A FRIEND IN NEED ©

By Bruce Pomerantz 5687 W. Bavarian Pass Fridley, MN 55432 Phone: 763-574-2330 Email: [email protected]

SYNOPSIS

Bryce, a co-worker of Darlene’s, volunteers to stay one evening with Val, her convalescing husband, so she can have a night out with a girlfriend. But the tables turn when Bryce ends up recuperating from a broken leg and arm at the couple’s home and Bryce’s parents insinuate themselves into the house, also.

BIOGRAPHY Bruce Pomerantz, a retired librarian, is undergoing his second young adulthood and doing things he was too scared to do the first time around. FRIEND IN NEED

CAST OF CHARACTERS AND SET

Darlene Arnold A woman in her early 30s; Val’s wife. Val Arnold Short for Valentine. Darlene’s husband, of similar age, using a wheelchair due to a recent bone marrow transplant to cure idiopathic anemia. He is the Target’s a product management and sourcing for men’s wear. Consequently, while at home convalescing, he dresses a refined casual. Bryce Morrow Darlene’s friend, age 27. Bryce is overly earnest because he is uncertain of himself and appreciates any kindness shown him. Father Morrow 66 years old, Bryce’s dad Mother Morrow 64 years old, Bryce’s mom Case Manager Of any age or gender. Can be doubled by anyone but Bryce and Darlene

Formatting note: Lines ending in / indicate the speaker is to be interrupted by the next actor.

MOTHER pronounces Bryce’s name as the two syllable diminutive Bry-cee

FATHER has a habitual stance of putting his hands in his rear pants pockets when standing and in his front pockets when walking or sitting.

BRYCE, identical to Father, has a habitual stance of putting his hands in his rear pants pockets when standing, even if it is only his good hand when a cast on the other arm prevents that movement. Identical to Father, he puts his hands in his front pockets when walking or sitting.

VAL uses a wheelchair, sometimes as a walker inside the house. For trips out of the house, a collapsed wheelchair is propped on the wall with the front door. Val has an oxygen tank near him, which he may use either when he anticipates physical exertion or afterwards.

SET FOR SCENE 1 Bryce’s office cubicle. This can be a minimal set with just a desk and chair and a hint of cubicle walls set up in front of what will be the main setting, the Arnold’s house.

SET FOR ACTS 2,3,5 THROUGH 18: THE ARNOLD’S LIVING ROOM Most of the action occurs in a contemporary suburban well-furnished living room that includes a dining room table, a hospital bed, a television, sofa-bed, lamp table, folding snack table, mini-refrigerator, microwave, and toaster/oven on a make-shift counter or credenza. On the snack table is a stack of board games arranged haphazardly. On the lamp table are several magazines. A clothing rack is in the living room with new and diverse outer wear, such as overcoats and parkas. A front door is center stage back.

Stage right of the living room is an entrance to an off-stage kitchen, which is also an unseen three steps down from the living room.

Stage left of the living room is a guest room. Its furnishings include a bed, books on bookshelves, a small desk with several magazines, and a doorway that leads to a bathroom.

The beginning of a stairway to an offstage second floor should be visible.

A sliding patio door stage front permits an actor to walk from the dining room to a patio with chairs. A very large, almost industrial-size propane grill is set so that it is just beyond the roof eave. A large tree branch is on the portion of the roof that is just above the grill. Perhaps five or six inches of the tree branch stretches beyond the roof line.

SET FOR SCENE 4 Two-person hospital room.

SET FOR SCENES 19 AND 20: BRYCE’S APARTMENT A small, one-bedroom apartment. The kitchen and living room areas are demarcated by furnishings, which include a dilapidated sofa bed and a small desk.

SET FOR SCENE 21 The location is an airport lobby. This can be a minimal set with Bryce’s luggage, airplane sounds, lobby noise, and boarding announcements informing the audience of the setting.

In SCENE 14, theaters have permission to substitute contemporary prominent late-night talk show hosts and actors for the names in the script.

The book about ants that is referenced in Scene 14 exists as described by Mother and Father. It is The Ants by Bert Holldobler and Edward O. Wilson, first published in 1990. It currently retails for approximately $140, in case the production company wants to include it as a prop.

INTERMISSION ISSUE At approximately two hours, the play can be done without intermission. However, if an intermission is desired, the optimum time is at the end of scenes 10 or 11. CHRONOLOGY OF MORROW FAMILY To aid placing Mother, Father and Bryce in context

YEAR EVENT AGE 1953 Father born 1955 Mother born 1975 Mother and Father marry Mother age 20 Father age 22 1992 Bryce born Mother age 37 Father age 39 1999 Bryce and feature cartoon films Bryce age 7 about ants. (Scene 14) 2000 25th Anniversary of Mother and Bryce age 8 Father (Scene 14) Mother age 45 “The Ants: book given to Bryce Father age 46 (Scene 14) 2019 Friend in Need Takes Place Bryce age 27 Mother age 64 Father age 66 Page 1 of 120 A FRIEND IN NEED

SCENE 1

The scene begins at Bryce’s cubicle with Bryce, back to the cubicle opening, in deep concentration pouring over papers and typing on his computer on Friday, June 30.

DARLENE Hey, there Bryce.

(BRYCE jumps up slightly from chair in fright and turns toward the sound)

DARLENE (Continues) (Jumps back in surprise to Bryce’s reaction.) Goodness!

BRYCE Oh, hi, Darlene. Yeah. Sorry about that. The people around me know to signal with a tap or a small sound to warn me they’re about to disrupt my concentration. Otherwise, I go WHOOPS!

DARLENE I’ll certainly remember that for next time.

BRYCE I’m happy to hear there will be a next time. I’d hate to have scared you off from visiting for all time because of my, uh, my uh, I don’t know what to call it other than “jumping.” It’s just that I’m so focused that I block everything out and so when a noise penetrates, it’s like Inspector Clouseau responding to an attack by Cato only my defense is to jump.

DARLENE Inspector Clouseau?

BRYCE Peter Sellers in the second “Pink Panther” movie, “A Shot in the Dark.” It came out in 1964.

DARLENE That was way before my time.

BRYCE Yeah, well neither of us were born yet but it’s available on D-V-D if not Netflix. Clouseau has a valet named Cato who he instructed to surprise him with attacks to keep Clouseau’s skills sharp at reacting quickly to danger. Should I have said “Who”? No. Whom. It should be “He instructed Cato to surprise him.” But that takes out the need for Page 2 of 120 a “whom”.

(DARLENE has difficulty following Bryce’s train of thought.)

BRYCE (Continues) (Misinterpreting Darlene’s silence as criticism But originally, I should have said “Whom”. “Clouseau has a valet named Cato WHOM he instructed to surprise him.” That’s better, right?

DARLENE Yes. It’s perfect.

BRYCE It’s nice of you to stop by. Want to go for a coffee? Actually, given the temperature today, an offer of ice cream would make more sense. You scream and I scream for ice cream?

DARLENE Actually, and I realize it’s really short notice, but I came to ask a favor if you’re not busy this Saturday night.

BRYCE Tomorrow? Sure, glad to do it.

DARLENE But I haven’t even told you what the favor is.

BRYCE You need a favor and I’m available. What’s to question?

DARLENE If this is going to interfere with the long weekend/

BRYCE But it’s not a long weekend. July Fourth is this Tuesday, not Monday.

DARLENE You’re planning to work Monday?

BRYCE I would have driven to see my parents; it’s just a day’s drive to just south of St. Louis. But they’re on a cruise. It’s not that I don’t have other things to do but I’m in the habit of fitting everything into a weekend so it’s not as if I needed the extra time off. And I will have the Fourth for activities. So, everything is okey dokey. Page 3 of 120

DARLENE You’re smart taking advantage of the office being so quiet that you can get caught up on lots of things. Before you accept, you’d better hear what the favor is. Val had a bout of vertigo last night/

BRYCE On top of his other sickness? Poor guy.

DARLENE We think it was just a one-off thing. He’s mule-headed and probably brought it on by overextending himself on his physical therapy. The doctor doesn’t want Val to be alone until they can fit him in on Monday for a thorough examination. I had planned to go out with my friend Shirley for a girls’ night out. So, if you’re free, would you mind staying with Val on Saturday?

BRYCE For the whole day? Sure.

DARLENE (Very specifically wanting to clarify it’s not the whole day) No. No. Not the whole day. Just for several hours in the evening, say from seven to ten thirty or so? If you’ve got other plans, I understand/

BRYCE (Eagerly) But you’re specifically asking me, you want me as a friend, that’s why you’re asking, right, because that’s the definition of a friend, right. “A friend is someone who helps a friend who asks for help?” Is that what they call a syllogism?

DARLENE (Bewildered by Bryce’s eagerness at such a mundane request.) I’m not sure. I’m rusty on my logic terms so you may be right. Anyway, if you have something else planned or you just don’t want to, since, let’s face, it, Val can be quite moody at times.

BRYCE Whenever I visited him in the hospital, I never thought he acted moody. I wasn’t there all the time, of course. So it could be that he put on his best behavior for me while I was there because he was thankful that I was visiting. A husband and wife can of course read each other better than anyone else would so you may have seen him moody at times and I didn’t pick up on it but I never saw a hint of moodiness. So no, I’m definitely not trying to get out of it. In fact, I am honored that you view me as a friend so that you’re willing to ask me for a favor.

DARLENE Thank you. We live at/ Page 4 of 120

BRYCE Hold it. (Grabs his mobile) Okay, now.

DARLENE Five (pause) Six (pause) Eight (pause) Seven West Bavarian Pass, Bloomington.

BRYCE Maybe I should have your phone number. Just in case.

DARLENE Sure. Six one two four five three eight seven two three two.

BRYCE Got it. And mine is/

DARLENE (Originally not intending to exchange telephone numbers.) Oh. Just a moment. (Gets mobile) Okay. Shoot.

BRYCE Seven six three six eight five three three four one. And my address is/

DARLENE Why would I need your address?

BRYCE Yeah. Okay. That’s right. Right. Okay. We’re set.

DARLENE Good. See you around sevenish.

(DARLENE walks off stage, her back to Bryce so she does not see his movement.)

(BRYCE in pantomime gives a joyful victory action.)

(STAGE GOES DARK) Page 5 of 120 SCENE 2

TIME: Saturday, July 1: Early evening.

LOCATION: The Arnolds’ living room.

As the lights come up:

VAL, on sofa, reads a magazine, the wheelchair within arms’ reach.

DARLENE straightens up living room.

The doorbell rings.

DARLENE That’s probably Bryce but he’s twenty minutes early.

VAL Where’s the Percocet? I should have taken it a half hour ago.

DARLENE Are you in pain, Sweets?

VAL I’m going to have a pain in the ass for the next three hours.

DARLENE Stop that! No one else was available and his heart is in the right place. Give him a break.

VAL His habit of linking every conversation to some obscure movie is as grating as a squawking internet dial-up.

(Doorbell rings second time.)

DARLENE (To Val as she walks to front door.) Shh! (As she opens front door.) Welcome!

BRYCE You’re here! When you didn’t answer the first ring I was afraid that I might have had the wrong day or the wrong hour and if it was the wrong hour then I was late and you decided you couldn’t wait any longer for me and so had to take Val with you and this jeopardized his recovery and you would be angry at me for letting you down and that Page 6 of 120 you earlier had second thoughts of relying upon me but went ahead and accepted my offer to help and now you were proved right.

DARLENE I had full confidence in you. Look how early you are. That’s so nice of you. Now I have plenty of time to get to the concert.

(DARLENE and BRYCE walk into living room.)

BRYCE Thank you for that vote of confidence. (Pause) Hello, Val! (Goes over to shake hands.)

VAL (VAL puts magazine down on snack table and perfunctorily shakes hands.) Hi.

DARLENE (Goes to Val and kisses him.) I’ll be back by eleven, Sweets.

VAL Or earlier if you can.

BRYCE (Walks with DARLENE as she goes to the front door.) Uh, remember when you mentioned Val being moody? And it could be, and I’m not suggesting you purposefully did this, but just maybe by just talking about it you put the idea in my head and I’m imagining it but is he in one of his moods?

DARLENE He’s being juvenile because he thinks he knows better than the doctors and can be alone. As soon as I’m out the door, he’ll be okay. But doctor’s orders since his vertigo attack Thursday night are twenty-four hour attendance until we go for a checkup on Monday. To thank you, I baked some cookies. They’re in the kitchen, which is through that door. (Points)

BRYCE You needn’t have done that.

DARLENE It’s a new recipe. You and Val are my guinea pigs. If you say they’re okay, I’ll make some for our bible study group. Let me know what you think. I didn’t like them. Page 7 of 120

BRYCE Okey dokey.

DARLENE Bye. (Exits through front door.)

BRYCE (To Val) You have a very nice home. VAL

Thanks.

BRYCE You don’t see many homes with detached garages, like you have. Not that that’s wrong. I’m just making an observation because Darlene mentioned it as a way to identify your home from all the other homes that have attached garages. I’m sure you must have had a very good reason for wanting to have a detached garage.

VAL When we bought the house it did have an attached garage. But we modified the home by expanding the living room. Where you’re standing is where the refrigerator used to be. We converted the one-car garage into a kitchen and could only build a two-car garage separate from the house because of the property configuration.

BRYCE Very nice. Did you have any trouble like in “Mr. Blandings’ Dream House” or what was not as good a remake, “The Money Pit?” And the “Are We Done Yet?” version was even worse.

VAL No.

BRYCE That’s good that life did not imitate art. (Walks to patio sliding door.) Your property backs right up against the city’s arboretum, doesn’t it?

VAL Uh-huh.

BRYCE You can imagine that you’re living in a forest when you’re on your patio.

VAL That was one of the reasons we bought the house. Page 8 of 120

BRYCE Do the trees block the city lights so you don’t get light pollution and can see the stars?

VAL It’s not as if we’re in a cabin up north but the trees help a lot.

BRYCE When it’s dark, you can probably imagine it’s a jungle, like in “Apocalypse Now,” especially with all those lower branches. That stunts a tree’s growth. I could cut them off if you’d like me to so they would grow tall and block more light and make it possible to see even more stars. It would also make the backyard seem roomier.

VAL The arboretum folks wouldn’t take kindly to us messing with their trees.

BRYCE Well, they could be more considerate of their neighbors and trim where the boundaries meet.

VAL Weeping willows have a tendency to branch out like that.

BRYCE (Walks to clothes rack) Are these in any order? I can arrange them for you. (Bryce goes into deep concentration as he peruses the clothing, deciding how to rearrange them.)

VAL (Val observes Bryce for a short while, wondering what Bryce is going to do to the clothes. When he realizes Bryce is about to rearrange them, Val speaks up.) They’re grouped/

BRYCE (Jumps in surprise)

(Val then jerks in the wheelchair, surprised by Bryce’s nervous jump.)

BRYCE (Continues) Sorry. When I concentrate, it’s like I’m someplace else and any noise startles me.

VAL Try not to think to hard around here, then, okay? And please leave the clothes as they are. They’re grouped by manufacturer. Page 9 of 120

BRYCE (Takes coat off hanger and tries it on without asking.) Are these what you’ve chosen for the fall? This feels awfully heavy.

VAL They’re early candidates for winter. The children’s buyers are doing last minute buying for clothes and supplies for the new school year. Thank goodness that’s not my responsibility.

BRYCE Why’s that?

VAL The children’s buyers made their best guesses last fall but if there’s a sleeper film or new T-V show personality out there that breaks out, everything gets scrambled and it becomes a mad house getting the merchandise in and on the shelves. Menswear, boring is very satisfying. All I have to worry about are pleated or flat pants and cuffs or no cuffs, and sedate colors.

BRYCE (Returns coat to rack, meticulously checking that he put in back correctly.) I’m similarly bored at Medtronic. Bills go out; payments come in; check voucher against payment. Done. But like you say, boring is the way to go. Who needs problems, right? You and I, even though we have totally different jobs, they may be boring but, like in Jack Nicholson’s “About Schmidt” it has to be done. If you’re not there, someone else will do it, that’s how important it is. (Beat) Darlene’s the lucky one as the medical division’s chief librarian.

VAL How’s that?

BRYCE She’s on the ground floor on whatever new is being developed.

VAL Yeah, she sometimes cannot tell me what she’s researching. I sometimes tease her that’s she must think I’m in deep cover as an industrial spy.

BRYCE That could be a remake of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.”

VAL What? Page 10 of 120

BRYCE In 2005, Angela Jolie and Brad Pitt starred as a married couple who didn’t realize that each was a professional assassin. But this time it’s a counter intelligent agent, Darlene, posing as a research librarian who’s married to an industrial spy posing as a marketing executive, you.

VAL Only in the movies, as they say.

(Awkward silence)

BRYCE (Goes to snack table with board games.) What will it be tonight? Chess? Scrabble?

VAL Neither. I’ll just watch a game. (Wheels himself toward televison)

BRYCE I’ll get you the remote. Where is it?

VAL The physical therapist says I need little exercises like wheeling myself to the T-V. (Manually turns on television) Progress. (VAL returns to sofa.)

BRYCE Are these games in any order? They don’t seem to be. I’ll put them in alphabetical order. Or maybe not. That could make for an unstable pile if they end up by chance with little ones on the bottom and big ones on top. Perhaps biggest on the bottom and build a pyramid? Or I could put each on its edge and arrange them alphabetically across the table. Which would you prefer? Do you have anything like bookends to keep them upright?

VAL The ones Dar and I use the most are on top.

BRYCE That makes sense. I should have figured that out. But I did not think less of you when I thought they were just a hodgepodge. We have to accept each other’s quirks, after all. No judgment. (BRYCE begins straightening up the stack to make a neat pile.) Page 11 of 120

VAL I was trying to say they’re fine just as they are. (VAL hooks up oxygen tube to his nose.)

BRYCE I just meant to be helpful.

VAL Sorry. I’m on edge.

BRYCE I can sympathize. No, actually, I can empathize - you know, putting myself in your place and knowing exactly how you feel because I had an experience very much like you. Did I ever mention that I once twisted my ankle so bad that I could hardly walk? Now here you are having a hard time walking as you recuperate from the bone marrow transplant and needing oxygen after just walking steps/

VAL I can deal with the recuperation. It’s not being able to go back in three months with the missionary crew to continue the Namibian well-digging. The camaraderie that Darlene and I developed with the others is indescribable. We came from different places, different ages yet it seemed like we had worked for years together. We were so organized and efficient that we decreased the project time by six months. Here’s an article in our church’s national publication about the group returning with a picture from our last trip. (Picks up magazine he was reading and hands it to Bryce.)

BRYCE Even if you were cured, you wouldn’t go back and chance getting infected again, would you?

