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The Mishnah Berurah - the definitive guide to halacha - is now accessible to all. The response of the English-reading public to the four­ volume Laws of Shabbath has been overwhelming and the demand increases each year. Now Laws Pertaining to Meals (Washing the Hands, Breaking the Bread, the Meal and the Blessing for the Meal) is available, in clear, easily readable type, with Hebrew and English texts on facing pages. Wherever the length of the translation exceeds that of the original text, the Hebrew is reproduced on successive pages and a special printing technique is employed to highlight the corresponding parts of the text. This vital work will be a welcome addition to everyone's Torah library. Order yours today! Laws of Shabbath Regular edition: $57.95 Deluxe editon: $69.95 FELDHEIM PUBLISHERS 200 Airport Executive Park, Spring Valley, NY 10977 (914) 356- 2282 Send for your free copy of our new 48-page illustrated catalog. CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY VS. THE JEWISH FAMILY WITHSTANDING THE ASSAULT A s y M p 0 s I u M

8 Halacha: The Structure For "Sholom Bayis" Rabbi Reuven Feinstein

13 "Sholom Bayis"-Keeping It Together Rabbi Yissocher Frand

19 THE JEWISH OBSERVER (ISSN) When Crisis Looms 0021-6615 is published monthly ex­ ceptJulyand August, by the Agudath Dr. Aaron Twerski Israel of America. 84 William Street, New York. NY 10038. Second class 25 postage paid at New York. NY Subscrip­ tion $18.00 per year: two years, $30.00: The Quintessence of Karpas three years, $40.00. Outside of the AviShafran United States (US funds only) $10 sur­ charge per year. Single copy: $2.50; 31 foreign: $3.00. Send address changes to The Jewish Observer, 84 William St., Preventing a "Chol Hamoed" Fiasco NY. N.Y. !0038. 'leL (212) 797-9000. Dr. Meir Wikler Printed in the U.S.A. 37 RABBI NISSON WOLPIN, Editor Post Script Editorial Board The Heroic Women of Ramot Gimme! DR ERNST BODENHEIMER Yisroel Spiegel C/iairman 41 RABBI JOSEPH ELIAS JOSEPH FRIEDENSON Second Looks on the Jewish Scene RABBINOSSONSCHERMAN Answering the Fifth Question RABBI MOSHE SHERER Emmy Stark Zitter

Management Board NAFTOLI HIRSCH 45 ISAAC KIRZNER Books in Review RABBI SHLOMO LESIN Sfomo/Divrey Hayamim I /Koheleth. Life and Its Meaning NACHUMSTEIN Artscroll Youth Megillah RABBI YOSEF C. GOLDING Business Manager 49 " ..." (With and Without Comment) THE JEWISH OBSERVER does not Of Yarmulkes and a Rabbi at the House of Lords assume responsibility for the Kashrus of any product or service advertised in its pages. Poetry ©Copyright 1988 2 4 Friday Night Kiddush, Joanne Jackson Yelenik 3 9 Candles, Chaim Feinberg 44 And Bread Alone is Not Enough, Mrs. Bruria Schwab ADAR 5 7 48/MARCH 1988 VOL. XX!. NO. 2 50 Letters to the Editor SOME PEOPLE THINK IT WILL TAKE A MIRACLE TO SAVE TIIB NEXT GENERATI or ISRAEL.

We hear a lot about the problems of Israel today-terrorist incidents, anti·religious strife, Arab population explosion, Chinuch Atzmai today has 300 economy, the list seems endless. institutions serving over 40,000 children. To absorb the thou· Dimona-a town sands of additional children, we need dozens of new schools in transition , and kindergartens. and hire ~hundreds of new staff. And Let's visit Israel for a closer look. '~,?all this is possible if only we We'll take a ride to Dimona, a town had the money. in the South of Israel, near Be'er Sheva. As we cross the street, oops!, a dozen children just Shlomo Chama, the energetic bumped into us. As they apolo­ young principal of the Shilo gize politely, you notice school says, "Anyone wanting 'kipahs' on the boys' heads. to see the real Hatzolas Nefashos In a playground, hopping, are work, should visit Dimona." girls dressed modestly in a There is a new ever powerful spirit style reminding you of Bais of Torah in Eretz Yisroel. Every­ Yaakov. If we stay for Shabbos, where you go. even in the most we would meet hundreds of irreligious areas, one can find the people going to shul. Five years seeds of Torah growing. This is truly a ago. these sights would be un· miracle. It is up to us to keep the miracle heard of. Dimona. created in the 1950's to going. house the Jewish immigration from North The Baal Teshuva's Africa, was a spiritual wasteland. The rich Torah heritage of the prior generation was Children lost between efforts to eke out a Jiving and the secular education of the children in The Baal Teshuva movement we hear so Government schools. much about, is bearing fruits. All across Israel, thousands of parents are trying to Today, Shilo, the Chinuch Atzmai school give their children the Torah education has grown from 100 children, to over 470 they themselves didn't receive. They come and is bursting at the seams with new knocking at the doors of Chinuch Atzmai. children trying to get in. the new school of their choice. And these children are affecting their parents. In the words of Harav Yitzchok Elefant Rav of Dimona. "The growth of the school is hav­ ing a tremendous itnpact on Dimon a. parents are in many cases being influ­ enced to return to a life of Torah and 'kiyum hamitzvos." THE MIRACLE IS HAPPENING r -: ;:;,,:,;:-,:,;------:roK"AusciiooLs "FoR"1sRiii- -i 1 fmoYrn $7SOOO CHINUCH ATZMAI I I • Sponsor Prefab 167 Madison Avenue. New York. NY 100!6 • 2 I 2·889·0606 I I Classrooms $10,SOO I • Playground facilities $3.600 0 Enclosed find my contribution of$ I I $!.BOO 0 Pkase accept my pledge of$--·-·---·------· I : ~::~~i;;aque $1.000 Name ______------I I • Child Sponsorship $360 Address I : • Annual Membership $200 City . I • Summer Camp $54 Statc ... ,_, ___ ,______..... ______z,p .. ______I 1------TORAH FOR ONE DOLLAR A DAY------J Contemporary Society Versus the Jewish Home: Withstanding the Assault

e Book of Redemption, She mos, begins: And these are the names of the sons flsrael which came to Egypt, every man and his household came with Yaakov." Out of the individual characteristics of the twelve names that follow-Reuvain, Shimon, Levi ... -the Jewish Nation developed; one nation, because they all had in common the bond of "each one with his household came with Yaakov." By every indication, Pharaoh seemed to have dismembered the national body of Israel, through his cruel edicts of oppression, but "'---_, ultimately he could not succeed, as long as the basic unit of the bayis-the Jewish household-remained intact. Indeed, the actual Geula-the redemptive process-began with G-d's command to His children to rebuild themselves as a nation on the rock-like foundation of their "homes"-the Paschal lamb consecrated for each bayis, each family unit. Each one was an independent unit. and yet, together, reconstructed the single, united nation, as an integral whole. (Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch on Shemos 1. 1)

Today, hopefully in the final throes of our Golus-and on the eve of our Seder, which celebrates the Geula from Egypt, 3300 years ago-we take stock of the health and stability of the basic unit of our People-the Jewish Home. We can marvel at the ability of our forefathers to have preserved the integrity of their homes throughout 210 years of oppression, subjugation and slavery in Egypt. .. and by contrast, find that in the freedom of Western society, the Jewish home is not doing as well as it might. The symposium on Shalom Bayis (literally, the Peace and Integrity of the Home) that follows examines the halachic structures of the Jewish Home, the ingredients of care and sensitivity that go into its preservation, and the steps one should take when crisis threatens.

The articles that follow are based on presentations made at the recent National Convention of Agudath Israel Torah study more palatable to the children­ arriage is under constant encouraging each to reach his ul­ threat from the prevailing timate potential, while maintaining mores of contemporary so-· M emotional stability. ciety. and the assault is not always This delicate balance in the home a frontal one. The invasion some­ has been violated by the unisex times happens because non-Torah concept. which-when carried to its values permeate the air, and enter furthest implications-has led to our thought-processes by osmosis. This approach has trickled down to what is commonly called "single We read about them, hear about the point where in many cases, the parent families." Indeed, there is a them, we talk to our friends about law ceases to recognize the differ­ growing willingness among people the problems that they have-and ences between male and female. By to raise children as a single parent, the attitudes that spawn these contrast, the Torah states clearly with the attitude that parents are problems enter our minds. I would that "male and female, He created like kidneys: having two of them is like to mention several such atti­ them." Each gender has a distinct great, but with only one, you can do tudes, and how they affect our lives. approach in how to react to things just as well, thank you. And now the Society has canonized the concept in general, a specific assignment in courts have given the concept the of unisex. Even the Bible has been raising children, and an individual imprimatur of the law by granting retranslated by the Protestants into role in setting up a family, as Chazal adoption rights to a single girl to a form with all references to G-d (the sages of the Talmud) tell us: The raise her child, without the father written as neither male nor female. father's role is lelamdo Torah, to having either visitation rights or Rabbi Feinstein is Rosh Hayeshiva of Mesivta teach Torah to his children. The responsibilities. Tifereth Jerusalem in Staten Island. mother is mishtadlatu bidevarim It does not take much thought to

8 The Jewish Observer, March 1988 The objective voice of halacha has created the contractual obligations of a marriage, and within this frame, the feelings of trust, love, generosity and appreciation can find full expression.

The Structure For ''Shalom Bayis''

based on an address by Rabbi Reuven Feinstein

realize that this is an unhealthy breeds conflict, because each bayis, but changing attitudes have trend. A single-parent family will partner in a marriage feels that the made it more common. Lack of usually limit the optimum develop­ other one is taking advantage of him domestic harmony is usually caused ment of a child, best realized in the or her. Jn this age of unlimited ho­ by the perception of being short­ context of the two-parent family; but rizons and the absence of sex­ changed. The partner feels, "If I were this does not seem to matter to those stereotyping in many fields of really loved, he/she would be more in the avant garde of social change. endeavor, it is possible for any man considerate. He/she is taking advan­ As a corollary of this situation. or woman to believe himself self­ tage of me. and I'm the loser in this where people accept a limited degree sufficient. After all, any bright relationship." This unfortunately of development, a child that reaches person can earn a living. And leads to an adverserial atmosphere his ultimate potential is labeled an between restaurants and take-out of arguments and fights, with each "over-achiever." Instead of being food emporiums, convenience one trying to hurt the other, until grateful for the average child's appliances and maid services on the only thing that could work-it unusual performance, people wag call, each one thinks that he can get seems-is a divorce. their heads and bemoan that it's not along without the other. Marriage The result is two wounded adults, normal for a child to work so hard is just not that important anymore, with children worse off than and to push himself to do his best. and people are not as afraid of facing orphans. An orphan at least has The poor child is "over" achieving! the world alone as they once were. one parent doing his or her best, Add to this how commonplace nurturing favorable memories of the Rx For Conflict: divorce has become, and even the other parent; while in the case of a ''What's In It For Me?" deterrent of shame ofbeing divorced divorce, each parent competes to get has disappeared. Such is the climate on the child's better side, while s the parent generation of our times. trying to negate the influence and grows in self-centeredness Against this background of social values of the other parent. In the A and assertiveness, men and change, the main cause of divorce end, the child has no real parents, women lose their interdependence. in the normal household is-as in only two slaves spoiling him A "What's-in-it-for-me?" attitude the past-the absence of Shalom completely.

The Jewish Observer, March 1988 9 A "What's-in-it-for-me?" attitude breeds conflict because each partner in a marriage feels that the other one is taking advantage of him or her.

II: THE HALAClilC MARRIAGE: account of Creation, when Adam household budget, which would A FRAMEWORK FOR HARMONY and Chava brought the first child entail relieving her of some house­ into the world on the very first day hold obligations. Or she may be of their existence. using her talents and energies to hen one approaches mar­ After their aveira (sin) of eating pursue a career, for her personal riage from the guidelines from the Eitz Hadaas (the Tree of gratification, which according to of halacha, marital obli­ W Knowledge), and the subsequent halacha would not free her from gations will not always flow from curse that befell mankind, child­ housekeeping responsibilities, yet constant feelings of affection, or bearing,-birth, and -rearing now would provide her with some funds even shared goals. Indeed, just as involve much suffering and pain for for discretionary spending.... The there are halachic responsibilities the woman. P'ru u'revu-fathering specifics are immaterial. What does in every aspect of life, responsibil­ children-is man's first mitzva, and matter, in this discussion, is the ities which supersede our desires since his wife's involvement in existence of a halachic framework, and emotions, so too does maniage bringing children into the world and which tells us that there is an entire entail halachic responsibilities caring for them incapacitates her to body of Torah law that addresses toward one another that do not such a great extent, it should be each situation. An objective voice necessarily wait for the person's expected that the man will provide has created the contractual obliga­ emotions to conform with his or her for her needs, as the mother of their tions. and within this frame. the actions. children. After all, she willingly feelings of trust, love, generosity and This does not at all mean to say enters into a condition of high risk, appreciation can find full expres­ that a marriage that honors hala­ pain, long-term convalescence, and sion. Changing circumstances need cha is a marriage free of emotional emotional and physical involve­ not threaten shalom bayis, as long involvement. That is neither possi­ ment-and, in terms of mitzva as halacha is consulted and ble nor desirable. Rather, halacha fulfillment. he is the prime bene­ honored. creates a structure for the perfor­ ficiary. mance of all obligations, from the Obviously, no one would ever most perfunctory to the most inti­ enter such a mutually taxing arran­ W: IN NEED OF COMMENT AND CLARIFICATION mate. Within this framework, there gement if it did not also entail ful­ is an opportunity for the full range fillment of some strong basic emo­ is discussion is not meant of human emotions to flourish. tional and biological needs, and if o be a source book for hala­ both the man and the woman did hic decisions, but rather an not achieve a sense of shleimus­ Maintaining a Balance attempt to show how halacha emotional and spiritual complete­ structures marriage and thus helps ness-through marriage and rais­ preserve shalom bayis. There are, gain a better perspective of ing a family. And yet, if a man were however, several areas that are often he halachic framework of the to provide material sustenance for misinterpreted, and call for com­ his wife, and not receive any similar mutual obligations that pre­ ment and clarification. vail in a Jewish marriage, it would material compensation in return, he be advisable to review briefly the would grow resentful. To maintain • If the wife has undertaken the history of the emergence of the a balance between the flow of mut­ full support of the family for as long institution of marriage as we know ual obligations, the wife is required as, for instance, her husband is it today. One could well begin from to maintain the house, prepare studying in a kollel or is continuing some abstract point. based on meals, in addition to caring for the his professional training toward a numerous passages in Talmud and children. degree, then obviously the husband Midrash that describe the lack of Any number of variables can be would be expected to contribute equilibrium of both man and introduced into this equation, espe­ time and effort to domestic chores­ woman in the single state, and how cially in the context of today's as long as (especially in the case of marriage serves as a means for rapidly changing world. A woman kollel) such activities do not inter­ fulfillment. For our purposes, how­ may be working, contributing finan­ fere with his pursuit of shleimus. ever, we will start from the factual cially to the basic needs of the After all, the woman's reason for

