TNT Trinity News Two April 25th 2006

Trinity Ball Special: Interviews with Ocean Colour Scene, Republic of Loose and Humanzi

40 days without Jack + Condi 4 What Buffy taught The best kids’ sex? Column pg 3 Ever Politics pg 9 us TV pg 14 books ever Page 10 2 Cover Story TNT Setting the Scene Being the second best band in the world. Rocky montages. The for- tunes of Birmingham F.C. Steve Clarke catches up with Trinity Ball headline act Ocean Colour Scene to discuss pretty much everything... TNT: You’re touring to support a live acoustic album you’re releasing in May, which is also titled, “Live Acoustic”. How’d that come about?

Simon Fowler: Oscar and I, our drum- mer, we started this ball rolling, ironical- ly, in Dublin about four years ago. We started playing acoustically while Steve [Cradock, Ocean Colour Scene’s gui- tarist] was playing with Paul Weller. We’ve always done Ireland and Scotland- we’ve done about two or three tours, Oscar and myself, and we just enjoyed the acoustics of playing at that. Now everyone else in the band wants to do it, and so we’re doing a tour in line with that. The other thing is, it’s sort of a trail run, as it’s the first record on our own label. So it’ll be a relatively easy record to make and put out, and really guide us along as to what it’s like to run our own label.

TNT: I noticed on your website that you’ve been doing solo tours recently. In my experience that can be slightly omi- nous for a band. I mean, sure, Beyoncé’s solo stuff is good, but then there’s been the detours through that Pink Panther remake… Destiny’s Child has been put on the back-burner. Should Ocean Colour Scene fans be worried?

SF: No, no, I’ve always played; I’m Ocean Colour Scene: ‘Noel Gallagher said we’re the second best band in the world. And he thinks The playing a few gigs early in the week Beatles are the best band in the world, so I don’t know where that leaves Oasis’ actually. It’s something that I’ve always kinda done; its how I started…there’s on your music, but the big one has been sound is “deliberately retro”. Do you ably why you wanted to be in a band in nothing for people who like the band to Paul Weller- you’ve supported him, and make a conscious effort? the first place worry about. July 2nd we’re supporting he’s guested on your albums. Is he still a The Who in Hyde Park, so we’ll defi- mentor to the band? ‘We shouldn’t have been TNT: You just pick up the instruments, nitely be getting out the electric guitars and do what feels right. for that one. Then we’ll spend the rest of SF: Yeah, Steve’s with Paul at the pop stars, and I certainly the year making a fully fledged electric minute, in Germany, he’s been playing shouldn’t be now - I’m SF: Well my view is we should pick up studio album. with him for the best part of the year. forty...’ really, really medieval instruments and He’s like Uncle Paul! He’s exactly 6 instead of a 1960’s-style band, we’d TNT: Probably, in the public conscious- years older than me- we have the same SF: No, we’re a traditionalist band, we become a 1660’s style band. That’d be ness, your biggest hit has been “The Day birthday and ironically, his mother’s play guitars and pianos and sing songs my next port of call. We Caught the Train”. Was that based on maiden name was Cradock, so it’s a real- with harmonies and choruses, and obvi- an actual journey, or was it a metaphor ly eerie link. We’ve been playing with ously, the blueprint for that was set TNT: It’d definitely be an interesting perhaps? Paul since ’92 or ’93 and he really gave years ago. But we just do what we do- move; can we expect anything like that us so much confidence…by the time we we don’t think about anything anywhere at the Trinity Ball? SF: It was actually based on a real jour- were playing the Albert Hall under our near as much as people imagine. Most ney we took down to London with our own steam we had already supported bands are kinda retro really, aren’t they? SF: No, I think we’ll do a rock and roll then producer Jimmy Miller, the old Paul there about two or three times, Even the modern bands who people say set there I think. But at the other gigs in Rolling stones producer. But I think it playing “The Day We Caught the Train” aren’t retro. When I walk around town Ireland- Carlow the day after and was about the idea of going to the sea- to a crowd who had never heard it now everyone’s dressed like they were in Killarney the day after that, we’ll be side: about having a good time, at that before. He’s been a friend and a mentor 1979 or 1981. From the Strokes doing more of the acoustic stuff. Trinity time. It was the mid-nineties. It was also towards the bands, particularly Steve. I onwards, all of those bands look to me Ball we’re gonna play loud and fast. a bit of a nod to Jimmy on the 515 in mean, he’s Steve’s hero. It’s so strange like they could have been around 25 Quadrophenia I think. that Steve has ended up his best friend. years ago. So without banging your head TNT: Balls to the wall, rock and roll. So TNT: It’s a fairytale story almost. The against saucepans, you’re bound to have you’re been through a lot of ups and TNT: The Who have been an influence band’s page on Wikipedia states your elements of the past, because that’s prob- downs as a band in the past 17 years: TNT Cover Story / Sex Column 3 you’ve been through various record TNT: Do you think you’ll ever turn it labels, had no.1 albums, your manager around? Birmingham City I mean. nearly had his house repossessed… SF: Yeah, we’re sleeping giants. I’d say The Sex SF: We’re had a right old laugh, yeah. within five years time we’ll be the biggest team in Europe. TNT: It’s been an eventful journey, wor- thy of a montage, Rocky-style. What TNT: Why not? Noel Gallagher once would that look like, and would the described you as the second biggest Column theme tune for it be? band in Britain… SF: Come again? SF: No, it was the second best band in TNT: Have you ever seen any of the the world. And Noel says the Beatles are Sorcha Lyons thought she could last Rocky films? Each one shows Rocky the best band in the world, so I don’t Balboa’s struggle to be the best through know where that leaves Oasis. 40 days without sex. She was wrong. the medium of the montage. His whole life was a million-to-one shot. I think we TNT: A little bit further down I’d say. Sorcha Lyons does sex. Hot wet of that relationship. could apply that to Ocean Colour Scene. Do you still strive for that sort of success sexy sex, this is what I am good at. So I found myself, a lone How’d you think that montage would you had around the Moseley Shoals peri- However, being a good Catholic girl at woman, scouring the Dublin streets look? od? heart, or should I say suffering from the seeking the delicious smugness of backlashes of a Catholic upbringing, I celibacy. What now, I wondered to SF: I have absolutely no idea. Are you SF: We didn’t really strive for it then; it occasionally get acute crises of con- myself. I didn't know what to do, so I talking about Rocky, as in the boxer? kind of happened. You have to remem- science. Is sex before marriage morally got myself some hobbies, I tried: the I’ve never seen those films. ber, we were the second biggest guitar right? Should I really be fellating my cinema, theatre, knitting, basket-weav- band in Britain for two, two and a half boyfriend? Am I going to go to hell? As ing, horse-riding, baking, opera, Heat TNT: {Pause} Seriously? years, behind Oasis, but I think we you can imagine, these concerns caught magazine, watching Sienna Miller's sex became pop stars by default. We should- up with me recently and following the life instead of my own, golf, rifle club, SF: I haven’t seen them, no. But I think n’t have been pop stars, and I certainly dawn of Lent (way back on February the mah jong, solitaire, trombone, potato you university lads would probably shouldn’t be now- I’m forty. That’s the 6th for all you heathens out there), I stencilling, origami... to name but a few. come up with a better answer than me. province of the people dressed in their decided to sacrifice what was nearest I felt great- I was musical, fitter than I'd 1981 gear- people with spiky hair and and dearest to my heart.... yup, you'’ve been in years, artistically challenged... TNT: At Trinity News we believe in their trousers half-way down their arse. guessed it. SEX. but something was missing. I couldn't integrity. I read that you used to be a Those people are pop stars now…we So here's my challenge as it ignore my giant cavernous vagina. journalist yourself? certainly wouldn’t try sounding like this, stands - no sexual acts or thoughts for 40 I couldn't get sex off my mind. that or the other to become famous or to days and 40 nights (incidentally, I have It was everywhere. It existed in every SF: Yes, for five years- I became a jour- become pop stars again. never heard of a movie by that name aspect of my life. That middle-aged nalist because I wanted to be a football starring Josh Hartnett). balding lecturer who talks incessantly commentator. TNT: That’s cool. Ok then, well, looking The first obstacle I faced was about Manheimer's Cataloging suddenly forward to seeing you guys at the Ball. breaking the news to my boyfriend, who took on a new sexual glow. Men TNT: Do you support any of the is more than understanding generally. He appeared everywhere, licking soft white Birmingham teams? It’s a hard time to SF: Great, well say hello and we’ll have didn't mind the time that I broke his ice-cream suggestively, sweating on be a Brummie. a drink! Damien Rice sex DVD, he didn't mind rugby pitches, winking, kissing, holding doors open, flexing their muscles, invit- SF: Yes, but it always is. It’s quite good TNT: Slammin’. I couldn’t get sex off my ing me to parties, pressing against me in supporting Birmingham city sometimes mind. It was everywhere. the lift and teaching me how to play as you get kinda hardened and steeled to In addition to the Trinity Ball, Ocean twister while pushing suggestively disappointment. It’s a good grounding Colour Scene also play the Music That middle-aged balding against my back. It was unbearable. It is for being in a band. Factory Carlow on the 13th of May lecturer suddenly took on at this stage that I would like to dispel and the INEC Killarney on 14th May. a new sexual glow... any myths that exist- women love sex, women think about sex just as much as that I wrote about our sex life in the col- men, women want it just as much as lege magazine and he didn't bat an eye- you... yes, you reading this column. lid when I cheated on him with his Dad. There I was, alone, sweating, So I figured he would understand this trying to find anything to get my mind relatively minor aberration. off sex... I decided to turn to traditional Unfortunately, I miscalculated his entire family entertainment in the form of 'The personality – it seems we don't know Lion King'. Good clean family fun. And each other at all. When I broke the news, so there I was happily belting out the he was distraught... his face dropped. tune of 'Hakuna Matata' feeling more There was silence for at least a minute. wholesome than ever. Suddenly, the Then he turned his head slowly toward unthinkable happens. I began to find me and said in his come-to-bed voice, teenage Simba unthinkably attractive... "You don't really mean with his big mane, chiseled jaw, that, do you?" This was deep growl and athletic, nimble, where I faced my first virile body. This was the straw temptation - him and his that broke the camel's back. cock, huge and pulsat- When you find yourself turning ing, staring at me, throb- to bestiality, you know some- bing... longing for me. I thing is wrong. This celibacy felt like Eve in the gar- thing had gone too far. den... it would be so easy As far as I'm aware, to slip, so easy to fall bestiality is not allowed in the into his creamy-smooth Catholic Church. As a compro- skin and... "NO!" I cried, mise, I decided to fall; if it's "I won't do it. I won't good enough for Eve, it's good succumb that easily, you enough for me. snake!" That was the end 40 days