VAL That’s where the term “Idiopathic” comes in to describe what I have. Idiopathic anemia. The doctors have no idea what’s caused my autoimmune system to attack my red blood cells. No one else on the trip has it and Darlene and I were there on three other occasions and I was okay so they can’t say exactly where I picked it up. “Idiopathic” should be changed to “Idiotic” since this thing is making fools of all the doctors. It took them six months to determine they couldn’t identify what was going on inside me and decided on the bone marrow transplant as a cure-all.

BRYCE Speaking of a cure, (Pulls out DVD)

I thought you’d enjoy this. Page 12 of 120

VAL (Reads title) “Fantastic Voyage.”

BRYCE You probably never heard about it. It was made in 1966. A submarine and crew are miniaturized so small that they are injected into a human to perform a life-saving operation. All you need is a billion micro-submarines as a temporary substitute to deliver oxygen throughout your body until your body resumes producing enough red blood cells to do that.

VAL Thanks for the idea. I’ll get right on it.

BRYCE I wasn’t intending to make light of your sickness.

VAL I apologize. You’re ending up as a target of my frustration over this illness.

BRYCE Is it just the illness or could it be something else?

VAL What do you mean?

BRYCE Val, I want you to know that, uh, well, this may sound, well, kinda like, “Methinks the lady doth protest too much” but, there’s nothing going on with Darlene and I. No, I should say, “Darlene and me” because it’s opposite the preposition “with.” There’s nothing going on with Darlene and me. I’m just returning a big favor.

VAL What?

BRYCE Come on, I understand. I’ve been around so much helping Darlene that you may get suspicious. But, honestly, we’re platonic friends. There’s nothing else.

VAL It never crossed my mind that there was something going on.

BRYCE If you have any doubts, well, it’s just us two guys tonight so you can let it all out if you want to. I’ll be straight with you. Page 13 of 120

VAL What are you talking about?

BRYCE Darlene helped me when I had a rough patch going through my divorce. So, I’m single now and available but it could appear, and that’s all it would be, appearance, impression, that the two of us are spending a lot of time together.

VAL In the hospital room, visiting me.

BRYCE Exactly!

VAL So you were hoping I’d die, maybe, and then be available?

BRYCE No! Honest. Nothing like that.

VAL Just kidding.

BRYCE Darlene and I are friends. That’s all. Think of us as brother and sister, nothing more.

VAL The second brother she never had, is that it?

BRYCE Exactly! I gotta admit, if we traded places, if I were married to Darlene - not that I think about that at all, understand, it never crossed my mind to imagine us married I’m just giving a for instance, and her name came to me almost automatically to use as an example. I guess if I were still married, I’d have used the name Sylvia but I guess it’s a good thing that I didn’t because that shows that I’m over her - my ex-wife - she’s the farthest thing from my mind, so anyway, the point I was going to make is that if a guy was hanging around my wife Darlene so much, boy, I’d have my suspicions about the guy.

VAL I’m not suspicious.

BRYCE Have you talked to her about this?

VAL About what? Page 14 of 120

BRYCE Me being around so much.

VAL No.

BRYCE Okey dokey. That’s good to hear. (Pause) Has Darlene said anything to you about me?

VAL She’s the one that’s very thankful for your help.

BRYCE But she’s not exhibiting any mixed emotions because she’s relying on me so much because there aren’t any others who could spare the time?

VAL When you were helping her rearrange the furniture here and install the hospital equipment with the other three guys, did she flirt with you or brush up against you or use double entendres?

BRYCE No! Never!

VAL So all three of us have nothing to worry about.

BRYCE The age old question from “When Harry Met Sally.” Can a man and a woman just be friends? The answer is yes, right? Have you ever had that kind of friendship?

VAL There’s my sister.

BRYCE I’m unsure if that counts. I mean, the way I meant it, that’d be gross, if you know what I mean.

VAL Agreed. So, the answer is “No”, I’ve never had a very close platonic friendship with a woman like you have with Darlene except, of course what I had with Darlene before we fell in love. Page 15 of 120

BRYCE You’re not suggesting that a platonic relationship is always a step toward romance, are you because if you are I assure you/

VAL You know, I’m feeling kind of sleepy. If you don’t mind, I’m going to turn off the T-V and catch forty winks.

BRYCE Do you want me to help you to your bed?

VAL No, no. I take lots of catnaps these days. I’ll just nod off here and maybe awaken in twenty, thirty minutes. If you get bored, you can go home.

BRYCE I promised Darlene I’d stay until she returned. I’m not going to have her think that I’m unreliable, that I’m going back on my pledge to help out when needed, that our friendship was only good until eight P-M on a Saturday night/

VAL (Stretches out on sofa.) Right. Right. Would you please turn off the T-V? If you want to do something besides watch me sleep, there’s a T-V in the guest room, just down the hallway on the right.

BRYCE Okey dokey. Thanks. If you don’t mind, I’ll take the magazine in case I don’t find anything good on,

(VAL nods off.)

(BRYCE turns off T-V and exits to guest room. He searches for a television listing without success. BRYCE returns to living room.)

BRYCE (Continues) Do you have a television listings?

(VAL remains asleep.) BRYCE (Continues) Val? Val? (Rushes to Val’s side and shakes him.)

VAL Wha? Huh? Page 16 of 120

BRYCE You gave me a scare. For a second there, I was afraid you might have had a heart attack or just slipped away. Darlene would never forgive me. She would feel that I let her down. Or worse? What if she thought that I had some ulterior motive in helping her, and that I might have done something purposefully -- and this never entered my mind, please believe me -- but I did something that purposefully led to your death, and that she reported her suspicions to the police, and the police came and interrogated me, and you know how the police are, if they think you’re guilty, they have their ways of making innocent people confess/

VAL I’m alive/

BRYCE those stories are in the newspaper all the time when people, mostly men, in fact, exclusively men, I’ve never read of an innocent woman being forced to falsely confess although there was the Coen Brothers movie “The Man Who Wasn’t There” but the barber’s wife was mistakenly arrested because the police made the wrong assumption of who actually embezzled the department store money and why and besides, that’s a movie and we’re talking about real life, and there I am now in court, confessing and confirming her worst thoughts when I had nothing to do with your death, it was just natural, nothing could be done.

VAL I’m alive. None of that is going to happen.

BRYCE Oh. Yes. Yes. You’re alive. Whew!

VAL Look, why not bring out those cookies that Darlene made.

BRYCE That’s a great idea. (Starts toward and reaches kitchen door and continues walking just after Val finishes his next sentence.)

VAL Be careful, there’s three steps down to the kitchen. It’s a quirk of the remodeling as the space was intended as the garage.

BRYCE I hate to admit but it’d be just like me to not notice the stairs and stumble down. (Goes through entrance and returns with cookie plate while eating one and offers plate to Val, who takes one. BRYCE keeps hold of the plate and walks toward patio door.) Would you mind if I eat on the patio? It’s a beautiful night out. Page 17 of 120

VAL Be my guest.

BRYCE (On patio, looking upward and turning around so that eventually he sees the tree branch on the roof.) It’s too light out for the stars but the moon is up. It’s so great out here. Are you aware there’s a big tree branch on your roof?

VAL No. I guess the last wind storm did it. (Positions the wheelchair so he is unaware when Bryce attempts to grab the tree branch.)

BRYCE It could roll off and hit someone pretty bad. I’ll get it down.

VAL You don’t have to. It can wait.

BRYCE It’s dangerous to leave it there, believe me, ‘cause it looks like it could roll off and hit someone any second now. It’s within easy reach and it will be my way of repaying Darlene for these scrumptious cookies.

(Looks around for something he can climb on. While holding the cookie plate, with the free hand, he pulls over a patio chair and places it as close to the grill as he can. He then stands on the chair, leaning toward the limb but it’s just out of reach. Still holding onto the plate, Bryce stretches some more, perhaps even just barely touches the tree limb, stretches just a little more and loses his balance and falls and the plate breaks.)

(BRYCE screams in pain.)

VAL What happened? Are you okay?

BRYCE No. I think I broke my leg.

VAL Really?

BRYCE Yeah, it really hurts. Page 18 of 120

VAL Hold on. I’ll get some help. (Takes phone from pocket and punches 9-1-1.) Yes, this is 5687 West Bavarian Street. Someone just broke his leg in my house and I’m unable to help him. (Pause to listen to 9-1-1.) My name is Valentine Arnold. (Pause to listen) Because I’m in a wheel chair and I don’t have any strength. (Pause to listen to 9-1-1.) I’ll have the front door open.

(As the lights come down, VAL starts toward front door in wheelchair.)

BRYCE Val, please tell Darlene that I’ll find a matching plate or pay for it.

(Lights dim and brighten to indicate short time interval.)

(VAL is on sofa, reading.)

(DARLENE enters the living room from the front door.)

DARLENE Hey guys, I’m back.

VAL Good concert?

DARLENE Fabulous!

VAL Catch up on all the gossip with Shirley?

DARLENE I got caught up on all her ailments, mostly. (Looks around) Where’s Bryce?

VAL Remember earlier this evening you said I should give him a break? Well, not to be too flippant about it but (pause) he broke his leg. Page 19 of 120

DARLENE What?

VAL Bryce fell and broke his leg and possibly injured his shoulder while attempting to remove a tree branch on the roof.

DARLENE Oh my gosh! How/

VAL It appears that he used a patio chair as a stepping stool and took a step too far.

DARLENE I was trying to say “How could you let him even try?”

VAL I wasn’t watching. He came out on the patio to eat the cookies and I stayed inside. He saw the tree branch and on his own decided to get it off.

DARLENE Where is he?

VAL From what the ambulance crew said, he’s probably staying overnight at a hospital.

DARLENE Which one?

VAL Dar, what little Bryce and I talked about did not include what medical network his health insurance covers.

DARLENE Why didn’t you call me when all this happened?

VAL Even though I was, as Bryce would say, “Home Alone” I am as capable as that kid in the movie and didn’t need to bother you about this. What could you have done that the ambulance people didn’t do?

DARLENE I don’t know. It just, I don’t know, it just seems insensitive to not be there and let Bryce know someone’s concerned about him. Page 20 of 120

VAL Where ever Bryce ended up, he’s probably so juiced with painkillers that he’d be unaware of your presence.

DARLENE That’s no excuse not to be concerned. We need to find out which hospital and ask about his condition.

VAL Unless you’re related, I wonder if they even release that information nowadays.

DARLENE As it is written, “Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters.” We are related.

VAL I stand corrected but hospital rules may not see it the way Jesus does. He’s in good hands. There’s nothing you can accomplish for Bryce tonight.

DARLENE First thing tomorrow morning, I’m finding out about Bryce.

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 3

TIME: Sunday, the next morning.

As the scene begins, DARLENE sets a breakfast tray on the dining roonm table. As she returns to the kitchen, VAL gets down from the hospital bed and, using chair as walker, starts toward table.

DARLENE returns with a second breakfast tray and sits at the dining room table.

DARLENE After church, we’re going to Regions Hospital.

VAL It’s a beautiful, sunny Sunday and those exorbitant medical bills have paid the club memberships for all my attending physicians who are teeing off at this very moment. Or, did I sleep through Sunday and it’s Monday and it’s time for my appointment?

DARLENE Bryce is at Regions. I called the ambulance service to find out where they took him. Page 21 of 120

VAL And the purpose of the trip is?

DARLENE To see how he’s doing.

VAL Just call his room. You would have been contented with that last night, if you knew where he was.

DARLENE Sweets, Bryce was very conscientious in visiting us when you were in the hospital for ten weeks. I want to reciprocate the favor.

VAL Let his family and other friends see to him. You can go later on.

DARLENE Bryce lives alone.

VAL No surprise.

DARLENE I don’t think he has any close friends.

VAL Nor distant ones, I suspect.

DARLENE He’s an only child.

VAL The gene pool is blessed.

DARLENE Last night, he mentioned his parents are on a cruise so they can’t visit.

VAL Absence of a child makes the heart grow fonder.

DARLENE What do you have against Bryce?

VAL He’s a butt-in-ski. Page 22 of 120

DARLENE In what way?

VAL The guy doesn’t know borders. He comes into my hospital room, sees the array of cables and tubes, and proceeds to re-sort them.

DARLENE So he’s a neat freak.

VAL Those cables and tubes were still attached to me as I lay semi-conscious, remember?

DARLENE Yes, he should have asked.

VAL Just as he should have asked after using the bathroom in my hospital room if I wanted my toiletries rearranged in the order in which he thinks one should proceed in the bathroom. Take a look at the board games. Notice anything different?

DARLENE No. VAL That’s because I stopped him from rearranging them. And I should mention that he offered to trim the arboretum’s trees for us. Good thing I said no or who knows how much worse shape he’d be in today.

DARLENE Nevertheless, take the parable of the Samaritan to heart and be nice to Bryce when we visit.

VAL Dar, no. You go. I’m incapable of putting up a front as if I’m friendly with the guy. It would be cruel to both of us but especially Bryce because as oblivious as he is to reading people and knowing where borders exist, he has picked up on my attitude toward him. To his credit, he even brought it up last night before he had the accident.

DARLENE Apparently, it didn’t clear the air.

VAL All it did was make him a murder suspect.

DARLENE What? Page 23 of 120

VAL You will be highly entertained if you ask him to explain it. Look, after church, drop me off here and you be the Good Samaritan.

DARLENE I can’t leave you alone.

VAL Yes you can. Last night demonstrated that. Please?

DARLENE You are going to regret this attitude.

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 4

TIME: Early Sunday afternoon.

LOCATION: Semi-private hospital room. Bryce’s side, nearest the door, has an unmade bed and tray table with items on it, such as dishes from lunch, tissue box, etc. The other side is empty (stripped bed, tray table in corner).

Before the scene begins, Bryce has received some pain medication and is slightly woozy at the beginning. The drug’s influence increases as the scene continues and reaches its peak in Scene 5.

As the scene begins, BRYCE is in the second patient area, seated, having difficulty sorting magazines because he is handicapped with one leg in a cast boot, the arm on the opposite side of the broken leg in a cast and in a sling. A pair of crutches is near him.

DARLENE (At doorway) Hi, Bryce. Is it okay to come in?

BRYCE Hey, there! This is so unexpected. I hope you’re not skipping something that you’d rather be doing. If you are, you can just say hello and leave. I’ll understand. Where’s Val?

DARLENE He wasn’t up to coming but insisted that he could take care of himself and that I should visit you while he stayed home. Page 24 of 120

BRYCE He’s home alone? Oops. That sounds flippant with the movie reference. I meant just to confirm that he was home alone. Did it again. I mean “By himself.” At home.

DARLENE He phrased it the same way when we talked about my coming.

BRYCE Well, then I hope you’re not feeling anxious because you left him home alone. (Pause) By himself!

DARLENE Not at all.

BRYCE Still, its very courageous of him and you. I hope that he, and you too, remain calm and don”t worry about suddenly having a medical emergency. I’ve read that just thinking about something stressful can actually bring on a heart attack. I’d feel responsible if either of you had a stroke or heart attack because of the stress you are under knowing that Val is (pause) by (pause) him (pause) self (pause with exultant gesture) because you’re visiting me because I ended up in a hospital when I should have been looking out for Val. Did Val tell you I want to pay for the plate I broke?

DARLENE (Matter of factly) No he didn’t. (Realizes how absurd it is to be talking about the plate.) Forget the plate. How are you doing?

BRYCE Actually, a little woozy, kinda like I’ve had about three beers. Or maybe three martinis. But I’ve never drunk martinis so I really don’t know what it’s like to drink one, never mind three. I presume martinis have more alcohol than beer. I’m not even sure I’ve ever had three beers in a row so I’m guessing this is how it would feel like drinking three martinis.

DARLENE Can I do anything for you? Page 25 of 120

BRYCE Will you please help me arrange these magazines? (DARLENE takes magazines) Alphabetically.

DARLENE How did you manage to buy so many magazines when you got here last night? You’ve got enough reading for a week.

BRYCE The patient who left the room this morning left them here. I’m leaving them for the next patients. I could be discharged any minute. The only thing holding things up is finding a visiting care attendant. Once they have that solved, I’ll be going home. Not your home, of course. My home. Well, it’s not really a home, just a walk-up apartment on the third floor but it’s home to me.

DARLENE They’re sending you home so soon?

BRYCE The doctors say there’s nothing more staying in a hospital will accomplish.

CASE MANAGER (Head down, looking at clipboard as she/he walks in.) Good afternoon, Mr. Morrow. We’re making progress. I’ve got good news and bad news. (Notices Darlene) How do you do.

DARLENE Hello. I’m a friend of Bryce’s.

CASE MANAGER I’m Leslie Doyle, Bryce’s case manager.

DARLENE I’ll leave since you need to discuss matters.

BRYCE Darlene, you just got here. Catch your breath, why don’t you? Take a seat and be comfortable.

DARLENE Alright. Page 26 of 120

CASE MANAGER The van that will transport you home will be available in an hour. I need you to initial this sheet acknowledging that I informed you that your insurance does not cover van transport and therefore this is at your expense. The transport service will bill you if you don’t have a credit card.

DARLENE Make sure they’re burly.

CASE MANAGER Why’s that?

DARLENE Bryce, didn’t you say you live on a third-floor walk-up? He’ll need help.

CASE MANAGER No elevator?

BRYCE Just three floors. “I’m not a big fan of heights.” Vanilla Sky.

CASE MANAGER You’ll need to have someone help you to your apartment. Medical transport does not assist people upstairs because of liability issues.

DARLENE Was the transportation the good news or the bad news?

CASE MANAGER It was supposed to be the good news. The bad news has turned into “To make matters worse.” Weekends are bad for needing a care attendant and holiday weekends are the worse because of staff taking the time off. All the companies we work with that provide personal care assistants are booked. The earliest someone can visit you is three P.M. Monday. When your neighbors help you to your apartment perhaps they can put something in a slow cooker or bring something you can warm up.

BRYCE Okay.

DARLENE Okay? Bryce, do you understand what she just said?

BRYCE I’ll be “Home Alone.” I can say it this time because it’s about me. So, I can add that it’s my version of a broken leg in Jimmy Stewart’s “Rear Window.” While my fall has temporarily cost me, to use an appropriate cliche, an arm and a leg, which strangely enough has never been used in a film title, I have too much ability to move to compare Page 27 of 120 myself to just using my left eye to communicate like in “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.”

DARLENE (To Case Manager) How is this possible? Look at him. He’s helpless. We don’t know if there is anyone who can assist him up the stairs or if they will be home when he gets there. How can you possibly be thinking of discharging him?

CASE MANAGER I tried to convince the insurance company to cover him one more day until a care attendant is available but I got nowhere. I’ve informed all the personal care assistant companies of his situation. If there’s a cancellation, they’ll re-assign the person immediately to Bryce. Are you a neighbor of Bryce’s? Can you help him?