10 The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 sacrificing so much is that it pro­ is primarily because until recently, other person, as a form of punish­ vides her with a share in the shlei­ divorce settlements were usually ment. Aside from denying the other mus he is striving for. She surely determined by the courts. The wife person's needs. the sense of rejec­ would not want him to compromise was awarded alimony (in addition tion lingers on even after the rejecter his potential for growth. to child support, which the father would be willing to accept a recon­ is obligated to pay by halacha, ciliation, for the person hurt will still • Nedunya is a term that has a whether the court ordered it or not). be haunted by fears of further negative. Old-World connotation. yet Over the years, alimony judgments rejection. in truth, it can be a means of en­ amortized the kesuba to the point Anger can also trigger foolish suring the happiness of a very where no decision could be made to behavior. which sets into motion a contemporary couple when the collect the kesuba until an evalua­ chain reaction that cannot easily be woman comes from a more favorable tion was made of how much money stopped. In my Chumash shiur in economic background than the was collected and how much would the yeshiva, I once commented that man. For instance, she may not be still be due. Nowadays. new laws when a person is ill-tempered, he accustomed to shopping for bar­ have evolved, assigning alimony can pick a fight with his wife on the gains, or to postponing purchases payments from whoever was earn­ most trivial point-for instance, to a time when prices are lower. ing more. opening up the possibility because she squeezed toothpaste while his limited income may that, at times, the woman should from the middle of the tube instead require careful budgeting. If a father pay alimony to the man. In such of from the end. The boys laughed wants his daughter to maintain the cases. the kesuba plays a role. at my ridiculous example, so l made same standard ofliving that she was reaching upwards of $50,000. . .. a mental note never to use that accustomed to without putting an Awareness of this would indeed give example again ... until a phone call undue strain on the marriage, he a discontent husband some pause. I received several years later. obviously has to help the couple by A talmid, married for several giving them the requisite nedunya months, called me to report on how (financial support) to enable them Halacha. Common Sense, he had had an argument with his to do so. This has nothing to with and Restraint wife on what he thought was a supporting a talmid chacham. serious matter. When he went into (positive value). nor with "selling ifferences and disputes in the bathroom to brush his teeth your daughter" or "buying her a one form or another may be before retiring, he picked up the husband" (negative connotation). D inevitable in any long-term toothpaste and found the cap miss­ It's simply a matter of seeing to it relationship, but can be dangerous ing and-worse yet!-the tube was that a young lady not find the inasmuch as they might breed squeezed in the middle. He was adjustment to married life unduly anger. For when a person becomes about to shout some verbal abuse complicated by the introduction of angry, his impulse is to hurt the at his errant wife in the next room financial tensions. second party. There are generally when he remembered how he had When a young man is devoting three ways to hurt somebody in a once laughed at the possibility of a himself to full-time Torah study, it marriage. One way is simply by marriage slipping on a toothpaste is a rare privilege-indeed an obli­ physically striking the other person. tube. He began to laugh out loud at gation of the highest order-to Whether the man or the woman is his own folly, and then, in response provide financial support for him as the aggressor is immaterial; who­ to his wife's curiosity, shared the a talmid chacham. Even those ever raises a hand to strike some­ humor of the situation with her. people who are not in a position to body else is considered a rasha­ Anger is dangerous, and can make give nedunya in its broader sense. wicked. And the financial liability fools out of the best of us, if we do can help a young kollel couple by one carries for hitting a stranger not exercise caution and restraint. at least providing them with what­ obtains for the husband and wife, Chazal took all the weaknesses of ever expenses the parents had as well. Yet. since it is done in the the human condition into account, when their child was still living in heat of emotion, it is the expression and even anticipated the various their house before he got married. of anger easiest to forgive. scenarios that are confronting us Even the poorest person in Klal On the other hand, if a person in­ today. and created the halachic Yisroel can participate in this type sults his or her spouse. the injured structure for a successful marriage. of Torah support. party may be willing to forgive the This framework guides a person to offender, but he will always feel that override sentiments of anger and • The kesuba was designed to be the other party "really thinks little fear of rejection. and to give healthy a deterrent to divorce because of the of me," and the mutual trust that emotions of gratitude. acceptance large sums of money to be paid keeps a marriage together inevitably and love an opportunity for full should the marriage terminate. Yet, suffers. This, especially, must be expression, making shalom bayis a in America one never hears of a avoided. reality for those who live by the woman collecting her kesuba. This Worst of the three is rejecting the Torah laws.•

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ShaloJ11 Bayis Keeping It Together

A GOOD TOPIC FOR DISCUSSION And yet . . . one time Reb lsser of shalom bayis." Zalman happened to enter a shul No less than Reb Isser Zalman. we he reader's interest in a where the famed tzaddik of Jerus­ can all benefit from giving thought discussion on "Shalom alem. Rabbi Aryeh Levin. '""· was to improving our marriage. shmuess Bayis" does not necessarily delivering a (lecture) on There is, however, a second point: T the subject of shalom bayis. After­ We dare not bury our heads in the indicate that he's having problems at home. Quite the contrary! It says wards, Reb lsser Zalman thanked sand. We must face the tough issues Reb Aryeh. "You truly helped me in that he is no better than Rabbi Isser that plague us, and tackle them. And my attitude on shalom bayis." lack of shalom bayis is one of the Zalman Meltzer'""· Rabbi lsser Zalman Meltzer was Rabbi Aryeh Levin responded in severest issues facing Kial Yisroel astonishment, 'You, Reb Isser Zal­ the father-in-law of Rabbi Aharon today. We live today in what can be man, need a shmuess on shalom called an age of divorce. Statistics Kotler '"" and the author of the bayis? You could give the shmuess classic work on the Rambam, Even indicate that the divorce rate in this on shalom bayis!" country is approaching fifty percent. H aoze~ which is recognized as a key Reb Isser Zalman explained, text in understanding the Rambam. It wasn't always that way. And the "When I was writing the Even Rabbi lsser Zalman Meltzer was a Jewish community has always been Haozel, the printer couldn't read my gaon and a tzaddik, and by any even stronger in this area. I recall poor handWriting. I asked my wife, account, an exceptional person. He an incident when I was a nine-year­ Baila Hinda, to copy the sefer from certainly did not have shalom bayis old boy. My mother and my father problems. my manuscripts so the printer could n"Y had a wonderful marriage, but decipher it. But when I would read they must have raised their voices the proofs and find that occasionally at each other, and I asked my Rabbi Frand says a shiur In Yeshiva Ner Israel my Baila Hinda failed to copy exactly mother, "Are you going to get a In Baltimore, as well as a weekly shiur in the what I wrote, 1 would lose my divorce?" Agudath Israel of Baltimore (see JO February '87). patience with her. Now, Reb Aryeh, My mother told me a "fact" that The above article is based on a fuller treatment of the topic that Rabbi Fra.nd delivered as a I see my fault. Yeyasher koach for I carried with me for many years: lecture. strengthening me in my awareness "Jewish people don't get divorced."

The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 13 There once existed the premise that a marriage must last. and that would help temper the attitudes Qf husbands and wives towards divorce. But today there is no assumption Qf permanence.

And that was true for many years. Today we do. timately promote small families­ But as I grew older, and times The most significant cause of our present statistical families of 2.2 changed, I had to modify my moth­ divorce and the lack of shalom ba­ children. Rabbi Dessler, unfortu­ ers sociological principle. Jewish yis in our community today, how­ nately (or fortunately), did not live people may get divorced, but ''.from" ever. may well be a pervasive lack to see what has been dubbed (ap­ people don·t. After a time, Jrum of love, for love is one of the two propriately) "OINK." which stands people have joined the trend; they. pillars of the bayis ne'eman-the for "one income no kids." Or too, are getting divorced. This home built on Torah principles. The "DJNK"-"double income no kids:· tragedy occurs among Yungeleit Rambam. based on a Gemora in This lifestyle is endemic to a society and middle-aged couples, Chassi­ Yevamos, writes, "Ohava k'gujo­ that structures its life around ideals dim and Misnagdim, in yeshiva one is to love his wife like himself; promoted in beer commercials, not communities and in every sector of umechabda yoser migiifo-and to by maamorei Chazal. We live in a the "frum" world-it's universal. honor her more than himself' (Hil­ society where "you can have it all," chos lshus: 15.19). "Love" is widely ... but in truth you can't. A society discussed today, but much of what that is selfish and ungiving is a BEHIND THE society where there is no true love, SPLITTING TENDENCY we hear and read about love reflects a warped understanding of the a society that will be plagued with concept. Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer shalom bayis problems. . . . And, ere may be any number of Dessler '"" explains that the only then, what does one really have? easons for this tendency. way to create love is by giving. The Thank G-d, the Torah community Firstly, there existed the pre­ more one gives, the more he (or she) is not overcome by the malaise of mise that a marriage must last, and will love the recipient: "The strong­ small families, and once again the that would help temper the atti­ est bond between man and wife blessing of large families has tudes of husbands and wives results from a giving relationship. become the rule rather than the towards divorce. But today there is Then their love will not end, and exception. But that does not mean no assumption of permanence. their lives will be filled with everlast­ that we are impervious to other This may be part of our contem­ ing happiness" (Michtav Me selfishness-related sicknesses. We porary "throw-away society." People Eliyahu [). are as addicted to conspicuous con­ use paper dishes and then throw In fact, parents love their children sumption as everyone else. And like them away. And it goes beyond others, we too are affected by the paper goods. Have you tried to have so much because they are con­ stantly giving to them. They get up illusion that happiness comes with an appliance fixed recently? You go a designer label. ... When "me" is into the repair shop and say, "Here, for them in the morning, they get up for them at night, and they are the most important personal pro­ I just bought this phone a couple noun, there must inevitably be a of months ago. Could you please fix constantly giving to them-which generates their vast love for their lack oflove between people, and then it?" marriages come apart. "Fix it?" comes the incredulous children. If you want to love some­ one, be giving toward him. In introducing the parsha of get­ reply. "It doesn't pay to fix." divorce-the Torah uses an expres­ This attitude permeates our so­ sion that is most unique: "Ki yikach ciety. It does not "pay" to fix things WVE IN A JEWISH MARRIAGE ish isha u'v'ala--when a man will anymore; not telephones, not toas­ take a woman and he will live with ters, nor marriages. be a giving person. one must her" (Devarim 24,1 ). Marriage is Furthermore, the ease with which discussed in various places in the people resort to divorce is a social be selfless, but we live in a elfish society, where "me" is Torah, but no other parsha speaks disease that feeds on itself: The stig­ so starkly. Not surprisingly, the ma that was once associated with number one. "My" needs are para­ mount. A society that is selfish al­ passage ends with: "V'haya im lo being divorced no longer exists. simtza chein b'einao-and it will Twenty five years ago, we could not lows no room for true love. Indeed, Rabbi Dessler wrote thirty years ago come to pass if she will not find favor have had a president sitting in the in his eyes." The Torah tells us that White House who was a divorce'. that an acquisitive society will ul- 14 The Jewish Observer, March 1988 if one enters a marrtage in a spirit I recently heard a story of a Yid of self-gratification. that marriage in Russia who makes Kiddush, but will culminate with a get. does not know what to do with the One cause of shalom bayis prob­ kos (wine cup) while he says the lems today. then, is a warped con­ words. Do you hold the cup, or do cept of love. A person may sigh with you leave it on the table? The ecstacy. "I love steak!" But that does Shulchan Aruch does not specify. not mean that he truly loves steak. yet we all seem to know what to do, It means "I love me." The steak is for everyone of us saw his father pick merely an object. In such a society up the kos when he made Kiddush. people also become objects to one We here in America have the Shul­ another. with "love" a self-centered chan Aruch. and we have experts emotion, leading inevitabiy to Wives usually do the cleaning and and knowledgeable people to tell us divorce. cooking for the household, the type how to perform mitzvos. But we are of duties that maids perform. How impoverished in our own way: We A SOCIETY WITHOUT RESPECT is one to determine whether a wife do not know how to conduct our­ is indeed a maid, or a queen, as she selves in a Jewish home. We do not e second pillar of successful should be? This is determined by know what actions reflect Torah maniage-that of kavod (res­ the husband, when he acknowl­ values and which violate Torah pect)-has been dislodged by edges those very actions, appre­ values. People who are well-in­ yet another flaw that we have ciates them, and expresses grati­ tentioned think that their actions absorbed from our contemporary tude for them. elevating her actions represent daas Torah. but their society. Kavod is foreign to all that into the realm of majesty. out of the conduct may be contrary to Torah. surrounds us. in our casual. egal­ realm of servitude. For instance, the Torah recog­ itarian society. We lack a frame of This is not a one-way street. nizes that monotony can invade and reference for approaching kavod­ "Similarly," says the Rambam, "the destroy a marrtage. If husband and we do not even know how to honor Sages made it incumbent upon a wife are always available to each our parents properly. And certainly wife to honor her husband exces­ other, their relationship might we do not honor our spouses sively, and that she view him like suffer, for familiarity breeds con­ adequately. an officer or a king" (Hilchos Ishus tempt. In other words. the Torah is Rabbi Avraham Pam commented, 15,20 ). The husband is not just a concerned that there be freshness "If only people would speak to their money-making machine. In a Jew­ and regeneration in the sacred spouses with the care that young ish household, respect between marital relationship. Rabbi Shlomo men exercise when speaking to their husband and wife must prevail. Wolbe, "'"'"'"'· writes that today prospective kallas!" ... I have boys husbands and wives should go of marriageable age in my shiur in HOMES WITHOUT A TRADITION beyond the directives of halacha in Yeshiva Ner Yisroel in Baltimore. If seeking to insure that their mar­ a fellow is absent on Sunday, likely riages do not become stale and they as not. he'll be in to see me on n addition to the invasion of for­ do not become contemptuous of Monday, to tell me about his meet­ eign values into our communi­ each other. How? There is no uni­ ing with a young lady. And he will I ties, the Jewish home is faced versal prescription. I know of a want to discuss: How should I ask with yet another problem-result­ couple that studies Midrash Tan­ her to take the next step? Should ing from the Jew's status as a chuma on Friday nights; that is how I call? When should I call? We sit creature of golus. In our wander­ they spend their special time and plot just exactly how the bachur ings, we have forgotten much of our together.... It is not against daas should phrase something to his mesora-our chain of Tradition. In Torah for a husband and wife to step kalla, or to his prospective kalla. the process. our homes have become out occasionally to get away from the ... "Things would be vastly im­ spiritual vacuums. There was a time pressures of the children and the proved, if even one-tenth of that care when we had rabbeim, rabbonim, workplace. To the contrary, that is would be invested in the way one and admorim to instruct us and to consistent with daas Torah. speaks to his wife!" said Rabbi Pam. serve as role models for us. We knew The Gemora says (Babba Metzia) Of course. we are familiar with our which seforim to consult for every that when the malochim visited wives, we are intimate with our occasion and every situation, and we Avraham Avinu, they asked, 'Where spouses. and the formality that knew what they said. But this long is Sarah your wife?" Even though exists between chassan and kalla and bitter golus-especially its most they knew that she was in the tent, would be out of place. Nonetheless, recent. devastating churban in they asked the question to make there surely is a place for respect Europe-has robbed us of so much Sarah more dear and more precious when talking to one's spouse. of that precious mesora. in the eyes of Avraham Avinu,

The Jewish Observer, March 1988 15 Did Avraham Avinu really require an extra word to endear his wife to him? Apparently Avraham Avinu did benefitfrom it, and so would we.

highlighting the fact that she was control their possessions equally their days, will share their lives. a tzenuah, always in the tent. Did and neither will keep secrets from The Chazon !sh writes in a letter an Avraham Avinu really require the other:· This does not refer only to chassanim, 'When you leave your their ''l'chaveva al baala"-an to monetary affairs: achdus must house in the morning tell your wife, extra word to endear his wife to embrace all aspects of their lives. As Tm going to do this, I'm going here him? Apparently Avraham Avinu Rabbi Wolbe writes, "You have to or there.' " Apparently, the Chazon did benefit from it, and so would we. work on being 'one'.'' Communica­ !sh made a practice of telling Reb­ Is the prescription for endearment tion between husband and wife betzin Karelitz, 'Tm going here: then the same for everyone? No. But the should not merely deal with who is I'm going there.'' His Rebbetzin need is universal. going to take car pool and who is needed the verbal involvement in his going to pick up the dry cleaning. life. We certainly need it. If a spouse's day consists of diapers UNITED IN MARRIAGE and dishes. then that too should be LEARNING FROM THE shared. If the boss "did it again.'' PREVIOUS GENERATION urthermore, there must be then the partner should listen and achdus-a sense of unity-in share the agony. If busy schedules e first time I delivered the F a marriage. The tennaim do not leave enough time. then time ontents of this article as a (contractual agreement to marry) must be made to talk about mean­ ecture. I asked my Rosh Ha· includes the phrase: "And both will ingful things. A couple that ~hares yeshiva, Rabbi Yaakov Yitzchok Ruderman 7 11 ~l. for guidance. The Rosh Yeshiva replied, "Tell them the story about the Chafetz Chaim and Rabbi Nochum Ho­ rodno.'' Of all the stories the Rosh And Then Yeshiva knew, and as vast as his knowledge of Shas, poskim and te­ There Were Four shuvos was, he chose this particular by Miriam Elias story.• Reb Nochum was an ish tzaddik In this sequel to her popular "Try For A Dream," the whom the Chafetz Chaim visited author opens a wide window into the engrossing lives from time to time to learn from his of her four young heroines. personal conduct. One Chanuka, Warm, exciting and insightful, Reb Nochum did not light the no teen reader will want menora in the l'chatchila (pre­ ferred) time, waiting until his wife's arrival instead. hardcover $10.95 Afterwards. he explained to the paperback $8.95 Chafetz Chaim simply: "My wife derives pleasure from watching when I light neiros Chanuka. It's FELDHEIM worthwhile to give up on the l'chat­ PUBLISHERS chila of lighting the neiros early for 200 Airport Executive Park the sake of shalom bayis." Reb Spring Valley, NY 10977 Nochum then brought proof from Tel 914-356-2282 Out of State. call the Gemora inShabbos (24 b) that to!! free: 800-237-7149 states: "Shalom bayis supercedes Visa & MasterCard accepted neiros Chanuka." Send for your tree copy of our new catalog •This story appeared in a fuller treatment in the biographical appreciation of Rabbi Ruderman in The Jewish Observer of November '87.

