COMEDIC CURSES of PIDLWICK III to Whoever Finds This

Credits Contents Design Team Credits...... 2 Ara Kotchian, Colby Bastian, Lena Meier, Design Team...... 2 Matthew Whitby, Nadine Ramey, R P Davis Editor...... 2 Art...... 2 Editor Layout ...... 2 Kai Linder Introduction...... 4 Using This Book...... 5 Curses Are a Group Decision...... 5 Art Avoiding a Curse...... 5 Kabouter Games, Publisher’s Choice Quality Invoking Curse Mechanics...... 5 Stock Art (c) Rick Hershey / Fat Goblin Curses As Story...... 6 Games, Scared Dragon Studio, Victoria Removing a Curse...... 6 Borodinova, Mitaukano Now Go Annoy Your Players...... 6 Curses...... 7 Layout Cures...... 22 R P Davis & Nathanaël Roux of Cursers & Curers...... 26 https://barkalotdesigns.com/

Disclaimer: Neither Pidlwick III nor this book’s creators offer any kind of warranty On The Cover regarding any of the curses or cures included in this book. Use at own risk. The creators of this book absolve themselves of any responsibility for loss of limb, life, reputation, or injury sustained from using any of the included items in your Fifth Edition game. Pidlwick III cavorts while entertaining a crowd Also, for heaven’s actual sake, don’t use any of the cures in real life! They are not real, and in Vallaki. Cover image courtesy of Joy Marino will make you very, very ill (or kill you stone dead) if you’re stupid enough to try them. It’s all make-believe. We can’t believe we have to actually say this, but people can be cosmically from Pexels. stupid, so you have to endure it. It started as a funny disclaimer but now it’s gone all dark.

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This work contains material that is copyright Wizards of the Coast and/or other authors. Such material is used with permission under the Community Content Agreement for Dungeon Masters Guild.

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2 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III To whoever finds this:

A while back, strange things started happening on my Grand Tour. I’ve been jotting things down in my diary. Maybe if I write them down I can understand them. If I can’t, maybe someone else can. I’ll pass the diary on when I get to Neufurchtenburg or Mordenheim or somewhere larger than Krofburg or Vallaki.

It’s really odd—sometimes when I’m performing something happens to someone in the audience. Usually it happens to a person who’s saying things about my performance that upset me, or someone throwing eggs or vegetables. It’s never pleasant, but at least nobody dies. Sometimes it’s just annoying.

I don’t mean for it to happen. It just does. Maybe I’m magical. Maybe I’m a REAL bard! I wonder when I’ll be able to cast spells...

—Pidlwick III

Sample file

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Introduction elcome to Comedic Curses of Pidlwick III! We hope you enjoy the assortment of curses and cures W herein. We’ve certainly enjoyed creating them for you. Our international team of world- class independent game designers really did a fantastic job coming up with some hysterical material for your roleplaying game. One of the first things you’ll notice about this book is that it’s system neutral. That’s deliberate. For one thing, the curses herein are supposed to be annoying, not dangerous. That means game mechanics shouldn’t really need to be invoked. For another, these curses are meant to enhance roleplaying, to be quirks and annoyances that affect how the cursed character exists in and interacts with the game world. The Using This Book section gives you ideas on how to mesh a curse with your game’s mechanics. The Curses chapter is precisely that: all the curses we could come up with, in alphabetical order. We didn’t quite get from A to Z, but there’s a right passel of ‘em. Some of them are just a bit annoying; others are really annoying. The Cures chapter is a selection of My lovely Wensisca. Why you cures, either created from whole cloth or chose to chronicle my travels honest-to-Pete cures for curses we found and adapted from real-world religious, I’ll never know, but I’m forever folkloric, and historical sources. grateful to you. Again, these are intended to be prompts and hooks for roleplaying purposes. They should spur your (and your players’) imagination to both set up quests and enhance their interactions with the world Sampleyou’ve built. file

4 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Using This Book resist it. It’s up to you to decide how that works in your game using your ere’s how to make this book work with the game chosen rules. you’re using at your table. These instructions Invoking Curse Mechanics H are broad strokes rather If you decide a curse must invoke your than detailed integration game’s rules, it’s easy as pie to adapt it. If mechanics; we expect GMs to have a curse makes snot run out of their nose, mastered their chosen system sufficiently it negatively affects their interactions to make a curse work in your game’s with NPCs. If it makes one of their limbs engine. No matter what, you’ll have to file go all boneless and rubbery, they can’t off some rough edges. grasp anything with that hand (if it’s an arm) or they have trouble walking (if Curses Are a Group it’s a leg). Curses like that are simple. Some Decision are more complex, and though they’re Stuff like this is best approached as a technically minor, they intersect with group decision. Show the book to the different rules in different ways. players, tell them what you have in mind, As an example, let’s look at a few ways and secure their agreement before one of the more mechanically impactful imposing the curses, no matter how curses might be adapted: small. If, as a player, you don’t like the idea of being cursed or looking foolish, The Infernal Cricket you’ll not like it one tiny bit if your A simple curse, but annoying. The curse beloved character suddenly gets hit with causes an invisible cricket to come into one of these curses. We recommend being. It starts chirping loudly at the approaching it like this: most inopportune time, like when you try to sleep, study spells, or perform the GM: Gang, I found this neat book that has some really funny minor curses and even funnier cures. Is it okay if most delicate of work in constructing we start using them in our game? a powerful item. Like a real cricket’s chirp, the sound seems to come from Players: I dunno. Give us some examples. everywhere except where you think it’s coming from. GM: [gives examples]

Players: That sounds high-LARRY-us. Sign us up! Fifth Edition While cursed, the victim has the Once you’ve secured everyone’s informed following drawbacks: consent, read on for practical advice on implementing the curses in-game. • Disadvantage on Dexterity (Stealth) checks • Disadvantage on concentration checks voiding a urse A C • Whenever it takes a short or long rest, it If we felt there should be a chance to must make a DC 10 Constitution saving make a “saving throw” (or whatever your throw. On a failure, it gains no benefit system of choice calls the chance to resist from the rest a curse or its effects and compulsions), Samplewe say exactly that: there’s a chance to file

