why CONSENT is your CONCERN
what it is & why it matters TABLE OF CONTENTS
Particulars Page No.
Chapter 1 - Consent 101 1-5
Chapter 2 - What Does Consent Look Like? 6
Chapter 3 - Sexisim in Our Culture - Toxic Masculinity, Gender Roles, 7 and Cultural Norms
Chapter 4 - Microaggressions and Providing Creative Comebacks to 8-9 Racist, Sexist and Homophobic Slurs
Chapter 5 - Consent Goes Global 10-11
Chapter 6 - What is Online Consent? 12-13
Chapter 7 - Consent in Committed Relationships 14
Chapter 8 - Consent in Polyamorous Relationships and BDSM 15 Communities
Chapter 9 - Consent in Monogamous Relationships 16
Chapter 10 - 25 Tips on How to be Respectful in Relationships 17-18
Glossary 19-23
Chapter 1 Consent 101 Consent? Remind Me Again What That Is The quick and easy definition of consent is;
“A mutual engagement between two or more parties to engage in sexual ac tivity.
Following on the heels of this definition, consent has many faces depending on the context, the people and the situation in question. Although most frequently associated with sex, consent is vital in all forms of physical contact like kissing, hand holding and hugging.
Consent is also key in digital environments with relation to sharing sexually explicit pictures or texts through chat rooms and online sites.
Consent opens the floodgates to a very important conversation; one that is unlocked with a simple key - communication. The bonus? Asking for consent isn’t hard, once you know how!
Important Definitions Sexual Assault The use of force or coercion, physical or psychological, to make a person engage in sexual activity.
Sexual Violence Sexual violence is defined as a sexual act committed against someone without that person’s freely given consent.
Survivor A person who has experienced non-consensual sexual contact, often referred to as a “victim”, however, the latter term is considered to have a negative connotation.
Rape Culture Rape culture is a sociological concept used to describe a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality. Behaviors commonly associated with rape culture include victim blaming, slut shaming, sexual objectification,
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trivializing rape, denial of widespread rape, refusing to acknowledge the harm caused by some forms of sexual violence, or some combination of these.
What is Affirmative Consent? ● The idea that only a “yes” actually means “yes” because women are never interested in pursuing sex, so there is the need to assume that saying “no” really means “try again later”.
● This runs the risk of making someone uncomfortable and unheard because you are not actually listening to what they are saying.
● Also, the idea that men need to become pushy both physically or verbally in order to get sex because there is the notion that women do not want sex as much as men again makes the need for affirmative consent to be more commonly practiced.
● Affirmative consent is amazing because it gets people to have discussions about what both individuals and their partners are comfortable and uncomfortable with both in and outside the bedroom, so that no one is risking sexual assault and everyone is cool with what is happening.
● Getting an affirmative, “yes” is sexy because it can lead to some really great times with the person that you get the “yes” from and really set somebody off.
Let’s Further Unpack the Concept of Consent Consent is vital to the equation, it keeps everybody in the loop, it requires conversation to sustain itself, it adds chemistry to said equation, and it absolutely needs to be present to help the equation reach its ultimate conclusion. To elaborate on this concept, Consent is:
Considerate Consent begins with respect and consideration for the partner/s involved in the activity. Consent doesn’t necessarily have to be verbal. However, that does help avoid miscommunication between partners. Nonverbal consent requires reading between the lines. This implicitness leaves room for confusion and could potentially cause one partner to cross an unwanted boundary.
You care about the other person, right? Then you would want the experience to be mutually enjoyable. The conversation on consent begins before you engage in the encounter and continues right until the very end. Make sure your partner is on the same page, has their
2 boundaries and needs respected, and has their desires addressed throughout. Remember, it is about the other person just as much as it is about you.
So ask your partner whether or not they’re comfortable and really want to take part in the activity you have in mind. Even if your partner gives you a response in the affirmative, consent doesn’t end there. You could ask them how and where they like to be touched, what their favourite positions/fantasies/props are and whether or not they’re into roleplay.