DARLENE Bryce, where do you live?

BRYCE The great Minneapolis first-ring suburb whose motto is Friendly is as Fridley Does.

DARLENE (Exasperation) We’re all the way over in Bloomington. (Pause) Bryce, does anyone from the office live near you?

BRYCE Do YOU know anyone who would want to live in Friendly Fridley?

DARLENE This isn’t funny.

BRYCE I'm funny how? I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh? What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?

DARLENE Are you feeling okay? You seem a little, um, well, you’re like your old self but more of the same. Much more.

CASE MANAGER (Walks to foot of Bryce’s bed and reads chart.) He received some pain medications just a little while ago. They must be kicking in.

DARLENE Oh my gosh! It’d be criminal to send him home like this. Page 28 of 120

CASE MANAGER How good a friend are you?

DARLENE How do you mean?

CASE MANAGER Can he stay at your place overnight? By tomorrow, a care attendant will probably be available. But right now my hands are tied.

DARLENE Under normal circumstances I would but/

CASE MANAGER Under normal circumstances, I’m certain Mr. Morrow is a (Pause and emphasize next word) normal person. So these quirks of his that we’re seeing are due to the drugs. As they dissipate, he’ll be his normal self.

BRYCE You talkin’ about me? You talkin' about me? You talkin' about me? Then who the hell else are you talking about?

DARLENE Bryce, would you like to stay overnight at our place? It just is not practical for you to go to your apartment.

BRYCE As long as I’m not an “Inconvenient Truth.”

DARLENE For one night? Of course not. (To Bryce) We’ll need to get some overnight stuff for you. What’s your address?

BRYCE “Mulholland Drive!”

(STAGE GOES DARK) Page 29 of 120 SCENE 5

TIME: Late afternoon of the same day, Sunday.

LOCATION: The Arnold’s home.

As the scene begins, VAL, on the sofa, watches a sports game on television, the wheelchair nearby. .

DARLENE (Enters from the front door .) Hey. Just borrowing the wheel chair for a second.

(VAL gives questioning look.)

(DARLENE rolls wheelchair outside.)

(DARLENE returns with BRYCE in the wheelchair. BRYCE holds the crutch in his good arm.)

(VAL is slack-jawed.)

DARLENE (Continues) (She positions Bryce just inside the house) Just a minute. I’ve got one more thing. (DARLENE leaves for the car.)

BRYCE Hello, Val. This is not what it looks like. I am not trying to take your place. Truly, I am not. We already discussed this, remember? Truth be told, I’m not exactly certain exactly what I’m doing here. Am I supposed to be staying with you again? This time I’ll get it right. Have I told you about the three martinis I’ve drunk? Lis’en up:

Starkle starkle little twink/Who the hell you are I think? I’m not as drunk as thinkle peep/I’m just a little slort of sheep. I’m not under the alfluence of incohol/I’ve just dumbled stown the wall. Tee martoonies make a guy/Feel so foolish, don’t know why. But just one more to fill my cup/I’ve all day sober to Sunday up.

DARLENE (DARLENE returns with a gym bag.) Bryce’s overnight things. You see, Bryce is in a kind of a pickle and so I thought we could help him out for a night.

VAL Pickled is indeed the operative word. Page 30 of 120

BRYCE That’s right! As Oliver Hardy said to Stan Laurel “Well, here's another nice kettle of fish you've pickled me in!”

DARLENE He received some heavy-duty pain medications a little while ago and he’s not quite himself.

VAL You can tell how?

DARLENE Val!

VAL Dar, if you’re right about the medications then he’s not going to remember any of this conversation.

BRYCE Ah, that’s easy. “The Conversation” starring Gene Hackman. And Harrison Ford has a bit part.

DARLENE Let’s hope so. And be nice. I’ll explain everything after I put him to bed.

BRYCE “Bedtime for Bonzo!”

DARLENE Let’s get you to the guest room.

BRYCE “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?” (Laughing) Close enough.

VAL You haven’t thought this through.

DARLENE It’s just for tonight.

VAL That’s exactly the point. Night.

BRYCE “In The Heat of the Night.” Page 31 of 120

DARLENE What?

VAL Did you pack pajamas and are you going to undress him?

BRYCE “The Pajama Game!” But how could you possibly confuse goody-two shoes Doris Day with Bond Girl Ursula Andress?

DARLENE Oh.

BRYCE (The first note of the song “Oklahoma”) OH (Giggles) klahoma! Come on, give me a real challenge.

VAL He can sleep in his clothes/

BRYCE “Sleepless in Seattle.”

VAL for one night. I’ll help you.

BRYCE Pff. The Beatles.

(DARLENE slowly pushes BRYCE to the guest room while Val walks alongside the wheelchair, holding onto a side.)

BRYCE (Continues) Take me to the kitchen and we can play “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?”

DARLENE (At guest room bedside) Bryce, can you get into the bed by yourself?

BRYCE That’s an old trick this new dog can do.

(BRYCE struggles to rise and DARLENE assists him with VAL only contributing somewhat because of his weakness.) Page 32 of 120

BRYCE (Continues) (As BRYCE rolls onto bed.) Val, in three months six girls will be pregnant.

VAL “Dreamgirls.” (Pause) My god, it’s contagious! (VAL begins untying and taking off Bryce’s shoes.)

BRYCE “They Died With Their Boots On.”

VAL Try “Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte,” okay? (Body language indicates he’s chastising himself for playing the title game a second time.)

BRYCE “Grumpy Old Man.”

(VAL’S body language indicates taking great offense.)

DARLENE You said he won’t remember any of this after he sleeps this off.

BRYCE “The Big Sleep.” (Bryce falls asleep.)

(DARLENE and VAL return to the living room. DARLENE brings the wheelchair and returns it near the front door.)

VAL You were right. You said I’d regret not going to visit. Let me guess. He followed you home so now you want to keep him.

DARLENE “I was naked and You gave me clothing. I was sick and You cared for me.”

VAL Personally, I’m thinking the “Book of Job” is relevant. Be that as it may, please tell how all this transpired.

DARLENE This is just for tonight. The hospital couldn’t arrange any home care. We owe it to him. He was so nice visiting us in the hospital and running errands for us. It’s bread upon the Page 33 of 120 waters.

VAL The one thing that confuses me about all this is that I don’t ever recall you mentioning him when you talked about work. Why hadn’t I heard about him before he started visiting?

DARLENE I hardly knew him at work, if at all. Maybe we had a nodding acquaintance. He and I might have been on one or two committees but I don’t honestly remember.

VAL That’s funny. Last night, he said you helped him through his divorce and he’s simply repaying a favor.

DARLENE That’s news to me. How could I be a shoulder to cry on when I’m not even sure our paths crossed at work. In fact, now that I think about it, for some reason I assumed he was single and always had been.

VAL Probably because he never mentioned a wife or girlfriend when visiting in the hospital. I thought the same way but for more obvious reasons.

DARLENE Why do you say such things about him?

VAL It comes naturally.

DARLENE It’d be funny if he confused me with someone else and we’re the beneficiaries of mistaken identity.

VAL I question “beneficiary.” Still, if anyone could make such a mistake, it would be him. But if that’s the case, how did learn about us?

DARLENE He probably heard about you through the grapevine and checked your Caring Bridge site. From the postings, he must have decided for some reason to visit and help us.

VAL Promise me that this ends tomorrow, one way or the other. Just this one night. Page 34 of 120

DARLENE Double points: “Going My Way” and “It Happened One Night.”

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 6

TIME: 8:30 a.m., Monday, July 3.

BRYCE is still asleep.

DARLENE has just peered into the room to determine Bryce=s status and enters dining room. She is dressed in a bathrobe.

VAL is finishing breakfast at the dining room table.

The sofa is open have served as the bed for Darlene the previous night.

The hospital bed is unmade.

DARLENE He’s out like a light.

VAL Should we catch a frog to kiss him?

DARLENE (She makes up sofa and straightens out hospital bed as she talks.) Please be patient with him. He probably will still be suffering the effects of the medicine.

VAL From what I recall from recent personal experience, one does not suffer from those pain medications. The last twenty-four hours may have been the happiest time in his life.

DARLENE That’s exactly the kind of comment I don’t want to hear from you.

VAL I will be on my best behavior and even fake a fond good-bye wave when he goes home.

DARLENE Should I wake him? Page 35 of 120

(While the following dialogue occurs, BRYCE wakes up, grabs the crutch and hobbles toward the dining room.)

VAL Better get dressed before you do; otherwise we’ll have references to “Fatal Attraction.”

DARLENE (Looking at bathrobe). This is the working definition of frumpy.

VAL In Bryce’s case, imagination is reality and he’ll feel guilt-stricken that you’re dressed in lingerie.

DARLENE Really now.

VAL Really now trust me. Change.

DARLENE Okay. I’ll call the office and advise them about Bryce’s absence today.

VAL He wasn’t taking the long weekend?

DARLENE No.

VAL Well, while you’re at it, call the hospital and find out what arrangements they are going to make for him.

DARLENE Good idea.

(DARLENE goes up stairs.)

(BRYCE enters living room area.)

VAL Good morning! Looks like you’re ready to get up and go. How are you feeling? Page 36 of 120

BRYCE (For the entire scene, Bryce speaks in a tone and speed that indicates he’ s still affected by the drugs.) I’m not sure. I vaguely remember how I got here. I’m pretty embarrassed about it. Well, maybe embarrassed isn’t the right word. More chagrined. Not that I’m also not embarrassed. I am. What exactly is the difference between ‘embarrassed’ and “chagrined”? Can I be both embarrassed and chagrined? Could that be like saying I’m doubly embarrassed?

VAL The appropriate phrase in your case is “Accidents happen.”

BRYCE Speaking of accidents, I need to use a bathroom before I have one.

VAL The guest room has a full-bath.

BRYCE Do you mind if I use it?

VAL Mi casa es su casa.

BRYCE (BRYCE hobbles back to the guestroom.) Better watch out what you say. I like your home so much that I may start to think of it as my home.

DARLENE (Comes downstairs in casual clothes and her purse.) The hospital wants me to take Bryce this afternoon to a clinic for a follow-up.

VAL I have an idea. Instead of you running around as medical transport for Bryce and me, let’s cancel my appointment and you can just drop Bryce off at Region’s now.

DARLENE What is it about men and hospitals and doctors and the whole business of wanting as little to do with them even when it’s obvious there’s a need?

VAL Altruism.

DARLENE What? Page 37 of 120

VAL Greater love hath no man than this: to offer his scheduled time with a doctor to another.

DARLENE (Gets wheelchair and brings it to Val, points to him, then the wheelchair to indicate he is to get in it.) Behind every man going to a medical appointment is a woman pushing him to it.

BRYCE (Returning to dining room.) Good morning, Darlene

DARLENE Hi, Bryce, How are you feeling?

BRYCE Okay for the most part.

DARLENE And for the parts that are not?

BRYCE A little woozy. That’s to be expected. (As BRYCE continues into dining room, he grimaces slightly.)

DARLENE Are you in pain?

BRYCE A little but that’s to be expected.

DARLENE (Digs into purse and brings out medicine container.) The hospital said to take these for the pain you may have. (Gives container to Bryce.) Be careful. It will make you drowsy and you could lose your balance. (Goes to mini-refrigerator and brings out milk, grabs cereal bowl, spoon, and glass to dining table.) I’m taking Val to an appointment this morning. And your doctor made an appointment for you at two P-M for a follow-up. I’ll take you there after I return from Val’s appointment. You’ll be okay alone, won’t you?

BRYCE Yeah. Don’t worry about me. Page 38 of 120

VAL While you’re away, perhaps you can get started with the hospital and your insurance company concerning a care attendant and some place to stay.

BRYCE Yeah, that makes lots of sense.

DARLENE Call me if it seems something is going wrong.

VAL Nine one one would be a better idea.

BRYCE I don’t want to be a bother to the ambulance people.

VAL You won’t be bothering them; that’s their job.

DARLENE Val is right. Call nine one one. We’ll be back probably in less than an hour. Earlier, if someone altruistically cancels their appointment. (DARLENE wheels VAL to the front door and out to the car.)

BRYCE Okey dokey.

(BRYCE sits at dining room table and reads instructions on medical container. He pours milk into glass, jiggles tablets from the container and swallows them with the milk.)

(BRYCE holds a hand to stomach and grimaces, not having any appetite. He shakes off a yawn. He takes milk carton and hobbles over to refrigerate it. Upon completion, he yawns several times. He hobbles to guest room, picks up his cell phone. Tries phone and his body motion indicates it has no battery life. He carries it into living room, looking for a charger.)

(BRYCE finds a charger on a sofa end table. He attempts to plug it into phone but it doesn’t fit. He shrugs, returns to room, lies down and sleeps.)

(STAGE GOES DARK) Page 39 of 120 SCENE 7

TIME: About 2 p.m., the same day (Monday).

The scene opens with Val in mid-sentence as Darlene pushes Val into house rapidly. Her body language indicates she is frantic.

VAL . . .if we had cancelled my appointment, you wouldn’t be this panicked.

DARLENE Bryce? We’re home. Bryce? (Rushes into bedroom. She shakes him.) Bryce, are you okay?

BRYCE Oh, Hi. How long did I sleep? Is it time to go?

(VAL makes his way to bedroom.)

DARLENE Yes. In fact, we’re late. Val’s doctor had patients with critical needs and our appointment was delayed. I called to tell you we were going to be cutting it close for your appointment but only got your voice mail. I told your clinic and they said they’d fit you in when you got there.

BRYCE My cell phone battery’s dead. I couldn’t find a charger that fit.

VAL So instead of charging your for battery, you’ll be charged for Murder One.

BRYCE What?

VAL From last night. Remember? I’m dead and you’re charged (Trails off). . (Neither BRYCE nor DARLENE get the reference.) Never mind.

DARLENE We need to get going. Come along, Val.

VAL What? Page 40 of 120

DARLENE I don’t want to leave you alone.

VAL I got a clean bill of health, remember? Go ahead without me.

DARLENE Someday, your stubbornness is going to bite you. Is your phone charged?

VAL Yes.

(Lights dim and brighten indicating short time interval.)

(VAL is watching a baseball game on T-V as indicated by sports broadcaster patter.)

BROADCASTER This is the third full count on Dozier. He worked his way out of the last two with fast balls. Howser will be looking for a different pitch.

(DARLENE opens front door and brings in a suitcase and goes back for another as BRYCE hobbles in. He still has casts but his arm is no longer in a sling.)

VAL This is an easy one. “Groundhog Day.”

BRYCE What?

VAL This is how you entered yesterday afternoon.

BRYCE I don’t remember much about yesterday.

VAL Just remember now and you’ll have yesterday’s memory.

BRYCE I need to lie down. Would you mind? They gave me more pills for the pain. As you said, “Groundhog Day.” (Hobbles to guest room. He plugs in charger and then his phone to charger and then lies down.)

(DARLENE brings in another suitcase.) Page 41 of 120

VAL I didn’t go to the hospital yesterday and Bryce came home and I didn’t go to the clinic with Bryce and Bryce comes home. “Groundhog Day.”

DARLENE Yes. (VAL and DARLENE are silent for several beats.)

DARLENE (Continues) Tell me what you’re thinking.

VAL “God, give me the serenity to accept what cannot be changed, the courage to change what can be changed, and the wisdom to know” that I’m not going to win this one. Judging by the number of suitcases your brought in, how did a one-night sleep over turn into several days?

DARLENE How many is “several” to you?

VAL Four at the most.

DARLENE Perfecto! I didn’t take time to pack neatly in one suitcase. That’s why the luggage looks like a lot. This will be enough until Saturday.

VAL (Counts silently on his fingers) Saturday is five days. Is that your final answer?

DARLENE Probably.

VAL To quote a great Latino American husband to his wife, “Lucy, you’ve got some ‘splaining to do.”

DARLENE His parents are on a cruise and they dock in Galveston on Thursday. Bryce thinks they can be here by Saturday. Also, during the checkup, the doctors discovered his leg bone has a small congenital deformity which didn’t matter until now. Because the break is so near it, it could affect how the bone knits. They want to x-ray every few days to make sure that it’s healing correctly. The hospital still hasn’t located any attendants that could assist him up to his apartment. So, we’re back to/ Page 42 of 120

VAL 5687 West Bavarian Street. But Bryce is fudging on the arrival date.

DARLENE How so?

VAL The parents dock on Thursday. They probably gave themselves a Friday flight in case the ship is behind schedule. So they arrive in St. Louis on Friday. They take a day to recuperate, which is Saturday. They leave Sunday by car but depending on when they leave home, they arrive Sunday night or Monday morning.

DARLENE (Shrugs) A miscalculation.

VAL “Miscalculation” sounds like a board game we’re losing at.

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 8

TIME: Tuesday afternoon, July 4th.

BRYCE and VAL are in the living room.

The scene begins with sound of fireworks going off.

BRYCE They start celebrating the Fourth early around here.

VAL Our next door neighbors include a teenager who is showing off the fireworks he bootlegged from Wisconsin. We’ll probably be treated to a barrage of Roman candles and bottle rockets tonight. Hopefully, he’ll shoot ‘em all off before eleven.

BRYCE While Darlene is shopping, can we talk about something?

VAL Uh-huh. Page 43 of 120

BRYCE You, maybe you as Val or you in the plural sense, you and Darlene, may not bring up the subject because you think it’s impolite to talk about money. You’re spending money for extra food while I’m here. And the gas for the trip to the clinic for the x-ways and there will be several more trips like it. So I want to pay for your added expenses.

VAL That’s, that’s, quite appreciated. But if you were a guest we wouldn’t expect you to pay.

BRYCE But I’m an In-Towner, not an “Out-of Towner”, the 1970 version not the awful Steve Martin remake. I don’t want you thinking that I can’t afford to pay my way.

VAL You were doing us a favor by staying with me while Darlene was out for the evening. Instead it cost you and arm and a leg. We’re square.

BRYCE I haven’t spent any money since I got here.

VAL (Points to Bryce’s arm and leg.) Arm and leg.

BRYCE Arm and leg! Oh, that’s funny. Pairing the metaphor of something expensive with my actual injuries. Really, that’s really funny. Let’s hope that some time in the future plural you, you and Darlene, me, you, and Darlene will see this as funny as “The Man Who Came to Dinner.” Wouldn’t it be a hoot if we could do a remake of that movie based on us.

VAL A real barrel of laughs.

BRYCE Are you certain you don’t want a payment? This can be between just you and me if you think Darlene would be angry about this

VAL Put it down as “one good turn deserves another.”

BRYCE But you’re helping me more than I did you.

VAL Somewhere in this there’s a good deed that went unpunished. Page 44 of 120

BRYCE Still, I feel that I should repay you in some way.

VAL “Pay it forward” instead.

