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1992 Amicus Curiae (Vol. 2, Issue 13)
Repository Citation "Amicus Curiae (Vol. 2, Issue 13)" (1992). Student Newspaper (Amicus, Advocate...). 344. https://scholarship.law.wm.edu/newspapers/344
Copyright c 1992 by the authors. This article is brought to you by the William & Mary Law School Scholarship Repository. https://scholarship.law.wm.edu/newspapers Swan Song for Mychal's Myopia, page 22 I CUS CW{J.!ll1£ AMERICA'S FIRST LAW SCHOOL
A Publication of The Adt10cate
VOLUME fl, ISSUE THIRTEEN WEDNESDAY,APRIL 1,1992 lWFNTY FOUR PAGES Student referendum on ranks slated for next week By ANDREW SMITH and fallen in the 46th percentile, while a grade point class rank will remain the same. In addi The Office of Career Planning and student with an average of 2.951 would The proposed system will be much tion. if this student can manage to raise her Placement, in conjunction with the SBA have been ranked 30 students lower, in the more forgiving. Both of the students in cumulative GPA by only 0.005 of a grade and the Academic Status Committee, has 62nd percentile. While the difference the above example will have their GPAs point in the next semester, then she can devised a new class ranking system, between a student's being in the top half rounded to 3.0 and both will be ranked in join the next higher echelon of 3.1 G PAs, whereby GPAs will be calculated to two or the top two-thirds of his or her class the 46th percentile. While the student collectively ranked in the 34th percentile, decimal places and then rounded to one. understandably makes a significant dif with the 3.045 may be upset that she is In addition. the proposed system provides ference to employers, for students the being lumped with the 2.951 GPA, she See, EQUITY?, page 24 that first-year students would not be ranked difference can be less than one-tenth of a will not suffer actual harm because her until the end of the first year, while sec ond- and third-year students would con tinue to be ranked each semester. Moot Court's ABA team sweeps regionals The new system will be the subject of By STEVE SHEBEST as they handily defeated teams bailing rounds, causing the team to lose a point. non-binding a student referendum to be The Marshall-Wythe ABA Moot Court from North Carolina Central University, Simon, the tournament administrator held next week. Results of the referendum team of Rick Hricik.l.auren Schaefer and Campbell University, University of Bal who' s last name remains a mystery, de will be submitted to the faculty, who must Bill Wilder dominated the Regional timore and the University of Maryland. scribed himself as "a self-proclaimed ar give the proposal their approval in order Tournament in Baltimore, last weekend, "Everyone was being coached, and rogant asshole" and "proud of it". He for it to be enacted. capturing the Best Brief Award on their taking everything very seriously," said began the meeting by requiring someone Under the current scheme, GPAs are way to an undefeated first place finish and Corker. "We went in with an attitude to from each team to wave when he called carried to three decimal places. Many the right to compete at the National have fun, had no coach, and didn't take their team. Wilder, apparently misun members of the M -W community, both Tournament in San Francisco this August ourseJves seriously," added Hricik 'The derstanding the instructions, started a ~hJ£lent~ and faculty alike. feel the cllrrent The team nf Rnh Rarhnur. CliH Cad-er. 0Iber team.q didn't mke WI s;eriouslyeither:" smmll171 styJe wave when M -W was ca11ed system is unfair because an incremental and Mike k Vicker advanced as iar as Trouble seemed to be brewing for the and was quickly joined by Hricik. The difference in GPA can result in an enor- the semifmal round, missing third place- M.arshall-Wythe teams at the meeting wave didn't catch on, with Simon being mous disparity in class rank. -and the opportunity to go to the National where announcements were made as to particularly \IDappreciative and chastising For example, in last year' s graduating Tournament-by a mere 111 100 of a point which teams would advance. Barbour, class, a student with an average of 3.045 The patented laid back approach of the Corker, and McVicker had made a tech- See, MOOT, page 24 would have been ranked 90th in the class M-W teams caught competitors off guard, nieal error in one of their preliminary • rFr======~ Cartee elected new SBA preSIdent By KEVIN KRONER impact." He speculated that "Thall k e,'eryo lll.:, Ire III CIl Joe Cartee (2L) fought off Humphrey's action was one of dOllsl y," for their 'upport and tough competition from first-year the keys to avoiding a runoff said she was "tremendously candidates John Brownlee and election. happy with the way things turned Kyle Short to win the SBA presi When asked why she with out" dential election last week. drew from the race, Humphrey Both Brownlee and Short said Cartee avoided a runoff elec said she entered the race when they didn't regret running, al tion by garnering 51 % of the she thought that no other second though both feel that Cartee will vote, against 29% for Shorr, 17% year student would be running. do a fme job as SBA president for Brownlee, and 3% for write Humphrey felt the voters should Brownlee decided to put his name in candidate Dave Pernini (IL). at least have a choice between on the ballot for SBA vice Overall, 394 students turned out levels of experience, as well as president saying he still wants to to vote. Judicial Council mem different platforms. contribute and that he counts the ber Steve Gerber (3L) said that When Cartee entered the race, election as a great learning ex the turnout was especially high Humphrey not only felt that he perience. among first years. was the best candidate for the Short said he "appreciates Cartee attributed his victory job, but that he wanted the post everyone voting and getting in to his reputation among second more than she did. When faced volved, and hopes it [the in years and the support of outgoing with the dilemma of campaign volvement] continues." He de SBA president Richard Brooks. ing against the person she felt cided not to run for any other According to Cartee, students was most qualifIed for the job, office after Monday's defeat who knew him, knew he would Humphrey decided to withdraw represent them well. Addition on the Friday before the election. See, PREZ, page 24 ally, Brooks lobbied members of Humphrey said she wanted to the third-year class, attempting to explain Cartee's qualifications for the post of SBA president - Inside this issue ------Perhaps the biggest story of • Law Related Ed Project • College Pres candidates the election was the withdrawal reaches locaJ students. Page 3. answer questions. Page 4-6. M-W professor Paul Marcus, portrayed of Tracy Humphrey (2L) from by Joe Quigley (_L) fmds a comment the race, only days before the • Women ' s history month • Retum efMarshall-Wythe's from the audience at ubel Night 'just election. When asked about the focuses on law, politics Page 7. favorite tabloid. Page 9. shocking." See story page 20. effect of Humphrey's departure, Cartee said it had a "very big 2======Wednesday, April I, 1992 THE AMIcus CuRIAE Out of our heads From the Editors ... This year's SBA Libel Night faculty and staff probably taken for granted as part of the In an intense setting like law school, people often neglect their had one of the best turn-outs in wouldn't have made much of an status quo. more artistic and creative sides. Yet these sides are as important years, with about 300 people impression on us had it not been But as Alperstein points out, to one's long tenn health and happiness as any book award or six COOling out for an evening of free for the excellent Featured Com all of us--students and faculty figure starting salary. Luckily, I have been graced with the entertainment and laughs. Un mentary submitted for this issue a1ike--Iose out as a result of the presence of many such talented souls on the staff of the newspa fortunately, only about 5 of the by Brian AIperstein (IL). For current status quo. We hope that per this year. people in attendance were those of us who have been here a everyone in the Marsha1I-W ythe In keeping with a tradition begun long ago, and renewed last members of the faculty or ad while, the lack of interaction community will read the com year, I have the distinct honor of publishing The Weekly World ministration. between the students and the ments on page 8 and give them Ambulance Chaser in this issue as our April Fool's Day tribute This lack of attendance by the faculty and administration is serious consideration. to the law school. As with Libel ' Night, no aspect of life at Marshall-Wythe has been deemed taboo. To those we have not offended in this issue, we sincerely apologize and express our Letters sincerest intentions to make up the slight next year. This year's gloomy job market, parking woes and general To the Editor, Those pledging $51 or more McHale will provide the musical malaise have provided rich fodder for this year' s Chaser. In Monday marked the begin will receive a free t-shirt with the entertainment for the evening. addition to events unique to Marshall-Wythe this year, readers ning of the Public Service Fund's Pledge Week slogan of "It's the The Grad Thing officially he will find features about the usual cast of characters who make life annual Pledge Week, a five-day tip of the iceburg," reflecting the gins at 7:30, but early arrival is here so lively. fundraising drive revolving vast array of need and opportu advised so that the widest range While some will find a hint of truth in this satire, we urge around student and facuIty nity in public interest law. Ev of chilis will be available for everyone to read these pages in the spirit in which they are pledges of one day's worth of eryone who pledges any amount sampling. Twenty contestants intended. We are, of course, powerless to prevent subjective summer earnings to PSF. Addi will pick up a button inscribed are expected to put forth a pot of projections of underlying themes or author's intentions by mem tional events during the week with the slogan. Change jars will their best chili, and the results bers of our audience. include the new PSF night at tbe also be in place in the lobby will be available for general con Comedy Gub on Thursday and during pledge hours, and each sUmption immediately following the popular Chili Cook-Off/Grad class will be able to add to their the judging at 6:30 pm. Thing combination on Friday contribution by donations of PSF night at the Comedy Oub evening. coins. is a new event this year, made THE AMICUS CURIAE PSF representatives will be In the student lounge, a daily possible. by the generosity of collecting pledges in the lobby display will indicate the per Anita Fletcher at the Comedy A publication of The Advocate from 11:30 am to 2:30 pm each centage of each class participat Gub. Tickets for the Thursday "Dedicated to the complete and objective reporting day. We are requesting that in ing in the pledge drive. Members night laugh-fest are available for of student news alld opinion" dividuals calculate and pledge of the class with the highest rate $7 from PSF board members and the equivalent of one day's of participation will gain free at the pledge table in the lobby. Editor: Jennifer Oick earnings from their upcoming admission to Friday's Chili The doors open at 8:30 and the Managing Editors: Kevin Kroner summer jobs. All of the money Cook-Off/Grad Thing, while all show begins at 9:30 pm. Production Editor: Debbi Holmes raised will go toward summer others will be cbarged $3 . 