“Consent leaves absolutely no room for assumptions. Ongoing Consent involves constantly checking in with your partner/s to make sure they’re just as psyched with the activity as when they first started. Not consenting does not mean the absence of a “yes” or just pure silence.
You don’t have to get monotonous and repetitively ask your partner if they are okay. Get creative with your consent!
“You into this as much as I am?”
“I’d love to hear the sound of your voice right about now.”
“I’m incredibly into you. Do you feel the same?”
“How does this feel? Would you like me to keep going?”
“Do you like it when I ?” …
“Of course, consent can be withdrawn at any time and that is something you need to respect and roll with.
If you sense even a hint of reluctance, uncertainty, or receive verbal or nonverbal cues hinting otherwise, that’s your cue to stop.
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Fundamental Simply put, sex without consent amounts to sexual assault. Consent is a large part of what makes sex so enjoyable. At the risk of spelling out the obvious, sexual assault has a very serious, long-term impact on the survivor.
Most would assume that asking for consent is too technical or a total turn off. We beg to differ. It’s the sexiest, most self-aware act on the planet. Picture it. To have your partner/s be as eager to get into your pants as you are into theirs, is sexier than anything that comes to mind.
The conversation on consent begins with simple nuances. Do they initiate? Did they take their clothes and yours off? Are they able to respond to your questions coherently? Do they want to continue with the same eagerness as when they first started? Consent is crucial. Enough said.
Familiar Consent means both parties are fully aware of and familiar with the situation at hand. If one partner gives their consent on the premise that the other partner will use a condom, but the other partner doesn’t, consent has been invalidated. If one partner assents only to kissing but the other partner ventures into groping, consent has been revoked. If one partner promises to engage in sexual activity with the use of a safe word, but the other partner ignores the safe word during the act, consent has, you guessed it, been vetoed.
Enthusiastic Consent is a pleasure not a pain. Giving consent is enthusiastic and eager and should not seem like a chore. It should be a voluntary decision given free from coercion or manipulation. This one is easy to pick up on. Plenty of nonverbal gestures, such as body language, tell you whether the other party is into it as much as you are.
In effect, if they do say “yes”, but that “yes” is given begrudgingly or seems like it is an obligation, that does not amount to consent. For example, in committed relationships, one partner might feel like it is their duty to fulfil the sexual desires of the other, even if the first partner doesn’t want to.
Educated There are many wonderful resources to get schooled on consent. It gets easier when you make a conscious decision to incorporate asking for consent into your internal dialogue.
Consent should be an impulse not an afterthought. Start by initiating consent in small ways; when you want to hold someone’s hand, when you want to hug somebody, when you want to give them a kiss on the cheek.
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Remember, consent is not recyclable. Just because you had sex with “ th em last week when they gave you their consent, doesn’t mean that same consent holds good for this week. You have to start the conversation all over again.
Since the topic is shrouded in taboo, most prefer to avoid it. However, consent is a whole conversation that needs to be had before, during and after the act. Ignorance about consent is never an excuse to sidestep it. Consent is, of course, a two-way street and needs to be reinforced at every juncture by all participants. Here are some interesting resources to browse through just so you’re in the know.
YouTube - Jam, 2013, by Karen B.K. Chan (SexEd Project)
YouTube - Tea Consent (Blue Seat Studios)
Ryerson University - Consent Comes First
Sober Although consent seems relatively simple to follow through with, oftentimes consent is misunderstood. Consent cannot be given while intoxicated. Consent is very straightforward and isn’t a cipher. If your partner says “yes”, but is clearly under the influence, consent is invalidated. Engaging in sexual activity in such a situation is a criminal offence.
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Chapter 2 What Does Consent Look Like?
“Consent is multifaceted and multidimensional. Consent does not follow a one-size-fits-all mentality.
For example, consent can be agreeing to kiss someone, but not agreeing to have sex with them. Alternatively, it can be agreeing to go on a date with them, but not agreeing to kiss them.
