JUST GO WITH IT

aka THE OFFICE WIFE HOLIDAY IN HAWAII Original draft by ALLAN LOEBKendig Revisions by TIM DOWLING READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge

CONFIDENTIALCurrent Draft by TIM HERLIHY & ADAM SANDLER Patricia COLUMBIA PICTURES 3RD WHITE SHOOTING DRAFT 2/18/10 HAPPY MADISON BLUE REVISED PAGES 2/25/10 PINK REVISED PAGES 3/3/10 YELLOW REVISED PAGES 3/12/10 GREEN REVISED PAGES 5/3/10 OPEN ON: 1 EXT. SUBURBAN TEMPLE - MORNING (1990) 1 * Establishing shot of people filing into a suburban temple for * a wedding. * 2 OMIT 2 * 3 INT. BRIDAL ROOM - DAY (CONTINUOUS) 3 A bride (VERUCA) is fixing her hair and make-up with the help of her five BRIDESMAIDS. BLONDE BRIDESMAID * I’m so happy you picked this dress, * Veruca. * REDHEAD BRIDESMAID * You look beautiful. * One of the bridesmaids, RACHEL, who has a huge nose and * frizzy hair, pipes up. * RACHEL * Doesn’t she? She looks just like * Betty Grable! * The other girls look at each otherKendig for a beat. * VERUCA * You guys, I’m getting married. I’m * getting married! * READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge The Bridesmaids squeal with excitement. Then... * RACHEL * CONFIDENTIALNot without your veil you’re not! * Where is that bad boy? * VERUCA Oh, I think I left it upstairs. * RACHEL (jumps up) * Don’t worry, I’ll get it.... sis. * Rachel runs out of the room and skips down the hallway. When the sound of skipping fades away, the Bridesmaids and VerucaPatricia begin to talk softly. BLONDE BRIDESMAID She is so annoying. * VERUCA * I know... And she’s going to be my * sister-in-law in an hour.

(CONTINUED) 2. 3 CONTINUED: 3 BRUNETTE BRIDESMAID How are you going to deal with * that? * VERUCA I’m just going to lay down the law * with Danny: we’re seeing his goofy * family as little as possible. REDHEAD BRIDESMAID * You sure he’s gonna go along with * that? * VERUCA * Danny doesn’t say “no” to me. * Believe me, I have him well * trained. * CUT TO: 4 INT. TEMPLE BASEMENT HALLWAY - DAY 4 Reveal the groom, DANNY MACCABEE (24), frozen outside the * bathroom, listening. He has a huge nose and frizzy hair. * CUT BACK TO: 5 INT. BRIDAL ROOM - DAY 5 Veruca and the bridesmaids. Kendig REDHEAD BRIDESMAID So.. how’d it go with Derek last READER/SENDERnight? NAME: Andrew Dodge VERUCA Shhhh! CONFIDENTIAL(speaking even lower) I told him if he wanted to stop the wedding, he had to speak now or forever hold his peace. BRUNETTE BRIDESMAID What’d he say? VERUCA He said he’s never gonna settle down, and I should go ahead and Patriciamarry Danny. BLONDE BRIDESMAID Did he give you a “wedding present”? VERUCA Uh... I guess you could call it that. *

(CONTINUED) 3. 5 CONTINUED: 5 The Bridesmaids all squeal. A6 INT. SUBURBAN TEMPLE - BASEMENT (CONTINUOUS) A6 * Danny is still eavesdropping, wide-eyed. * B6 INT. BRIDAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS B6 * Veruca shushes the squealing Bridesmaids. * VERUCA Shhh! It’s the last time, I swear! * Danny is so sweet, and considerate. And he’s going to be a cardiologist. So I’m marrying * him... Long pause as she checks out her makeup in the mirror, then... VERUCA (CONT’D) ...and that zucchini in the middle of his face. The Bridesmaids squeal again. This time Veruca joins them. * CUT TO: 6 INT. SUBURBAN TEMPLE - BASEMENT (CONTINUOUS)Kendig6 Danny, tears running down his cheeks. * FADE TO: READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge 7 INT. SUBURBAN TEMPLE - VESTIBULE - DAY 7 Danny is standing with his younger cousin EDDIE (also frizzy * CONFIDENTIALhair, but with a part and loads of acne). Guests continue to * file in behind them. * EDDIE A zucchini? Come on! That’s just...Maybe an eggplant... Danny nods. DANNY (looking toward main hall of the temple) PatriciaI... I can’t even go in there. EDDIE Go get drunk, cuz. I’ll tell your * parents you’re not going through * with it. *

(CONTINUED) PINK REVISED PAGES - 3/3/10 4. 7 CONTINUED: 7 WE SEE MR. AND MRS. MACCABEE (gigantic noses, frizzy hair) on the opposite side of the vestibule, greeting guests. Danny nods and walks toward the door. We hear a voice-over. DANNY (V.O.) Awwwww... What a sad man. That was me, 20 years ago. Pathetic, huh? 8 INT. BAR (1990) - DAY 8 Danny is alone at the closest bar, still in his tux. It’s packed, but he doesn’t even notice. He’s fingering the wedding ring that’s on his ring finger. DANNY (V.O.) I was halfway done with my first beer when something very interesting happened... An incredibly hot lady, JOANNA DAMON, is walking towards the * bar. While walking ten feet, she gets hit on by three GUYS. JOANNA * Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours? PUERTO RICAN GUY Baby, I’m no Fred Flintstone,Kendig but I can make your Bedrock! She takes a seat on the bar stool next to Danny. As she sits, her purse falls on the ground. Danny bends and picks it up. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY CONFIDENTIALMa’am, you-- JOANNA * (cutting him off, pissed) Can I just sit here for two seconds without being hit on? She sees his wedding ring. Her whole demeanor changes. JOANNA (CONT’D) * Oh. I thought you were-- PatriciaDANNY Just wanted to give you back your purse. JOANNA * (taking) Sorry I’m so jumpy, it’s just... I bet you didn’t meet the lady who (MORE)

(CONTINUED) PINK REVISED PAGES - 3/3/10 5. 8 CONTINUED: 8 JOANNA (CONT'D) gave you that ring in a meat market like this. DANNY (sad, sips his drink) School cafeteria. I took her Jello, she took my heart. JOANNA * Awww, that is so sweet! How long have you been married? He turns to tell her, but is struck for the first time by how beautiful she is. As he stares at her, hesitating... DANNY (V.O.) I was gonna tell her, I really was. But she was so pretty, and I didn’t want her to know what a loser I was. So, I stretched the truth a little... DANNY I’ve been married for six years. High school sweetheart. Married right out of college. We did it on the beach in Hawaii. By a waterfall. Under a rainbow. Wrote our own vows. Mine took 5 minutes. I just had so much to say. So much love to describe.Kendig She’s just... she’s my world. Joanna looks dazed, and a little teary-eyed. * READER/SENDERJOANNA NAME: Andrew Dodge * Wow. Why can’t I have that? Sometimes, even in a place like this, I feel so alone... CONFIDENTIAL(gently touches his wedding ring) Tell me: why are all the good ones married? Danny nervously takes a drink. DANNY (V.O.) Okay, so this was going in a weird direction. But once you start a lie, it’s hard to stop... PatriciaJOANNA * So where is your wife tonight? DANNY Oh, she’s out...

(CONTINUED) PINK REVISED PAGES - 3/3/10 6. 8 CONTINUED: 8 JOANNA * With who? DANNY That’s a good question. I stopped asking it years ago. It’s better that way. JOANNA * That’s...terrible. DANNY No, it’s my fault really, for having such frizzy hair, and such an ugly nose. JOANNA * I think you have a cute nose. DANNY Really? Thanks. My wife says I spend too much time at work. Too much time providing for her... And her shopping addiction... and crack. JOANNA * Why don’t you just leave her? DANNY The kids. We put on a goodKendig face for them. But I can’t say I’m not lonely. JOANNA * READER/SENDERYou poor guy... NAME: Andrew Dodge They look at each other, stare into each other’s eyes. A CONFIDENTIALspark. A connection. JOANNA (CONT’D) * Wanna get out of here? DANNY Yes. Joanna grabs Danny’s beringed hand. As they leave the bar, * we hear his voiceover. DANNY (V.O.) PatriciaAnd so, I discovered the power of the wedding ring. The symbol of my humiliation had become a tool to get back on the horse - and get back on the horse I did... BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 7.

9 INT. DIFFERENT BAR (1991) - NIGHT 9 * Danny’s in a different bar, more casually dressed, talking intensely to a REDHEAD. DANNY (V.O.) Every single guy’s got an angle, and this has become mine. It involves a little deception, but what pick-up line doesn’t? Danny is finishing up his story, a little teary-eyed. DANNY ...and you know what hurt the most: it was the same motel we went to on our honeymoon. REDHEAD You poor man. DANNY I’m trying to stay strong. Shot? She nods. Danny orders two shots. DANNY (V.O.) (CONT’D) I used the ring successfully during my remaining years in medical school... Kendig 10 EXT. ROOFTOP BAR (1992) - NIGHT 10 * Danny is sitting with a BLONDE. His nose is half it’s original READER/SENDERsize. NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY (V.O.) CONFIDENTIAL...after I decided to forget about * cardiology and apply for a * residency in plastic surgery... * The Blonde touches Danny’s cheek sympathetically. BLONDE I can’t believe she did that! With your own brother! DANNY It’s not her fault: she was drunk. PatriciaYou see, there’s three of us in this marriage: me, her and Jack Daniels... and my brother. I guess that’s four. That I know of. Oh my God I’m in such pain. Danny and the Blonde make out. PINK REVISED PAGES - 3/3/10 8.

11 INT. BRITISH HOSPITAL (1995) - NIGHT 11 Danny, in scrubs, is talking to a hot BRITISH NURSE in a bar. DANNY (V.O.) I used it overseas, too, during my residency at a hospital in London... DANNY She says I spend too much time doing pro bono work on the weekends operating on horribly disfigured children. BRITISH CHICK How could she complain about that? DANNY Guess she’d rather have me home fixing the shower than fixing some poor Chinese kid’s ears... The British Nurse pulls him into a broom closet. 12 INT. SUSHI BAR (2001) - NIGHT 12 Danny is trying to communicate with a hot JAPANESE girl. DANNY (V.O.) Kendig ...and when I was doing research in Tokyo... Danny points to his wedding ring, does the sex hand gesture then holdsREADER/SENDER up a picture NAME: of Tiger Andrew Woods.Dodge The Japanese Girl coos sympathetically. 13,14 CONFIDENTIALOMIT 13,14 A14 INT. SPORTS BAR (2005) - NIGHT A14 * Danny is talking to a college age girl 20 years his junior. DANNY (V.O.) The younger girls loved it the most. I guess it’s cause guys their own age are afraid to commit, and a wedding ring is the ultimate Patriciasymbol of commitment. DANNY She told me she would quit hooking after we got married, and I was so crazy in love that I believed her.

(CONTINUED) PINK REVISED PAGES - 3/3/10 9. A14 CONTINUED: A14 COLLEGE GIRL You’re the sweetest guy I ever met... She takes Danny’s ring hand and puts it on her chest, then nods her head “yes”. A15 INT. UPSCALE BAR (2010) - NIGHT A15 * Danny is talking to a smoking BRUNETTE. DANNY (V.O.) Why would women want to date a married man? I have some theories: People want what they can’t have. ...There don’t have to be any strings attached...and nobody gets hurt. DANNY She beats me. The Brunette hugs him. 16 INT. GIRL’S HOUSE (2010) - BEDROOM - DAY 16 * Danny is quietly collecting his clothes. The Brunette is sleeping contentedly his bed. DANNY (V.O.) Kendig Sometimes I think about throwing the ring into the ocean. I know how wrong it is. ANGLE ON READER/SENDERthe ring, on Danny’sNAME: Andrew finger. Dodge He eyes it. DANNY (V.O.) CONFIDENTIALBut I can’t. It’s my preeeeeeecious. And besides - being fake-married is a perfect way to make sure no one gets their heart broken. As Danny leaves the room, we see there’s a note on the pillow next to the brunette: “Thanks for making me feel special again - even if it was just for one night.” 17 INT. BEVERLY HILLS OFFICE BUILDING - AFTERNOON 17 WePatricia see a woman, KATHERINE MURPHY, a restrained beauty, late 30s. Hair worn up, in clothes a little big, hiding a body that could stop traffic. On the desk are pictures of her with TWO CUTE KIDS. She is talking to a DELIVERY GUY who has with him several big boxes. One is open. KATHERINE What are these?

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 10. 17 CONTINUED: 17 DELIVERY MAN (accent) ...Booby bags that woman stick in their flatties to make them big. KATHERINE Yes. But these aren’t the booby bags I ordered. You see, these... (feels the implants). ...feel nothing like these (feels her own boobs) Our clients want their breasts to feel like breasts, not balloons filled with air and maple syrup. The Delivery Man feels the implant, then reaches for her breast. She stops him with a look. Danny strolls in. He pauses to watch. DELIVERY MAN Just trying to learn. KATHERINE Dr. Maccabee would never accept sub par booby bags. Take them back. Get me what we ordered and tell Omar I want a discount for the inconvenience. DELIVERY MAN Kendig Yes, ma’am. The delivery man carts away the boxes of sub par booby bags with his tail between his legs. Danny watches all of this with a smileREADER/SENDER and then walksNAME: Andrewin. Dodge DANNY CONFIDENTIALGood afternoon, Katherine. * KATHERINE Afternoon, Danny. How did your * surgeries go this morning? * DANNY * I took enough fat out of Mrs. * Larson’s legs to make another Mr. * Larson. * KATHERINE * Sorry I missed that. How is your * Patriciaback feeling? * DANNY Killing me. How did you know? Katherine starts rooting around in her desk for something.

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 10A. 17 CONTINUED: 17 KATHERINE You played racquetball with Dr. Lamansoff last night, right? You’re in your forties now, pal. You have to stretch, before and after any strenuous activity.

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 11. 17 CONTINUED: 17 DANNY Stretching is boring... like this conversation... and your shirt. Danny laughs. KATHERINE Oh, you’re happy. You made a funny. Here, take these. Danny takes the pills and tosses them in his mouth without even looking at them. DANNY Any calls? KATHERINE Your mom. She loved the necklace that “you” sent for her birthday. DANNY That was very thoughtful of me. KATHERINE Yes, she appreciated that “you” put a lot of effort into finding something that would match that dress “you” gave her last year. DANNY Kendig Sounds like “I” am a great “son”. I just wish she’d let me fix her nose. READER/SENDERKATHERINE NAME: Andrew Dodge Her nose is beautiful the way it is. Some people are okay with what CONFIDENTIALGod gave them. DANNY Shhhhh! That kind of talk is no good for my... (sing-song) ...beezness. Is my 4:00 here yet? * KATHERINE (hands him a chart) Exam Room One. Kirsten Brant. * 18 INT.Patricia DR. MACCABEE’S OFFICE - DAY 18 CUT TO: KIRSTEN BRANT, a forty-ish woman. One of her eyebrows is way higher than the other, giving her a permanently quizzical look.

(CONTINUED) 12. 18 CONTINUED: 18 KIRSTEN I’ve had some bad plastic surgery. I should have known this doctor was a quack: his office was in a kind of a warehouse. DANNY I see. (looks up at her eyebrow) Question? KIRSTEN No, just please help me doctor. DANNY Well, certainly, it’s harder to fix these things than to do them right the first time, but... (looks up at her eyebrow) You seem dubious. Katherine is trying not to laugh. KIRSTEN What? No, not at all. I hear you’re the best, Doctor Maccabee. DANNY Well, I don’t know about that, but I think I can do somethingKendig to help you. (looks up at her eyebrow) Does that surprise you, Ms. Brant? KatherineREADER/SENDER lets half a laughNAME: Andrewescape. Dodge Kirsten looks at her. KATHERINE CONFIDENTIALI am so sorry. KIRSTEN Sorry about what? Kirsten actually does “raise an eyebrow”. It is now crazily high, almost touching her hairline. KATHERINE Whoa! That’s getting up there. DANNY Yeah, take it easy, Ms. Brant, or * Patriciathat sucker’s likely to fly right off your head. Kirsten laughs, breaking the tension.

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 13. 18 CONTINUED: 18 KIRSTEN Maybe I should keep it this way. It seems to make other people happy. KATHERINE Think about it. You could play Mr. Spock in the next “Star Trek” movie. They all laugh. Danny starts walking her out. 19 INT. DR MACCABEE’S OFFICE - WAITING ROOM - CONTINUOUS 19 They walk out into the waiting room. DANNY When can we do this, Katherine? KATHERINE Thurday the 28th, 2pm. DANNY Great. We’ll raise the other one just as high. You’ll always look scared. Kirsten looks upset. DANNY (CONT’D)Kendig Just kidding. We’re gonna make you look great. Kirsten laughs. Eddie, Danny’s cousin, all grown up, enters the waitingREADER/SENDER room. NAME: Andrew Dodge EDDIE CONFIDENTIALWhoa, eyebrows gone wild, loving it. We should hang out sometime. KIRSTEN Thanks, but I’m kind of seeing somebody. EDDIE Well, I bet that “somebody” isn’t carrying around the kind of lethal weapon I’m packing. (sing-song) PatriciaHuge-ness. Kirsten gives Danny a “who is this clown?” look. DANNY It’s true, it’s a good one. I should know, I’m the one who huge- * ified it. *

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 14. 19 CONTINUED: 19 KIRSTEN You had a penile enlargement? That * is hilarious. See you on the 28th, Dr. Maccabee. Kirsten exits. Eddie turns to Danny, annoyed. EDDIE Why do you gotta tell everybody about my surgery? (motioning towards Katherine) I’m trying to keep that on the down- low. DANNY Katherine knows everything that goes on in this office. KATHERINE I’m the one who held the fat the * doctor took out of your... * (briefly shielding mouth * with hand, lowering * voice) * ...ass before he injected it in * your... * (shielding, lowering voice * again) * ...dick. Kendig * DANNY Speaking of which: have you had a chance to try out Fatty McGee? * READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge EDDIE Hell yeah, lots of times. CONFIDENTIALDanny and Katherine just stare at him. EDDIE (CONT’D) Oh, you mean with someone else? Hell, no. It’s frustrating, man. I’m starting to think that whole operation was a big waste... Danny throws his arm around Eddie. DANNY You just gotta get the ball Patriciarolling, cuz. Start establishing a reputation. Isn’t that right, Katherine? KATHERINE (unconvincing) Yep. Once the legend of Eddie hits (MORE)

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 14A. 19 CONTINUED: 19 KATHERINE (CONT'D) the grapevine, all the ladies are gonna want a piece of you.

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) YELLOW REVISED PAGES - 3/12/10 15. 19 CONTINUED: 19 DANNY (pulling Eddie close) And I think... the legend starts tonight. Danny and Eddie start head out. Katherine hands Danny his phone. KATHERINE I plugged directions to the BBQ into your phone. DANNY Muchas gracias. KATHERINE Have fun hitting on 17 year olds. DANNY Have fun sitting at home watching fat people makeover shows and trying to remember what sex is like. KATHERINE You know it. 20 INT. BEAUTIFUL MALIBU BEACH HOUSE- SUNSET 20 * As the sun sets over the water we Kendigsee a raging party in the backyard of a Malibu beach house. The RICH and PRETTY drink, mingle. Danny and Eddie walk in. The host, ADON, who clearly has had much work done greets him with a hug. Adon pets his beautiful bulldog, BABU. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge ADON (can barely move his face) CONFIDENTIALDanny, so happy you can be here. DANNY Wouldn’t miss it. This is my cousin Eddie. (they shake hands) How’s the feeling in your face? ADON Dead from the nose up. Adon makes a weird noise that we can only assume is a laugh butPatricia his face can’t fully move to make it. ADON (CONT’D) (to Eddie) I tried to go to your cousin here. He refused to do any more work on me. Said I was “overdoing it”.

