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The Student Newspaper of Imperial College Issue 1248 I S/ U /2__

The five wise virgins. Bo' being prepared for REFERENCE Sports has XV of a very her journey. And what a different variety... journey... B§ COLLECTION Back Page Page 4 Imperial College and Science Museum Libraries Strike Hits College College was much quieter than that rise to around £4,000. usual on Thursday when staff One member of technical staff walked out over pay across the on strike told Felix, "We are very capital. bitter that management get Official pickets were set up out- £16,000 London allowance and side most entrances to College, they won't even talk to us." though movement around College Despite the strike, no talks was generally unhindered, partic- were scheduled between the ularly for students. However, staff University of London and staff protesting outside buildings unions to resolve the dispute. made up only a fraction of those Unison announced that a focus away from work, as many others of the strike would be the declined to cross picket lines, Queen's visit to King's College, regardless of their support for where she is expected to open a strike action. new library. Many departments, such as Picketers were in good spirits, but cold.. The AUT's general secretary Physics, officially cancelled lec- told the BBC "When reasonable turers for the day, but in others of staff walking out for the day. protest about the amount of extra staff are pushed to strike, vice- most lectures ran as normal. Four of the main staff unions - money awarded to university chancellors should sit down with At Imperial College Union, the the Association of University workers in the capital. It has the unions and seek a resolution. strike had little effect on student Teachers, Unison, NAFTHE and been fixed at £2,134 since 1992 So far, they have not done this." services, despite some members Amicus - called a strike to but the unions would like to see AW 'Speaker Van Man' Is Back What's your worldview? His A regular feature of life at also been asked to take the People are going to find out... Imperial College returned this salesmen to cash machines, and week when men selling speakers physical threats have been made Come on, people. There is so out of the back of a van started against those who refuse to buy. much going on in college this pestering students. College Security strongly month, and I only received two The "speaker van man" phe- advise students to stay away letters... tut tut. nomenon crops up each year. from the vans - so far this week The van's passengers call a stu- a white van and a green van Two pages of science, examin dent over as if to ask directions, (S904 NGW) have both been ing everyone's favourite illegal I claim that they've had a delivery used, and there may well be drug: cannabis. I of speakers rejected and that more - but can do nothing to they are trying to shift them at a stop them as long as they remain I was hoping that the manic knock-down price. on public roads. AW street preachers had given up In the past, the speakers have by now. But apparently not. found to be either broken or of E-mail your speaker van man 15th November 2002 very low quality. Buyers have sightings to [email protected]. Speaker van man caught on camera

"Have we said anything quotable this week?" "No." http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/felix/ [email protected] 02 NEWS FELIX Graduates Unprepared? A new survey of final year uni- believing that university should Universities UK, said there was a Issue 1248 versity students published today be about preparation for a pro- difference between enhancing reveals that 46% do not feel pre- fessional career. This was com- students' general skills and Editor Will Dugdale pared for work. pared to 70% of students ques- preparing them for a specific job Deputy Editor Alisdair Wren The survey of over 1,000 stu- tioned at UCL, LSE, Imperial and or profession. Science Rosie Chandler dents, conducted on behalf of Kings College London. "Some jobs require a specific Music Sajini Wijetilleka TeachFirst, found that two thirds Additionally, it was discovered degree subject, and additional Film Simon North of students thought that that just over half of the students studies - others do not," said Liz Biggs University should be about know what they want to do after Baroness Warwick. "What is Web Jenny Lewis preparing students for a profes- they graduate. clear is that higher education Coffee Break Mike 'n' Jim sional career, but less than half Money was rated by students helps students develop transfer- Sports Alex Coby thought it had succeeded. as their primary goal for five able skills that are useful in their International Ed Henley Students were questioned at years after graduation, followed subsequent careers." Fashion Louise Willingale several universities across the closely by respect; family was Gail Dawes UK and Ireland. Oxbridge stu- rated as their primary goal twen- More information about the Books Roz Bulleid dents proved to be much more ty years after graduation. TeachFirst programme and theoretically-minded than Diana Warwick, chief execu- recent press articles can be Felix, Beit Quadrangle, Prince London students with only 43% tive of the umbrella group found at www.teachfirst.org.uk. Consort Road, London SW7 2BB

save a liatJOII Tel: 020 7594 8072 THE CHILDREN OF IRAQ E-mail: [email protected]

Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040-0711 Copyright © Felix 2002 WHERE WILL THE CHILDREN PLAY? Printed by Witherbys, EC1 Imperial College Islamic Society - Ramadhan 1423 AH

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GRCRT VRLUC H6RLTHV, FRESH FOOD 1 SubuJCiU FOR I.C. STUDENTS Opening Hours 6arls Court Road Monday- 07 .30 -- 23 .45 6orls Court Tuesday 07 .30 •- 23 .45 Underground Wednesday 07 .30 •- 23 .45 Thursday 07 .30 •- 23 .45 LUaruuick Road 203 Carls Court Rood Friday 07 .30 •- 23 .45 6arls Court London SUJ5 9RN Saturday 07 .30 •- 23 . 45 Exhibition Tel.: 0207-373-7367 Sunday 09 . 00 •- 23 .45 Centre Fox.: 0207-373-2548 FELIX COLUMN 03 And Alex Said... "And now on BBC1, we interrupt ces, molten rock, water. this. The razor blades were his A minute later and the hell is in all half-decent programming to "And what about you, what's idea," he says, somewhat glumly. full swing. Ann is in her under- bore you to death with this this bath full of?" Standing to one side, there is a wear, and all the while Will is ser- year's... Children in Need." "Razor blades" says a man, in a deep laugh. "Keep up the good enading her with "I want to take Suddenly your eyelids are bath full of razor blades. work, Derek!" says Richard, with this moment, and make it last for- descending faster than your bank "Owch! You must be completely a cackle. "It's this or the top-up ever..." You wonder whether he balance. Consciousness is fading mad!" fees, you see," he says, turning to really means it. quicker than the chances that "I was almost sectioned." Gaby Roslin. "Surprisingly warm, "Give us your money, give us you'll stick to your resolution to do "What's your name?" under the glare of these lights," he your fucking money, now, please!" "a bit more work" this term. Your "I'm Sir Derek Roberts, Provost says, fanning himself with a large sobs Bob Geldof, eerily reminis- body collapses in a heap, just like of UCL" handful of fifty pound notes. cent of his famous Live Aid quote, the analogies in this paragraph. although this time the anger is Then you wake up to hear Toby replaced by terror, and there are Anstis say "And now we cross tears in his eyes. "The smell is over to BBC Dullsby...". Charity! appaling... people here are "This crazy man is sitting in a dying!" he says, as Ann's bra bath full of maggots!" shouts comes flying in his direction. Gaby Roslin. "And how much have you Back to the studio, and there's Will's song reaches a climax, "They're crawling up my nose. I raised for Children in Need?" Nicky Campbell from Watchdog. Nicky Campbell wipes the sick off think they're biting me inside." "Children in Need?" "Right, we've got Will Young and his chin and while Ann is danc- He's a man sitting in a bath, as "Yes... the BBC charity enter- Ann Widdecombe in the studio, ing, her breasts knock out two part of a line of men sitting in tainment phone-in extravaganza and as we said earlier, if we didn't cameramen. She moves a large baths, and the baths are full of type thing." have four million pounds by now, fold of skin out of the way and the typical "cray-zee" things that "Actually I'm raising money for Ann would be performing a sexy reaches for her knickers, and baths get full of at this time of Imperial College and UCL... striptease. And as if things could- then... year. You know: custard, gunge, Richard Sykes says we've got no n't get any worse, Will will be Give generously. mud, goo, gunk, jelly, acid, fae- money at all. He made me do singing. Let's check the totals..." Alex Warren

Teach First IC Union Amnesty Group presents: W presents Human Rights in "How can school beat business school? - How to transfer your skills Indonesia and accelerate your career" Tuesday, 19th November 6pm-9pm 1 Earnest & Young presents What is really happening now in Aceh, East "Surviving an Assessment Centre" Timor and West Papua? How much have Esso and other companies Wednesday, 20th November assisted human rights violations in Aceh? Since the Bali bomb, what next for human 2pm-5pm rights in Indonesia?

Room 6b, East Wing Basement, Beit Quad Come and join the discussion with speakers from the To secure your place contact Nick Gore today Indonesian human rights group Tapol on [email protected] or call ext 4-8097 Friday 22nd November * imperial 5pm college Room 119 SAF Building imperial union www.su.ic.ac.uk/amnesty coltege Another service provided by Imperial College Union union [email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College 04 FELIX Lord Mayor's Show The first Lord Mayor's Show was in 1215, cession Bo' and Derrick set out to make up Lehmann calling the 'Boomalaka' to welcome after King John had granted a Charter allow- for the absence of sound with quick-fire the new Lord Mayor as we passed his stand. ing the City's citizens to elect their own usage of their horns while enthusiastic stu- The weather held out surprisingly well given mayor. The Charter stipulated that the new dents scrambled over the float to try and the torrential rain the day before and the mayor must be presented to the Sovereign for repair the broken generator (we are engi- crowd lining the streets were entertained by approval and to swear loyalty to the Crown. neers, after all). A few minutes later this plan the antics of Skate Soc (equipped with their Saturday 9th November 2002 saw the 675th of attack was abandoned and the team start- Fred and Barney Flintstone costumes) as well Lord Mayor's Show and City & Guilds College ed to work on moving the sound system over as by Tom Williams and Mustafa Arif sitting Union once again co-ordinated an entry on to the other generator. The lights and silk on Derrick and leaning radically from side to behalf of Imperial College. This year's float side every few seconds pretending to turn celebrated the 100th birthday of Boanerges, corners. The BBC proceeded to do their part, affectionately known as Bo1, one of the vin- capturing the Imperial procession on screen tage vehicle mascots of the Faculty of for nearly a minute. Engineering. It was well past mid-day when we finally Generators purred into life, lights lit up, silk pulled over to stop for lunch. An adjustable flames started billowing around and the air spanner borrowed from the RCS Motor Club around the float was filled with floating voic- was put to work on the broken generator and es whispering "testing" into the microphone. after much cursing and hanging over the front The rest of the students accompanying the of the float it spluttered into life. The return float began to trickle in, including members parade back to London Wall took about an of Skate Soc (on skates...) and Juggling Club hour and passed mercifully almost without (to juggle). After 1 lam the float finally began incident though sadly the BBC didn't get a to move off, edging forward with Clementine flames were reluctantly unplugged, leaving chance to capture our float in its full two-gen- and Jezebel bringing up the rear. Clem four hideously expensive pieces of silk hang- erator glory, with silk flames billowing. As appeared to find itself the chosen base for ing forlornly across the side of the float. always the show was great fun for those who STOIC, who were along to film the event. Inevitably the wires were too short and the took part and superb publicity for Imperial In true Imperial College fashion one of our power plugs in the wrong place, but eventu- College. Assuming the money can be found, generators chose this particular moment to ally the sound system came back to life and there can't be any doubt that we'll be back fail, shutting down the all important sound everyone on the float was able to breath a again next year. system (probably much to the relief of the sigh of relief. More information on the show can be marching band in front). With panic rapidly The rest of the parade went almost without found on-line at http://www.cgcu.net/lms/ setting in as we pulled out into the main pro- incident, with Honourary Secretary Dan Oliver Pell