Consent can be shown by communicating your intentions verbally. It’s as simple as asking your partner if what you are doing is okay and if they would like to continue. It is also about knowing and communicating your own boundaries to your partner.
Consent can be agreeing to certain activities by saying “yes” or other statements that imply agreement to the activity such as, “This is okay, but I do not want to go further than this right now” or “I’ll try this, but if I don’t like it I may not want to do it again.”
Consent can also be shown by using cues that allow the other person to see that you are comfortable or uncomfortable with what is happening. These cues can be subjective, contextual and shaped by cultural assumptions and practices.
For instance, if someone is in a relationship or is married they may show that they are interested or uninterested in taking part in an activity in a different way than someone who is on a date for the first time with someone they have just met. Since, people in a relationship will know each other better and will know what interest or disinterest in a certain activity looks like for their partner.
Also, if someone has certain cultural practices that they take part in, their way of showing someone that they are interested or uninterested in an activity may be different than someone who does not follow these cultural practices.
“It is always important to remember that consent is fluid and can look differently based on both the situation and the people involved.
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Chapter 3 Sexism in Our Culture - Toxic Masculinity, Gender Roles, and Cultural Norms
“Toxic masculinity is the socially constructed attitudes that describe male gender roles as violent, unemotional, sexually aggressive and competitive.
The struggle to find an answer to what it means to be a man is one that has been with us for a long time, and is an important part in growing up. Many young men seek the answers to these questions in unhealthy ways. Through media portrayals and advertisements, there is an emphasis on hyper masculine behaviour. We are taught that if we follow certain codes of conduct, we will become “true” men.
The problem is that we are constantly sold an idea that masculinity is violent, aggressive, sexually domineering, and non-emotional (unless that emotion is anger). This idea of masculinity is toxic and harmful because it prevents men from being themselves.
Most importantly, toxic masculinity breeds the sexism and misogyny in our society, because it devalues anything considered feminine, objectifies women, and asserts male entitlement over women’s bodies. Sexual harassment and sexual violence are the direct results of toxic masculinity. It also negatively impacts men, who do not measure up the ideals of hypermasculinity, or anyone who doesn’t fit into the gender binary (such as Trans or genderqueer people).
What is interesting about this concept of hyper-masculinity is how fragile it is. If you do not act like in a way stereotypically expected of you as a man, then your masculinity can be taken away. In this way, masculinity must be proved over and over again. It’s an endless cycle with no real security because your status as a “man” can be revoked at any time from those who perpetuate this culture.
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Chapter 4 Microaggressions and Providing Creative Comebacks to Racist, Sexist and Homophobic Slurs What Are Microaggressions?
“Microaggressions are the everyday verbal, nonverbal, and en vironmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, which communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group membership.
Catcalling, street harassment, unwanted sexual touching and gendered spaces are all sexist microaggressions. The most difficult part about microaggressions are that, in most cases, they are entrenched in both our culture and society. They also further propagate the concept of toxic masculinity.
The point is that microaggressions need to be challenged everyday by everyone, not just one person because only then will a change start to happen.
What Are Slurs? Slurs are phrases that people say to others on a daily basis. They are often said knowingly for the sheer purpose of bringing others down, or are phrases that someone thinks another deserves to hear for whatever reason. These slurs are usually racist, sexist and homophobic in nature and entrenched in our society. It is important to address it without sinking to the other person’s level and adopting their manner of speaking. As a result, providing creative comebacks to slurs can be tricky and should be considered carefully.
Below are some examples of creative comebacks, used by people who confronted slurs:
“When I get harassed, I always pretend I didn’t hear and say “what?”. The more they have to repeat the sillier they sound.”
“I am a woman not a traffic jam.” - When someone in their car beeped at a person while they were walking down the street.
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MAN: "I’ve got the F, C and K, all I need is U" ME: "I've got the B, Y and E, so I don't need U".
"A woman's place is in the kitchen". You know what, you're right. Lemme grab a knife.
Bloke: “You're a bit too thin for me”. Me: “That's lucky because you're a bit too thick for me”.