0 PSF is grateful for any and all Assistant Editors: Leeanne Moms, Mary Ellen West stipends for Marsba1l- Wytlle bappy-bour in the country will contributions from the members Political Editor: Nancy Killien students who take on low-paying come close to the quality and of our community. ot only will Arts & Entertainment Editor: Kevin Walsh or non-paying jobs in public in quantity of this Friday's Grad Marshall-Wythe students benefit Photo Editor: Greg Brummett terest law. Thing. Chris Smith and Lynn from these funds, but our law Business Manager: John Edwards school will be a more diverse and To the Edi tor: the atmosphere at William & dynamic entity because of your News Reporters: Features Writers: Two events happened my way Mary. On one side, prejudice generosity. We hope everyone Pam Arluk Brian Alperstein recently to give me more gn:y does exist and motivates may will come out and enjoy the ac GregBrummett Eric Chasse hair. Both grounded in preju injurious and detrimental events. tivities planned for the week. Bob Dickinson Ronnie Clay dice, they again demonstrated On the other side, perceptions of David Pfefferkorn (lL) Chris Fams William DeVan problems I view as endemic at and reactions to perceived preju PSF Board Member Keith Finch Keith Finch William & Mary. dicial events results in equally Katie Finley Pete Kubin The first was a prejudicial at painful and unhealthy events, To the Editor, Paula Hannaford Lisa Lawrence tempt to remove funding for a especially when undeserved. The desire to change our Nancy Killien Mike Lawrence gay student group on the main Make no mistake, I know that ranking system is not to cushion Sean Sell Bill Madigan campus. The attack outwardly every person involved has the bruised egos, but to provide a fair Steve Shebest Phil Nugent appeared to be a legitimate right to do what they did. I also system that presents our students Andrew Smith Michael Reynolds technical matter. It was one know that all groups - those in the best possible light to em Jarrell Wright Steve Schofield which I was in the unfortunate steeped in prejudice, those the ployers. The joint efforts of Mychal Schulz position, by being in a responsible target of prejudice, and those who Deans Kaplan and Galloway, Kevin Walsh position on a school publication, actively fight prejudices-have Professor Hardy, and anessa to have to help to advance. I did to begin to change their methods. Elliott (3L) appear to ha,'e pro Sports Guru: Mychal Schulz so very rei uctantly , kno\\'ing that Those steeped in prejudice should duced this system. Numerous Midwestern Correspondent: David Ziemer the motivation was not an effort learn some tolerance. They have proposals were examined before Photographers: Bobby Carll, Came Leonard aimed at good student govem every right to feel those preju selccting the most beneficial and Cartoonists: Bob Dickinson, John Lohmann ment but an effort at undermin dices, but they need not attack equitable. Marketing Staff: Betsy Abraham, Vanessa Elliott, Jesse Erwin, ing the efforts of gay persons others based on those prejudices. By mitigating the currently Carl Neff, Stephanie Rever, Stephanie Stakem from gaining true acceptance in Those who are the targets of pronounced effect that a mere Production Staff: Marc Berstein, Greg Brummett, Keith Finch our campus society. prejudice can more effectively half letter grade can produce in Renaissance Man: Greg Brummett The second was a reaction to advance their position by dia the ranking system, the proposed what one person believed to be a logue rather than engaging in system will answer some of the racial attack. Knowing the counter-attacks and by under arbitrariness of semi-subjective pla)ers involved, I say with cer standing that not all actions taken grading. Also, because the new Letters to the Editor are not intended to reflect the opinions of tainty that the action taken was which impact a member of their system only helps students while the newspaper or its staff. All letters to the Editor should be not a prejudicial attack, but, in group are grounded in prejudice. hurting no one, it should be rec submitted by 5:00 p.m. on the Wednesday prior to pUblication. fact, an action taken without Those who actively fight preju ognized as an equitable change Writers MUST submit their letters as computer files. Please consideration of race. The re dices can best fight those preju that hopefully will benefit Mar include a double-spaced hard copy with your disk. action to what that one person dices by bringing all sides out shall-Wythe students in their job We cannot print a letter without confirmation of the author's believed to be a racial attack, into the open for a rational dis searches. I encoura",oe all students name. We may, however, withhold the name on request however, was just as hurtful aIlld cussion of both sides. The cban."oe to seriously consider the merits Letters over 500 words may be returned to the writer with a harmful as any racial attack. in methods on all sides would of the proposal, and please vote request that they be edited for the sake of space. The events demonstrated to give me fewer greyer hairs. on ApriI 7. me the two dangers which lie in John V. Edwards (3L) Joe Cartee (lL) Wednesday. April 1. 1992 THE AMICUS CURIAE 3 Law-Related Ed program reaches out to local schools By PAULA HANNAFORD the fractured fairy tales of "Rocky and and criminal liability in a manner that is Elementary School about Bill of Rights Unconvinced by the circumstantial Bullwinkle" fame. the trials take place in entertaining for both children and adults. issues. This month other volunteers Will evidence offered by the plaintiff Prince the mythical Kingdom of Bryon, and the Lederer credited much of the success of lead a high school Advanced Placement Manual Hannibal (ak.a. Prince Charm parties and witnesses on this year's docket the trials to the students at Marshall government class in discussions on the ing). played by William DeVan (3L). the included Gregg "Le Grand" Loup (a.k.a. Wythe. "The student body has been fabu FIrst Amendment jury rejected the prince's plea foc an award the Big Bad Wolf). Tmkerbelle. little Eo lous. They show tremendous willingness Him, who taught high school for three of 5O. VOLUME II, ISSUE ONE WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 1992 EIGHT PAGES, 75 CENTS Bv KEVIN KRONER in the ladies room, powdering Cartee's hands to himself as Scandal rocked the Student her nose, when Cartee they danced the night away. Bar Association last week af stumbled in so drunk that he A torrid affair soon followed, ter the revelation that Presi apparently couldn't tell the with Cartee driving up to dent-elect Joe Cartee en difference between the Washington D .C. some gaged in numerous sexual Ii "Men's" and "Ladies" signs. weekends and Rowers com aisons during his stint as BSA Rowers said Cartee immedi ing to Williamsburg in between representative, as well as ately realized his mistake, but visits to Arkansas. during his campaign for SBA instead of Joaving, straight Tho romanco ondOO whgn President. There were also ened his tie and cummerbund, Flowers discovered Cartee reports of several instances and introduced himself. had been jumping from bed to of public drunkenness. Rowers said she was taken bed with some WaShington's The story unfolded last by Cartee's southem gentle most famous mistresses. Wednesday afternoon, less man charm, although it was Flowers said she learned than 48 hours after Cartee. difficult to understand his Cartee was seeing T ai Collins, won the SBA's top slot in a slurred speech. Though Donna Rice, and Fawn Hall hotly contested race. Gennifer nothing more happened that as well as herself - all at the Flowers, known for her alle evening, Flowers ran into same time! gations of an affair with Cartee a few days later, at a Although Rowers wasn't presidential candidate Gov New Years Eve party. Ac troubled by the her Billyburg emor Bill "Slick Willie" Clinton cording to Flowers, she was lover seeing other women, (D)Ark., held a press confer seated at a table at the posh who he was seeing and his ence at the Williamsburg Mayflower Hotel when she felt total lack of discretion caused Lodge. There, Flowers dis something moving under the her great embarrassment 'He closed that she and Cartee table. "I lifted the tablecloth, was cavorting around the ELVIS SIGHTED had an affair which began in only to see Cartee's smiling swankiest places in D.C. with January of 1991 and ended face looking at me, " she said. these tramps. It was shame only one month ago. 'We've got to stop meeting less." (NOT CITED) IN Flowers said she met like this," was Cartee's imme Friends of Collins, Rice, and Cartee at a Christmas party in diate response. Rowers said Georgetown in 1990. Ac she spent the rest of the See FIEND, page 8 cording to Flowers, she was evening trying to keep LAW LIBRARY!! MARIE CURIAE like the kind of ruffian who ZIEMER TAPPED FOR CJ SEAT!! "Ladies and gentlemen, would steal a stapler. Be Elvis has now left the build sides, he was using the pages In a move that shocked and appal/ed both ing." That announcement, from a .ie reporter for liberal and conservative Senators, Marshall made yesterday over the napkins.' Wythe alum David Ziemer ('91) was nominated litUe-used library PA system, The King also made an yesterday to serve as Chief Justice of the capped a remarkable day of appearance in Professor United States Supreme Court. Upon hearing multiple Elvis sightings at Margaret Spencer's Civil of President Bush's choice to replace the Marshall-Wythe. The iden Procedure class. Clearly un retiring William Aehnquist, Senators Ted tity of the announcer remains familiar with Spencer's Kennedy (D-Mass.) and Jesse Helms (R-NC) unknown. modus operandi, he tried to both asked "Who the hell is he?" Initial reports that the li sneak in undetected after Sources inside the White House say that brary staff made the an class had begun. Of course, although Bush has never met Ziemer per nouncement to lure students his tardiness immediately sonally, his qualifICations are in line with those into abandoning the library made the King a target. of recent nominees. According to one source, in the hope of finding the Students' suspicions