WHERE TO START WITH...

THE LOWDOWN: IT’S QUITE possible that more has been written about the Dwarves’ behaviour than has ever been said about their music. And not without good reason: their first ever UK gig, for instance, ended after just four songs when the band started a brawl with the entire audience. They were also dropped by Sub Pop for faking the death of guitarist Hewhocannotbena- med (musical differences seemed like a boring reason for his departure, though the label thought otherwise) and generally left behind more than a two decade’s worth of carnage and venereal disease of the sort that would shame the Vikings. None of which would count for shit if they hadn’t written some truly brilliant music. But, having evolved from an acid munching psychedelicpsychedelic ooutfit,utfit, tthroughhrough bbrash,rash, r rawaw g garagearage p punk,unk, t htheyey h haveave consistentlyconsistently rreleasedeleased ssomeome ooff tthehe w world’sorld’s b bestest p punkunk a albums,lbums, embracingembracing eeverythingverything ffromrom hhip-hopip-hop t too p popop a alonglong t hthee w way.ay. I tIt shouldshould aalsolso bbee nnotedoted tthathat ffrontmanrontman BBlaglag D Dahliaahlia i sis a a l ylyricalrical THE genius.genius. LLongong mmayay ttheyhey ccontinueontinue ttoo aannoy.nnoy. DWARVES ESSENTIAL PURCHASE FOLLOW-UP PURCHASE ALSO RECOMMENDED WILD CARD AVOID ‘...ARE YOUNG AND ‘...MUST DIE’ ‘SUGAR FIX’ ‘FREE COCAINE’ ‘LICK IT’ GOOD LOOKING’ (SYMPATHY FOR THE RECORD INDUSTRY, 2004) (SUB POP, 1993) (RECESS, 1999) (RECESS, 1998) (EPITAPH, 1997) A WILDLY eclectic record featuring THEIR LAST record for Sub Pop after DURING THEIR transitional WITH 34 tracks compiled from UNQUESTIONABLY THE Dwarves’ everything from hardcore punk to which they were elbowed for faking period between being a psychedelic all the bands early singles, this finest (half) hour, this features every- pop and hip-hop with such guests the death of guitarist Hewhocannot- garage band and the band they are is a very different band from the thing that makes them one of the as Dexter Holland, Josh Freese and benamed in an, “anonymous bar fight today, the Dwarves showed every Dwarves we know today. Obviously greatest punk bands on the planet. DJ Marz. ‘The Dwarves Must Die’ in Philadelphia”. After many touching indication that they were going to guzzling down acid and having a Tunes that evoke the Ramones and shows the true musical genius of obituaries and messages of condol- be thoroughly unpleasant. This com- pretty bad trip, they managed to the Damned at their best, seedy and the band. If it weren’t for the fact ance, the band laughed their asses pilation of early singles, including sound like a psychedelic Cramps obnoxious lyrics, nudity, violence, that they insisted on getting naked off, cheekily calling the last track ‘I such masterpieces as ‘I Wanna Kill crossed with something you’d see and even a letter from their former girls to crucify a dwarf on the sleeve Wish That I Was Dead’ with a post- Your Boyfriend’ and ‘It’s Your Party in a ‘60s freak out movie. Which, label explaining why they were then tracks like ‘Salt Lake City’ might script to the label, “thanks to Sub Pop (Die If You Want To)’, is a clear sign admittedly, is pretty good stuff, just dropped. As it says on the record: even see them get some airplay... on for drugs and money”. Another great that things were going to get out not what you’d want to check out if “Nothing but hits bitch!” the day that Satan skates to work. record overshadowed by controversy. of hand. Loud, raw, and infectious. you’ve recently discovered them.