Read more creative comebacks to slurs at: The Guardian - The best comebacks to sexist comments.
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Chapter 5 Consent Goes Global Centennial has one of the most diverse student bodies. Over 40% of Centennial’s students hail from 134 international destinations.
As you saunter down the hallways on campus, you’ll notice a whole host of different cultures and languages that ring true to the Centennial ethos - rich, diverse and vibrant.
Which begs the question;
What is Consent on a Multi-Cultural Campus? Consent is subject to cultural, ethnic and racial influences. Just as with anything else, a little mindfulness goes a long way. When approaching consent in a diverse campus like ours, it is important to remind yourself that not all cultures view or express consent under the same lens that yours does.
“Equally important is to dismantle stereotypes that feed the misconceptions about consent in different cultural contexts.
While practices about consent differ, the inherent notion of the concept remains the same. It stems from a place of respect and communication, and never assumption.
Remember the key to consent we talked about before? COMMUNICATION.
Initiate the conversation on consent with a group of your peers in an informal setting. Explain your understanding of consent from a stereotype-free, honest standpoint and ask for their opinions.
It is important to understand different people’s viewpoints on the topic consent while being receptive and unprejudiced. Removing the stigma and making it an approachable topic that can be infused into the conversation, is one giant leap in the right direction.
Need a cheat sheet to begin the conversation? Try this on for size;
“I read an article that stresses the importance of consent. I feel like maybe it isn’t talked about enough. What do you think”?
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“What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘consent’?” “Do you think consent is necessary in every situation, even if you know your partner really well?”
“Is consent in a committed relationship really necessary?”
“I feel embarrassed to ask for consent. Do you feel the same?”
Make sure you aren’t pressuring anyone to see it your way and you truly are open to hearing their points of view.
The current lack of education about this topic leaves much to be discussed. Consent needs to become an inclusive conversation for all, while eliminating the stigma attached to survivors. Rape jokes, rape culture and power dynamics are toxic to the conversation. We must change the way we talk about this issue to ensure a level playing field regardless of culture, race, ethnicity, gender and sexual identity.
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Chapter 6 What is Online Consent? Much of our communication is nonverbal - our facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture, and tone of voice. None of that, however, is accessible during texting or online messaging. The key is to use common sense and acknowledge certain statements.
Consent Looks like Non-consent Looks Like
yes No (or just pure silence)
I’m sure I’m not sure
I know I don’t know
I want to I want to, but...
I’m not worried I feel worried about...
I still want to I love you, but...
I feel good about this I don’t want to do this anymore
Cyberstalking Cyberstalking is a crime in which the attacker harasses a victim using electronic communication, such as e-mail or instant messaging (IM), or messages posted to a website or a discussion group. A cyberstalker relies upon the anonymity afforded by the Internet to allow them to stalk their victim without being detected. Cyberstalking messages differ from ordinary spam in that a cyberstalker targets a specific victim with often threatening messages, while the spammer targets a multitude of recipients with simply annoying messages.
Sexting Sexting is an act wherein explicit texts, images, photographs, and videos are shared between two or more mobile phones, computers or other digital devices. In Canada, it is against criminal law to take, share or post a sexually explicit picture or video online without the permission of the person in the picture or video.
The Amanda Todd Cyberbullying Case On October 10, 2012, Amanda Michelle Todd, a 15-year-old Canadian girl, committed suicide at her home in Port Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada. Prior to her death, Todd had posted a video on YouTube in which she used a series of flash cards to tell her experience of being
12 blackmailed into exposing her breasts via webcam, and of being bullied and physically assaulted. The video went viral after her death, resulting in international media attention. The video has had more than 12 million views as of February 2017. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police and British Columbia Coroners Service launched investigations into the suicide.
In response to her death, Christy Clark, the Premier of British Columbia, made an online statement of condolence and suggested a national discussion on criminalizing cyberbullying. Also, a motion was introduced in the Canadian House of Commons to propose a study of the scope of bullying in Canada, and for more funding and support for anti-bullying organizations. Todd's mother Carol established the Amanda Todd Trust, receiving donations to support anti-bullying awareness education and programs for young people with mental health problems.