were Bush, upon learning of Rehnquist's resigna Kilg-and thus providing the aroused when the King, in tion, said "Mediocrity! Mediocrity! I want the sexually harassed anyone, mostly because library Gestapo an opportu response to a tedious grilling most pathetic scholar the legal profession has he's never had a real job. And unlike Doug nity to paw through personal from the Civ Pro goddess, produced since Justice Sutherland!" Ginsberg, we know for a fact that Ziemer spent belongings in search of con answered that "getting In pursuing this goal, Bush turned to "the the '60's playing in the back yard with his twin traband-were discredited in someone to stay off of my stupidest rubber-stamp in the Senate" Wis sister, rather than blowing dope at Harvard." the wake of a rash of Elvis blue suede shoes" was suffi consin Republican Robert Kasten for advice The nominee, when questioned as to any sightings throughout the day. cient grounds for obtaining a on nominees. Although Kasten at first sug misgivings about the nominating process, said Reported sightings in TRO. Before Spencer could gested several lawyers who had helped him he had none. "If I get this job I won't have to get cluded one by library Fuhrer respond, the King was gone. personally with drunk driving tickets and haircuts anymore, I can re-pierce my ears... Jim Heller, who unwittingly Later in the day, Weenie fraudulent real-estate schemes, Bush vetoed I won't even have to bathe if I don't want to. threw the King out of the Wagon workers reported the those potential candidates. They can't fire me! It's worth a few hours of library for eating Ding Dongs King had wandered into the in the State Materials area. Press Secretary Marlin Rtzwater, in an See SUTHERLAND CLONE, page 8 nouncing the nomination, listed Ziemer's When notified of his gaffe, SeeTHE KING, page 8 qualifications. "He has neither published nor Heller remarked, ''He looked 2 ======Wednesday, April 1, 1992 THEAMBUUWCECHAsER Out of our minds The Editrix:'s coffee table ... One of the greatest mistakes any divine leader can make is to lose contact with his people, however lowly or unsightly Weather they may be. So, I now take a break from putting the current it6men sFin al edition to bed in order to speak to you, the reading public. Or, perhaps I should say MY reading public. As the new Commanding Editor in Chief, I would like to take a moment to thank all the hapless weaklings I stepped on in the course of my ascendancy. Thanks to Mom and Dad, who struggled daily to keep up with their child prodigy. Thanks to all of the little people who made my work look good, and who will next year live or die at my whim. Not that I'm not humble-in fact, I am convinced I am far more humble than any of the other candidates for this job. The realization that I will spend the next year surrounded by ass kissing sycophants, and will determine the contents of your very thoughts hasn't gone to my head in the least. Really. THE WEEKLY WORLD * AMBULANCE CHASER EDITRIX-IN-CHIEF: STUFFY CARROT Domin atrix -in-Gh ief: Jenny Click Royale Foole: Kevin Kroner Grammar & Sin Tax: Leeanne Morris & Mary Ellen West Sorely Abused: Keith Rnch Gets No Respect: Bob Dickinson Embezzler-in-Gheap: John Edwards I'm With the Band: Kevin Walsh & Phil Nugent Ghost Sports Writer: Bill Madigan Athletic Supporter: Mychal Schulz Substance Abuse: David Ziemer Wedding Photos by: Greg Brummett Indentured Servant: Debbi Holmes area severely limits our ability to relax and enjoy the naugahyde. (I will reserve my strong The Weekly World Ambulance Chaser is published once a Elizabeth Fopp year for consumption by students of the Marshall-Wythe disdain for vinyl for a future referendum.) Food Mart. The staff of the Amicus Curiae have a lot to do We should obviously restrict tacky clothing for health reasons. It is well known that "when with putting it together. Nasty comments should be directed A group of students committed to self to Vice President for Administration and Finance, William righteousness and the abillity to get whatever you look good, you feel good." Additionally, we want on a regular basis has recently some students are allergic to synthetic fibers. Merck. begun pursuing a new regulation to limit tacky It is curious that the administration is sensitive * Newspaper parody-not to be taken seriously. dothes in the lobby of the law school. We are to one student's paint allergies, yet does not MAIL BAG! not trying to subjugate the rights of people recognize the same health needs of students To the Editor: Mills, Kentucky. with bad taste; we are mE~rely trying to limit who are allergic to dacron. We are writing this letter to Indeed, while the members where they practice their coarseness. Aside from health reasons, there are also thank, in advance, all of the of our hiring committee have I am a firm believer in freedom of choice, so aesthetic reasons which compel restricting the students at your fine law every confidence that each I do not object to a tacky p~rson's right to kill usage of casual attire. I did not choose Mar school who will undoubtedly student at Marshall-Wythe will any chance of associating with the better shall-Wythe because I liked the idea of going to consider our firm in their em have a successful and pros dass of people by wearingl sweatpants, old t school in a bus terminal. I chose Marshall ployment searches. perous career, the Skyrocket shirts, or polyester. I do object, however, to Wythe because I didn't get into UVA. At least Unfortunately, we are un ing cost of malpractice insur their "right" to subject ml3 to such gauche people there tend to dress nicely. Marshall able to offer any student at ance causes us to conclude apparel. Wythe, however, is more like a bus terminal: Marshall-Wythe a position at that it would be an unwise As the law in this school now stands, tacky People dress like swine, most are unemployed, this time. Though we have business decision to hire any individuals can exercise theijr privilege to dress there are long lines, and vulgar graffiti on the not filled all of our vacancies student or graduate from a down from one end of the lobby to the other. walls. I can only imagine how unappealing this as of yet, we feel we must school below the Mason Whenever we of more refined sensibilities try must be to visitors and prospective students. I reserve these precious posi Dixon line. to chat, meditate, or dine in the lobby, a lowly can only imagine because I personally never tions for applicants who have We ask that your students plebeian can always intrude and shock us bothered to come and see what the school was the fortitude, good breeding, not send us any resumes or rudely back into reality. I do not mean to imply like before I decided to spend the next three and connections necessary to cover letters until such time that all who have not been blessed with my years of my life here. Because of this unfor get into private schools in the as your institution places exquisite taste are rude ,and inconsiderate tunate omission on my part, everyone else Northeast. within the top ten in the U. S. and intentionally distract me from my fable here will simply have to do everything possible We are sure that your stu News and World Report sur like milieu - the poor souls are quite unaware to keep my life carefree and my mind utterly dents' resumes would most vey. Perhaps then we will be of their faults. The problem is that they have oblivious to more pertinent concerns. likely be stunning illustrations better able to appreciate the the right to intrude, and that I would have to I do not object to a person's right to have bad of the wealth of talents pos unique perspective and slower debase myseH by affirmatively requesting that taste. I merely think it should be restricted to a sessed by the student body at pace of a Southern education they please desist. We have to rely merely on certain room, preferably a small one endosed your fine, state-supported in in the law. our fellow students' courtetsy and etiquette to in glass so that we can look at them as if they stitution. We hope that none We wish all of your students refrain from annoying us with their presence were in a museum for bizarre freaks. Tacky of your readers will interpret the best of luck in their efforts - courtesy and etiquette that are all too often people definitely do have some rights, but my our decision as a value as they embark on what we lacking in persons of such questionable rights should be paramount. judgement or statement re~ are sure will be promising le breeding. garding their abilities to prac gal careers. This law should be changed. The lobby is Bizabeth Fopp is a third-year student from La tice law. Sincerely, the primary means of entry into the building; La Land. She received a B.A. in B. S. from We are sure that they will Eileen Billinson one must walk through the lobby to get to Puke University in 1989. She had planned to find more than ample oppor Recruiting Coordinator classes, the library, the hanging files and, eventually become a prosecutor and seek the tunities in cities like Gatlinburg, Freed, Franke and Stein most importantly, the mirrOirs in the bathrooms. death penalty for all tacky people, but instead Tennessee and Hurricane New York, N.Y. To allow tacky clothing throughout this entire has decided to get a life. Wednesday, April 1, 1992 THE At.eULANCE CHASER ======3 as it is like a maze ful of rats-the In its never-ending quest to 'Blue Collar Zoo' is one more provide the students of Mar recruiting tool we have to trap ... er, shall-Wythe with a full com attract incoming students. n pliment of learning tools and "If I could get back to this experiences, the administra Habitrail I Ant Farm thing, for a tion has for the past seven moment," he continued, "I don't months provided, in secret, want to infer that the workers are what they call a "Blue Collar actually gerbil-like or ant-like. Or Zoo" between the law school that there were any tunnels or and the conveniently located anything of that sort involved, for law school parking lot. The that matter. Just that the ideas cock-eyed stunt was revealed were similar." yesterday. The following story was re At the "construction site, n lated by another anonymous, yet Robert Kaplan, Dean of the "workers" are provided mustached, administration offi "I can't tell you how happy charmingly loathsome "How Pencil Mustaches, giggled with an authentic work habitat, cial: "I was approached one day it makes me to see those will this affect my rank?" maniacally as he said, "Maybe complete with pick-up trucks, in my office by a young woman guys out there working. It Other law schools, includ some of our students could baseball caps, and a big trailer who was concerned about some reminds me how lucky I ing Harvard and Yale, have get summer jobs over there! "office". Students walking past of the cat-caJls, leers and whistles am to be a law student, just visited the school in order to Summer jobs!? Hell, why not the "Zoo" to get to their cars she was getting from the 'work sitting in the heated I air observe the "Blue Collar Zoo" permanent jobs!?" As it is, assumed it was a real con site. ' She was quite upset. And conditioned luxury of the in action. The Harvard rep only about half of the ''work struction site. understandably, I think. But, of law school exercising my resentatives visited on a Fri ers" on the site are actually "We just thought it was a course, when I explained to her brain. I love The Law" This day afternoon when the Marshall-Wythe graduates, really nifty idea," said one that it was an educational ex same student was later ''workers" were participating but Kaplan predicts that this anonymous administration periment, a 'mechanism' if you heard espousing his belief in their ritual Friday afternoon source, as he absent will-and we're on the cutting that Professor Douglas six-pack. One of the repre could change as soon as the mindedly licked cookie edge of education here, really was really Elvis. "He's al sentatives remarked, "It was third-years graduate. crumbs from his greying she seemed to understand. " most got the voice down!" amazing how realis~ic their After the ''workers" are fin moustache. "Sort of like a Student reactions to the ex he exclaimed. drunkenness was .. . 