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 16. 20 CONTINUED: 20 Adon does his weird “laugh” again, then takes a sip of champagne. It all runs down his face. EDDIE No, no, it looks good. Totally natural. ADON’S WIFE runs over. ADON’S WIFE Adon! Ariel cut open his knee! It looks awful. DANNY (to Eddie) Get my bag out of the car, will ya? (to Adon’s Wife) Shari, relax. Where is he? CUT TO: 21-22 OMIT 21-22 A23 INT. ADON’S BATHROOM - NIGHT A23 * A 12-year-old boy, ARIEL, is sitting on the edge of the tub. * He’s wearing boarding shorts, which reveal a big slice on his knee. Danny is scrubbing his hands in theKendig sink. He takes off his fake wedding ring and puts it in his pocket. DANNY READER/SENDERSo you just trippedNAME: Andrew on Dodgethe steps? ARIEL CONFIDENTIALYeah. DANNY Was there something on the steps, like a roller skate or something? ARIEL No. Danny prepares a needle of anesthetic. DANNY PatriciaSo you’re just uncoordinated? ARIEL No! I was distracted by something. DANNY What kind of something?

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 17. A23 CONTINUED: A23 ARIEL A girl. DANNY (smiling) A-ha. Now I’m getting the real story. You’re gonna feel a slight pinch. Danny hits him with the needle. Ariel grimaces. DANNY (CONT’D) Good man. Let me know when your knee feels numb. So, this girl: blonde, brunette, redhead? ARIEL Blonde. Tan. Tall. Rocking body. DANNY Do you want to be alone in here for * a few minutes? * Ariel laughs. FADE TO: B23 INT. ADON’S HOUSE - NIGHT B23 * Danny and Ariel walk out of the bathroom.Kendig Ariel’s knee is bandaged up and he has a slight limp, but otherwise, he’s none the worse for wear. Adon, his wife and some other concerned folks are waiting outside theREADER/SENDER bathroom. NAME:They Andrewcheer Dodgewhen Danny and Ariel walk out. Adon and his wife immediately embrace Ariel. CONFIDENTIALADON Thank you, Danny. DANNY He’s fine. Stop by in a couple of weeks and I’ll take the stitches out. ADON While I’m there, do you think you we could talk about calf implants? PatriciaDANNY You gotta stop, Adon... A beautiful, tall blonde woman walks up to Danny. This is PALMER DODGE, 24. She is the perfect combination of hot and girl next door. And we sense she has more going on than the normal girl we have seen Danny with.

(CONTINUED) YELLOW REVISED PAGES - 3/12/10 18. B23 CONTINUED: B23 PALMER Good job, Doctor. That was really nice. DANNY Well, well, well. You must be The Distraction. PALMER The what? DANNY The boy fell because he was distracted by you. PALMER So I’m taking the rap for this? DANNY Your hotness practically pushed him down the steps. PALMER Good luck proving that in court, Wisengruber. DANNY “Wisengruber”? That what they’re saying on the Gossip Girl?Kendig PALMER No, that’s an expression we use back in North Carolina. It’s an inch away from being a curse word. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY * I’m gonna use that. Well, * stitching up wounded knees makes me * CONFIDENTIALhungry, so I’m gonna go check out * the buffet table. Wanna come? * PALMER * Actually, I’m not that hungry. I * hit Taco Bell pretty hard on the * drive over here. * DANNY * It’s tough to believe a girl who * looks like you can pack away the * Patriciatacos. * PALMER * Well, I was gonna go throw them up, * but you and the kid were hogging * the bathroom. * (a beat) * (MORE)

(CONTINUED) YELLOW REVISED PAGES - 3/12/10 18A. B23 CONTINUED: B23 PALMER (CONT'D) Just kidding. Let’s go see if they * have any mini-burgers... * As Palmer follows Danny out of the room... ADON I knew you two would find each other eventually. But watch it, Palmer - these plastic surgeons really know how to operate. Adon does his crazy laugh.

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) YELLOW REVISED PAGES - 3/12/10 19. B23 CONTINUED: B23 PALMER So you’re a plastic surgeon. Are you responsible for Adon’s face? DANNY No, I’ve been trying to fix it. PALMER Keep trying. They laugh. Adon tries to sip his coffee through a straw. 23 EXT. ADON’S HOUSE - POOL - NIGHT 23 Palmer and Danny are walking and talking and eating mini- * burgers. * PALMER I don’t know about plastic surgery. I just think that people should stay the way they are. DANNY Yeah, but if it makes them feel better about themselves... You’re young and beautiful. They all feel inadequate when they see someone like you. PALMER That’s sweet. But doesn’tKendig plastic surgery always looks so fake? DANNY It doesn’t always look fake. Not READER/SENDERwhen I’m in charge.NAME: Andrew There Dodge are a lot of my patients here tonight. I bet you can’t tell which ones I CONFIDENTIALworked on. PALMER (smiles) Okay. You’re on. How about her? DANNY Who? That women who looks like the scary clown from “Saw”? We see a SCARY LOOKING WOMAN WITH HER FACE PULLED BACK AS TIGHTPatricia AS IT CAN GO. DANNY (CONT’D) I believe that is the work of a chimpanzee. PALMER How about Nemo over there?

(CONTINUED) YELLOW REVISED PAGES - 3/12/10 19A. 23 CONTINUED: 23 We see a WOMAN WITH CRAZY FISH LIPS

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) 20. 23 CONTINUED: 23 DANNY I do the best lips on the West Coast - I think Mrs. Pauls did those. PALMER The lady with the huge forehead? We see a WOMAN WITH A HUGE FOREHEAD. DANNY That’s just a lady with a big forehead. You’re so mean, you should be ashamed. You’re really * being a wisengruber tonight. * They keep laughing and drinking. They are both falling. * 24 EXT. BEACH - NIGHT 24 Danny and Palmer now walk on the beach down below Adon’s. She’s wearing his jacket. They are still talking. DANNY So when did you move out here? PALMER I’ve been here almost two years. DANNY Kendig That’s a lot of auditions. PALMER What, you think I’m an actress? READER/SENDERGuess again, NAME:Doc. Andrew Dodge DANNY CONFIDENTIALNot an actress? What else do hot chicks from North Carolina move out * here to be? PALMER I teach sixth grade math. DANNY Really? They don’t got no schools in North Carolina? * PALMER PatriciaWell, maybe I did want to be an actress, at first. But when I got here... See, my parents divorced * when I was in eighth grade. And I * have five little brothers who I * ended up take care of alot. And I * missed that. *

(CONTINUED) 21. 24 CONTINUED: 24 DANNY Man, all the boys must have insane crushes on you. PALMER Oh yeah, I have fun toying with the emotions of innocent kids much * younger than me. Do you? * DANNY Actually, I’ve never hung out with * a girl your age before. PALMER Oh no, your first lie to me... DANNY How about this: I’ve never felt the way I’m feeling with a girl your age before... actually, no girl of any age. PALMER See, I can tell when you’re lying and when you’re telling the truth. DANNY Well, that second thing was the truth. Kendig PALMER I know. She kisses him. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge The kiss starts to get more and more passionate. They start moving down towards the ground. 25 CONFIDENTIALEXT. BEACH - THE SUN IS RISING 25 They lie on the beach, spent in each others arms. Clothes scattered everywhere. Both are floored at how good that was. PALMER Just so you know, I don’t normally do that. In fact, I’ve never done that in my life. DANNY PatriciaWell, I have. And this is the part where I usually make some excuse to awkwardly collect my clothes and get going. But the weird thing is I don’t want to get going. I wanna stay with you all day, and then do * this again. Maybe in a bed, even.

(CONTINUED) 22. 25 CONTINUED: 25 She laughs. Then looks at him seriously PALMER Yeah, this feels like it could be, um... kind of... a real... thing. DANNY Yeah, this is a thing all right. PALMER It’s got that thing feeling. DANNY For sure. We got a thing on our * hands. She smiles at him and gets up. She’s wearing his shirt. She looks at the time. PALMER I have to get to work. You should * give me your number. Take me out on a proper date next time. DANNY I’d love to. As she goes through their pile of clothes. DANNY (CONT’D)Kendig I should have a card in the pocket of my pants. Palmer smiles and starts to go through his pocket. Then she finds somethingREADER/SENDER and makes NAME: a Andrewface. DodgeShe pulls out his RING. She makes a face. Suddenly all the happy bliss is gone. CONFIDENTIALPALMER What’s this? DANNY (unsure) A circle? PALMER A wedding ring?! YOU’RE MARRIED!!! Danny doesn’t know what to say. Then quickly... PatriciaDANNY No, no, no, no, no, I’m not. It’s not mine. PALMER So who’s is it then?! Who’s wedding ring is in your pants, Danny?

(CONTINUED) 23. 25 CONTINUED: 25 DANNY It is mine. But it doesn’t have real meaning to me. Palmer, please - * let me explain. Just give me a minute. Palmer suddenly stops and turns, awaiting an explanation. Danny is at a loss for words. DANNY (CONT’D) Alright, this is gonna take more * than a minute... PALMER I’m such an idiot. Don’t call me! * With this Palmer grabs her clothes and heads off. Danny * watches her go, bereft. WIDEN TO REVEAL Eddie is standing about ten feet down the * beach from Danny, watching her go. * EDDIE * Looks like you did alright. * DANNY * Not really. How about you? * EDDIE * I was hanging with thisKendig one babe * most of the night. No action, but * I gave her my digits - hopefully * we’ll keep moving things along. 26 OMIT READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge 26 * 27 CONFIDENTIALEXT. BEACH - DAY 27 * CUT TO the Lady with the Huge Forehead, passed out on the beach next to a smoldering campfire, with a phone number * written on her huge forehead. 28 INT. DANNY’S OFFICE - DAY 28 Danny is sitting on Katherine’s desk, deep in conversation. * KATHERINE * I told you that fake married thing was going to bite you in the ass Patriciasome day. Why don’t you just tell her the truth? DANNY That I use the ring as a ploy to pick up chicks? She’ll think I’m a pig.

(CONTINUED) 24. 28 CONTINUED: 28 KATHERINE (enjoying this) But you are a pig... Danny gets up and walks awkwardly across the room. KATHERINE (CONT’D) A pig who’s walking like Bigfoot. What happened? DANNY Slept on the beach last night. My back is killing me. KATHERINE You need to strengthen your spine. DANNY Is that a comment on my character or my physical fitness? KATHERINE I guess both. Seriously, Flomax, you need to start exercising more than once a month. DANNY I don’t have time for no gym. KATHERINE Kendig My mother said that Cary Grant never went to the gym - he always took the stairs, where ever he went, never the elevator. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY You wanna hear my impression of Cary Grant’s butler? CONFIDENTIAL(doing voice) “Hello?... No, he’s dead.” KATHERINE Nice one. You know, you burned half a calorie miming the phone there. Anyways, I always take the stairs, and I get a great workout every day. Katherine hands him some pills, which he gulps. PatriciaDANNY I don’t need to work out. I’m a plastic surgeon. If I get fat anywhere, I’ll just vacuum it out.

(CONTINUED) 25. 28 CONTINUED: 28 The door to Danny’s office opens, and Katherine’s kids MICHAEL (8) and MAGGIE (10) come in, followed by ROSA, their * nanny, who’s playing her Nintendo DS, ignoring everyone. * MICHAEL Mom! We need some money! KATHERINE Hi, guys. Say hello to Dr. Maccabee. MAGGIE (in a cockney accent) Ello Dr. Danny! How is you today? DANNY (to Katherine) Why is she talking like that? KATHERINE Maggie is working on accents. MAGGIE (with the accent) I am taking a Stella Adler acting class this summer I is. Gonna be the next Miley Cyrus I am. DANNY Is that your favorite show,Kendig “Hannah Montana”? MICHAEL That, and “Californication”. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge KATHERINE When did you see Californication? CONFIDENTIALMAGGIE (accent gone) Rosa lets us watch Showtime when she calls her boyfriend. Everyone stares at Rosa, who’s oblivious, still immersed in her video game. DANNY You run a tight ship at home. PatriciaKATHERINE Shelly is our regular nanny. But she just had twins, so her sister Rosa here is filling in for her temporarily. Rosa is buried in her game.

(CONTINUED) 26. 28 CONTINUED: 28 ROSA Stupid ghost... KATHERINE We’re looking forward to Shelly’s return. MICHAEL (to Danny) Will you take me to Hawaii so I can swim with the dolphins? DANNY What? No. MICHAEL I saw this show on the Discovery Channel. They said in Hawaii they have dolphins and that you can swim with them if you pay a lot of money. But, I don’t have any money and my Mom says you’re rich. KATHERINE Michael! DANNY I am rich. But, that doesn’t mean I’m going to take you toKendig Hawaii. MICHAEL My mom said you do charity for kids all the time. READER/SENDERDANNY NAME: Andrew Dodge Yeah, I remove their cleft lips and deformities. I don’t take them to CONFIDENTIALHawaii. Michael thinks about that for moment, then... MICHAEL What if I was deformed... then would you take me to Hawaii? DANNY No. KatherinePatricia hands the kids some money. KATHERINE Okay, here’s money. But I want change. And Mags I want to hear back that you actually ate the food that I am paying for. Maggie rolls her eyes. Michael then tugs on her shirt.

(CONTINUED) 27. 28 CONTINUED: 28 MICHAEL Mom, before we go, can I make a devlin? KATHERINE Right down the hallway. Here’s the * key. Make sure he gets there safe. * MAGGIE (accent back) Yes, Mutha. They walk off. Rosa stays. Danny just stares at Katherine. DANNY He is making a what? KATHERINE (embarrassed) A “Devlin.” DANNY What’s a Devlin? * KATHERINE One of my friends in my sorority at * college was Devlin Adams. She was actually more my nemesis than my friend. Kendig DANNY Almost like a... “frenemy”. KATHERINE READER/SENDERYes. You’d probablyNAME: Andrew love Dodge her; she was horribly fake. Very * competitive. Had to have the better boyfriend, clothes, everything. A CONFIDENTIALfew years ago, I heard from one of our mutual friends how awesome Devlin’s life was going and here I am, 38, two kids, getting a divorce. DANNY Uh huh. KATHERINE So one night I’d had a glass of PatriciaChardonnay-- DANNY A bottle? KATHERINE A bottle, and I didn’t like the kids saying they needed to “crap” (MORE)

(CONTINUED) 28. 28 CONTINUED: 28 KATHERINE (CONT'D) or “take a dump”. So in a weak moment I told them it’s called “making a Devlin”. And they liked that so it stuck. DANNY I like that. I’m gonna use that. Now what am I gonna do about my love life? * KATHERINE I’d feel terrible for you - if I were emotionally invested in you successfully banging 23-year-olds. * DANNY Holy Devlin! You’re not listening to me! This isn’t some bullDevlin fling! This is the real Devlin. (lowering voice) I could see myself ending up with this girl. KATHERINE (genuinely floored) No Devlin... You’re right; you can’t tell her the truth. You’re screwed. Rosa suddenly erupts, pumping her Kendigfist. ROSA High score! Rosa realizesREADER/SENDER where she NAME: is, Andrewquiets Dodge down and goes back to her game. * KATHERINE CONFIDENTIALYou don’t want to get serious anyway. Getting serious leads to marriage, and marriage leads to divorce, and divorce sucks. (gesturing toward bathroom) Their father was supposed to take them this afternoon. DANNY And he was a no-show? ShakesPatricia her head. DANNY (CONT’D) What a piece of Devlin

(CONTINUED) 29. 28 CONTINUED: 28 KATHERINE At least I finally divorced him. (he nods, then) Hold it now... 29 EXT. CATHOLIC MIDDLE SCHOOL - DAY 29 All the kids are in uniforms. Palmer is walking down the hallway when she sees Danny walking toward her with the biggest bouquet of flowers you’ve ever seen. She turns, but he catches up to her. DANNY Palmer! She stops, angry. Students point and giggle. PALMER I told you I don’t want to see you. DANNY You said not to call you. I’m not calling. PALMER You’re stalking. DANNY I just want to explain--Kendig PALMER No, let me explain... She takes the bouquet out of his hands and throws it in the garbage. READER/SENDER The students NAME:“oooooo”. Andrew Dodge PALMER (CONT’D) CONFIDENTIALI don’t date married men! My father * cheated on my mother when I was young. I am not gonna be the other woman! A very conservative-looking kid in a sweater and tie, SILAS, points to Danny. SILAS Adulterer! Fornicator! PALMER PatriciaOkay, Silas, that’s enough. * Palmer pulls Danny into an empty classroom. Silas continues to stare hauntingly at Danny. 30 INT. CLASSROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS 30 Danny takes a deep breath, knowing there’s a lot of risk.

(CONTINUED) 30. 30 CONTINUED: 30 DANNY Look, I... I am married. But it’s * not even a marriage anymore. We barely even talk these days. PALMER Danny, that’s what all married men say. If it’s so bad why don’t you get divorced? DANNY I am. Palmer’s taken aback. DANNY (CONT’D) It’s over. She’s not going to * contest it. * PALMER I can’t believe this. I destroyed a marriage. I feel sick to my * stomach. DANNY No, no, no. It’s not you. I filed months ago, it’s gonna go final any day now. It’ll be like she never existed. Kendig PALMER That’s kind of a cold thing to say. What’s her name? We can seeREADER/SENDER Danny was not NAME: prepared Andrew Dodgefor this. DANNY Her... name? First name? It’s, CONFIDENTIALum... Devlin. PALMER Her name’s Devlin? DANNY (regretting this) Yeah, I know. It’s a family name. Unfortunate. It’s probably at the root of why she’s so angry. Anyway, we’re splitting up. Devlin’s been cheating on me for a long time. PatriciaAnd finally she’s leaving me... for him. So they can be together. PALMER There’s another man?

(CONTINUED) 31. 30 CONTINUED: 30 DANNY Yes... Dolph. PALMER Dolph? DANNY Lundgren. Yes. PALMER The guy from Rocky IV? DANNY No, a different Dolph Lundgren. Apparently he gets really mad if anyone brings the other one up. * PALMER Danny, guys always say they’re * gonna leave their wives, and they * never do. * DANNY Believe me, I’m doing it! It’s been a * long loveless marriage. A huge mistake. Now I can be done with her drinking and... her porn addiction and... her abusive hair-pulling. And now we can hang out without being fornicators or adulterers or whatever Kendigthat “Children of the Corn” kid was screaming at me. She’ll be happy, we’ll be happy, everyone will be happy. Okay? READER/SENDERPALMER NAME: Andrew Dodge ...Okay. (then) CONFIDENTIALI just need to hear it from her. Danny looks stunned. He blinks a few too many times. He looks over and sees Silas staring in at him from the window in the classroom door, nodding slowly. CUT TO: * 31 EXT. BEVERLY HILLS SHOPPING DISTRICT - DAY 31 * Danny and Katherine walk briskly down the sidewalk * KATHERINE PatriciaI can’t believe I’m doing this. * DANNY Well, you kind of owe it to me. It * was your idea to lie to her.

(CONTINUED) 32. 31 CONTINUED: 31 KATHERINE Yes, to help you get out of the web of lies you created with that stupid wedding ring. DANNY I never lied to her about the ring. I failed to provide a plausible explanation. It was you who introduced lies into our relationship. KATHERINE You are nuts. And why did you say her name was “Devlin”? DANNY I got nervous. KATHERINE You invent a fake wife every Friday night! DANNY I know. But this girl is special. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. * I gotta move on with my life. This is my chance. * KATHERINE Kendig But if you end up with this girl, * isn’t she going to come into the office someday and see that I’m your receptionist? READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY That’s what fake mustaches were CONFIDENTIALinvented for. They arrive at Barney’s department store. * KATHERINE * We really don’t need to do this. I * have nice things I could wear. * DANNY Absolutely! You wear the nicest clothes Old Navy makes! But it’s gotta be plastic-surgeon’s-wife Patricianice. KATHERINE Fine. You asked for it. * CUT TO: 33.

32 INT. BARNEY’S SHOE DEPARTMENT - DAY 32 Danny and Katherine are at Barneys. Katherine tries on a pair of Christian Louboutin’s. She walks a bit awkwardly and sheepishly smiles to the SALESGIRL. KATHERINE I haven’t worn heels in a while. (The salesgirl nods.) They’re beautiful. How much are they? SALESGIRL Seventeen hundred. DANNY That’s more than my parents’ house cost. Yeah, we won’t be getting those. KATHERINE That’s okay we won’t be needing them anyway. Katherine then faux pretends to be sick. KATHERINE (CONT’D) Because I’m starting not to feel so hot...I am not sure I will be able to make it tonight...Holding in a devlin. Smiling she makes like she’s coveringKendig her stomach. Danny sighs. DANNY Fine. There’s your Christmas bonus. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge KATHERINE (smiling big, instantly better) And I’m going to need them in blue, CONFIDENTIALin case I break the heel. Or just to cuddle with. DANNY You sicken me. KATHERINE (to salesgirl, sotto voce) This is why we’re getting divorced. The salesgirl looks confused. Danny shakes his head as he handsPatricia the salesgirl his black card. Katherine smiles excitedly. She is starting to have fun with this. BEGIN MONTAGE. 33 OMIT 33 34.