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[email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College FELIX COLUMN 05 Paradigm Shift Who are we? we go out on Wednesday after- In some sense a worldview is So it's quite a broad worldview, We're the "worldview surveys noons, armed with our clipboards like wearing the correct pair of with Islam, Christianity, Judaism, team" from His People Society. If to find some respondents. Surveys spectacles; it must provide the Hinduism and Buddhism being you're not sure what a worldview typically last between ten minutes correct prescription for making the major supernaturalist reli- is then Jason has written about and two hours and are normally sense of the world and like a pair gions. Of course many people these strange creatures on the enjoyable for everyone involved. of spectacles must offer focus. believe in something beyond the right. We are Christians and mem- They usually end up more like natural world without falling into bers of His People church (the one conversations than just questions Supernaturalism these categories and the sheer that meets in the Drewe lecture and answers, because the whole Hello and welcome to worldview quantity of films and books that theatre at Charing Cross). Besides idea of them is to find out why of the month. Dictionary.com says have references to the supernatu- this we run small groups in halls people believe what they do, and that supernaturalism is "The belief ral shows that there is a genuine and we do worldview surveys, they're often interested in finding in a supernatural agency that interest in it. For this reason HPS which is where this comes in! out the same about us too! So if intervenes in the course of natural have organised an event entitled Over the next months, years or you've got a deadline in two hours laws." This doesn't help much, "Shadows of the Supernatural". possibly page, depending on the and you see the clipboards coming though, because we've only got rid For more info look out for posters popularity of "Paradigm Shift", towards you then my best advice of the -ism! To go further we must along the main walkway or con- we'll be publishing our results and is to run for your life! define what the supernatural is. tact: [email protected]. other "interesting things" to keep What do you think about when the away the boredom during your What is a worldview? word "supernatural" is men- Contacts lectures, or make it worse depend- I like the formal definition by John tioned? Ghosts and goblins? Well We hope to start up online surveys ing on your worldview! Sire in his excellent book "The Dictionary.com doesn't exactly within the next month, but if the Universe Next Door" in which he mention these, but it does say: suspense is too much for you to What do we do? asserts that a worldview is a set of l.Of or relating to existence out- bear then send us an email and he survey contains nine ques- presuppositions which we hold side the natural world. we'll come and survey you! ons, from which it is possible to about the basic makeup of the 2.Attributed to a power that Similarly, if you have any com- determine one's worldview. The world. In other words, a worldview seems to violate or go beyond nat- ments or questions then don't hes- questions will be considered in is first of all an explanation and ural forces. itate to click that "send" button. uture "Paradigm Shift" articles, interpretation of the world and 3.Of or relating to the immediate Our email addresses are provided it lasts that long! There's secondly, an application of this exercise of divine power; miracu- [email protected] (that's about six of us on the team and view to life. lous. me) and [email protected]

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Obsolete data may subject gives approval. be archived on to the server. Individuals are required to create accounts (sign up) on the server in order safely to guarantee their approval for the public appearance of data or otherwise and to enable the Data Processors to instigate checks of status (student or otherwise) to be made if necessary for the above purposes. [email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College 06 FELIX Your Letters Poster Problems there being five inconspicuous Tuesday to see a small brown the mp for somewhere in sheets of A4 or five million mouse scurrying along behind Bedfordshire talked for a good 20 Hi, hideously garish posters covering some seats. When I casually men- minutes before I realised he was The union poster regulations every available square inch of col- tioned this to one of the lovely bar- cunningly avoiding giving any contain the rules: lege. Everyone knows cheesy wot- men, instead of looking terribly opinions on anything, clever little Posters not to be put up closer sits is on three times a bloody embarrassed and offering me lots scamps these politicians. Another than 5 metres apart where there is week, advertising is not the of free drinks to compensate for terribly suave mp, who was also a insufficient space. answer for this lame duck. my traumatic experience he just party whip ( how funny is that? I Posters not to be put up over Perhaps if the thousands of shrugged and said there's loads of spent a long time confirming with other in date posters. pounds spent on advertising pis- them around. Lovely. Do you think him that it was his job primarily to Presumably then, if one was to spoor events and inconsequental the Grade II listed status whip people) really liked the grad- put up some posters following all referendums (for a supposedly Southside apparently has includes uate tax idea and also admitted the rules and particularly those apolitical institution) were divert- the original rodent population? that Sykes was a conniving little above, they would be left there ed elswhere clubs might be able Talking of unwanted rodenty bastard (not quite his words, we until the event had been and to book a minibus when they need types, I was fortunate enough last were in polite company, but the gone. This is not the case, posters one. week (privileges of being a coun- look on his face was explanatory are regularly ripped down a matter cillors daughter) to have a very enough). The general consensus is of hours after they are put up. The Political Update interesting tour of the Houses of that the top universities do need main offenders in this practice are Parliament followed by tea on the more money but that top up fees not rouge clubs and societies how- Dear Felix, terrace. I took this opportunity to are not the answer, or at least not ever, they are the wonderful, After reading the letter last ask as many important people as right now. I think the best quote I unimpeachable fellows who wrote week bitching about Southside possible about top up fees and got by far was from an mp who the rules in the first place. shop I thought I should contribute they're opinion of our lovely Mr after hearing that I studied maths said 'I'm awful at maths, I see The union regularly carpet to this worthy cause. I very rarely Sykes. David Davis (Deputy numbers as colours, I seriously bomb the main walkway and JCR buy things from the shop and gave Leader of the Opposition) was vio- think a part of my brain is miss- with swathes of huge posters up trying to eat basics pizzas a lently against top up fees but did ing'. And he's helping to run the advertising their shitty events, long time ago but am still a regu- admit that the bill may well get country... popular only with people who lar to the downstairs bit of passed when it goes to govern- Amy (3rd year maths) would attend them regardless of Southside bar. I was horrified last ment. A lovely little man who is toot om PtSCOUKTtP JUGS OF COCKTAILS ALL NIT* DRY itmre um OR SOFT RZD #m

*$ARYOW UNIFORM! - ? - ^ o sCMm CBAR'TILIAM) 0 FRtt M 9,130 UNION, 2.00 GUESTS, WO P2P ' imperial ^SJS" t!%§ /I \J A ik^Xk i 0C college faffoft tKKIL/MV* NOV /*? union FRIDAY, NO/ W Imperial College -|-

Do you know what the merger will create?

Do you know how will it affect YOU?

Do you know what the **** is going on?

Do you care? VOTE NO

At the referendum - 25th/26th November

IC-!NO-VCL

www.su.ic.ac.uk/notomerger ast year, Brian rebuilt his computer.

Applications for our graduate programmes This year, Brian helped design can be made via our on-line application a worldwide trading network. system at www.citigroup.com The deadline At Citigroup, we can make careers happen-sometimes very quickly. That's for full-time applications is 22nd November because, as the world's leading financial services firm, we value talent and 2002, and for summer internship positions innovative thinking. The choices at Citigroup are only as limited as your it is 14th February 2003. aspirations and imagination. To find out more about careers at Citigroup, go to Citigroup.com.

© 2002 Salomon Smith Barney Inc. Member SIPC. Citigroup and the Umbrella Device are citigroupj trademarks and service marks of Citicorp and are used and registered throughout the world. Salomon Smith Barney and Citibank are affiliated companies under the common control of Salomon Smith Barney & Citibank Citigroup. Citibank and Salomon Smith Barney are egual opportunity employers M/F/D/V. FELIX INTERNATIONAL WoridSoc We, the undersigned members merely have to write in a para- JVLanifest>acl of B.I.G. (Bigoted Ignorant graph about some aspect of Goofs) do hereby politely your country. Something along inform Felix readers that we the lines of random national will be annexing Focus on: next sports, ways and places to week. have a successful social life in Each week, we will randomly your hometown, interesting select a country from a list foods, local cheesy pop and published two issues previous- alternatives, strange sayings - ly. Your country could be the *We dislike not being able to apply "small print" to its logical extremes you get the idea. in the following qualifying clause, but we are being threatened with exile lucky winner! Our programme to somewhere foreign so we'll content ourselves with applying it to this On the scaffold this week are will then be to thoroughly rather superfluous paragraph. As to the above, the picture says it all Nigeria, Korea, Brazil and besmirch the reputation of Besistance is not quite futile. Japan. Anonymously or other- that country. Be warned, no To avert us trashing your wise, nationals of these coun- holds barred*. country on this very page you tries, send stuff in, or else... Focus on: CD*** Mastery of a country can be The following books will glad- Fry and Hugh Laurie. Evelyn We've been relegated this week, assumed when you understand den those amongst you who Waugh is much more subtle, and as we don't have a lot to say. its poetry and humour. Adulation hoped to see stereotyped Britain though you'll have to overlook the However, we are prepared to say is due if you don't share a com- (cucumber sandwiches, tea etc). racist mindset of many of his gen- it very loudly. Therefore we'll be mon mother tongue with that Jerome K. Jerome's Three Men in eration, Decline and Fall and endeavouring to displace country. a Boat is a good place to start. Scoop are great. Cholmondely and resist takeover You've all been able to satisfy The title, a reference to a nursery Punch magazine was a work- bids from the Bigots through Imperial's fairly stringent English rhyme, makes the subject clear. horse for a very long time, and sheer volume. Anyway, onto less ability requirements, and so are has recently been reincarnated, self-involved matters: We've ready for initiation into the world but you'll have to look up the ear- been to go and see Ten, the film of British comedy. I assume little lier stuff if you want top quality. by Abbas Kiarostami. It's on at prior knowledge, and hasten to Of especial note are the cartoons the ICA almost daily until the add that this will be extended of H. M. Bateman, of The Man end of this month. over several Felices. Who... series. www.ica.org.uk for details. This week deals with (fairly Although these are strictly The life of a divorcee (Mania recent) historical comedy. I'll speaking contemporary, the sub- Akbari) in modern Iran goes leave the great guns to the ject matter is historical. You under the microscope, as we literati, but in passing make sure should be able to see Life of observe her relationships with you have a look at Shakespeare Brian and Holy Grail, Monty her resentful, possessive young and Jane Austen. Python films and the Blackadder son, her husband, sister and sev- I implore you to accompany TV series very easily soon as eral other women, including a this with an elementary British Christmas and the re-run season prostitute. Filmed entirely from history primer (or risk having a Oscar Wilde is seminal, and approaches. Ask many Brits inside her car, it's hard to know very skewed view of the last 900 you'll easily find plays, stories about these two, and they'll hap- whether to focus on the car inte- years in Britain), but Seller and and film adaptations. RG. pily wax lyrical about them and rior, or to try and get fleeting Yeatman's 1066 and All That is a Woodhouse is fairly flippant, and possibly provide you with oppor- glimpses of Tehran through the masterpiece, and will give many breezes through the stereotypes. tunities to view them. Encourage windows. It's subtly thought-pro- insights into how we perceive the The Jeeves and Wooster books them. voking, and well worth going world. got a good TV series with Stephen Cholmondely along to. Soon!