To learn more, please visit: Amanda Todd - Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_of_Amanda_Todd
The Amanda Todd Legacy http://www.amandatoddlegacy.org
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Chapter 7 Consent in Committed Relationships Marital or spousal rape is when a spouse assumes that they are entitled to taking part in sexual activities with their partner whenever they want, regardless of whether they have received consent from their partner, simply because they are married to them.
In these examples do you think consent is present: When a spouse drugs their partner and has sex with them, while they are sleeping?
When a spouse says no to sex with their partner and their partner engages in sex with them anyways?
When a spouse agrees to engage in sexual activities with their partner, even if they don’t want to because they believe it is their duty to appease their partner’s sexual needs simply because they are married to them?
When a spouse initiates sex with their partner, even when their partner doesn’t want to and has made it clear through their physical cues?
“The answer to all these examples is “no” consent was not present in any of these examples and as a result marital rape has just occurred.
If you would like to learn more about how consent works in committed relationships, please visit: More than Two - Consent in committed relationships
If you are concerned that you or your loved ones experience the above scenarios, rest assured that there is help available in Toronto. Please visit: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault - www.torontocentralhealthline.ca
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Chapter 8 Consent in Polyamorous Relationships and BDSM Communities Consent in polyamorous relationships and BDSM communities, which stands for bondage, dominance, sadism & masochism works the same way as other relationships.
A polyamorous person is someone who has multiple relationships and is open to having more than one relationship at a time.
People in a polyamorous relationship practice consent, even more often than people in other relationships, so that everyone is comfortable with the relationship and what is happening. If people in a polyamorous relationship are not open with each other and consent is not provided by all the participants, then the polyamorous relationship will not work.
Consent in BDSM, can cover a vast array of sexual activities that include bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism. Like in polyamorous relationships consent in BDSM is just as important. Consent works in BDSM, in the sense that rules are created and must be agreed upon by all parties, before anything can happen.
If a person has not agreed to something, a particular scene may not happen or may be altered, so that everyone taking part in the scene is comfortable. In BDSM there is often the use of a safe word, instead of the use of the words “no” or “stop” to indicate if someone either does not want to continue with the scene or is uncomfortable with a scene.
“BDSM without consent is neither fun nor exciting for either party involved and simply becomes one person dominating another for their own personal gain.
Contrary to what people may think this is not what BDSM is about.
If you would like to learn more about consent in polyamorous relationships, please visit: More Than Two - Privacy and Transparency in Polyamory
If you would like to learn more about consent in BDSM relationships, please visit: The Huffington Post - BDSM And Consent: What Is The Line Between Permission And Assault?
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Chapter 9 Consent in Monogamous Relationships Consent in monogamous relationships are crucial, as the people involved in the relationship must communicate with each other on a regular basis, as consent is ongoing and is constantly changing. Consent in monogamous relationships can be between people who identify as LGBTQ+ or heterosexual.
An example, of consent in a monogamous relationship for a heteroseuxal couple can be seen in an episode of “Jane the Virgin”. In a scene from the shows third season, a flashback shows Jane and Michael’s first kiss at her 21st birthday party. In the scene, Jane initially refuses Michael, when he shows up at her doorstep because she is drunk. However, because Michael likes her so much he says, “Let me kiss you again - sober”. In a later scene, Michael tells Jane he is a fighter and she leans in to kiss him, completely sober and consensual. This portrays consent because Michael does not abruptly kiss Jane, without giving her a chance to consent. Instead, he actually waits for her to consent when she is sober.
An example, of consent in a monogamous relationship for an LGBTQ+ couple can be seen in an episode of “Glee”. In a scene in the third season, where Kurt and Blaine are considering taking their relationship to the next level by having sex, Blaine gets drunk and upsets Kurt by asking him why they don’t just have sex now to get it done with. However, Kurt says no and the two wait until after Blaine’s performance in a musical, where they agree to having sex and both are sober.
