Lonliness, Solitude and Soulful Creation: Women at Midlife and Beyond
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LONLINESS, SOLITUDE AND SOULFUL CREATION: WOMEN AT MIDLIFE AND BEYOND A THESIS Presented to THE FACULTY AND THE MASTER OF ARTS IN PASTORAL PSYCHOLOGY AND COUNSELLING PROGRAM COMMITTEE of St. Stephen's College Edmonton, Alberta in partial fulfilment of the requirements for the Degree of MASTER OF ARTS IN PASTORAL PSYCHOLOGY AND COUNSELLING by Gail Annette Barrett Prince Albert, Saskatchewan Library and Archives Bibliotheque et 1*1 Canada Archives Canada Published Heritage Direction du Branch Patrimoine de I'edition 395 Wellington Street 395, rue Wellington OttawaONK1A0N4 OttawaONK1A0N4 Canada Canada Your file Votre reference ISBN: 978-0-494-80388-2 Our file Notre reference ISBN: 978-0-494-80388-2 NOTICE: AVIS: The author has granted a non L'auteur a accorde une licence non exclusive exclusive license allowing Library and permettant a la Bibliotheque et Archives Archives Canada to reproduce, Canada de reproduce, publier, archiver, publish, archive, preserve, conserve, sauvegarder, conserver, transmettre au public communicate to the public by par telecommunication ou par I'lnternet, preter, telecommunication or on the Internet, distribuer et vendre des theses partout dans le loan, distribute and sell theses monde, a des fins commerciales ou autres, sur worldwide, for commercial or non support microforme, papier, electronique et/ou commercial purposes, in microform, autres formats. paper, electronic and/or any other formats. The author retains copyright L'auteur conserve la propriete du droit d'auteur ownership and moral rights in this et des droits moraux qui protege cette these. Ni thesis. Neither the thesis nor la these ni des extraits substantiels de celle-ci substantial extracts from it may be ne doivent etre imprimes ou autrement printed or otherwise reproduced reproduits sans son autorisation. without the author's permission. In compliance with the Canadian Conformement a la loi canadienne sur la Privacy Act some supporting forms protection de la vie privee, quelques may have been removed from this formulaires secondaires ont ete enleves de thesis. cette these. While these forms may be included Bien que ces formulaires aient inclus dans in the document page count, their la pagination, il n'y aura aucun contenu removal does not represent any loss manquant. of content from the thesis. 1+1 Canada IN LOVING MEMORY OF My Grandmother, Gudren Johnson 1900-1969 A spirited woman who lived her life with humour and compassion AND My Mother, Doreen Marcotte A woman of strength and courage who lived with vigour, who loved absolutely and who embraced all without judgment 1926-2007 You are my strength. You are my blood. You are with me always. ABSTRACT This thesis was an investigation into women's experiences of loneliness and solitude in mid to later life and the impact that soulful creation had on these experiences. It was a reflection on whether the pain of loneliness was decreased, or the practice of solitude was enhanced, when one undertook a creative act that sprang from the soul. The thesis was also written to honour the lonely women who feel forgotten and discarded and to honour the women who dare to seek solitude. The study was undertaken heuristically and involved the author and four co-researchers, as well as our collective creativity. What was learned? Women are highly creative in unique ways in many areas of their lives. Being creative can indeed ease the pain of loneliness and can sometimes stave off loneliness altogether, although women who are in despair are not always able to be creative. A creative woman who speaks her truth develops a greater and a deeper sense of value when she does so. Learning is considered to be an important act of creation and has played a large part in the women's journeys of self-discovery. When women connected to themselves and the Divine, they were "in the flow." As women approached midlife and old age, solitude was welcomed and appreciated. Solitude, when freely chosen, is another important part of the path to knowing oneself and coming to wholeness. Creative acts figure prominently into the experience of solitude and can be accompanied by silence or filled with dialogue. When a woman experiences loneliness and solitude, she is doing her soul work. It is this soul work that begins to gather her parts together, to make her whole. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS The courageous and splendid women who have come before me from the ancient times, who have formed me and blessed me. My brave and beautiful co-researchers who gave from their hearts. The lonely women who believe that they have been forgotten and discarded. The women who embrace solitude with enthusiasm, honouring themselves in that embrace. The women who have dared to live creative lives and those who yearn to do so. I say to you, believe, leap, and it shall be so! My father, Ernest Leo Marcotte, who has shared with me his strength, his compassion and his healing. These gifts have helped to make me whole. I love you Dad. My sister Deborah Marcotte who believed in me and urged me to "Do It Now!" and then gave me the love and the means to begin. My sister Beverly Harding, my brother-in-law Brian Harding, and my nephew Caesar for always being there for me in every way. My brother Terry Marcotte and my sister-in-law Leone Marcotte who reached out to me when I needed their care. It was wonderful to have that time with you. My sister Sharon Marcotte for being the trail blazer who cleared a path for me. My forever friend Rainey Smith who always dares to go beyond. Carrie Bahm, my Spiritual Companion who set down the footprint. Pierrette Requier, my Guide and my Sanctuary, as I laboured to find myself. Dr. Jane Simington who showed me how to gather the threads and heal with compassion. My oldest sister friend Brenda Tenold who called me back with music when I was lost in grief. My newest sister friend Linda Hansen who listened always with her heart. Dr. Bernice Luce, my Supervisor and my Constant, a woman who gave to me from deep within her soul; a teacher who gave to me the gifts of her time, her strength, her compassion, her knowledge and her wisdom. Thank you for walking with me all the way home. Dearest daughter, Jennifer Barrett, gentle and wise human being, light of my life. You are an editor extraordinaire, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the glue on this project. You are the reason it all hangs together. I am so very blessed to have you in my life. TABLE OF CONTENTS Chapter One: Introduction 1 Chapter Two: Literature Review 9 Chapter Three: Methodology 18 Chapter Four: My Sacred Point of View 30 Chapter Five: Loneliness and Solitude 41 Chapter Six: Soulful Creation 63 Chapter Seven: Other Women's Voices 78 Chapter Eight: The Gathering of Women's Wisdom 106 References Cited and Consulted 121 Appendix A: Thesis Interview - Guiding Questions 125 Appendix B: Informed Consent Letter 126 Appendix C: Elaine's Story 128 1 Chapter One: Introduction I am a woman of the prairies from a family of five children. I have been divorced for ten years and am the mother of one daughter. This daughter and I share a loving relationship that can move from a place of comfortable closeness to a place where my daughter feels the need for more space. She is becoming her very own woman. Even though I understand that things are as they should be, sometimes I miss her. I have had close relationships with my three sisters and have recently had the opportunity to forge a closer bond with my only brother. My mother, who was always a strong source of support and encouragement to me, died seven months ago. Her passing has left me with a longing for the comfort of her physical presence. If there is any gift at all in the loss of my mother, it is that her death has opened up a place for me to build a stronger relationship with my father. At the age of 58 years I am about to begin a new career in a new city that is filled with people who will be, for the most part, strangers to me. The feeling of loneliness that comes to me with such an enormous change quietly overshadows the excitement of this adventure. Throughout my life I have struggled on occasion with the painful experience of loneliness. The gift I have been given at midlife is that I have come to know the backside of loneliness, and that backside is solitude. When I became aware that other women at midlife were also lonely, I wanted to talk with them so that I might understand the nature of their loneliness and also understand their experience of solitude. As a feminist I am aware that our strength lies in the sharing of our stories. I believe that the difference between a positive experience and a negative experience for 2 me hinges on whether or not I am connected to my spiritual path, my self and my community. For me, creativity is one avenue of expressing that connection. I have also found that when I make room for solitude in my life, joy and healing can be found in that sacred place. This experience of solitude is enhanced when I do creative work and live in a creative way. My thesis statement grew out of my desire to understand, describe and honour women's experiences of loneliness and solitude when they are at midlife and beyond. I intended to portray and dignify the truth - the heart of the matter - of two unique realities; firstly, the experience of loneliness, the deep ache of disconnection, the longing or yearning for connection; and secondly, the experience of solitude, choosing to be alone and set apart from the world.