Epsiode 13: Johnny and Bodhi Forvever

Once a year, usually around Valentine’s came out in 2015, starring Luke Bracey Day, I watch the greatest love story and Edgar Ramirez. If I were yelling this ever told. Now, you’re probably at you over a glass of wine, this would thinking, “What could that be, Alex? be the point where I would say, “No, I Baz Luhrmann’s 1996 classic, Romeo will not be elaborating any further!” and and Juliet, starring Claire Danes and then dramatically swish off to the bar, Leonardo DiCaprio at his most beautiful? thus censoring myself and allowing our Or perhaps something iconic, like When friendship to live another day, untainted Harry Met Sally, a movie which proves by my overly forceful opinions on action that beautiful women almost exclusively circa 1991. date deeply average looking funny men? Or something left of field, like Shape of But if I were to give into this impulse Water? Because you’re, frankly, a bit here, there wouldn’t be a podcast. So it’s of a weirdo and that movie is definitely time to ruin our friendship. about fucking a fish monster?” And look, you’re not wrong. I do love the movie I’m Alex – this is Pop Culture Boner, the about making sweet, sweet love to the podcast edition – and today, I’m thinking fish monster in a flooded bathroom, about . not least of all because it bravely goes where no movie about monster-boinking Now, normally I have a live and let live has gone before and explains how the approach to popular culture. My opinions fish monster penis works. But you are, are bad, and my media consumption tragically incorrect. habits border on the unhinged. I just watched 14 seasons of Criminal Minds The movie I am thinking of has everything uninterrupted and without irony over – bank robbery, rubber presidential the course of like, two weeks. Which masks, base jumping, mullets, vague might actually be stepping over fully into spirituality, rival surf gangs, a valiant unhinged territory, if I’m being honest attempt to get extreme sports people with myself. It’s probably something to to act, and, of course, bring up in therapy. Anyway, point is – deep and unbreakable love. That’s right. I’m not really in any position to judge. The greatest love story ever told is the You like the things you like. I like the 1991 cult classic, Point Break starring things I like. We stay in our respective Patrick Swayze and . The lanes. Everyone is happy. But every now second greatest love story ever told is its and then people who are paid to write remake, also called Point Break, which reviews for things get it so phenomenally wrong, I feel compelled to stick my head rating would indicate? above the parapet and be like “Hey Can anyone ever top Patrick Swayze’s dude. What the fuck?” hair or Keanu’s beautiful nipples? How does make surfing so Now, rightfully beloved cult classic, Point erotic? I am, as always, asking only the Break, turns thirty-one this year, and to biggest and most pressing questions on honour this auspicious occasion, Malcolm this podcast. Knox, an author, journalist and columnist with the Sydney Morning Herald, wrote a It occurs to me that some of you may not travesty with the headline, “The only thing have seen either iteration of Point Break, worse than Point Break? Keanu Reeves’ to which I say, please do yourself a acting in it”. Now, realistically, I don’t favour, pause me, take 90 minutes, watch have to write an impassioned defence of the 1991 version, thank me later. But Point Break – Malcolm has already been assuming you’re listening to this while righteously ripped to shreds on Twitter, walking your dog or like… pretending and the has scores of defenders from to fill in boxes on an Excel spreadsheet all sides. So, I’m not really arguing an at work, I will give you a synopsis. In embattled position here. The headline the 1991 version, Keanu Reeves plays alone, aside from being grammatically Johnny Utah, a college football star who clunky, is enough to have you tried joins the FBI and is immediately assigned for internet crimes against everyone’s to to work bank robberies. favourite Nice Man, Keanu Reeves. But He’s paired with Angelo Pappas, played the content of the article points to such a by Gary Busey, and assigned to track the profound misunderstanding of the actual Ex-Presidents, a gang of bank robbers so- joys of Point Break, that I am worried called because they perform their heists that Malcolm may not have watched in rubber masks of former presidents. the same film. Like perhaps he tried to Some detective work involving tan lines support his remaining local DVD rental later and Keanu has to infiltrate a band shop, and when he got home and didn’t of local surfers, led by Bodhi, a spiritual notice that they’d put in the DVD of like… thrill seeker, played in golden-maned someone’s home footage of the Rip Curl glory by Patrick Swayze. As love of the Pro or something. Basically, I’m unsure surf draws Bodhi and Johnny closer how you could miss the point so badly. together, Johnny has to decide what side While I have already done my annual of the law he wants to be on. It’s directed re-watch of both the original and the by Kathryn Bigelow (who directed Hurt remake this year (on Valentine’s Day, Locker and ) and for as per my usual very sexy schedule – something as righteously silly as I’ve date me, I’m worth it), I thought I could just described, it has no business being blend the unnecessary defence I have as good as it is. brewing in my furious little fingers with an exploration of the genius that is the The 2015 version takes a different, and 1991 classic and its critically panned 2015 admittedly less good approach. Johnny counterpart. Why all the love for one and Utah (played by Australian Luke Bracey) not the other? Is it as awful as its 11% is now a retired extreme poly-athlete (which is a fancy way of saying “extreme digging. Of