RICKROLL/Openfile 3.3 1
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RICKROLL/OpenFile 3.3 1 At £23,010, the average starting salary in teaching is high compared to the average graduate starting salary. Experienced teachers can earn up to £64,000 in London and £56,000 outside London. As notions of public space have RICKROLL Teachers’ hefty salaries are driving up taxes, they get huge holidays and finish shifted with the advent of the internet, Spike Island, Bristol social codes have been separated from 19th April 2013 work in the mid afternoon. It’s time we put things in perspective and pay them their ‘real world’ counterparts. This pub- for what they do – babysit. Okay, so lets say they’ve got teaching qualifications lication coincides with an evening of and maybe master’s degrees, but they must want to do it. It’s a vocation, isn’t screenings and performances exploring PREVIOUS: forms of emerging online interaction, that what they say? Surely they should be prepared to do it for minimum wage, memes and virtual socialisation. LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH £6.19 an hour. It is the public sector after all and in this economic climate ICA, London we all have to tighten our belts. Also I think they should be reasonable and “And so something has really 12th January 2013 changed – and I think this is the real only charge for the hours they’ve worked; I don’t agree with this claiming for epiphany: the ways in which culture is HASHFAIL planning time and marking time. Everyone has to manage their work; make time to distributed have become profoundly Grand Union, Birmingham do it on the job if you have to, that’s what every other profession has to do. more intriguing than the cultural arti- 14th December 2012 1 Bait and switch fact itself.” 2 George Barber, Milk Bottle Village (2013) Kenneth Goldsmith 4 Thomas Yeomans, YO DAWG I HERD YOU LIKE So let’s say they work from 8.30 to 3.30 day, I don’t get a lunch break so why RICKROLLING SO I RICKROLLED A RICKROLL WITH should they? I’m not paying for that, so that’s a six hour day. I wish I only The programme features con- YOUR RICKROLL (2013) tributions from George Barber, David 5 Marialaura Ghidini, On the ecology of the distributed worked six hours a day. Raymond Conroy, Hannah Perry, Jon Raf- work of art, and it’s inter-media narrative 6 hours at £6.19 is £37.14 a day. What’s the average class size, 30? Class sizes man, Thomas Yeomans and Marialaura properties (2013) should be smaller I think, so let’s say 25 children at £37.19 each which means... Ghidini, and is the third in a series of 10 Jon Rafman, Kool Aid Man in search events that have previously taken place of the virtual sublime (2009) £929.75 at Grand Union, Birmingham and ICA, 12 Jon Rafman, Kool Aid Man in search London. of the virtual sublime (2009) Hang on, £929.75 a day! Well I’m definitely not going to pay for holidays, I mean 14 Tim Dixon, From A to /b/ and back again (2013) Designed by WRP 17 Hannah Perry, I should go (2013) they’re off half the year. Right, half of 365 is 182.5. Round it down to 180, we’re in a period of austerity remember. Open File III is kindly supported by the Arts Council England £929.75 for 180 days is £167,355.00 A hundred and sixty thousand pounds! That is ridiculous, I mean it isn’t like they’re devoted to my child for the entire day, there are dozens of children in a class. What do we pay that teenager who walks the dog? £3.00 an hour. She isn’t just looking after our dog, she has others too, £3.00 an hour seems fair I think. Okay so let’s pay teachers £3 an hour. Right, so that’s £18.00 a day from the 25 parents of each child in the class, which is £450 a day for 180 days. Well £450 a day seems a bit expensive but 25 children from God knows where… I wouldn’t do it, and we’re only paying them for the half a year that they work I suppose. That means 180 days at £450 so… £81,000 Hang on a moment, something isn’t right here. 2 3 projected to help them and while they sang other people could throw milk on them, much to the amusement of all. The Tate Modern went on to copy Milk Bottle Village so professionally, visitors genuinely got mixed up sometimes in the Village. ‘Is this conceptual art?’ They might innocently ask a passing milkman, ‘No, it fucking isn’t!’ might come the reply of a small man struggling with a crate of 15 full cream and four Milk Bottle Village semi-skimmed. I’m delivering milk mate! What’s it look like?’ The cultural logic soon came to work the other way around too – for example this year’s Turner Prize: An endearing facility funded by English Heritage for all devout milkmen who “The young artist Cattie Doyen has set up a whole secondary have been rejected and made to feel unwanted by a de-historicised population who like school in the turbine hall of the Tate Modern. This ‘school’, cleverly milk in square cardboard boxes. named St Christopher’s, for the purposes of her intervention has a At the centre’s large mock village, the retired men can whizz about on their perpetual Open Day. The Open Day, like Exam day in most schools, floats, sometimes depositing as many as 50 pints to a single address – such large de- is in fact being held in the school gym. As a gallery visitor you are liveries really please milk men. Each delivery is quickly smuggled back to the depot to think of yourself as a prospective parent with a child who is not in tunnels so as to make way for the next. Some addresses have been known to have doing too well at the school. You walk into the ‘school’ and as you accepted 700 bottles in a single day. That’s a lot of happy milkmen. Down in Milk do so one of the Tate’s attractive European volunteers gives you a Bottle Village a retired milkman could really feel special. list of staff and appointment times that you have and also the name ‘In a nice place.’ as Prince Charles said regaling the crowd with a glass of the of your fictitious child – who is doing quite badly - at the school. white stuff. Slowly, in the laborious queues within this cold but smelly The Village received high state funding as it had strong community relationship gym, the exhibit visitor realizes that just as in real life, none of the issues and the funders could track back and see evidence that its aims exactly met its teachers really know who you are, have minuscule affection for your objects and that it could therefore have permanent funder status. Like contemporary child and lastly, the appointment system is completely ruined by art galleries, the retired Milkmen could really play the ‘helping’ communities card; this parents going on and on about their lovely offspring when really wasn’t an initiative for an elite group but for the people. Everybody loves milkmen – as all they want to do is talk; venting their ‘feelings’ and anxiety about long as they are not coming to their house, of course. The scheme had reams of video little dear Da Vinci. So secretly everyone in the queues starts to promotion material in which milkman would sentimentally lay out their strategic plan resent each other and on the sly have very bad thoughts about other going forward for issues to be covered by the Milk Bottle Village in the future. There parent’s partners, choice of clothes, children, transport, implants, were plans (rather like Mormons’ neat trick of converting the dead after they’ve died) addresses and their profound inability to talk about anything in a to have plaques made of all the dead UK milkmen ever and lay them out in glorious less than earnest manner. Animosity spreads rapidly in the queues designs across the Milk Bottle Village Educational and Bereavement Centre. (Disabled at this exhibit and that is obviously the artist’s point. access; having trouble reading this?) Finally, when the open day at the school is finished – to fully Fur covered trucks patrolled the streets handing out free glasses of milk to enjoy Doyen’s piece you have to stay in the gym 2 hours, you leave visitors. Others flatbeds carried cows with clever theatrical scenery and visitors would the exhibition really exhausted and wondering – just like in real jump up and learn how to milk. It was all about people, friendships via milk; engage- life – if as a society we have really got it badly wrong somewhere in ment and inclusivity via milk. Widening participation and affirmative action via milk. Education. For one, you wouldn’t want to spend 5 minutes with any Like the Tate Modern – objects in a gallery weren’t enough anymore – you had to of the other parents so why on earth does your child want to spend patronise the public and make them wear hats, badges and preferably pick up a paint all day with their offspring?” brush and participate in some easy creative process. Send them down a slide or get them to volunteer to walk in circles.