irony (noone (XL Records) film version – do ★★★★✩ really knows the definition – Ed), ★★★★✩ we have a lot of as the name itself suggests either reviews for you this As soon as the drums kick into the much sarcasm or an inferiority Hailing from Minnesota, USA, Oweek. Sorry about the anaemic opener of Deftones’ fifth studio ef- complex, something that this band Tapes’n’Tapes offer up a quirky state of last week’s music sec- fort, Hole in the Earth, you know seems to eke the complete opposite slice of indie-pop for our listening tion, I had little time as I was at a they are onto a winner. Immedi- of. On the plus side at least, I give it pleasures in the form of this, their (brilliant) gig and was feeling un- ately the hairs on the back of your to them for having the cheek to try debut album. The music itself is der the weather. Also, I apologise neck stand up as the huge drums and make another Master of Pup- simple enough, just guitars, drums, for the focus on guitar bands, I and driving guitars throw you into pets, even if The Crusade is nothing bass and vocals. In fact the opener was trying to add a bit of a theme the opening vocals delivered so more than Garbage Inc. of the album is called Just Drums to tame the excellent yet random effortlessly by frontman Chino Alex McKitrick and is easily the best opening track nature of this section. Moreno. It is the perfect opener to to an album I’ve heard in a while. This week we have some the Sacramento quintet’s Saturday Trivium It kicks into life with an infectious albums ranging from the new Night Wrist, and what follows is a The Crusade beat and a catchy riff, and when it Deftones album released this mixture of brutal riffs and ambient (Roadrunner) breaks down in the bridge to – you week to an album from the sum- melodies reminiscent of the heavily ★✩✩✩✩ guessed it – just the drums, then mer getting some overdue atten- acclaimed White Pony and to some bringing the rest of the band back tion. In these album reviews we extent 2003’s Deftones. This being the Kerrang darlings’ in it shows the band at their very cover alt-rock, metal, indie-rock Beware is a crushingly heavy, sophomore album, a term that res- best. It’s so intense and brilliant and R’n’B. Variety I believe is the slow tempo, bass-driven song onates pretty well with a band that when it all comes together that I spice of life (along with a pinch which leads the listener into the was once described as playing like usually can’t help but rewind it and of nutmeg) so if you feel you can brilliantly-sung chorus. There are a bunch of fifteen year-olds. I doubt listen to it again. add more variety then whip over some beautifully melodic moments their fans could tell the difference The album never quite manages some reviews to us and we’ll put on Saturday Night Wrist; from the though, since most of them are fif- to reach this high again, and indeed them in and keep you informed haunting opening atmosphere of teen (chronologically or otherwise). some of the album is quite boring about our reviewing possibilities. Cherry Wave to the vocal perform- Despite this, you can’t accuse them Cherish and a couple of songs miss the mark We’ve also got a singles round- ance by Moreno on the first half of having no ambition; and perhaps Unappreciated and just get annoying after a few up, and a live review of blues of the final track, Riviere. How- a little too much at that! Now then, (Parlophone) listens. This hit-and-miss approach great, Walter Trout. I hope this ever that’s not to say this album this album certainly isn’t the first in ★★★✩✩ does pay off in places though, be- meaty selection is whetting doesn’t rock, the opening sam- that general shift by mainstream cause the hits are just that. Tracks your appetite for the bonanza of ples of Combat lead into aggres- metal from the hugely irritating This self-named album from the like Cowbell and lead single Insis- content that will be November’s sive vocals of Moreno screaming, screamo craze back towards retro- four Atlanta sisters leaves nothing tor really grab your attention with FeMM or Felix Music Monthly. “Whose side are you on?”. Rapture tastic hair metal, even if this album to the imagination. It is an un-en- their foot-tapping beats and curi- Yes, we are staying true to our is full of driving riffs and uptempo is admittedly most evocative of the couraging Jazzy Pha production. ously hum-able melodies. word and putting one out every drum beats, and the breakdown in thrash classics by the likes of Me- This album has very little party feel This isn’t to say that Tapes’n’Tapes month. Next week will be when Rat!Rats!Rats! is just plain brutal! tallica and Megadeth. The band can to it. It’s all about boys. Don't wom- are a one-trick pony though, and you can happily pull it out and This song alone would satisfy any even turn out copycat Kerry King en have anything else to sing about they demonstrate their versatility study it in front of everyone, and pre-White Pony fan. solos and work in some interest- other than boys? with some slower, delicate, (whis- you can pick up FeMM out of That’s not to say this album doesn’t ing time signatures at times. It just We have the very crunk track Do per it) ballads. Songs like Omaha Felix as well. have its faults, in fact this is the al- makes you wonder what they could It To It, which basically tells you and 10 Gallon Ascots are slow- For next week we hope to have bum which almost broke the band. have achieved without such an an- to get into the ATL style of danc- burning anthems which provide more columns, reviews, features Guitarist Stef Carpenter admitted noying front-man! ing and which sounds like a female beautiful counterpoints to the fast- and listings. We are going to dis- on several occasions that they al- Unashamedly my main problem and less aggressive version of Lil’ paced singles and give the album a sect music in hideously beautiful most “threw Chino out”, due to him here is with Matt Heafy. Now he Jon’s Do it To It track. The next good balance. ways for your reading pleasure. leaving the recording of his vocals may have been helped into the sad- track Chevy throws about slangs Not all of the album works, and You’ll be baying for more by then to tour with his side project, Team dle by the fact that his dad runs a non-Atlanta residents would not songs like The Iliad seem more end, and we might give it to you, Sleep. Indeed, as with the song record company, and I don’t really understand. Unappreciated is self- like b-sides than the more album- you dirty people. Lucky you on its predecessor, there hold a grudge against him for that. explanatory and Moment in Time, worthy material. The singer’s voice In other news, we have another is an obvious Team Sleep moment I don’t even get that irate at the fact the sister do show us a bit of their can also be grating at times, and his Kids Will Be Skeletons gig night on Saturday Night Wrist. Pink Cell- he plays the late ‘Dimebag’ Dar- vocal ability. My favourites are Stop high-pitched, almost whiny style in the union on Sunday No- phone features the vocals of Giant rell’s old guitar. But I can’t forgive Calling – not because I would love could put some people of the band vember 5th. If you are stuck for Drags’ Anne Hardy, and seems out him for consistently falling into aw- to play this track to all bugaboos but altogether. ways to celebrate the murder of of place on the album. Not so much ful cheese-laden ballads in virtually it actually shows that the girls take Overall this album probably won’t trecherous Catholics, then come a classic Deftones song, but more every song, or for that matter, the time to sing about the odd things change your life, and it isn’t really on down. We want to celebrate of an electronic beat over which entire length of This World Can’t women experience – and OOOH be- anything incredibly original either, revolution as opposed to repres- Hardy delivers weird spoken-word Tear Us Apart. BLEURGH! cause it raises a lot of issues young but it is a very well crafted set of sion on this day. So we have two lyrics, at times cringingly explicit Here is where it goes horribly, hor- teenagers and women go through songs which are fun to both listen bands from France, the original for no real reason. There is also a ribly wrong: For tonight Matthew, in today’s society. and dance to as well. Hopefully the country of revolution, coming guest appearance from System of Heafy is going to be performing as This does sound like a standard band can take the best from what over to play. a Down’s Serj Tankian on the track James Hetfield – a premise that is girl-group album; trying hard to we have seen on offer here, leaving Entry is £3 for students and Mei, which again seems pointless neither original nor anywhere near cover all the basics about relation- behind the rest, and create a su- £2.50 for alternative music and and out of place on a Deftones al- the original; thus we end up with ships and recording it, or four girls perior second album which would jazz and rock society members. bum and I feel they could have used some of the worst, wincing, tone- who have always dreamt of being surely be a classic in the waiting. Again the reason for the door bassist Chi Cheng’s guttural vocals deaf drawling I have ever heard. stars. At the end of the day this al- Until then though – get this, enjoy price is to cover the transport on the heavier songs. The lyrics on this record, now bum is not great but one would defi- most of it and just forget about the for the French bands. Expect Overall, Saturday Night Wrist (unfortunately) clearly audible, nitely find something to relate to. rest. a riotous night in the spirit of manages to perfectly balance the clearly consist of the kind of hack- Folake Adegbohun Toby Prudden revolution 14 felix Friday 3 November 2006

MUSIC [email protected] So many fish puns, so little time

RICHARD BOYLES live review was I impressed with the result. as a few from his latest album Full Put simply, the gig was awesome. Circle. Highlights included the The guy clearly has a large set of song Walking in the Rain, and very devoted fans and the recep- some blazing improvisations, with tion afforded to him before, dur- the Trout declaring, “For 20 sec- ing and after his performance was onds in that song I was hallucinat- probably the warmest I’ve seen at ing. I thought I was Jimmy Page”. the Mean Fiddler, and not without Indeed his guitar playing was top Walter Trout and The Radicals merit. From the first minute, the class all night, and at times reach- Mean Fiddler Trout stormed through a selection ing the kind of speed that no shred of blues and rock songs, with a hefty guitarist would be ashamed of, but dose of some very entertaining and always in his own blues-rock style. To most Imperial students the exciting improvisation thrown in. On the down side, whilst the lack name Walter Trout probably sounds A technical fault with the band’s of keyboard perhaps made for a like little more than a crap name keyboard equipment meant the more ‘fun’ gig, the music did at for a fish. However, for fans of con- keyboard player was redundant for times seem slightly bare without temporary blues-rock, this guy and the duration of the gig, so the band them, and it was a shame the band his band, The Radicals, are one performed as a power trio, some- weren’t able to perform as they had of the most exciting blues outfits thing the Trout declared he hadn’t planned. around, with a highly enviable live done since he was 18 years old, an Overall though it was a great gig reputation. age which judging by his appear- with a lot of memorable moments, All of this was totally unknown ance was probably a few decades and which was a lot more fun than to me when a couple of weeks ago ago. The result of this was a gig I had expected. I would strongly a friend asked me if I wanted to go played louder, faster and heavier advise anyone with even a passing and see a blues guitarist called Wal- than normal, with both audience interest in blues or blues-rock to go ter Trout. Intrigued by the name I and band quite clearly loving it. The and see Walter Trout if he comes to agreed, despite having only a pass- set-list included some classic Trout London again – I know I will. ing interest in blues music, and boy songs from his first albums as well Christopher Thomas He plays much better than he looks, but then that can’t be hard Now for our weekly singles round-up single reviews miss it as lacking in originality. tinues into the chorus, as she chants From the manic laughter that goes "Take me, I want a test. Take me, I'll Various Artists Justin Timberlake on in the background during the have no regrets" over an annoyingly Janie Jones (Strummerville) My Love chorus to the rap verse, courtesy wonderful synth chord pattern. The (B-Unique) (Sony BMG) of the Rubberband Man himself, music is clean, sparse and Kraft- ★★★★✩ ★★★✩✩ T.I. all tricks available are used to werkian in it's clinicalness, but the sell this song and truth be told it all lyrics are seductive filth. works very well. My Love is des- The whole thing is very self- The 30th October will see the re- While the futuristic-funk of Sexy- tined to hang about at the top of the conciously cool and comes over a lease of single Janie Jones origi- Back was a little too reminiscent charts for a while. bit gittishly trendy-scenester so I nally performed by the Clash, now of Nelly Furtado's first two 2006 sin- Fans that are able to forgive the found myself disliking the single on re-recorded by a number of artists gles (Man-eater and Promiscuous cheesy come-ons, see past the lit- principle, which is wrong because for charity. Babyshambles, Carl both also produced by Timbo), My tle boy who cried to his mommy on it's really rather good. Plus they're Barat, The Rakes, We Are Scien- Love tears a page out of the book Punk'd and left Janet to take the a bit like Goldfrapp, but sluttier tists and The Kooks are just a few of 2003’s mega-hit Cry Me A River. blame for the infamous ‘Superboob’ – which can only be good. of the artists who appear on the sin- Even the anti-JT music lovers have stunt might actually take him seri- Adrian Nightingale gle. On the b-side is a solo version to admit that when he hooked up ously in the role of lover man. In of the track by Pete Doherty which with Timbaland in 2003 magic was Justin’s best interest we’ll just pre- we happened to get hold of. Now I made. The Britney-bashing Cry tend the awful Let Me Talk To You personally love the Libertines, but Me a River helped blur the line be- (Interlude) rap didn’t happen. The Good, The Bad & The Queen never really latched onto Baby- tween ballad and club record and Jemil Salami Herculean shambles. However, given what the enabled Justin to excel on a slow (Parlophone) guys pulling himself out of, I was song despite his weak falsetto. ★★★★★ impressed. He sounds back on form The emotion and skill which was and I thoroughly enjoyed the track. lacking in the vocal perform- Sohodolls Obviously the song itself is a piece ance was just No Regrets I have never been much of a fan of of songwriting genius by The Clash poured into the (Filthy Pretty) Blur. Most of their supposed classics and only they can perform it to per- lush produc- ★★★★✩ leave me rather underwhelmed, al- fection, but I feel he does it justice. tion and the though some are pleasant enough. All proceeds from the release will international Gorillaz, also, do nothing for me, de- go to Strummerville (Joe Strum- hit was Musically, this is pretty standard, spite my usual appreciation of Dan- mer’s foundation for new music) born. but very well done, electro-fare. ger Mouse's work. As such, I have Sam Lombard My Love Carefully considered vintage synths never understood why so many is a close layer a sparse aural landscape people consider Damon Albarn to rela- while just-so guitar lines jump in to be some sort of musical genius, FeMM November tive but vie for attention. and I certainly wasn't expecting not so Right at the start of the fairly per- much from his unnamed new band. close ambulatory verse, singer Maya von However, on the strength of this Next week we will be having as to Doll sets the tone, delivering with first single from their forthcoming our second Felix Music Month- dis- a sultry drawl: "Hotter than your concept album about London; The ly. Hopefully we will have the average bitch, flick on, flick on my Good, The Bad & The Queen, I have following in it: switch". to admit to being very pleasantly No messing about here, what surprised. More opinion columns and she lacks in creative rhyming she Herculean is a whimsical, hopeful reviews makes up for with brazen sexual al- song with an almost ethereal qual- lure, playing on male fantasies of ity to it; there is a simple, almost Interviews with The Cooper the confident sex-kitten they stark quality to the melody, and Temple Clause and Battle would like to meet in that the harmonies are equally under- sweaty indie-disco of a stated. The lyrics speak of canals, Features on the independent saturday night. gasworks and the welfare state and media and Little Bird Project The electro- in a few brief stanzas succeed in trash sen- evoking a strong sense of place. As A possible gig listing section timent such, lyrically, it might not appeal so con- strongly to those not as enamoured of the Capital, but it is at heart an astounding piece of music. Hugh Stickley Mansfield Friday 3 November 2006 felix 15