BRYCE Good one!

VAL What?

BRYCE The movie title.

VAL Pay it forward?

BRYCE Yes!

VAL Our pastor used that phrase in a sermon recently. That’s where I got it.

BRYCE Oh. It’s also a movie. Anyway, how much do you think?

VAL How much what?

BRYCE How much should I pay forward? Fifty dollars? A hundred?

VAL You can pay it forward in ways other than with dollars.

BRYCE Like digging wells in Namibia?

VAL Yes.

BRYCE I guess the accountant in me thinks in terms of money when it comes to debits and credits. (Several beats) That goes for my parents, too, right? Not paying? Page 45 of 120

VAL (Almost near panic.) You’re not planning to have them stay here, are you?

BRYCE No. I mean if they offer to pay for my stay here, you won’t let them, will you?

VAL Oh, that’s what you meant! Yeah, that goes for your parents, too. (Beat) I, uh, apologize for sounding vexed when I thought you meant your parents might stay here. If we had the room, of course they’d be welcome. But we converted the two other bedrooms upstairs to offices for ourselves.

BRYCE You were right the first time. It wouldn’t be a good idea of them staying here. So kudos for not having an extra room.

VAL So they plan on getting here when? We’ll need to make reservations for them at a motel.

BRYCE They don’t know about my accident yet.

VAL Yeah, I hear an Internet connection is very costly on those cruises. You can have the cruise line office send a message to the ship and someone from the staff will inform them.

BRYCE I honestly don’t want to tell them while they’re on the cruise. You know how parents are. In their minds; you’re always ten years old so that any little thing that happens to their baby gets exaggerated into a Life and Death issue. Instead of enjoying themselves, they’d worry about me the last few days of the cruise.

VAL So you’re thinking of telling them when they dock on Thursday?

BRYCE Actually, I’ll wait until they arrive home late afternoon after their flight back. You see, it’s an hour’s drive from St. Louis to home. if I tell them as soon as the ship arrives in Galveston I’m afraid they might have a traffic accident because they’d be focused on my health instead of concentrating on driving back from the airport. So, I’ll wait until they call me from home. I calculate they’ll get here Sunday. Page 46 of 120

VAL Better than the Monday when I thought they’d arrive.

BRYCE What’s that?

VAL I’m looking forward to when your family arrives.

BRYCE Believe me, you shouldn’t.

DARLENE (Enters from kitchen) Hey, guys. I’m back. Holy cow but the checkout lines were just impossible. It seemed people were storing up for a blizzard instead of celebrating the Fourth.

VAL Tornadoes are more appropriate to fear this time of year.

BRYCE Just like my parents.

DARLENE How’s that?

BRYCE (Embarrassed that he said something that can be interpreted as critical of his parents.) Oh, ah, I mean that they’re a whirlwind of activity, that’s all. Here one day and, uh, no longer in Kansas the next.

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 9

TIME: Friday, July 7, mid-morning

VAL sits in his wheelchair at clothes rack, examining the clothes. As with the clothes on the rack in Scene 1, the clothes seem to be arranged haphazardly, no grouping by colors, styles, suits and sports coats and outer wear.

A pitcher of water is on the dining room table and one glass, half-full. Page 47 of 120

The scene begins with a rattling of the front door handle with someone attempting to enter.

VAL (Shouts) Just a minute. I’m coming. (Struggles in his wheelchair to front doorway and opens it.)

FATHER (From doorway as it opens from the outside.) Hello, you must be Val. I’m Dad Morrow and this is Mother Morrow.

VAL Please won’t you come in? Bryce will be surprised to see you. All of us will be. (FATHER and MOTHER enter by not giving Val a chance to back up the wheelchair and awkwardly squeeze past VAL.) I didn’t realize the doorbell wasn’t working.

FATHER (FATHER steps backward to test the doorbell, which works.) It’s working okay. OH! I get it. You thought the doorbell didn’t work when we tried the door. Naw. My mistake. We acted like back home. We never bother locking our house. None of our neighbors do either. We just walk right in.

MOTHER The Swingles lock their door. Remember that time/

FATHER Oh, they’re the exception but they’re from St. Louis and have only been around about twenty years.

MOTHER (Shouts) Yoo-hoo, Brycee, we’re here!

VAL He’s not here; he’s at a doctor’s appointment.

MOTHER Has a complication developed? Has he taken a turn for the worse?

VAL Nothing to be concerned about; just a routine follow-up.

MOTHER Daddy, reset your G-P-S, we need to go to Bryce’s clinic right this minute. I don’t want him drugged up and at the mercy of a taxi-driver or one of those Uber-Lyft types. Page 48 of 120

VAL Darlene, my wife, she’s with him. They could be back anytime.

MOTHER She’s a good driver, isn’t she?

VAL She’s chauffeured me around without incident. (Beat) You made really made good time getting here on Friday. Bryce said you’d get here Saturday.

FATHER It isn’t your fault. Mother and I planned on arriving today. Bryce is such a worry wort. He’s afraid of us driving so far and told us to take our time driving here. So, we agreed on Saturday. But we can take care of ourselves. We flew home on Thursday and it’s a short trip from there to here. We took turns driving so it wasn’t too hard.

MOTHER Not hard for him. He got used to driving long distances when he was a sales rep for John Deere for twenty-five years before retiring. He learned to sleep anywhere anytime from staying in a different motel room every night for weeks at a time when he was working. Me, I stayed home to raise Bryce and worked in the school cafeteria. I have a hard time sleeping in a place other than home. (Yawns) I tried dozing during the drive but kept waking up wondering what Brycee hasn’t told us about his injury. How bad is he?

FATHER (Yawns) Now you’ve got me doing it, Mommy. Say, would you mind if I use your bathroom?

VAL Of course. I should have asked.

FATHER Yes.

VAL There’s one in the guest room where Bryce is staying. Just go down the hallway, second door on the left.

(FATHER exits stage.)

MOTHER Don’t be too long, Daddy. I need to potty also. Page 49 of 120

(MOTHER walks over to snack table with the board games and straightens them. Unsatisfied, she looks the arrangement over and, unsatisfied, proceeds to rearrange them alphabetically, causing an unstable pile.)

MOTHER (Continues) (Conspiratorial tone) I don’t want Father to hear. How bad is Brycee hurt?

VAL He’s on the mend.

MOTHER But you’re not a doctor. Have they called from the clinic? Please don’t hold anything back.

VAL The clinic hasn’t called. He looked okay leaving this morning for his appointment.

MOTHER All we can do is wait. (Beat) I get dry mouth when I’m nervous. Could I have a glass of water, please?

VAL (VAL wheels himself to the dining room table and picks up water pitcher.) Oh, I’ve only the one used glass here.

MOTHER Such a big house but just one glass of water?

VAL No. It’s that the glassware is in the kitchen/

MOTHER Yes, dearie, I was just making up a joke. Just point the way to the kitchen.

VAL Through that door.

(MOTHER starts toward kitchen door. When she is almost to it:)

VAL (Continues) (Panics) WATCH IT. THERE’S THREE STEPS DOWN!

MOTHER I can see, thank you. Page 50 of 120

VAL It’s just that it’s kinda strange to have stairs there and I don’‘t want you to break a leg, too.

MOTHER As long as you have home liability insurance, what does it matter? You do have it right? I don’t want Bryce to put you in the poor house for his medical expenses. (Beat) Just joking.

(MOTHER walks into off-stage kitchen.)

(VAL rolls over to the precariously arranged board games and carefully takes the larger ones off the top and places them on the table.)

(MOTHER returns with two glasses of water. She places one on the dining room table for Father. She then proceeds to clothes rack.)

MOTHER You know, looks can be deceiving. Brycee’s the type to hide things so people don’t fuss over him. That’s why I’m so concerned. (Pause) Are these arranged in any particular order? (Steps forward to rearrange the clothes)

VAL Yes. By manufacturer and I need them grouped together like I have them.

MOTHER (Fingers one or two individually) Oh, well, I guess that makes sense. Have you gained weight? These look several sizes too small for you.

VAL They’re not mine. They’re samples. I’m a buyer for Target. I’m doing some work from home as I recuperate.

(FATHER returns from bathroom and picks up water glass, knowing one would be there for him.)

MOTHER Well well, Tar-jay you say. I always think I should wear pearls when I shop there. We’re the Walmart type. (Starts toward Val) Brycee mentioned your illness. Can I do anything for you? Do you need some pillows for your back? Page 51 of 120

VAL You know, now that I’ve seen Bryce and you, I now see where Bryce gets his, uh, (Beat) his good manners.

MOTHER That’s so nice of you to say. Excuse me for a minute, please? (Walks down hallway and enter’s the guestroom for the bathroom)

FATHER (FATHER’S body motion indicates he is delaying speaking until Mother is out of hearing distance.)

(Conspiratorial tone) I don’t want Mother to hear. How is Bryce doing? Is he going to walk with a limp? Will his arm have full motion?

VAL As far as I know and seen, and I’m not a doctor and I know looks can be deceiving but he appears to be making a complete recovery.

FATHER (Walks over to snack table with the board games and rearranges them.) But sometimes there are injuries that aren’t physical. He could become afraid of heights, develop vertigo. Flashbacks, even. You just never know.

VAL Bryce strikes me as the strong, silent type. He’ll be okay, I’m sure.

(MOTHER returns from bathroom.)

FATHER (For Mother’s benefit, FATHER speaks jovially.) He is resilient and young. Those are great qualities for healing.

VAL I agree.

MOTHER (Yawns) Do you know when Brycee will be back?

VAL It could be another hour or so. With clinics, they give you one time but you could end up waiting another hour once you get there. Page 52 of 120

FATHER All we can do is wait, Mommy.

MOTHER If you don’t mind, Val, I’d like to sit on your couch and perhaps get forty-winks. (Yawns)

VAL Go lie down in the guest room. You’ll be more comfortable.

MOTHER Brycee said over the phone that that’s where he’s sleeping. I couldn’t sleep there.

VAL If it were your bed, would you mind if Bryce laid down on it?

MOTHER Certainly not.

VAL Like I said earlier, the three of you have the same manners.

MOTHER I can’t argue with that. Okay. (Walks toward guestroom) Come, Daddy.

(FATHER joins MOTHER)

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 10

TIME: Mid-afternoon, the same day, Friday. July 7.

VAL is at the dining room table working on a laptop.

FATHER and MOTHER are seemingly sleeping on the guest room bed.

BRYCE and DARLENE enter from the front door.

BRYCE has smaller cast on his arm and it is no longer in a sling. He uses two crutches instead of just one.

DARLENE Hello, Sweets. Guess who’s on the mend! I’ll be back by five thirty. Page 53 of 120

(Stores collapsible wheel chair against wall.)

VAL Hold it just a minute. Bryce’s parents are here. You should meet them.

DARLENE They’re here? But they weren’t supposed to arrive until Saturday.

(As soon as Bryce speaks the first few words, FATHER and MOTHER awake, rise, and walk into the living room.)

BRYCE I was afraid this would happen. Let me guess. They got here at nine thirty?

VAL Around ten. Good guess.

BRYCE No guess; experience. (Turns as his parents are visible in living room) Hello, Mom. Hello, Dad.

MOTHER How’s my Brycee doing? Are you in pain? Let me help you sit down.

BRYCE (Backs up against a wall, seemingly trying to press his way through to the other side.) I’m fine and I can stand on my own.

MOTHER Rest yourself on the couch.

BRYCE I’m fine.

FATHER Listen to Mother.

MOTHER Go help him, why don’t you?

(FATHER goes to Bryce and escorts him to couch.)

DARLENE How do you do, Mrs. Morrow. Page 54 of 120

MOTHER You can call me Mom. That’s the only name I know these days.

DARLENE I like to reserve that for my mother.

MOTHER Of course you can, dearie. Call me Mommy.

BRYCE She’s Kay or Kayla, take your pick. And Dad is Phil.

FATHER (Yawns) Excuse me. We were dozing and I’m not all awake yet. That’s a comfortable bed in Bryce’s room.

MOTHER (To Bryce) That was okay, wasn’t it? We were just on top of the bedspread. (Yawns)

BRYCE Of course it was okay. But you’re both tired because you left at what? Around two a.m. this morning just to be here as fast as you could instead of resting at least a day for a nine-hour drive, like I told you to do, so you’d arrive Saturday. But I never have a good idea so you did it your way and were a danger on the road because you weren’t alert enough but that didn’t matter because you had to rush here to see how perfectly fine I am.

MOTHER We were ready to go because we hadn’t unpacked from the cruise yet. And we left when we did because we knew we wouldn’t be able to sleep worrying about you.

(Awkward silence among all five.)

DARLENE Would you like to have dinner with us tonight?

MOTHER We don’t want to impose.

DARLENE It wouldn’t be a problem. Page 55 of 120

FATHER It’s not practical. By the time we find a place to stay, get there and unpack, we’d have to immediately return here probably during rush hour traffic. Frankly, I’d like to take another nap soon. I could only doze, waiting to see how Bryce was.

MOTHER (To Bryce) You had an exhausting day, I’ll bet, with all the tests they gave you.

BRYCE They just x-rayed me to be sure the bones were still positioned right.

MOTHER You had to get up early to be at the clinic even though they kept you waiting after you got there on time.

(FATHER and MOTHER yawn.)

BRYCE Maybe you should take another nap before you drive anymore.

MOTHER But you need to rest in your room.

BRYCE No I don’t. You do.

MOTHER Remember when you used to sleep between Daddy and me? (Body language indicates a solution has just occurred to her.) Why, we can try that, why don’t we? Rub-a dub-dub, three men in a tub and the Morrows are .. . .are. . . help me out, Daddy.

FATHER Er, three men in a tub and, and,

VAL In bed snug as three bugs?

MOTHER That’s perfect!

BRYCE No it isn’t! I mean, the rhyme, that’s good, but the idea of the three of us in bed together is not. (Kneads his brow.) Page 56 of 120

MOTHER You never seem to know when I’m joking.

FATHER Have a headache, son?

BRYCE Are you asking if I have one or offering me one?

MOTHER (Author’s note: She says “Bryce”, not “Brycee” this one and only time.) Bryce Morrow!

BRYCE Sorry. Sorry. Yes, I am getting a headache.

MOTHER Could it be from the fall? Isn’t a headache a sign of a concussion? There’s so much talk about the dangers of concussions to young people. Did they check you for that?

BRYCE The headache is not from a fall that happened four days ago. It’s from what’s happening now.

MOTHER As I used to say when you were younger, “Mr. Cranky, you need a nap so that your name changes.”

BRYCE You two go to my – go to the guest room and I’ll lie on the couch.

MOTHER You won’t sleep well there. Besides, where will Val go?

DARLENE I’ve got it! Phil and Kayla can go upstairs and nap in our bedroom.

(VAL and BRYCE do double-takes. Both are not comfortable with this idea at all.)

BRYCE On second thought, I agree with Dad. Find a motel, check in, nap, eat dinner there and come here tomorrow morning.

VAL That’s probably for the best. Page 57 of 120

MOTHER (To Darlene) We shouldn’t burden you, dearie. You have enough company with Brycee. Besides, it would seem very strange to nap in the bed you’re using.

DARLENE But I’m not using it. The couch is a hide-a-bed. I’ve been sleeping down here since Val came home.

MOTHER Well, it would be a solution for all three of us. But we’ll do it only if you let me help with dinner. I have an even better idea. Give me your phone number and I’ll call you after my nap from the kitchen and I can get supper started.

VAL Instead of an uncomfortable nap in the kitchen, you should go to a comfortable motel.

DARLENE (Gives Val a scolding look and hand motion.) Most everything just has to be defrosted and it would be so nice to not have to even do that as soon as I got back from work. Val and I exchanged kitchen duties all the time before his illness. But I wouldn’t want to impose on you.

MOTHER It wouldn’t be any such thing. I was a school cafeteria cook. I’m used to cooking for long hours.

FATHER Okey dokey. It’s settled. (Yawns) Excuse me again. Come, Mommy.

MOTHER Yes, Daddy. (To Darlene) Oh, and don’t worry about the sheets, dearie. We’ll sleep on top of the bed cover.

(FATHER and MOTHER climb stairs to second floor.)

BRYCE I’m sorry about all this. If I hadn’t come down with this headache (trails off)

DARLENE There’s aspirin in the guest bathroom. It will probably help it if you lie down, also. Page 58 of 120

BRYCE Mother knows best, eh? In this case, yes. But wait and see. Because I might have a concussion that’s hiding a brain tumor, she’ll insist on taking me to the emergency room for a brain scan. If you’ll excuse me?

DARLENE Of course. I hope you feel better later on this evening.

BRYCE Good night. That’s not right; it’s the afternoon. But you normally say good afternoon when you greet someone. But I’m leaving. I never thought of this before. We say “Good night” when we are leaving in the evening or actually going to sleep but “Good morning” and “Good afternoon” are always a greeting. But if you work the graveyard shift, “Good morning” could mean a person is going to sleep. Good evening, now that could be both a greeting and a good-bye/

VAL The English language certainly is strange. Well, have a good nap, which can be interpreted only one way.

BRYCE That is true but we can give it an additional meaning because I’ll say “Good nap!” as a way of saying goodbye. Good nap!

(BRYCE walks down hallway to guest room.)

(VAL and DARLENE wait until they hear a door close before resuming talking.)

DARLENE Sweets, that crack about going to a motel instead of napping in the kitchen was not nice.

VAL Never let a misplaced modifier go to waste but no one caught its meaning. Maybe it was too clever.

DARLENE It was clever, all right, and it was also a mean joke.

VAL Guilty.

DARLENE And why did you have to complete the “Rub a dub dub” poem?

VAL It just came out without my thinking. Page 59 of 120

DARLENE Well, think out-loud for me now, please. I saw your face when I suggested Mr. and Mrs. Morrow nap in our room. So, out with it. Your thoughts, please?

VAL I would much prefer that all our guests felt at home at their homes and not in ours. You are going above and beyond the call of hospitality to accommodate Bry-cee, Mommy, and Daddy,

DARLENE You’re letting your bias get in the way of clear thinking. Several days ago you were afraid I was biting off too much caring for Brycee and you. Now, Bry-cee’s, I mean, Bryce’s parents are here, relieving me from having to prepare dinner and you’re complaining.

VAL Because I feel that something is off-kilter and things can get very strange.

DARLENE Can you be more specific than “off-kilter”?

VAL The Morrows, the Morrows, the Morrows/Creep into our home/And stay until the Resurrection Day.

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 11

TIME: Evening dinner, the same day, Friday, July 7.

The dining room table is set for five persons, one of the sides having two settings.

VAL is seated at one of the heads of the table.

DARLENE and FATHER are in the dining room.

BRYCE is off stage in the guest room.