[email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College FELIX SCIENCE 10 ' Cannabis: A scientist's view

Cannabis usage A scientific history Medicinal uses of The pros The cannabis drug is from the plant Cannabis cannabis Indica, probably first found in India and relat- - Alcohol and tobacco are more addictive. ed to nettles. It has been grown for 'medicinal It seems likely that soon the British - It can help make various medical conditions and recreational' purposes for thousands of Government will introduce legislation to allow more bearable to live with, for example can- years. Most of British cannabis resin ('black', the use of cannabis for medicinal purposes. It cer, HIV, MS, glaucoma. 'soapbar', 'hash') comes in from Morocco, with has been shown to help reduce nausea associ- - Cannabis appears to be good for the heart. the herbal cannabis ('grass', 'weed', 'skunk') ated with chemotherapy, help increase the coming in mainly from Jamaica. There is an increasing trend for 'homegrown' cannabis. Most cannabis is smoked, often along with tobacco, but it can be eaten, often with much stronger effects. These effects include increased talkativeness, relaxation and height- ened experiences of sound and colour. The main psychoactive ingredient in cannabis is called THC, but this is only one of over 400 chemicals. THC interferes with brain functions by producing signals very similar to that of the brain's neurotransmitters, but with a random pattern. The effects last for about four hours and there is no 'hangover' as such. 'Skunk' Sometimes the effects of a high cannabis dose can be unpleasant, producing hallucina- appetite of AIDs sufferers, help relieve eye tions, panic, paranoia and nausea. Some users pressure for people with glaucoma, and to help have short-term memory loss because the relieve muscle pain. parts of the brain controlling memory have The condition that cannabis has been asso- been disrupted. Some research has suggested ciated the most with is Multiple Sclerosis. MS that prolonged use can permanently affect the is incurable and sufferers have balance prob- The cannabis plant memory and the ability to learn. lems, muscle spasms, incontinence and Cannabis smokers inhale far more tar than tremors. A large number of sufferers have said The cons tobacco smokers and so there is an increased that cannabis helps ease these symptoms, par- risk of lung cancer. ticularly spasms, pain and bladder control. But - Cannabis is psychologically addictive. Currently cannabis in its herbal and resin many are breaking the law while attempting to - Users can show aggressive behaviour when form is a class B drug carrying a penalty of up ease their suffering. in withdrawal. to five years in jail for possession. The Home Doctors can prescribe Nabilone, containing - Cannabis use could lead to 'harder' drugs. Secretary, David Blunkett has, however, THC, but patients complain about 'getting - It has a higher tar content than tobacco and recently suggested moving it down to class C, stoned', because the pain relieving ingredients so has a higher risk of lung cancer. and experimental schemes have been intro- have yet to be separated from the 'mind bend- - Users can have trouble controlling blood duced in some areas to relax police regulation ing' ones. pressure and so are prone to fainting. of the drug For more information see bbc.co.uk/science Research proposal competition: "Why I need 16 contact lens holders" Winner - Wai-mei Chan In response to angry farmers, grounds-men have disturbed a place of agricultural/horticul- As contact lenses will be easily scratched and gardeners, a research opportunity has aris- tural significance or a designated mole habitat. and damaged in the harsh conditions of a bur- en in the prevention/minimisation of crop and If they find that they have done the latter they row under construction, it is necessary to have flowerbed damage by moles. I propose to will know that they can dig more extensive bur- funding for 16 contact lens holders, which can select 16 moles to experiment (humanely) rows there, however if not, they will know to be attached to the moles via utility belts. (The upon from a mole community. The aim will be leave that site as delicately as possible, never lenses being funded by the Moles' protection to train them to apply their contact lenses once to return, and pass the message onto other league). Let me prove that people and moles they have surfaced and ascertain whether they moles. can live together in peace.

[email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College TP FELIX 11 Atomic clocks We'll meet in a moment... err... in 5,345669543 seconds

The current most accurate clock (NIST-F1 foun- While Huygens' clock (or your grandfather's (between computers,...) rely on it. One exam- tain clock) neither gains nor loses a second in pendulum clock) is a mechanical clock, the ple is the GPS (Global Positioning Satellites) nearly 20 million years. Rather accurate. To atomic clock is a quantum-mechanical clock. In system. GPS determine the position of a receiv- understand how this super clock reaches such other words, its working is based on quantum er anywhere on Earth by timing the arrival sig- accuracy let's first remind ourselves what a physics (physics of the ultra small). Essentially, nals from four GPS satellites and doing a quick clock is. All clocks have two basic components: the incremental component is given by the radi- calculation to triangulate its position. Each ation frequency that causes the maximum tran- sitions of the clock's atoms (NIST-F1 uses Caesium 133) to another state. In English? Well... According to quantum mechanics, sub- atomic particles can only exist in discrete states and not at in between states (electrons have two hyperfine states). Generally, an atom remains in its hyperfine state. But when prodded by elec- tromagnetic radiation at a specific frequency, it will switch to the other state. For Caesium the specific radiation frequency is 9,192,631,770. Or in other words, when the radiation frequency is 9,192,631,770 a maximum number of Caesium atoms undergo a "hyperfine state" transition. As frequency is expressed in [s-1] (per second) it is obvious (...hopefully) that the 9,192,631,770 beats define exactly 1 second. The idea of using hyperfine states for a clock was first proposed by U.S. physicist Isador Rabi in 1945.

After this preamble, you can now understand Clocks clocks clocks... that an atomic clock: 1) filters atoms by select- ing those in one hyperfine state, 2) radiates the nanosecond (billionth of a second) of error The nist-1 clock selected atoms by microwaves, 3) measures translates into a GPS error of one foot. Thus how many changed atoms there are (fluores- each of the 24 GPS satellites contains four a constant process to mark the increments of cence detection), 4) tunes the microwave gen- atomic clocks. time and a means of keeping track of the incre- erator to the frequency that causes the maxi- More information on clocks: ments. For example, your grandfather's pendu- mum transitions. This optimal frequency (or http://physics.nist.gov/Genlnt/Time/time.html lum clock increments time with the oscillation number of oscillations) represents 1 second. Want to check your computer's clock against mechanism of the pendulum. Christian Huygens So now why do we need such accuracy? the official U.S. atomic clock? (a Dutch scientist) made the first one in 1656 Innumerable communication and navigation http://www.time.gov/ and its error was less than one minute a day. systems as well as synchronising systems Frangoise Mei Research proposal competition cont.: Runner Up (sorry no prize but I thought I'd print it) - Edward Hunt

Inspired by the character "Eyeball Paul" from over undrinkable Tesco Value Vodka). Half will olutionise the drinks industry. I will release a the Kevin and Perry movie, I have devised an be given ordinary shot glasses and half will be new line of spirit packaging based on lens case experiment to establish whether drinking shots given contact lens cases full of vodka. These design and become fabulously, fabulously rich. through your eyes really does get you drunk cases (which must be the double ended type) The remaining profits will go to Imperial faster than conventional consumption. will be ideal for delivering a swift alcohol shot College, removing any need to merge with any- First I will round up 32 sober imperial stu- to each eye. Each sucker will, after their shot, bugger, ever. Result! dents (!) and lead them to my underground lab. be given a twenty minute exam in tongue- Each will be thoroughly examined in mental twister dexterity by my lovely assistants. It will Inspired by these wacky ideas? For the next coordination using the classic book "1001 be noted, for each subject, how long after the issue, with a prize of a £10 HMV token, tell sci- Tricky Tongue-Twisters for Kids". They will then shot it took for their mental abilities to drop. [email protected] why you need 30 bicycle in turn be given a small amount of alcohol (left- The expected outcome of these tests will rev- helmets...

[email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College FASHION FELIX FELIX FASHION IC GT5JLE IC GTyLE THIS SEflSOn I SHALLflE fTIOSTLy HE

So what will the self respecting Mens multi stripe scarf. £51with belt and gold stud detail. Navy is a slightly odd trend that Londoner be wearing this winter? Now for women we have four If you're intending on visiting has sneaked in to cover the more Well probably what they always styles for you to choose from. the gym sometime soon to shed tailored look, but includes other wear, but the shops will be stock- There's gothic, starlet, grungy and some pounds and get a head start items. ing the latest trends and here is retro sport. before Christmas then you'll be Big thick white woollen knits Name - Alex what will be included. What about gothic? Sorry but into retro sport. Well the 70's had are included in this trend, as are So what are this season's this does not mean that Slipknot to be in somewhere, with jogging stripes in navy blue of black. Department - Chemistry essentials? Corduroy, in beige or t-shirts or leather trousers are in, bottoms, zip tops and t-shirts, all Men never seem to do much in black, for trousers, skirts, hats, this season's gothic look is less covered in retro logos and in the way of accessories but an Year - 2nd bags and blazers. This is probably scary and more sexy! Floaty chif- bright colours. Not to be worn all item I think is fantastic is the one of the strongest looks for this fon is teamed with crochet knits at once but the zip tops and t- Monkey Beanie, from Topman for Favourite Shops - Camden season, the cord trousers or skirts in black, with highlight colours of shirts look great with jeans. £10, v cute! Market, Karen Millen, New should be worn with a chiffon claret (dark red) and plum (dark So you've got your outfits sort- Now it is time for me to impart Look, Brighton Laings flowery blouse for women and purple). ed, how about the accessories? a bit of fashion wisdom, as we are with a flowery vintage shirt for A good key item for this trend is Boots and shoes have evil looking poor students there is no point How would you describe your men. However don't mix and a black, layered chiffon skirt e.g. pointed toes this winter, very trying to follow every trend and style? - Hippyish match cord, especially not black Topshop for £38. This can then Cruella De Vil! Mainly in black or changing your style every month. be worn with a crocheted black or brown but plum features in the It is better to simply buy some What's your favourite accesso- plum coloured top for a sexy party shoe department as well. of the key items, which can be ry? - Sarongs, great over outfit. Bright red lipstick is always a bought relatively inexpensively. trousers! So who wants to be a starlet? good colour and Office do a pair of We now have an email address, 20's and 30's glamour is back, ankle boots in this colour called which is: [email protected], but this time with a Hollywood 'Pili Demi Boot' for £69.99. so please email us with articles, twist, a slightly darker version of embroidery, covering every inch. Handbags are still essential and shop reviews or just suggestions. Marilyn. This is the ultimate party The key item for this look is the have tassels, embroidery etc. or Let us know what you'd like to look for all this years Christmas sheer wrap, worn over plain strap- are found in plain black leather. hear or send us a review of your parties, with sexy satin dresses py tops, these look incredibly gor- Trends for men this season are Chunky Knits to keep you warm favorite shop. and faux fur. Over the top glamour geous and come mostly in gold or Ski sport, retro and navy. Gail is the key with sequins and silver tones. Topshop do a beauti- The apres-ski look, without the est the trend the 'alpine sweater'; Photos courtesy of Topshop ful wrap, which is white with dodgy sunglasses. Lots of knits in the ones with snowflakes and and Topman brown sequin detail for £45, none this look, with a slightly retro bright colours on, very strange! of these wraps are cheap due to edge, including this seasons odd- Also zip tops with retro stripes and beige together. the embroidery or sequin detail on and again a strangely 70's feel. Vintage or retro gear is still them, but they are a good invest- These knits are worn with here, this time for men's shirts ment as they can be worn with a denim or tweed trousers and big and women's accessories like range of things. parkas or gillets (sleeveless bags and shoes. With the Starlet look comes the padded coats). Firstly I would just like to raahhh! Some smart arse pointed out to me Winter is the time for big, snug- RED matt lipstick, great if you can Retro, ah, that word again! This that Cosmopolitans shouldn't have crushed ice in them. Well raahhh gly coats and this season's style is wear it but makes most people season's retro is an excuse to to that, I like crushed ice, my housemate has (well had because it sheepskin. This is carried over look like the undead. wear flamboyant shirts, with floral broke) an ice crusher and how many students do you know who can from last winter but this winter How about grungy then? print and frills... only for the very be bothered to chill glasses beforehand? sheepskin is less subtle, the coats Nirvana are back and with them brave. around at the moment are very comes a new edge on the grunge Topman has a lovely green pais- Anyway, to make your margarita you first stick salt to the rim of your 70's with exotic trims and big look, where blokey items like ley shirt for £25, it is actually glass. Rubbing a wedge of lime around the rim does the trick. Now hoods. parkas, bomber jackets or com- nicer than it sounds, which would juice a couple of limes and stir in a couple of teaspoons of sugar to The final essential item is a bats are combined with ultra fem- go well with a pair of flared jeans. taste. Into a cocktail shaker put in some ice cubes, 2 measures of sil- skinny scarf, the longer and loud- inine chiffon tops or skirts. This Cord flares and blazers are big ver tequila, 1 measure of triple sec and your lime juice. Shake and er the better. It should be knitted trend includes the military look, and colours should clash but serve over ice, crushed ice in my opinion but if not, who cares? If you and probably stripy in all the with faded khaki and retro mili- tastefully so, if there is such a think the crushed ice melts too quickly, drink faster. By the way, when colours of the rainbow. French tary badges etc. However camou- thing. I say a measure I think I mean a double but these recipes have only Connection have a mens stripy flage is not back in and should be The skinny scarf look comes been tested in a drunken haze. My housemates seemed to appreciate scarf which is slightly more subtle avoided at all costs! Mango do a under this heading and looks fab them even without the recommended baby orchid garnish. for £25, it is imaginatively called Glam with chifffon and fur fantastic green military coat for with a retro style blazer. [email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College [email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College 14 WEBSITE REVIEWS FELIX cellspacing-0 tarter-ll-tr-lil alp-right valiga-Wtom'-a href-Mlp WlM'-i W-liltp://\imi.flOBgle.coni>A«lvai| wsSlil-eiitilr-SIG-UTI' SI I'refcrcnces*/sa>rjnbsp;Snbsp;Snbsp;tjnli8pra liref-/tanauaBeJools?q-welis!te*reviewsShl-enSlr-8ie-UTF 8>Lan|iuage linn warps method-GET acMon-/searcli>-input type-hila name-hl vahr'af"ipl type-iHen narae-Sr valne">