NIGHTLIFE [email protected] Adventures in Farringdon Party Fabric’s seventh birthday celebrations fail to deliver promised root vegetables time

like if one thousand people could fit Adventures In The in The End on a Monday night. Beetroot Field again! It was also somewhat refresh- Fabric ing to go to a club with this kind HHHHI of music with mainly middle-class, trendy clientele and not have to Being the totally dedicated review- queue up waiting for 15 arseholes er that I am, I decided to take this charging up on nose-candy to finish club review from a different angle: with the cubicles in the toilets. Any- a sober one. Yes indeed, I did not way, enough with the bitching about drink a single beverage during our pointless stuff – I went here to lis- evening at Fabric, mainly for the ten to music, not to rate everyone’s somewhat stupid reason that I de- outfits and hairstyles (although I cided to drive there, although for did that too – 7/10). So, on with the the sake of this review, I’ll say that review. it was so I could fully appreciate the Unfortunately, possibly due to the wonder of the many acts I was plan- very confusing layout of Fabric, and ning to see, who did indeed turn out me not noticing that they had set to be quite wondrous, and perfect lists up on the wall near the bar un- Alex Baldwin for the final night of the Fabric 7th til about 1am, I missed most of the birthday celebrations. bands I wanted to see, but the first Nightlife Editor By the time we had worked out full act I did see was the Future- how the hell to drive to Farringdon heads DJ set which consisted of a More people were present on the night, I imagine from South Kensington, it was hilariously varied selection of party ello once again my about 11pm, so the place was fairly tracks, albeit with somewhat dubi- fellow nocturnal be- busy when we arrived. Although not ous mixing skills, but managing to dance, and alas, if only I had more ryone in the club moved to Room 1 ings. Still no Neigh- so full as to make it uncomfortable, pretty much pack out Room 1 for energy and maybe something a lit- for them, and the final act Simian bours omnibus, but the atmosphere was very friendly the duration of their set. tle stronger than my glass of water Mobile Disco who ended the night the first anniver- and, as expected, it was not full of Bored with dancing to the sounds with extra ice to drink, I’d have on a perfect high. Hsary special of Deal Or No Deal obnoxiously drunk wankers (prob- of the 80s, we ventured over to stayed here ‘til closing. However, By 3am most of the people were has sated my desire for trashy ably due to the fairly high drinks Room 3 to catch the middle of the giving into my weak body after only starting to leave and we followed television (at least I’m told that prices) and in fact everyone was Sebastian and Kavinsky set, churn- one hour of simultaneously being suit, happy that we’d spent a great the programme’s trashy, but Noel rather smartly dressed, giving the ing out some banging electro beats compressed against 15 sweaty peo- night out, although not relishing Edmonds could hardly be much place a feel of what Trash might be and mixing it up to an ultra-packed ple whilst trying to stay standing up the prospects of trying to drive all more classy). room of extremely sweaty, wide- I decided to vacate Room 3 to check the way home (and a warning – the So, Halloween has come and eyed electronic junkies. Basically, out Metronomy in Room 1. police hang out in unmarked cars gone (actually, at the time of writ- they were pretty damn good, pos- I seemed to remember Alex tell- outside the club, pulling people ing, it has yet to happen, so dis- sibly nearly as good as their coun- ing me Metronomy were maybe over who drive). regard all of what follows) and trymen, Justice (who I recently quite good and possibly not horren- All in all, this place reminded me knees were probably up all round. saw DJing at Trash), perhaps be- dously rubbish, and indeed, he was of what Our Disco used to be like This year I didn’t buy a pump- cause their sets sounded pretty correct. They started off with pretty before it vanished, and I would defi- kin. since it’s such a colossal much identical. Who cares though? simple guitar/synth/dance tracks nitely recommend it if there is ever waste of money and I’m no fool. I don’t want to hear all this new-fan- but eventually turned the room into a similar line-up. Speaking of Our In hindsight however, I do regret gled rubbish, I was there to listen a gyrating mass of fans with their Disco, the line-up at Fabric on 3rd not bowing under the barrage of to some awesome-asaurus tracks new-rave, funky electro sounds. and 4th November is mind-blow- spooky marketing that has beset played by a funny looking little They even had cool lights on their ingly amazing. Soulwax’s Nite Ver- the nation, since a hollowed out French dude and some other guy T-shirts, so what more could you sions live, 2ManyDJs, Vitalic live, pumpkin would have been the I most probably would have recog- want? If they didn’t please the Uffie live, Our Disco DJs, Headman perfect housing for my poor, ne- nised as Kavinsky if I had known crowd, Filthy Dukes certainly did. and more will invade the club for glected strobe light (as well as a what he looks like. Playing a similar set to Sebastian the entire weekend. I’ll be there, perfect weapon against epileptic Room 3 was definitely the place to in the other room, but with perhaps and you should be too. trick-or-treaters). Simian Mobile Disco be tonight if you had the energy to less of a house vibe to it, almost eve- Uffiesaurus To continue on from the theme of last week, briefly, I will warn you that a few strobe lights bought off eBay and a handful of glow-sticks do not a perfect club-night make. Preview: For a start, your house is prob- Entranced by Gatecrasher ably not a club and, as such, if you do not invite people they simply Radio Soulwax will not come. In fact, if you do de- slightly over dressed half heartedly enough to have Silence-Delirium cide to go down the treacherous Gatecrasher Classics ‘bopping’ away to the electro/funky played three times! By 1am the Weekender path into the world of home-club- Ministry of Sound house playing. Unperturbed, we dance floor was heaving but come bing, without a bucketload of hal- HHHII made our way to the V.I.P. lounge 3am it had emptied just enough to lucinogenic drugs you are likely for a drink to wait for the Trance to give us all that little bit more room This weekend, the legendary 2Man- to notice that you’re actually just come on: the reason we had come. to dance in. yDJs land on Fabric in both their a loner sat in your living room It was a good omen to the start of the The lounge itself is very attractive, The clientele was pretty mixed DJ guise and as the live act Soul- pissing off the neighbours. Re- evening when I barely had to walk spacious with plenty of seating and – ranging from regular trance fans wax performing their album Nite ally, you’d just be better off swal- to the bus stop and hop on the 360 with a balcony overlooking the main to those not so familiar with the Versions. They will be joined by a lowing your pride and switching bus straight to Elephant and Cas- room, The Box (at this point still de- scene and from the casually attired host of the most exciting electro Neighbours back on. tle, home of Ministry of Sound. As serted). One slight drawback was to those who really put a lot of effort acts around at the moment, includ- As for the page this week, you’ll one of London’s more famous clubs, the price of the drinks, with our first into their evening attire. All in all ing Vitalic (live), Headman, Uffie see that we have two reviews and I was looking forward to experienc- round alone costing well over £20! I it didn’t detract from the fact that (live), MUSTAPHA 3000 and many a teensy little preview to enter- ing it for the first time as well as think it’s the only club I have been everyone was thoroughly enjoying others. Soulwax will be headlin- tain you for as long as it takes for experiencing my first trance night to where the Red Bull and bottled themselves and getting into the ing on Friday and Saturday, so you you to read them. Hopefully the Gatecrasher Classics. Expecting water are the same price. Luckily music. have no excuse for missing it! reviews prove to be as enlighten- a large queue given its size (2000 for us, our drinks soon kicked in The great thing about Ministry is ing and fascinating to you as they capacity), I was surprised to find along with the trance and so we for a large club one never feels like are to me. the outside empty. I was also some- made our way over to the ever-fill- they could get lost in yet or that it Finally, a recommendation for what surprised at the unimpressive ing dance floor. is over run with people, yet it still this weekend. On Sunday 5th get outside, not dissimilar to airport Gatecrasher Classics had Signum, manages to pack a decent sized your callipygian behinds over to customs with its metal detectors. M.I.K.E. and Rank 1 belting out the crowd in. the union for another Alterna- However this is a sharp contrast to trance classics we had all come for; All in all Gatecrasher Classics is tive Music Society run Kids Will the interior of the club. Entry was the second room, The Bar had Matt a fantastic night for those seeking Be Skeletons gig-night, with lots £15 (£12 in advance), good value for Hardwick, Tylor Leigh and more something a little different from of tasty (and French) bands em- a club of M.O.S’s standard and for a giving us some electro as well as London’s mainstream clubs and ploying myriad styles to tantalise full six hours inside. trance later on in the night. Back in also for those used to music of a and delight your senses. I hope to Slightly empty at 11.30pm, I felt the main room Signum played the harder nature. A perfect introduc- see all of you there! the night might not turn out to what greatly anticipated classic, What tion to one of London’s more pleas- Until next week, enjoy all your it could have been, especially as You Got For Me, while throughout ant venues. nights out and maybe even send the only clientele there were the the night the crowd were lucky Caz Knight us a review or two. 16 felix Friday 3 November 2006

ARTS [email protected] Artist, inventor, Renaissance man Can yet another da Vinci exhibition really bring us any closer to understanding the man behind the genius?

Leonardo da Vinci: Experience, was this better demonstrated than Experiment and Design in his studies of the human body. Victoria and Albert Musuem The body was the world in micro- Until January 7th 2007 cosm: smaller in scale, yet equiva- £5 Students lent in complexity, and operating under the same natural laws. So, Leonardo da Vinci: painter, sculp- Leonardo was able to liken the tor, architect, engineer, inventor, twisted channel of an aged blood and the iconic Renaissance man. vessel to the tortuous course of a A fascinating exhibition currently silted riverbed. He could even de- showing at the Victoria & Albert duce the vortex flow of blood in the Museum, “Leonardo da Vinci: heart from observing the turbulent Experience, Experiment and De- motion of water. sign”, explores the artistic roots of Many other aspects of the great da Vinci’s creativity. It also claims man’s work are represented in this to explain how he managed to be exhibition, such as explorations of so inventive. In short, it argues three-dimensional geometry, na- that he used drawing as a form of ture in motion, military engineer- brainstorming. ing, architectural visions, and vari- The exhibition brings together ous devices of entertainment. As more than sixty of Leonardo’s fin- well as seeing them in Leonardo’s est drawings, manuscripts, and own hand, you can see them come notebooks from a variety of collec- to life as animated versions project- tions. These documents are ample ed onto the walls, high above the testament to the amazing breadth exhibits themselves. of his interests. At the same time, Unfortunately, true 3D represen- they clearly illustrate the important tations of Leonardo’s ingenious Horses in action, studies of expression horses, lion and man, an architectural groundplan. c.1505 links he made between diverse top- designs are somewhat lacking. The ics that once seemed unconnected. reconstructions that have been For Leonardo, the world, and made available are few in number Anything to do with da Vinci al- Professor of the History of Art at tion. If you are interested, I would everything in it, was governed by and are displayed unsympathetical- ways attracts plenty of visitors. So, Oxford. This certainly enhanced certainly encourage you to go, but laws of nature. He believed that it ly at some distance from the main viewing all the exhibits in the rela- my appreciation and kept my impa- do spend some time to look around was possible to work out the causes exhibition. In contrast, a previous tively cramped display gallery was tience in check. the V&A’s extensive galleries. You of natural phenomena by observ- Science Museum exhibition called a slow and frustrating experience. In the end, though, I felt that can do this for free and it will make ing them. Once understood, such The Art of Innovation successfully Luckily, I took advantage of the £5 for entry plus £3 for the audio whatever you fork out seem all the causes could be applied by analogy made a feature of specially created excellent audio guide narrated by guide was on the steep side for more reasonable. to other parts of creation. Nowhere models. the show’s curator, Martin Kemp, this intriguing but limited exhibi- Edward Wawrzynczak

The morality of arms dealing

ROBERT DAY Major Barbara Orange Tree Theatre Until December 9th £10 Students

George Bernard Shaw is 150 this VOLUNTEERS NEEDED! year. You’d think that the NT would be marking the occasion, that Why not get active in the community whilst you’re at there’d be celebratory adaptations of his works on the BBC and that Imperial College London? It doesn’t matter if you work or everyone would be dusting off their copy of My Fair Lady. study in Imperial - volunteering will have always something No, the celebrations seem to be to offer you! We have over 250 volunteering opportunities confined to one theatre in Rich- mond, the Orange Tree. But don’t in our database, so there should be a project for you. let that put you off; their new pro- duction of Shaw’s Major Barbara is a fittingly explosive tribute to this The easiest way to get regular updates about volunteering underrated playwright. is by signing up to our mailing list. You will receive all the The play revolves around the struggle of morals between An- latest opportunities on a weekly basis, directly to your drew Undershaft (Robert Austin), an arms manufacturer, and his es- email inbox. Simply send us an email, clearly stating that tranged daughter Barbara, a Salva- you want to receive the weekly news bulletin and we will tion Army Major. To save her father’s soul, Barbara do the rest! persuades him to visit her barracks, but in return she agrees to visit his arms factory and listen to his side. Imperial Volunteer Centre Throughout the first two acts, Oc- tavia Walter’s Barbara is delicious- Linking Opportunities ly evangelical, preserving her ho- lier-than-though expressions with annoying precision. But when her father’s money becomes the only way of saving the barracks, Bar- [email protected] bara’s moral high-ground starts to Robert Austin stars as Andrew look uneven. Undershaft in Major Barbara 020 7594 8141 Only her images of a hellish fac- tory can keep her idealism alive, www.imperial.ac.uk/volunteering but she soon discovers how well her the round. But Barbara’s ultimate father’s workers live. decision would shake any idealist to Undershaft’s key speech, pleading the core, exposing the uncomfort- that poverty is the greatest crime, is able humanity inside us all. I defy immensely persuasive, and Austin’s you to sit through this play and not IMPERIAL VOLUNTEER CENTRE IN PARTNERSHIP WITH IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION performance is amplified by the in- question your own morality. tense atmosphere of the theatre in Emily Lines Friday 3 November 2006 felix 17

FILM fi [email protected] This Borat. He in moviefilm Felix meets the legend and discovers if Borat is worth your hard-earned student loan

