Gail and Chris Sit in a Booth at a Bar. This Is Their First "Date"
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FIRST DATE PROJECT - GAIL & CHRIS Gail and Chris sit in a booth at a bar. This is their first "date" GAIL Words are important. Don't you think? It's important to be precise, accurate. CHRIS I think that's true. Like the difference between lightning and lightning bug. GAIL Exactly. Where'd you hear that? CHRIS I don't remember. GAIL I was an English major for a while. CHRIS Just for a while? GAIL Until I found out you needed 42 English credits to graduate. I switched to communications. CHRIS That must have been interesting. GAIL It sucked...bored the shit out of me. We studied shit like the goddam goose in the AFLAC commercials. CHRIS Oh, yeah, I love that...I think it was a duck. GAIL No, it was a goddam goose. CHRIS No. It was a duck. GAIL Goose, my man. CHRIS I'm pretty sure. I remember reading something about it. GAIL It was a goose, alright? It was a mother-fucking goose. CHRIS OK. OK. Whatever. CHRIS I studied the fucking thing in fucking college. I ought to fucking know. She finished her drink. Signals for another. CHRIS Are you sure you want another drink? GAIL Yeah. I'm sure. I am 100 fucking percent sure. CHRIS You swear a lot. Huh? GAIL Are you my mother? Funny 'cause you don't look like my mother. CHRIS OK. I didn't mean anything by that. Just commenting. GAIL Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and dick. CHRIS Right, Carlin, the seven words. GAIL The seven words you can never say on TV, shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and dick. Funny fucking guy, Carlin. CHRIS Right...No, that's not right. There's something wrong. Shit, piss, fuck... GAIL Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and dick. That's right. The seven nasty words. CHRIS No. Shit, piss, fuck, cunt. GAIL Cocksucker, motherfucker, dick. CHRIS No. That's it. Dick is wrong. Getting louder and more out of control. GAIL Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and dick. CHRIS No. Dick is wrong. It's not on the list. Louder GAIL Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and dick. CHRIS No. You can say, dick. You can say, "He's a private dick." It's not dick. It's tits. She stands up. People in the restaurant are staring at them. GAIL I am telling you what it is, asshole: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and dick. He stands up. They are now both yelling. CHRIS Tits. Not dick. Tits. Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Nose to nose. GAIL Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and dick. CHRIS Tits. GAIL Dick. CHRIS Tits. GAIL Dick. CHRIS I am getting out of here. You're a fucking crazy woman. GAIL Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and dick. Haha. Can't admit when you're wrong, huh? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and dick. He heads for the door. CHRIS Goddam. You need some help. GAIL Hahahahahaha. CHRIS And it's a duck, not a goose. It's a duck, you crazy alcoholic bitch. It's a fucking duck. He leaves. GAIL Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and dick. .