What with the careers fair, everyone around me to offer good advice and millions of job vacan- wondering what they are actually going to do cies but I think this is one of the best. Clearly with their lives and the scary realisation that I laid out with a lot of information including a can not remain a perpetual student, I figure particularly useful section on company profiles. now is a good time to start looking for a job. The frequently asked questions covers anything Now, I would have thought that realising I from what to put in your CV to how to find out need a job would be enough but apparently about studying abroad. If you register (very there are quite a few people looking for jobs. easy) then they will provide you with individual Can't remember where I heard that but sup- advice on your CV as well as informing you of posedly it is true. So, the real challenge lies in jobs that are likely to be of interest. Once reg- trying to convince people that you are the best istered you can also display your CV on line for man or woman for the job. This is where web employers to find you. I have always rather fan- sites like this become useful and frankly I am cied being head hunted but I think that is a lit- willing to take advice from all directions if it tle unlikely. will improve my chances. By the way non-final years, it might be a leave it too late, most applications have to be There are many different websites claiming good idea for you to start looking too, don't in by Christmas. Happy hunting. www.praspects.ac.uk

Junk yard far forwards Term of the Week: DVD So, your so-called friends have sent yet anoth- er really annoying forward. The first problem is They are the new video with better quality trying to open it - I usually get a message say- audio and visual, with more features and ing "This attachment type is not yet support- generally just brilliant - but what are they? ed", pray tell me what does that mean? If you Digital Versatile/Video Discs use the manage to access the damn thing then there MPEG-2 compression technique to fit is a really high probability that it is not funny, enough megabytes for an entire movie on not relevant and is certainly not worth your one DVD. MPEG compression works by stor- mailbox megabytes. Then it gets worse, you ing the changes from one frame to the next have to reply to whoever sent it to you without instead of the whole frame. mentioning their really poor sense of humour. DVDs can be described as a new type of Well, guess what, I have discovered an entire CD ROM that hold a minimum of 4.7GB. website dedicated to them. Just what you They are certainly not solely for video, they always wanted. A true time waster and a bril- have also revolutionised the computer world, liant way to annoy all your not-so-favourite A lovely jumbly total waste of time and with DVD drives outselling DVD players. friends. effort and paper and printing ink Many of these you will probably already have been subjected to but this is a really good way to waste valuable time . While the Quick stop web site From the dotMeister forwards are divided into categories such as 'famous quotes' and 'heaven jokes' they are https://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/cocktails/index Yipee! It is now half way through the term unfortunately not titled. Which means you html or https://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/beer and I haven't yet tried throwing myself in have to open it to find out what it is. shots.html front of any buses. That's pretty good going In fact, I am now beginning to wonder why for me. I give myself another week before I I am reviewing a badly-designed, totally use- These websites contain microscopic photo am found underneath the number 10 (which less website. I remember, we all like to piss graphs of your favourite beverage, whether it will be - the damn thing never runs on people off from time to time. To be honest I that is beer or cocktails. I don't know if they time, I'd enjoy the irony). don't think this website has any other reason are actually right, perhaps someone with I hope everyone found something useful at for being. access to crystallisation techniques and a the careers fair, like a career. If you, like me, If you're really bored then go ahead because microscope could tell me. Nevertheless, they do not have everything already planned then to be fair what else could anyone do with their are very cool pictures which look really swish. take a look at prospects. As for the second really annoying forwards if not put them here? You can download screensavers which you site, do not send all the forwards to felix web Oh yeah, delete them. can then modify to your tastes. All good fun. because I will not laugh.

www.forwardgarden.com

[email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College IT FELIX BOOK REVIEWS 15

Are you experienced' Atomised William Sutcliffe Michel Houellebecq

time he's back home in the pub depressingly through their lives, the worst bits are forgotten and getting laid occasionally and he proudly realises he has man- spouting philosophical crap. aged to rack up the obligatory It's supposedly a telling insight collection of stories he will need into the dysfunctional state of for the start of university. modern life. Apparently France is If you have been been travel- in danger of becoming a third ling, this is your Bridget Jones - world country through the failure you'll sit there going "that's so of religion, moral decay and lazi- right" and chuckling. You'll have ness of the population. Many peo- been through most of the situa- ple don't like France, but this tions and met most of the people seems to be going a bit far. described. It's incredibly sharp, I do cerebral occasionally but I Dave, your average eighteen year honest and funny. Only buy this book if Spar has run know enough science to realise old, agrees to go to India with his If you haven't been travelling, out of bog roll, and you have that the biological diatribes are best mate's girlfriend, Liz, mainly then this is a brilliant expose of cholera plus a runny nose. It's well off the mark, which made me because he wants to pull her. Liz, what those guys who turned up unmitigated crap. By the time I'd sceptical of the philosophy. I feel is obviously not interested and with weird hair and tie-dyed finished it, I was so angry that I'd bad slagging off a book - it's meant quickly gets drawn into a yoga trousers in the first year did, hav- devoted part of my life to it. to be an outpouring of the soul, cult leaving a terrified Dave to ing spent their gap year on some Counting the bobbles on flock like stripping naked in front of the travel round on his own. He parent funded gnat-milking expe- wallpaper would have been better. whole world. And here I am point- lurches round the country, getting dition to the wilds of a country It's supposedly a study of rela- ing and laughing but no, I can't be ill, offending people and trying to you've never even heard of. You tionships in our "atomised" socie- nice about it - even the naked see what travellers do all day. absolutely must buy it. ty. Two half-brothers, Michel, a woman on the front cover is ugly. Most of the time he's genuinely Tom Kingham molecular biologist, and Bruno, an Tom Kingham unhappy but miraculously by the Penguin Books; ISBN: 0140272658 unsuccessful teacher, wander Vintage; ISBN: 0099283360

Monkey's Birthday and Other Stories Simon Crumps

street of rather unsavoury char- These three stories have a social behaviour, then perhaps acters whose lives are inter- colourful cast of characters, per- this is the book for you. twined. Their personalities, haps stereotyped, but that is to There's some strong social revealed through a highly be expected in such a small comment here. For example, descriptive narrative of the mun- space. I did enjoy the stereo- Monkey's Birthday ends with a dane objects and routines which types and Crump uses them to crime, depicting the perpetrator fill their lives, left me wondering his advantage, injecting them as a passive agent driven by cir- Faced with a far from appealing - just how many homes are lit- with a surprising amount of cumstances and situations. I'm front cover, which is a prime tered with free gifts from lager humanity. As a result, his char- not sure if this book should be example of bad-taste wallpaper, promotions? acters are fully rounded and live- taken as an authority on these and probable choice of several of English Electric is a depressing ly, inciting you to care about situations. After all, it's just the the characters within, I had my foray into the downfall of a man them. author's personal insight, but it'll reservations. However, Simon after being made redundant. If you prefer to avoid the less definitely spark thought in your Crump's book of three short sto- Short and not very sweet but desirable side of life, then the own mind. On a more superficial ries surprised me by being both eye-opening all the same. The cast of wackos, drunks and con- level, this is thoroughly enter- highly enjoyable and thought final story, Early Doors, intro- men may not be for you. But if taining; a personal through-the- provoking. As they say, never duces you to the highly enter- you want your eyes to be opened keyhole into the lives of a diverse judge a book by its cover! taining world of a conman and to different outlooks on life, and range of lively characters. The first story, Monkey's his new wife. Has he finally to investigate the motivations for Rebecca Purvis Birthday, introduces you to a made it big? some of the most depraved Bloomsbury; ISBN:0747557691

[email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College (§3. 16 FILM REVIEWS FELIX

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE EDITORS...