A34 INT. DRESSING ROOM - DAY A34 QUICK SHOTS of Katherine trying on beautiful outfits. She lingers at the mirror, amazed, and impressed by how much better she looks in these clothes. SHOT of Danny looking in the mirror with Katherine as she wears a tight fitting dress. DANNY * I had no idea you had breasts. * KATHERINE (equally amazed) Me neither. I think they’re real, * too. * 34 INT. KATE SOMMERVILLE SALON - DAY 34 Katherine sits in the chair getting a facial as OTHERS give her simultaneous MANIS AND PEDIS. Danny shakes his head. Katherine smirks. Danny hands over his credit card for her to use. 35 OMIT 35 36 EXT. RIO SPA - DAY 36 Katherine walks out and hands Danny his credit card. DANNY Why am I paying for a BrazilianKendig bikini wax? Who’s going to see that? KATHERINE READER/SENDERNot you. NAME: Andrew Dodge Adon walks out of the salon, walking kind of funny. He sees CONFIDENTIALDanny and Katherine and waves. A37 INT. YUKIS SALON - DAY A37 * Katherine sits in the chair. Danny hovers. ERNESTO surveys her disapprovingly. ERNESTO (to Danny) Are you the husband? DANNY PatriciaFor now. KATHERINE He’s divorcing me. ERNESTO * (plays with her hair) Well, you can’t expect to keep a * (MORE)

(CONTINUED) YELLOW REVISED PAGES - 3/12/10 35. A37 CONTINUED: A37 ERNESTO (CONT'D) man letting yourself go like this. Your hair is a crime scene - I don’t know whether to grab a brush or some yellow tape. DANNY That’s why I’m leaving her, Ernesto - I can’t run the risk of having a kid with hair like that. KATHERINE Can you make it better, Ernesto? ERNESTO “Better”? Hurricane Katrina could make it “better”. I’m going to make it... transcendent. (calling out) YURI, KATYA, MRS. HWIGGINS, WE’RE GOING IN DEEP! And bring the equipment. As OTHERS swoop in to help, carrying equipment, Katherine just laughs at it all. B37 INT. YUKIS SALON - LATER B37 Katherine’s hair is finished, and she looks in the mirror. She is momentarily taken aback -- she is seeing herself at her best for the first time in years.Kendig END MONTAGE. 37 INT. SANTA MONICA HOTEL - DAY 37 * READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge A fancy Santa Monica hotel lounge. Danny and Palmer nurse drinks, waiting. Danny nervously checks his watch. CONFIDENTIALPALMER You seem nervous, Danny. DANNY This is just kind of weird - she gets me tense. We just don’t get along. PALMER I’m sorry to put you through this. PatriciaDANNY I know, I just... I want to get past this part of my life, and move on to us. She gently takes his hand.

(CONTINUED) 36. 37 CONTINUED: 37 PALMER We will. Soon. Tonight. And then in walks... Guy’s heads turn one by one as she walks past. And then we see: Katherine: flowing hair, white teeth and perfect skin. As she struts toward them Danny’s jaw drops. PALMER (CONT’D) Is that her? DANNY (surprised) I think so. PALMER She’s stunning. I love her shoes. DANNY She’s got an extra pair; maybe she’ll give them to you. Palmer who is in casual-ware suddenly feels self conscious. Katherine stands in the middle of the lounge, looking around. She’s with a LIMO DRIVER. KATHERINE Do you see Dr. Maccabee anywhere, Henderson? Ah, there heKendig is. Keep the car running; I shan’t be long. Katherine heads their way. Danny gets up. She gives him an affectionless hug. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge KATHERINE (CONT’D) CONFIDENTIALHello, Boring! DANNY (sotto) A limo driver? KATHERINE (sotto) Just trying to play the part. She breaks the hug and turns to Palmer. KATHERINE (CONT’D) Patricia(with overdone gusto) Palmer, darling. I’m Devlin, Devlin Maccabee. Soon-to-be, single-abee. * The WAITER comes up. WAITER Something to drink, Madame?

(CONTINUED) 37. 37 CONTINUED: 37 KATHERINE Well, hello. I’d like a tall glass of you. Me-ow. Just kidding - unless you’re into it. Grey goose martini and keep them coming. Katherine is trying to play a part and is way overdoing it. She is nervous and overcompensating. The Waiter leaves and she SLAPS HIS ASS AS HE GOES. Danny looks at her, who is this? Katherine turns back to Palmer. KATHERINE (CONT’D) So I hear you and Danny had sex. Palmer almost spits out her drink. PALMER Yes, yes. I am so sorry. I didn’t know he was married at the time. If I’d known I never would have. KATHERINE No, it’s fine, dear. I’m just glad his ding-a-ling is still at least partially functional. Now Danny almost spits out his drink. KATHERINE (CONT’D) (whispers and points)Kendig E.D. * PALMER I’m sorry, what’s e.d.? READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge KATHERINE Oh, I forgot you were 15. Erectile dysfunction, darling. It’s like CONFIDENTIALtrying to shoot darts with over- cooked spaghetti. DANNY Maybe my spaghetti just didn’t * enjoy the lumpy meatballs you were * serving. KATHERINE Lots of men think I serve the finest meatballs in Southern PatriciaCalifornia. Lots and lots of men. DANNY I’m surprised you were able to keep count, you were so full of pills. It would be like, “Darling what do you want for dinner?” “Pills, pills and more pills.” They were like tic tacs (MORE)

(CONTINUED) 38. 37 CONTINUED: 37 DANNY (CONT'D) to her. Pop pop pop. Pills, pills, pills!!! Katherine is annoyed, she doesn’t like to made out to be a drug addict even a fake one. KATHERINE I had to do something to amuse myself while he was “on the throne” dealing with his Irritable Bowel Syndrome. DANNY (under his breath) I’ve got another disease now? KATHERINE I spent our wedding night sitting on a bed listening to what sounded like an underwater symphony of French horns and bassoons coming from our hotel bathroom. Combine that with the smell of dead cats and fajitas, and you have a severely diminished libido-- Danny fed up kicks Katherine under the table. PALMER OWWW! Kendig But, he kicked Palmer instead. PALMER (CONT’D) READER/SENDERDid you just NAME:kick Andrewme?! Dodge DANNY No. CONFIDENTIAL(quickly deflecting) Devlin, did you just kick Palmer? Danny looks glaringly at Katherine: please say yes. KATHERINE Yes, yes I did. I have leg spasms. And with that she now kicks Danny. DANNY PatriciaOw!!! KATHERINE A side affect of my pill popping past, I’m afraid. But, I’m clean now. And I apologize.

(CONTINUED) 39. 37 CONTINUED: 37 PALMER It’s okay. Palmer rubs her leg. Under the table Danny angrily TEXTS KATHERINE: What are you doing? She reads it and texts back: Being your bitchy wife. Danny replies: Well, tone it down! It’s coming across cartoony. Katherine writes back: You’re a cartoon and she’s staring at you. Danny looks up to see Palmer staring at him texting. So he now makes like he has been texting her. He quickly texts: KISSES. Palmer pulls out her phone, sees it and smiles. She texts him: KISSES 2 U 2. DANNY Ha-ha-ha, let’s all put our phones away now. They all do. PALMER So how did you two meet? KATHERINE (toned down) Kendig I worked for him. Was his secretary, ran his office then I ran his life. READER/SENDERPALMER NAME: Andrew Dodge Are you still working there? CONFIDENTIALKATHERINE Oh no, he’s hired someone new. Someone with a... (turns to Danny) ...mustache. 38 INT. TABLE - A LITTLE WHILE LATER 38 * Katherine a few drinks in her is finishing a story. We see * her laugh and let loose like we haven’t before. KATHERINE * PatriciaSo it turns out this woman had * three saline implants in each breast. The doctor who did her enlargement just shoved them in there like he was stuffing a turkey. *

(CONTINUED) 40. 38 CONTINUED: 38 DANNY When I took ‘em out, it was like setting wild horses free. KATHERINE The implants got up and literally ran all over the office. * They all laugh: Danny now looks at Katherine and coughs. She * nods: right. KATHERINE (CONT’D) All joking aside, Palmer. Danny... (totally memorized) Is the greatest guy in the world. It may not have worked out for us. But he is warm and kind and loving. You are a lucky girl to have found him. Thus I give you my blessing. I am truly happy for you both. Palmer smiles, touched. Danny smiles too, happy. PALMER Thank you. You don’t know what it means to me. I told Danny I wouldn’t be with him until I knew that your marriage was really over. KATHERINE Kendig Oh, it is. I am with Dolph. PALMER Lundgren. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge KATHERINE Yes, Dolph Lundgren. He is my Austrian lover and friend. He’s gorgeous. And a CONFIDENTIALsex machine. We’re very very happy. DANNY And I am very happy for them. So we are gonna get an amicable divorce as fast as possible. KATHERINE And go our separate ways. They both smile at Palmer. She smiles back and then turns to look for the waiter. As she does through their smiles Danny andPatricia Katherine whisper quietly to each other. KATHERINE (CONT’D) How’d I do?

(CONTINUED) 41. 38 CONTINUED: 38 DANNY (sing-songy) Nailed it! 39 EXT. RESTAURANT, VALET STAND - NIGHT 39 Katherine’s limo is idling out front; Henderson is leaning against it. Katherine, Danny and Palmer walk out of the restaurant. KATHERINE Henderson, you thoughtless oaf! Open the door! HENDERSON What’s this? KATHERINE (sotto) Just go with it. (to Palmer) It was so nice meeting you. PALMER Likewise. They hug. KATHERINE I’m thrilled for you both.Kendig Even though * our marriage didn’t work out, I still * want my Danny to be happy. As long as I retain custody of Henderson here, I’ll be happy too... READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge Katherine slaps Henderson’s ass. He just turns and stares at her. CONFIDENTIALKatherine’s phone rings, she looks annoyed and instinctively picks it up. KATHERINE (CONT’D) (breaking character) Yes. Again? Put her on! ...What did I tell you about selling your brother’s things on Ebay? ...Well, I want you to get it back! I’ll deal with you when I get home. She hangs up to see Palmer and Danny staring at her. She realizesPatricia what she just did. Danny wants to kill her. PALMER You have kids?

(CONTINUED) 42. 39 CONTINUED: 39 KATHERINE (no way around this) ...Yes. Danny drops his head in his hand. Palmer then turns to him. PALMER You have children? DANNY Um... sort of. PALMER What do you mean, “sort of”? DANNY Well, who knows if they’re mine, the way Devlin would hop in the sack with any guy who had a full head of hair and a backseat in his car. PALMER Well, did you raise these children? DANNY Yes, of course, that’s why your instincts are telling you to be attracted to me, cause you can sense I’m a good person,Kendig who would raise those kids whether they’re mine or the mailman’s or Mickey Rourke’s or the Lakers’-- READER/SENDERKATHERINE NAME: Andrew Dodge Whoa, whoa. I am not a slut. In high school, a little. But not during our marriage. The kids are CONFIDENTIALyours. DANNY (sotto voce) Are you kidding me? KATHERINE (sotto) Sorry. PALMER When were you planning to tell me Patriciaabout these children, Danny? A beat of stony silence, then...

(CONTINUED) 43. 39 CONTINUED: 39 KATHERINE Well, speaking of children, I should be getting home to them. Palmer, nice meeting you. Danny. DANNY Devlin. Katherine, feeling awful, gets in the limo. Henderson shuts the door for her, takes a second to squirt some breath freshener in his mouth, then gets in and drives off. Danny turns to Palmer. DANNY (CONT’D) Look, I guess... I don’t know... I thought it might scare you off. This has all happened so fast. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you. Are you freaked out? And she breaks into a smile... PALMER Oh no, just the opposite. DANNY Really? PALMER You know I love kids andKendig I didn’t peg you as kids guy. She leans over and kisses him. READER/SENDERPALMER NAME: (CONT’D)Andrew Dodge There’s nothing more beautiful than fatherhood. What are their names? CONFIDENTIALDANNY Oh. Kiki and Bart. They’re great. Kiki has long hair and Bart likes to go to the bathroom - but always with Kiki. PALMER Oh my G-d, I want to meet them! DANNY PatriciaOf course you do. 40 INT. PIZZA HUT - DAY 40 * Michael devours a slice of pepperoni. Maggie doesn’t eat a thing.

(CONTINUED) 44. 40 CONTINUED: 40 MAGGIE So our mom doesn’t know you took us today? DANNY Not yet. MAGGIE You know this is kidnapping... MICHAEL (nods mouth still full) Stranger danger. * DANNY Look, I’m not a stranger. I’m your * mother’s boss. And Rosa’s right there. CUT TO ROSA on the other side of the restaurant, flirting with a janitor while drinking a beer. DANNY (CONT'D) Look, I have a proposal for you both. And I didn’t want to run it by your Mom until I ran it by you guys first. The kids stare at him, waiting. DANNY (CONT’D) I want you to pretend toKendig be my children. Before he can explain further, Maggie shakes her head in disapproval. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge MAGGIE Why don’t you just tell that poor CONFIDENTIALgirl the truth? DANNY You know? MAGGIE Our mother tells us everything. DANNY Telling Palmer the truth is not in the cards. I thought you’d be Patriciaexcited, it’s an acting job. MAGGIE If it’s an acting job we should get paid. DANNY You’ll get paid in experience.

(CONTINUED) 45. 40 CONTINUED: 40 MAGGIE Will this help me get my SAG card? DANNY No. MAGGIE Then I wanna actually get paid. DANNY Fair enough. ...All right, in exchange for pretending to be my kids for an afternoon, what do you want? The kids talk amongst themselves and consult. Maggie turns back to him. MAGGIE I want 600 dollars for the day plus overtime if we go over eight hours. I’ll do my own hair and makeup, but I want you to pay for this six week intensive acting camp that my Mom can’t afford. DANNY $50 dollars for the day and I’ll pay for a two week acting class at the YMCA. Kendig MAGGIE 500 dollars and a 4 week acting class. DANNY READER/SENDER300 and three NAME: weeks. Andrew Dodge MAGGIE CONFIDENTIALDone. They shake hands. Then... DANNY I would have paid you 5. MAGGIE I would have done it for the experience. Danny laughs, he likes her. He turns to Michael who is quiet likePatricia always. DANNY So Michael... what’s your opener? MICHAEL I want you to take me to Hawaii so I can swim with the dolphins.

(CONTINUED) 46. 40 CONTINUED: 40 DANNY Not gonna happen. MICHAEL Find someone else then. Michael pours himself a soda and slowly takes a drink, all the while staring Danny in the eye... DANNY The dolphins is a no go. But we’re here to negotiate, so what else can I do for you? MICHAEL I want a flying pony. DANNY There’s no such thing as a flying pony. MICHAEL (takes this in) Then I want a regular pony. And I want to name him Nelson. DANNY You’re not getting a pony. How about a Playstation? You can name that Nelson. Kendig MICHAEL (beat) Keep talking. READER/SENDERDANNY NAME: Andrew Dodge A Playstation with...three games. MICHAEL CONFIDENTIALFive games. And I want the meeting with the woman to be at J.D. McFunnigans. * DANNY I could probably make that happen. MICHAEL And I want unlimited tokens. If I can spend them I want to have them. I don’t want to be like playing Patriciaskeeball and run out of tokens. DANNY Goes without saying. * (looks at both of them) So do we have a deal? The brother and sister confer. Then put their hands out.

(CONTINUED) 47. 40 CONTINUED: 40 MICHAEL Deal. The kids look victorious. Michael actually smiles. DANNY Now, eat some food, or the deal is off. Maggie makes a face and starts eating. Danny smiles. MAGGIE Can I do an accent? DANNY No. Maggie looks disappointed as she starts to eat. 41 INT. DANNY’S OFFICE - DAY 41 As Danny follows a furious Katherine out of his office. KATHERINE My kids? Have you completely lost * your mind? Has the syphilis finally gone to your brain? DANNY Are you kidding me? You’reKendig the one who couldn’t deal with being considered a slut for five minutes because of some high-school issue READER/SENDERI’m just finding NAME: outAndrew about. Dodge KATHERINE Well, if you could just admit to CONFIDENTIALher that you were a slut, we wouldn’t have to do any of this. DANNY But I can’t, so we do. Come on. * It’ll be good for them. KATHERINE How? DANNY It’ll be a chance to get Maggie Patriciasome real world acting experience and bring Michael out of his shell. * He follows her into the... WAITING ROOM KATHERINE Mrs. Harrington, the doctor will see you now.

(CONTINUED) 48. 41 CONTINUED: 41 MRS. HARRINGTON, with one large breast and one medium-size breast, stands up and follows Katherine and Danny down the hall. DANNY C’mon, Katherine. We’re halfway there! KATHERINE I can’t believe you are doing all this just to get laid. Men are so pathetic. They all walk into a treatment room. 42 INT. TREATMENT ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS 42 Katherine begins preparing the room. Danny washes his hands. Mrs. Harrington sits, a little confused. DANNY I’m not doing all this just to get laid. I already got laid. And, yes, I would like to continue getting laid. I’m pro me- getting-laid. (to Mrs. Harrington) Please remove your shirt. (back to Katherine) But, I’m actually crazy about her. She’s smart, beautiful, great sense of humor - (a beat) Kendig * Hey - what’s that smell? Are * you... wearing perfume? KATHERINE READER/SENDERMaybe. NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY CONFIDENTIALBut you don’t wear perfume. KATHERINE Well, maybe now I do. DANNY You have a date! KATHERINE It’s not a date. It’s a lunch. DANNY PatriciaWith who? With a man person? KATHERINE Yes, with a man person. Dr. Herlihy’s office manager, Brian, if you have to know.

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 49. 42 CONTINUED: 42 DANNY The guy with the grey soul patch?-- He looks like he should be playing bass in a Jethro Tull cover band. (to Mrs. Harrington) Brassiere, too, Ms. Harrington. Mrs. Harrington hesitantly takes off her bra (we don’t see her chest). KATHERINE Actually, he does play bass. And he writes songs. DANNY About how bad his ponytail stinks? When did he stop looking for Scooby Snacks and ask you out? KATHERINE Yesterday in the parking lot. DANNY (scoffs) In the parking lot... (stares at Mrs. Harrington’s breast) So Mrs. Harrington: looks like one * of the funbags ain’t having so much * fun. Kendig * MRS. HARRINGTON * Well, I hit it with the car door * yesterday, and I heard a pop, then * READER/SENDERsome sloshing NAME: sound Andrew when Dodge I walk... * DANNY * It’s a saline leak. So, do we want * CONFIDENTIALto pump righty back up, or pop * lefty, even it out? * MRS. HARRINGTON Well-- Katherine’s cell phone rings. Katherine picks up. DANNY Is that him? Can I talk? ShePatricia angrily shushes him. KATHERINE (high pitched voice) Why, hello, Brian? We certainly are. Sushi. Sounds great. I will meet you in the lobby at 1.

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 49A. 42 CONTINUED: 42 She hangs up. Danny just stares at her. DANNY What voice was that? KATHERINE (self conscious) That was my normal voice.

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 50. 42 CONTINUED: 42 DANNY No, that was like “thirteen-year- old girl who is about to have a seizure from seeing that Twilight guy” voice. MRS. HARRINGTON I love that movie! KATHERINE Of course you do, Mrs. Harrington. Here’s some numbing cream for your nipples. She hands her a tube. DANNY Seriously, Katherine... it’s just for one afternoon. KATHERINE You’re asking me to bring my children into your dysfunctional, pathetic little sick lying game. I’m not gonna do it! DANNY You should’ve seen the smile on Michael’s face when we were negotiating. When I saidKendig we’d do it at J.D. McFunnigans, he looked * like he’d won the Heisman Trophy. Danny picks up Mrs. Harrington’s uneven bra and examines it. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY (CONT’D) Did you make this? * (Mrs. Harrington nods) * CONFIDENTIALYou’re going to have to give this * to the Smithsonian after the operation. KATHERINE (softening) He really smiled? DANNY Yes. And I got Maggie to eat. KATHERINE PatriciaShe ate? DANNY She had three slices of deep dish. Ate the crusts, too.

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 50A. 42 CONTINUED: 42 KATHERINE I haven’t been able to get her to eat anything.

