Massachusetts Commission on the Status of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren 600 Washington Street, 6th Floor Boston, MA 02111 617-748-2454

GrandparentsYou are not alone! Talking to Grandchildren about their

ChildrenParent’s see, hear and wonder aboutUse ofgrandchildren Alcohol about their parent’s use of alcoholor Keep Drugs the door open for questions and everything – including their parent’s alcohol or drugs. Before talking with your grandchildren, revisit the conversation and drug use. Talking to your grandchildren it might be useful to check how you are feeling Children need to know that they can ask about their parent’s use of alcohol or drugs is towards the parent. You may find it helpful to questions about their parents and the alcohol/ not always an easy conversation. You may feel process your feelings with another adult to drug use. Whatever the question is, always powerless over your ability to make things better allow for more compassion and prepare you for affirm that they are asking good questions and when their parents are unable to parent their your conversation with your grandchildren. answer it as truthfully as possible – keeping in children safely. It’s important for you to realize mind the child’s age and understanding. that it is not your fault. Many families are Help your grandchildren identify their impacted by substance abuse and children feelings. • “I wonder what questions you’d like to ask Encourage your grandchildren to express their need to know they are not alone. You can help about Mom/Dad.” feelings – about missing a visit with a parent, your grandchildren understand why mom or dad • “I wonder how talking about this makes you experiencing fighting in their home, seeing their is unable to take care of themselves. Addiction feel.” parent under the influence of alcohol or drugs. is a disease that is based in the body and brain. Younger children can be encouraged to draw Children may not share their thoughts and Give the basics, keep it simple a picture and tell a story based on the picture. feelings so it’s helpful for the adult to revisit the and be honest. They can talk about their feelings and be conversation multiple times. Children need to be given honest information reassured that it is okay to have those feelings. • “I was thinking about what we talked about about what is happening with their parents and With older children, use simple language and yesterday when Mom didn’t visit. What do their family. How they understand what is solicit their concerns, questions and feelings. you think happened? How do you feel about happening is based on their age and Reassure them that they are safe and that the it? I wonder what questions you might have developmental stage. Whatever the age adults are working to make things better. Ask about this.” of the child, they need to hear that: what might help them right now. Take care of yourself 1. Your parent has an illness. Teach the Seven Cs Discussing this topic is hard – ask for help. 2. It is not their fault. According to the National Association for Support groups, friends, clergy, social workers 3. The adults in your life are trying to help Children of Alcoholics: or your own counselor can all be helpful. Taking Mom/Dad with this problem. http://www.nacoa.org/index.htm, children need care of yourself is also important. 4. You will be safe and taken care of until to know the “Seven Cs of Addiction”: Mom/Dad is better. Resources: 1. I didn’t Cause it Be non-judgmental about their parent 2. I can’t Cure it Talking to Children It can be upsetting to see how your 3. I can’t Control it COASA, Robert F. Kennedy Children’s Action Corps http://www.rfkchildren.org/ grandchildren have been impacted by their 4. I can Care for myself by Communicating my • National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence parent’s alcohol or drug use. These feelings can feelings, making healthy Choices, and by https://ncadd.org/for-parents-overview/talking-with-children come across in your tone of voice, your choice of Celebrating myself Self Help Groups and Resources words or general demeanor when talking to your • Alanon/Alateen: http://www.ma-al-anon-alateen.org/ • Learn to Cope: http://www.learn2cope.org/

Created by the: 1 Massachusetts Commission on the Status * Section 1 of chapter 176, the acts of 2008 M.G.L. chapter 3, section 69. of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Information and Referral Subcommittee *2 All of the feedback, full report, documentation and charts can be found on our website at www.massgrg.com April 2016 www.massgrg.com PG. 4