Patrick Tumilty random New-Yorkers in the street. They are not amused. Jegsamesh, British dogs! As I ar- The plot develops with hilarious rived at last Friday’s press show- consequences with Borat bizzarely ing of Borat: Cultural Learnings obsessing over marrying Pamela Film times for Fulham of America for Make Benefit Glo- Anderson (even seeing that video Broadway from Friday, rious Nation of Kazakhstan, I was dissuades him only momentarily). November 3 to Thursday, greeted downstairs by the lean and This results in our protagonist at- November 9, 2006 hungry looks of my journalistic col- tempting to wed the Baywatch icon leagues, every one of them brim- in traditional Kazakh-style when Paid Previews ming with the universal hype that he attends her book signing. I do has surrounded this moviefilm. though, fully understand her re- Prestige (12A) (RT 2h30) An advertising budget of close fusal. After all, he does try to put a Wed/Thurs only: 12.30 15.20 to £4 million and the adroit use of marriage sack, embroidered with 18.10 21.05 Youtube.com by 20th Century Fox© their names, over her head and means that the publicity surround- make off with the actress. Subtitled Shows ing Borat is at least as widespread The denouement is that our two as that movie with that famous heroes return to Kazakhstan after A Good Year (12A) (RT 2h20) geezer and those snakes… on that learning many lessons, not least Sun @ 15.30 and Tuesday@ plane. With the sizzling screenplay about how uptight and socially in- 18.15 penned by comic genius Sacha ept some Americans are (at least Baron Cohen aka Ali G (respek), we in this production). Borat even pa- Audio Description anticipated 82 minutes of side split- rades a new spouse around the vil- ting amusement and that, is exactly lage after his old wife not-so-sadly A Good Year (12A) (RT 2h20) what we got - nice! passes away – high five! We all tried Daily: (Sat/Sun 15.30) 18.15 The main premise of the movie is to applaud at the film’s finale but 20.50 Fri/Sat Late: 23.35 that Borat Sagdiyev, an employee of continuous laughter had sapped the Kazakhstan Minstry of Informa- our energy and we could only man- tion is sent by his fledgling nation to age a breathless, “Nice!” the great country that is the ‘U, S Although Borat is the acme of New and A’, to learn cultural lessons that comedy (no subtlety or pretensions can benefit his people at home. Af- here folks), it was in fact surpassed releases ter tearful goodbyes from his sister easily in humour by the post-show- Sacha Baron Cohen starring in Borat: Cultural Learnings of America (number four prostitute in all of Ka- ing press conference, where Borat for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan zakhstan), his strapping wife (who appeared in person. After waiting Borat (15) (RT 1h45) kindly threatens to cut off his cock around in the resplendent Dorches- Daily: (Sat/Sun)11.00 13.00 if he is unfaithful) and of course, the ter Hotel, with many irate journal- male reporters; these had to be tleman, amid our riotous guffaws, 15.00 17.00 19.00 21.30 town rapist, Borat sets off with his ists who hailed from all around relayed through a male ‘interpret- stated, “I will crush you!” Although Fri/Sat Late: 23.45 comrade and the film’s ‘producer’, Europe, for what seemed like one er.’ He did address one young lady the questions were thoroughly pre- Azamat Bagatov. whole hour (reporters have no pa- as she arose to ask her question. screened, they did assure raucous Sixty Six (12A) (RT 2h) Much hilarity ensues on their pan- tience), the film’s star entered with However, it was only to say, “Nice! humour during Borat’s speech. Daily: 12.00 14.20 16.35 19.05 American odyssey with numerous Azamat, amid much joyful cheek How much? You stay behind after!” I did not take up the generous of- 21.20 Fri/Sat Late: 23.30 absolutely classic moments such as kissing and hand waving. When quizzed by the sole (and un- fer to stay with him in his Kazakh when the pair nocturnally escape Borat then proceeded to refer to lucky) Israeli journo attendee, he home with free use of his sister and Little Children (15) (RT 2h40) from a guest-house run by Jews. the dulcet-toned Charlotte Church replied in terrified tones, “Keep much “dog-shooting.” I will, how- Daily: (Sat/Sun 11.10) 14.10 Borat is taught how to use a toilet as a ‘Welsh prostitute’. He refused your claws where I can see them!” ever, go to see this movie again and 17.10 20.10 at a dinner party and later, accosts to respond to questions from fe- And later, addressing the same gen- again and so should you. General A young white rather than a ripened red showings Saw 3 (18) (RT 2h10) and Louise. Despite this, both turn Daily: 13.50 16.20 18.45 21.20 in fine work with Scott presenting Fri/Sat Late: 23.50 Provence as paradise with some incredible lighting and Crowe suit- A Good Year (12A) (RT 2h20) ably convincing the audience he’s Daily: (Sat/Sun 15.30) 18.15 not the same man who throws 20.50 Fri/Sat Late: 23.35 phones at hotel receptionists. The supporting cast also shine Step Up (PG) (RT 2h5) with Marion Cotillard as the deli- Daily: 14.00 18.55 cious French sex bomb who catch- es Crowe’s eye and Abbie Cornish Barnyard (PG) (RT 1h50) as the alleged heir whose American Sat/Sun 10.40 idealism provides a strong contrast to Crowe’s cynicism. The ensem- Marie Antoinette (12A) ble work well together, interacting (RT2h25) as smoothly with each other as they Daily: (Fri- Mon 13.45) Russell Crowe immediately phones his agent upon realising he’s stepped onto the set of Jurassic Park 4 do with such gorgeous scenery. The constant references to wine The Last Kiss(15) (RT2h05) throughout bring to mind the re- Daily: 16.30 21.35 Alex Casey its from his uncle a French chateau of foresight is seriously dented. cent hit Sideways but the mediocre and vineyard in Provence where For fans of Russell Crowe, this story here will not garner the same The History Boys (15) (RT Ridley and Russell reunited! Great! he used to holiday as a child. As film might confuse. It doesn’t rely praise of that film. The comedy 2h10) Daily: (Fri- Mon 16.20) Historical epics never were the he tries to offload it onto the first on his fantastic acting ability (as did is lighter, the tale forgettable and same after Gladiator. But what’s buyer, he reconnects with the coun- A Beautiful Mind) or his fervent despite the underlying message of Open Season (PG) (RT 1h50) this? No swords, no grandiose bat- tryside and when his professional masculinity (that which propelled “life is meant to be savoured”, the Daily: (Sat/Sun 11.05) 13.20 ( tles and not a Roman in sight. In- career back in London goes under Gladiator and Cinderella Man) excitement of the Max’s financial 15.30 Fri/Mon- Thur) stead we get a ‘light comedy’ that investigation, the fate of his inherit- and so seems more like an excuse killing at the start is never matched is as great a change of direction for ance becomes uncertain. Chuck in to hang out with old mate Ridley by the scenes in France. The idea The Devil Wears Prada (PG) both of these Hollywood A-listers the couple of mandatory foils into again. Scott himself has also de- here was never to make an entry (RT2h10) as any of us could imagine. And do his plan to sell, namely a feisty wait- parted from his usual line of work; into film history however. Its place Daily: 12.50 15.40 18.10 they mess it up? Of course not. But ress, Fanny, who captures his heart a strong statement considering his is more suited to a quiet Sunday af- 20.40 Fri/Sat Late: 23.15 it won’t make your top 10 either. and the arrival of a girl who claims diverse filmography to date. This ternoon, sitting, sans hangover, in A Good Year isn’t a film for deliv- to be the illegitimate daughter of doesn’t have the drama of Blade a comfy armchair, savouring each The Departed (18) (RT 2h55) ering surprises. The story focuses Max’s uncle, and the thin storyline Runner, horror of Alien, grandeur drop like a fine wine. This may not Daily: 13.40 17.15 20.30 on Crowe’s character, Max, a Lon- is in place. Twists and turns at eve- of Gladiator or hand-clasping- gain classic status, but A Good Year don investment banker who inher- ry corner? Not unless your sense desert-driving girl power of Thelma does provide a pleasant two hours. 18 felix Friday 3 November 2006

GAMES [email protected] I, Gamer Battle against the franchise Technology pushes forward year on year, but is real game design a thing of the past?

DeadPixel

Game development is big business, a very big business. With develop- ment studios comprising hundreds of developers, and budgets reach- ing far into the tens of millions of pounds, we’ve come a long way since lone programmers tinkered with machine code in their base- Michael Cook ments … or have we? Of course, today’s blockbuster Games Editor games provide audio and visual experiences on a whole different reetings, welcome scale to games of the past. How can and hello to what a pixelated two-frame character can only be ade- animation possibly compare with quately described as 3-D models containing millions of “Felix Games: Beta polygons and advanced pixel-shad- GVersion”. This week, we relaunch er technology? Given the option, a section not seen for some time it’s obvious which someone would in these hallowed pages. The last choose. time Felix Games graced this pa- These amazing visuals come at per, a Playstation 2 would set you a high price, however. Back in the back £170, CounterStrike 1.5 was world of Pong and Pacman, devel- Unreal Tournament 07’s weapons boast more pixels than entire levels did in the original. Is it more fun? enjoying 30,000 servers world- opment times were measured in wide and Wii games were child- weeks or months. Today, they are ish things that teenage boys did measured in years. The time, effort, player, no matter how many pretty audience. Traditionally, a developer el playing field against the big com- in the Gents. Life was simple. and money needed to create the explosions it has. would produce a game, and then panies. Over the next few years, it’s How times change. Counter- graphics players have come to ex- For today’s smaller developers, start it down the long and treacher- possible that this new delivery sys- Strike has now seen several pect from modern games are vast. the situation can look pretty bleak. ous journey of publishers, distribu- tem could lead to a divide in game fully-published releases, you can But in terms of the “fun” they add to Without the vast resources availa- tors, and resellers. If all goes well, development. There will always be pick up a PS2 for a fraction of the a game … is it all really worth it? ble to the big studios, they will often the game will end up on a shelf in money to be made in pumping out cost and size of days gone by, and The human mind is very good fall flat on their face while trying to a high street shop, where it’s criti- sequel upon sequel of a tried and gaming is almost – almost, mind at ignoring unnecessary details. match the visual quality of the latest cally compared by unforgiving cus- testing concept by companies who you – cool. Amazing visual effects do a good job blockbuster. The big development tomers against the rest of the mar- really can’t afford to take risks. This Not only that, but everyone is of creating that “wow” factor when companies would have you believe ket based on how much “wow” they could leave the market’s need for gaming now. And as the prize a gamer looks at the back of the box it’s impossible to make a hit game can squeeze on the back of a 7” by innovative and original games to pot grows bigger, companies are in their high-street shop. But in the without a team of hundreds and 10” box – a pretty harsh environ- be met by the smaller companies looking to get as many people as long run, all these next-generation millions of pounds at your disposal ment for a small and unestablished who perhaps don’t have as much to possible on their side – girl gam- graphics serve to do is present the … and they may well be correct. developer. lose. ers, grrl gamers, young gamers, player with the gameplay experi- Does this mean there isn’t a place But with the advent of online For now at least there is a glim- old gamers, casual gamers, hard- ence in as pleasant a way as pos- for the small independent develop- distribution, games can be deliv- mer of hope for the gamers who’ve core gamers, and – yes - those sible. Just like a movie with great er in a market full of movie licenses ered directly to customers who are become disillusioned by the un- people that think that Rainbow effects is poor if it’s backed up by a and 2006/7/8 sports managers? Not able to make much more informed answered call for new and unique Six is engaging and fun. If you’ve weak plot, a game with weak game- necessarily. Things are starting to choices. This new market pits small games - small developers with big got a wallet, then they’ve got a play won’t hold the attention of the change in how games reach their developers with new ideas on a lev- ideas have just found a new voice. game for you. But as we discuss this week, it’s not just your money that the Industry needs. As the markets grow wider and the demands more complex, it’s hard to keep A gamer’s favourite bedroom pastime innovative without fresh ideas and sharp new minds flowing in. We take a look at Neverwinter Neverwinter Nights veteran Bryn Davies talks about mods, modules and fame Nights 2 and Microsoft’s XNA and ask whether bedroom coding is a thing of the past. Michael Cook bundle of cubes) so modelling was your gameplay should follow). However, I don’t think the solu- And hey, the industry needs out of the question. NWN1 was odd The community is fantastic. 4 tion is to break out of the defined journalists, too (or so we like to When Neverwinter Nights was re- actually. I left it a while and saw it years after its initial release you’re game genres with every title. I just think, at least)! Without writers, leased back in 2002, it had a pro- with the first expansion in a cheap still getting people releasing free think that the elements of game- this section can’t survive, so if found impact both on the average bundle. That’s where it all started. content for it. For mod developers, play, which have become pretty you’ve got the experience and the multiplayer gamer, as well as the particularly who aren’t able or con- rigid within most genres, should be writing know-how, Felix Games aspiring coder. The Aurora toolset What do you find helpful from us- fident in producing custom content expanded. wants to hear from you – the enabled both teams and individuals ing Neverwinter Nights? for their modules, its fantastic. I want to be interested by a game email address is at the bottom of to create their own worlds, shar- The ease at which you can knock from the word go, and I want to eas- this column. ing work between a strong online together a module. Most modules Do you think there’s still the ‘bed- ily be able to identify why I should Aside from our themed weekly community. now use such sophisticated script- room coding’ ethic? buy it over another. features, we’ll also be taking a With the release of Neverwinter ing and custom content, but to be In some ways the bedroom coding There’s no use comparing two FPS look back at milestones and un- Nights 2 this week, it’s possible that honest it’s not strictly needed. ethic is more prevalent than ever. titles when its just going to be a discovered gems from platforms there’s another revolution on the If you’re already able to create a The games industry has entered a choice between graphics styling past in our Retro column. And horizon. Felix Games talks to Bryn working adventure, with unlimited very strange time. The graphics on and “storyline”. we’ll also be looking to the future Davies, the creator of the module scope for its length and the many games now are just stunning. The This is where bedroom develop- in Where Next, which focuses on True Colors of a Hero, about how pathways to its end without even detail on objects and characters ers can and indeed have aided the the technologies, games and the- the tools and the people have ena- touching a single string of code, just blows you away. But gameplay professionals. You can take a look ory behind tomorrow’s industry. bled him to create a world. then all you’re left with is the level hasn’t moved on that much. We’re at any PC title that’s had a big net Over the coming weeks and design and the story (from which stuck in the same formulas. community follow it and I’ll guar- more, the layout of Felix Games Is TCOAH the first modification antee you that some of those mod- is likely to change many times. you’ve ever made for a game? ders have been snapped up by the But we can’t do it at all without Far from it, though its definitely the initial games developers. In the you! largest project I’ve ever undertak- case of NWN1, just look at DLA. So if you’ve got a comment on en. I started modding back when the Many of their members left to work the section, or would like to be a Quake II editor was released. From for Bioware. It’s always possible, part of our writing team, please there I moved on to Unreal, then you’ve just gotta work hard to get get in touch. The details are be- through the series all the way up to recognition. low. Enjoy. Unreal Tournament 2004. Mainly I just coded weapons, skinned char- Michael Cook acters and designed levels. I’m For more information about Games Editor no 3d artist (I could never make TCOAH point your web browser [email protected] anything that didn’t just look like a Bryn Davies’ customisations to NWN include an emote system to: http://snipurl.com/10vpd Friday 3 November 2006 felix 19