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Chapter 10 25 Tips on How to be Respectful in Relationships To have a great relationship, there needs to be a high level of respect on the part of both partners. Couples who are less intentional and accomplished in this area will find that their lack of respect holds their partnership down to a lower level of well-being. There are some simple steps one can take to stop habituated patterns that are disrespectful and replace them with more responsible ways of relating. Following these basic tips will help you in your relationships:
1) Listen attentively to your partner's needs, desires, and concerns.
2) Show that you notice your partner's needs, desires, and concerns by acting on what you discover about partner.
3) When your partner is direct with requests, respond to what he or she asks for and act on those requests in a timely fashion. Leave no room for procrastination; really show up.
4) Speak words of acknowledgment, appreciation, and gratitude not only for what your partner does, but for who your partner is.
5) When using humor to enliven the relationship, be careful to only playfully tease and not to wound with sharp barbs.
6) Only make comparisons to others for the purpose of calling attention to your partner’s strengths and talents.
7) There are intimate details that only you are privileged to know; never violate confidentiality.
8) Carefully spar with your partner to work out differences during conflict.
9) When bringing a complaint, be careful not to go over the line to criticism.
10) Replace cutting sarcasm with gentle language.
11) Speak directly to your partner rather than sharing your complaints with others.
12) Banish all forms of contempt, including rolling of the eyes.
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13) Omit impatient and irritable tones from your communication.
14) When your partner makes unskillful choices, be compassionate and reassuring by saying something like, “We all make mistakes and can learn from them.”
15) Validate your significant other's offerings with encouraging words, such as, ”You’re full of good ideas.”
16) Make room for your partner's style. There are many ways to get things accomplished.
17) Assure your partner that there is room for many opinions.
18) Support your partner’s choices whenever you can.
19) Acknowledge whatever level of financial contribution your partner makes to the family expenses.
20) Acknowledge how much your partner contributes to you and your family on the non-material, emotional level.
21) When you make an unskillful choice, apologize as soon as possible.
22) Take responsibility for the ways you harm your partner. Get busy learning from your breakdowns so that you don’t continue to harm your relationship.
23) Be quick to offer forgiveness when your partner makes unskillful choices.
24) Tell your partner that you are proud of her or him.
25) Declare your respect for your partner in front of others.
Adopted from Psychology Today - 25 Ways You Can Show Respect to Your Partner
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GLOSSARY Agender Agender people, also called genderless, gender free, non-gendered, or ungendered people are those who identify as having no gender or being without any gender identity. This category includes a very broad range of identities which do not conform to traditional gender norms.
Allyship An active and consistent practice of unlearning and re-evaluating, in which a person in a position of privilege and power seeks to operate in solidarity with a marginalized group. Allyship is a lifelong process of building relationships based on trust, consistency, and accountability with marginalized individuals and/or groups of people.
Androgynous Appearing to have both, neither, or in between traditionally male and female physical characteristics.
Asexuality Sexual orientation or identity associated with experiencing no sexual attraction for anyone.
Bisexual Being sexually attracted to both men and women. Sometimes used to describe people who are sexually attracted to people of all genders, including non-binary genders.
Body shaming The action or practice of humiliating someone by making mocking or critical comments about their body shape or size.
Cis gender Those who identify as the gender they were assigned at birth. For example, a baby born with a vulva is categorized as a girl. If she also identifies as a girl or woman throughout her life, she’s considered cisgender. In other words, cisgender describes someone who is not transgender.
Cis-sexism A set of assumptions and beliefs that normalize and privilege people who are cisgender. This includes prejudice and/or discrimination against people who are not cisgender.
Date rape Forced sexual contact from someone the victim knows or is dating. Also sometimes called “acquaintance rape.”
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Feminism The belief that people of all genders should have equitable economic, political, sexual, and social rights.
Foreplay Kissing, rubbing, stroking, and/or touching that leads to sex. Foreplay can prolong and/or increase sexual excitement and pleasure.
Gay When someone is only attracted to people of the same gender.