and 40 nights - almost 4 Cover Story TNT Spirit of the Republic Sarah Moriarty talks to Republic of Loose, offi- cially Ireland’s coolest band Right, if you’re not yet overly Eamon Doran’s, now they’re enthused about the line-up for the rockin' out at Dublin Castle sup- Ball then rest assured, there is porting Ian Brown and are one of something to be excited about. the headlining acts of the Trinity Republic of Loose have arrived Ball. When quizzed about the with their original blend of funk, band’s success, Benjamin attrib- soul and rock and roll. The lads are utes it to the fact that the band coming on May 12th to rock out at stuck firmly to their musical guns the Trinity Ball. despite what people around them One o’clock on a Friday thought. When asked what advice afternoon, I give Republic of Loose he would give to up and coming bassist Benjamin ‘Loose’ a call to Irish acts looking to hit it big, he ask him about the band, the Irish said, “Don’t listen to advice” music industry and the Trinity Ball. (These guys just love their para- The first thing I notice as he doxes). He claims that the best answers the phone is the marked way to develop as a band is to do gruffness of his voice… “Hello…” your own thing- Republic of Loose This guy is cool. “Can I ask you a stayed away from the insular couple of questions Benjamin?” Dublin music circles where bands “Yeah, rockin’”- he goes on to use exist in a protective haven of other the word “rockin’” another six bands, where they play together times throughout the interview, but and congratulate each other but it doesn’t matter because as I said, ultimately, the band’s development this guy is cool. Rockstar cool. is stunted. He advises people to He tells me casually, in his get away from that scene and do what sexy Dublin accent, about the roots of they feel like doing, “ignore everyone the band. Republic of Loose have been Republic of Loose, looking cool as always else and stick to what you’re doing”. drummer, Micheal Pyro on vocals and of album, ‘This is the Tomb of the Juice’ in The band’s latest album was “Who would win in a course, the deeply spiritual twangings of March of that year. Their new, exciting released on April 6th and flew into the Benjamin Loose on Bass. The name of sound and lively, fiery performances Irish charts at number 2. The band were fight between us and the band ‘literally came out of Mick’s quickly earned them a loyal fan base. In expecting it to do well, following the Christy Moore? Us. It’s 6 head’, Benjamin revealed. For them, the July 2005, they hit the commercial big success of their singles, however, when against 1. Besides, name contains a symbolic oxymoron. It time with the release of the funk-pop sin- they found out they were “in a scrap with shows the bands ability to be disciplined gle ‘Comeback Girl’. The song was fol- Christy Moore for the number one slot”, Christy is getting old...” and united as a ‘Republic’, yet also lowed by the release of ‘You Know It’, they were more than a bit surprised relaxed, laidback and ‘Loose’. Benjamin, in October 2005. These catchy, slinky So who’d win in an actual scrap between experimenting and playing together as a so convinced by the soulful ideology of numbers were enough to build the band’s Republic of Loose and Christy Moore? band for five years now. In 2001, the the band, has taken on the alter ego- international credibility and ensure com- Benjamin claims they would, “it’s six guitarists, Dave and Brez, hooked up Benjamin Loose. mercial success. against one. Besides, Christy is getting with the rest of the band- Deco on keys, The band signed in 2003 to Big The band have humble Dublin old”. Although he could be underesti- Coz Neolan as their fiery energetic Cat Records. They released their first roots; they started off playing gigs in mating Christy- under pressure he could TNT Cover Story/ Fresher Column 5 pull something out of his hat... namely a the band, trying to stay awake and rea- shovel. sonably sober for their performance, The band is set to play the which shined as one of the highlights of The Trinity Ball this May. Benjamin consid- the night. This year, the lads have ers this “a crazy established tradition” as moved up in the pecking order and will they have played the Ball a few times be performing on the main stage, in a before, most notably last year when they prime spot of the night. They plan to Fresher arrived on the main stage at 4.30am. play their current hits as well as some "Any scandal from the Ball last year?" tracks off the new album- we’re expect- "No, we were really boring." "So you ing a fusion of hip-hop, rock ‘n’ roll, didn't score Kate Moss then?" "No, none reggae and soul with the usual Loose of us scored Kate Moss, not even Pete attitude. Don’t miss them at the Ball, Column Doherty scored Kate Moss." In fact, they’re sure to have a set that is fresh, Benjamin has not-too-fond memories of sexy and of course, rockin’. being locked in a room, with the rest of It’s Jason Robinson’s final column and Republic of Loose Biography there’s a few people he wants to thank... Am I the only one who finds ‘infamous’ for dramatic purposes).The Republic of Loose came together from the ashes of a band called the idea of a super-fine appealing? Ah CSC ball, however, did not go to plan. I Johnny Pyro and the Rock Coma in 2001.Dave and Michael had been come on. A fine that is ‘Super’? Fine (no had the honour (we’ll call it that so I working together under that moniker for several years previous,mak- pun intended), they aren’t appealing sound like a high achiever) of being ing a kind of grimy sub-gospel noise. then. Spoil sports… Anyway. So the nominated for ‘Best Fresher in the exams are closing in and as a first year Society Awards presented at the ball. They recorded their debut album “This is the Tomb of the college student, I have to say I feel However, it seems I was not universally Juice” in March of that year. It was released in 2004 and garnered somewhat cheated. Everyone, all you loved. Despite much practising of a some excited and disgusted press and radioattention in Ireland and older kids, convinced me that I had at cheesy smile and photogenic pose, it Europe. Emerging as the most exciting live act in the country, they least 2 years of fun and relaxation in seems CSC just doesn’t love me- per- quickly garnered a sizable and loyal fan base. Their live performances front of me. But it seems you all lied. haps they never did. So come the That was not very nice at all. It now announcement of “Best Fresher”, my led to tour support withthe Neville Brothers, the Thrills, the Zutons, appears that not only are the exams less essay length acceptance speech and the Scissor Sisters, Alabama 3, Fun Lovin’ Criminals,Snow Patrol, than a month away, but that they will plans of world domination were up in The Roots, Dilated Peoples, as well as festival appearances at probably be difficult aswell. If I fail, I’m smoke. I was going to thank my parents; Glastonbury, T in the park,the Fleadh, Oxygen and the Transmusicale, holding all those who have lied to me was going to thank the Dalai Lama; I Nice Jazz and Furia Sound festivals in France. culpable. I refuse to shoulder any of the was even going to thank Tom Cruise. blame… But no, CSC had to ruin my fun and The single "Comeback Girl" was released in July 2005 and But, as always, any pessimism I give the prize to somebody else (who became a huge radio hit in Ireland. You Know It" was released in have regarding college life always sub- was no doubt more deserving, but that’s October of that year and became an even bigger hit. Their second sides and we all know that the Trinity not the point. I want to moan in my last album “Aaaargh” was released two weeks ago and entered the charts Ball is coming up shortly, something column) at No. 2 However, as you all know, all Am I the only one who good things come to an end, and unfor- finds the idea of a super- tunately this is the end of the road for fine appealing? Ah come this Fresher and his Fresher’s column. on, a fine that is ‘Super?’ But, it’s been good. Ecumenical death- match never quite took off, but hey- I which will put us all at ease for at least put the idea out there for all of you to one night. And much and all as I would pick up on. I’ve spread multicultural love to complain about the mediocre ideas by telling you all how much I love line-up and the exorbitant price of a tick- the Japanese. I’ve even stretched the et (What’s that I hear you say? It costs hand of friendship out to “Team more than 1 day at Oxegen? Yes, yes it England”. All in all, I’ve tried to spread does), I won’t- because that would just some love. My flatmates and myself be plain negative. The simple fact is it have even opened our doors to the mass- will (pardon the abandoning of English es and hosted numerous parties to help department vocabulary) kick ass for the Trinity students reproduce and multiply. vast majority of people and will no And, it is true that I may not have suc- doubt leave many talking points in the ceeded with many of these things. I may subsequent weeks when the reality of have just wasted precious minutes of exams kick in… your lives. And for this, I am truly sorry. With the end of the academic But, in the end, I can only leave you year comes college societies AGMs and with 2 very important things to remem- also the infamous CSC ball (I’ll call it ber: Number 1) When Chuck Norris steps into water, Chuck doesn’t get wet; the water gets Chuck. Number 2) My motto- “Be safe, be cool…(and for the guys out there)ALWAYS wear a condom”. That, my friends, is all I can leave you with. Other than that, best of luck with the exams and The Dalai Lama and Tom Cruise - two people thanks for listening to Jason didn’t get to thank me this year! 6 Cover Story TNT “Yeah Gary threw our Meteor award Liffey after the show...” Humanzi are not your typical Dublin band. Cillian O’Conchuir catches up with them to talk about supporting the Strokes, breaking out of the Dublin music scene and winning Best New Irish Act at the Meteors

have maintained their original sound stand there. It’s a weird physiological while increasing their popularity, clearly thing but it’s great. I love it.” the power of publicity, and if Humanzi Before any plans of a tour, they take a similar approach, who knows sup- play the Trinity Ball on May 12th next. porting the Rolling Stones may not be Ocean Colour Scene may be headlining such a wild dream. this year but Humanzi will be making “We did one big gig in their second consecutive appearance at Whelan’s,” Shaun recalls back when the the ball. “It’s a great session, began band was unsigned by a label. “We got a Shaun. “The gig is going to be great and lot of label interest and a lot of them I think we’re on the main stage this year. ended up turning up. That’s what got us You don’t really take the gig too serious- all the labels wanting to sign us, so that ly. It’s more for the session. You can was probably our big break.” drink until seven in the morning. I think Their debut single, ‘Fix The everybody is too pissed to really take Cracks,’ came out in November 2005. notice of what’s going on. It’s just good Their second single, ‘Long Time fun.” Coming’ went on release in early Downloading has been the biggest prob- February. That followed a little tour of lem facing emerging talent, and Shaun Ireland in January called Violation. “It has his own opinion. “It’s only the big sort of went so well that we thought that corporation bands like U2 and Metallica, we would keep it as a club,” reveals who are absolutely loaded, who seem to Shaun of the bands decision to play a moan about downloading, but your series of unplanned gigs. “We have put music is getting out there. Look at the on three of them so far and the bands Arctic Monkey’s.” that have played are doing releases with “If you’re in our shoes and we us on our label, SFR. It’s about keeping haven’t released an album yet and people the momentum going.” are telling us at gigs that they have our Supporting ‘The Strokes’ and whole album because they