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III 3.x Edition/Pathfinder Cursed items are a tried-and-true (DC 15 Will) The victim has a -5 penalty on fantasy RPG trope. While as a veteran Stealth, Spellcraft, and Use Magic Device GM you may find tropes boring, we urge skill checks. Additionally, the victim must you to embrace them! Tropes exist for make a DC 15 Will save to complete a rest. a reason, and with the recent explosion in popularity of RPGs, there’s a good Basic Roleplaying/Call of chance someone at your table has never Cthulhu encountered the trope before. Why would While cursed, the victim has a -25% you let your jaded hipsterness steal the penalty on checks to sneak or be stealthy. joy of that newbie’s discovery? Every In addition, whenever it tries to do fantasy RPG we can think of has rules for anything that requires concentration, it how cursed items apply their curses to must make a successful Stamina Roll or characters. Just use those. the action fails. The victim can’t gain any benefits from resting. Removing a Curse This is another thing that’s dictated by OSR (OSE, OSRIC, BFRPG, etc.) While cursed, the victim has a -3 penalty your system of choice. As aforesaid, every on checks to sneak or be stealthy. Thieves fantasy RPG ruleset we know of has in- take a -25% penalty to Move Silently built rules for dealing with curses. Just and Hide in Shadows rolls. In addition, remember that our curses are meant to whenever they try to do anything that be mostly mild and annoying rather than requires concentration they must roll powerful and deliberately harmful, so we under their Constitution or the action suggest you rely on relatively low-level fails. The victim can’t gain any benefits solutions. In the Fifth Edition rules, spells from resting or downtime. like lesser restoration and remove curse should be sufficient. Additionally, this book contains some Curses As Story suggestions for how victims can remove There are two obvious ways to apply curses from themselves. Some are based curses to your player characters: angry or on examples from real-world folklore. capricious NPCs, and items. Others are absurd, intended to be played Remember the quote from Lord of the out at the table; if a cure specifies the Rings? “Do not meddle in the affairs of victim must sing “I’m a Little Teapot”, wizards, for they are subtle and quick to then by Jove make them do it. See the anger.” It’s nothing for an NPC spellcaster, Cures section. especially one you want to set up or reinforce as a recurring villain, to afflict a Now Go Annoy Your PC with one of these curses. In the same way, a capricious NPC might use one of Players these curses on a PC just for the laughs. That’s really all there is to it. Make your Getting rid of one of these curses is great players squirm. Make them dance like for a short one-shot adventure or a side marionettes on your strings. quest in a longer campaign arc. And send us records of your exploits. Videos of someone singing “I’m a Little Teapot” are sure to go viral! We want to Samplecackle at them as much as fileyou.

6 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Ah, Vallaki. Always a wonderful crowd. Thanks for not tarring and feathering me! Again!

Curses As Good As A Mile “A miss is as good as a mile,” they say—and urses are a staple of fantasy in this curse’s case, that is literal in every roleplaying games, from possible way. In a heated conversation, lycanthropy to mummy the victim’s responses always miss the rot and other debilitating point by a large enough margin that it ailments. We’re sure C would be hilarious if it weren’t sad, and your game already has a when they are told to go somewhere, they bunch, complete with game mechanics. end up precisely a mile away from where Sure, they’re cool and all. But are they as they are meant to be. funny as these? We doubt it. You’ll be the judge, of course. Attenborough’s Attaboy The victim of this particularly annoying Arazbul’s Uncontrollable curse describes their own actions Craving at all times, as though they are their Horrible, powerful, almost a geas.... no own personal narrator in a nature matter what the victim is doing or where documentary. This includes all actions, the victim is, they have to stop whatever however embarrassing. Significant they are engaged in and go find the achievements are narrated with very object of their craving, whatever it is or excited whispering. wherever it may be. Other worlds, other Variant: She’s A Beaut! It’s unclear Sampleplanes, and places lost for ages are not whether this is a separate file curse similar in out of the question. scope to Attenborough’s Attaboy, a variant teased out by a particularly vindictive

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III magic user, or if it evolved from the Butterface Attaboy on its own. The victim of this The victim’s butt switches places with variant also narrates their own actions as their face. Each time either orifice expels though by an outside observer, however any substance, such as a cough, sneeze, the tone is that of a strongly-accented or fart, butt and face switch places again. and highly excitable naturalist. The more dangerous the situation, the more excited Butterfingers the victim becomes. The first time the victim picks up an object, they drop it. Audible Throne Every time the victim uses the bathroom, Cards Bleeding someone is close enough to hear them. Any time the victim plays cards, the other players will be able to see their cards, be Bag of Wind it in some reflective surface, because of Any time the victim gets up from a the angle of held cards, dropping them, or seated position, a heavy farting noise some other such circumstance. issues from them. Carpenter’s Punctuality Beggar’s Revenge Whenever the victim is meant to be in a It is said a beggar gave their last coin to a certain place at a certain time, they are warlock for this curse after being spurned precisely 25 minutes late, even when by one too many haughty nobles. Any they try to prevent this by leaving early money the victim possesses or gains is and taking the shortest route. Something reduced by one material or denomination, always ends up delaying them, and there i.e., from gold to silver. Copper coins is never a good explanation. are transformed into wooden discs only suitable as children’s toys. Carsir’s Crossroads Every time the victim finds themselves at Birth to Death a crossroads of any sort, they always pick None can now say from whence comes the wrong direction to go in, no matter this terrible curse. When the victim how certain they are of the correct way. first has to make a check during an adventuring day, they begin aging at a Cat Got Your Tongue rate of 5 years an hour. When they reach This curse is a subtle one. Whenever the 100 years, they die, the body crumbles to victim’s tongue leaves their mouth for dust, and moments later an infant crawls whatever reason, they feel the biting of a from their clothing. The infant continues phantom cat. The cat lets go after a short to age at the same rate until it reaches 20 while, and all the pain is purely imaginary. years of age. The process repeats each In extreme cases, this can lead to rather day starting at dawn. unflattering hair balls.

Born in a Barn? Chilly Touch The victim must close every door The victim is cursed with perpetually they walk through, even if there are cold hands. They do not notice the people behind them, and even if they temperature of their own hands, but know something awful will happen if anyone touched by them is surely to the door shuts. remark on the freezing touch. Even Samplegloves aren’t enough of a barrierfile for these frozen digits.

8 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III 2nd Fivral. I’ve hit the road! I think I’ve got a pretty good act - an inexplicable but perpetual breeze after all, Pidlwick never leaves the blows it aside.