BURN THESE! THE ULTIMATE THE DWARVES MIX CD... ‘LET’S FUCK’ ass I’ll fuck that too!’. More tea, I wanna be your master! I’m just Blag blows his own trumpet and it back!’ brags Blag in this superb vicar? a fucking bastard!’. A simple basically tells the world how great punk steamroller, before declaring really need explaining? DOES THIS FIND IT: ‘Thank Heaven For Little Ramones-esque blast about pimp- the Dwarves are. Laughable if he ‘don’t really give a fuck about no Murderdolls’ song of the same name Girls’, 1992. ing one’s hoe. Delightful. wasn’t absolutely right. right or wrong’. Like that needed bears some remarkable (and they FIND IT: ‘The Dwarves Are Young FIND IT: ‘Come Clean’, 2000. pointing out. claim accidental) similarities, but this ‘ANYBODY OUT THERE’ And Good Looking’, 1997. FIND IT: ‘The Dwarves Must Die’, is way more fun and er, infectious. 2004. FIND IT: ‘Blood, Guts And Pussy’, LYRICALLY LIMITED to a couple of ‘SALT LAKE CITY’ 1990. lines, Blag doesn’t really have time ‘FREE COCAINE’ A RARE radio-friendly tune from to disgrace himself so we’re left CULLED FROM an early EP entitled our heroes. Not that many stations ‘MASSACRE’ ‘FUCK YOU UP AND with a raucous punk blast that’s as ‘Lucifer’s Crank’ this ragged one would touch it given that the cover A GAUNTLET throwing tune GET HIGH’ simple as it is effective. minute blast is pretty self-explana- features a dwarf being crucified by that disses everyone from Good FIND IT: ‘Sugar Fix’, 1993. tory. ‘The best things in life are free! naked girls. Charlotte to Creed and QOTSA. It AGAIN IT doesn’t take Stephen Well, if they’re free why don’t you FIND IT: ‘The Dwarves Must Die’, was reported that this was the song Hawking to work out what this ‘SATURDAY NIGHT’ give ‘em to me!’. 2004. that caused QOTSA singer Josh one’s about. Vocals, in the style of FIND IT: ‘Free Cocaine’, 1999. Homme’s altercation with Blag. ON THE face of it a simple ode to a complete mental, are provided by ‘The Dwarves Must Die’, the best night of the week, but of ‘BLAST’ FIND IT: Nick Oliveri in full rant mode. 2004. FIND IT: ‘Blood, Guts And Pussy’, course, the Dwarves use it as an ‘BETTER BE WOMEN’ OPENING WITH a sample of Nick 1990. excuse to wreck the place, violate A SIMPLE ditty about a singular Oliveri giving his reasons for being young ladies and ‘know that deep failure with the better sex. ‘You try, elbowed from Queens Of The Stone ‘GO!’ ‘BACK SEAT OF MY CAR’ down low, you’re loving it’. but you don’t get none. And I said, Age, this also features a venting of IN WHICH Blag complains rather FIND IT: ‘Sugar Fix’, 1993. “why? Is she a lesbian?”’. PC as Oliveri’s not inconsiderable spleen. vigorously about the dating process. ONE CAN only imagine the horrors always then. FIND IT: ‘The Dwarves Must Die’, ‘Why can’t I just fuck that bitch and that await in the back seat of any ‘REPUTATION’ FIND IT: ‘Come Clean’, 2000. 2004. go?’. It’s inadvisable to play this to vehicle owned by the Dwarves. your girlfriend. ‘I’VE GOT a bad reputation and Let’s just say that traffic violations ‘The Dwarves Must Die’, you don’t even know me!’ threatens ‘HOW IT’S DONE’ ‘DOMINATOR’ FIND IT: are not your main concern. 2004. FIND IT: ‘Blood Guts And Pussy’, Blag with his usual glee before ONE OF many songs in which ‘I TAKE the cake and then I take 1990. apparently protesting his inno-

cence. Butter wouldn’t melt...

‘GASH WAGON’ FIND IT: ‘Sugar Fix’, 1993. THANKFULLY THE lyrics are pretty ‘YOU GOTTA BURN’ � indecipherable, but the title and a I THE DWARVES chorus of ‘sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll’ OOZING SLOW and sleazy sex

and what sounds like someone appeal, this is the ultimate stripper’s shouting ‘suck my dick’ give you an tune. Forget Mötley Crüe’s ‘Girls, DEXTER HOLLAND all too vivid idea of where the Gash Girls, Girls’, if you’d like a young “THE DWARVES are super punk, that’s what Wagon is heading. lady to disrobe then slap this I always loved about them. Today when you call FIND IT: ‘Blood Guts And Pussy’, sucker on. someone punk, it might say more about the T-shirt THE OFFSPRING FIND IT: ‘The Dwarves Are Young “ “ 1990. some dude is wearing instead of their attitude. The Dwarves came“ And Good Looking’, 1997. before that stuff; they are a seminal punk band to me. Live, their ‘ANYBODY BUT ME’ shows descended into chaos and didn’t last more than 15 minutes, WHEN THE Dwarves played their ‘EVERYBODY’S GIRL’ usually ending up in a riot of broken chairs and tables flying across first UK show (all four songs of it) THE SONG’S essentially about the tiny clubs they played. Onstage they were probably naked and they opened with this and started chasing other people’s girlfriends their rad album covers always verged on obscene - particularly a bar brawl like something out of a but for once it’s done in a relatively the ‘Blood, Guts And Pussy’ cover; nowadays it takes more to spaghetti western. Nuff said. tasteful (and radio friendly) way that “shock. They were mysterious too - you never quite knew who FIND IT: ‘Thank Heaven For Little comes across more as an homage was in the band or even if they were alive or dead. They were a Girls’, 1992. to womankind than their usual punk band back when punk was dangerous. They scared the shit unsubtle dick waving. out of me and I loved it. Plus they are going strong today, they ‘FUCK ‘EM ALL’ FIND IT: ‘The Dwarves Are Young redefined their music by not sticking to a formula and recording And Good Looking’, 1997. ANOTHER SUBTLE ditty about across styles from hip-hop to industrial but always bringing the raw power and attitude that makes them what they are. We’re Mörat making the beast with two backs. ‘It seems like balling bitches is all ‘PIMP’ all lucky they are still around. The Dwarves must not die.” I ever do, you’d better watch your ‘DON’T WANNA be your pastor! Words:

55IKERRANG!