got it off the ‘Foo Fighters’ were highlights of recent internet, I’m delighted. It’s great to be tours and both bands made a lasting an able to give stuff away rather then rely impression on Shaun. “The Strokes are a on corporation’s, but it does seem to hurt inners of Best New Irish Act 2006 accent indicates the origins of the band, hugely successful and professional band the bigger bands. For now it’s just great W at the Meteor Awards, by their the suburbs of the inner city. Humanzi and we learnt a lot from how tight they for us to get around. When people really own admission Humanzi are not another consists of Shaun Mulrooney (guitar, were. There stage set up stood out and like your music they’re going to buy pretty-boy band. They play rock n’ roll keys and vocals), Colm Rutledge (guitar the Foo Fighters, obviously another your album. Albums aren’t going to sell the way they believe it should be played and vocals), Gary Lonergan (bass) and machine of a band, were really good.” as much as they did but people will still and make no apologies for it. They don’t Brian Gallagher (drums and vocals). All Having finished their UK tour over a want something to see, feel and touch.” try to be something there not in an indus- four had been in bands previously, but month ago, the band is try where falseness is the order of the eager to get back on the day. ‘You don’t really take the road. “We have been finishing a record and “It was good that people voted Ball too seriously. Everyone for us and to get the recognition,” doing a video, but we exclaims Shaun Mulrooney, in relation to is too pissed to really take are interested to get winning the Meteor award. “To be hon- notice of what’s going on...’ back out because you est Gary threw it into the Liffey after the get really tight and then show, but if we get best album next year came together under Shaun. “I just start- you have to stop and it will be going on my mantle piece.” ed to write songs and asked the guys to you become really Their style may not appeal to all play one gig with me and here they are, loose again.” but they do break away from mainstream ended up staying for two years.” “It’s the most music bands, a point picked up by front “21st century punk,” is how Shaun enjoyable thing for me, man Shaun. “There is a lack of individu- describes the sound of the band. “We just playing your music live ality (in the industry), that’s for sure try to blend it all in, the different genres. because it’s totally dif- because everything being done has been My biggest inspiration would be Iggy ferent. You don’t know done.” There is a feeling that there is a Pop, Lou Reed, or David Bowie, what’s going to happen, lack of talent when it comes to music although I can’t sing as well as any of that’s what I like. groups today, something remarked on by them.” Sometimes you can be Shaun. “I would say that there is 10% There rise has been reminiscent in a really an amazing good and 90% rubbish, but there are still of that of Republic of Loose who inci- mood and you can just amazing bands coming through.” dentally also saw Iggy Pop as a major do what you want and An unmistakeable strong Dublin inspiration. Republic Of Loose seem to sometimes you just TNT Cover Story/ Our Man Abroad 7 straight into the Our

with the image of Pete Doherty Man splashed across the front of every tabloid. Drugs have restricted bands Abroad to fulfil their potential in the David Traynor is going to miss liv- past and Shaun doesn’t shy ing the laid-back lifestyle of Spain away from the question of Sitting down to write this arti- outside of Salamanca. Seeing as I saw so drugs in the cle, I can’t believe that it’s going to be many people in March, I figured I should industry. my final one. With only six weeks to go stay for Easter and do some travelling. “Anybody who before my exams, I’m nowhere near So, a group of five of us went on a road does hard drugs ready to leave Salamanca. Over the past trip down south. We went to Seville for for a long, long eight months, it has become my home Easter itself, where we stayed with fel- time is going to and I feel part of the furniture here. low European Studies classmates. The be affected. I When I walk through the streets, I recog- religious processions there were a sight can’t think of nise people’s faces. In the local shops, to behold. After that, we toured one person who supermarkets and bars, people talk to me Andalucía; mainly Córdoba, Granada, has come out of as if I were a regular. Unfortunately, the Marbella and a night in Cádiz too. It heroin and has a clock is slowly ticking on the Erasmus really was an excellent trip. healthy career. I year. Before I know it, I’m going to be Looking back over the year, it’s condemn it thrust into the harsh reality of fourth been a hell of an experience. Not only completely. It year, an inevitable consequence I’ve has it been my first time to live abroad, completely been blocking out since last September. it has also been my first time to live numbs people and So, these past few weeks, I’ve away from home. I’ve really enjoyed the turns them into decided to make the most of what little added freedom this brings. In terms of If downloading has been the cartoons of themselves and they start time I have left here. When I wrote my college work, it has been a lot less most publicised problem to the music getting this weird physiological thing last article, I was about to head off to intense than in Trinity. I’m quite happy industry, the growing drug problem it where they think they are amazing, but Cádiz for its traditional Carnaval cele- with my progression, though. I’ve come faces is biggest concealed problem their not. brations. It really was an insight into on leaps and bounds since my first few which it must face. The industry and As for the future, Humanzi Spanish fiestas. Spaniards certainly weeks here when I used to go to lectures drugs have long gone hand in hand even have a busy summer planned. “The and sit there like a gone been, not having if it is brushed under the carpet. So are album is coming out in July. We are a clue what was going on. I’ve reached a they connected? It’s always been that As regards nightlife, I’m releasing a new single, that’s going to respectable level of Spanish and if I way. Drugs and music are linked in all MTV in a week, called ‘Diet Pills and just hoping that I haven’t manage to get a job here during the ways. Drugs and dance music, drugs and Magazines.’ We are doing a couple of done any permanent dam- Summer, I might even be able to say I’m rock n’ roll, people in record labels, they festivals and after them we’re going to age to my liver... fluent when I come back. As regards all do drugs, everybody does, but it’s a go out and do a big European Tour. So, nightlife, I’m just hoping that I haven’t real hidden thing.” it’s all go.” know how to party. Over the festival, 1 done any permanent damage to my liver. Drug problems within the million revellers descended on the aver- Adjusting back to life in Ireland industry have come to the fore recently age-sized city of 630,000. Throngs of is going to be difficult. I’ve become party-goers in fancy dress filled the accustomed to the slower pace of life in streets, drinking and partying in the open Spain and also its cheapness. I like tak- air as only Spaniards know how. It truly ing my siesta in the afternoon and lazing was amazing. Needless to say, I was about the square in the evening, having a recovering for a while afterwards. beer and an ice cream. I like bringing out March was mostly taken up by €15 on a night out and having change in visitors. First of all, I had my uncle and my pocket the next morning. It doesn’t cousin for a few days, followed by five bother me anymore that shops open of my close friends who came for a when they like and that if you haven’t week. I did a bit of travelling with them, gone to the supermarket by Saturday coming back just a few days before my morning, you’ll go hungry until Monday. mam and aunt arrived, towards the end Altogether, it seems a better way to live of March. By the time they were gone, I than careering around the place as if the was wrecked and in a way, happy, to get world is going to end, clutching a take- back to normal. I don’t think I could face away half-fat decaff mocha latte frappa- giving someone another tour of cino in your hand. Living here has just Salamanca’s sights. made me think we’ve gone somewhere Since then, I’ve had a quiet two wrong along the way. What happened to weeks catching up on college work the easy-going, slow-paced Ireland? which had piled up in March. It’s been Anyway, that’s enough profun- great, though, because the good weather dity for one article. I hope you’ve has finally come to Salamanca and as of enjoyed my column over the year as today, I’m on my Easter holidays. much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. Enjoy Everything really winds down here for the Summer and see you next year. Easter. Most of the Erasmus crowd are going home as well as the Spanish from 8 Politics TNT Derek Owens passes judgement In Cold Blood on political show-trials About a year before his death, Slobadon Milosovic started impartial tribunal to try a creature as vilified as Iraq’s former respect to courts that are merely organised to convict,” and acting strangely. He wasn’t just refusing to fling himself at dictator. By insisting that the trial take place in Iraq itself, even defendants at Nuremburg were allowed a right to ade- the mercy of the court; defiance of his accusers had been his though, Hussein’s captors utterly abandoned the pretence of quate defence. Hussein and his co-defendants are not just on approach since his trial at The Hague began. Reports had trying to meet this obligation (Their reason for doing so, that his third defence team - the first bunch were killed or chased emerged of Slobbo’s odd behaviour in his cell where, in addi- only in Baghdad could the death penalty be admin- out of Iraq, while the second boycotted the court in protest at tion to work on his defence, he developed a nightly istered, is just as contemptible, but the rights the bias of proceedings - they’re a court-appointed bunch the habit of pacing up and down his quarters while and wrongs of judicial murder are a defendants do not even recognise. They are also, through belting out a spirited version of ‘My Way’. whole other can of worms). True, That the deposed head of a regime that international tribunals have in the past “Discovery of the truth is far more valu- slaughtered thousands was nightly butchering been irrevocably biased – just look at able than the death of a deposed and Sinatra, yet escaped comment in the mainstream the Nuremburg tri- captured dictator” media shows how a trial that began to a fanfare of als of leading sanctimony no longer seemed worthy of interest. Nazis. The screaming matches, expulsions, and the muting of micro- Lost in the time-consuming task of discovering what US chief phones, being judicially silenced. The zenith of all this is, of actually happened as Yugoslavia disintegrated, the case prosecu- course, the expulsion of reporters from the courtroom, and could not produce the daily revelations or drama need- tor there, the effective transition of all proceedings to ‘in camera’ ed to excite its former cheerleaders until the death of its Robert mode. Now the former dictator is being tried under a veil of principal defendant. Only after that did they emerge Jackson, silence, and will be murdered with hardly a soul fully com- with the rather less triumphalist cry that “History will though prehending why. It’s how he would have wanted it. judge” Slobadon Milosovic. Implicit in this is the (usu- recog- For Saddam cannot have been naïve enough to think ally) unspoken reproach: “Because we didn’t.” nised that he could escape this fiasco alive. Rather, it has been his Critics of the conduct of Milosovic’s case do in that objective to disrupt, derail, and expose the inconsistencies fact have a leg to stand on: It’s fair to question whether “the at the heart of the