Castle these days, so nobody can Curse Célèbre compare me to him. I’m stopping The victim of this curse is greeted at Orasnou tomorrow night to everywhere they go as though they are a try out the show. If it goes over celebrity. People swoon in their presence. all right, I’ll play a few nights They are mobbed by fans begging for their autograph or to have a woodcut and fine-tune it before I go on made of them together. People may even to Tuefeldorf. go so far as to break into their tavern or inn room to meet them, leave personal items, or arrange themselves alluringly in Colorshift Curse hopes of earning their favour. Periodically, The wearer’s vision shifts, now seeing all a cart pulls up to where they have made colors slightly off. camp and dumps sacks of letters from admirers. Naturally this draws significant Component Conundrum attention, makes hiding or being stealthy Any time the victim attempts to work nearly impossible, and may annoy or on something that has components, amuse the rest of the party (and it’s be it a spell or a craft, the victim finds anybody’s guess which is worse). that at a vital moment one of the key components or tools is missing. Once Curse of Backatcha the victim’s frustration causes them to When the victim fires a ranged weapon lash out in frustration, they find the tool or throws anything, the missile always or component. swerves at the last moment and flies back at the victim at terrifying speed, only to Coup de Grace? drop at the victim’s feet. This curse is versatile in that it can apply in two ways. The victim either can’t Curse of Crossed Paths willingly kill or spare the life of another Any time the victim comes to an living creature, depending on their intersection, crossroads, or other place personality; the curse prevents a good of potential path crossing, they will find victim from sparing a life, and prevents a someone or something else crossing the non-good victim from killing. path just as they need to, and at just slow enough of a pace to set the victim back on Crack Kills time and patience. This curse is particularly annoying not for the victim but those around them. The Curse of Foul Glop victim’s trousers sit perpetually at half- Invented by the fabled, foul-mouthed mast in the back, revealing just enough wizard Ramm Saie, this curse causes of the lower-lower back, as it were, to be no harm but can ruin a gourmand’s mildly offensive without actually revealing existence. All food becomes tasteless, anything. If the victim wears a long tunic, no matter how much spice or cape or other garment designed to cover flavoring is added. the relevant area, an inconveniently- Sampleplaced tear appears in the fabric, or file

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Curse of Locked Knees the echoes mix and build up on each After spending more than 5 minutes other. Conversation, spellcasting, and seated or with their leg bent, the concentration all become impossible. victim’s knees won’t straighten without discomfort and a loud, Death’s Pet Project uncomfortable POP. The victim is followed by a dark- cloaked skeleton who carries a Curse of Miring scythe. The skeleton does not exist The victim’s feet always sink at least 1 inch for anyone else, nor does it take any into any surface over which they walk. hostile action, it simply watches from a Their movement is reduced by 25%. reasonable distance.

Curse of the Cloth Prison Don’t Make Me Turn This All clothing and armor the victim puts Quest Around on of an appropriate size feels perfectly This particularly subtle curse does fit when donned, but within minutes sits not affect its victim directly. Instead, wrong all over their body, driving them to their companions are afflicted with distraction and frustration. a compulsion to pester one another (for example, by walking on another Cursed Voice of Nah’nee person’s side of the path), bicker about A simple yet annoying curse. The voice of unimportant things (for instance, the cursed victim is altered to take on an whether or not a given party member annoyingly high pitched and nasal tone was breathing someone else’s air, or and a thick accent rendering it impossible worse: poking them), and make frequent for the recipient of the curse to be stops to relieve themselves because they taken seriously. didn’t do so before they left. The victim of the curse is compelled to break up Dairy Made arguments, separate companions, and This curse is so cheesy it’s curdled. The wonder why they thought this quest was victim becomes lactose intolerant. Eating a good idea in the first place. any kind of dairy product (including adventuring rations, which always contain Down the Wrong Pipe cheese) leads to 1d4 hour(s) of insufferable Once during every meal, the victim gas and diarrhea. swallows wrong and descends into an embarrassing and uncomfortable Damnable Echoes of coughing fit. It never ends badly, there is Pandemonium never any true danger, but it unfailingly A most inconvenient curse, especially draws attention. in situations where great silence or concentration is required. Any sound DRAMA Drama drama the victim makes is echoed numerous This curse tends to make social situations times at random loudness and the area awkward. Whenever the victim speaks around the victim becomes a confused a sentence, they must repeat the last cacophony of babbling sounds as word three times, each time speaking the word a bit softer than the last. At the SampleGM’s discretion, the victim file might also

10 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III be compelled to dramatically flick their or unlock a door than to have someone hands open and closed (like sock puppets) telling you you’re doing it wrong (because with each echo. what if they’re right?).

Elijah’s Migratory Itch Expressional Inversion A light but impossible-to-ignore itch Whenever the victim attempts to express appears on the victim’s back, positioned an emotion using their face, it instead such that they cannot reach it to scratch. pulls the opposite emotion. Happiness If the victim solicits help to relieve turns to sadness, disgust to joy, and so the itch, the spot moves so that it is on. This can understandably lead to never quite where the victim’s friend is some awkward situations, particularly scratching. Using such things as a handy at funerals. tree, door frame, stick, or sword (not advised) causes the same maddening Eyes Wide Open movement of the irritated place. The victim is cursed with the inability to blink. It may seem like an advantage at Endless Remorse first, before the niggling irritation sets Whenever the victim fails something in. It is possible to sleep with their eyes or commits a wrong deed, they find open, but it can take them significant themselves crying uncontrollably. The time to adjust (or invest in an eye mask). tears do not end until they are consoled that what they did wasn’t such a big deal. Fanfare The victim of this curse is announced Esteemed Astral Mendicants by a loud and tinny fanfare of trumpets Any work of scrying, divination, augury, anytime they step through a doorway, or clairvoyance is interrupted for a time climb through a window, or otherwise by the appearance of several well spoken cross a threshold. The source of this astral entities who claim to be working music is impossible to locate. Attempts for a good cause or raising funds for such. to magically circumvent the fanfare are They badger the victim for donations and temporarily successful, however when the read out a lengthy list of cheap “gifts” relevant spell or spell-like ability ends, which the cursed will receive depending the trumpets immediately “catch up” on the value of their donation. If time with a succession of blasts, one for each allows, the scrying, divination, augury, aperture through which the victim passed or clairvoyance may continue once the in the interim. entities have left. Feline Disdain Everyone’s A Critic Cats find the victim loathsome. Whenever While in use, the victim’s tools and the victim comes near a cat, the beast weapons complain about their technique, plants its ears back and hisses. Small cats, pointing out mistakes in their posture, like the common household variety, then grip, technique, and general intelligence, flee. Larger cats, especially dangerous and occasionally offering “tips” which may monstrous cats, may decide to kill the or may not be actually helpful. Rogues hated creature (the victim). and similar classes in particular find this curse vexing, as there is nothing more Sampleannoying when trying to disarm a trap file

