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Monroe Girl Trapped in Hairspray Hell for Hours

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Monroe Girl Trapped in Hairspray Hell for Hours Monroe MOSBCIX COMXTDBnTTOOZJUBCa VOLUME 00 NUMBER 0 DOCTERN MARCH 20,1989 Girl trapped in hairspray hell for hours By Cal Kulluss Public Safety officers collaborated ened excess hairspray. and inspected Borden. Realizing that West and two other women in the with Health Services staff on Thurs- "She was just in there spraying her she was unable to move and also that bathroom at the time of the incident day, March 16, in an effort to free a hairspray," reported witness Tricia the lingering fumes presented a health were treated for excess hairspray in girl from a hardened shell of hair- West, "and it got really cloudy in the hazard, Jones closed the bathroom and their lungs. Hairspray molecules were spray. bathroom, but she kept saying her appealed to Health Services for assis- even found in a blood sample of one Roxie Annette Borden was spray- bangs 'just weren't sticking up tance. of the young ladies. ing her hair in the bathroom by the enough.' So she kept spraying it, and Health Services staff tipped Borden Public Safety officials are consider- Brick Lounge when apparently she all of a sudden, she was just kinda like over onto a gurney and wheeled her ing limiting hairspray use to no more sprayed too much. It wasn't clear, still and stiff-looking." to their offices. Once inside, five vol- than 1.5 ounces of hairspray per however, whether she suffered first West then left the bathroom and unteers chiseled through the hardened application. Contenders of this pro- from complications arisen from in- reported the incident to a passing shell of hairspray and released Bor- posal claim that the rule would be un- halation of hairspray fumes or was Public Safety officer, Tom Jones. Offi- den, who remained somewhat giddy enforceable, as well as an infringe- just paralyzed into place by the hard- cer Jones cleared out the bathroom for hours. ment on female rights. Drop/Add is History Top: Public Safety and Health Services carefully remove Roxle By A. Nonymous said Holly Weaver. "We got to know from her bathroom prison each other really well during those Top Left : Borden just won't budge! photot "* *"" Dov" There seems to be a growing prob- seven hours. I think it's a pity thai, lem presenting itself these days in col- they've sped things up." leges all over the United States. No, "Yeah," John replied. "Now people it's not that the Cafeteria is serving will have to go to singles bars. At least bad food or the dorms are cramped. In the drop-add was free." fact, some people don't even view it as The Pretty Fast computer system a bad thing ... though of course it is. was newly installed in all major uni- Left: The crises has been nicknamed versities. Reports have it that the sys- The way things "Express Drop/Add Lines" by per- tem is fast, easy to learn, 100 percent turbed faculty and staff. correct, and best of all no one is use to be "It's awful," commented one stu- needed to run it. PF is a fully auto- Bottom: Toby dent, "the line moved so [deleted] fast mated system that requires no human Schartz hasnt that I didn't have time to think!" assistance. A prime example of this is evident realized that the Faculty is highly upset by this 1 at U of P where a typical line lasts alarming new development, because it "PF line has about two minutes. Students are used has cost them several hundred jobs. moved already to waiting at least five or six hours to "No computer can offer the warmth change one class, so they were able to and understanding of a human being. plan out their new schedules while Besides, how do I pay the rent," stated they sat. Also, many new friendships one of the staff who had been replace. were formed in this manner. People There may be a temporary solution used to talk to the person next to them ahead, as staffs across the nation plan out of sheer boredom. to strike against the PF installations by "I met my husband John while I forming picket lines to prevent stu- was standing in the drop-add line," dents from entering. Not surprisingly, INSIDE THIS ISSUE,.. What's Wrong 2 OAU climbs mt 3 Meet Zanetta White 4 Lost Virgins 6 2. Monroe Doctrine. March 20, 1989. ltiiitfjM DocrnuDm What's wrong with the world todays What I wanna talk to you about tournament, and they use girls' boobs MCC (and their friends) for about two save your money for your future. It today is the Student Senate and the to advertise it. How cheap. But then years. And sexism too. Beacause that shouldn't be too hard, though, if you way they handled that volleyball again, everythoing's that way lately! actually has gotten much lesser in the do something you really enjoy. That's beach trip thing. That was just really Yeah, forget all that stuff I said about past several decades, and time will why writers write. They have just this poor judgement on their part. I mean, the Senate and their friends, because take care of that. But what's really wonderful way of communicating, to blindly give $1,000 to that team, that's not important. What's really important is making sure you get the through writing. And not only that, without even checking it out? All it bad is sexism. Sexism in today's best deal for your money. When you but they respect one another's work, takes is a look at that "Spring Games socity. Ever see that car commercial buy a car, you expect it to last. Not and never, ever steal it, or take others' U.S.A." pamphlet to see that that where showgirls dance around and break down at 6,001 miles when you ideas, or take credit for anothers' tournament is a big joke!! It's nothing sing, "Deals, deals, deals?" What in Tiave a 6,000 mile guarantee! And car ideas. Just forget all that stuff about but pictures of great-looking people in the world do showgirls have to do maintenance, too. When they say they the beach trip, and sexism. I didn't small bathing suits on the sand, with the quality of a car? I mean, do fixed it, they really should have fixed know what I was really talking about mostly flirting or drinking beer. And you get to take one of them home with it, because after all, you depended on then. Or saving money and working they pretend that it was an important you in the back seat of it? Because them. With vour own hard-worked- hard, I mean, that stuff is great, but it's time to represent MCC but since they that has nothing to do with a car. for money, too. Yeah, forget all that not as important as this. As being didn't let anyone but their friends What's really important is getting a stuff I said about that stupid beach honest and not plaigarizing. That's know about it for tryouts . well, I good deal for your car. Forget about trip and sexism and cars. Because what I really meant to say. Thank just get a little suspicious, don't you? all that stuff I said about the student working hard, that's what's really You. But, that pamphlet really is senate and sexism. I mean, you only important. Working hard and making something. It's supposed to be a real have to deal with the student senate of a decent living. To be honest. And Letters Senate at work Being groomed right now, in room 3-119, for future positions of glory and honor in our State Senate, State As- sembly, House of Representatives, U.S. Senate, or even the White House, are an aggregate accumulation of stuffed shirts called the MCC Student Senate. Do they really have any spe- cific function? If a State Senator needs only maintain an office, have his staff tell you they will have him or her re- turn your call, and have an "official" Volleyball player Veronica Carron of Broome CC, after a fall on the beach from missing the ball. Carron, like some of MCC's nameplate adorn their desk, then these volleyball players, is suspected to have made the team for reasons other than her excellence in athletic ... er, uh, Student Senators are destined for fu- volleyball ability. o Jan Cobb ture greatness. This group represents decadently abet their invisible allies, you (yes, that's right you) the student. Jimmy Page: the best!! Revolt!! REVOLT!! the Ku Klux Klan, Dan Quayle, and "Isn't that special?" To The Editor: To The Editor: Vegetarians. Should you ever drop by to see Diverting funds from cafeteria these representatives, just leave your Jimmy Page is the greatest guitar As I am sure all you facist bully- cooking supplies and the reserves for name and they will get back at you. player there ever was, and I mean it. boys know, the right to free speech staff computer operators during Matters of great impotence pass There's no one better than him, man! has been malevolently ripped from the registration, this burgeoning omnipo- through their office, in one ear and out He is the greatest thing that ever hap- furtive grasp of the repressed tent, totalitarian, impenitent regime the other. I have heard to get in tight pened to the Yardbirds, and they bet- proletariat by the iron fisted, has deliniented a plan to overthrow with this group would make one privy ter never forget it either.
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