THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE Vol. VI No. 1 5 February 2007 GORDON BROWN – PRIME MINISTER IN WAITING VI.2 LECTURE by MR TOM BOWER THURSDAY 18 JANUARY, THE THEATRE A couple of weeks ago the VI.2 and an assortment of for food and shelter, they were always helped. Thus other years (including a gaggle of over-awed Shells) we can see perhaps where Brown’s deeply ingrained were treated to a talk by Tom Bower on the subject of instinct for higher taxes and wealth distribution came the Chancellor of the Exchequer, ‘our next Prime from, as well as his focus on the social chapter. He Minister’, the Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP. One don shone at school, being an exceptional scholar and was heard to say afterwards that if the UK population rugby player, going up to Edinburgh University at the was, in its entirety, subjected to Mr. Bower’s talk, then age of 16. He benefited from the (at that time) strong ‘No one would vote for him’. This gives you an idea traditional Scottish local school system, but ironically about the flavour of Bower’s revelations. Mr Tom he more than any other, has been responsible for the Bower, a Radley parent, is a political journalist and decline of his old school into a ‘bog-standard’ comp; successful author of biographies – Robert Maxwell, one that is not offering the leg-up for bright local Richard Branson and Mohammed Fayed are among children that he enjoyed. his recent subjects. Mr Bower is currently updating his We were spellbound and shocked to hear how, on (unauthorised) biography of Brown in preparation for learning that the evening news had got hold of the the handover of power predicted for this summer. As truth about the famous Granita restaurant deal – in the author of regular newspaper articles analysing 1994 Brown was not popular enough in the party to Brown’s behaviour, he seems to have had considerable win the leadership election so he withdrew and influence over the Chancellor, sending him scurrying supported Tony Blair – which gave the lie to the story off to China and India merely by criticizing the fact he fed his supporters about a deal to succeed Tony that he was making pronouncements on the developing Blair after two terms, he was so incensed, apparently, world without visiting it. that he stormed into his bedroom and broke all the We heard about the nature of the man more than his furniture in a colossal rage… politics. The underhand methods with which he has What about the 2009/2010 General Election, then? not only furthered his own political career, but Bower predicted that it looked as if Brown would hang sabotaged Tony Blair’s reform programme since 1997 on to power for as long as possible but then lose to the were quite staggering to learn. This seemed so much Conservatives. The electorate will want a change: a the case that even some Thatcher-mourning, fourth Labour term, with the increasing levels of conservative-to-the-core indirect taxation through stealth, Radleians were heard to say later ‘…he stormed into his mismanagement of public that they ‘felt rather sorry for bedroom and broke all the services, and a dour Scottish PM Tony’. In fact, Bower went as far at the helm looks unlikely. as to say that the majority of furniture in a colossal rage…’ The speaker’s passion and Blair’s mistakes and the clumsy interest in the subject were conveyed to the audience handling of certain hot reform potatoes can be in an articulate and concise manner. There were plenty attributed to Brown’s sabotage agenda. of good questions arising afterwards too – always a What intrigued me most, though, was the insight we good sign. We were fortunate to hear an authoritative were given into Brown’s upbringing. His father was a and unvarnished (the Theatre witnessed a couple of clergyman, a very good man with a strong moral code. rather unusual words near the end) exposé of our next When the poor or needy turned up at his door asking Prime Minister.

– – — INSIDE — – – Overheard – page 5 • Diary of a Patient – page 6 • Your life on Facebook – page 7 • Declamations Diary – page 9 Unhappy Feet – page 10 • Correspondence – page 23 • Sport – page 24 and much more… 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

WHERE DO RADLEIANS COME FROM? Following the number of theological articles in the school is not listed here, you are, apparently, the only previous issue, we facetiously decided to do the math person from that school, so well done for being on where we all came from. The data comes from the different. The formula used this time was eGreyBook again, but is actually from the last 10 int(16×log2(n+1))/2 pt, where n is the number of boys years, and excludes schools that only passed one pupil from the school in question. Cothill House has sent us onto Radley. Therefore, there may be schools listed the most boys, with 124, followed by the Dragon here that currently have no boys at Radley. If your School with 110.

Abberley Hall Aldro Amesbury School

Arnold House School Arnold Lodge School Ashdown

House School Ashfold School Aysgarth School

Beaudesert Park Beeston Hall Belhaven Hill

Bilton Grange Brambletye Bramcote School Brockhurst

Caldicott Cheam Cheltenham

College Junior School Colet Court Cothill

House Cottesmore School Cranleigh Preparatory School Cranmore School Croftinloan School Crosfields School Cumnor House School Dragon School Dulwich College

Prep, London Eagle House School Eaton House the Manor Edge

Grove Edgeborough Elstree Emscote Lawn

Farleigh School Felsted Preparatory School Feltonfleet Hall Grove

2 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 30 January 2007

Highfield School Hill House Hordle Walhampton Horris

Hill KCS Wimbledon King’s Hall Lambrook Haileybury Lockers Park

Ludgrove Maidwell Hall Malaysia Malsis

School Milbourne Lodge Senior School Millbrook House Monkton

Combe Junior School Moulsford School Mount

House School Mowden School New College School Newland House School Norman Court School Northcote Lodge Old Buckenham Hall Oratory Preparatory

School Orwell Park Packwood Haugh Papplewick

Pilgrims’ School Pinewood Port Regis Rokeby School

Sandroyd School Scaitcliffe Shrewsbury House

St Aubyn’s School St Hugh’s School St John’s College School, Cambridge St Michael’s School, Jersey St Philip’s School St Ronan’s School

Summer Fields Sunningdale School

Sussex House The Beacon School The Elms The Hall

The Mall School The Oratory Prep School Thomas’s, Battersea

Tower House School Twyford School Vinehall Wellesley House

West Hill Park Westbourne House Westminster Abbey Choir School

Westminster Under School Winchester House Woodcote House School

3 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE A POLL ON SPORTS KIT & COLOURS We asked five Radleians from each Social in the Sixth Form about colours, clothing and school ties. With the two new socials opening in five terms’ time 3. How many society or team ties (other than school attention must be turning to the nitty gritty details of and social ones) are you entitled to wear? boarding house life. The decision about which are to 4. What is your habitual college tie? be the new social colours is down to the new Tutors, MKTH and NM, and the Warden, but in advance of 5. Which of the ties that you have not been awarded such an important decision – one that, over the years, would you feel the proudest to wear? will affect what thousands of future Radleians wear The Radleians polled are entitled to wear on average and which smart city shirts their mothers pick out in four different ties, excluding social ties. The most the emporia of Jermyn Street – we thought we would commonly worn tie around college is the normal social ask the obvious question. tie and 65% of boys would be proudest to wear the Of course, one set of distinctive colours are off limits Full Colours tie. – avid readers of A Tutor’s Diary (to be continued later this term) will know that I Social’s colours are 6. Would you say you took a pride in your appearance Lime green and Mandarin; their social leagues teams at school? being nicknamed ‘The Tic-Tacs’. 7. Do you ever think about whether your tie clashes

with your shirt? 1. Which social do you think has the best social colours? Surprisingly – and the Proctor may raise both eyebrows at this – three quarters of the sample claimed 55% of Radleians prefer the colours of another social to take pride in their appearance at school, and 45% to their own; the most popular social tie in the school said they think about whether their tie clashes with is the ‘D’ Social blue and white one, with 35% of their shirt.

Radleians claiming it to be their favourite social tie.

8. How many articles of Radley or Radley-branded 2. What do you think the social colours for the new J sportswear do you own? and K Socials should be (vote for your favourite from the list or suggest another combination)? [Pink & 9. What do you think about the amount of Radley Blue, Yellow & Blue, Pink & Yellow, Lime green & sports kit in circulation? Mandarin, Purple & Green.] The average boy has 7 items of Radley-branded The most popular nominations were Pink & Blue sportswear and, when asked about the amount of followed by Yellow & Blue. school sports kit, 70% believe we have the right amount; 20% say we don’t have enough. and the remaining 10% believe we have too much.

NEW DONS We welcome four new members of Common Room to Radley and introduce them with brief profiles… HGCC introduced to the delights of Common Room dining at Radley, he is rapidly putting on weight and may well Mr Henry Clarke joins us from Hampton School be heavy enough to become involved with Rugby once where he taught Physics and coached rowing. Prior to more when the next season comes around, although that he had a varied career including a stint as an his wife Hannah hopes not. A lover of mountains and investment banker at Goldman Sachs, a brief foray Germanic culture his dream is to own a home in the into the world of marketing with Unilever – blame him Austrian Alps. Confusingly, he has a very young son for the ‘Mint Fizz’ variety of Cif Bathroom Mousse – also named Henry. and a mad two years spending other people’s money as the founder and Chief Executive of ‘Coded Access’ – a company which, much to the disappointment of the CJE investors, you have almost certainly never heard of. Although now an English teacher, Mr Christopher On arriving at Cambridge University and realising that Ellott originally studied Law at UCL. After five gap he was too light to make it as a Rugby player and too years, mostly spent skiing and playing unremunerative chunky for cross-country running, he tried rowing gigs with a very mediocre band, he finally qualified as instead and eventually gained his Blue. Having been a barrister in 1993. He practised as a criminal barrister 4 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 30 January 2007 for three years before leaving to do a PGCE course, OVERHEARD… and to take an English degree at the Open University. A regular column devoted to memorable quotes He began teaching at Tonbridge School in 1998, where he remained for seven years. After one year at from all quarters of College. Brighton College, he moved to Radley in January. He Overheard in B Social on Burns’ Night: is married to Cathy, and has one son, Gabriel, but no Don: ‘Who’s Scotland’s most famous poet?’ pets. Boy: ‘Er… Braveheart…er…Seamus Heaney?’ When not teaching English, making coffee or coaching Don, patiently: ‘No, he’s Irish.’ Midgets 6, he cycles, hikes, and writes songs. He has Boy: ‘Same thing, isn’t it?’ had a 16-track recording unit in his home for the last Don: ‘No…’ 18 months, upon which he has not yet managed to Boy: ‘But they sound the same…’ record anything. Overheard in the Classics Department: Don: ‘I’ve always wanted to style my hair like a JEG unicorn.’ Mr John Gearing joins us as Director of Rowing from Overheard on the bus on the way back from Stomp: St Andrew’s College, Grahamstown, South Africa, Don: ‘So, what was your favourite bit?’ where he was Director of Rowing and a housemaster. Boy: ‘I liked it when they banged each other.’ He was educated at Bishops, Cape Town and St Stithian’s College, Johannesburg before studying at Overheard in the Modern Languages Department: the University of Natal in Pietermaritzburg and Boy: ‘Sir, is it true your stubble is as smooth as completing two years of National Service cashmere?’ in the army. He was a poorly-paid ‘professional’ rower for about ten years Overheard in Electronics: while running his own business before Boy: ‘Sir, how big is a 3.5mm jack?’ discovering a passion for teaching and coaching. He spent eight years at St Overheard at a Chronicle Editors’ Andrew’s, and coached the national team meeting: for four years as well. Boy (seeking assurance about the political He is married to Hazel and they have four stance of the publication): ‘We are right- sons; he says he is ‘very happy to be at wing aren’t we?’ Radley and is enjoying the change and the challenge’. Overheard on an English outing: Don, before disembarking the coach: ‘Now boys, if anyone asks, you’re from WRPB Wellington, OK?’