Gender A social and legal status of male or female. A set of expectations from society about behaviors and characteristics. Each culture has standards about the way that people should behave based on whether they’re male or female.
Gender binary The idea that there are only 2 categories of gender (male and female) that are mutually exclusive and different from each other.
Genderqueer A term for people who don’t identify as a man or a woman or whose identity lies outside the traditional gender binary of male and female. Some people use genderqueer, gender non-conforming, and non-binary interchangeably, but others don’t. Genderqueer has a political history, so many use the term to identify their gender as non-normative in some way. For example, someone could identify as both cisgender female and genderqueer. Oftentimes referred to as gender fluid, gender variant and gender non-binary.
Heteronormativity The cultural assumption that everyone is straight (heterosexual) until they tell you otherwise.
Heterosexism Dominant beliefs and attitudes that heterosexuality is the ‘normal’ and ‘natural’ sexual orientation and that it is superior to other sexual orientations. Intentionally or unintentionally, our society privileges heterosexuality and heterosexual people, and devalues, mistreats or discriminates against LGBTQ+ persons and those perceived to be.
Heterosexual Being attracted to people of the other gender.
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Homophobia Negative attitudes that can lead to harassing, prejudicial treatment of, and fear and intolerance towards LGBTQ+ people. It includes a range of feelings and behaviours from discomfort and fear to disgust, hatred and violence.
Intersectionality A framework for conceptualizing a person, group of people, or social problem as affected by a number of discriminations and disadvantages. It takes into account people’s overlapping identities and experiences in order to understand the complexity of prejudices they face. It asserts that people are often disadvantaged by multiple sources of oppression: their race, class, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion, and other identity markers.
Lesbian A woman who’s sexually or romantically attracted to other women.
LGBTQ2+ Stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (or, alternatively, “queer”). It also envelops other alternative gender identities including two-spirit, intersex, asexual, ally, pansexual, agender, gender queer, bigender, gender variant and pangender.
Marital rape Forced sex within marriage, also referred to as conjugal rape or spousal rape.
Misogyny Dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women. Misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including social exclusion, sex discrimination, belittling of women, violence against women, and sexual objectification.
Monogamy When two people decide to have a sexual relationship only with each other and no one else.
Polyamory Having sexual or romantic relationships with more than one person at a time with the consent of all people involved.
Queer Queer is an umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities that are not heterosexual or cisgender. Queer was originally used pejoratively against those with same-sex desires but, beginning in the late-1980s, queer scholars and activists began to reclaim the word.
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Questioning The questioning of one’s gender, sexual identity, sexual orientation, or all three is a process of exploration by people who may be unsure, still exploring, and concerned about applying a social label to themselves for various reasons.
Rape Sexual intercourse without consent.
Sex A label assigned at birth of female, male, or sometimes intersex. Also, the act of vaginal, anal, or manual (using hands) intercourse, or oral-genital stimulation, with a partner.
Sexism Systemic and individual discrimination against women.
Sexual orientation Identities that describe what gender(s) a person is romantically and/or sexually attracted to. There are many sexual orientations. Some common sexual orientations include gay, lesbian, straight, and bisexual.
Sexuality Sex, gender identity, sexual orientation, sexual preference, and the way these things interact with emotional, physical, social, and spiritual life. Sexuality is shaped by your family and the social norms of your community.
Slut shaming The action or fact of stigmatizing women and girls for engaging in behaviour judged to be promiscuous or sexually provocative, making one feel bad and guilty for their alleged sexual activities.
Transgender Transgender is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity differs from what is typically associated with the sex they were assigned at birth. It is sometimes abbreviated to trans.
Transphobia Fear, hatred, disbelief, or mistrust of people who are transgender, thought to be transgender, or whose gender expression doesn’t conform to traditional gender roles. It can take many different forms, including negative attitudes and beliefs, prejudice, name-calling, bullying, abuse, and even violence.
22 Two-Spirited Two-Spirited is a modern umbrella term used by some indigenous North Americans to describe gender-variant individuals in their communities, specifically people within indigenous communities who are seen as having both male and female spirits within them.