whole trial since it began in October, the trial of a man with no realistic hope of aquital had any world destroying any potential sense of justice being done. justification beyond Western self-congratulation. The yields Obvious bias and incompetence has helped him do just that. answer to that, though, lies in the reams of data still avail- noThis final victory for Saddam may be a phyric one, but able online from The Hague’s website, and in the second- hardly insignificant – discovering the truth is far more ary purpose of any criminal trial: The discovery of truth. valauble than the death of a deposed and captured dictator, Deciphering just what happened during the Kosovan and it has been sacrificed. A decision to liquidate Saddam Genocide, the seige or Belgrade, or any other attrocity is Hussein using an Iraqi court was taken by his captors, and a difficult, arguably impossible task. The court authorities they will get their pound of flesh. Their bloodlust means, struggled valiantly to do so though, all the while though, that we will not get the truth of what happened with giving the alleged villains of the gassing of the Kurds, the invasion of Iran, or even the the piece every opportuni- massacre at Ramallah for which he is on trial. ty to disprove their cast- By comparison, Milosic may ing. Scrupulous adher- not have been legally linked to ence to legal forms may the genocidal crimes he is have let Milosovic “off the accused of, but we understand hook,” but since when did far better what caused the hor- we approach justice as we rors of Yugoslavia’s breakup, and do fishing? Those that historians will in fact be able to lament the lack of swift, deci- judge him fairly. The same cannot sive punishment should look be said of Hussein, when the story to the developing farce in of his reign varies so wildly in the Baghdad for contrast. telling by both unashamed apolo- Barring an interven- gists and zealous condemners. tion of biblical proportions, they Without a fair open trial to sift fact will get their swift justice there. from fiction, History will be unable Two things are all but certain in the to properly judge Saddam Hussein. trial of Saddam Hussein. One, It will rightly, however, have noth- Saddam will hang. Two, he will not ing but contempt for those who have received anything approaching orchestrated his judicial murder in a fair trial. cold blood. It’s probably true that it would be impossible to create an After the Laughter Carl Fox pleads for common sense to accompony free speech our doesn't mean that our fundamental right to say a better word, actually held a competition to It would be absolutely fascinating to see what expansive conception of a free society is based. or print this particular thing is in any way less- produce the best visual insult to Islam. They history will made of the recent controversy Of course we should make no apologies about ened or diminished. were, of course, well within their rights to do over the recent Danish cartoons depicting the preserving it. That's fine, that's been said again, There were and are spectacularly good reasons so, but that's not the same thing as to be right - prophet Mohammed. One can but wonder and again, and then several times more. for not publishing those cartoons. Few, if any, it's clearly not to say that they should. And the what time, perspective and the flow of events However, I have yet to read a detailed exami- in the mainstream press would argue that we reprinting of the cartoons smacks of a combi- will do to the perception of this whole furore. nation of the responsibilities that must accom- can judge the legitimately held religious beliefs nation of insensitive arrogance and stupidity It seems to me that for all the energy and pany rights and privileges, and the relevance of of Muslims to be anything other than legiti- that is quite simply breathtaking. Possibly our thought expended on the subject, the central this to the current debate. mately held. They are perfectly entitled to most treasured right, and we defend it by show- point has largely been missed by everyone, To have a right is not the same thing as to exer- believe that it is an egregious offence to depict ing a significant proportion of the world, which especially the Western press. The ensuing cise it. It would be ludicrous to suggest that the prophet, and those who rail against the per- seems to be growing more hostile by the day, debate has centred on some perceived threat to there's any threat to the right to education and ceived threat to our rights would rail against that we can offend them anytime and anyway the right to freedom of speech and expression. shelter in Blackrock because of the large hous- any attack on this. Yet, nowhere near enough that we wish and there's nothing they can do. Of course we should defend to our last breath es and private schools. Similarly, that we don't attention is devoted to the crass insensitivity That's not worthy of us, or at least, it shouldn't this fundamental right upon which so much of say or print something for genuine reasons with which this Danish newspaper, for want of be. Furthermore, there is something that some TNT Politics 9 Jack Luvs Condi 4Ever (possibly...) Hugh Roche Kelly’s sensitive take on Jack Straw’s attempted wooing of Condoleeza Rice Nostalgia for a first date only prolongs heart- “nothing exceeds like excess,” and fluffed it. Once you’ve (empty) stadium. By that stage, Straw had planned to have break. You can’t move rice with a hayfork. Poor Jack seen one multiracial non-denominational school in sleepy made such an impact that the two would be walking slow- Straw (60, from Lancashire) found this out when, buoyed north-west England, you’ve seen them all - Rice became ly around the stadium, hands brushing against each other by the success and generally warm positive glow he got more and more tired and eventually looked like a bored and just enjoying each other’s breathing as they contem- from their first date, he took a Ms. Condoleeza Rice (54, child in a museum. Instead of dealing with this like a plated the sunset. Instead, Straw was characteris- from Birmingham, Alabama) on a little tour of his home responsible adult, he found himself tically awkward, tense and, still hyperaware of town. irritated at her apparent ingrati- his bodily scent, at pains not to stand close to “Our first date was really ‘her’ date, you know? tude, and began to sulk. his belle femme. They parted their sepa- She showed me around Birmingham, Alabama, which is “I was really rate ways for a few hours- during which where she’s from. That felt really nice, it was so sweet of annoyed, the next time Straw returned to the rose gar- her; I wanted to return the favour this time around. school we were going den and trampled them all in a fit Without my wife and two children noticing anything, that to was my big plan. A of self-hatred- and met again for is.” rose garden, just like dinner. Unfortunately, things didn’t go to plan. Looking I’d promised her, had Straw had, however back on it now, Straw thinks his been one final card up his sleeve. young piece of totty (Rice is He surprised her with the six years his junior) may one thing he knew could- have ‘googled’ his name, n’t fail- a short city and read an unfortu- break in a nice hot nate profile that lists climate. This “cooking pud- worked won- dings” among his ders. Not only hobbies. That, says was Rice Straw, lent a definite stunned into “tone” to the events. saying yes, but Rice was reportedly she had the seen sniffing Mr. opportunity to Straw and making travel in a pri- subtle examina- vate jet, no less, tions of his that Straw has the finger- use of. He seemed nails to have salvaged through- the whole enter- out their prise back to a time plant- level of intima- together. This ed two cy the pair was, unfortunate- months ago by a had never ly, noticed by Straw committee of non-denomina- reached in who immediately became tional schoolchildren in the pattern Alabama, paranoid about his body of a world without borders. It was my but on odour, making constant grand gesture, but I never got to show it to the attempts to sniff his own her.” plane over underarms, which, he said, Instead, Rice discreetly asked one of her disaster struck again. “only [added to] the problem.” secret service men to ‘hurry things up,’ and the Having been plied with vintage The details of Straw’s last school was skipped in favour of Straw’s next claret, Rice made an astonishing offer to plans to impress Rice reveal an disaster; the tour of his favourite soccer team’s Straw: her bed. awful, awful lot about how it all went wrong. He was Unfortunately, Straw reacted with panic, and far too obvious in copying- almost to the level of plagia- ended up sleeping in Rice’s bed while she curled up on a rism- Rice’s own plans for their first date. The pair- who “Once you’ve seen one multiracial non- seat. This may have been an irreparable blow to the blos- share a love of children- visited schools in Alabama, and denominational school in sleepy north- soming relationship, yet still the saga continues. Straw repeated this trick in Lancashire, where he even west England, you’ve seen them all” engaged in witty and interpersonal chats with the children. Straw is, however a man who lives by his personal motto,

feel compelled to do about it and real lives are unconscionably selective in our defence of the of those harping on about our right to freedom can become an awesome tool for hate. There lost as a result. right to freedom of speech. All across Europe of speech, a right that we have willingly placed was no need to compromise the basic point Consider the things that we can say, and we we're seeing the spread of American-style tangible constrictions on ourselves. supposedly contained in the cartoons, and it's don't, purely because they're too offensive to hate-crime law, and incitement to hatred legis- In a civilised society, rights should be provided not an unimportant point, but now it's been lost justify. A man has gone to prison in Austria for lation being enacted. Even in Trinity last year, for us. They are the conditions for our civil in the very pointless and unnecessary con- making a career of Holocaust denial. He has the BNP were effectively banned from speak- existence and presuppose a viable public frontation that has arisen. I'm not arguing for no right to say that? He has no right to publish ing because our delicate sensibilities were sphere of debate and participation. It is up to censorship, but rather self-censorship, borne of that, to print t-shirts? Perhaps he'd be free if offended by what they had to say. What hyp- each one of us, however, to bring some private consideration and thought. Civil rights confer he'd made the strategic decision to use the ocrites we are to stand up now and say; this far reason and personal responsibility to this upon us not inconsiderable power, and it is medium of cartoon. It's absolutely ridiculous. and no further. By Jove we'll show those fun- sphere. Is a right worth the offence of millions implicit that we use it with integrity and under- Where are the rights protesters, publicising the damentalists what freedom is all about. What and the deaths of innocents? Subjectively, I say standing, else we waste and jeopardise that evil of jailing a man for what appears to be a fools they are for being so easily risen. Please. yes, it probably is. Is a little self-restraint worth which ought to sustain us. genuinely-held, if grossly stupid and offensive, What serious paper would deny the holocaust, saving all that? There were so many other viewpoint. Nobody cares. I've used maybe too or call for the reintroduction of slavery? None, ways to make the point that Islam can be twist- many rhetorical questions in this paragraph, so they'd be crucified as anti-Semitic, or racist. ed towards dangerous, fanatical ends, so many I'll have to say it out straight. We're all being And, they'd be crucified by a goodly number different ways to say that religion in general Cartoons by Michael Church 10 Books TNT A Brief Tale of Two Genders As a recent survey showed Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice to be the ultimate female novels, Niamh Fleming-Farrell looks at the sexual politics of our literary favourites “The novel that pondered the notion that most of my girlfriends’ Outsider by Albert Camus, Heart of Darkness by means most to men favourite book lists would probably also contain more Joseph Conrad, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor is about indifference, similarity with the men’s list. Conversations with the Dostoevsky, The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald) alienation and lack girls have often revolved around The Catcher in the had bigger male fan groups than female fan groups. of emotional Rye, The Great Gatsby, Lord of the Rings, and Lolita, However, all four books were also listed by multiple responses.” all of which feature in the men’s top twenty and not the women. This is very much unlike the results that come This is the finding women’s. Looking at the ladies’ list my gut feeling was up when the UL study’s favourite women’s book is made by the that most of my female peers would rather read items searched. Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice appears University of from the men’s list. on Facebook as a favourite of thirty-two females and London recently and To verify this claim I took a little trip to the just one male. reported in The social experiment better known as Facebook. I typed in In the University of London survey there was Guardian. The con- the top twenty men’s titles and searched each one, only one book that appeared in both the men’s and clusion is the product counting how many females and how many males had women’s top twenty. At Trinity, this book, Harper of a survey of men to listed each book as a favourite. Unsurprisingly the Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird’s fan club is 88% female. ascertain the books results showed that for 9 out of the top 20 books more Does this mean that Trinity which they prefer and identify with the most. females had listed it as a favourite than males. Two Conducting a little research of my own it seems that books, Ullysees and Slaughterhouse 5 had equal num- women have a male mentality Trinity’s ladies may have a similar penchant for indif- bers of male and female fans. Nobody on TCD when it comes to literature? ference and alienation in their literary diet. Facebook cared for Fitzgerald’s Brighton Rock or Reading the list of the top twenty books pre- Sawyer’s The Adventure’s of Huckleberry Finn, which It is also noteworthy that Harper Lee was the only ferred by men something struck me - the majority of leaves us with a total of 7 out of the original male list female writer in the male top twenty. Does this mean these books are ones I’d class amongst my own Most of my girlfriends’ favourite that Trinity women have a male mentality when it favourites. Of course from there I sprung straight to the comes to literature? Or do they simply have wider obvious conclusion: I have a male mentality. I book lists would probably also taste in literature. The results when searching the glimpsed at the list of favourite women’s books from a contain more similarity with the Women’s list titles do indicate that Trinity’s female previous study only to have my first assumptions con- population are less gender specific when it comes to firmed. Most of the women’s list I’d shy away from men’s list fiction than their male counterparts. This suggests that, almost instantaneously for fear my face would almost being favourites of a greater number of males than in line with the UL study, women do have a greater crack with sarcasm at the happy or overly sentimental females. This demonstrates a significant female interest capacity for passionate fiction but not to the exclusion ending. in and liking for supposedly male literature, although I of the perceived damp and dull fiction which men con- But before I began booking a sex change operation I must concede that the top four men’s books (The sider important. ...And they all lived happily ever after Anna Ni Chaoimh indulges in some old skool nostalgia as she attempts to recapture her youth through the books that shaped it Many children’s books are ingrained in our subcon- underlying theology. If you haven’t yet experienced stories feature silliness and a surprising element of vio- scious. Rereading these stories can be an enlightening the magic of Narnia then now is the time. lence. These witty and charming rhymes hold all and comforting experience. Their beauty, simplicity Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll of the greatest aspects of Dahl’s work and if missed out and pure fun could help you get through this traumatis- The complex language, nonsense and riddles, teamed on them as a child (my cousin was denied these stories ing exam period. The following is a short list of some with the memorable Tenniel pictures, make this book due to their cultural subversions) it isn’t too late. of the forgotten literary treasures of childhood. utterly magnificent. The crazed subterranean civilisa- The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne tion contains a wealth of perfect satire, not just A hard-hitting novel of prose and poetry, re-examining The characters have penetrated the general conscious- the dynamic rhyming schemes and bold imagery of his ness of the western world, and are infinitely loveable. earlier work. Dr. Seuss pays homage to the theories of Each adventure inflates the importance of the mundane Freud in this lurid fantasy of a renegade feline helping and is conveniently over by tea-time. These innocent, two children understand their sexuality. If that’s all a reassuringly safe tales, and the enormously witty ele- bit much, it can be read as a very innocent and imagi- ments they contain, make the stories an absolutely nec- native story about the adventures children can have essary read. when their parents are out. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint- The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams Exupéry Accompanied by classic illustrations by William The text, which flows with a poetic, graceful simplici- Nicholson, this story offers the ultimate answer to the ty, is interspersed with forty watercolour pictures question: what is real? As the skin horse says, ‘Real drawn with a childlike gravity and yet meticulously isn’t how you are made. It’s a thing that happens to detailed. It expresses the author’s yearning for a freer, you’. more sincere and introspective world. The book is The Neverending Story by Michael Ende about understanding life and love. In the words of the Victorian England but of modern society and it’s If you were a fan of the seamless (or comical) 80’s author, ‘there are a few stories which in some way, in bizarre formalities. film version, it’s time to read the book. This tale, pred- some degree, change the world forever for their readers. Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl icated on a Great Quest and splashed with literary This is one.’ The ‘true’ stories behind fairy tales are revealed. Dahl colour, holds a moral vision of a Manichaean simplicity The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis offers very different morals to stories such as Snow and was adopted as a symbol by peace marchers world- A classic in every sense. The well-developed world, White and the Seven Dwarfs, The Three Little wide. It can be taken as seriously or as light-heartedly characters and the narrative action counterbalance the Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood and Cinderella. All the as one wishes. TNT Theatre 11 Happy Birthday Mr. Beckett As one of Dublin’s favourite sons reaches his centenary, David Lydon takes a look at the festival, and previews- some of the events put on in Samuel Beckett’s honour Samuel Beckett is a name familiar to many but well Beckett, who died in 1989, would no doubt find Beckett’s work known by few. For a man who won the Nobel Prize for the celebration unnecessary and instead rather celebrate has often proved Literature, is credited with perfecting the Theatre of the his big day in his own company. The bleak presentation difficult view- Absurd, and who has his own theatre within Trinity, he of humanity within his work does not bode well for a ing, and to see remains a figure shrouded in mystery and secrecy. Hs birthday party, but as Gate director Mchael Colgan is how the Gate theatrical calling card, Waiting for Godot, is universally quick to point out, Beckett’s work also contains moments attempts to acknowledged as being one of the great pieces of drama, of blatant optimism, from the humour in Waiting for broaden his despite being labelled by one critic as a play where Godot, to the simple humanity in Rockaby. appeal will be “Nothing happens. Twice.” Indeed, for a man who has Subsequently, thefestival events that have already interesting. One made such an important impact upon the world of the- occurred have been an overwhelming success, with more thing is for sure atre, as well as writing several novels and poems, his to follow. though – there reluctance to live in the public eye has ensured that his The festival is taking place mainly in the Gate has never been a enigmatic life will always be as famous as his work. It is Theatre, with links around Dublin and even across the better time to a well known fact that Beckett never gave a public inter- sea in London. Highlights of Beckett’s dramatic works be a fan, and the view, instead only speaking to trusted biographers and include Krapp’s Last Tape (starring John Hurt in a role he truly interna- friends about his life and work. played five years ago in Dublin), Eh Joe starring Michael tional standing It is with great anticipation that the Beckett Gambon, and of course the widely acclaimed production that the Centenary festival takes place this Spring onwards. The of Waiting for Godot. Centenary last festival, organised by the Gate theatre in 1991, was a Outside of the Gate, the Royal Hibernian Festival has great success, with Beckett’s works finding a new, Acadamy is perfoming I Not I outdoors as part of their earned should be enough to convert even the most tradi- younger audience and interest was regenerated in the own exhibition, and the National Photographic Archive tional theatre goer to the Samuel’s charms. playwright’s work. More recently, the Beckett on Film is showcasing Beckett’s life in pictures. As well as this, series gave fans the chance to witness his plays on the the Irish Film Institute is showing the Beckett on Film The Samuel Beckett Centenary Festival runs screen, the first time that this had been achieved. series, providing fans with the rare chance to see throughout April and May, with some events Therefore, the current celebration has its work cut out to Beckett’s lesser known works that were adapted for the lasting through the Summer. For full details, reach new levels of Beckett-inspired festivities, from series. Numerous other events ranging from lectures to performances in the Gate to exhibitions of photographs street theatre have been orgainised to commemeorate the the Festival website can be found at within Trinity’s own walls. man whose work mastered many genres. http://www.beckettcentenaryfestival.ie Absurdity hits Players... Dancin’ in the Streets Continuing with the Beckettian theme, Tara Robinson As the Irish International Dance Festival hits Dublin, David Lydon rounds up the recent Festival of the Absurd in our very caught up with the festival’s Artistic Director Catherine Nunes own Players Theatre The International Dance Festival of indeed a-changing. The 2004 festival saw As the nation and and theatrical context lowing days, performanc- Ireland returns from the 21st of April to the total audiences comprised of 60% O’Connell Street’s lamp- from which it emerged’. es of Edward Albee, Luigi the 7th May with a programme promising newcomers to the medium. The diversity posts commemorate the The ‘Theatre of the Pirandello, Harold