16 The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 Those who knew Rabbi Ruder­ Machzor at home for his Rebbetzin, your spouse, and putting daily life man J"" would not wonder why he who was not feeling well that Rosh in perspective, and realizing that chose this story over all others. for Hashana. And this same Rosh there are not many things in this this was typical of our Rosh Yeshi­ Yeshiva who had that awesome world that are more important than va's concern for educating us prop­ eimas hadin over what Mussqf on shalom bayis. erly. He personified a constant Rosh Hashana entailed, missed Life is very short, life is tough, and evaluation of the various options tefilla b'tzibbur (praying with it is filled with many tzorros (prob­ that a situation presented, and then minyan) on that Rosh Hashana to lems)-some that we cannot control. determining what is of greater bring the Machzor home for Reb­ There is one "problem area" that we importance and what is of lesser betzin Ruderman. can control, and that is shalom ba­ importance. To the Rosh Yeshiva, That is the compelling nature of yis. It is essential to happiness and shalom bayis was of the greatest shalom bayis. It is thinking about to a fruitful, successful existence.• value, and he made certain that we knew it. 18 CENTERS A MATTER OF TOP PRIORITY OF SAVING SOULS, TORAH PROMOTION AND SOCIAL HELP IN ISRAEL! Endorsed by leddrng Rabbo111m, ndeed. the more one observed Roshe1 Yeshrvoth and YAO !J\CHIM, the organization which helps bring lost Jewish souls back to Admorim m !he world! the Rosh Hayeshiva J"~'· the family life and Yidishkeit, has to date 18 branches from Zfath to Ofakim! I more one learned of his concern for shalom bayis, and It is worth­ WHAT ARE OUR ACTIVITIES! while dwelling on this for the sake of the lessons to be learned: Guarding and registermg children in religious institutions. Following up with the progress of these students. EDUCATION His Rebbetzin regularly prepared Organizing "Ohalei Torah" for thousands of Yeshiva chicken fricassee for his Friday ~~-~~-~ studentsduringtheirvacation. night seuda. On one occasion. she r------, The development of "Yeshivot l'am". apologized to the Rosh Yeshiva, 'Tm Organizing lectures for women. sorry. I forgot to make the fricassee." SPREADING Meetings to discuss Yiddishkeit for The Rosh Yeshiva told her, 'TU tell TORAH those who are far from it. you the truth. it's not my favorite Assemblies on religious topics dish." Shabbatons in the settlements. Astounded, she asked, "Rabbi · · ANTI Constant battles with them issionar\es. Ruderman"-! never heard her call Division for preventive care. MISSIONARY Division to combat the growth of various cults. him by his name; in the presence ,__A_CT_l_O_N_ __, Division for gathering information. of visitors, she always addressed him as "Rabbi Ruderman"-"J've Discussions for Russians, Sephardic, Iranians ABSORPTION and Western Immigrants. been making this same fricassee for Horne visits and presentations at the irnrnigra!ion centers. twenty years. Why didn't you ever tell Libraries with Russian and English books. me that you don't care for it?" Monthly calendar of Yad t:achim. "I was aware of the trouble you TORAH Laws and customs of the month for Synagogues and Schools. took to prepare it and I always ate PUBLICATIONS Pamphlets on the holidays in English, French, Gruzinit and Persian. It with relish to show my appreci­ ation," he replied. SOCIAL Division for caring for families & children WORK broken by emotional, financial and religious strife. I will never ever forget how the '----'--"'---~ Rosh Yeshiva always approached The branches ofYad l'achirn are the place for help and sympathy for the many spiritual, social, Mussa] on Rosh Hashana. The awe personal and public problems relating to education, strengthening Yiddishkeit and spreading Torah and fear of what Mussa] on Rosh in the Holy Land!!! Hashana represents was apparent WHAT ABOUT YOUll!!! on the Rosh Yeshiva's face. Anyone You can join the many volunteers in their work. However, if you don't have the opportunity to do so, who had the privilege of being in his help the others that do by giving generously to this worthwhile Organization. presence cannot easily remove the Offices in Israel: Jerusalem Vona 4; Ashdod, Ashka!on, Ber-Sheva, Bnei Brak, Haifa, Kiryat Shmona, \\" imprtnt of how his face reflected Nathanya, Nsivos,Ofakim,Or Yhuda, Petach.'.fikva, Ramal a, Rarnat Gan, Rechovot, Tel-Aviv, T'verya, Zfath total eimas hadin and pachad­ Dear Brothers: awe, fear. and reverence for the Please extend yourselves by helping bring Torah and Yiddishkeit to our brothers in the Holy Land, who are approaching judgment. This same thirsty for this. REMEMBER!! By helping us it is as if you yourself would be doing this important work. Rosh Yeshiva, who used to tell us YAD L'ACHIM "A HAND TO AID MY BROTHERS 1N ISRAEr' that the whole year rides on this Baro Park• Flatbush, l5S4 50th St., B'klyn, N.Y. 11219 (71B) 633-0776 Mussa]. once forgot to leave a

The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 17 Home Attendants

needed for housekeeping and personal care for the disabled and homebound good pay and benefits Baro Park, Bensonhurst and Flatbush Area full-time live in positions only Project OHR Inc. (Office for Homecare Referral) 1308-40th Street, Brooklyn, NY 11218 (718) 853-2700 Dr. Aaron Twerski

WHEN CRISIS LOOMS

SHOULD PROBLEMS ARISE stressful, we should, by right, tell underlying problems 6! the mar­ couples that at the first sign of riage are not being dealt with. difficulty, they ought to seek help. Furthermore, the hurt and the halom Bayis•. successful ':'ar­ It is advice that will probably not be damage that people are inflicting riage. and divorce are m a listened to. But what is tragic is that upon themselves in that stressful S sense topics more approp­ even when the situation gets unde­ period are being compounded day riate for discreet discussion in the niably bad-even when it verges on by day, and often much of it cannot privacy of one's living room than for crisis-even then help is not sought. be undone. the pages of a magazine, dealing as Couples continue to live with the they do with sensitive and delicate difficulties and, what is worse, in­ matters-especially as we address flict irreparable damage upon each THE ROLE OF THE FAMILY what happens when marriages face other and themselves, because they enormous stress and we contem­ refuse to seek help. hen a marriage is in trou­ plate the sad reality of divorce. There are rabbonim with great ble, there is a very specific As is well-known, the non-Jewish sensitivity who are able to help, and W role for family and friends world has an enormous divorce rate do so with unusual effectiveness to play. It is basically a passive, silent and while we are more than a few when they are consulted. Should the steps behind them, we have none­ one: and it is seldom honored. The situation require professional coun­ Shulchan Aruch has some harsh theless been affected by the general seling, these same rabbonim will things to say about lashon hora and trend, and it is time for us to face refer those in need to competent motzi shem ra (gossip and slander) the music: There are significant religious marriage counselors. and yet, as a rule, when marriage problems in marriages within the There is a myth afloat that coun­ problems surface, they become a Torah world. seling will not help, and that when subject for public discussion in all When marriages begin to get a couple does go for help, the result their forbidden detail. At the outset. will be a patched up marriage. Even parents themselves peddle it-first in those cases where it is true, it and foremost. to other members of Dr. Aaron Twerski, a professor oflaw at Brooklyn is better than the alternative. Every the family, to brothers and sisters, Law School, Chairman of Agudath Israel of America's Commission on Legislation and Civic day that counseling is needed and to uncles and aunts, complicating Action. is a frequent contributor to these pages. is not sought. is a day that the the situation enormously.

The Jewish Observer, March 1988 19 When marriages begin to get stressful, we should tell couples that they ought to seek help. Unfortunately, it is advice that will probably not be listened to.

I recently was attempting to coax When the privacy of a marriage take it within that context of pri­ a couple into counseling. Between becomes compromised and other vacy. l hereby issue a plea to every Wednesday. when I met with the actors in the scene-brothers, sis­ parent. and to every uncle and aunt, husband. and the following Monday. ter. aunts, friends-become involved and to everyone who is sought to when he came back to me, some­ in discussion. the privacy is des­ be drawn into marital conflict: Stay thing intervened. There was a family troyed. Even if the marriage is out! And see to it that the people clan meeting. and the clan-the eventually restored. the sense of who can act constructively. do act. brothers and sisters-took the privacy that once surrounded it is A marriage in trouble is not an situation apart. From that point on. lost. Unfortunately. tidbits are whis­ acceptable subject for discussion on I was no longer dealing with an pered on the avenue. which should the avenue or In the shtiebel. individual and his wife. but with the never have been said in any instance Capulets and the Montagues. Once in public. Yet one hears such talk the clans were in conflict, I could no constantly. Once people have the PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT: longer reach anyone. information and talk about It. it POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE There is yet another evil that even becomes a formidable task to surpasses the damage of Lashon attempt to put the marriage back arental involvement can be a hora. A marriage is first and fore­ together again. serious problem. indeed. In most a private arrangement be­ Nobody's life is a bed of roses. Just my experience in helping tween two people. The chapter in as every individual goes through P others. a very large percentage of Shulchan Aruch dealing with mar­ stressful times. so does every mar­ marital problems are parent­ ital relations is entitled Hilchos riage have its moments of stress. instigated; and those that are not. Tzenius, which means "Laws of Marriages can take a lot of pressure. are parent-complicated. There are. Privacy." That title speaks volumes. and still survive. But they can only of course. occasions when parents can act responsibly with their own children. When my father J"'1 was suffering THE YI'l"I'Y LEIBEL HELP-LINE from his terminal illness. he called A Free Service of the me into his room and asked that I serve as scribe for his personal will. Yitty Leibel Chesed Fund Among other matters that he instructed. was that we. the child­ • Marital problems? • Fear of break-down? ren. not name our children for him. • Overpowering stress? • Parent-child friction? l was taken aback and told him. 'You know. don't you, that we shall not Do you have problems like these and are afraid or ashamed to talk to follow these instructions." But. he anyone? ... Do you want a trained, wise, warm professional who will talk to was not dissuaded. He turned to me with considerable emotion and said. you on the phone? "How many times have l witnessed Some of the Torah community's highly skilled psychologists, social workers, battles over which name to give a and therapists are ready to help. Your consultation will be treated with the child. What should be a time of joy utmost discretion. You may remain anonymous if you prefer. They under­ turns into tears of a 'veibel.' Spare stand. They're trained. They have Ahavas Yisrael. me that kind ofnachas." Hours: My father'"" passed away. Many Monday through Friday 8:00-12:00 a.m. years went by and none of the Sunday through Thursday 9:00-11:00 p.m. children had a name for him. And Sunday morning 9:00-12:00 noon then myfather-in-law7"'1 was niftar while my wife was pregnant. The Dial (718) HELP-NOW (435-7669) baby was a boy. There was no con­ This project has been approved by leading Torah authorities, For Jnformation only call (718) 435-7106. troversy. My father'"" had seen to it that he not be the cause of family

20 The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 discord. Parenthetically, a year later behavior to one another. divorce actions. another son was born to us. This As for the role of the lawyers. they Popular wisdom has it that the child does bear my father's name. are good at adverserial relation­ Din Torah route somehow ends up Having already fulfilled his will, I was ships, because that is what they're being unfair. My experience has certain that he would have had no trained to do. I know, because that been otherwise. In fact. batei din objection. is the way I teach them. They are that deal with family law problems There are creative roles for parents not trained to be mediators or are staffed by fine, ehrliche rabbo­ to play, but they are narrow, and marital counsellors. Some lawyers nim-men of integrity who do their they have to be used with great care are particularly gifted at negotiation utmost to deal with the issues and with great wisdom. and mediation but for the most part honestly, conscientiously, and in a they cannot resolve the fundamen­ manner consistent with Torah tal tension which lie at the core of principles. DEALING WITH DIVORCE

hen the situation has deteriorated so irreconcil­ W ably that divorce seems inevitable, a new host of issues must be discussed: Custody. visitation, child support, yeshivas, education­ the gamut. ~ In seeking a dispute resolution mechanism-that is, a method for trt'1~ ~j1'C?'i 1'CJ1~1JT2' resolving the dispute II put aside the halacha question of going to court because I do not know of any hala­ MESIVTA OF LONG BEACH chic hetter for going to a secular court]-! would like to expose the myth that there exists an institu­ Come celebrate with tion called "family court" where family issues are resolved. True, the Mesivta of Long Beach there is a place called family court • in every major city in America. But, as it enters a new era. it is not a good dispute resolution mechanism. The legal process is long and protracted. Often the Sheraton Centre Hotel lawyers are the only ones that stand Sunday, 14 Iyar, 5748 •May 1, 1988 to gain anything out of the process. The opposing parties who invest so much emotion and resources into Mr. & Mrs. Yosef Brachfeld the battle are rarely satisfied. Wives Guests ofHouor all too often have little to show for Rabbi 1.;., Mrs. Rabbi&Mrs. their paper victories. Recalcitrant husbands who must be pursued for Avrohom Respler Mr. Yitzchok Bodner Yisroel M. Lesiu Parl'nts of the Year Ohe\· ·1·oral11\\\';1rd payment of child support or alimony Krspr Tonih A\\'ard often escape the clutches of the law. i'vloislw ?vlishko\\ilz ;\lendd Poll

The Jewish Observer, March 1988 21 When a marriage is in trouble, there is a very specific role for family and friends to play. It is basically a passive, silent one; and it is seldom honored.