GAMES [email protected] Retro review - 42 All-Time Classics Out now

You call that retro? Jesse Garman provides some recommended background gaming Neverwinter Nights finally returns to game shelves this week with it’s sequel, looking to bring the technol- Not many people would deliberate- tendo don’t want you to linger on a not to be. ogies firmly up to date, providing ly buy an all-in-one games compila- game you don’t like for too long, but The other single-player game, the average player with an engag- tion for the Nintendo DS, so that’s that’s part of the problem. I despise called “Mission”, is a far more flex- ing single-player experience as well why we’ve done it for you. “Cheat” and to be forced to play it ible idea, which has an element of as opening up the toolset for more Nintendo’s 42 All-Time Classics is with the computer for 3 games in Crazy Taxi’s mini-games about it. natural, customisable module crea- a collection of famous and not-so- a row is my idea of hell. The option Each game is given a goal, which tion. NWN2 is almost certain to be famous games from Chess to Old to skip a particular game would’ve can be forgivingly easy or hor- one of Christmas’ biggest releases Maid, Chinese Checkers to Koi Koi, been nice, perhaps one skip per lev- rifically hard, for example, Hearts for the PC. and Darts to Soda Shake, where el could’ve been allowed but it was requires you to Shoot The Moon, And speaking of dependable fran- players take it in turns to shake a whereas Dots & Boxes requires chises, this week also sees the re- virtual soda bottle and the one shak- you to capture all boxes, a fiendish turn of Sam Fisher to PC and in lim- ing it when the top flies off, loses. task in comparison. This mode is ited edition form on the Xbox 360. It’s important to point out at this much more welcoming but still has Splinter Cell: Double Agent is the stage that 42 All-time Classics is a the main flaw that it is intolerably fourth in the stealthy franchise, and strictly multiplayer affair. The sin- dull. You’d be better off honing your the series certainly seems to have gle-player portion is so lifeless and poker skills in real life. Your reward An old maid - not playable stopped dragging its heels after staid that to endeavour your way for completing these tasks is a new a pretty samey third incarnation. through will simply force you to icon, which you can use to repre- Double Agent is darker, slicker and play games you wouldn’t normally sent yourself over a network. This sible package, assuming you have seems more streamlined than it’s have tried and maybe find some brings me on to the multiplayer… at least one other friend with a DS. previous outings. An interesting hidden gems, as well as unlock- The multiplayer is where the The other feature is internet-con- change of pace for Tom Clancy’s ing new games for your choices game shines and for this I give it nectivity. If you have a compatible finest. in multiplayer. The main single 8/10. The interface is easily navi- wireless router in your house (any player game, Stamp, runs through gable and there is something for AOSS works), you can connect and each game one-by-one giving three every mood from hyperactivity find other games that are being stamps for a top performance and (such as Spit) to relaxed sedation played on the Internet with abso- one for a poor performance. Each (Checkers). Up to eight friends can lutely no extra components or soft- game requires three stamps to play on one cartridge with little lag ware. Unfortunately, I was unable continue and, handily, if you hap- and means that although many var- to test this as ours was not compat- pen to get more than three on a iations are more fun when played ible but I would primarily use this particular game, then they do carry with the actual board or playing game to play friends I could see and over. It shows that even if you come cards, you’d be hard-pressed to find hear, the Internet play would most last that you get a stamp that Nin- The Hearts card game - playable them all together in such an acces- likely be of side interest. Splinter Cell 4 - green is still in

Or maybe you’re feeling a bit different this week? Desperate Housewives gets a much-needed Choo! Choo! Choo! Full steam ahead! gaming conversion. Felix Games only has this advice to offer you – it’s been released near a holiday Is Valve’s Steam platform the future of digital distribution? Should we be concerned? involving fires for a reason. Things have been quiet on the Grand Theft Auto front for most Independent developers Introver- cumvent Steam and allow users to gamers, but PSP owners can pick sion were able to reach millions of download the games for free. Since up a second dose of vehicular thiev- gamers around the world by selling then Valve has rewritten Steam’s ery this week with the release of their games Darwinia and more re- authentication system and claims Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Sto- cently Defcon through Steam. This that users cannot play a game on ries. If you weren’t enthused by the has allowed the bedroom coders to Steam if they did not legitimately previous PSP title, Liberty City Sto- save money on distribution and to buy it. However the authentication ries, then don’t expect to be blown sell their games at a lower price by servers go down sometimes. An- away here, but the series has been cutting out the middle man. Online other problem faced by Steam is us- updated with features like empire distribution provides a more level ers who steal account information. building. Most gamers may just playing field for developers and al- Valve needs to make Steam more wish to wait for the next-gen GTA. lows even small studios to become secure if it wants to attract more successful. publishers to use it. Big game publishers are also us- Currently Steam only accepts ing Steam. Recently, 2K Games and credit cards to purchase games Activision have signed contracts and this limits who can buy games. with Valve to distribute their games However they are working on al- through Steam. This makes the lowing PayPal and wire transfer Civilization and Call of Duty series as alternate methods of payment. available on Steam. Other publish- This introduces the problem of age ers are likely to follow and Steam’s verification. ETP: Sports - being lazy is out Half-Life 2’s G-Man. A metaphor for corporate heartlessness, or control of the games distribution Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo merely a warning to wearers of bad ties? “Wake up, Mr Freeman.” market will increase. are creating similar distribution If you’re feeling sporty, and Steam has begun influencing systems for their PS3, Xbox 360 wouldn’t mind burning off a few game design as well. Valve have and Wii consoles respectively. Sony calories, then Eyetoy Play: Sports Victor Faion the same servers. Once enough begun releasing small episodes of has launched the Electronic Dis- comes out this week too. With each testing was done, Valve shut down games such as their own Half-Life tribution Initiative to offer games edition of the Play series, SCE Lon- Steam is an online games distribu- the last WON servers in 2004 and 2 Episodes and the SiN Episodes by on the PS3. Microsoft is expand- don learn more about their ingen- tion network developed by Valve, Steam took over. Ritual. The episode system allows ing its Xbox Live services to offer ious toy. If you can’t wait for the Wii makers of the Half-Life series. Be- When Valve announced that they you to buy a part of the game for more content. Nintendo is creating to get some crazy peripheral action, fore Steam was created, Valve re- would distribute their sequel, Half- less money than the whole game the Wii Compact Software line of Sports is worth a look. If you’re feel- lied on WON (World Opponent Net- Life 2, through Steam, many were and then if you enjoy it, you can buy games which can be downloaded ing like something less strenuous, work) to run its multiplayer games doubtful that it could work because the next part. This will probably through the Wii. Valve is working however, then you might prefer to and distribute patches. In 2001 of the amount of bandwidth needed happen more often in the future as on the third version of its Steam cli- take a look at FIFA Manager 07. Valve acquired WON and began to send an entire game over the In- games companies find it increas- ent which will manage connections Even with the controversy sur- building Steam. The first version of ternet. However Valve had created ingly harder to come up with new better and feature an improved rounding the breaking up of the Steam was available for download a strong network which used peer- ideas for games. Friends chat client. Champ Man franchise, you may in 2002 during the beta test of Coun- to-peer technology and the online As Steam continues to grow secu- Clearly online distribution is the find that FIFA is the weaker of the ter- Strike 1.4. With the release of release of Half-Life 2 was mostly rity becomes an issue. When Half- future of the games industry and two. Counter-Strike 1.5 users of Steam successful. This was the beginning Life 2 was released on Steam there traditional retailers will have to Next week: Call of Duty 3, Medi- and WON could play together on of online games distribution. were several hacks which could cir- adapt. eval 2: Total War and Pro Evo 6.

“Run, you pigeons! It’s Robert Frost!” – Manny, Grim Fandango at the union nov 3rd - 16th Wednesday 8th & 15th Thursday 9th

8th November - Bar Games & Beer 15th November - RAG Miss WorldWorld

Every Wednesday At The Union!

Carlsberg, Tetley’s & only Blackthorn only £1.30 a pint

Free entry before 9pm, £1 thereafter, free cloakroom for sports bags

Friday 3rd Friday 10th

ArArabianabian Nights

& HHookahookah CafeCafe

Also on this fortnight Coming Up Next Week Fri 3rd Fireworks Night Party Tue 7th Da Vinci’s - Quiz Night Wed 8th Sports Night - Bar Games & Beer Thu 9th GSA Colleges’ Night Fri 10th Arabian Nights & Hookah Tue 14th Da Vinci’s - Quiz Night Wed 15h Sports Night - Rag Miss World Thu 16th Alternative Music Night

The Union EncouragesImperial Responsible College Drinking Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Road, London SW7 2BB imperialunion.imperial.ac.ukcollegeunion.org/ents Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB Tel: 020 7594 8060 Friday 3 November 2006 felix 21

FASHION [email protected] A brief history of Chanel COOL Coco Chanel's founding of a boundary-breaking fashion brand by Sarah Skeete Pop Magazine Sure the first 20 pages are adverts, but at least opened her first millinery shop in the adverts are pretty. A Deuville 1912. Through her con- younger more fashion tacts with high society, her shop focused version of i-D. soon became a success. From hats, Chanel added clothes to the collection, with her romantic affairs with the artist Paul Iribe, the Duke of Westminster, Grand Duke Dmitri of Russia, and British sportsman Arthur Capel having a considerable influence on her often male-inspired fashions. Capel’s lav- ish gifts of jewels served as the key- stones of Coco's astonishing collec- The iconic Coco Chanel tion of costume jewellery. Costume Marie Antoinette jewellery had previously been un- Sure it doesn't have much fashionable, but Coco popularised of a plot, and has Kirsten Chanel wasn't just a fashion de- it, using fake jewels in lavish ropes Dunst's annoying face in signer; she was a style revolution- of imitation pearls to enhance her it. But the costumes are ary of her time. Chanel challenged simple understated clothes. It was beautiful. the traditional fashions of the day, also Capel’s blazer, lent to Coco on rejecting the restrictive impractical a chilly day at the polo grounds, that Holy Moly styles for practical but elegant cloth- inspired her famous box jacket. Popbitch's more accurate ing. Her innovations became basics Chanel was arguably the most cousin. To be fair, I don't in the wardrobes of generations of innovative designer of her time. really care if the shock- women: jersey suits and dresses, She was first designer to use wool ing celebrity exploits the chemise, pleated skirts, the jersey in women’s wear, using it to are made up, as long as cardigan suit, the blazer, the little make soft clingy dresses. Wool jer- they're entertaining. black dress, the sling pump, strap- sey had previously been used solely less dresses, the trench coat. Much for men’s underwear. Her original like Comme De Garcons is to Rei use of jersey fabric attracted the at- Kawakubo, Chanel was an expres- tention of influential wealthy wom- feminist trend of bobbed hair when As Chanel's Senior VP of Marketing sion of Coco’s personal style; a mix en, because it freed them from the after singeing her hair she decided and Sales Jean Zimmerman says, of the vocabulary of both male and prevalent corseted style of dresses. to cut it all off. Tanning was another “The success of No5 is due to the female clothes. Her nonconformist designs revo- accidental trend started by Chanel, fragrance itself and the very crea- Coco was associated with the lutionized the textile industry. Her after she accidentally became sun- tive advertising behind it." most creative artists of the day: designs were also credited with the burned during a cruise to Cannes. In 1923 Chanel launched the sig- Diaghilev, Picasso, Stravinsky and development of American mass Chanel loved to quote the poet nature Chanel suit; a knee-length Save the world with ram- Cocteau. She liked to express her- production. Her designs were sim- Paul Valery, saying, “a badly per- skirt and trim, boxy jacket, tradi- pant consumerism. Using self through the fashion she created ple and used standard fabrics, mak- fumed woman has no future.” In tionally made of woven wool with a credit card and once said, “Fashion is not some- ing them easy to copy. Thousands 1922 Chanel introduced the fra- black trim and gold buttons and doesn't really cut down thing that exists in dresses only. of knock-offs of her designs were grance that insured her fame, worn with large costume-pearl to the real issues caus- Fashion is in the sky, in the street, made, sometimes costing more Chanel No. 5, named after Coco’s necklaces. Chanel retired in 1938 ing poverty. What it does fashion has to do with ideas, the than an original Chanel. lucky number. The first to be sold but returned in 1954 to introduce a do is make Bono look way we live, what is happening.” In contrast with most designers worldwide, it stood out with its Art new suit design; a collarless, braid- unbearably smug. Of other designers, Chanel said, Chanel was not perturbed by this, Deco bottle and minimalist pack- trimmed cardigan jacket with a “Fashion has become a joke. The saying, “I want my dresses to go aging. It contrasted with the other graceful skirt. At first this was not designers have forgotten that there out on the street.” Coco, controver- flamboyant perfume bottles of the very popular with Europeans, espe- are women inside the dresses.” sially, popularised women's trou- time, in the same way that her re- cially the press, perhaps as a result Chanel believed that women should sers with her design of bell-bottom laxed fashions were in sharp con- of the tarnishing of her reputation dress simply and comfortable, she trousers, which she had designed to trast to the corset fashions popular during the war. During her retire- made only clothes that she herself enable her to climb more easily in in the previous decades. Chanel ment she had an affair with a Nazi would wear. In a way Chanel was and out of gondolas in Venice. She No. 5 remains an indelible symbol officer, diminishing her popularity. a feminist in the clothes she de- also, if accidentally, kicked off the of Chanel and is still popular today. She moved to Switzerland, return- ing to reopen her Paris shop only to boost lagging perfume sales. How- "Fashion has ever unpopular at first in Europe, Peaches Geldof her new suit was a massive success Has yet to come to the become a joke. in America, and worn by the likes of crushing realisation that Jackie Kennedy. By the 1960s much she an invisible speck in The designers of what Coco was doing was refining the universe and no-one the classic Chanel look. However, cares that she DJs. Any- have forgotten despite now being part of the fash- one who has ears can DJ. ion establishment she once hated, Surely she's overdue for a that there are she still liked to rebel against estab- visit to the Priory. lished trends, creating boyish flap- women inside per creations to contrast with the Belle Époque millinery fashionable the dresses." at that time. She also worked for various Hollywood studios, dress- – Coco Chanel ing the likes of Audrey Hepburn, Liz Taylor and Anne Baxter. signed, built to work with women By the time of Chanel’s death, her rather than restrict them. fashion empire made over $160m a The name Coco was adopted by year and counted among its clients Madonna Chanel when, after a brief stint as Princess Grace, Queen Fabiola, Went on various talk a seamstress, she started working Marlene Dietrich and Ingrid Berg- shows to counter media as a cabaret singer at La Rotonde. man. As a Time article published accusations and pro- At the Café La Rotonde she met on January 25th, 1972, a week after moted her new book, and Etienne Balsan, a millionaire cav- her death said: "Just her name was also left the baby with a alry officer and textile heir, who fi- enough to define a pair of shoes, a nanny the first night back nanced her move to Paris. Through hat, a pocketbook, a suit, perfume, in England. This makes it Balsan, Coco was introduced to jewellery—an entire look. It con- seem less like she wants high society where she acquired veyed prestige, quality, impecca- to publicise Malawi's the habits and tastes of the wealthy. ble taste and unmistakable style. difficulties, and more like She became a hat designer in 1908, By her death last week at 87, the she's an attention-seeking providing an alternative to the os- French couturière had long since media-whore. trich boa hats women in high soci- established herself as the 20th cen- ety wore, which she herself found tury's single most important arbiter distasteful. Using the resources of fashion." of Balsan and another patron, she LAME 22 felix Friday 3 November 2006