Keanu’s performance he says: sports guy who likes more than one “He’s so earnest in his hopelessness flavour of death wish”), who joins the FBI in this movie, you almost want to hug after accidentally convincing his friend to him and whisper in his ear that he can plunge to his death on a dirt bike. While be a beautiful schoolteacher and friend examining a string of heists in which and father, instead of allowing his the robbers have used their unusual extraordinary good looks to drag him extreme sports skills to rain down money into a profession he’s no good at and on the world’s poorest people, Johnny towards ambitions he can never fulfil.” discovers that the gang are completing Now look, no one is winning any Best the Ozaki Eight – a series of extreme Performance awards for their role in sports conquests designed to highlight a movie about bank-robbing surf rats the environmental issues surrounding and the FBI agents who love them. But each area of the trials, and bring the whenever I think about performances athlete closer to spiritual enlightenment. and criticism, I always think about a Some detective work later, and Johnny lecturer I had at uni, who taught a unit infiltrates the gang, led by Bodhi (played called From Silent to Sound Cinema. She by Venezuelan actor Edgar Ramirez). had this intense and abiding interest Johnny is drawn to their world and to in Nicole Kidman’s performance in Baz Bodhi, by the lure of Nirvana through Luhrmann’s Australia. Keeping in mind near-death experiences, and ultimately I graduated from my undergraduate must choose between their two worlds. degree almost 10 years ago, and that I am Credit where credit is due, the stunts on the definitely bastardising this – Kidman’s film are impeccable, and despite the poor performance had been critically panned reviews, it has some shining moments. I as wooden, but she saw it as a work of think it’s probably suffering at the hands magnificent camp that referenced a long of its beautiful, perfect source material, cinematic history. Her logic, simplified so rather than being objectively bad film. that it could be explained to a group on But I’ll get to that later. 19-year-old idiots, was that Kidman was too talented an actor for it not to have First, I want to tackle the crimes of been a stylistic choice. Malcolm Knox. One of Point Break’s unshakeable flaws, in Knox’s mind, is the That’s not necessarily my defence of performances, which he believes are at Keanu’s performance in this instance – best, an incongruent stylistic mish-mash, the thing that I have always loved about and at worst, just plain bad. Specifically, Keanu Reeves is that he always looks he hates Keanu Reeves – who, just to like he enjoys he makes, and reiterate, is almost universally beloved that’s true of his appeal in Point Break. – with such vehement passion that he But the idea of a deliberate, but critically somehow manages to call him a sell out misinterpreted performance did make me while also accusing him of having no think about the casting choices in Point talent to sell out. I’ll read you a quote Break. Kathryn Bigelow’s films deal with just to show you the level of commitment themes of violence, gender and genre in Malcolm has to this hole he’s insisting on really specific ways, often by subverting viewer expectations of how we should closer together, finally reaching a sexy, be viewing or reacting to scenes or sexy fever pitch. Malcolm Knox thinks characters. Consider that prior to his role this pitch is when Johnny throws himself in Point Break Keanu had played mostly out of a plane without a chute to cling loveable and hapless stoners – most fully to Bodhi’s tumbling body as Bodhi famously (and excellently) Ted Logan screams that they can either die in each in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. In other’s embrace or Johnny can drop his 1991, that was the role that made him gun and pull the rip cord. And look, when recognisable to the audience. And Patrick I put it that way, the way it’s supposed Swayze’s most recognisable role then, to be put, it does sound pretty gay, but and forever into the future if we’re being Malcolm thinks it’s the homoerotic peak honest, was . I think both because their bodies are pressed against of previous histories have some bearing each other and he’s wrong. of how we interpret the characters of Johnny Utah and Bodhi. To quote Caitlin The actual homoerotic peak is the Benson-Allott, this cultural context gives culmination of the film’s beautifully shot Reeves’ performance the air of a “surfer chase scene. Johnny tracks Bodhi, in undercover as an FBI agent undercover as tuxedo and mask through a surfer” and serves to align Swayze’s Los Angeles. After dodging and diving masculine stunt work in the surf and through homes, kitchens and alleyways, in his skydiving with the beauty of Johnny has finally tracked Bodhi to the choreography. Benson-Allott says that but in the final leap this “highlights their androgynous grace onto the concrete, the dud knee that and celebrity power over their realism as ended his football career fails him and he actors”. topples to the ground. He drags himself to the river’s edge in relentless pursuit of To put it another way, I think that by his man. Bodhi turns, halfway to escape adding these layers, Bigelow is creating and caught in Johnny’s crosshairs. They a referential and ultimately pretty camp make lingering eye contact, the camera space for these performances to unfold. pulling ever closer in on Bodhi’s baby And in doing so, it allows her to focus on blues and the barrel of Johnny’s gun. the homoerotic mechanism that drives Understanding that Johnny won’t shoot most action films. Yeah, I’m back on my him, Bodhi turns and scales the fence to “everything is a bit gay” shit – but a) in make his escape. Johnny, confronted by fairness to me, action movies are