A PLEA TO THE PRINCIPALS to deal with each other on matters vis-a-vis the children, in a non­ that relate to the children for quite adverserial relationship. This is a ssues relating to divorce settle­ some time, and they would be wise sure indicator that we must teach ment cannot be resolved in an to put aside all their disagreements ourselves to mediate these problems I adverserial atmosphere-whe­ and ill-feelings, to work things out in a civil manner. Given a choice, ther the venue be a court of law or as best as possible. one should certainly go to a Rav, a place of Din Tomh. I often tell Massive studies that are in the invite him to "please sit with us and couples, 'You have a great fight midst being conducted demonstrate mediate," instead of relying on a going between you. But the resolu­ that the key factor in the psycho­ non-Jewish judge to resolve in court tion of your problems has got to be logical damages inflicted on child­ which yeshiva his kids will attend. here, at the table." ren in a divorce is not economic To do otherwise is insanity. The marriage created conflict­ deprivation, not the personalities of Of course, some situations are irreconcilable conflict. Yet one the parties, not their level of edu­ extraordinaiy. There are some that aspect of the relationship between cation, not the frequency of visita­ are non-negotiable and others that the ex-husband and ex-wife will tion, and not even custody. The most take on a course of their own. In the remain constant, and that is the significant factor is the inability of vast majority of situations, however, children. Parents are going to have the parents to deal with each other people-not circumstances-have turned divorces into clan fights, into a contest where the primaiy issues are kavod and ego. Popular wisdom has it that you can arrive at a multi­ million dollar settlement in a divorce action, but you may not be able to ADWE settle who gets the dog. In this case, popular wisdom is absolutely on LABORATORIES, INC. target. Manufacturers of Kosher L'Pesach Products: TEFILLIN AND ESROG AND SHALOM BAYIS Toothpaste, Mouthwash, father J"'1 told me the Cream Blush, LipSticks, allowing stoiy a number of Baby Powder, Compact M times. He had heard it from (Facial Make-up), Handcream, his father, whose primaiy source was the Rebbetzin of the Chemo­ Dishwash, and Shabbos Soap byler Maggid: The Maggid owned a pair of NEW ITEMS FOR 1988! tefillin with parshiyos (parchment) written by Reb Efroyim Sofer. (The Perfumes, Eye Shadow, Baal Shem Tov would list the order Powdered Blush and of sofrim-scribes-in Klal Yisroel, Clear Lip Gloss saying, "Ezra Hasofer, Nechemiah Hasofer, and Reb Efroyim Sofer.") parshiyos Available at your local grocery or drug store. Reb Efroyim's were of If your local store does not carry our product, unusual quality, and were worth a ask him to call us at (718) 788-6838. fortune of money. Now, the Chemo­ byler Maggid lived in dire poverty. and from time to time his Rebbetzin would remark. 'Why don't you sell

22 The Jewish Observer, March 1988 the tefillin? I would then have The Maggid asked the man to wait heard this story from the Rebbetzin enough money to live for five or six a few minutes. He took his tefillin remarked, "I understand why the years!" The house lacked sufficient with Reb Efroyim Sofer's parshiyos, Maggid never wanted to sell Reb food, the children weren't clothed sold them for one hundred rubles, Efroyim's tefillin. And I understand properly for the cold winters. Yet, it and bought the lulav and esrog. why he sold the tefillin for the esrog. never dawned on the Chernobyler His Rebbetzin later entered his But where he got the strength of Maggid to sell those tefillin. room and found him with an expres­ character not to lose himself, is One year after Yorn Kippur, how­ sion of great joy on his face, in stark beyond me." ever, the Maggid was extremely contrast to his previous despair. May I suggest that the value of dejected, for he did not have a lulav When asked what had taken place, lf!fillin is that it is used for a mitzva, and esrog for the approaching the Maggid told her the entire and so is an esrog precious because festival. The Maggid was staring out episode. The Rebbetzin later related it is used for a mitzva. Shalom the window and noticed a stranger that in her mind she reviewed all bayis is no less a mitzva. We must walking by with a lulav and esrog the bitter winters that she and the learn to take this area of life-in all in hand! The Maggid ran out and children had suffered, the many its glory and even in all of its misery asked him, 'Where are you going to times that they had gone hungry, l"n-and put it within the confines be for Yorn Tov?" and shivered for lack of clothing. of Torah. Violation of lashon hara, 'Tm not going to be here. I live Out of her great anger she grabbed hotza'as shem ra, and betrayal of in another city." the esrog and threw it to the floor, tzeniuB, are deadly enemies to the The Maggid pleaded with him to breaking the pitum, rendering it kedusha-the sanctity-of mar­ stay in Chernobyl, but the man unfit. At first, the Maggid was silent. riage. When problems arise, they will replied, "Rebbe, my family is in the Then he said, "Listen, Ribbono Shel not be solved on the avenue, over other city, and I can't stay." Olam, I have no tefillin. I don't have the telephone wires, or in the cour­ Finally, the Maggid said, "Sell me an esrog, either. What does the trooms; they must be solved by you lulav and esrog. There are no yeitzer hora want? He wants me not people, realizing that ultimately esrogim to be had this year." to have any shalom bayis, either. their obligations are to themselves 'TU have to take one hundred That he will not accomplish!" and their children, as prescribed by rubles for the set," said the stranger. One of the Chassidic rebbes who the Torah.•

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The Jewish Observer, March 1988 23 Friday Night Kiddush

I was a little girl at my parents' table When first I thought There is a right way to do this. Not that I blame my father or mother, or love them less. To the few who have tasted my wine, My father who had come here as a child and the many who would like to. and been fed the American message on Yiddishkeit 'Who needs it!"

"When I first began maRinQ Kesser wine. l My mother, Canadian born, who defines herself as modem and counted my output in bottles. not cases. and Western. not ewryone could taste my award· winning wines Yet, I was a child and I knew. After all. ! never produced more than or knew what was not, a few hundred bottles. And after The Ne,v Fork T1incs raved about its quality. and that this was not the way. the Governor's wine steward insisted on includinQ Kesser in the Gcwemor"s I knew there were more words in the blessing, also wine ce!!ar. there weren't many a song or two. bottles left. If you didn't have a chance to I tell you frankly, taste it. rm sorry I do not know how I knew. But. if you were one of the lucl NJ and the melodies our hearts savor. 1.,>n 1~:1 1'1'TH'J' !:7N0'1 Joanne Jackson Yelenik '") !:in'1 11!>'1!1 1!1 Mrs. Yelenik lives in Washington, D.C. C>r.i'll >r.in; i'i::l'll

24 The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 by Avi Shqfran

..~ .. . . ~ . .- ~ . - -

The Quintessence ofKarpas

WHEN THE QUESTIONS The most general question-''Why enough does engender the funda­ ARE PLANNED questions?"-is surely one with a mental question. ''Why are we doing clear answer. The communication of this?" It is, indeed, even one of the Yetzias Mitzraim, the Exodus from Big Four. The problem, though, is e Seder is a time for ques- Egypt, to our children and the that. according to Chazal, this 1ons. impressing of the vibrancy of our question. unlike all the other readily T There are the proverbial history on ourselves surely comprise apparent and not-so-apparent ques­ Four, of course, but even after they a mission to be dealt with in some­ tions in the Haggadah, cannot have are asked. a torrent of new problems thing more than a merely recitative an answer. rushes in to more than replace manner. "Questions and Answers" It is not that its answer is com­ them. brought about to a large de­ is a most basic and helpful teaching plicated or difficult. It is, rather, gree by the very query of the Four. tool. as are singing, number games, nonexistent. Why. for example, are the Four and alphabetical acrostics, all ele­ For the Gemora itself asks the Questions themselves only ab­ ments found in the ancient peda­ question ''Why?" and answers, "So strusely answered? Why are they gogic perfection we call the Hag­ that the children will notice and ask (and so much else in the Haggadah) gadah. So the fact of questions be­ what it is for." "four"? Why must they be asked ing the stimuli for the commu­ At which point, presumably, we even of oneself. if no one else is pre­ nications of the Haggadah, the fact are to answer them, "So that you will sent? As the old jokes would have that the information must be ask, dear children!" us Jews do. we seem to respond to searched out, worked over, argued To which they may be expected to the questions with only more ques­ about and delved into. should not respond, "All right. now we're ask­ tions. greatly puzzle us. ing. What is the pshat?" Karpas. though. should. At which point we're to answer.... Rabbi Shafran, who teaches in the highschool For karpas. at least at first few In computer science, I'm told, of the New England Academy of Torah in Providence, RI., is a frequent contributor to The glances. is not just another symbolic that's called an "infinite loop." Jewish Observer and other Jewish periodicals. stimulus to some lesson. It surely Simple logic would designate it an

The Jewish Observer, March 1988 25 The problem with the "Karpas Question," unlike all the other readily apparent and not-so-apparent questions in the Haggadah, is that it cannot have an answer. unanswered and an unanswerable humankind not to have been our abilities to see the goodness that question. It is essentially the verbal created or whether its creation was the Creator saw in existence for equivalent of one of the group of for the best." humanity. It is undoubtedly better Escher lithographs where figures After two-and-one-half years. they that mankind is here, though why march steadily but futilely up settled the argument among them­ it is better we shall never know. strange stairs only to again reach selves. agreeing that man would One wonders what the give-and­ their starting point below. have been better off uncreated. The take of the argument likely revolved What. indeed, is the pshat? only caveat that they added was that. around. From the addendum to the now that we humans find ourselves conclusion they reached, " ... but here. we must make do the best we now that man is here let him do the THE ULTIMATE, can, and be critical and careful of best he can, being critical and UNANSWERABLE QUESTION our actions here in reality. careful of his actions," one might Reb Yisroel Salanter has ex­ surmise that the inevitability of sin ere is another unanswerable plained the meaning of the argu­ was the issue. With sin being uestion. this one perhaps ment and its result. Needless to say, unavoidable, they concluded, man's he most fundamental ques­ Bais Shammai and Bais Hillel were existence cannot make (mortal) tion imaginable. and it may just be not sitting in judgment on their sense. a beginning toward an understand­ Creator. What they were doing, Reb It is, of course, true. With its ing of the conundrum of karpas. Yisroel understood, was arguing prodigious power of bechira, free It is to be found in Masechta about whether mankind, with its will, humanity can almost be Eruvin ( l 3a). and though it is not limited purview, can possibly hope expected to perform in a less than stated as a question. it is unmistak­ to reach some comprehension of the G-d serving manner. Current events ably one-the ultimate one. at that. fact that G-d would deem it worth­ and past histoiy, as well as reaso­ It is unanswered, and it is un­ while for it to exist. Can there really nable expectation, would seem to answerable. be any other explanation? indicate man's choosing evil over Bais Shammai and Bais Hillel are So Bais Shammai and Bais Hillel good at what seems almost eveiy reported to have argued over 'Whe­ decided that there was no hope, that turn. Man is, after all, eminently self­ ther it would have been better for it is immeasurably removed from centered, and when one's goals lie inward, one's thoughts seldom if ever turn outward, toward the Divine. What has this to do with karpas? Perhaps nothing. But perhaps Learn All About much. "TRAVEIJ' THE SALTY ROOTS OF DISOBEDIENCE Tupe based on Sefer Chovos Halvovos Send $3.00 for your copy isobedience of G-d, the veiy Write: Yeshiva Fund, definition of sin, has its roots box 82, Staten Island, NY 10309 Din Adam and Chava's sin, the first one in histoiy. The result of their rebellion became manifest in various ways, one of which was a change in the fundamental relation­ ship they (and we) had (and have) with the rest of creation, specifically the earth on which life is dependent. Mincha following Shiur "Thorns and thistles [the earth] shall bring forth for you," was the

26 The Jewish Observer, March 1988 pronouncement, "and you shall eat the grasses of the field." PINCHAS MANDEL Jn, of all places, Perek Aroei Pes­ Over 35 Years Experience in Kvura in Eretz Yisrael achim, the only chapter in the Talmud that deals with the Seder, •Dedicated to Kavod Haniftarwith personal we find the following passage: responsibility throughout service Said Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi: •Highly recommended by Gedolai Hador 'When G-d told Adam 'and thorns -Here and in EretzYisrael- and thistles ... ,'Adam's eyes welled 1569 • 47th Street, Brooklyn, New York 11219 up with tears and he said, 'Master Day & Night Phone (718) 855-5121 of the Universe, am I and my donkey Honesty - Integrity - Reliability to eat from the same feed-bag?' CHESED SHEL EMES ... as undcerstood and practked by one active In the industry more than half a centu'ry. When G-d continued and said, 'By Taharas Haniftar Should Never Be Commercialized the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread' (i.e. human food would be available, albeit through hard work), Adam's anguish was quieted." ROYAL \\'INF. CORP., ~cw YORI\ N, y (Pesachim 11 Sa) Could it be that the meaning of Adam's lament was that he as humanity's progenitor, had proven through his insubordination the inevitability of choosers choosing evil, hence proving that man would have been better off as merely another mindless, choiceless ani­ mal, a two-legged donkey? Could it be in other words, that the futility borne by the inevitability of sin was the essence of the real­ ization that brought tears to his eyes? And, finally, could it be that the manifestation of the earth's response to his sin, the lowly vege­ tation it will now naturally bear for him and which he is sentenced to eat-could it be that that is the karpas? And the saltwater in which it is dipped, his tears and the sweat of brow? Could it. in other words. be that the question of why we dip karpas in saltwater is specifically con­ structed to be unanswerable pre­ cisely because it is an allusion to that which is, in a cosmic sense, unfathomable?

THE UNFATHOMABLE SEDER QUESTION

so, the pressing question is Why here?" Why, at the Seder, I of all places, would we be allud­ CREME ROSE' CREME RED CONCORD AND MATUK sorr ing to the weighty question of the ALCHOHOL 8.5% TO 9% BY VOLUME existence of evil and humanity's predisposition toward it? To send a gift of Kedem anywhere in the U.S., call 1-800-238-4373. Void where prohibited.

The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 27 Current events and past history, as well as reasonable expectation, would seem to indicate man's choosing evil over good at what seems almost every turn.

Indeed, why does that Gemara, vened bread, might be the period able the yeitzer hara. In the words recounting Adam's conversation that reflects the acclimation to the of the famous Midrash. "I've created with the Almighty, appear in Perek yeitzer hara we are to accomplish a yeitzer hara [says G-d I and I've Aroei Pesachim? within ourselves, the period in created the Torah as its sweetening What occurs is that, in both which we are to learn that the spice." (The word tavlin never Pesach and the celebration to which existence of that potential for evil means antidote, as is so often it leads, Shavuos, we find bread is not something which renders us translated here, but always a spice playing a prominent role. At Pesach hopeless and better off uncreated, that improves whatever it is added we eat unleavened bread as an not something ultimately evil and to.) integral part of consuming the unredeemable. but-somehow-a Pesach, then, would be the begin­ sacrifice (though not limited to it), force that can be channeled for good, ning of the journey toward accom­ and on Shavuos, the day's unusual for avadas Hashem Divine service. modation of the yeitzer hara toward sacrifice is the shtei halechem an Shavuos would then be the cele­ the goal of avadas Hashem It would offering of two loaves of bread, loaves bration of our having learned to be the vezy start. of the process of that are specified to be leavened. utilize the yeitzer hara, the decla­ growth. It would be the time to eat The concept of leaven is generally ration of our acceptance-if not only pristine food, denuding our­ understood, based on varied sour­ comprehension-of the goodness selves of the yeitzer hora's symbol ces, to be a symbol of the yeitzer inherent in our existence. Therefore entirely, so as to be able. over the hara, the inclination to sin ("What our bread on that day is purpose­ ensuing forty-nine days, to accli­ keeps us [from You, Hashem]?" goes fully leavened; it has digested the mate ourselves to what it represents the confession of one Tanna, "the yeitzer hara's symbol. . .. gradually, day by day, until leaven in the dough"). Perhaps, then, How fitting, if this is true, that Shavuos. Only then, having labored the period between Pesach and Shavuos is the day of our receiving to attain that growth, may we, by Shavuos, between the holiday of the Torah. For the Torah is that the sweat of our brow, eat true, fully­ leaven-less bread and that of lea- which "sweetens" and makes palat- developed, bread. Pesach might then be a time indeed propitious for a hint to the great unanswerable question of how AN URGENT REMINDER man's existence can be justified, in light of his proclivity to sin. For it FROM is on Pesach that we are beginning to develop our perspective on the CHEVRA DOR YESHORIM yeitzer hara. The question is Adam's question: YOUNG PEOPLE OF MARRIAGEABLE AGE MUST BE TESTED "Am I and my donkey to eat from in order to prevent the scourge of Tay-Sachs disease from striking the next the same feed-bag?" And the hint generation, in accordance with the directives of the Gedolei Hadar. to it, comingjust before we eat our unleavened Pesach-bread, takes the SCHOOLS and YESHIVOS: form of re-enacting Adam's sent­ Please call 718-384-2332 if you are ence, by eating a lowly vegetable of interested in having testing done for students. animal food, dipped into a reminder Genetic counseling is also available. of Adam's tears. Call for an appointment: And that reminder of his tears is or a reminder as well of his hope, the (718) 384-6060 (914) 783-1370 sweat of his brow, the hard work Confidentiality assured. toward the goal of being a human, choosing, aveid Hashem. That hard CHEVRA DOR YESHORIM, INC. labor is what will justify his exist­ 198 Keap Street, Brooklyn, NY 11211 ence: it is his-and our-privilege in this strange and puzzling world.•

28 The Jewish Observer, March 1988 The Kitzur Sulchan Aruch. writ­ Included are authoritative opin­ ten by Rabbi Shlomo Ganzfried, has ions of the Chafetz Chaim's Mish­ been accepted in almost every Jew­ nah Berurah and other Poskim. pro­ ish community in the world. In viding the reader with further keeping with Metsudah standard insight and clarification. Rabbi Avrohom Davis has produced You can be confident that the an original linear translation which reader. whether a day school stu­ is both clear and concise. Published dent. a mature Yeshiva student. a in a readable Hebrew text with layman. a teacher or a rabbi will dis­ vowels it will enhance the compre­ cover a work that encompasses a hension of this important work. wide area of Torah scholarship writ­ ten with literary skill. Approved and recommended by: Rav Chaim P. Scheinberg. Rosh Yeshiva Torah Ohr. Jenusalem Rav Simon Schwab, K'hal Adas Yeshunun Rav Hillel David. Congregation Shaare Tefila. Brooklyn, N.Y.

