NOVEMBER 30 Are Currently Down, Not Only in Eng- Pared to Figures Released in Novem- Land, but Also in Scotland, Wales and Ber 2009

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“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1504 FELIX 02.12.11 The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949 BABAR AHMAD AND PARLIAMENT HEALTHCARE PARTNERSHIP Petition of 140,000 signatures leads to promise Professor Lord Ara Darzi heads new of a debate on extradition: Page 3 North West London scheme: Page 5

Drop in uni Andrew Fok TECHNOLOGY applications Latest ﬁ gures reveal further lack of interest in UK university Facebook OpenGraph applications against the average Page 10 Maciej Matuszewski the eventual year-on-year change.” In a statement released alongside The gap between the number of ap- the figures UCAS Chief Executive plicants to UK universities this year Mary Curnock Cook added: “Recent compared to last has widened. The changes in HE funding mean that ap- latest figures from the Universities plication patterns this year may be COMMENT and Colleges Admissions Service different to previous years and we (UCAS) reveal that the number of ap- are gearing up for a possible late plicants for higher education courses surge close to the January 15 dead- has fallen by 12.9%, corresponding line where applicants have taken to over 23,000 people, compared to more time to research their applica- this time last year. Last month’s fig- tions. We expect some depression of ures indicated a drop of only 9.0%. demand due to a decline in the young This overall drop comes despite the population but it is much too early to number of non-EU applicants, who predict any effects from changes in pay far higher fees than others but tuition fees.” are not affected by the government’s In fact, the total number of appli- higher education funding reforms, cants who faced an earlier deadline The inevitability of increasing by 11.8% compared to of October 15 (those applying to Ox- last year. This suggests a growing bridge and all Medicine and Veteri- Ron Paul’s America unwillingness by prospective home nary related courses) has only fallen students to pay fees of up to £9,000. by 0.8% compared to last year. The Page 14 The Telegraph this week reported number of UK-domiciled early dead- Liam Burns, the president of the Na- line 18 year old applicants actually tional Union of Students, saying that rose by 1.1%, despite the population “ministers need to take responsibil- size of that age group decreasing ity for their disastrous education re- slightly. forms and admit that, regardless of It is also perhaps unfair to compare ARTS the final application numbers, the this year’s figures to those last year. behaviour of prospective students There was an especially large num- will be affected by the huge rise in ber of applicants for 2011 entry, un- fees.” However, Nicola Dandridge, doubtedly in no small part as a result chief executive of Universities UK, of people wishing to avoid higher was reported as adding that “it’s fees. Indeed, there has only been a worth noting that applicant numbers 2.7% drop in total applications com- NOVEMBER 30 are currently down, not only in Eng- pared to figures released in Novem- land, but also in Scotland, Wales and ber 2009. Northern Ireland who do not have the Felix questioned Pro Rector (Edu- same fees system”. cation) Professor Julia Buckingham Wednesday sees mass walkout A UCAS press release also reminds about application figures relating to Public house poetry that the final application deadline is Imperial College. Professor Buck- after Government plans pension January 15 and that “application pat- ingham reaffirmed her position re- in South Kensington terns this far ahead of that date are garding the latest figures following historically unreliable indicators of ...Continued on Page 5 changes Pages 4, 6 and 7 Page 18 2 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS What’s on PICK OF THE WEEK PING PONG: DIM You don’t even need a home or SUM GIVEAWAY Chamber Music Society & garden to enjoy our new section UNICEF: Charity Concert

Chamber Music Society presents a winter-term concert in association with UNICEF. The members will play a variety of pieces from different genres – includes violin trios, four-hands, solo piano music. £3 for society members, £5 for non-members. Tickets on sale in the JCR on December 2 from 12-2pm. All proceeds will be donated to Children in Need. Read Lecture Theatre, Sherfield Building, Level 5 Monday 05 December 19:30

Competition 21st century Tea House Ping Pong has 11 central Lon- don and City based restaurants serving hand-made dim sum, fragrant teas and cocktails. On top of this, the restaurant is giving away a meal for two. Simply email Having to think of countless terrible jokes does that to you [email protected] with the subject heading ‘PING PONG’ to be in a chance with winning. Competition closes on Wednesday 7 December at 18:00. In addition, While I know approximately one person with Ping Pong are now running a 20% discount for students. a garden (and that’s a patch of scrubland), our extensive market research revealed that there’s a gap in the market for household Lolcat of teh week stories and tips. Behold, the Home & Garden Section, which has somehow

Christmas is coming and the pencil cases may well survived beyond a week. be bare, but why not get back in the game? Using colour in your note taking not only livens This week we’ve got some household gold up the dark winter mornings, but it has proven to help you boost your memory by 78% and effectively for you, do-it-yourself whiteboards! Whether increases your attention span by 82%. The STABILO point 88 is a ﬁ ne liner available in you’re thinking of getting one for your room 25 different colours that aims to bring your note taking to life. in halls or for private accomodation, thrill We’re giving away four lucky readers the chance to win a pack of STABILO Point 88 pens (a wallet as our resident expert provides you with his of 20). To enter, simply email us at felix@imperial. ac.uk with the subject heading ‘FREE PENS’. The top tips to get you started. competition closes on Wednesday 7 December at 18:00. Winners will be randomly selected from all entries. Editor

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2011.

Editor-in-Chief Matthew Colvin Deputy Editor Charles Betts News Editors Sophia David Alex Nowbar Reporters Carol Ann Cheah Alexander Karapetian Niki Kesharaju Maciej Matuszewski Navid Nabijou Deepka Rana Features Editors Katy Bettany Stephen Smith Sports Editors Indy Leclercq David Wilson Sports Rookies Gabriel Oppetit Johnny Wong Science Editors Kelly Oakes Alexander Karapetian Politics Editors Rajat Jain Joseph Letts Business Editors Beñat Gurrutxaga Lerma Nina Kearsey Technology Editors Chris Bowers Feroz Salam Comment Editors Tim Arbabzadah Samuel Horti Arts Editors Will Prince Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Íñigo Martínez De Rituerto Stephen Smith Fashion Editors Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang Television Editors Matt Allinson James Simpson Film Editors John Park Lucy Wiles Games Editor Laurence Pope Food Editors Anastasia Eleftheriou Michael Krestas Home & Garden Editors Tim Arbabzadah Charles Betts Navid Nabijou Travel Editors Dushi Arumuganesan Chris Richardson Online Editors Chris Birkett Jonathan Kim Kadhim Shubber Puzzles Captain James Hook Photo Editor Miles Robertson Copy Editors Veli Akiner Sameera Auckburally Carol Ann Cheah Philip Kent Jonathan Peek Deepka Rana Annina Sartor FELIX Friday 02 december 2011 3 News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar [email protected] NEWS Babar Ahmad petition leads to debate Votable parliamentary discussion on extradition to take place on Monday

Aemun Reza that this discussion will have a positive impact on Babar Ahmad’s case. They are e-petitions An online petition calling for ex-Imperial confi dent that, even though the case is College staff member Babar Ahmad to not mentioned in the fi nal text of the mo- be put on trial in the United Kingdom tion, it will be the milestone they need. Any British citizen or UK resi- reached 141,000 signatures by its clos- Ashfaq Ahmad said: “It is essential dent can create an e-petition, ing date of November 11, passing the re- that any reforms to the extradition laws with the aim of the service quirement of 100,000 for a discussion in that are voted for apply to pending cases as an “easy way for the pub- Parliament. This has led to a parliamen- such as Babar’s as it would be absolutely lic to engage with politics”. tary debate being held next week on the immoral to extradite British citizens un- Even if an e-petition reaches issue of extradition. der a Treaty that has been found by Par- 100,000 signatures, it does Babar Ahmad is the longest impris- liament to be unfair.” not guarantee a debate in the oned-without-charge UK citizen, having The full text of the motion calls upon House of Commons. Potential been imprisoned for over 7 years. He is Leader of the Green Party Caroline Lucas has spoken out in favour of a the House of Commons to “reform the reasons for a debate not to discussion of the Babar Ahmad case fi ghting extradition to the US and the UK’s extradition arrangements as a mat- go ahead include whether the online petition was set up by his family ter of urgency to strengthen the protec- subject of the e-petition is go- to grant him a UK trial before he is ex- tion of British citizens” through the ing through legal proceedings, tradited. the e-petition now deserve a full Com- system to the US. Had it examined the introduction of a Bill in Parliament to and the resulting propriety. Instead of the case being raised in mons debate on a voteable motion.” evidence then it could have prosecuted “enact the safeguards recommended by Government e-petitions vary Westminster Hall as an individual dis- She also mentioned that Babar Ah- Babar in the UK.” the Joint Committee on Human Rights in from topics such as a call to cussion, Babar Ahmad’s case was in- mad’s solicitors and the Crown Prosecu- its Fifteenth Report of 2010-12, and by teach coding at primary school cluded as a part of a bigger debate on tion Service (CPS) had admitted to never pursuing such amendments to the UK- level, to calling on the Coali- extradition on November 24. The debate analysing the evidence in relation to his “the family and peo- US Extradition Treaty 2003 and the EU tion government to solve “irre- was only attended by 35 MPs but the case in a letter dated November 22. This Council Framework Decision 2002 on sponsible dog ownership”. The conclusion was that the Babar Ahmad comes as news, as they had previously ple who signed the e- the European Arrest Warrant”. website saw a surge of interest online petition should be discussed in the stated that there was insuffi cient evi- This is a signifi cant step for the Free following last summer’s riots. main chamber of the Commons. dence to prosecute him in the UK, hence petition now deserve Babar Ahmad campaign. The organis- An e-petition under the name Green Party MP Caroline Lucas spe- his extradition to the US. ers have expressed their gratitude for the “Convicted London rioters cifi cally mentioned the case during the Babar Ahmad’s father, Ashfaq Ahmad a Commons debate” overwhelming public support of 141,000 should loose [sic] all benefi ts” debate. She acknowledged that the case commented on this revelation saying that signatures that brought Babar Ahmad’s passed the 100,000 mark in was unique and the amount of support “It is quite shocking to learn that the CPS case to the government’s attention. They early August, and at the time behind it was substantial enough for its made no effort to examine the evidence On December 5 there will be a full vot- are now awaiting the outcome of the de- of going to print stands at just own discussion. She said: “the family seized from Babar’s home but instead able parliamentary debate on extradition. bate on December 5 and how it will af- over 250,000 signatures. and the 140,000 plus people who signed simply outsourced our criminal justice The Free Babar Ahmad Campaign hopes fect Babar Ahmad’s case. Science Challenge winners announced Sponsored Editorial

Maria Han Veiga More student cuts Alexander Karapetian

The Royal College of Science Union (RCSU) held a formal dinner for alumni Discount haircuts for Imperial and the Science Challenge 2011 winners on Thursday 24 November. The Science students at Fresh Hairdressers Challenge competition is an annual, national scientifi c essay writing competi- This year’s dinner was held at The Gore Hotel tion aiming to encourage scientifi c de- More student cuts for Imperial 0207 823 8968. Ask for a bate, reasoning and the communication students at South Kensington’s student discount and bring your of science in a public-friendly context. prize, Science Editors Alexander Kara- Chair announced the next challenge’s FRESH Hairdressers. Imperial ID. Imperial students may enter as well petian and Kelly Oakes for the Math- launch date to be 17 January 2012, com- Men’s cuts £22 Cash only. as students from secondary schools ematics and Physics prizes respectively menting he “encourages people to enter Women’s shampoo and cut and and colleges, with the topics separated and Erica Thompson for the Chemistry as it’s going to be bigger than ever be- shake dry £28 into Biology, Chemistry, Physics and prize, each receiving £250 for their ef- fore”, with judges including the BBC’s Women’s shampoo, cut and Mathematics. The overall winner of the forts. The overall winner for the external Science Correspondent, The Times’s blow-dry £38 Science Challenge 2011 was Andrew school entries was James Bezer, who Science Editor and Lord Robert Win- All of our cuts are done by highly Purcell, who received £2000 for his sub- received £500, with runners up Hiba ston. experienced stylists. mission to the Physics question, “Why Chaudhry and Joseph Herbert receiving Luke Kanczes, RCSU President, said Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to should the average person care whether £250 each. “it was fantastic to see that even after 4.30 (sorry no discounts on we discover the Higgs boson?” with Sar- John Sanderson, President of the graduation Imperial scientists still have Saturdays). ah Byrne receiving the runner up prize Royal College of Science Association such a strong connection with not only We are only 70 metres from of £1000 for her essay. (RCSA) was present at the dinner along Imperial but the RCSU”, adding “it was South Kensington tube station The individual subject prize winners with Professor Maggie Dallman. Paul great to fi nally announce the winners To book an appointment, call include Felix’s very own Travel Editor Beaumont, Vice President (Operations) and I’m looking forward to next year’s Christopher Richardson for the Biology of the RCSU and Science Challenge Science Challenge!” 4 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar NEWS [email protected] In Brief Public sector protests

Cambridge hold Europe’s highest Workers took to the streets on Wednesday over Government pension plans university fundraising total Andrew Fok

Cambridge reached a milestone of US$2.0 billion during its 800th Anniversary Campaign making it the university with the highest fundraising total in Europe. A mammoth US$905 million (£523 million) was raised by the university’s colleges and US$1.1 billion (£649 million) was raised by the university itself. This 10 year campaign to raise money had its most successful year between 2010-2011 when they raised US$215 million (£135 million). Vice-Chancellor Professor Sir Leszek Borysie- wicz said that the university and colleges were “immensely grateful” to their donors, out of which Navid Nabijou The Government argues that these reforms are However, in spite of the scale of the action, a massive 54,000 are alumni who have contribut- necessary, since people are now living longer problems at the country’s busy airports were ed to colleges and 8000 of them to the university. This Wednesday, public sector workers up and and contributions to pension plans are no longer kept to a minimum, with very few fl ight can- The US$640 million (£390 million) of legacy down the country went on strike, in what was keeping step with the costs of those pensions. cellations. Imperial College was also little af- pledges mean that more benefactions will have described by some as the “biggest walkout for a The Unions counter that the proposed changes fected, with very few lectures or tutorials being been created in the future. Bill Janeway, Co- generation.” The action was directed against the will unfairly and disproportionately impact cancelled. Chairman of the Campaign Board and Senior Advi- Government’s planned reforms of public sec- public sector workers, with employees having The Government has branded the strike “irre- sor to Warburg Pincus said “the case for philan- tor pensions, which comprise part of its wide- to work longer and contribute more towards an sponsible”: they claim that it is damaging to the thropy and fundraising to support Britain’s great reaching defi cit reduction plan. ultimately smaller pension. economy and a hindrance to negotiations cur- universities has never been stronger”. Fellow Co- The most contentious aspects of the changes A number of public services have been closed rently on-going with the Unions. The Unions, Chairman and Senior Advisor to Morgan Stanley are plans to alter the method of calculating the or partially closed as a result of the action. Well however, say that the Government has not prop- International, Sir David Walker acknowledged that pension rate from the current system – which over half of all schools in the country shut their erly engaged in negotiations for some time: the donors “understand the need for sustained is based on the worker’s fi nal salary – to one doors, while in hospitals thousands of non- “this idea that negotiations are continuing is just investment” for teaching and research to main- which is based on his or her career average earn- emergency operations and appointments were not true.” In recent weeks, the Government has tain Cambridge’s excellence. ings. Accompanying this are plans to raise the cancelled. Accompanying the strike were large hinted that its current offer to the Unions could In the year 2010-2011, Imperial College raised retirement age to 66 by the year 2020, with the marches in London, as well as other major cities be retracted if an agreement is not reached soon. £9.9 million; 19% more than the previous fi nan- intention for it to eventually reach 68. such as Birmingham, Leeds and Exeter. Photos: Pages 6 and 7 cial year. Imperial’s alumni have doubled the par- ticipation rates and, as a result, more Rector’s Scholarships have been handed out this year than in 2010-2011. The college aims to award Rector’s Scholarships to students who meet the requirements to attend the university, but are un- Abu Dhabi Diabetes Centre walk on able to because of fi nancial reasons. Undergradu- ate scholarships have increased by three times, Imperial College London Masters by fi ve times and PhD scholarships have Carol Ann Cheah doubled. Niki Kesharaju An annual walkathon to promote healthy living, jointly hosted by the Imperial Col- University of Cambridge lege London Diabetes Centre (ICLDC) in Abu Dhabi and The National Health Insur- ance Company Daman, took place at the Yas Marina Circuit (the venue for the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix) on November 25. Walk For Life, which is now in its fi fth year, saw a turnout of up to 16,000, with over 45,000 having taken part in it since it began in 2007. The event saw participants immersed in an afternoon of family entertainment that included a mix of musical acts as well as fun fi tness activities, which culminated in a 5km walk undertaken by the participants. Hosted under the patronage of Her High- ness Sheikha Fatima bint Mubarak, Walk For Life is part of ICLDC’s award-winning public health awareness campaign, “Diabe- tes-Knowledge-Action”, encouraging the Professor Lord Ara Darzi is a key fi gure in the partnership’s development public to take charge of their lifestyles. Ac- cording to Dr Michael Bitzer, Daman’s Chief Executive Offi cer, Walk For Life “draws the gist, Dr Maha Taysir, Barakat, spoke about facility that specializes in diabetes treatment, attention of the nation to the importance of the enormous health benefi ts of exercise. “A research, training and public health aware- regular exercise as part of a healthy lifestyle sedentary lifestyle and a poorly-balanced ness. Launched in August 2006, the centre practice”, alongside a healthy and balanced diet are likely to lead to excess body weight, was built by Mubadala Healthcare in part- diet. which in turn can eventually manifest as nership with Imperial College London. It has Cambridge celebrated its 800th year in 2009 Meanwhile, ICLDC’s Medical and Re- Type 2 Diabetes,” she said. since offered diabetes prevention, education search Director and Consultant Endocrinolo- The ICLDC is a state-of-the-art outpatient and treatment to more than 100,000 people. FELIX Friday 02 DECEMBER 2011 5 NEWS New academic Drop in UCAS applications Latest fi gures continue to suggest fewer people are consider- health science ing university as an option

...Continued from Front Page about the final application numbers.” worrying, it is clear that the situation statements made after initial fore- Professor Buckingham told Felix is more complicated than it seems at partnership casts in October, saying: “Although in October that this year’s applica- first sight. It is certainly too soon to marginally down on last year, ap- tion rates to Imperial were “broadly be making alarmist comments – we plications to the College look very in line” with 2010 application fig- will only know the full impact of the North West London hospitals and institu- healthy. We will need to wait until ures. higher education funding changes in tions set to improve local healthcare mid-January to draw any conclusions While the headline figures do seem January.

Sophia David mon challenges but have one unifying goal: to bring the highest quality care to Imperial College London is establish- the people of North West London. By ing ties with numerous healthcare pro- focusing on our strengths and system- viders in North West London includ- atically implementing what is known ing approximately eleven NHS Trust across the partnership about providing hospitals and institutions. The new the best clinical care through innova- Academic Health Science Partnership tion, we should achieve much more (AHSP), to be launched in April 2012, than we could apart. Our simple ambi- aims to improve the health and care tion is to use all of our academic and of the local population of 1.9 million clinical expertise to improve the qual- people. ity of care for our North West London The AHSP will facilitate collabora- population as a whole.” tive approaches between primary, sec- Lord Darzi is to lead a Transitional ondary, tertiary, community and men- Partnership Board that will confi rm the tal healthcare providers as well as the membership of a number of healthcare academic community at Imperial. For providers and establish the organisa- example, there will be greater oppor- tional and legal structure of the AHSP. tunities to conduct clinical trials at a The Board will also include members large and meaningful scale and to ap- such as Sir Keith O’Nions, Rector of ply research fi ndings to benefi t a great- Imperial, Chief Executives of the NHS er number of patients. The AHSP could Trusts and a GP representative. also take a leading role in training and O’Nions said, “Lord Darzi has devel- educating healthcare professionals. oped a convincing vision for achieving The idea of developing the AHSP higher quality care for patients through has been formulated by Professor Lord innovation, and for strengthening Im- Ara Darzi, Head of the Division of perial’s links with healthcare provid- Surgery at Imperial, and formerly Par- ers across North West London, open- liamentary Under-Secretary of State at ing new doors for all. He has achieved the Department of Health. widespread support for his proposals He said, “The partners involved in and I look forward to working with the developing the AHSP face many com- other partners to shape the AHSP.”

Imperial College London

Professor Lord Ara Darzi is a key ﬁ gure in the partnership’s development 6 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar NEWS [email protected] PROTESTS RETURN TO LONDON Photos by Andrew Fok

Protesters marched throughout London

Protesters opposed plans for individuals to work for longer and pay more into their pensions Prime Minister David Cameron labelled the protests as a “damp squib” FELIX Friday 02 december 2011 7 NEWS

Over 70 arrests had been made in London by Wednesday evening

The Prime Minister and his Deputy making an artistic appearance

Unions estimated that up to two million people went on strike

The ever-changing shape of Anonymous Pensions lay at the heart of the protests 8 Friday 02 December 2011 FELIX Science Editors: K e l l y O a k e s Alexander Karapetian SCIENCE [email protected] In brief Dreaming of another world