really his inability to adhere to the letter of the gay, and b) more importantly, you can’t law and his desire for Bodhi...’s free- stop me. Anyway, after visually linking spirited lifestyle, empties his clip into the their bodies in the opening scenes – air and screams in frustration. It’s this Keanu on the shooting range in his wet scene that supports Swayze’s final taunt t-shirt in the pouring rain, and Swayze as he slips away from Johnny into the soaked and gliding effortlessly through desert – “You want me so bad it’s like the surf – Bigelow forges a scenario acid in your mouth.” It’s so perfectly set where the bristling and silly masculinity up, so sensual and so camp that it cannot of their roles drives them closer and be anything other than deliberate. Which means that Keanu, in all of his glory, is exist outside of the social mainstream – actually giving the perfect performance. there’s only so long you can explain your philosophy of near-death experience as Now, Malcolm doesn’t really delve into the spiritual enlightenment before people 2015 remake of Point Break, other than start backing away slowly. Rather robbing to call it stale, though I suspect he hasn’t banks to chase their endless summer, actually seen it. But much of the criticism they’re pulling off heists to thank Mother that surrounded its release was levelled Nature for letting them live another day. at the fact that it lacked the artistry of Kathryn Bigelow’s original. And it would With this new scene comes a new Johnny, a be foolish of me to try to assert that this man who has stepped back from the world is anything other than absolutely correct. of extreme sports to hide from himself in Kathryn Bigelow is an Oscar-winning the FBI. Bodhi sees a broken man, who auteur with a consistent and interesting can be put back together by the powerful body of work. The remake was directed combination of mountain climbing and by Ericson Core whose most notable base jumping. Where Kathryn Bigelow works are as a cinematographer on films is doing something complex and abstract like The Fast and The Furious and the with the film to convey the pull and the 2003 version of Daredevil. Point Break closeness, Ericson Core is doing what is the third film he’s directed and shot. he does best as a cinematographer – None of this is a criticism, not every film making shit look fucking cool. There are maker is an artist, and not every artist a series of notable extreme sports scenes is a cinematographer. But rather than throughout the film – a big wave surf, approaching this iteration with the critical a wingsuit flying sequence through the eye of someone viewing an attempt to Swiss Alps, a snowboarding sequence modernise the unique perfection of its and a free climbing sequence. These were original, we have to approach it from filmed on location in 11 countries, using the perspective of something new and actual extreme sportsmen. And it has a separate. similar effect – beyond looking authentic, the commitment to realism gives the How do these versions of Johnny audience a taste of the adrenaline that Utah and Bodhi navigate the complex comes with being tossed like a ragdoll masculinities of the surf? Well for one by the ocean, or zooming at a 145 miles thing, they’re less concerned with the per hour through a Swiss mountain range surf. While surfing, and especially big wearing the aesthetic equivalent of a wave surfing, is very cool, in 2015 it sleeping bag. Which in turn allows you to lacks the same countercultural sensibility understand the pull that Bodhi has over it brought to the screen in the 1990s. The Johnny. When they press their foreheads extreme sports circuit on the other hand, together in the cold mountain air having offers a whole different range of brand essentially achieved flight in a way that of adrenaline junky. A scene populated whichever God you pray to never intended by people who will surf big waves, for man, you can understand that need snowboard down mountains, free climb for physical closeness. If you’d just played and base jump is much more likely to Icarus and gotten away with it, would you not also seek out the nearest warm This episode premiered on 19th May body to confirm that you did indeed still 2021. have a pulse? Horniness and death are inextricably linked – hundreds of years Episode written by Alex Johnson and of French poetry and this 2015 extreme produced by Wes Fahey. sports film both think so. Theme tune by Wes Fahey. (Soundcloud: While it lacks the mastery of Kathryn lee snipes) Bigelow’s vision of action and violence, I think if you give the 2015 Point Break Visit us: a chance to stand on its own, it’s actually a pretty fun film. In fact I think you Web: www.popcultureboner.com discover that its main flaw is that the bad guys are a bit right, and that in the Twitter: @popcultureboner face of a warming planet and relentless mining of the earth’s resources, maybe Instagram: @popcultureboner it is actually fine to blow up a gold mine in some remote mountain range. The original wasn’t nearly as message- driven, but that’s part of the remake’s unique charm.

Anyway – all this has been to say that the 1991 version of Point Break is actually the greatest love story ever told. Johnny Utah is drawn to Bodhi like a moth to a flame, and Bodhi is ready to risk it all to show him the world. Neither you, nor Malcolm Knox can convince me otherwise.

Well, that was essentially my extended “LEAVE KEANU ALONE!” moment. I honestly don’t know what would compel someone to write a hit piece on one of Keanu Reeves’ most iconic roles to go the paper on a Saturday, of all days. He’s asking for a hit piece to be written on him. I bet Malcolm doesn’t like Speed. Or The Matrix. Foolish. If you would like to join me in shooting our (metaphorical) guns into the air and going ‘AHHH!’ hit me up next time you see me at the pub! Peace!