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) 51. 42 CONTINUED: 42 DANNY I know. Katherine can’t hide her happiness at hearing that. DANNY (CONT’D) Don’t do it for me, Katherine... do it for the children. She glares at him for a beat. CUT TO: 43 EXT. J.D. MCFUNNIGANS - DAY 43 * Katherine, Danny, Maggie and Michael stand in the parking lot of J.D. MCFUNNIGANS. * KATHERINE This is going to be another train wreck. DANNY No, it’s gonna go great, just like it did last time. But this time we’re gonna finish better. It’s all about the finish. Katherine shoots him a look. Maggie then looks at them all very seriously. Kendig MAGGIE The first rule of improv is always accept the information. If someone says READER/SENDERsomething just NAME: go Andrewwith Dodgeit. No negating. * DANNY CONFIDENTIALGot it - gotta go with it. * MAGGIE In my acting class when someone says “No” in a scene the whole class yells DIE!!!!!! DANNY Yeah, we won’t be doing that today. MAGGIE Who’s up for some warm up exercises? Patricia(starts moving her mouth) Me, mi mo mum. The Tip of the tongue the teeth the lips, the tip of the tongue the teeth the lips. BA GA DA!!!

(CONTINUED) 52. 43 CONTINUED: 43 DANNY Hey, Florence Olivier - that’s enough warming up. Let’s do this. You ready, mafia? MICHAEL (with steely determination) Hell yeah. -The Four of them walk in SLO MO all badass into the * restaurant. A pregnant lady chasing a crying kid crosses the * frame. He throws his soda at her. * 44 INT. J.D. MCFUNNIGANS - CONTINUOUS 44 * CRAZY SUGAR FUELED KIDS run amok screaming and playing. FRAZZLED PARENTS try to keep it together. It is overwhelming. Danny looks out at it all. It’s a single man’s nightmare. DANNY This place smells like kids’ feet and mozzarella sticks. KATHERINE Can’t take the heat, Romeo? A FAT KID with a mouth full of candy is running. Another kid trips him on purpose; the Fat Kid STUMBLES AND HEAD-BUTTS DANNY IN THE CROTCH. Danny keels over in pain. The Fat Kid runs off, yelling... Kendig FAT KID Mommy, mommy, that man touched my face with his pee-pee. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY He touched my pee-pee with his CONFIDENTIALface. Palmer comes over. Katherine greets her. KATHERINE Palmer, darling. PALMER Devlin. Thank you so much for bringing your kids here. PalmerPatricia then smiles warmly at the kids. DANNY Palmer, I’d like you to meet my pride and joy: Kiki and Bart. PALMER Hey, guys.

(CONTINUED) 53. 44 CONTINUED: 44 MAGGIE (cockney accent) Ello, Palmer, ‘erd so much about you. Danny looks like he could throttle her. PALMER Oh, you’re British? MAGGIE So you’re the bird what’s been givin’ Daddy the ol’ slap and tickle. She turns to Danny who just smiles. DANNY Yes, she’s British...we love it. Katherine thinking fast tries to explain. KATHERINE Kiki...goes to boarding school in England and has picked up a little accent. It’s all very Madonna. Danny looks at her: nice one. PALMER That’s adorable. Well, Kendigit’s a pleasure meeting you, Kiki. MAGGIE Wish I could say the same. You see, READER/SENDERbefore you, INAME: had Andrewmeself Dodge a father. * I was the apple of his eye. It was all giggling and chasing butterfies in the meadows and what have you. CONFIDENTIALAnd now what do I got? An hour and half every other week at J.D. * McFunnigans wif him and his whore. * KATHERINE Koko!...Kiki! Maggie runs off. Palmer turns to a speechless Danny. PALMER PatriciaGod, she’s in such pain. DANNY (pissed) Me too. PALMER Aren’t you going to go talk to her?

(CONTINUED) 54. 44 CONTINUED: 44 Danny makes a face and does. Katherine, Palmer and Michael just awkwardly stand there. Katherine turns to Palmer. KATHERINE And this is, uh... Bart. PALMER How are you doing, sweetie? MICHAEL (could care less) I was promised tokens. Katherine just laughs & smiles at Palmer. It’s not going well. Danny, annoyed, climbs into the JUMPY ROOM after Maggie. She jumps up and down. They are out of ear shot. DANNY What the hell was that?! MAGGIE That was raw and real and in the moment. I feel very good about it. DANNY Well, I don’t! So if you want to get your money and your acting class, cut the sob stories! It’s * all smiles and laughterKendig from now on. And we’re stuck with the English accent now, Ringo, so don’t choke. Got it? READER/SENDERMAGGIE NAME: Andrew Dodge (nonchalant) Got it. CONFIDENTIALDANNY Now give me a hug and a laugh like * we made up and let’s get on with the show. Maggie then dramatically hugs Danny, then laughs loudly. * Danny turns and wink at Palmer, giving her the “ok” sign. They part. A kid then SNEEZES ALL OVER DANNY. 45 INT. J.D. MCFUNNIGANS, DINING ROOM - DAY 45 * EveryonePatricia watches as the ANIMATRONIC KANGAROO band from like * 1985 sings and plays up on stage in its robotic way. ROBOT KANGAROO * I’m a singing kangaroo, and I’m * from far away, I like to hop-hop- * hop all day... *

(CONTINUED) 55. 45 CONTINUED: 45 DANNY I like this band, but it’s missing some low end. Maybe Soul Patch * could come down with his BASS! Bo- * diddy-bo-bo-bo! * KATHERINE Good one. Let’s just hope that giant kangaroo doesn’t like to eat * ZUCCHINI! DANNY Shhhhhhh... BURGER GUY (OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER) * NUMBER 24. DANNY That’s us! Palmer, wanna help me carry? Palmer nods and goes with Danny to get their order. DANNY (CONT’D) The kids seem to really like you. PALMER You think so? They’ve been so quiet. DANNY Kendig That’s what they’re like when they like somebody. It’s just a shame the private school they’re going to doesn’t allow parents to visit. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge PALMER That’s a bit harsh. CONFIDENTIALA GUY IN A GIANT KANGAROO SUIT gives them the food. * GUY IN GIANT KANGAROO SUIT * Here’s some burgers for you, and a * quesadilla for your dad. * DANNY And a soda for you. Danny tosses his soda in the Guy’s face. He and Palmer bring thePatricia pizzas back to everyone. DANNY (CONT’D) Anyways, it’s the best school in England but very strict. PALMER What’s it called?

(CONTINUED) 56. 45 CONTINUED: 45 DANNY Hogwarts. PALMER Like in “Harry Potter”? DANNY I don’t know, I never saw that. So * bottom line, you don’t want to play games with their education. If * Headmaster Dumbledore says stay * away, you stay away. They arrive back at the table. DANNY (CONT’D) Here we go, my darlings. Burger * for Bart Bart the Water Fart, and * two quesadillas for Cheeky Kiki * with a side of Freaky. They all dig in. Except Maggie. Danny sees this. DANNY (CONT’D) Kiki’s favorite food is quesadilla, * Palmer. * Maggie makes a face, but then smiles. Her rules. MAGGIE Kendig Yes... that’s why I’m gonna eat two * of them. * As Maggie makes a face and digs in. Danny smiles. Katherine mouths “thankREADER/SENDER you” to him.NAME: Andrew Dodge PALMER CONFIDENTIALDanny, we forgot napkins. DANNY I’ll go get some. Back in one minute, so everybody be cool... I mean, I love you. (to Katherine) But not you anymore. They nods. Danny heads off. PALMER PatriciaSo, Bart, your dad tells me you like to go to the bathroom. MICHAEL Huh? I guess. PALMER What else do you like?

(CONTINUED) 57. 45 CONTINUED: 45 MICHAEL I don’t know. KATHERINE Bart’s a man of few words. * MICHAEL Maybe I’m upset. * PALMER Upset about me and your father dating? * Does that bother you? * MICHAEL No, I mean you seem to make my dad happy and that’s cool, but... PALMER But what? MICHAEL Nothing. PALMER What? You can say anything to me. * MICHAEL Well, I just hate that he broke his promise to me. Kendig PALMER What promise? KATHERINE READER/SENDERYeah, what promise? NAME: Andrew Dodge MICHAEL CONFIDENTIAL(getting emotional) He promised me last year that he’d take me to swim with the dolphins * in Hawaii. They have this lagoon * there with dolphins... and people * get to swim with them. * Michael is now being very dramatic... MICHAEL (CONT’D) And we went on the Internet and made reservations for next Patriciaweekend... * Palmer consoles him. Maggie looks impressed with the acting. Danny walks back with the napkins. Katherine gives him an “uh-oh” look.

(CONTINUED) 58. 45 CONTINUED: 45 MICHAEL (CONT’D) But without warning, my dad cancelled * the trip. PALMER Why? MICHAEL (fake sobbing) He met you. Palmer is stunned. Danny is getting what is happening. DANNY What? No, that’s-- MAGGIE DIE! DANNY I mean, Yes and- Palmer now glares at Danny. DANNY (CONT’D) There goes the finish. 46 OMIT 46 * 47 INT. LAX - DAY Kendig47 Danny walks with Katherine, the kids and Palmer through LAX. Danny fight-whispers to Katherine. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY I can’t believe I was just blackmailed CONFIDENTIALby a six year old. MICHAEL I saw my shot and took it. DANNY And I can kinda respect you for that. But Hawaii on a holiday weekend -- half * of Beverly Hills is gonna be there. We have no idea who we could run into. This could get-- (sing-song) PatriciaUgly in a hurry... KATHERINE This is already incredibly ugly. Just so you know my tolerance level for these continued shenanigans is right here. She holds up her hand at chest level.

(CONTINUED) 59. 47 CONTINUED: 47 DANNY Did you just say shenanigans? KATHERINE I did and if I get to here (motions to her forehead) I am selling you out, packing up the blackmailers and coming home, got it? DANNY Got it. Shenanigans bad, gotta keep the hand down. Palmer who had been buying magazines then comes up to him and takes his hand. PALMER I’m so glad we’re doing this, Danny. You and your kids will have time together and start the healing. * She smiles seductively at him. DANNY And I think you and me will find a * way to have some fun, too. * As they are about to kiss we hear...Kendig AUSTRIAN ACCENT Wait up!!!! WAIT UP!!!! HOLD ON! VUNDERBAR. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge They all slowly turn and see EDDIE HEADING TOWARDS THEM, wearing coke bottle glasses, smoking a pipe. CONFIDENTIALHe grabs a shocked Katherine and kisses her right on the mouth long and hard. She doesn’t know what is going on. He then pulls away and puts his arm around her. EDDIE (slight Austrian accent) Muffinstein, I couldn’t stand to be without you! Then Eddie makes his way over to Palmer and Danny. PatriciaEDDIE (CONT’D) There he is: Colonel von Generous. The most gracious, caring man... So * wise, so HONEST - an ubermensch! So, vunderbar news, I have decided to take you up on your amazing offer.

(CONTINUED) 60. 47 CONTINUED: 47 DANNY That’s so great. ...What offer? EDDIE Your offer for me to join you on your trip and get to know you and der kinder. (to Palmer) I am sorrys. I am not introduce myself. I am the Dolph Lundgren. Devlin’s man-friend. KATHERINE Oh, kill me now. * They all turn and look at her. She covers. KATHERINE (CONT’D) Kill me now, for not introducing you. This is my man-friend. Yay. Katherine then glares at Danny wanting to kill him. PALMER Dolph, I’m Palmer. Devlin said you had to stay back and work. EDDIE Nein! Screw that noise, I vork ven I’m kaput. Kendig Eddie laughs with a German accent. He takes a huge puff on his pipe, triggering a coughing fit. READER/SENDERPALMER NAME: Andrew Dodge I think that is so mature of all of you. My brothers and I would have loved it if my parents had done CONFIDENTIALsomething like this when they got divorced. EDDIE Yes, for the childrens much happiness I will bring them. And I couldn’t stay away from this potato pancake. He begins licking Katherine’s ear as she stares daggers at Danny. PatriciaEDDIE (CONT’D) Mmmm... Looking forward to trying out my new schnitzel... KATHERINE Excuse us for a moment.

(CONTINUED) 61. 47 CONTINUED: 47 And Katherine pulls Eddie aside. KATHERINE (CONT’D) What the hell are you doing here?! EDDIE Helping? Saving the day? Hello? (then) You look different. KATHERINE Different how? EDDIE Hotter than normal. Usually you look beaten down and tired with some bitter thrown in. Katherine glares at Eddie for a beat. KATHERINE Ok, you’re going to say you ate * some bad sauerkraut for breakfast, and you need to go home immediately. EDDIE I can’t. I texted a picture of my new equipment to my old girlfriend, but I forgot she’s married...Kendig to a UFC fighter. I need to lay low for a few days. Danny pipes in. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY How we doing over there? CONFIDENTIALEDDIE Yavohl! I am just waiting for the money for my ticket now please. Danny sighs and holds up his Black Card. EDDIE (CONT’D) Thank you. By the way Dolph only flies... (gestures toward ticket counter) First Class! First Class! First * PatriciaClass!... * Eddie, clapping his hands, gets the kids to join him in * chanting “First Class!” Katherine looks at Danny and raises * her hand to her neck and walks off. * BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 62.

48 EXT. GRAND WAILEA RESORT/ENTRANCE - DAY 48 A five-star resort right on the beach. As they all get out of the van and take in the hotel. A49 INT. GRAND WAILEA RESORT/LOBBY - DAY A49 * MAGGIE Blimey! This place must have set you back a few quid, guv’na. Danny glares at the kid. DANNY Nothing’s too good for Daddy’s little girl. And Palmer hugs Danny then goes to look around. When she is gone Michael looks up at Danny. MICHAEL So when do I get to swim with the dolphins? DANNY At the end of the trip, you little weasel - if you perform flawlessly this entire week. MICHAEL Kendig But I-- DANNY (loud, for Palmer’s READER/SENDERbenefit) NAME: Andrew Dodge I agree, Bart - we should wait til the end of the week to swim with the dolphins. That way you have CONFIDENTIALsomething to look forward to. MICHAEL Glad you agree, Dad. Palmer smiles at Danny. Michael makes a face. Danny smiles victoriously. MICHAEL (CONT’D) (low again) PatriciaNicely played. DANNY I thought so. MICHAEL I’ll be back. BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 62A.

B49 INT. CHECK-IN DESK - DAY B49 * Danny looks scared for a second then hands his black card to the CHECK IN CLERK.

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) 63. 48 CONTINUED: 48 DANNY Maccabee. We need two rooms. * The CLERK starts to look through at the reservation. CLERK Yes. Unfortunately, we only have our suites left. The Presidential and the Ambassador. Are you a member of * the Hilton Rewards Program? * DANNY * No I’m not. * CLERK * Oh, you should join, so next time * you won’t get so -- * DANNY “F’d in the a”? CLERK Ouchie. Danny, annoyed, grabs the keys from him. PALMER (excited) Who wants to go swimming?Kendig The kids both excitedly raise their hands. KIDS READER/SENDERMe!!! NAME: Andrew Dodge They head off. CONFIDENTIALDANNY Who wants to start drinking? KATHERINE AND EDDIE Me. They head for the bar. 49 EXT. BEACH - A MINUTE LATER 49 Waves crash. Palmer plays with the kids in the water. They laugh and have fun. Danny, Katherine and Eddie sit on lounge chairsPatricia drinking drinks out of coconuts watching. Katherine * is drinking two. * EDDIE I can’t believe how many sexy frauleins there are running around.

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 64. 49 CONTINUED: 49 DANNY First of all, when Palmer’s not around, lose the stupid accent. Between you and Oliver Twist over there, I feel like I’m in a World War II movie. Secondly, there will be no frauleins for you this week. This week you are in love with Devlin here. KATHERINE But the kind of love where there’s no touching whatsoever. A no- contact love. EDDIE You helped build this schnitzel. * Why are you so afraid of it? DANNY Hey, hey, let’s focus on the mission: we are here to show Palmer how happy you guys are and what a good father I am. That’s it. KATHERINE Okay, and then say this works and you and Barbie up together: how are you going explain the kids disappearing after this?Kendig I mean they can’t be at wizard boarding school all year. DANNY READER/SENDERI was thinking NAME: about Andrew killing Dodge them. Tragic accident on their way to school in England -- say the van plummets off a cliff into the ocean CONFIDENTIALor something. KATHERINE Nice. So no bodies? DANNY No, sharks got them. KATHERINE Smooth. DANNY PatriciaAnd I’m thinking about putting you and Dolph in the van with them. Katherine laughs momentarily forgetting that she is mad. Then her cell phone rings. She answers, and she immediately gets high-pitched and nervous.

(CONTINUED) 65. 49 CONTINUED: 49 KATHERINE Hello? Oh, Hi... Great. How about you?... Yeah, I’m actually not alone right now... DANNY Who is that? Soul Patch? Katherine nods yes. Danny gets up, disgusted. DANNY (CONT’D) Wow. Let’s take a walk, Dolph, and give her and the Doobie Brother * some privacy. Just do me a favor, Katherine, and count how many times he says “far out”. I’m guessing forty plus. Danny and Eddie walk away, as Katherine vibrates her palm next to her neck threateningly. A50 INT. LOBBY SHOPS - DAY A50 Eddie and Danny are standing outside some shops. Danny seems distracted by something he’s looking at. DANNY I’m glad she divorced that other shmuck, but if she ends up with this damn dirty hippie...Kendig I mean, that’s out of the frying pan, into the fire. EDDIE READER/SENDERYeah, why are NAME: we stoppedAndrew Dodge here? * REVEAL that Danny and Eddie are standing in front of a giant CONFIDENTIALdisplay of engagement rings in a jewelry store window. DANNY What, can’t a man check out some * engagement rings? EDDIE Look all you want. But you and I both know you’ll be sick of the hottie and back out on the prowl by next week. You’re like that song - (singing) Danny’s a big plastic surgeon,.. Patriciawho never had time for a wife... And he’s talking to Davey, who’s still in the navy- * DANNY Are you kidding me? Piano Man?

(CONTINUED) 66. A50 CONTINUED: A50 EDDIE Well, a fun version of Piano Man. DANNY Look, I’ve been talking about my * fake wife for, like, 20 years now. * I always figured I’d get a real one someday. I think Palmer could be that real one. Did you hear any of * that? * REVEAL Eddie is doing an erotic dance for the 50 year old * Hawaiian jewelry store owner. * B50 EXT. BEACH - DAY B50 Palmer in a bikini with the most amazing body comes out of the surf. She walks up the beach. Jaws drop everywhere. Katherine is back on her chair, a few more empty coconuts littering the sand around her. A HUGE WOMAN is sitting not far from her, also watching Palmer. HUGE WOMAN You know, it’s girls like that who make normal women like you and me feel uncomfortable wearing a bathing suit. KATHERINE Kendig I..... yeah. Danny and Eddie arrive and see Palmer approaching. READER/SENDEREDDIE NAME: Andrew Dodge Okay, yeah I’d make up a fake family for that. Boing! CONFIDENTIALKATHERINE You are both disgusting. The kids coming running up, excited MAGGIE Mumsy, do come in. The water’s as * lovely Westminster in May. * Katherine is self conscious. PatriciaKATHERINE No, I’m good. Don’t feel like swimming right now. EDDIE (rubs her belly) Don’t be intimidated, my liebchen. I like the extra padding in your (MORE)

(CONTINUED) 67. B50 CONTINUED: B50 EDDIE (CONT'D) midshnipesin and your big, blubby hindenburger. Katherine stews. * PALMER Oh yeah, I’m sure she’s intimidated. I hope when I’m her age I look that good. DANNY You can, if... (doing Edith Bunker voice) ...you take the stairs instead of the elevator! Like Cary Grant! Katherine makes meaningful eye contact with Danny, holds her palm at the level of her neck, then raises it to about nose level. PALMER Anyway, there’s no more time for swimming - we need to get ready for the luau tonight. DANNY Luau? PALMER Yeah, we’re in Hawaii. KendigWe have to go to a luau. It’s gonna be so great. EDDIE My treat! I insist! READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY Alright. CONFIDENTIALEDDIE Just kidding! I don’t have any money! Everyone laughs except Danny. For some reason the Huge Woman is laughing, too. 50 EXT. GRAND WAILEA RESORT/HIKU RESTAURANT - NIGHT 50 A luau is going on. They all sit together. HULA GIRLS dance. MorePatricia drinks are drunk. A PIG is roasted in the ground. PALMER So, we’re here to get to know each other better, so Dolph, let’s start with you. What line of work are you * in? *

(CONTINUED) 68. 50 CONTINUED: 50 EDDIE I am in...Sheep, Palmer. PALMER I’m sorry, what does that mean? DANNY Yeah, Dolph, what does that mean? EDDIE I am a Sheep Shipper. In this global vorld people don’t buy the sheep that they need from the local sheep herder anymore. KATHERINE They don’t? EDDIE No, now they go ONLINE!!! To the interveb * to my vebensite... GOTPRETTYSHEEP.COM. * Katherine just stares at him then downs the rest of her drink through a straw. The WAITER then refills her drink. KATHERINE Yeah, top that off. And keep them coming. Palmer listens. Danny just stares Kendigat him in disbelief. EDDIE We don’t sell the ugly ones. The people they see the pictures and READER/SENDERthey pick out NAME: the Andrewone they Dodge want. The stylish ones, the shy ones, the * sassy ones. The big ones that they CONFIDENTIALcan ride around on like wild pony. DANNY Okay, well that’s enough getting to know Dolph. PALMER Don’t be rude. Please continue, so * then what do people do with the sheep? EDDIE Whatever they want! Some keep them as pets. Some shave them and make sheep Patriciasveaters. Some train them to fight one anotha in sheep fight clubs. PALMER Sheep fight clubs?