Continuing in my quest for all things media, I opened the Felix bar tab. A debaucherous time ues to accept totally un-poisoned, completely gatecrashed a celeb party at the Kensington was had by all, and everyone looked a little safe, un-tampered-with chocolate from sweet, Roof Gardens last week. Unfortunately, having grey and vaguely sheepish in the office today. innocent co-editors...), I have made a couple arrived fashionably late, I'd missed the stars I'd love to reveal lots of exciting gossip, but I'll of minor changes, which I'm hoping you guys who apparently had turned up, got their pho- have to get someone to fill me in on what hap- like - we've slotted in a quick review for those tos taken and fucked off somewhere much pened first. things we just can't cram in, and also experi- more interesting. Actually, since the "stars" Which reminds me: get well soon, Simon! mented with getting two perspectives on a were dubious popsters Blue and Atomic Kitten, The poor love wasn't feeling at all right today, film. Originally it was going to be a "girls v I'm not sure if my tardiness was a blessing... bless him. I sent him home and valiantly boys" feature, but apparently I haven't got girly As a celeb-do virgin, I was a tad disappointed. agreed to finish off here. What, you feel too enough film taste for Si... If there are more fea- As parties go, it was quite lame, and things got sick and have to go home and leave me here tures, stories or anything else you want to see, worse when they shut the free bar. on my own to edit the pages as I wish to? Gosh get emailing and we'll do our best, and let us Not that I'm cheap or anything, but I did find Simon, so much trust! I'm honoured. Foolish know if you like (or hate) anything about these myself at another event with free alcohol this boy... pages. Except the editors. Not that you could week, and I have to say it flowed a lot more So in his absence (which may or may not be possibly find fault with us. Well, me at any bloody freely than in Kensington. Yes, Will short-lived, depending on whether he contin- rate... Liz

film could be repulsing. HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS The story, both imaginative and intricate on paper, is allowed to drown in an extremely indo- STARRING: DANIEL RADCLIFFE, lent screenplay. The plot never flows. Columbus

KENNETH BRANAGH, can be excused for skimming away many of the ROBBIE COLTRANE minor stories and complexities (at two hours,

DIRECTED BY: CHRIS COLUMBUS forty minutes the film can already be tediously

CERTIFICATE: PG long) but he left the film without direction. The RUNNING TIME: 1 e 1 MINS script was terrible, containing too many cheap

RELEASE DATE: 1 5TH NOVEMBER and nauseating lines and the soundtrack was jammed with melodramatic strings - the experi- I messed up this week and got 2 reviews of the ence was similar to sitting through a three-hour same film. Simon wasn't happy. But, since they Werther's Original advert. are both very different, rather than choose one The best acting seen was probably Dobby the over the other, I decided to include both... Liz computer-animated "house-elf" - one of the high- Look! What's that over there? An acting coach? lights of the film. Smith (McGonagall), Rickman than the first film, with some pretty scary scenes (Snape) and Branagh (Lockhart) created their MAGIC for hardened students, let alone quivering 8 year characters excellently, but unfortunately Harry, Harry's world has been recreated with stunning olds. But go on, get in touch with your inner wiz- Ron and Hermione did not live up to expecta- visual style, with superb special effects: Dobby ard - it's certainly a lot cheaper than the mer- tions. Their acting was wooden, and Watson is the house-elf equals anything Mr. Lucas has done chandising. Ben the only one who looks likely to have a future recently, cars swoop with verve and realism and career. there are spiders that would induce severe I imagine for many under-twelves, the world TORTURE arachnophobia in the most passionate entomolo- will be a happier place with The Chamber of gist. It is directed with a grandeur that perfectly The second installment of the Harry Potter series Secrets, but for me the beauty of JK Rowling's suits the mood of the film, and the pace is fairly was always going to be a sure money earner. books lies in her imaginative minute details. The relentless. Beware though, there are a number of Unfortunately this did nothing to motivate the film lacks such qualities, resulting in something sections that will make you squirm by their very production of the good film. The story was ripped ridiculous and disappointing. As I looked around, cheesiness. and slashed and at times incoherent, whilst there there was little evidence of wonder on the audi- Added to this, the kids' acting is still largely was little else to compensate for that. As much as ence's faces - the most frequent expression was a awful, even if things have improved since the first the books can be hugely absorbing at times, this cringe. Sachit outing. Ron still does a Mr. Soft impersonation when he's frightened, Hermione still has the over- ICU CINEMA WHAT TO WATCH... annunciation of a school presentation and Harry is rivalling his wand for sheer woodiness. The TUESDAY 26TH NOVEMBER ...AT THE MOVIES: SUPER TROOPERS teachers have all settled into their roles nicely, 1 8:n - SIGNS (1 2) (RELEASED 1 5TH OCTOBER, 1 5) with the late Richard Harris bringing an under- 2D:3D - NINE QUEENS (1 5) stated humility to Dumbledore, but the star of the ...ON TV: VERY BAD THINGS staffroom would have to be the OTT Gilderoy THURSDAY 2BTH NOVEMBER (SUNDAY 1 "7TH NOVEMBER,

Lockhart. Whether you love him or loathe him 1 B-.OO - NINE QUEENS (1 5) CHANNEL 4, 22:DO) will depend mainly on how much the sight of ZDI30 - SIGN5 (1 2)

Branagh makes your fists itch. ...ON SKY: TWELVE MONKEYS I could sit here nitpicking about any number of THE CINEMA IS ON THE SECOND (FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER, UK things in the film, but overall it remains a very FLOOR OF THE UNION DIRECTLY GOLD, 22:1 D) enjoyable way to spend an evening. The humour ABOVE THE MAIN OFFICE. of the novels is cleverly captured and the story ...ON DVD: STAR WARS EPISODE II:

remains in-keeping with the book - well-struc- TICKETS (AS ALWAYS) ARE £3 ATTACK OF THE CLONES (RELEASED tured and intriguing. It is a much darker affair EACH, OR £5 FOR BOTH FILMS 1 5TH NOVEMBER, PG)

[email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College FELIX FILM REVIEWS 17

RABBIT-PROOF FENCE equality. In a line laced with irony, he laments, 'If only they could understand what I'm trying to

STARRING: EVERLYN SAMPI, do'. These days, the boot is most firmly on the TIANNA SANSBURY, other foot. LAURA MDNAGHAN In a film where lines of dialogue are few and

DIRECTED BY: PHILLIP NOYCE far between, a hugely effective visual narrative CERTIFICATE: PG more than fills the gaps. Stunning cinematogra- RUNNING TIME: 93 MINS phy powerfully conveys the vastness and wild- RELEASE DATE: BTH NOVEMBER ness of the Australian outback, while the three lead girls, Molly (Everlyn Sampi) especially, man- If films wrote history, we'd be screwed. Forget age to convey much simply through body lan- Attila the Hun, Ivan the Terrible and Hitler; in the guage and facial expression. The acting in gener- all-time definitive list of most evil entities the They're all the same size really, it's just an optical illusion. al is astounding considering most of the children world has ever known, the English would be sit- apologise for its treatment of them. featured had never even seen a movie before, let ting pretty at Numero Uno. With the exception of Although this is a tale of the plight of alone acted in one. German and perhaps Russian, diabolical megalo- Australia's indigenous inhabitants (and it raises A word must be said too about the music. If maniacs always have English accents. Then some pertinent questions about Australia's poli- this were a Hollywood film (and thank God it there's Braveheart, The Patriot, Titanic and cies on this subject), it is more concerned with isn't) we'd have sweeping scores and sentimen- countless others. Blighty-bashing is the most what the Aussie film industry does best - which tal interludes. The way that things like this are popular sport in Hollywood, and with Mel Gibson is making simple yet subtle movies about the managed produce an emotional movie despite in particular. And if you've ever talked to an nature of human emotion. The plot (based on a filming in an almost understated style; by letting Aussie, you'll know that it's almost their national true story) centres on the plight of three half- the story do the talking, if you'll pardon an past time. caste girls, who are taken from their Aboriginal incredibly bad pun. Rabbit-Proof Fence is a tale of the subjugation mother in the 1930s. They are moved 1500 It wouldn't be excessive to say that this is one of Australia's native Aboriginals in the name of miles to be educated as servants, on the orders of the best Australian films I've ever seen, Her Majesty. This is still a most controversial sub- of the Minister for Aboriginals, Mr. Neville although come to think about it, that doesn't nec- ject Down Under, and one of 'Straylia's most (Kenneth Branagh). essarily mean much. One anecdote might con- shameful legacies. Up until 1970, half-caste Refreshingly, the filmmakers have shied away vince you though: in a near-packed cinema, no children could be removed from their homes and from making an anti-English movie, although it one left until well after the credits had started sent for education in white environments. They must have been tempting to do so. Mr. Neville rolling. Even if you disregard everything I've said became known as the Stolen Generations, and to comes across as a decent and honourable man, above, you have to take that as a sign of a pow- this day the Australian government refuses to albeit with badly misguided views about race and erful film. David

manners of sick, twisted, filthy and down- SUPER TROOPERS right daft humour. The Troopers amuse them-

STARRING: JAY CHANDRASEKHAR selves in the slow Vermont town by pulling KEVIN HEFFERNAN, over stoners and freaking them out 'til para- LYNDA CARTER noia sets in, shagging women in exchange for

DIRECTED BY: JAY CHANDRASEKHAR ignoring speeding violations, and having

CERTIFICATE: 1 5 maple syrup drinking competitions. Oh, and

RUNNING TIME: 1 MINS they keep brawling with the local cops which

RELEASE DATE: 15TH NOVEMBER does not help their case much... All in all, this makes for a very entertaining Now, just before you nylon flares-wearing romp, and did cause us to laugh very loudly disco babes get all excited, this is not a film whilst proper journalists sneered and acted about ABBA. Sorry. But on the upside, it is all professional. Which I think is a high rec- about State Troopers. For those among you ommendation for any film. The acting isn't who have never seen a Smokey and the great, and the simple plot may be an issue Bandit film (and why not?!), State Troopers for some, but what really sets this film apart are a) a branch of American law-enforce- from others of its ilk is the group dynamic of America's finest? Don't we all feel that little bit safer now.. ment, b) stupid and c) wear beige. Oh, and Broken Lizard. These are blokes who you they only have jurisdiction over roads. Which know are good friends - the kind of friends BUFFY SEASON 5 DVD is weird, but does make for a nice little sub- who spend all their time chuckling about car- plot to hang the Jackass-style shenanigans toons and taking the piss out of each other. CERTIFICATE: 1 5 on. It's been decided that the people of They are the friends Monica, Chandler and RELEASE DATE: 1 5TH NOVEMBER Spurbury are only naughty enough to warrant Co. will never be and the kind of friends (geddit?) one local law-enforcement agency, everyone wants. Amazingly, this rapport car- In the most harrowing series yet, Buffy faces and so the boys in brown and the boys in ries to film beautifully - Broken Lizard wrote, some serious evil, including Dracula, a blue go head to head in a bid to crack (ooh, acted and directed the entire thing. And you demon god, a bratty baby sister and the they just keep coming...) a big drugs case. just know they had such a wicked time doing death of her mum. The teen messages the It must be pointed out here that the actual it. directors love to force-feed fans are slightly plot matters not - you'll all be too busy Go see this with your own mates, and if overly played, and irritating Riley is still not chortling and rolling around the floor among you don't have any, go see it to find out what dead, but the series is worth it to see the popcorn crumbs and mushy M&Ms to give a you're missing out on. Feel-good, funny and darker turn Whedon et al are taking. Extras toss. This film is hysterical! Written by a with a special appearance by Wonder are pretty standard, with director's com- group of mates going by the odd name of Woman. What more do you want? mentaries, scripts and behind the scenes "Broken Lizard", the film encompasses all Liz look at stunts. Liz [email protected] The student newspaper of Imperial College 18 MUSIC REVIEWS FELIX