TRAVEL [email protected] Enjoy your stay in Lithu-Mania! Vilnius, churches, stomachs, lastminute.com, zeppelins, The Gorgon and some truly awful photography

Peter Dominiczak reports on the sights and delights of Vilnius, capital of Lithuania. Pictured above: Gedimino Street leading to the cathedral and Gediminas Tower

Peter Dominiczak The above is no hallucination. It attraction, inspiring no confidence only took six days in Vilnius for an in its ability to move, let alone fly. The absinthe sits on the alcohol- unconscious giant to become an The interior (brave enough to ven- sputtered bar, flaming menacingly, axiomatic part of our evenings out, ture inside, you see) rests in an acrid scent clawing at the backs but more of that later. epoch where safety was of concern of our mouths. Jim Morrison sits Getting to Vilnius is an event best to no-one, when jutting metal was to my right, the tassels from his left to lovers of fear. It begins in the a design feature and seats which maroon poncho coiled on the bar, arse-end of Gatwick airport, the end didn’t spontaneously collapse were his eyes dull from too much wheat reserved for drug-smuggler’s cav- the feature on that Friday’s ‘Tomor- beer. On the left is the huge, bulk of ity searchers and the huge vaults row’s World.’ Three hours of creak- a man called Gorgon, bearded with containing those pointless chew- ing, sputtering, high-decibel bangs flowing, tangled hair, swaying on the able toothbrushes which make you and warm beer, however, we land in bar stool, mumbling to himself in an long for times past when miserable an airport more closely resembling odd Lithuanian-English hybrid. We halitosis was perfectly acceptable. a farm than an E.U destination. are all flanked on both sides by un- It takes eight hours to get there Welcome to Vilnius. known beauties, like the exquisite and you need a Sherpa to guide you Armed with Lonely Planet guile seraphs in a Rubens masterpiece. on the last ascent through beige, we already know the taxi driver’s We wonder to ourselves where they piss-smelling corridors covered in game. Famous for cheating the possibly could have come from, the detritus of discarded chewable foreigners, don’t accept anything how they are genetically possible, toothbrushes. Gatwick does not more than 20 Litas to the centre. how we can get to know them? Sud- like Lithuanians. When the gate is We are prepared for haggling, for denly The Gorgon lets out a wail finally reached, when you lumber financial dancing akin to Rocky not dissimilar to that made popular over to the stained window to take and Apollo going at it in Rocky II. by Chewbacca in Star Wars, downs one last look at grey old England, Within two minutes our ‘know-how’ a still flaming absinthe, wails once the metal tube about to take you had precipitated a fight between a more and then collapses in a heap miles into the air at speed comes group of colossal taxi drivers and on the floor, soundless now. into view. At this moment you feel our bags had been launched at us ‘Is he ok?’ I ask Jim Morrison. an almost brotherly understanding at high velocity. Don’t listen to peo- Jim turns his head with all the with those about to go over the top ple from Lonely Planet. They are nonchalance of a 1960s West-Coast in Flanders’s Fields back in 1917. the kind of folk that end up dismem- rock star. ‘Gorgon,’ he hisses, ‘Gor- FlyLal planes look similar to some- bered in a bin in Guatemala. Just gon!’ Nothing. Jim turns back to thing Neil Buchanan might have pay for things. With the exchange me and in his affected American whipped up in fifteen minutes on rate in Lithuania, an estate to rival accent, peppered with Baltic vow- Art Attack. In fact, I think I would Abramovich’s best only costs about els and the guttural sounds of his have had more confidence if that four quid anyway. true home nation, he says simply: Scouse monstrosity had had a hand Now before I take you through the ‘Don’t worry, man. He does this in the aerospace engineering of baroque majesty of Old Vilnius, the sometimes.’ We turn back to our FlyLal’s fleet. The plane is cracked castles, courtyards and most indi- absinthes, forgetting The Gorgon, and wizened, garish colours painted vidual of culinary ideals, allow me a prostrate on the mucky floor, proba- over holes and indents, looking all section reserved solely for bile and One of the beautiful views across a sprawling Vilnius bly wailing in his drunken dreams. the while like some seaside funfair spewed anger. When you arrive in Friday 3 November 2006 felix 23

TRAVEL [email protected]

Lithuania, at 11pm, during a hefty the great white domes of Catholic every holy structure and in front of storm you don’t entirely expect the Churches and the more subtle yet every crazed market seller. booking you had so carefully made on inspection, equally magnificent Do, however, avoid the boiled on Lastminute.com (confirmed of synagogues, all resting in what pig’s ear. Vilnius has managed to course, with an ‘enjoy your trip’ and now appears as harmony, but one cultivate a drinking culture that everything) to have the status of a imagines the friction of old, elec- is beyond the grasp of dear old mythical creature. trifying the city to its core. For the Blighty. The idea of spending time ‘Minute Las- discerning Reli- in a pub, drinking slowly whilst tas?’ shrugs the gious viewer the eating an (often) excellent meal is blonde hotel sec- FlyLal planes two most neces- a welcome change from the unex- retary. ‘No, sorry. sary attractions plainable compulsion London cre- I no know dis.’ look similar to are St. Anne’s ates of inhaling 8 pints in 2 hours, And with that Church – with a inhaling 2 kebabs in 8 minutes and she shrugs with something from façade of such stomping off to find a corner to fulfil all the equanim- Gothic pomp the duel purpose of vomit recepta- ity of someone in Art Attack that a sprightly cle and bed for the night. The pubs London who can’t Napoleon, on his in Vilnius are a glory indeed. Vast tell you how to change from the Pic- way to freeze in Russia, wished to caves, dark halls, wooden and at- cadilly line to the Bakerloo line; not carry it to Paris ‘in the palm of his mospheric, trees growing up from someone about to chuck you out hand.’ Then there is the Church of the basement are all far superior to on your arse in deepest Lithuania, Saint’s Peter and Paul: a Baroque a Wetherspoons, whose main ascet- bait for Russian gangsters or circus interior which took decades to carve ic feature is the crumpled hooker in troops looking for replacements for out of pure white stone, so intricate the corner. Food is served by Bal- their now outlawed dancing bears. It and delicate, taking the breath from tic beauties and is everything you is besides the point that after three your lungs on entry, it exists as a could want to accompany a 2-litre days of threats it was resolved and kind of architectural extreme sport, jug of beer: Zeppelins are a deep- we were upgraded to a new hotel vacating your lungs of air on entry, fried potato oval, filled with cream, (three stars: get in!). In those three not giving it back until you wander meat, cheese and bacon, topped days we were told that our only back into the sunlight outside. Ba- with cream, meat cheese and bacon. option was to sleep on the floor of roque parachuting, perhaps. Fried bread sticks with a creamy, some cupboard in the corner of the But the greatness of Vilnius is not cheese concoction make beer taste hotel with no locks and only a rap- its landmarks; the castles, the Ca- like Athena’s breast milk (possibly) ist named Vlad for company. I spent thedral all have something to offer, and meat comes bloody and softer hours on the phone to some bored but the lustre of the place is gained than the clouds above. But there idiot in Slough who was desperate from a holistic view. Just wan- are pitfalls: platters of ear, fried or for a cigarette break and didn’t care der. Curved streets with coloured, boiled, stumps which were once the in the least if I ended up strung up detailed facades litter the place. foot of a pink porker, sheep’s stom- with no pants on. Lastminute.com Courtyards in achs – which, have made my list and will remain unexpected when bitten into, there until the next time I can’t be places; climbing Food is served occasionally bothered looking anywhere else ivy and grand crack, reveal- and, victim of advertising that I am, trees framing with a two litre ing putrid green book with them yet again. crumbling stone juices and black Vilnius has been annexed a great buildings, his- jug of beer, by stones of undi- deal. Every time some superpower tory emanat- gested food. One found themselves with little to do, ing from every Baltic beauties must learn to they annexed Vilnius for a Sunday fissure. Stroll take the rough lark. As a result, it is a truly Euro- across a bridge with hundreds of with the smooth when eating in pean cultural blend, and all the bet- padlocks left by newly married Vilnius. ter for it. The Old Town is one of the couples covering the railings; en- Vilnius is, apparently, the new biggest in Europe and exists as one ter the esoteric world of the Uzupis Prague, along with about 5 other of the finest examples of Baroque district, whose people (artists obvi- capitals in Eastern Europe. Largely architecture one can see. It was ously) decided to declare independ- because of its size, Vilnius probably however, built over a few centuries ence from the rest of Vilnius. Read does have the potential to become so amongst the Baroque rests the their constitution, engraved in a seething mass of tourism though, austere splendour of the Renais- metal, hung on the wall of an insig- so go now before the stampede of sance and the intricate madness nificant alley: ‘A cat has the right to shaven-headed English men ar- that those crazed Gothic architects be a cat,’ and other quaint inanities. rive, holding aloft the stag, ‘la la dreamt up. In the 3.6 square kilome- The atmosphere of the place, un- la-ing’ into the night and perpetu- tres of the Old Town, 46 Churches lit- like any other I have experienced, ating the stereotype in yet another ter the skyline: there are the gaudy is to be imbibed everywhere you go, innocent nation. In one pub, I saw crowns atop Orthodox Churches, around every corner, at the foot of the first wave, standing in a circle, pints clasped close to their Burber- ry shirts, looking around, tongues out, searching for birds and fights. The English thug is an unfortunate creature. They should be cleansed, by nail-gun if necessary. I’ll do it, vigilante style, if legislation does not arrive soon to rid us of this plague. So, what of The Gorgon and Jim Morrison? Well, Jim had somehow managed to get to San Francisco for a month and had come back firmly believing he was in fact, The Lizard King. Either nobody had the heart to tell him he was not a look-a-like, or they just blindly ac- cepted him as a grim product of Westernisation. The Gorgon was in fact called Gorga (as if it makes a difference) and was the most en- tertaining encounter of my young life so far. A mass of uncontrollable nonsense, he prowled the bar, swig- ging people’s drinks, caterwauling all the while, and then returning to explain the subtleties of Lithuanian culture to me (in bellowed Lithua- nian, of course), before going to sleep on the floor. The point is that in this haven of beauty and history, there was a kind of hospitality like no other, a welcoming, inclusive atmosphere that begs to be experi- enced. Go there, and if you find your own Gorgon, or maybe even the leg- end himself, embrace him, for you St. Anne’s Church and the church of the Bernardine Monastery will miss him when he’s gone. The many guises of Peter Dominiczak as he wrecks it up in Vilnius Email [email protected] to join us on the march

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Matthew Wallace ti-pitch skills (and nerves) only to says). Nevertheless, in his topless, discover the necessary guidebook soaked state he managed to hitch- France, a country loved by some, was out of print! Luckily for us the hike back home (being picked up not so much by others. Its most owner of the local climbing shop, in record time). As a female friend Live music in dB’s redeeming feature in any rock Sabine, was able to step in and act recently informed me “wet muscles climber’s eyes is the huge variety as a human route guide. As far as are irresistible”. and quantity of climbing it offers, we could tell she has climbed pretty This trip was certainly one to re- Matty Hoban approach. Our first night was all within low-cost airline fares. It much every route in the area, knew member, but Verdon has not been chaotic but inevitably fun. It was was for this reason, despite some everywhere off by heart, often even our only excursion of the year; club In my first year, I was amazed brilliant that people were actually people’s misgivings, that I bought better than the book itself. Needless members have climbed in Yosemite, that university venues like King’s being bothered about the union a plane ticket to Marseille and set to say, due to the personalised route the Alps, Italy, Lofoten, Sardinia, College were putting on brilliant and actually wanted to go there off with the Mountaineering Club descriptions, presents and bags of Fontainebleau, Utah, Kazahkstan, gigs such as the first UK show to see some underground music. to the Verdon Gorge for this year’s sweets she gave us, more than one Frankenjura, Croatia, and the Red with The Arcade Fire performing. Imperial is notorious for its summer tour. of us fell for the eccentric old lady in Rocks. Even in England the sun is What amazed me was that our apathy and naturally some nights The Verdon is a river running the climbing shop. known to shine occasionally, and union barely had any live music not many people have turned up. through the Alpes-des-Haute-Pro- Something even Sabine could not throughout the year we have fort- in comparison. There was little This can be disheartening but we vence in South-Eastern France. It reassure us of was how to escape nightly trips to locations all over the variety for someone like me who go on nevertheless because we has cut over thousands of years a the gorge in the event of things UK. These are not only a chance likes music that is a bit different. want to constantly provide a live three hundred metre deep gorge, not going to plan. The river valley to practice climbing skills, but an People who shared my opinion music outlet at Imperial. Our 21st creating seemingly endless lime- is only accessible at ground level excuse to escape London for the didn’t feel proud of their union, or October night with a band from stone walls that provide some of from the lake, about a ten mile hike weekend. We have just returned maybe not pride but people were San Francisco, Citizens Here and the world’s most spectacular multi- and swim from the climbs them- from this year’s fantastic Freshers’ passionless. When people aren’t Abroad was our most popular pitch sport climbing. To explain the selves! The only easy way to the Trip to the Peak District, for which passionate about something, a night ever. jargon, ‘sport’ is a type of climb- bottom of the climbs was from the we took over thirty members! sense of community is not there It was great and we hope to con- ing where you clip into small bolts top of the gorge. To reach them you Above all, our club is about en- since there is no purpose for one tinue our success with our next as you ascend which are already have to abseil down, taking your couraging newcomers and teaching to exist. night on November 5th in dBs at drilled and cemented into the rock. rope – the only escape – with you. If them to climb. For a taster, meet us Taking into account both of 7:30pm. We have two bands from This allows safe, rapid climbs and you can’t climb out, it is a very long in the union quad at 1pm on any these things, I took over the es- France called Gatechien and Le is used widely in Europe, but is rare walk along and up the gorge to safe- Wednesday and we will take you teemed position of President of Singe Blanc and a band from in the UK where a traditional ethos ty. Add to this the risk of the dam to the Westway Centre, one of the the Alternative Music Society London called Man Aubergine. dictates that all protection should sluice gates being opened without UK’s largest indoor climbing walls. last academic year (I took over We are charging £3 for students, be carried with you. This is in the warning, made the bottom of the There we will teach you the basics from the god amongst men that not to make money but so that form of various shaped bits of metal gorge a fairly inhospitable place! of climbing and rope work before is James Millen). One of my aims we can pay the bands’ transport called ‘gear’ which can be jammed Curious to discover this for our- you join us on one of our outdoor was to create a community at Im- from France. into cracks on the way up and re- selves, we rented canoes and set off trips, where you will inevitably get perial of people who appreciated We don’t stand to make money moved afterwards so as not to dam- up the river. A few miles upstream hooked on climbing for life. music and I needed a focal point but because our society does not age the rock. Multi-pitch refers to the narrowing of the channel re- for this. Thus, I created Kids Will have that much money so we the length of the climb. When the sulted in tempting white water. Ob- Be Skeletons, our regular gig have to charge entry. We will be route is longer than your rope, you viously we had to test our rafting For more information, email night where we charge the mini- running free nights when we can. stop, anchor yourself to a ledge and skills, but predictably these weren’t matthew.wallace@imperial. mum entry possible. I started off Please come down for a drink and bring up your climbing partner be- quite up to scratch and the canoe ac.uk, or check out our web- with little experience of promot- some great music so we can cre- fore setting off again. was upside down, with Henry’s shirt site at: www.union.ic.ac. ing and took quite an amateur ate a great atmosphere. We arrived eager to test our mul- floating fast downstream (or so he uk/rcc/mountaineering/ 28 felix Friday 3 November 2006