Scientists discover hidden chan- Kelly Oakes on what to do if you need to take the edge off painful memories nels under nanofolds and wrinkles ave you ever woken up the day after a night out and mentally Wrinkles and folds are important in nature as they recoiled in horror as you re- allow a large surface area to be fi tted into a small member embarrassing things volume. Studying these features could lead to the that you said or did under the development of smaller electronic devices or even Hinfl uence of alcohol? Well, researchers at the fl exible computer tablets. Recent research from a University of California, Berkeley, have dis- group of scientists from the USA and South Korea covered a way to take the edge off those pain- has bought these technologies a step closer to re- ful memories — all you have to do is nod off ality. long enough to dream. Kyung-Suk Kim, professor of engineering at Brown Matthew Walker, lead author on the study University, says that “wrinkles are everywhere in published last week in the journal Current science but they hold certain secrets.” Writing last Biology, and his colleagues showed that rap- week in the Proceedings of the Royal Society A, Kim id eye movement (REM) sleep, the phase of and his team describe how they created wrinkles in sleep in which we dream, is associated with a 20 to 80 nanometre thick gold fi lms by depositing decrease in activity in a part of the brain that them on a stretched layer of polydimethylsiloxane processes emotions. This decrease in activity (PDMS), a rubber-like substrate commonly used in allows a more ‘rational’ part of the brain to the electronics industry. When the tension on the take over the processing of memories, decreas- You should have seen this guy last night... he’s going to have to nap for a very long time PDMS was released the gold sheet buckled to form ing their “emotional intensity”. wrinkles. The surface of these wrinkles was then Thirty-fi ve people, split into two groups, examined using atomic force microscopy while cut participated in the study. Both groups viewed sections of the fi lm were studied by a scanning elec- 150 images, chosen to elicit certain emotions, measured electrical brain activity and used this every time the memory is triggered. tron microscope. twice, with 12 hours between the two view- to show that levels of neurotransmitters associ- But hope is not lost for patients with post- The team discovered that when the gold fi lm buck- ings. The only difference was that one group ated with stress decreased during REM sleep. traumatic stress disorder. A physician at a US les, diffi cult-to-see secondary wrinkles are formed saw the images in the morning and then again Walker thinks that reprocessing emotional ex- Department of Veteran Affairs hospital noticed at large separations from each other in addition to in the evening in the same day, having re- periences during this period will soften those that post-traumatic stress disorder patients who the far more closely spaced primary wrinkles. When mained awake in between, whereas the other memories and allow us to wake up feeling bet- were taking a generic blood pressure drug had the gold fi lm is compressed to a greater degree the group saw the images in the evening and then ter than when we went to sleep. fewer reoccurring nightmares. It turned out spacing between these secondary wrinkles was un- again the next morning, after a night’s sleep. Unfortunately, dreaming won’t stop other that the drug has the side effect of suppress- expectedly found to increase, rather than decrease, Those that slept in between the two viewings people remembering your drunken escapades, ing the stress neurotransmitters that are usually as is the case for the main primary wrinkles. reported a signifi cant decrease in their emotional but at least your own memories of the event reduced during REM sleep. The team also found that if the gold was com- reaction to the images. MRI scans also showed a will be a bit blurry around the edges. This observation was what prompted Walker pressed asymmetrically it followed the so-called signifi cant reduction in activity in the amygdala, More seriously, the fi ndings point to an ex- to investigate the link between REM sleep and Ogden model and the wrinkles began to touch, form- a part of the brain that processes emotions. Walk- planation of why people with post-traumatic post-traumatic stress disorder in the fi rst place. ing fully-fl edged folds. Upon closer examination, the er and his colleagues noticed that when activity stress disorder fi nd it diffi cult to recover from This study helps to explain how the drug helps team found that previously undiscovered nanochan- in the amygdala decreased, the more ‘rational’ their experiences. Walker thinks that perhaps those with post-traumatic stress disorder and nels were buried below the fi lms. Professor Kim prefrontal cortex became more active. this dreaming therapy does not work the way it may even open doors to new treatments that said, “They were hidden – we were the fi rst ones REM sleep is also associated with changes should in people with post-traumatic stress dis- relate sleep and mental illness. to cut [the fi lm] and see that there are channels in neurotransmitters. Walker and colleagues order, so they relive the full painful experience DOI: 10.1016/j.cub.2011.10.052 underneath.” The discoveries improve our theoretical understanding of folds and wrinkles, but could also have signifi cant implications for fl uid transport and be used in anything from microscopic pumps to water purifi cation systems. Fleming’s fungus fi nally identifi ed DOI: 10.1098/rspa.2011.0567 Maciej Matuszewski Sarah Byrne chrysogenum, originally derived from mould this fi eld are essential. on a cantaloupe melon, has been the culture of Also this work offers a fascinating insight Moulds are perhaps the least celebrated of or- choice for industrial penicillin production over into the complex and debate-fi lled world of ganisms, with the notable exception of the one the years. However when preserved samples fungal species identifi cation. Distinguishing that led to Alexander Fleming’s discovery of of Fleming’s culture were subjected to modern between species is not always straightforward, Like us on Facebook penicillin in 1928. The story is well-known: genetic analysis techniques, they turned out least of all when dealing with microscopic the fungal spores were accidentally allowed to contain a separate species, as yet unnamed. asexual organisms where it is diffi cult to even to contaminate a petri dish, Fleming observed In fact, what we’ve previously considered to defi ne exactly what ‘species’ means. Indeed that the mould was killing the culture of bacte- be simply P. chrysogenum actually appears to Fleming himself originally identifi ed his fun- Follow the latest science ria on the plate, and on further investigation it cover four distinct species. gus as P. rubrum, before P. chrysogenum was was found to be secreting an anti-bacterial sub- This fi nding is of more than historical in- accepted as the correct diagnosis. news from Imperial and stance which we now know as the fi rst antibi- terest, however. Subtle differences between Earlier this year, other prominent research- around the world on our otic: penicillin. It’s surprising, then, that we’ve species of fungus mean they secrete slightly ers in the fi eld published their claim that Flem- never known exactly what it was. different versions of the antibiotic, or yield ing’s species is in fact P. rubens. We may well Facebook Page: At least, that was the conclusion of recent greater or lesser amounts. Understanding the expect a response from them soon, and the out- research from Imperial’s School of Public differences and accurately identifying distinct come is by no means certain. It would seem a Health, published in Molecular Ecology. The strains gives us the ability to select for par- fi tting tribute, however, if Imperial scientists species has usually been identifi ed as Penicil- ticular pharmaceutical properties, and discover could honour their famous predecessor by giv- facebook.com/FelixScience lium chrysogenum, a commonly occurring entirely new compounds. As antibiotic resis- ing his species their proposed name of Penicil- microscopic fungus found in air and house- tance becomes an increasingly serious prob- lium fl emingii. hold dust and on some foods. And indeed P. lem, innovation and clearer understanding in DOI: 10.1111/j.1365-294X.2011.05244.x FELIX Friday 02 december 2011 9 SCIENCE Earth’s core deprived of oxygen Science Nature Societies Nicola Guttridge to investigate how seismic isotropy, velocity and density would differ with The composition of the Earth’s core the presence of varying light elements. Philip Kent has been a mystery to scientists for Possible suspects for this light element nearly 60 years. While we know much quota include sulphur, oxygen, silicon, November 26 saw the fi rst of what is about how this section of our planet af- carbon and hydrogen, due to their solu- hoped to be an annual convening of the fects us in terms of magnetism, energy bility at the temperature and pressure science societies of universities in the UK generation and planetary dynamics, ranges required. at a dinner, attended by some of the most its precise makeup has remained hazy. Huang and the research team per- prestigious names in the discipline. Until recently all we knew was that the formed shock-compression experi- Guests of honour included HRH The core is composed of predominantly liq- ments, where samples are subjected Duke of Kent; Nobel laureate Sir Paul uid iron, along with small amounts of to core-like conditions through high- Nurse, who received his prize for his re- nickel, and 10% (by weight) of light velocity impacts. Experiments such as search into cell duplication; Sir Roland elements. these have played a major role in un- Jackson from the British Science Asso- Researchers have now used a mix of veiling current knowledge about core ciation; and Professor Kevin Warwick, seismic and geophysical data, in con- composition; when iron-rich samples described as the “world’s fi rst cyborg” for junction with laboratory models, to are used the results are extremely close implanting a RFID chip in his body. determine the relative proportions of to those we expect to occur in our core. Dinner was followed by an amusing these light elements present at the cen- The researchers used liquid samples in and inspiring speech by Sir Nurse, who tre of our rocky planet. New research order to increase the accuracy of their described his path into science (beginning by Haijun Huang and colleagues, fi ndings as far as possible, and mea- with the sight of Sputnik 2 over the skies published in Nature, examines their sured the sound velocity of the shocked of Neasden), his work that led on to his respective abundances and comes to samples along with the density and Nobel Prize, and where he sees science in a surprising conclusion – the Earth’s temperature states achieved through the future. core is oxygen-poor. the impact. Of special note is the Frances Crick In- The composition of the Earth’s core Comparing these sound veloci- stitute, opening in 2015. Nurse described is vital; differing elemental proportions ties and densities with the geophysi- the Institute as being “anarchic,” with would result in different rates of cool- cal seismic data known for the core, 1,500 staff being organized in no depart- ing, rate of core growth, and evolution Huang and colleagues were able to mental structure. It is hoped this way of of our internal geodynamo – some- rule out certain compositions. They structuring the Institute will lead to in- thing that results in the generation of experimented by splitting the 10% creased freedom, with no senior manag- and variation shown in our magnetic by weight between oxygen, sulphur ers causing roadblocks to new research fi eld. By examining our core, it is also and iron, and found that samples with proposals. When asked if there are any possible to gain remarkable insight into more than 2.5% oxygen by weight examples of this arrangement in practice, the conditions present when the Earth were unable to match the required Nurse did, however, reply “in my head”. Cross section showing the inside the Earth formed, and its subsequent geochemi- dataset for density, temperature and Nurse also urged the attendees to use cal evolution. sound velocity. “The results show that their scientifi c skills for the good of the The Earth’s core is known to be com- we can rule out oxygen as a major nation. While he stressed that only those posed of a large, liquid outer core that light element in the liquid outer core,” this element to only a small amount. perimentation is required using differ- with a deep passion for science should houses a smaller, solid inner core – this say the researchers. Huang and colleagues have signifi - ent mixes of light elements in order to go on to do research, it was important, is shown well on the accompanying While sulphur is able to match the cantly advanced our understanding of fully determine the composition of our he said, that we ensure that public are of image. The extreme temperature and dataset required, previous accretion the Earth’s geochemical origins and core. a sound scientifi c knowledge, especially pressure conditions make it diffi cult models have limited the proportion of elemental structure, but further ex- DOI: 10.1038/nature10621 as the future becomes even more scientifi cally advanced. He used an example of the lack of scientists in Parliament as an example of where we fail at the moment, especially considering the ill-informed Facebook is making the world even smaller debate in the past, such as over GM crops. Raphael Scheps

Alexander Karapetian tween any two people on Earth. The median amount from the sample size hypothesis has long since been tested representative of 10% of the global Facebook has conducted a joint study with various samples, including a no- population was only 100 friends, which suggests that there are, on There are ar on average table effort by psychologist Stanley accounting for 0.000014% of Face- average, 3.74 degrees of separation Milgram in the 1960s involving de- book’s total membership. Results between users on the popular social 3.74 degrees of livering a letter to an arbitrary person indicated 99.6% of all pairs of users networking website. The study, joint by passing through acquaintances. were connected by 5 degrees of sepa- between Facebook’s data scientist separation between Facebook’s social graph data had ration, with 92% connected with only Lars Backstrom and four researchers “ 721 million members at the time of four. The average distance between from the University of Milan, found users on Facebook the experiment, with a total of 69 any two users was found to be 3.74 that the number of people that link billion friendships. The researchers degrees, shorter than the average dis- two others on average is approxi- were able to analyse the data using tance of 4.28 found by a similar Face- mately four. That is, as the authors of rules from graph theory within dis- book study in 2008, strengthening the Sir Paul Nurse spoke at the dinner the study explain, “when considering count in the data. All active members crete mathematics and by performing idea that a larger sample size often another person in the world, a friend of the site were included in the study, combinatorical analysis. They used a results in a lower separation level. of your friend knows a friend of their and users were deemed to be such if 24-core computer with a 1 terabyte The researchers said that “the av- Want to write for friend.” they had logged on at least once over (TB) hard disk to crunch the num- erage distance appears to be stabilis- The study was carried out in May a 28 day period. This marks” the larg- bers, costing them “no more than a ing”, suggesting it would not change Felix Science? before the ‘Subscriptions’ feature est test regarding Hungarian author couple of thousand pounds”. from 3.74 even if the rest of the world was added to Facebook and celebrity Frigyes Karinthy’s idea that there Facebook typically limits users to a joined Facebook. Email us! fan ‘Pages’ were not taken into ac- were six degrees of separation be- maximum cap of 5,000 friends. The arXiv:1111.4570v1 10 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX Technology Editors: Chris Bowers Feroz Salam TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Tips & Hacks Facebook: all shared out?

AMD pulls out of ‘two-horse race’ Feroz Salam I expect most of you have noticed the new items that have started appearing in your Face- book feeds: Spotify playlists of music that your friends are listening to, and news articles from a whole host of national and international pa- pers. They are part of the ‘OpenGraph’ scheme that Facebook has been pushing in earnest over the last few months: adding a few tags to your dia/social media feeding frenzy, of how much tem geared towards drastically increasing the website means that any links to your website benefit is this to the average user? The new in- amount of information you push out to the from within Facebook makes it a Facebook terface adds nothing of value to the reader, un- world, it’s not surprising we’re hit with much page. less you find comfort in reading reams of PR more than we can possibly care about. Facebook’s been selling this feature hard: it waffle about the power of social sharing. The It wouldn’t be wise to underestimate the way describes the feature as enabling you to ‘inte- biggest change that you have probably noticed media sharing has changed our communica- grate your Web pages into the social graph’, is that your feed is now cluttered with the titles tion. Yet sharing is only effective when it is whatever that means. Yet how much control of articles your friends have read. If you have organic, not when it is forced. Whole hordes A company spokesman for AMD recently stated that does the average user have on articles that ap- anywhere near the average number of friends, of PR representatives shouting about the value the company is going to “let go of the old ‘AMD ver- pear in your profile, and how intrusive is the the articles are bound to be from a wide se- of ‘next generation creative synergy’ will not sus Intel’ mindset”, a rivalry that has been ongo- new service? As anyone trying to use any of lection and not really catered to anything you get me to read an article about something that ing for decades. It’s hardly surprising that they’ve the new links will have noticed, you can’t click are interested in. As far as new and interest- doesn’t interest me, no matter how hard they decided on a shift in strategy, as they just haven’t on news articles on Facebook without signing ing reading material goes, I’ve seen little. The push it into my feed. been able to compete in the last few years. Even up for ‘a new social reading experience’. Be- same applies to Spotify in my opinion. I don’t Social media is in essence about finding in- the latest Bulldozer chips – which were meant to fore agreeing to use the service you can choose make friends solely on the basic of music taste, formation that interests you that you wouldn’t be the pinnacle of desktop power – ﬂ opped. Mean- which of your friends get to see what articles and in many cases would rather not know have found before, but it doesn’t mean that while, Intel are going from strength to strength, with you read, a feature which I suspect few people about what my friends have been listening to. information can be thrown at you from ev- their Sandy Bridge line trouncing anything and every- are using. On getting through to the article, One might argue that the responsibility of ery context. When I log onto Facebook, it is thing that gets in the way. So what can we expect you are delivered to a Facebook themed ver- choosing which feeds end up in your timeline to share things with all my friends, a diverse from AMD in the coming years? They have never ex- sion of the news website, with an option to lies with your friends, as they are in control bunch of people from different countries, with pressed interest in building chips for smartphones visit the actual website if you wish. of what you see after all. Yet I would have to diverse political and cultural tastes. Shoehorn- and other handhelds before – and that’s a market It’s all fairly straightfoward and has been disagree - the sharing system in Facebook is ing views that are of no interest to them into already dominated by ARM. But they could have embraced with some enthusiasm by downturn- very cleverly organised to make limiting shar- my feed doesn’t interest me. Sharing has been something in their sleeve. Or perhaps they’re look- stricken publishers as a way of driving hits and ing a few orders of difficulty more complex great, but as with everything, the point of ‘too ing at the emerging ultrabook market: one without a advertising revenue. Yet despite the new me- to organise than expanding sharing. In a sys- much’ has been reached. clear chip leader. Only time will tell, but with nothing to lose, it was probably the right decision for them.

School ICT to finally be revamped Lost focus? Try the Lytro

A major initiative has been launched to drag Britain’s Chris Bowers computer science curriculum into the 21st century, with one major goal being the reform of an ICT cur- Have you ever taken a picture, only to be dis- riculum that has aged considerably since its intro- appointed when you later find it to be out of duction in the 90s. The Next Gen Skills campaign, focus? You’re certainly not alone. Enter Lytro, which was coincidentally launched just before the the world’s first consumer-targeted light-field release of a government report on the state of the camera. national IT education system, aims to modernise a So what does that mean? In your everyday syllabus which at the moment focuses heavily on camera, what the sensor captures when you using software rather than making it. There does press the button is what you’re stuck with. It appear to be some confusion over what constitutes doesn’t matter how many millions of pixels ‘computer science’ and ‘ICT’, perhaps emblematic you can capture at once if the light informa- of the dire need for a revision of some sort. With the tion you gather results in a blurry image. The government agreeing on the need for intervention, light-field technology used in the Lytro takes the only question is whether and where funding is to a completely different approach to avoid this. be found for it. The hope is that the new curriculum Instead of focusing on a point and capturing like. ite” and “Electric Blue”) will hold about 350 will focus on creative coding rather than repetitious the light information for that perspective, the So what about the actual camera itself? It’s pictures, with the 16GB model (“Red Hot”) Excel tasks; creating inventive programmers (think camera captures up to 11 million rays of light surprisingly small – a cuboid-shaped device holding up to 750. The different models are Minecraft) rather than earnest number-crunchers. going in every direction. just over 11cm long and 4cm wide and high. priced at $399 and $499 respectively, which The revision is merely in its first steps at the mo- The main (and cool) advantage of this? You With that you get a small (3.3cm) touchscreen, isn’t cheap, but isn’t too expensive either when ment, but the coming year should see some clearer get to focus and refocus your photos after shutter and power buttons, either 8 or 16GB you consider how new this technology is. details emerge on the nature of the changes to be they’ve been taken. Not only that, but there’s of storage and a very decent 8x optical zoom. If you often find you’ve missed out on made. Hopefully, the legacy of the BBC Micro can be no auto-focus motor working in the time be- It’s light too, weighing in at just over 200g, capturing those unmissable moments due to repeated in a modern context; it’s the only thing that tween you pressing the button and the picture but it’s strong aluminium shell means that it shoddy focusing, or perhaps you like to take will keep Britain competitive in an hugely technology being taken. That results in the picture you end doesn’t have to skimp on durability to achieve pictures of fast-moving objects, then the Lytro dependent world. up with being much closer to the one that you that figure. may be the camera for you. Even if you don’t saw with your eyes when you pressed the but- The pictures come in at about 20-25MB each, buy this camera, I reckon we’ll be seeing a lot ton – essential for fast moving objects and the and Lytro quote that the 8GB models (“Graph- more of this technology in the years to come. FELIX FRIDAY 02 december 2011 11 Politics Editors: Rajat Jain Joseph Letts [email protected] POLITICS Looking at The Bottom Billion A review of the book and a glance at the main problem in international development

Rory Fenton scarily educated head. Just look at and oppression of minorities as well as with aid) it needs to be converted Military Intervention the evidence, he implores. The Bot- as whether or not they had been colo- into local currency to be useful. How- The world of international develop- tom Billion is just that; the evidence. nised, he could fi nd no clear evidence ever, aid isn’t the only foreign curren- This is undoubtedly the most contro- ment is more often than not more And having been head of development that these made countries any more cy that needs to become local; money versial section in The Bottom Billion. complex than the image the rock con- research at the World Bank and now confl ict prone. generated from exporting goods also Remember the $64bn lost by each civil certs and heart-strings-tugging TV director of the Centre for the Study Other than the human misery caused needs to be converted into local cash. war? Collier argues that military inter- ads might project. Often riddled with of African Economies at Oxford, he’s by civil war, the impact is economi- So aid money actively competes with vention can prove to be one of the most scandalous corruption and heated accrued quite a bit of evidence in cally devastating. Collier puts the exports, reducing the value of engag- successful forms of aid, provided inter- debate, a heavy dose of evidence is his time, all of which has led him to economic damage due to civil war at ing in the kind of trade which could vening forces are prepared to take real clearly needed. Oxford Professor Paul believe that yes there are some pov- $64bn to both the country itself and its pull the country out of poverty. Added risks, unlike the infamous peacekeepers Collier aims to provide just this in his erty traps. But they come in different neighbours. Given that two civil wars to this, many poor countries place in Rwanda, who would only fi re when 2007 book The Bottom Billion. Billed forms and may be affecting a given on average start every year, that’s high tariffs on imported goods, which fi red upon, not when civilians were at as an explanation as to ‘Why the poor- country in different ways. These traps about $100bn lost – more than the en- makes it even less likely that citizens risk. The economic arguments make a est countries are failing and what can are: confl ict, natural resources, being tire global aid budget. will want to purchase foreign cur- novel addition to the tired (but compel- be done about it’, the book injects a landlocked and poor governance. So the poorer a country is, the more rency; they have nothing to buy with ling) moral ones. generous helping of evidence and sta- likely it is the fall into the very con- it, reducing the exchange value of the tistical analysis in the aid debate, like fl ict that keeps it poor. aid. smashing LSE and Imperial together Confl ict It also isn’t clear that aid neces- Conclusion in a particle accelerator. sarily brings growth (as argued most A real strength of this book is that it It’s pretty obvious that a country in Natural Resources strongly by NYU’s William Easterly). Collier, in all, seems convinced that we manages to be utterly devoid of ideol- the midst of a civil war is not going Collier points out that a good natural can chip in. International regulation is his ogy. It doesn’t even argue that fi ght- to develop very well economically but Natural resources should be an easy experiment for an increase in aid mon- weapon of choice to tackle companies ing poverty is a moral issue, rather what Collier does is to quantify this route out of poverty and yet some of ey can be seen by the increases in the that pay bribes and to provide a bench pointing out that the practical ben- truism. From the stats, a given failing the world’s poorest countries have an Nigerian governments revenues due to mark for reform minded politicians. His efi ts more than pay for themselves. state has about a 14% chance of civil abundance of the stuff, just think of record oil prices; no additional growth case for military intervention is defi nitely This absence of ideology is achieved war within a 5 year period. He fi nds Angola and the Democratic Republic followed. Not only can direct fi nancial the most daring of his proposals and in a through a technique after my own that each percentage point knocks a of Congo. Natural resources feed into aid have this effect, so can the debt re- post Iraq world, the least likely to take scientifi c heart: statistical evidence. percentage point off that risk. So a the confl ict trap since they provide lief so loudly trumpeted by the Live 8 place. Aid can make a difference when Debate around development tends to poor country growing at 2% will have something clearly worth fi ghting over, concerts. This doesn’t mean that aid is directed at the right time and at the right be focussed on ‘poverty traps’. The the risk of civil war reduced to 12% as seen in the movie Blood Diamond doomed to failure; rather that it can’t kind of investment (like infrastructure). Left believe that being poor to start whereas a country declining at 2% set in Sierra Leone. But natural re- be seen as a magic bullet. The book is certainly very ‘big picture’ with keeps you poor; you can’t afford each year will have the risk increase to sources can damage any country be- And aid money doesn’t necessarily and a proper review of how aid works at anti-malaria medicine so you get sick 16%. Of course, you might think that cause they reduce the treasury’s reli- go where the West might want it to go. the local level will have to wait for my which means you can’t work which the prospect of peace leads to greater ance on individual taxes, thus making Collier estimates that about 11% of rereading of Poor Economics. All in all, keeps you poor which means you spending and so peace causes growth politicians less accountable to their aid is actually spent on the country’s a worthwhile, interesting read. can’t afford the malaria medicine next and not the other way around, but people. It is also much easier for poli- army, representing 40% of military And the title of the book? Perhaps the time either. All the poor need, say the even when growth is caused by a rain ticians to embezzle money from natu- spending. Interestingly, Collier fi nds most successful criticism contained with- Left, is one Big Push to get them onto shock (a fl ood, drought of very good ral resources and spend the money on that the infl ux of aid increases the in the book is contained within that title. their feet, to buy medicine for them, to rainy season), the same effect is found simply bribing community leaders for probability of a coup; to the victors, It is time, Collier argues, to move away educate their children etc. The Right, on the risk of confl ict. their people’s votes. the spoils. Aid also reduces the need from seeing a world of 1 billion rich peo- on the other hand, deny the very exis- This might be hard for many to ac- for economic reform, as it removes its ple and 5 billion poor when so many of tence of such traps with all the passion cept, as it is tempting to believe that urgency. those poor are pulling themselves out of of Dawkins and his New Atheists. It is rebels are fi ghting for some kind of What Can Be Done? Given this, Collier’s conclusion poverty. The Millennium Development aid, they say, which keeps people poor cause, not simply because of a low is not that we should give up on aid, Goals make this mistake by bunching the by making them dependent on hand- growth rate, and besides, isn’t much Simply giving poor countries money rather that it should be given when world’s poor together. A new develop- outs and putting money in the hands of Africa’s civil strife simply a result is the obvious answer. But when used the time is right. Corrupt governments ment strategy focussed less on booming of unpleasant politicians. of the horrors of colonialism? But unwisely, aid can be counterproduc- will only waste the stuff, but once a China, India and Brazil could achieve a Collier, on the other hand, sits be- when Collier compared countries with tive. When money fl ows into a country genuine reformer gets in they should lot more for the poorest billion who, so twixt these positions, shaking his varying levels of economic inequality in the form of foreign currency (such receive all the help they can get. far, seem stuck at the bottom rung.

The world Iran Mexico/US Egypt After Tuesday’s storming of the Brit- US police have found an impressive Last week protests in Tahrir Square beyond College ish Embassy in Iran by angry protes- drug tunnel, which links warehouses were restarted as the population tors, tensions have risen between in Tijuana and San Diego. The tunnel shows its dissatisfaction with the walls Iran and several European coun- is approximately 4.5 metres deep rule of the military council that took tries. British diplomatic staff have and contains lighting and transport over the governance of Egypt after been evacuated from the country carts for efﬁ cient drug movement. the deposition of former President and on Wednesday Germany and Mexican security forces seized Hosni Mubarak. Since they started France announced they were also three tonnes of marijuana at the to lead the country, public safety withdrawing their embassy staff in tunnel entrance shortly after discov- has decreased and economic in- Tehran. ering the tunnel in a warehouse in vestment in the country has de- Wednesday saw a further break- Tijuana. clined. After increased pressure, down in relations between London A US police spokeswoman speak- the Supreme Council of the Armed by Joseph Letts and Rajat Jain and Tehran as Foreign Secreary Wil- ing during a press conference said it Forces promised to hold a presi- liam Hague gave Iranian diplomats was the most impressive drug tun- dential election in June, as well as 48 hours to leave the UK. nel they have found in 5 years. releasing political prisoners. 12 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX Business Editors: B e ñ a t G u r r u t x a g a - L e r m a Nina Kearsey BUSINESS [email protected] A Western tragedy

The Felix Business Section ﬁ nally turns its eyes to Europe in an attempt to explain the seismic pressures of the bond markets