1mean, if ished putting up the "proposed Habitrail or an ant (ami for the periment have been mixed. One Other responses by stu that wasn't real vomit, I don't graduate housing," a new crew students to watch as it devel second-year student, still without dents asked about the know what it was!" The Yale will be brought in to destroy oped. Only, unlike a Habitrail a summer iob prospect, said, with revelations of the "con representative was heard to the structures. One adminis Ot an\ \atm. \h\s \s mote \\\e a chOKe in het voice "Thete but struction site" experiment exclaim, "I can't believe the tration official-who appar sized. "'nd contains con for the grace of God ... and Dean included the admirably students get any studying ently either owns a razor and struction workers, instead of Kaplan ... go I. n single-minded response, "I done. It's just so fascinating puts it to good use or is a gerbils or ants. We really feel Another student, who ap blame Alces," the ali-pur to sit here and watch the heavy female-said, 'We think it will that, like Legal Skills-which peared to have been brain pose, typically high machinery push all that mud give students a real insight is not as much like a Habitrail washed at some point, remarked, minded "Cool!" and the around!" into the futility of life itself. " Elmer publishes again!! By KEITH FINCH Bailey v. West during their first se Professor Elmer J. Schaefer has mester and part "II" during the second. just completed work on his new twelve No casebook will be required, but stu volume treatise entitled, "Bailey v. dents will be as: This Week's Feature: Some people think requiring students 1to buy useless books for pass/fail classes is cruel, but not me! I jack the prices up LAW 60% on almost ev STUDY ery item in stock! So shop at the College Bookstore and never LAWYER'S pay mere retail again! ROLE "An absolute triumph! The heighth of Chutzpah!!" - Alan Dershowitz "accommodating" as many th at he can play basketba!1. women as they can while they The Good, The Bad and The play basketball -Magic loses. Ugly 1992-starring, in n By STEVE SCHOFIELD first year law class. How to boyant jurist, his even smarter Roboprof-starring John particular order, Charles Koch, and MICHAEL REYNOLDS take it and like it. • brother and their foiled plot to Donaldson. A half-man, half Davison Douglas and Susan As exams approach, we Deliverance II-starring take over the world. machine spews out informa Grover. You figure it out. thought we should provide a Glenn Coven as the mountain Dr. Strangelove-starring tion at an astonishing rate of Bulls- t Durham- starring list of little known movies you man. A camping trip that tums Rod Smolla and himself. A speed to simple human law all annoying Dookies (they all may want to check out at your into a tortious nightmare. The man looks in the mirror, falls in students, causing them to are). The story of how a group local video store: scene with Neal Robinson is love with himself, and never have bouts of anxiety and of law students from Duke All That Spazz-starring Neal especially terrifying. leaves his reflection. doubt their self-worth. were so obnoxious and un Devins. The intimate story of My Life as a Dog-starring American Gigolo II- star Jaws V- starring Natalia Del bearable that other students how a complete dweeb over William DeVan. After years of ring Dick Williamson. The Canto and Chas Phillips·. Two were forced to massacre them came great odds to become faithful service and story of a law professor who students are found dead be and hang their rotting corpses (arguably) a law professor. bootlicking, a brave pup moonlights at night as a cause they couldn't keep their from the front of the law school. A Fish Called Butler-star reaches the pinnacle of Legal leather clad monster of lust. mouths shut-no one wants Look for Durham II, coming ring Linda Butler. Enough Skills to become Fred Out of Africa 11- starring to investigate. soon to a theater near here. said. Lederer's lap dog. Alemante Selassie. A wise Covergirl: The Missy Chutzpah, the Alan One Night With You-star Dead Zone II-starring Elmer and leamed man matriculates Callahan Story Dershowitz Story - starring ring Faye Shealy and Richard Schaefer. A mysterious mal from Ethiopia to Williamsburg Never Give A Sucker An Paul Marcus. The riveting Brooks. The story of how aise infects all who take and confounds law students Even Break- a Jesse "Bam story of a shamelessly self· Richard really got into M-W. Contracts I stealing their in with his idioms and pronun Bam" Erwin Production star promoting law professor who Thelma & Louise II-star tellectual willingness to ciations. ring Tom Jones. 'nuff said. seems to have represented ring Kate Atkins and Pam progress. Little Shop of Horrors, Death of Sailsman- star every famous American. Merlis. Just when a white My Brilliant Career... Not! 1992-starring Fred Lederer ring John Brown. One day a The Williamsburg Law male thought it was safe to starring Ronald Rosenberg. and Jim Molitemo. Under the befuddled law student, con School Massacre-starring speak in class ... A greaser in tight black jeans guise of a new legal program, fused by life in general, Steve Schofield and Mike The Man Who Knew Too masquerades as a Law Pro two evil, demented scientists windsurfed away and slept Reynolds. The shocking and Much (or thought he did) fessor until his inability to teach devise a way to keep law with the fishes. violent story of how two witty starring Christian Connell. A gives him away. students permanently apa White Men Still Can't but misunderstood video re one-man show consisting to The Robert Bork Story thetic. Jump-starring Mychal viewers are hacked into little tally of dialogue with no plot starring Steve Wermiel with The Wilt and Magic Story Schulz. The story of a brash bits by a group of law students structure or point, really. Tom Collins as his brother The untold story of two men law student who actually de and professors who can't take Field of Reems-starring any Adolph. The story of the flam- who play Russian Roulette by ludes himself into believing a joke. and utterly vile" lyrics. Luther and, photos of Malcolm Campbell said that the band Forbes were not among those would be able to avoid ob in the Mapplethorpe exhibit. scenity charges if the group Distraught over the 'word agreed to perform gratis at that a diehard U2 fan in Wil elementary schools around liamsburg was less than the country. Campbell ap overwhelmed by the band's By PHIL NUGENT ply "John." Schmit, the lone band mem peared pleased by the pros recent show at the Hampton ~fter months of politicking, ber to agree to the tour. Dis pect, mentioning that the band Coliseum, Bono has an "[O)ne man's vulgarity is fund-raising, and negotiation, missing concerns that the re already had a collection of nounced that the group will another's lyric. " Don Henley finally overcame union band, to be known as nursery rhymes that would be give a free concert at Zable -Justice Harlan, Cohen v. the efforts of Mort Zuckerman ''the Eagle," will be a mere perfect for the young audi- Stadium. U2 agreed to per California and associated developers to shadow of its former .self, .ences. form the show, scheduled di turn a plot of land near Schmit said, '1hose guys were Correction: Contrary to rectly after law school gradu InSpired by the success of Thoreau's Walden Pond into always stealing my ideas, what was reported last issue, ation ceremonies on May 10, the Elton JohnlBemie T aupin an office park. Henley thanked anyway." Sinead O'Connor and Frank after Bono was convinced that tribute album, Guns 'n Roses everyone who helped to save Tracy Chapman will have Sinatra did not sing a duet of there would be uninhibited, will be honored with a double "the environmental integrity of a new album out soon, and "Love and Marriage" at· robust, and wide-open audi CD of G'n R songs as inter this historic site," and an the word is that it's a sharp Mich.ael Jackson's wedding to ence participation in "I Still preted by various artists. Look nounced that in order to pay departure from the style of her Liz Taylor; Larry Fortensky Haven't Found What I'm for Sting's rendition of 'Wel off the debt incurred by the first two efforts. After having did not elope with Bubbles; Looking For." come to the Jungle," Harry acquisition, the area would be gone multi-platinum, Connick, Jr.'s cover of "Para zoned for toxic waste dump Chapman now has her own ~ '. ~~ L.I _ . ~ (. ~ ~. ~ dise City," and paul Simon ing. fast car, and she says she no singing the gentle ballad, Speaking of former Eagles, longer feels the kinship with DE.\~ SrLLln~ s "Night Train." fans of the group that epito the downtrodden that she Terminally angry John mized the Seventies will be expressed on Tracy Chapman Iou FUEE PnEsmE~TI.\L Mel len camp is apparently still thrilled to hear that the band and Crossroads. "I'm moving not happy with his name. Af has announced a reunion tour with a new crowd these days, C.nll'.\If;~ HftTLI~l; ter first recording as "Johnny scheduled for later this year. I'm feeling good, and my new Cougar" in 1976, the Little Reunion plans have been album just naturally reflects Bastard has undergone three stalled in the past by the in that." Expected hit: the pul 1(800) TIJI4 PRES additional name changes to ability of Don Henley, Glenn sating dance track ''Talkin' get back to his original, God Frey, Don Felder, and Joe bout a Capital Gains Tax." "COCRe IS No DONATIONS UNDER Po.ld rOR given name on his most recent Walsh to resolve their differ Members of 2 Live Crew co RRUpt"lOn ACCEPTED by t"he ~Rlends release, Whenever We ences. have announced a compro $100 Wanted. Admitting that he's The problems have now mise with the Parents Music In t"he syst"em. o.nd AdmiReRS or always hated his last name, been solved: "The reunion Resource Center concerning 1 lust" illo.nt" 0. piece or Lim SU{{lvo.n (~.A L.5.J J.M. recently revealed plans tour will go on without them," what the PMRC has termed Lhe o.ct"lon.