Will Beak comes to Radley as Gap Overheard in a French lesson: Student for two terms. He studied at The Don (showing the class pictures of a King’s School, Parramatta, near Sydney, beautiful French actress): ‘That’s her excelling at rowing but admitting that IT young … and another one of her a bit is not his strong point. He is coaching older … mmm, she’s looking a bit podgy rowing this term, and while in Australia won Head of in that one … mind you, I like my women that way…’ The River and the State Championships. He hopes to enjoy his time at Radley while contributing however Overheard in the History Department: he can. He also enjoys sailing and skiing, and in Boy: ‘I heard that Radley is actually co-ed, but that no January plans to start a degree course in Agricultural girls are clever enough to get in…’ Economics at Armidale University, transferring to

Sydney University for the final four years. Overheard on the bus back from St John’s, Smith Square: Shell to Don: ‘Sir, are some of the Overheards real?’

Please keep sending in the quotes (they do have to be genuine, verbatim, anonymised and not set up!).

5 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE FREDDIE TAPNER Freddie Tapner (F), our Music Editor and a prolific He’d hate us to be maudlin about the whole situation contributor to the Chronicle, was diagnosed with so instead we intend to blame him for everything that leukaemia at the beginning of January. He is receiving the Editors overlook in the meantime and a temporary treatment at University College Hospital, London and shortage of satirical items… We wish him a speedy his doctors are pleased with the progress he is making. recovery and look forward to his return. DIARY OF A PATIENT Written from the fifteenth floor of University College Hospital, London. It is a strange thing to be told you have leukaemia. It’s of which have their amusing side – wheelchairs are the sort of moment that you remember forever – the commonplace for all patients but, tactfully, in my date, the time and the place will always remain with experience they are built only to drive backwards. I me; even now, three weeks on, it is a very surreal assume this is either because the patients enjoy hurting thing to accept. As I was being told the bad news my nurses’ ankles, or because if the wheelchair was over-riding thought was ‘how tedious,’ because it is a pushed forwards, one would need some sort of licence curable disease, and so I wasn’t immediately worried in order to be able to drive it, which would of course about the treatment, just the sheer amount of time that not be on in this hyper-legislated world. The other would be lost. method is via the comfort and safety of your bed, but this then causes hilarity when trying to fit in the lifts, Thank God we went skiing at New Year! That was designed for one bed and one person, not, as some when I realised something was wrong, as even simple tasks like climbing stairs or carrying skis made me porters would have you believe, a bed, two wheelchairs, three drips and two parents. breathless. At first I just put it down to being unfit and lazy! Going outside was another tricky affair, as I * * * would shiver violently even when dressed in several Who cleans the cleaners? A sterile and disinfected layers. It was on the last day of skiing when it all environment is a crucial element in minimising the amalgamated into one big collapse – I couldn’t control risks associated with a treatment which seems my breathing, I was shivering out of control and the designed to make one very susceptible to any infection only thought in my head was to try and gasp those or bacteria left in one’s path. The ultimate irony then particles of oxygen. Thankfully we could book a blood seems to be that there appears to be no answer to the test for the next day back in England, and a mere three question posed. But an answer is needed for reasons I hours after that I was told I had best not go into in print. The fact leukaemia, and would need to be ‘The irony is, you have to be that leaving the room whilst they in hospital for some time. very fit and healthy to cope work has become somewhat a Hospital is like a foreign country necessity rather than a ‘nice to- do’ may provide a clue to the – a different world entirely – and with being in hospital…’ problem. Solutions are at hand, yet even when you are here feeling rotten with a disease, it is impossible not to laugh at the more though – air freshener is kept hidden in the communal loo. When needs must, dragging my drip behind me, a ridiculous moments… quick trip to the smallest room on the ward ensues, * * * smuggling a can of some floral scent back under a T- Firstly, of course, we have the problem that nowadays shirt to give a couple of quick puffs! everything anywhere has to be designed for the * * * disabled – this includes some trivial points like the loo seat must be a different colour to the pan, to avoid The lifts themselves are wonderful – at any moment a doctor/porter/cleaner can override our controls. Once, confusion for the partially sighted! The door handles when trying to get to a scan in the basement, we are mostly at ground level, and unless you are less than three feet tall and fighting fit, they are impossible arrived at our floor but the doors remained closed and we were told by a mysterious lady’s voice that we had to open. This causes, inevitably, problems for the 99% been ‘taken over’ and were ‘on our way to the top of human beings who aren’t three feet tall. And floor…’. There are 16 floors: we were not happy! anyway, the doors weigh around 100kg and need a weight-lifter’s application of power to shift... The * * * irony is, you have to be very fit and healthy to cope Huge thanks to all of you at Radley who have been so with being in hospital… supportive during the last few weeks – it is certainly * * * helping morale here. Movement around hospital comes in two forms, both FREDDIE TAPNER 6 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 30 January 2007 YOUR LIFE ON FACEBOOK

If reports are to believed, some 80% of Radleians now your friends’ phone calls, your exam results (QCA have a profile on Facebook or MySpace or Bebo or will be putting these on the web sometime in 2008), somesuch. your medical data (the NHS will be putting all of this onto the ‘spine’ over the next two years), your Cool. But there may yet be a downside. Every entry, interests (stored from your search engine ‘click-trail’), every posting, every photograph will live on for your opinions, your political views, your taste in food, eternity in the internet archives, available to Google clothes and music, and probably also your financial and to every parent, girlfriend and employer who details. knows where to look. Wow! – your very own time capsule waiting to explode into your future when you We’re all feeding the beast. iTunes, Amazon and eBay least expect it. And perhaps when you least desire it: gleefully sweep up our profiles, helpfully guiding us in your Best Man’s speech, in that vital interview, or towards our next purchase. Nike has linked your in some tabloid exposé. trainers to your iPod via Bluetooth, and the iPhone will doubtless track both our music and our new best Of course, this may not worry you yet. But sometime friends. out there it may all seem like just too much information. Particularly as all that stuff starts to All of this meta-data is slowly driving us towards the aggregate. ‘Semantic Web’ – the next stage of the internet – where machines can read all the data that is out there Google and the other search engines are getting and start to make connections between you, your smarter. We tend to assume that they simply search the friends, your actions, your movements, your diary, web for words – the answers to your queries, the your behaviour and your beliefs. details of the trains and of the weather. But these engines do far more than that. They search for lives, Tim Berners-Lee, the British physicist who invented for people, for profiles – and they do so by using the the World Wide Web, expressed his vision of the ‘meta-data’ that we all inadvertently provide. semantic web as far back as 1999: Meta-data is data about data – or, ‘I have a dream for the Web… [in to quote from Wikipedia, which computers] become capable ‘Metadata is structured, encoded of analyzing all the data on the data that describe characteristics Web – the content, links, and of information-bearing entities to transactions between people and aid in the identification, computers. discovery, assessment, and A ‘Semantic Web’, which should management of the described make this possible, has yet to entities’. emerge, but when it does, the day- What this actually means is that to-day mechanisms of trade, all the photographs that you take bureaucracy and our daily lives on your mobile phone are ‘tagged’ will be handled by machines with lots of information way talking to machines. The beyond the photograph itself, ‘intelligent agents’ people have much of which you won’t have touted for ages will finally even considered. The date, the time, the make of materialize.’ phone, the focal length of the camera, the network you This is his way of saying that all this information will use, your username and – potentially – your phone make our lives simpler. number; your location (from GPS); your friends’ names (from your phone book); all the people in the Well, perhaps, although there does not seem to be a vicinity (via Bluetooth). trend, with advances in personal technology, towards life simplification at the moment. You may, however, The smarter systems now have the ability to search lose an awful lot of privacy in the process and that, in through your photographs and look for familiar faces. turn, may leave you with fewer options for your future Voice tracks can be scanned to identify those involved – just a little bit less room to manoeuvre. In brief, you in any conversation. need to think carefully whenever you post anything All of this information is then available to a smart online, be it a form, an email, a new photo or comment search engine – which now has the ability to tie on Facebook. together all the meta-data it has stored somewhere in Be just a little bit cautious: look both ways before you its growing database – your emails, your search trail, cross the information superhighway... 7 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE THE THEATRE? A few weeks ago I went to see The Sound of Music at charm, wit and comic timing of the highest order. the London Palladium, a production made famous by The whole production was such a triumph that I have the BBC’s How do you solve a problem like Maria? little capacity for criticism. The von Trapp children, Hosted by the quasi-masculine Graham Norton, this even the six-year-old Gretl, were very sharp in reality talent show whittled down ten wannabe Marias carrying out some hugely testing dance routines; to one, former telesales assistant Connie Fisher, 23, Hanson had seamlessly settled into the role of Captain who is now the star of the show. The programme was von Trapp, and the set was a wonder to behold with the brainchild of musical legend Andrew Lloyd- the piece de resistance being a huge, round grass bank Webber, a man who has always prided himself on which could rotate in all directions. Fisher began the unearthing new young talent and, in launching the show sitting on this bank, though out of view because show and ‘masterminding’ on it, he has done just that. of the gauze in front of her. Meanwhile the nuns Television in showing a nightly cornucopia of films processed out onto stage and up towards the rear of the and programmes draws audiences away from more auditorium. They were headed by the mother Abbess, traditional live entertainment but Lloyd-Webber here played by opera star Lesley Garrett whose voice was used the power of television to market his new show. simply awesome. Once the nuns had finished the He and David Ian, the co-producer, themselves starred Entr’acte, the place fell silent except for a lone, as judges on the show and both singled out Fisher as beautiful voice which continued. Gradually its owner, their choice for Maria even before she had been Fisher, emerged into sight as she broke into the selected. uplifting chorus ‘The hills are alive with the sound of There was controversy when, through the tabloids, we music…’ – the first of several hair-on-end moments. discovered that professional actress Emma Williams The remainder of the familiar Rogers and had meanwhile been hired to play Maria as a backup Hammerstein score was handled superbly; The Lonely and, although it was never indicated how many, all or Goatherd (which actually features in the new Gwen none, of the eight shows each week she was intended Stefani song), Sixteen Going on Seventeen (many to do. The public were furious and many threatened to Radleians can relate…), My Favourite Things (the sue Lloyd-Webber on the grounds that they’d paid to most played song in gay bars worldwide, apparently), elect Fisher, and not Williams, as their Maria. Media and culminating in the tear-jerking Edelweiss. The pressure grew and Williams soon quit the show as a highlight, and Fisher’s finest moment, was Do-Re-Mi result. which might well have been Julie Andrews. The The controversies weren’t over just yet. Fisher was relationship between Maria and the militarised von then accused of cheating on her boyfriend of three Trapp children is established with such charm; clear in years, Neal Williams, with a stagehand at the this scene was how much Fisher was enjoying the role, Palladium but these stories were soon quashed. how engrossed by it she was and how thankful she was Finally, just four days before the opening night, Simon for her being there, not that it removed our focus away Shepherd, who was due to play Captain von Trapp, from the production. Many critics have accused former left the show for reasons unknown and Alexander productions, and indeed the film, for being too camp, Hanson, who has worked on numerous occasions with but Maria and the children had such an air of ALW, was thrust into the role. innocence (most notably Sophie Bould playing Leisl) that it has largely escaped this charge. One would think then that the finished article might be somewhat sketchy. However that couldn’t be more The finale, as the family escape to the mountains, was wrong: The Sound of Music opened on November 15 truly glorious. They emerged over the grass bank – at the huge London Palladium to rapturous reviews, now angled away from the audience – all together in a especially for Fisher. The production as a whole had a line, pointing into the distance and smiling as the lot to live up to. The 1965 film version starring Julie music reached a climax. The standing ovation that Andrews is the stuff of folk-tales and it was clear that followed was more than due. any audience watching Fisher would have the brilliant The show is sold out for several months – order your Andrews in mind. Fisher already cites Andrews (she ticket now if you want a seat in April. The success has has already stated her intention to play Mary Poppins) vindicated the controversial televised casting of the as a role model. Fisher was outstanding. True, there star and, no doubt, made another fortune for the canny are clear similarities, especially in Fisher’s impresario Andrew Lloyd-Webber. Problem solved! magnificent bell voice; but this was by no means an imitation. Fisher made the role her own by adding