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Follow Through 4th Fivral. Something happened Any chair the victim sits in is likely in Orasnou, and I’ve been asked to to collapse under them. The chance increases the longer they sit in it. leave. The village hetman developed some kind of itch and I got blamed Forest For The Trees for it. These things happen. The This curse is one that may, at first glance, shows went well; at least I can seem like it’s not so bad. From the moment the curse takes hold, the victim keep the vegetables and make a faultlessly remembers every tiny detail of lovely stew. any situation, conversation, or plan — at the cost of the bigger picture. They recall the minutiae of any meeting, but not what the meeting was actually about. Gritty Give Me Back My Body! The victim always has sand on their feet Though everything is perfectly normal as soon as they put shoes or socks on. (other than the curse), the victim believes their consciousness or soul has swapped Hands of Fate bodies with the nearest person when the When the curse is first uttered, the curse takes effect. Again, no switch has target’s hands fall off at the wrists. The taken place. hands animate and scuttle away, and the victim grows new hands. The hands Glomar’s Glamour remain animate until they’re destroyed, The victim is incapable of answering and they hate the victim; they plot the questions with anything but victim’s demise. In addition, every time noncommittal statements. Even simple the victim casts a spell, the same thing ‘yes or no’ questions may only be happens. The hands remain animate until answered in vague terms with statements destroyed, and will do their best to make like “I couldn’t say.” terrible mischief.

Gosh, I’m So Sorry HELLO! I’M CURSED! Whenever the victim physically harms This curse must have been created by a another sentient being the victim must prankster, because it’s mostly harmless. spend their next turn apologizing. Mostly. When you’re trying to be sneaky, whispering is fine but shouting certainly Greasy Fingers is not. The victim can’t control the volume Any time the victim eats, no matter how at which they speak. Each time the careful they are or thoroughly they clean character speaks, the player rolls a die; their hands, some amount of residue from on an even result the character speaks in their meal gets on their clothes. a whisper, on an odd result the character can only shout. Gristly In every meal they eat the victim will find Hiccup in the Conversation some inedible part of the food they are Whenever the victim engages in Sampleeating, be it a bone, husk, peel, root, etc. conversation, they hiccup randomly.file

12 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III High Step I Said, Do You Speak-a My The victim regularly trips, most often on Language? the most smooth and regular surfaces. At the end of each rest period, the victim’s known languages are randomly Hip Check determined. The new language is never The victim catches the corner of every Common, though the victim thinks it table, chair, counter, or similar surface is. Smiling and vegemite sandwiches with their hip. are optional.

Hooked Handle I See Dead People Whenever the victim passes a handle, This curse is a maddening inconvenience, be it a door handle or other such object, as it causes the victim to become some part of their clothing, armor, or incapable of visually perceiving living accessories gets caught on that handle. creatures. Undead and corpses are always perfectly visible, even when they might Horrendous Harmony of be invisible. Hades A curse which grates on the nerves of the I Was Looking For That! (aka victim and those around them. At random Dickbag of Holding) times throughout the day a word uttered The curse enchants the victim’s backpack. by the recipient of the curse becomes a Whenever the victim seeks a thing stored loud screeching sound like a blackboard within to use right now, the backpack being scratched. The sound causes gives them a thing they needed the last intense discomfort in the victim and time they looked instead. anyone else who hears it. Identity Crisis I Am Bick Couplet! The victim becomes intensely dissatisfied The victim must speak in rhyme. If with their name. Every time they are they refuse or can’t, they pass out for called by name, they angrily inform the a short time. other person that they will no longer answer to it. The victim should give a new I Could Have Sworn name each time this happens. The victim misremembers some small part of any instructions they carry out. It Illusory Zombie is usually something easily corrected, but The victim takes on the appearance and may be more serious. smell of being undead, but isn’t. Usually this curse has abominable results for the I Love You, Man victim’s social standing, but it can actually The victim is compelled to hug all be useful in the right circumstances, like humanoid creatures they encounter, when the victim is trying to infiltrate a irrespective of whether it would be tomb teeming with undead. Sampleinappropriate or awkward. file

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III I’m Rubber, You’re Glue Infernal Cricket We are our own worst critics. If at any A simple curse, but annoying. The curse point the victim attempts to insult causes an invisible cricket to come into someone, they instead insult themself. being. It starts chirping loudly at the The effects of this are generally limited most inopportune time, like when you to social awkwardness; however, try to sleep, study spells, or perform the deployment of any magical effects most delicate of work in constructing dependent upon mockery become a powerful item. Like a real cricket’s particularly risky business. chirp, the sound seems to come from everywhere except where you think it’s Imp of Judgement coming from. The victim is followed by an imp who says and does nothing. It just stares and Infinite Wobble silently judges them. No one else can see, Every table, chair, or other stationary hear, or otherwise detect the imp. object that should sit balanced is found to be slightly misaligned and wobbly for the In Your Eyes victim. Anyone else who checks or uses The victim thinks their eyes have the the object finds it to be completely and same powers as the terrifying and famous perfectly balanced. ocular-centric monster and “uses” them as much as possible in combat. Of course, “It Turns Out…” nothing happens, which the victim finds For 1d4 hours, whenever the victim intensely frustrating. thinks, says, or does anything a deep, male voice narrates what they did at ear- Inconvenient Incontinence splitting volume. The victim of this curse cannot go more than 4d10 minutes without relieving Just a Little Nap themself. Under duress (for example, The victim can’t fall asleep as long as important social functions) they may anyone else is sleeping near them. In “hold it” for an additional 2d10 minutes, addition, once the victim has fallen asleep at which point they must relieve themself they can’t be awakened until 8 hours immediately. have passed.

Infernal Cockroach Just Not Right Another curse to destroy the victim’s Whenever the victim bathes or showers, social standing. This curse activates the temperature of water will be just whenever the victim is in an important hot or cold enough to make them social situation where their hands or face uncomfortable, no matter how they are prominently visible, such as when adjust it or wait. shaking hands, signing an important document, or being introduced to Lamentable Feathery Lure someone. At that instant, a cockroach This curse is even worse if the recipient suddenly comes out of the victim’s sleeve has any form of avian phobias. Whenever or collar and moves around waving its the victim is outdoors, at a random time a antennas about. It may even cross over to sizable number of birds, such as pigeons, the other person, much to their revulsion sparrows, or other small birds, insist Sampleand disgust. on perching on the victim. fileThe birds

