20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA

Aaron Randolph III

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NED Hey, Bub! This is everyone's ocean! And we'll sail in it if we want! CAPTAIN NEMO Were you fishing?!? PROF. ARONNAX Captain Nemo, we were… NED What if we were? CAPTAIN NEMO If you were fishing, then you would be my enemy! I HATE fishermen! NED What do you have against fishermen, Bub? CAPTAIN NEMO The fishes are my friends! I have sworn to protect them! I sail the oceans, looking for anyone who would dare to harm my precious fish! STEAMY (spoken from off-stage) And he calls that a career! CAPTAIN NEMO Darn it! We woke her up! (Steamy enters. She is a steampunk, female robot. She has all sorts of gears and mechanical parts all over her body. She might occasionally burst a puff of steam from her head when she gets angry.) STEAMY It’s not like being a super-villain pays well! NED What is that? CAPTAIN NEMO This is my… uh… first mate… Steamy… STEAMY First mate, huh? Is that all I am to you? CONSEIL Is that a… robot? CAPTAIN NEMO Yes… STEAMY His wife-bot, to be exact!

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PROF. ARONNAX Extraordinary! CONSEIL Did you make her yourself? CAPTAIN NEMO Yes… although there are still a few bugs to work out… STEAMY Have you offered our guests a seat yet, or are you just going to make them stand there? CAPTAIN NEMO No, dear. I’ll do it in a minute. STEAMY Yeah, just put it off. That's what you always do! Just like when I ask you about getting a real job instead of sailing around the ocean terrorizing people! CAPTAIN NEMO (to Conseil) You see what I mean? NED She can talk and everything, huh? CAPTAIN NEMO Yes. Sometimes it seems like she never stops. STEAMY What’s that? CAPTAIN NEMO Nothing, dear! (Whispered to the others) Save me! PROF ARONNAX So that's what you're doing out here? Attacking ships that harm the sea? CAPTAIN NEMO Yes! I love all the creatures in the ocean! Protecting them is my one true passion in life!

SONG: SAVE THE FISHES

CAPTAIN NEMO (Sung) I've traveled round the world And this is what I've seen: Lots of naughty people Being very very mean! They pollute in all the waters

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And dirty up the lakes They make the little creatures sick And give them all the shakes That's not how we should treat our friends The friendly little fishes I'll tell you all what you can do To help me save the... (Thinking) Fishes!!! (Spoken) Rhyming is very hard, you know... (Sung) You've got to scrub them And clean them And wash their little scales Pet them And comb them And groom their little tails You've got to love them And hug them And give them lots of kisses Club all the people And save the fishes! ALL SAILORS (Sung) Club all the people And save the fishes (Musical vamp) NED So, I guess you wouldn't like it if I caught one of your fish, huh? CONSEIL Ned… CAPTAIN NEMO Did you say CATCH a fish?!? CONSEIL Ned! NED Yeah! I like catching fish! What are you gonna do about it, Bub? CONSEIL Uh, Ned! Maybe you shouldn't make the crazy guy with the giant, killer boat angry...

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CAPTAIN NEMO If you were to harm any of MY fishes, then I would sink YOUR boat! And then I would capture you on my submarine! And then... (All the Sailors gasp) Then! (All the Sailors gasp again) Then!!! (All the Sailors gasp yet again) I'd make you mop the floor! CONSEIL That’s it? STEAMY Yeah. Real scary, right? CAPTAIN NEMO Well, the floors here are very dirty! The sailors don't wipe their feet at the front hatch or anything! NED Well I don't care. I'll catch a fish if I want to! This is my ocean too! (Sung) You've gotta hook em And net em And take em back to shore Cook em And fry em Then cook a little more You've gotta spice em And salt em And make em real delicious Feed all the people And catch the fishes ALL SAILORS (Sung) Feed all the people And catch the fishes! (Musical vamp) CAPTAIN NEMO No! No! No! Don’t sing with him! EMMA But, the tune Captain! It’s just so catchy! EMILY We can’t help ourselves, Captain! CAPTAIN NEMO There will be no fish catching on my boat! I love the fishes!