Albert Nickelby

As a result of the so-called “Euro debt crisis” – whose solution seems to be too distant still to be clear – several of the euro club countries have been bailed out. Starting with Greece (2009), Ireland (2010) and Portugal (2010) have also been rescued, and in all the cases, the process followed a similar pattern. At some point, fi nancial analysts and the “markets” – that abstraction which so conve- niently hides the fact that they are made up of people – start questioning the capacity of those countries to honour their debts. How so? En- ter the credit rating agencies, whose credibil- ity, severely harmed by the credit crunch, does not prevent them from offering their educated opinion on the subject, in the form of the rather vulgar recitation: “public debt is too high; current defi cit is not being adequately tackled; hence, we are cutting their credit rating from A seismic map of Europe produced as part of the Global Seismic Hazard Assessment AA– to BB+ with negative outlook…” Project achieved huge impact in benchmarking the risks of seismic activity across Letter from the Editors borders against a global standard. For better or worse, credit rating agencies map the This brings in to question the ability of those debt risks of the world’s countries countries to pay their debt, and panic ensues. Their public debt bonds, which are exchanged “I have no more patience for this Europe where Au- in secondary markets, become far less attrac- tumn wears the face of Spring and Spring reeks of tive than before, and the interest rates inves- same arguments offered to question the public the Kingdom of Spain, with 47 million popula- misery.” So spake Martha in Le Malentendu, Albert tors ask for buying new emissions surge. In no fi nances of Greece, Portugal, Italy, Spain or tion. Greece has 166% GDP public debt, and Camus’s 20th century take on the Greek tragedy, time, these rates have reached such high levels Ireland can equally be used to question those of 252% GDP total debt, each Greek citizen ow- Oedipus. As the European countries that consti- (about 7% interest for 10 years bonds is usu- more economically fortunate countries such as ing €38,073 abroad. tute the Eurozone struggle through their sovereign ally thought to be the limit) that it becomes the UK, Germany, France, or the USA. Of course, the economies of Spain, Italy, debt crisis, Martha’s bleak outlook resounds true unsustainable for those countries to sell their Germany and the UK are not the same, which with the public zeitgeist now, in the 21st century. bonds on those terms. As a result, the credit rat- roughly explains why some are so severely In the late spring of 2010 Greece became the ing agencies cut their rating further, and in no “The prudent fi nances of questioned and others so mildly treated: it is, fi rst country in the Eurozone to receive a bailout time those countries have to be bailed out by after all, a matter of confi dence, of whether from the EU and IMF; in the autumn of that year the IMF and the European Union. Germany seem no better investors believe you will be able to honour Ireland too was bailed out; this spring came Por- As a spectator, the process seems quite dra- your debts or not. And that confi dence is more tugal, next in cycle of seasons and bailouts. At matic. The attention of the media focuses on than those of the often or less based on the strengths investors may home a spring marked by freezes to public sector public fi nances – self-styled fi nancial experts see in each country’s economy. For instance, pay for the next two years has now been followed start pontifi cating about their problems, their questioned Italy” the UK has a huge fi nancial sector and attracts by the announcment in the Chancellor’s Autumn economies scrutinised and questioned as a and moves a great deal of capital, which ac- Statement that increases after this period will be whole. A media circus begins, that only pre- counts for much of the private debt; as long capped at one per cent, indicating continuing un- cipitates the outcome, and, upon being bailed Consider, for instance, the UK, where public as it does not have to be bailed out by the UK happiness for those who have taken to the streets out, they are forced to undertake severe budget debt amounts to 81% of the GDP. If the total government (an impossible deed, looking at in strike this Wednesday. cuts, which inevitably depress the economy debt is accounted for, i.e. if the foreign debt the amount it owes), the UK seems to have a With cuts coming quickly and signs of improve- further, thus forcing them to take even more due to private individuals and companies is in- strong enough economy to be able to honour its ment slowly, predicting the end of this age of radical measures that necessarily produce fur- cluded, the UK’s debt is of 436% of its GDP. debts. The huge Irish debt is also explained by austerity felt in both the UK and the EU is diffi - ther recession: the tragedy has just begun. That is amongst the highest in the developed the amount of foreign companies that, thanks cult. Changes to the way things have been done The arguments analysts and experts usually world: each UK citizens owes €117,580 to to the Irish fi scal dumping system, have their up until now will have to take place though; the offer are always the same. They will point out foreigners. Now, compare these fi gures with European headquarters in the emerald isle; but Eurozone’s crisis is reaching breaking point. Ital- the unsustainable amount of public debt with those of, say, Spain: public debt, 67% GDP; as the housing bubble burst, Irish indebtedness ian bond yields are beyond the levels that drove respect to the GDP; then that their governments total (public+private) debt, 284% GDP; each was judged too large. In turn, Spain has suf- Greece, Ireland and Portugal to their bailouts, and have failed or have not done enough to reduce Spaniard owing €41,366 to foreign investors. fered a devastating burst of its construction as Italy is simply too big to rescue, the pattern their defi cits; that the ongoing economic crisis The prudent fi nances of Germany (83% GDP and housing bubbles, so although its public of the last few seasons cannot be repeated. The means that they are less likely to grow enough public debt; 176% GDP total debt; each Ger- fi nances are by far the best of all the countries solution favoured by the markets would be to allow to pay off their debts; that their economies have man owes €50,659 abroad) seem no better than considered, its overall economic situation, with the ECB to buy up the bonds of struggling nations severe structural problems that make the long those of the often questioned Italy: 121% GDP 20% unemployment rate, doesn’t seem very at- and issue “eurobonds”, backed by all the Euro- term sustainability of their fi nances impossible public debt; but 163% of total foreign debt, so tractive. And Germany’s economy has fared zone countries. But with German Chancellor An- unless dramatic reforms are implemented. that each Italian would owe €32,875 to foreign so well during the recession, and its fame as a gela Merkel refusing to move from her stance that They will suggest liberalising the labour mar- investors. France has an 87% GDP public debt, country that always pays its debts is so well es- solution should come instead from reform and a ket, increasing the retirement age, VAT and a 235% GDP total debt, and each French citoy- tablished, that despite its public fi nances being closer fi scal union, we must try and call on more other taxes, and slashing government spend- en owes €66,508 abroad. Among the already no better than any others’, it is still regarded as patience, as we wait for the rest of this tragedy to ing: “privatisation, deregulation and liberali- bailed out countries, Ireland seems by far the a safe haven. play out. sation”, economists’ universal panacea. worst case: 109% GDP public debt, and a stag- But, all in all, reasons to fear the long-term – The Business Editors These arguments seem sensible: offered from gering 1,093% GDP total debt, with €390,969 sustainability of public debt are not that well an expert’s perspective they are by all means per capita debt: the Republic of Ireland, with founded. Consider, for instance, Germany. It good ones. However, the fallacy is that the 4.5 million population, owes as much money as is quite true that its economy is the strongest FELIX Friday 02 december 2011 13 BUSINESS Autumn harvest? Rajvinder Virdee discusses what we might reap from Osborne’s offerings in the Autumn Statement

n Tuesday, George Os- borne, Chancellor of the Exchequer, updated Parliament on the cur- The Autumn Statement: 10 Key Conclusions rent economic situation ofO our nation, and what the government • Economic growth forecast downgraded plans to do about it. The Autumn State- • An extra £111bn of government borrowing over the next 5 years ment is seen as an important event in • 1% cap on public sector pay rise (after 2 year pay freeze is government, as it offers an opportunity over) to refl ect on pledges made in the main • Rise in state-pension age to 67 brought forward to 2026 budget, and adjust policy depending on (from 2034) recent events. The Chancellor and his • Basic State pension to increase to £107.45 p/w team take the Offi ce of Budget Respon- • January’s 3p increase in fuel duty delayed until August sibility’s published report on growth • Credit easing of £20bn (but possibly up to £40bn) to start and borrowing forecasts and use these helping SMEs borrow to adjust the offi cial government posi- • £1bn to subsidise 6-month work placements for 410,000 tion accordingly. young peop One of the pivotal moments of Os- • £5bn new spending on infrastructure (another £20bn to be borne’s address to Parliament was unlocked from pension funds) when he admitted the Government’s • £400m to kick start construction projects failure to eliminate the budget defi cit by the end of this Parliament. This was one of the tories’ main pledges during the election campaign of 2010, and sig- nals a major blow to the Conservatives. The general economic outlook is far in the eurozone, but its public debt is ing the EU (while at the same time its bleaker now than it was 24 months ago; still an 82% GDP; its 10 public banks economy heavily depends on being a it seems that the austerity measures and are close to bankruptcy, and many of its member), to the point of being excluded the weakness of our public fi nances, municipalities and lands are broke. A from many negotiations where fi nan- combined with the international eco- large proportion (37% and increasing) cial taxes and other decisions directly nomic situations have lead our econo- of its energy imports are Russian gas; affecting the City are taken. There are my back to recession. Whether or not and, most worryingly, its demograph- no natural resources left, most of them Osborne’s policies are the main re- ics are catastrophic: with an average being imported. By 2050, 25% percent sponsible is a question of opinion. On Rural scences depicted in The Harvest (1882) by Camille Pissarro, a French Impressionist painter who also kept a keen eye on Capitalism retirement age of 62, in 2060, 44% of of the population will be over 65, and the one side, the government is argu- the German population will be over 65 although the UK is expected to become ing that the stagnation is mainly due years old. There is already a huge short- the most populated country in Western to external factors such as commodity age of qualifi ed labour, and Germany Europe, its social inequality, already prices and the Eurozone crisis; on the believe that the only reason for this in other areas, probably fi ring more has been forced to attract engineers among the highest in the developed other hand, Labour argues that it is the is that, our economic growth being so civil servants and freezing their pay from all over Europe to (roughly) sus- world is, too, expected to grow. way the extensive spending cuts were low, investors think the Bank of Eng- further. Credit easing is planned to start tain its huge industrial sector. Thus, with some countries bailed out, implemented – without giving time for land will not dare to increase the inter- soon, helping SMEs borrow at lower some others at the edge of being so, and the economy to recover, and relying est rates in the next few years. Conser- interest rates. We will also see a large even the most prosperous nations being too much on the private sector – that is vatives claim it is due to the success of investment in infrastructure, with rail objectively in not much better position, the problem. the austerity measures. and motorway upgrades amongst many “The economic one can conclude that, in general, the In any case, the economic situation Talking about state pensions and others and £400m to be spent on new economic perspectives of Europe and is bleak, and it is going to be so for public sector pay could lead to nov- building projects. The 6-month work perspectives of the Western World do not seem buoy- far longer than expected. This has led els worth of material, but once again placement idea looks good on the sur- ant. Recent analyses suggest that by the opposition and many international Osborne’s message seems to be that face, but looks remarkably similar to Europe do not seem 2050, Europe (and that includes the commentators to consider Osborne’s we are going to have to start contrib- the Future Jobs Fund that was scrapped UK) will have lost 50% of its wealth in plans as doomed. However, the Con- uting more (especially if you work in when the coalition came into offi ce. buoyant” relative terms. The USA’s preponder- servatives do not appear to be ready the public sector) for our welfare. But But at the same time, any scheme that ance seems to be waning, its political to acknowledge failure. Thus, during the increase in the basic state pen- tries to help youth unemployment can- elites having lost their inner consensus his address, the Chancellor pointed out sion should help alleviate issues such not be too harshly criticised. The UK is no better: apart from its in a situation that strikingly resembles that the cost of our debt had become as dropping many into poverty at the The main message from the Autumn huge external debt, it heavily relies on that of the British Empire during the extraordinary low cost. Indeed, this same time. The fuel duty increase that Statement is that everything is worse an oversized fi nancial sector that has al- fi rst half of the 20th century. The shift week British bond prices dropped be- was planned for January has been post- than before. Thus, the Conservatives ready been bailed out by the taxpayers towards eastern Asia seems inevitable, low the price of German debt. That is poned till August, but lobbyists would are now on the defensive, starting to and it is not, nonetheless, faring much and the current debt crisis appears to very signifi cant; German debt is seen prefer it to be scrapped altogether, make pledges promising plans for the better. Its industry having dwarfed in be but signalling that shift. The sad as extremely safe, and is usually used under the claim that energy and pet- economy to start growing again. How- the last 30 years, many of its northern thing is that, obnubilated by our neigh- as a benchmark to measure your debt rol companies will just increase their ever, what Osborne offered this week regions have been depopulated and un- bour’s problems, no country in the West against. Although Osborne’s failure to prices and make consumers duty. seemed to be a lot about small policy, derdeveloped, as the traditional indus- seems to have realised that some long- tackle budget defi cit within this Parlia- Finally, Osborne made pledges con- still too obsessed with keeping an aus- tries were not replaced. There exists the term thinking beyond the “austerity ment will mean that the UK will have cerning spending on infrastructure, terity plan that seems to be slowly sink- increasing possibility of secession of measures” might be necessary, if only to borrow more, this will cost less than building and community projects. ing. With these promises of action, at some of its regions; and its isolation- so that our future can be tackled with expected. Whether or not this is due However, he also acknowledged that least they seem to discard the option of ist tendencies continuously harm its something other than hopes of bringing to the austerity measures is not clear; the extra expenditure in those sectors just sitting tight, crossing our fi ngers, national interests, as it keeps question- the long-absent confi dence fairy back. analysts such as David Blanchfl ower would be compensated by further cuts and hoping we all get out of this intact. 14 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] FELIX Let’s talk about Ron Paul Why Liberty and Democracy don’t mix Imperial is unique rather than active

Following the sudden impact of the first wave of student protests last year, this week’s pension protests almost seem part of a natural occurrence, but one, nonetheless, that continues to demonstrate the ever-changing nature of political activism. Imperial, however, remains an anomaly amongst institutions as pro- Samuel Horti tests continue on (as demonstrated by limited campus action on Wednesday). f you’ve been paying attention This is by no means a negative aspect. to the goings on in America in If there is one area of life at Imperial the lead up to next year’s presi- College that separates us from a number dential elections, you will no of other universities, it is the neutrality doubt have heard many politi- of our Student Union. The refusal of the Ical commentators expressing the view Would you have known if we had just put a picture of a random guy that wasn’t Ron Paul? Don’t worry, this is Ron Paul. Honestly. Or is it? It is sabbatical officers to break ultra vires that Ron Paul is the man that everyone means that, at least for the immediate has been waiting for. The hero that future, we will not see them protesting America needs. What is especially im- in central London alongside their coun- pressive is that this type of praise is mocracy rear their ugly heads. terparts from other universities, such as happening across the board, regardless Anyone who advocates individual AnyoneAnyone wwho University College London. If anything, of political loyalties or emotional ties. liberty (as Ron Paul does) must im- officers would be representing only a Now, I’m not going to tell you mediately sense a problem when advocatesadvocate individual portion of students’ views should they at- Ron Paul is a bad presidential can- confronted with a democratic sys- tend. They are, in a way, politicians rather didate. He, in contrast with many in tem. Democracy and Libertarianism, liberty... must activists. the American political system, is very in my mind, are complete polar op- As a scientific institution, Imperial honest, consistent and forthright with posites, which are incompatible with immediately sense prides itself on the search for answers his views. I would whole-heartedly one another. Libertarianism, admira- “ to difficult questions through considered agree with him on many of his po- bly, wants power to be given to the a problem when evidence and an avoidance, where pos- litical positions, such as his desire individual, whereas democracy wants sible, of bias. If our Union actively fol- to abolish the income tax (and lower power to be given to the majority. The confronted with a lowed one particular political viewpoint, taxes in general), and to end the “War latter establishes a mob-rule mental- it would provide an opposing message to on Drugs”. ity, where 51% of the people can com- democratic system the aims of the College. Best of all, he is a Libertarian who pletely abolish the rights of the other For those who believe that a more wants to reduce the size of the govern- 49%. politically active Union would lead to a ment and decentralise power, some- This is the reason that Ron Paul’s more politically active student body, they thing that seems to me, at least in prin- America is doomed to fail. In an at- a homosexual couple living in the would be mistaken. As the student body ciple, a very good thing. Although not tempt to liberate individual Ameri- state of Tennessee, where a recent bill, is largely inactive when it comes to ac- much of an achievement, he is by far cans, Ron Paul will no doubt suppress which has passed Senate clearance, tivism of their own accord, suggestions and away the best Republican candi- the freedom of minorities in many will “prohibit teachers” from discussing from student representatives would be date, and seems to be the most viable parts the United States. In more rea- homosexuality in kindergarten through equally likely to fall on deaf ears. alternative to another 4 years of Mr sonable areas, where the voters are eighth-grade classrooms?” These in- The fact that our Union does not, for Obama. However, as you can probably well educated and have developed a stances of asinine stupidity are by no the most part, take a particular politi- tell from the title of this article, I ﬁ nd good understanding of the purpose of means isolated, as those of you who cal standpoint is something that should that Ron Paul’s ideas are fraught with society, there will not be many major keep up with American politics will be praised rather than ridiculed. If any- practical problems to their very core. problems. I cannot imagine, for exam- no doubt know. The emergence of dis- thing, a far greater number of students Some of his more ludicrous views, ple, there being any problem with the criminatory pieces of legislature seems are likely to stand behind a Union that is such as his non-belief in both evolu- issue gay rights in the state of Mas- to happen all too regularly. neutral and caters to as large a group of tion and the separation in Church and sachusetts. However, it is when you When Democracy and stupidity students as possible. Such a situation, State, are regrettable for a man of his examine some of the more bigoted come together, nothing positive ever as it stands at the moment, in no way intelligence, but their importance is states, particularly those inhabited by gets done. It is an unfortunate fact that hinders the potential for the individual negated by the fact that Mr Paul won’t swathes of evangelical Christians, that Ron Paul wishes to divulge powers to student to organise a group to protest for impose his beliefs on the American you recognise the social problems that people that are far more bigoted than their own political view. people. This, somewhat ironically, is Ron Paul’s policies (or, to be more Is shouting he is. As a man who has garnered re- Some may argue that they do not repre- where the main problem lies. precise, his non-policies) may cause. at people in spect from all corners of his country, sent the student viewpoint, but the neu- Essentially, Ron Paul wants deci- What hope, for example, is there real life too Ron Paul could do so much for the trality instead provides a blank slate that sions to be increasingly made at a for the individual liberty of a Texan much social freedom of individual Americans. As can be written on by the individual, rather state level. Whilst this means, thank- woman wishing to have an abortion, interaction it is, his ideas are trapped inside a than the result of dictation by a higher fully, that his more ridiculous opinions living in a state where the governor, for you? democratic system which, when com- authority. We should not decry our apoliti- will not translate themselves into law, Rick Perry, is allowed to use tax pay- Well, you bined with inevitably self-centred vot- cism, but instead embrace the measured it worryingly puts power in the hands ers money to fund mass prayer events, can shout in ers, gives us a situation in which the thinking and opinion that we are open to. of the American people. “But surely,” like one he organised to pray for a halt word form majority are encouraged to do as they I hear you cry, “more power to the America’s national decline (whatever on: please, no matter what the effects on people is a good thing, right?” This is happened to the First Amendment?). felixonline. others might be. Libertarianism can the point at which the problems of de- What hope is there for the liberty of co.uk never prevail in a Democratic system. FELIX Friday 02 december 2011 15

Save us from loneliness, send in your articles. Just remember the mantra below. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author, and not Felix. COMMENT This title has been delayed

eading that title, you can Never fear, the ‘well thought out’ argument monopoly. probably roughly guess is coming up now. The operator on your line can basically what this article is going As mentioned above, I live in Essex. hold you to ransom. They know that you to be about. It’s the trains I used to get the train to and from school need them and can therefore mess you in Britain. I used to think every day. They were average at best, very about as much as they like. An opportunity Rthe trains being often delayed, expen- expensive, and they were not either large they didn’t need a second invite to take. sive and not running much on the week- enough or frequent enough to have the Ticket prices constantly soaring, less staff end was an Essex thing, innit. It appears room for everyone to sit. The trains are pri- around, more delays, and don’t even try to that I was wrong in that assumption, vatised and are run by a private company. get a train on Sunday or you will be ban- and Mock The Week panellists must be The idea is that this causes competition ished to hell (replacement bus service – at pleased that it’s widespread enough for and the companies have to improve their the same price as a train, of course). Why Tim Arbabzadah everyone to appreciate their jokes. I’m service to gain customers. Sounds fi ne in shouldn’t they? They have no incentive just going to go straight for the jugular theory, but there is one massive gaping to be anything better than the minimum here: the trains in Britain need to be re- problem: only one company runs all of required guidelines. They know any im- nationalised the trains on the line. This is where, like provement will be wasted, as people have I can’t pretend to know much about what a cricketer who was thinking about Scar- to use them anyway. What can I do? I can’t The reward for reading this article is a picture of Scarlett Johansson the trains were like in the past. I also can’t lett Johansson just as he’s about to make a force them to improve by taking a differ- really reliably ask anyone: if I ask my mum catch, privatisation drops the ball. Even if ent operator’s trains; I have to forgo trains (who, if she’s reading, I’m eating loads of I wanted to choose a different train com- entirely to protest. For many people (not to fruit and working so hard that I could tech- pany, as the current one wasn’t giving me mention the congestion it would cause on there to provide you with a cheap, readily nically take Imperial to some sort of crimi- what I wanted, I couldn’t. In fact, even if the roads) this just isn’t a practical solution. available means of transportation. It just nal tribunal) she runs out of the room to I drove (slightly defeating the point of a Another argument, often used for privati- makes no sense for it to be privatised. It grab her most rose-tinted of spectacles and convenient train station) to another nearby sation, is that it takes the burden of the cost should be in the public domain, so it can be tell me everything was perfect. So, what I station it would still be the same company. of running the train service away from the run in the interest of the public. I’m not say- know is what is here at the moment. Obvi- When you fl y from, say, Heathrow, you tax payer and places it onto a company that ing suddenly everything would be perfect, ously, it wasn’t always perfect then, it’s not can choose what airline you use (e.g Virgin will use ticket prices to recoup the money but it would be a start. I also understand perfect now, and it will never be perfect. or BA). You can get to the same destination spent and make a profi t. The trouble be- that it can’t have a bottomless pit of money We should look to improve what we have using either airline. They have to compete ing that this hands the operator a no win to use, but it would be there to run the best now. Saying “yeah, well, if you look at it in terms of quality, price, or the best com- no fee situation. If the train company goes service with the available resources, not to TheThe tratrain service objectively it used to suck so why does it promise of the two for your custom. This bust they have to be bailed out, as the trains make the most money from it. matter if it’s awful now” is a bit defeatist. gives them an incentive to keep prices low can’t just be allowed to stop running. They Private companies are there to make isisapu a public service We constantly should be trying to fi nd a and quality high. How can this be applied won’t try to go bust, but they don’t have money, but there are just some things way to improve a service. to a service where I only have one option? to be that careful as they have a safety net. where making money isn’t the overall ob- ... it just makes no You may, at this moment, be shouting, How does the idea of competition mean- What I don’t understand is why the Gov- jective and they therefore shouldn’t play a “hey look you massive arsehole, we’re ing better service apply when a company ernment just lets a company reap all the part. The NHS is another example where a sense for it to be over two paragraphs in and you haven’t has a monopoly? I concede, perhaps, you rewards of privatisation and have no con- service must be kept as a public service. If “ made an argument yet”. To this I would say could argue that they had to compete for a sequences. Why don’t they just do all the you disagree with that, then the other main privatised that calling me an arsehole is a bit strong, Government contract, but that’s not every running of the trains in house? point is that you don’t even get the benefi ts what are you – a YouTube commenter? year and once they have it they have the The train service is a public service; it is of competition. The Occupy” Protests are succeeding. Just look at this paper

he Occupy movement, in- What these protests aim to do is to en- For another example, consider the a reputably apolitical institution, to see that spired by protest in Spain, courage public thought, discussion and movement’s General Assemblies used it has managed to provoke a public debate. made famous in New York debate over the social, economic and po- to decide everything from appropriation In the past month we’ve seen no fewer and now a global phenom- litical issues that affect all of us each day. of food to writing their political agenda. than three comment pieces on the Occu- enon, is succeeding. On the In short, they are trying to effect the end of Totally ‘horizontal’ and once again open pations and two features on public protest. Tface of it, this might seems to be an auda- societal apathy. to anyone, the GA reaches decisions via However, this success marks only the cious claim. Indeed, some of you will be What the occupiers have recognised is collective agreement, and under the rules beginning. These protests have become reading this and audibly scoffi ng; “They that a movement will fail without wider any spectator can vocalise their particular more than simply clumps of tents; they have no clear goals; what are they suc- support, especially when you seek to opinion or reservations. have become an ideology, merging seam- ceeding at?” erode the concentration of power held by When the protests began, many sceptics lessly with the wider public outcry that Padraic Calpin Actually (though I would fi rmly suggest the 1%. As such, they have sought to in- may have glibly remarked that for “the saw 61% of British people support the No- you read their statement at occupylsx.org), clude as many people as possible from day 99%”, the number of people demonstrat- vember 30 strike. that question is surprisingly valid. There is one. For example, the London protesters ing seemed somewhat small. But, through As @OccupyWallStreetNYC tweeted, no single event that will defi nitively cause have set up Tent City University and the this focus on public awareness, it has taken “You Can’t Evict An Ideal”. Cheesy? Yes. the protesters to say “right, job done”, and newly opened Bank of Ideas, holding daily less than three months for a single camp to But, in fact, already vindicated: two weeks head home. Though the movement advo- free talks and discussions. Even the camps swell into a global phenomenon. ago, after 200 people were forced from cates some specifi c policies, such as the themselves welcome anyone, whether It is with this in mind that I declare the Zucotti Park, more than 1000 took to the abolition of Tax Havens, the main focus is you’re a purposeful visitor or a curious Occupy movement is succeeding. You streets of New York, and the demonstra- something more fundamental. passer-by. need only look to this, the student paper of tions show no sign of stopping. 16 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] “Total policing” not like total football