14 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III defecate, peck, make loud noises, fight, and flutter about incessantly. The only 16th Fivral. Arrived in Tuefeldof way the cursed can get rid of the birds is last evening just before nightfall. to go indoors, whereupon the birds leave Lurkz is setting up the stage before the victim enters. The birds return now. Hope tonight goes well! This at a random time when the victim goes dismal place looks like it could use outdoors again. some amusement. Lustful Mongrels of Wantonness Embarrassing doesn’t begin to describe this curse. As the victim ventures out to a market or other outdoor locale where One-Sided Conscience large numbers of people are, several The victim loses any good-aligned inner disheveled and filthy looking stray dogs thoughts, allowing a selfish and morally appear and converge upon the cursed. bankrupt version of themselves (typically At the first opportunity when the victim represented by a small imp) to become stops, for example to buy something or dominant. The victim can still make good to talk to someone, the dogs rush in and actions or choices, but be assured that have their lustful way with the victim’s their evil conscience will make bundles of legs while growling, howling, and making snarky remarks. an unseemly racket. Out of Sight Odious Flavor of Acheron The victim frequently sees a figure in the A very powerful curse. Everything the corner of their vision, or just on the edge victim eats or drinks tastes like whatever of other senses if they do not have vision. food or drink the victim hates most. Pack Rat Off-Handed Any time the victim reaches into a bag Any tools the victim uses happen to be or satchel, they first find a large, non- designed for the contrary handedness to aggressive rat. It is always the same rat. their own. If they are ambidextrous, the If killed, the rat returns the next time the tools are slightly missized instead. victim attempts to pull something out of a bag, but this time staring sadly and Oh Hi, Alex disapprovingly. The victim is quite sure they know everyone they meet, considering them Pants on Fire old acquaintances and calling them by This potent curse forces the victim to name (correct or otherwise). The victim answer questions with only lies. The only inquires after family members, reminisces exception is if they’re asked about the with each person about events that may reason for their behavior (for example, or may not have occurred, and concludes “are you cursed?” “Are you lying on with an enthusiastic assurance that they will meet up again sometime “really soon!” Sampleto catch up on old times. file

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III purpose?”), in which case they’re forced Perfectly Rational to confirm the suspicion. Explanation This one is especially useful for Pebble of Torment ostracizing characters in high-magic A moderately simple curse. The victim worlds. The victim is utterly convinced feels a small pebble in their shoe. The that magic doesn’t exist. They use the annoyance increases until the shoe is most insane, impossible conspiracy- taken off. If the victim is barefoot, they theory rationalizations to deny or explain must put on a shoe then take it off for magical events. some brief respite, after which the pebble comes back, perhaps in the other shoe. Pestilential Scourge The curse lasts all day. This curse activates at a random time whenever the victim is outdoors. It starts Pedant’s Curse slowly and unnoticeably when a single Each time the victim attempts to gnat or fly buzzes around the victim’s speak, including to cast a spell, they face. Swatting, waving hands, etc. has no instead deliver a lengthy and discursive effect as the insect seems to go away for monologue on a boring subject. The a bit then invariably comes back. After player can choose the subject or roll on some interval of time the number of the Pedantry Table. A kind GM might insects doubles, and keeps doubling until permit the victim a chance to resist there is a large cloud of gnats and small the compulsion toward pedantry, but flies swarming around the victim’s head. we doubt it. An even kinder GM might The insects disappear at the same rate as force whoever’s in earshot of the victim they arrived. to make a check to resist lapsing into catatonia while the victim drones on and Pet Whisperer on and on... The victim finds themself to be the sole Pedantry Table focus of all domesticated animals that d10 Boring Topic have access to the victim, who show the 1 The personal habits of an obscure ruler who died victim affection in their own manner to thousands of years ago just the point of being frustrating, but not 2 The spiritual beliefs of spiders enough to warrant a negative reaction. 3 The various and curious perversions of the local Any negative reaction is seen as excessive authority figure and uncalled for by witnesses, and if no 4 The magical properties of cheese witnesses are present one enters just as 5 The life cycle of oozes and slimes the victim reacts negatively. 6 The correct method of preparing, storing, and using squid ink for writing Possessed Handwriting 7 Prominent troll philosophers and their theories Whenever the victim begins to write, 8 The best tourist sights in an obscure and shockingly a separate phantasmal entity begins rural farming village to try writing at the same time. The 9 The socioeconomic paradigms of coral reef biomes victim can attempt to wrestle back 10 A character they played once in someone else’s campaign, which was much awesomer than this control, but there is a high chance that one anything written will be reduced to Sampleincomprehensible scribbles. file

16 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Race Ya! Smash Hit A wizard developed this curse knowing Anytime the victim plays an instrument, the victim spent lots of time delving for whatever purpose, when their dungeons with lots of trapped hallways. performance ends they are compelled For anyone else, it’s merely annoying. to smash the instrument violently on Whenever the victim comes across a the ground, destroying it in an act of corridor more than 30 feet long the curse performative rage. This is particularly compels them to sprint at full speed to effective on lute players. the other end. Sneeze of Tartarus Ruinous Inscription A powerful curse, this causes a fit of 2D20 A terrible and expensive curse to be (or some inconveniently large number a victim of for a wizard or sage. Every of) sneezes, but each sneeze builds up time the victim tries to write something and then just fades without giving the of importance, such as a spell in their satisfaction of the sneeze. grimoire using inks of great expense or made of impossible to find exotic Snooze a Harm materials, the ink unfailingly spills from The victim always wakes up at just the the writing utensil making large splats wrong time, having not slept quite all over the page, rendering that page enough to feel fully refreshed, but unusable. Writing utensils that don’t use without enough time to get properly ink invariably break, smear constantly, back to sleep. or rip a hole in the page with the same result. Snuff Out Any candle, torch, lantern, or other Runny Nose of Infinite source of light that can be extinguished Itchiness goes out one minute after the victim A moderately powerful curse which picks it up. causes the victim’s nose to start running Soggy Bottom and itching horribly and the eyes to The victim finds their socks to constantly water. Once cast, the curse lays dormant be slightly wet. until the victim’s hands are occupied, tied up, or otherwise incapable of itching and Soren’s Sorcerous Sourceless wiping at that moment. Whisper Say What? The victim is plagued by a whispering Each time the victim says “what?” they voice which only they can hear. They slap themselves across the face. At the cannot make out the words being spoken, GM’s discretion, the slap might disrupt nor is there an identifiable source. concentration. The whisper seems to come from just behind their left shoulder, around a Sloppy Handwriting nearby corner, close to their bedside, The victim’s handwriting always comes or other similar location; however upon out sloppy, full of smears, crossing out, investigation there is no one present ink splotches, and the like. that could have spoken. Earplugs or similar muffling devices are ineffective Samplein deterring the sound, andfile magical

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III remedies work for a day or two only. Loud footgear, their feet or paws are affected. noise can drown out the whispering, Their footsteps make an audible and however it resumes when the cacophony slightly nauseating squelching sound with fades or stops. every step, and leave soggy footprints in their wake. Split on the Matter Bags, pouches, and other containers Sticky Curse the victim lifts have a high likelihood of All weapons and tools the victim uses splitting open and spilling their contents. feel as if the surface is slightly sticky to Magic lowers the likelihood, but does not the touch, as if some long uncleaned spill eliminate it. dried on them.

