From Reveille to Retreat A Handbook for the Army Chaplain's Spouse From Reveille to Retreat The Journey of a Lifetime FROM REVEILLE TO RETREAT: THE JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME Copyright © 2015 by The United States Army ISBN: 978-0-692-37345-3 Bugle calls courtesy of www.music.army.mil. 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24—10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA We dedicate this book to all our Army Chaplain Corps members and their Families who have served our great nation since 1775. Their journey of care, devotion, and sacrifice has made our Chaplain Corps strong and enduring, so that it may continue serving the Army Family with honor and compassion. May this book be an everlasting tribute to their love and service to our nation and our Army. Contents ix Foreword—CH Rutherford xi Preface xiii Acknowledgments Chapter 1 1 For God and Country Chapter 2 19 Hooah and All Things Army—Becca Whitham Chapter 3 59 Always Ready: An Overview of the Army Reserve and National Guard—Sandra Gray Chapter 4 81 Your New Hometown—Tonia Gutting Chapter 5 89 Religious Activities on Post—Aby Dolinger and Kelly Croom Chapter 6 97 We’re Moving Where?—Sarah Ball Chapter 7 129 You’re Not in Kansas Anymore: Living Overseas—Natalie Rauch Chapter 8 141 When They Are Away: Deployments and Separations— Sarah Crosswhite and Emma Kelley Chapter 9 163 Living the Life of an Army Spouse— Carol Woodbery and Ann Watson vii Contents Chapter 10 175 No Better Life: Embracing the Chaplain’s Spouse Journey— Rosemarie Sniffin Chapter 11 199 A Balanced Life—Genie Brainerd and Brenda Shaw Chapter 12 207 Army Brats—Genie Brainerd Chapter 13 217 Brat to Brat—Sheri Lewis Chapter 14 243 The Big World of Army Benefits—Lori Jeffries Chapter 15 273 The Next Chapter: Retirement—Sonia Lindsay 299 Tool Kit 301 Crisis, Grief, and the Chaplain Spouse—Brenda Shaw 311 Communication—Lori Ludwig 314 Relationship and Team Building—Sara Fisher, Crystal Niehoff, and Cecilia Thomas 321 Leadership—Kitty Thomsen 325 Conflict Resolution—Lori Jeffries 330 Spouse to Spouse 359 Conclusion 361 Resources 366 Glossary viii Foreword he Chief of Staff of the Army, General Raymond T. Odierno, Toften says that “the strength of our Soldiers is our Families.” The Month of the Military Child (April), Military Spouse Day (May), Gold Star Mother’s Day (September), and the Military Family Ap- preciation Month (November) are all reminders of the selfless service and sacrifices made by Soldiers and their Families every day. Our Army Families exemplify the strength that sustains our Sol- diers. Husbands and wives, parents and children, sisters and brothers have all risen to the challenge of multiple deployments, mobiliza- tions, and frequent moves. On behalf of the United States Army Chaplain Corps, I am honored to commend this handbook to you. Within these pages lay the collective wisdom and experience gleaned from decades of service by spouses of Army Chaplains. As you read their stories, I encourage you to add your story to the chapters of this book. This book is also a practical guide to living and understanding the Army culture. It is designed to equip you with resources, support, and encouragement wherever you are in your journey as an Army Chaplain Spouse. These thoughtful contributions were researched and written by fellow Chaplain Spouses, for Chaplain Spouses. As you read these pages, I encourage you to discover your own unique path to living this life with confidence, contentment, and compassion. In so doing, you sustain the “Strength of the Nation.” Chaplain (Major General) Donald Rutherford Chief of Chaplains, United States Army ix Preface t the March 2012 Senior Leadership Development Training, as AChaplain Spouses shared their best practices, one particular need stood out—the shared desire for a supportive, informative guide writ- ten specifically for Chaplain Spouses. The hope was to provide a qual- ity resource to guide spouses through their “journeys of a lifetime.” Quickly, this vision grew to include the desire for a comprehensive look at all aspects of Army life. The idea to consolidate this valuable information was born, and the Chaplain Corps’ senior spouse, Karen Bailey, took on the task of organizing this unique project. Soon, surveys and brainstorming sessions were underway, and spouses in every time zone in the world contributed their unique insights. Next, an evolving steering committee met in Washington, DC to compile data and help the contents of the book take shape. Volunteer authors stepped up to write each chapter. Under Mrs. Bailey’s leadership, countless hours were spent over the next two years crafting every detail. The result is a comprehensive look at the nuts and bolts of life in the Army Chaplain Family. xi Acknowledgments ver a hundred spouses and kids worldwide. You completed Osurveys, emailed ideas, met in brainstorming groups, com- piled data, and offered encouragement throughout