8 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 30 January 2007 DECLAMATIONS DIARY 14 December and then learnt some more. This was how my At the end of last term I went to look in various places afternoon went. I even went to the extreme of getting a to choose a suitable piece for my Declamation. I did clear plastic bag from my PHM and learning it in the not want to do a poem since I find most of them boring shower! These next 75 – 100 words were not the nor a speech that had been made by someone else. hardest, but were not as easy to learn as the first 60, There were, I guess, some funny speeches made in the and my Declamation is about 360 words long. House of Commons and elsewhere, not only by I am now in my room writing this diary, but I should Winston Churchill (which, I was told were often done) be learning! Oh well, I need a break! I have now learnt but by people like Margaret Thatcher. One of her 167 words exactly. speeches that I most enjoy is the one where she says, ‘The Lady is not for Turning…’. My uncle (who is a 21 January politician) pointed me towards a few amusing One more day to go! Today I did not have as much speeches, but I did not think that Shell 4 would find time as usual so my Short Break was earmarked for them particularly interesting, considering none of them the learning process (I slept through my 6am alarm, except me have the slightest interest in politics. and I have choir practice in Central Hour). Later on, RML sent out an email about auditioning for In Short Break I learnt 37 more words, but then went the National Youth Theatre also saying that I could to Shop in desperate need of a Chicken Roll. I also had use the same piece for the NYT as I did for my a phone call today from home to say that we are going Declamation. So, I went to him for advice and to skiing at Leave Away, and therefore my NYT audition audition for the NYT. I had been studying the Woman has to be cancelled. Mixed feelings about this. in Black in English and then realized that I could do 22 January part of a speech from that. And that’s how I chose my Declamation. Slept through alarm again. I learnt another 28 words during Short Break and then went to Shop for a 18 January Chicken Roll – they are soooo good! I forgot about the Declamation for the entire holiday At 1.50pm Declamation practice: I did the first 260ish (helped by the fact that I had forgotten to take the perfectly and then the don said ‘And...’ and I script home with me). That was the first problem that I confessed that I did not know the rest; he said that I had to overcome. So when I came back every single had a little under 24 hours, and then I would be in moment was taken up learning it, especially today, as I Detention. knew that there was not long to go until the final night. Learnt the title thoroughly. Mind a blank. Worried. This afternoon is a half day, so I did my usual routine of learning, and breaking, and then learnt all but the 19 January last 30 words. Went to bed After yesterday, I knew today ‘I went to Shop in desperate need very pleased. that worrying about it was not of a Chicken Roll…’ 23 January going to work. So I had to just think straight, the problem was that I did not have my I will go to Shop today to buy mother telling me when to sit down to learn it, which a new alarm clock. Had my Declamation at 1.30 in was half the battle. The other half was the terrible front of all of my set. I learnt 10 more words in Short choice of whether to go to Shop or learn some of the Break, and then went for a Chicken Roll. I entered the Declamation… what would you do? In fact, today, I Silk Hall not knowing the last sentence, and relying on went for the learning Declamation option. the fact that I would be picked close to the end – for me it was Detention or no Detention. I was learning At the end of the day, I had learned a paragraph and a the last – and most difficult words whilst listening to bit, about 60 words, but these words were hardly all sorts of other poems, speeches and plays. I had just difficult. Dreading it, now. about got it when DJP said my name. Not really 20 January listening, I said ‘What?’ and then realized my fate. I Email from form master about practising. AAARGH! went up there and somehow managed to get through Not the news that I wanted to hear right now. My form the whole thing without stopping. master wrote that I have a practice on 22 January – I’m not sure how, but I got through to the Semi-Finals now I really have to learn, otherwise a detention is and then the Final! More mixed feelings... looming. I sat down in the afternoon and learnt, then ‘A SHELL’ learnt some more, and then some more. I had a break,

9 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE UNHAPPY FEET The Lent Term offers the Sixth Form plenty of suffered by Radley football sides are a result of the opportunities for Radleians to broaden their sporting lack of teamwork and practice rather than a lack of horizons – hockey, rowing, football and the awfully raw talent. Teams are compiled unreasonably rapidly demanding yet fashionably vague option of ‘personal and therefore do not have the natural understanding of fitness’ are all on offer. A hierarchy is clearly present, movement that teams at schools like Harrow who have though, with football (‘soccer’) firmly put in its place played together since the Shells instinctively obtain. as a minor sport alongside other (really) minor sports Moreover, the steady turnover of coaches means that like golf, squash and basketball. Hockey, for some they are unfamiliar with their players, resulting in reason, is still hogging the dry side of Radley’s them playing out of position or simply with unseen sporting tree. talent being overlooked and wasted – a situation which would be regarded as a cardinal sin in verdant There is no disputing the fact that the college gives Astroworld… total priority to hockey over football in terms of coaches, kit and funding. This, some may argue, is With Mr Journeaux’s serious approach, and now Mr well deserved as Radley needs to be seen as a ‘hockey King as the new Director of Hockey, the hockey club school’; the results in the hockey club, too (especially has had professional coaches at the top than the last season) are significantly better than those in the ‘amateur’ RCAFC. This may boil down to football club. Management’s clear policy of maintaining Radley’s But the popularity of football amongst the Sixth Form reputation as a predominantly ‘hockey school’ during the Lent Term. There is no doubt also that the balance should not be ignored; look at the numbers: there are of Common Room coaches is tilted towards hockey in now more senior footballers than hockey players. This, the Lent term – through their own preference, I’m sure combined with the annual fight between coaches, – but should football, surely the most popular sport at Tutors and players over whether to let boys the school, be discriminated against in transfer from football to all these ways? hockey, draws attention to the problem. There From experience, has already been one football training this casualty this term term has emphasized whereby a keen and the signs that there is a talented footballer has formidable amount of been unwillingly prized skill inside the club and out of the 1st XI to play that with slightly more hockey. The fact that in organisation, training recent years the Hockey and determination and club has had to force less oppression the club boys into playing for has the potential to them on the basis that record some impressive they were either ‘too results next term. The good to leave’ (in the introduction of higher top two teams at some previous moment) or funds for proper goalkeeping and training kit, for ‘desperately needed to support the lower end of the example, may ignite the reorganisation of the football club’ shows the sport’s somewhat waning popularity, club which would mean a fulfilment of talent which and some dubious logic too. could potentially result in a vintage season, for Bigside especially. The football season last year highlighted the boot- driven talent coming up through the school – Colts 1 I am in no way trying to undermine the Hockey Club, lost only two matches against football-prioritising one of Radley’s strongest sporting institutions; I schools: a considerable achievement considering that simply believe that it is slightly hypocritical for an all- half the year were clashing sticks on the Astro. rounder-friendly school such as Radley to be so Although the 1st XI soccer did not start the season unfriendly to ‘the beautiful game’, forcing generations convincingly against Harrow and Tonbridge, they of Radleians to use their hands where they would nevertheless top their group in the Crusader Cup thus much prefer to be playing with their feet… far. In many cases the traditional humiliating defeats

10 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 30 January 2007 DRIVING LESSONS British films are getting better… but among those rebel on his own. However, the material forces Grint released last autumn, this one was launched in a rather to overplay the mope act and Walters to overplay low-key way. Some may dismiss Driving Lessons for generally, with overtones of the stooping Mrs Overall being too twee or limited in its scope, but I was from Victoria Wood’s Acorn Antiques. During the impressed with the originality and humour; it is fresh film, Evie is referred to (perhaps quite aptly viewing compared to the Christmas dross of last year. considering her performance) with: ‘She’s an actress. I think that says enough’. By contrast, Linney heroically Rupert Grint, best known as Ron Weasley from the applies shading to her caricatured portrait of an Harry Potter films, plays Ben, a 17 year-old British vicar’s son who writes poetry and glumly accedes to evangelical monster. In fact, this film satirises over- zealous evangelical Christians beautifully, with lines the demands of his fanatical mother (Laura Linney, like ‘Every day is God’s gift – that’s why we call it the last seen in Love Actually). In order to help out with household expenses and break the monotony of present’, and a running thread of hypocrisy from Linney as Ben’s repressing right-on mother, who is playing a tree in Mum’s Bible class play, Ben answers actually having an affair with the minister while Ben an ad from a legendary actress named Evie (Julie Walters) seeking someone to do errands and tidy up waits outside in the car – she’s teaching him how to drive. her shabby-genteel house. Dame Evie turns out to be an outlandish ageing Driving is, not surprisingly, the thread that holds this journey together. But this is a film in which the actress, with mood swings as flamboyant as her eccentric grand dame declares the hero a poet ‘because wardrobe. As you figure, she’s just the sort of lady to pull our brooding, nerdy hero out of his shell, which you understand the power of words’. There’s only so much even the best of actors can do with such she does: forcing him on an impromptu camping trip that morphs into a road trip, then into an Edinburgh puffiness. Also, there are several laugh out loud moments and I often heard chuckles throughout the poetry reading. By the time he comes home to his cinema; ‘Thanks for having me,’ mumbles Ben, with infuriated mother, her cross-dressing lodger and his diffident vicar dad, Ben knows it’s back to playing a his nice middle-class manners on autopilot, on the morning after losing his tree unless Evie can save him. ‘Every day is God’s gift – that’s virginity to a predatory Writer and director Jeremy Scottish student. Brock’s tale is, as you might why we call it the present’ This is a subtle and have guessed, slightly autobiographical since he, too, was a vicar’s son who entertaining window onto the adolescent frustrations of life – girls, self-confidence, looks, dancing, chat-up worked as a teen for a famous actress, Peggy Ashcroft. lines, hypocrisy, and parents – entertaining, perhaps, You may think such real-life connections would inspire Brock, (who co-wrote The Last King of unless you’re still going through all that yourself. Scotland), to bring more edge and grit to his film. A must-see for anyone who is or has been 17, likes Instead, Driving Lessons follows the well-worn path poetry, camping (the outdoor type), British comedy, or laid down by other, better films while making strained, who would like to see the ginger one from Harry and even ludicrous things happen toward the end. It’s Potter step into the limelight on his own, for once. clearly a vehicle for Grint and Walters, who appeared together in the Harry Potter films, but they do make a terrific screen couple. Walters is alternately zany and poignant, with Grint a good foil, a bemused, confused NEW YEAR CONCERT AT innocent trying to make it to the end of his adolescent ST JOHN’S, SMITH SQUARE tunnel without anyone calling too much attention to him. The Chronicle did not omit to send a reviewer to this When they first meet, Evie accuses Ben of ‘social excellent showcase concert of Radley Music – a full autism’, but he opens up after an afternoon playing out review will appear in the next issue. scenes from Shakespeare in her garden. ‘You can tell God I forced you’, is her answer to his reluctance to