Andrew Fok fter 12 hours of protest, Before heading out on the main Lon- protests in Trafalgar Square; and when beginning at 7 in the don march to Victoria Embankment, I we gave them legal advice, as the po- morning at Liverpool joined the public service picket in Brix- lice were ignoring the legal process, we Street, the idea of pro- ton. Here people felt angry about bail- were threatened with arrest ourselves. testers as lazy hippies ing out the banks whilst public service Democracy is being burned to ashes. Ahas simply dissolved. They believe the workers have greater pressure on their However, a surprise Phoenix of civil mantra that the early anarchist gets the already low pay. They chanted “What disobedience managed to escape from worm. We saw electricians, librarians, do we want?”, “A pension”, “When do the heavily policed fl ames. On the au- teachers, council workers and children we want it?”, “Before we die!” This en- thority of Occupy London we gathered line the pickets and march in protest ergy, also present on the march, quickly in Piccadilly Circus along with consid- against the changes to public sector fi zzled out as people were shepherded erable riot police, though, as if by magic, Luke Sheldon pensions. However, following on from by lines of police in to almost motion- hundreds of Greek football fans entered the November 9 student protest where less crowds to allow traffi c to continue. the square celebrating a victory. The 4,000 police, 3 helicopters, steel bar- The police’s presence fl attened nearly police got distracted, the samba band Some people just can’t do anything right... riers and numerous surveillance tech- all emotion. After 3 hours of constrained kicked into action and a fl are led crowd niques were used against 5,000-10,000 marching, we arrived at Victoria Em- charged around the corner into Xtrata, protestors, the strike day in London was bankment exhausted, and like the peo- the company with the highest paid CEO marked by unprovoked heavy handed ple around us, feeling like nothing had in the FTSE100. Noam Chomsky criti- proceedings to be prosecuted with ag- policing. been achieved. cises football for distracting the masses gravated trespass – a charge purely cre- This has now been termed “total po- As the 2 million workers refused to from political action, though here the ated for policing peaceful protest. The Even withw the licing” and has been created to save work today, 92% of London schools distraction served a much-needed pur- night of arrest was also be fi lled with face for the Government after last year’s closed, and thousands fl ooded the streets pose. police harassment; the people caught in dispropdisproportionate student protests and the summer’s riots. across the country. David Cameron re- Today would have passed with no the vicinity are being placed on police Although people champion this as what marked in the House of Commons that mention of the bankers that have caused records (hopefully including the suit- scale of police the police should be doing to control vi- the day was a “damp squib” and Boris this crisis, as the city was heavily wearing man who kicked me), police olence, the knock on effect is that peace- Johnson asserted that it “won’t make blocked. The politicians safely lay be- dogs were brought in to an already con- reactions, people ful protest is being squashed. In the a bean of difference”. The lack of rec- hind 12 foot steel fences and the Tory tained crowd and I have heard reports of “ morning, police, with dogs, descended ognition of the protest, its support, and headquarters, ransacked in last year’s police violence in isolated pens. still felt it necessary on 30 picketers in Hackney arresting the nearly successful attempts to quash student protests, were guarded, even Even with the disproportionate scale them for “blocking a road”. Whilst it with the force of police, meant that I though they lay miles from the crowds. of police reactions, people still felt it to highlight the this occurred I took part in the Occupy left at the end of the march completely However, by shear chance, the startling necessary to highlight the issues with London tour of the city raising aware- disillusioned. Our collective effort has inequality of this country – where the the Government’s austerity measures, issues with the ness about the strike during the morning achieved nothing due to the arrogance CEO of Xtrata is paid £18million a year where the poor are punished as CEOs rush hour. The police outnumbered us, of the Government, which believes it as 60% of children in the nearby Tower see their pay constantly rising. And for Government’ss getting quickly physical, aggressive and can ignore the population and its inter- Hamlets lie in poverty – could be shone the moments where the orange glare of frequently kettling us; they obviously ests without sparking further riots. As if in all its disgusting glory. The protest- the fl are guided people into the bastion austerity measuresaasuressures had the idea that nothing would happen things could not get worse, we witnessed ers who peacefully entered the building of inequality that is Deloitte, it was truly today. the baseless arrest of people leaving the will now expect up to a year of legal beautiful. We need” a new kind of giving

f you are a science student at Imperi- state of medicine two hundred years ago. increasing and devastating drought and a To overuse a metaphor, they work just like al there’s very little you can do to get The patient’s problem may be clear but HIV prevalence of up to 25%. It was here medical trials – properly randomised with involved in international aid. The she fi nds herself surrounded by various that a friend and I had the chance to inves- control groups receiving no aid and a test medics can use their skills to deliver confl icting quack doctors, each offering tigate a fi shing program, interviewing fi sh- group receiving ‘treatment’ such as a par- life-saving vaccinations in Mozam- his own particular brand of tonic to cure- ermen who had received subsidies to help ticular microfi nance program or school Ibique. The engineers can use their skills to all-ills. It took the rigour of the scientifi c them buy boats and nets. After speaking to system. Carrying out this kind of trial takes build drought-fi ghting dams in El Salvador. method with its ruthless reliance on ran- around 200 of these fi shermen and going exactly the skills required in a science de- And us scientists? We get to teach English domisation and evidence to break through fi shing ourselves, we took the data back gree. in a random school somewhere. the quackery and create what we now call home and ran it through our machines with The ability of the scientifi c method to Of all the skills I’ve gained from my edu- medicine. To be poor in 2011 is much the a statistician. The results were surprising. shine a light on a hitherto murky world of cation, being able to teach English isn’t one same. The problems may be clear but so- It seemed that boats were bad, expen- guesswork and quackery has been proved Rory Fenton that ever made it to my CV. And yet for so lutions are offered from so many different sive investments compared to nets. Boats over the centuries, but its role in aid is just many of us this is the only way to get in- groups, each peddling their own particular served more as a status symbol than an starting to be recognised. Some at Imperial volved with charities. This feels like a ter- cure-all-ills ideology, that any correct an- economic investment. But this was good have taken a lead in this – Sir Alan Fen- rible waste of ability. Fortunately it doesn’t swer is likely to be lost among the crowd. news. It meant that the charity funding the wick will be talking about his experience have to be this way. The case for a new, rigorous, evidence- subsidies could shift their focus onto nets, in just this work today at 6 in SAF. It will You see for all Imperial’s students that based approach to aid couldn’t be clearer. saving them money while increasing the likely be today’s graduates who will help ...the aaid world are involved in charities, there are ques- A year ago I had the chance to see how this number of fi sh caught. They are currently shape an aid debate in which evidence truly tions that ought to be answered: just how could work in practice. working on how best to implement this triumphs over ideology. For this to happen needs more do we know we’re actually making a dif- Lake Turkana, the largest body of water strategy. the aid world needs more scientists getting ference? How do we measure and improve in Kenya, has been the site of so many im- The power of what was essentially a lab involved. Looking to make a difference? scientists getting outcomes? This is where the scientists portant archaeological discoveries that it is report level analysis was surprising and A career in development may be an unex- come in. termed “the cradle of civilisation”; a title exciting. But the role that the scientifi c pected use for your degree, but it’s much involved I would argue that the state of interna- that will strike any foreign visitor as ironic method can play gets so much more sexy more effective than teaching damned Eng- “ ” tional development today is much like the on seeing an area with miniscule literacy, with Randomised Control Trials, or RCTs. lish. Who’s with me? FELIX Friday 02 december 2011 17 COMMENT IC Debating Society are always up for an argument. Sometimes they send them to us to put in here. Unfortunately, this week, they got sidetracked for two hours debating the meaning of debates. Then they started arguing about if they were even really there or not. Luckily, they got round to debating Greece as well. Here it is... “Should the Greek Economy be allowed to fail?”

Let Greece have its it is practically important own currency, let them that Greece... continue devalue it, and let as a functioning, them sort out their participating member of “problems “the Eurozone Yes – James Clough No – Ed Middleton

reece has serious problems. Es- austerity as future Greek taxpayers are forced to hen, in 2001, Greece joined the its obligations, a public attempt is important. If other sentially they have run out of bear the burdens of older generations” who earned Eurozone, it signed a treaty that European nations make a clear” and public demon- money, and lending any to them too little and spent too much. And what of the certifi ed its membership of this stration to Greece that they are supporting it in its is seen as a very risky business. next in line: Italy? Too big to fail, but also too big group indefi nitely. There was no hour of need and attempting to shore-up its fragile As such, the lenders are only will- to bail. Italy’s debts would swallow up the entire clause that permitted the seces- economy, Greece will be much less likely to turn ingG to offer high interest loans; this worsens the bailout fund, and maybe more. Not to mention sionW or expulsion of a state from this particular com- around and give up on Europe and its payments. A problem as Greece’s interest repayments increase the fact that Italy is supposed to be one of the munity. This would make it very diffi cult for Greece strong partnership between Greece with the rest of and their budget defi cit gets ever bigger. three countries who are guaranteeing the bailout to decide to leave or, equally likely, to be thrown Europe is likely to mean that Greece can be kept on How did they get into this mess? It’s this sim- fund. We can’t afford to bail out big-spenders out. Granted, it would not be impossible to create a track and any default, should it occur, can be rig- ple: the Greek government spent too much mon- forever. pathway by which states may leave the Eurozone, idly controlled to minimize the damage and risk of ey. “But we’re in a recession,” you say. “Keynes There is another way, though. Let Greece fail but this would become problematic in the future. spread. says that we need to spend our way out! Increase and let the Greeks accept that the Euro has failed The same problems would form that drove Abraham This element of contagion is also important with government spending – boost aggregate demand” them. Having one currency for multiple govern- Lincoln to declare war with, and reunite, the confed- respect to global investor confidence. Many foreign you cry. Keynes does say this, but he also says ments has meant that they could not fully con- eracy of the United States in 1860. If members of a investors have been wary of investing in Southern that you must save during the good times, during trol their own financial system and deal with the group are free to come and go whenever they please, European economies – as well as Western European the boom, so that you can afford to spend your crisis. Getting help from Germany means surren- the authority of the community is undermined; with- economies to some extent – since Greek financial way out of the bust. dering political freedom: Greece will have to do out unanimity, it is very diffi cult to achieve anything. woes came to the fore. If Europe is seen as being Greece didn’t do this – they even managed to whatever its masters tell it. If a state feels that a policy is not in their interest, decisive and clear in its support of Greece, inves- lose money during the boom years. And thus, If they leave the Euro and return to their old they can simply leave. This makes it impossible for tor confidence in other European countries will be the seeds of disaster were planted. Because they currency, the Drachma, they can recover. Yes, it strong community-based governance to occur and sounder. This is important as it has consequences in didn’t save when they had the money, and be- will lose a lot of its value at first. Many Greek makes the community indecisive, stagnant and slow terms of borrowing for government bonds, such as cause they have been borrowing too much for too civil servants, once part of a bloated bureaucra- to implement change. It also adds an internal politi- interest rates. An amputation of Greece from Europe long, Greece simply can’t just borrow and spend cy, will have to get private sector jobs. But weak cal element to the decision, where leaders of member would mean a long period of instability in Greece their way out of this mess. currencies can be the catalyst for future growth. countries can gain political capital by threatening to (see Argentina from 1999 onwards) and likely a dis- What normally happens in this situation? Well, Greeks will struggle to afford the import of for- exit the Eurozone unless their state’s demands are astrous return for foreign investors: who, if they feel usually governments have another trick up their eign goods, but they will be able to sell products satisfi ed. This would be in nobody’s interests, since that countries will be allowed to fail and then jetti- sleeve. They print more money; they devalue for lower prices. Imports fall but exports rise. it makes it very diffi cult for the community to fulfi l soned from the community, will be much more wary their currency, and their debts are worth less. It Money will flow back into the country. Slowly its goals and aid co-operation of member states. of Europe as a whole. doesn’t do the country much good, but it helps but surely the tide will turn and Greece can ex- The main danger with Greece is that of disorderly To conclude, it is practically important that Greece get rid of the debt. But Greece can’t do this be- perience true growth, unlike the dangerous debt- default. This would occur if Greece could not meet be bailed out and allowed to continue as a function- cause they are part of the Euro. filled bubble they resided in before. its financial obligations and so decided to simply ing, participating member of the Eurozone. Prece- They don’t get to choose when their own cur- Let Greece have its own currency, let them de- give up. In this instance, there would be huge losses dent for secession would cripple any executive fiscal rency is devalued. Political problems arise, be- value it, and let them sort out their problems. It for investors, not just within Greece but across the power of the Eurozone, reducing it to a meaning- cause the rest of Europe, who still have money is the only way to save Greece and save Europe. world. Many French banks would be heavily hit, less association. Unmanageable debts would also and are still trusted to borrow (mainly Germany Bailing out the countries which spend all of their as they hold large numbers of Greek Government increase the likelihood of disorderly default, a cata- and France) have to bail them out. These coun- money may seem like a good idea now, but one bonds. This would generate a wave of instability strophic global economic event. More importantly, tries promise that they will guarantee the Greek day Germany will run out of money to help with that would threaten to shatter both fragile and more however, is the need for Europe to be seen to public- debt. And of course, Greece has to cut its spend- these bailouts, or its voters will just say no. And secure economies in Europe. Even if it wasn’t pos- ly support Greece for reasons of global confidence ing to ensure they don’t get into the same mess when that happens, this crisis will look very, very sible to prevent a default in Greece and the levels of and internal feelings of security and community by twice. There will be years and years of harsh small in comparison. bailout were not sufficient for Greece to meet all of Eurozone nations. 18 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX Arts Editor: Eva Rosenthal Will Prince ARTS [email protected] The Poet’s Column Free House Verse Essence of Heaven’s Soul by Pavitar Devgon Eva Rosenthal The fi rst poetry evening I attended left me with Summer’s shine and winter’s sleet the somewhat sour taste of disappointment, en- Autumn’s crisp and spring is sweet hanced, no doubt, by the dashed hopes I’d been Ready for the haul ahead harbouring all week. Instead of great poetry, I Acting on impulse and beat was faced by something resembling slapstick Hardly there yet still a thorn stand-up comedy. For that reason, I turned up to Fluent on Pa- Innately there to see the dawn per with no hopes at all – and was very pleas- antly surprised. Hosted in one of South Kens- Lending a thousand words unsaid ington’s nicest pubs, The Builders Arms, the Open free and shackles torn atmosphere was warming, perfect for a freez- Vying for a pedestal ing November night. In front of a dark banner, Every shout I return its call aspiring poets read their work to an audience of friendly faces; no doubt welcoming in the face Yawn and itch, my hunger’s fed of spilling your emotions to complete strang- Only then to jump and fall ers. Unless of course already said Most of those reading their poetry had never done so in public before. They managed in spite of shaking hands and voices; their courage was inspiring. Ed Spencer in particular, who was To those who read Felix for the witty picture captions, I’m sorry Felix Arts is constantly looking for new the last of the invited poets, established the ne- poets. If you want to see your work ap- cessity of ‘acting’ one’s readings. Perhaps his pearing here, do get in touch. Addition- poetry was not what one would call ‘fi rst-rate’, fl owing. Dylan Lowe ended the night with a tainly tries. From January onwards, it will be a ally, those interested in joining Poetry but no-one noticed or even cared because he poem written in ten minutes on the beauty of monthly event and I encourage both poets and Society, contact Osas, at oo2409@ proved to be such a fantastic actor; his poems Bulgaria. lovers of poetry to attend. It is a great success imperial.ac.uk. lived and breathed in his interpretation of them. One was never meant to enjoy poetry alone for Imperial College students to have a poetry There were even several poems written on and in silence. Instead, poetry readings were night hosted by one of their own – we can do the spot, as people found themselves inspired commonplace in homes, public spaces and at more than science, it seems! by the creativity of the evening. Matt Allinson’s the glittering literary salons of the past. It is im- hilarious poem on the organiser of the event, possible to translate the nature of these events Fluent on Paper returns on January 22 at Kadhim Shubber, certainly had the laughter to our hurried times, but Fluent on Paper cer- The Builders Arms in South Kensington Marilyn’s back with a The Old Man and the Movie new Charles Betts their own delightfully attributed clichés. Not message: least Hemingway, parodied with such gems as It was Tuesday and I found myself having a “no subject is terrible if the story is true and if beer in Brinkley’s, the louche Chelsea eatery the prose is clean and honest.” “ICSM Drama’s and favourite Hugh Grant haunt, and I was A couple of years ago I saw Woody Allen Main Play this surrounded by middle-aged desperate house- play the clarinet with his New Orleans Jazz coming March is wives. They were botoxed and dyed blonde Band in Paris. While his rendition of ‘If I Had an adaptation of and high-heeled. It was then that I became You’ sounded more asthmatic wheezing fox Billy Wilder’s classic engulfed in a peculiar Hemingwayesque than Benny Goodman, his passion for jazz fi lm ‘Some Like it Hot’. malaise. It was then that I realised just how shone through. His fi lms have consistently To be a part of the most depressing desperate housewives are. It was played themselves out to the tune of jazz hilarious, scandalous and then that I noticed there are too many cheer- standards and provided the uninitiated with a less people busy gold digging and lust search- glut of great melodies. Midnight in Paris is no glamorous play in Imperial’s I see why Hugh Grant likes Brinkley’s (venerated) history come to ing at the same time when the two appear to different, with Cole Porter making an appear- the Auditions NEXT WEEK. be incompatible. They demonstrate that ro- ance as he strokes the ivories to the sound of mance is dead in all too many marriages. ‘Let’s Do’ It at a characteristic 1920’s hedo- It was therefore appropriate that I stumbled a golden age of art and literature, the fi lm nistic party. Sun 11 Dec Glenister G1, CXH 13:00-18:00 upon Woody Allen’s latest cinematic oeuvre prominently features Ernest Hemingway The movie also argues that lasting relation- Mon 12 Dec SAF Rm G65 17:30-20:00 Midnight in Paris on Wednesday. In what has throughout. His bold, poignant sentences in ships are built neither on lust nor love at fi rst Tues 13 Dec SAF Rm G65 17:30-20:00 been rightfully hailed as a cinematic tour of stark contrast to Owen Wilson’s lead charac- sight. Unlike the pseudo-romantic marriages Wed 14 Dec Glenister G1 17:30-20:00 ter’s somewhat clumsy Californian chat. of the aforementioned desperate housewives, Thurs 15 Dec Sem. Rm 1,Reyn. 17:30-20:00 The fi lm explores, by means of sharp wit they are built on understanding founded on “The artist’s job is not to and a stunning Parisian back-drop, that a shared tastes. Woody Allen has his critics. succumb to despair but life without art is a life not worth living. As They proclaim that the gags are cheap and Ladies, if you reckon you’re the next Marilyn Monroe; Gertrude Stein (yes, she’s in the fi lm too) ob- that the sets are clichéd and that the plots gentleman, if you have an inner gangster to let out; to fi nd an antidote for serves: “The artist’s job is not to succumb to are thin. But I have always loved his fi lms come and audition!” despair but to fi nd an antidote for the empti- (although best to avoid Scoop). Perhaps this the emptiness of exis- ness of existence.” It is around this theme that love too stems from shared tastes. Affection we meet Picasso, Matisse, Dalí, Man Ray, for jazz, hearty quips, and a belief that life tence” Scott Fitzgerald, and many more; each with shouldn’t be taken too seriously. FELIX Friday 02 december 2011 19 ARTS A Fairytale Shredding No Grimm faces at Shamini Bundell’s latest MTSoc offering

Matt Allinson dell for this performance, sounded completely mental and the cast was Imperial College’s very own Musi- huge. Settling down with apprehen- cal Theatre Society consistently puts sion, what I saw unfurl before me was on hilarity fi lled shows that mix wild beyond what I could have possibly humour, a fl air for the outrageous and imagined. The animated anarchic ex- an almost tangible passion for perfor- plosion of drama and pure, unbridled, mance. The fi rst term revue of late has and not-a-little-bit camp fun that fol- progressively developed into some- lowed had me either in stiches or semi- thing more elaborate. While still based rapturous joy. around a collection of well-known The general concept of the story line show tunes, the plot element and stag- is a pastiche of several of Grimms’ ing of these performances has become Fairy Tales, similar, in a way, to Shrek. ever more ambitious. The sheer scale However, like that perennially re-com- of this term’s production meant that, missioned children’s classic, the use of attending my preview, I was terrifi ed well-known characters is not overbear- that perhaps in an attempt to outdo last ing on the plot itself; rather it allows for Rupert Grint turned up to the workshop in ‘costume’ year’s exquisite Imperial Collage, the a familiar background on which the ac- well-meaning folk of one of Imperial’s tion, concerning a few intertwined love most vibrant and active societies had stories and a traveling band of lesbian a short amount of time for rehearsing mond for his stellar performance as the exam the night before. However, unlike completely over-reached themselves. cat bandits, can take place. have between them managed to build Prince, but also to Rebecca Miller as my second year Maths module, the re- The script, written by Shamini Bun- I can’t begin to think of where to up a spectacular ensemble perfor- the villainous Mayor; Chris Witham’s sults here are spectacularly good, and start chucking the praise in terms of mance. What is most obviously recog- debut performance for MT Soc as But- hell, it’s free, so you have no excuse. who deserves it most. Ms Bundell has nisable to an audience member is that tons was particularly impressive. “I can’t begin to think crafted a fantastic script that manages everyone on stage is having an absolute I really can’t stress enough how much Charming: An alternative ever after to keep you laughing without wallow- blast. The energy they positively throw of a great time I had at this show. For- is on at The Union Concert Hall,. of where to start ing in trying to be funny for the sake into the crowd whips you along in the tune favours the brave and this produc- Runs Monday 5th - Wednesday 7th of it. Any weaker gags are carried by show’s tidal wave. Special mention of tion has levels of bravery akin to some- December, 7.30pm. Tickets are chucking the praise” the strength of the cast, who with such course always has to go to Phil Ray- one trying to revise for an end of year free! Wraith the roof with DramSoc A play with more than the average number of sofa-wetting whale references

Alexander Yip Will Prince turning in his grave. Equally, I imagine closest thing I could fi nd to a similarity representatives of Deutsche Bank – the with the Steinbeck novel from which It’s been nearly eight years to the day show’s sponsors – may fi nd themselves the play takes its name, Omar Fahmy since the fi nal installment of the Lord squirming in their seats as the goblins brings shades of Lenny to his role of the of the Rings trilogy hit our screens bicker over maximizing teamwork and orc poet, Urg, contrasted by the fl esh- - eight long years with little but over- leadership skills. hungry energy of Zoe Pierre as Gaboo- sexed vampires and undersexed boy Despite its two-hour duration, ODAM sa. Miztli Cardena Neville, as Areya, wizards to fi ll the void. Clearly spotting maintains its freshness by hopping adds the fi nishing touch, maintaining a an audience starved of orcs and elves, between Terramundus and the Bow- grave voice of reason in the face of the Dramsoc’s latest productions takes the mans’ house. Brothers Evan and Drake hapless fellowship. Dungeons and Dragons out of Beit (played with aplomb by Luke Bullard The specials effects are innovative to basements and brings them to the stage. and Ranulf Kinloch-Jones) clash as the say the least and give ODAM an unpre- Written and directed by Al Norman, former tries to introduce his girlfriend tentious charm, best exemplifi ed when a Of Dice and Men takes a tongue-in- Kate (the tireless Camilla Nicholson) climactic fi ght scene is paused as Mrs. cheek look at role playing fantasy to the game, much to the disgust of Bowman hands out Ribenas. The script, games. It centres on fi ve friends, each character-hat-wearing die-hard player whilst a little long, is well written, with of varying enthusiasm, and their in- Drake. Sarah Brand brings a deadpan echoes of Monty Python’s Holy Grail as game characters as they quest their way tone to her role as lesbian witch Ivy and well as moments of real original com- a game of Witches and Wyverns. With Hassan Choudhury completes the band edy. DramSoc is clearly alive and w ell astute observations of life in both the with a modicum of sanity, playing game at Imperial, and most important of all, real world and in fantasy, the play is master Simon. it’s got a good sense of humour. suited to novices and level 3 Paladins Over in the Western Realm, things alike. Encounters with a princess, who are more farcical still. James Goodchild Of Dice and Men plays tonight and is more Miami than Mordor, and a frank struts the stage scantily-clad as Conan- tomorrow, Union Concert Hall, £5 chat with Phil the Wraith are the kind of lookalike Tefl on, combining dopey de- in advance for students, £7 other- thing that would probably have Tolkien livery with deft comic timing. In the wise James took it into his own hands to complain about caption quality 20 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX Arts Editor: Eva Rosenthal Will Prince ARTS [email protected] Doodle of the Week A better way to

The TEKUA project comes to London in co-operation with lo Tanzanian education

Claudio Emma

From the streets of Manhattan to the crowded squares of Europe, much of the recent media attention has been devoted to the extravagant protest of those who call themselves “Indignados”. Thousands have taken to the streets, forcibly occupying major landmarks in protest against financial injustices inflicted on them by the capitalist system. But amidst all of the ruckus, hidden deep in the background, is the persistent call for help of a people who are so often forgotten and largely ignored by the mass media of the Western World. I am talking about the atrocious statistic re- Doodle of the Week is back! This time, we give you porting the 92% of young Tanzanians who an awesome doodle that possibly a few of you might cannot afford to pay for secondary school. have been able to get down during one of those While the noisy protest aims of the “oc- lengthy end-of-term lectures. Our winner is Luke Tom- cupy” group are often sympathised with lin! by Westerners, the silent cry of millions We hope his doodle will encourage some of you to of Tanzanians who are denied an essential send in your boredom drawings. If this gives you no human right often falls upon deaf ears. It encouragement, perhaps next week’s special prize is to change this gruelling reality that a will: The Coffee Table Book of Doom, Steven Appleby group of Imperial students has chosen to and Art Lester’s new compen- dium that lays out speak out and take concrete action. Rather the myriad ways you and ev- than forcibly occupying town squares and eryone else might suddenly pointing fingers at potential culprits, we cease to exist. Packed full of have decided to adopt a different ap- invaluable information and proach by reaching out to local busi- beautiful illustrations The nesses in search for potential fundraising Coffee Table Book of Doom opportunities. The target of all our efforts will steer you through the is an inspirational education establish- apocalypse with wit and ment in north eastern Tanzania, called the a wry smile, safe in the TEKUA project. knowledge you’re an TEKUA is an acronym that stands for equally capable doodler the five Swahili words: empowerment, as Luke Tomlin and Ma- education, initiative, health and poverty. ria Han Veiga! The centre effectively uses education as a weapon to break the crippling chain of poverty which reduces the lives of many They make art which is sold around the world young Tanzanian’s to a mere fight for sur- vival. With education comes the empower- TEKUA: CONTRIBUTING ment of women in a society whose patri- archal traditions contribute emphatically education comes the possibility for young “TEKUA stands for “A Pound for Hope” to the spreading of HIV/AIDS. With edu- students to realise their dreams and make Contribute here to be part of the movement cation, the centre takes a concrete stand positive contributions to the development ﬁ ve Swahili words: against injustice: against poverty by equipping the youths of their society. These are goals worth http://www.justgiving.com/projectTEKUA/ of Tanzania with the skills necessary to fighting for. These are statistics worth empowerment, or www.projecttekua.co.uk find decent jobs. Most importantly, with protesting against. There are 92% of Tan- zanians who deserve a voice in our world, education, initiative and we are determined to finally give them TEKUA Art Exhibition “the silent cry of millions one. health and poverty” Over 700 pounds raised in just 2 days! Now how do we Imperial students fit Bring your Imperial Card, come and visit and of Tanzanians who are into this context and how can we actu- make your contribution at: ally make a difference to the lives of these the proceeds to the centre. This approach denied an essential young Tanzanians? The answer is by doing however, would make the centre entirely 58 Fenchurch St. enough work to make the TEKUA centre reliant on the generosity of foreigners, thus London human right often falls financially self-sufficient. Unfortunately preventing it from growing and flourishing EC3M 4AB this is much easier said than done. It would independently. The way we have chosen to upon deaf ears” be far easier to ask people for their spare approach the problem is to take the skills change on street corners and donate all learned by TEKUA students at the centre FELIX Friday 02 december 2011 21 ARTS o make a difference ocal businesses and Imperial College students in order to raise money towards better

According to the guys at TEKUA, the Western ‘99%’ is not the real 99% TEKUA Project: The Facts Established in 2003 in Tanzania Mission: to aid and empower the underpriviledged youth of Tanzania through education

It aims to reduce illiteracy, mental slavery and provide knowlegde of HIV and gender-based violence amongst others.