MOTHER brings in a roast on a platter from the kitchen. Page 60 of 120

MOTHER (Loud call) Brycee--dinner.

DARLENE Let me help.

(During the following dialogue, BRYCE enters living room but remains standing on his crutches instead of sitting down immediately. He strategizes how not to sit next to Mother.)

MOTHER No, dearie, you’ve worked hard all day. Besides, “Too many cooks spoil the broth.” You sit down. Daddy, please help me.

(DARLENE starts to sit at the side of the table that has two place settings, beginning to take the one closet to Val, who is at the head of the table. BRYCE begins toward the second seat on that side.)

(FATHER goes to kitchen and brings out side dishes as the dialogue continues.)

MOTHER (Continues) Darlene, would you mind sitting on the other side of the table? Brycee, sit where you were going. That way with Father sitting opposite Val, you’ll be between the two of us.

DARLENE (Obliging Mommy, DARLENE sits opposite the two settings yet still close to Val.) This is a fabulous pot roast but why didn’t you microwave the dinners in the freezer like we discussed?

MOTHER Pssh! I know you’ve had your hands full nursing these two on top of working. So I’m not criticizing you for resorting to frozen dinners.

DARLENE Healthy Choice, Lean Cuisine, and Weight Watchers are nutritious.

(FATHER brings out the last of the side dishes, including a salad bow l.)

MOTHER I just figured Brycee was tired of those choices.

(MOTHER sits next to Bryce and FATHER sits opposite Val at the head of the table.) Page 61 of 120

DARLENE Our church’s Benevolence Committee brought us dinners that I froze. But they made enough only for Val and me. I didn’t feel right asking them to make enough for three so we went through the food a little bit faster and I ended buying the frozen dinners. I could have sworn there wasn’t any more regular food to defrost.

MOTHER I’m sure you did the best you could, dearie.

VAL Mr. and Mrs. Morrow, we say grace before eating. So, if you would please?

(EVERYONE holds hands around the table and bows their heads.)

VAL (Continues) Lord, we thank you for the food we are about to eat as we strive to live the life You exemplified. As it is said in Isaiah “If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land,” We also thank you for safely bringing Mr. and Mrs. Morrow to our house so they could visit their son Bryce and know that he is recovering. We ask that you continue to heal Bryce quickly and that you provide Mr. and Mrs. Morrow and Bryce a safe journey home. In the name of Jesus Christ, we say

ALL Amen.

VAL I am quite willing to obediently partake of this great food.

(Food dishes are passed around the table, including the salad bow l to DARLENE. DARLENE looks around table, body language indicating something is missing, gets up and starts toward kitchen.)

MOTHER Is something the matter?

DARLENE Just getting my favorite salad dressing.

(DARLENE enters off-stage kitchen and returns after a slight while. Her body language indicates something slightly amiss.)

Sorry to take so long but I had trouble finding the salad dressing. I knew I had just bought a fresh bottle but couldn’t find it. I must be getting old. I put it in a place I don’t normally. Page 62 of 120

MOTHER Oh, dearie, I had to rearrange the condiments while I was preparing dinner. There was no rhyme or reason to their location. They’re much easier to find now.

(Lights go down and immediately return to indicate time passage. Actors’ motions indicate they are completing eating dinner.)

MOTHER I’m afraid my eyes were bigger than my stomach. Here Brycee, have some more pot roast. (Leans over and places meat from her plate onto Bryce’s plate.) And some vegetables. (Scrapes all the food on her plate onto Bryce’s plate.)

BRYCE I’ve had enough.

MOTHER You need protein and vitamins so your bones mend.

FATHER Mommy, you did a great job on such short notice.

DARLENE I can get really spoiled by this.

BRYCE Don’t praise her too much. She’ll take it as a sign that you want her to stay.

MOTHER Pshaw! I should be afraid of some sort of horror movie where the guests become victims of the homeowners only here I’m made a prisoner and forced to cook.

FATHER You know, Mommy, that’s not a bad idea. Too bad we couldn’t figure out a way to stay and help around the house and prepare the meals until Bryce can come home. I’m sure Darlene could use some help.

MOTHER We really have no need to return home any time soon.

BRYCE Oh yes you do. It’s time that you go to the motel and let Darlene and Val get some control over their house. Visit me in the morning and then leave for St. Louis but this time, please stay at a motel mid-way. Page 63 of 120

MOTHER (Rises and heads toward and then enters kitchen.) We can’t leave right now, there’s still dessert. Daddy, please help me.

VAL There’s a Westin about five miles from here, a straight shot.

FATHER A Westin, eh? Isn’t that an expensive chain? Do you have any budget motels in the area? (Rises and walks into kitchen to join Mother.)

DARLENE (Takes her smart phone out.) I’ll find one for you.

(As dialogue continues, DARLENE pantomimes calls to motels. Her body language indicates frustration.)

(MOTHER returns from kitchen and places cake on table. FATHER follows with dessert plates and coffee carafe.)

DARLENE (Continues) I keep learning everyone is booked because the Twins are in contention and playing in town.

MOTHER I have an idea. Do you have clean sheets on your bed? Because with Darlene sleeping down here, we could sleep in the master bedroom. That would solve everything.

BRYCE No.

MOTHER (Cuts cake and provides desserts to everyone without asking. She also will fill everyone’s coffee cup, again without asking.) Brycee, you’re being selfish. Darlene is having to do all this extra housework and here’s a way that we can help.

VAL Darlene will find a motel for you in a jiffy.

DARLENE There’s a Red Roof but it’s on the other side of town that’s a forty-five minute drive from here. Page 64 of 120

MOTHER Daddy, after everyone is through with dessert, you and I will clean up in the kitchen and then drive to the motel.

FATHER Okey dokey. (Yawns) Pardon me. MOTHER After we clean up, we will probably get there around midnight. That’s not too bad. (Yawns.) Pardon me, too. (To Daddy) You’ve got me doing it again.

DARLENE I can clean up without you. I’ll feel awful if you were in an accident because you’re so drowsy.

FATHER Maybe we can take a small nap here and then drive to the hotel. Just in case we oversleep, can you call them and tell them we’ll be a late arrival?

MOTHER Wouldn’t it be funny if because we arrive so late, we sleep past checkout time. If that happens, we’ll just stay another day. No sense wasting the money.

DARLENE Maybe you should spend the night here in our bedroom. We’ll figure something out tomorrow.

MOTHER Are you sure, dearie? And are those clean sheets on the bed?

DARLENE Yes, I’m sure.

MOTHER Which? Are you sure about us staying here or about the clean sheets?

DARLENE Both.

(Lights fade and come up to denote short time passage)

(VAL is in the hospital bed; DARLENE is on a chair next to him. The sofa has been made into a bed.) Page 65 of 120

VAL Dar, not to be critical but what were you thinking when you invited the Morrows to spend the night?

DARLENE I don’t know. Maybe it was all that “Mommy” and “Daddy” talk that caused it.

VAL As in “Mommy Dearest”?

DARLENE No, Silly. We give our bedroom either of our parents when they’re here and we sleep on the couch. Somehow that played in my head. Isn’t that a laugh?

VAL Comedy is tragedy plus time. Too soon for that.

DARLENE So how many years will it be before you start laughing about this?

VAL Tell me first how many years Mommy and Daddy and Bry-cee are going to be living here (Beat)Dear-rie.

DARLENE Sweets, the Israelites were in the desert for forty years.

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 12

TIME: Monday, July 10, late afternoon.

BRYCE, still on crutches, and FATHER come into house together.

MOTHER is tearing out newspaper article in the living room.

Note: Namibia is mis-pronounced by Mother as Nambimbia.

MOTHER (Rises and kisses Daddy and then Bryce) I was beginning to wonder what was taking you so long. Page 66 of 120

FATHER Traffic is heavier here than back home. I don’t think there’s a difference between Monday rush hour traffic and normal traffic.

MOTHER How did things go?

BRYCE Progress!

MOTHER Meaning?

BRYCE The doctor said next week, I get a wrist cast and a walking boot. Then it’s wild party time! MOTHER I think you better not! You would re-injure yourself.

BRYCE Okey dokey. I’ll settle instead for a shower instead of a basin bath.

MOTHER What were you thinking? Oh, you were pulling my leg. You shouldn’t joke about your health. I still say Father should be in the bathroom with you when you take those basin baths. If the floor gets wet, you can slip and break the other leg and arm.

FATHER Bryce says he’ll move back to his apartment as soon as the casts come off next week.

MOTHER You do need to heal some more.

BRYCE Yes, in my apartment. Then I return to work.

MOTHER When exactly?

BRYCE Wednesday.

MOTHER That’s just a couple of days. Is that all they’re giving you?

BRYCE On top of the week I’ve been out all ready. Page 67 of 120

FATHER Bryce shouldn’t be absent too long. They could learn they can do fine without him and eliminate his position.

MOTHER I bet your doctor gets a bonus for getting you off medical leave as soon as possible. So bingo bango, you have a foot cast and a wrist cast and back to work you go, ready or not.

BRYCE Almost three weeks when I go back, is not bingo bango.

MOTHER They’re slave masters, that’s what they are.

BRYCE My boss is not a stand-in for Yul Bryner.

MOTHER What’s that mean?

BRYCE “The Ten Commandments” movie. I’m not building pyramids for the Pharaoh, as played by Yul Bryner.

MOTHER What do pyramids have to do with this?

BRYCE Slaves built the pyramids.

MOTHER I’m using a figure of speech; don’t take what I say and twist my words.

BRYCE Then state the facts. I’m going back to work which entails sitting in front of a computer screen eight hours a day. That’s not back breaking work.

MOTHER Another reason why you shouldn’t go back so soon. Here’s an article I just read about how slouching in front of a computer gives you shoulder and back pains. (Brings newspaper clipping out of purse and hands it to Bryce.)

BRYCE Yes. (Stuffs article in pants pocket.) Page 68 of 120

FATHER I thought Val and Darlene would have beaten us back from his medical evaluation. They left long before we did for yours.

MOTHER I hope they’re not late much longer. Dinner is ready.

BRYCE I hope this doesn’t mean that the latest therapy failed and they’re starting all over again.

MOTHER It’s a good thing you take all your vacations here.

BRYCE Here where?

MOTHER Val is a perfect example of diseases you will catch when you go to a country so different from here.

BRYCE The doctors aren’t sure what caused his body to nearly stop making red blood cells. It could be coincidental that the disease began soon after his return from Namibia.

FATHER Which therefore does not rule out that he contracted something in a country so foreign that his body doesn’t know how to fight it off.

BRYCE Don’t the cruises you take go to foreign places?

MOTHER They’re flying the American flag on those ships. And we always eat at the ship’s restaurants.

BRYCE “Gangs of New York.” So when everyone gets sick on board, thank god it’s American diarrhea.

FATHER You should join us on a cruise to see how fun it is. You wouldn’t be so critical then.

BRYCE I think it would be more fun to help dig wells like Val and Darlene.

MOTHER How did they even learn of such a thing? I never heard of such a thing. Page 69 of 120

BRYCE I guess from a magazine they get from their church’s national council. I’ve leafed through some that are in the guest room. Each one has an article about a missionary project.

FATHER You mean this wasn’t just a one-of-a-kind thing?

BRYCE No. And it wasn’t a one-of-a-time-thing for Val and Darlene. They’ve gone several times before without a problem.

FATHER To the same country?

BRYCE Yes.

MOTHER So this is done only in Nambimbia?

BRYCE No. They decided to focus on one country. (Picks up magazine that Val was reading as the play began.) See, the magazine articles provide a website that lists them. You can search by length of time, place, expertise, cost. It’s pretty cool. (Leafs through magazine to find the page with website)

MOTHER Don’t you start getting ideas to go to Nambimbia.

BRYCE It’s Na-mi-bia. And so you’d be okay if I went to a country other than Namibia? (Tears out page from magazine.)

MOTHER You know the answer to that. You are going to be the death of me yet, causing me to worry about you the entire time you’d be away.

BRYCE I’ll wait until you die a natural death. How’s that? (Makes a show of placing magazine page in pants pocket.)

MOTHER I’ll end up spinning in my grave, that’s how’s that. Page 70 of 120

FATHER There’s no need to worry about any of this, Mommy. Remember Bryce said he was considering going back to school part-time? Have you given it any more thought?

BRYCE I go back and forth on it a lot.

FATHER Anytime you like, we can sit down and calculate how soon and how much of a pay increase you would get to determine when the breakeven point occurs. If it’s, say, just five years from retirement, it’s not worth it.

BRYCE You’re assuming I’d pursue a C-P-A.

FATHER What else would it be?

BRYCE If I want to change careers, now would be the time by getting a different degree.

MOTHER What are you thinking about?

BRYCE Film making.

FATHER Just because you like movies does not make you a movie maker.

BRYCE Agreed but liking films is a necessary criteria to film making.

FATHER We talked about this before you went to college.

BRYCE A-huh. You said get a degree I could fall back on and then try to get into film making. Have Degree. Will Travel.

FATHER You just stole from a television title.

BRYCE Television is the new motion picture industry. I haven’t decided whether to cite a series title or individual episodes. Maybe I could become a film critic. Page 71 of 120

FATHER Again with your head in the clouds.

MOTHER Aren’t you happy with your job?

BRYCE Not really.

FATHER We know about the cutbacks. It could be worse. You could have been one of the ones let go.

MOTHER I just read a newspaper article about that. (Hands Bryce another newspaper article she tore out.)

BRYCE This is about investment bankers.

MOTHER It’s finances and money and that’s what you do. It could be important to know about.

BRYCE It’s entirely different.

FATHER What’s the problem at work? Is someone playing office politics and stopping you from promotions?

BRYCE I’m bored. Every day is the same. Check invoices against payments. Accept. Reject. Flag for someone to review. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I’m surprised they haven’t figured out some software program to do what I do. For all I know, someone is working on automating my job.

FATHER Then wise up. Get an advanced degree and get into management

BRYCE I need to see what else I can do. Instead of “Follow the money” it may be “Do what you love and the money will follow.”

FATHER Spouting cliches is not a good way to plan a future. Page 72 of 120

BRYCE Sitting in front of a computer screen for thirty years is not my idea of an ideal career.

MOTHER You”re both cranky because you’re hungry. Maybe we should start dinner.

BRYCE Without Val and Darlene?

FATHER Call Darlene and ask them if they will be much longer.

BRYCE No.

FATHER I wouldn’t expect them to hold off eating if I were late.

BRYCE I wouldn’t expect you to expect to be living in their house so that you’d be exceptionally late in the first place.

MOTHER Don’t get upset. Daddy was just making a suggestion.

BRYCE I’m going to my room. Call me when everybody is ready to eat.

FATHER Hold it, I think a car just pulled up. (Goes to front door and opens it.)

(To Darlene and Val off stage.) We were thinking of sending a search party out for you. (VAL wheels himself through the front door.)

(DARLENE follows directly behind wheeling a walker.)

BRYCE (To Darlene, staring at the walker) What happened to you?

DARLENE There was an accident that blocked traffic coming and going. Because we were in the middle of the Lowry Tunnel I couldn’t get a signal to let you know. Page 73 of 120

BRYCE No, the walker! Why are you using one?

DARLENE This is for Val. He’s graduated. He’s to start getting more exercise by using a walker more and more each day.

BRYCE I’ve got good news, too. Next week, I get a wrist cast and a walking boot cast. Then it’s “To infinity and beyond!” as Buzz Lightyear would say, or more prosaically, back to the apartment.

MOTHER Dinner is ready. Catch your breath and let me know when you’re ready to eat. I don’t think it’s too dried out yet.

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 13

TIME: Tuesday morning, July 11.

MOTHER is in the living room. She tries several unsuccessful ways to scratch an itch on her back. She goes up against the front door jamb and wriggles several ways to scratch.

VAL is inconspicuously on the patio working on laptop, occasionally viewing the clothes on the rack that has been rolled out to the patio.

BRYCE is in the bathroom and leaves for the living room in time to be there at the appropriate dialogue.

FATHER (Enters from stairway.) Is this a different exercise routine for Tuesdays? I don’t recognize it. Is it Jazzercise? Yoga? Belly dancing?

MOTHER It’s my left shoulder blade.

(MOTHER turns her back as FATHER approaches and begins scratching Mother’s left shoulder blade) Page 74 of 120

MOTHER (Continues) A little up farther. Now to the left. Too far. Go diagonally down to the . . . oh oh oh, yeah, right there.

(FATHER puts both hands to her back and scratches all over)

MOTHER (Continues) Oh oh oh. That’s so nice.

(FATHER eventually stops scratching.)

MOTHER Was it where I said it was?

FATHER Just about. It was on the other side.

MOTHER I was thinking about tomorrow.

FATHER Early or late?

MOTHER Ask Brycee.

FATHER Okay.

MOTHER (Stage yell) Brycee, we’re leaving to get some groceries.

BRYCE (As BRYCE hobbles into living room.) Okey dokey. FATHER (Looking at Bryce) And remember the drapes.

MOTHER (To Bryce) Do you want to go tomorrow?

BRYCE Wait Wait Wait. I give up. You lost me after saying you were going shopping. Page 75 of 120

FATHER Lost you how?

BRYCE What do you want me to do about the drapes?

FATHER I was talking to Mother.

BRYCE But you were looking at me when you said it.

MOTHER He was talking about the drapes but he was looking at you to see which you wanted to do.

BRYCE Do what about the drapes?

MOTHER Why are you interested in the drapes?

BRYCE You’re the one who brought them up. What do you want me to do about the drapes?

FATHER Nothing.

BRYCE Then why did you mention them?

MOTHER Because we’re late picking them up.

BRYCE From the cleaners? Please tell me you didn’t take Val and Darlene’s bedroom curtains to the cleaners.

MOTHER Why would I clean their drapes?

BRYCE Then whose drapes and where are they?

FATHER and MOTHER Ours. Page 76 of 120

BRYCE Please start from the beginning.

MOTHER We purchased new drapes just before we left for our cruise, knowing it would take them almost as long as we were away to finish them. We forgot about them until now. Daddy was reminding me to call and tell them not to worry if they’re behind schedule because we aren’t around to pick them up. You’ve turned into a busybody. Why are you so interested in our drapes?

BRYCE Because I thought Dad was talking to me about the drapes.

MOTHER (To Bryce) Do you want to go tomorrow?

BRYCE Back home to pick up the drapes?

MOTHER No. The movies.

BRYCE But we were talking about the drapes.

MOTHER What is the deal with your obsession on the drapes? Honestly.

FATHER Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow?

BRYCE When did the subject change from drapes to the movies?

FATHER I asked you earlier about the movies. Don’t you remember?

BRYCE How did Mom jump from drapes to movies? Where was the transition?