11 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE The following two articles, together with eight others on such topics as Space Elevators, Nanorobots, and the Purification of Water, have been submitted for the 2007 Oxfordshire Science Writing Competition; the theme this year is ‘It’s a small world’. NANOTECHNOLOGY IN THE HOME This is an answer to a question: ‘Oh, come on – it’s morning is to drive round the countryside in her brand easy! First, plug your iPod into a computer, and then new car, admiring the views along the way. What she open iTunes, and just download songs on to it!’ I sit doesn’t realise, is that this is the second time she has for several silent minutes wondering whether or not it used Nanotechnology, but this time, the nano-particles would be rude to mock my 14-year-old sister. Yes – it are present inside the motor. would be rude, I deduced, but what the hell, it’s a free In 2002, a scientist thought it would be a good idea to country. What was the original question, you ask? take a few pictures of his carbon nanotubes – this ‘What’s nanotechnology?’ turned out to be a photo to remember, because when Having put this question to many people from teachers he took it, the nanotubes ignited. Fortunately for him, to teenagers, invariably I have found the answer to be he patented this, because this was a crucial discovery a variation on the same theme. But it should and must for combustion. Usually, a spark plug ignites petrol, not be like this. Nanotechnology is all around us, and but this is inefficient and only ignites a small sample. cannot be ignored in the 21st century because it will be However, if nanotubes were placed in petrol, and then our generation’s future technology, in all senses. Take a small LED was used to ignite them, then they in turn a typical day in the life of a woman – we shall call her would ignite the petrol. This is hugely advantageous Mrs R. Andom for the sake of argument – she gets up, because the ignition is evenly distributed, and almost she washes, and then she applies makeup and perfume. all of the fuel is used up. Again this time we are saving Nanotechnology is present in the latter two, and no, the planet, and making engines more efficient, so not because the world’s makeup has suddenly become potentially faster, and I know which one I’m more highly advanced nano-bots designed to apply the excited about. makeup themselves, beautifully evenly of course, but Mrs Andom’s day is almost over, and being a because nanotechnology was very involved in the decorative lady she finds a peaceful way to end the process of actually producing the makeup. day is to repaint her garage. This is of course an easy A few members from Cardiff University have job, but to make the paint is an entirely different managed to oxidise cyclo-octene (a crucial compound matter as it is a mixture of several different chemicals, in the makeup of makeup) using a catalyst made from which are made through the use of nanotechnology gold nanoparticles – clearly these people are genii as (could it have been anything else?) The method is when they added the catalyst, around 95 per cent of similar to Mrs Andom’s cosmetic makeup, using gold the alkene reacted with oxygen in the air to form the nano-particles to oxidise cyclo-octene, but this time required intermediate in making perfumes and the composition is slightly different to make the paint cosmetics. How they knew to try this is beyond my sticky. now ever seemingly tiny mind, but I can just about It is clear that nanotechnology is fantastically fathom that this new production method will reduce important in this world, and it will certainly be a huge the amount of toxic waste produced by the reactions to factor in the production of makeup, the speed and zero. So we’re saving the planet and maintaining the cleanliness of cars, and of course helping Mrs R. world’s women – that’s around 3,000,000,000 birds Andom to relax into her nightly habit of painting her with one stone… garage. Mrs Andom continues with her daily pastimes, and decides that the only useful thing to do on a Tuesday FREDDIE TAPNER (F)

12 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 30 January 2007 A TINY CURE FOR CANCER? ‘Nanotechnology’ is defined as being the science involves ‘nanoparticles’, tiny particles with the dealing with things measured in nanometres. This in capacity to attach to cancer cells, so that the exact itself is not very useful since anything can be shape of the tumour can be detected in detail. This measured in nanometres (one nanometer is a billionth allows for the better administration of drugs to an of a metre and a millionth of a millimetre) – I, for infected area. There is also research being carried out example, am 1830000000 nanometres tall... In reality, into nanowires, molecular wires which extend across a nanotechnology is the science of manipulating microfluidic channel. These wires detect the nature of materials at the atomic level. Any tool manufactured particles that pass through the channel and relay the which has a diameter of 100nm or less is known as a information via electrodes to exterior detection and nanodevice. analysis equipment. Treatment of cancer has been one of medicine’s great In terms of a cure, scientists are working on method enigmas for years. The nature of cancer makes finding that involves the manufacture of carbon nanotubes. a cure exceptionally difficult: cancer cells are in fact They are approximately half the width of a DNA human cells which, through a mutation in their genes, molecule so thousands may fit into a single cell. These have divided uncontrollably and started to invade nanotubes insert themselves into a cell and, upon other organs. Therefore, they are genetically similar to being exposed to infra-red light, heat up to a human cells. This means that many other forms of temperature of 70oC: the rise in temperature treatment are not valid because denaturing the cancerous cell. they cannot distinguish between ‘I, for example, am The infrared light is projected healthy and cancer cells. Until by a laser and does no harm to now, the forms of treatment for 1830000000 nanometres tall...’ human tissues. cancer have included clumsy In order for the nanotubes to identify cancer cells, the methods such as chemotherapy, surgery and developers are relying on receptors on cancer cells’ radiotherapy. These methods cause damage to many surfaces designed to receive the vitamin ‘folate’. The healthy cells which is detrimental to the health of the nanotubes have been manufactured with folate atoms sufferer, at a time when they need to be as strong as bonded to the surface, which means that they are possible in order to fight the cancer. easily received by cancer cells. This method is The two aims of current research are both to find a superior to other methods already used because it is cure and to find a detection method which is effective selective; i.e. unlike chemotherapy or radiotherapy, it from the early stages of cancer. As cancer is caused by only destroys cancer cells and leaves healthy cells problems with genes, scientists need to be able to intact. detect changes at a molecular level. Nanotechnology is Nanotechnology may be able to provide the answer to ideally suited to this because tiny machines can be the longstanding problem of curing cancer. It will cure constructed which are sensitive to such changes. it without doing any further damage to the body and A cantilever is a bar uses methods which are anchored at one end Force very precise and unlikely with a bar projecting Bar to leave many, if any out. The diagram shown cancerous cells behind. illustrates the concept. No longer will patients Nanotechnology gives have to suffer the indignity and discomfort scientists the capability Supports to manufacture of hair loss, digestive problems and nausea. molecular cantilevers. There is no definite They can be A basic cantilever manufactured to bind timetable for the arrival of these new onto cancer-associated technologies, but several have had successful molecules and the bar will bend. They bind because they are coated in a strand of nucleic acid which will laboratory tests on mice. A cure for cancer used to be an invention of the distant future but now it is a attach to complimentary genes in cancerous cells. This treatment that could be available any time soon. bending is detectable and doctors can pinpoint the exact location of cancerous cells. The current means of JAMIE CROLE (H) detection are optical (e.g. lasers). Another technique

13 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE C SOCIAL CULTURAL EVENING SATURDAY 27 JANUARY, SILK HALL Saturday evening saw the second C Social Cultural – and the whole hall was spell-bound by his skill and Evening of the Sparks administration. The Silk Hall sensitivity. Ben Sheen sang an aria from Messiah was packed with parents and friends eagerly whilst France Forbes Edwards decided minutes before anticipating an evening up to last year’s standard when going on stage to play a different piece instead of La the bar had been set pretty high. Philip Råge and Ed Morceau de Concours by Fauré which nevertheless Porter compèred the evening admirably, peppering mesmerized the audience. He also played during the introductions with jokes and an (incredibly hard) interval with Ivan Yim. Alex Douglas sang On the general knowledge quiz for which the prize was a set street where you live with a confident swagger which of Social Strings (do you ever wonder if the mothers showcased his mature voice to good effect. misunderstand this particular bit of Radley Fred Laurie performed Welcome to Hell, taken from terminology?). Not one table managed a full set of the live performances of Rowan Atkinson. In this answers! piece, every conceivable group of sinners waiting at The Shells’ version of In the Navy by the Village the gates (or is it just Heaven that has gates – People, was loud and raucous with some wonderful Chaplains?) was directed to a specific area; the list of dancing. Red Indians and sailors stomped the stage – sinners was certainly long and inclusive. SLN, who the Shells were unrecognisable. Parents marvelled at deserves great recognition for masterminding the how under the imaginative direction of Nico Day, whole evening, herself sang Someone is sending me Barnaby Hunter and Guy Chalk such unbridled and flowers which was a musical and comic delight. apparently unforced enthusiasm was evident in all on AJAW accompanied this song along with several stage. others during with great skill whilst KH and DJP mimed mischievously with rocks and dead flowers as Alex Rose sang Maria from West Side Story and the hall fell silent with this marvellous and sensitively they portrayed the events of the song’s plot. Another musical delight of the evening was Rory Stallibrass sung bit of Bernstein. Various VI.1 thespians paid and Theo Whitworth who performed the song Joy. homage to Monty Python by performing the ‘Dirty Fork’ sketch: Humphrey Maddan and Will Strang, in a Discovery. Invention. by Biffy Clyro to great effect as Theo provided skilful backing to Rory’s harmonious wonderful long blond wig, played the unfortunate vocals. couple whose complaint over a dirty fork triggers a series of extreme reactions in the waiters (played by Rory also played later on alongside Jamie Randall as Mark Crawford and Asa Bennett with prominent they adapted part of the Mighty Boosh live show for French accents), the restaurant manager (Jamie the stage that evening. Many of the audience were new Randall) and Mungo the German-sounding chef (Alex to the Mighty Boosh but they all seemed converted to Wise). Several Vth formers presented the Monty the surreal trains of thought, performed magnificently. Python ‘Self Defence Class’ amusingly with the Next year, we must provide Rory with a sequinned interesting change of the cast members being clad in jumpsuit (in-joke for fans of the Mighty Boosh). rugby jumpers and shorts. The audience thought at this point that the show was The C Social musicians all gave wonderful over but Phil Råge informed us that the Tutor was performances – this is still the social with the most going to say a few words. When he entered from the music scholars by far. Greg Williams played a magical top of the stairs at the back of the hall, people could extract from the Koln Concert and the audience were barely believe their eyes. JMS had transformed treated to a revival of the pieces that won the Partsong himself into Peter Kay in a Hawaiian shirt and was and the Social Ensemble Competitions, Trepak Dance smiling widely and singing loudly to the music of Is by Tchaikovsky and Good Vibrations by the Beach this the way to Amarillo? except it was ‘Show me the Boys, arranged in-house by Alex Rose. Ed Chalk way to mighty C / It’s the place we all want to be…’ – played and sang Elton John’s Your Song to rapturous could Tim Rice have written lyrics any subtler? As last applause and the display of drumming performed by year the evening ended memorably and in excellent Oscar Knowles and Charlie MacRae-Tod showed the spirits. versatility of the house’s talents. Everyone that had For those who didn’t have the good fortune to be attended last year avidly waited to hear Hector Fortune present at the evening, the DVD recording will soon on his bagpipes and one gentleman was heard to be available in all good record stores… No, scrub that exclaim ‘I’ve never heard such a tremendous piper last bit – probably best just to email MPH. south of the border!’ Shell Tom Scott-Cowell played Sicilienne by von Paradis – heard in Chapel last week