The art projects, as well as providing educational support, help sustain the TEKUA project in the long run. Illustrations by Huiyen Ong

and use those to generate an income. “The educational artist and the school we could pro- entire year! and needs the attention of the world. The educational centre’s cur- vide a small stipend for the students As university students we are of- It is in our power to determine the riculum provides lessons in three centre’s curriculum whilst also supporting the centre. ten condemned for being apathetic direction of progress in Tanzanian main subjects: English, ICT and art. Success in our efforts would have towards global issues and criticised society and as citizens of an increas- While the first two subjects may provides lessons in a dramatic impact on the future of for taking part in deleterious move- ingly globalised world we cannot seem more directly relevant to a the centre. Having recently under- ments such as the 99% campaign. ignore our responsibility. With this young Tanzanian who is aiming to three main subjects: gone an expansion, TEKUA has This is our chance to prove these kind of decisive action we will un- find employment, the study of art now opened a second school where allegations wrong by stepping up to doubtedly have a dramatic impact has proved just as fundamental to English, ICT and art” it will give its students vocational a challenge that is highly ambitious on the lives of 92% of young Tan- the students. By teaching the stu- training in trades such as sewing and zanians. So if you want become part dents painting and sculpting skills mending clothes. Thus our work in of our mission come and visit the the centre has effectively created a Tanzania. Having been priced by a financially supporting the centre is “It is in our power exhibition to take a stand against a workshop for young artists produc- professional art dealer, the works more relevant than ever. To inten- crippling statistic that deserves your ing fine and vibrant pieces of art. It are worth an average of 60 pounds sify our fundraising efforts we have to determine time. is our aim to use the pieces of art which, if you do the math, works out launched a campaign at Imperial un- as a resource for the centre to fund to a staggering 170,216.696 Tanza- der the slogan “A Pound for Hope”. the direction The TEKUA Education Centre itself and create a self-sustaining cy- nian Shillings! In a country where We are asking you to make what is project presents Tanzania: Art cle. Practically this amounts to sell- the price of a kilo of maize is just a seemingly insignificant contribu- of progress in for Knowledge at Chartis UK, 58 ing students’ artwork here in London 20 p, this is obviously a substantial tion of a single pound in the hopes Fenchurch St., London, EC3M where the paintings and sculptures amount of money. With these profits of reaching our target which would Tanzanian society” 4AB, 10:00-16:00 daily until De- are worth far more than they are in divided equally between the student support the centre financially for an cember 17. Some things never go out of style if you’re interested! if you’re [email protected]

Movember is raising money for Prostate Cancer Research. To find out more, or to donate to our team, visit http://goo.gl/JMPyF Well this is it ladies and gentlemen, this is it ladies and gentlemen, Well we’ve had to resort to plain indecency or scan the adjacent QR code! societies or individuals!) Christmas theme to do a centrefold (clubs, need you we But seriously, Email anyone? 24 Friday 02 December 2011 FELIX Music Editors: Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto Stephen Smith MUSIC [email protected] Kadhim’s totally hot album of the week Origin of Symmetry

Youth Lagoon An essential classic for any music lover, says Clare Cheng The Year of Hibernation ack in 2001; the year iTunes was Lefse Records born, J-Lo got her fi rst UK number 1 single and George Bush 2011 began his war on terror, Muse released the amazingly beautiful Balbum that is Origin of Symmetry. Although this was the Devonshire band’s second album after Showbiz, it was the collection of songs On Sunday, I was at a friend-of-a-friend’s fl at; it that marked the greatness that was to come. was almost completely burnt out. The TV had To celebrate this momentous occasion the caught fi re and the ensuing blaze had torn up the band played the album in full at this year’s walls and slithered around the rooms, turning Reading and Leeds Festival. The stage was home into hell. Some things had survived: a coat- decked out with colossal forks as seen on the ing of soot was all the happy family photos had to album artwork, with Matt Bellamy’s glass pia- endure. Other things had been less lucky: a grand no taking pride of place. full-length mirror had been warped to destruc- Their set was the best, hands down, all week- tion by the heat and the once-intricate frame was end; the opening song ‘New Born’ being ac- charred and black. I said to him, rather stupidly, “it companied by fl ying saucers hurtling across feels like it was a really nice place”. He was kind the screen, launching huge infl atable eyeballs enough to be patient with me and replied, simply, into the crowd that burst to release confetti, and “yeah, it was…” shooting fi reworks that exploded high above When I returned home that evening, to my con- the stage… oh and not to mention the songs spicuously uncharred fl at, I listened to Youth La- were pretty spectacular too. goon’s debut album, The Year of Hibernation, and felt transported back to those dark, ash-ridden rooms. I imagined sitting on the miraculously un- “Each song has such damaged green leather sofa and thought about the destruction brought into his home; the place feeling and emotion wo- where we fi nd solace and warmth eaten up by fl ames and smoke. ven into it” But, more striking than that was the sense of optimism. Youth Lagoon (a.k.a. Trevor Powers, What makes Origin of Symmetry so different, The best forking album by the best forking band to ever set foot on forking Earth of Idaho disposition) doesn’t paint a story of de- timeless even, is that it appeals to every music spair. The wistful guitar melodies, ghostly vocals, listener. Even my Dad, who loves his classi- misty piano keys, and discreet beats (fi le next to cal and jazz, likes listening to Muse rocking it Washed Out and Wild Nothing) speak of a rebirth, out. The strong bass chords allow the guitar to even better. pushing up the heart rate one minute, but then of a phoenix rising from the ashes. Which brings expand and explore, but still remain restrained To be honest, if I need to remind/convince mellowing it down the next. Each song has me nicely to why I spent my Sunday in a burnt- enough so as not to scare away the not-so-die- you anymore of how amazing Muse is then such feeling and emotion woven into it. out fl at: the friend-of-a-friend had decided to do a hard rock fans. there is no point in you having ears to hear with. When I listen to the album I am taken on a photo-shoot in the charred remains of his life, and Matt’s voice somehow manages to infi l- The album begins with ‘New Born’ – the rollercoaster ride of different emotions. ‘Bliss’ needed some extra hands. There can be no doubt trate every cell of the body, being familiar and gentle building of the piano, the low hum of the fi lls me with such warmth, it makes me smile; that if life is going to hand you heartache, there’s warming, but at the same time sending a tingle bass and Matt’s gentle voice all lull the listener ‘Space Dementia’ and ‘Plug In Baby’ bring up no truer response than to try to make something down the spine that leaves us wanting more. into a false sense of security. But then the real deep feelings – sadness, passion, joy. These beautiful from it. His voice makes him the David Attenborough fun begins as the guitar chords let rip, after a songs make me want to sing my heart out. They of music. pause for anticipation. It’s a fantastic opener, are able to spell out my emotions when I have My reputation as “an extra pair of hands” is unim- Matt and his fellow band members even man- setting the tone for the ambitious tunes to come. no words to explain them. peachable. If you want to make use of my hands, age to pull off a cover of Nina Simone’s ‘Feel- However, do not be deceived; this is not all tweet @kadhimshubber and give me a time, place, ing Good’ in this album – such a classic made they do. The album takes off on a journey, and bag of Haribo Starmix. Better still, tweet @ “They still have the same YouthLagoon and tell him his music is “too obscure and pretentious”, and probably “too underground to punch of emotion” be of use to anyone”.

Some critics consider the songs ‘Dark Shines’ Be sure not to miss... and ‘Screenager’ to be downsides of the album, perhaps refl ections of the early stage in Muse’s Sun Ra Arkestra career. However, as a die-hard Muse fan I could tell them to sod off. But I’ll show some restraint Cafe Oto and argue that these tracks still refl ect the com- Tuesday 6 - Thursday 8, November plexities in their repertoire. Although really The late Sun Ra’s explosive big band return to quite different from earlier songs in the album, Cafe Oto for a three day residency, following their they still have the same punch of emotion and previous fi ve day marathon when they were strand- musical brilliance: the trademark of Muse. ed in London following the eruption of notorious This is what makes not only the album but the Eyjafjallajökull. Don’t miss the chance to experi- band themselves an essential for any music lov- ence the Arkestra’s legacy of spaced out cosmic er’s collection. I mean, this is what they were jazz. Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto producing when they fi rst started out – imagine Thousands of fans forking out at the monolothic cutlery at Reading and Leeds Festival how amazing they are now. FELIX Friday 02 December 2011 25 MUSIC Punk Planet by The best of Heaven Douglas Heaven Stuart Masson is impressed by EMA and Zola Jesus This week: Argentinian punk

MA stands for Erika M. Ander- son, but she performs with a full band. Her debut album Past Life Martyred Saints has been gather- ing positive reviews from across theE music press spectrum, and for good reason. The live performance is something else, though. The whole gig switches between haunting vulnerability and rip-your-face-off intensity. Her lyrics are rarely positive and she doesn’t betray that with her stage demeanour. The main highlight is ‘Butterfl y Knife’, which climaxes in heavy strobing, a monstrous wall of sound, a guitar being smashed apart and its neck being launched into the crowd at Argentine punk had a troubled upbringing. concerning velocity. This is followed by the Though inspired by the notoriety of the Sex Pis- most beautiful section of the set, as she quietly tols, Argentina’s pioneers couldn’t afford to play strums through ‘Marked’, with its slightly dis- the same kind of media-baiting games. The year arming refrain of “I wish that every time you that brought us punk rock brought Argentina a vi- touched me left a mark”. ‘Closer California’ cious military dictatorship, and all evidence sug- is sublimely apathetic and ends with another gests dictators don’t like punk. If you squint, the bricks behind Zola Jesus almost look like forks guitar being thrown to the ground. One of the most important scene-setting bands She’s certainly somebody I’d recommend was Los Violadores (1981-) – the violators, or law- everybody to go and see, although I’d also breakers – who despite the heavy-handed censor- recommend taking a hard hat. Despite the insistence of a delightful lady There are relatively few older tracks but those ship established an underground movement of Zola Jesus is another female ‘solo artist’, behind me, there is nobody that can match her relatively few are great. The swelling build-up dissent and released an album a year. One way although she at least has the decency to keep voice. It is massive. She forced her parents of ‘Run Me Out’ is particularly pleasing. they survived their dangerous early period was by the rest of her band shrouded in darkness and into giving her opera lessons as a child, and The new album tracks also deliver. ‘Hikiko- adopting the name Los Voladores – the fl ying ones smoke for the majority of the set. Her infl u- I’m glad they relented. As a frontwoman, she mori’ is a beautiful swirl of synths and wail- – whenever things looked especially dicey. They’re ences range from industrial bands Throbbing exceeds all expectations as well, switching ing vocals and on ‘In Your Nature’ she gives still going strong, chastising slightly younger up- Gristle and Swans to avant-garde composer between statuesque-princess mode and bent- a performance to match anything I’ve heard. starts 2 Minutos (1987-) for writing unpunk songs Stockhausen all the way through to Tina double-over-her-microphone-flailing-limbs It’s a fantastic show and not one you’re likely about beer and football. Turner. The result is a unique blend of grimy mode. There were even two forays into the to get elsewhere. One of the best gigs of my Just as Argentine punk was escaping its op- lo-fi noise, ethereal dream pop and a big voice. crowd and a strobe-lit headbanging sequence. year. pressed childhood and coming of age, the Falk- lands War made eveything associated with the UK, well, let’s just say uncool. Sumo (1981-1987), one of the most infl uential scene-setters, never wanted to be a punk band in the fi rst place, and peppered its sound with everything from reggae CMYK Vibrations to tango. Luca Prodan, Sumo’s frontman, was born in Rome but grew up in Scotland, where he went to Gordonstoun – the famously cold and character-building boarding school that counts Katherine Chimenes Then James Blake came on, alone, with his classical immoderation blended with the blunt- both the Queen’s husband and eldest son among traditional highly buttoned-up collared shirt and ness of post-dubstep beats. its alumni. But unlike our heir to the throne, Pro- James Blake. The face of a dazed little boy, immaculate hair. A peaceful look on his face, From a faithful take on ‘I Never Learnt to dan then befriended Joy Division’s Ian Curtis in presumably innocent and so melancholic at the collected and confi dent, he managed neverthe- Share’ to an incredible improvisational dub of Manchester, suffered from heroin addiction, and same time, with a voice, or should I say voices less to bring an imposing and nearly intimidat- ‘CMYK’ or other sparkling renditions of some moved to a friend’s farm in Argentina’s backwoods (oh the beauty of transpositions) so poignant it ing charisma on stage with him. The lighting more recent songs like ‘A Case of You,’ he man- to kick the habit. There he recorded a few songs makes you want to bury your face in your hands was clearly studied, the stage setting was mini- aged to take the last breath away from every one in a small studio, eventually moved to the big city, and cry – it’s OK, don’t worry, I won’t tell any- mal, and the sound system tremendous. The of us standing in that fully packed venue, mak- and ended up fronting one of the biggest bands in one. So fi nally, I managed to witness the con- magnifi cence of seeing James Blake live in such ing us only scream for more. Argentina. As heritage stories go, Sumo’s beats tained and cleanly crafted songs come to life at a context lied in how the music which usually the usual Peter-meets-Jane-at-art-school. the HMV Forum for the last show of his tour, seems to appear so contained manages to gain But let’s end with the fi ne example of Fun and here’s the impression I got to carry around so much intensity and power, offering a perspec- People (1989-2000), a converse-wearing, pogo- since then. tive on his music I could have never imagined. jumping punk band in the same bouncy vein as The young prodigies Vondelpark opened The way objects and liquids vibrate in the Bad Brains. Originally called Anesthesia after a the show, a one-man act who lately adopted a video of ‘Limit to Your Love’ seemed to gain a famous Metallica song, they eventually wisely few other kids. With the looks of one of those whole new meaning when, this time, it was my promoted their music as antifascist gay hardcore scruffy-haired rock bands followed constantly entire body experiencing it. I gave up on keep- to distance themselves from the moshing bone- by their horde of screeching groupies, their ing my gaze on James Blake. I just let it all carry heads they were attracting. sound was unexpected in the best possible way, me away. Eyes closed, every single organ in my sounding much more electronic and bearing body felt the music. The show wasn’t meant to All these bands want you to visit their websites, proof of their musical maturity. Coherent with appeal exclusively to hearing or sight anymore. except Sumo who might not have one. Los Vio- the main act, they were a very pleasant discov- It was something transcending what was expect- ladores: www.violadores.com, 2 Minutos: ery, and less pretentious and ‘widespread’ (to ed from a gig. A journey through some emotion- www.2minutosweb.com.ar, Fun People: www. avoid using that other ugly m-word…) in several ally charged music, like some of Antony and funpeople.com.ar. Under the sea, where the octopuses live ways for the harsher critics out there. the Johnsons’ concentrate of musicality and s

Friday90 2 December / 20:00 - 02:00 / £3.00 Metric is going back in time to the 90’s for an eclectic mix of all the classics. Everybody loves to dance to “Saturday Night” by Whigﬁ eld and Mark Morrison “Return of the mack” It is going to be massive!!! imperialcollegeunion.org/metric BBonkersonkers FELIX Friday 02 December 2011 27 Television Editors: George Barnett James Simpson [email protected] TELEVISION Louie: like Seinfeld, but with swearing Pick of the week Tim Arbabzadah tries to not look like a hipster as he reviews a slightly obscure show

ouie is directed, written, edited by, and starring Louis C.K. The show is basically him; in fact, I’ve heard an interview that says he helps with the cin- ematography as well. I’m not exactly Lsure how to describe the look of the show, but I’ll give it a go. It’s shot as a single camera show in the same way as The Thick of It is. That should give you an idea of the sort of visual style to expect, hopefully. Saturday | 1700 - 1800 | Quest Louie centres around a fi ctionalised version of Hitler’s Henchmen Louis C.K (don’t ask about the discrepancy in The life of Hermann Goering – founder of the name spelling, as I have no idea either). Louis C.K Gestapo and a man of extravagant tastes – is is, in real life, a comedian’s comedian, who is very examined in this documentary. well respected in the comedy world. He’s also got a style that is very funny and accessible. It’s not Monday | 2030 - 2100 | BBC1 all pretentious ‘clever’ humour of deconstructing Panorama the joke style comedy. I say that because I fear the Sophie Raworth explores whether or not su- other sentence made it sound like he was, like, so permarket money-saving offers actually save underground and non-mainstream, man. He really you money. does have jokes that many people will appreciate. Well, he’s only human In case you haven’t noticed, I’m trying hard to not Monday | 2200 - 2300 | E4 sound a bit douchey. I’m probably failing. Any- Desperate Scousewives way, in the show, Louie is a comedian who is well humour or drama from. My problem is that most it’s just about a guy’s life and ‘stuff’ happening. It Scouse based semi-reality show. This week respected and doing okay, but not exactly thriving. shows play that ultimate they-get-together card too differs in that it’s occasionally a bit odd. At times DJ Danny attends Debbie’s fasion show with He has two daughters and is divorced. It’s diffi cult early. The guy gets the girl, then, the show thinks it can be bleak, but sometimes the show is, surpris- a very public gesture to prove his love for her. to say what the overall plot of the show is, as there “oh, fuck, hang on, that was our main plot and ingly, heart-warming. There was an episode where isn’t one in the traditional sense. One of the rea- we’ve been renewed and need to stretch this out he goes to perform to troops and that has a very Tuesday | 2100 - 2200 | ITV4 sons for this lack of a central theme is that Louie into another season. Right, let’s now have some- uplifting ending. I don’t want to give it away, but it Billy Connolly’s Route 66 is basically the only main character. All other char- thing happen and it goes badly, then we can get really did make you feel good afterwards. Last in series. The Scottish Comedian com- acters make appearances every now and then, but them back together later on. Oh, here’s a good Louie is also littered with guest stars. Consid- pletes the last leg of his motor-trike journey couldn’t really be described as main characters. idea, she gets back together with her jerk, jock ering the low budget, the quality of guest stars is visiting a meteorite crater in Arizona, before There is a woman that he likes that doesn’t like him boyfriend”. If the guy has got the girl once, the amazing. I think this shows just how popular Louis heading to the Grand Canyon and fi nally fi n- back, but it’s not your traditional sitcom will-they whole ‘she’s so out of his league and is his dream C.K is with comedians. Everyone from Amir of ishing in Santa Monica. won’t-they although they-obviously-will-eventu- girl’ aspect is like David Cameron’s social con- Jake and Amir fame to Chris Rock, Dane Cook ally vibe. It’s a bit more tragic as he tries a couple science: lost. and Joan Rivers has made an appearance. These Wednesday | 1900 - 2000 | BBC HD of times to go for it and gets batted away each time. Every episode of Louie is split into two parts, guests are always used well, and aren’t just there to Michael Wood’s Story of England If you can pretend that this is a seamless segue; each being fairly self-contained (absolutely seam- show off that he knows famous people. Michael Wood explores how the great famine I want to point out that way too many shows have less segue back into review mode, right? No, yeah, Basically, Louie is funny, well written, and worth and Black Death affected Kibworth during the a fairly predictable basic premise and central plot fair point). This is interspersed with scenes of him a watch. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I 14th century. line: the main character has feelings that are not doing stand-up in a comedy club (think Seinfeld, think the stand-up routines are something that we reciprocated. That’s fi ne, it’s a common life oc- but with swearing). Actually, Seinfeld isn’t too can all enjoy, even if you don’t like the rest of the Thursday | 1900 - 2000 | Nat Geo currence that is relatable and can be used to derive bad a comparison, it’s ‘mundane’ in the fact that show. Area 51: I Was There Documentary explaining the work carried out at the alleged UFO storage facility. Insiders reveal what projects they worked on in the Modern Family – A Family Portrait Nevada base. Friday | Anytime | 4oD True Stories: Wikileaks - Secrets and Lies Marie-Laure Hicks eleven year old child. (and performing them in front of his girlfriend’s Patrick Forbes presents an in-depth study of Jay also has two children from his fi rst mar- parents). the Wikileaks affair. Including interviews with I have a completely insane family. So when I riage: Mitchell and Clair. Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Throughout the series two characters gain in Julian Assange and business partner Daniel heard about Modern Family, I didn’t think much Ferguson) is gay and lives with overemotional, importance and screen time. I’m talking about Domscheit Berg. of it. The advert on TV just made me cringe. That over dramatic partner Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) Gloria’s breasts. Approved of by arse-men, leg- was until I watched an episode. American com- who enjoys dressing up as a clown during his men, tit-men, women and gay men, they provide Friday | 1700 - 1800 | ITV1 edies can sometimes disappoint, but this show is spare time. Together they have adopted Lily, a voluptuous huge peaks to the scenery. Frequently Britain’s Best Dish fantastic. I would venture to say it’s because it has Vietnamese baby. clad in tight and plunging fabrics, there will al- Salivation in audiovisual format. The Mid- a hint of British humour to it, with a lot of the Clair (Julie Bowen, Kevin Spacey’s sexy wife ways be an occasion to glimpse at the view. Sub- lands and East of England fi nal. slapstick and puns that we love so much. in Horrible Bosses), a complete control freak, tlety clearly isn’t the producer’s policy. This Emmy-winning “mockumentary” is a win- is married to Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell). Phil be- The genius of this comedy lies most certainly dow into the Pritchetts’ and Dunphys’ everyday lieves he is the coolest dad ever (he can sing and with the script, the actors’ talent at its service but life. Jay Pritchett (Ed O’Neil) is the patriarch of dance to all the High School Musical songs) and also in the simplicity and the everyday quality of the family having a second go at fatherhood with has a tendency to act like a child. They have three the plot. The show is based on the families of the his new, much younger Colombian wife Gloria children: Haley, the popular high school teenager creators – Steven Levitan and Christopher Lloyd (Sofi a Vergara) and her son Manny. Right from hooked to her phone, Alex the nerd and Luke who – supplying it with its realism, a beautiful comedy the start, the stereotypes come rolling out: old probably has ADHD or some obscure syndrome source. Your family may be dysfunctional but no- guy with a younger wife who says “djes” (“yes” and is unbelievably accident prone. In addition, where near as much as this one. You will laugh, with the cutest Colombian accent) and it keeps on the cast includes appearances from Jay’s crazy cry and smile. So sit down with these hilarious going. Manny is a grand romantic, writes songs ex-wife and Haley’s boyfriend Dylan who has a and loveable characters and simply enjoy the and poetry, wears silk shirts and cologne. He’s an talent for writing brilliant but inappropriate songs beauty of modern family life. 28 Friday 02 DECember 2011 FELIX Film Editors: J o h n P a r k Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] iCU Cinema All-Nighter Tuesday 13 December Cure for teen pregnancy