(CONTINUED) 69. 50 CONTINUED: 50 EDDIE Yes... Devlin bought a sheep from me. That’s how ve met. PALMER Really. ...Why? EDDIE So she could shave it and wear the pelt during the sex. She taught me this fetish. (to Katherine) I love your sex so much. Eddie now leans in to kiss her. Katherine grabs his nipple and twists it. EDDIE (CONT’D) Ahhhhhhhhhhhh..... KATHERINE That’s our other fetish. Danny, wanna come with me to get our kids that you’ve raised from infancy some milk? DANNY Of course. We’ll be right back. 51 EXT. GRAND WAILEA RESORT/HIKU RESTAURANTKendig - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS51 She pulls him away from the table and then looks at him pissed. READER/SENDERKATHERINE NAME: Andrew Dodge Yeah, I’m done. I’m sorry, we’re leaving. CONFIDENTIALDANNY What? No, you can’t! I’ll get him under control. I’ll beat him up. You can help - it’ll be fun. Katherine, please- Then from across the way they hear... ANOTHER WOMAN’S VOICE (O.S.) Katherine? Katherine Murphy? ShePatricia looks to see a WOMAN quickly approaching. She is... KATHERINE Devlin Adams... Oh my God... DANNY Devlin Devlin? As in taking a-

(CONTINUED) 70. 51 CONTINUED: 51 KATHERINE (cutting him off) Taking a good look and seeing that, * yes, it is my good friend Devlin from college! Hi! Devlin excitedly hugs Katherine. DEVLIN I can’t believe it! Both of us here at this resort at the same time. I didn’t know you went to places like this. KATHERINE (under her breath) Haha. Here it goes. * DEVLIN Honey, I want you to meet someone. Devlin brings over her husband, IAN MAXTONE-JONES, good looking, fit, intelligent. Excellent hair and teeth. DEVLIN (CONT’D) This is one of my best friends from my * sorority, Katherine. Katherine, this * is my husband, Ian Maxtone-Jones. You might have heard of him, he invented the iPod. Kendig KATHERINE Of course he did. The iPod, wow. IAN READER/SENDERThe idea just NAME: came Andrew to me Dodge in the shower - a shower I was taking with Devlin. CONFIDENTIALDEVLIN Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. You look great. I’m so glad you got your teeth fixed! KATHERINE Thanks. Aren’t you just the same... DEVLIN (oblivious) Thank you. It’s a crime that we have to fly all the way out to Hawaii to run into you. They say all of LA is here Patriciafor the holiday and now I believe them. Why did we fall out of touch? KATHERINE You know -- it’s a mystery.

(CONTINUED) 71. 51 CONTINUED: 51 DEVLIN (not even listening) Well, let me catch you up to date. I created a website called InnerBeauty.com; we review make-up and hair care products. I’ve finally reached a point where I’m ready to sell, I just need to decide which offer to accept. We haven’t had any children, just living our lives. But we are planning to start this trip. Right, dear? IAN Create a life, yes. KATHERINE I’m so happy for you, Devlin. DEVLIN (grabbing her hand) How long are you here for? KATHERINE Actually I was just getting ready to-- DEVLIN Oh my God! I ran into Sandra Wernick last month. Poor thingKendig is already divorced and she has a child. I always knew she wouldn’t come out right. Are you married? A beat. ThereREADER/SENDER it was. BitchNAME: Andrewjust startedDodge something. KATHERINE CONFIDENTIALUm... yes. Katherine looks at Danny. KATHERINE (CONT’D) I am so rude, you were talking and well I forgot to introduce you. This is my husband, Danny. Katherine then grabs Danny and snuggles up to him. DANNY PatriciaWhat now? KATHERINE (nuzzles up to him, whispering) I will stay and do your thing if you just go with it.

(CONTINUED) 72. 51 CONTINUED: 51 DANNY (smiling) Devlin, hi. We were just talking about you the other day, in the bathroom-- Katherine elbows him. DEVLIN (shaking his hand) I knew that one day, Katherine would meet someone who was man enough to deal with her morally casual attitude in high school. DANNY Hey, if she’s good enough for the football team, she’s good enough for me. IAN So Danny, what line of work are you in? DANNY I invented donuts. KATHERINE He’s a plastic surgeon. Or I should say, the plasticKendig surgeon, according to Los Angeles magazine. DEVLIN Oh, how nice. Where do you READER/SENDERpractice? The NAME: Valley Andrew? Dodge DANNY CONFIDENTIALHaha. Beverly Hills actually. DEVLIN Ooooo. Touchdown. * KATHERINE Well, it was great running into you, Devlin. We should get back to the kids. DEVLIN (a hint of envy) You have kids? PatriciaKATHERINE Yes. Two. We couldn’t wait to start creating lives, so we created two of them, eight years ago and ten years * ago.

(CONTINUED) 73. 51 CONTINUED: 51 DEVLIN Wow, you’ve been together a long time. DANNY Yes, isn’t she beautiful? She still gives me a hard-on every time I see her. Danny forces a high-five from Ian. DEVLIN Well the four of us should get dinner some night while we’re here. KATHERINE Of course. That would be a dream. If we ever leave the bedroom. Katherine smacks Danny’s ass. DEVLIN Katherine Murphy, look at you. KATHERINE It’s not Katherine Murphy anymore. It’s Katherine Maccabee. They then head off. * DANNY Kendig * So what was that about? Why did you go fake husband on them? KATHERINE READER/SENDERBecause she’s NAME: successful Andrew Dodge and married to someone even more successful. And I am divorced with two kids and working as an CONFIDENTIALassistant to you. I don’t want her judging me. DANNY (enjoying this) Oh, so you need me now? KATHERINE (hating this) Yes. PatriciaDANNY How does it feel to need my help? * KATHERINE Did you ever slam a car door on your soul? Kinda feels like that.

(CONTINUED) 74. 51 CONTINUED: 51 DANNY Don’t worry, I’ll go big-time fake husband for you. But now that I’m returning the favor, I would appreciate a better attitude. You’re in Hawaii for free. Enjoy it! KATHERINE Fine! DANNY Yeah, it is fine! KATHERINE I’m gonna love it! DANNY Start now! KATHERINE On it! DANNY Wow! KATHERINE * Wheee! * DANNY * I’m gonna go work on someKendig index cards to keep all these lies straight! * KATHERINE * READER/SENDERMake copies forNAME: me! Andrew Dodge * CONFIDENTIALDanny and Katherine walk back to the table. * 52 EXT. HOTEL - DAWN - ESTABLISHING 52 * The sun rises over the hotel. * DANNY (O.C.) * Oh my G-d, I’m so tired. Why’d you * wake me up again? * 53 OMIT 53 * 54 INT.Patricia HOTEL LOBBY - MORNING 54 * Palmer and a tired Danny walk through the lobby. * PALMER Because, Grandpa, I signed us up for * the full day adventure tour - hiking through the rainforest, kayaking down a river, swimming under a waterfall...

(CONTINUED) 75. 54 CONTINUED: 54 DANNY Swimming, or... skinny dipping, so you can see Mr. Wiggles and the Fuzzy Twins do their magic shakey dance again? KATHERINE (O.S.) I vote “swimming”. You can tell Mr. Wiggles and the Fuzzy Twins they’re staying inside today. Danny turns to see Katherine and everyone waiting for them. EDDIE I, however, am fine with your man- nudity, Danny. Live as L Ron made you. DANNY (not happy) Right, of course. The family’s coming too. Getting to know each other... Gotta love it. BEGIN MONTAGE * 55 OMIT 55 * 55A EXT. TRAIL - DAY 55A They hike into a beautiful rainforest.Kendig MICHAEL * Is this where the blue Avatar * people live? * READER/SENDERMAGGIE NAME: Andrew Dodge * It’s bloody gorgeous... * CONFIDENTIALPalmer smiles at Danny. * 55B EXT. CLIFF - DAY 55B They are climbing a rocky cliff wall. 55C EXT. MOUNTAIN STREAM - DAY 55C They are using a rope/monkey bar to cross a mountain stream. Danny is starting to struggle a bit. Katherine is doing great, keeping up with Palmer. 55D EXT.Patricia MEADOW - DAY 55D They are riding horses across a sunny meadow. 55E EXT. RAINFOREST TRAIL - DAY 55E

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 76. 55E CONTINUED: 55E They are climbing up an insanely steep hill, Palmer and Danny * in the lead. Danny’s breathing pretty heavy. PALMER Isn’t this awesome? DANNY Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, I should probably walk in back, behind the kids, just in case they lose their footing. PALMER Oh yeah, of course. Danny stops so the kids can catch up. As soon as Palmer’s gone, he bends over and vomits, exhausted. As Katherine passes by briskly, she tosses him a piece of gum. KATHERINE (doing old lady voice) Should have listened to Cary Grant... DANNY Shut up. 56 OMIT Kendig56 57 EXT. RIVER/KAYAKS - A FEW MINUTES LATER 57 They are kayaking down a beautiful river. Katherine slows down so DannyREADER/SENDER catches up.NAME: He’s Andrew sweating Dodge profuciously. KATHERINE CONFIDENTIALJust tell her you need a break. She’ll understand. DANNY (breathing heavy) Yeah, she’ll understand I’m too old for her. MAGGIE If she’s really worth killing yourself over, she wouldn’t want Patriciayou to kill yourself. DANNY Thank you, Grandma. Look, she just wants to see that I’m spending quality time with you kids. So make it look like you’re having a blast ASAP, I won’t die, and (MORE)

(CONTINUED) 77. 57 CONTINUED: 57 DANNY (CONT'D) there’s an extra hundred for both of you. The kids bump fists. Maggie and Michael begin splashing Danny furiously. * MAGGIE (overdoing it) Oh, splashing with Fatha, how special. We are making memories right now, you guys!!! Magical memories! Danny turns back to Palmer and shoots her a slightly dramatic “isn’t-this-the-best?” look. Katherine just shakes her head. Eddie, seated behind Palmer, notices that the crack of her ass is sticking out of the suit, and he enjoys the view. EDDIE * Eepin, gleepin, glaupin, globin! * WHACK! Eddie gets hit in the head with a paddle. WIDEN TO REVEAL it’s Katherine. She smiles. * 58 EXT. TRAIL NEAR WATERFALL - DAY Kendig58 * They are walking in the rainforest. Even Palmer looks a little winded now. Maggie is riding piggy-back on Danny, still over-acting. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge MAGGIE Piggy-back times are magical times! CONFIDENTIALDANNY Aren’t they? (sotto voce) You’re warping my spine. Get off. Danny throws her into a bush, and rolls out laughing. * As they walk toward the sound of a rushing waterfall, Palmer talks to Katherine. PALMER PatriciaThis is like paradise. KATHERINE (blown away) It is, it doesn’t look real. (getting emotional for * real) * I’m sorry. *

(CONTINUED) 78. 58 CONTINUED: 58 PALMER Are you okay? KATHERINE Yeah, it’s just... I didn’t get to see amazing things like this the last time I was here. PALMER You’ve been to Maui before? KATHERINE Yeah. On my honeymoon. It was just so... He was really preoccupied * with work. Taking calls all the time. I just spent a lot of it on my own in our room. Read alot of good books though. DANNY On your honeymoon? What a jackass. Everyone looks at him. Then he remembers. DANNY (CONT’D) ...I was. Between that and the * Irritable Bowel Syndrome, I can’t * believe you didn’t divorce me right * then and there. Kendig * This makes Katherine even more emotional. He puts his hand * on her shoulder. KATHERINE * READER/SENDERI should have, NAME: I shouldAndrew Dodge have left. * All the signs were there. * DANNY CONFIDENTIALI’m sorry. KATHERINE But if I left then I wouldn’t have * had the kids. * DANNY That’s right. So now you got the * kids, you got your freedom. * Starting fresh. * KatherinePatricia smiles at Danny. KATHERINE * Thank you. You’re much nicer now. *

(CONTINUED) 79. 58 CONTINUED: 58 PALMER (teasing) Uh-oh, you two aren’t going to get back together are you? DANNY Hell, no. There’s so much anger and badness between us. KATHERINE Yeah, I hate him. 59 EXT. WATERFALL POOL - DAY - CONTINUOUS 59 * They arrive at the base of the waterfall, which falls from a great height into a clear, inviting pool right in front of them. PALMER * Well, I don’t know about you guys, * but I’m going to cool off. * She takes off her t-shirt and short-shorts, revealing the * bikini underneath. The men stare. * KATHERINE * (to Eddie) * Does she ever wear anything but that bikini? Kendig EDDIE I’m praying for a g-string and a * pirate hat. * Palmer divesREADER/SENDER into the water.NAME: Andrew Then... Dodge DANNY Now, you go, Maggie. And scream “I CONFIDENTIALlove you, Dad!” on the way in. Maggie joyfully runs and leaps into the pool, yelling... MAGGIE Daddy is me favorite adult! DANNY Ooo, that was actually better. Palmer has swam over to the waterfall. She uses it to pull herPatricia hair back. She looks spectacular. Katherine stews a little. DANNY (CONT’D) Okay, Bart, you’re up. But Michael just stands there.

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 80. 59 CONTINUED: 59 DANNY (CONT’D) Go on, Mike. Michael mumbles something. DANNY (CONT’D) What was that? MICHAEL Water’s too deep. DANNY The water’s too deep? What do-- KATHERINE He can’t swim, Danny. DANNY He can’t? (to Michael) How were you going to swim with the dolphins? MICHAEL Hadn’t thought it through. DANNY So you can’t swim even a little? Nobody ever taught you?Kendig MICHAEL My dad’s supposed to. But he... he’s busy. Danny shootsREADER/SENDER a sympathetic NAME: look Andrew at Dodge Katherine. She just shakes her head. CONFIDENTIALEDDIE Your mom can’t teach you? KATHERINE He’s waiting for his dad. Palmer pulls herself onto a sunny rock on the other side of the pool. She looks amazing. She waves to Danny. PALMER Come on in, you guys! The water Patriciafeels magical! EDDIE As does my ass-dick. * He high-fives Danny. Katherine has had enough.

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 81. 59 CONTINUED: 59 KATHERINE (kneels down to Michael) Is it okay if Mommy goes in and feel the magic for a minute? Can you stay here with fake Daddy? MICHAEL Sure. She takes off her shorts and blouse. Underneath she’s wearing a swimsuit. Her body is SMOKING. Danny and Eddie are floored. Katherine dives in. MICHAEL (CONT’D) Did you know my Mom was hiding that sick body under there? DANNY No, son. I wish you would have told me. (watches Katherine swim) Man, I gotta start taking the stairs. MICHAEL Don’t buy that line. She takes spinning classes like they’reKendig M&Ms. EDDIE (O.C.) Giddyup! Here I come! DANNY READER/SENDER(covering NAME: Michael’s Andrew Dodge eyes) Dear l-rd... We see a quick glimpse of Eddie, buck naked, running and CONFIDENTIALleaping into the pond. He has a huge gauze pad on his ass. * EDDIE Achtung below! In the water, Palmer turns to Katherine. PALMER He has a lot of courage running around naked with what he’s Patriciapacking. KATHERINE You should have seen it before. 60 EXT. HOTEL - SUNSET 60 Danny and Palmer are getting out of the Jeep in front of the hotel at the end of the exhausting day.

(CONTINUED) 82. 60 CONTINUED: 60 DANNY Good lord, I’m tired. You know * what we should do now? Take a * little nappy-poo. * PALMER Isn’t it our night to take care of the kids? DANNY By “the kids” I hope you’re referring to the Fuzzy Twins. PALMER No, Devlin and Dolph had them last night. It’s our turn. Isn’t that how you guys set it up - you alternate? DANNY But Devlin likes to sleep near the * children at night. She’s very * peculiar like that. * Palmer turns to Eddie and Katherine. PALMER Devlin, Dolph: would you like us to have the kids tonight so you can have some “alone time”?Kendig Katherine looks stricken, but Eddie blurts out: EDDIE READER/SENDERAbsoshnutely! NAME: Andrew Dodge * CUT TO: 61 CONFIDENTIALINT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 61 Katherine, Michael and Maggie are entering Danny and Palmer’s hotel room. Michael and Maggie are in their pajamas and carrying backpacks. Katherine looks nervous. KATHERINE Well guys, I guess this is it. PALMER Don’t worry, Devlin - you and Dolph Patriciajust enjoy each other. This is gonna be great. Kids, I cut up some fresh pineapple for you. Do you guys like pineapple? MICHAEL Can you make a shoe smell?

(CONTINUED) 83. 61 CONTINUED: 61 DANNY Okay. And we ordered Kiki three * quesadillas, because she loves * quesadillas so much. * Maggie sticks her tongue out at Danny (Palmer can’t see). PALMER Hey, let’s check out the balcony - I think I saw some dolphins out in the bay. Palmer leads Michael and Maggie into the next room. Danny stands there with Katherine. DANNY I don’t have to worry about diapers, or any potty-related stuff, do I? KATHERINE They’re good to go. But if anything happens, and I mean anything-- DANNY No, no, no - it’s all gonna be fine. I used to babysit my cousin Eddie when we were kids--Kendig * KATHERINE And look how he turned out! DANNY READER/SENDERPalmer’s a teacher NAME: Andrew - she’s Dodge great * with kids. You just enjoy the night off, Mommy. What are you gonna do? Watch TV? Shock people * CONFIDENTIALwith your sneaky perfect body? KATHERINE I’m gonna stare out the window and worry. DANNY Aw come on, how much worse could I be than Rosa? Why don’t you just have a platonic dinner with my cousin? I know he’s not Brian, the PatriciaFoghat roadie that time forgot... KATHERINE (smiles) You really don’t like that I went to lunch with him, do you?

(CONTINUED) 84. 61 CONTINUED: 61 DANNY You actually went on a date with him? That’s disgusting. Did all * the food got caught in his soul patch? Did he go on and on about * his solar-powered beard trimmer? * KATHERINE He managed to get through lunch * with a woman without making up a * fake life for himself... * DANNY Oh, that was not nice... * KATHERINE (sing-songy) * Truth hurts.... * 62 INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS 62 She leaves, still smiling. As the door closes behind her, we see Eddie pop up and accost her in the hallway. EDDIE Alone at last, my little Jagermeistress... She punches him in the stomach. He doubles over. The door * shuts. Kendig 63 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT - AN HOUR LATER 63 * Danny, Palmer, Maggie and Michael are eating popcorn and playing aREADER/SENDER game. NAME: Andrew Dodge PALMER CONFIDENTIALYou guys having fun? * DANNY Yeah, yeah, they’re having fun. * They like this game. Let’s keep * playing. Palmer picks up a card. PALMER (reading) “What is something that makes you Patriciahappy?” DANNY Hiking. Kayaking. Waterfalls. He smiles at Palmer.