· Co.mpo.lgn ~und. to record in the future as sim- according to Timothy B. the Crew's "vulgar, obscene, 6 ======Wednesday, April 1, 1992 THE AMBUlANCE CHASER By lisa & had probably just forgotten to take heir medication in a police search of the pair's residence he located Restaurant Mike again. hundreds of staplers and machinery apparently Lawrence Williamsburg police Chief Buford T. Redneck designed for mutilating staplers. City police are said the scam began when the pair tri:ed to parlay requesting that anyone able to shed light on the Williams their position as critics into free meals. Redneck situation contact them at City Hall. burg police today disclosed stated "Apparently they only took the job under the Some Amicus staffers, who declined to speak on that they have taken the res-' mistaken impression that the paper would pay for the record, suggested that those with such informa taurant critics for the Amicus their meals. When they discovered thEl laugh ability tion may wish to first contact the critics through a Critics Curiae into custody based of that notion, they started shaking down local personal ad in the Daily Press' SPLASH! section. on charges filed by several restauranteurs for free meals. Eventually they Rumor has it that the two will meet any reasonable local chefs. began demanding larger and larger amounts of offer. The pair were cash." allegedly de A shaken local chef, who requested anonymity, manding told the Ambulance Chaser "It was really frighten Nabbed in cash and free ing. They found out about that little Hoalth Depart CLARIFICATION meals in ex ment problem we had last year and just wouldn't Recent reports from the Office of Uni change for leave us alone. What choice did I have? I had to versity Relations regarding the speaker favorable reviews in pay. Of course, when they find out whalt I put in their the nationally re soup they'll be sorry." for the William and Mary Commence nowned Marshall Despite repeated attempts to realch them for ment Ceremonies contained a typo Extortion Wythe newspaper. comment on the matter, the critics have been un graphical error. The commencement Amicus Editor available. Some speculate that the twlD have taken Jenny Click vehe the phone off the hook. speaker will be former Reverend Jim mently denied ru In what may be a related development, Professor Bakker, not Secretary of State James mors of an agree Jim Moliterno reported that some Legal Skills firms Baker as previously reported. The ment to share pro have been contacted by a couple masquerading as College sincerely apologizes for any Scheme ceeds of the extor Client F. Despite the transparent and obviously tion scam with the fraudulent nature of this approach, Moliterno has inconvenience this misunderstanding editorial staff. She decided to make Client F mandatory for anyone so may have caused graduates and their also said a lot of approached. families. hostile things about libel suits and restraining or Redneck also noted a puzzling new twist in the ders, but Managing Editor Kevin Kroner said Click case, uncovered just yesterday. Redneck said that Wednesday, April 1, 1992 THE AMBulANCE CHASER 7 Cummings in Scandal; Dick takes Devins Award By Mychal Scultz law school because if they were then token, athlete. Besides, I wouldn't from LeBel's beloved Twin(kies) to A scandal has rocked the Marshall Professor Douglas wouldn't have been know how to coach an athlete. I've the Blue Jays or the empty bottle of Wythe athletic community. Schizo in a labor dispute on the court with never had one and I'd like it stay that whiskey next to him as he watched <-' phrenia has learned that Joy Lance High who we all know has no way because I'd always have an ex Minnesota lose another training game, Cummings (3L) may have misled the athletic talent because Columbia foot cuse as to why we're so bad, " admissions committee by daiming to ' ball is about as successful as the third have been a professional tennis player year class is at finding jobs. in the Far East before she carne to law Schulzianism strikes again. Kevin Kroner (2L) was recently school. We, or is that I, or he, con Quote of the week. "It's over. See selected in the 53rd round of the tacted several players on the women's ya. Wouldn't want to be ya." Gina Greater Siberian Roor Hockey League tour, and this is what they had to say. Love (1L) to the SI representatives draft by the Sevastapool Smegtrons. Monica Seles-"Excuse me, you're Sports Illustrated sent representa when she found out that she wouldn't Upon Signing his contract, which calls standing in the light that gives me my tives to Marshall-Wythe on a talent be taking Naomi Campbell's place in for $3 a week and an old Soviet flag as naturally blond hair." search for the 1993 swimsuit issue. SI next year's calendar. a blanket, Kroner commented, "Hey, Martina Navratilova- "Joy thought they had struck gold, but then this is more than I'll earn in any law Cummings? Isn't that one of those Ali Amirshahi tuned around and they Quote of the week II. "This is an AB related job I could get." Another 900 numbers? You know, 10 dollars discovered he was male. After a total conversation, so you can C your way Marshall-Wythe athlete was also re for the first minute?" of 2 minutes the representatives left out of it." Neal Robinson (3L) to a cently signed to a professional con Steffi Graf- "I don't know. I can't muttering something about checking student who tried to muscle his way tract. Heather Sue Ramsey (2L) re keep track of who my father has been out the mall. into a conversation between Neal and cently inked a 2 year deal to become with. " Professor an American Gladiator. Said Ramsey, Sources have confinned that, while *.***.** •• ** Peter Alces "I just wanted to dress up in the maybe not a tennis player, Cummings that took up Gladiator outfit because they make was perhaps the finest blond Ameri In a surprise Schulz'S . the first 50 me look like Wonder Wor:nan ." can female sumo wrestler in Asia. announcement, minutes of Ramsey will report to the Gladiators She was the only blond American Pat Connolly class. as soon as she completes her latest female sumo wrestler in Asia. Said (2L) was signed Schizophrenia stint in the Greater Yorktown Water Cummings, "I only said I played tennis to a letter of in .. . . * • •• ** ••• Aerobics League where she is cur so I could be in the admissions cata tent to play bas- rently tied for 35th. logue. I didn't think anybody here ketball at the University of Louisville. Reports out of Durham, North could actually speak Japanese, Chi Said head coach Denny Crum, 'Well, Carolina indicate that Professor Rod **** *** ***** nese or any other Asian language so we were looking for a token white Smolla was suspended from his visit that my story could be checked." player to sit the bench, and Pat's pretty ing teaching position at Duke Univer Finally, the Professor Neal Devins adept at being useless anywhere, so sity for slanderously libeling Duke Award, given to the person who pos it seemed like the right move." center Christian Laettner. Smolla sesses no athletic talent, doesn't even In a related move, Uberty Univer apparently referred to laettner as a look like he has athletic talent, shouldn't Professor Ron Rosenberg today sity signed Jesse Erwin (3l) to a foot cross between Christian Connell and even pretend that he has athletic tal daimed eminent domain at the Rec ball scholarship. Said school presi Jerry Brown-an obnoxious blond guy ent, and looks foolish when he tries to Center basketball court while Profes dent Jerry Falwell, "My goal is to one who thinks he can run. In a related do something athletic, goes to that sor Charles Koch attempted to admin day beat Notre Dame in football. Jesse story, the Raleigh-Durham Seahawks wizard of white collar crime, Dean istrate a labor dispute between Pro is the token Black I think will take us of the World Football League have Richard Williamson. Williamson fessor Dave (or is it Davison?) Dou one step closer to that goal." Mean retained Smolla as offensive coordi continually wows the law school glas who maybe should have kept his while, Ami Kim (3L) was signed by nator. A spokesman for the Seahawks women by stepping out of the building beard but then would have been Yeshiva University to play volleyball. said, "Take a look at what the guy dressed in nothing but a tee shirt, mistaken for Professor Jim Molitemo Said a Yeshiva spokesperson, 'Well, wears. Its obvious he can coordinate running shoes and tiny neon pink who does look like Jeff Reardon though all great athletic programs have a to the most offensive ties with anything." running shorts. With shorts flapping in he isn't paid nearly as much as ken, so we have our Asian token." the breeze, Williamson quickly plods Reardon though by looking at Dean The William and Mary men's bas to his car, then proceeds to drive Timothy Sullivan's new car you'd thing ketball team was set to sign Jeff Huber around for an hour. He then parks that he just signed a major league (3L) to a basketball scholarship, but Professor Paul LeBel was recently around the corner and jogs the 50 contract as a pitcher which he does then reneged. Chuck Swenson, coach spotted at the' Green Leaf sobbing, yards back to school, just far enough anyway in trying to attract dollars to of the Tribe, said "I understand that "Jack, Jack, how could this happen?" to work up the requisite amount of the law school which are obviously not lots of teams are getting token play It is unknown whether LeBel was talk sweat to show that he had a good put into athletic scholarships for the ers, but my team has no need for a ing about the defection of Jack Morris workout. Has us fooled, doesn't he? Collect them all! This week: The Marshall-llYthe Hair Club for Men! More clip 'n' save Marshall-Wythe trading cards Mike The Prez 8ob-Q Thing King . . .. . - -- - - ~ - - - - .. - .. - .... 8 Wednesday, April '1, 1992 THE AMBulANCE CHASER Fine Corinthian Leather by Bob Dickinson CLASS" T;lE AWA~D CLASS/ THE AWARD ... ,/1£ £~TE#SL()N WHEW! IT WA.~ ~tJ.sr VINNI.AV~ t.EGAL SkItJ.J Dr IH£ PRO&~AM TO Ii bREAM. I'Ye WIt¥.+"fN'& J..EGAI.SI(IIH Pf{OCrRAM IJ PJ..£A5fl> TNE THI/(b YPAR. (rOTTA STOP N~J>f1NC. -pT(OG~AMI5 PLEASE.O C.LI~A/ r'(F II A""ArTS :IN' rilE jII,4(lGA H yJ>£. TO ,4NNOl/NCE ... r6 You ZY /HE FALL. WI400PS ..