Spooner’s Curse Stuffed Up Especially effective against spellcasters. The victim is stuck in a constant state Every time the victim casts a spell, flip a of almost sneezing. Any reprieve is coin. Heads, the spell goes off normally. short-lived. Tails, change a letter or two in the spell for hilarious effect. For example, cause Sudden Tentacle fear becomes cause bear, briefly conjuring The bones in one of the victim’s limbs an angry and confused brown bear. Heal disappear. The limb flops around uselessly becomes veal; rather than curing all the until the bones regrow. target’s ills, it’s polymorphed into a week- old calf. Heat metal becomes hear metal; Summon Dullard the foe’s armor doesn’t glow red, but the A most annoying curse. When cast, the soundtrack to the encounter suddenly spell lies dormant until the victim is at an becomes rad AF. important social gathering, such as a guild meeting, reception for nobility, wizards’ Squelch conclave, etc... at that time a dullard The victim’s socks are inexplicably and appears and starts talking incessantly irreversibly wet. There is no discernable to the victim. The dullard is relentless source of the damp, and any attempt to and prevents anyone else, including the dry them fails entirely. If the victim does victim, from getting in a word. It also not wear socks, their shoes or boots makes others want to move away from are affected. If the victim does not wear the victim.

Sure, Why Not? This curse is temporary, only lasting 1d6 days. Thankfully. The victim must agree to every suggestion or request made 16th Fivral, add. I don’t know directed at them. If the suggestion is what happened. Suddenly this sure to cause harm, the victim should be man appeared and started talking allowed an attempt to resist it. to someone in the crowd really loudly. It put me off my rhythm. No wonder they didn’t seem to like Sampleme very much. file

18 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Tangled Web Twisted in the Guts When the victim is the first of a group to Whenever the victim uses a stabbing or cross a threshold they find a spiderweb slashing weapon and scores a hit, the in their face. weapon becomes lodged inside the body of their target. The victim must use brute Tastes Like Purple strength or brawn to pull it free. Loremasters aren’t quite sure where this curse comes from; some say it stems Uncanny Sense of Poor from an ancient feud between a portrait Timing painter and a master chef. The victim is The victim is cursed with the inability struck with blindness, but can accurately to judge timing of any length. This can identify objects by taste from a distance. make coordinating efforts between allies endlessly awkward. Roll a d20 whenever That’s a Fish Fork, You timing is a requirement. On an even Heathen result, the victim is needlessly early. On Said to be the result of an uncouth wizard an odd result, they are exceedingly late. using bad manners at table, this curse causes food the victim tries to eat to Unchecked Bags harden into the consistency of stone, Any time the victim leaves a place of retail but only if they use the incorrect eating or displayed objects (a shop, a museum, utensil to eat it. Eating soup with a spoon a place with any collection), someone is fine, but if they try to eat pie with a with the authority to do so stops the spoon it turns rock-hard. Using a knife to victim, suspecting them of having eat peas is right out. pocketed something. The authority figure investigates the victim for theft. Thin Line The victim sees and feels a single strand Uneven Ground of hair in front of their eyes, which The victim constantly finds themselves persists no matter how many times it is stepping on uneven parts of the ground, moved or removed. such as finding a hole or divot, catching a floor board, etc. This often results in Too-Green Thumb painfully twisting their ankle. This curse may seem like a blessing at first, especially to those whose success Unexpected Familiar: Goose with plants has previously been less than The victim of this curse is joined by a stellar. Initially, the victim develops an large and slightly ominous goose which astonishing skill in caring for plants of any follows them at all times. Nobody else kind (even sentient ones). The true nature can see the goose or seems to be aware of this curse reveals itself gradually: the of it in any way. The goose makes itself more time passes, the more the victim’s a nuisance in a variety of ways: it may skill grows, until at last their plants grow peck holes in the victim’s backpack or out of their control, turning anywhere clothing, nip at their heels while they they go into a veritable jungle of all- walk, track mud (or worse) over their encompassing overgrowth. The longer belongings, or honk at them incessantly the victim lets this curse grow, the more while they are trying to sleep. Attempts Sampledifficult it is to remove. to rid themself of the goose—suchfile as

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III cooking and eating it—may appear to The number signifies the day the curse be successful for a time, but the goose triggers. From dawn on that day, when inevitably reappears, probably at the most the victim takes any damage at all, they inopportune moment. explode in a massive fireball. At dawn the next day, the victim is resurrected and the Unflappable Fringe d100 is rolled again. The victim grows a fringe that covers their eyeline. No amount of hair flips, Viscid Mucilaginous Curse pins, or hair bands can keep the fringe Bothersome if wearing footwear, even out of their vision. If the fringe is cut, worse if barefoot. At a random time, a it regrows back to the same length in a very sticky spot manifests underfoot. matter of minutes. The victim finds nothing unusual when examining the bottom of their shoe or Unlidded foot, but when they try to walk again Any container the victim attempts to the sticky spot is there. The sticky spot close finds the lid to be the wrong size randomly shifts position or affects the or shape. Upon someone else attempting other foot instead. to close the container, they find the lid fits perfectly. Vlasic Touch Everything the victim touches turns to Unpaired pickles. Tasty, but nearly as inconvenient Every time the victim launders their as the well-known curse about touching clothes, they misplace one part of any things and turning them to gold. matching sets. They eventually find the missing piece when they have either Weather Hates You gotten rid of the matches, or they have The weather is always precisely the worn out differently to the point of opposite of what the victim needs at the discomfort or visible mismatch. time. If they need rain, they’re met with the loveliest sunshine. If they need good Vexatious Chorus travelling weather, there’ll be a storm A curse of great theatrics. At random outside forcing them to stay put. times during the day a spectral chorus of up to twenty loud and sombre figures What Was That (preferably in ancient Greek attire) The victim hears a small, sharp ringing appear next to the cursed victim and sound at random intervals. There is dramatically proceed to make great noise, always a distinct random direction to it, lamentations, commentary, and gruesome but no source. prophecies about whatever the victim may be doing at the time. Any attempt at What’s Up, Doc? being discreet, secretive, or remaining The victim cannot look down. At all. Ever. hidden is impossible. They depart as Their attention is permanently on the sky suddenly as they had arrived. or ceiling or tree branches or whatever is above them at any given moment, Victim Go Boom regardless of their activity. Walking may This curse is potent and briefly painful— be hazardous and combat is likely ill- for everyone around the victim. When advised. (A particularly innovative sufferer Samplethe curse is uttered, the GM rolls a d100. of this curse once mitigated file some of