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Aussie kiss: like a French kiss, but down under

From the 20th to the 22nd of Octo- from professional windsurfer Jim ber the Imperial Windsurfing Mas- Collis, helping everyone improve sive spent a quite epic weekend at their beach starts and quick tacks the biggest windsurfing festival in (turning for the un-initiated). Ad- Europe. Aussie Kiss 5 in Bude was vanced sailors had Jem Hall to help the destination for over 600 wind- them with their tricks and everyone surfing students from across the was able to grab some quality time country, including about 20 or so out on the water before packing up excited Imperialites. On Friday af- for the day, and heading back to the ternoon around 4pm the club met caravans to get ready for the party. around stores in double quick time Everyone was buzzing in antici- to load up the union minibus and pation for the Caribbean themed get going on our 6hr journey, which fancy dress party on Saturday was not helped by a certain Chris night, 600+ people dressed as Ras- M delaying our club president and tafarians, Pirates, Crocodiles, hu- chauffeur Ben R. Arriving around man sized Malibu bottles and many, 11pm and only having nicked a few many scantily clad windsurfers de- of the Ron’s cans of beer there was scended on the bar to drink copious a predictable rush for the bar as amounts of rum, cider, lager and 600+ people indulged in the other anything they could throw down side of a windsurfing weekend, get- the numerous funnels being passed ting tanked. around the room. After finding one of the many car- When resident band I.D.Ology avans available to us at Bude Holi- took to the stage to lay down a blind- day Park and stealing a few hours ing set of covers the room exploded sleep, it was up for breakfast and into life and the new hobby of crowd then pile in the minibus to Roadford surfing took over. After many hours Lake for some serious windsurfing. of letting loose, everyone drifted off Force 4 winds allowed everyone to to caravans that may or may not get on the water from beginners have been theirs (not in the case of who had never stepped on a board Jake, returning defeated at 7am) to the more advanced surfers, such and grabbed a few hours before IC Windsurfing member using the boat’s wake to pull a flip. That’s probably not the technical term as our own Alex P, laying down Sunday morning arrived. some freestyle whilst wearing two To many who don’t know, wind- wetsuits. surfing is probably the greatest world, it was time to get on the wa- for the advanced division and Jess If you are interested in joining our Beginners received expert tuition hangover cure you can dream of, ter again for a good few hours be- and Niall getting awards for begin- club we meet most Thursdays from qualified coaches including our and another windy day and some fore packing up and getting ready ner and intermediate instruction in the union for some social very own president Jess, all whilst shiny demo kit provided the perfect for the prize giving via an epic mud- respectively. After loading up the merriment. enjoying maximum time on the wa- incentive to get out of bed. After sliding contest from many of the minibus once more, everyone set For any information or to ter in the fantastic conditions. In- Jem Hall and Jim Collis delivered Cardiff boys. Come the prize giv- sail for home rounding off another get going on our beginners’ termediate sailors were treated to a fantastic self-promotional speech ing Imperial dominated with Alex fantastic weekend for the IC Wind- tuition days email: committee@ some on land tuition and guidance on their various clinics around the P deservedly getting the award surf club. imperialwindsurf.co.uk Lights, camera, and action! FilmSoc presents the first IC Short Film Festival: this is your chance to get your submission viewed by the world

Priya Garg & Jamie Lewis dire cinematic train wrecks. I ard of film, give it a shot. If you’re could make my own film. I could camera-less then STOIC will even Recently I went to see Miami Vice. show it to people. I could enter provide the equipment if you join Drug smugglers in an East-Asian it into the first ever IC FilmSoc up, so there’s no excuse. country, a Chinese slut, helicop- Short Film Festival taking place It costs just £5 to enter a film ters and dead bodies, more ri- on 10th December. It would be and you gain free entry into the diculous acronyms than a medics projected onto a big screen, hun- festival as an esteemed film au- handbook and lots of pointless dreds would see it and it would teur in your own right. sex… Wow, what can I say? I’d definitely be better than Michael I’m just sorry for you that my seen this film a hundred times Mann’s pathetic excuse for a film. film has already been made, so under many different titles, but All I’d have to do is grab a blank mine will be the first DVD that will never as badly made as this and I DVD, get my camera and start be posted into the festival postbox haven’t even mentioned Colin Far- rolling. in the SAF, which is that large, rell’s over-zealous hairstylist. So I ask you – fancy yourself glass building that all the medics I was bored stiff. To pass the time as the next Hitchcock or Taran- eat in. I resorted to playing ‘Snake’ on my tino? Think you could do better The deadline to submit your phone till even that got boring and than me? (Probably not but try masterpiece is 1 December, so get I ended up joining the mass exo- anyway.) FilmSoc is giving a full busy with your Super-8 or fancy dus out of the cinema desperately month until 1st December for you digital cameras. searching for that hour that I had to script, direct and edit your film lost of my life and would never get into DVD format. Remember, it back. has to be yours and it has to be For more information, contact Suddenly, it occurred to me. I less than thirty minutes long. Victoria Sanderson: victoria.sand- didn’t have to sit through all these That’s it! Whatever your stand- [email protected]. Friday 3 November 2006 felix 29

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Oranges and lemons, say the bells

Peter Jasper

If you were in college on Wednes- day, 25th October, you may well have heard bells ringing out in celebra- tion of the college’s Undergraduate Graduation Ceremony. The bells at the top of the Queen’s Tower are the 7th heaviest set of 10 bells in the world with the heaviest bell weigh- ing nearly 2 tons. The bells were given as a present by an Australian millionaire to Queen Victoria in 1892 and because of this, they are unusual in the way they remain the personal property of the Queen. Bells are found the world over, but the style of ringing that you hear in English churches (and of course the Queen’s Tower) is unique to this country. Bellringing started in the sixteenth century and has continued to this day, with ringers using the same techniques and music as was developed all those years ago. Today there are thousands of people of all ages ringing in churches throughout the country, including student socie- ties at many British universities. The University of London Society of Change Ringers (ULSCR) is one of the oldest student ringing socie- ties, having existed continuously for over sixty years and remains very active to this day. There are regular practices and ringing trips which are always followed by a pint or two (or three) in a nearby pub. Bellring- ers do not have to be very strong The huge, very loud bells in the roof space of the Queen’s Tower or musically minded and ringing with a university society is a fantas- tic way to meet people and to get handbells are also an important a West End show, a treasure hunt Queen’s Tower bells being rung on the ULSCR is contactable via email out and about in places all over the part of the life of the society. Just be- around the city or a “hit the dance- Commemoration Day or will listen at [email protected] or on the country. In the last year alone there fore Christmas, handbells are used floor” clubbing event, there is some- again when they are rung for Prince website www.ulscr.org.uk. Alterna- have been trips to Lundy Island, in the ULSCR concert when carols thing for everybody. This term alone Charles’s birthday on the 14th and tively, come along to a practice night Dorset and Birmingham. Also, the are rung around the Christmas tree there are plans for a Freshers’ re- again for the Queen’s Wedding Anni- on Thursday evenings from 7pm at annual inter-university competition in Trafalgar Square to entertain ception where anybody new to the versary on the 20th November, you St Olave’s church, Hart Street (near (and piss up!) takes place this year the masses doing their Christmas society gets free food and drink all will spare a thought for the ringers Tower Hill tube station) and you will in Cambridge and the ULSCR are shopping. night, a bonfire night trip, a Christ- who are keeping this ancient tradi- receive a warm welcome, whether the current reigning champions. However, bellringing is only part mas party and the annual dinner tion alive. you have never touched a bell rope However, ringing within the ULSCR of the story when it comes to ULS- and disco. If you are a ringer, or interested in before, or can conduct peals of Lon- is not just limited to church bells, CR activities. Whether it is a trip to Perhaps then, if you heard the just learning more about bellringing don Surprise Maximus! RSM wages war

Eleanor Jay en to all those who “drew” fire by running around the battle field and On the 22nd October 21 intrepid then “re-charging” their lives, it is RSM students (11 from Materials hard to say how much paintballs re- and 10 from Geology (ish!), mis- ally hurt, especially on the neck and sioned it out to a warehouse in hands. After a few more games in- Canary Wharf, Greenwich. There, volving bombs, flags and diving into inside the heavy steel doors, we sand, we moved on to the final field were faced with a monstrous ti- which was the most challenging, rade of inflatables, ditches, strong and most realistic… those trenches holds, netting, tankers, sand bags, really smelt; years of built up paint!! bunkers … and bodies. This was The geologist one the first round of war..of a paintballing nature! Af- save the package.. by sneakily grab- ter a safety briefing that consisted bing it and then holding their own mainly of, “ please don’t shoot the extremely well. Also the game of roof or the marshals, but you can save the president was entertain- shoot anything else!”, we donned ing.. which the materials group our all in ones, found Darth Vader- nearly own, only to be stopped by a like masks and we were away! First vivacious Satan, who prevented en- we had a few games of capture the try to the safe bunker! (That REAL- flag, just enough time to test out our LY hurt guys!!). The last round was semi-automatic rifles, it appears the a one on one round, so every one geologists may have gained an up- was an enemy, this caused multiple per hand on these games… but no casualties, and even more bruises! one is really sure! Then we moved After all the games had finished (I on to different field protecting our am reliably informed) that the ma- strong houses from invasions by terials group won 5-3, all players both sides. After some pretty chill- put up a damn good fight, and have ing battle cries from Burg, Steve, the battle scars (bruises) to prove Tom and others (difficult to tell with it! We all had an awesome time, and masks on!!), the Materials crew here’s to many a re-match in the managed to annihilate the geolo- near future.. maybe we can chal- gists and stormed their castle, win- lenge CGCU nest time instead.. af- ning the game. Credit must be giv- ter all we all know who will win! 30 felix Friday 3 November 2006

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Positively Red! Medsin AIDS Week

Fenella Benyon the week. It will kick off with the final of the fundraising dodgeball ositively Red! is celebrat- tournament on the 26th November ing it’s third birthday this at Ethos (get your teams together Dodgeball: the rules year (in style, of course) now!); then move swiftly on to the from 26th November to opening of the exhibition ‘around 1st December (World the world’ on the 27th; create a heat- PAIDS day). In keeping with its pred- ed debate on the 29th: “This house THE TEAM ecessors, this year’s Positively Red! believes that HIV status should be (Imperial-medsin’s AIDS aware- public knowledge” + perspectives The game shall be played between two teams of 6 players. Other people will be available as substitutes. ness week) will have a whole host on stigma from the UK and South Substitutes may enter the game only during timeouts or in the case of injury. of events and activities to keep you Africa; all will be rounded off with interested and entertained: from an amazing party in the Union with dodgeball to debating; exhibition sub-red on the Friday night! THE COURT to exciting party! AIDS awareness All the money we raise will be week began off the back of the rap- split between three charities: chil- The game will be played indoors in the Wolfson Sports Hall and the Ethos Sports Hall. The playing field idly growing global AIDS pandemic dren with AIDS charity (www.cwac. shall be a rectangle at least 50 ft long and at least 30 ft wide, divided into two (2) equal sections by a which, since the 1980s, has claimed org); Friends of the Treatment Ac- center-line and attack-lines 3m from, and parallel to the centerline. 25 million lives and seen another 40 tion Campaign (www.fotac.org); million people infected. In the UK, and kidzpositive family fund (www. there are around 58,000 people liv- kidzpositive.org) THE EQUIPMENT ing with HIV/AIDS, and new diag- noses per year have doubled since The official ball used in tournament will be a rubber-coated foam ball. Participants must wear trainers. 2000. Yet awareness of HIV has If you’d like to get involved, actually decreased in the UK over submit a dodgeball team, enter this time. Positively Red! is aiming some artwork or just want some THE GAME to raise money (as much as pos- more info, email Fenella Benyon: sible), awareness and debate over [email protected] The object of the game is to eliminate all opposing players by getting them “OUT”. This may be done by: 1. Hitting an opposing player with a LIVE thrown ball below the shoulders. 2. Catching a LIVE ball thrown by your opponent before it touches the ground.

Definition of LIVE: A ball that has been thrown and has not touched anything, including the floor/ground, another ball, another player, official or other item outside of the playing field (wall, ceiling, etc) BOUNDARIES

During play, all players must remain within the boundary lines. Players may leave the boundaries through their end-line only to retrieve stray balls. They must also return through their end-line. THE OPENING RUSH

Game begins by placing the dodgeballs along the center line – three (3) on one side of the center hash and three (3) on the other. Players then take a position behind their end line. Following a signal by the official, teams may approach the centerline to retrieve the balls. This signal officially starts the contest. Teams may only retrieve the three (3) balls to their right of the center hash. Once a ball is retrieved it must be taken behind the attack-line before it can be legally thrown. TIMING AND WINNING A GAME

The first team to legally eliminate all opposing players will be declared the winner. A 10-minute time limit has been established for each contest. If neither team has been eliminated at the end of the 10 minutes, the team with the greater number of players remaining will be declared the winner. In the case of an equal number of players remaining after regulation, a 1-minute sudden-death overtime period will be played. TIMEOUTS AND SUBSTITUTIONS

Each team will be allowed one (1) 30 second timeout per game. At this time a team may substitute players into the game. FIVE-SECOND VIOLATION

In order to reduce stalling, a violation will be called if a team in the lead controls all six (6) balls on their side of the court for more than 5 seconds. RULE ENFORCEMENT

Players will be expected to rule whether or not a hit was legal or whether they were legally eliminated. All contests will be supervised by a referee. The referee’s responsibility will be to rule on any situation in which teams cannot agree. The referee’s decision is final, with absolutely no exceptions.