Manic Street Preachers 5/5 Singles Forever Delayed Athlete - Beautiful The Manic Street Preachers will find songs from old albums have had a successful career that you don't know. Forever Simple, catchy songs with since debuting with their double Delayed also includes two brand decent vocals and instrumen- LP Generation Terrorists in new tracks and three which have tal, and then ali sorts of 1992. Ten years and 6 albums never previously been available strange noises added on the top later, they release a 'Best Of on an album. of it all. This is what you can titled Forever Delayed. This compilation is worth look- expect from this up and coming Those who don't know the ing at. All the songs are reason- band. Athlete's new single is no Manic Street Preachers can buy ably good. Put the CD in and exception and is one of their this album without hesitation as leave it playing till the end. The more "chilled" offerings. it contains almost all of their big Manic Street Preachers have Pleasant chords and synth hits. You will discover one of the explored many different styles of strings await you with this one. better UK bands of the last ten music, this album shows the way The lyrics are straightforward years. For hardcore fans, rush for from debut to nowadays. In these too - singer Joel Pott is describ- the limited edition version: there times where 'Best Ofs' are fash- ing something beautiful. is an extra CD of some of the ionable, (Elvis Presley, Rolling The overall effect is impres- greatest remixes of the band's Stones) Manic Street Preachers sive and pretty close to beauti- hits by Chemical Brothers, release a decent one. Don't miss ful in itself. The heavier instru- Avalanches, Massive Attack, it - this will keep you occupied mental towards the end is the Mogwai... which is reason while waiting for their seventh only extra thing this song needs enough to buy it. Moreover, you album! Mike to convince me that it deserves full marks, and it does so con- vincingly. The Lollies 4/5 5/5 Robin Taste The Liars - Fins To Make Us The Lollies - the name says it to living like Daria; Office More Fish-Like mi all. It's an innocuous moniker Romance is a cheeky tale in the designed to lull the listener into vein of Princess Superstar (only "Can you hear us? CAN YOU a false sense of security, as does less explicit, unfortunately). HEAR US?", my stereo sudden- the sound itself - colourful key- Channel Heaven is a decent ly screams after what sounds A ft boards and catchy hooks mask Belle & Sebastian pastiche and like a bunch of primary school the lyrics of singer Kate Jamestown Massacre is an kids banging saucepans on a Ml St.Claire. Her words are always attack on prom queen-culture washing-line. This shouldn't be tongue, often cutting and at with Taste's second great lyric: good but for some outlandishly times simply brilliant. "Fernme Fatale all dressed in obscure reason it is. But back to that name for a black/Varnishcrack and The Liars are the next band J IB r second. I've not tuned in to the marathon slingbacks/Wear that in the line of punk-meets-elec- entertainment scene for a while, dress like a ball and tronica but these New York lads but I'm pretty certain Steve chain/Lipstick smeared like might just have that extra bit of Lamacq has been raving about novocaine". insanity to carry them through. this North American trio. The Lollies never stop trying With their brilliantly named The Lollies (it's such a to be amusing or ironic and this album already receiving critical Lamacq band-name), are up stops the album from being an acclaim and fantastic track there with those other Evening excellent debut. Sonically and titles like Pillars Were Hollow Session favourites The Vandals. lyrically, it borders on light- And Filled With Candy, where As for the album itself - open- weight and silly too often. It will could they possibly go wrong? ing batsman Flavah Of the be interesting to see if time will This 3-track EP has been Week has The Lollies taking mature their sound and sharpen painted with punk stripes. A several shots at the state of pop- their wit. What is certain though dedicated craze surges through ular culture and the Dandy is that The Lollies are part of a every lyric with screeching Warhols (or are they?), and has new wave of bands reinventing backing vocals thrown in for the album's first great lyric: the indie scene - The Strokes, good measure. Fast beats and "Indie cred? 'Ha! I'm just a ho! The Datsuns, the Yeah Yeah energetic riffs will get you danc- Sell my wedding photos to Yeahs. The Lollies are as irrever- ing before you realise it. Hello!". ent, intelligent, hip and self-con- Call the Girls is an anthem for scious as they come. 4/5 Keira the females out there who aspire Robin Som

[email protected] I thought that bloke was a girl until this week FELIX MUSIC REVIEWS

Various 3/5 Albums We Are Skint Gluecifer - Basement Apes This 'Best Of album uses the The direction Skint is heading in money-spinning concept of put- seems to be away from big beat Basement Apes? Well, judging ting all of one record company's and towards a slightly darker, from the CD sleeve, this biggest artists, as well as their faster club sound. Listen to it a Scandinavian collective does newest on a double CD and few times and favourites for look a bit hairy, scary and sun- hopefully introduce fans to those future hits will emerge. There'll light deprived. Formed in '95 in newer acts. be plenty of screaming in clubs Oslo, after meeting each other Better known tracks are when these tracks kick in! down a dark alleyway (proba- placed on CD 1 - That Was Then This will be good at a party, bly), this band likes to rock. and new tracks on CD 2 - This Is but definitely better when it can And they do. Tracks such as Now. This means the first album be put on towards the end when Round and Round (which might is full of tried and tested you just want to stop the unin- as well have been by AC/DC) favourites including Fatboy vited but wasted guests falling and Easy Living, a single Slim's Rockafella Skank, X- asleep and drooling on the floor. released earlier this year, will press 2's Lazy and Bentley I conclude that this is an have you flexing those neck Rhythm Ace with Bentleys excellent CD for the purposes of muscles and wishing you had Gonna Sort You Out. Stick this looking cool and also having long greasy hair to frantically on in your hall bedroom and it's something you'll want to listen whip around, helicopter-style, a ready-made party. This is what to - sort of a cross between Ibiza like the annoying girl in front of all dance compilations aspire to- 2002 and some mixmag compi- you last night at the gig. With a good mix of recognisable but lation. It also has a very cool titles such as Biff Malibu and totally non cheesy tracks that all case (worth mentioning, as can Raldo Useless (that's the band- sound different. be important to the style con- members' names, not the However, the second CD. scious). Also, for Skint fans, songs, by the way), Gluecifer takes a little more effort. It there are exclusive tracks so could be mistaken for extras in includes tracks by most of the worth getting hold of to own the Norwegian porn version of same artists as CD 1 - Lo them before any one else does. 'Mystery Men'. However, they Fidelty Allstars and Midfield How many reasons do you play their instruments like the General both appear again, but need? best of them, which are always perfectly complimented by the tracks are as yet unknown. Sarah vocalist Malibu's convincing growls. David Gray 3/5 Although the tracks vary in style from fast-paced rock to A New Day At Midnight only-slightly-less-fast-paced- and-more-thoughtful rock, It's been a long time coming, like a kangaroo. Gluecifer's refusal to be monot- this much anticipated follow-up However the middle of this onous is endearing, and basi- album to White Ladder. album start to sound a bit stale cally distinguishes them from Predictably, the first thing that is and dull. Last Boat to America the rest. asked will be how it compares to has an interesting xylophone at These basement apes swing White Ladder, something I'm the beginning but it carries on for through the trees grunting, with sure David Gray tried to avoid by the whole song. Nothing much intention and retro-class, their going on tour and just staying happens in the song and it just music not particularly evolved away for a few years. However gets boring. Luckily the last few in style, but definitely in quality. the expectation is still there. tracks of this album carry on The album starts promisingly from the start. Be Mine has a 4/5 Radha with Deari in the Water, a slow good rousing chorus from the rel- song with a lot more forceful atively tranquil verses. COMPETITION TIME accompaniment than is usual in Lyrically, the songs talk about David Gray's songs. It has a good love themes and loss. Other Side The very nice people at guitar riff before each verse. is about the loss of his father. Skint Records, home to Caroline is upbeat with a busy You can tell a lot of his emotions Fatboy Slim have generous- drum beat in the background. are in the lyrics. This album is ly given away a Skint DVD The guitar is also prominent with sufficiently different to White and CD for you lot! a good solo. It then starts to slow Ladder while retaining what E-mail us three of Skint's down to White Ladder territory. David Gray does best; good slow rostre to win these. Kangaroo has a clever beat emotionally charged songs. where it actually hops to sound Oscar

[email protected] Let's go pole dancing! 20 MUSIC REVIEWS FELIX

Kosheen 4/5 The Friday 25th October, Brixton Academy Polyphonic On the final night of their latest more-time-in-the-pub factor) also national tour, Kosheen played a had a part to play. powerful, emotional and thoroughly Kosheen played through most of Spree enjoyable set at a packed Brixton the fifteen tracks on Resist, begin- Academy. ning with the title track and ending There are very few people in For the uninitiated, Kosheen are 75 minutes later with Catch, part of music who wear a grin as large DJs/producers Markee Substance a rare encore. They also showcased as Spree frontman Tim and Darren Decoder, together with some new material, which, under- DeLaughter. vocalist Sian Evans. Their debut standably, didn't go down quite as After the initial wave of hype, album Resist was released last year well as the familiar album tracks. the public seemed to have lost and is still going strong, having Sadly, having watched Kosheen interest in this lot. Thankfully, spawned four Top 20 singles, most play such a supremely confident set this second coming (on the day notably the thumping, hypnotic at Pacha earlier this year, I couldn't of the Lord) shows why they Hide U. The key advantage they help feeling that the size of Brixton were proclaimed as the best live hold over so many other groups is Academy didn't quite suit them. The band around in the first place. their near-unique ability to blend complete absence of the guy on the The band walk out to a fer- together flowing, addictive melodies electronic 'cello was a disappoint- vent crowd and launch into and powerful drum 'n' bass beats. ment, and perhaps they should their near-perfect album. The Right from the very first note, the have readjusted the levels slightly to first thing that smacks you is crowd were hooked - many of them make the vocals more audible. the frenetic energy of Spree. didn't stop jumping up and down all But overall, this was another spe- A line-dancing brass section night. I'd say this was due to the cial performance from one of the and head banging choir section sheer energy and emotion generated very best live bands around - a band are the order of the day. You can by the band, but I suppose the whose stock just keeps on rising. understand why they are some- 10.30pm start (and the resultant Dave times referred to as a cult, since it is virtually impossible not to be taken in by their overwhelm- The Lsbertines-f Supergrass 3/5 ing enthusiasm. A special band needs a big Monday 28th October, Shepherd's Bush Empire leader, which can be found in Tim. At times it looks as though After a band that didn't register in seems very unlikely that they were he is tapping into some other- my memories of this concert, came urged by the Supergrass not to do worldly force, to bring spiralling The Libertines. I was unbelievably too much. harmonies and never-ending excited due to their brilliant album However, it is never easy to play sing-a-longs. which sweats and energises. for people that you think didn't It's The Sun is turned from a Ragged guitars shot through their come for you (even though I met a haunting ballad into an epic first notes with 'The Horror Show'. lot of people that came for the romp, and the new material, Was it a bad omen? As I expected, Libertines exclusively), but I think especially 2000 Places, the guitarists were shaking arhyth- that you should give all that you becomes an instant crowd- mically, going haphazardly from have in your in order to make the pleaser, although the inevitable left to right on the stage. vibration fly above the concert hall. favourites remain Hanging The songs followed each other, Nevermind. Around and the rollicking the musicians dropped their instru- Then came Supergrass. They Soldier Girl where Jarvis Cocker ments and fell into the blackness of had the material to make a show is brought on to try his hand at the stage without a look behind, with video cameras that threw on- choir practice! without a word. Everything was line images of the band on the bot- It's hard to imagine that The depressingly quick: I was deeply tom wall, images of oscilloscopes, Empire will witness this much disappointed. They didn't pay any but they had the elusive touch as euphoria in the near future; if attention to the audience, there well. The audience was bewitched, you managed to leave without was no show as such, they were the power was flowing. But the big at least a spring in your step, almost puppets dancing on a stage monkeys (not the singer) were you truly do have a heart of with music from a CD. Why? They behind the railings as the croco- stone. Whatever religion it is were lost in the space of a stage diles in front of a castle to ease they subscribe to, I'm sure where we can't see the audience your frenetic dance, in and on the they'll have a lot of converts in sweat, perhaps they need more pri- audience. Everybody was having the coming months. vacy to enable exclusivity? Is this fun and it is so better when both the attitude London's supposed parties can get their kicks. Deepesh finest are supposed to have? It Nelson