(CONTINUED) 85. 63 CONTINUED: 63 MAGGIE The theatre. And quesadillas. * MICHAEL That time I watched a baseball game with my dad. Palmer thinks it is sweet. But Danny feels bad because he knows this doesn’t happen often. MAGGIE Okay, I pick. (takes card, reads) “If you could be one person besides yourself, who would you be?” PALMER Rachael Ray - cause I’ve always * wanted to learn how to cook. * Danny? DANNY I like me. I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. So I’m going to go with “me”. Or Captain Kirk. PALMER There you go. Bart? MICHAEL Kendig Mr. DeCesare. MAGGIE Mr. DeCesare our mailman? Why? READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge MICHAEL He just seems like he’s got it all CONFIDENTIALfigured out. They all take this in. DANNY Okay, here we go... (takes card, reads) Oh, this one’s lame. He starts to put it back on the pile, but Palmer stops him. PALMER PatriciaNo, can’t do that - gotta read the card you picked. DANNY Alright... (reading) “Name something that makes you sad.”

(CONTINUED) 86. 63 CONTINUED: 63 They all think for a bit. MAGGIE That Judi Dench has never won the Oscar for Best Actress. PALMER * That N Sync broke up. * DANNY * Oh boy... * Palmer gives him a look. * DANNY (CONT’D) Oh boy, my turn. Um... when a girl * I was in love with called me * zucchini nose. PALMER Why would anyone call you zucchini nose? DANNY They wouldn’t. I’m just saying it would be sad if they did. Bart, what about you? MICHAEL I don’t want to say mine.Kendig PALMER No, it’s okay, honey. There’s nothing you can’t share. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge Michael stares at his shoes. CONFIDENTIALMICHAEL When my Dad doesn’t have time for me. Palmer looks at Danny angry. Danny glares at Michael. * MAGGIE It’s okay. We’re gonna make it. * We don’t need him in our lives. * Maggie hugs Michael, and they both start crying. * 64 INT.Patricia HOTEL ROOM - LIVING ROOM AREA - NIGHT 64 It’s dark. Maggie and Michael are on cots. Danny is tucking them in. DANNY Alright, that was a setback...

(CONTINUED) 87. 64 CONTINUED: 64 MAGGIE We’re sorry. * DANNY No, no, I know you guys are dealing * with real issues with your parents. * And I feel for you. But you wanted * this, to come “swim with the dolphins” or “stand with the dolphins” cause you don’t know how to swim. Plus, you’re getting well paid for this, so you have to be professional, at least for another two days, until I can kill you off in a boarding school train accident. MICHAEL I thought it was a car accident. DANNY I’m still noodling with the exact cause of death. But I need you to focus. Can you handle that? * MAGGIE AND MICHAEL Yes. DANNY Then start laughing andKendig hug me. They do. Palmer opens the door and sees this. Danny smiles at her and shrugs. READER/SENDERPALMER NAME: Andrew Dodge I just got off the phone with your mom, kids. You’re going to have plenty of time with your dad CONFIDENTIALtomorrow, because she and I are gonna have a nice long spa day. DANNY Oh, awesome. 65 OMIT 65 66 EXT. RESORT - MORNING 66 Danny is walking toward a putting green with Maggie and Michael.Patricia He’s carrying a camera and a three putters. MICHAEL What are we doing? DANNY Palmer left her camera behind. So she’s going to have a little (MORE)

(CONTINUED) 88. 66 CONTINUED: 66 DANNY (CONT'D) surprise waiting for her when she gets back. MAGGIE A stolen camera? DANNY No. Shots of you guys and me having lots of reassuring fun. MICHAEL I forgot to flush the toilet before I left the hotel, so she’s gonna have two surprises. Danny sets the camera on a beach chair. He goes onto the green with the kids, and hands them both a putter. DANNY Remember big smiles. We’re having a * blast. Michael, cheat out. * They all smile ridiculously and pose for the picture. Danny has a tiny remote control in his hand to take the picture. DANNY (CONT’D) Okay, Michael just made a long putt. Reactions! Michael thrusts his fists in the air.Kendig Danny and Maggie look shocked and amazed. CLICK. DANNY (CONT’D) Now Maggie swung the club too hard READER/SENDERand fell over. NAME: Go! Andrew Dodge Maggie assumes a fallen position. Michael points at her, very amused. Danny tries to stifle a laugh. They freeze in CONFIDENTIALthese positions. CLICK. DANNY (CONT’D) Okay, I just said something hilarious. Everybody laugh. Now! * MICHAEL Why are we always laughing? Is there something wrong with us? DANNY PatriciaYou’re easily amused. Let’s go. I want big belly laughs, not little titters. MAGGIE I can’t do this out of context. I need to summon the memory of something really funny...

(CONTINUED) 89. 66 CONTINUED: 66 DANNY You don’t know how to fake a laugh? You’ve never had a ten-minute * conversation with a barber before? * MICHAEL Can we take a break? Do something fun? DANNY We’re not here for fun, homeboy. MAGGIE Don’t worry we never have fun with * our real dad either. Danny looks at them. Michael looks away. Danny feels bad and makes a decision. He’s not gonna be like him. DANNY All right, new plan. I’m going to teach you how to swim before your mother gets back... (looks at watch) ...in four hours. 67 EXT. AMAZING POOL - DAY 67 Danny, Michael, Maggie and Eddie, all in swimwear, are approaching the resort’s massive poolKendig complex. EDDIE How are we going to teach a kid to swim in four hours? READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY The same way Grandpa Ed taught us. CONFIDENTIALEDDIE Oh yeah... I remember that scary day. DANNY He did it in eight hours. But there’s two of us. And we’re sober. Now go get into position. Eddie heads off in another direction. Danny and the kids walkPatricia up to the equipment booth. DANNY (CONT’D) Aloha, ma’am. We’re gonna need three towels and a set of floaties.

(CONTINUED) 90. 67 CONTINUED: 67 MICHAEL I’m not wearing floaties! (looking around) Nobody else is wearing them. * Danny ponders this... CUT TO: 68 EXT. POOLSIDE - DAY 68 Danny, Maggie and Michael are walking along the side of a huge pool. They are ALL wearing different kinds of floaties. They stop. MICHAEL It took my friend a whole summer to learn how to swim. How you gonna teach me so quick? DANNY It’s an intensive program. Danny pushes Michael into the pool. As Michael sputters to the surface, Eddie is there in the water to grab him, wearing goggles. EDDIE Extremely intensive. Kendig 69 INT. HOTEL SPA - DAY 69

Palmer andREADER/SENDER Katherine sit NAME: next Andrew to eachDodge other in robes getting mani-pedis. It’s a little awkward. Neither knows what to say. PALMER CONFIDENTIALThanks for doing this with me today. KATHERINE Are you kidding, a spa day away from the kids? Come on, thank you. They both then just sit there. It is awkward. PALMER I have to admit, you were a little intimidating when we first met. But Patricianow that I’ve gotten to know you, I just think you’re so cool, and great with your kids. KATHERINE Well, when Danny first told me about you - specifically how old you were - I thought, “Oh brother”. (MORE)

(CONTINUED) 91. 69 CONTINUED: 69 KATHERINE (CONT'D) But after spending time with you, I get it; I can totally see why he * fell for you. PALMER * You just made me feel so good, * Devlin. * 70 EXT. POOL - DAY 70 * Danny is in the pool with Maggie and Michael. Eddie is sitting on the edge nearby, about five feet away. DANNY You are doing unbelievable, kiddo. Now I want you to swim over to Eddie. If you make it to him without touching the bottom, he’s going to give you a dolphin cookie. Eddie waves a small dolphin-shaped cookie. MAGGIE Is that what your Grandpa gave you? DANNY No, Grandpa gave me something called a “Heineken”. * MICHAEL Kendig I want one of those! DANNY No, let’s stick with the cookie. * READER/SENDERNow I know you NAME: can Andrew do this. Dodge Now * take a deep breath and stay * relaxed. * CONFIDENTIALMichael takes a deep breath, and goes. There’s a lot of splashing, and it’s not fast, or pretty, but he makes it over to Eddie. Danny and Maggie clap and wade over quickly to celebrate Michael. Eddie hands Michael the cookie, which he happily eats. DANNY (CONT’D) Why do you want to swim with the Patriciadolphins? You are a dolphin! EDDIE Look at Mr. Dad over here. Maybe * you are ready to settle down. DANNY I don’t know why you have such a hard time believing that.

(CONTINUED) 92. 70 CONTINUED: 70 MAGGIE (calling over) Dr. Maccabee, when we get out of the pool, can we get some quesadillas? I’m starving! * DANNY You got it, Mags. (to Eddie) I’m pretty good at being a family man, aren’t I? EDDIE You are. Maybe you should pick up one of those rings you were looking at. DANNY If I had five minutes alone, maybe I could. 71 INT. SPA - DAY 71 Katherine and Palmer are now getting massages from two * Hawaiian ladies. * PALMER * Hey, can I ask you something, * Devlin? It’s Danny’s birthday next * week, and I have no ideaKendig what to * get him. * KATHERINE * Well, don’t get him a tie, cause he * READER/SENDERnever wears one.NAME: AndrewIn fact, Dodge I * wouldn’t get him any clothes at * all. He likes to pick out his own * stuff - he’s like a 14 year old * CONFIDENTIALgirl about it. It’s both pathetic * and hilarious. * PALMER * Uh-huh... That’s good to know. * KATHERINE * Let’s see... He likes books on * tape, for his car. Really violent, * stupid video games. Fishing * equipment, even though he’s afraid * to take a fish off a hook. Football * Patriciacards from the 70s. Milky Ways, * Marathon Bars, Sweet Tarts... * PALMER * It’s crazy, you know everything * about him! *

(CONTINUED) 93. 71 CONTINUED: 71 Katherine thinks about her connection with Danny... then: * KATHERINE * Well, I’ve known the man a long * time. * PALMER * (lowering voice) * Did he do that “Mr. Wiggles and the * Fuzzy Twins magic shaky dance” for * you when you were together? It * really grosses me out when he does * that. * KATHERINE * Maybe you should buy him a sock, * then. * 72 EXT. POOL - DAY 72 * Danny, Michael and Maggie are now in the middle of the pool. Eddie is sitting on the edge of the pool, about 20 feet away. Danny calls over to him. DANNY How many more of those dolphin cookies have you got? EDDIE Maybe 20. Kendig Danny turns to Michael. DANNY READER/SENDERWhat do you think?NAME: Andrew That’s Dodge about 20 feet. 20 cookies for 20 feet. You want to rest a little first? CONFIDENTIALMichael looks at the distance; it seems like a mile. But he mans up. MICHAEL Let’s do this. DANNY That’s my boy. He’s ready to rock. MICHAEL PatriciaAlmost. He smiles at Danny... and takes his floaties off. DANNY Wow... My man is serious!

(CONTINUED) 94. 72 CONTINUED: 72 EDDIE (fake mic) Off come the floaties! Off come the floaties! MAGGIE You sure about this, Michael? He nods. He looks up at Danny - for the first time we see unbridled joy and happiness in the normally glum kid’s face. Danny smiles back. We can tell he is really falling for these kids. It’s a nice moment between them. DANNY This is it - your final exam. And I believe... (looking at watch) ...three hours and fifty-two minutes would be a new world record. Michael nods and lowers his goggles. He takes a deep breath - and takes off. Katherine and Palmer come around the corner and see this. Katherine puts her hand over her mouth - shocked, nervous, excited. Michael swims slowly, splashily - Kendig5 feet, 6 feet, 7... DANNY (CONT’D) Keep going, pal! You got it! 10 feet, READER/SENDER11 feet, 12... NAME: slowing... Andrew Dodge EDDIE CONFIDENTIALAll you baby, all you! 14 feet, 15 feet, 16... stopping... KATHERINE Go, sweetheart! Go! MICHAEL’S POV - he sees his mom cheering him on. He gets a burst of energy - 17 feet, 18, 19... He touches the side. ThePatricia family and even strangers cheer and clap. Danny, proud and happy, wades over to Michael and hugs him. ANGLE ON Palmer, looking at him with love. PAN TO Katherine - uh oh - looking at him with love, too.

(CONTINUED) 95. 72 CONTINUED: 72 PAN TO Devlin, standing right next to them. She’s in a swimsuit and expensive-looking shades. DEVLIN What are we looking at? Katherine reacts. KATHERINE Devlin! Whoa, you snuck up on me there! DEVLIN I did? Do you startle easily? I * think that’s a sign of menopause. * Devlin laughs at her little joke. PALMER Devlin?... KATHERINE Devlin, this is Palmer Dodge. Palmer, this is Devlin, a friend of mine from college. DEVLIN Aloha, Palmer. Are you the au pair? Kendig PALMER Actually, I’m the girlfriend. DEVLIN READER/SENDERWho’s girlfriend? NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIALEddie fortuitously enters. EDDIE Guten dag, I am Dolph, wilkommen. And I must say, you are a beautiful- DEVLIN (cutting him off coldly, showing ring on finger) Married, flattered, thanks. (to Katherine) Where’s Danny? PatriciaKATHERINE Right over there, teaching our son to swim. DEVLIN (loudly, waving) Hi, Doctor!

(CONTINUED) 96. 72 CONTINUED: 72 Danny looks over, absently waving back. When he sees who is standing there, he gets a stricken look on his face. KATHERINE He watched the kids today so we could have a girly spa/massage day. DEVLIN (genuinely impressed) Gee, that’s... sweet. (turns to Palmer) So Palmer, how do you know the Maccabees? PALMER Well, I met Danny two weeks ago at a party, and I met this wonderful woman a few days later. KATHERINE * Yeah, yeah, that made sense. * DEVLIN She’s come a long way, this one. * And it looks like she’s hooked up with a pretty great guy. * PALMER Well, if you like sheep, he’s your man. Kendig Eddie laughs nervously. Devlin looks at Danny, confused. Danny shrugs. READER/SENDERDANNY NAME: Andrew Dodge Hee-haw! DEVLIN CONFIDENTIALWasn’t that a donkey? Katherine laughs a little too loud. PALMER You know what’s crazy? I’ve never * met anyone with the first name * “Devlin” before, and your name is * Devlin, and her name is-- EddiePatricia pushes Palmer into the pool. EDDIE Ha-ha-ha. Me and Palmer have been playing Bavarian Pool Rugby. She let down her guard, ha-ha. Let me go and collect my winnings.

(CONTINUED) 97. 72 CONTINUED: 72 Eddie jumps in and holds Palmer underwater, leaving Katherine and Devlin alone. KATHERINE Isn’t Dolph a riot? DEVLIN For a foreigner. Look, something’s * opened up in our schedule tonight - Jim Nabors has strep throat, so we’re good to go for dinner with you and Danny - Oceanos at 7? KATHERINE Tonight? Um... * DEVLIN * Is it a bad night? Are you guys * fighting? * KATHERINE * No, no, we’ll be there. * DEVLIN Perfect. I’m gonna go back to my * room and get ready. I’m in Room * 1200. The ones that end in “00” are the suites. What room are you in? Kendig KATHERINE Well, Danny’s in the Presidential Suite, which is too big to even have a number, and I’m... in the READER/SENDERsame room, of NAME: course. Andrew DodgeWhich is convenient for making love and spending nice times together. CONFIDENTIALDEVLIN I’ll bet. Well, see you tonight. Katherine smiles and gulps as Devlin takes off. Palmer comes out of the water, gasping for air. * 73 OMIT 73 74 INT. DANNY AND PALMER’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS 74 WePatricia hear the shower running. Danny is on the phone with Katherine. INTERCUT BETWEEN THE TWO. DANNY Why did you say yes? How are we supposed to-- hold on.

(CONTINUED) 98. 74 CONTINUED: 74 Danny hides the phone quick as Palmer comes out wearing a towel. PALMER That was little weird when Dolph threw me in the pool. DANNY Well, he’s a sheep guy, a farm guy, they do lot of rough-housing and horse-play, I wouldn’t take it personal. PALMER Okay. So... I thought maybe tonight * we could have a little you and me time. She drops the towel. DANNY Oooo, should I tell Mr. Wiggles-- PALMER (cutting him off) Please don’t. DANNY Oh, okay. I’ll see you in the shower. Kendig Palmer goes back into the bathroom. Danny retrieves the phone. READER/SENDERDANNY NAME: (CONT’D) Andrew Dodge You gotta get us out of this * dinner. I haven’t had a second * CONFIDENTIALalone with Palmer! * KATHERINE Look, when this is done you’ll have your precious Palmer. What am I getting out of this? A sunburn and a hangover! All I ask is this one dinner so I can save face with this awful woman! DANNY Well, what am I supposed to tell PatriciaPalmer? KATHERINE I’ll take care of that. Just put her on the phone and say it’s for her. DANNY She’s in the shower.

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 99. 74 CONTINUED: 74 KATHERINE You haven’t seen her naked yet? Just go in the shower and give her the damn phone. A75 INT. DANNY AND PALMER’S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS A75 Danny enters. Palmer is in the shower, singing along to N Sync’s “Bye Bye Bye”, which is blasting on a boombox. KATHERINE Is she listening to N Sync? DANNY (turning it down) No, no, no... (to Palmer) Phone for you. Palmer sticks her head out and takes the phone. PALMER Hello... (listens for a long time, then) Let me check with Danny. (lowering phone, to Danny) It’s Dolph. He wants to go to dinner tonight and have some get-to- know-the-other-step-parentKendig time. Says as the new ones in the family we should talk about how we are going to be dealing with the kids. READER/SENDERDANNY NAME: Andrew Dodge You cool with that? PALMER CONFIDENTIALAs long as he doesn’t try to drown * me again. 75 INT. KATHERINE’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS 75 In his room Eddie hangs up and gives Katherine a thumbs up. EDDIE What am I gonna say to her all night? KATHERINE Are you kidding me? You can spout Patriciacrazy nonsense for hours in Eurotrashinese. Just do it someplace far from here. EDDIE If I do good, can I sleep in the bed with you tonight?

(CONTINUED) 100. 75 CONTINUED: 75 KATHERINE Nope. You’re tub for life. CUT TO the tub in the bathroom. There’s a pillow and blankets in there. 76 EXT. RESORT - NIGHT 76 The sunsets over the water. Beautiful. 77 INT. OCEANO’S - NIGHT 77 Danny and Katherine are dining with Devlin and Ian. DANNY So Ian - the iPod, nice work. Did * they give you a bonus or a raise or something? IAN Let’s put it this way - I’ll never have to invent anything ever again. But all the money from that has enabled me to pursue my true passion: (they wait) Rebuilding homes for victims of the Belgian Earthquake. KATHERINE Kendig * Earthquake in Belgium? I didn’t hear about that. IAN READER/SENDERExactly. It’s NAME: not Andrew a “sexy” Dodge news story, so the victims are forgotten. CONFIDENTIALDEVLIN You say “Belgian” to most people, they think “waffles”. We think “sadness”. IAN They lost so much and we have so much. DEVLIN So much. PatriciaIAN So I am just trying to give some of that muchness back. Ian tears up. Devlin hugs him.

(CONTINUED) GREEN REVISED PAGES - 5/3/10 101. 77 CONTINUED: 77 DEVLIN Isn’t he wonderful? Oh, look at us now, Katherine - both so happily married. Everything I always hoped for, right, Yogi? IAN Right, Boo-Boo. They start rubbing their noses together. Under the table Danny texts KATHERINE: Was she this insane in college? She reads it and texts back: I think I’m gonna devlin. 78 EXT. OUT OF THE WAY DIVE RESTAURANT - NIGHT 78 Eddie and Palmer pull up. Palmer looks skeptically at it. It looks really seedy. And there are livestock milling around: chickens, cows, a sheep. PALMER This is it? EDDIE Yes, the hotel said it was amazing. Unt also very far away. Palmer smiles trying to make the bestKendig of it. 79 INT. OCEANO’S 79 *

Danny andREADER/SENDER Katherine down NAME: their Andrew drinks Dodge as Devlin talks. DEVLIN So, Danny you’re a plastic surgeon; CONFIDENTIALhow convenient for you, Katherine... DANNY Katherine? Are you kidding me? Her good genes gave her everything she needs. Her good genes, and staircases. IAN Here, here. How about you, Daniel? Ever do any work on yourself? Maybe Patriciaon the old nosey-poo? DEVLIN What a silly question, darling! If a prominent surgeon like Danny had given himself a nose job, he certainly would’ve done a better job than that!