CODE OF CONDUCT

1. Understand, appreciate and abide by the rules of the game.

2. Respect the integrity and judgment of game officials

3. Respect your opponent and congratulate them in a courteous manner following each match whether in victory or defeat.

4. Be responsible for your actions and maintain self-control.

5. Do not taunt or bait opponents and refrain from using foul or abusive language.

Anyone in violation of this code of conduct as declared by the tournament personnel will be disqualified from the tournament without refund and will leave the premises immediately. Friday 3 November 2006 felix 31

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] IC Radio bring us the noise IC Radio has the gear and the talent to provide you with a DJ and some banging tunes

Sebastian Kaminski Soc Christmas Party and the Eras- Head of Discos mus party, and have more lined up. One happy customer said, “A live ICRadio discos can answer so DJ really improved the atmosphere Mike Higgins many of your problems. Perhaps and provided a focus for the party”, your club or society is organising and “the sound system and mu- Station Manager a disco? Perhaps you want to host sic were excellent.” Another said, the party to end all parties? Do you “That was the best disco I went to need a sound system so magnifi- that night!” You are rather lucky to go to Im- cent that the bass blows everyone Perhaps you are an experienced perial, I can tell you this. But not in attendance away? Perhaps you DJ, or want to become an experi- for any of the reasons you have need to hire a DJ? Are you a DJ enced DJ, who plays at all the top- heard before. You are lucky be- who wants to play at a disco? Well notch events that ICRadio enter- cause Imperial College Radio is then IC Radio is the club for you. tain? Whether you’re a professional probably the best student radio We have a dedicated disco team or just another amateur who’s nev- station around. “But I hear it is that hire out our impressive sound er played before you could be DJing just another student radio sta- system to clubs and societies for at one of these discos. tion” you cry. Now that is just their parties, socials and other ICRadio is often called up by soci- wrong. I have been told that we non-descript gatherings of booze- eties looking for DJs to play at their broadcast more hours of origi- hounds. For those of you who are events. DJing for ICRadio is not nal programming per year than technical-minded, it includes two only great fun, but for one night’s most, if not all, of our competitors Technics 1210 turntables, a Be- work you can earn yourself enough in the capital. One of the best fea- hringer 2500 Amp, some impres- cash to pay for your next night out tures on the ICRadio website is sively large speakers, a Denon dual with your friends (as long as you go our listen again service. We keep CD mixer and a four channel De- to Cheapskates). every show presented in the last non mixer. We’ve also got monitor Most of our work is cheesy old- four years and they are all avail- speakers, microphones and other school hits, modern pop and hip- able for you to download. So if essential equipment. All of which hop, but we do get the occasional you visit us at the award-winning adds up to tremendous aural pleas- call up for alternative or house mu- www.icradio.com you can hear ure for all of those in attendance. sic. The more people we have for all the shows you have missed In essence, ICRadio can provide each genre the more often we get over the years. The main aspect your club, society or just your group invited to perform at events. is for us to create and broadcast of friends with all the equipment radio shows. A lot of people tell you will need and a DJ who cuts all me that they could never do a ra- the mustard in sight. All of which If your society needs a sound dio show because they would feel comes at a very reasonable price. system, or if you’re up for some too self-conscious, but even when We’ve already helped organise DJing, send an email to sebas- the shyest of my friends guest on four discos this term, like the Civ- [email protected]. Lisa and Seb DJing at one of many wild CivSoc boat parties my show, they become animated chatterboxes the moment I flip the On Air switch. Are you still not convinced that you should be a part of ICRadio? I have more reasons. ICRadio is Moon Unit: IC’s favourite rock show mostly filled with music lovers, me included. But, and this is a big but, the main difference be- SuperDan and Essex Boi our own musical choice. SuperDan tween ICRadio and other music normally sticks to the modern day related clubs and societies is the Under the guise of our superhero taking Moon Unit down a road filled distinct lack of music fascism. alter egos, SuperDan and Essex with the delights of 90s’ Brit pop, Any music sits perfectly with any Boi, we aim to bring you the great- some mellow tunes and some turn- other type, anywhere on ICRadio est in guitar sounds. Well, sort of. of-the-century metal. On the other and we intend to keep it like that. The music on Moon Unit is nothing end of the Unit, Essex Boi tends to ICRadio has the likes of cheesy- other than our taste, much like most stick to the older sounds. The 80s’ poptastic School Daze (with shows on ICRadio. It is an amalga- post-punk era, 70s’ hard/psych- resident schoolmasters Lisa mation of the majority of what the edelic rock and 60s’ guitar pop Bunclark and Seb Kaminski) sat media calls ‘alternative’. We call it seem to be the usual choice. The right alongside the metal mon- mainstream rock, but we enjoy a best in Moon Unit music comes in ster that is Iron Thursday, the dash of metal, a pinch of punk and the crossover regions. The main- brainchild of Flangernon Lacy a dollop of electro all added into stream area in which we both like and Jurgen Grundleburger. Alex the witch’s cauldron for added fun, to delve out musical tastes is filled Baldwin (him from the Nightlife craic and wonder. with pleasures unknown. When one section) and his buddy Matt Long You may have seen us at the of us manages to find a song that we come in and play all kinds of odd Freshers’ Fair. We did a live set on both like the show tends to hit fifth sounds that I often find surpris- the ICRadio stand from two until gear. Within this limited category ingly pleasant on the interesting- three. If you do not remember us, exists the likes of Björk, Bloc Party ly titled Lazer Tiger vs. The Acid we were the two guys with appall- and anything but modern R’n’B. Tripping Swamp Monkeys. ing haircuts playing out the likes of Basically, your staple diet of indie Shows are not our only out- The Rapture, The Clash and The dance floor tracks and ‘experimen- put. Seb Kaminski is in charge Killers whilst drinking some pints tal’ music will be catered for within of running the numerous events and shaking our jelly. We hope this our weekly hour of fun and games. we are hired to do by Imperial’s encouraged you to sign up to follow Alongside the music there exists SuperDan and Essex Boi: Their parents were fire and brimstone other clubs and societies. Folake in our footsteps. the infamous Moon Unit banter. It Adegbohun runs a music review Moon Unit is now in its third year is the repartee between the two of team that take all of the twenty to of operation and since its inception us that repeatedly brings our lis- that often rears its ugly head is Essex Boi’s closing track). This fifty CDs we are sent every week. has managed to become Impe- teners back, begging for more. In Not On My Moon Unit. This is a lit- spookfest included some of The Our members also get access to rial College’s most listened to rock shows gone by we have discussed tle ditty where Essex Boi normally Jesus and Mary Chain, Nine Inch our professional recording stu- show. However, none of our listen- everything from the merits of mod- plays out a classic piece of hip-hop, Nails and Korn, for all your gothic dio. Where some minor sucessful ers ever want to tell us about the ern day R’n’B in the vein of those reggae or Motown that is actually metal needs. Next week, though, songs have been recorded. On top show. So, before we start telling you Beyoncé types (we concluded that good, unlike most of the rubbish will see a return to our usual pro- of all of this our resident house why you too should become a Moon there are none) to the always ap- from the mainstream ‘urban’ scene. gramming selection, what that in- junkie, James Yearsley, teaches Uniter, I ask anyone who listens to propriate subject of coprophilia (I Finally Dan’s Shit Past involves Su- cludes even we do not know. the finer points of turntablism to get in contact and start requesting suggest you Google that word if you perDan playing something that he Frankly we do not take ourselves those who are interested. tracks and generally telling us why do not know it, but be warned, do liked when he was about thirteen seriously, but somehow have quite Hopefully you are convinced we are so much better than every- not do an image search). (Blink 182 etc). a decent following and we enjoy that ICRadio is the best thing on one else. Not that we are immodest, We like to include a few regular We also regularly run Moon Unit ourselves. Over the past years we Earth and that you want to join we just state the facts. Though only features in the show. We have had Specials. This week saw a Hallow- found that when it comes to mak- our noble cause. If you are suit- the facts that make us look good. weekly interviews with pop and een themed show that included ing good shows professionalism is ably impressed email manager@ On a normal Moon Unit hour we TV superstars Alvin and the Chip- songs of a scary nature. Only songs secondary to making the listeners icradio.com and I can get you each take over the show for a thirty- munks, followed by their rendition that contained lyrics of doom and laugh. So go and download our last rocking the airwaves within the minute section, playing exclusively of a famous song. Another piece despair made the cut (except for show, it is very good. Trust us. week. 32 felix Friday 3 November 2006

COFFEE BREAK coff [email protected] Coffee Break is back with the Sarge Reintroducing the world’s best quiz: the Felix University/College-Wide Invitational Tournament (FUCWIT)

as mine. Think of it this way – we ing the pool to be built in the base- voted him back for another year ment instead of its original location with Felix (only just, fending off Op- The rules of the game on the first floor, but the new one timus Prime) and he just buggered definitely looks the part. Sitting op- off without saying goodbye. Basi- posite ‘the blue cube’, the pink and cally, I’m far better. Hear me roar. Welcome back to this year’s Felix This year there may be, but green seems to fit in. It’s also at- So stand straight when I’m talking University/College-Wide Invita- not always, secret bonus marks tached to the Royal School of Mines, to you! tional Tournament, or FUCWIT. on one or more of the questions and I can assure everyone reading Anyhow, onto business, so listen The format of this year’s compe- based on the quality of your this that the RSM had nothing to do up – I was looking forward (some- tition is going to be a little spiced answer, again to make things with what happened next door. what) to returning to Imperial for up, because I know for a fact that interesting. This naturally prompted me to Sergeant Hartman another year of soaking up knowl- too many things given to you all We’ll always give the maximum take a look around College and ex- edge from friendly professors and last year were so easily search- number of obtainable points each amine the architecture present in Right, as I’m sure you’re all aware, getting ever closer to obtaining able on the internet. The Hoff round, to keep you guessing as a little more detail. Given what I’ve David Hasselhoff (otherwise known my degree (or not, pending alco- got more than a little suspicious. to how many you can get. already seen, the results weren’t around these parts as the Hoff) has hol consumption). After a long and Anyway, here’s how it works: This week, we’re going to give that surprising – it looks like a hun- suddenly departed from hallowed gruelling battle with several estate You need a team name. Think you nine different photos of plac- dred years’ worth of buildings, past Imperial ground without a trace agents, a landlord or two, and sev- of one. Every week, make sure es around Imperial College. Your and present, were dumped on a at the end of last year, and hasn’t eral bed and breakfasts (don’t ask!), you include your team name job is to give us the name of the block behind the Science Museum returned to do his regular page in I managed to get a nice little place when you email in the answers building (i.e. not the name of the and left there as Imperial College. Felix this year. Coffee Break can just a stone’s throw away from Col- to [email protected] department(s) that use it). If you In a way, I’m thankful that not eve- exclusively reveal that he has bug- lege. I was ready to attempt to do You get 2 marks for each ques- can’t find the name, you may rything looks the same, but at the gered off onto I’m a Celebrity, Get some sort of work – but before all tion. I’ll give one mark for what I get one mark for other relevant same time we not only possess the Me Out of Here due to the sizeable those dreams were duly shattered deem to be partially correct an- information so give it a shot. So, cure-the-blind architecture, oh no, pay-packet he would be receiving as I walked onto campus, I was swers, or for particularly clever how well do you know really we also have in our inventory a from it, and therefore he has left a blinded as I walked onto Upper wrong answers. Imperial? couple of buildings – physicists look void in Felix that many have always Dalby Court, where bright blues away now – that look, from the out- thought could not be filled (due to and the new addition of greens and side, so dreary and uninspiring that the size of the Hoff’s monstrous pinks of the building opposite abso- tect responsible for this interesting which was due to be finished in I could swear the architect was the loins). lutely wreaked havoc on my retinas. new addition to college was a bloke April 2006, although it’s been closed same guy who designed the office Luckily for all of you, however, After dropping to the ground and called Sheppard Robson. This is off on a few weekends and work (in- for Dilbert, minus the cat, dog, and that’s false, as I’ve decided to hop quickly donning some Ray-Bans, I all well and good, frankly because cluding the lovely pink thing that the guy with his hair on fire. over from writing the common decided that it was probably some- when I run out of red and blue in sits on top of the building) seems to This, incidently, also gave me in- sense column (or what the Com- thing to do with the BioMedical En- my colouring pencil set and want be ongoing periodically. spiration for this year’s first FUC- ments Editor called satire) to doing gineering department’s “Restore to doodle in lectures, I would also I’m not sure if this surpasses the WIT competition. How well do you Coffee Break. I have to say that al- sight to the blind” campaign or sim- naturally reach for the Barbie pink little civil engineering mishap of know your way around Imperial though he has left a legacy behind, ilar – Stevie Wonder could see those and Lime-on-acid. However, what forgetting to factor in the weight of College and what each department he really didn’t have much sub- colours, for Christ’s sake. I can’t figure out is why somebody water in the swimming pool in the looks like? It’s time to find out this stance, and his loins weren’t as big A little digging revealed the archi- has budgeted £5.7m for the project, old leisure centre (whoops), forc- week.

Answers:

1

2 1 2 3 Let’s start off easy because I don’t want any- Possibly the centrepiece of the Imperial Welcome to Nerd Central a.k.a Cram-City one to have no points after the first round. campus. Mainly there to annoy the rest of us a.k.a the answer! The stench of curry from That would just make you sad and pathetic. with constant chiming on special occasions. last year’s cram season still fills the air. 3

4

5

4 5 6 The Sarge pauses to take a look at the build- Plenty of Imperial students have many sto- Sarge pauses to take a look at the home 6 ing that whistles on a windy day (it really ries to tell about this place, but currently the of its slightly more drunken, lower class does). What’s this place called? entrance is blocked off. citizens. He makes a hasty getaway.