Available at your better local bookstore or directly from: I Israel Book Shop, Inc. I 410 Harvard St., Brookline. Ma. 02146 (617) 566-7113-4 Please send the following I am enclosing check or money order for $ (U.S. Funds) j Metsudah Kitzur Shulchan Aruch. Vol.1 Name $13.95* per volume. ------\ Second Volume available in March Address J City State Zip 0 Please add $1 75 to cover UPS fer first volume and SOC for each al'.!d1t1011al volume ----./ \ .....__ ------I I I I Subscribe, Renew or Give I The Jewish Observer I now and save. I I I I U.S.A. ONLY OUTSIDE U.S.A. THE I DOne Year/$18.00 (for ten issues) 0$28 DTwo Years/$30.00 (a $50 value) 0$50 JEWISH DThree Years/$40.00 (a $75 value) 0$70 U.S. FUNDS-DRAWN ON A U.S. BANK ONLY OBSERVER Suite 1200, 84 William Street, New York, NY 10038 Send magazine to: •Analyzes. •Reports. Name •Evaluates •Reviews. Address ______•Comments. •Reflects. City State Zip ____ •Inspires. •Projects. DEnclose gift card OMasterCard OVisa Acct. No. r JTIII-r1 J rrrrr-=i_:n Wedo more Expiration date DD (month) DD (year) DD thanjust observe. Signature Preventing a ''Chol Hamoed'' Fiasco:

Practical Guidelines for Successfully Entertaining Children

A TYPICAL SCENARIO Shloimle Is already asking what litigation attorney. "Only the amuse­ plans we're making for Chol ment park is 'special.' That's the Harnoed." only place with rides. And we wanna et's eavesdrop at the Cohen 'Well, it's not going to be easy," go on rides!" household about a month Mr. Cohen replies with a deep sigh. 'Wides! Wides!" chimes in three­ L before Yorn Tov. Mr. Cohen, a "So much piles up at the office over year-old Suri, picking up on the cue. yeshiva alumnus, is now a computer the two days of Yorn Tov. But, I "Can I go on the fire truck this analyst for a large data processing suppose, it's worth the effort to give time, Mommy?" asks five-year-old firm. He has just returned home the kids a good time on Chol Yanky. Then, turning to Suri, he from Ma'ariv after his Daf Yorni Harnoed." So the Cohens decide to adds, 'You can come on the fire Shiur, and he is settling down at the go "somewhere special" with the truck with me. too, if you're good." kitchen table with his wife for a little children on the first day of Chol "Fire twuck," Suri responds snack. Harnoed. approvingly. The conversation leapfrogs from Three weeks later, Mrs. Cohen is topic to topic and then, referring to busy cleaning for Yorn Tov while A SUNNY CHOL HAMOED the upcoming Yorn Tov, Mr. Cohen eight-year-old Shloimie peppers her muses, "l think I have a few vacation with questions. 'Where are we going minous weather forecasts days coming to me." on Chol Harnoed? Are we going to finally give way to a surpris­ "Do you think you could take off an amusement park? Can we each Oingly sunny first day of Chol on Chol Harnoed?" Mrs. Cohen have our own ticket-book for rides?" Harnoed. The Cohen children wake asks. "The kids would be thrilled If "Now, wait a minute," Mrs. Cohen up an hour earlier than usual, as we could all go out together. Yorn interjects, urgently. 'We don't know Mr. and Mrs. Cohen give up their Tov is still four weeks away, and yet whether or not we'll be going to dream of sleeping an hour later. The the amusement park. We'll see." same children who are always late Dr. Wilder, a former Professor at the Wurzweiler "But you promised we'd go 'some­ for the school bus miraculously School of Social Work, is now in full-time private practice of individual, marital and family therapy. where special,' " Shloimie protests, manage to negotiate negel vasser He lives in Brooklyn, New York. with the determination of a veteran and breakfast unassisted.

30 The Jewish Observer, March 1988 MeirWikler

"C hol Hamoed." Do any other two Hebrew words trigger as much boundless excitement in the hearts of yeshiva children? Do any other two Hebrew words arouse as much apprehension and panic in the hearts of their parents? These few, long awaited, potentially fun-filled days on the Jewish calendar are all too often witness to lost hopes, patience and tempers. On days designed for children's laughter, so much crying is heard. What goes wrong? Are children different today, or are we making mistakes? What can be done next Chol Hamoed to prevent the fiasco we had last year? Hopefully, this article will answer these questions.

"! thought we might visit the historic9] museum," Mr. Cohen suggests. "! just read in the paper that they have a special exhibit for children on.... " "A museum?" Shloimie inter­ rupts. "A museum?! What's so great about a museum? You just look at old stuff. That's not for children. You promised we'd go somewhere 'spe­ cial' on Chol Hamoed. We wanna go on rides!" 'Wides! Wides!" shouts Suri. with impeccable timing. Yanky begins to ci:y, silently. then save the rest for later," Shloi­ Mrs. Cohen takes Yanky and Suri "l don't want to go to any dumb mie counsels his proteges. on the fire trucks. But Yanky wants museum," Shloimie continues his "Who said you're each getting to go on the Turbo Wheel first and offensive. "My whole class is going chocolate bars?" Mrs. Cohen Mrs. Cohen thinks he's too young to the amusement park." Finally the demands. for that ride .... coup de grace, "This isn't just any Falling back on his earlier suc­ At 3;30 the family meets at the day; this is Chol Hamoed!" cessful ploy, Shloimie shoots back, entrance gate as planned. Mr. and On the way to the amusement "But it's Chol Hamoed!" Mrs. Cohen agree that they've had park, the Cohen children seem to be Three minutes into the amuse­ enough. They disagree only as to oblivious of the rides, as they openly ment park, the Cohens accept the whether they should have left one speculate about the refreshments of impossibility of preserving the unity or two hours before. the day. 'When we get the chocolate of their family. So Mr. Cohen takes All three Cohen children begin bars, let's have half right away and Shloimie on the Devil's Slide. and shouting simultaneously. Each one

The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 31 Many parents begin with plans On a surprisingly sunny first day of Chol and expectations similar to the Hamoed, the same children who are always late Cohens', all motivated by the desire to go "somewhere special" on Chol for the school bus miraculously managed to nego­ Hamoed. Somehow, it never works tiate negel vasser and breakfast unassisted. out quite as "special" as everyone would like. So perhaps we should review the scenario to pinpoint just what went wrong. cites the ride he really wanted to in the front while all three children go on which he missed, so far. Mr. are crying in the back. What was 1. DEFLATING EXPECTATIONS Cohen is firm. Mrs. Cohen waffles. planned as a joyous Chol Hamoed Shloimie proposes a compromise. outing has ended in a total fiasco. They should stop at the souvenir The children's disappointment is n analyzing the Cohens' expec­ stand and each pick out something matched only by their parents' tations, it is important to separ­ "small." frustration and feeling abused. I ate those of Mr. and Mrs. Cohen Mr. Cohen agrees. albeit reluc­ from those of Shloimie, Yanky and tantly, as his patience wears paper Suri. Let's begin with the parents. thin. The negotiations that then WHAT WENT WRONG? Mr. and Mrs. Cohen had the right take place at the souvenir stand idea when they wanted their child­ make nuclear disarmament talks f this scenario sounds familiar, ren to look forward to Yorn Tov and sound simple. Suri grabs for any­ then perhaps you should put off Chol Hamoed. But they had the thing within reach. Yanky and I reading the next article for a few wrong ideas when they thought in Shloimie display bargaining tactics minutes, while you finish reading terms of "somewhere special." that would impress an Arab Shuk this one. !fit doesn't sound familiar, The enjoyment a person has from proprietor. then contact the Guiness Book of any experience is inversely propor­ After twenty frustrating, unpro­ World Records for an application tional to his expectations. The more ductive minutes at the souvenir blank. he expects before the experience. the stand, Mr. Cohen announces that Mr. and Mrs. Cohen are, unfortu­ greater the chances are that he will the car is leaving, with or without nately, not alone. In fact, when they be disappointed later. Increased the rest of the family. At this point left the amusement park on Chol expectations drastically reduce the it is difficult to determine exactly Hamoed, they received a minor enjoyment actually experienced. Or, who is shouting at whom. What is consolation from the shouts of to put it more simply, the most fun clear is that on the way home, Mr. protest and crying emanating from is often had when least expected. If and Mrs. Cohen are sitting silently other cars pulling out. this is true for adults, it applies even more so to children. So returning to the senior Co­ hens, theirfirst mistake was think­ Everything For Thur Floor-At Your Door, ing that to insure a good time for And Now, All For Thur Wall, Too. Shloimie, Yanky and Suri, they had to go "somewhere special.'' Had they lowered their own expectations of what a good time constitutes, per­ haps they would have planned for Chol Hamoed with the right • We come to you • Stoy ot home ond enjoy personoli2ed perspective. service by professionals Chazal, of course, recognize the • Available doVs,evenings and Sundavs • Or, visit our custom shoWroom importance of including children in QUALITY by appointment CARPET • TILE • LINOLEUM plans for simchas Yom Tov. As the FINE PERSIAN AND ORIENTAL RUGS Shulchan Aruch states (Ora ch DISTINCTIVE WALLPAPER OVER 38 YEARS EXPERIENCE EXPERT INSTALLATION Chaim 529,2): "A man is obligated Residential • Commercial PROFESSIONAL CARPET CLEANING SUPERB VALUE to be happy and with a joyous heart r- on Yorn Tov together with his wife r~ ll~-~;~--c-~~=--:~=~~~ and children," to which the Mish­ :: an interior that compliments your home Ii CALL SHIMON'S nah Berurah (529,16) adds: "Chol 1:; andmeetsyourownstandardofexcellence II AND ENJOY Hamoed is included with Yom Tov ~-·. with superb value. -~~I 718·376·7343 regarding simcha.'' Shomer Shobbos The Shulchan Aruch then asks, "How does one make them happy?

32 The Jewish Observer, March 1988 For children, he gives !hem popped Cohens' second mistake. By telllng thing special";-and 'We're going com and nuts." their children that they would go out to Hartley Park for a picnic," is That's all? Perhaps these are "somewhere special on Chol even better. The picnic trip may guidelines only for ihe poor? Surely Hamoed," they were planting the include a stop along the way, but those who could afford to should seeds for future disappointment. that is not included in the contract. provide more for their children than And by leaving the plans up in the and therefore would be gravy if it simply popped com and nuts! air for weeks in advance, they were does take place. The Shulchan Aruch, however. watering these seeds every day. Suppose Mr. and Mrs. Cohen goes on to explain that, "for his wife, Instead, the Cohens should have decided on a trip to the amusement one should buy clothing and jewelry, planned something modest and park and promised that to their according to hisfinancial ability." promised something as clear and children. Would spelling that out in This latter qualification is stated specific as possible. 'We haven't advance have prevented their Chol regarding purchases for his wife, decided, yet" is better than "some- Hamoed fiasco? It certainly would but not regarding those for his children. How are we to interpret "according to his financial ability"? Do these words come to suggest that clothes and jewelry are minimum requirements and if he can afford If you make one more he should spend more? Or are these maximum guidelines, imply­ investment in your ing that one with limited financial means may spend less? The Bi'ur life, make it Halacha answers these questions quite definitively: "'According to his financial ability' !means that! if he Derech Chaim. cannot afford I to buy clothing and jewelry! he should at the very least buy new shoes Ifor her] in honor of Yam Tov." Only The Ultimate Life insurance plan By contrast, we can assume that from Derech Chaim gives you the security of popped com and nuts are not simply minimum guidelines for children's knowing that what you have can never be simchas Yom Tov. Of course. it taken from you - not by man, not by time. would not be prohibited to provide The Ultimate Life Plan is designed as more, but that goes beyond the an interment program in Eretz Yisrael, with expectation of Chazal. Perhaps Chazal are trying to teach us this payment options as low as $70 a month. basic principle of human nature­ To add special significance to your invest­ that enjoyment is increased when ment, your participation also includes an expectations are reduced. insurance program which will provide 2. LEAVING LITILE much-needed funds to help educate chil­ FOR SPECULATION dren in the tradition of our forefathers. No other program offers so much for so little. ere is another principle we for information on options available an infer from the words of Chazal: expectations, espe­ and a complete prospectus, please call or cially for children. should be clear write The American friends of Viznitz in and specific, not vague and open to Israel. One of our consultants will help you speculation. Chazal knew that choose a plan that's right for you. whenever children are given general promises, their wild and creative imaginations will inevitably lead DERECH·CHAIM them to expect more than was \\' :\ Y 0 F · L ! F 1·: !' L A N S · & !' R 0 (i R _\ \1 S intended. "Popped com and nuts," however, leaves little room for The American Friends of Viznitz In Israel speculation. U62 46th St., Brooklyn, NY 1Ul9 (718) 972-3390 This leads us to Mr. and Mrs.

The Jewish Observer, March 1988 33 The enjoyment a person has from any experience every question needs to be answered is inversely proportional to his expectations. in advance. What is important here is the plinciple that if children know what to expect and where the limits are, they are less likely to feel deprived and disappointed later on. have helped, but that alone would any experience much more if ele­ So the third mistake Mr. and Mrs. not have guaranteed a successful ments of structure are provided for Cohen made was not to offer any outing. them by their parents. This will limiting guidelines to their children minimize the chances for disap· for the trip to the amusement park. 3. NEEDING STRUCTURE pointment later on and will help the Parents should always spell out children to fully enjoy the ex· some clear limitations to their veryone needs structure in perience. children in as concrete a fashion as their lives; children even Certain questions, therefore, possible. It will take some fore· Emore than adults. Adults, should be answered in advance of thought and planning and it may hopefully, have internalized many a trip to the amusement park. How reduce spontaneity, but it's well forms of self-regulating structure long will we stay? How many rides worth the price. 'We will stay for two that children have not yet developed. will we go on? Will we be given and a half hours or for six !ides each. For instance, adults can sense the refreshments? If so, how much? Will whichever comes first," might passage of time, even without a clock we come home with souvenirs? How sound funny to some parents. But or a calendar, while children can· much money can we spend? Of after all the 'What if ... ?" questions not.' As a result, children can enjoy course, sound judgment would subside, it's amazing how relaxed dictate that the age of the children the day can be. '"See "Shabbos: A Time For All Ages, .. J.0. Nov. be taken into consideration when '86,jor a fuller discusston: Qf this subject addressing such questions, and not 4. ANTICIPATING THE END

mentioned. all children ossess an underdeveloped It's been an wareness of time, especially when they are having fun. To be told honor and a abruptly, "It's time to leave," literally shocks their systems. They need gentle reminders-even a three· pleasure for year-old can grasp the meaning of, "This is the next to the last ride." generations. "Isn't it mean to remind children that the trip is almost over?" some parents might argue. 'Why not let them enjoy themselves fully while they're here?" Not reminding children of the time is cruel. Just listen to all those crying children at the exit of the amusement park who have just been told it's time to leave. Adults do not throw tantrums, when they must end their own entertainment or vacation because they have been reminding themselves of the upcoming end, all along. Why not give children the same opportunity Manischewitz® to adjust? QUALITY JEWISH FOODS SINCE 5649 The Cohens' fourth mistake, @p therefore, was not helping their children to anticipate and thereby KOSHER FOR PASSOVER adjust to the eventual conclusion of the tlip to the amusement park.