14 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 30 January 2007

15 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE STOMP ANGELL TRIO CONCERT The Music Department gathered in a way only a SUNDAY 14 JANUARY, SILK HALL Music Department can on the road outside the As the Chronicle reviewer of the Angell Piano Trio’s Vaudeville Theatre, in a cacophony of speculative and concerts, hiding up at the top of Silk Hall in the back high-pitched but tuneful chatter. We were looking row, I may be competing with journalists of forward to an interesting and unusual evening; an aura internationally-renowned newspapers, such as the New of excitement hung around as we were ushered into York Times and the Abingdon Herald (although I the theatre for the beginning of the performance. couldn’t see them there) but as usual it was a shame Broomsticks: an interesting opening. The aptness of that a greater interest was not shown by the rest of the the title was soon to be firmly hammered into our school in this excellent recital. On the programme was minds in the series of bangs, clatters, and stomps that the Notturno D. 897 by Schubert, and the Archduke followed. The intricate rhythms were a highlight Trio Op. 97 by Beethoven. perhaps more due to the speed and skill of the The concert began with a single movement piece that performers rather than that of the musical value. The was originally intended by its composer, Franz use of everyday objects as percussive instruments was Schubert, to be the second movement of a larger work. intriguing, but it was the more subtle ideas that were The pianist in the ensemble, Frances Angell, began the the crown jewels in what could be described (both concert by explaining her personal impression of the metaphorically and literally) as a collection of kitchen piece: not dissimilar to sinks. the plot of Orpheus and Surprisingly, Stomp turned out to be quite funny at the Underworld. moments, perhaps designed to relieve the monotony of The turbulent struggle with relentless bangs, and was perhaps quite an dreams and fate achievement for a show with no dialogue whatsoever. connoted by this Unfortunately these comic moments slowly assimilation mirrors the degenerated into a repetitive farce, which was sadly short life that the also the case with the rest of the show. As the novelty composer led, and I felt of a large number of people jumping around banging that this helpful things wore off, one’s attention was slowly drawn introduction made me away from the performance to the row behind and more intrigued by certain members of it (not only, I might add, the the music that followed. school groups that you always find at these things.) The majestic yet simultaneously impressionistic However this was, in fact, a welcome diversion as opening that consisted of spread chords on the piano, Stomp dragged on for two hours without an interval, and perfectly intonated thirds shared between violin whilst only being enjoyable for about forty minutes. and cello, displayed the awesome cohesion of the The lack of interval was a grave omission as it was ensemble; I was confident that this would not wane asking too much of the performers to keep going and during the concert. I was also struck by the immense maintain the audience’s interest for such a long time changes of colour that the instruments produced, and without a break. It would have been easy to slip in an the combinations that could arise. This intimate work interval at the end of any section; by about half way left a lasting impression on my mind, with the ending through each scene, one would start considering ice- so beautiful in its fragility, that every listener remained creams and suchlike, only to be brought back down to spellbound for hours after the concert. earth with, surprisingly enough, a stomp. The highlight of the final piece was the powerful This is not to say that it was not an excellent transition between the third and final movements. The performance – in all, it was an enjoyable spectacle. dignified, tranquil, choral melodies of the third You might say, though, that the gallop slowed to a movement, marked andante cantabile, ebbed and canter on the home straight: always a mistake. So, was flowed, seemingly in a continuous fashion. A sudden, it worth watching? Yes, an interesting and enjoyable rudely awakening, chord arrived: potent enough to end performance with moments of audience participation the anonymous listener’s sleep, yet compatible entirely and a bit of attempted comedy. The downside? It was with the overall direction of the music. too long and the lack of dialogue made the attempted I left in awe of the number of musical decisions that plot rather obscure at the best of times, and no interval had clearly been taken, and the amount of time that meant that concentration waned. Not a wasted had been invested towards this concert. evening, though; the Music Department always have fun on their outings together.

16 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 30 January 2007 DESERT ISLAND DONS NO. 2 – MR NICHOLAS WEAVER A new series of mini-interviews with musical members of Common Room where we imagine that they are marooned on a desert island. They are allowed to choose ten pieces of music and a book, luxury, etc (alongside, of course, the Bible and the complete works of Shakespeare. This interview was omitted, by mistake, from the Christmas issue last term; NJW is now Deputy Headmaster of Portsmouth Grammar School.

1. Don’t Get Me Wrong (The Pretenders) 7. Adagio for Strings (Samuel Barber) This is such a wonderful song about falling in love. Pure sentimentality, music so rich it is almost too Two friends of mine performed it at my wedding and much to bear. Being on a desert island would be pretty it would be a happy reminder of that great day. miserable at times – this is for those melancholy 2. Jessica (The Allman Brothers) moments. Most people know this as the Top Gear theme, but 8. Happy Hour (The Housemartins) beyond that it is a great instrumental. I remember one This is the song I have probably danced to more than morning getting up early to go back to University and any other. When I used to work building punts, it was this was the first record on the radio – all seven and a a rule in the workshop that when this came on half minutes of it. It is such a sunny, uplifting track, it everyone downed tools and danced. It is infectiously fitted my mood precisely. I bought it as soon as I could upbeat, in contrast with the lyrics’ rather unhappy and have loved it ever since. description of rich 1980s yuppies out on the town. It is 3. The Lark Ascending (Ralph Vaughan Williams) this contrast that makes it win over Walking on Vaughan Williams weaves folk song themes in an Sunshine or Come on Eileen as my dancing song. evocation of English countryside. It is a breathtakingly 9. Boys will be boys (The Ordinary Boys) beautiful piece of music in its own right, but again I This has a great retro ‘80s ska feel. I have loved this have chosen it to remind me of a specific occasion, song ever since hearing it on the ‘G social Joga when my girlfriend and I saw this performed in a Bonito’ keepy-uppy video, which has become a concert in Ely Cathedral. She’s now my wife, so it’s a favourite with my two sons. We often put this track on special memory. at home and play keepy-uppy to it using a balloon. 4. Clair de Lune (Claude Debussy) This would remind me of them. I think this is the second most popular choice on the 10. Everything (Tim Hughes) Radio 4 Desert Island Discs. I don’t normally like to ‘God in my living, there in my breathing, God in my go with the crowd, but I will with this choice. This waking, God in my sleeping, God in my resting, there piece is supposed to evoke moonlight, but it seems to in my working, God in my thinking, God in my me that it goes well beyond that – it is very emotional speaking – be my everything.’ and sensual. I love all Debussy’s piano works, but this Tim Hughes is my favourite Christian musician and is the apex in my book. this is my favourite of his songs. 5. Breathing (Kate Bush) This may seem a strange choice – a song about an Song if only allowed one: unborn baby being contaminated by its mother The Lark Ascending – it probably holds the most breathing in fallout after a nuclear war. However, Kate interest for repeated listening, plus the happy Bush is a marvellous songwriter and arranger and this memories it evokes. song just sounds fantastic. Listening carefully reveals Luxury: lots of hidden depths right to the end – even the final bass notes are perfect. My guitar: then I will have hundreds of songs to enjoy, rather than just the ten above. 6. The Girl from Ipanema (Stan Getz) Drink: This would have to be the live version, which starts with Joao Gilberto on the guitar, pausing for a tune up I nice single malt Islay whisky, but I think that I would after a few bars. His sister, Astrud, has an untrained want it rationed – perhaps one measure each evening. voice that is just right for this longing description of Book: unrequited love. The entry of Getz for his sax solo is I am assuming that I get the Bible and Complete sublime – wonderfully understated. Works of Shakespeare, as they do on the radio. The

Feynman Lectures on Physics would keep me going 17 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE for a long time. Richard Feynman was a genius, but he If you could take one literary character, who would it had the knack of making Physics understandable to be? others much less capable, like me. Timmy from the Famous Five books, or any other Film: dog. A dog would be good company. This is Spinal Tap: the funniest film ever. If you could take a celebrity who would it be? If you could have a phone call to one don who would it Bill Bailey, comedian and musician, although only if be? he had his own guitar, so we wouldn’t fight over mine.. Tempting to say Mr Matthews – he would be most likely to be able to rescue me – but if that is against Send suggestions for dons to be marooned on a desert the rules I’d phone Mr Hindley, just to find out how island to [email protected]. Midgets 1 are getting on.

IMPERIUM – ROBERT HARRIS the last pages of the book. But no, Harris had slowly cranked up the tension, concentrating on that one focal As an avid reader of all historical fiction, I was already point, the achievement of Consul. Then, suddenly, in a filled with anticipation when I received this book. quick few words Cicero becomes Consul with no After mixed feelings about Harris’ previous book support and... STOP! I felt like I was on Who Wants Pompeii I was unsure as to what to think when I To Be A Millionaire? and had just answered the turned to the first page. My opinion changed when I £125,000 question – as I sweat violently and wait for finished the first chapter in ten minutes (skim the answer, Chris Tarrant swings to the camera and reading… just to put everyone’s mind at rest). says, ‘We’ll find out what happens after the break’. Set in the last decade of the republic, Imperium tells Except that this was no break, but the end of the book. the story of the rise of a young man named Cicero who Setting aside the anti-climatic ending (even more a fights his way up to the political ladder in order to disappointment since every fule kno the result achieve ‘Imperium’ or state power using only his anyway), Harris has achieved a great deal in these voice. For those historical fanatics out there it provides pages, and deserves praise for his scholarly research in a wealth of knowledge about both Roman history at preparing it, joining well-established authors such as that time but furthermore politics and law form the Colleen McCullough in popularising the Classical central theme of this book. If, however, you are just period through historical fiction. looking for a good read, then this book is perfect as the And who knows – after the break maybe Harris will plot constantly changes to keep you on your toes. write a sequel and we will find out what happens in As the story continues it throws in new events and the next round. characters to keep the plot exciting and interesting.