MOTHER Daddy and I were talking about going to the movies before you came in. Page 77 of 120

BRYCE After forty-some years together, you two speak near-mental telepathy. I don’t. I need full sentences and, most importantly, full transitions when you jump from one topic to the next. So, now: what about the movies?

FATHER We thought you’d like to get out of the house and go to a movie. Your choice.

MOTHER Early or late?

BRYCE Early or late afternoon, right?

MOTHER Naturally.

BRYCE (Body language indicates triumph that he understands Mother’s question.) Yes!

FATHER What “Yes”? We can’t read your mind. Do you want to go early or late?

BRYCE Late afternoon.

FATHER Okey dokey. We’ll see you later.

(FATHER and MOTHER exit through front door.)

(BRYCE proceeds to patio.)

VAL (Holds two DVDs toward BRYCE to take but BRYCE does not accept them.) These came in the mail. I’d thought you’d be streaming all your films. Are you also a collector?

BRYCE Ah, well, actually, those are presents for you.

VAL Oh. Well, you needn’t have. One was enough.

BRYCE Well, give one to Darlene. That’s probably a better idea. I don’t want to show favorites. Page 78 of 120

VAL I meant the first film you gave me was enough.

BRYCE (Realizing his misinterpretation.) OH! (Beat) But that was more like bringing a bottle of wine as a guest invited to dinner. Now that we’ve gotten to know each other better, I realize that you’re more the intellectual type. I don’t mean to criticize you if “Fantastic Voyage” isn’t the type of movie that you normally see. It’s okay if you haven’t viewed the film. It isn’t as if we were best friends and I knew your tastes. I don’t mean that I don’t want to be best friends. But that takes time. As adults, that is. If we grew up together as neighbors we’d probably would be. Or if not best friends, because you’re older, as a kid, I would have admired you and wanted to think of you as a brother since I was an only child. Then, as adults, we would reconnect in the Twin Cities because we knew each other as kids but this time we’d be more like equals because when you’re adults, a ten-year age difference isn’t much.

VAL I’m certain that that’s what would have happened if we had lived in the same town as children.

BRYCE And in return you could help me with my clothes.

VAL Say again?

BRYCE If we were friends, as a friend, I’d introduce you to my interests, which is films. And as a clothes buyer for Target, you’d be great at selecting clothes to keep me trendy.

VAL Right.

BRYCE (Goes to clothes rack and poses with a gaudy garment in front of him) This looks interesting. Would you suggest it for me?

VAL That’s my rejects section.

BRYCE (Returns garment to rack) Goes to show you why I need advice, doesn’t it.

VAL (Reads the DVD titles) Page 79 of 120

“The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.” “My Left Foot.” Likewise, I’d need advice about classic movies. What’s with these titles?

BRYCE They’re my two favorite films based on actual people. Both men are totally handicapped: one can move only his left eye; the other just his left foot. But they end up with amazing accomplishments.

VAL Bryce, I know you mean well but I don’t appreciate being seen as an invalid

BRYCE An invalid? I don’t see you as an invalid.

VAL Well, you could’ve fooled me. You’re saying it’s just totally coincidental that you’re giving me these inspiring stories about two guys who are invalids and I’m currently stuck in a wheelchair?

BRYCE (Stunned into silence for several beats.) Actually, yes. It never occurred to me to view these two men and you in the same way. These are just my two favorite films. It’s as if, um, if I had a favorite book of poetry, I’d share that poetry by giving you a copy of the book. Or if I had you over for dinner, I’d prepare my favorite meal for you. That’s all these films are: something I thought you’d enjoy because I enjoy them.

VAL And that’s it? Nothing more? Or perhaps it was your subconscious working?

BRYCE Now you got me wondering. (Beat) Well. (Beat) Yes? Maybe? Consciously I was thinking that because I enjoyed them you would too. But if you want to talk subconscious, “The Diving Bell” had the biggest influence on me.

VAL In what way?

BRYCE When I was sixteen, I went with some friends to a movie, which turned out to be “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly,” because it was the only thing to do in town. That was the first movie that taught me something. I finally understood what metaphor meant. This movie was a metaphor of my life. Of feeling like I was paralyzed and moved about by others and that I had no say in what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. After the movie, I remember how I wanted to talk about being trapped but the gang just wanted to joke around and exaggerate blinking one eye like the hero does in the movie to spell out his thoughts. I began wondering what other films would give me insight about my Page 80 of 120 self or life in general. I borrowed extensively from the library and discovered needles in the haystack. When I got to college, I discovered a film club. That was another eye- opener. Some of those guys were anal about movies. They knew techniques, symbolisms, homages, eras, genres, you name it. Maybe because I was self-educated on films, I wasn’t as picky in what I watched. Now I help out at the Minneapolis St. Paul Film Society. There’s even nerds there. When discussing favorite genres, one guy said, I had a catholic taste. I thought he meant I watched only what the Catholic Church approved and we got into a heated discussion until I learned the phrase meant that I had eclectic tastes.

VAL So that’s why I’ve never detected a pattern when you quote movie titles.

BRYCE How could you? It’s not as if we’ve gone to the movies together.

VAL By the titles and dialogue you cite.

BRYCE Do I do that a lot?

VAL Maybe it’s just my perception but yeah, it seems so.

BRYCE I hope it’s not an annoying habit I have that people would notice.

(STAGE GOES DARK) alex

SCENE 14

TIME: Tuesday, July 11, early evening, on the patio.

LOCATION: On the patio.

VAL is working on his laptop.

MOTHER enters from kitchen.

DARLENE reads a book.

FATHER comes down from upstairs bedroom. Page 81 of 120

BRYCE is outside on the patio.

MOTHER (Audibly sighs)

FATHER What’s the matter, Mommy?

MOTHER I wish I hadn’t had that ice cream for dessert.

DARLENE You’re not one to have to worry about calories.

MOTHER That’s not the problem.

FATHER Feel too full, eh?

MOTHER Just the opposite. I’d like another scoop.

FATHER Oh, right.

DARLENE Would you like me to get you some?

MOTHER (Laughs) Of course not.

DARLENE It wouldn’t be a bother.

MOTHER It’s not that. No one should have two desserts the same evening. That’s excessive. I’ll wait until Wednesday. Today is Tuesday, right?

VAL Two desserts in one night sounds good to me. Even tastes good. What’s the problem?

BRYCE It’d be like having two dinners. Nobody does that. Page 82 of 120

DARLENE (Sees bug on Bryce’s shoulder and raises arm to squash it) Stay still.

BRYCE (Quickly moves away from Darlene) Don’t kill it.

DARLENE Goodness. You must think I have the strength to break your shoulder bone.

BRYCE I didn’t want you to kill it, that’s all. Is it still on me?

DARLENE Yes.

BRYCE Where?

DARLENE On your left shoulder. Here, let me brush it off.

BRYCE No, I’ll get it. (Bryce contorts himself to locate bug. Lifts it off and sets it on the ground)

MOTHER You’ve heard of people who were so gentle they wouldn’t hurt a fly? That’s Brycee.

BRYCE We’re in its living room as guests, not intruders.

FATHER Along with spiders, cicadas, caterpillars. All of ‘em are off limits.

BRYCE Mosquitoes I kill.

MOTHER He’s got an especially soft-spot for ants.

VAL What is it about ants? Page 83 of 120

MOTHER When Brycee was a child, he became fascinated with ants. I’m certain we had the largest collection of ant farms any place but a laboratory. He wanted to become a, oh, what’s the word? I have trouble remembering how you pronounce it. [Phonetic spelling] En-tomatol-geest.

BRYCE Entomologist.

FATHER Normal boys get interested in dinosaurs but Bryce marches to his own drum. He goes to the other extreme and goes to the smallest things, insects.

DARLENE Was there something that sparked your interest in insects?

MOTHER Blame it on the movies. As usual.

BRYCE The cartoon movies “Antz,” spelled A-N-T-Z, and “A Bug’s Life,” both with ants as the heros, came out within months of each other towards the end of 1998. Dad took me to both of them. I concluded, and it was very logical conclusion, that Dad had an intense interest in ants. Otherwise, why would he take me to two films about ants within months of each other? So, like father, like son, I became interested in ants.

MOTHER But it didn’t stop with just curiosity. Little Brycee insists that we buy Daddy an ant farm in 2000 for our twenty-fifth anniversary.

FATHER One or the other of us must have mentioned the anniversary to Bryce. But he didn’t quite understand that a wedding anniversary is about a couple.

MOTHER So, he comes to me in a conspiratorial way and asks to help him buy an anniversary gift for Daddy. I tried to change your mind but you were so insistent. And when you tell me why, well, it did make sense. I thought it would be a hoot to see Daddy’s face when he unwrapped it and then had to praise it as something he always wanted.

VAL Did the ant farm end up going to a farm in the country where they’d be happy, like old Shep?

FATHER I asked Bryce to help me with the ant farm by taking care of it. So he studied up on it. Page 84 of 120

MOTHER And boy, did he go and study.

DARLENE How so?

FATHER We ended getting him THE book on ants by a couple of professors. It was written for scientists, not even a normal adult.

MOTHER That’s right. A BIG science book, as thick as, well, as thick as your thigh.

FATHER I weighed the darn thing. It was seven and a half pounds. I had trouble holding it and Bryce could barely lift it.

BRYCE But I read it.

FATHER We read it together. And together And together. He has a copy because the library wouldn’t let him renew it.

BRYCE Well, they did let me renew it beyond what was normally permitted. But they finally asked me to leave it in the library for at least two weeks in case someone else wanted to read it. I think they thought that I would lose interest.

FATHER But he didn’t. Two weeks to the day and Bryce checks it out. And we read it together. And together. And together.

BRYCE Dad finally got me my own copy. But it wasn’t until about six months later for my birthday. Every two weeks, I had to return the library book for two weeks before I could check it out again.

MOTHER I’ll never forget the happy look on your face when you opened your present.

BRYCE But it would have been the same look had you given it to me before my birthday.

FATHER But that’s what birthdays are all about. Giving someone a gift. Page 85 of 120

BRYCE There’s no law that stops you from giving a gift to someone anytime.

MOTHER And if we gave it to you six months earlier, we wouldn’t know what to give you on your birthday.

BRYCE Just say it was an early birthday present.

MOTHER Excuse me? An eight-year old doesn’t reason like that, Mr. Practical. You’d have thrown a tantrum if we didn’t give you anything on your birthday.

BRYCE Okay. Then a pair of shoes or sneakers or something like that would have been okay.

FATHER I had another reason for waiting. That book cost about one hundred dollars. I wanted to make sure that if I bought it, you would continue to want us to read it. Together. And together. And together

BRYCE That much? You’re kidding.

FATHER That’s what I said when I ordered it.

BRYCE Are you sure your memory’s not playing tricks on you?

FATHER When I give my eight-year old son a one hundred dollar present, believe me, I remember.

DARLENE What ever happened to the book?

BRYCE I still have it.

MOTHER I couldn’t believe it when I saw it as we were helping you move first into your dorm room and then your apartment. Why do you keep it, anyway? I can’t imagine that you read it from time to time. Page 86 of 120

BRYCE Nostalgia. It’s like you still have that trinket I bought you for your twenty-fifth anniversary.

MOTHER It’s more than a trinket. It’s a brooch that looks like a clock. (To Darlene) I’ll wear it tomorrow.

BRYCE And you still have it because (trails off)

MOTHER Just like you, nostalgia. It was the first gift you picked out on your own.

BRYCE It was actually Dad who picked it out.

FATHER No, no. It was all your idea. (To Darlene and Val) Like with Mommy, Bryce came up to me all secretive, wanting to buy an anniversary gift just for her. I remember you liked it because the hands happened to be f ixed at the identical time we were shopping, so you thought it was a real watch.

VAL How long did the interest in insects stay?

BRYCE Junior high or so, wasn’t it?

VAL That was pretty long. Sometimes when people get hooked that young and stay with it, they end up in a field closely related that interest.

BRYCE We lived in a small town, and well, I could only go so far with it. There wasn’t any school clubs for budding entomologists and no university nearby that might have had something like that. Maybe if I had had a science teacher that encouraged me to pursue it, I might have. But eventually I just lost interest.

(FATHER gives advertisement to BRYCE)

BRYCE (Continues) (Looks at advertisement Father gave him and turns to Father.) What’s this? Page 87 of 120

FATHER Just an idea for, you know, something in September.

MOTHER What about my birthday?

FATHER Just giving Bryce an idea.

MOTHER I don’t need anything.

FATHER This you need.

BRYCE Then let’s give it to her now.

FATHER Isn’t this where we came in? She’d miss the enjoyment of a birthday present.

BRYCE But it would give her joy now if she really needs it. Why wait nine months? Mom, wouldn’t you drather have something you need now than wait nine months?

MOTHER How would I know if I don’t even know what it is and whether I need it.

BRYCE It’s/

MOTHER Don’t tell me. You’ll spoil the surprise.

BRYCE Then how can you answer the question?

MOTHER I’ll answer it in nine months.

BRYCE This makes no sense.

MOTHER You’re too practical. Now me, if I see something in July I know someone will like and we exchange gifts at Christmas, I buy it. Page 88 of 120

BRYCE Mom, I wish you a long life. But, I’ll bet that if you die like, five months before Christmas, we’re going to find in the attic or basement a whole bunch of gifts that you purchased as Christmas presents. And when that happens, I’ll open mine up immediately.

MOTHER No you won’t.

BRYCE What’s going to stop me?

MOTHER From now on, I’m going to put a note on every gift: Don’t open until Christmas Eve.

BRYCE And with that, as old Saint Nick said, “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

(Kisses Mother goodnight)

MOTHER Sleep well.

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 15

TIME: July 11, late Wednesday evening.

(VAL, DARLENE, MOTHER and FATHER are watching the late night television news.)

(MOTHER is at dining room table reading newspaper while also watching television.)

VOICE OVER NEWSCASTER Thanks for joining us this Wednesday evening. Next up is the Tonight Show with Stephen Colbert and guests. Please join the Channel Five news family tomorrow starting at six A-M with the Morning Glory show with Michelle Storm and Valerie Borey.

FATHER (Motions turning off television with remote.) Okey dokey. Time for bed, everyone. Bryce is already two hours ahead of us on getting some beauty sleep. Page 89 of 120

MOTHER Chris Hemsworth is scheduled to be on Steve Colbert tonight. I know you need to go to bed but I wish we could watch him. Why don’t you have a television in your bedroom like everyone else? DARLENE We never saw a need for one.

VAL (To himself but so that Darlene hears.) In bed. FATHER Mommy has a crush on Chris Hemsworth.

MOTHER And you’d want to stay up if it were Katy Perry. (To Darlene) Who would you stay up for?

DARLENE Val. (Several beats as others react.) I did not mean it that way!

VAL I would hope you do.

DARLENE Sweets!

MOTHER (Rips article from newspaper.) Darlene, we’re all adults. Since we’re on the topic, I wonder if you could help Brycee with something. Do either of you know a woman that would be a good match for him?

FATHER He’d be quite a catch. Look at the position he has in the accounting department. They only promote people that are responsible.

MOTHER You’re aware he’s hesitant about dating again having been divorced.

DARLENE Bryce has never talked about his social life with us.

MOTHER I don’t think it’s anything confidential and you need some detail to understand the situation. He was jilted, by basically, a hussy. Page 90 of 120

FATHER Now, Mother/

MOTHER Just to set the record straight. She broke up with Brycee, who was the perfect gentleman about it and accepted her decision. Such a shame because she was his first love. He was really shy in high school and never had a girlfriend. He and Sylvia met as freshmen in college. She lived at home while attending college and they went steady all four years and then got married. After moving here, and I told Brycee there were plenty of jobs in the St. Louis area but he didn’t listen to me, she gets this idea that it was not a good idea to go from living at home to immediately getting married and living with a husband and never knowing what it would be like to live as a single person. That’s where the hussy comes in.

FATHER Truth be told, they didn’t have all that much in common except for liking films. They met at a university film club.

MOTHER Brycee would have been perfectly content to go from living with us while going to college if a university had been in our town to living with a wife living in the same town if he could have found a job there. He wouldn’t have had to find himself. Isn’t that the way she put it, Daddy? (Pause) Find yourself. Just look in a mirror is all you have to do. Or just use (Begins laughing at her own joke) a cell phone camera for a selfie. (Serious again) He needs to start dating again. And that’s where I’m asking for your help. (Pause) Oh, and she should be young enough so I can have grandchildren.

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 16

TIME: The same evening but between 2 and 3 am., Wednesday, July 12.

The stage is lit in shadows.

VAL is asleep in the hospital bed and remains so until Darlene wakes him.

DARLENE is asleep on the sofa bed. Page 91 of 120

BRYCE on crutches emerges from hallway and makes his way onto the patio.

DARLENE awakes and notices Bryce walk out to the patio. After BRYCE has settled himself on a patio chair, DARLENE enters the patio silently and quietly at first makes her presence known so she doesn’t startle BRYCE; however she has to get louder until he finally is typically startled.

DARLENE (Growing louder each time. Stepping nearer to him. Director’s choice on how long this goes on.) Pst. Bryce, Pst. Bryce. Pst.

BRYCE Whoa! (Almost topples out of chair.) I’m sorry I scared you. You probably thought I was a burglar. But of course I’m not. I’m harmless. Probably the only time I can scare someone is when they think I’m a burglar. Not that I make a habit of making people think I’m a burglar. This is all a misunderstanding. I’m glad you didn’t call the police. Although, if you thought I was a burglar, you really should have. They say the public should never try to take the place of police but to call nine one one and the let the police handle the situation because they are trained. Well, no harm done. Guess this could be put down as a teachable moment, eh? I’ll go back to my room, er, the guest room. Why can’t I get that right?

DARLENE I’m a light sleeper.

BRYCE I’m so sorry. I promise I won’t go out on the patio during the night again.

DARLENE I always have been a very, very light sleeper.

BRYCE (He comprehends the implication) I am so sorry and embarrassed. You should have said something. I disturbed your sleep every night by going to the patio, haven’t I? I didn’t mean to abuse your hospitality. You don’t have ask me to stop. It’s ended.

DARLENE Val and I often do the identical thing as what you’re doing, sitting and watching the stars.

BRYCE Really? Page 92 of 120

DARLENE Really. Who wouldn’t?

BRYCE I could have moved to the first floor in my building several times. But I like the top floor because it gives me access to the roof. I go out there and just look, like here. Your star show is much better than mine because your light pollution is less than my neighborhood. Some people might say it’s just a waste of time to stare often because the stars never change so if you see the night sky so much you’ve probably memorized it and there’s no need to waste any more time.

DARLENE I get some of my best ideas by letting my imagination wander among the stars.

BRYCE The full moon is the light pollution tonight. There aren’t many stars to see.

DARLENE So, I’ll just imagine I’m walking on the moon tonight. What were you imagining?