34 The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 5. TEACHING APPRECIATION KEDEM WINE CORP. NEW YORK. N.Y thing rankles parents more han extending themselves to N make their children happy and then not receiving any appre· elation for their efforts. What par­ ents need to realize, however. is that appreciation is not a genetically transmitted trait; it must be acquired. Children must learn to exercise their appreciation muscles. using the same methods employed for learning any other skill. Do you ever see a parent lecture to his child about the principles of physics in order to teach him how to ride a bicycle? Of course not. Parents simply put the child on the bike and walk him or her through the motions until the child can peddle independently. Learning to exercise appreciation muscles is no different. Parents have to help guide their children through the motions until they become automatic. This brings us to the Cohens'fifth mistake. Whenever Mr. and Mrs. Cohen take their children on a Chol Hamoed trip, or any other outing, they wait for their children to ex­ press gratitude. If no gratitude is forthcoming, they may sulk quietly, castigate themselves for not giving their children a good enough time. or simply tell themselves, 'What can you expect? They're only children."" Precisely; and they'll never acquire adult appreciation skills unless they learn them as children! On the way home. the Cohens should have Insisted on hearing some words of gratitude from their children-not to reward themselves-but to fulfill Because all Kedem employees wines). If you would rather have their obligation of chinuch with are Shomer Shabbos. we satisfy ?'<11Jr.i l" (as do hotels and their children. the strictest lY.l v·nnr.i caterers/ then our smaller sized Of course. under such circum­ l'••nr.in requirements for bottles in 750 ml and 6.3 oz. are stances, the Cohens could only making wine that is not l" JUSt right. Don't forget that every expect to hear the most begrudging ?¥J1Jr.i. In fact. our domestic process from crushing to bottling "Thank you," uttered in barely 1.5 & 3 liter bottles are not Yayin takes place in Kedem 'sown wine audible tones. But that's okay. No Mevushal. If you prefer naturally cellars. This allows us to maintain child learns how to ride a bike in sweet wines with no sugar the highest standards of quality one day. either. Hopefully, with years added, only Kedem offers a full and kashruth for you. So this of practice and training, some year, line of Matuk Royal wines-and Pesach .. Make it Kedem. on the way home from a Chol Matuk Roya le Soft wines, with (Q) Under the strict supervision of Hamoed outing, Mr. and Mrs. 8.5% alcohol (lower than most the Tzelemer Rav. Cohen just may hear a "Thank You" before the children are reminded To send a gift of Kedem anywhere in the U.S., call 1-800-238-4373. Void where prohibited. and, oh, how sweet that will be!

The Jewish Observer, March 1988 35 In response to numerous inquiries, we are pleased to announce to the Olam Hatorah the availability of the following: 17ny, -rn9 ? 11 pl~t 1.)\J1n '> 111)n i1n? ,0'11!:>:Jn or ,n)i,un \UN1 ,n1yr:ii.u ,no!:> 0'11!:> ,n:Jun ,n1:J10 - n:ii.u

Most of these Seforim are now in expanded editions. They may be obtained as a set or as single volumes. For information contact:

In Erctz Yisrocl: Rabbi Shmuel Wolman Rabbi Yeshaya Thau Rabbi Abron Lasker 718-377-0777 718-376-1265 02-532-257

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FACULTY Rabbi Joel Kramer-Teaching Methodology Mr. Avi Shulman-Public Speaking/Time Management Rabbi Moshe Leibowitz-Heln-ew Language Rabbi Berel Wein-Jewish History, Practical Rabbinics Rabbi Hillel Mandel-Supervised Teaching Rabbi Gershon Weiss-Chumash and Navi GUEST LECTURERS Rav Shmuel Berenbaum N"\)'?'l!J Rav Yaakov Perlow N"O'?'l!J Rav Henoch Leibowitz N"O'?'l!J Rav Simcha Wasserman N""'''l!J Rav Avraham Pam N"O~?\!J Rav Motel Weinberg N""'''l!J Each of the women spun out her own heroic tale about her return to Yiddishkeit-or, more accurately. to her complete spiritual revelation. revival and rebirth. as it were. They had all come from a spiritual wil­ derness. where Ytddishkeit had been uprooted and completely for­ gotten. and they felt that their altya to Israel was their personal exodus from Egypt; a spiritual as well as physical redemption. 'We have no words." The same point was made again and again by the women who stood up to tell their stories. While their Hebrew was still Yisroel Spiegel limited, they were most eloquent. because the hearts that spoke were overfiowing with feeling. The Heroic Women FAMILIES, TOGETHER

of Ramot Gimmel ne woman, Sonia by name, said that she had only one based on an article that appeared in Hamodia, Nov. 13, '87 Othing of value In the entire world, her only son. who is now an outstanding student in Yeshivas Ateres Ylsroel In Jerusalem. "People LEARNING JEWISH HEBREW cannot understand," she said, "why in Jerusalem. Here they are taught we are so happy for these homes uilding #345 in Ramot Gim­ not only language, but Yiddishkett where dozens of families live close me!, one of the scores of stone Or as one of them put it: "Here we to each other. It is not just a Bapartment buildings that learn Jewish Hebrew." It seemed question of people from the same cover the northern-most hills of symbolic that. in spite of the fact background living near each other. Jerusalem, Is unique. For here live that the apartments were occupied It is much. much more. We suffered Russian olim. Chareidi families. by families. I only met women, deprivation together-one of the some of the incredible group of peo­ because their husbands were then principles of the Soviet ideology was ple who had already become ba'alei learning at the Shvut Ami Yeshiva. to destroy anything that unites. teshuva in Russia. This building was purchased by Mr. Eli Reichman. the well-known philanthropist. for the specific purpose of providing INSURANCE BROKERS & CONSULTANTS centralized housing in a supportive. Commercial Industrial, Residential, Life & Health religious neighborhood for recently arrived families. The apartment where I met with a group of residents of #345. houses an Ulpan in which the olot the new­ 6010 ·15th Avenue/Brooklyn,·N.Y. 11219 immigrant women, study Hebrew in classes organized by the Women's Committee ofNesheiAgudath Israel • PROFESSIONAL SERVICE • • QUALITY INSURANCE CARRIERS • • COMPETITIVE PREMIUMS • Hamodia is Agudath Israel's daily newspaper published in Jerusalem. Mr. Spiegel, a leading journalist.respected thinker. served as editor of BARBARA GOLDGRABEN/HESHY SCHWEBEL/EZRA HES Hamodla for many years.

The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 37 people. That includes dismantling remained there. he would have been arrival, and she too is beaming with not only the Jewish framework. but totally lost in the Jewish sense. Be­ happiness for the new opportunities also the family. Here we are together. cause of her concern for him. she she and her son are enjoying. and it is in this that we feel how refused to think about her fears. and much our circumstances have she made aliya. Now, of course. she GRAPHIC GRATITIJDE changed." is delighted with her decision. Her Sonia adds that the Russian future as a Jew is assured. and she authorities had attempted to dis­ can laugh at the warnings she had e last presenter hardly suade her from making aliya. They heard. because people are helping poke. but showed her grat­ warned her that if she would go to her. and she has experienced the U tude in another fashion. As Israel. she would feel bewildered and unique warmth of Jewish hearts. she stood, she held up a framed oil suffer a lack of belonging. "It is a Then Rosa spoke. She was in painting. which had been painted capitalistic country. where dog eats Israel for only seven months. having by her artist husband, and in simple dog. People don't help each other." come with her two children. forced terms explained what the picture 'Yes. I was afraid:· she admitted. to leave her husband behind for the was about. In its center was the "But I did everything for my son. I meantime. Nonetheless. she can house in which they had lived realized that for him it was a matter hardly describe the tremendous during the interim period in the of spiritual life and death.'' Had they changes she's undergone since her Mevasseret Yerushalayim Absorp­ tion Center. To the right of the house was an unpainted patch; this symbolized the barren place from which they had come. To the left were flowering green plants with MAOS CHITIIM young. fresh leaves. This symbolized the other side of the watershed, the YAD ELIEZER dis1ributes food and money land of promise. At the center. the house was painted in a way that for Pesach to more than 1,000 families. symbolized transition, with joyful colors and much light signifying the Won't you help? secure future in their new home in Ramot 345, the final station of their Zolly and Sori Tropper journey. 1102East26thStreet I Brookl)n,X.Y.11210 Just how exceptional are the ladies of Ramot 345? Three quar­ Yehudah and Sha)na Dena Rnpp ters of the Jews who leave Russia 515 East 12th Street I Brook!)n, X.Y. 11218 for Israel drop out before they ever reach their presumed destination. 91 and a substantial number of those who do arrive here-especially those who receive no help from their observant brethren-leave. putting their future as Jews to a serious risk. "REVIEW AND GROW SMART" However. those who are already in contact with a genuine Yiddishkeit • Review notes booklet on Perek Eiolu Metzius those who have been exposed to (62 pages-$5.00 Jewish values while in Russia. do not drop out. They all come to Israel. • Review tape on same-$3.00 and having come, they remain in Eretz Yisroel. They deepen their • Review tape on the first Blatt of understanding of Yiddishkeit and Makkos-$3.00 strengthen their commitment. "That's what we write to Russia." • Free sample review sheets on Maakos. said Sonia-a far cry from the • Free tape if you subscribe now ($18.00) to the message others write "home.'' This freshly written chapter con­ "Daf Yomi Review:· stitutes an inspiring extension of Please write: the previous efforts to reach these heroic Jews. when they were in Yeshiva fund, Box 82. Staten Island, l'IY 10309 earlier stages of their spiritual aliya.•

38 The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 Candles Warbor Chaim Feinberg Sabbath candles bum. Island Spa Outside the shining circle Long Branch, New Jersey the wolfs sidelong glance Only 55 minutes from New York City is called conscience, but here in the circle of fire Under Supervision Of~ darkness is abolished. A high hand has kindled the flesh of the candles, Entire Hotel Kosher for Passover and wax and wick obey the command of light. Chasidishe Shechita Only Objects, mirrors. thoughts shine in the circumference Cholov Yisroel Exclusively candles carve into the night. Sabbath candles bum. Entire Menu is Non-Gebrockts A man could learn from candles Shmura Matzoh Only that do not spare themselves, but bum and bum OAF YOMI DAILY • YOM TOV SHIURIM and spend themselves WELL STOCKED SHUL entirely BALIBATASHE ENTERTAINMENT on light. Bus Transportation from all Chaim Feinberg, a published author and poet, parts of the Metropolitan Area: lives in Albany. N.Y. His poems "Creation" and "Saying of the Rabbi From Kotzk" were featured in JO Dec. ·s1. ;';161/Jff'/Jl~!Jfl~tf5 $ 39 ROUND QUEENS• LOWER EAST SIDE TRIP Catering Supervised by Mr. Menashe Hirsch, HEBREW ACADEMY OF CLEVELAND Fonnerly of di Lido Hotel, Miami Beach publishes over 50 Educational Items THE ONLY KOSHER FOR PASSOVER HOTEL IN THE N.Y for Hebrew Day Schools AREA DIRECTLY ON THE OCEAN WITH A PRIVATE BEACH • Co1nplete separate rnen's and women's spas including saunas, GUIDES & PROGRAMS tor tcac/1/11g iohirlpool, steamrooms • 1 free massage per guest • Heat indoor and outdoor pools • Specified hours for separate swin11ning • nos Gymnasium with exercise equipment • Free classes in aerobics, water exercise, slimnastics, and Yoga · Tennis (indoor and out­ door) nearby • Golf available • Indoor racquetball and handball "' ::=--==::::.: nearby • 2 1nile boardwalk and amusements /JJ $ 10 Days/9 Nights $ ®·1-=---=-c=---,,,-,~ l " IH'I From 599 April I-April 10 299 (Children) Ask for Judy. Office open 9-5 Mon-Thurs, 9-2 Fri Catalog sent upon request New York Office: 212-575-8840 Toll Free 800-752-8000 Send $LOO for handling to: Menashe Hirsch 305-534-9529 HEBREW ACADEMY PUBLICATIONS DEPT. 1860 South Tuylor Rd .. Cleveland Heights, Ohio 44118 *Minimum room/per person (bas!'d mi double occupancy)iadd 21"/o fm· tips and ta;ws

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ANSWERING THE FIITH QUESTION: How Much Pesach Is Too Much Pesach?

THE LONGEST "EVE" weeks to plan and prepare for! Yet ON THE CALENDAR now, it seems, the work which it took my grandmother ""~ four weeks to t is a frigid Monday morning in comple:e, without benefit of hand Rochester. N.Y.. and the wind vacuum, washing machine, or Sears I chimes on the porch outside play Carpet Cleaning Service, takes an wild, tumultuous winter tunes. ordinary woman months to finish The kitchen where I sit with a adequately. friend, however, is warm and cozy Some of this obviously has to do as we sip hot chocolate together. with the new roles which women watch the children outside building have assumed in our society; things a slightly humpbacked snowman, have changed considerably since my and enjoy an unforseen moment off grandmother's day. Women who from our preparations for ... for ... work or go to school will probably for ... Pesach. need a head start on the admittedly And what has a snowy January difficult task of cleaning a house for morning to do with Pesach. with lengthened days, of budding plants, Pesach. But many do have some Chag HaAvlv the only one of the of spring? household help. and as much of the Shelosh Regalim that the Chu­ The answer clearly is, or rather hysteria about Pesach seems to mash specifically associates with a should be. not much. I remember my come from those who are primarily season-and that. the season of mother telling me that, like her homemakers as from those who mother before her. she would begin work outside the house. There are Mrs. Zitter, who lives in Rochester. New York preparing for Pesach on the day other reasons, ranging from the wrote "The Out-of-Towners: A Personal Narra­ after Purim. I would be suitably im­ serious to the just plain silly, for the tive," which appeared in JO. Oct. '85. She wrote this article on a Sunday that had been reserved pressed by the obvious importance mass insanity which we call Pesach for cleaning the attic. of a holiday that took four whole cleaning.

