Capstone • 16 Tuesday, February 2, 2016 Student in Philosophy Swing Dancing 101 now considers self Cult League “philosopher” Visits Westmont MITCHELL MCMAHON phone. That was Thoreau’s the- Your friend, who was at first LINDSAY CALL sitting quietly at a small table Sports Editor sis in Walden.” referred to by his parents as Capstone Editor near the exit, inviting students Alas, your section mate does “wise beyond his years,” then to join them after eating their fill he word “philoso- tend to play favorites when “wise,” then simply “my kid,” tudents entering Mur- of sweets--much like the witch pher” is not often used it comes to philosophers, but knows all the philosophers (fe- chison Gym Saturday in Hansel and Gretel. “We de- to describe people you’ve probably never heard of males excluded) by heart and night may have gotten cided to hit up Prez Ball because of Tmodernity. Usual people of them. “Sure, obscure guys like isn’t afraid to reference them. moreS than just a picture with nobody checks who shows up the 21st century are more con- Nietzsche and Kierkegaard, but “Let’s see here. You drive in a President Beebe. Representa- to these things--and we’re aim- cerned with the labels “rich,” I’m sure your readers are too fo- car you can’t afford to a job you tives from the newly-formed ing to start a sort of American “famous,” or “has friends.” cused on mainstreams Aristotle don’t want to make money for League of Swing Dancing (LSD) Bandstand showcase of faithful Your section mate who just took and Jaden Smith to hear their a family you don’t love, to be were on hand at Westmont’s swing dancers. And of course Philosophy 101, however, is not names. I mean, have you even buried six feet under either way. annual President’s Ball, ask- we came to our alma mater first, a usual person--and wants you seen ‘True Detective?’” Sure, sounds good to me. ing questions like “Excuse me, since we know that here, swing to know it. After taking what he de- “Yeah, Plato, Sophocles and madam--do you have a moment dancing is more popular than “There’s a big difference scribed as “a tortured tour all those old-school guys are a to talk about swing dancing?” Bernie Sanders.” between me and the common through the minds and on the little primitive for my taste,” he in addition to scouting West- In addition, the two alumni man,” your section mate said shoulders of giants,” (Philoso- said in a follow-up email regard- mont’s swing dancing scene for handed out pamphlets detail- in an exclusive Capstone inter- phy 101), your section mate im- ing his current scholarship. “I new devotees members. ing what it takes to gain League view. “I can think, feel; I am sat- mediately switched his major to think therefore I am, now that’s Recent Westmont alumni membership--“the League is an urated with understanding of philosophy and began studying for me; that was Rousseau, actu- Makenna Ogilvie and Darren exclusive network where mem- the human mind.” the classics. ally. Didn’t you know?” Smithson started the League bers are selected based not only Shirking labels of modern for Swing Dancing after their on talent, but based off their times--which he described experiences with the dance at unwavering devotion to the pu- as “pompous and corol- Westmont. “We loved the swing rity of swing dancing”--as well lary”--Westmont’s resident dancing community while at as the League’s founding prin- philosopher lives in books, con- Westmont,” stated Ogilvie. “Af- ciples. According to the pam- stantly citing his favorite phi- ter we realized our humanities phlets, the League believes that losophers and making sure you majors would never get us real all other dance forms “are paths know exactly how smart he is. jobs, we toyed with the idea to darkness” and that swing “If I’m being honest, the of fusing Christian communi- dancing can “both purge the immaturity of this school is as- ty and swing dancing. What if soul and enact salvation.” tounding, but it’s nothing com- we could create a set of practic- Ogilvie and Smithson’s ap- pared to that of this world. You es surrounding the things we proach proved successful, as know that you’re a prisoner to loved most? If other alums can many students hovered near every Apple device you own. start businesses, we can create the League table after the swing That’s why they call it a ‘cell’ a spiritually-based collection of dancing portion of the dance. principles by which to live by.” “It’s just really great to have a The combination of rigorous place that understands the real physical exercise through swing meaning behind our swing dance with a strong spiritual dancing,” said first-year Tay- foundation has attracted tens lar Mathews. “The LSD gets of thousands of followers. Re- the thought and devotion we garding the League’s following, put into this. Not a lot of other Smithson said that he “truly be- students understand why we lieves that through pouring out care so much. Swing dancing our souls through dance--like is a way to express our love for David did unto the Lord--we God, and a path to true spiritual can be our best selves. This is enlightenment and freedom for the best way to find truth. And all.” Mathews signed up to join other people seem to agree.” the League Saturday night and With the support of their fol- has not been seen since. lowers, Ogilvie and Smithson Smithson stated that he was have purchased a building in happy with the turnout at Pres- Hollywood, where their “con- ident’s Ball.“We’re excited to gregation” consists of such ce- provide students with a way to lebrities like John Travolta, Jen- do what they love. We’ve been na Elfman, and Tom Cruise, and thinking about starting some past members like Katie Holmes joint classes with Scientology, and Leah Remini. just to get some more press. Both Ogilvie and Smithson We’d be happy to have everyone PHOTOS BY JACOB GRANT were on hand Saturday night join us--provided you believe in for the annual President’s Ball, Your section mate, the philosopher, ponders life’s big questions around campus. the purity of swing dancing.”