Have you got what it takes? Simple question; it’s a ‘yes or no’ question. To make it through the iCU Cin- ema All-Nighter, you’re going to need to sit back and enjoy over 12 hours of the latest fi lms. Does that sound like something you can do, Imperial? Simply put, the All-Nighter is six of the latest fi lms back-to-back on one spectacular night of cinema, caffeine, and tub after tub of Pot Noodle. It’s a cinematic journey that begins with Johnny English Re- born. Don’t scoff, a friend of mine works at Vertigo, the production company that makes Johnny English; it’s basically one of the most profi table truly-British fi lms in recent history. “Edward, I’m pregnant...” “Bella, I’m leaving you...” Then we have Drive, the stylish action/thriller starring “OH MY GOD HE’S SO HOT” Ryan Gosling (don’t tell my mother I wrote that…) The Twilight Saga - Breaking chart, having shot to the top of the USA’s with all moving along, especially in the second half, After this? Real Steel. Hugh Jackman acts along- a whopping fi rst weekend take of $138m. and there is a lot of tension created by heart- side some robots. Or something. Dawn Part 1 The story follows on from the previous Twi- broken Jacob’s doubts, torn desperately as he Then we have Paul. Like all Edgar Wright & Co light Saga fi lms; after a beautiful wedding, is between love and vengeance. But there is a fi lms, Paul is hilarious and intelligent, unlike oh so Director Bill Condon Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and Bella serious lack of fi ght scenes and action, other many Hollywood stoner fl icks. It’s a true tribute to Screenwriters Melissa Rosenberg, Swan (Kristen Stewart) set off on a romantic than the threatening pack of werewolves who Stephanie Meyers (novel) the science fi ction genre and you’d be mad to miss Cast Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, honeymoon to Brazil. However, the trip is cut really only remain on the periphery. The only it. To run down the night we’ve got style, action and Taylor Lautner short when Bella discovers she is pregnant with minor action shows the wolves leaping a bit as good old troll whacking. a half-vampire half-human baby, which is fast the vampires move really fast, which gets a bit First we’re straight into Contagion, a fi lm about Lucy Wiles mutating and crushing her weak human body. tedious after a while. a global pandemic that’s genuinely described as To add to the problem, when they get home Possibly the best thing about this fi lm is the a “medical thriller”. You can imagine the pitch for Thousands of hormonal Twihards queued for there are a few pretty angry werewolves who effect it’s having on men across the world. As this fi lm: “What if, like, fear… yeah? Spreads faster, days for the much-anticipated arrival of The are really not keen on the arrival of this mutant mentioned, the fi lm portrays Bella’s diffi cult yeah? Than the, like, virus?” I’m probably being too Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1; the child waiting on their doorstep. Can Bella’s pregnancy as she carries the child of her vam- cynical, Rotten Tomatoes gives this fi lm 84%. Then fourth fi lm in the hugely successful vampire werewolf friend Jacob (Taylor Lautner) help pire husband, culminating in a graphic scene fi nally ending the night we have Troll Hunter. If you’ve love story franchise was released last week, sort things out? And how will Bella and Ed- of the baby’s birth. Viewer Brandon Gephart, made it this far then you’re a true trooper and could setting the scene for the big fi nale next year. ward cope with their new species of child? from Roseville, California, was reportedly probably do a fair bit of troll bashing yourself. An emotionally fraught, dramatic tale, this lat- The acting is as it always has been – fi ne, but taken to hospital after suffering what seemed So there it is. Six fi lms, one night, and a whole lot est fi lm shows that the structure of the Twilight hampered by a rather miserable script. A rea- to be a panic attack during the birthing cli- of caffeine. See you there, if you’ve got the ovaries franchise – that of surging adolescent emo- sonable supporting cast is held up by Pattinson max. “He was convulsing, snorting, trying to for it… (What? Is it not ok to say that?) tions quashing rational thought, and the result- still credibly portraying hurt soul Edward, but breathe,” said his girlfriend Kelly Bauman. Kadhim Shubber ing arguments and tantrums – is still foolproof. while the intensity between him and Stewart That particular screening had to end early The fi rst three fi lms weren’t epic, but despite is genuinely convincing, for a teen fl ick there when the paramedics arrived. Other cases of Lineup: the somewhat crammed-in storyline, the fi lm- are very moody faces all round. Even in the men freaking out have been recorded, such as 6.00pm Johnny English Reborn makers did a pretty good job with them. How- rare moments of attempted humour, the ac- an unnamed man from Utah (as reported by 8.15pm Drive ever, the story for The Twilight Saga: Break- tors can’t seem to get it across. Lautner does ABC4) who also had some sort of seizure dur- 10:30pm Real Steel ing Dawn – Part 1 is getting slightly ridiculous a good job with angry, angsty Jacob, but even ing the same scene. “I didn’t really remember 1:15am Paul – Bella gets pregnant with a vampire-human he has his moments of childish tantrums and what happened,” the man told the news crew. 3:30am Contagion hybrid that rips its way out dramatically – and storming off. Nevertheless, the whole cast do “I think I blacked out. According to [my wife] 5:45am Troll Hunter even director Bill Condon and his ace team a good job, and it is clear that a lot of effort I was shaking and mumbling different noises.” 7:30am End can’t make it perfect. has gone into pushing the mood of the fi lm to- The ending naturally gears us up for the fi - Having said that, while the fi lmmakers wards ‘dark and disturbing’ in the set-up for nal part of the Twilight Saga, and – alongside a Tickets: have taken a lot of fl ack about their choice to the fi nal part. sneaky mid-credits teaser – sets the stage for a For the whole night, £10 online (£12 on the door) take what has been dubbed the ‘Harry Potter If you watch Breaking Dawn Part 1 as a pre- very different Bella and the battle for her new All-you-can-eat Hot Food and Drinks (including Tea/ gameplan’ and splitting the fi nal novel into quel to the total hell that is about to break loose family’s safety in 2012’s concluding install- Coffee, Hot Dogs, Toasties, Noodles and more) £5 two fi lms, when it comes to profi ts the deci- in part two (you know what I mean if you’ve ment. All in all, despite the Rotten Tomatoes Tickets for individual fi lms are £3 sion was a defi nite win for the backers. The read the book, Twihards) then it’s ok. But if it rating of just 28%, this is a reasonably enjoy- each and available on the door. three-day opening here in the UK bagged a is viewed as a stand-alone fi lm, the unnecessar- able, easy fi lm to watch – one to drag your Drinks available all night courtesy of the Union Bar. rather impressive £13.91m, and is expected to ily slow pace and extended length of the fi lm boyfriend to… unless he’s squeamish about go straight to the top of the UK Box Offi ce can make it a bit dull. There’s enough to keep it pregnancy. FELIX Friday 02 DECEMBER 2011 29 FILM

Michelle’s mesmeric Monroe Top 10 Box Offi ce fi lms My Week with Marilyn acting coach Paula Strasberg’s (Zoë Wanamaker) supportive words, Mari- in the UK this lyn fi nds her confi dence shaken every Director Simon Curtis time she stumbles on a line, further week Screenwriters Adrian Hodges, Colin Clark (novel) infuriating the already heated Olivier. Cast Michelle Williams, Eddie Dame Sybil Thorndike (Judi Dench), is Redmayne, Kenneth Branagh, Judi more understanding, and as a woman of Dench, Dominic Cooper, Emma principle and disciplined manner, she Watson exudes warmth as well as fi rm maternal presence to anyone who unreasonably John Park crosses the line. No words can describe just how su- Marilyn Monroe is without a doubt one perb Williams is in the role of Mon- of the most celebrated, well-known fi g- roe. She has the looks, the voice, the ures of the 20th Century. My Week with swagger, and the sassiness, but there Marilyn, as its title may suggest, only is something so much more to her por- explores a brief section of the icon’s trayal than what is visible on the sur- 1) The Twilight Saga – life, but since she has accomplished face. The behind-the-scenes Marilyn, Breaking Dawn Part 1 so much, even the smallest slice in her the insecure, vulnerable and troubled – 12A – Robert Pattinson, showbiz-surrounded life is full of fun, superstar longing to be taken seriously, Kristen Stewart, Taylor romance and charm which is exactly to be loved, and not quite ready to cope Lautner what the fi lm offers. with all the uncomfortable sides the The Prince and the Showgirl, shot in glitzy Hollywood life brings with it, England, (in)famously united Monroe Williams makes sure that Monroe is a 2) Arthur Christmas – (Michelle Williams) and Sir Laurence human being after all, and that she is U – James McAvoy, Jim Olivier (Kenneth Branagh), where the someone worth caring about. But she’s Broadbent, Bill Nighy production was plagued with delays, not all about the depressed Marilyn, as miscommunication, and great discon- when her character gets her vibrant en- tent from Olivier, as he was far from ergy, she is delightfully glamorous. 3) My Week with Marilyn impressed with Monroe’s notoriously As for the invaluable supporting play- – 15 – Michelle Williams, erratic behaviour on set that included ers, Cooper’s wonky American accent Eddie Redmayne, Ken- tardiness, alcoholism and drug use. aside, everyone stands strong in their neth Branagh Whilst My Week with Marilyn does roles, with two of the greatest English focus on the fi lming aspect, caught in actors, Branagh and Dench, living up to 4) The Adventures of the middle of this is in fact Colin Clark their usual high standards. Wanamaker, Tintin: The Secret of the (Eddie Redmayne), the third assistant as Marilyn’s coach who wants what Unicorn – PG – Jamie director, whose job is to do all the grunt is best for her most talented student, Bell, Andy Serkis, Daniel work. Captivated by Monroe even be- is stubborn and relentless, clashing Craig fore her arrival in London, Clark’s boy- with Olivier regarding Marilyn’s act- ish enthusiasm and warm personality ing style. She believes in method act- bring the two close together. Trapped ing, he doesn’t. Emma Watson, in her 5) Immortals – 15 – in a less than satisfactory marriage to fi rst post-Potter role, has an interesting Henry Cavill, Freida Pinto, Arthur Miller (Dougray Scott), Mon- role of Colin’s could-be girlfriend, and Mickey Rourke roe fi nds comfort and solace in Clark’s the two share a warm enough chemis- arms. try to show the audience a glimpse of Milton Greene (Dominic Cooper), possibility that Colin may be better 6) 50/50 – 15 – Joseph Marilyn’s business partner, warns Clark off settling down for someone more to Gordon-Levitt, Seth Ro- to not get involved: “She breaks hearts, his standard. Although looking noth- gan, Anna Kendrick she will break yours too.” But what ing like the wife of Laurence Olivier, they share has very little to do with sex Julia Ormond does an admirable job as or lust. It’s a strong friendship built on Vivien Leigh, in a crucial scene that she 7) Dream House – 15 trust, with the occasional moments of hints at her jealousy towards the much – Rachel Weisz, Daniel passion that build up from spending so younger, sought-after Marilyn. Craig, Naomi Watts much time together. Although there is It’s a light trek that gives us plenty unavoidable tragedy lurking around the of insight into the complicated life of corner, director Simon Curtis makes Marilyn Monroe. We will never know 8) In Time – 12A – Justin sure the atmosphere is always light the full extent of just how frightened Timberlake, Amanda Sey- enough and the breezy script supports she was of failing those around her, fried this. As the infatuated Colin, Redmayne and just how lonely and isolated she is a wholly likable central character, must have felt. The fi lm tries to show as with his wide-eyed, somewhat childish many variations as possible, which can 9) Desi Boyz – 12A – Bru- fascination towards everything that is lead to quite a few repetitions. Marilyn na Abdalah, John Abra- going on around him. He is a tall, hand- is troubled, she calls for Colin’s help, ham, Rajat Barmecha some actor with immense appeal, with he comes, calms her down, and she enough cheek and confi dence that he feels better. It’s a routine that is both convincingly adds to his initially clue- predictable and slightly tiresome after less character. a while, but it’s a fi lm to watch simply 10) Moneyball – 12A – Success brings luxury, fame and infi - for the fl awless performances. Nomi- Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill, Phil- nite love from crowds, but for a price. nations should be fl ooding in towards ip Seymour Hoffman The pressure she faces in Pinewood the end of this year for Williams, and Studios starts to build up. Despite her rightly so. 30 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX Games Editor: Laurence Pope

GAMES [email protected] (A return) to Web Games Smack it down to the You call it stealing, I call it a tribute. This week, and this week only (maybe...) we’re going to offer you up two totally awesome web games that you can ground, WWE style play right now in your web browser. In order to enjoy these you’re going to need the Adobe Flash Player plug-in which can be installed from http://get.adobe.com/flashplayer/ Edward Bals tackles THQ’s latest professional wres- Top Defense tling game, WWE ‘12 http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/ view/573681 HQ promised that WWE ‘12 would be the game to reinvent their tired series, and it seems that with this new entry they have suc- ceeded, at least in part. This is a Tgame which recreates the almost absurd dra- matics and stage-play that wrestling is famous for: from The Undertaker’s chilling entrance to some of the, sometimes hilarious, match modes. The ‘campaign’ within WWE ‘12 is the ‘Road to Wrestlemania’ which puts you in the shoes of three different characters: Sheamus (the villain); Triple H (the outsider) and Jacob Cass (the player-created rookie wrestler). The Road to Wrestlemania occupies a fairly sizable chunk of the game (roughly twelve hours) but Don’t you just hate it when you awaken from artificial it is at times frustrating. To mimic real life pro- hibernation to find yourself as the only survivor on a wrestling this game mode has backstage fi ghts, military starship, immediately tasked with defending promos and even scripted events in the middle an entire planet? of matches. These scripted events can often be Top Defence is a tower-defence game, only without the most frustrating element of this mode as the towers. You have a variety of upgradable weap- quite often I found myself fruitlessly trying to a calendar format allowing almost complete punches, kicks, Irish whips and pins, whilst ons to manually attack the invading forces with, pin an opponent, when all that was required customisation and allowing for what the game the Y button controls the wrestler’s signature including your basic missile strike, a slowdown ef- was a contextual button press. should be mainly about (the wrestling) to and fi nishing moves. The game also supplies fect thingy and an armour-eating nano-cloud. Choos- come to the fore. Feuds and alliances will be button prompts for countering moves but these ing what to upgrade with your limited ‘energy’ (the formed in this mode and should keep you com- fl itter onto and off the screen at such a speed game’s upgrade points) is a challenge, and will cer- “To mimic real life pre- ing back for more. that the countering system is somewhat down tainly keep you from that piece of coursework due in The multiplayer mode is great fun as play- to chance, unless you have lightning-fast re- at 2pm today. wrestling this game ing against a human opponent is much more fl exes. The ability to target specifi c limbs is Oh yeah, and the music’s pretty boss as well. enjoyable than competing against the AI op- also a welcome addition as it adds an almost has backstage fi ghts, ponents in WWE ‘12. When against the AI the tactical and strategic feel to the gameplay. promos and even diffi culty occasionally spikes with the only Culmination reason seemingly being to punish the player scripted events in the for having become better at the game. How- “The vast customisation http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/ ever, the AI can be easily tweaked using a view/584398 middle of matches” large range of customisation options. Compet- options in WWE ‘12 ing against a human opponent is still the best experience for a match in WWE ‘12, and the really give the game Gripes about Road to Wrestlemania aside, almost lag-free online multiplayer makes it the other single player mode, WWE universe, even easier to enjoy this. a unique touch; you should provide many hours of enjoyment. This In terms of controls the game is very easy mode provides a section of the game without to pick up with its intuitive control system. can create your own a story, allowing the matches to be shown in The A button is used to grapple, B is used for character from scratch”

The customisation options in WWE ‘12 are vast. You can create your own character from scratch, altering their appearance, entrance, move set and ﬁ nishing move. There is also Culmination is more an art-piece than a game. The an option for creating your own arena for use music is both beautiful and calming, the art design in the game. These customisation options re- pure and simple. You play as the double-jumping ally give the game a unique touch when you fallen Hero of the Earth, seeking revenge against his watch your wrestler come on using their own King. entrance rather than a stock one. The combat is sword-based, easy to pick up and As a complete package WWE ‘12 is worth fun to use. As you rack up more strikes on enemies your time. The impressive customisation op- you temporarily gain more advanced strikes, culmi- tions, the large roster of over 60 characters nating in an attack that demolishes all on screen. Go and the solid core gameplay make this game a play it now, you won’t be disappointed. tempting package for anyone with the slightest I took him, and threw him on the GROUND interest in wrestling. FELIX Friday 02 december 2011 31 Fashion Editors: Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang [email protected] FFASHIONASHION Interview Dressing: Womenswear

Dress code etiquette is key for formal events. Saskia Verhagen shows us how to make the best ﬁ rst impression

etting dressed for your interview needn’t be the looming and perilous task that it may seem. As for men, the main principal for a good interview outfi t is simple: the keyword is subtlety. Appropriate but not boring, chic but not trendy, classic but not frumpy, feminine but not girly, and most of all, memorable – but never quirky. This is an exercise in that which to women, comes as second nature: subliminal manipulation. We do it all the time, with a turn of phrase, a certain look – it’s all in the touches which aren’t obvious, but get the job done. Each piece, each accessory is clearly well-chosen, sublimely chic and perfectly appropriate. The most crucial thing to remember is to buy the best quality you can afford, look for great cuts and fabrics that fall well on you (Lord knows poly-blend doesn’t fall well on anyone) and quietly sophisticated detailing. GSo don’t fret; whether you’re gunning up to meet the head honchos at a slick media fi rm or battening down the hatches in preparation for the endless rounds of interviews at the corporate fi nance fi rms, the below guide should sort you out for whatever Careers Services throws your way. And by the way, looking stylish is never about what you wear, but always about how you wear it: confi dence is key.

Informal Interviews Formal Interviews

Here we’re talking about a company dinner There are a few directions a girl can go here: with a few executives, or perhaps a casual full on skirt suit, coordinating skirt and sepa- interview for a cool media post somewhere rates, or a dress. The choice obviously de- you’ll fi nd yourself fetching everyone’s tea pends on your personal taste and the com- order for your fi rst six months of employ- pany you’re interviewing with, but most often, ment. This type of interview means deci- trousers are not the right choice here. phering the impossible oxymoronic ‘smart/ If you are, indeed, a woman entering a casual’ dress code – but fear not: this is man’s world, the best thing is to own up to not the Everest climbing mission that it it: look feminine and beautifully put-together, might seem. with a CV as enviable as your innate sense of An easy ensemble that never goes out style. The safest and most perennially styl- of style is the simple pairing of a high- ish dress is the wrap dress, made famous by waisted trouser, belted over a silk shirt Diane von Furstenburg but which you can fi nd (Equipment is the perennial classic, but good copies up and down the high street. If Miss Selfridge does the job too), keeping you’re going for separates, keep the colour your colours muted and neutral: navy, cam- palette edited down to a maximum of three el, taupe, black, white, maybe maroon or shades, and never monochromatic – the fu- forest green if you’re feeling adventurous. neral rule applies to women too. Try white, Top this with a tailored brass-buttoned camel and navy; cream, black and maroon; blazer which nips in at the waist, a small- pale blue, mustard and navy blue. ish square handbag over the shoulder and As mentioned before, fabric choice counts: a pair of modest-height heels to complete look for cashmere blends for your sweaters, the look. light wool blends for skirts and jackets and For these pieces on the high street, Zara crisp cotton for shirts. Avoid anything too cuts a wicked jacket and their handbags stretchy or acrylic like the plague: it feels are excellent too. Think Grace Kelly during cheap, looks cheap and fi ts badly. the day, or classic Katharine Hepburn. The Skirts should hit just below the knee and look graces runways season after season sweaters, shirts and jackets should be tai- (see last season’s Paul Smith and Michael lored but not tight. If you’re going to go for Kors shows for well-styled examples) and a pattern (a subtle check, houndstooth or always looks elegant and effortless, yet stripe is acceptable), keep it to one item only, fabulously stylish. including accessories.

Grooming Accesories

It is not quite clear why some girls fi nd it so diffi cult to look properly put-together at Your shoes and handbag should be good-quality, clean and tasteful, leather (not pat- interview, the simplest things make the biggest of differences. Make-up should be kept ent) or suede, in a co-ordinating shade to the rest of your outfi t. Shoes and handbag as natural as possible: after a proper cleanse, go for a tinted moisturiser and a touch of needn’t match; indeed, it can look rather contrived and frumpy if they do. Avoid any concealer with the lightest fl ush of blusher on the cheeks. Take note: no bronzer, no fake designer-emblazoned anything, and worse than that, any designer knock-offs – beyond tan and no full-thickness foundation. Beyond anything else, it looks like you’ve tried too terrible. hard and with all that effort, all you’ve managed is to look entirely ridiculous. A neutral Shoes should be kept to a modest (less than 3”) height and your handbag should be eye shadow with a touch of eyeliner and a lick of mascara is all you should need. appropriately sized and smart. Jewellery ought to be kept to a bare minimum (sleeper As for hair, wearing it up or down is a matter of how you feel most confi dent. It should earrings, delicate necklace, inconspicuous watch) and colour-appropriate tights or look neat and you should not feel the need to fi ddle with it. Perfume, if you usually wear stockings are an absolute must: going bare-legged with a skirt on to an interview is a it, should be fresh and never overpowering. total faux-pas. 32 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX Food Editors: Anastasia Eleftheriou Michael Krestas FOOD [email protected] Lady’s Fingers Interview: Mark Pitts-Tucker

What a lovely name for a food! Ladies’ Fingers Shooting the Bries with Cathedral City’s very own ‘cheese grader’ or Okra (it has various different names around Davidstow Cheddar the world) is one of the most popular vegetables Anastasia Eleftheriou among West Asians, North Indians and Pakistanis, where it is known as bamia or bamya. The follow- A: You are the cheese grader for Cathedral ing recipe is very common in Palestine, Syria, City. What does Cathedral City Cheese have Greece, Cyprus, Tunisia, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Jordan, different from other cheese brands? Lebanon, Turkey, Yemen, and Israel. M: All of the cheese used for Cathedral City is made at the award winning Davidstow Cream- ery on the north Cornish coast. The meadows are lush and the milk is creamy. All these factors combine to deliver a highly consistent product with a wonderful ﬂ avour proﬁ le.

A: I’ve read that you often grade 500 cheese samples a day. If I ask you to choose the best cheese product that you have ever tasted, Tuition Cheese – Mark Pitts-Tucker shares his cheese-based experiences which one would it be?

M: It is correct that on a busy day I can grade A: Can you suggest any simple cheese-based paper rather than cling fi lm (it can go sweaty) in the region of 500 samples. Davidstow is a recipe to Imperial College Students? and fi nally take out of the fridge approx 15 large producer by any measure and there are a mins before use if not for cooking. lot of cheese to be assessed. My two favourite M: There are so many easy ‘twists’ to cheese Ingredients cheeses are Cathedral City Vintage-20 and a on toast – cheddar with Stilton sprinkled on top A: Is Cathedral City currently in the process nice gooey, cabbage smelling Brie. then grilled, mushrooms, tomatoes, something of producing a new product? 1 kg okra hot and spicy? Use your imagination, I often 2 onions A: What knowledge and skills are needed to use it as a way to use up some odds and ends M: We have just launched the kids snacks 2 tomatoes be a cheese grader? from the fridge. Very cost effective too! ‘Chedds’ which was a big project launch for us. 1 stock cube In recent years there has been our Mild, Lighter 1 ½ glass olive oil M: First the ability to taste accurately and con- A: What would you have on your ideal and Vintage-20 cheeses and, yes, there will be 1 glass of vinegar sistently, secondly a good understanding of the Christmas cheeseboard? more to come. Consumer trends change and A pinch of salt manufacturing process, thirdly focus and con- develop so standing still is only an option for centration, and fi nally a thick skin if you need M: I’d go British all the way – Cathedral City the foolish! to reject product. Mature as the broad appeal cheese, M&S Cor- Preparation nish Cruncher for some real character, Cornish A: Which restaurant or café in London do A: Do you enjoy your job? Are there any Brie for super creamy texture, Red Leicester for you recommend for delicious cheese-based Wash okra and put it in a bowl. moments when you simply don’t want to eat the splash of colour and regionality, and a soft dishes? Any favourite dish in particular? Pour the vinegar on it and leave it for 4-5 minutes. any more cheese? goats cheese for a change of taste and texture. Then fry it in the olive oil until it becomes ‘with- M: As much as I love a great restaurant meal I ered’ and put it in the pot. M: I do enjoy my work and it is one of those A: Are there any general tips to enjoy cheese really enjoy what I would call ‘great cafe grub’ Fry the onions until they become brown and add jobs that if you didn’t you would soon be found at its best? and on that theme the simple done really well them in the pot. wanting. There are times when I have certainly is such a treat. Hot cheesy quiche with a non- Remove the oil from the frying pan and fry the to- had enough cheese but never too much and I M: Always store cheese in the fridge. When it soggy base is a simple pleasure. matoes with the stock cube. often eat cheese in the evening even after a full comes in a re-closeable pack then keep it in that On the chef front look out for a guy called Put them in the pot, add enough water (until it days tasting! pack, If not ideal tightly wrap in grease proof Nathan Outlaw – fantastic! covers everything) and boil until the water is ab- sorbed. Anastasia Eleftheriou Recipe of the week: Thai Green Chicken Curry Preparing the Christmas table this year? Cooking Straight from the kitchens of Covent Garden’s Tamarai comes this dish With Christmas quickly approaching, prices Sugar 5gms the turkey or pudding? are only bound to go up everywhere but Canned Coconut milk 400ml Tamarai are trying their best to offer their Fish sauce 5ml award winning Pan Asian Food at an ex- Oil 5ml tremely pocket friendly price so all of your Send us an email at extra pennies can go towards those highly Method awaited presents under the tree. Heat oil in a thick-based sauce pan. Add [email protected] kafi r lime leaf, pea eggplant, sugar and Ingredients green curry paste and sauté it. with your recipe and/or Chicken slices (Breast) 120gms Stir occasionally and ensure it does not Egg plant Slice 5gms stick to the base. Add 100ml coconut any other food plans you Pea eggplant 4gms milk, chicken slices and simmer until the Kafi r lime leaves 2gms chicken is cooked. Add the rest of the coco- have for Christmas! Basil leaves 5gms nut milk and bring to the boil. Season with Tamarai 167 Drury Lane, Covent Garden, Bamboo shoot 10gms fi sh sauce and heat well. Finish with basil London, UK WC2B 5PG; 0207 831 9399; Green curry paste (readymade) 30gms leaves.Serve hot. Manish Mehrotra – Chef http://www.tamarai.co.uk/ FELIX Friday 02 DECEMBER 2011 33 Home & Garden Editors: T i m A r b a b z a d a h C h a r l e s B e t t s Navid Nabijou HOME & GARDEN DIY: Whiteboard Station Navid Nabijou helps you to experience the fun of lectures in your own home

s a mathematician living with a group of other mathematicians, I like to think, at least some of the time, that our conversa- tionsA relate to something beyond our chosen subject. But let’s face it: we’re Imperial students. Inevitably, the moment does come when normal discourse collapses into a frenzied exposition on Graph Automorphisms and the implications of Zorn’s Lemma. In the heat of the moment, having everyone jostling around the puny Pukka Pad on the kitchen table can be pretty frustrating. It disrupts the fl ow, forcing everyone to be louder and more violent as they try to get their point across. The solution to all this? A whiteboard station. The equations are up there on the wall in nice, big letters that everyone can read, there’s enough space for everyone to stand around, and, with multiple pens, people don’t have to fi ght each other for scribbling rights. On top of all this, there’s the added bonus that anything you write will seem instantly important – simply by virtue of being scrawled up on a board. And the boards can be put to a lot more use than you fi rst might think. Ours have been used for games of Pictionary; lan- guage lessons; even just leaving messages for each other (“pay rent” being the most common). It functions as a nice little communal place for people to gather around. You might never have thought of making one, yet once you have it it somehow seems indispensable. The blob at the top is meant to be China. Don’t ask why

How to do it might look big in the shop, once the boards. They’re usually around off landlords, if you cheap out on the ing and erasing. Tie each of the they’re up on the wall you’ll quickly £15 a pop, but if you’re lucky enough sticky fi xers there’s a chance they board markers and wiping cloths The size of your station will defi nd yourself running out of writing to catch a sale at Ryman’s you can could leave some nasty marks on to a piece of string, ensuring the pend on a few things: the number space.) Here’s what you’ll need: get them for half that. the wall when you eventually remove string is long enough to fully cross of people living in your fl at, the Once you have all of the above, it’s the boards. the diagonal of each board. Put a length of uninterrupted wall space • Whiteboard: 30” x 90” (x3) time to get down to business. First Now that I’ve cleared myself of any loop in the other end, and hang you have, and what your budget • Pack of sticky fi xers thing to do is hammer a nail into the legal trouble: apply the sticky fi xers one board marker and one wiping is. We have three whiteboards • Board markers (x3) top-right corner of each board. We’ll liberally to the back of each board cloth on the nail in the corner of side-by-side, spanning about • Cloths for wiping (x3) be using this later to hang the mark- (i.e. use at least 15), and attach the each board. three metres in total. • String ers and wiping cloths. boards to the wall in a line (if you’re And voila! You’re done. Months While this guide will be for a • Nails (x3) We’re going to use the sticky fi xers really anal about this, you could use of merriment await you and your three-board set-up, you can eas- to attach the boards to the wall. You a spirit level to make sure they’re fl atmates. If the board gets too ily tailor it for more or less boards Most of these can be picked up at could use nails, but your landlord perfectly straight). dirty, give it a spray with some as you see fi t. (Do be warned, an ordinary stationery shop. The bulk might not be best pleased about With the main task done, you’re cleaning fl uid and it’ll be good as though, that while the boards of the cost will, of course, come from this; in fact, on the subject of pissing going to need something for writ- new. Enjoy!