The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 41 to the first sedershe discovered that An older woman I know insists that Pesach was much of the work that she had always considered to be crucial to an evolutionary tool to keep Jewish people the Pesach process was in reality strong-it kills off the weak women. just "spring cleaning" and could be done as well after Pesach as in the hectic weeks before. Things have changed for her, she THE BROADEST CATEGORY baby got sick, and my friend had to now distinguishes between what is IN THE DICTIONARY make Pesach at home after all. necessary and what is optional, Shopping, cooking, and finishing what must be done before bedikas rst of all. we plainly lump to­ her work in a chometz-free kitchen chometz and what can be put off gether too many unnecessary were obviously her first priorities in until the second Sunday of Sefiras and demanding jobs into the making a kosher and festive Pesach Ha Omer. category of Pesach cleaning. A friend on such a short notice. When the of mine, planning to be with her in­ seder finally came, she found, to her CLOSET WARS laws for the whole week of Pesach, relief and astonishment, that she spent just one week clearing her had managed in less than two weeks hile most of the women I house of chometz. With a new baby of work to rid her house of all cho­ know share Pesach "war in the house and no plans to remain metz and to prepare as lovely and W stories" in a spirit of help home for the holiday anyway, she kosher a Pesach as ever she had and camaraderie, there is among didn't bother with all the usual done. True, the carpets were well some women a measure of compe­ washing and scrubbing, with the vacuumed but not shampooed; her tition in their discussions of who emptying and arranging and throw­ closets, though devoid of any cho­ has scrubbed more, who has shined ing out which in past years had metz, were still disorganized; and harder, who has broken more fin­ literally taken her months to com­ her curtains (gasp!) had not been gernails and scraped more fingers, plete. Three days before Pesach the freshly washed; but as she sat down who has outdone whom in becom­ ing a martyr to the pail and mop. A woman I once knew was partic­ DISCOVER OUR TORAH ON CASSETTES! ularly irritating in this respect, regarding her heroic efforts to achieve an immaculate house for Now you and your family can truly study our holy Torah with beautiful Pesach as a reflection not only of her Torah cassettes in English, from Yeshivah Heicha! Hatalmud. Study while you relax at home achievement as homemaker but of or while you drive your car. You n1ay select from- 1) Chumash {the five books of Moses) with the cleanliness of her very soul. the complete classical commentary, or 3) Gemorrah (Talmud) with Rashi commentary,­ Mitzva haba'ah l'yadcha al tach­ or 4) Ha!acha-Shulchan Aruch {Code of Jewish Law) Orach Chayim (laws Governing our mitzena, she would quote to us in Dai!y lives) with classical commentaries of Mishnah Brurah and others,- 5) Analysis of the her lofty way as explanation of why weekly Parshas presented by known Torah scholars in a dear manner in English. it was necessary for her to re-fold ------TAPE ORDER FORM ------all her linens two months before Pesach. I must admit that I listened A ONE-HOUR TAPE EVERY 2 WEEKS THE FOLLOWING SETS ARE AVAILABLE ALREADY with as much glee as pity when I _ 1 y $100.00 CHUMASH heard that two weeks before the _ 3 months of Chumash Tapes 6 Tapes $25.00 .::::; Portions of 8ereshis --7 tapes [J Noach-·6 tapt>s _ 1 y _ 3 months of Halai:ha (Shukhan Arui:h) 6 Tapes $25.00 HAI.AC HA Rabbi Aryeh Schechter _ 1 yr oiThe Portion of the Week analysis 26 Tapes Sl00.00 ~:J Laws Upon Rising in the Mommg- 8 t.:ipe; _3 mo. of The Portion of the week analysis 6 Tapes $2500 ;_; l.aW'i of Tzitzis-10 ta:)('> with morf' 10 come The explanation on the tape> is in clear English, and every $4.00 a tape. Please add $2.00 for postage. word is translated mto Fnglish. Each tape is one hour. SOFER S''TAM The oame holds truo; for Rash1 and Bartenura (Ravi. NAME ___~··- The tape' Jre clear and concise-they are the ideal teachers ADDRESS --·---·----- ___ 1235 49th Street List<'n to them at your own pac<' and review at will. For Chumash, we >tarted with Bereishis CITY ____, ______STATE."'_,__l_IP___ _ Brooklyn, NY 11219 For Mishnayoth, we started with Tract.:ite Brochous for Gemorrah, WI? started with Trartate Ketuboth HEICHAL HATALMUD (718) 971-4003 for Halacha. WI? ;tarted with th<:> beginning of Shukhan 247 East Broadway, N.Y.C. 10002 (212} 608-3301 Aruch-1code oi )ewi>h LawJ, Orach Chaim (l;iw-; governing our We make "house calls" daily live-;) you con iolllJw the ~xplonoHon word i-Or won:!

42 The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 box of Cheerios and cheerfully our guests. our in-laws or ourselves, lishing this goal. we should seek it­ spread chometz throughout the and analyze what must be done. from husbands. from children­ bedrooms which had been kosher what should be done. what is nice from maids and cleaning services for Pesach since February.... There to do. and what we have been doing where a family can afford them-or are enough mitzvos at hand that we just for the sake of doing. These even to hire a teenager from a nearby need not look only to our closets to "extras" can be dropped. yeshiva find them. What. then. should women do We must rid ourselves of our anger about Pesach cleaning? The answer. even as we rid our homes of cho­ of course, does not lie in taking fewer metz. Pesach in January? Ridicu­ TRAPPED IN ANGER pains to clean and clear our homes lous. Let's put away the mops and of the chometz. which we are for­ brooms and take out the snowshov­ know an older woman who bidden by Torah law to own or even els-or, better yet. let's go out with insists with a laugh that Pesach to have seen on our premises. come the children and help build the I was an evolutionary tool to keep Pesach. If we need help in accomp- snowman. Dayenu!• Jewish people strong-it kills off the weak women. All said in good fun. of course. but beneath the laughter • • I sense an anger that I find truly disturbing. Anger is at husbands GOODNEWS! who aren't helping enough; at child­ FOR THE FLATBUSH • MIDWOOD COMMUNITY ren, who never seem to stop hind­ In response to the phenomenal growth of the Jewish population of Flat­ ering; and sometimes. though we bush - Midwood and the resulting overcrowding in the area's girls schools, hesitate to admit it. we are angry we are pleased to announce the establishment of a new at Pesach itself. at the holiday which elementary school to be known as seems to keep us from doing jobs more rewarding and fulfilling than cleaning the cracks in the floor with MASORES BAIS YAAKOV a Q-tip or scouring the underside under the leadership of the experienced mechanech and educator of the sink. Our frustration grows as we feel trapped in the dustiest RABBI YOSEF GELMAN comers of our homes and our lives. All of this comes to a head on the •PROGRAM• night of the seder, when we are too Pursuing excellence in education, Masores Bais Yaakov combines an out­ tense. or too angry. or simply too standing curriculum of Jimudei kodesh in the true ruach of Bais Yaakov exhausted to participate or even to with a comprehensive State Education Department approved program of secular studies and extracurricular activities. sit back and enjoy ourselves. If in the past years we have come •FACULTY• down to the seder more worn out Masores Bais Yaakov's wann, dedicated and professional mechanchos will than last year's Pesach shoes, it is develop a personal relationship with the talmidos to imbue them with a time to take stock and to cut out strong commitment to the ideals of Kial Yisroel and r:Ji Cij?~O, C"m p:i nix~ that cleaning which is not necessary ii':JnO, ci~t They will utilize creative methodologies to motivate the girls to rid the home of chometz. We to achieve their potential and will enhance their hashkofos, social develop- should look with a piercing and ment and skills to help them become exemplary bnos yisroel. honest stare at those jobs which we We are pleased to announce the appointment of the highly regarded do merely to impress our friends or MRS. MIRIAM TIKOTZKY as Pre-School Director • FACILITIES • Located in a modern, fully air-conditioned building at 955 Coney Island A Pesach Guide Avenue at 18th Avenue, Masores Bais Yaakov will have bright, spacious to and colorfully decorated classrooms and ancillary facilities as well as secure indoor and outdoor play areas. Private door-to-door transportation. MEDICATIONS Hot nutritious meals. Endorsed by Torah Umesorah with the approbation Prepared by Rabbi Gershon Bess of the Gedolei Roshei Hayeshiva: is available from HaRav Avraham Pam, HaRav Aaron Schechter, Koll el Los Angeles HaRav Yaakov Perlow, HaRav Shmuel Berenbaum. 7466 Beverly Boulevard #204 Registration information for Kindergarten, Pre l·A and possibly a first grade can be obtained by calling: Los Angeles. Ca. 90036 (718) 972•6565 or (718) 868•1950 (213) 933· 7193 • • The Jewish Observer. March 1988 43 ADVERTISING • DESIGN Media Advertising All Promotional Literature And Bread Alone • Brochures • Direct Mail Is Not Enough • Business Announcements • Corporate and Persona! 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Please send $5.00 for each plastic; 6 for $25.00, or send $10.00 Both my parents knew the fear, for each wood; 3 for $25.00 to: the taste of persecution, both knew the shame of hunger. SYUG PRODUCTS 355 W. 39th St., New York, NY 10018 When 1 grew up. N.Y.S. Residents please include .814 % sales tax. free I was! and bread was in abundance. I see myself. a happy child, grateful to know no hunger. the hat rack But now I fear 5416 16th Avenue, Brooklyn, N.Y. the fearless generation, that takes for granted (718) 871-2278 freedom, r: . and bread alone ls not enough! They lack the joy I found ( ~ ' .....'Ill!?"~''':·-·'..···· ((STETSON·)) in having one dress, a simple meal ~ to them it's coming so they feel ~.HABIG to have the plenty, to own a lot. Never to be satiated. KANGOL•LONDONFOG I'm wonied. CAPS• TIES hL Mrs, Schwab teaches Lfmudei Kodesh in the Beth Jacob High School of Denver.

44 The Jewish Observer, March 1988 1980 by the Mossad HaRav Kook. It would go beyond the scope of this review to draw attention to the BOOKS many notable explanations given by the Sforno, but one example is in place. The phrase "Na'aseh Venish­ mah" is explained by the Sforno to mean that the Jews undertook to do the mitzvos with the sole purpose of demonstrating that they were listening to G-d's command, rather than with a view to reward. Rabbi Pelcovitz elaborates on the brief words of the Sjomo-keeping the cursory reader from missing the thrust of the Sforno's remarks. It is to be hoped that the rest of this work will appear before long.

DIVREY HAYAMIM I, A new trans­ lation and commentary, antholog­ ized from Talmudic, Midrashic, and Rabbinic sources, by Rabbi Moshe Eisemann (Mesorah Publications, Chumash. However, to this review­ Brooklyn. 1987, h.c. $25.95, s.c. SFORNO, Commentary on the $21.95). Torah, Bereishis-Sh'mos; transla­ er's regret, he chose not include the tion and explanatory notes by Rabbi Hebrew text of the Sforno's com­ While every commentary on Torah Ralph Pelcovitz (Mesorah Publica­ mentary. This would have been is of value and makes a contribu­ tions, Brooklyn, 1987, h.c. $19.95, helpful to anybody who would want tion, this volume is in a category by s.c. $15.95). to refer to the original-particularly itself. Divrey Hayamim, The Book since Rabbi Pelcovitz did not base of Chronicles, offers unique difficul­ This is the first volume of a major his translation on the Sforno's ties to the student. The account it undertaking which makes a very commentary printed in most Chum­ gives of both the events of biblical real contribution to Torah litera­ ashim, but on the more reliable and history and of the generations of the ture. The author has prepared a complete critical text published in Jewish people seems in many points translation of the Sforno's classical commentary to the Chumash, together with explanatory notes to elucidate the full meaning of the Excerpts from Congratulatory Letter to often terse words of the Sforno. MASORES BAIS YAAKOV Moreover. as a further aid to the from Torah Umesorah reader, he provides not only biogra­ phical data on the Sforno but also (written at the request of the Gedolei Roshei Hayeshiva; Rabbi Avrohom an introduction highlighting the Pam, Rabbi Aaron Schechter, Rabbi Yaakov Perlow and Rabbi Shmuel major recurring themes of his com­ Berenbaum ) \ mentary. and his particular ap­ proach to the interpretation of the I have been asked to convey to you in the name of the Roshei Chumash. Hayeshiva, their wholehearted approval of the plan to establish an As Rabbi Pelcovitz points out. the outstanding Torah institution in the burgeoning Flatbush community. climate of sixteenth century Italy, where the Sforno lived. was in many We in Torah Umesorah are confident that you will establish an out­ ways similar to that of our time, and standing Bais Yaakov elementary school which will occupy a place this may account for the fact that of honor among the truly excellent all-girls schools that are serving his commentary seems to speak to us with particular freshness and the Flatbush community. relevance. Rabbi Joshua Fishman For greater usefulness. Rabbi Pelcovitz included the text of the Executive Vice President

The Jewish Observer, March 1988 45 to differ from what ls recorded in order to solve the difficulties of this establish the basic meaning of the the other books of Tanach. More­ Sefer. text-and finally, in the second part over, the explanations offered by our The author, in the first place, of this volume, reviews the entire Sages seem to be totally unrelated provides an overview-written in Sefer once more, in order to eluc­ to the simple meaning of the test. collaboration with Rabbi Nosson idate in a series of analyses and ex­ There is finally the fact that the Scherman-to define the unique positions all the textual, historical various existing commentaries offer character of this Sefer. it differs and exegetical problems posed by crucial insights but hardly provide from the other historical parts of Ta­ Divrey Hayamim. Using compara­ the student with a unified resolu­ nach because it has a different per­ tive charts, and with the aid of tion of all these difficulties. It is spective, treating its subject matter several appendices dealing with against this background that the from the angle of Jewish meta­ specific issues (such as the function present work has to be viewed and history and of Its ultimate Messia­ and genealogy of the Levites). the appreciated, as a monumental nic fulfillment. Rabbi Eisemann author helps us find our way undertaking that has brought then proceeds to offer a commentary through the Sejer and, in the pro­ together all the material available in on the text of Divrey Hayamim. to cess, gain profound insights into the lessons to be derived from it regarding the meaning of our history. Rabbi Eisemann emphasized in his preface that inevitably this undertaking Involved offering inter­ pretations that are original, and stresses that they should be consi­ dered "as no more than possible approaches to the solution of diffi­ 490 cult passages. [They are I conjecture and nothing more." This may well MitZVOS! ---.__:: be so-but the commentary here offered opens to us a road to the understanding of a biblical work Sefer haHinnuch that heretofore has been a sealed Vol. I Bereishith-Shemoth [Mitzvoth 1·114] $15.95 book to almost everybody. For this, Rabbi Eisemann deserves our grat­ Vols. 2 and 3 Vayikra [Mitzvoth 115-361] $31.95 itude-and our hope that we shall (not sold separately) soon see his commentary on Divrey Vol. 4 Bemidbar-Devarim (part) Hayamimll. [Mitzvoth 362-490] $17.95 Vol. 5 Devarim (cont'd) [Mitzvoth 491-613] in preparation FAMOUS The fourth volume of this ever-popular Torah classic - THE DAIRY RESTAURANT accurately translated and thoroughly annotated - is ~ now available. Written in 13th-century Spain by one of the Rishonim for his young son, SEFER HAf:llNNUCH enumerates and explains all of the 613 mitzvoth and provides a thought-provoking reason for each one. The vowelized Hebrew text in this beautiful FELDHEIM Cholov Yisroel • Shomer Shabbos edition is accompanied by a fluent English translation on Under the Supervision of facing pages and explanatory notes by Charles Wengrov. K'hal Adath Jeshurun FELDHEIM PUBLISHERS Open for Breakfast 200 Airport Executive Park, Spring Valley, New York 10977 Luncheon and Dinner Tel. (914) 356-2282/0ut of State, call toll free: 800-237·7149 Catering • Parties • Meetings Visa & MasterCard accepted 222 West 72nd Street Send for your free copy of our new 48-page illustrated catalog. (212) 595-8487