(CONTINUED) GREEN REVISED PAGES - 5/3/10 102. 79 CONTINUED: 79 Devlin and Ian laugh; Katherine joins in at first, but then looks at Danny and stops. IAN Sorry about that, Danny. She’s incorrigible. DEVLIN It’s true. So how about me? What would you do to “fix” me? Danny looks her over. DANNY Nothing. Devlin looks at Ian triumphantly, but Danny continues. DANNY (CONT’D) I mean, the guy who did your arms took out too much fat, but that’s what sleeves are for. And going through the armpits with your breast implants isn’t too common anymore, but Dr. Bernardi doesn’t seem to want to move on from that technique. That’s who did those, right? DEVLIN Kendig (eager to change the subject) So where did you two meet? READER/SENDERKATHERINE NAME: Andrew Dodge * Oh, we met at a concert. * DANNY * CONFIDENTIALSting, live at the Palladium, 1998. * It was a benefit for the rainforest * (to Ian) very sexy. * KATHERINE * Anyway, I was in the front row * rocking out to”So LOnely” when all * of a sudden Sting motions for me to * come dance on stage. * DEVLIN * PatriciaReally? You? *

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 102A. 79 CONTINUED: 79 KATHERINE (CONT'D) out and motions for me to come dance on stage.

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) GREEN REVISED PAGES - 5/3/10 103. 79 CONTINUED: 79 KATHERINE * Yeah, really me. (under her breath) Armpit. (back to normal) So I started heading for the stage. DANNY * But then this drunken tramp next to * her thinks that Sting was pointing * at her and starts pulling on * Katherine’s shirt. This chick wants * to fight and Katherine is missing * her chance to get Stung. * KATHERINE So then all of a sudden, this gorgeous man grabs the drunken woman and pulls her off me. And says: “I’ll hold her; you go dance your dance, little lady.” I kissed him hard and deep... * DANNY * Say that again. * KATHERINE * I kissed him hard and deep. * DANNY Kendig * One more time. * KATHERINE * Hard and deep. * READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY * Continue. * CONFIDENTIALKATHERINE * So I climbed on stage and danced * the dance of my life with Der * Stinglehoffer. * DEVLIN * Did you do more than dance with * him? * IAN * Yes, You know those rock stars. * PatriciaDANNY * No. She turned him down. The only * one who got to see her Brazilian * wax that night was me. Only back * then she didn’t go Brazilian, it * was more of an Amazon jungle thing. *

(CONTINUED) GREEN REVISED PAGES - 5/3/10 103A. 79 CONTINUED: 79 KATHERINE * Okay easy. * DEVLIN * Why don’t you two wear wedding * rings? * KATHERINE * Oh Danny doesn’t believe in wedding * rings. He thinks they’re stupid and * would never be caught dead wearing * one. Ever. *

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) 104. 79 CONTINUED: 79 DANNY She turned them down. Only I get to see that Brazilian wax in the * flesh. KATHERINE Okay, easy. Ian’s phone rings (his ring-tone is “Carmina Burana”). He gets up and answers it. * IAN Hang on a second. * (to the table) * So sorry - this is one of my * foundations. I have to take this. * He looks at Devlin. * DEVLIN Your virtue, your intelligence, your passion. IAN Your beauty, your drive, your womanhood. He then walks off. Katherine and Danny look at Devlin. DEVLIN Kendig It’s something we do whenever the other leaves. We say what we love * most about the other. READER/SENDERKATHERINE NAME: Andrew Dodge That’s great. DEVLIN CONFIDENTIALIt keeps us connected. You guys should try. KATHERINE We’ll try later. DEVLIN That’s okay, not everyone can do it. We just have so much we love about each other we just always want to share. PatriciaKATHERINE We’ll do it now. 80 INT. OUT OF THE WAY RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS 80 Palmer downing another drink listens to another one of Eddie’s (Dolph’s) drunken stories.

(CONTINUED) 105. 80 CONTINUED: 80 EDDIE ...broke and penniless I took to the streets to sell my wares. And by wares I mean my body. And by my body I mean my schnitzel. Palmer makes a face. Suddenly a TEENAGE GIRL runs in. GIRL Help, is there a veterinarian in the house? My pet sheep has passed out. He’s not breathing. I don’t know what is wrong. No one says anything. Palmer turns to Eddie. PALMER He’s not a vet, but he sells sheep for a living. Maybe he can help. Eddie then realizes she is talking about him. EDDIE Who me? Yes, right, me. I am. I do. 81 EXT. OUT OF THE WAY RESTAURANT 81 The Girl quickly leads Eddie and Palmer outside. The whole restaurant follows. On the ground Kendigwe see the sheep. As everyone watches, Eddie goes over and inspects the sheep. EDDIE In my expert opinion this sheep is READER/SENDERdead. Sorry. NAME: Andrew Dodge Eddie starts to head back inside. The sheep is still moving, CONFIDENTIALhaving spasms. The Girl stops him. TEENAGE GIRL No!!! He’s still alive. You have do something. Everyone else stares at Eddie. He gulps. 82 INT. OCEANO’S - CONTINUOUS 82 DANNY PatriciaOkay, so what do we do here? DEVLIN Look each other in the eyes and say what you love about the other. Katherine and Danny awkwardly turn and look each other in the eyes.

(CONTINUED) 106. 82 CONTINUED: 82 DANNY Hello. KATHERINE Hello. DANNY So tell me what you love about me. KATHERINE Well, I love... what a good doctor you are. DEVLIN Keep going. KATHERINE I love your sense of humor, and... your stories, and your advice... and how you secretly have a big heart, full of kindness and humility and... DANNY Blood? KATHERINE ...blood. Yeah, I don’t know, * you’re just a very nice person that * I like... love being around.Kendig * DANNY (touched) Thank you. * READER/SENDERDEVLIN NAME: Andrew Dodge Danny? DANNY CONFIDENTIALWell, I love the Brazilian wax that * you’re constantly showing me... And * your sense of humor, and your stories, and your advice... DEVLIN (too harsh) No repeats! DANNY Whoa, I didn’t know we were being graded. Patricia(back to Katherine) Um, I love...how you do stuff. Never * for yourself, always for the rest of us. In all honesty, I’d be lost without you. You are... the only * person I’ve never lied to. *

(CONTINUED) 107. 82 CONTINUED: 82 He realizes as he says it that he means it. DANNY (CONT’D) And you’re a great mother. And your * smile. It’s an amazing smile. When I * see it, that’s actually when my day starts. Katherine is touched. They stare at each other for a beat. They might have a moment when Devlin breaks the mood. DEVLIN I won best smile at our sorority three years straight. Remember, Katherine? KATHERINE Yes, I do. Danny and Katherine now look away from each other, feeling self-conscious. 83 EXT. OUT OF THE WAY RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS 83 * Eddie is now giving mouth to mouth to the sheep and pounding on it’s chest. Everyone from the restaurant is watching. EDDIE Breathe, dammit, breathe!!! He blows another breath into the sheep’sKendig mouth. He has no idea what he is doing. GIRL READER/SENDERHe is still notNAME: breathing!! Andrew Dodge Grasping at straws he then gets the sheep in his arms and gives starts giving him the HEIMLICH MANEUVER. He looks like CONFIDENTIALhe is killing him. With each thrust, the crowd FLINCHES. GUY You’re killing him!!! Then finally, SOMETHING SHOOTS OUT THE SHEEP’S mouth. It was a rubber toy. The sheep then starts breathing. The crowd applauds. The Girl hugs Eddie and starts crying with joy. 84 INT. OCEANO’S - CONTINUOUS 84 IanPatricia then returns. IAN Butterfly kisses, bunny. He and Devlin then exchange butterfly kisses. Without being seen, Danny and Katherine make deer antlers on their heads with their hands and pucker their lips at each other, and

(CONTINUED) 108. 84 CONTINUED: 84 laugh. A BAND finishes a song, and the very-tan BANDLEADER grabs the mic. BANDLEADER Alright, folks, it’s time for the legendary Oceanos Hula Contest! * Tonight’s winner will receive their * meal tonight on the house, courtesy of * Oceanos. * (claps, cheers) So contestants, please report to * the ladies lounge! Women start to get up. Ian turns to Devlin. IAN You should do it, Boo-Boo. You would win. DEVLIN Ian! I don’t know how to “hula”, you scamp. IAN (looking around) I don’t think any of these women do. And frankly, I don’t think any of them have been doing power yoga, pilates, and strippercise religiously for the lastKendig ten years. The women who are getting up all seem very normal and middle- American. Devlin smirks. READER/SENDERDEVLIN NAME: Andrew Dodge That’s the understatement of the year... CONFIDENTIALIAN Plus, the ancient art of the hula is all about expressing your sensuality. And nobody “brings the sexy” like Devlin Maxtone-Jones... DEVLIN Oh, you like what Mommy brings? IAN Mmmm, Baby likes... TheyPatricia kiss. Katherine and Danny are in that no-man’s-land between dumbfounded and disgusted. Devlin stands. DEVLIN I’ll do it!

(CONTINUED) 109. 84 CONTINUED: 84 IAN (clapping) Good show! Katherine, how about you? DEVLIN Oh, this isn’t Katherine’s thing, honey. Right, Katherine? KATHERINE Oh yeah, this is more your speed. DEVLIN Remember that time in college, when we had that contest to see who could kiss that cute guy at the bar first? KATHERINE Yeah, that guy was kind of my boyfriend, actually... DEVLIN (not really listening, sing-song) I won! Katherine’s butt never left * the chair. (to Ian) Some people are more comfortable on the sidelines, love. Don’tKendig judge. IAN Your honesty, your fearlessness, your tickle spot. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DEVLIN Your creativity, your bravery, your CONFIDENTIALnipples. She leaves. Ian turns to Danny and Katherine. IAN She’s my everything. * KATHERINE Yeah. Katherine downs a shot, then stands. KATHERINE (CONT’D) PatriciaI’m gonna do the hula thing. IAN Please, don’t feel any pressure--

(CONTINUED) 110. 84 CONTINUED: 84 KATHERINE I’m not the one who should be feeling the pressure. Katherine walks off confidently. DANNY Ooo, Baby likes! (to Ian) Sorry. 85 INT. OCEANOS - FIVE MINUTES LATER 85 Ian is boring Danny. IAN ...so then I said, “What if the earphones could go in the ears?”... The Bandleader grabs the mic. BANDLEADER Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to tonight’s hula girls! Five women come out, wearing grass skirts and coconut bras. The crowd applauds. The band begins playing, and the five women begin doing the hula. All seem awkward and self- conscious, except for Devlin, who Kendigstands apart due to her self-confidence and athleticism. Katherine looks great in her outfit, but she’s not really committing to it. She laughs nervously, and makes a face at Danny. Danny meetsREADER/SENDER her eyes, butNAME: he’s Andrew not Dodge laughing. He knows she can do this. She tries a little harder. He smiles and nods. * Katherine begins to let loose and find her rhythm. Soon, she CONFIDENTIALand Devlin have separated from the pack. Devlin, feeling the heat, begins shimmying super-fast, a prom queen smile frozen on her face. Katherine sways slower, eyes closed, in an almost hypnotic rhythm. If she’s nervous, it doesn’t show anymore. Ian turns to Danny. IAN I see what you mean about that Patricia“hard-on” thing... The song winds to a close. Devlin does a big, sweaty, cheerleader aerial maneuver, sticking it, while Katherine, feeling the rhythm inside, does a final Shakira-like shimmy move. She smiles. The crowd, especially the men in the crowd, go crazy. An older man bumps fists with Danny.

(CONTINUED) 111. 85 CONTINUED: 85 BANDLEADER Wow, great hula-ing tonight. Usually we get a bunch of fat, drunk retirees from Wisconsin or someplace. You almost lose your lunch watching those fat rolls jiggle... Everyone stares - including the Huge Woman from the beach - he realizes that was too honest. BANDLEADER (CONT’D) Okay, tonight you the people will be our judges. Please applaud for your favorite hula girl. The first three girls get polite applause. Katherine gets much louder applause. Finally, Devlin; she gets polite applause. Sensing humiliation, she turns and flips her skirt up, giving a brief flash of panties. The applause ratchets up dramatically from the men. Ian claps like his hands are on fire. BANDLEADER (CONT’D) Ladies and gentlemen - we have a tie! KATHERINE Hey, we both won, isn’tKendig that-- DEVLIN (to Bandleader) What’s the tiebreaker? READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CUT TO: 86 INT. OCEANOS - TWO MINUTES LATER 86 CONFIDENTIALKatherine and Danny are standing up, facing each other very close. They are holding a ping-pong ball between their bellies. Ian and Devlin are in an identical position. BANDLEADER It’s Ping-Pong Pookie time! The object of this game is to move the ping-pong ball from your bellies to your mouths but without the use of your hands. First couple to get it there wins. PatriciaIAN Do I have time to visit the little boys’ room? DEVLIN No! Squeeze it in! *

(CONTINUED) 112. 86 CONTINUED: 86 BANDLEADER And a one, and a two, and a pookie- * pookie-poo! * The two couples begin the process of moving the ball upwards. Danny and Katherine undulate in an unorganized fashion, their efforts somewhat hampered because they begin laughing so hard. Ian and Devlin are taking a more methodical approach, grim looks on their faces. As Danny and Katherine’s ball reaches their chests, the game becomes more intimate. DANNY Sorry about this. KATHERINE Are you really? DANNY No, no I’m not. Ian and Devlin are ahead, the ball approaching their necks, when, suddenly, disaster - they drop the ball. DEVLIN (hissing) Pick it up! Ian reaches for it, Devlin slaps hisKendig hand away. DEVLIN (CONT’D) No hands, you buffoon. * Ian grimlyREADER/SENDER squats down NAME:to pick Andrew up Dodgethe ball with his buttocks, causing an explosion of laughter that almost causes Katherine and Danny to drop their ball. But Ian succeeds, placing his rear against Devlin’s stomach then carefully turning around; CONFIDENTIALthey’re back in business. But Katherine and Danny’s ball has already reached their necks. Danny sneaks a smell of Katherine’s hair, which judging by the look on his face smells very nice. Katherine sneakily rubs her cheek on the back of Danny’s neck. Cut back to Danny, who has some of Katherine’s hair in his mouth, apparently enjoying the taste. They’ve both stopped moving the ball. KATHERINE What’s going on? What’s the hold- Patriciaup? DANNY (guilty) Nothing! What’s the hold-up with you?

(CONTINUED) 113. 86 CONTINUED: 86 With difficulty, they get it between their cheeks. A few careful twists, and they are kissing opposite sides of the ball. Victory! As the restaurant erupts in applause... BANDLEADER Wow. That was teamwork. How long * have you two been married? DANNY KATHERINE * Eight years. Ten years. * (a beat) (a beat) * Ten years. Eight years. * (a beat) (a beat) * A long time. A long time. * *

Danny and Katherine look at each other - they really did have * fun. Devlin berates Ian as they walk off. * DEVLIN Why don’t you go invent a robot version of yourself that DOESN’T DROP PING-PONG BALLS! IAN (hurt) Boo-boo... 87 EXT. HOTEL/REFLECTING POOL WALKWAYKendig - NIGHT 87 * Danny and Katherine walk back to her room.

READER/SENDERKATHERINE NAME: Andrew Dodge Did you see her face when you talked about her arms? * CONFIDENTIALDANNY That face was crazy, but not as * crazy as she looked when she * realized you were kicking her ass * in the hula contest. * KATHERINE That was so satisfying. DANNY She is going to beat the crap out of PatriciaJohnny iPod tonight. * Katherine laughs. A88 INT. HOTEL HALLWAY - NIGHT A88 * They reach the room. But neither wants to say goodnight. They look at each other.

(CONTINUED) 114. A88 CONTINUED: A88 KATHERINE You know I think this was the first time that we ever went out just us. * DANNY I just feel bad for Soul Patch, now that you spent a nice evening with a real man. And by real man, I mean a man who showers. KATHERINE It is so cute how obsessed you are with him. DANNY I just can’t picture you guys on a * date together. * KATHERINE It wasn’t a date, Danny. Dr. * Herlihy is moving his practice to * New York, and Brian’s not going * with him. So he’s been asking me if I would be interested in replacing him. * DANNY In New York? You’re not going, are * you? Kendig KATHERINE No. DANNY READER/SENDERSo why didn’t NAME: you Andrewtell Dodgeme that it wasn’t a date? You trying to make me jealous? CONFIDENTIALKATHERINE No, I was having some fun teasing you. Why, were you jealous? DANNY Get out of here. I’m just psyched you don’t have to deal with his granola breath. So there’s no love connection there at all? KATHERINE PatriciaNope. I’m... still on the market. DANNY Well, it’s really a shame, then. KATHERINE What?

(CONTINUED) 115. A88 CONTINUED: A88 DANNY That ping-pong ball. Getting in the way. KATHERINE Oh, you were glad that ping-pong ball was there. You couldn’t have handled it. DANNY Oh, I could’ve handled it. KATHERINE I don’t know... They look at each other. Take each other in. They start * moving in for a kiss when the door opens. It’s Maggie and * Michael. MAGGIE AND MICHAEL Mommy! KATHERINE Hey guys, how you doing? MAGGIE The babysitter fell asleep. They open the door wider, revealing an old Hawaiian lady asleep on the couch. Kendig KATHERINE Oh, look, the Hawaiian Rosa... (turns to Danny) READER/SENDERWell, I better NAME: wake Andrew her Dodge up and send her on her way. I’ll see you tomorrow, Danny. Last day. CONFIDENTIALDANNY Yep... (German accent) One more day of lying! Good night, Katherine. KATHERINE Good night, Danny. 88 INT. HOTEL HALLWAY - NIGHT 88 * Ding!Patricia An elevator, heading up arrives. The doors open and Danny walks out, lost in thought. He gets to his room, stops * - and makes a decision. He turns and walks back to the elevator. Actually, he starts running. He hits the down button. Ding! The elevator arrives. Eddie and Palmer walk out, a little wasted.

(CONTINUED) 116. 88 CONTINUED: 88 EDDIE Hallo, hallo. Dere he is! Feeling caught, Danny shakes Eddie’s hand then goes to Palmer and gives her a kiss. PALMER * Where were you going? * DANNY * Where was I going? I wasn’t going * anywhwere. How was your night? * PALMER Dolph gave mouth to mouth to a sheep, * then we had a few drinks. DANNY Oh, that sounds good. PALMER And we talked about how amazing this * trip has been, and how amazing you * are... DANNY Oh yeah? PALMER Yeah. And Dolph says you’veKendig been * saying some pretty nice things about * me... Danny looks at Eddie, who is smiling, proud. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY CONFIDENTIALTrue... * PALMER ...and that if the kids and I hadn’t kept you so busy, you might have had time to... do something * you’ve been thinking about doing. * DANNY Uh-huh... * PALMER I don’t need you to get me a ring, PatriciaDanny. Let’s just get married, right here. DANNY What now?

(CONTINUED) 117. 88 CONTINUED: 88 PALMER Why not? We’re in Hawaii. Let’s do it tomorrow! This has felt * special from the first moment we met. I’ve seen the way you are * with the kids - it’s exactly the way I always imagined my husband would be. DANNY Really... * And she kisses him... looks into his eyes... PALMER I don’t want to wait. I just want * to start my life with you. Danny looks at Eddie, who gives a shit-eating nod behind Palmer’s back. DANNY Okay, yeah, thank you. * Ding! The elevator door opens and Katherine comes out. She seems excited, but very surprised to see Eddie and Palmer. PALMER * Hi. Kendig * KATHERINE Oh, hey! (a beat) Uh, there you are, Dolph. I’ve READER/SENDERbeen looking NAME:all overAndrew for Dodge you. EDDIE Guess what, my little oompa loompa? CONFIDENTIALDanny and Palmer are getting married tomorrow. KATHERINE They are? DANNY Yes. What do you think? KATHERINE What do I think? I think it’s Patriciagreat. PALMER Thank you so much, Devlin. I hope you can be there tomorrow.

(CONTINUED) 118. 88 CONTINUED: 88 KATHERINE I’d love to, honey, but it’s bad luck for the ex to be at the wedding. Congratulations. * (turns to Eddie) Come on, Dolph - let’s go back to our room and make sweet love. She and a drunk and excited Dolph get in the elevator, and are gone. Palmer and Danny are alone. PALMER You sure you want to do this? I know it’s kind of sudden. * DANNY No, yeah. Let’s get married. 89 INT. ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS 89 Katherine is dazed as they descend. EDDIE Were you kidding about-- KATHERINE If you touch me, I will snap your * arm off like a twig. KendigFADE TO: 90 INT. DANNY AND PALMER’S ROOM 90

MUSIC UP:READER/SENDER “One Last Kiss” NAME: by Andrew J. Geils Dodge Danny lies awake. He can’t sleep. He sees light filtering in CONFIDENTIALfrom underneath the bathroom door. 91 INT. DANNY AND PALMER’S BATHROOM - NIGHT 91 Palmer is talking on her cell phone, trying on dresses in the mirror, too excited to sleep. 92 INT. KATHERINE’S ROOM - NIGHT 92 Katherine lies awake, wrestling with her emotions. 93 INT. KATHERINE’S BATHROOM - NIGHT 93 EddiePatricia is struggling to get comfortable in the tub. He rolls over and accidentally puts his arm in the toilet. He remains asleep. 119.