Pinter the most diverse rage of events yet. The amongst the performances, ranging from face of Samuel Beckett Absurd’ was a term coined and Tom Stoppard were success of the previous festivals in both hip hop to ballet, ensures that the even (and his contribution to by Martin Esslin to group shown, supplemented by a 2002 and 2004 has earned the event the most obscure Dance fans shall be sat- theatre), DU Players held together the anti-rational- rich assortment of annual status with increased funding isfied. Despite the open intake of audi- their own tribute. ist playwrights from the lunchtime readings and from the Irish Arts Council. Artistic ence, the quality is always assured to be Although unable to per- mid 1900s who subverted talks. Director Catherine Nunes claims the high, especially if the performances of form his works, Players logic and relished in the No doubt Beckett would Festival offers events for both dance Swan Lake and the visiting French and held a series of innovative unexpected. The overall have heartily disapproved newcomers and the most experienced German companies are anything to go by. rehearsed readings for his effect showed the human of the large birthday cake enthusiasts, with performances in both Nunes states that the Festival aims to 100th Birthday on the 13th situation as fundamentally and Players’ jollity in the Abbey and the Project Arts centre. As challenge expectations and reinvent the to mark a finale of their meaningless and absurd Front of House on his well as the recitals, there are a series of perception of Dance in Irealnd, with the ‘Festival of the Absurd’. and was well achieved birthday. But, however masterclasses given by the performers, opening performance of Belgian Ballet This theatrical throughout the fortnight of nauseous the Beckett afi- offering world class lectures and opportu- likely to push the boundaries of the medi- bonanza lasted 13 days (a festivities. cionados may feel on his nities for budding young dancers. um. very Beckettian number The opening behalf, there remains an The audience for Dance is still relatively The brochure for the Festival contains a indeed) and aimed to night of the festival was a important function for cel- young in Ireland, and Nunes would be the handy ‘Beginner’s Guide’ to Dance, explore and celebrate showcase of virtuoso stu- ebratory festivals of this first to point out that the developing which highlights the focus on generating dramatists associated with dent creativity: an evening kind: increasing the acces- nature of the festival means that times are the already broad appeal that Dance the Absurdist movement of sketches and short writ- sibility of some of the gains. As all styles of Dance are featured or subsequently inspired ten pieces in response to greatest works produced as part of the programme, this year’s by it. Festival director the Absurd. From a man’s for theatre. And even occasion looks like being the biggest yet, Ciaran O’Melia one-way conversation Beckett couldn’t have so be sure to take the opportunity to explained: ‘In order to dif- with a dead body to a pair argued that getting the broaden your theatrical horizons over the ferentiate from the events of monks eating a people in and forcing next four weeks and take advantage of around Dublin we wanted McDonald’s meal in them to think (and another high quality and high profile to look at Beckett from lengthy silence, ‘the laugh) was a bad event in Dublin. another angle and so bizarre’ was exploited in thing. Full information on the Dance Festival decided to show his work every way and the fun was can be found at : within the contemporary had. Throughout the fol- www.dancefestivalireland.ie 12 Fashion TNT How to grow old fabulously turquoise scarf or hear the click of a red ageing mansions and blind, there is something so Emma O’Donoghue stiletto cushioned by a pick sock. It is the force young protégés to compelling about her state- On the margins of society they stand – way of the future for those of us who fall in love with our ment ‘yes, I was beautiful rarely being watched but always watch- dare to be different. It is a sign of hope sexually barren nieces? once’. Pat is a result of that ing. Struggling, ambling, poking around in a world that favours the young and Do the frills, the inevitable fear we all have on some busy street, heading in the beautiful. Who among us has not fanta- colours and the acces- of losing our identity with direction of the nearest dispenser of ther- sised about having a toy boy by the name sories only have an our looks. Its almost as mal underwear – oh yes, they know what of Caesar or Fabio handing us Martinis effect when there is an though she wants to freeze practicality is in this cold, damp climate. as we waltz to the music of a uncompromising genius time, to recreate the look Around midday they can be seen flock- Mediterranean quartet? Is it utterly ludi- to accompany them? she had when she felt she ing to bus stops in a rambling multitude crous to desire that kind of attention Take Vivienne was at her physical and sex- of ticket waving, stick prodding and re- when our youthful looks have faded? Or Westwood for example. ual peak. She is a parody usable shopping bag rustling. I am lost in is it the ‘glamorous granny’s’ way of This woman is undis- and yet a startling reflection saying ‘I’ll wear what I like – I’m out of putedly an absolute of a woman who is proud of a sea of old women. Nobody wants to The rather fabulous confront the ageing body but this sight is here soon enough anyway’? Maybe it’s genius when it comes what she is despite every- what we have come to expect on a daily as innocent as the combination of poor to fashion – challeng- Vivienne Westwood thing and she wants to pro- basis. Plaid, pastel and floral dresses, eyesight and thrift shop bargains kept at ing conformity at every claim it to the world with or hand knitted cardigans, headscarves and eye level to avoid unnecessary bending turn and applying that acute eye for the without consulting a mirror first. Who very very practical footwear. The result down. sublimely unique to her own dress. At a needs a mirror when you have four pairs of a lifetime of getting wet and dealing What makes a ‘glamorous nicely seasoned sixty-four years of age of disco ball earrings anyway? with blisters. More power to their prag- granny’? Does eccentricity only work she has more glamour and style than you The ‘glamorous granny’ does matism. when we live embittered and hostile in can shake a walking stick at. She not necessarily need wealth or eccentrici- However there is a separate cat- believes that ‘eccentricity is such a badge ty to be fabulous – she has lived long egory of women that dispense with ther- of honour to be given in these conformist enough to be proud of who she is. All mal underwear (the naughty rogues) and times’. She thrives in the confrontation she needs is the realisation that style is use headscarves only to polish their sil- with humdrum fashion trends and love or an accessory to any age, and like most verware. They are the ones that waver hate her, she knows what she’s doing, things it can only get better with prac- between wanting and not wanting to be claiming ‘you have a much better life if tice. Is it so wrong to want poke your seen. Though they hover on the peripher- you wear impressive clothes’. head out from behind the plaid head- al of the world of fashion, they still With this sentiment let me now scarf? To want to retain some old beauty strive to keep one foot in the door of turn to another well-seasoned lady on the or create something new? I defy you ‘fabulous darling’. Words like ‘exotic’, opposite end of the social spectrum. She beige overcoats and woolly thermals, let ‘eccentric’ and in some cases ‘downright has been described as ‘hard as nails’ and me walk in my stilettos and parade scary’ have all been used to discern some a ‘first class survivor’. Pat Butcher – around with my toy boy on my arm! logic in the fascinating world of the Eastender’s battle-axe and ex working Whatever we do let us take pride in get- ‘glamorous granny’. These women are girl is truly a sight to behold! Gracing ting old. Though I must admit most of us usually less noticeable on the streets of our TV screens with a barrage of colours lucky enough to get there should be Dublin but occasionally if you’re very The most glam of all the grans, that will blind you and earrings that will grateful we can walk, let alone in stilet- lucky you may catch a flash of a Pat Butcher make you glad her colours made you tos. Billion Dollar Blow-Out is a wash-out A day of designer shopping at half the price. It’s what fashion-scene-ster dreams about. So why was the ‘Billion Dollar Babes’ show- case such an anticlimax? By Carmen Bryce When I heard about an event premiering from the landslide of hideous garments of a drizzly Dublin day, the reality of the about the free bottled water than the in Dublin that was offering over forty that we ventured to try on? I am not a event was more Paradise Lost than selection of clothes on offer. designer labels with a discount of up to religious person, but to me the whole day Garden of Eden. The male models disap- All things aside however, try not 80%, I couldn’t believe my ears. ‘Billion was like being in fashion purgatory rather peared with a poof and what we encoun- to let me to discourage you from going Dollar Babes,’ an event being held in the than fashion heaven. It was as if I was tered instead was rows upon rows of last along to the second ‘Billion Dollar’ event IFSC, Custom House Quay, promised to being punished for wearing those leg- season’s rejected stock, crowds of agitat- on May 20th. Second time around is be a day not to miss, with a landslide of warmers back in the late 90’s or for those ed shoppers, sweaty, communal changing bound to be a better organised and more discounts on labels such as Vivienne streaky highlights when I was 15… rooms and price tags that would leave us inspired event with any creases firmly Westwood, True Religion, Diane Von alright then, 21. in debt until we were forty-five. The ironed out. A good thing about the event Furstenberg, and Ghost to name just a The day started on our arrival to event seemed to me no better than an up- was the fact that all proceeds go to few. Although this was its first time to hit a queue of women longer than the Great market TK Maxx, but without the appeal Action Breast Cancer which is reason the Emerald Isles, the ‘Billion Dollar Wall of China. After a bit of chancing my of a two digit price tag. Despite being enough for everyone to go along and try Babes’ events have proven undeniably arm with the PR girl (Me -while looking surrounded by designer gear, there was it for themselves. My advice is to get popular in fashion capitals such as Los disenchanting at my finger nails and nothing available that was less than 3 there early, preparing to line up from as Angeles, New York, Chicago and London yawning- “Ya, Ya Trinity News, that’s seasons old and the discounts were really early as 7am or be willing to folk out a amongst celebrities, stylists, publicists right.” Her- looking very blond and very not all that impressive. ‘ ‘ sum for the VIP day which promises a and the fashion hungry public. unimpressed- “Like whatever, go ahead”) ‘Westwood,Westwood everywhere and wider selection of gear. If nothing else, Hollywood starlets including Naomi we skipped the begrudging crowd, not a drop to buy.’ Arriving at 1pm per- go for the pure entertainment you’ll get Watts, Claire Danes, Kim Cattrall and clutching our wallets in earnest anticipa- haps we left it far too late for any decent from seeing your best friend squeeze into Juliette Lewis have been spotted scanning tion. If shopping is a stimulant, we selection or perhaps that after the VIP an Issey Miyake, disco diva-esque, glit- the rows upon rows of designer treads. expected this event to leave us as high as event the previous day, all offers had tery dress two sizes too smal. One hour The ‘New York Times’ called it ‘The kites. I envisioned an Eden of exclusive been swiped. Maybe it was geography was enough for me however and on my greatest fashion story ever told,’ offers with, if I dared to venture, muscle that put a dampener on the event as flatmate’s suggestion we headed straight ‘Cosmopolitan’ named it ‘Cream of the bound and scantily clad male models Ireland is clearly not LA, lacking perhaps to TopShop, where the clothes were in Fashion Crop’ So why did my friends and catering to our every whim. Perhaps the the glamour and sophistication necessary season, laid out in order of size and I leave the venue empty-handed, feeling oiled up models was a bit of wishful for these events. Whatever the reason, I where we had a cosy little cubicle all to dejected and psychologically scarred thinking on my part, but in the cold light left bitterly disappointed, more excited ourselves. TNT Fashion 13 The Life and Passion of Jerry Osei-Tutu Kerrie Forde talks to the very young and very talented up-and-coming designer Jerry Osei-Tutu I have a friend who tells me lies on MSN rics frequented in his collections seem instant messenger. That’s where my story emblematic of his heritage, even his pol- begins with Jerry Osei-Tutu. A story, ished appearance lends him a some-what rather than an interview. The narra- regal air. When I bring up his age I give tive….. Jerry, ‘one of the boys’, used to him a subject he can bounce off, he takes go home early from when he was like 17, it and takes it very seriously. His real so that he could design clothes. Now, he age, he reveals, was something he only has his own fashion house and was nomi- recently revealed to the public, despite nated for Entrepreneur of the year at the the fact it was a topic that was introduced Urban Music Awards 2005. It sounded all the time. He explains that, “if you’re elaborate, it wasn’t from a credible young in business people take advantage source but it happened and its happening of you, if you’re young in fashion people and a week later I sat in front of the think you’re not ‘there’ yet.” young designer after contacting his PA, But what could it possibly feel friend in tow, smoking away at the bar. like to have achieved so much at 20? My fingers relax on the keyboard for a Interestingly he points out the fact that good seven seconds while I revise my when he looks at his competitors, many use of the words ‘young’ and ‘designer’. of whom are twice his age, he thinks His youth and his occupation, the two about what he might accomplish in things combined that make him incredi- another twenty years time. It makes me ble, yet as I was to learn, for Jerry, being think, whether in the future I’ll be talking about meeting a person who was very much preparing an assault on the fashion world if not yet defining it. The disad- vantage. The fact that when he goes to source his materials people don’t recog- nise him and just look at him as a stu- dent. It seems like pessimism towards his age might just be a reaction to his cur- want something you will do it. Again High-street fashion, Jerry main- rent, maybe daily struggles to get things what prevails is the idea of sacrifice. tains, is somewhat of an oxy-moron. done. When I meet him in Covent Jerry lets me know, ‘I’m 20, but I can’t Everyone looks the same. It’s not what Garden, on a day when he actually has be seen drunk, hanging off the side of a fashion should be about. With designer the evening off and tells me to take my lamppost, people will think that’s how I labels losing sales and impact in the time, he’s carrying his briefcase and UK’s industry, its refreshing to find looks like maybe he’s had a difficult I’m 20 but I can’t be seen someone who agrees that although its morning. That’s not something I actually drunk, hanging off the side cheap its not exactly cheerful to look at asked him about, but it took a relaxed of a lamppost, people will an identical, cut, pattern, shape, design Jerry, ten minutes in to the interview to think that’s how I run my on every young person on the street. I half heartedly decide that actually maybe ask him whether his natural reaction is to the good overcomes the bad. business walk into a room and survey what people Jerry explains how he started run my business.’ are wearing and right now I remember when he was seventeen and made his Its men’s fashion that really his comment ‘my eyes see all.’ Jerry decisions, then, to give up the luxuries interests Jerry. He wants to see a change describes an experience whereby he once that one might associate with a young in the way men look; he comments that went to a party wearing jeans and a pink person. When he left college he worked the way men dress, in general, is terrible. shirt and when he saw others in similar four jobs, whatever it took to finance the That’s where Jerry comes in; when he attire, he ordered a glass of wine, drank it label, with a business plan at the age of used to walk in to a room in people and left. 13, he pursued his dream with absolute would look twice and that’s what I started the interview by plac- The young and talented Jerry conviction. I was curious about what inspired him to become a designer. ing a page of famous quotes about fash- Osei-Tutu Jerry was like as a schoolboy, whether he Jerry’s collections for men look slightly ion and clothes before Jerry and asked was the type of kid who teachers would feminine, indulgent and luxurious, daring him to pick the one he felt he most relat- young and being in business, doesn’t have predicted as a character who, defi- even. He will not design something that ed to. He chose James Laver’s, ‘clothes have solely positive implications and the nitely would leave and become a suc- he wouldn’t wear himself and ninety per- are not the clothes of the body, but of the person whom I met carried himself with cessful entrepreneur. There’s something cent of the time he wears his own label. mind’. I expected him to choose this, this a flare and voice very much beyond his romantic in that notion, the way teachers When he does wear other brands, he is an idea that is indulged on his website, years. I left the interview with two dis- like to think they see the future. I won- likes brands that ‘actually’ put work into pictures of his latest collections are tinct feelings, one best described as an dered whether that was what they saw in their clothes, rather than just taking accompanied with descriptions of the acute fear that it really does take an him and whether it was voiced at parent- what’s on the high street and doing it in type of people he envisions wearing ‘individual’, to achieve something other evenings. Jerry tells me that this was another colour. Jerry attended the Urban them. Jerry makes it clear that he chan- than a white-collared existence, to follow absolutely not the case, he was the Music Awards 2005 as a nominee for nels his feelings through fashion, with a the dream you always had instead of con- naughty kid, but not naughty in the sense best entrepreneur, wearing a suit covered self-confessed tendency to mumble and veniently learning to repress them, the that everyone was scared of him, just the in stunning floral patterns, capturing the speak with little clarity; this is his way of older you get. The other was recognition class clown. He would funk up the uni- attention of the press as soon as he hit expressing himself. Meeting Jerry recon- of the ‘personal’, in everything that you form in an attempt to be different, there the red carpet. I actually got really excit- firmed my beliefs about fashion and in do, hence the absence of an interview was always a desire to stand out but he ed when he started talking about the suit, fashion. What we choose to wear, con- format. wasn’t known for being particularly cre- it was the first piece of his I saw on his sciously or subconsciously, tells its own Jerry paid tribute to his surname ative. When I ask him about the advice website and I feel that any real attempt to story. And if it’s possible that you don’t by labelling the fashion house ‘Osei- he would give to someone who wanted to describe it would do the suit no justice. really have a story to tell, I’d go with Mr Tutu,’ a royal name, being a distant rela- go into the fashion business or simply Jerry smiles with the acknowledgement Wilde himself, ‘if you can’t be a work of tion to the current King of Ghana. pursue any competitive career, his that his clothes really do work for him. art, wear a work of art’. Certainly the bold colours and rich fab- answer is simply, if you really really It’s his territory. 14 Staying In TNT Why Reality TV might just be the best thing on television (seriously...)

well-being. That it's basically a pile of that makes it much easier to influence at the camera, "CAN YOU?" and then Hannah Scally trash. I can sympathise with those who and distract somebody against their will. the huge solid-looking wall behind him give out about TV. I have, on occasion, I have a confusing relationship with tele- SLIDES BACK to reveal a big cheering “Military intelligence is to intelligence been them. With Reality TV (cheap to vision. I watch all these rubbishy shows, studio audience, the camera swings what military music is to music”, said make, hugely profitable) infecting the and enjoys them Groucho Marx. What reality TV is to schedules, most of which is yawnsome It's not just TV. Or, it is TV. It “Despite my many ojections to reality? Despite my many objections to artifice, it seems like television has taken presents us with one of the most compli- the ‘genre’, I keep getting the 'genre', ethical, intellectual, aesthetic a turn for the worse. cated, self-aware, multi-layered ways of or otherwise, I keep getting hooked. But the question about whether seeing ourselves that I know. This really hooked...” Having scorned Big Brother for the past TV is essentially good or bad has been hit me one evening watching the end of two years, I found myself shouting at around since its early days, and has never the second series of the American around 180_ and we're suddenly looking Pete doing something annoying on the really gone away. Alistair Cooke in the Apprentice: So far we've been watching from the audience at the boardroom table recent Celebrity Big Brother. 70's argued that it is simply a medium, what is tagged as a 'reality' TV show, we thought was in some skyscraper or I met someone who doesn't like writing, that can be good or bad done in a documentary style with the other, now on stage in a television studio. watch TV. He announced this one depending on how you use it. Which is, participants blatantly playing up to the Everyone's cheering and advising Trump. evening in a dramatic kind of way. He to a cer- camera. In the He decides on the apprentice, and then said: "I don't watch TV". Then he took a tain last episode, the the band who had a hit with the theme really long swig from his beer, and put extent final two go tune come on and sing it live. on some sunglasses (or clearly wanted to, true - into the board- I am watching an 'intensive job anyway). except room to find out interview". Reality TV, yes? Except we When someone does this you that, who's going to all know it's stirred up for the camera, have two options. The first is to act all more get the job. never mind that bit. I, as average punter, interested and say "Really? Why?", hop- than ever, Everyone dis- am empathising with interviewees - also, ing you're not about to find out that they writing cusses it. The supposedly, average punters. My opinion have some kind of tiresome objection to and cir- tension is build- of them changes; I'm on one person's it. Really, the only kind of answer that I culation ing. The final side and then the other. Except in the want in that situation is "because it's of writ- two leave the boardroom, where I suddenly become haunted". Or "because when my great ing is room again. Donald Trump. "You go Donald. Tell aunt died she left us all her money, on available They wait. him. That's so true." So now I'm switch- the condition that nobody enters the left- to all, We've been ing between them. Then in the finale, I hand side of the house ever again." whereas waiting all am the studio audience. And I am at Anything else is likely to be a patronis- broad- series for this home, watching the audience watching ing response to your enthusiatic descrip- casting is moment. They the participants of a Reality TV show tion of the latest something or other. The in the are called back taking place on a stage. second option is to say "Mm." They'll hands of in. Music builds I have some serious problems probably elaborate anyway whether you a select tension. Donald with most of the TV that I watch. I par- like it or not, but try not to give them few. Trump looks at ticularly resent the Nickleodeon/MTV that moment. Writing them. Tries to blob that tries to suck you in and sell you There is, he was right, some- is writ- decide. And a warped, commercial image of life from thing fairly unusual about this. Television ing, tele- then - this is the the age of two. I watch and enjoy the takes up a surprisingly large proportion vision is brilliant bit - he shows that do this. I also think that it is of our time. But he is far from the first a rapid says (something important to watch it and work out what person to suggest that it is not worth succesion like) "I can't is happening. It is possible to select the watching at all, or that it is somehow of sounds decide." Then, 'good' programmes from the rubbish. dertrimental to our mental and physical and images Donald Trump from ‘The Apprentice’.Whoever looking straight made that wig should be fired Everything you could ever possibly need to know about life can be learnt from television