20 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III its effects by constructing a wearable You’re A Tall One, Aren’t scaffolding of mirrors. Their blueprints You? later included cautionary notes regarding The victim of this curse believes themself use on particularly sunny days.) to be unreasonably tall, stooping to get through perfectly passable doorways or Where Are My Glasses? outright refusing to enter spaces they The location of any small item or tool deem too small. Pointing out the reality the victim regularly uses slips their mind of their size is ineffective at deterring the moment they can no longer see it. them. Attempting to force the victim They forget about the glasses they’re through a doorway or into a space into wearing or the pen in their pocket, which they have decided they will not fit and only remember the item when should be treated as a contested roll at they accidentally bump against it while the GM’s discretion. searching for it. Well, Actually Why Won’t You Go Away? The victim, when confronted with Created by a wizard at the behest of a someone knowledgeably discussing a merchant sick to death of shoplifters topic, is compelled to monopolise the nicking stuff, this curse can easily identify conversation by expounding at length a thief. The next item the victim grabs is and with far more detail than is necessary bound to them forever; they can’t get rid or tolerable, contradicting the original of it until the curse ends. speaker’s points. The victim is convinced they are an expert in whatever topic is Yeet! being discussed, and ignores efforts to The victim is incapable of holding onto interrupt or redirect the conversation any items for the next 3d10 hours. until their superiority is acknowledged. Anything they pick up or are handed is They go off on only semi-related tangents hurled with all their strength in whatever as they exhaust their ‘knowledge’ of a direction they are facing. If the object given topic. they attempt to lift is another living being, the victim should be allowed an attempt Were… bunny? Seriously!? to resist the compulsion. In this supremely annoying twist on traditional lycanthropy, on nights You Might Think It Funny, with a full moon the victim painfully But It’s Snot transforms into… a rabbit. That’s it. No The victim has a runny nose and special powers, just a craving for sweet, constantly sniffs. The disgusting noises sweet carrots. and visible boogers mean the victim is impaired when they make checks to be stealthy or use their charisma to 4th Mart. Day 32 of my grand influence others. tour! The crowds are good, but I can’t really understand why merch sales are so pitiful, and why I never get asked to do a second gig in the same place. SampleYou’d think people whose livesfile were so miserable would be more receptive to comedy.

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Cures here there’s a curse, there should be a cure. What’s more, we think the cure should be as entertaining W a roleplay hook as the curse. Yeah, you could just cast a spell or whatever, but turning widdershins thrice in the middle of a crossroads at midnight while gently slapping yourself in the face with a small freshwater fish is much more suitable for a roleplaying game, don’t you think?

Abracadabra Charm On a piece of finest vellum, write in the form given opposite. Affix the charm to a linen thread and wear around the neck Samplenear the heart. When 10 days have passed, file the curse will be broken.

22 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Along Came a Spider Dry Up Take a large hazelnut, bore a small hole For a person that wets the bed, roast a in one end and take out the kernel; then mouse and give them the gravy to drink, place in the hollow a living spider, close and they will be cured certainly. up the hole, and place the hazelnut against the victim’s neck. When the spider Emerald Decoction dies, the victim will be cured. Take a palmful of finest emeralds and put them to a mortar and pestle, grinding Baldness Oil them to a powder. Boil in red vinegar and Take leaves of willow and boil them when still steaming, give it to drink. In well in oil. Anoint the place whither you moments shall the curse be removed. desire hair, whether upon head or beard or elsewhere. Falling-Sickness Remedy Another. Boil together treacle, water, Morning and evening, during the waning and honey, wet a cloth therein, and lay of the moon, shall the afflicted eat the the cloth where you would have hair berries of asterion, and all day bear the grow, and it will come speedily. herbs next to their bare skin. Another. If it be a man, take a female Chicken Cure mole (if a woman, a male) and take them Take a live chicken, and pluck from its in early Spring, when the moles go into back and hind parts all the feathers buck. Then dry the mole in an oven, thereof. Strap the bare parts to the make powder of it as soon as you take it victim. When the chicken dies, the therefrom, and mix with weak ale. Give curse be lifted. the sick person to drink each evening and morning for 9 or 10 days together. Cure of Three Make a thin sheet of marzipan and write Fever Balm thereupon in an ink of red wine the words Take a new-laid egg, open one end, and sedrym, gymiol, and unquis. At once let draw off the white. Fill the shell with the afflicted eat the wafer and pray while aqua vitae, then stir it and the yolk until facing north. This do at dawn each day for blended. Drink it down, then go abed three days and the affliction shall vanish. and pull many blankets over you until you sweat. The next morning the curse Deafness Oil shall be lifted. Take a gray eel with a white belly and put it into an earthen pot and close it up quick and seal it. Then dig a deep hole 15th Mart. Set up on one of Mount in a hill of horse dung and set the pot Baratok’s foothills to entertain the therein and cover it with dung, and so let it remain for a fortnight. Then take it out woodcutters. I got some pie made and draw off the oil which hath come of from the last of the winter apples. it, and drop it into the imperfect ear; so But then we had to stop early shall it be cured. because birds started landing on a man and, well, making a mess all over him. Serves him right Samplefor booing me. file