• T.IMc. FOR A LARGE <;EC"TIt>K. FIEND, from pa.ge 1 THE KING, from page 1 BUSH CALLS ZIEMER SUTHERLAND CLONE, from page 1 Hall all verified the link with Cartee, student lounge, where he was dis intellectual dueling with that cream of has some kind of consistent philoso although an anonymous friend of covered fishing through the refrigerator the idioscia called the U.S. Senate." phy. I think it would set a dangerous Collins said that she only gave the for leftovers. At least one worker said Some conservatives, however, precedent to have someone like that SBA Prez a massa!ge while the two of she saw the King stuffing semester have expressed doubts about the serving on this nation's highest court." them were naked in a Virginia Beach old sandwiches in his black-sequined Ziemer nomination. Phyliss Schlafly, Although administration plans for hotel room. Rice's friend recalled the spandex pants. a prominent abortion foe, voiced her sheparding the nomination through fanner girlfriend of disgraced Colorado One student said that as Elvis sat concerns at a press conference yes the Senate are being dosely guarded, senator Gary Hart giggling when asked beneath his velvet portrait in the terday at the American Enterprise In one source said that M-W Professors about Cartee and saying "You must lounge, several people remarked that stitute. "I've heard reports," said Elmer Schaefer and Peter Alces are mean my hot hunk of love." the handsome stranger looked Schlafly, "that he characterizes him expect,ed to testify as character wit Rather than calling in the spin doc somehow familiar, though they were self as pro-death. He's not only for the nesses when the Judiciary Commit tors to save his reputation, Cartee unable to place the face. Before any death penalty, but also in favor of tee convenes hearings on the nomi dropped out of sight and avoided at one could make the connection, the euthanasia, and abortion. It's as if he nation. tempts by the press to contact him. King lumbered off. He surfaced Friday night at the Trellis Eric Branscom, High Priest of the RA T'S NEST UNCOVERED IN ROOM 207, from page 3 where witnesses reported that, obvi M-W congregation of the Church of ously intoxicated, he was accompa Elvis, has no doubt the reported On Monday, the EPA clean-up crew, gered Species Act by converting pelts nied by Christina Applegate, star of sightings are legitimate. Branscom completely encased in white suits and from the animals into one of his FOX TV's Married, with Children. claims to have developed stigmata equipped with breathing apparatus, trademark wide-brimmed hats. Rifkin According to onlookers, when resembling sideburns, despite the fact burrowed into the room where they noted that incarcerating Lee for the Cartee was infonned that, because he that he was at home in bed, at the found specimens of the new spedes potential violations may not be a vi did not have a reservation, he would same time the King was visiting the lurking behind a pile of human bones able enforcement method, however, have to wait over an hour for table the law school. and ancient parchment scrolls signed because he is an integral part of the drunken political animal shoved the While even Branscom is unsure as by Sir Francis Bacon. EPA taxono office's environment. maitre'd aside saying, ''Outta my way, to why Elvis made an appearance at mists were unable to identify the crea Campus Police are more concemed you stuffy frog. I'm SBA president M-W at this particular time, some con tures, which have a brown felt-like about the human bones and parch now. lawn this town!" jectured that the King was here to skin, and after DNA testing detennined ment scrolls found in the office. Bruton When told about the allegations show his support for Dean Timothy them to be a new form of rodentia. Parish officials denied that the items against Cartee, former SBA presiden Sullivan'S bid for the College presi Apparently, the animals are related to could have been removed from the tial candidate John Brownlee said he dency. Others speculated that the the common field mouse, but have churchyard because ''there is no evi was "outraged." "It just goes to shows King had grown weary of his Wil mutated over time by feeding on too dence whatsoever that Bacon's vault thai being part of the entrenched bu liamsburg hide-out, where he has been many IRS letter rulings and Lee's could possibly exist-dammit." Po reaucracy for too long can corrupt teaching first-year stUdents Property ponytail. lice speculated on the possibility of anyone. If this had come out earlier, I Law while disguised as Professor Ron William and Mary Campus police human sacrifice, although Professor would have won thj3 election. If Joe Rosenberg, and wanted to share his and the EPA are currently contem Tom Collins believes the bones may Cartee can do the wild thing with Fawn secret with his adoring fans here be plating various charges against Lee. be thoso of a law student rumored to Hall, imagine what kind of babes I fore heading for a new retreat. EPA Investigator J. Rifkin noted that have died several years ago in an could have had." Lee may have violated the Endan- avalanche of papers off of Lee's desk. r-- -;::S;::S;" - - ] r--~:;c:n:n---] r ---:e"2;:e: - - -1 r - WI - :k:-R7u: - - -, : Steve attributes the denudation : I Unlike most male law students, RI..I11OI'" has it that Joe, this years I Mike would be only too happy I of his pate to his massive respon I who have the pleasure of watch SBA President Bect, intentionally I to abandon his dignified, if I sibilities as this year's ''King of the I I ing their hair disappear along with caused his condition by experi I glamarous, appearance. "If you I Thing." While convinced of the I I their ethics and the possibility of menting with synthetic honnones I look tClO neat and professional, I salutary effects of the Thing on I I gainful employment, Bob and Agent Orange. -All of the I everybody asks for your notes, I law student morale, Steve admits I I achieved semi-cueball status be really great politicians have been I and professors are always calling I -around 11 :00, when I look at that I I fore even entering law school. bald," Joe was overheard saying, I on you in the hopes of getting an I crowd of tanked-up animals and Married and the father of two, Bob "Mussolin;' Khrushchev, Martin I intelligent response. H I grow a I realize what I'm glOing to have to I I sees hair loss as an unavoidable Van Buren, even Yul Brynner in nice, disorganized mop of hair cleanup, I feel mee I'm going to I I consequence of a full domestic The King and I. Nothing distracts I and pick up some really disgust- I cry. SOnietirries I really wish that I I life. -You go clean pizza art off the the press like a thousand points of I 'ng t-shirts and jeans down at the I I could draw that stupid squirrel I I rIVing room wall, then sit and watch light reflecting off the top of your I Salvation Army, I can spend the I well enough to get into the IJ:I.ter- I I the UttIe Mermaid thirty-nine times head." Asked about the future of I next two years sleeping in the I national Fine Ants Correspon- I I in a row, and see what happens to the SBA, Joe replied, "I've got to I back of the room." I dence School." I you." Bob comments, "I can't be able to do better than someone II even. hang out with the other with a head that looks like a I I I I Deadheads anymore." poodle's butt." IL ______..1I .... -.G .... -_. __ ·_--l '- ..- ~ - - ~ .~. - ~ - A- _ ~ ..I . ~ . ~~------..1 THE AMICUS CURIAE News ·Briefs Wednesday, April 1, 1992 17 Speakers Forum sponsors Gates visit April 8 VITA offers help to those with tax phobias ...- - . The Marshall-Wythe Speakers Forum will sponsor a discussiOn of national secwity It's April, and you haven't done your tax return yet, right? For those wlK) just can't issues by CIA Director Robert Gates next Wednesday at 4:00 in Room 120. An alumni face it alone, relief is just a consultation away. The Marshall-Wythe chapter of VITA, of the College of William and Mary, Gates also received a Masters degree from Indiana the Volunteer Income Tax Assistance program will hold two tax preparation counsel University before joining the CIA as an intelligence analyst in 1966. ing sessions from 4:00 p.m. until 7:00 p.m. on Thursday, April 9th and Monday, April Gates served as Deputy Director of Central Intelligence under President Reagan 13th. from April 1986 to January 1989 and acting director of the CIA from December of 1986 All VITA volunteers have passed an I.R.S. examination that prepares them to assist to May 1987. Questions about his role in the Iran-Contra scandal during the later years taxpayers with most types of returns. Those wishing assistance should bring their tax of the Reagan administration caused the Senate to scrutinize President Bush' s' recent information to the interview rooms in the basement of the law library on either of the -appointment of Gates to head the CIA during confmnation hearings. two dates, and beat the April 15 deadline. - Bob Dickinson Marshall-Wythe student gets probation Leonard Spady, a first-year student at Marshall-Wythe, pled guilty to Class 1 misdemeanor charges on March 26th for violation of Virginia Code § 18.2-427, using obscene language over public airways. A plea agreement reached with the Commonwealth' s Attorney's office obviated the need for a trial in the case. Spady was unavailable for comment regarding the matter. According to officials in the Court Oerk's office, Spady was sentenced to 6 months probation for the offense. Judge J.R Zepkin also ordered that the incident be expunged from Spady's record if he does not violate the law in any manner during the probationary period. Baker to speak at College Commencement Secretary of State James A. Baker, ill will deliver the commencement address at the graduation ceremony to be held Sunday, May 10 in William and Mary Hall. Baker has held a variety of positions in the federal government, serving under Republican presidents since 1975, when he was named Under Secretary of Commerce by President Gerald R Ford. The Duffs: April 1 In the Reagan administration, Baker served as the President's Chief of Staff from Hot Potatoe: April 4 1981 to 1988, when he left the post to become Secretary of the Treasury. In 1989, Baker was appointed Secretary of State by President Bush, a post he has maintained through Conjunction Function: April 9 a series of dramatic international events that include the falI of the Berlin WalI and the coUapse of the Soviet Union. 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SERVICE TO - WEST COAST, "4" DAYS - EAST COAST, "3" DAYS ONE SOURCE FOR ALL LAW STUDENT STUDY MATERIALS THE AMICUS Q'RlAE Arts & Entertainment Wednesday, April 1, 1992 18 The Brandy of the Damned It's not your grandma or your grammar, it's your grammy By PHIL NUGENT Out ofTime has sold over 3 million cop As a fast-acting antidote to the debut album Living With the Law has got ies, a band has been cranking out music Grarnmys, the Village Voice ran the re the coolest sOlUld arolUld, \\bitley's songs "[0 jlle mail's vulgarity is allother'S and hits for oyer a decade, and hundreds sults of its national critics' poll, ",.hich have a lUlique feel: a stripped- MEDIUM 1 TOPPING LARGE 1 TOPPING • THE 11 ______AND 2 FREE COKES AND 4 FREE COKES. • $6.99 • $9.99 • • Call now lor a medium I Receive a large pizza wifl I one \?pping pizza and your IaYoriIe topping and " ElAND BOX • 2 FREE Cokes or diet • FREE Cokes or die! Cokes I • Coke6 for only $6.!1II • fer just $9.99 • =~~~~~~.