BRYCE I was thinking more than imagining.

DARLENE About?

BRYCE At first, it was a variation of the dreaming man and the butter fly.

DARLENE I’m not familiar with the reference.

BRYCE In my version, a man had a dream that he was an ant or was he an ant dreaming he was a man? I went from there to a theory of multiple universes that says whenever we can make one of several choices, we actually make them all and different universes form, each continuing in a way dependent on which choice was selected for that universe. In another universe, I stuck with my insect hobby and majored in entomology. So I’m thinking how does my life as an entomologist in another universe compares to the life I have in this universe as an accountant?

DARLENE (Giggles)

BRYCE I guess it is a stupid idea to ponder. Page 93 of 120

DARLENE (Continues to giggle as she talks) I’m not laughing at you, Bryce, honest. I have problems deciding which shade of lipstick I should buy each time I’m at a cosmetics counter. There’s probably a Darlene out there stuck at the counter for all eternity with hundreds of universes in stasis because she can’t decide which shade to purchase.

BRYCE (Half-laughs) Nice try.

DARLENE Okay, then how about this: You’re not stuck with the outcome of what you chose, no matter what. Whenever one door closes, another opens.

BRYCE That other door can easily be a trap door.

DARLENE You’ve been hanging around Val too much. That’s something he would come up with.

BRYCE He has some good ideas. Look how successful he is. And you.

DARLENE There are other ways to define success besides a job or salary a person has. We both learned that in our missionary work. Val mentioned how you use films to help you figure out your life. What films have you learned of that had people feeling that they were in dead ends?

BRYCE I think of those two ant movies every now and then because of the theme of going against conformity. The heros in both films end up fighting. That’s not a viable option. I identify with the rest of the ant colony in lock step with what’s expected of them. The path was all laid out. Get good grades in school, go to university, get married, have children, work forty years, retire, and die. Not liking my job and divorce are off the path and I don’t know where to go to get back on it.

DARLENE (In a light-hearted manner) Your parents think they know how to get you back on the marriage path. They asked Val and me to be matchmakers.

BRYCE Please tell me they didn’t! But then, you wouldn’t have said that they did unless they did. So of course they did. So that was really a stupid thing to say when you told me they asked you to do it. Please do not feel you need to be matchmaker. Want to know Page 94 of 120 why? If I suddenly started dating seriously, if I brought someone home to meet them, and I said, “Mom, Dad, this is the woman I told you about, Lisa: You know what they’d say? They’d say I was on the rebound and it was too soon to become involved with someone. They’d say that to her behind my back, just like they asked you in private to be a matchmaker. You, and by you I mean you and Val since they asked both of you, you plural and I are in a “Can’t Win” situation.

DARLENE I didn’t mean to upset you. We never took it seriously. Val and I had a good laugh about it when we went to bed.

BRYCE Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (Aghast) Oh! Hold it. Please don’t think I think that you wouldn’t be able to help me meet single women if I asked you to. That’s not what I meant to say if you interpreted it that way. If, for some reason, I did ask you for help in meeting someone, I’m certain you would do so to help a friend. I just don’t want you to do it because my parents asked.

DARLENE We definitely won’t make any attempt to fix you up. (Several beats) Bryce, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

BRYCE Go ahead.

DARLENE You never told me you were divorced but your parents did. .

BRYCE I never mention it because it’s over and done with.

DARLENE Actually, Val mentioned that the evening you broke your leg, you told him that I helped you get through your divorce.

BRYCE Oh no.

DARLENE It was just a white lie. I’m not upset. But I am curious. Why did you feel the need to say that?

BRYCE Not so much a white lie as a secret. Page 95 of 120

DARLENE Care to tell me the secret?

BRYCE (Long pause) Okey dokey. Her name is (Beat) WAS Lisa. We met several months after my divorce. At a gourmet dinner cooking club. It was my way of getting at least one good meal a month. She’s the one who helped me, got me out of my depression. It was a good friendship.

I began dropping those subtle but obvious cues that I was thinking more than just platonic friendship. I fantasized introducing her to my parents but reality intruded each time as I worried that their response would be just as I described it. This was getting the cart before the horse, I realized. I was about to be more open about my feelings when Lisa discovered she had inoperable cancer.

I tried to be there for her but it seemed that she withdrew from my efforts. Maybe she sensed that she didn’t need to complicate her life with a suitor who was on the rebound. She told me that she was relying on her girlfriends and a support group that she attended.

I kept in sporadic touch by commenting on her Caring Bridge site. Fast forward three years. Her posts became infrequent. I notched it up to her getting better. Just the opposite. She didn’t have the strength for entries. Someone posted that she had passed. Passed. What a dumb word. You don’t pass a test in order to die. The test is to live. She did. I haven’t.

I went to a grief counselor. Essentially, she advised me that I had been in denial about the severity of her condition. She said that if I helped people the next time a similar situation occurred, I would see myself as having learned from the experience instead of viewing it as a mistake that I can never forgive myself for.

And about a year later, I learned about Val through the office grapevine. It sounds awful, doesn’t it? That my helpfulness was for the benefit of easing my pain rather than wanting to help you. But the more I visited and the more you and Val accepted my help and saw me as a friend, the better I felt about helping you. For the first time in a long time I felt appreciated and my enjoyment came from helping you, not me easing my guilt.

That’s a long way to explain a white lie and I still haven’t, have I? I was afraid that you would freak out if I said at the start that I was helping as a way to work out my grief. I was always nervous that I would have to explain myself to somebody and did not want to tell the truth. I concocted a reason in case the question came up by substituting your name for Lisa’s concerning the divorce. I rehearsed and rehearsed my lie so I wouldn’t mess it up when I had to use it. It got to the point that I needed to say it just to hear how it sounded. So I blurted it out to Val. Page 96 of 120

DARLENE (Kisses Bryce on cheek.) I hope you take the grief counselor’s advice and realize that you’ve helped Val and me immeasurably. Better yet, view it as Val and I do with our missionary work: “If you have the gift of helping others, do it with the strength that God supplies. Everything should be done in a way that will bring honor to God because of Jesus Christ, who is glorious and powerful forever.” (DARLENE returns to the sofa bed but remains standing.)

BRYCE (Follows Darlene with his eyes. After she is out of ear shot, he looks at the stars and smiles.) Lisa, thanks for the lesson.

(BRYCE returns to his room, not noticing that Darlene remains standing.)

(DARLENE watches BRYCE as he enters the off-stage hallway. As soon as Bryce turns the corner, DARLENE turns on the table lamp and then goes over to Val, who has slept throughout the preceding.)

DARLENE Sweets, please wake up. Come on Sweets, wake up.

VAL (Slowly awakens) Hmmmm. Hhhhh? What? What’s the matter?

DARLENE I have to tell you something about Bryce.

VAL If it isn’t a plot to evict everyone, it can wait.

DARLENE It will help you understand Bryce.

VAL I need to understand why I need to understand right now.

DARLENE Because it’s fresh in my mind and I don’t know when we will have the next opportunity to talk alone. Come on, Sweets. I’ll help you sit up.

(DARLENE and VAL work together for him to sit upright.)

Just minutes ago, Bryce and I had a long conversation out on the patio. Page 97 of 120

(Lights slowly dim as DARLENE pantomimes telling Val about the conversation she just had.)

(Lights readjust to cue the audience Darlene has finished relating the conversation.)

VAL All his earlier attention finally makes sense. I won’t be creeped out about him as I was.

DARLENE I told you all along he had a good heart.

VAL More like a broken heart but I won’t argue the point.

DARLENE Will you please be nicer to him than you have been? No more snide comments, okay?

VAL Yes.

DARLENE If you try to get to know him better, you may even become friends.

VAL Fine. One request from me to you, however.

DARLENE Shoot.

VAL No more two A-M wake up calls.

DARLENE (Kisses Val) Not even one to be In Bed?

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 17

TIME: July 12, Thursday, morning

As the scene opens, Father comes downstairs while VAL is working on his Page 98 of 120

laptop.

FATHER (Yawns) Good morning.

VAL Morning.

FATHER Funny how you get so used to things that a change upsets your rhythm. Our garbage pickup is on Wednesdays. Sleep right through the noise. Yours is on Thursday. Probably the same amount of noise. Yet it woke me up this morning. Why? ‘Cause in my mind, I associate that noise on Wednesday. Any other day, it’s a strange noise that wakes me up. But some rhythms are the same, like grocery shopping. The grocery inserts in the newspaper are on Thursdays no matter where you are. So, I’m taking Mother grocery shopping like always on a Thursday to avoid the Friday weekend frenzy. Is there anything specific we can get you?

VAL Only if you don’t tell Darlene about it. She’s keeping me on a strict diet so I don’t gain weight while I’m convalescing. But I sure would kill for several Nut Rolls.

FATHER Several Snickers. Right.

VAL No. No. A Nut Roll.

FATHER Snickers have nuts. Oh, you want a Baby Ruth! Good choice. They’re my favorite, too.

VAL No. A Nut Roll is the brand name for a candy bar. It’s a regional specialty.

FATHER Okay. But you’ll have to give me the directions to a specialty store that carries it. I only own a flip phone; no G-P-S.

VAL It will be In the candy section of the Cub you’re going to. Just ask.

FATHER Okey dokey. How many is “several”?

VAL Four. Two for me and two for Darlene when she smells one on my breath. My wallet’s Page 99 of 120 upstairs on the left hand side of the dresser/

FATHER Nothing doing! My treat. For pete’s sake’s after all you’ve done for us, I’d be insulted if you didn’t let me pay for it.

VAL Thank you very much.

FATHER By the way, this lets me ask about, well, please don’t say anything about this to Bryce, but do you want any money for all of us staying here?

VAL No. You’re guests.

FATHER Yes, but we’re unusual guests.

VAL (Fighting hard against making a snide comment) In a way, perhaps, but not really.

FATHER Don’t be embarrassed about feeling you’re due anything. I can see it from your perspective.

VAL You would help us out the same way, I’m sure.

MOTHER (Coming down the staircase) I’m ready, Daddy.

FATHER If there is anyway we can thank you for your hospitality, let us know.

(MOTHER and FATHER leave by front door.)

(After several beats, BRYCE enters from the hallway, wearing a walking boot, a small wrist cast, and clutching a Bible.)

BRYCE Val?

VAL Hmm? Page 100 of 120

BRYCE Would you mind if I come out here? But I’ll understand if you’d like a chance to be alone because you’re not used to having people around all the time.

VAL It’s okay.

BRYCE (Enters the living room proper and sits on couch.) If I bother you, let me know and I’ll leave. I hope you don’t mind. I saw the Bible on a shelf and started leafing through it. I don’t mean that it does not deserve to be read completely. Obviously, you and Darlene give it quite a bit of thought. I respect that. Well, that’s bad phrasing because it could sound like. . . like I have a different opinion and I agree to disagree but I/ Maybe I need to buy one and read it all the way through to understand certain portions.

VAL You can take it home with you if you like.

BRYCE I didn’t mean to hint that I wanted one, if that’s what you’re thinking.

VAL Consider it our version of a Gideon Bible.

BRYCE Gideon Bible?

VAL There’s an organization that donates Bibles to hotels to every room in hotels and motels for people to take home.

BRYCE Still, it just seems strange to take it from you.

VAL Consider it a gift from Darlene and me as our way of saying thank you for all the help you provided when I was in the hospital.

BRYCE Why, thank you. I appreciate that. It’s nice that you noticed. Not that I think you took me for granted/

VAL You’re very welcome. Page 101 of 120

BRYCE Now that I got fitted with the walking boot, I move back to my apartment tomorrow and you’re back to your old routine, eh?

VAL What are your parents’ plans?

BRYCE We’re still discussing that. Would you like them to stay and assist you and Darlene with house chores?

VAL Thank you, no. Darlene and I were doing okay by ourselves and I’m getting stronger. We’re both blessed with our parents all being alive and in good health and would help us if needed.

BRYCE That’s right. I met them several times in the hospital. I didn’t mean to imply that any of your parents were indifferent to you and that my parents would be willing to help you out where yours wouldn’t. They were obviously here helping you out, you parents, I mean, not mine. But they’re not now. Why did they leave?

VAL There wasn’t much to do once we were able to manage on our own.

BRYCE We all are blessed in that all our parents are alive and able to help us when needed. You’re very blessed that yours knew when to leave. (Beat) How did you get them to leave?

VAL Come again?

BRYCE When you were well enough for just Darlene to care for you, how did you get your parents to leave?

VAL We didn’t “get” them to leave. I don’t remember exactly but probably at some point it became obvious we were doing okay and it came up in conversation and we all decided it was time.

BRYCE My mother and father want to move into my apartment when I move back. Temporarily, until all casts are off. Page 102 of 120

VAL Oh. (Grimacing in sympathy.) Ohhhh noooooo! (Normal speech) Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean/

BRYCE It’s okay. It is ‘Ohhhh noooooo,’ or perhaps as a cosmic joke, Friday, the thirteenth, the date and the movie. (Several beats of silence between the two.) When I was leafing through your Bible, something surprised me. Did you ever notice that the Old and New Testaments say “Honor thy Father and Mother” not “Love thy Father and Mother” while the next sentence talks about loving your neighbor?

VAL Someone at our bible study group said it’s the biblical equivalent of “You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your relatives.”

BRYCE That’s where that adage comes from?

VAL No. It was just a joke.

BRYCE But it seems like you’re not expected to love your parents. Am I right?

VAL I wouldn’t put it that way. When the Bible was written, what we consider teenagers today were considered full-blown adults back then. Maybe the word “Honor” was used because people in their teen years started living away from their parents and “Love” was reserved for children at home. But the Bible is timeless and today, let’s face it, starting with the teenage years the parent-child relationship today has rough patches where the parents get on the child’s nerves and vice versa. It’s almost a rite of passage when a teenager says “I hate you.” So maybe God gave us a pass by allowing us to be estranged from our parents for a period of time yet telling us we still need to honor, or in today’s words, respect, them.

BRYCE We all outgrow that adolescent phase, of course. When we’re all adults, it becomes just a matter of a difference of opinion. You don’t not love your parents just because you have different ideas from them. You’d still be acting like a teenager if you resented your parents because they thought differently than you. Instead of joking about an inner child, we need an expression referring to an inner teenager because it doesn’t even cross our minds that an inner teenager exists. Page 103 of 120

VAL Do you think you honor your parents but not love them?

BRYCE Of course I love them.

VAL You’re holding the Bible, Bryce.

BRYCE So?

VAL It’s traditional to tell the whole truth when holding the Bible.

(BRYCE squirms yet remains silent.)

VAL (Continues) Do you want to talk about it?

(BRYCE’s body movement indicates he intends to speak.)

VAL (Continues) Concisely, please?

BRYCE We’re talking about an entire lifetime.

VAL Try the Cliff Notes version.

BRYCE Okey dokey. (Pause) My earliest memories start when I was around ten years old. I ended up an only child. Mom and Dad had given up hope of having children and near middle age, when pop! I came along as a welcome surprise. All first-time parents are super cautious about the first born. My late arrival made me especially precious. I don’t mean to sound like I’m bragging. All children are precious. Nor does having more than one child make the subsequent children less precious. Ask any parent with more than one child which one they love the most and they always answer they love the children equally. I realize that that’s a cliche but/

VAL Focus, Bryce, focus. Just give me one example that mostly - it doesn’t have to explain everything - but an example that mostly tells me about your parents and you. Page 104 of 120

BRYCE Mommy and daddy, er, my mother and father got in the habit of protecting me, just like all animals protect their young, so I don’t want to criticize them, because they did what is instinctive. But at least animals know when to kick the kid out of the nest or cave or territory. Other parents somehow know, if only by instinct, when to let their kids live their own lives. I’m not saying that humans treat their children like animals although I have heard jokes at work from co-workers with teenagers that make them sound like they act that way sometimes, which sounds like what you said about teenagers being adults when the Bible was written/

VAL Your parents.

BRYCE They’re back? Did they hear me?

VAL They’re still shopping. But talk about your parents instead of avoiding the subject.

BRYCE I wasn’t avoiding the subject, I was just trying to/

VAL Your parents.

BRYCE What about them?

VAL Exactly. What about them. Give me the one example of how they over-protect you.

BRYCE I wouldn’t exactly say they are over-protective; they just have intense concern.

VAL Give me AN example of intense concern.

BRYCE (Ponders) You know they say when a person thinks he”s dying he sees his life flash in front of him? I’m deciding which flash to grab.

(VAL gives an exasperated look)

BRYCE (Continues) Okey dokey, I got it. Page 105 of 120

There was a big family reunion several years ago in Los Angeles. The organizers got everyone a discount at a Hilton. Mom and Dad arrived several days before I did. There was a mechanical problem that caused me to miss a flight connection. I called and told the folks that I wouldn’t arrive until midnight. My body was still on Minnesota time so I got up what was early for California, 6 A-M, 8 A-M. my body time, and went down for breakfast, surprised to find Mom and Dad there already. So I naturally go over to their table.

(Acts the parts of Mother and Father and himself)

“Hello,” I say. “You still on St. Louis time?” Mom says, “No, I couldn’t sleep, that’s all. What time did you get in?” “I told you on the phone, it would be around midnight.” “Why didn’t you let me know when you arrived?” “I didn’t get into the hotel until around one.” “So?” “I didn’t want to wake you.” “I was awake the whole time worried about you”. (To Val) Have you ever heard of airports as dangerous places where people typically are robbed?

Then Dad said, “Did they at least feed you? It was their fault so you shouldn’t be the one to pay for the dinner you didn’t expect to have.” (To Val) Like I wouldn’t have paid for a dinner during my Denver lay over had I arrived on time? Like I couldn’t afford a meal if the airline didn’t?

You and Darlene were surprised by how Mom was able to whip up that meal when they first arrived. Didn’t you wonder where the pot roast came from? I didn’t. I know exactly. The car trunk was entirely filled with groceries. And not nostalgic food from childhood that only Mom makes. We’re talking Hellman’s Mayonnaise. Heinz Ketchup. Fruits. Vegetables. Pot roast! Like I’m a child living in the wilderness and have no way of stocking up on supplies until their wagon train makes it through.

VAL Think of it all as gifts.

BRYCE Gifts? I can accept Christmas and birthday gifts. That’s normal. But Hellman’s Mayonnaise? Like I can’t shop on my own? Like I may end up buying the cheaper generic brand because I’m too poor to buy the good stuff? No. I’m always a child in their eyes. Sometime in the future, like forty years from now, after they’re gone, I’ll be in the grocery store, going down the condiments aisle, and then I’ll be in the mayonnaise section, then there’ll be all these shelves of Hellman’s Mayonnaise jars and I’ll have a sudden flash of nostalgia as I visualize my parents bringing me a jar of Hellman’s Page 106 of 120

Mayonnaise. But now, in the present, the way they treat me like a ten-year old drives me crazy.