the process. Your honest, thoughtful remarks became the backbone of this book. You were so generous with advice, suggestions, cheerleading, and sharing must-know information. The final outcome of this book was deter- mined by you. The “DC Committee”—Sheryl Walker, Robin Stice, Karen Smith, Ilona Scott, Rayanne Moser, Linda Melvin, Amie Fisher, Holly Dunn, Wendy Brzezinski, Genie Brainerd, and Karen Bailey. For over a year, this core group of spouses met monthly, then bi- monthly, then weekly, as they gathered information, sorted surveys, completed outlines, and discussed chapter titles. They hung in there throughout the laborious process of editing. The Chapter and Tool Kit Authors. These folks took piles of raw material and created a heartfelt, organized product. Their creative ef- forts and investment of time were generous and invaluable. The Artist. Lenore Hysom deftly blended the Army and Chap- lain Corps in the beautiful inside art for this volume. Her inclusion of the flag, the chapel, and the bugle symbolize the rich traditions of the Corps. xiii Acknowledgments The Chief of Chaplains. Major General Donald Rutherford fully supported this project. His staff, many of whom read and reread each chapter, helped us be certain that information was correct. The Deputy Chief of Chaplains. Brigadier General Ray Bailey provided insight and encouragement throughout the process. The Chief of Chaplains Project Advisor, CH (LTC) Charles Causey. This project could not have succeeded without his invaluable leadership and knowledge, wise counsel and constant support. The Advisory Chaplains. These subject matter experts provided information on everything from history lessons to army regulations. The Editor. Karen Bailey brought this project to life in response to many requests, and carefully saw it through the entire process. She created and distributed surveys, and read each response; assembled committees; researched and researched some more. She typed, com- piled, edited and navigated the world of publishing on behalf of each Chaplain spouse, in order that the way ahead be smoother for those who follow. The Proofreader. Wendy Brzezinski went through five manu- script drafts, four red pens, three highlighters, two pairs of reading glasses and a box of tissues as she polished our words for publication. No comma was safe from her scrutiny. xiv Chapter 1 For God and Country 1 Reveille Signals the troops to awaken for morning roll call. Used to accompany the raising of the National Colors. The US Army Chaplain Corps provides religious support to America’s Army while assisting commanders in ensuring the right of free exercise of religion for all Soldiers. In short, US Army Chaplains nurture the living, care for the wounded, and honor the fallen. —US Army Chaplain Corps Mission Statement History As long as armies have existed, military Chaplains have served alongside Soldiers, providing for their religious needs, working to improve morale, and aiding the wounded. The Bible tells of the early Israelites bringing their priests into battle with them. Pagan priests accompanied the Roman legions during their conquests; as Chris- tianity became the predominant religion of the Roman Empire, Christian Chaplains ministered to Roman soldiers. In fact, the word Chaplain is derived from cappa, the Latin word for “cloak.” The US Army Chaplain Corps is one of the oldest and smallest branches of the Army. The Chaplain Corps dates back to July 29, 1775, when the Continental Congress authorized one Chaplain for each regiment of the Continental Army, with pay equaling that of a captain, which was $20 per month plus forage for one horse. In ad- dition to Chaplains serving in Continental regiments, many militia regiments counted Chaplains among their ranks. The Office of the Chief of Chaplains was created by the National Defense Act of 1920. 3 From Reveille to Retreat Since the War for Independence, Chaplains have served in every American war. Over that period of time, the US Army Chaplain Corps has evolved, with the addition of Roman Catholic Chaplains in the Mexican-American War, and Jewish and African American Chaplains during the Civil War. In 1909, the position of Chaplain Assistant was created to support the work of Army Chaplains. In Jan- uary 1979, the Army commissioned its first female Chaplain. Mus- lim Chaplains were added in 1994, Buddhist in 2008, and Hindu in 2010. Currently, over 3,000 Chaplains including 1,600 active duty Army Chaplains and 1,200 in the reserve components are serving the total Army, representing over 140 different religious organizations. While their duties are primarily focused on providing for the free exercise of religion for Soldiers, many Army Chaplains have also demonstrated tremendous bravery. Stories abound of Chaplains administering the last rites to fallen Soldiers, oblivious to the fire around them, or dashing out into the open to rescue the wounded without regard for their own lives.