=:.:: I. =· -:;::::!"~~::= • ~=-==.~-=-~.~ ~=-;:=-~.,.~ ••. ~_""""II;r~~ 01.,CII:nwto" 1 ..... _.. ~1Iar ...... 01 ... ~.,. 1 5 t7 Prince GeMge·St. I . - ~rc... • JIrsDa...-.:. Wednesday, April 1, 1992 THE AMICU CURIAE 19 Beyond Pancake Row A survey of Billyburg restaurants in the Schulz tradition By LISA AND restaurants that we enjoy but from the West, this means they again-but a little experimenta been known to run tabs that ex MIKE LAWRENCE which do not have enough com do have huevos con chorizo, but tion will be well rewarded here. ceed the value of most student There is a fIne line between a petition in town to justify a you won't find any menudo to Unfortunately, we haven't tried loan checks, the stuff they serve carefully crafted article which comparison column. One of the nurse your hang-over. Spring Garden in the Village really doesn' t qualify as food. artfully blends several different most pleasant surprises in Wil La Tolteca is more than a bit Shops at Kingsmill, so we can' t Our personal favorite, though themes in a beautifully woven liamsburg is La Toiteca (literally different from your frozen bean compare and contrast them. Chez is the Downtown ShortStop lo tapestry and a hodgepodge col translated into English as The burrito, but we'd urge you to try Trinh however, is a popular cated on Jamestown Road peril lection of random musing . In Tolteca), a Mexican place down it, if only for the chips and salsa. choice. They recently received a ously close to the undergrads. order to spare our readers from in the low-rent section of Rich For the more Americanized, Taco Golden Fork award from Port Despite that, and the fact that it the confusion and uneasiness of mond Road where they still allow Bell crowd, try the Baja Bean Folio. doesn 't have a bar, the ShortStop classifying this article we will trees. Coolpany in the K-Mart shopIing \Vhen we are feeling cost is a good choice for lunch or remain squarely in the latter Despite the effective camou center on Bypass Rd. conscious we like to go to the dinner. They have the best soup category. flage as a real dive, La Tolteca Another Williamsburg delight popular Bennigans genre of bar/ in to\\-TI, particularly the she-crab We have reached a pivotal offers some very tasty Mexican is the ietnamese restaurant Chez restaurants. This niche has seen soup and clam chowder. They point in our research for an up dishes. The chips and salsa are Trinh In the Roses/Peebles a real e. plosion in the last several ruso have good, cheap sand coming column on Italian res wonderfully authentic-thick shopping center on Monticello. years. You can now choose from wiches and usually a few inno taurants. We have found a place com chips that really taste like ietnamese cuisine offers a old standbys like Bennigans or vative entree specials. we like and refuse to try the re com served with a salsa just hot wonderful French accent on more Steak and Ale, or newer options Finally, in an update to our • • maining alternatives, due to du enough to make Dos Equis taste traditional Oriental cooking. The like TGI Fridays, TK Tripps, last column covering seafood bious promotional gimmicks. like a real beer. restaurant tends to be a little more Chilis, Applebees, Ruby Tues restaurants, we were reviewing Weare predisposed against any Most of the employees speak costly than typical Chinese days, and Spinnakers. our column after it was printed place that calls itself a family Spanish, which is a plus in a places, but provides an interest Unfortunately, you can't always the best time to proof restaurant, since that usually world of plastic Taco Bells where ing change of pace. Lunch is an choose from any of those in the read-and discovered that we had means a proliferation of no most of the employees would be excellent time to give them a 'burg. Williamsburg does offer neglected to tell readers to avoid necked monsters. Another item hard-pressed to identify Mexico try-they otTer good specials on the serviceable Second Street and That Seafood Place and Calabash unlikely to bode well is a giant on a map of North America. basically the same fare. its newer clone, the Polo Club. Seafood like the plague. We sign proclaiming "ALL YOU Meals are reasonably priced There is also a little more va We can't really include the Green would like to correct this over CAN EAT!" you can fmd good $5 entrees riety at Chez Trinh than in most Leafe, because although the sight by advising anyone inter To get to the matter at hand, and as authentic as most East Chinese restaurants-you can't golden beverage is always well ested in a good meal to stay away we would like to mention a few Coast types could want For those order Sweet and Sour Pork prepared, and Glen Gormley has from both. Basic Instinct: the best of this month's new releases ByR.L.Clay This ftlm. is not for everyone. There is film or a delving into the characters' psy fIx everything- maybe. -RA..,\l.[' _IN,<;;.UMC:T ~~t.a~o" .Mu-.h."-,,t ~'N'pll\m·,n.. ,~ dmhlU.l--m:c; c:O:IU'dk- aU' ~ Ilk ....u=. A gn; AIemante Selassie, portrayed by Mark Capron (IL) contemplates his next questionn for Sue Richard Brooks reprised his award winning role as Professor FitzGerald (IL), Teresa Brazzel (IL), and Judi Conti (IL), the lucky dates of professors Schaefer Ron Rosenberg leading a discussion of the seminal case Pierson ~ .. and Rosenberg on "Studs." v. Post for the libel Night audience. THE AMICUS CURIAE Events -Calendar Wednesday, April 1, 1992 21 Wednesday, April 1 Sweet FA, Hazmat--Bayou (OC) * SPORTS: Entries close at 5 pm for 1M Track Meet and Softball * MUSIC: W &M Chorus, Bruton Parish Church, 8 pm. Wednesday, AprilS * FAITH: Blue Devils fans still talking about predestination. * MOVIE: The Seventh Seal with Ingmar Bergman, Washington 201, 7:30 pm. * BANDS: The Duffs (fonnedy Mine is Bigger)--Green Leafe * RELIGION: Buddha born, 563 B.C Metallica--Capital Center (DC) * BANDS: Hellhounds (former Georgia Sattelites)--Kahootz (Richmond) Radiators--Aoodzone (Richmond) Uprising--Trax (C'ville) LA Guns--Kahootz (Richmond) November Tribe and Heard--Twisters (Richmond) Thursday, April 9 Toad the Wet Sprocket--9:30 Club (DC) * STATEMENT: Bill Clinton issues statement that he has never slept with the Authority--Bayou (DC) majority of women in Arkansas. Yo La Tengo, Scrawl, and Velocity Girl--Trax (C'ville) * SURRENDER: Lee surrenders at Appomattox Court House, 1865. * BANDS: Conjunction Fuunction -- Green Leafe Thursday, April 2 lohn Pryne with the Cowboy lunkies--Richmond Mosque * MUSIC: W &M Chamber Orchestra Wren Building Great Hall, 7:30 pm. Dave Matthews Band--Hoodzone (Richmond) * YOUTH: Ponce de Leon lands in Horida. 1513. Gibb Droll--Trax (C'ville) * CAUCUS: Alaskan Presidental Caucus. Wedding Present--9:30 Club (DC) * BANDS: Grateful Dead Night (live music)-Twisters (Richmond) Zag Man Zig - Kahootz-(Richmond) Friday, April 10 Metallica--Capital Center (DC) * RECEPTION: 3L's, faculty and staff, please RSVP. Chris Whitley Band--9:30 Club (DC) * BANDS: BS&M--Paul's Sunday's Child and Chapter II--Bayou (DC) Toasters--Twisters (Richmond) Spin Doctors--Kahootz (Richmond) Friday, April 3 TV Personalities--9:30 Club (OC) * GOLF: PDP Golf Tournament Boy-O-Boy--Bayou (DC) * GOLF2: Entries for llvf golf Tournament close. Sunny Sharrock Quintet--Trax (C'ville) * MEETING: Soberfest '92 organizational meeting, Campus Center, room E, 3 pm. * FASHION: American designers present fall ready-ta-wear collections in Saturday, April 11 New York. * RECEPTION: Admitted student reception at M-W. * BANDS: Yams from Outer Space--Paul 's * FESTIVAL: National Cherry Blossom Festival opens. Technical led--Twisters (Richmond) * BANDS: Agnostic Front--Pepperment Beach Club (Va Beach) LA Guns--Bayou (DC) l udyBets and Paleface--Trax (C'ville) House of Freaks--Aoodzone (Richmond) Betty--Kahootz (Richmond) Radiators--Tra;'{ (C'ville) Monkey Spank--9:30 Club (DC) Sunday, April 12 Aritistic Art Ensemble (AAE)--Trax (C'ville) * BANDS: Digits--9:30 Club (OC) John Pryne and the Cowboy Junkies--Chrysler Hall Saturday, April 4 * SOFTBALL: VA Law School Softball Tournament begins. * RUN: 5K run to benefit Housing Partnerships, W&M Hall parking lot, 9 am. * INEBRIATION: Cap-City Bar Crawl in D.C to benefit Capital Area Community Food Bank. 4. Pfl)SV~ TVUCt-i * BANDS: Hot Potatoe -- Green Leafe Unrest and Young Love--Twisters (Richmond) J-1AIV (AVE r=()O MEN &: WOMEN King Missle--Kahootz (Richmond) Bryan Adarns--Capital Center (DC) Crazy 8s, Full Stop--Bayou Shakedown Street. Rare Daze--Pepperrnent Beach Club (Va Beach) Private Property--Trax (C'ville) Sunday, AprilS * MARCH: March for Women's Lives--Washington, D.C * WEEK: AIDS Awareness Week begins--say "I love you" with latex. * RUN: Rain date for 5K. * BASKEfBALL: Women's NCAA championship in LA. * TIME: Daylight savings time starts - set clock ahead 1 hOUT. * BANDS: Eddy Money (acoustic)--Bayou (DC) Mr. Bungle, Gratis--9:30 Club (DC) Van Rypers Lake Music Festival--Afton, Va (295-8729) Blues Traveler Indecision Dave Matthews Bands Wolves in the Kitchen Monday, April 6 * SPORTS: Opening Day at Oriole Park, game time 3:05pm. * BASKETBALL: Men's NCAA championship in Minneapolis. * SPORTS: Congratulate, console or harass FINAL FOUR fans as appropriate. * BANDS: Kyle Davis -- Green Leafe Shrimp Boat--Twisters (Richmond) Tuesday, April 7 * DISCUSSION: CIA Director Robert Gates will address national security issues, a Speaker's Forum presentation, room 120,4 pm. * FINANCE: Student Loan Exit Interviews begin at Blow HAll, call for your appointment. * PRIZES: Pulitzer prizes announced, Amicus disappointed, alleges vote buying by CJ-jILDDE~ 4DE QUO FUIUDL...E_. _. . major dailies. OPerated by 'IOn' HCX:XX * BANDS: Head Cleaner -- Green Leafe Bryan Adams--Hampton Coliseum THE AMICUS CURIAE ···. $J:>orts Wednesday, April 1, 1992 22 Mychal s Mlopia MyopIa bids farewell; Chasse named sports ·guru By MYCHAL SCHULZ wrecking crew. Michigan. What a Fmal Four! I the exciting action this season: writing style and that of the pre and ERIC CHASSE In the NL East, the Mets have to admit though, I thought vious author, such as free-flow Baseball. The very word should slip past the Cubs and the Wolverines would check out (Sorry, couldn't fwd any). ing (read: unQrganized), stream leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Pirates. Bobby Bonds will be too early. It's amazing what a tal of consciousness (garbled) dis Oh, well. Since there are base busy wondering where he'll be ented team with absolutely no *********** sertatiQns on pertinent issues of ball fans out there, I suppose I next year to have a good season pressure on it can do. Chris the d!lY (whatever is in the need to cover the sport where and Ryne Sandberg will be Webber still zones out at times, George Bell, lately of the Chi headlines of USA Today). So overpriced mediocrity is. be complacent after signing his $7 witness his 4 point. 