(MOTHER and FATHER enter through front door carrying grocery bags and head toward kitchen.)

MOTHER Brycee, I hope you didn’t spoil your dinner with a snack. I’m preparing the meal that you said was your favorite when you were thirteen years old. (Enters kitchen)

VAL According to Jewish law, congratulations, you are now a man.

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 18

TIME: Friday, July 13, very early, around 1:30 a.m.

As the lights come up, BRYCE is seated on the patio, which DARLENE enters.

BRYCE I’m sorry I woke you again. I tried really hard to be quiet.

DARLENE I think this time it was Matthew, the teenager next door, slamming the car door as he makes curfew. I’ve noticed that each year, he gets an extra half-hour to stay out so the door slamming gets later and later.

BRYCE Well, this is the last night that I will wake you up. Tomorrow, or I guess I should be more accurate and say, later this morning, you get to say goodbye to The Morrows. I hope this one week hasn’t seemed like a month of Sundays to you and Val. (Beat) Of all the things I’m gonna miss, besides your hospitality, is this patio.

DARLENE I understand. You like the night sky. Too bad it’s so overcast for your last night here. Not much to see except the moon behind the clouds. Page 107 of 120

BRYCE There’s a good breeze. It may clear up yet. Too bad you’re such a light sleeper. I could come over after you’re asleep and sit out here and you’d never know.

DARLENE (Spontaneously laughs and then tries to stifle the laugh)

BRYCE It’s okay to laugh at the thought of me being so bold to do that.

DARLENE I’m laughing because it is a funny idea.

BRYCE Be honest. It’s okay. It’s true. Say you’re laughing because you know I wouldn’t be bold enough after I leave to sneak back onto your patio while you and Val are asleep.

DARLENE I’m sorry but yes, I’m laughing because I know you wouldn’t do it.

BRYCE Close enough.

DARLENE Bryce, you are not defined by not doing something that would, in fact, be quite eccentric. A neighbor seeing you out here in such circumstances would call the police.

BRYCE Yeah but it is also eccentric to never have taken a chance. I’m just an ant doing only what’s expected of me.

DARLENE You do take chances. You took a chance to befriend Val and me. It’s quite hard to make new friends when you move here as an adult. You know the saying “Minnesotans will give you anything but their home address.” Lots of us who grew up here weren’t bold enough to go out of state for college like you did. We go to the same church as our parents. And good luck if you try to change the service. No one has the courage to tackle that baby.

BRYCE Thanks for the pep talk. But I know myself. I can think up crazy things to do but I would never consider actually doing any of them.

DARLENE That can’t be true. Page 108 of 120

BRYCE Want a for instance?

DARLENE Okay.

BRYCE When I was a kid, Mom would bake brownies, my favorite. When I was growing up and even now, when I’m visiting, she lets me lick the spatula and scrape and eat any mix left in the bowl after she’s poured it in the cake pan. But I always wanted to say, “Don’t bake it. Just pour in water, stir, and lets eat it like pudding.” But I never had the guts to ask her. Why? Because brownies are for baking, not for slurping. So, here I am, twenty- seven years old and I still wish to add just water to a whole box of brownies and slurp a- way.

DARLENE (Looks at the night sky) Hey. Look up! What do you see?

BRYCE (Looks up) The clouds are breaking up.

DARLENE Yes and what do you SEE?

BRYCE A star.

DARLENE Star light, star bright, first star that I see tonight (Pauses and then nudges Bryce)

BRYCE I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.

DARLENE And your wish is granted. The brownie mix is on the second shelf in the first cabinet on your right,

BRYCE You’ve lost me.

DARLENE You just wished it moments ago. Page 109 of 120

BRYCE (Pauses several seconds to decipher Darlene’s statement.) Of course! Of course. I’ll do it! Second shelf on the right?

DARLENE Yes.

BRYCE (As BRYCE shambles as quickly as he can in his walking boot to the kitchen door and takes extreme caution going down stairs.) You’re assuming Mother hasn’t rearranged things.

DARLENE Put a little in a bowl for me too, please. I’ve never slurped brownies myself come to think of it. And like you, I love licking the spatula. Let’s go whole hog.

(BRYCE makes enough noise from the off-stage kitchen so that the audience hears it and it is therefore realistic that VAL wakes up.)

(Moments later, BRYCE brings out a tray with four bowls, holding it waist high so DARLENE can see what’s in the extra bowls.)

(As BRYCE walks through the dining room, VAL further wakes up and can see DARLENE also on the patio. VAL rises to join them.)

DARLENE And ice cream, too?

BRYCE Yeah, we had ice cream for dessert tonight, I know. But I decided I want a second helping of ice cream. Now. Not tomorrow for dinner’s dessert. But now! For the first time, I am going to have ice cream two different times on the same day. And I just might pour some of my slurp over the ice cream as a grand experiment. Oh, and just so you know, I didn’t put eggs in the mix. I heard that people eating cookie dough get salmonella because of eggs. So this is safe to eat: just the mix and water.

DARLENE Thank you for being so safety conscious. (Spoons brownie mix into mouth) This is terrific.

VAL Hello, everyone? What’s up? Page 110 of 120

BRYCE Ice cream and slurpy brownies. It’s the equivalent of strawberries in “The Caine Mutiny.” The revolution has started. Care to join with?

VAL Isn’t it awfully late for a way-past midnight snack?

DARLENE As it is written, “The righteous man eats to his heart’s content.”

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 19

TIME: Friday, July 13, mid-morning.

LOCATION: Bryce’s Apartment

As the scene begins, MOTHER and FATHER have armful of grocery bags stuffed with food that they are putting on the kitchen table. As the scene progresses, they put the foodstuffs away.

Two or three boxes with items from Bryce’s stay at the Arnolds’ are on the floor.

BRYCE has wrist cast and walking boot.

MOTHER I do not understand why you can’t sleep on the sofa bed and Daddy and I sleep in your bed like always. We can’t sleep on the sofa. The springs don’t support two people.

BRYCE They no longer support one person. And I need a couple of good nights’ sleeps to be ready to return to work.

MOTHER I still think we maybe should have asked the Arnolds if we could stay several more days before you returned to work.

BRYCE I told you already: you’re welcome to stay at a motel. But NOT the Arnolds. Page 111 of 120

FATHER (Putting folder on table.) Okey dokey. Here’s the calculations I promised you on going back to school for the C- P-A. They’re rough because all I could do was approximate until you decide definitely on what you’re going to do. I assumed you’d stay here and work and go to school part- time Still, a lot depends on whether you get the MBA with a concentration in accounting or just go for the required number of instruction hours. Call me and we’ll go over them. We need to get more specific. I keep hearing about young people going into heavy debt over their schooling. You don’t want to do that. Buying a house might make better financial sense.

BRYCE Okay. Thanks. Just give me time to look them over, alright? School is not my number one priority. I’ve got to catch up on work and I have some physical therapy appointments.

FATHER Who’s paying for those physical therapy appointments?

BRYCE My health insurance.

FATHER What about your co-pays? And all the other co-pays you’ve had.

BRYCE Me. Who else?

FATHER How much has this accident cost you?

BRYCE Well, there’s a little pain and suffering, with you here. I mean, with you here, there’s little pain and suffering.

FATHER Is this how you keep the books at work?

BRYCE Accounting at work is logical; hospital accounting is, tp paraphrase the original film franchise Mr. Spock or the re-boot, neither fascinating nor logical.

FATHER Where’s the paper work?

BRYCE Mother put it in my bedroom before you went grocery shopping. Page 112 of 120

MOTHER (Rises and heads towards Bryce’s room.) I’ll get it. (Returning and bringing carton to FATHER) Is this it?

FATHER (Leafing through papers.) How can you possibly keep track of your bills like this?

BRYCE You’d think that the “This is not a bill” bill would be immediately followed by a “bill bill” for whatever I’m being billed for. But the “this is not a bill” bill comes, let’s call it B prime, followed days later by a “bill bill” let’s call it A double prime, but it’s about a “not a bill” bill, A prime, that came two weeks earlier. I match up A double prime’s “bill bill” with A prime’s “Not a bill” bill. Eventually, I get an A triple prime bill bill that indicates at the bottom page that I’m thirty days past due. I look to find if I’ve matched A prime with A double prime. If I do, that’s how a bill becomes a paid bill.. Meanwhile, I wait for B Prime’s “Not a Bill” bill to be matched eventually with B’s double prime bill bill and eventually get the B triple prime “over due” bill.. And that’s what it’s all about.

FATHER You need to keep track of how much this injury has cost you.

MOTHER And if you need any help, Daddy and I are more than willing to help out.

BRYCE Absolutely not. I can take care of myself.

FATHER Mother’s talking nonsense.

BRYCE (To Father) Amazing! We agree. Thank you.

FATHER The Arnolds’ insurance company will pay.

BRYCE What?

FATHER You pay and then you hand the bill and the receipts to Val. Page 113 of 120

BRYCE I wouldn’t think of doing such a thing. After all they’ve put up with?

FATHER I offered to pay for any additional costs they had because of us staying at their home but Val declined. So my conscience is clear.

BRYCE I just knew you’d do that behind my back. I just knew it. Don’t you think I made the same offer to Val? As a friend, of course he said no. But I warned him you’d try to take care of me as if I was too poor to be able to pay and would offer to pay and not to accept any money from you. That’s why he said no. Will you please understand that at age twenty-seven I’m a capable adult? I can handle my finances, thank you very much.

FATHER People have home liability insurance for cases such as yours.

MOTHER And since Daddy and you both offered to pay for our stay., it’s not as if it’s our fault if they are out any money.

BRYCE This whole topic is totally ridiculous. End of discussion. No more talk about liability insurance. (Pause) Now, you’d better get on the road since you insist on making the drive in one day. I wish you would stop at a motel midway.

FATHER I enjoy long drives.

BRYCE Just remember that rest stops are there for a purpose. (Brings out bills from his wallet.) Here’s for the groceries.

FATHER That’s an insult. Put your money away.

BRYCE What language do I need to speak in to get it across that I’m not in any financial difficulty?

MOTHER (Takes envelope out of purse) Who said you were? You take everything as an insult. Now, here’s something for you. (MOTHER extends hand with envelope and BRYCE steps back) Page 114 of 120

Take it. We either give you money now and watch you enjoy it or when we’re dead and can’ t. Aren’t you’re the one who said to give a present immediately rather than wait for an occasion?

BRYCE THAT you listen to! You have great selective hearing.

MOTHER It’s a mother’s prerogative.

BRYCE Since when is there a mother’s card to play?

MOTHER Since Eve.

BRYCE God threw Eve out of Eden for not listening, remember?

MOTHER That’s because God didn’t have a mother until Mary came along.

BRYCE (He’s stopped cold with that statement and takes envelope) I’m going to give you that one. (Beat) And since it’s a gift I can use it as I wish, right? No strings attached.

MOTHER (Realizing Bryce has an idea they might not like) Yessss.

FATHER What are you thinking?

BRYCE I’ll make a donation in your honor to Val and Darlene’s well-digging project.

MOTHER But the money is for you.

BRYCE No strings! It will be OUR way of saying “Thank you” to Val and Darlene for helping me out immensely and putting up with you at their home. I mean “putting you up at their home.” Page 115 of 120

MOTHER Will you be nice and accept money on your birthday?

BRYCE As long as the money’s not earmarked for a sofa bed.

MOTHER and FATHER How did you guess?

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 20

TIME: One month later

LOCATION: Bryce’s apartment

VAL and BRYCE are totally healed.

As the scene begins, VAL, DARLENE, and BRYCE are finishing dinner.

DARLENE Really, this was sooo good. I never would have guessed that you could cook like this.

BRYCE It’s one of the meals I learned with Lisa during the gourmet meal class I attended.

VAL Dar, you didn’t hear that. Don’t expect me to start learning to cook gourmet.

BRYCE Does this make me seem weird? It’s not like I’m imitating Julie of Julia and Julie. And I certainly don’t have anyone addicted to my food like in Who Is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe. In fact, the reason I cook for myself is that I calculated that eating out would be too expensive compared to buying a cookbook and following directions. Does that make me look like a cheapskate?

DARLENE You’re doing great. Val’s has his standard meals to cook when it’s his turn and rarely tries anything new. I’m glad we had this opportunity to experience this side of you.

BRYCE I thought of asking you out to dinner but I was afraid I would have had to argue that I wanted to pay but with two against one I was afraid you would insist on paying for my Page 116 of 120 dinner when I wanted to pay for yours. That’s what happens whenever I go out to dinner with my parents.

DARLENE Either dinner here or dinner out WITH YOU PAYING would have been equally delightful. Thank you very much.

BRYCE I have a confession to make. Besides celebrating a one-month anniversary of being free from the Morrows living with you, I have another reason why I invited you over. It’s not that I would not have invited you to dinner to thank you for all you did for us. I’ve always wanted my own version of “My Dinner with Andre” and this is it. As part of it, I’m hoping if you wouldn’t mind if I could ask a favor. I’d like your opinion about something.

VAL Asking both of us might result in three different opinions. That might not be of much help.

BRYCE Actually, that would help a great deal. I’ve been trying to decide something. The problem with being single is that it’s hard to argue with yourself. It’s “on one hand, on the other hand” and there’s no referee so I end up always losing the argument.

DARLENE How can that possibly happen? One of you has to win.

BRYCE Take you two. If one of you has to make a decision, the other can bring a different perspective and you go back and forth, going over the pros and cons and different ideas come up and you work through those. When I make a decision then several hours later I come back and think it over again trying think of pros and cons and I decide the opposite way and then I think about it some more and think the opposite way, which was the way I decided the first time, and then I review it some more and conclude the opposite, which was my second decision but now my fourth decision.

DARLENE The lipstick counter dilemma.

BRYCE Huh?

DARLENE Remember the night on the patio when we talked? You mentioned the theory of multiple universes and I told you about having trouble deciding on a shade of lipstick. Page 117 of 120

BRYCE Exactly! (Retrieves from the desk a stack of papers, brochures, manila folders, and the Bible that Val had given Bryce earlier, and returns to dining table.) Okey dokey. (Takes deep breath) I don’t want to go to graduate school. (Beat) At least not now. (Beat) Maybe later. Maybe not. I don’t know. I don’t know what I want to do. I may want to change careers. I’ve thought of something else but I don’t know if I have the talent for it. I can think of a dream job but what if I try for it and it’s a nightmare that I should have seen coming? Do you see what’s going on in my head?

(DARLENE and VAL nod “Yes.”)

BRYCE (Continues) After nearly six years, I am totally bored with my job. I don’t want to do it any more. It’s a dead end. I can rise a little bit in the department but only so far unless I get that C-P- A. But what other job can I do? I went to a career counselor. All I ended up doing was arguing with myself in front of another person. Except she said one key word which didn’t register at first. (Holds up Bible.) Can you guess it?

VAL Hallelujah?

BRYCE That’s close. It was a curse word but Hallelujah would have been its clean equivalent. Think six years on the job. (Beat) Sabbatical! Maybe this (Waves Bible) is a bad clue. You’re focused on the New Testament and sabbatical is in the Old Testament. I didn’t mean that I know more about the Old Bible than you do. I’m just a Christmas presents and Easter dinner Christian/

VAL Sabbatical, Bryce, Sabbatical. What about it?

BRYCE It’s time!

VAL For what? Page 118 of 120

BRYCE I’ve had this job for six years, well six years if you include the two summers I interned and/or by the time I get everything arranged it could be four to six months so it tallies up very close to six years. I thought for a while that a sabbatical occurs after the seventh year. But no. It’s like God created the world in six days and then rested. So, after six years, it’s time to take a sabbatical on the seventh year and avoid making a decision. That’s the beauty of it. I want to take a year or so and pause. Hold all those universes in stasis. Take as much time as I need to figure out what I want to do but at the same time not have a job that I can’t stand yet have a temporary job I like that gives me time to think.

DARLENE You’ve figured out a way to do this.

BRYCE Yes. That is, I think I have. I go back and forth with it. It’s yes and it’s no and it’s yes and no. I need to hear some other voices, you, the plural you, not just Val or just Darlene, the two of you, to bounce the idea off of and see what else may come up. If that’s okay with you, the plural you. But if one of you is uncomfortable. That’s okay. I can get by with just one of you. Of course, if you both don’t want to do it, well, I apologize and I’m embarrassed of making you uncomfortable and hope/

(As VAL begins a body motion indicating he is going to interrupt Bryce, DARLENE restrains him with the small motion of putting her hand over Bryce’s.)

DARLENE We’re both honored that you’ve asked us to help. What’s your idea?

BRYCE You, the plural you, gave me the idea. Your missionary trips to Namibia. Go and do something like that. Just like I felt good about helping you, the both of you, when Val was sick, it feels good to find something to do that will help others. So I started searching. Missionary work. Non-government organizations. There are a lot of them. Then I stumbled upon the Peace Corps. The Peace Corps! It turns out they take people of all ages. The older you are, the more they look to see if you have specific skills including helping people start small businesses in developing countries. I contacted them and they’re interested in me.

DARLENE VAL That’s a wonderful idea! You’ve got it!

BRYCE Volunteering is a long process. I’m not guaranteed they will accept me. But if they don’t, I’ll find some other organization but this seems so right. Knowing that there’s definitely a change coming makes sticking with Medtronic for a little while longer bearable. Page 119 of 120

DARLENE How can we help you?

BRYCE (Deep breath) Role play my parents.

(STAGE GOES DARK)

SCENE 21

TIME: Nine months later.

LOCATION: St. Louis Airport

Sound effects of an airplane taking off and public address announcem ent concerning abandoned baggage clues the audience of the airport location.

BRYCE It’s time I check my bags.

FATHER I wish we could go inside and hang around with you and watch the plane take off like in the old days. (FATHER and BRYCE embrace.) If you need money to come home early if this doesn’t work out, don’t dip into your savings. Call me.

BRYCE I’m not coming home early.

MOTHER Maybe you’ll come back for a vacation.

FATHER Yes, we’ll pay if you need a vacation.

(BRYCE’S body motion indicates he is about to object.)

FATHER (Continues) It’ll be a loan, okay? Page 120 of 120

MOTHER (Hands a large felt tip pen to Bryce.) One week was too short a visit for such a long time away. It’s like you’re going off to camp. Which reminds me (Digs into handbag) here’s a marking pen to put your name on your clothes.

BRYCE (Takes pen as he embraces Mother) I need to get going.

MOTHER Don’t fly too fast. That’s how accidents happen.

BRYCE (Starts to walk away and then returns, stretches his arms to hug Mother and Father simultaneously and kisses both.) I love you. And repeat every night, “He’s a bigggg boy!”

BLACKOUT

THE END