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Four Thieves Vinegar none fresh, 2 handfuls of young bees Take a quart of vinegar, and add thereto before they be ready to fly, 1 handful of a pint of cider and a pint of red wine, lavender, and of the following a good then set it to seethe in the fire. Take sage, handful: ribwort, rosemary, woodbine, rosemary, clove, and wormwood, bruise mallows, alecost, strawberry vines, walnut them all together, and add them to the leaves, violet petals, vervaine, thyme, pot. When it hath seethed 2 hours, cool it and wormwood. Grind all the aforesaid and drink it down. Any sickness upon you together in a quart of neatsfoot oil with 2 shall be cured. ounces of cloves, then put them all in an earthen pot and stop it very close. Bury March of Faith the pot a foot in the ground and let it First spend two days fasting, then a stand 9 days, then draw it forth and set night in solemn prayer, then a morning it in a kettle of water, there to boil for 4 scourging your back with a whip, then hours. Then strain it forth into another process with the priest widdershins pot and stop it up close until you have around the bounds of the temple, ending occasion to use it. at the altar, where you shall prostrate yourself and beg forgiveness. The next Snail Sight dawn, your curse shall end. To cure blindness or maladies of the eye, impale a garden snail on a pin and let the Protective Poultice juice drop into the eye. Or, take red snails First take a venomous viper and chop it and boil them in fair water, then gather into bits. Then seethe it with onion, garlic, the oil that ariseth thereof and anoint the mugwort, and divers other herbs for 3 afflicted eyes morning and evening. hours. When it cools, grind it to paste and Another. Take the flowers and roots of mix with goose fat. Let it stand for 3 days, primrose washed clean in running water, then smear it upon thy body. No curse boil them for an hour, then put in a pretty shall find you for a fortnight. piece of white copperas. Strain through a fine linen cloth and let it stand a while, til Poppet an oil appears on the water. With that oil Make a poppet that resembles the anoint the afflicted eyes and the temples afflicted as near as may be, and charge of the afflicted head. It is most sovereign. the poppet with the task of taking on the curse in the afflicted’s place. Then pass Sovereign Cure round it counterclockwise three times To cure any and all ills and curses on a and each time chant “I have made you, person, grind the horn of a unicorn and and your name is thine. You shall receive seethe it in white wine or fair running the curse that should be mine.” Place the water, then give it the afflicted to drink. poppet in a hidden place for a fortnight, then burn it. Stone on Stone Take a river stone as big as your fist and Restoration for Withered place it on St Clare’s Stone at midnight Limbs during the new moon. At once shall the Take 20 young swallows when they be curse be lifted. ready to fly. Put them quick in a mortar and put thereto 2 handfuls of camomile, Sample2 handfuls of dried rose petals if you have file

24 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Sweet Cure them and mix with old ale, and let the sick Take a spoonful of sugar, beaten fine, drink thereof six spoons full at once, and and mix it with aqua vitae till it be syrup. it will expel the corruption. Add thereto powders of bettony, caraway Another. Take yarrow, tansey, and seeds, sheruit, and pepper, mingling it fetherfew, of each a handful, and bruise well and mixing therein two drams of them well together, then let the sick party clear honey. This the afflicted shall take make water into the herbs, then strain the morning and evening for nine days. fluid and give it the sick to drink.

To Cure Frenzy To Provoke Sleep If a person be afflicted with frenzy or If any one suffer from watchfulness and palsy, you shall squirt the juice of beets up sleepeth not, you shall take a dram of the afflicted’s nostrils, which will purge saffron, as much lettuce seed, and twice and cleanse their head accordingly, and as much poppy seed, and grind them all then give them weak ale to drink in which together, and mix them with milk and the flowers of violets hath gently been seethe it until it be a thick salve. Then boiled. It will suddenly bring them to a you shall bind it on the afflicted’s temples very temperate mildness. with cloth, and they shall sleep forthwith.

To Cure Grip Weakness Remedy Take a quart of weak ale, and add thereto Take a quart of running water, a piece a good handful of dandelion leaves. Place of mutton, and a piece of veal. Put them it near the fire til it boil, then let it seethe into a pot altogether with a good quantity until a fourth part be gone. Let it cool, each of sorrel, violet leaves, spinach, drink it down, then work until you sweat endive, sage, and hyssop. Then take and one more hour. prunes and raisins and put them to the broth, and seethe it from a quart to a pint. To Cure Lethargy Then strain the yolk of an egg and a little You shall by violent means, either by noise saffron thereto; putting in sugar, a little or other disturbances, keep the afflicted mace, and a little white wine, and seeth it from sleep, and when he calls for drink, all together, and let the afflicted drink it give him white wine in which a little hop- as warm as it may be. water is mixed. Suffer him not to sleep more than 4 hours in a day, till he come Whole House Cleanse to his own wakefulness, which shall be no First fetch a gallon of running water, then less than three days’ time. put to it a handful each of bay leaves, fennel, jasmine, and nettles. With this To Cure Sores infusion, mop the floors, clean the walls, Make a poultice by seething elder leaves wash the doors and windows and when in milk until they be soft, then strain thou hast finished throw the mop water them, then boil the milk until it be thick. out the back door. The next day, burn a Use it on the sore as occasion will serve. bay leaf at dawn and again at sunset. Let the smoke waft through the house and To Expel Corruption when the leaves have finished smoldering Take fetherfew, malesolon, scabyous, and scatter them in the wind. Do this for Samplemugwort, of each alike amounts, bruise seven days and the curse fileshall end.

COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III Cursers & Curers R P Davis R P Davis is a freelance writer, editor, and game designer. He’s been a tabletop Ara Kotchian Ara started playing D&D in college, and gamer the entire time he’s been sentient, eventually became a DM. Ara is not a and a role-playing addict for more believer in TPKs but is an aficionado than 30 years. In that time he’s written of creative TPS (Total Party Suffering), countless things, from simple spell and does not shy away from just effects to campaign worlds to complete consequences for actions. Ara majored role-playing games. He’s the founder of in Computer Science with a minor in Kabouter Games. Medieval European History. His love for Lena Meier the ancient world is expressed in the D&D Lena is a writer of short fiction adventures he has created. and tabletop RPGs, and has been a contributing author to multiple RPG Colby Bastian Colby is a streamer, actor, artist, and publications including Madam Eva’s crafter of gaming accessories. He has Tarokka Deck of Friends, Foes and been gaming for over 20 years, and has Fortune. Her collection of houseplants been playing tabletop RPGs for almost is ever-growing, and beginning to reach as long. He has spent a great deal of that ‘jungle’ status. time crafting content for his own groups, Matthew “Danger” Whitby and now for you as well. Matthew Whitby is a narrative designer & games PhD student. He has also thrown Nadine Ramey Nadine has been writing a variety of products out on DMsGuild and DTRPG, things all her life, and has recently such as critically acclaimed (by himself) turned her attention to writing for titles like Volo’s Guide to Getting Murdered tabletop RPGs. Her first work in this vein and the Cities of Myth series, and hosts is published in Madam Eva’s Tarokka the Dungeon Master’s Guild House Deck of Friends, Foes and Fortune, Podcast! You can find him on Twitter with more to come. When she’s not @WhitbyWrites. writing, she’s herding three cats and an ever-growing dog.

20th Apryl. Things are getting stranger and stranger. It seems like everywhere we stop, someone has something awful happen to them. They’ll grow a long nose, or they’ll start itching, or they’ll turn purple, or something like that. I start doing the show, someone shouts something awful, I get mad, and that someone has something bad happen to them. I wonder if it’s me? This can’t be happening. I am the heir to Pidlwick! The greatest jester in Barovia! If these people break out in bad things happening to them, it serves them right for mocking me. Clearly Barovia Sampledoesn’t deserve me or my art. I’m off to Nova Vaasa. To hell with filethese hicks and rubes.

26 COMEDIC CURSES OF PIDLWICK III