[email protected] Comments, queries and complaints to the usual address friday, november 22

8 P m — 23 m [bar closes 1 am]

free before 3 : £1 .5D union : £2.00 guests : £21 P2P check posters and Felix next week for new drinks promos paradise bar open for cocktails and chips : dippers : pizza : plus more

imperial college union, prince consort road, sw7 2BB COFFEE BREAK FELIX

MKII by Bobby Cyclops & Dr Hot Fudge THE GREAT FELIX QUOTES QUIZ

THE QUOTES HAMMINGS

1. "Cover me, Porkins!" A dark cloud looms over the Felix office - it is the ferric colour of a dirty pint, and is chanting "come to the pub, come to the pub" over and over 2. "Sweeping patrols between each of these bunkers - they'll have the again. A sentient gas you say? I say a Class III full roaming vapour, and whole sector wrapped tighter than an Eskimo's nad-sac." a real nasty one at that. We'd better charge the proton packs and crack open the trap soon, or our ass is grass... alternatively we could knock off 3. "When things are at their darkest, pal, it's a brave man that can kick to the bar. In either case I must finish this paragraph eventually - and back and party." there is no time like the present (unless you happen to be a resident of Hill Valley, which I'm not). Forgive my ramblings, for, despite the mis- 4. "Remember you told me to tell you when you were acting rudely and leading title, we aim to educate, captivate and stimulate you in this short insensitively? Remember that? You're doing it right now." burst of literary diarrhoea. Let me first let you in on a little secret...soon there will be a new player of Ultraleague, but it will not be human. Allow 5. "Nobody fucks with me!" me to explain - for the last few months we have been constructing a quiz —"Well, maybe if you find the right girl" playing intelligent algorithm which goes by the acronym G.I.Z. (for rea- sons which will become apparent in later issues). G.I.Z. has been quiet- 6. "Crazy! I mean like so many positive waves maybe we can't lose! ly watching you readers, evaluating your weaknesses...waiting. Watch You're on!" out for him. Time is passing and I have said too much, but let me add this...I can't stress enough the importa- B.C. 7. "There are three rules I live by: never get less than 12 hours sleep, never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city, Sorry about that readers, he managed to sneak some smarties in with and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on his medicine this morning so he's not fully dosed up. There will be no her body." more talk of this algorithm character, it will be a cold day in hell before I see G.I.Z. on my page. H.F. 8. "In Paris, it's good to smell like you've been fucking"

9. "I'm also known as, uh, Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnazz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine."

& BLOW Bonus Question. In what Bond film was his family motto revealed? (1 point) BY OUR TOP STYLISTS £20 LADIES

ANSWERS TO GFQQ 1247 £17 MEN Normal Price i$5 1. Prot/Kevin Spacey - K-PAX ACCESS VISA MASTERCARD CASH CHEQUES 2. Garth Algar/Dana Carvey - Wayne's World

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4. Rigby Reardon/Steve Martin - Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid 15a Harrington Road 5. Philip Marlowe/Humphrey Bogart - The Big Sleep South Kensington 6. Charlie/Jim Carrey - Me, Myself & Irene London SW73ES 7. Dr. Hannibal Lecter/Anthony Hopkins - Red Dragon (1 Minutt walk from 8. George W. Elam/Biggs - Commando South Ktnsinpon Tubij 9. Donnie/Jake Gyllenhaal - Donnie Darko

10. Joe Friday/Dan Akroyd - Dragnet Telephone 020 7823 8968

11. Winston Zeddemore/Ernie Hudson - Ghostbusters

[email protected] The Great Felix Quotes Quiz FELIX COFFEE BREAK GFLQ (THE 1 ™ ONE) THE GREAT FELIX LYRICS QUIZ

LEADER BOJ Boy Band 'Special9

GFQQ GFLQ 1. "It's gotta be social, compatible, sexual, irresistible."

Name Score Name Score 2. "First time was a great time, second time was a blast, third time I 50D 40 Jennifer Williams 54.5 fell in love...now I hope it lasts." Geoff Lay 40 Geoff Lay 54.5 Jennifer Williams 38.5 50D 53.5 3. "Wiggy, wiggy. I'm gettin' jiggy. Open up the door got the keys to JMC4 Coalition 28.5 Chris Ince 43.5 your city." Richard Hutchinson 28 Christopher Dent 43.5 Chris Ince 28 JMC4 Coalition 43 4. "Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine I'm leaving Alexander Plato 27 Ongar Rd Massif 42.5 my life in your hands. People say I'm crazy and that I am blind, risk- Fred Marquis 26.5 Richard Hutchinson 39.5 ing it all in a glance." Ongar Rd Massif 25.5 Luke McManus 38.5 Christopher Dent 25.5 Anthony Jude Rodrigues 34 5. "Now this hot girl (hot), she's not your average girl - she's a mor- Luke McManus 24.5 Samuel Jackson 32.5 pherotic dream from a magazine"

6. you don't want me to react. I lay low leaving all my options open. IJLT1 liALEAlilJE The decision of the jury has not been spoken"

Name Score Name Score 7. Geoff Lay 94.5 Rosemary Chandler 33.5 danger zone." 50D 93.5 Richard Moore 31 Jennifer Williams 93 64 21.5 8. "I touch your face while you a; Chris Ince 71.5 Chris Tickner 17.5 understand what's going on." JMC4 Coalition 71.5 Ruth Loeffler 15.5 Christopher Dent 69 Christopher Pollock 15 9. Ongar Rd Massif 68 Rebecca Newman 13 Richard Hutchinson 67.5 Leo Harrison 12.5 10 Luke McManus 63 Ben Dudson 10 Anthony Jude Rodrigues 54.5 Kev Fox 6.5 Samuel Jackson 53 John Anderson 35.5 Mr Lay, Miss Williams and 50D ANSWERS TO GFLQ 1247 David Mercer 34.5 dominate the top of the boards this week - but will it last? 1. AC/DC - Big Balls

2. Kenny Loggins - Danger Zone WEBSITE OF THE WEEK 3. Simon & Garfunkel - Mrs Robinson www.michael]foxdatabase.com 4. Joan Baez - Diamonds and Rust Synopsis: No words can describe this wonder of the modern world, oh great one, we salute you. 5. Supergrass - Pumping On Your Stereo

6. Notorious B.I.G. - Kick In The Door Rating: Michael has moulded me into the man I am today. Without him, I would be nothing. Take a moment to visit this site and reflect 7. Badly Drawn Boy - The Shining on the greatness he bestowed upon the most decadent decade of them all THE 80's!!! 8. 2Pac feat. Dr. Dre - California Love

9. Lionel Richie - Dancing On The Celing Coffeebreak score: 9/10 10. Deep Purple - Smoke on the Water

[email protected] The Great Felix Lyrics Quiz FELIX Felix Crossword 1248 U I I I I M I I I I I By Mummy Huffwell Across Down 1 You also desire rise. (7) 1 Extreme sport is surprising- 5 Jesus himself ate fish. (5) ly absorbed by Lawn 8 Rant about station plan Tennis Association. (5) during move. (15) 2 Comedian Laurel fooled 9 Checker of sound has time with dessert. (5,2) to repeat. (7) 3 Dish: Two ducks with bone 10 Leaves strapped, returns stir fried. (7) without penny. (9) 4 Growth achieved by big 11 Pop sore angrily before blokes in a strange num- barrel maker picks up ber. (11) crap. (6,7) 5 Wash hair in fake shit, we 12 Nasty Ken rucked with lust hear. (7) for weapon. (13) 6 Arouse and rightly raise 17 Fashioned country under- part of tackle. (7) garment is most sophisti- 7 Suction is erratic inside air cated. (7) conditioner. (7) 18 Biting sounds like it's 10 Problem hoover captivates expensive to college. (7) one after pleasure, about 20 Behind the Spanish prop, time! (11) hide fictional character. 12 Bird smells wafted with (15) tender loving. (7) 21 Public bathing beaches 13 Defenceless man rued provide solid experience. attack. (7) (5) 14 Custodians (Queens) are 22 Streakers shockingly stun after middle of castle. (7) Sid. (7) 15 Relative penetrating the editor is reproached. (7) 16 A king hidden in wild trees shoots again. (7) 19 Ice cream held by trick paper. (5)

It's hard to say for whom the horn extraction was more painful. Having retreated to Sarcophagus Huffwell in anticipation of a long quiet holiday with Boris at the crossword reins, imagine my sur- prise to be woken by frantic knocking on the lid. Finding it hard to believe that I could have pulled for the ninth time that day, I got out slowly. It was on the way to A&E that I was put in the picture. Boris the Inquisitive Goat had, it transpired, got a bit too inquisitive whilst out grazing the streets of London, and rightfully paid the price. Although somewhat irresponsibly wearing an T-shirt suggesting that Boris's type might not be unwelcome sexually, you do have to absolve the recipient of one of Boris's rather large and pointed appendages from all blame. The upshot of all this is that your favourite goat will be recuperating for some while. Next week help is at hand in the form of a hunky tanned warrior, or at an outside chance, a can of dog food. Obviously I'm hoping for the former. This week's winner is Tigger Sempers, Chemistry III, who emailed in her answers. Had she brought them to the office in Beit Quad West basement she may have glimpsed the delicious Bobby Cyclops, motivation for anyone to solve a crossword. MH

Answers to 1247 tm mm mmm /w Across: Aphorism, Gadget, Sordid, Language, Downcast, Tuvalu, Reins, Overreach, Detention, About, Raider, Knapsack, Cup of Tea, Tribal, Spread, Litigate. Down: Propose, Ordinance, Indian, Molotov Cocktail, Geniture, Guarana, Trebuchet, Redirection, Embossing, Iterates, Tripper, Up Coast, Past It. [email protected] Make sure all entries have your name, department and year clearly marked Xf<*\ there any other way?

Pick up a pamphlet from your Dep Rep, the Union, or any of the information points around College. Alternatively visit www.union.ic.ac.uk/no2fees/ and read the facts about fees.

What's next? You decide!

