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The Unhoneymooners Is a Romance for Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Unlucky in Love

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The Unhoneymooners Is a Romance for Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Unlucky in Love SIMON & SCHUSTER eGalley Disclaimer Do not quote for publication until verified with the finished book. This advance, uncorrected reader’s proof is the property of Simon & Schuster. It is being made available for promotional purposes and review by the recipient and may not be used for any other purpose or transferred to any third party. Simon & Schuster reserves the right to terminate availability of the proof at any time. Any duplication, sale or distribution to the public is a violation of the law. This file will no longer be accessible upon publication of this book. For two sworn enemies, anything can happen during the Hawaiian trip of a lifetime—maybe even love—in this romantic comedy from the New York Times bestselling authors of Roomies. Olive Torres is used to being the unlucky twin: from inexplicable mishaps to a recent layoff, her life seems to be almost comically jinxed. By contrast, her sister Ami is an eternal champion . she even managed to finance her entire wedding by winning a slew of contests. Unfortunately for Olive, the only thing worse than constant bad luck is having to spend the wedding day with the best man (and her nemesis), Ethan Thomas. Olive braces herself for wedding hell, determined to put on a brave face, but when the entire wedding party gets food poisoning, the only people who aren’t affected are Olive and Ethan. Suddenly there’s a free honeymoon up for grabs, and Olive will be damned if Ethan gets to enjoy paradise solo. Agreeing to a temporary truce, the pair head for Maui. After all, ten days of bliss is worth having to assume the role of loving newlyweds, right? But the weird thing is . Olive doesn’t mind playing pretend. In fact, the more she pretends to be the luckiest woman alive, the more it feels like she might be. With Christina Lauren’s “uniquely hilarious and touching voice” (Entertainment Weekly), The Unhoneymooners is a romance for anyone who has ever felt unlucky in love. Christina Lauren is the combined pen name of longtime writing partners/besties/soulmates and brain-twins Christina Hobbs and Lauren Billings, the New York Times, USA Today, and #1 international bestselling authors of the Beautiful and the Wild Seasons series, My Favorite Half-Night Stand, Love and Other Words, Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating, My Favorite Half- Night Stand, Dating You / Hating You,Roomies, Sublime, The House, and Autoboyography. You can find them online at christinalaurenbooks.com, Facebook.com/ChristinaLaurenBooks, or @ChristinaLauren on Twitter. Dear Reader, How do you know if you’re lucky or unlucky? The answer might depend on your level of superstition or how many mirrors you’ve broken. In The Unhoneymooners, Olive Torres perceives herself as one of the unlucky. She has plenty of unluckiness all on her own. From getting stuck in a toy-prize claw machine as a kid to losing her job, she just can’t seem to catch a break, especially when compared to her #alwayswinning sister, Ami. So when Ami has to skip her own honeymoon due to horrific food poisoning from the wedding buffet and sends Olive in her place, along with Olive’s archnemesis, Ethan, it’s a perfect storm of good luck and bad. Filled with tropical sunsets, ex encounters, and a noncouple couples massage that you won’t want to miss, Christina Lauren’s latest romantic comedy is perfect for fans of Jasmine Guillory’s The Proposal and Sally Thorne’s The Hating Game. Sometimes, the worst day of your life might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you—it all depends on the way you look at it. So grab your mai tai and prepare to vacation with The Unhoneymooners! I hope it leaves you feeling lucky. Kate Dresser, Editor [email protected] 212-698-7575 Praise for the Novels of CHRISTINA LAUREN “A funny, sexy page-turner that warns: Keep your friends close and their avatars closer.” —Kirkus Reviews on My Favorite Half-Night Stand “This is a messy and sexy look at digital dating that feels fresh and exciting.” —Publishers Weekly on My Favorite Half-Night Stand (starred review) “With exuberant humor and unforgettable characters, this romantic comedy is a standout.” —Kirkus Reviews on Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating (starred review) “The story skips along . propelled by rom-com momentum and charm.” —New York Times Book Review on Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating “Lauren has penned a hilariously zany and heartfelt novel . the story is sure to please readers looking for a fun-filled novel to escape everyday life with.” —Booklist on Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating “From Lauren’s wit to her love of wordplay and literature to swoony love scenes to heroines who learn to set aside their own self-doubts . Lauren writes of the bittersweet pangs of love and loss with piercing clarity.” —Entertainment Weekly on Love and Other Words “A triumph . a true joy from start to finish.” —Kristin Harmel, internationally bestselling author of The Room on Rue Amélie on Love and Other Words “Lauren brings her characteristic charm to the story. Holland’s tale is more than an unrequited crush; it’s about self-expectations, problematic friendships, unconventional family, and the strange power of love.” —Booklist on Roomies “Delightful.” —People on Roomies “At turns hilarious and gut-wrenching, this is a tremendously fun slow burn.” —Washington Post on Dating You / Hating You (A Best Romance of 2017 selection) “Truly a romance for the twenty-first century. A smart, sexy romance for readers who thrive on girl power.” —Kirkus Reviews on Dating You / Hating You (starred review) “Christina Lauren hilariously depicts modern dating.” —Us Weekly on Dating You / Hating You “A passionate and bittersweet tale of love in all of its wonderfully terrifying reality . Lauren successfully tackles a weighty subject with both ferocity and compassion.” —Booklist on Autoboyography “Perfectly captures the hunger, thrill, and doubt of young, modern love.” —Kirkus Reviews on Wicked Sexy Liar “Christina Lauren’s books have a place of honor on my bookshelf.” —Sarah J. Maas, bestselling author of Throne of Glass “In our eyes, Christina Lauren can do no wrong.” —Bookish “The perfect summer read.” —Self on Sweet Filthy Boy Also by Christina Lauren Dating You / Hating You Roomies Love and Other Words Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating My Favorite Half-Night Stand The Beautiful Series Beautiful Bastard Beautiful Stranger Beautiful Bitch Beautiful Bombshell Beautiful Player Beautiful Beginning Beautiful Beloved Beautiful Secret Beautiful Boss Beautiful The Wild Seasons Series Sweet Filthy Boy Dirty Rowdy Thing Dark Wild Night Wicked Sexy Liar Young Adult The House Sublime Autoboyography For Hugues de Saint Vincent. Work like a captain, play like a pirate. chapter one In the calm before the storm—in this case, the blessed quiet before the bridal suite is overrun by the wedding party—my twin sister stares critically down at a freshly painted shell-pink fingernail and says, “I bet you’re relieved I’m not a bridezilla.” She glances across the room at me and smiles generously. “I bet you expected me to be impossible.” It is a statement so perfectly dropped in the moment, I want to take a picture and frame it. I share a knowing look with our cousin Julieta, who is repainting Ami’s toes (“It should be more petal pink than baby pink, don’t you think?”), and gesture to the bodice of Ami’s wedding gown—which hangs from a satin hanger and on which I am presently and painstakingly ensuring that every sequin is lying flat. “Define ‘bridezilla.’ ” Ami meets my eyes again, this time with a half-hearted glare. She’s in her fancy wedding-bra contraption and skimpy underwear that I’m aware—with some degree of sibling nausea—her dudebro fiancé Dane will positively destroy later. Her makeup is tastefully done and her fluffy veil is pinned in her upswept dark hair. It’s jarring. I mean, we’re used to looking identical while knowing we’re wholly different people inside, but this is something entirely unfamiliar: Ami is the portrait of a bride. Her life suddenly bears no resemblance to mine whatsoever. “I’m not a bridezilla,” she argues. “I’m a perfectionist.” I find my list and hold it aloft, waving it to catch her attention. It’s a piece of heavy, scalloped-edged pink stationery that has Olive’s To- Do List—Wedding Day Edition written in meticulous calligraphy at the top, and which includes seventy-four (seventy-four) items ranging from Check for symmetry of the sequins on the bridal gown to Remove any wilted petals from the table arrangements. Each bridesmaid has her own list, perhaps not quite as long as my maid-of-honor one but equally fancy and handwritten. Ami even drew checkboxes so that we can record when each chore is completed. “Some people might call these lists a little overboard,” I say. “Those are the same ‘some people,’ ” she replies, “who’ll pay an arm and a leg for a wedding that is half as nice.” “Right. They hire a wedding planner to—” I refer to my list. “ ‘Wipe condensation off the chairs a half hour before the ceremony.’ ” Ami blows across her fingernails to dry them and lets out a movie- villain laugh. “Fools.” You know what they say about self-fulfilling prophecies, I’m sure. Winning makes you feel like a winner, and then somehow . you keep winning. It has to be true, because Ami wins everything.
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