Hannah Scally still" moment, compose a selection in - Keeping up an inner monologue makes advance to cover a variety of situations. you more interesting. Because J.D. is - Learn from the soaps: Never trust any- If you can get away with it, simply steal actually kind of a boring, mean guy. body. If your friend keeps looking slyly from an obscure show. Don't steal from - Things always go back to normal. to the left when you ask him a question, Friends or Buffy. You will be exposed. Remember when Chandler moved to he's probably stealing from you. Texas? When Sally left Kevin in - Wearing all black still makes you look Coronation Street? No matter how crazy cool. That guy with the safety-pin coat things get, normal life will reassert itself, who wanders around campus has realised and one morning you will wake up to this. find the person you thought was dead - Use witty one-liners. Particularly effec- having a shower, and realise it was all a tive just before you kill somebody. Those dream. who are naturally witty are at an advan- - Whenever something remotely upsets tage here, but there's no need to give up you, talk about it. Talk about it for hours just because it comes to you on the bus and hours, using the longest words possi- home. To avoid that "wait, wait, I'll think ble, and you too could have your own of one in a second, everybody just stay Don’t steal your one-liners from Buffy Creek. Use long words, like Dawson TNT Going Out 15 Top 5 things to do in Trinity this week

Get your ass in gear and Catch the most important Gotten your ticket for the Check out the bottom of Wish us luck! Trinity take part in at least one of the Champions League Trinity Ball yet? If you your cans of Bavaria in the News are up for a record of the many activities- semi-finals tonight in the buy your ticket this week Pav on Friday night - fifteen awards at the being run as part of Buttery as Barcelona try then you could win one of whoever finds the golden National Student Media Sports week all week to keep their lead over 5 weekend passes to the ticket on their can wins a Awards on Wednesday long Milan. HiFi Festival! ticket to the Ball. night in Spirit. The Club Review: Buck Whaley’s Claire Keaveny and Scoreboard Donal Carey Entry: 4/5 Free in but usually a long queue, You don’t always intend to go to Bucks cos who thinks that far ahead on but more often than not you find yourself a night out there falling down the steps. You always Bouncers: 3/5 know your in some state when the enlightenment to go to bucks comes into Nice, friendly but mean cos they your head or you might just be following don’t let you in sometimes, but that elusive B€$$ girl’s conversation, they do have to deal with the that of course you eavesdropped earlier, drunkest people in town. and are hoping she’s be that bit more ine- Bar Service: 2/5 briated to look at you twice inside. For whatever your reasons, you know the Never much of a queue, food is night just got that bit better. slow though For the Hamilton students, who Crowd: 4/5 rarely make it past the Gingerman and Drunkest, latest partying people Copper’s, Bucks (as we affectionately in Dublin call it) is a wine bar on Leeson Street Scoring ability: 2/5 that opens to the amazing hour of 4 in Be careful when handing over your credit card in Buck’s... the morning. And yes, there is a catch; Unless spadework has been done they only sell piss wine at hugely inflat- unless you go there to review a club or you are you will notice how nasty it is. previously, chances are slim. It’s ed prices. Clare is great. Rumour of great are unfortunate enough to be designated One thing that is savage about this place driver. You are immediately hit by the is their food. It’s not your typical late more for the banter. late-night grub and free admittance Music: 3/5 always make it seem like the best idea centre oval bar and a menu is some-how night eatery, but it serves amazing chips ever. We don’t know when it opens, no- thrust upon you, although its quite clear to club sandwiches. Cost is unknown, Nothing spectacular, gets the job one does. your gonna get the cheapest thing going, quality is unbelievable. done The queue is random. There’s a and we don’t mean the other thing The crowd is great, the regular Toilets: 2/5 small time span between 2.15 and 2.20 Leeson St is famous for (which rumour followers are strictly D4 with many a has it is cheaper than a bottle of Bucks rich yuppie willing to buy any fake Not the best in town when the queue is non existent. Any later Bar prices: 1/5 you’re into the flurries leaving the sur- wine). tanned girl a nice beautiful Baileys milk- rounding nightclubs and you could be On a Manic Monday, it’s a quiet shake. Some randomer’s always find Bad wine should never be this waiting in the cold night air for as long respectable one room intimate wine bar their way but are as stoically drunk as the expensive, especially when you as an hour. Some might ask; why would with miniature dancefloor, even though rest so they blend in quite discreetly. can buy it for €2 in Spain. you bother? But the reason for going your moves might be massive – exam- Also people rarely being able to see three ples of these ‘moves’ can be seen cour- feet in front of them, means the crowd there is always unsure (unless your in the RANDOM SCORES unstoppable quest for drink) so the ques- tesy of Rob Quinn, with thanks to our isn’t all that important. tion is never asked. Once at the big burly SVP President’s Bebo: [http://storanbj. Music is standard – hit the Smoking area: 4/5 Surprisingly bouncers blocking the stairs, you’re bebo.com] While a busy weekend brings dancefloor and dance to radio pop. There big for the size of the place unsure how to get past, rumour is flash a the masses and it’s suddenly a two are two sets of toilets. Bizarre ones Lateness of opening: 5/5 credit card and no matter what state your roomed establishment with two extra underneath the entry stairs have ridicu- bars, and another miniature dancefloor, lously low ceilings and don’t have a lot Where else worthwhile going to in, your in the door. opens that late? They’ve realise the goldmine in this one more suitable for knee-slides of room for gossiping/bitching at the forcing people to put their coats into the and other such shenanigans. mirror. There are more toilets, equally as cloakroom, or maybe they know that coat Drinking in Dublin is expensive hidden, behind the smoking area. These OVERALL SCORE = 30/50 If thieves are rampant in South County but drinking is Bucks is extortionate. are bigger with a lot more room for your drunk enough and have Dublin and are just looking out for you People have been known to max their maneuverability, as some have found out cards at those lethal bars. Wine starts at a to their pleasure, wink wink. Now for deep enough pockets it’s always in your drunken state! The décor is cring- going to be a good call going to ingly eighties, but you never quite realise measly €33 and no matter how drunk some scores everyone can enjoy… Bucks. 16 Bits and Pieces TNT What’s burning up the TNT Office this issue... Erasure - A Little Respect So good that Wheatus (remember them?) covered it, as did the cast of Scrubs in one episode. Cheese-tastic. Crap music special! A-ha - Take on Me Neurobiologists have recently discovered that it is physically impossible to listen to Hot hot heat Take on Me without singing along and kidding yourself that you can reach the high notes. Lovely burgers in the Toto - Africa Buttery From that brief spell in the 80s when it was cool to sing about exotic destinations (well there was UltraVox - Mmm, tasty Vienna anyway) this is a classic example of one man and his desire for a whole continent. Arsenal being knocked Bruce Springsteen - Dancing in the Dark out of the Champions Bruce has a crap job, his girlfriend isn’t very supportive and he ain’t gonna take it no more. Or something. League Ok this hasn’t actually hap- Separated at Birth It’s time for... pened yet but we’re hopeful Utterly Useless Creme egg bars Facts of the Week! Easter doesn’t have to end with this, possibly the greatest 1. The four statues on the chocolate-based invention ever Campanile represent the origi- in the history of the world nal four faculties- Law, Medicine, Divinity and Society AGMs Classics Keep your eye for these- loads of free alcohol and occasional- 2. You mostly breathe from ly even finger food only one nostril at a time Sprightly 70-something Trinity 134-year old lothario and gen- legend Matt the Jap eral legend Hans Moleman 3. Someone on Earth reports Ricky Gervais on The seeing a UFO every three min- Simpsons One is a wrinkled, stooped, foreign elderly gentleman who utes Yawn. Would have been fun- communicates through a series of unintelligible mutters and nier if he’d just played him- remains a somewhat enigmatic figure... and the other is... 4. Microsoft made $16,005 in self. Matt the Jap! (Touché! Hohoho). With their distinctive skin- revenue in its first year of oper- colour that fetching shade of yellow, both gentlemen have ation Bebo attained cult status in their respective areas, Hans as a respect- Meh. There’s only so much ed denzien of Springfield and Matt as a much-loved part of 5. The first condoms were you can do before it gets bor- the Trinity ‘Experience’. Gentlemen, we salute you both. made on linen (Yowza!) ing. Glad ISS aren’t banning it though... 6. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise Exams Psst... Witness the inverse rule of 7. Right-handed people live on Ladies, brace yourselves -we have weather and studying: as soon average nine years longer than as it gets warm again we have some news that may both shock and left handed people (Ed: to spend hours inside studying awe you. If the rumour mill is to be Damnit!) believed (and we stress if) then the Final edition of Trinity News knicker-wettingly fabulous Take That 8. Walt Disney was afraid of for the year may be popping in to the Trinity Ball mice Well folks, it’s been fun. We’ll to play a set when they finish their miss you. gig in the Point that night. Deep 9. Caligula made his horse a senator breaths everyone. Ice ice baby Now we must stress that this is still a 10. ‘Jaws’ is the most common rumour and not to be taken as defi- name for a goldfish nite. However our sources are rather Take That: Phwoar! good on this; and so if it turns out to be true, remember 11. Neil Armstrong stepped where you heard it first... onto the moon left foot first