Moreover, if you mention Cicero in a conversation the only fact people seem to know, if they even know who DRAMA DEVISED PIECES he is, is the Sextus Roscius case. Consequently, Harris DECEMBER 3, STUDIO THEATRE reveals a new time period of Cicero’s life, so if you know about Cicero then this book has a lot of In the second half of the Michaelmas term, all the Vth information that reveals the background to the greatest Drama students get into groups and create their own ever Roman orator. plays from scratch. This year, the class of 13 split into three groups. After many weeks of research, rehearsal This, however, is only one of the many talents that and rewriting, the plays finally began to take shape. Harris shows in this book. When reading this book The three groups had received their affectionate names hour after hour I began to see that although this book from Mr Lowe: ‘the Hostages’, ‘the Horses’, and ‘the is about Cicero, there was more than one main Brothers’. On the big day of performance, there was a character in this story. The narrator of the story, Tiro morning dress rehearsal for each group, followed by (Cicero’s slave), slowly emerged as the unsung hero of the performance itself. The first group on were The the book and I was amazed by the way that Harris Hostages. Their play was based around the Moscow manages to place these two characters on an equal theatre siege a few years ago. From the start, the play level. had a particularly menacing atmosphere; the austere No-one, however, is perfect and after having burned blue lights gave a harsh effect to the opening of the my way through the two hundred or so pages avidly play. A brilliant effort from Max Bullen-Smith (E) wondering what the climatic ending was going to be, I gave the play’s more emotional scenes a hugely turned to the next page. THE END. I was sure that I realistic feel; this was especially true of the scene in must have missed out a couple of chapters. Or, like in which his character describes the loss of his daughter. those cheesy detective films, someone has ripped out The performance’s ending was equally strong: with 18 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 5 February 2007 Hugh Petit (F), having escaped, the other two hostages are executed with some very realistic stage violence. When Max was shot off stage, Alex Birkmyre (H) ran back on, only to be dragged off by his hair. The echoing gunshot was effective, menacing and final. The next group up were ‘The Brothers’. This was the moving story of four brothers’ desperate attempt to raise money to save their baby sister from adoption. Charlie MacRae-Tod (C) produced an exceptional piece of theatre as the eldest brother; his character took the lead and galvanized the brothers into action. The two other notable brothers were Laurie Flaux (E) and Hugo Birdwood (C). Laurie, cast as the estranged brother, had the money to save their sister on his own, and portrayed his meanness very well. Hugo was cast as the drunkard of the family, providing the dramatic twist at the end of the play, when the other brothers discover that it was he who had been stealing their money to buy alcohol. During his breakdown, the other brothers storm out past him, each yelling at him; Alex Tan (F) even paused to kick him, though I felt that that this did not look as real as it could have done. The play ended with the macabre, if slightly overused scene, when Charlie entered with a torch, to find Hugo hanging from the balcony; this piece of the play was particularly well staged. The final group to perform were ‘The Horses’. After two good plays, the audience was ready for another. Though the opening scene was slightly confused, with CRIME & PUNISHMENT important lines rushed, the performance quickly began The solution to last issue’s logic problem. to pick up. This was about an equestrian insurance The challenge set was, from eight clues, to deduce scam. The culprit was played by George Stinton (D), a which member of I Social in which year committed wealthy landowner who had bought a group of aged which heinous offence with which (in)appropriate racehorses some time before. Realising that they had consequence from their Tutor. No characters or become worthless, he decides to kill them and blame it offences here are supposed to resemble any real-life on his groom. He nearly gets away with it, but is incidents in a social near you – honest. exposed at the trial on account of the coat that he was wearing on the night of the crime. It emerges that the Alex was the VI.2 who tripped over Matron’s cat. judge, Will Spendlove (C), had known the landowner He was given a detention. from some previous life, and had committed some Charlie was the VI.1 who was caught reading crime, letting him take the punishment. This led to Crime and Punishment after lights out; he was blackmail at the end of the play. Overall, I felt that this given a fatigues. was the weakest of the three plays as I found it very confused; I do, however, think that there was some Harry was the Vth who drew Physics diagrams in very strong acting ability, which completely covered pen, not pencil. He was, of course, instantly up the problems with the script. expelled. Jamie was a Remove who foolishly went out to the Astro early one evening; he was put on the Tardy List. Will was the Shell who overslept the morning after the Normandy trip; he was made to review the Social Play for the Chronicle. For full details, see the puzzle grid and clues in last term’s Christmas issue (Vol V no. 4). [All back issues are available to download as pdfs from the College intranet.] 19 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE SNAKES ON A PLANE There’s no doubt that Snakes on a Plane was the most Thompson). The snakes deserve some credit too – hyped film of 2006. There are few films that can claim after Samuel L. Jackson they have the most important to have their most memorable line suggested by fans role in the film (possibly even more important, months before the film even hit the cinemas. For that especially since it is called Snakes on a Plane, not matter, there are even fewer that can claim it wasn’t Samuel L Jackson on a Plane). the scriptwriters, but a fan that created the line in the Unfortunately there is one major, intrusive problem. first place. Who can claim that? Snakes on a Plane. The product placement is truly something – Kawasaki In case the title doesn’t give it away, the film features and Red Bull in the opening scenes, GMC Trucks a storyline of killer snakes attacking an FBI agent and driven by Eddie Kim, onscreen use of a Sony PSP and a witness in his protection on a plane. The snakes are mention of an Xbox and a PlayStation 2 (which is so angered and riled up that nobody is going to stop credited by Flynn as saving the day: ‘All praise to the them from attacking. These snakes are deadly, and if PlayStation!’), a Palm Treo 650 Smartphone (used by killing the humans through a range of nasty ways isn’t the character Mercedes to advance the plot, enough, just aggressively slithering around in the walls photographing the snakes and emailing the photos to of the plane, randomly attacking things, can do enough rescue workers on the ground so they have the right damage to bring the plane down. antivenom ready…), Purell hand sanitizer, a Nintendo DS, San Pellegrino mineral water, and Pepsi products There is only one man who could confront such an odd everywhere… disaster as snakes on a plane: Samuel L. Jackson. Somehow, Jackson’s presence removes the It’s just too much, and really distracting, to the point ridiculousness of the events. Perhaps it’s because he of completely breaking the tension. However it’s a delivers his lines with a serious devotion to making pretty minor quibble considering how much could this situation real. Maybe it’s because Jackson is an have gone wrong. And that’s just it. This is a film actor who brings something to the table that everyone which had the potential to be utterly awful. Around can relate to. But probably, it’s because we want to every corner there must have been an executive watch Jackson lay into some snakes, which he does wanting to tone down the violence and dumb down the indeed, from the point when he first encounters the script, but it seems to have steered through everything reptiles until the very end. You can’t help but cheer as to come out on the other side being a genuinely funny Jackson dispatches the snakes with various weapons, and entertaining film. leading up to his signature line which has a good To be fair when reviewing it’s important to consider chance of having the audience yell out with him, just what the film was trying to do. In the case of particularly so when they’re the ones who inspired it. Snakes on a Plane the intention is right in the title: What makes the film work is that Snakes on a Plane is they were trying to tell a story about snakes on a plane fully aware of how ridiculous its situation is, but it in the style of a straightforward yet knowingly clichéd doesn’t try to take a tongue-in-cheek approach. It action flick. It does what it says on the tin. makes no apologies, but doesn’t make fun of itself Does this film make you think? Not really. Does it either. The film is played straight, completely make you strive to be a better person? No. Does it formulaic as an action flick without actually making have plenty of snakes on a plane? Absolutely. And for fun of the action genre. It’s simple. Here’s the a Hollywood no-brainer movie, that’s more than problem: there are snakes on the plane. Now, how do enough for a thrilling good time. Do catch the DVD we deal with that? In fact, the few times the film for an undemanding scare one evening. seems absurd is when it tries to over-explain itself, such as suggesting the snakes being cold-blooded is why the FBI missed them being on the plane during its DUKE of EDINBURGH AWARD scans or explaining away the aggressive behaviour of the reptiles with some blarney about pheromones. As CHRISTMAS QUIZ an audience we don’t care about how this happened. Thanks to everyone who entered, raising £201.43 for The fact that anyone thought of this, let alone filmed the DofE's charitable causes. Congratulations to JFCN it, is absurd enough. on winning the quiz (on the tie-breaker after drawing It’s unfair to give Jackson alone credit for the trashing on 13 ex 15 with TDM, Asa Bennett (C) and Sam of the snakes however. Everyone in the film gets a part Boggis-Rolfe (G)), and to Tom Vestey (E) on winning in either killing snakes or being killed by them, the jar of chocolate coins after his guess of 261 was whether it’s witness Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips), extraordinarily close to the real total of 258. flight attendant Claire Miller (Julianna Marguiles), or bodyguard/entourage member Troy (Kenan 20 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 5 February 2007

MINUTES OF SMAC MEETING ORNIPHOBIA HALL, MONDAY 29 JANUARY SEWELL CENTRE EXHIBITION Present: CRB, PJD, RPLB, B. Pease (Head Chef), K. Tate Modern has come up with a brilliantly new idea – Richardson (acting 2nd Chef), the Second Prefect and buy a brush stroke of Turner’s The Blue Rigi and help reps from all Socials. Apologies were received from save the painting from disappearing from the public the Senior Prefect. eye, from the clutches of a private collector who bid £4.5m for it. The Tate has many other Turners, 1. The minutes of the last meeting were read and including the other ‘Rigis’, and if enough is raised it agreed. will be the first time the complete collection will be 2. Friday evening Social choices. These are popular together, for Turner completed them and sold them at but unsurprisingly the same dishes recur. The catering different times. A fantastic idea: you can ‘own’ part of staff will add some recommendations of their own to a masterpiece for a fiver a brush stroke. vary the meals. Now unlike some precociously, daringly and 3. Sundays. Numbers eating in on Sundays are provocatively overpriced amateur work, this is worth uncertain and much food is therefore wasted. There something. And so is, or at least partly, Orniphobia, will be fewer roasts, which might appear on the supper the exhibition in the Sewell Centre by Gerald menu, more wok type dishes and there will be an Whiteley. Those beautifully crafted chickens, made additional brunch next term. CRB to talk to Tutors out of different combined woods and arranged with about ways of providing more accurate numbers. huge detail are quite amazing and definitely worth 4. Smoothies are being tested on Friday. If found to anything to see (though some of it is not worth the be satisfactory, there will be a tasting at the next trip…). It is the view of the though individual as to meeting. why some art is good, bad, important, special or even just simply beautiful, and fortunately for some, their 5. Breakfast. There will be fewer of the kedgeree type art gets more attention just like Turner’s for example, dishes. A yoghurt bar will be instituted and there will because it purely appeals to more people. I cannot be fruit salad. More porridge was requested. however, and forgive me for being blunt, see the 6. Fruit. More fruit was requested in Socials. RPLB appeal, point or reason behind what literally is a giant pointed out the problems of storage and therefore car-sized slab of turquoise-painted MDF with the wastage. The present choice of apples was universally shape of a chicken cut from the middle. One boy I was unpopular and new varieties would be tried. with said it was good and ‘I like the contrast’ – presumably in comparison with the shape of the 7. Deli-bar. There will be more traditional dishes on chicken which is cut out on the wall beside it, used as the deli-bar e.g. cold pork, beef etc. as well as a base from the same bit of MDF for another of the individual bowls for olives etc. Whole grain mustard crafted reliefs. I can’t see why the reliefs don’t look will be available. better on their own. It appears Whiteley was in a 8. Allergies. Notices regarding nuts etc are very parsimonious, over-economical mood during its important. PJD pointed out that there is now a board creation – ‘Oh, I can get another piece out of that,’ he so that kitchen staff can recognise special thinks to himself, coming across off-cuts in his meals/dishes. workshop. 9. Curry. Some felt there were too many curries, The photos on the left of the rusted, broken farmyard others not. CRB pointed out that there were always machinery taken in the mist are good; I like the soft other choices. The committee agreed to disagree. gentle haze and how the chicken fits in with the overall theme. The Wallace and Gromit-style rocket in 10. Waste. (See 3. above.) Further attempts to educate the far corner is quirky next to the magnificent Radleians will be made. For example, more watercolours. The giant water trough on the right is a information will appear on the screens in the kitchens. pain when you have to walk all the way round it just to 11. There was discussion about the difficulties of get to the sculpture studio. But, as I said, the best of all offering game. are the wooden chickens put together piece by piece creating a relief. I say they are best because they took 12. More organic food was requested by a few. skill and craft to create them; I am not saying that all Shoestring fries, moussaka and grapes had been very art must be time-consuming and difficult to make, but popular. rather that in a time when an urinal can be art, just Finally, CRB thanked PJD and her staff and informed because it can, they are the pieces of work which are them of some very positive feedback from boys about going to get the respect, interest and appreciation most the standard of catering. of all.