Next week is the last issue before Christmas! Please, please, send in your Home & Garden stories. If you do, Navid can stop writing the kind of nonsense you see above. If we don’t get any submissions, next time he’ll be teaching you how to make a scale model of Santa’s sleigh. I’m not joking. Email us at [email protected]

FELIX Friday 02 december 2011 35 CLUBS & SOCIETIES Volunteer for Nepal Project Nepal needs you for their charitable projects

flickr/bckeenan Cai Heath ect, discussing the dates, budget, fund- Kevin Moulton raising target, and other related issues. Jing Tang One of InterVol’s trustees, Cai Heath, who set-up and took part in InterVol’s Dear Imperial Students! fi rst Nepal project in 2007, will be giv- We are announcing the new Project ing a talk on his experiences in Nepal Nepal group at Imperial College Union, and we will be answering your ques- we have now been offi cially registered tions. as an ICU project and we have been overwhelmed by the positive response that the project has received so far from “The project aims to students. We now need volunteers both on our project committee and for next improve education summer’s international trip so please read on for more details. in rural Nepal through funding and “We need volunteers volunteers” for our project committee and Do bear in mind that volunteers are expected to cover their own fl ights, international trip” accommodation, food and insurance. There is no cost however to volunteer with PSD Nepal or InterVol, both or- Project Nepal is partnering with two struggle to get by and often have far too Project Nepal has been accepted as an co-ordination with a registered charity ganisations make sure that as much organisations to make our goals a real- many children due to Nepal’s growing offi cial charitable project by Imperial that are hard to get during university. money as possible goes into the com- ity next summer, we will be working population and levels of poverty. PSD College Union and we are now look- Dedicated committee members will munity. There are 6-8 places available with the UK charity, InterVol (http:// Nepal work with the Nepali govern- ing to increase the size of our commit- also have a better chance of securing for international volunteers next sum- www.intervol.co.uk), who will sup- ment to target some of the worst off tee. Please get in touch with us if you one of our international volunteer posi- mer. Please see the ‘Nepal’ project port the UK side of our work and the schools who really need assistance and would like to be involved at this stage, tions for next summer. page of www.intervol.co.uk for more Nepali organisation, Partnership for then target those schools with projects especially if you already have experi- Now that you have had a chance to information and a powerpoint presenta- Sustainable Development (PSD) Nepal such as this one. Volunteers will raise ence of being on a committee at ICU. settle into university for the year we tion from last year’s Birmingham Uni- (http://www.psdnepal.org) who we money as a team through fund-raising Our current volunteers need support are planning on hosting an information versity team. Please join our Facebook will work with during the summer proj- events in the UK to support the project. with planning our applications process, meeting from 12-1pm on Friday the group, search ‘Project Nepal – Imperial ect. The project aims to improve edu- Volunteers from a number of UK uni- starting fund-raising and arranging the 2nd of December in Room G39, Roy- College London’ or go to http://www. cation in rural Nepal through providing versities, such as Oxford, Birmingham, upcoming meetings, being an offi cial al School of Mines Building (RSM), facebook.com/groups/projectnepal/. funding and volunteers to construct Bristol and Edinburgh, take part in the part of the committee is great for your Prince Consort Road, Imperial College We look forward to hearing from school buildings and to teach basic les- programme currently and Imperial Col- personal development and you will de- Union. In this meeting, we will talk you and seeing you at the meeting next sons in primary schools. These schools lege will be the newest addition! velop skills and experience in project more about the ins and outs of the proj- week! CGCU does it again! Engineers report on busy club night at High Street Kensington’s Archangel

Will Seez dents, but more surprisingly, of males Clearly people enjoyed the night. and females. The music was great and Highlights include an unnamed fresh- On Thursday 17 November, the CGCU the atmosphere even better. Deals er turning 18 in style, an unnamed se- hosted their annual club night at Arch- that rivalled those at the Union kept nior student getting furiously slapped angel on High Street Kensington. Af- the masses in good spirit. Add to this around the face and some serious love ter a highly successful Welcome Din- given to Spanner (see photo). So all in ner at Café de Paris, there was a huge all, a resounding success. amount of pressure on the CGCU exec “Deals that rivalled What does CGCU have to offer to see if they could pull it off again. next? Leaving Christmas Dinner With their reputation somewhat dwin- those at the Union” plans to each respective engineer- dling over the last few years, Jacky ing society, CGCU can save for more Kwan and his committee really seem events next term. In the near future to be stepping up to the plate this year. the fact that some free drink vouchers there will be an Ice Skating Evening at The club was full to the brim on the seemed to slip away mysteriously, and Winter Wonderland and in the Spring night. The crowd was a good mix of you get the levels of amusement that term there can be more club nights ex- freshers and slightly more mature stu- the committee were hoping for. pected! Shaky photo quality, obviously the sign of a good night 36 Friday 02 DECEMBER 2011 FELIX

HANGMAN [email protected] The Hangman Text Sound Board Politicians sometimes sound like a broken record. Here’s the David Cameron text board. It’s like a sound board, but it’s in your head. Use it to make up your own fully formed sentences! You may even form an actual policy from them. If you do, please send them into the Coalition Government. They desperately need them. Blue = what he says Green = what he means I once met a black man I’m a conservative with a small “c”* I think I saw a film with that Wesley. L. Jackson chap the other day I’m media savvy enough to know that Thatcher wasn’t long ago enough to make her policies electable again We’re all in this together * can anyone think of another word beginning with “c”, though? You’re all in it together, good luck These strikes are damaging We have no intention of privatising These strikes are irritatinirritating,g, just sit down and do aas you’re told like the working class used to the NHS* Remember, it was the LAST LABOUR I intend to privatise the NHS, but government that put us in this mess in the know that it would be incredibly first place* unpopular to do so in a direct way. Please don’t remember that before I wasn’t So I’m finding a way around it. screaming for regulation of the banks and * Note: said while privatising the NHS in an underhand way didn’t say anything like this could happen * used to justify doing something that he claims Labour did, so We must cut the defi cit. Imagine if it’s okay to keep doing it then you had a bill to pay, would you pay We’re making tough decisions it or just wait... We’re making really easy decisions, for us I’m defi nitely sticking with this plan, so here’s an oversimplifi ed analogy That’sT what the Big Society is all about

for you povvy plebs Send in your It was a momentary lapse in judgement How did someone actually manage to sell drunken mate of the week photos to: It was a prolonged, active decision that I took me on a policy that is basically just “well, we [email protected] aren’t going to bother helping you. Do it your fucking selves.” For Nick Clegg, just reword it all, adding in the words “equal partners” and “fairness”. FELIX Friday 02 DECEMBER 2011 37 HANGMAN

THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS Do you like books but can’t be bothered to read? This section is for you: it condenses paragraphs, Horoscopes* themes and narrative style into a hypodermic sy- Misguided protestors campaign ringe for you to inject into your bloodstream. The * I bet you they can’t even be arsed to change this fucking caption against haircuts perfect antidote to ignorance for the lazy. Aries Taurus

This week you snort a line of coke, You’re a medical student. After watching pick up your son from his father’s a morbidly obese patient die of a heart house and get on a tram in Croydon. attack: surrounded by strangers and You decide to start airing your shitting themselves; you realise that you concerns about demographic changes hate humanity. Upon expressing this belief, in South London. Turns out your all the qualified doctors burst into applause views are unpopular. and you’re handed your degree on the spot. Gemini Cancer

This week you are required to write This week you go on strike. Your pen- a circular email to the Imperial Col- sion is being sold down the river, which lege RAG committee, as an opening is completely outrageous because it’s not This book concisely addresses the existential crisis of the main gambit you decide to start airing your your fault that the world economy is down character – a dog that has had to live and cope with a congenital views on the comedic merit of a uni- the shitter. Unfortunately, but unsurpris- DRUNKEN MATE skin defect that has ended up deﬁ ning him. The story starts with versity publication. Turns out your ingly, the strike achieves nothing. Politi- rebellion against his oppressors, who force his “dinner” upon views are unpopular. cians inexplicably call you Greedy. OF THE WEEK him. In response, Spot goes into hiding, fearing for his life. Eric Hill’s portrayal of this one dog’s struggle is powerful in its graphic detail of the various places his owners seach for him in, keeping Leo Virgo the reader on edge whenever a cupboard is opened. How long will Spot stay one step ahead? What is Spot willing to do in order to escape? And if he gets caught, what will he have for dinner? This week you’re doing bong hits with Eli- This week you decided to write for Fe- Despite the gripping narrative, at 24 pages there is little room for za Manningham-Buller outside of Queen’s lix. Tentatively opening the office door The Illiterateplot Book development, Club leaving many plot holes unanswered – such as tower when Keith O’nions rocks up and you can’t help but scream at the sight the cover: the protagonist is clearly looking for something despite starts getting all whingy about respect- of skin-blanched malnourished urchins the story hinging around the search for Spot. ability and bullshit like that. Just when you slumped at computer desks. “News?! thought your high had been crushed for- From the Outside?!” croaks what looks Their next act: walking into an operating ever, Prof. Nutt turns up with his special like the ring leader, blinking in the unfa- theatre and scaring the shit out of the patient cookies and everyone mellows back out. miliar light. They make you their king. Libra Scorpio Stuff Imperial students hate This week you’re a blade of grass in the This week as King of Felix, you train your union quad, gently photosynthesising in underlings of malnourished urchins in the the crisp, winter sunlight when BOOM: art of swordsmanship and lead them out to an investment bank put up a massive war against RAG. Unfortunately no one on inflatable portable recruitment bouncy campus can tell you where RAG is based, castle on you. Still, better than what and very few have even heard of them. You those dicks at sports night pour on you. regroup in the JCR to plan strategy. Male Female Sagittarius Capricorn

This week your girlfriend doesn’t love you This week you decide to lead your Felix Women Men anymore. Unfortunately, girlfriend is the Army on a campaign to conquer IC Radio. name you gave the programme you made However, when you get there, you find “Ooh, look at me! Just because I have a vagina I God, you are all so unattractive. None of you seem for your computing coursework, designed the station manager being bundled into a think my opinions and general existence are sud- to give a damn about your appearance. Your ward- to send you banal, cute small-talk filled police van and the Union President in what denly 100% more relevant.” Newsflash: the moment robe consists of two hoodies, two pairs of jeans/ text messages at 2 hourly intervals. To add appears to be a Stasi uniform setting alight you step out of the confines of Imperial you will sud- trousers, four t-shirts and maybe one long-sleeved to your broken heart, you get a 2:2. to their server. Foiled Again! denly depreciate in value like a kebab once you’re shirt for when you want to impress the ladies at the sober. Deal with it. It’s fair enough when the girl Union. Except, once you get there, you just stare in question is actually pretty fit and someone that creepily at them because you’re too damn scared would actually get bought drinks in a bar. A REAL le- to say anything to them. You’ve made it through Aquarius Pisces gitimate bar, that people who can’t integrate attend school scoring straight A’s, so you’re so bloody (and not just medics). But when it’s some dumpy scared of failure that you will go out of your way to This week, in a fit of loneliness you buy a This week you are the girl in the yel- short bitch who wouldn’t even get a second look if avoid eye contact with the girl you like at the bar. hamster. You very quickly realise that the low jumper with gold studded black she went to UCL, you just shake your head at all the That time you got rejected from Oxford was almost companionship derived from a creature gloves smoking in the entrance to saps that surround her like bees around honey. Flies too much to handle – if you ever fail again you will that primarily just eats and shits a lot isn’t Sherfield at 2pm on Wednesday, around shit would be a more accurate metaphor. probably die. huge. You decide to name him Virginity you’re so hot you ruin every guys’ and deliberately lose him. Now all the day. Call me 020 7515 789715, from lads will think you’re a real man. 6pm to 4am on weekdays. 38 Friday 02 december 2011 FELIX Puzzles Editor: James Hook

PUZZLES [email protected] Last Week’s Crossword Solutions 1 2 3 3 4 5 6 6 7 8 Across Down 9 10 1. Chief; curved (4) 1. Pyrenean country (7) Slitherlink 3. Let go (5) 2. Artisan (9) 11 12 10 6. Th row; actors (4) 4. The basics, fundamental facts 22 2 2 11. Hard stuff ; Neil ___ , or principles (9) American singer-songwriter (7) 5. May describe one looking 2 2 2 3 12. Art or literature intended to at 12 (5) 1113 1412 15 3 2 2 3 21 arouse (7) 7. ___ Dobson, plays Angie 22 2 13. Wretched, shabby, nasty (5) Watts in Eastenders (5) 3 22 2 1 3 14. Procession of vehicles (9) 8. e.g. Hamlet, Othello, not 15. Military weapons and Twelfth Night (7) 151316 1417 16 18 191517 182016 19 213 23 13 equipment (9) 9. Scrawny (4) 122 3 2 2 18. Covered in green append- 10. Without unnecessary extras 16 21 211 1 2 ages (5) (2,6) 20. Reddish-yellow stony fruit 16. Foolish person (8) 21 2 2 2 2 202217 23 1824 19 25 22 native to India (5) 17. Sedimentary rock with 2 1 21. Sirocco (9) quartz grains (9) 19 23. German military symbol 19. Command to turn around and award during the World (5,4) 262320 24 21 25 2622 23 Nonogram Wars (4,5) 20. Place to store post (7) 26. Segment of a fl ower’s corolla 22. Parasitic disease (7) (5) 24. e.g. Don Giovanni, The Fly- 27. Insects, order Coleoptera, ing Dutchman (5) 2724 25 28 with hard casing to protect their 25. ___ Ardiles, World Cup wings (7) Winner and ex-Tottenham 28. Outdoors (4,3) manager (5) 29. EM wave (1-3) 26. e.g. A Dream Within a 2629 30 31 30. It’s capital is Sana’a (5) Dream, The Raven (4) 31. Testing stage of soft ware (4) SLITHERLINK Word Wheel T T 3 TARGET: 15 D N Crosswords 3 2 220 2 2 H Make as many words of at least QUICK(ish) - Across 1. Casar 4. 1 2 2 4 letters as you can, always using the A W Achilles 10. Transform 11. Ensue central one. NO plurals, conjugated 12. Colonel Mustard 14. Appal 2 323 verbs, comparatives or superlatives, I S 16. Teddy bear 18. Lend an ear 20. because I said so.. There is always at Comma 21. House of Commons 25. least one 9 letter word. Prior 26. Economise 27. Seesawed 2 2 223 1 28. Desert Down 1. Cat’s Craddle 2. E-mail 3. Arsenal 5. Cymru 6. 323 1 23 Ineptly 7. Laser beam 8. Seed 9. ChessSoc Chess Roulette 13. Broadsheet 15. Panto- 3 1 3 1 1 mime 17. Director 19. Austria 20. Compote 22. Obese 23. Olive 24. 2 3 2 2 Opus CRYPTIC - Across 1. Bechance 5. 0 2 2 1 Unwrap 9. Lay 10. Tape Measure 12. Automating 13. Bath 15. Global 16. 3 3 3 3 3 Crowbar 18. Impulse 20. Nearly 23. 3 Elan 24. Strip Poker 26. Countersign 27. Bee 28. Rascal 29. Inﬂ uent Down 1. Ballad 2. Crystal 3. Auto- The aim with Slitherlink is to four edges have lines. That’s all mobile 4. Capital Letter 6. Neat 7. make one continuous closed the info you need to get the one Rhubarb 8. Plethora 11. Mint Condi- loop by connecting the dots. logical answer (though waiting tion 14. Solar Panel 17. Silencer 19. The numbers in each square in- a week to see the solution will Peanuts 21. Likable 22. Ardent 25. dicate how many edges of the also do). Answers to puzzles. Etna square are part of the loop, so [email protected], as the if it contains a “2”, you know puzzles team recieves one shaved Chess that two and only two out of moustache per correct solution.

Black simply wins at least the Contributions wanted! exchange after 1...Bd4!. After this If you’d like to contribute by sending in puzzles, comics white has no good way of defend- or even some editing, e-mail puzzles.felix@imperial. ing the threat of Bxe3+. The best ac.uk. Be they horrendously complicated things or funky defence to this is 2. Re1 Bxe3+ 3. picture puzzles you think readers would like, do get in Rxe3 Nxg2 4. Qxg2 Qxe3+ winning touch. General suggestions are also welcome. FELIX Friday 02 december 2011 39 PUZZLES Nonogram – 2 1 2 2 1 3 3 2 2 2 2 1 4 3 5 Techno File 7 11 3 3 2 2 2 1 1 1 5 5 1 5 2 7 The cells in a grid have to be coloured or left blank according to numbers at 5 the side of the grid. 3 1 1 The numbers measure how many un- 2 1 1 broken lines of filled-in squares there 2 2 1 2 are in any given row or column. Look at last week’s solution to see what a 2 2 2 1 typical solution looks like. 2 1 1 The overall solution should yield 2 1 1 some sort of picture, or as good as a picture can look in monochrome on a 2 1 2 15x15 grid. 2 2 2 1 As usual, answers to puzzles.felix@ Synonymous Songs 2 2 1 1 imperial.ac.uk. 2 1 1

3 1 2 5 2 1 Cryptic Crosswords? 7 No Thanks! The Felix University/College-Wide Having trouble with the Fe- Here are 10 sentences that are synony- FUCWIT mous with song titles. For instance, League Leader Board Invitational Tournament League lix cryptic crosswords in the sports section? No idea what it Precipitation in the Autumn would TTeams:eams: is new and improved, with prizes all means or would like to know clue November Rain. for both the winning team and why some answers are as they Elbowfart 56 the winning individual. Points are are? Contact puzzles.felix@ 1. Effervescence similar to pubes- The Jailbaits 51 imperial.ac.uk with the sub- cent ghost Pegasus & Parrots 48 awarded for each puzzle solved, ject line “Cryptic Help”. You’ll Paddy Got Bummed 36 double if you’re the ﬁ rst correct be sent an introduction to how Cum Puzzling Sluts 26 solution. cryptic crosswords work and Ludibrium Lads 14 what to look out for. Each week 2. In the way a rotating boulder IIndividuals:ndividuals: you’ll also receive complete ex- does Send your solutions to: planations to the answers in Jeremy Neale 65 [email protected] the previous week’s Felix cryp- Wael Aljeshi 26 for points galore! tic crossword. 3. Detainment building music

4. Strolling down a snowy month, QFDROIMFVWZ A B C D E F G H I J K L M amazing place N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z CRYPTOGRAMS 5. Flu on a weekend’s evening

Welcome to another round 6. Oval of birth of cryptograms. Each letter has been encoded so it stands for a different letter. 7. Kensington sword In the end, a poignant quote O C P D V L F O K Z L Z D I W O K N and the person who said it will appear. 8. MC causing a trip into passion

O Z H I J P O C I O V L E P W N O Z Z E T C K F C K L O C P 9. Boy in the reﬂ ection

D Z W H Z D I W M V H P L O T Z V A E G P K L F Z H Y W P C P L N K G A P 10. The meaning of life

F Z L N O I L O K L G W I L F V N K 40 Friday 02 December 2011 FELIX Sport Editors: Indy Leclercq David Wilson SPORT [email protected] Hockey: Men’s 3rds with 1st win of the season versus Sussex

Kesh Murthy fi nish off. With that equaliser going in, Hockey IC were very much on top, and had Sus- Men’s 3rd 2 sex reeling. Wave after wave of IC attack failed to produce a goal until Bum Sussex 2nd 1 Tablet caught one of Sussex forwards napping while on the ball, and produced a scintillating run, fl uking his way past To say that it has been a disastrous start two defenders before getting barged to the season would be an understate- off the ball and winning a short corner. ment for the IC Hockey Men’s 3rd XI. From the resulting short, Fresher Hemal By losing their fi rst four games they smashed the ball into the goal putting IC had already lost more times this season ahead. than in the entirety of the last. With rel- Sussex were stunned and try as they egation a shocking possibility, the team could, they failed to muster much of a knew that they needed to register a win response with the IC defence pushing soon, which is exactly what they did up high and snuffi ng out attacks before against a shell-shocked Sussex 2nd XI. they could develop. It was a nervy end Playing 4-4-2 with a diamond had to the match though, as Sussex were not been working for IC who have been awarded a short at the death but Gingy- lacking an attacking edge all season. pops stood up to the test and pressured So with drastic times calling for drastic the Sussex forward into a mistake. measures, the team changed to a 4-3- 2-1 the fi nal score and a thoroughly 3 and within minutes of the push back deserved win for the Men’s 3s who hope this change almost reaped immediate to extend this one match winning streak The medal-winning Imperial judokas pose for the camera, with smiles all around. Of course, they could kill you in the blink of an eye rewards with SCID almost knocking in against the RSM next week. a loose ball but for good work by the Sussex keeper. IC kept up this pressure throughout in association with the fi rst 10 minutes of the half, but after Selected results Sports Partnership this period, the game started to turn. A break by Sussex into our D saw goal- Interested in keeper Sifter run out to make a fi ne Wednesday 30th November goal-saving tackle, but severely injure Women’s 3rd 25 SQUASH his neck in the process. Brunel 6th 8 sport? After a lengthy injury time out, IC BADMINTON FOOTBALL Women’s 1st 3 took too long to get back into the game Women’s 2nd 31 Sussex 1st 1 and found themselves a goal down Men’s 2nd 2 Men’s 1st 2 St George’s 2nd 24 when the Sussex forward snuck in be- Chichester 1st 6 Queen Mary 1st 1 Men’s 2nd 1 hind the otherwise excellent Eager Bea- Medicals Women’s 2nd 29 UCL 2nd 4 ver and Fritzl to slot coolly past a help- BASKETBALL Men’s 2nd 3 Reading 2nd 24 less Sifter. Some more poor play from Buckinghamshire 4th 2 Men’s 4th 0 IC offered Sussex plenty of opportuni- Men’s 1st 69 Medicals Women’s 4th 32 Royal Holloway 1st 3 We need ties, but thankfully poor fi nishing kept Hertfordshire 2nd 37 Men’s 3rd w/o Kingston 3rd 16 the score at just 1-0 when going into Surrey 3rd Men’s 3rd 5 contributors! half time. Men’s 2nd 39 RUGBY UNION Surrey 2nd 0 An inspiring half-time team talk from Essex 2nd 58 HOCKEY Sifter rallied the troops, reminding the Men’s 1st 18 TABLE TENNIS team to play simple hockey and show Women’s 1st 4 Medics 1st 10 that they were better than their Sussex Medics 1st 0 Men’s 1st 5 opposition. This, combined with the Medicals Men’s 1st 22 East Anglia 1st 12 thought of losing all of the fi rst fi ve FENCING Men’s 2nd 1 Cardiff 1st 34 games of the season and the exuberant Royal Holloway 1st 8 Men’s 2nd 7 Drop by the office support of the Ladies 2s, saw IC push Men’s 1st 135 Men’s 2nd w/o Nottingham 2nd 10 hard from the off in the second half. Keele 1st 81 LACROSSE South Bank 1st or email us: Everything just seemed the click af- Women’s 1st 5 ter half time. The midfi eld dynamo of Men’s 2nd 102 Women’s 1st 1 Medicals Men’s 2nd 23 Cambridge 1st 0 Fresher Hemal, Designer V, and Aqua- Aberystwyth 1st 127 Oxford 1st 20 Roehampton 1st 24 man dominated the opposition, leaving TENNIS Cockerel, Fresher Ed, Pappity-Boopity- Women’s 2nd w/o Men’s 3rd 0 Popitty and Munter Gatherer to exploit Oxford 2nd Royal Holloway 1st 20 Women’s 1st 12 the spaces behind the defence and pro- NETBALL Reading 1st 0 vide golden opportunities for SCID. Women’s 1st 133 [email protected] It didn’t take IC long to draw level, UCL 1st 96 Women’s 1st 35 Men’s 2nd 6 when a surging run down the right by St Bartholomew’s 1st 37 Reading 1st 6 Cockerel found the stick of Designer V who laid the ball on a plate for SCID to FELIX Friday 02 December 2011 41 SPORT Football: Men’s 7s make Imperial Surfers light work of Heythrop go to Devon:

Ed Lambourn Football Men’s 3rd 2 Westward ho! Sussex 2nd 1

A fi ne afternoon in Fulham yielded a Alexander Karvelas crowd, with certain committee members impressive 4-0 away victory for the Im- Surfi ng prowling on innocent newbies in search perial football 7th team against a strong of some early swell white wash for the Heythrop side whose Kensington loca- The fi rst weekend of November saw 28 Sunday session. tion made it as close to a derby game as Imperial students hit the coast of north The Sunday saw the fi nal surf session any possible outside Varsity week. Devon for a weekend of surfi ng and ini- of the weekend. The waves improved Equipped with armfuls of food from tiation activities. in quality becoming less choppy than some of Gloucester Road’s most repu- The trip was the fi rst of the new aca- the previous day, allowing everyone table food outlets, the ever-professional demic year and saw 16 newbies join the to improve on their skills/ faceplant- 7s proceeded to the tube, soon arriving surfsoc veterans to hit the November ing. Some members decided to sit out at Putney Bridge to meet the rest of the swells. this session feeling a bit dodge from the players. After an accidental and brief The trip down was an unexpectedly night before. After a Sunday roast over- detour via the private Hurlingdon Club, long one due to the crash on the M5 looking the beach, the surfers loaded the which was met with stern and disdain- which added 6 hours on to what should minibuses and hit the road. ful looks from the gatekeepers, the pitch have been a 5 hour journey. A few light The journey back to the grindstone was found in nearby Hurlingdon Park. beers to get over the journey on the Fri- was considerably better with the travel The team quickly found the changing day night were followed by an early time halved…for the one minibus. The room (whose size suggested it had actu- Darren Ambrose, eat your heart out start on the Saturday where the club second bus decided to re-join some ally been designed for 18-a-side Aussie kitted up into their tight smelly wetsuits traffi c, and are due to come back next Rules Football) and pulled on the (liter- for some surfi ng action. week… ally) hole-fi lled rags which were mas- the keeper. Shortly after, an accidental from materialising down the fl anks. The waves on the Saturday weren’t as The continued success of surfsoc over querading as the 7s’ kit for the season. kick in the head forced solid centre back Any fi ghting spirit from Heythrop huge as the 50ft waves which battered the last year has allowed the club to up The rare presence of a referee for the Steffan Schulz to be substituted for Ross which had seemed to be absent for most the Devon coast a fortnight before; attendances on trips to 28 per trip. With fi rst time in the season was a welcome Maske, making his fi rst appearance for of the fi rst half seemed to return at the however, they did still provide enough sponsorship, and a larger committee the one, and he quickly got the game un- Imperial. The injured German had been beginning of the second half, as the force to keep the beginners and (self- club is continuing to grow and are open derway with Heythrop losing the toss, one of the team’s most consistent per- game took a more even stance. Winger claimed) pros happy. to any Imperial students joining the leaving the 7s to kick off. Talismanic formers so far in the season, with his Bhavik Bhatt replaced Chris and took up The night following the Saturday surf club…provided you can swim! left-winger Ed Lambourn had been commanding defensive play alongside a left midfi eld role, with Mikkel mov- session was arguably one of surfsocs self-diagnosed with a severe pulmonary Dom Wood combining smartly with ing into the centre. The fourth and fi nal fi nest to date. Following the initiations Interested in surfi ng? embolism, and was therefore unavail- surprising attacking ability in front of goal came midway through the second which saw newbies consuming beverag- Surfsoc welcomes beginner/interme- able to play for the fi rst time this season goal – he went into the game with two half, as another punishing through ball es through the surfsoc boot of grief, the diate/Kelly slater quality surfers. – a game in which his devastating pace goals already to his name. down the right fl ank released Mo on club continued to play the usual surfsoc To be put on the mailing list and learn would surely have been useful, against a It took just a few more minutes for the the halfway line, who promptly outran marathon of games. The usual victims more about surfsoc simply email: defence which exhibited about as much second goal to come, with Ben releasing the haggard Heythrop defence and fi red of the boot never failed to entertain the [email protected] speed as a paralysed snail. His placed Ephraim on the right hand edge of the confi dently across the body of the keep- was fi lled by Mikkel Kranker, who had box who took a few touches before fi n- er low into the corner of the net – his an excellent match in his fi rst game for ishing coolly with a Robin-van-Persie- third of the season. Imperial. The lack of a natural goal- versus-Norwich-esque chip, his second For the fi nal ten minutes, Sergei took keeper in the squad prompted tough- of the game. As the fi rst half came to up position in goal, allowing James to tackling midfi elder James Davies to of- an end, there was time for yet another inject some of his tough-tackling and fer his services between the sticks. goal to give Imperial a 3-0 lead into the enthusiasm into the centre of midfi eld. After a largely even start, both teams break. A through ball from the mid- After being unsure of his own ability were pressing and it was Heythrop fi eld released Mo who easily outpaced in goal, James had looked every bit the who came closest with a shot power- the static Heythrop back line only to be professional keeper, with a confi dent fully struck against the post in the fi rst met with the onrushing keeper. A smart performance. The only incident in the 10 minutes. Imperial’s three in central sidestep to the right and a few subse- last few minutes was a penalty for Im- midfi eld seemed to be working, with quent touches left the keeper stranded perial being waved away by the referee Ben Ganesh, Chris Gunasekara and and the delightful chipped cross that after talking to Ben, who proved the 7s’ Sergei Palmer passing with precision followed allowed Mikkel to fi re home sportsmanship, even though a penalty and tackling with vigour. The referee’s from virtually on the goal-line – a debut would surely have led to a fi fth goal. decision not to use linesmen was a poor goal for the stand-in left midfi elder. Soon after, the fi nal whistle blew, sig- one, and lone striker Mo Alsagoff was The only other incident of the fi rst nalling celebrations from Imperial to called offside a couple of times when half was a rare yellow card for right accompany their most convincing result the spectators’ opinions suggested oth- back Duncan, as he committed an ex- of the season. Ephraim was given man erwise. cellent foul on a Heythrop midfi elder of match after his sterling performance, The deadlock was broken on the twen- on the edge of his own box to prevent which had resulted in two goals for the ty minute mark, with winger Ephraim an incisive counter-attack. The two full- right winger. With performances like Haffner-Staton, who had looked dan- backs, captain Alex Meyer-Forsting this, the 7s are sure to quickly rise up gerous on the right, cutting inside past (a.k.a. Major Foreskin) alongside Dun- the table – form which could not have two defenders and hitting a powerful can himself had both been excellent all come at a better time, as more challeng- Everybody goes surfin’, surfin’ Devonshire (set to the tune of the Beach shot into the bottom left corner past game, preventing any kind of threat ing matches lie in the weeks to come. Boys song. Obviously) 42 Friday 02 December 2011 FELIX Sport Editors: Indy Leclercq David Wilson SPORT [email protected] Felix Sports League IC Immortals crush Reading ...where do you stand? but succumb to Portsmouth Team P W D L F A Diff Index the defending National champions and were 1 Fencing W1 5 5 0 0 403 233 40 5.00 notorious for their size and cheap tactics so Im- 2 ICSM Football M2 3 3 0 0 11 6 55 5.00 perial would have to fi ght hard but were ham- 3 ICSM Hockey W2 2 2 0 0 10 1 -2 5.00 pered by a number of injuries. However, both 4 Lacrosse W2 1 1 0 0 7 2 -7 5.00 teams were coming into the game with a 3-0 5 Tennis M1 4 4 0 0 38 10 -84 5.00 win streak so there was everything to play for. 6 Tennis W1 4 4 0 0 44 4 -18 5.00 The fi rst half was a wake-up call for the Im- 7 Ultimate Frisbee 1st 3 3 0 0 45 9 -20 5.00 mortals; Portsmouth had a team full of heavy 8 Hockey W1 6 5 1 0 15 3 2 4.50 guys who were powerful and fast. Imperial 9 Badminton W1 5 3 2 0 25 15 0 3.80 were used to having a strong kick-off The De- 10 Rugby M1 7 6 0 1 201 134 -103 3.71 stroyers are known to have the best defence in 11 Fencing M1 5 4 0 1 585 460 9 3.20 the country and the Imperial offence struggled 12 Hockey M2 5 4 0 1 23 10 85 3.20 to move the ball at all; a theme that continued 13 Lacrosse W1 5 4 0 1 78 28 -9 3.20 throughout the day. With Portsmouth in pos- 14 Table Tennis W1 5 4 0 1 19 6 13 3.20 session the defence started making the big hits 15 Basketball M1 7 4 0 0 465 380 0 2.86 that have been a theme for the season so far. 16 ICSM Badminton W1 4 3 0 1 18 14 45 2.75 Unfortunately, over commitment to particu- 17 Badminton M1 5 3 1 1 27 13 0 2.60 lar blocks meant on Portsmouth’s second play 18 Squash W1 5 3 1 1 11 9 -11 2.60 a Running back was able to break free of a 19 Tennis M2 6 3 2 1 40 32 -35 2.50 tackle and run the 40 yards into the Immortals 20 Fencing W2 6 4 0 2 564 585 36 2.00 end-zone, but failed to convert. The next of- 21 ICSM Hockey W1 4 2 1 1 23 9 -20 2.00 fensive passage of play ended abruptly, and the 22 Netball W1 6 4 0 2 240 195 -3 2.00 defence were soon back on the fi eld. But this 23 Football M1 7 3 2 2 12 10 12 1.57 time no mistakes were made and on 4th down 24 Badminton M2 5 3 0 2 13 19 0 1.40 Kill it! Kill it with fire! Or with a brutal tackle a Portsmouth punt went awry after some heavy 25 Basketball W1 5 3 0 2 278 223 5 1.40 pressure; the Immortal’s offence took the fi eld 26 Lacrosse M1 5 3 0 2 51 27 24 1.40 with the ball 1-yard away from the Portsmouth 27 ICSM Badminton M2 4 1 2 1 15 17 14 1.25 Mike Peacock sacks and big tackles; forcing Reading to punt end-zone. 28 Football M3 7 4 0 3 13 14 67 1.14 American Football yet again. The immortals offense again carried Rob Wolstenholme easily carried the ball 29 Hockey W2 6 3 1 3 6 26 8 0.83 the ball almost to the Reading end-zone; but for a touchdown with a QB sneak as the Ports- 30 Football M2 7 3 1 3 17 19 10 0.71 Imperial Immortals 27 lost momentum and were stopped by power- mouth players were unable to approach some- 31 Fencing M2 6 3 0 3 697 683 5 0.50 Reading Knights 6 ful defence by the Knights. Reading adapted one with such an overpowering body odour; 32 Futsal M1 4 2 0 2 18 27 13 0.50 Impeial Immortals 7 to the Imperial defence and changed their of- meaning the fi rst quarter fi nished with the Im- 33 ICSM Football M1 2 1 0 1 4 6 -6 0.50 fensive formation; suddenly fi nding they could mortals leading 7-6. 34 ICSM Netball W1 2 1 0 1 82 72 -9 0.50 Portsmouth Destroyers 24 run the ball. The second quarter was where the Immortals 35 ICSM Netball W2 2 1 0 1 52 50 -2 0.50 On a 4th down, the Immortals had the fell apart. First with the Portsmouth defence 36 ICSM Netball W4 2 1 0 1 47 50 2 0.50 The 20th was the fi rst home game of the sea- chance to stop the drive but made more mis- sacking the Immortals in their own touchdown 37 ICSM Rugby M3 4 2 0 2 88 90 -9 0.50 son for the Imperial Immortals and they were takes which allowed the Knights to score. Af- area for a safety; and then the Destroyer offence 38 Rugby M2 6 3 0 3 68 106 -20 0.50 determined not let Reading walk away with a ter a failed pass for the two point conversion; scoring two long yard running touchdown 39 Squash M3 6 3 0 3 10 19 -69 0.50 win. The day of the game was incredibly fog- the score was 14-6 with the Immortals sud- through a shambling Immortals defence. Impe- 40 Netball W3 5 2 0 3 99 75 -52 -0.40 gy; almost causing the game to be called off. denly having a game on their hands. rial looked as if it couldn’t wait for the end of 41 Table Tennis M1 5 2 0 3 38 47 -160 -0.40 Thankfully, it cleared enough for it to continue, The ball was traded back and forth, the de- the half, as a team wracked with injuries from 42 Table Tennis M2 5 2 0 3 39 46 -12 -0.40 but visibility remained low. This was lucky for fences of each team containing the struggling earlier games hobbled off the fi eld to a score 43 Golf Mixed 1st 3 1 0 2 7 10 9 -1.00 Imperial as the Knights famously relied on offenses. However, the Immortals, on a 3rd of 24-7. With their heads down, the Immortals 44 ICSM Badminton M1 3 1 0 2 10 14 -21 -1.00 their passing game; which was diffi cult in the down decided to go for the same play which were in real trouble, but thankfully Mike Pea- 45 ICSM Rugby M1 3 1 0 2 52 104 -2 -1.00 heavy fog. worked so well against the Bears the week be- cock was able to bring life back to a suffering 46 ICSM Rugby M2 3 1 0 2 32 135 -38 -1.00 The fi rst half was an eventful one; the Im- fore. The Reading defence allowed the ball to team with his inspirational words 47 Rugby M3 7 2 0 5 100 120 -21 -1.43 mortals almost scoring on their fi rst drive but be thrown a solid 40 yards to hit the free re- The second half was not particularly event- 48 Hockey M1 7 1 0 4 9 30 13 -1.57 were stopped just ten yards from the Knights ceiver Max Stubenvoll who managed, despite ful; the Destroyers clearly assuming they were 49 Football W1 4 1 0 3 4 35 125 -1.75 end-zone. On the second drive the Immortals tripping over his own feet, to keep hold of the going to score a lot more points had their of- 50 Squash M1 4 1 0 3 3 17 -31 -1.75 line began barging through the Knights defence ball for an Immortals touchdown at the end of fence destroyed thanks to some powerful play 51 Netball W2 5 1 0 4 95 164 -4 -2.20 and leading Tino Millar in to the Knight’s end- the third quarter, making the score 20-6. by Temi Ladega and Jordan Douglas. 52 Squash M2 5 1 0 4 9 15 -14 -2.20 zone for the fi rst score of the game; which with Reading were forced into their original for- The Immortals defence failed to capitalise 53 Hockey M3 6 1 0 5 7 18 4 -2.50 the conversion took Imperial into a 7-0 lead. mation in an attempt to successfully pass the on the struggling Portsmouth offence, how- 54 ICSM Netball W5 4 0 1 3 25 185 -3 -2.50 Reading retaliated; using an incredibly quick ball up the fi eld as they needed to score repeat- ever, barely managing to move the ball against 55 Squash M4 6 1 0 5 3 15 -6 -2.50 quarter-back they were able to run the ball edly. A fi ne defensive performance by Arjav the best Defence in the country. Instead the 56 Basketball M2 2 0 0 2 90 154 170 -4.00 against the Imperial defence. The ball in Impe- Trivedi meant that the Reading run-game had Immortals had to console themselves with a 57 Fencing M3 4 0 0 4 437 521 28 -4.00 rial possession was forced up the fi eld straight no chance as he made a number of essential scoreless half against the reigning national 58 Hockey M4 5 0 0 5 3 38 14 -4.00 into the Knights end-zone, with Quarterback tackles, forcing the Knights into desperate champs; fi nishing the game with their fi rst loss 59 ICSM Basketball M1 1 0 0 1 46 64 2 -4.00 Rob Wolstenholme carrying a QB sneak in for passes. of the season so far. 60 ICSM Hockey M1 3 0 0 3 6 26 24 -4.00 a touchdown to make the score 14-0 (after the One of these desperate passes was thrown Starting the second half of the season at 3-1 61 ICSM Hockey M2 3 0 0 3 3 19 -2 -4.00 successful conversion) at the half. into the chest of an oblivious and unattract- with the only loss being to the national cham- 62 ICSM Hockey M3 1 0 0 1 0 3 -1 -4.00 The start of the second half saw Reading ive Rob Wolstenholme (who had stepped in pions is something the Immortals, barely 4 63 ICSM Hockey W3 1 0 0 1 0 7 14 -4.00 have to start their offensive drive on their own as a Defensive safety) who barely managed to years old, can be incredibly proud of. Hopeful- 64 ICSM Netball W3 3 0 0 3 26 106 10 -4.00 20 yard line as the Immortals kick-off and drunkenly stumble into the Knights end-zone ly, with hard work and time for injuries to heal, kick return teams had absolutely outstanding for the fi nal score of the game; fi nishing 27-6. a full Immortals team can take the rest of the 5 points for a win | 2 points for a draw | -4 points for a loss performances all day. The Imperial defence This was known to be the hardest game of season head-on, maybe even fi ghting their way forced a number of mistakes and got a few the season for the Immortals. Portsmouth were to the playoffs. Good luck Imperial Immortals. FELIX Friday 02 December 2011 43 SPORT Captains’ Interviews: Cryptic Crossword 1,504 Dodgeball Club Captain 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 10

Essential info: 11 12 12 13 15

141316 1417 1718 15 1915 2016 Alan Soltani, 20, Physics 3rd year 16 21

1722 18 23 1824 19 19 25 20 1m83, 76kg, throws with right arm 21

262220 21 22 23 24 3 years’ dodgeball experience

2524 26 25 27 Likes: toe-snapping shots, wrenches

2628 29 Dislikes: Minotaur dodgeball, wrenches

Across Down

1. Puppy - round, overweight, belonging to 1. Happy lane ends in meadow (5) female crime boss (9) 2. Miliband brothers - one displaces another Indy Leclercq are divided into leagues of eight teams, How was the fresher intake for this year? 6. Make babies. Somewhat compelling after one in Opposition (7) Sport Editor with the Premiership being the top one. “Really solid. We started having training night on the lash! (5) 3. Curtail urge to process land? (11) We’re in the league below that, but we sessions in Ethos just this year, before 9. Repugnant commercial jingle (7) 4. Expression of laughter describing upset As we roll into December, the Captains’ haven’t played any of our matches yet, that we would use the Union concert hall 10. Message for girl with 4 Easterners (7) disabled one - it relates to the blood (6) interviews just keep on coming! This our fi rst fi xtures are this Saturday. One – which is surprisingly good for dodge- 11. Finish without starting to fix (3) 5. Adapting film of Henry V perhaps after week, we have one of the quirkier Impe- thing to point out is that the leagues ball. Training at Ethos makes it easier to 12. Excellent Christmas firework, mate! (11) period of sleep (8) rial sports on display: Dodgeball. Alan aren’t run by BUCS: there is a mix of draw in newcomers or people who want 14. “Sell foot-operated lever” it is heard (6) 6. Several blows to area of Greece (3) Soltani, a 3rd year physicist and Dodge- university and non-university teams.” to give it a go, though, and I’d say we 15. A fraud hidden inside, also a snake (8) 7. Intellectual having technology in this great ball club captain, is the man of the hour. What are the team’s objectives for the have about 35-40 people per training 17. None bar Lee missing from lecture on land (7) We meet up in Beit quad to talk about session.” romantic composition (8) 8. Looks like you’re food - disperse quickly! balls, wrenches and more. Do they have offi cial dodgeball balls 19. Strength of computer class is tough (6) (9) I’m not quite sure what to expect com- and everything? “Yeah, of course! It’s 22. Correction following sloppy odd coppers 13. Disturb and subject to loud music on ing into the interview – what would the not rubber, actually, but infl atable with (5,6) ship? (4,3,4) ‘dodgeball type’ be? Very friendly, as a soft outside layer.” He shows me one, 23. Launch “Lo and Behold!” first (3) 14. One may suffer these during finals if still it turns out. I kick things off by asking I thought, ‘I’ll and what immediately comes to mind is 25. Contemporary bizarrely cured with gene drawing after time’s up? (9) a bit about the structure and organisa- a Volleyball, but a bit lighter and slightly activator (7) 16. Stuck on one task/day (8) tion of the club, and where Alan fi ts in. give it a go’, and padded. Alan tells me it’s soft enough 27. Believed they firstly should... (7) 18. Chairman for what reason sent back “I’m club captain, as well as being fi rst that head shots are allowed…perhaps 28. ... fight a bit (5) tomato soup? (7) team captain – we also have a president then just ended with a bit too much of a grin on his face. 29. This involves running and jumping from 20. Violating sick bird, reportedly (7) though. My role involves organising Now for the serious stuff: how did he hot candle mixture (9) 21. Content when a tick’s on mother’s side the competitive side of the club, the up loving it get into Dodgeball? “actually, when I (6) matches, coaching and training.” How “ was at school, I used to watch this pro- 24. Nocturnal mammal on staff (5) many teams do Dodgeball have? “This gramme called Extreme Dodgeball that 26. Company quiet about policeman (3) year, we’ve got three teams, which is the was on Sky. It just followed a bunch most we’ve ever had. Teams are mixed, of American players around, and intro- with the game played six-a-side. We season, I ask. After your result at the duced the world of dodgeball, but it was took twenty-one people to the university championships, are you the favourites to awesome! When I got to uni and saw what to do. We [the people who joined at association”. championships a few weeks ago.” get promoted? “We weren’t at the start the dodgeball stand at fresher’s fair, I the same time as Alan - Ed.] took ages to To be very honest, most people had a As I don’t remember anyone from of the season, but we have beaten some thought ‘I’ll give it a go’, and then just progress, though, because at fi rst we had bit of a laugh when I told them I’d be dodgeball sending in a report about that, premier league teams” in warm-up open ended up loving it.” no idea what we were doing, and no-one interviewing the dodgeball captain. I I ask him to tell me more: “There were tournaments and people have started to It seems to be a recurring theme, this, was really there to show us the ropes. tell Alan this, and he concurs. It’s not thirty teams competing at Cranfi eld uni- take notice. Hopefully we can keep play- of people picking up a sport at univer- The new lot are picking it up really always the easiest sport to admit to versity, in the ‘experienced’ teams cating like this and go up.” sity and becoming the captain a few quickly as they have us to teach them.” playing seriously. “ I’ve had quite a bit egory. The fi rst team did pretty well, I’m curious about the club’s history – years down the line…So how easy is it Finally, the question I have to ask: of stick over the years, especially when getting to the quarter fi nals and losing surely it was founded pretty recently? to progress at dodgeball? What skills are was DodgeBall, the fi lm a blessing or a you say you play dodgeball competi- to eventual winners Warwick – who are “When I joined as a fresher, in 2009, needed? “It’s essentially a throwing and curse for the sport? “ Defi nitely a bless- tively…but I’m used to it!” As the great one of the strongest teams in the coun- the club was in its second year of ex- catching game, and those are the things ing. UK dodgeball didn’t kick off until Patches O’Houlihan once said, “If you try.” Promising stuff, I think. istence. As far as I know it was formed you need to work on – along with speed, the fi lm came out – there was a guy in can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a So what is the competition structure by a group of medics who aren’t here refl exes, that sort of thing. It’s pretty Leicester who saw the fi lm, thought ‘this ball.” You just have to be prepared to for the sport? “ The UK dodgeball teams any more…but the club has continued.” easy to progress rapidly, if you’re shown is wicked’ and started the UK dodgeball take some stick for it. SPORTISSUE 1504 02.12.11 Immortals Round-up Mixed results for Imperial’s gridiron gang: page 42

Indy Leclercq 14-Medal Haul for IC Judokas

Jake Woods medals this time last year, a feat that was so confused about not making his claim a bronze medal and Thore Buck- gold medal but Imperial would win the Judo everyone was hoping to better now that weight category...until he remembered ing who beat not only everyone in his competition overall. 2 minutes of nail- our ranks included a high number of the Pizza Hut All-You-Can Eat eating own weight category but everyone in biting judo and Imperial lay the smack Imperial’s team of elite and not so elite beginners who had come through our competition he’d had the night before. the category above! One of our black down with a fl awless throw that saw judokas trekked to the edge of civilisa- dedicated beginners’ course and were Gabriel, shame on you. belts was even awarded “Fastest Throw his opponent’s feet fl ying higher than tion last Saturday, to the point where entering the category specifi cally for Fresher’s and advanced players alike, of the Day” winning a fi ght in just 5 his head before crashing into the mat. electricity is limited to 4 hours a day and those who have started judo this year. Imperial put on an impressive display seconds! Imperial win the fi ght and the champi- counting to six on one hand gets easy. It We practically ran towards the dreaded of foot sweeps, shoulder throws, drop Going into the fi nal fi ght of the com- onship. was time for the London Open Champi- weighing scales to be informed if 3 throws and strangles to beat their way petition was Imperial Dan grade (black Total competition hoard: 4 gold, 2 sil- onships in Uxbridge and the second big- weeks of dieting and the self-torture of to 6 fi nals and 8 semi-fi nals. Spectac- belt) Jusso, Imperial and Brunel Uni- ver and 8 bronze medals and one mas- gest competition on the judo calendar. abstinence from drinking had paid off. ular fi ghts included several Imperial versity were neck and neck for overall sive shiny team championship trophy. Despite the 5:00 am start, Imperial All made it and could fi nally eat some friendly fi re situations, notably Thanos points scored, if Jusso won his last fi ght Roll on BUCS. was in high spirits after collecting 9 breakfast apart from one fresher who who beat 3 other Imperial players to not only would he win the team’s 4th Turn to p.40 for a picture of the team! MUSIC TELEVISION FILM FOOD HOME & GARDEN

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