6:00pm, Monday 18th November Union Dining Hall, Beit Quad

imperial college union TUITION FEES WORKING GROUP CLUBS FELIX

Cherbourg Trip

It was a Friday afternoon when responsible sailors that we all are we left South Kensington in a big and in a still non-existent wind red smelly minibus, which we sin- motored back towards England gularly failed to crash, and feeling rather as if things were too hopped along the road using two boring to be true. And so they hands to change gears. After a were. Two hours later and our quick meal, safety brief and put- engine started to make very ting on of lots of extra layers we strange noises, so we turned it off, left Portsmouth Harbour in the never guessing that it would not early evening, stuck the motor on turn back on again. Half the crew and pointed the boat for France. retired down below at this point, About twelve hours later we and spent the next few hours with arrived in Cherbourg, a bit tired their head in the engine trying and cold but otherwise fine, hav- everything they could think of ing motored almost all the way as while the other half stayed res- there was next to no wind. olutely on deck in the cold - main- Unfortunately all the weather ly because they couldn't get down bidden, and considered berthing out in a rib to help us in, and forecasts we heard were implying below as the steps had been under sail. This is a tricky then fixed our engine in two min- that this was definitely the calm removed to get at the engine - and manoeuvre which would have utes since we had ran out of fuel. before the storm, with each fore- concentrated on sailing as fast been possible, but had it gone Turns out the fuel gauge was cast predicting that the gale force and efficiently as possible in what wrong there were an awful lot of wrong... winds would arrive sooner rather wind there was. Soon we were boats around to hit and we had If you are interested in coming than later. storming along towards home and no back up engine to allow us to sailing with us then come to one the shipping lanes, with a stiffen- Since being stuck in the middle reverse out the way. of our meetings which are held ing wind, but no engine. We of the channel in howling winds After a lot of decision making on a Monday at 6pm in south- decided that it would be safer to and rain was not quite what we we phoned the marine equiva- side bar, or visit our website for continue on our way than to turn had in mind, and nor was being lent of the AA, who sent a guy more information. back, considering the weather stuck in Cherbourg all week while forecast, and settled into two they went on - although maybe it watches to sail through the night. Imperial College Union, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road would have been nicer than lec- tures - we decided to head home Thankfully the wind held pretty a little earlier than we had origi- constant and ten hours after our nally planned. We left Cherbourg first sighting of the Isle of Wight some six hours after arriving, hav- and a lot of big ships later we ing indulged in the necessities of found ourselves back in the quick nap, some breakfast, show- Solent. Still with no engine. We ers, a trip to the hypermarket for obtained permission form the chocolate and alcohol, and lunch. Portsmouth Harbourmaster to As we left we checked the enter the harbour under sail, engine and fuel like the good something which is normally for-

November 20 8:00pm-1:00am (Bar 'tn 12)

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www.su.ic.ac.uk/yacht FELIX SPORT 27 R Success on the Water

Bill Mason's last year as chief Oxford Brookes and Imperial experienced crew raced with performances at the preceding coach of Imperial College Boat College. It was later revealed tenacity over the 2000m course, World Cup regattas. James Club ended with strong perform- that Imperial College's 3-man, only being overpowered by the Haddow, who coxed the Temple ances by the eight crews that Tim Perkins was suffering from winning crew from Cup eight, went on to steer the competed at Henley Royal gastroenteritis during the com- Nottinghamshire County in the British lightweight men's eight Regatta in July. petition. The composite crew last 300m. and came 5th in the final. Four crews in total progressed containing Dan Marret and Dave This ended a successful regat- Other international appear- to the semi-finals on the Gillard of Imperial went on to ta season that saw various wins ances included Angus Rivers, Saturday. In the Temple win the event in a controversial at the Metropolitan, Docklands who rowed in the coxless four at Challenge Cup, the 1st eight final requiring a re-row when a and Reading regattas. Imperial this year's under 23 regatta, the narrowly lost to their main flock of geese wandered on to also sent an eight to an invita- Nations Cup. Seb Pearce coxed rivals, Oxford Brookes by half a the course. tional student regatta in the British men's eight at the length. Both crews were pushed Other crews of note included Valenciennes, France, where World University to the limit, so much so that the second Temple Cup eight they beat Dresden of Germany to Championships. Ironically this Oxford Brookes were arguably who lost a narrow race to a win the final. Special note was the Oxford Brookes crew too tired to beat Harvard in the strong crew from Marist College, should go to the new members who beat the 1st eight in the final. USA. Finally a pair from Imperial of the club who won novice Temple Cup at Henley. In the Grand Challenge Cup raced the South African world coxed fours in convincing style Marret and Gillard, along with for eights, an Imperial College bronze medallists, worrying at Putney Town regatta. their Oxford Brookes crewmates, composite crew comprising row- them off the start going out in a The women's squad prevailed represented England at the ers from the national squad well publicised race. through a difficult year and pro- Commonwealth Regatta. More went out to a German national Four members of the Temple duced strong performances from controversy was in store when crew in the semi-finals. In the Cup eight, George Whittaker, a small base. At Women's they had to re-row for the bronze Visitors Challenge Cup for cox- Hugh McKenzie, Ed Johnson Henley Regatta, Cathy Burgione, medal against former Queen's less fours, the Imperial College A and John Weale, went on to win Kelly Cummins, Ali Elsey Helen Tower members John Langley crew were beaten in a tight race silver in open coxed fours in the Ellison, and cox Seb Pearce and Tom Morgan. Once again, against a composite crew from National Championships. This competed in the College coxed they won the re-row and fours event. They raced with achieved bronze, proving that determination and skill against fitness over 4000m is a more Ski & Snowboard Club the much bigger, but younger, prudent tactic these days. Helen crew of Eden High School, Ellison and John Weale rowed Canada, but were unable to pre- for Wales at the vent them slowly edging out a 1 Commonwealths, with Ellison length lead by the finish line. winning bronze in the women's Comfort was to be drawn from eight. TIGNES - £309 the fact that it was the closest Simon Dennis, former member any crew got to Eden in the of the British Olympic gold event. medal men's eight from Sydney 13,h - 22nd December 2002 Imperial College was also well 2000, has now taken over as represented at the various inter- the Boat Club's new head coach. national regattas during the He inherits Bill Mason's 24-year summer months. legacy of consistent success as a At the World Championships coach at the top of British row- in Seville, Steve Trapmore, Luka ing. It includes 17 wins at Grubor and Kieran West from Henley Royal Regatta, 15 World Imperial College, together with Championship medals, and Tom Stallard of Cambridge national chief coach for women University and cox Christian at the Atlanta Olympic Games, Cormack of Leander competed and many who have been in the men's coxed fours. They coached by Bill have risen Price includes accommodation, travel, 6 day dominated the event, rowing to through the ranks to enjoy suc- gold in the final in commanding cesses in the national team. He lift pass, insurance, social program, guiding, fashion. This adds to their will now work in a more sup- discount card and black tie fondue night. impressive Olympic gold they portive role as Director of achieved in the British men's Rowing at Imperial. eight in Sydney 2000. Imperial's A dinner to celebrate Bill's life Dan Ouseley also rowed in the and work at Imperial will take [email protected] British men's eight this year in place on Saturday 30 November Seville to come 6th place over- or come along to Southside Upper Lounge on at the Hilton Olympia, London. all, a most respectable result Tickets are available from Monday or Wednesday lunchtimes. considering their initially poor [email protected]. [email protected] All match and event reports are welcome. SPORT FELIX Unlucky Seconds Very X-Country

Kate, who also had a great As usual the turn out for the sec- somewhere near good form, whilst IC II 0 4 Reading game, putting in a fantastic ond race of the series was some- team legend Gavin 'the Gopher' effort throughout. They were what down on everyone's favourite made an appearance for yet The second ladies hockey team both really unlucky not to score Parliament Hill course. Perhaps another IC sports team. were in their element once again from their midfield positions. this was because it was the rain, Unfortunately, due to the lack of in yet another excellent match. Clare was able to whack balls or maybe Jeff's reputation for depth in the team this week, the We were enocouraging each hard and fast up the right hand organising successful transport to Bs and Cs couldn't quite live up to other throughout, and ignored side and this combined with the race venue had preceded him. the standards set previously, but all the insults the opposition some awesome runs straight up Whatever the cause, it didn't seem with the expected return to full threw at us. the middle from Marriane made to affect the overall quality of the strength next week this result With only ten players on the the team look very impressive field, which turned out to be supe- should be reversed. pitch we saw all sixteen mem- indeed. rior to the first race. The women maintained their bers of the Reading team turn All that needs to be said is In the men's race several excellent start to the season with out in their matching purple kit that the Ladie's seconds are a notable absentees and a strong the As and Bs coming 5th and 8th and we realised we were playing superb team and that spirits are turn out from Brunei meant that IC respectively, with the As being the bitches from hell. running really high. A team was unable to maintain 2nd of the UL colleges just behind Having told nat that she It was just unfortunate, how- their impressive second place King's. Emma Calderbank was the 'would be' playing in goal - once ever, that we didn't manage to overall from the Parliament Hill first runner home for IC in 9th she had finished sulking - she score and allowed the opposi- leg. Finishing third, however, still place and good runs from Minna did an excellent job, growling tion to get four particularly left us above all the ULU colleges and Zoe ensured the result. For IC from her line and intimidating sneaky goals past us. and only beaten by two PE teacher to have a women's B team is the opposition. Belinda and But well done girlies! And training establishments. Captain unusual, but for them to do so well Katherine did an amazing job especially well done to Jenny for Dave Mulvee ran the fastest time is virtually unheard of. There defending and passing strong actually getting us organised of the day coming individually seems to be worryingly large num- balls up the wings to Anna and this week - she's slowly learning 10th and was closely followed by ber of girls at IC this year with a Frances. Ysanne, even though how to be a great captain and Chris Mullington, thus setting up a love for mud, cold weather and she was nursing a very painful we have high hopes for her in personal rivalry. UL captain Oli excruciating pain... long may it hangover, did well helping out the future. Thwaites was finally back to continue.

Live football on the Virgins Trounced Bl * imperial * imperial The second half started as the college IC Virgins 0 - 22 Brighton first had finished, playing on the college union union CHARING CROSS BAR half way line for a good 15 min- (WEEK DAYS ONLY] Although there has been some utes. Unfortunately, after that it BARS debate whether Jenny pulled Ash went tits up and they scored their Sat 16th Nov or Ash pulled Jenny, there is no first try after sustained pressure on question over the fact that Aleks the 5 yard line. After this, we kept 230pm England v Australia (RU) pulled a 16 year old (Porkwell's our heads up for a good 10 min- 6.15pm GB & Ireland v N-Z* (RL) brother) so the Porkwells have had utes before we decided to roll over all the action really. and die, and they put three more 830pm La Coruna v Barcelona Getting back to the rugby - tries past us in ten minutes, Looking at the opposition before enough said. By this point, we Sun 17th November kick off, it looked like it would be were dropping like dead flies, with an even match and so it was for the captain off the pitch, the vice- 2pm Liverpool v Sunderland 60 of the 80 minutes. Our play in captain - who may have cracked 4pm Man Utd v West Ham the first half can only be described her ribs - writhing in agony, and a as beautiful. There was low tack- handful of minor complaints, it 730pm Real Betis v Celta Vigo ling, running both forwards and was all too much, and the game fast and hands were good espe- ended a couple of minutes early to cially in the torrential rain. put us out of our misery. Women Wed 20th November Notable good runs were made by of the match were Monkey and the Gemma and Ash and only a lack Ash Meister who were both lush. Greece v Ireland 7pm of support prevented us from Haven't got a game for a couple storming into the lead. The end of of weeks now, so don't be too Portugal v Scotland 9pm the first half (a good 5 minutes upset when you haven't got any- early) found is camped in our 22 thing interesting to read in next and not a little pissed off. week's Felix... hehe. Bright new screen Pa Vinci's

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