21 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

‘Radleian at the organ’ by Arthur Laidlaw (H) 22 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 5 February 2007

CORRESPONDENCE Correspondence is invited from any interested parties: please send contributions via email to [email protected]. Correspondents are welcome to use a pseudonym but must make their identity known to the Editors. To the editors of ‘The Radley College Chronicle’: Dear Sirs, was stated that she was the first woman to be a Firstly, I would like to congratulate you on your Resident Sub-Tutor. This overlooks our former colleague, Sally Cohen. In January 1985 CWH magazine. It is of a remarkably high level of interest became Tutor of F Social and Sally, then on a year’s and style (I am unclear as to how much this due to pupil and to teacher input respectively, but it is secondment from Melbourne Grammar School, succeeded him as Sub-Tutor. (Subsequently, as Mrs unimportant). It might interest you to know that a Sally Scott, she became one of the first two women to current Cambridge undergraduate has studied every edition, finding much material for his dissertation on be appointed a Housemaster in the all boys Melbourne Grammar). Thus she was the precedent for the Misses contemporary public school attitudes. Church, Benson and Naylor. Secondly, as resident Common Room pedant, I would There was a rumour that in the course of the 90s a like to correct a misapprehension in your Christmas certain Tutor wanted to appoint a female Sub-Tutor Issue (‘A Christian School?’). The writer refers to the famous ‘wager’ of the 17th century French but was told he could not do so as ‘it has never been done before’. I wonder whether any of your readers mathematician/philosopher Blaise Pascal, perhaps the best (or even only) rationale for Christian belief: one can confirm or deny this. based on irrefutable self-interest, and possessing a Yours faithfully, beautiful mathematical simplicity and elegance. Your ‘SENEX’ writer suggests that the 18th century philosopher/wit/playwright Voltaire was the formulator of this argument; he might however be Dear Sirs, thinking of the latter’s famous epigram that ‘if God I’m sure that there are very few in the college who did not exist, we would have to invent him/her’. actually enjoy or appreciate the inter-social This does not of course detract from the Steeplechase – it is in the same category as things such thoughtfulness of the article or that of the rest of your as Declamations, debating, the Warden’s French Verb magazine. and Algebra Tests (when does he get the time to set these things?): things we dislike but realise there is Yours, some higher purpose other than the pain endured. I am JFC Nash very glad to see that it has been postponed this year and, short of calling for its demise, may I make the Dear Sirs, suggestion that, in future years, it is scheduled for later May I use the courtesy of your columns to make a on in the term. This would accomplish two things: correction to an article in the recent Radleian? To firstly the issue of people returning from Christmas leave it to that publication’s next edition would be to who are ‘off-games’ through over-indulgence; it rake over very dead embers indeed. would allow them the benefit of the excellent care of In the excellent Vale to FMCC (Mrs David Corran) it the Infirmary to aid their recovery.

23 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE Secondly, it would allow those, not having Dear Sirs, participated in such strenuous festive eating and It is good to see College taking the major sports drinking yet returning slightly short of full fitness, the seriously. We now have a Director of Rowing and opportunity of several weeks of sport to reach the Director of Hockey, to go with the more traditional typically high level of Radleian fitness again. titles of Director of Music and Director of Drama. In Everyone knows the short sharp shock of starting sport September, I am given to understand, the new again in January and I think this opportunity to Directors of Badminton, Beagling, and Ergos take up practise would be very much appreciated. their posts and, no doubt, we look forward to results in Unless, of course, there is something other than these vital areas improving noticeably. tradition which affixes the Steeplechase to the second The only thing that bothers me is, Quis dirigiet ipsos week of this term…? directores? Clearly I need direction. Yours, Yours, ‘PAIN IN THE LEGS’ ‘ALL CHIEFS’

Dear Sirs, Dear Sirs, Why does the school insist on calling football ‘soccer’ I am delighted to have noticed the sudden increase of in the Calendar? We live in Britain where we play the ‘mosquito’ ringtone, now used often throughout football; were we to be in America or Australia we the campus by we boys for message alert tones and would be playing soccer simply because they have ring tones. The sound is too high for anyone over their own versions of football and call the beautiful about 20 to hear it… You may (not) have heard these game ‘soccer’ to reduce the confusion in their simple phones during Chapel, lessons, and even the Warden’s minds. Assembly earlier in term. The amazing thing is, no The governing body of English football is called the dons can hear it! FA (Football Association) and clubs compete for the Yours secretly, FA Cup and not the SA Cup. As far as I’m aware, football-soccer is the most prominent and popular type ‘Ms SQUITO’ of foot-ball-games in Britain and that Radley, unlike some of our older public school rivals, no longer has its own personal version (see Football at Radley by AEM for the full story). Grumpily, ‘ALF WAYLINE’

HOCKEY: REPORTS & RESULTS Bigside concentration, and so it proved with Charterhouse snatching what looked like the winner in the dyeing Charterhouse are always formidable opposition and an minutes, but the resilience and guts of Radley could air of optimism and confidence has protruded from not be faulted and as they moved the ball crisply to the RCHC this term meaning that Bigside travelled to Charterhouse end, Alex Crampton-Smith (F) was there deepest Surrey with a real hope of a balanced match. to snatch the most glorious of equalisers. What resulted was an unforgettable tie with honours even at the last. Radley quickly seized the initiative A home tie against Eton saw Bigside record their first with a well-worked opening goal through Harry victory in what looks like being a successful season, Mayes (G), only to see this cancelled out in emphatic and it was slick and skilful hockey in the opening fashion with a routine penalty flick. A period of skirmishes which earned them this pleasing win. An Charterhouse domination ensued where they showed early goal from captain Charlie Davies (A) from a their own form of confident high-tempo hockey which short corner gave the team a useful confidence boost resulted in two quick goals, putting Radley firmly on and when Charlie Wood (E) rattled the crossbar, the back foot. With ten minutes remaining Radley Radley were in full swing and complete control. This looked dead and buried, but this is no ordinary side resulted in a second score from Harry Mayes (G) and and they showed great resilience and determination to at this point Radley looked comfortable with their two- claw back two goals through Charlie Wood (E) and goal cushion. A scrappy second half ended with some Jamie Stallibrass (C) which tied the scores. A heroic tense moments as Eton clawed one back through a comeback, though, almost always results in lapses in penalty flick but in the end Radley held out for a well- 24 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 5 February 2007 earned victory. Colts 1st XI The start of the season didn’t exactly go to plan when Colts 1 started off with a 5-1 defeat against 2nd XI Charterhouse, which though a harsh scoreline, was Saturday 13 January nevertheless a disappointing defeat. However, Radley v Charterhouse (A) put in a courageous performance and it was only Drew 2-2 Charterhouse’s superior pace and power which made the difference. Saturday 20 January The away trip to Eton is always a keenly contested v Eton (H) fixture and the Colts 1 tie was no exception. However, Won 2-1 a closely fought tie was eventually won by Eton with a

Saturday 27 January solitary goal, which marked the difference in between the two sides in the end. v Cheltenham (H) Drew 2-2 Colts 2nd XI

The first game of the season, away at Charterhouse, 3rd XI saw Radley take away a 4-0 defeat. Although The Thirds kicked off their season in rather unfair demoralising, Mr. Dalrymple said that this match did fashion when they were forced to play on grass against not reflect the skill colts 2 had, as it was the only Charterhouse rather than on their preferred surface on match this 2nd XI had played on grass. With no Astroturf. This immediately put Radley at a severe experience on the bumpy ground, Colts 2 never had a disadvantage due to the more direct route which grass chance but nevertheless they put up a fight, which the hockey tends to adopt. This more simple minded score line did not reflect. The away match at Eton attack obviously suited the opposition and therefore allowed all the players to show their skill on the they gained an early lead which put Radley on the hockey pitch, as the initially close match ended up in back foot, they eventually won 4-0. A convincing goal fest with a Radley victory of 6-3. The albeit slightly unfair outcome to an enthralling tie. unforgiving, quick pitch meant the work rate of the team soon drained their fitness, but goals were being A home tie and a more agreeable surface meant a shot scored right to the end, by using the strong midfield of at redemption for the 3rd XI against Eton but Crisp, Hibbs, Holbech and Lambert backed up by a unfortunately they failed to deliver what could have solid defence. A hat-trick by centre forward Michael been an impressive victory. The match was evenly Little proved his unstoppable presence up field, while poised for virtually its entirety until Eton managed to great finishing from Holbech, Day and Crisp settled snatch a late winner which gave them a slender the score-line. The 3-3 draw against Cheltenham does victory. There were brave performances from Leo Colts 2 no justice as they struggled, and played with Russell (E) and others, but in the end it wasn’t enough obvious dominance in the second half, with only cruel to save them from the jaws of defeat. moments of luck helping Cheltenham to the draw. Still 4th XI a season full of potential to come… Saturday 13 January Colts 3rd XI v Charterhouse (A) Saturday 13 January Drew 1-1 v Charterhouse (A)

Saturday 27 January Lost 0-1

v Cheltenham (H) Saturday 20 January Drew 2-2 v Eton (A)

Won 7-1 5th XI Saturday 27 January Saturday 13 January v Cheltenham (H) v Charterhouse (A) Drew 2-2 Lost 3-5