Victim Blaming Blaming and putting the responsibility on the survivor of sexual assault or sexual violence for what happened to them. Victim blaming is always misguided. By telling a survivor that what happened to them is a result of their actions, their clothing or their appearance (all examples of “victim blaming”), you take away responsibility from the perpetrator.
The above glossary was adopted from: Cambridge for Consent https://www.cambridgeforconsent.com/victim-blaming The Anti-Oppression Network https://theantioppressionnetwork.com/allyship/ Oxford Dictionaries https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/body_shaming YW Boston http://www.ywboston.org/2017/03/what-is-intersectionality-and-what-does-it-have-to-do-wit h-me/ Oxford Dictionaries https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/slut_shaming Planned Parenthood https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/glossary OK2BME http://ok2bme.ca/resources/kids-teens/what-does-lgbtq-mean/ Planned Parenthood https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-and-relationships/sexual-consent Difference Between http://www.differencebetween.net/language/words-language/difference-between-polygamy-a nd-bigamy/ Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/microaggressions-in-everyday-life/201011/microaggr essions-more-just-race The State University of New York http://system.suny.edu/sexual-violence-prevention-workgroup/policies/affirmative-consent/
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RESOURCES Need to someone to talk to? Contact a Sexual Assault Centre Sexual Assault Centres in Ontario offer confidential and free counselling to survivors of sexual assault. You can reach a counsellor at any time by calling a sexual assault centre crisis line. Please visit: http://www.sexualassaultsupport.ca/support/
#ThisIsWhere Campaign by the TTC http://www.blogto.com/city/2017/09/new-ttc-ads-remind-people-not-be-creepy/
Monument Quilt - An Abuse Awareness Project http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/artists-hope-one-enormous-quilt-may-uproot-rape-cultur e-in-america_us_5787dffde4b08608d33398bd
Metrac Action on Violence https://www.metrac.org/resource-category/sexual-violence-and-harassment/
#Whowillyouhelp - Let’s Stop Sexual Harassment and Violence https://www.ontario.ca/page/lets-stop-sexual-harassment-and-violence
Other Resources https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent https://psychcentral.com/lib/marital-rape/ https://www.hercampus.com/entertainment/jane-virgin-rewrote-scene-make-consent-clear-be cause-donald-trump https://www.bustle.com/articles/119012-5-common-arguments-against-affirmative-consent-w hy-theyre-actually-bs https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/responses-to-sexist-microaggressions/
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS The zine on “Why Consent is Your Concern” was written and edited by Kriselle Gonsalves, Katherine Mascarin and Kamil Qaseem. We would like to thank Onar Usar for her direction, knowledge and aid in producing this zine on consent, as well as her constant support and willingness to work with our team on any aspect of the project that required it. We would like to thank Nita Sainai for putting us in contact with Onar Usar and making this Storyworks project possible. We would like to thank Morgan Charron for their collaboration and support on this project by providing material on the LGBTQ2+ perspective on consent. We would like to thank Jennifer McIlroy for her support on this project as Storyworks coordinator and our mentor.
24 DID YOU KNOW...
Of every 100 incidents of sexual assault, only 6 are reported to the police
1 - 2% of "date rape" sexual assaults are reported to the police
1 in 4 North American women are sexually assaulted during their lifetime
11% of women have physical injury resulting for sexual assault
Only 2 - 4% of all sexual assaults reported are false reports
60% of sexual abuse/assault victims are under the age of 17
Over 80% of sex crime victims are women
80% of sexual assault incidents occur in the home
17% of girls under 16 have experienced some form of incest
83% of disabled women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime
15% of sexual assault victims are boys under 16
1/2 of all sexual offenders are married or in long term relationships
57% of aboriginal women have been sexually abused
1/5th of all sexual assaults involve a weapon of some sort
80% of assailants are friends and/or family of the victim
Statistics taken from Sexual Assault.ca www.sexassault.ca/statistics.htm