2 rebound, 5 cago Cubs, was traded across rather than ooze, let us compare coming the rule rather than the million contract The Mets will foul game against Oklahoma town to the Chicago White Sox. our siituation to that of the exception. win, but only after the New YOlk State, but Jalen Rose is steady as Rumor has it that ' the Cubs Phoenix, rising anew from its I think Boston will nip the press wonders what is wrong with arock. couldn't aff The World Almanac ® Crossword Puzzle Answer to Previous Puzzle 65 Mrs. Peron 66 Eye infection 67 Clairvoyant 68 Fish DOWN 1 Dec. holiday 2 Villain in Othello 3 Roman highway 4 Actress O'Hara ACROSS 34 Comedian - 5 Mischievous Philips child 1 12, Roman 35 Unsophistic 6 Whale 4 - Jagger ated 7 - Landing 8 Mineral 37 Competent 83,000, 12 Carpet 38 Leslie Caron Roman 13 Prayer role 9 Testy ending 40 Encourage 10 Game fish 14 TV's talking 42 Fleur-de- - 11 Cooling horse 43 Funeral bell drinks (2 wds.) 45 Sincere 19 Building 15 Period in 47 Roam addition history 49 Allow to 21 Dancer 48 Roof edges 16 Capable of 50 Voodoo cult Charisse 30 Male parent (2 wds.) deity 32 Yale students 50 Runs from 24 Pronto law (sf.) 17 Female horse 52 I think, there- (abbr.) 33 Remainder 18 More tender fore - - 36 Young horse 51 Leave out 26 Firearm 53 Formulated 20 And so on 54 Cry out owners' org. 39 Workers' (abbr.) 58 Pulpit assn. 55 - Cassini 27 Bandleader 56 Seaweed 22 Emergency 60 Containers Lawrence - 41 Bedroom signal 62 Law deg. furniture 57 Construction 28 -- the beam 23 Grassland 63 Wire Mood for 4456, Roman 25 Unison measures 46 - degree 59 Gravel ridge Love 61 Railroad part 27 Foolish 64 Singer - 29 In bearable 31 Less moist Adams manner ~ ======Wednesday, Aprill, 1992 THE .J\..\flCUS CURLA.E SIMON, from page 1 PREZ, from page 1 PROGRESS?, from page 3 PRINCE, from page 3 the M-W team for its time card error, because he previously pmnised to support tions as the United Way. are donated to the Williamsburg-James without referring to them by name. some of the other candidates. However, Brandt spoke about the go.al of the City County School System for their edu Relations with the administrator con Short said that he bas talked with Cartee 'ational Women' s Political Caucus, cational use and the Williamsburg Public tinued to deteriorate as the administrator about opportunities to be involved with which set::ks to increase the number of Access channel received a copy of the began drawing the seeding chart onto a SBA next year. Cartee confirmed these women elected to political ·offIces, and Kingdom v. Pigge video for broadcast at a blackboard. Wilder, believing the sketch conversations, but both said specilics have appointed to judgeships and other posi later date. The Education Project is also to be an impromptu Win, Lose, or Draw yet to be worked out. tions. The issue of reproductive choice is investigating the possibility of acquiring game, guessed '1adder", "road" and "the According to Short, the presence of central to 1Ihe Caucus. "A major focus for grant monies from local PBS affIliate chicken that crossed the road", as well as three fIrst year candidates, as well as the the next ten years is to train women to be WHRO-lV to produce the trials for wider asking for a "sounds like" clue before withdrawal of Humphrey, "made a big involved in the political process. We use. catching on. The idea was well received difference." However, both Short and want to trnin and recruit pro-dJOice women by the competitors, who still seemed to Brownlee agreed that the outcome would candidates, and train women to be cam REALITY, from page 3 think the Marshall-Wythe teams would have been the same, even with a runoff paign maJIlagers," Brandt said. be leaving for home after the meeting. election. Brandt also stressed the need for more He said that by their third year, law stu "It got really quiet when they called When asked what he would say to first female judges in Virginia. Currently, dents could really benefit from attending our team out for the fIrst place seed," said years who didn't vote for him, Cartee said only three percent of the judges in Virginia CLE courses and he highly recommends Hricik. "Things got even quieter when he wanted to know their ideas and prob are women, making it the lowest state the program on recent developments and Marshall-Wythe's other team came up as lems, especially regarding such things as ranking state in the nation in terms of the legislative changes which is conducted at the third seed." Legal Skills and grading. number of women in its judicial branch . the stale bar meeting. The two teams then faced the two (The SBA elections on Monday, March When asked about the biggest hurdle According to Strassburg, the Virginia Campbell teams in the quarter-finals, with 30th, are Cartee' s biggest priority right for women running for office, the panel CLE publishes a bulletin every four to six Hricik, Schaefer, and Wilder competing now.) According to Cartee, the remainder ists all agreed it is money. "Campaigns weeks listing upcoming CLE programs. against the team that had protested against of the year will have to be learning process, are becoming more and more expensive Law students who are interested in taking Barbour, Corker, and McVicker. When with each of the new offIcers meeting to run," said Rhodes. Cooper agreed but advantage of theclasses must pre-register. the dust settled, both Campbell teams with the outgoing offIcers to learn the did say that o.nce a person is elected to M-W law librarian Marty Rush said the were eIiminated. nuances of their respective jobs. The office it becomes easier to raise money. Virginia CLE bulletin should be on the William and Mary again found itself result of the BSA budget allocations in 2- Additionally, there are private organiza shelves next to the newspapers within the battling Simon in the semi-finals. One of 3 weeks will also be a focus of Cartee's · tions that help women candidates raise next week. Students who are unable to the judges for Barbour, Corker, and attention. money. fmd the bulletin should consult Rush. McVicker's round against South Carolina had not appeared minutes before the ar Then Simon stopped at the door, and calculato.r. Finally, he said "Well, it gument was due to start. Simon attempted said 'You don't wanl to check these, do doesn't really matter at this point any EQUITY?, from page 1 to fill in as judge, but members of the you? I never make mistakes. Trust me.'" way," [SWlce both teams would proceed to Marshall-Wythe team pointed out that He was very disparaging and I nearly the National Tournamel..tt). He never even thus jumping from the top half of her class judges are forbidden to know which didn' t ask to check. I discovered an error apologised. " to. the top third. schools they were judging. The team lost part way through the math and pointed it "My sllomach churns when I think that Associate Dean for Career Planning a close round to South Carolina. out. Simon took the bailiff sheets back, I almost didn't get up the nerve to check and Placement Robert Kaplan helped de In the other team's semi-final round, and kept rechecking the scores with a his math, " said Schaefer. vise the new system. Kaplan said he ltIeir opponents neglected to reserve re believes it will help all students, beCause buttal time from the judge during argu employers will be forced to look beyond ment. Aware of the earlier fuss over M the relatively superfIcial class rank to W's own technical mistake, Wilder and more substanti~·e credentials, such as rec Hricik asked Simon whether this was FAX ommendations writing Samples, and past something they should protest. SERVICE work experience, yet still allo.w students "Simon said that if this had been the who. do well academically to make that National Toumament, he would have 804-220-0366 fact clear to employers. deducted ten percent from our oral score Another consideration for Kaplan was for making a frivolous protest," said .. PRINTING that the schools currently employing a Wilder, who pointed out they had only hard-and-fast system of individual class asked him if they should protest "He said ranking include many institutions which that since it was only the Regionals, be are generally recognized as being of a cause he was so generous, he would let us lesser quality than Marshall-Wythe. off with a warning and a penalty of buying Kaplan feels retention of the current sys the ABA Tournament Committee [of tem will tend to place Marshall-Wythe which Simon is a member] drinks in San students in the same category as the stu Francisco. " dents of these less selective schools. While those law schools employers Hricik, Schaefer and Wilder faced the WHERE YOUR FIRST I'~RESSION South Carolina team in the final round, consider to be of the highest quality while Barbour, Corker, and McVicker IS AS GOOD AS YOIJR LAST such as Harvard, Yale, and Stanford faced the University of Maryland team to generally have no ranking system, Kaplan determine third and fourth place finishes. Complete Offset Printing • Copies While-U-Wait said implementing such a scheme at Mar- T he regular practice in the ABA Color Copies Available hall-Wythe would be likely to frustrate tounament is to have the two bailiffs cal employers at this time. culate the scores of their. teammates. Expert Course Packet Preparation! Professor Trotter Hardy, who chairs Schaefer, who served as bailiff the final the Academic Status Committee, would round for Marshall-Wythe, described the Reading Files Maintained On Request like to bring this proposal before the fac actions of Simon after the arguments were ulty as soon as possible-he hopes to completed: ~ ~ present it at their April 9 meeting. If "Paul [the South Carolina bailiff] and I • typesetting • resumes appro~·ed at that meeting, the policy could began to check the scores to see who \,\·on. • FAX service • invitations be in effect as oon as the end of Simon came oyer and seized the scores, this "emester. sa)iug he could do it, had been doing them 1 -ext week's referendmn is designed to for years, and could do it faster. He said, get some idea of student respon e to the 'I never make mistakes, never,' in a very WE PROVIDE QUALITY, SERVICE & LOW PRICES proposed system, as this will fIgure sig disparaging tone. He theR proceeded to nificantly into an.. decision the faculty tally the scores without using a calculator, 220-329S~ 'es. Kaplan said that three ,·ears ago a and said that South Carolina had won by pro.posal to change the grading system eight tenths of a point. I congratulated 948 Capitol Landing Road Williamsburg, Va Across from DMV ·as \"Oteo down by the faculty, largely on Paul as Simon turned to go announce the the basis o.f anecdotal eyidence that the winner to e 'eryone else. student bod .. did not ·ant the change.