46 The Jewish Observer, March 1988 basing his entire interpretation of Koheleth. It would have been good KOHELETH, Life and Its Meaning, the Sefer on the idea that "man's to keep this in front of the reader. translation and commentary by only function is to live the happy Rabbi Leiman, in the course of his Harold I. Leiman (Feldheim Pub­ life.'' He speaks of Koheleth's "de­ commentary. makes a point that, lishers. Jerusalem-New York 1978, light in wisdom, his enchantment despite all efforts, human insight Text: Heb-Eng, w/commentary in the discovery of the secrets of and understanding is limited, and $10.95: English only: s.c. $3.95 ). nature, his maximal enjoyment of this must ultimately be applied to worldly pleasures, Ithat] all added Koheleth and its author themselves. While the commentary on Divrey meaning to life for they were seen Hayamim. reviewed above, neces­ as gifts" of G-d. And he stresses that sarily focuses in considerable mea­ for Koheleth, "wise, worldly, and ARTSCROLL YOUTH MEGILLAll, sure on what might be called tech­ happy, ... living itself was a thrilling New simplified translation and nical problems posed by the text, a experience .... He enjoyed the beau­ comments by Rabbi Nosson Scher­ commentary on Koheleth must tiful in nature, In art, in music, and man with Rabbi Meir Zlotowitz. il­ center on philosophical interpreta­ in women." These words are based lustrated by Michael Horen, de­ tion of the Sefer and of the intent signed by Rabbi Sheah Brander of its author. In the process. such on what we are told about King Solomon's life and in fact we find (Mesorah Publications, Brooklyn, a commentary must also trace a even sharper comments by Cha­ 1988, h.c. $13.95, s.c. $10.95 ). coherent line of arguI!lent through what appears at first glance to be zal-yet they warn us (Shabbos 56b) against taking the criticism This outsized and colorful volume disjointed reflections on human life literally. Likewise, Rabbi Leiman is dedicated to our youngsters. It and its meaning. Such an undertak­ ing, however, brings with it its own surely did not mean for his remarks contains not only the Hebrew text to sum up the entire personality of of Megillas Esther and a readily un­ difficulties. On the one hand, it is Shlomo Hamelech in this manner. derstandable translation, but also necessary to present the message of As he himself stresses, "Much more an introduction and explanation the Sefer in a way that the readers culled from Talmud and Rabbinic can relate to: on the other hand. it is implied in this Sefer than is said openly.'' The reader, however, may is important not to oversimplify. literature, as well as the laws con­ lose sight of this fact and take his Rabbi Lei man's work not only shows cerning the reading of the Megillah words at face value, thereby great dedication but awareness of and Purim in geueral. The illustra­ this dual responsibility. By means obviously falling far short of doing tion are gloriously appropriate to justice to "the wisest of all men" and the wonderful events and remarka­ of a free-flowing modem translation and colloquial interpretation he has of penetrating the profound mystery ble personalities of the Megillah. All of this towering figure in our his­ in all, this is a work that will be a succeeded in showing a coherent Inner unity and message in the tory. and of the ultimate lessons of delight to the young. • Sefer and bringing it closer to the reader. His presentation is based on his approach that "when Koheleth is viewed as a description of the inner struggle in man ... the hete­ rodoxy and contradictions are ame­ "Where Learning Comes Alive" liorated and frequently resolved." For the True Beis Yaakov Type Girl The heterodox statements in Kohe­ Ages 11-17•Summer1988-5748 leth. he argues, are pedagogic devi­ ces of a diligent teacher who seeks Lovely campus in the heart of Bretz Yisroel to bring his listeners to faith in close to separate swimming beach. G- d and to right living, thereby * Extensive touring on air conditioned buses * Outdoor swimming to lead them to happiness. Rabbi pool with slides and water park * Exciting memorable trips to Mekomos HaKedoshim Leiman makes it clear that happi­ *Strong stress on Middos & Tznius * Daily shiurim on relevant topics * Experience first hand ness cannot be achieved by insat­ Mitzvos Hatluyos BeOretz * Exceptional camp program-including painting,- music, ALS, iable desire for more, but only as a Drama, Dance, Sports, Arts & Crafts, Aerobics, Conversational Hebrew, Concert performance for Tzedokah * Sichot by Rabbi Yisroel Cornish, Rav D'Khal Chizuk Hadas, Brooklyn, NY by-product of the good deeds which * Shacharls & Mincha Tefillos Daily one should do with whatever G-d SIX FUN PACKED WEEKS gives him. At the same time G-d For further information and registration contact our directors: wants man to enjoy whatever He grants him in the way of material IN ISRAEL IN U.S.A. goods-the Torah does not want Leib!e & Miriam Gluck Rabbi Yisroe! & Rebbitzen Shaindy Cornish Moshav Beit Hilqiyya (English Principal, Yeshiva of Brooklyn H.S.) asceticism. D.N. Emek Sorek, 76815 1421 Avenue 0, Brooklyn, NY 11230 This point is very Important, but Te!: 055-93358 Tel: (718) 376-3755 Rabbi Leiman does overstress it by

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48 The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 er's favorite religious leader. ,, His firm pronouncements on the values of work, thrift, family solid· arity and personal morality fit nicely '' with Mrs. Thatcher's campaign to •••• popularize what she thinks of as with and without comment: Victorian values. Mrs. Thatcher is known to regard the English bish­ ops as a collection of soggy liberals, Howell Raines and the Chief Rabbi as the country's most authoritative spokesman for traditional viriues. Lord Jakobovits's hard-line stands on social issues and his clear iden· Of Yarmulkes tification with Thatcherism trou­ bles some non-Orthodox Jews. Critics say that Lord Jakobovits's And A Rabbi At the Lords unbending traditionalism has con· tributed to the declining numbers lof Jews in England! caused by emigration and assimilation. ONDON, Feb. 9-Immanuel first rabbi in Jewish history to be "Nobody today thinks that, by Jakobovits, the Chief Rabbi of ennobled since medieval times," dropping their Jewishness, they will Lthe United Hebrew Congrega­ said Lord Jakobovits. find it easier to be accepted in tion and of the Commonwealth, en­ Britain's two Angelican Archbi· society," he said. "My elevation is the tered the House of Lords, watched shop-Canterbury and York-and best example of that. I have been by many, including ... his 6 children its 24 bishops also sit in the House elevated not because I renounce my and 30 grandchildren. of Lords, but only so long as they Jewish beliefs or modified them or It was a moving moment for hold ecclesiastical office. made concessions but on the con­ many of the elderly Jews watching For students of Thatcherism, the trary, because I held strictly to them from the galleries for the reasons of introduction of the 67 ·year-old and proclaimed them without adul­ history cited earlier by the Chief rabbi to the House of Lords was teration and without concessions." Rabbi in an interview. "[ will be the striking for reasons beyond history. first rabbi ever to sit in the House Lord Jakobovits is widely regarded Excerptedjrom The New York Times of Lords and I would imagine the as Prime Minister Margaret Thatch· February 10, 1988

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The Jewish Observer, March 1988 49 &lllli&i && more so is Mrs. Karasick's touching oversimplification of the problem I Letters dealt with: The question of the compatibility of a modem Jewish @>@$-&@@@@•~* to the ®'@«t@~@;\'@\W@®<\\\ State with the presuppositions of @;®}@®'@

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50 The Jewish Obseroer, March 1988 WORDS FOR THE TAPE-DECK WHERE IS TODAY'S chan Aruch and halachic tradition JEWISH MUSIC? to refer to in deciding the Kashrus of a particular food. In deciding on To The Editor: the Kashrus of a piece of music, The comments of Avi Menashe To the Editor: however, we are on shakier ground. regarding the contents of taped I strongly concur with Avi Music is the most spiritual art form music are veiy pertinent. Much of Menashe's basic premise regarding that exists due to its evanescent the lyrics and beat are insidiously the type of music we have come to quality. The wrong kind of music, taken from secular rock and roll think of as Jewish ("Music: To Tame therefore. is potentially the most music. While he offers many musical the Heart of Incite the Beast?" JO, damaging to the Jewish soul. Pre­ solutions there is another resolu­ Jan. '88), but must disagree with the cisely because of its intangible tion to the dilemma, at least for method put forth to remedy the quality, we have no hard and fast personal use while driving. situation. rules for what is good and what is I teach learning disabled children Fortunately. we have the Shul- bad. The source and purpose of the in many locations and find that "Hayom katzeirvehamelecha mer­ uba-the day is short and the work is plentiful,'' resulting in constant pressure. You have to diagnose, remediate, and constantly update the information. I tell my children to tape selected items of kriah (reading Hebrew) which I listen to while traveling between locations. Paradoxically, there are certain insights gained while driving that are missed in a pedagogical setting. Tape recording your own children (especially those who have some difficulty learning), and listening to them may not be as entertaining as FROM listening to the beat of a famous (Jewish) singer, but it is more HEAD rewarding. I worked for many years with a TO TOE severely learning disabled child who i1' 1J made it. Listening to his com­ A Book About You ments while learning Chumash, many years later, when I know that he is learning in a top Yeshiva in by Yaffa Ganz Eretz Yisroel, is entertainment at its best. illustrated by (RABBI) SHMUEL KLEIN Harvey Klineman Brooklyn, NY Here is a Jewish view of the human body, how it Cheder in Monsey works, and how we use it to praise and serve G-d. A bright, beautiful, creative book to help the younger Looking For reader understand and appreciate that marvelous, miraculous machine we call the human body. Warm Devoted Rebbe For ages 5-8. $11.95 to teach 3rd grade Kinderlach. 0 FELDHEIM PUBLISHERS Experience preferred. For con­ 200 Airport Executive Park, Spring Valley, NY 10977 fidential interview call from 9:00 r.; Tel. 914-356-2282/0ut of State. call toll free: 800-237-7149 AM to 2:00 PM 914-356-4610 or f-.J Visa & MasterCard accepted eves. 914-425-9783. Send for your tree copy of our new catalog

The Jewish Observer, March 1988 51 music is what counts. odies of the Cossacks, in Rock-and­ WHO'S WATCHING THE PRESS? It is here that we have to rely on Roll and in Disco dancing, is fit the sincerity, honesty, and yiras neither for our young children nor Shomayim of both producers and for wedding dances. We may not To the Editor: listeners. I don't think that any com­ have ready replacements, but we So now we need a "hashgacha" mittee can become the "appotropos" would do better without music on our children's reading matter for the yiras Shomayim of Ortho­ altogether than to continue to (JO.January 1988, inAviMenashe's dox Jewry. Rather, we should begin pollute our Jewish being with the P.S. article, and a letter to the editor). by realizing that music which has current fare. It is, quite frankly, an unworkable its roots among the Polish and Rus­ EDWIN LEVI and even dangerous idea: Books sian peasants, in the national me!- Englewood, NJ aren't tuna fish. and tapes not jelly donuts. What is suitable-kosher, if you will-for one child, in one school. with one bent of mind, will not be appropriate for another. Seeking Rabbinic imprimatur for I GOT MY JOB a book will give overburdened Rab­ bonim a tedious, thankless job they THROUGH can ill afford: will force a lowest-or­ highest common denominator choice that ignores individual dif­ pt0jcct COPE ferences: will discourage frum talented men and women from JOIN THE MANY YUNGELE/T WHO entering the field. It is, ironically, a HAVE FOUND CAREERS THROUGH reflection of the secular world OUR FREE PLACEMENT CENTER around us, in which parents so readily abdicate responsibility to CALL (212) 363-5660 anyone-to schools, to govern­ ments, to television shows-rather Offices located in BoroPark, Flatbush and Manhattan than declare: these kids are mine, I know what is best for them. As a writer. and as a mother, I am nothing less than appalled by the suggestion. HOTLINE You're Readyto Leave MIRIAM ZAKON TO JERUSALEM New York City ••• Bur ... Far Rockaway, NY In time of illness, surgery or You \Vant to continue to have a P.S. I am sorely tempted to try my crisis, special prayers will be choice of schools which ofiCr a high recited at the Western Wall and hand at a murder mystery, merely quality of Orthodox and secular for the thrill of seeing written on its at our Yeshiva in Jerusalem. education cover: "Chassidishe shechita only"! CALL 24 HOURS You vvant yourf.:1n1ily to experience a (The writer is author of a number (718) 871-4111 close knit, warnl con1n1unity dedi· of children's books, and translator cated to 'forah, Avodah and c;e1nillus of Tzena Ur'ena into English.) A FREE PUBLIC SERVICE OF Chassodin1. The American Rabbi Meir You \Vant to be close to your job or Baal Haness Charity business in Midtown or lo\ver Man­ KOLEL AMERICA hattan .. CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST You \Vant excellent ho111e valuE' vvith the lowest real estate taxes in Bergen KADDISH County ... DR. BENZION Mishnayoth, Yizkor & Yortzeit THEN ••• SOROTZKIN observed with a minyon in our K'ha1Adathjeshurun ofraramus, N.Y. STATE LICENSED Yeshiva Heichal Rabbi Meir und('r the l('adership ofRabbi Yechez­ Baal Haness in Jerusalem. kel Zweig, may be a solution you ADULTS CALL should consider. AND (718) 871-4111 call (201) 262-0797 CHILDREN or (201) 265-6721 132 Nassau St., N.Y., N.Y. 10038 (718) 266-7151

52 The Jewish Observer, March 1988 year. at $1,500 per child. This year A SEFER FOR THE CHILDREN MORE THAN A BOOK OF THE PEOPLE OF THE BOOK our class has undertaken to support two children in Keren Hayeled: at To the Editor: this writing. we have collected To the Editor: With regard to Dr. Fryshman's $1.800. We are very proud of our In response to Dr. Fryshman's timely article, "A Book for the accomplishment and urge other article regarding yeshiva yearbooks Children ..... (Jan. '88). we at the senior classes to 'join the club." (Jan. '88). I would like to point out Adelphia Yeshiva have found the ADELPHIA CLASS OF N.J. that the picture need not be as bleak ideal solution. Fora number of years ·ss. as he portrays. we have had a bachur taking the Seniors: For the third year in a row. the class pictures. with each graduate Dovid Barg Marc Bruck 8th grade graduating class of the receiving a set of pictures for six Simcha Goldstein Reuven Green Yeshiva of Spring Valley will be dollars. Furthermore. the seniors Tzvi Gross Avrohom Kesselman printing a sefer in lieu of a $10.000 undertake to support a child or two Yissachar Lesser Avi Merl yearbook extravaganza. Two years in Keren Hayeled or Ohel for one Yisroel M. Patchen David Zakheim ago we contributed to printing Rabbi Yaakov KamenetzkY's Com­ mentary on Chumash- Last year we printed his Commentary on Pirkei Avos. We are now in the process of arranging this year's graduation sefer. The total cost is far less than that of a year book and the money is not "leaving our community" any more than other worthwhile causes. At the beginning of the sefer is an introduction stating that the boys printed the sefer in lieu of a yearbook. with a complete list of every graduate in the class. surely something that will be passed on proudly as a yerusha (legacy). not relegated to the garbage can some­ where along the line. We purposely search for seforim that the gradu­ ates are able to use now and that retain their worth for a lifetime. 1314 Ave. P (side ent.) 718-627-8724 s, T w TH, •11 s, F• 12 l Appotn~ W.lcO!'M. In addition, we print an inexpen­ Muoldpal perking• We ship UPS Opeo all legal ho II days IWI 6 w ~$ & Mottol Shobbos 7:30.-1 o PM sive booklet containing the pictures (about $7 apiece. not $30). a few articles and ads that were solicited. ))'.))) 11r.:iy n1::in1 ??1:i Each graduate receives several Kolle! and Chevra Yeshiva Ketana copies of the sefer and the booklet. Amud Yomi While our solution does not meet of Manhattan all your objections. it is certainly a )N1WJ P"PiJN z,P,1!'.l :ii? 1iNr.i )1n ) 11 ;i1r.:i 1nJt'J step in the right direction. We are happy to inform the 0?1y seeking principal with experi­ (RABBI) SHLOMO COHEN ni1nn that n"tlJJ we will be 'on D"O)'.) ence in Limudei Kodesh and English Principal ni:i1J and begin nJv 'on (second Yeshiva Qf Spring Valley 1nnn) on JO') J")· Secular Studies. Monsey, N. Y. lf you would like to join the many Excellent salary and condi­ new 1lr.!Yn '1)'.)l?, kindly call for tions. Send resume and ap­ CORRECTION: information regarding 0)11Y'lll and for 'Dl' 11)'.)Y ni?. plication to: The caption under the picture on page 25 of the February '88 n1:i1J 'or.i ono? U''.JlV ov:i .irPJ O"Vi1 ono? ll"'nlYJ n:n) ):J issue of The Jewish Observer Rabbi Zvi Farber should have read: At the Knes­ 2 Sylvan Road, Monscy, N.Y_ 10952 Yeshiva Ketana of Manhattan 914-425-8833 ! 914-356-2826 305 W. 91st St. sia Gedolia of Agudath Israel In New York: 718-435-1870 at Marienbad (1938) . NYC10024 .

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