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(Giant tentacles begin to attack the stage and destroy the set. The Sailors try to fend off the tentacles to no avail.) CONSEIL So I guess this means there won’t be an encore performance? NED We gotta get outta here or there won’t even be a curtain to call! (Ned and Conseil exit) PROF. ARONNAX Captain! We have to go! CAPTAIN NEMO No! I can’t! STEAMY Come on! CAPTAIN NEMO I won’t leave my ship! PROF. ARONNAX We can’t stay here much longer! STEAMY Come on, Nemo! You can always make another one! CAPTAIN NEMO Oh... (Pause) Alright! Goodbye, my dear, sweet Nautilus! I will miss you so very, very much! STEAMY You never talk to me like that. CAPTAIN NEMO That’s because you never go away! PROF. ARONNAX Come on! Hurry! (They all exit. Helen and Jill enter)

SCENE 14 HELEN And so, the sea monster attacked the Nautilus, breaking it into a thousand pieces and scattering them all across the sea! (Jill is bashing the sea monster puppet and the Nautilus puppet together, making silly fighting sounds.)

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HELEN Jill... (She keeps doing it) Jill... (She keeps doing it) Jill! JILL (Finally stopping) What? HELEN You’re going to break those puppets! JILL Oh. Sorry. HELEN They were very time consuming to make. JILL I was just having fun… HELEN Well… JILL This is the exciting part! HELEN I know that, but… JILL And the sea monster does break the boat, after all! HELEN But you’re not a sea monster! JILL (Pause) Well... not in real life. I just pretend to be one on stage. HELEN Anyway... the brave adventurers were tossed into the sea, and eventually, they drifted back to land, where they woke up on a beach... JILL (Referring to the Sea Monster Puppet) See. It's on a stick. HELEN Come on!

SCENE 15 (Jill and Helen exit. The lights come up on Conseil, Ned and Prof. Arronax. We also see the Sailors scattered all over the stage.)

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CONSEIL Where are we? NED It looks like we’re shipwrecked on an island. PROF. ARONNAX Is everyone okay? NED Yeah. CONSEIL I'm fine. Although it's a shame we had to cut my performance short. I think I was really nailing it. NED (Sarcastically) Yeah. Shoot. (Captain Nemo pops his head out from behind a tree.) CAPTAIN NEMO (Spitting sand out of his mouth) My ship! My beautiful ship! It's ruined! I've lost everything! My books! My clothes! My tools! STEAMY (Popping out from behind a tree as well) Well, at least you still have me! CAPTAIN NEMO Why? Why!?! PROF. ARONNAX It looks like all the sailors made it out okay. ALL SAILORS Aye, aye! CONSEIL So, does that mean we did it? PROF. ARONNAX Yes, Conseil! We saved the Titanic! NED There's nothing that could ever sink the Titanic now! It'll be safe forever! ALL Hooray! CONSEIL (To the audience) What? Too soon? NED So, what do we do no?

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PROF. ARONNAX Well, we don’t have a boat. CAPTAIN NEMO And we're probably thousands of miles away from the nearest port. CONSEIL So? Does that mean we’re stuck here? NED I’m afraid so, little buddy. PROF. ARONNAX Is that so bad though? STEAMY What do you mean! PROF. ARONNAX Isn’t this actually what we all really wanted? CONSEIL I’m not sure I understood… PROF. ARONNAX Well, Captain, didn't you want an island you could live on that had been completely untouched by society? CAPTAIN NEMO Well... now that you mention it... yes, I do suppose you're right. PROF. ARONNAX And I've always wanted a place where I could do my research and study the ocean in peace. NED And I've always wanted to retire to a tropical island and spend all day catching fish! CAPTAIN NEMO Now, you wait one second… STEAMY (Interrupting Captain Nemo) And now you'll have plenty of time to build us that house you've always promised me! CAPTAIN NEMO Yes. Of course, dear. (To the others) Her batteries will run out soon. CONSEIL And I could finally start my own theatre company! Can you imagine! Every night, a musical written, directed and performed by me!

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