7

8

7 8 9 9 Welcome to the Biomedical Engineer’s The only place at Imperial College you’ll ever One final extra hard bonus question. What project for restoring sight to the blind. You see a naked lady. Where is the Sarge cur- is the name of the building, and what lies can be excused for not wanting to know this. rently jerking off? beyond these double doors? Friday 3 November 2006 felix 33

PUZZLES [email protected] Sudoku 1,362 This Week’s Horoscopes

Complete the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 Scorpio (23 Oct – 21 Nov) Pisces (19 Feb – 20 Mar) Cancer (22 Jun – 22 Jul) square contains the digits 1 to 9. Email your solution to sudoku. [email protected] by Tuesday 9am. We will randomly select If you can read this, Aliens invade today, You’re really irritat- a winner to receive either a 128MB USB stick or a crate of beer. you’re too fucking and force the most ing. In fact, your mere You must claim your prize within a week. close. That girl there intelligent to pair off presence makes me you’ve been eyeing for and mate non-stop. want to barf up my the last half hour over Unfortunately, it large intestine. You your lunch doesn’t like appears that physi- have the fetid body 6 8 you. In fact, she and her friends cal beauty and intelligence are odour of a whale carcass, and your are discussing whether your penis inversely proportional to one an- small-minded, viciously racist is small, or really fucking small. other, and you end up getting knob political ideals make nuns cry. In 9 4 1 3 2 You suck; your penis is tiny. chafe off a minger. Hahahaha. short, I hate you. Sagittarius (22 Nov – 21 Dec) Aries (21 Mar – 20 Apr) Leo (23 Jul – 22 Aug) 5 4 8 Everybody welcome You’re offended by Critics describe your Chris Hemmens the horoscopes, and next week as ‘stun- 6 2 9 7 to the arena! That believe that flam- ning’, ‘a breathtaking ker-ray-zee mofo has ing, fusing balls of tour de force’ and ‘the contributed to Gemini hydrogen thousands best thriller since 9 1 this week. An initia- of millions of miles The Ipcress File’. tion ceremony of child abuse and away can influence your day to day You receive three academy award anal beads awaits you, Chris! Now life. Congratulations! You have the nominations, while your stuntman 3 6 4 2 assume the position and let the intellectual capacity of a gnat, and receives two. In the end, you both pop-pop-popping commence! the good looks of rabid goat. only win one. You are both pleased. 5 4 7 Capricorn (22 Dec – 19 Jan) Taurus (21 Apr – 21 May) Virgo (23 Aug – 22 Sept) What are you doing in You wouldn’t believe Horoscope brethren: 1 3 8 2 9 my house? Get your how hard it is (for me apologies. A bearded feet out of my slip- the intruder) to come intruder has abused pers, prick. Is that a up with twelve funny our hallowed page. 9 5 pipe? You’ve got ash things to say. I haven’t Damage limita- all over the carpet! even managed one, tion methods were Get out, I’m calling the police. GET and I’m over halfway down the employed, but not entirely success- Solution to 1,361 Jotting pad OUT. Now. You are about to go on page already. Having said that, it’s fully. If you see a hairy man: kill a long journey in a whole world of still funnier than the Felix comics. him. Leave no trace. Shadow hide 8 5 1 6 2 4 7 3 9 hurt. In a big white ambulance. But then, so is amoebic dysentery. you. Fear nothing. 9 2 7 1 3 8 5 4 6 4 3 6 9 5 7 8 1 2 Aquarius (20 Jan – 18 Feb) Gemini (22 May – 21 Jun) Libra (23 Sept – Oct 22) 5 1 4 3 8 2 6 9 7 6 7 3 4 9 5 2 8 1 A man walks into The entire staff of The masked psycho- a bar and sees two Windsor Castle will path aims his assault 2 8 9 7 6 1 3 5 4 pieces of meat nailed be camping on your rifle at your head. To 1 9 8 5 7 6 4 2 3 to the ceiling. The doorstep tomorrow. kick his legs out from 7 4 5 2 1 3 9 6 8 barman tells him he It became clear poor beneath him, turn to 3 6 2 8 4 9 1 7 5 can win a lot of money recycling figures for page 18. To break his if he pays a tenner and can get the UK was your fucking fault. You face, turn to page 71. To run like a Thanks to everyone who entered. them down. He responds: “Forget protest their protest by burning an pathetic coward, turn to drugs in Remi Williams: a winner is you. it, the steaks are too high”. I think urban fox you captured a week ago. an attempt to assuage the guilt of Keep those entries coming in! we can all learn from this parable. They cheer and crown you king. leaving everyone to die.

Felix Crossword 1,362 Rawden

1 2 3 4 5 6 ACROSS DOWN Greetings, crossword fans! 1 Patron entrance with Nigel 1 Cleaning dirtied? Toad, I am This week’s crossword has a initially in the middle (5) innocent! (15) lot of Cs in it. I tried to keep them 5 Dance Italian with Gallium! (5) 2 Argument decrease without Ed out, but they sneaked in through 7 8 9 10 7 Clone lion does the same thing (7) the window while I wasn’t looking. (7) 3 Covet a tangled eigth (6) I was also in a bit of a continen- 9 Applaud on/off farewell (7) 4 Precise clergyman follows tal mood while writing the clues. 11 Transposed in rhyme (7) mains (8) By this I mean, of course, that I 11 12 Oh, after brief interim pulse (5) 5 Bond consuming fifty mild (7) couldn’t think of any English words 13 Requires dense mayhem (5) 6 A long shot - possible, but not so I used French ones instead. I 12 13 14 See with PR stuck in splurge (5) indoors (2,7,6) knew that AS level would come in 20 No French bike. Missing? Oh, 8 Superior dash (5) handy at some point. new (5) 10 Fix Royal Institution vet (5) The good news is that there 22 Sounds like an insect upstairs 15 Nude plum startled swinger (8) are absolutely no philosophers, 14 15 (5) 16 Assist a cover, we hear (5) misspelled or otherwise. Poor 23 Be mad! No upset tummy (7) 17 Pink whistler you wouldn’t want Friedrich. 16 17 15 18 19 24 Poorly equal, French criminal to drop (7) Rawden (7) 18 Second and first not applicable 20 21 22 25 Address at inside a headgear (7) Yes, I mis-spelt Nietzsche. Sorry. Constellation (7) 19 Implements in misty light (5) Scarecrow 23 26 Born with Virtual Reality? When 21 Short Emma, order raise! (6) hell freezes over! (5) Solution to Crossword 1,361 27 Endlessly, Abe consumed N E I T Z S C H E A A L S A S decline (5) S D H U B T R I U E L I C I T 24 25 G I B B E R I S H C E C A R A Jotting pad B S R E U A L T A R E D R U G F O X C U N I O N E D E E R G P N G A N D N R E C I R C L E 26 27 S K M S D E A Y E I A U R M R P H A L A N X I V E R B O S E E E R D I T E W E O Y E W F D Send your answers to [email protected] or bring this page C A S T R O C H I M E L I U S down to the Felix office in the West Wing of Beit Quad by Tuesday 9am. U T U S Y N V A L U E A O N E Each week, we’ll choose a winner, who will receive both kudos and £10. L A P P R S A T N S O O A S H Last week’s winner is Paul Kirk. Well done, Paul. You must claim your A A I U E A E N D E A V O U R prize within a week. Everyone who provides us with a correct solution T H A M E S N O O U S A K N V will get an entry into our prize draw at the end of the year. E N L S L L E T Y M O L O G Y THE IMPERIAL CHARITY FASHION SHOW FRIDAY 3RD NOVEMBER 2006 7:30pm | THE GREAT HALL, SHERFIELD BUILDING

AFTER PARTY: THE ROOF GARDENS 10:00pm | 99 HIGH STREET KENSINGTON

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imperialthe icpanache.com [email protected] collection Friday 3 November 2006 felix 35

SPORT [email protected] A beautiful performance IC Rugby lads embarrassed If only the match were up to the standard of the warm up! by Royal Free Medics’ team

Losing 17 – 0 at half time, IC were Women’s Hockey Men’s Rugby getting fired up for the second half IC 2nd XI 2 - 0 UCL 3rd XI ICURFC 12 - 22 Royal Free which saw big tackles occurring all over the field. Nathan made sure Royal Free would not try and run The IC girls arrived at Harlington The 1st XV were in high spirits through the centres again by flat- in a confident mood, following a 12- after an impressive performance tening their centre and knocking 0 victory in their previous game. against Royal Holloway, last year’s him out. Attempting intimidation tactics ULU Cup winners who beat the 1st Up front, man of the match Ben through dynamic stretching prow- XV in the final. Today’s opponents Moorhouse was a machine, tack- ess is a popular theme of the 2nd’s were another side promoted due ling everything in sight and mak- matches, UCL were treated to a to BUSA restructuring, and were ing sure their forwards couldn’t special display incorporating goal- keen to stamp their authority. get through the side of the ruck ie-worship routines. The game started poorly for IC; and mauls. The game began with a solid, if the Royal Free forwards were Again, IC’s movement and play rather conservative, defence for IC, fired up and were a lot more physi- was sensational, particularly from lead by Izzy playing a great game cal up front, and after some sus- the backs, but poor finishing and as sweeper and Fi showing us what tained pressure they managed to the forwards were in set play with- she can do if we let her up in the drive the scrum from five metres out a proper hooker stopped them midfield for a match! out over the IC try line to get the from scoring. As the game progressed, IC be- first points of the day. The last five minutes saw ex- came more attacking, with numer- This pressure continued in the tremely fast play; Royal Free ous opportunities in the ‘D’ finally IC Ladies demonstrate elegance in an unorthodox warm-up routine scrums and in tight play, but some scored their fourth try, and IC fi- resulting in a somewhat scrappy poor tackling by the forwards let nally decided to wake up and play goal from Dasha. The next goal the centre over the try line for rugby! Up front, the forwards ran showed rather more flair, with Da- breaks failed to reach the stick of a Special mentions go to Mary for Royal Free’s second try. at the opposition with persistent sha planting an awesome cross for striker; with a little more organisa- standing in as goalie despite being Only then did IC wake up and pressure, paying off with Bo driv- Melissa to finish before UCL knew tion the score line may have reflect- unable to move most of her limbs, starting playing their own game; ing over the line for IC’s first try, what hit them. ed the dominance of IC’s play. to Roxy for letting us have her, and with mouvement général occur- which was quickly followed by UCL rarely had a chance to Girl of the game was a difficult Dasha for hitting with her stick, not ring in full flow all over the park, quick hands from the kick off to threaten the IC goal; when they did, decision and came down to a boat her head. Royal Free were unable to control find Mike, on the wing, who sim- good clearing from short corners race between Bella, Fi and Izzy; Post-match celebrations saw our the apparent chaos that was un- ply glided through the oppositions and some excellent hitting from Bella won in style to claim the title, captain in a rather delicate state; I folding in front of them. backs to score. Bella quickly saw IC back in attack. for services to hitting the ball very am assured this was wholly the re- However, poor finishing meant Although a disappointing result, Trish and Melissa worked hard on hard yet with surprising accuracy. sponsibility of Bella and most defi- that IC never crossed the line and the team can take some brilliant the left side; covering more ground Twat of the match was an easier de- nately not Fi herself. Royal Free took the advantage moments of play and take it into than I did in the whole of last sea- cision, and was claimed by Izzy for Alice Rowlands again by scoring the third try of the next weeks game against GKT. son! Unfortunately most of IC’s a very elegant fall on her backside! Sport Editor half with a run through the centres. Jovan Nedic

IC men play with each other Imperial men’s football 4ths dominate St George 2nds Men’s Football IC 4ths 2 - 3 IC 5ths Wide mids Alex “I will only score Men’s Football stylish goals” Avila and Alex Rybka IC 4ths 1 - 0 IC St George 2nds gave IC depth of attack, which St It has been eight long, exercise- George could barely understand- free months since the end of last let alone deal with. With so much year’s football season. On Saturday IC faced St George’s in their first pressure, something was bound however, with trials completed and home game of a slow starting sea- to give and right before half time a new batch of freshers initiated son. The game was almost won that turned out to be Max’s ankle- into (unofficially) IC’s greatest club before kick off; the reputation of an horrific tackle from a rubbish and/or society, the veterans of IC “Fortress Harlington” striking fear medic hacked it of. Frank politely football were finally able to squeeze into medics nationwide. IC adopted explained what happened to the back into their footy kits ready for the 4-1-3-2 system, used by Eng- referee, in a language which may the battle to begin. The highlight land to secure the 1966 World cup only be described as “Irish”, and of the opening round of fixtures final (a match, coincidently, also was duly awarded a penalty. James thrown up by the ULU Supercom- played against a load of pricks). “The Shadow” Skeen placed the puter was the most intense of rival- St George’s were so sure of defeat ball in the boggy, cut up, marsh of a ries – an inter-IC derby. they turned up forfeiting the game penalty area as the air grew tense. A 3-0 pre-season friendly victory Imperial footballers in shirt and ties? It could only be Christmas to avoid humiliation. Captain Skeen The unthinkable happened as the for the 5ths in this same fixture, was having none of it, and the Medic 7-foot keeper, with hands the size of four days earlier, meant that the annihilation began. the goal, saved the perfectly struck game was sure to be a cracker. The a nice run along the by-line was later and the 5ths had equalised as From the outset IC played with shot, leaving the score at 0-0 at half 4th team aching for revenge and matched by a cool finish. Oops. 2-0 Scott finished off a rampaging run tremendous flair and skill. Nut- time. In the second half, near gale the 5th’s desperatation to prove the down. This never happened to Mu- with a neat finish. megs, Cruff turns and Ronaldo- force winds allowed St George’s a friendly win was no fluke. Even the hammed Ali. Within the space of 10 minutes the style step-overs were being served few shots, against the run of play. new boys could tell how much pride Sometimes, however, football is game had completely turned on its up in abundance. IC were so con- The combination of Mike “The was at stake in this one. about more than skill. A dogged 5th head, as now it was the 4th teams fident that Alex “Nuts!” Rybka al- Butcher” Allen and Scott “Razor” The 5th team entered the game team managed to reach half time turn to hang on. They couldn’t quite lowed St George’s to nutmeg him; McKenzie at centre back ensured with the same rope-a-dope strategy without conceding further, and manage however, and 5ths captain the sign of a truly confident football- chances were kept to a minimum. that served them so well in the ear- captain Gui’s passion-charged half- Gui completed a magnificent come- er. Even the keeper Frank “hawk The introduction of Tariq “The lier encounter – let the 4ths come time team talk stirred something back with what turned out to be the eye” O’Neil (known for his ability to Stealth” Melham at half time and at them all guns blazing, roll with within the hearts and loins of the winning goal, rounding the keeper spot a penalty from the other end of the attacking nature of Paul “not the punches and then bang! Hit 5ths. and rolling the ball over the line, be- the pitch) wanted aboard the now the shark” Szczesiak gave IC in- them on the counter. Sure enough A changed 5th team started to win fore succumbing to a bout of cramp fully loaded showboat. Having re- creased width in midfield; splitting the 4ths shot out of the blocks; un- some challenges in midfield and fi- during his celebration. Ten nerv- ceived the ball from a pass back, he the St George’s defence wider than fortunately for the 5th team master nally managed to start to pass the ous minutes remained, but the 5th played it off an advancing attacker a “Master-full” mother of ill repute. plan, this time they managed to ball about. Early in the second half, team hardcore defending meant and picked it up again, a move now With the time running out, Luca score. Twice. 5th team pressure saw a seemingly 3-2 was the way the match ended. known as “The O’Neil”. “The Assistant” Laraia put Sam The first goal, from a great cross fair goal ruled out for a marginal Frenzied scenes of celebration met IC dominated the midfield with “The Scorer” Rickets through on by Sam Rickards, was somehow offside after excessive 4th team the final whistle as the 5ths gloat- Jeremy “The Erotic” Lovett and goal, he finished with Thierry Hen- poked in at the back stick by a well- whinging. This only served to delay ed and rubbed their victory in the Sam Rickett, feeding countless ry style. The game was one of the marked Tariq. The second 4ths the inevitable as James Long sped faces of the gutted 4th teamers. A through-balls to Max “I swear it’s most convincing 1-0 victories ever, goal followed shortly afterwards through the heart of the 4th team great game from both teams: here’s my real name” Steel and Luca and the start of the IC 4ths 100% as Chris was picked out unmarked defence to bury a great shot past looking forward to a great season. Laraia to chase, testing the soon- home record. from a half-cleared corner and poor Mike Pursey. Barely seconds Sam Styles to-be-exhausted St George keeper. James Skeen THE IMPERIAL CHARITY FASHION SHOW FRIDAY 3RD NOVEMBER 2006 7:30pm | THE GREAT HALL, SHERFIELD BUILDING

AFTER PARTY: THE ROOF GARDENS 10:00pm | 99 HIGH STREET KENSINGTON

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