94 INT. DANNY AND PALMER’S ROOM - NIGHT 94 Palmer’s finally asleep, her arm wrapped around Danny, a serene smile on her face. But Danny stares at the ceiling, far from serene. 95 INT. KATHERINE’S ROOM - NIGHT 95 Katherine’s still lying awake. Maggie’s there, too, and we think she’s asleep, until she grabs her mother’s hand. Katherine smiles with loving gratitude. 96 INT. KATHERINE’S BATHROOM - NIGHT 96 Eddie’s still asleep in the tub. His arm is still in the toilet. Michael is standing in front of the toilet, apparently peeing. Eddie awakes, alarmed. 97 EXT. HALLWAY - NIGHT 97 Eddie, mightily annoyed, slips out of the room holding his pillow, a towel wrapped around his arm. A98 INT. KATHERINE’S ROOM - NIGHT A98 Her phone rings. INTERCUT with Danny, who’s on his balcony, speaking softly. KATHERINE Hello? Kendig DANNY Hey, you up? READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge KATHERINE Uh, yeah. I’m glad you called. CONFIDENTIALDANNY You are? KATHERINE Yeah, I looked at flights for your parents. There’s a 9 am that can get them here just after noon. DANNY I’m not sure about that. I don’t think her parents are coming. She Patriciawants it to be elope-y. KATHERINE Elope-y. Got it. Now are you all set with what you need to wear? I’m going to go buy something appropriate tomorrow for your fake kids, so I could pick you up a jacket or-

(CONTINUED) 120. A98 CONTINUED: A98 DANNY Do you think this is a good idea? KATHERINE What? The wedding? DANNY Yeah, the wedding, the whole Palmer thing. KATHERINE It’s what we came out here for, right? DANNY I guess. You don’t think it’s crazy? KATHERINE Look, Danny, you don’t need my permission. You’re a big boy. DANNY * I know, I just... if I do this, I’m * worried it might be kind of weird * between you and me at the office. * KATHERINE * You don’t need to worryKendig about that. * A beat. Danny realizes. * DANNY You’re going to New York. * READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge KATHERINE Yeah. As much as I was looking forward to the fake mustache phase CONFIDENTIALof my career, I just need to start fresh, you know? (a beat) You there? You understand? DANNY I guess. KATHERINE Awful lot of guessing coming through this phone. I got one divorce, and two kids. I just Patriciadon’t have time for “I guess”. Danny is silent. KATHERINE (CONT’D) You have a big day tomorrow, Doctor. Get some sleep.

(CONTINUED) 121. A98 CONTINUED: A98 Katherine hangs up. Danny, alone on his balcony, looks out over the water. He sees dolphins swimming in the distance. 98 EXT. HOTEL ENTRANCE - DAY 98 A cab arrives, and ADON gets out with his dog Babu. As he’s * getting his luggage out of the trunk, Palmer sees him and comes over. PALMER Adon! Thank you so much for flying in! ADON Of course, my angel! It will be my honor to officiate at your wedding! PALMER It’s going to be very low-stress: small, quick, and it’s done. * ADON Sounds like my sex life. * Adon laughs his weird laugh. ADON (CONT’D) I’ll be in my room - you know, I can’t get any sun. SkinKendig peel. PALMER See you in a few hours, Adon.

Palmer goesREADER/SENDER back into theNAME: Lobby. Andrew Dodge A99 INT. LOBBY - DAY A99 CONFIDENTIALKatherine is talking to the concierge. PALMER Devlin... can I talk to you for a moment? Katherine walks over to Palmer. PALMER (CONT’D) This is hard for me to say... * KATHERINE * PatriciaWhat? * PALMER * Something happened when I went out * with Dolph last night... KATHERINE Really.

(CONTINUED) 122. A99 CONTINUED: A99 PALMER He saved a sheep’s life... KATHERINE Yeah, heard about that, so proud. PALMER But afterward, he was kind of hitting on the girl who owned the sheep. He tried to kiss her. I * thought he was joking at first, but when he took his pants off and started shaving the sheep... it got really weird. Katherine just stands there... not sure how to react. PALMER (CONT’D) I wasn’t going to tell you but... I felt I owed it to you. KATHERINE Right. (beat) I guess... part of me always knew. And Palmer slowly nods... a tear in her eye. PALMER Devlin... I am so sorry.Kendig I know you thought you’d found “the one”. And Katherine... now racked with guilt... READER/SENDERKATHERINE NAME: Andrew Dodge I can’t do this anymore... Palmer, I have something to confess. CONFIDENTIALPALMER You don’t have to, Devlin. I * already know. KATHERINE Know what? PALMER You’re still in love with Danny. KATHERINE PatriciaOh, no. Not that-- PALMER And I think he’s still kind of in love with you. This stops Katherine dead in her tracks...

(CONTINUED) BLUE REVISED PAGES - 2/25/10 123. A99 CONTINUED: A99 KATHERINE Really. Why would you think that? PALMER The way he is around you. Whenever you’re together... he didn’t know I noticed but I did. I think I’m rushing this wedding cause I’m scared he’s going to go back to you. Katherine’s floored. KATHERINE There’s nothing between me and Danny. We’re just... familiar. PALMER Is that all? I don’t know, I just feel-- KATHERINE Listen to me. Danny and I had our shot. It didn’t work out. He’s moving on, I’m moving on. You’re the girl for him. As Palmer hugs Katherine... PALMER Kendig God, this is such a relief. (beat) Because I would never stand a chance going up against you. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge As the hug continues, over Palmer’s shoulder, Katherine sees * Danny in the gift shop, with the kids, buying them t-shirts. * CONFIDENTIALHe doesn’t see her. * KATHERINE Just do me a favor, okay Palmer? * Men make mistakes... Even great guys like Danny... As she watches the man she loves with her kids... * KATHERINE (CONT’D) So if that happens... and he owns up to it...... breakingPatricia the hug, looking Palmer in the eye... * KATHERINE (CONT’D) ... forgive him. 124.

99 EXT. BEAUTIFUL CLIFF - DAY 99 A beautiful place for a wedding. But there is no band... no bridesmaids or groomsmen... and no guests. Danny and Palmer are dressed casually. Palmer stands ready in front of Adon. Danny is consulting with Maggie and Michael, the only witnesses. MAGGIE Father, in the words of Antoine de Saint-Exupery, “love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.” Safe journeys. Michael walks over to Danny and looks up at him. MICHAEL I’m gonna miss you, Dad. PALMER Oh no, Bart, you’re not losing a father, you’re gaining-- MICHAEL He knows what I mean. Michael sits back down. Danny does know what he means, but he steps forward to join Palmer. Kendig ADON Danny and Palmer... what a beautiful couple, what a beautiful READER/SENDERsetting, what NAME: a beautiful Andrew Dodge day. Does * anyone have an umbrella? Cause I just had a skin peel and I’m supposed to stay out of the sun for CONFIDENTIALten days. No? Okay then, let’s do this quick. Do you have the rings? SLOW MOTION - Michael solemnly walks forward holding two rings. Danny looks at the rings. He makes a decision. DANNY Stop. Danny turns to Palmer. PatriciaDANNY (CONT’D) Palmer, I have to tell you something. * As Maggie and Michael’s eyes go wide.

(CONTINUED) 125. 99 CONTINUED: 99 DANNY (CONT’D) I lied to you. I’m not married. I * have never been married. And I don’t have any children. Still “in character” Maggie SPITS OUT HER SODA. MAGGIE You’re not our Father? DANNY Give it a rest, Maggie. MAGGIE Cheerio. PALMER “Maggie”? Who’s Maggie? DANNY There is no Kiki or Bart or Dolph or Devlin. Devlin’s actually named Katherine... She’s my office manager. Those are her children, Maggie and Michael. “Dolph” is my cousin Eddie. I made it all up. ADON Not everything. I really am a licensed unitarian minister.Kendig PALMER Why? READER/SENDERADON NAME: Andrew Dodge Well, to be honest, Stephen Baldwin was getting married in Santa CONFIDENTIALBarbara, and he-- PALMER No. Danny- why? DANNY Well, I didn’t want to tell you I was the biggest dirtbag alive, and used a wedding ring to pick up chicks, so I told a lie, and then another one, and then a bunch more, but I figured after this vacation we could put the lies behind us. PatriciaAnd then you’d never have to know. PALMER I knew. Like a ton of bricks...

(CONTINUED) 126. 99 CONTINUED: 99 DANNY No you didn’t. PALMER Yes, I did. DANNY No you didn’t. I’ve been lying for twenty years and I’ve never been caught. I’m the best liar in the * history of lying. PALMER Adon told me. DANNY I’ll break his neck. * ADON I should really go-- DANNY Stay right here! He does. Danny's totally bewildered. PALMER Adon called me after his party to ask why I left so upset. When I told him about finding Kendigthe ring, he let me know what you used it for. * ADON I was trying to help you out, READER/SENDERDanny. Please NAME: don’t Andrew make Dodge me stay out in the bright sunlight. PALMER CONFIDENTIALBut I still really liked you, * Danny. And it’s not like I was * looking to settle down. So I figured we could have some laughs, * then when I wanted to get out of it, I just bring up the fact that you never told me the truth ever, and I would get away clean. * Danny can’t believe it. DANNY PatriciaYou lied to me? I can’t believe you lied to me... ADON (handkerchief now on his head) Hello! Pot meet kettle. (MORE)

(CONTINUED) 127. 99 CONTINUED: 99 ADON (CONT'D) (sheepish) Again, I should go. PALMER No, I just beat you at your own game. But Danny, here’s the thing: somewhere along the way, I really did fall in love with you. I just * needed you to come clean before I said “I do,” and you did. She steps closer to him. PALMER (CONT’D) I want to marry you, Danny. Danny’s completely blown away. 100 INT. BEACH BAR - DAY 100 The acoustic guitarist plays a soft tune. About fifteen people enjoy the tropical day with tropical drinks. Katherine sits at the bar, talking to the bartender. KATHERINE So you just throw out the coconut when we’re done with the drink? Isn’t that a waste of a coconut? How about using it as an ashtray, or a football helmet forKendig a cat... And from across the way... DEVLIN READER/SENDERKatherine... NAME: Andrew Dodge KATHERINE CONFIDENTIALDevlin. As she gives Katherine an air hug... DEVLIN That was so much fun last night. I’m still trying to figure out how * you cheated. Where’s Danny? * KATHERINE Oh, Devlin. He’s at his wedding. * PatriciaDEVLIN Come again? KATHERINE I was never married to Danny, Devlin. It was a lie I made up.

(CONTINUED) GREEN REVISED PAGES - 5/3/10 128. 100 CONTINUED: 100 DEVLIN Why? KATHERINE Because I couldn’t bear the thought of you knowing the truth. (then) I was married. To a very selfish man. And it took me way too long to get the strength to leave him. DEVLIN Really. KATHERINE Yes, Devlin. I’m a single mother. I have two children that I love more than anything in the world and no man. I drive a Honda. I still have dial-up internet. I had a 2.7 gpa back in college, not a 3.4. I * was a bit of a tramp. I get way too * emotionally invested when I watch “Extreme Home Makeover”. Sometimes, I have potato chips and Gatorade for dinner. I work for Danny, I’m * his assistant. * DEVLIN * Really. I would never haveKendig guessed, * there seemed to be a connection * between you both. * KATHERINE * READER/SENDER(beat) NAME: Andrew Dodge * Well, He’s a great guy; in fact, I * might be in love with him but it * doesn’t matter because he is * CONFIDENTIALmarrying someone else... right * about... now. * DEVLIN * Ian and I are breaking up. KATHERINE (Under her breath) * Couldn't even let me have that * could ya? Oh, I’m so sorry, Devlin. * What happened? PatriciaDEVLIN Well, for starters, he’s gay. I mean, look at him. She points to Ian, on the other side of the bar, sitting with a group of young sailors, laughing too hard at one of their jokes.

(CONTINUED) GREEN REVISED PAGES - 5/3/10 128A. 100 CONTINUED: 100 DEVLIN (CONT’D) Plus... I guess there is no plus. He’s gay. He’s a gay, gay man. He fancies the dudes. Prefers his organs on the outside, not in. They look at each other. Then they actually start to laugh, as if they were friends.

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) GREEN REVISED PAGES - 5/3/10 129. 100 CONTINUED: 100 KATHERINE And the iPod? DEVLIN He didn’t invent shit. He made his money suing the Dodgers after he got hit by a foul ball. They laugh more. DEVLIN (CONT’D) Hey, you wanna know something else? I took a walk late last night, and I ran into your little German friend. KATHERINE Oh, you mean Dolph? I mean Eddie. DEVLIN His name is Eddie? Well, me and Eddie ended up making love on the beach like horny teenagers. I have so much sand in my ass - it’s freakin’ killing me. They’re really laughing hard now. KATHERINE How was it? Kendig DEVLIN Well he was enthusiastic, but there wasn’t much too work with. READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge KATHERINE You should have seen it before! CONFIDENTIALDEVLIN What does that mean? Did he have, like a silicone injection? KATHERINE It was ass fat! DEVLIN * Eww! Whose? * KATHERINE * PatriciaHIS! * They roar with laughter for a while before finally calming down. DEVLIN * Well that’s different! *

(CONTINUED) GREEN REVISED PAGES - 5/3/10 129A. 100 CONTINUED: 100 KATHERINE * What? * DEVLIN * Laughing with you and not at you! * KATHERINE Yeah, we should have tried this * whole... truth thing a long time * ago. DEVLIN Yeah. *

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) GREEN REVISED PAGES - 5/3/10 130. 100 CONTINUED: 100 They hug. * DANNY Awww, it’s nice to tell the truth. Like were you telling the truth * when you said you might be in love with me? Devlin sees how Danny and Katherine look at each other. * DEVLIN * I am gonna go get a divorce. * CUT TO Ian, feeling one of the sailor’s biceps. Devlin leaves Danny and Katherine alone. KATHERINE Where are our... My children? * DANNY Palmer took them to go get ice * cream. KATHERINE That’s nice. So how was the * wedding? DANNY It was pretty amazing. Kendig * KATHERINE * Yeah? So? Details! * READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge DANNY It was the most gorgeous spot I’ve ever seen. As I stood there, CONFIDENTIALlooking out over the Pacific, I thought about how wonderful it’s gonna be to spend my life with the one I love, to share every adventure with that one special person. The only problem was that person wasn’t standing next to me. KATHERINE She wasn’t? DANNY PatriciaShe wasn’t.

(CONTINUED) GREEN REVISED PAGES - 5/3/10 131. 100 CONTINUED: 100 KATHERINE So you didn’t? DANNY I couldn’t. KATHERINE You couldn’t? DANNY Well, you didn’t sign the fake divorce papers, so we’re still fake married. KATHERINE Oh. Forgot about that. DANNY But in all seriousness, there’s * something here right? Maybe we * should us a real shot. * She looks at him. And she smiles. * KATHERINE Danny, I don’t understand -- you’ve known me for years! What happens * when we aren't on fake-cation and * you wake up and this isKendig real. ! * DANNY I'm a guy, sometimes we don't * always see what's right in front of * us. I was trying to figure out when * READER/SENDERexactly I fell NAME: in Andrewlove Dodgewith you. Was it the hula contest, or the waterfall? But I think it was the day you first walked into my CONFIDENTIALoffice... KATHERINE (Smiles big) * Danny, I have children... And you * can’t just drive them off a cliff. * They eat, They drink, They Devlin! * DANNY Ya kidding me. I love those kids. * KATHERINE * PatriciaI know that. Can we go back to * their real names? * DANNY * Yeah, what are they again? * Just kidding (british accents) * They’re the funniest kids I’ve ever * (MORE)

(CONTINUED) GREEN REVISED PAGES - 5/3/10 131A. 100 CONTINUED: 100 DANNY (CONT'D) met. I wanna be with them 23 hours * a day. * KATHERINE And the other hour? Danny smiles and starts whispering something in her ear. She smiles too, then turns her head quickly and kisses him deeply. The sailors see this kiss and begin hooting and hollering, cheering them on. Ian sees it and rolls his eyes. *

Kendig

READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CONFIDENTIAL

Patricia

(CONTINUED) 132. 100 CONTINUED: 100 Ian sees it and rolls his eyes. IAN What-everrrrr. 101 INT. PLANE, RUNWAY - DAY 101 Palmer sits in her seat on the flight back. She’s sitting next to a GOOD LOOKING 24 yr old GUY wearing an NYU T-shirt. GUY So he just drinks all day long and pays no attention to you? PALMER When he’s not drinking, he’s out with one of his girlfriends. GUY Why don’t you just leave him? PALMER I could never do that to little James and Bartles... And we notice... on Palmer’s finger... Danny’s old wedding ring. PALMER (CONT’D) Let’s just enjoy each otherKendig while we can and try not to think about my husband... *

As the guyREADER/SENDER agrees... NAME: Andrew Dodge * CUT TO: * 102-103CONFIDENTIALOMIT 102-103 * 104 EXT. AIRPLANE -DAY 104 * The airplane takes off. * FADE TO: 105 AMATEUR VIDEO 105 * Of Michael swimming with the dolphins. He seems very happy. * We hear the voices of those who are presumably operating or * behindPatricia the camera. * DANNY (V.O.) * The dolphin smiled at him! Did you * get that? *

(CONTINUED) 133. 105 CONTINUED: 105 KATHERINE (V.O.) * I think so. How do you zoom on * this thing? * MAGGIE (V.O.) * (French accent) * I think zee dolphin likes Michael * tres bien! * DANNY (V.O.) * Another accent... * PULL BACK TO REVEAL: * The video is playing on a big video monitor at a... * 106 INT. WEDDING - DAY 106 * We see Maggie and Michael, in their wedding finery, watching * the video with Danny’s parents, Mr. & Mrs. Maccabee. * MR. MACCABEE * You showed that fish who’s boss, * Michael. * MICHAEL * It’s actually not a fish; it’s a * mammal. * MRS. MACCABEEKendig * Whatever it is, it looked like you * really had fun. Did you get a * turn, Maggie? * READER/SENDERMAGGIE NAME: Andrew Dodge * That wasn’t part of the deal. * CONFIDENTIALWe begin pulling away... * MRS. MACCABEE * Deal? What deal? * We pan past various tables... Rachel is talking to Adon... * RACHEL * I’m just so afraid it’s going to * hurt... * ADON * PatriciaHonestly, the nosejob didn’t hurt * much. The fingernail replacement * surgery, now that was freakin’ * painful! * Adon does his weird laugh. Keep panning. We go past Eddie who * is dancing with three cute girls gyrating his hips the whole * time. And finally we settle on Danny, who’s sitting alone at *

(CONTINUED) 134. 106 CONTINUED: 106 a table, in a tux, looking at something, very happy. We hear * his voice-over. * DANNY (V.O.) * So this is me now. Back in the * temple where I had my heart broken. * Only this time, I got married... To * the greatest woman on the face of * the earth. * We see he’s looking at the bride, Katherine, who is dancing * with Mr. & Mrs. Maccabee and the kids. * DANNY (V.O.) * And now if somebody asks me about * my wedding ring, I’m going to tell * them I’m married to a woman who * doesn’t beat me, doesn’t cheat on * me, doesn’t drink - well, doesn’t * drink that much - and who I’m going * to spend the rest of my life with. * A woman named Katherine. * Katherine comes over. She gives him a kiss. * KATHERINE * Do you want to dance with your * wife, Dr. Maccabee? * DANNY Kendig * Without a doubt, Mrs. Maccabee. * And I have to tell you, you were * right: Soul Patch really can get * down on that bass. * READER/SENDER NAME: Andrew Dodge CUT TO BRIAN/”SOUL PATCH” (Allen Covert, dressed as Waddy), * slapping a funky one with the wedding band. * CONFIDENTIALWIDE SHOT - Danny and Katherine hit the dance floor. * PULL OUT AND FADE * Patricia