Saturday 27 January Junior Colts 1st XI v Cheltenham (H) Won 1-0 JC1 opened their account in emphatic style against Charterhouse with a convincing 3-1 victory. It is 25 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE always a long trip down to Charterhouse and only the was the final score and was probably a slightly unfair brave and talented come away with pleasing return. reflection on the run of play which has had been, for However, the pace and finesse of our talented the most part, in Radley’s favour. Young Brownlee (E) Removes was too much for their Carthusian opened his account in Radley colours with a neatly counterparts; solid performances were put in by Xan taken finish, just for Charterhouse to cancel out with a Wood (E) and Charlie Goodwin (F) along with many well-worked equaliser. others. To top off a successful week they then went on to deal out a 4-0 crushing to Eton. Again, JC1 showed Midgets 2nd XI superior pace, power and skill in every department to The year is split into wet and dry; there were not that earn a thoroughly convincing victory. many people who had played hockey before. This Junior Colts 2nd XI however did not prove to be a huge setback and many boys have played in the top few teams who had never Charterhouse have always had a lot of strength in played competitive hockey before in their life. Finding depth in both hockey and football and this would have myself in Midgets 2 was a surprise as I was one of been in the minds of JC2 as they travelled to the dull those who had never played before. But hockey is a Surrey stockbroker belt. However, a clinical sport that can be learned and understood very quickly performance ensued and they won the tie by three as I have found out. Having only three days of training goals to won. The organised Charterhouse defence was Midgets 1-6 were scrambled together to play unable to stem the barrage of attacks and eventually Charterhouse, the coaches doing their very best to pick goals came from Henry Frewer (G) and Jonathan the right people for the right teams. Quicke (B), meaning that Radley earned a convincing Midgets 2 looked very much the stronger side in the victory. first ten minutes but were unable to clinch an early Like their colleagues in JC1, they were able to make it lead. However Charterhouse’s defence was strong and two consecutive victories with a thoroughly the match began to even out. By half-time the match enthralling 5-3 win over Eton. Radley utterly had turned into a stalemate both sides making breaks dominated the first half and built up what looked like but neither scoring. The opening of the second half an impregnable lead with the help of a well-worked showed that the half time talks had paid off, and the goal from captain Jamie Wynne-Griffith (D), but an game was being played at a much faster pace. Radley unforeseen Etonian comeback followed in the second spent a lot of time in the Charterhouse half and looked half and Radley were somewhat relieved with the the stronger side, but a lack of experience in front of victory. goal meant that the game ended in a goalless draw, an exciting match none the less. Junior Colts 3rd XI Next up were Eton, who are always a tough fixture. Saturday 13th January Knowing that they would be stronger than v Charterhouse (H) Charterhouse, a few changes were made to the side, Drew 3-3 notably Archie Nelson (A), who had scored two goals against Charterhouse for Midgets 3.With in the first Saturday 20th January few minutes we had shown our attacking skills, when v Eton (A) David Wallis (D) crossed one from the right which Won 4-0 found Nelson at the far post who coolly swept it past

Saturday 27th January the keeper for the opening goal of the season for Midgets 2. There was no slack in our efforts to get the v Cheltenham (H) ball forward but in defence we proved unable to break Won 11-2 up the ring of players encircling the player at 16s and sidelines. Two more goals were scored in the first half, Junior Colts 4th XI Archie Nelson struck one nicely off the reverse stick Saturday 13 Januaryv past the keeper from short range and at a short corner Charterhouse (H) Nelson received the ball from the pusher and clubbed it into the bottom corner from the top of the D. The Lost 0-2 second half was once again faster than the first and Radley played some really flowing hockey up front Midgets 1st XI and the defence was reliable a special mention to Os Miller (G) who kept his clean sheet very convincingly, The first match in any sport for a new shell is always a making some good saves. Sadly no more goals were somewhat patriotic and exciting prospect, and Midgets scored in the second half leaving the match as a 1 displayed their eagerness to compete with a keenly convincing 3-0 win to Radley, all goals going to contested battle with an equally formidable side. 1-1 Archie Nelson. 26 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 5 February 2007 sight of a few shocked Harrow defenders as the ball flew past them into the top corner was a welcome Midgets 3rd XI respite to the onslaught. A courageous performance Saturday 13 January showing plenty of promise was only marred by the harsh scoreline. v Charterhouse (H) Drew 2-2 After the postponement of the game against Teddies in midweek, the 1st XI were anxious to get their season Saturday 20 January kick-started against a physical and talented Tonbridge v Eton (H) side. However, hey defensive errors cost Radley in the Drew 0-0 as they got off to a nightmare star, conceding two needless goals inside ten minutes. It was always an Saturday 27 January uphill struggle from then on against opposition who v Cheltenham (A) were extremely efficient on the break. They did break Won 4-0 the deadlock at 3-0 through a combination of George Frewer (G) and Pritchard once they had latched onto David Wynne-Griffith’s (D) well-worked cross. Midgets 4th XI Tonbridge proved to too strong in the end and won the Saturday 13 January tie 4-1. v Charterhouse (H) Won 2-0 Secondside The first game of the season against Harrow is always Saturday 20 January a tough ask for the teams in the RCAFC and the v Eton (H) Secondside tie was no exception. However, Won 3-0 Secondside is a very talented side this year and this showed in an optimistic start which displayed the promise of an upset. However, in the end Harrow Midgets 5th XI managed to gain a two goal lead which eventually Saturday 13 January meant an unassailable one. v Charterhouse (H) Treks to Tonbridge are always fine so long as you win. Lost 0-1 Lose, and it’s made all the worse. Sadly for the Second XI, it was the latter. Tonbridge has superb aerial ability in defence with a mixture of pace and craft Midgets 6th XI going forward however Radley seemed to have had their tactics spot on. Skipper James Tilney (F) dealt Saturday 13 January wisely with their pace and Chris Sworder (E) defused v Charterhouse (H) many potentially dangerous moments with some bone- Lost 3-4 crunching tackles. Going forward, Radley kept the ball on the ground and the pace of Jack Mendelssohn (E) caused them problems all day; he was unfortunate to SENIOR SOCCER: REPORTS not score. Paddy Eccles Williams (E) struck the bar from 30 yards as Radley pressed in the first half. It Bigside became clear that the first goal of the game was to be The start of the football season is always a tough ask vital to its outcome. Against the run of play, and into against Harrow but as the 1st XI travelled to the the strong wind, Tonbridge scored on the stroke of half stunning Harrow pitch beneath the beaming lights of time to give them a decisive mental edge. The second the new Wembley arena there was a sense that maybe half contrived in wave after wave of Radley attacks Radley could cause an unforeseen upset. This year’s which never really developed into clear opportunities side had a useful blend of experience with some new and with virtually the last kick of the game, Tonbridge but nevertheless talented but in the end it wasn’t sealed a 2-0 victory on the counter. enough to combat the superior talent, pace and power of the Harrow side. The end result of 6-1 was did not 5th XI flatter Radley and was undeserved and would have The 5th’s season got off to a valiant yet ultimately been sufficiently less had it not been for some doomed start away to the Stygian mudbath that is outrageous refereeing decisions. Radley’s one goal Harrow. 4-0 was the score, a score which didn’t reflect came from a stunning 30 yard strike from William the run of play – Harrow were rightful victors but Pritchard (A); easily the best goal of the game, the didn’t dominate as much as the score suggests. 27 5 February 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE However, the next game, again on the travel, against goals – one unlucky deflection inside two minutes off Tonbridge, the 5 hour round trip was vindicated by a Henry Colburn (E), and a spectacular effort from fabulous 1-0 victory, Milo Wasserman (H) and a Jamie Curtis-Hayward (A) who, in attempting to clear random Tonbridge defender providing an unstoppable a dead ball off the line only succeeded in firing it into finish. Great performance by the back four of Parson the net off a post. One of the Vths, Richard Noble (B), (G), Arnold (H), Martyn-Hemphill (F) and Smyly in goal was left helpless at times by an extremely major (H) and the midfield powerhouse of Charles suspect back four; with some defence howlers by Tilney (F) – surely a great season awaits! centre-backs Alex Easdale (A) and Noah Assheton (H)… 6th XI There were some silver linings to the thunderclouds – The 6th XI’s season started, and ended, with a loss. A Will Weston (E) and Alex Tan (F) troubled the big loss in fact – one that threatened to reach double Harrow defence with their pace, and Assheton figures – not helped by having to call up five Colts 3 provided some crucial tackles, although unfortunately players on the day of the game owing to the lack of conceding a penalty for what seemed an innocuous numbers and the fact that this was the first outing on challenge. Thanks to GHSM for the season even grass of the year. The team nevertheless fought though it was not the most successful in our history. bravely but without success, managing three shots on goal all game, with only two hitting the target – indeed Season summary: P1; W0; D0; L1; GF:0; GA:9. the only goals scored by the Radley team were own-

INDEX EDITORS Alex Easdale (A), Will Baker (B), Max Blanshard (B), Will Vol. VI No. 1 5 February 2007 Symington (B), Alex Sants (B), Alex Gilbert (B), George Lines (B), Asa Bennett (C), Ben Sheen (C), David Wynne-Griffith (D), Gordon Brown – Prime Minister in Waiting 1 Pelham Groom (E), Freddie Tapner (F), Jonathan Williams (H), Where do Radleians come from? 2 Alex Chadwick (H), Chris Taylor (H), Jamie Crole (H), Mr Luke Bartlett and Mr Ian Yorston. A Poll on Sports kit and Colours 4 New Dons 4 Overheard… 5 ASSISTANT EDITORS Freddie Tapner & Diary of a Patient 6 Alex Wise (C), Archie Manners (C), Jamie Hanson (D), Jamie Brown (D), Felix Neate (E), Chris Sworder (E), Joss Richards (H) Your life on Facebook 7 & Arthur Laidlaw (H). How do you solve a problem like the Theatre? 8

Declamations Diary 9 Unhappy Feet 10 CONTRIBUTORS Driving Lessons 11 Rupert Grace (A), Jamie Randall (C), Rory Stallibrass (C), Leo Nanotechnology in the Home 12 Russell (E), Cern Ho (E), Henry Woodward-Fisher (G) and George Coles (G). A Tiny Cure for Cancer? 13 C Social Cultural Evening 14 If any Radleian is interested in writing for the Chronicle or becoming an Editor, please contact LB or ISY (we are looking to Stomp – Music Department trip 16 appoint correspondents for each sports team to provide brief Angell Trio Concert 16 reports for every issue). Desert Island Dons No. 2 – NJW 17 The illustrations on pages 5, 12, 19a & 23 are by Adrian Pascu (OR). Imperium – Robert Harris 18 The illustrations on pages 7, 10, 19b & 22 are by Arthur Laidlaw (H). Drama Devised Pieces 18 The illustration on page 15 is by Tim Collins (C). The illustration on page 16 is by Hugh Brunt (OR). Crime & Punishment – Logic Problem Answers 19

Snakes on a Plane 20 Minutes of the last SMAC Meeting 21 Contributions and correspondence on any topic are Orniphobia – Art Exhibition 21 welcomed from all current or former members of the Correspondence 23 Radley community: please send to Hockey: Reports in Brief 24 [email protected] or to Soccer: Reports in Brief 27 ‘The Editors, The Chronicle, Radley College, Editors 28 Abingdon, Oxon. OX14 2HR’.

The second issue of Volume VI will be published after Leave Away. The deadline for copy and letters is the day of Leave Away, Friday 9 February.

© Radley College 2007. Printed by Radley Reprographics.

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